absolutely out of my mind obsessed. OBSESSED. with liliana always saying "he" and, even if we know it's ludinus, never saying his name and obfuscating him with predathos, these two pillars of limitless power & incredible cruelty that chain her, stronger than her, in her own words. how he needs her. how he admires & values & even in some way adores her, and maybe more. how she's pulled ludinus back from the very edge. her trying to change him, and zerxus 1000 years ago trying to change asmodeus and jester trying to change artagan and caleb trying to change essek and the m9 trying to change lucien and opal trying to change lolth, and imogen, trying to change her own mother. this cycle of desperate belief in redemption that can succeed or fail, the coin that hasnt landed on a side yet. how that's freedom for some. how that's a whip, a martinet on the back of the reformer for others. the belief in set fate vs the vanguard belief in changing destiny. generation upon generation of hope & abuse that can so easily become one or the other or both at once for eon upon eon. how the gods who created these mortals who seek any glint of kindness desperately wish, in this moment, for redemption themselves. "to reach a hand down to somebody, they need to be beneath you". but the gods are in the sky. and their saviors are on a lonely planet & lonelier moon, locked together by a cycle of violence & desperation started by them so long ago.
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I could be wrong, but--just thinking about how the twins assumed it was obvious Mollymauk was heading to a brothel. How he clearly knows that, lets them believe that--"I know what the others think, but..." And all this time when he sneaks out in the dead of night, he's really playing the hero, running off to protect someone in need.
And just, I don't know. I think about how Mollymauk was so devoted to Lestera, and we never see him actually indulge in a relationship with anyone else in the comic. How he's still so lonely, and tells Yasha so in a moment of vulnerability--when she catches him in the midst of Choir Practice, this side of him he doesn't let anyone else see. He admits to her that, "The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."
And then when Yasha says she'll stay with him, help him, that's when Molly lets a bit more of his true feelings bleed through. "Suppose I could use the company. I am recently out of a relationship the hard way..." He lets it play off like a joke, but it's incredibly sad and personal. I've lost someone too, he says. I'm lonely too. He doesn't quite know what Yasha's been through, but he can feel the kind of grief and pain she carries. Knows enough to know she's also been dealt a harsh loss, that they both know what it means to feel Empty and lonely.
Thinking about. Molly being a tease and a flirt, but never seeming to commit. Jester listening in on his antics in the Pillow Trove, and Taliesin saying, "It's mostly ridiculous conversation through this whole thing."
Thinking about Caleb and Fjord watching Molly flirt in Hupperdook, both of them assuming he'll run off to have some fun for the night.
Travis: "I turn to Caleb and go, 'I think I may be regretting my roommate choice for the night. It's just a hunch. I think he's in his element.'"
Liam: "Well, the odds are that you're not even going to see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn't worry about it so much."
Travis: "You think? He'll just like, tear off into the night and not come back until the sun comes up?"
Liam: "He's like a coyote. You know what that is?...Yeah, they like to fuck a lot, is my point--"
And they're being ridiculous and half joking, and Molly happily encourages it, but--it still feels like how Mollymauk lets the twins make assumptions. Like the most he does is a bit of playful teasing and some charming words. At the end of the night, he's still back in his room with Fjord--carrying Fjord to their room, because the poor guy's passed out drunk.
Thinking about how Lucien's personality was another facet of Molly's, how they can both be so silver-tongued and disarmingly charming. How Lucien cared for his late lover so much, and how he never found another partner. (He still flirts with Caleb though. Molly's still a part of him, so of course he does. But that is something Lucien also tries to keep his distance from, to keep fun and teasing. Trying so hard not to think about how the forehead kiss Molly gave his wizard feels far too much like his own goodbye to his fallen partner--)
And Mollymauk absolutely having those feelings for his magician. Those feelings ever enduring, even after Lucien, even after another death and rebirth. "Oh, you're cute, Magic Man--" And even then, Molly never actually gets to take that chance. To tell Caleb how he feels. It means something, I think, that he becomes bolder and more forward with his wizard when he wakes as Kingsley. No longer carrying his past lives' loss and grief and painful memories.
I think that's where Molly was always headed, honestly. There's so many parallels to how both Molly and Yasha lost their partner before the campaign, how they each try to cope with that in their own way. And, like how Yasha eventually opened up to Beau, eventually healed to the point where she was willing to start another relationship--I think Molly was gradually warming to that point with Caleb.
Realizing there was someone else he wanted to let into his heart, that he could find happiness again and it would be what Lestera would have wanted. It also seems like Molly was holding himself back from that a bit because he felt Caleb wasn't ready; still so withdrawn and closed off, not yet ready for the pain and vulnerability of another relationship. But, he wants to wait. For Caleb, he's willing to wait. For lifetime after lifetime. And that to me is the proof that Lestera and Caleb were Molly's only true loves, I think. Aside from dear Yasha, of course--his kindred spirit, platonic soulmate--
But romantically, I don't think he ever gave his whole heart to anyone the way he did for them. It speaks volumes to me, that when King wakes with little to no memories, it's still Lestera and Caleb his heart longs for. When he dreams of the circus, he immediately starts asking about her, over and over, "There was a--oh. There was a circus. And a...a beautiful woman, in a red coat. She was telling me secrets, showing me how to keep secrets. Show secrets--I...Where's the woman? No, not her...where's the woman--"
Thinking about how Kingsley still woke with feelings for Caleb too. Immediately told him he was cute, started biting his lip. Can't help flirting even in their last scene together, "Magic Man. Looking good." How Caleb was someone Molly ached for even when Lucien had his soul caged and tormented, "Caleb. Softness and light."
Like, I could be wrong, but. I don't know. I just don't think Molly had quite as much relationship experience that everyone imagined. And instead of having a string of lovers, it feels more like he just liked to give the illusion of it. A romantic who loved with his whole heart, and only really gave it to a close few--
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moments that i (ro neinofthem) am totally fucking psyched to potentially see in tm9 animated, including but not limited to:
-‘will you hold me through the show’
-caleb and jester money-fueled shitfight (also bread mitten moment)
-that time trent appeared out of nowhere and caleb forgot to live for a solid ten minutes
-caleb and fjord shitfight when the spire collapses
-caleb backstory!!!!!!!!!!!!! ouagh
-caleb wall of fire
-caleb blowing up that ship
-caleb and fjord blood pact
-the accidental taking of the mistake
-i am of the empire but i am no friend to the empire (essek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
-essek pretzel
-parasol moment
-cupcake moment
-dinner party essek showing off his weird girl swag
-THE FANCY AND THE FOOLED (THE REVEAL, lord lord from around, you were not born with venom in your veins, etc etc)
-the other less good dinner party (the chair shenaniganery PLEASE)
-lucien scry reveal
-caleb and beau aeor dreams holy shit
-essek’s power of friendship nat 20 to break time for a nap
-and of course the cheek kiss in 141
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