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wolfie-dragon-rider · 7 years

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Blind Spots Chapter 14: The Burglar Princess

Two horn blows echoed around the harbor, making the Terrors yelp and flutter. Hiccup knew the signal well, though he hadn't heard it in years.

Allied fleet approaching.

Hiccup, Stoick, and Astrid were waiting at the docks for the ships to arrive. The riders were without their dragons, however. Given the fact that this was the first diplomatic envoy to Berk in three years, they decided it was best if they introduced their new dragon-friendly society in small steps.

"I can see the first one. New ship design, I think. Same flag though," Stoick said from beside Hiccup. The heir nodded, not being able to see anything, but trusting his dad's word for it.

"So these are the infamous Bog-Burglars?" Their ships are fast, at least. Faster than ours," Astrid said from Hiccup's other side. He chuckled.

"Better get used to that. The Burglars are fast and sleek in every way," he said, remembering the old days when he helped one Burglar in particular play a lot of swift pranks.

"I don't think I've ever met a Bog-Burglar. How often did they visit?" Astrid asked.

"They used to visit every few months, if not more. But lass, you were always training in the forest when the Bogs visited. I think your father considered them a bad influence, actually," Stoick said.

"Oh, Cami was definitely a bad influence. Always pulling me away from your chiefing lessons to pick locks and spar with wooden swords. She always won," Hiccup laughed, and Astrid chuckled as well. "I guess that probably hasn't changed…" he said, trailing off when he remembered how much had changed since the Bogs were last on Berk. Five years had passed, in which he lost his eyes and a leg, but gained a dragon best friend and a girlfriend. How had she changed? Was she still the same old Camicazi who would drag him along to explore caves and ambush unsuspecting Vikings?

"From what Bertha's letters said, she hasn't changed a bit. You two were so close back then. Inseparable whenever she visited Berk. You know, you told me you were gonna marry her at one point," Stoick said, and Hiccup froze.

"Dad! I was like five! Gods!" he shouted, feeling terrified when he felt Astrid's hand tense in his. "It's not like that, I promise! I love you!" he desperately told her, not wanting her to feel jealous. To his surprise, she laughed instead.

"You... hahaha… why did you never tell me that? You were in love with a Bog-Burglar!" she shouted. Hiccup was sure his face was bright red by now.

"It wasn't like that…" he muttered.

"Oh, me and Bertha were counting on you two marrying, though. You two seemed like such a good match. Politically and personally. We were about to sign the betrothal contract, but then the war got worse, and… they couldn't visit anymore. Until now," Stoick said, and Hiccup felt like throwing up.

"What! But she's… she's like a sister to me! Eww! And… there's a contract? But what about Astrid?" he shouted, wondering if he was about to be shipped off to another island to marry.

"No, nothing came of it. You were too young, and when we communicated again, you were with Astrid, and it was clear no one would make you happier than she does," Stoick said, before leaning in. "Now, don't tell Cami I told you this, but Bertha wrote me that she reacted just like you when she was told about the marriage contract," he whispered, and Hiccup felt a little less mortified.

"So you two were close?" Astrid asked, and Hiccup nodded.

"We were best friends, I suppose. Not like you and me, or me and Toothless, but… she never cared about all the things people on Berk cared about, you know? She didn't care that I was small and not very strong. She still chose me to be her partner in crime. I never understood why exactly, but we clicked. I… I hope we still do," he slowly said. Stoick remained silent, but Astrid squeezed Hiccup's hand encouragingly, before drawing a little heart on the back of it with her finger.

"About that, Hiccup. I… tolerated those transgressions when you were younger, but now you've grown up and I expect you to behave as one would expect from the heir of Berk," Stoick said, and Hiccup sighed.

"Sure, as long as the heir of Bog Island behaves according to her position as well," Hiccup deadpanned, unable to imagine Camicazi being quiet and polite for more than a minute.

"Argh, that girl is hopeless, and I don't understand how Bertha raised her, but you know what I mean. And it's not just what you say or do, but also what you look like. So stand tall! Chin up, shoulders back!" Stoick said as he roughly pulled Hiccup's arms around, trying to make him look a bit more impressive.

