i just had the funniest fucking thought. what if phil asks the syndicate to play nice with wilbur just for a little bit. ranboo is completely fine with it and techno makes one or two comments about wilbur being the president of a now blown-up country every once in a while, but all in all they treat him pretty nicely. and oh fuck is niki pissed at him. but phil did ask very politely and they are his friends so she very begrudgingly promises not to kill his son
one day wilbur gets home and the rest of the syndicate are out and about on a quest to a woodland mansion or something. and niki knocks at his door holding a cake for him. wilbur's a little suspicious about it at first but hey, it's niki! she's always been so sweet, maybe sometimes too sweet for her own good, and he trusts her. there's no way she'd give him a poisoned cake, especially since she's on such good terms with phil.
so at niki's insistence he takes a slice of it only to freeze. mid-bite. because whoopsies that's not granite texture like he thought! she put fucking sand in it. and niki's face is slowly splitting into a wide grin because hey, phil never said anything about sabotaging her baked goods. there's an indecipherable look on wilbur's face and she thinks she finally has him until he starts
DOUBLING DOWN ON THE CAKE. he's fucking eating it like a vacuum, sand and all, and the worst part is she can't even tell if he's doing this to spite her or not. but he eats the thing in a single sitting and fucking dabs his mouth on a napkin and tells her it's the best cake she's ever baked. she doesn't make another one for him after that.
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