#c:crop

[explorerspack]

the two universal constants of roleplaying scenes, “one-on-one secret sharing while we’re on watch together” and “whole-party strategy meeting over breakfast”

#dnd #and both of them make me so emotional whenever they come up #it's about 'alright how are we gonna tackle today's situation'..... #it's about eating breakfast....... #it's about getting vulnerable with one (1) other person late at night........ #c:empire #c:crop

[indiefluencer]

I may not always know what to put on a character playlist but I at least know where to start, and that is with Dirty by grandson. Every time.

#c:crop

[mwsrwritings]

Who Is Dr. Seuss?

Who Is Dr. Seuss?

https://cdn.britannica.com/s:250×250,c:crop/76/135776-004-A1C8472E/Dr-Seuss-some-characters-postage-stamp-2004.jpg Dr. Seuss | Biography, Books, Characters, Movies, & Facts | Britannica Dr. Seuss quotes “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”“A person’s a person, no matter how…

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#dr. Seuss #Who is

[explorerspack]

game about grief! crop is a game about grief.

#c:crop #i am. still on my posting ban. and will have more things to say. but it's like. of course it went this way y'know #game about still trying even past losing everything. #trying and it. not being enough. sometimes you do *everything* and it's. not enough. and you have to face whether you're gonna try again #man. i'm emotionally WIPED. #in a good way i think but. man.

[explorerspack]

this winter break!

#jesus fucking christ we're DOING the battle..... #we're doing the battle TOMORROW..... #apologies everyone i'm gonna get really insufferable. we've been building up to this battle for A Full Year. #alternately i may be too stressed to make Any posts we'll see how it goes. #i just. jesus christ. uberta! #cami and fasach are gonna be literally so fine. they're gonna be fine. #and the city's gonna hold!!! literally it's gonna hold. it's gonna. #c:crop

[explorerspack]

man but at the end of the day, the nice thing about playing cerise is even with something like this, as long as it works that means she was right,

#cha:cerise #c:crop #she has ALREADY started to click into thinking she did the right thing #or not RIGHT but the best option she had available to her at the time #it's another one in her sins she listed to elliot! like escaping rhest alone! like 'cooperating' with the mage! #the same box that the whole alliance with house anila will probably get stuck in! the 'if i was smarter if i was stronger #i could have figured something out but i'm not and i didn't and i'd do the same again if i had to.' #the category of things that as kes so astutely noted that one time cerise mostly blames herself for because that implies she HAD control #if the other sorcerers getting their tongues cut out was *her* fault then that means maybe next time she can be Better and can Stop It #whereas if it isn't her fault then she doesn't have that control and she really was just helpless and powerless #and who KNOWS what'll happen next time #which is a roundabout way of saying. man petal sure would have killed that woman if i didn't stop her-- #he sure was tasked with Bringing The Sorcerers To Pista and he sure will. do that! #and as kes once again so astutely said in my traitor channel 'you'd simply be absolutely entirely fucked'! #and. yup! we would be! i'm not even SURE what would have happened but ALL the options are bad. #cerise *can't* win a standoff against petal esp not with half her spells gone but she might have TRIED #or she might have gone into rhest survival mode and just tried to defuse the situation and keep her people alive and. #as bad as the current situation is that hypothetical one is SO much worse! #and so it. this sure was how the situation needed to be handled and. as long as this turns out okay. #as long as cerise's guess at what osmundo anila actually wants is right! as long as they actually stay safe! #if this WORKS if it achieves the desired effect then. it's still unforgivable but it's RIGHT! #i am thinking AGAIN about kobus 'those were the wrong actions but you weren't wrong to take them' and cerise ENTIRELY disagreeing #the ends justify the means not in the sense that the means were justified but in the sense that they had to be done #head in my HANDS. #apologies for the FLOOD of crop posts but in my defense jesus fucking christ was i put in a situation. #mutuals who do not know the situation feel free to ask about it oh Boy would i like to explain-- #i. man i really really love this game....i know it's obvious from the everything about me but all i do is open that server and go #'WOW i'm so lucky to be here....'

