Fire and Water
Requested: Anonymous
Oh god. This is super angsty. I am so sorry! You already say you cry when you read my writing....this will have you bawling. Even I teared up a little and I was the one who wrote it!
Pairing: None
Word Count: 3K
Warnings: Pain, Blood, Cursing, Abuse, mentions/alludes of Rape, torture, swearing, ANGST! Mental escapism, mental instability
Request: Hey I LOVE your blog and your writing style so so much I always end up in tears when I read your writing! Would you maybe be down to write an avengers x reader where reader fought with cap in civil war and ends up on the raft and is tortured and abused as “an example” for the others and after they get rescued the team sees the extent of the damage and have to help heal them mentally/physically with angst I just have a lot of feelings about civil war still and I don’t think cap and tony fully understood how much their own actions affected their teammates bc they were both thinking of themselves and I kinda wanna see how they’d react to being faced with the consequences and the rest of the team too.
Masterlist
What you wouldn’t give to turn back time. As the hollow screams continued to fall from your chapped lips.
It had all started from a stupid fight. Tony Stark, the righteous man, who thought that regulating the Avengers would be better, and Steve Rogers, the Captain, who didn’t know how to express himself without coming across as overbearing.
Of course, neither wanted to listen to you. The newest Avenger. You had joined after Wanda and Vision and the whole Sovokian deal. You were enhanced, in that you were pyrokinetic.
When Ross came forward with the accords, you immediately felt something was off. When he said that it was now required that all enhanced and inhuman individuals are to register themselves to the government, it felt a little too holocaustic for you.
So, after considering your options, you were deciding to just go into hiding. But then, Clint found you. Packing up a suitcase in a rundown apartment.
“Hey [Y/n], where ya going?”
You laughed sardonically at the man’s easy going tone, “I’m going away. I can’t watch my family tear themselves apart because they can’t see that they are being played like fools.”
Clint nodded along with what you said, sitting on the edge of your bed. You didn’t miss that he was dressed in his archer gear.
“You know, Cap sent me to retrieve Wanda. She’s being held against her will by Tony and Vision. I thought you would be there to, but you got out.”
You sighed, twitching your fingers to make flames dance between them, “I doubt they could have kept me contained…” You smirked. Letting the flames extinguish, you pulled your duffel onto your shoulder.
Clint stepped in front of you, a frown, concern in his eyes, “[Y/n]...We could use Blaze on our team.”
He referred to your codename and you reflected on all the good times you had with the team. Shaking your head softly, you were about to reply when Clint interrupted you again. “I feel the same way about this whole thing as you do. But you and I both know that Tony and Steve are too pigheaded to back down. If one side wins, we can get them to listen. To talk. But this is going to happen. Sooner or later.”
You groaned, running your hand through your hair as you realized Clint was right.
“Alright Hawkeye, I guess I’m team Cap. So...do we get color coordinated shirts or something?” You teased, bumping up against the older man.
Clint laughed, shaking his head at you, “Possibly, but first, we have a witch to rescue.”
The day of the battle, the fight, the squabble, you were suited up in your uniform, it allowed you to combust without worrying about clothes being burnt away and left in the nude.
Standing across from friends, family. Natasha’s eyes dimmed when she saw you walk onto the tarmac.
Tony yelled out across the space, “You dragged [Y/n] into this? They are barely apart of the Avengers.”
You bristled at that, this was your family as much as Tony’s. Your hair started to smoke as your anger warmed up.
Cap laid a warning hand on your shoulder and you relaxed slightly.
He yelled back, “We can still talk this out Tony. The accords are not the way to go!”
Tony sighed, “Alright, I’m bored. Underoos!”
After that, it became a blur.
You became a human torch. Your entire body alight with flames as you helped your side. Even with the new additions, namely a kid in a spider suit and a man wearing a furry persona of a cat, you stayed focused.
But you didn’t want to seriously harm anyone, and you knew you were holding your punches and your fireballs as they shot from your hands, missing their marks by calculated seconds.
When you saw Steve and Bucky running to the airplane hangar, and flying across the sky, only then did you let your flames go completely out.
Not even minutes later, helicopters filled the area, along with sirens and vans. “Put your hands on your head! Do it now!”
You kneeled on the ground, following the commands, sweat dripping into your eyes as you saw the rest of your group, Clint, Wanda, Scott, and Sam, doing the same thing. Knowing that your part was done for now.
Sam turned to you right as a soldier wearing a gas mask kicked you brutally in the back of your head, making you fall to the ground. Dizzy.
“Hey! They’re just a kid! There’s no need for violence, they’re cooperating!”
“Shut up!” Another indistinguishable soldier yelled as they dragged the handcuffed man into a van.
You were pulled up off the ground by your hair. Yelling out in pain, you reached up to stop the hands, but then felt cool metal click on your wrists.