"Like that matters for Bertha. She saw me covered in yak manure when that prank went wrong when we were eight. I bet she still sees that when she looks at me," he said, blushing when Astrid laughed next to him. "What?!"

"Why did I miss the best moments from your life?" she asked, and Hiccup groaned.

"Probably because I wouldn't be able to handle you and Cami at the same time. In fact, I fear for my life today," he said before smiling. "Seriously, though. I think you'll like Cami. She's a lot like you in many ways."

The conversation then fell silent as the ships maneuvered through the harbor until Hiccup could hear the creaking of the hull and the flapping of sail.

"Hail, Bertha! Did you have a good journey?" Stoick called out as ropes were thrown and knots were tied around them.

"Very well, Stoick! Njordr blessed us with good winds!" Hiccup felt like he was eight years old again when he heard the voice. A wooden gangplank was moved past him, connecting the ship to the pier.

Somehow even Bertha's footsteps on the plank were familiar. And then came even more familiar footsteps, quick and flighty, like she barely even touched the ground.

"Long time no see, Haddocks! It's been too long!" Bertha said, stepping onto the pier.

"I'm still not seeing you," Hiccup said almost automatically, before realizing with horror he didn't know if his father had told them about his blindness.

An awkward silence fell, in which the only sounds were the boats creaking and Cami's footsteps coming closer. Hiccup could tell she was walking right up to him, looking at him closely, and he felt cold sweat run down his back as he awaited her verdict.

"Hmm… So this is why you never wrote letters? An acceptable reason, I suppose. I figured you were just being a stupid boy," she suddenly said as she poked his blindfold, and Hiccup couldn't help but laugh when he realized she still had the exact same sense of humor as when they were kids.

"Oh, like you were much better, you never wrote me either!" he said.

"Well, I figured you'd write me when you got yourself in a mess again and needed my help getting out as usual. I'd never need your help!" she said teasingly, and Hiccup used his hand not holding Astrid's to lightly punch where he thought her shoulder was.

"Oh, you're still short!" he said, noting that the adults seemed to have moved away a bit, letting them talk in peace.

"And you're still scrawny! I bet I'll still kick your butt at swordfighting," she dared him, and he sniggered.

"Maybe, though I've had some training. Cami, meet my combat trainer and… betrothed, Astrid. Astrid, this is my childhood friend, Camicazi," he said, gesturing between them.

"Hmm, why am I not surprised you needed a girl to teach you how to hold a weapon?" she said, before turning to Astrid. "You're an axe gal? I'm more a fan of swords. Quick, precise, in-and-out before they know it."

"You can't throw a sword, though. And I think my axe will punch through armor your little toothpick would just bounce off of," Astrid taunted, and Hiccup felt relieved and terrified at the same time at how well they got along.

"Well, maybe we should settle this the old-fashioned way. I first want to try to duel Hiccup, though. See if he's still as clumsy as I remember him," Cami said, and Hiccup grinned. It felt like no time had passed at all, like those childhood memories were yesterday.

"Hiccup! Why don't you and Cami… hang out for a bit. Me and Bertha will handle the treaty, you two don't have to be there," Stoick suddenly interrupted their conversation.

"Wait, I thought you wanted me to learn about chiefing?" Hiccup asked, skeptical. He sensed Cami nodding beside him, and figured she had expected a boring day of diplomacy as well.

"I did, but… well, I think you earned a day off. Go… have fun," Stoick said, and Hiccup frowned, not sure what that was about.

"How about we introduce Cami to Toothless and Stormfly?" Astrid said, and Hiccup smiled brightly.

"Toothless? Who's that? You already have kids or something? Why are you having kids?!" Cami exclaimed, punching Hiccup's arm.

"Nah, he's my new best friend. Also, he's a dragon," He said, rubbing his arm where she punched it.

"What?! I'm no longer your best friend? Though honestly, I can't blame you, it's hard to compete with a dragon. Let's see who this badass is who kicked me out of your heart!" Cami shouted, before grabbing his free arm and pulling him to the village. Astrid followed, still holding his right hand, and Hiccup felt lighter than he had in years.