[explorerspack]

AH just realized I think this is the first time that elliot's been the one to present a plan and have cerise just go "yeah, you're right, that's what we'll do." slamming my head into the wall.

#c:crop #cha:cerise #man she's so so so grateful for him right now. I'M so grateful for him right now. #there was a really fun effect the other night where i was just staring at that really brutal rp message about the shifted dynamic #reading it for the second time as i tried to figure out how the hell to go on #and then meg EDITED it to add the 'elliot walks beside his sister' line and i FELT it hit my heart-- #it. man. he sure is On Her Side #it's that like. steadiness that comes with being siblings. cerise and elliot certainly disagree-she just counterspelled him! #they were both snapping at each other! she immediately came at him with this harsh tone and he pushed her on her choices! #but at the same time he made it very clear that he's with her anyway #and it's. cerise NEEDED him to say 'go talk to monique and i'll talk to calista' #she's soooo good at bearing down and making Logical Next Steps but this was bad enough that she hadn't GOTTEN there yet #and i like. she kind of *needed* someone to be like 'go talk to them' #or she'd have feared their reactions enough to keep isolating at least for a while longer #and there's elliot! and he's on her side and he's not angry at her and he's the one to pitch damage control #and they still disagree and she's counterspelled him before and she'll do it again if she thinks she has to #but GOD she's so so so grateful to have him here. she's SO grateful. #and so she can let him see that she hates herself and she's scared and she doesn't know what she's doing! #even if just for a second she can let him see it! #because it's. that's her brother! that's what your sibling is for!

[explorerspack]

again i’m saying the crop situation is really really awful,

#cha:cerise #c:crop #idk if i have any more to say that i haven't already said here or in my private channel but. D: #she's seen that kind of look...she's FELT that.... #she knows what it feels like to fight back and to be hurt and realize there's no point in fighting... #and now here she is making other people feel like that! here she is using the lessons she's learned about fear and control! #because fuck dude if she doesn't use every tool in her arsenal and if those aren't tools too! #this sucks <3 #i've given up on trying to describe her interiority in rp but it's just. so so so much self-loathing and regret.

[explorerspack]

crop for the past year has just been a steady cycle of me firmly telling myself that i can’t expect to save esme and i’m going to be so hinged about it when she dies and then throwing that all out the window as soon as i talk to her

#D: #i really care about her....i really want her to get a chance.... #and telling her to stay a prisoner until i can figure something out is. well. epic wins for character consistency-- #for cerise's established trait of Staying Trapped because of the fear of what would happen if she failed to escape and a searching #for the right moment and for an actual plan-- #and it'll be SO bad if this gets her hurt but it. jesus christ i can't let her get captured by arborea.... #and i HAVE ideas for how to actually give her a shot but none of them are GOOD and there's SO many factors at play-- #who's gonna get on call with me and work this out. placard emoji. #c:crop #cha:cerise

[explorerspack]

i. man. we’re OUT....cerise got her people out of this city...she did it....

#MAN. MAN! #meg sent 'cerise can level up to level six' and i Burst into tears.... #shout out to evacuation by emily axford shout out to sons & daughters by the decemberists shout out to with our trouble by gabrille papillio #i. we're OUT we SURVIVED! #who knows what the fuck is ahead for them but. they lived past this!!!!! #another situation that should have killed them and they LIVED past it!!!!!! #i. man. man. MAN! #i have all sorts of thoughts about this and also about how fucking upsetting her last exchanges with cami and auberon are but #i...they're OUT! #over a year and they're OUT! #cha:cerise #c:crop

[explorerspack]

really. feeling something about how at the point when cami and cerise had their first fight about cerise leaving the city, the "you don't get to pretend that this isn't your war" fight, cerise had dealt 85 damage in the campaign and camille had dealt 358.

