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wow. i never expected how hard it was going to be hearing lauren refer to her fifth harmony days as her “previous life”. she basically did a taylor swift and said that that lauren is dead now. she’s also mentioned in an earlier interview that she doesn’t really miss her girl band days (even though she also said that majority of the reason why was because of the amount of stress it involved). it stung. because we were there too, from 2012-2016 and 2017-2018, and we ate her up. and she was miserable. trapped.

i remember 16-19 year old lauren going off on twitter, twitlonger after twitlonger (when those still existed), trying to defend and fight for herself because she’s handcuffed to a contract and a management that wouldn’t let her be. it was scarring her and she got so good at hiding it that we were almost oblivious to it if weren’t for the occasional slip up. she was always so brave though even when she knew it would blow up on her face at the end of the day. (im talking about “read your contracts” and etc.)

towards the very end before the hiatus, she was so done. if it wasn’t obvious enough from her actions, she would shove it in your face with her words (she answered “a contract” when asked about what kept the band going). you could see it from the other girls as well but lauren was the star of being done with everything. i did appreciate how the four of them talked and gushed about being closer with each during the process of making their 3rd album and how they had, for the very first time since 2012, a creative input in the songs that they put out. they talked about that every single time everywhere that it made me wonder if it were all genuine or just a management move. because god forbid they end with a low note. it was the calm before the eventual storm. i truly believe that they’re all friends and they loved and cared about each other deeply and it just sucks that the last few times that we saw them together in interviews might have been a little scripted to say the least. maybe i’m wrong. i hope i am.

ANYWAY, my point is, i don’t think my ot5 heart will be reviving anytime soon. and it sucks because i know that it’s for the better. it’s for the best. the contrast between fifth harmony lauren and present lauren is breathtaking. the magnitude of her change blows my mind. she’s happier and it shows. she’s constantly healing. and she’s free. of course, i know that her demons still exist but she’s obviously gotten better at fighting or befriending them.

i did fall in love with fifth harmony lauren though. she was so angsty and shit and daddy. and she did a fucking 180 from that. i am proud of her for becoming a more realized person than who she was. falling in love with present lauren is definitely so much easier but there are times that i miss 5h lauren. sue me. i like watching her now though. she’s so zen and everything. that’s my rant. bye bitches.

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“The music of this star is…very peculiar and hard to understand.” To further her point, she recites lyrics from a booklet held in her hands. “’I just bought a crib, three stories, that bitch a trilogy.’”


“…I know what the insult means but I am confused as to why he would buy something meant for a child along with three storybooks.”

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hi loves. just quickly making a post to let you know i’m not doing well mentally at the moment so i’ll be taking a break from tumblr. i hate making posts like this but i’m just doing it because if you send me an ask or message or whatever and i don’t answer it doesn’t mean i’m ignoring you, i’m just not here lmao. anyway, enough about me, stay safe. i love u all so much x

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entre el drama tremendo, las actitudes horribles que estuve leyendo de varias personas que conocí antes, y el montón de cosas que tengo que hacer para arreglar este blog, la verdad es que me agobié un poco. Así que creo que voy a borrarlo y hacer uno de cero que me me resulte más…amigable

sé que tenía mucho tiempo sin venir por aquí, pero en fin, si hay alguien que quiera hacer nuevos threads o retomar algunos viejos, puede decirme y les escribo tan pronto el otro esté listo. tengo muchas ganas de rolear pero aquí ya no mucho.

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I’m logging off I can’t even think right now I just need time to breathe

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I tried to wing cooking Mac and cheese from scratch and I now have regrets that are very similar to that blizzard from yesterday

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