Tumgik
#by stephanie
vodrae · 4 months
Text
Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?
Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.
28K notes · View notes
redsray · 1 month
Text
the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?
Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??
Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.
Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.
Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.
18K notes · View notes
begaycommittreason · 16 days
Text
officer: are these your children sir?
damian, forcefully raided a petco to liberate the animals: hello father
jason, released said animals on unsuspecting tourists for fun: sup old man
bruce: …nope
officer: oh, then them?
steph duke and cass, covered in equal parts confetti, dirt, and blood, waving:
bruce: oh no, im not touching that one with a ten foot pole
officer: …so it has to be one of them?
alfred, got into an altercation with someone at home goods over the last crockpot: i have no regrets master bruce
tim, hacked the cia to put himself higher than jason on their wanted list and accidentally implicated himself in an unrelated crime: i’m more disappointed in myself, really
bruce: …i’ve never met these people before
assorted incarcerated batkids: *various outraged clamor*
officer: then who are you here to collect?
bruce, pointing to a different cell, sighing: that one’s mine
clark, was pulled over for following all the gotham road laws (incredibly suspicious behavior): hi bruce!!!
12K notes · View notes
theotherpacman · 11 days
Text
tim: dad... I have a boyfriend
bruce: what? but you're supposed to get back together with stephanie
tim: what?
dick: whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were an ally
bruce: I'm not being homophobic I just need steph to marry into the family
cass: I have something to share
11K notes · View notes
ashoss · 21 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
patrol is fun :DD
15K notes · View notes
fallen-jpg · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
finally done with the series that's been plaguing my dreams for a month
19K notes · View notes
the-bluespirit · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
THE CAST OF EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE wins Cast in a Motion Picture at the 2023 Screen Actors Guild Awards
54K notes · View notes
oumu-omu · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Batfam: Oh sure we can! (track Jason)
----------------------
Bruce: You know you can stay, do you?
Alfred: Indeed, but I'm sure Master Jason might take care of them.
32K notes · View notes
galaxymagitech · 25 days
Text
Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?
Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—
Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.
Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.
Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.
Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.
Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?
Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—
Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?
Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!
Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—
Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!
Damian: I’m the perfect heir.
Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.
Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.
Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.
Cass: Barbara is good.
Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.
Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.
8K notes · View notes
mysterycitrus · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
"[blank] is the best robin" please be serious
24K notes · View notes
gildedlead · 3 months
Text
Duke: …So, is Two-Face like, B’s ex or something?
Steph: I think it’s more of a situationship? They still seem to have some feelings going on there.
Jason: Yeah right, and get accused of cheating on Selina? I think not. They’ve been dating for as long as I can remember.
Dick: That’s…strange, cause I’m pretty sure he and Clark are married. Big Blue gave him a ring and everything.
Damian: A Kryptonite ring. One that Father keeps in a lead lined safe with the rest of the alien’s bane. Besides, everyone knows Mother’s laid her claim to him already. Only a fool would interfere with such a union.
Cass: Talia and Bruce are about as divorced as two people can be.
Tim: No, you guys are all missing the point. If we want Bruce to have a partner, we need to pick the most profitable option for us. [ pulling up a PowerPoint ] Hear. Me. Out.
—-Later, At the Watchtower-—
Oliver: Bats, why are your kids inviting me over for dinner?
11K notes · View notes
lustwithoutlore · 1 month
Text
After a mission…
Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.
Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?
Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.
Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.
9K notes · View notes
redsray · 1 month
Text
i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.
14K notes · View notes
princeoxca · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
game night
13K notes · View notes
hehether · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
All day tired 🧎‍♂️
9K notes · View notes
oldmannapping · 2 months
Text
Crack HC, because is there any other kind?
Bruce realises embarrassingly late that his Batkids can’t swim.
Gotham’s beach water is pure chemicals and sewage, and the city’s public school funding doesn’t exactly prioritise teaching kids to swim. Steph, Duke and Jason had never seen a swimming pool before meeting Bruce.
Tim’s parents meant to sign him up for swim lessons after he fell into their indoor fountain when he was three and nearly drowned - it would have been so embarrassing if it happened when they had guests! - but forgot.
So Bruce is like. Oh no my baby-soldiers must learn to swim.
Damian insists that since the League trained him to withstand waterboarding, he’s fine. Bruce pulls a muscle in his cheek from clenching his jaw so hard.
Dick insists that he can swim and manages one impressive mermaid-style undulation before becoming disoriented and slamming into the wall.
Duke covers himself in floaties and clings to a pool noodle for dear life, eschewing dignity because “this isn’t how I die”.
Conversely, Tim sinks like a stone, curls up on the bottom of the pool, and waits for death.
Cass, with the lowest body fat percentage, also sinks but manages to squeeze into one of the drains. She re-emerges six hours later in an estuary in New Jersey.
Steph refuses to let go of the wall by the deep end, scuttling away like a crab when Bruce tries to poke her into the water with a skimmer net.
Jason scoffs at them all and manages a perfect swan dive before flailing and crashing into Steph, causing both of them to panic and use each other as ladders to get out.
Alfred asks Barbara for the security camera footage and makes everyone watch it twice a year to keep their egos in check.
9K notes · View notes