#c:crop #cha:cerise #and ofc cami had been there longer but not THAT much longer #cami's 12 combats compared to 6 for cerise #and also ofc the damage tracking metric is not actually an accurate picture of combat usefulness in 5e #my lil spreadsheet does not account for cerise's counterspell keeping spirit guardians up a whole extra round or all the times sico's bardi #is what made someone hit or all the other ways that support actions affect the outcome of a combat #but even SO #it sure adds a dimension to cerise saying 'as if what i can do is going to make a difference against an army' #and to cami insisting that this is a war both of them need to fight #she sure is a knight! a warrior! she sure wasn't meant to be but has built herself into one! #she dealt 274 damage at rhest and the swore her oaths the next morning! #whereas cerise is at this point the only living character who's taken more damage than she's dealt #(something that I'm pretty sure will still be true when I've finished inputting the battles which. feeling REALLY 🚪about that!!!) #98 damage over the course of two battles in the two days preceding this conversation headinhands #and coming off the desperate loss that was three failed hold persons and a counterspelled counterspell against esme #even if cerise is *glad* by this point that esme lived that SURE was a sharp display of her own magic not being good enough #and two of those hold persons or the counterspell could have saved four lives. #so it's like. this whole source of conflict btw them *mostly* comes down to priorities where cerise places her and hers above everyone else #while camille is sworn to Everyone #and also to cerise's core fear motivation vs cami's idealism #but man if there isn't something to seeing all the numbers in comparison to what they both think their magic can do... #and i worry this post comes across as if im saying damage output is a good measure of combat usefulness. i KNOW it isn't. but especially in #a war game and especially in terms of how much you believe you can affect the survival of a city. its certainly SOMETHING

[explorerspack]

man i love crop....

#i know that everyone who's in a dnd game that they really love thinks that theirs is the best in the world but like #rip to the rest of you i'm the one who's actually correct about it #for some reason this post was prompted by. santiago. #i just think. man. ripple effects! the embellishments of the story and things that weren't strictly TRUE but #oh boy are they narratively true! #i like this game so much....i like all the people SO much....i like all the things to consider and angles to consider them from SO much.... #c:crop

[explorerspack]

also man. enough time has passed since uberta that i feel like i can say now. jesus fucking christ i’m so glad cerise wasn’t there,

#c:crop #cha:cerise #i. really think she'd be dead #fasach DIED! unkillable fasach!!!! and we almost lost our second-most tank-y and RANGED pc! #looking at some of those battles????? she had 37 hit points and 16 ac and only touch range healing! #i'd be feeling guilty about not having a pc there and then meg would casually say things like 'yeah allyr woulda charged cerise' #and i'd be like 'AH. I SEE.' #and. especially if her sorcerers were still there and we still lost she simply would not have made it out :[ #she'd simply have died trying to defend them! #or been captured i suppose meg didn't tell me how that all would have gone down but she sure wouldn't drink the fire even if she had it #and even beyond the 'she'd probably be dead' part i just am so glad she didn't have to see all those hybrids.... #AND all the arborean soldiers... #there was that one line about the regulars who hit maximo's trap in the cathedral battle screaming as they burned in the fire sphere #and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. more arborean screams! and to fire too! #and those guys weren't deadmen or cannelle or hybrids or elites or even sergeants they were just. soldiers! #like cerise's brother's friends! like HER friends! like elliot if he hadn't've been taken to rhest instead! #and then. most of all the *unicorn*.... #a bigger part of cerise's functionality than she knows depends upon the assumption that hybrids are made of people who are Dead #it's why the dragon bothered her so much but he never ACTED like a person or a general around her #he didn't speak to her or even attack intelligently he just. tried to eat her. so she can go 'yes this is just a mindless monster' #and not have to deal with the fact that there was Something Else there #but the unicorn. man. #i think. to see someone else who'd been tortured by the mage and turned into an unrecognizable form #but still retaining some of their own sentience and some of who they were #and who was FREED from rhest but then somehow captured and hurt and forced to serve arborea again #well. i am very glad i don't have to figure out how to roleplay cerise seeing that. #she would have wanted it dead! she would have wanted the unicorn dead from the second she saw it #despite the fact that she herself would rather be captured than killed she would have wanted to and tried to kill the unicorn. #and she'd have stayed functional for the battle bc she always does but oh boy would it have had repercussions in the long term #but it's literally so fine!!! she wasn't even at the battle and she's literally so alive and doesn't have to think about the unicorn.