“Now, no funny business with that power of yours, or we shoot you straight in the head, okay?” A chilling voice spoke in your ear. You shivered at the undercurrent of sick pleasure in the tone, as if he was hoping you would step out of line so that he could kill you.
You were herded like cattle onto a blacked out van. Taken out to a different airport, where you were loaded onto a plan. Any questions were met with a punch, or a kick.
Poor Wanda was curled in on herself, relieving memories of her time with Ultron and being kept in a cell.
“Hey kid, it’ll be okay. Cap won’t forget us.” Clint had said at one point.
The jet slowed down, and you wondered where you were. When you were pulled up off your seat and shoved to the open door, you saw and you freaked out.
“No! No! No! Please NO!” You started screaming, kicking, tears streaming down your face as five men had to man handle you off the plan and onto the floating building in the middle of a tumultuous sea.
You hated the Ocean. Always had. It was one of your biggest fears. It was common enough to joke that it was due to your pyrokinetic abilities, but being put on a metal death trap out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the Ocean was a whole other story.
The dragged you inside, where you were stripped of your suit. Tears continued to flow, silently down your face, as several men got a little handsy during the strip search.
Humiliated, disgusted, defiled, you finally were led to a circular room where the rest of your team was. The first person you saw was Wanda, her skin pale, eyes red, as she sat in a straightjacket and a collar on her neck.
A similar collar on your neck. Only you and Wanda wore them. You were the only enhanced prisoners.
The collars kept an undercurrent of electricity flowing through your body, muting your abilities.
You were left without a straight jacket on. For some reason. You didn’t ask.
It had been several hours in the floating prison, The Raft as you overheard some guards call it.
Clint and Sam had tried to keep everyone’s spirits up, But Wanda was unresponsive, and Scott was grim.
You stayed sitting on the concrete floor, trying to stay calm everytime a wave rocked the deathtrap you were in.
Your fear was slowly settling into panic, and you itched to ignite, but everytime you so much as reached for your powers inside, you got jolted and dropped to the ground like a corpse, eyes blurred, fingers stiff, mouth open trying to get your breath back.
“Well Hello. You the one who gets hot? The one who is smokin?” The harsh laughter fell on deaf ears. Your back to the cell, facing the blank wall.
“Leave them alone!” You heard a scuffle as Sam tried to break free from his cell. Coming to defend you. It was pointless, the cells were built to keep in enhanced individuals, what could a mere man do to break out of them?
You flinched when you heard the rumble of the cell door opening. Starting to understand what was about to happen.
Clint, Sam and Scott all started shouting over each other.
“No!”
“Leave them alone!”
“They’ve done nothing!”
“Stop it!”
And then you were pulled by your hair once again. On your back now, you looked up into several pairs of eyes. Hidden faces by their masks. Their eyes though, the malice you saw there terrified you.
“Please..” Your voice was tiny. Your strength gone.
One of the men knelt over you, “Did you hear that? They said please, I think they want this..”
With an ugly laugh, the men began their fun.
It went on for hours, without a break. Your screams and yells faded away as your throat became torn up and sore.
Your face was swollen and bloody, eyes no longer able to produce tears.
Your clothes were ripped from your body, and you were abused in ways you never thought possible.
By the time the men grew bored with you, you were no longer there. At least, not mentally.
Sitting on the cold ground, you stared, unblinking, at nothing. Your arms showed goosebumps and your frame rocked with harsh shivers, but you made no move to cover up or wrap your arms around yourself.
“Oh kid….[Y/n].... I should have never brought you into this.” Clint mourned, knees on the concrete, hands wrapped around the bars of the cell as he stared at your figure across the room.
Wanda tried to talk to you from her cell next door. Her soft accent normally making you smile. But you moved not a muscle.
Blood steadily hit the ground, dripping from various places, the sound growing deafeningly loud as time went by.
“Cap will get us out of here...He has to.” Sam said, trying to inject hope in his voice. But it wasn’t very convincing as his voice cracked.
You didn’t even move when Tony came to the Raft.
“You bastard. You sick bastard. Look at what you did!” Clint screamed, pointing Tony towards yours and Wanda’s cell.
Tony’s eyes widened in horror seeing Wanda in a straight jacket and collar. But when he saw you...his heart broke.
“[Y/n]... I didn’t know...I wouldn’t have….I’m so sorry.”
But you just stared straight through him. Sitting in a puddle of red, sticky blood. Your mouth slightly open, breathing in shallow pants. Your eyes glazed.
Tony wiped away a tear. He stood up and walked back over to Clint, “I’m talking to Ross, trying to reason with him. This is all too much.” He encompassed everything.
