#butchforfemme

[watermelonandpalmtreez]

just a butch searching for her femme 😏

#gay #lesbian #girls who like girls #lgbtq #girls looking for girls #butch #queer #bi #gwlg #butchforfemme

[lesbianloveisreal]

Oh, wow, you're really dating her she seems very (lists tons of stereotypes of butch women)

Me: Yes, that's why I'm dating her.

#lesbian #butch #sapphic #femmeforbutch #femme4butch #butchforfemme #butch4femme #femme

[kurohtak1]

Butch/Femme and the Black experience

So I was workign on my comic triple moon and simultaneously scrolling through tumblr when i came across someones post about butch/femme relationships. As a young lesbiann i was really really invested in those kinds of dynamics. But now as a adult i forgot what it was about. Since i was working on some things for my comic, i decided to freshen up my memory about it.

As I read some artciles and texts about it i found myself getting steadily irked and i wanted to investigate why. after more research, some writing, and thought i realized something. Butch/femme relationships would never work for me. And here's why. First of all, I am a black nonbiary lesbian. A lot of my experience with gender and sexuality are dependent on my race. As a black person, my autonomy was stolen from me. From the day i was born, till the day i die, everything i do and say will be dictated to me based on the color of my skin.

My emotions will never be my own. If i do not act a certain way i am dictated as the violent black person. Or I'm the saintly black person that dictates anothers perspectives on black people as a whole. My presentation will never be my own. Black women are forcefully masculanized from day one and are not even considered to be women under white supremacy and eurocentric standards, and black men are seen as monsters for similar reasons. So what about black queer people? They get it worse.

See, butch and femme mainly meant white people. It always has. If it didn't, why is stud the word used for BLACK masc lesbians? And also, what does it mean to be a femme? What does that look like? Who does that entail? I bet your imaging a white person. And same with butch. It will never work for me or anyone like me because i am black first and foremost. And with the way these articles and texts were talking about it, its almost like they forget that QTPOC exist and can NEVER live up to the standards white gays make up. And that's what angered me so much. Its all so eurocentric. Not just in appearance, because butch/femme relationships are not just based around looks, but the cultural actions/perspectives of how to treat your partner and stuff like that. How so? When I identified as a women, I had a gf, who was white, and they automatically assumed i was a dominant masc person. Why? Cause I don't take anyones shit, cause i speak my mind, I assert myself, I defend others. Black folk are raised to be tougher. To be strong, to not let people walk on you. because the world WILL do that to US!!! Its either that or we die, or we die either way. We have to be one thing or the other ALWAYS. Black women especially have to be taught this. They are not allowed to be soft or emotional. And they are not given the grace to be treated gently with love and care.

But my white partner did not consider this. Perhaps she saw how I acted as being butch, or more masc. Perhaps it was racism. But the fact is, black people have very different perspectives on relationships than white people do. Doubly so for QTPOC. And because this perspective is not considered, it becomes another opportunity for our autonomy to be stolen. And that's the thing, majority of QTPOC experience this all the time. Their white partners treatign them one way because their perspective is another.

I can see where and why Butch/femme had its place in history, but as a black person, i cannot fit under ideals made mainly by white people for white people. And I don;t think they realize its just another form of alienation. And its EVERYWHERE! Its in the atmosphere at bars and clubs and cafes that cater to queer people, its in how people date, it in how we talk and how we write and whos history we pull from.

I mean it was shocking to go out to the bars and the clubs and really feel that kind of alienation. To go to the dating apps and have ONLY FEMS! NO MASCS. REAL WOMEN ONLY! constantly thrown in my face. Feeling as if, if i do not fit into one thing then i am worthless and no one could want me. As if being nonbinary would only burden or disgust a partner. Its impossible to try and fit in when you literally do not adhere to a gender binary, or possibly any dichotomy for that matter. And that's the thick of it. People like me belong no where.

i see black sapphics/lesbians try all the time to fit into these standards. And i tried to as well. But i canNOT fit in. None of us will.

White gays will never understand that I don't think. I mean, many do not even realize there are two very different LGBTs, there's the white gays, and then there everyone else. Really I wanna know how the black lesbians and sapphics feel about this. Do butch/femme dynamics make you feel similarly safe, or is it just another extension of white queerness you feel you could never live up to?