[explorerspack]

man i really am so upset about ash....

#c:crop #various points over the past few days i keep just. remembering. and putting my head in my hands. #it's like. the way they KNEW :[ the way that they wouldn't promise cami anything about after! #i really. how much they hated putting their healers in harms way how worried they were and. man. #i played four healers in uberta and all of them died! and so did one of the three npc ones! #and they were RIGHT uberta FELL #the way that like. they took the fall for the statuettes knowing that it would maybe mean losing everything if they lived #and then they. well. they sure didn't live! and so the hit for the statuettes comes down on a person who it can't affect #and cami is fine! cami is fine. #i. man. the sun will shine down on your work and it will be good! #fuck dude they sure were a cleric :[ #this could be a separate post but i made myself SO upset about patrizia because i started thinking about churches as hubs of community #the cathedral square...i bet there were PICNICS there :[ festivals and gatherings and rituals and holidays :[ #i bet those healers and even some of those soldiers knew it like the back of their hand :[ #last haven for the injured and of COURSE two healers and the bishop died protecting it and the two living ones were the ones to save it #or. not to save it. but at least to save the people it was protecting #man. meg's little description of blood sliding down the stained glass window. #the fact that the first time ash ever killed someone was maybe eighteen seconds before they themself were killed #the. man. i'd have loved the guardian to do more damage in the fight but MAN am i glad it was still there.... #man am i glad the little sun was still there.... #eyes trained on the burning light even though it hurts to glance at it.... #hm. made myself cry with that one. #sigh i knew it was coming but i so wish we'd have been able to keep them alive..... #if cannelle had just. missed *one* attack....but hey. that was the type of battle we were having. #anyway. sure is a cleric game.

[explorerspack]

i. man. it really was just normal guys at the end of it all....

#c:crop #not a single living pc left on the battlemap. even our little psuedo-pcs either dead or unconscious #ash dead. santiago gone. #literally just two soldiers and two healers standing under the guardian at the doors of the cathedral and choosing to trust #that at least one of the arboreans didn't want to see a hundred injured people slaughtered #and it. MAN. #they didn't even have any REASON to THINK it! #like. bron in suggesting it and the rest of us all telling meg to go for it had the CONTEXT of. papaye. the knowledge that #there really WAS something with the crimson knight. but all sofia and enzo knew was that he wasn't killing people while they were down. #rocco had been killed patrizia had blown herself up in a desperate hope that it would help ash had been *decapitated* #and they were out of magic. all they had left was half a guardian of faith and their voices. and. MAN. #and they CRIT....not just a good persuasion roll but a CRIT.... #after EVERYTHING with the dice in uberta. after cannelle critting on cami twice after concentration dropping at the worst moments #after the failed persuasion against the unicorn after all the longspearmen hitting fasach and cannelle hitting all his attacks against ash. #after ALL of that. right at the end. when it's just people and just a desperate plea. *then* we get a natural 20. #it's not a win it's barely ANYTHING we LOST the first two battles we LOST the city we lost FASACH but it's. just one last try. #and then the KNIGHT...MAN!!!! it's. game about people!!!! that whole thing worked because meg makes CHARACTERS #he wasn't just a statblock he's a real character!!! and because he's a real character he had a +8 persuasion and the commanding #presence manuever. two things that maybe would never have been relevant if we'd have just killed him like we tried to #and because of those things he beat the DC by 1. #because this is a game about people and allegiances and motivations and every single character is a Person #and that's reflected in their stats because god DAMN if meg doesn't know how to make characters #i. man. what a way for that all to end. #all of us did everything we could. and it wasn't enough. and then at the end of the day just sofia--just one ordinary healer--saved everyone #who was left to save. #jesus christ. game of all time. #sob so true nicki making a post about this same thing while i was mid this one. nice to be on the same page (crying)

[explorerspack]

man. camille character of all time.

#i refuse to make this post longer i am already crying hard enough and i am going to bed but. man. #i would like for us to live. #c:crop