Clint snorted, “You think? They spent hours in that cell with [Y/n]... doing things I wish I could unsee, that I could unhear. She is broken, Tony. And it’s all thanks to your petty little fight.”
Tony sighed, not bothering trying to justify his actions. He knew that it could have gone better, that he had been putting pride before family.
“I’ll see what I can do.” He mutters, walking with his head down out of the prison. He would fight for his family, like he should have done to start with.
Right as you were shaking yourself out of your self induced daze, your tormentors returned. You simply sighed, and sunk back away inside your mind so that you were not there to feel, see, or hear what they were doing to your physical body.
“[Y/n].”
“Blaze.”
“[Y/n].”
In the murky depths of your subconscious, you heard your name being called. But you pulled away everytime you neared the clear surface. There was pain out there. Pain and torture and humiliation. No family left. No fight.
You wanted to stay in the darkness. You felt nothing in it. It was calm. No senses. No fear.
“[Y/n]!”
“Everyone stand back, I’m going to try this.”
You came awake abrupt, jolting up. With a scream. But nothing came from your bruised throat except a gasp.
“[Y/n], hey, you’re alright.”
Your eyes were unfocused. You just knew you had to get away. You ignited, forgetting the collar. But when you actually did explode into flames, you held your hand up to your face in wonder.
And then the flames were gone and you were covered in white spray. Looking up, blinking, you saw a chagrined Tony holding a fire extinguisher standing next to Dr. Cho who was holding a syringe.
“Hey there kiddo. Sorry about the adrenaline shot. But you’ve been in a coma for a week, we needed to get you awake.” You looked around. You were in a hospital bed. You recognized the tower’s med bay.
“Tony?” Your voice was hoarse, and you ended up coughing, your hands reaching around your neck, trying to sooth the pain.
Dr. Cho was at your side in an instant, handling you a glass of water and gently removing your hands from your neck.
“I’ll leave you alone for a moment. But Tony… Be careful.”
Your mind didn’t register the tone that Dr. Cho used. You brushed it off as you greedily gulped down the cool water.
It was when you wiped your chin that you realized it wasn’t just Tony left in the hospital with you.
“Steve?” Tears formed in your eyes. As they fell down your cheeks. You felt a burning sting. “Ow.” You murmured, reaching up and touching your face. You started to freak out a little when you felt swollen cheeks and cuts.
Steve looked somber as he scooted his stool closer to the side of your bed, “Hey Champ. How are you feeling?”
You scrunch your eyes as you peered at the two men in confusion. “Am I dreaming? Have I finally died? Is this heaven? Always thought it would be less painful.” You contemplated. Poking yourself. Eliciting pain from your ribs, legs, face. Your whole body was one big burrito of pain.
You began laughing, the hysteria there. Tony placed a hand on your arm, Steve copying the action on your other arm. Your laughter stopped just as abruptly as it began as tears once again flooded your eyes.
“Where were you!?” You screamed, bringing your hands up in balled fists and banging them against Steve’s chest. “Where were you!? You left us!”
You sagged, your strength not where it should be. Sobbing, sniffling weakly, you sat up to look into Steve’s blue eyes. He had tears carving down his face as well.
You turned your back on him, towards Tony, “And you...You let them...You left...I….”
You tripped over your words, not wanting the images that pushed at the sides of your vision to come into view.
Tony’s eyes were wet, but he was not yet crying as he bowed his head, “I know. I failed you. I’m so sorry [Y/n].”
You wiped your face, leaning back on the bed, staring up at the white ceiling, counting the tiles. “How?” A silent question. But both men heard.
Steve spoke up first, “Tony found me and Bucky out in Zemo’s hiding spot in the Alps.”
Tony filled in, “I had confronted Ross about the raft and I found out that Ross fabricated several of the accident and death reports from our missions. I was going to help Steve clear Bucky’s name.”
Steve’s voice held confidence as he continued, “When Tony told us that, we stopped and we talked it over. After, of course, defeating Zemo and talking to T’challa.”
You closed your eyes, you didn’t recognize the name, but frankly you didn’t care. You didn’t have the energy or strength to care anymore.
Tony’s voice got stronger, “We came to an agreement. Bucky is safe. We are working with the United Nations to fix several glaring issues with the Accords, and we got all of you out of the raft, and cleared your names.”
Sitting back up, you raised a hand and watched tiny flames dance on the ends of your fingertips. “You didn’t get me out of the Raft.”
Steve and Tony shared a look, but you focused on the orange and yellow glow.
“[Y/n]... You’re off the Raft. You’re in the tower. You sustained severe injuries and have been in a coma for a week. But you’re off the Raft.” Steve said softly.
You clenched your hand into a fist, your nails biting into your soft flesh as the flames died. You glared at the two way mirror in front of you, ignoring either men on your sides, “No. I’m still on that Raft. I will never be able to escape the sounds. The feel of their hands on me.” Tony and Steve winced, “The cold. The terror. Their laughs, their voices, they are with me, always and forever now.”