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"Ooh, pretty good… for a boy!" Cami shouted as she narrowly dodged Hiccup's cane, before hooking her sword around his metal leg and twisting it. Hiccup tried to escape, jumping up and striking again with the cane, but another feint from Camicazi and he was on his back, her sword on his throat.

"But girls are still better," the Burglar laughed. Seeing the fight made Astrid smile. Training with a new partner was obviously good for Hiccup. In fact, just Camicazi's presence seemed to have made him happier than Astrid had seen him in years.

"Oh really? We'll see about that," Hiccup said, wrenching the sword from Cami's hand without warning before pulling her down to the ground with him. Within seconds the two were rolling around the grass, trying to gain the upper hand while laughing madly. Astrid kept dulling her axe, preparing it for a duel with Camicazi. She had been eager for it, but now Astrid figured it could wait a bit. The two friends were having too much fun to interrupt.

"Got you now!" Hiccup shouted as he pulled her over his shoulder and ran off, almost immediately falling again when she kicked his back. Though the kick obviously hurt, he didn't stop laughing for a second. The transformation in Hiccup was incredible, and a small part of Astrid was jealous, though she recognized that there was nothing romantic or sexual between them. It was something purer, more innocent and childlike.

As they ran around the cove, they attracted the attention of the dragons. Toothless seemed confused about who this new girl was, and kept looking between them, though Hiccup's enthusiasm infected him as well. Stormfly seemed hesitant to come between the wrestling friends and stuck close to Astrid.

She was most surprised about Blendin, the Changewing Hiccup had adopted a while ago. Blendin had been very nervous about Berk, and wouldn't really show himself to the Vikings, instead staying in the forest and around Hiccup's house.

But the Changewing took a keen interest in Camicazi, running after her and sniffing her when she knocked Hiccup down and stood triumphant over him. He hadn't done that with anyone, not even Astrid.

And Cami seemed to like Blendin as well, easily adapting to his moments of invisibility, turning to the dragon and 'looking for him' in an exaggerated way, before throwing her arms around his neck. Meanwhile, Toothless pulled Hiccup back to his feet. The boy looked happy, but a little lost when he couldn't find Cami with his cane.

When Cami noticed Hiccup's expression, she gently grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her. Hiccup looked relieved, but then his expression changed to terrified when she threw him behind her before running away, causing Hiccup to chase her. Astrid wondered why Hiccup reacted so well to her, when he'd have shirked away if it had been anyone else pulling him like that.

Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't seen his awkward behavior the last few years. Or that, as much as she threw Hiccup around and obviously took advantage of his blindness during their play, she didn't make bad jokes about it. She seemed to accept his disabilities with an ease no one on Berk had managed.

Maybe it was their shared childhood memories that made Hiccup lower his guard. Unlike the Vikings on Berk, she had never made fun of him or hurt him.

Maybe it was simply the lack of stress. Hiccup was always aware that he'd be chief of Berk one day, and couldn't allow himself to be seen this… irresponsible and childish. As Astrid looked at him charging blindly at Camicazi, she couldn't help but notice he seemed like he forgot all his problems and responsibilities.

Maybe it was a combination of all these things. Astrid didn't want to dwell on it too long, happy to see Hiccup so happy. It was obvious why Stoick had decided to give them more time together. These moments seemed so rare lately. His dark days kept coming and going. She had hoped they'd disappear after a while, but every now and then it still happened. But right now Hiccup looked the complete opposite of depressed.

The pair kept running around the cove, helped and hindered by their dragons. At some point Cami became the hunter, jumping over Toothless to get to Hiccup.

"I win!" she shouted when she caught him, pushing him back against a tree. "And I deserve a prize. How about…" Astrid smiled as she looked at them, it was obviously some kind of in-joke. Then she noticed the Burglar's eyes being drawn to Hiccup's face, and she realized what was about to happen.

Astrid's shouted "No!" came too late. Camicazi had already pulled Hiccup's blindfold off with quick fingers, and even from the other side of the cove Astrid heard her sharp intake of breath when the girl saw Hiccup's scars.