As I came into my transess, as I realized I am nonbinary, I felt so centered in who I am as a lesbian. I became more comfortable with presenting fem and masc and everything and nothing. Because here I felt that I had a say in who I am. When I read about Butch/femme relationships, what once made me feel centered makes me feel out of place. And its because of the new perspectives I gained. There is nothing wrong, obviously, with wanting that kind of relationship. Its just an extension of trying to understand and navigate being a lesbian/sapphic in a world that tries to tell you otherwise. But it irritates me how often these kinds of things are eurocentric to a T, and how white gays never seem to acknowledge that. Butch and femme just seems like another expectation that I cannot live up to for reasons more than just I am neither masc nor fem. For me, if that's not how you feel that of course that's fine. But i am speaking about the experience of being a black enby lesbian only.

I was interested in speaking about this because my story, Triple Moon, is about BLACK lesbians ONLY! Its about the alienation, that feeling that you can never be the standard. Feeling like you have to define it for yourself. And that you truly belong no where. It about that very Black Lesbian experience. And I have many characters who are studs and some who are fem and some who are androgynous and some who are none of these things. I explore these relationships and the conclusions i come to I think are very comforting for black lesbains/sapphics. Our queerness is different for so many reasons. And I like using my silly little comics to discuss these ideas.

#somedays they make me want to not be percieved #i wish white lesbians got this some days #black lesbians how we feeling #lesbian #lesbians #sapphic books #lesbian being lesbian #butchforfemme #butch for butch #femme for femme #let the lesbians be lesbians

[lotsofnaps]

my wife, my love, my butch, my home. happy valentine’s day, darling. i love you so much <3

#wife tag #lesbian #lesbians #femme4butch #femme #butch #butchforfemme #gay #queer #valentines day #dyke #sapphic

[butch-ershop]

whatsup lesbians

#dyke #lesbian #butch #butchforfemme #butchforbutch #wlw #sapphic #nonbinary #nblw #IRLS IGNORE ME IM JUST TRYING TO FIND HOT LESBIAN MUTUALS LMFAO

[erehbus]

hard to describe it but i get excited when risky business arrives

#wlw #butchforfemme #butch4femme #butch lesbian #selfie #nblw

[sheetz]

i feel like there's a butchforfemme shortage these days. i don't know any butchforfemme people who aren't taken and even then it's only a few. ive seen butch for butch (respect) and ""femme for femme"" (scarequotes) but it's slim pickings for femmeforbutches i think

[yuggothic]

I’m a “🥺” butch dating a “bruh” femme, yes, we exist

#butch/femme #butchforfemme #nonbinary #nonbinary lesbian #nonbinary butch

[watermelonandpalmtreez]

🌈 ☺️

#gay #girls who like girls #lesbian #lgbtq #girls looking for girls #butch #bi #queer #single lesbian #me #gwlg #canadian lesbian #girls who kiss girls #single #bisexual #personal #canadian #butchforfemme

[punklesbianbitch]

I wish my arms weren't so skinny, but I'm way too lazy to do anything about it.

At least the tattoos are cool.

#lesbian #tattoo #tattooed girl #tattoo girl #butch #androgynous #lgbt #wlw #sapphic #black art tattoo #arm tattoo #gay girl #soft butch #androgynous girl #butch lesbian #butchforfemme #butch for femme #tattoos #lgbtq #androgynous lesbian #punk #punk girl #punk fashion #tattoo fashion #masc girl

[m1r-rored]

💓💕💗💞💝💘💓💖Butch girls with a flirtatious attitude 💗💖💕💞💖💗💘💝💗

#wlw #girls #lesbian #butchforfemme #girlslikegirls #gay

[themrsandmrsblog]

#lesbian #lesbians #queer #girlswholikegirls #girls who like girls #butch #stud #studly #I am a butch #I am a stud #I prefer feminine women #feminine women #butch for femme #butchforfemme #LGBT #LGBTQ #gay #bisexual #pansexual #gwlg

[erehbus]

what if you change and look at me like a stranger? what if i don’t change? what if i feel like this forever? is forever now? please show me how to change. 🐛🌻✨

#wlw #selfie #butch for femme #butchforfemme #butch4femme #nblw #me

[diavoloeserpente]

caught in my emotions and shit

#gay #lesbian #lgbt #butch #girlswholikegirls #butchforfemme #femmeforbutch #femme #fem #smoking #redcore #women #punk #grunge #goth #gay vampire

[blood-of-divinity]

i used a glitter bath bomb, now my bed is full of golden glitter (men/terfs/transphobes/minors get blocked)

#💌.txt #pic #me #wlw #butchforfemme #sapphic #nblw #you gotta zoom to see the glitter but its fucking everywhere