Steve leaned forward, “We can get you help [Y/n]. Like we are doing for Bucky, you can see someone and talk..”
“I Don’t want to Talk!” You screamed, ignoring the fire in your throat as you once again ignited into flames, the bed starting to smolder as you sat on it. Threatening to catch fire from your body.
You screeched, your hands clenched, your flames shot out, causing the men to dive to the ground. Your fire broke the glass, the door burst open, and the fire alarm started blaring as the sprinklers came on, killing your flames.
“Leave me.” You whispered, letting the water soak your hair. Plastering it against your cheeks.
Tony got up first, and cautiously reached out to you, “I don’t think you are in any state to leave alone..”
“Leave me, before I do something I’ll regret. Like kill you.” You sneered. Growling at them as their eyes widened.
They backed out of the room, keeping their eyes on you, even as you put your head back, eyes closed, letting the water fall onto your broken soul. Letting it soak into your skin. Praying for it to wash away the memories.
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Civil War
At this point, I must have seen The First Avenger: Civil War at least a dozen times, and it still tears me apart each time I watch it again.
The ache in Steve’s face when Rumlow tells him that Bucky remembered him - before his mind got wiped again.
The distress in Wanda’s eyes when she realizes what she’s done by hurling Rumlow and his bomb into the building - how many lives were lost to save a single one.
The scene between T’Challa and his father T’Chaka. Two men in power, leaders of their nation, not afraid of showing their love for each other in public - at a high level diplomatic event at which they represent Wakanda, no less - in a very tender scene, the father telling his son how proud he is of him and his achievements, the son kissing his father’s hand, both thanking each other. Of course, this makes what follows all the more heartbreaking.
The look in Zemo’s eyes every time he listens to the final message his wife left on his voicemail.
The exchange between the bereft Sokovian mother and Tony at the elevator. You people went home and went on with your lives, but my life was in ruins in your wake, I have lost the most precious thing to me because of you and what you chose to do, and I am hurting, and I need you to at least know this. And Tony listens. This one promising young man becomes the face of his decision to sign the Accords.
Both the replica of Tony’s mother and, later, Natasha, while Tony is present, saying, “you know what’s about to happen,” with the replica then urging Tony to say something reconciliatory to his parents as they are leaving him for the last time (since this is right before the assassination) and Natasha asking Steve if he really means to remain stubborn despite the consequences he knows his actions will have. The look on Tony’s face right after that.
The seamless way in which Bucky, when he IS Bucky, and Steve still fight together without having to communicate, both against groups of soldiers and against Tony, like one mind in two bodies.
“My name is Bucky.” End me.
Bucky’s reaction to hearing the first of the words from Zemo. Anyone who knows these words and says them to the end can gain control of my mind and body and I cannot stop them, even as I realize what they are doing.
I am convinced that, although he is still (mostly? completely? is he already becoming himself again by then?) the Winter Soldier during his escape after the power outage, Bucky realizes that Steve would rather get torn apart than let go of the helicopter, and therefore aborts his takeoff so it crashes on its platform.
Tony holding Rodey so gently in the crater after his crash.
The small nod with which Steve acknowledges Bucky’s anxiety as they are descending in the elevator of the Siberian facility where Bucky was kept for seventy years and from which he was deployed as the Winter Soldier - and Bucky, who had been holding it all in until then, allowing his fear of returning to this place to show after that.
T’Challa instantly abandoning his revenge plans when he realizes that Bucky truly had nothing to do with his father’s death, and refusing to be consumed by rage and anger over it, to the point where he keeps Zemo from killing himself, with his mission completed, after deleting his wife’s final message to him.
Bucky's "I remember all of them," and Tony saying, “I don’t care. He killed my Mom,” before attacking Steve in the final part of the fight. I am sure he knows that Bucky was unable to stop doing what he was being made to do (the way the movie shows it; torture doesn’t work, and there is no such thing as wiping people’s minds, but let’s go with it for this is how the movies portray it); but seeing this man, whom his friend would die defending against him, kill his parents after they had survived the Soldier’s initial assault has driven him to his breaking point.
T’Challa confirming that he sees not just his father but Bucky as well as victims, and that Bucky deserves protection and a chance to heal, and get rid of his “programming” (see above on “mind wiping”).
The way none of the good guys we are rooting for is ever painted as a villain for his convictions, even when they are on opposing sides after the Accords have been signed. Both sides have valid arguments, and neither side gets ridiculed by the other. When facing off, they keep cautioning each other, warning each other, hesitant to go all out on trusted friends.
I just have a lot of feelings about this movie. Have a nice Sunday.
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