Time seemed to freeze as all sound stopped. No one dared to move as Cami looked in horror at what was left of her friend's face. Hiccup looked pale and nervous, waiting for her verdict.

"You… You look like a monster…" Cami said, the words coming out as a twisted chuckle.

Astrid saw Hiccup break and shatter. By the time she got her legs to work he had already jumped on Toothless and flown away, as fast as he could. His blindfold was still in Cami's hand.

"I… I don't understand… what happened?" Cami asked, her earlier confidence gone. Astrid didn't waste time on her, instead she ran back to Stormfly.

"Come on girl, we've gotta catch them!" she shouted, driving her dragon to fly as fast as she could.

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"Hiccup, let me in," Astrid told the locked door in front of her. Hiccup had never shut her out, but now he had holed himself up in his room, more upset than she had ever seen him. And she wasn't sure how to get him out.

"Please open the door. It's just me!" she begged, forcing herself to stay calm when no response came. The only thing she could hear through the door were Toothless' sad croons.

"Hiccup, I know you're in there. I know you're hurting, just let me help you!" she said, leaning on the door. She felt useless. She thought they had made progress. His dark days seemed to become less frequent and intense. But now this. This was worse than she had ever seen him. She had seen Hiccup at his darkest and lowest points, but he had never refused to let her help him.

Astrid considered kicking the door in. It would show Hiccup that she wouldn't let him shut her out. But would it really help? Would it scare him more? Maybe he needed some time alone? Or maybe she just couldn't help him anymore? She wished she could ask her mother, but Hiccup had made her promise she wouldn't tell anyone about his dark days.

Astrid sighed deeply, hoping Hiccup couldn't hear it through the locked bedroom door.

"I'll give you some alone time, okay babe? If… If you decide that you… you want me with you, you can always send Toothless to get me. I… I'll come back later to check on you, okay? I love you," she eventually told him, waiting for a few seconds for a response that never came. Removing her hand from the door, she turned around and walked down the stairs, feeling exhausted. Just as she reached the bottom, the front door opened.

"Astrid! Is Hiccup here?" Camicazi asked as she walked through the door, Hiccup's blindfold in her hand, and Astrid froze. Suddenly she was overcome with anger at the girl who had hurt Hiccup so much.

"I know Hiccup probably doesn't want to see me, but I just wanted to tell him I'm sorry. I brought his blindfold, and…" Astrid didn't let Cami finish the sentence.

"You're not sorry," Astrid said with barely concealed fury.

"What? Of course I am, why wouldn't I..." Cami started, but Astrid wouldn't let herself be stopped.

"You can't be sorry for something you don't know you did. You have no idea what you've done, do you? He trusted you! And now you've broken him, and he's worse than ever!" she shouted, and Cami took a step back.

"Astrid, I… I didn't mean to… I didn't know… I should have been more careful..." the Burglar stuttered, but it just fueled Astrid's anger.

"That's right, you didn't know! None of you know! None of you understand what your jokes and insults and gasps and pity do to him! I don't even fully understand what it does to him! And he doesn't want your pity! He just wants to be treated like a normal human being, instead of an abomination! He's up there, probably having a waking nightmare, unable to do anything other than cry and curl up into a little ball, because one of the few people he trusted called him a monster! I worked for years to help him! Every time he'd get a breakdown, I was there, telling him he's not weak. And we had progress! He became a little more confident. But now you've destroyed all that! Months and months of encouragement, gone!" Astrid screamed as she unsheathed her axe, not caring about the fear in Cami's eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

"Shut up! Don't bother apologizing! Stop wasting my time! I have to figure out how to get Hiccup to come out of his own dark mind again. Do you know how to do that? Do you have any idea how I can get Hiccup to open up?" Astrid asked as she turned around, unable to look at Cami anymore.

The Burglar didn't say anything, and Astrid found that she couldn't stop talking.

"Because… Because I have no idea anymore! He won't even let me comfort him. And I don't know how to help him! I keep thinking we're making progress, but then a week later he's as sad and broken as ever. It's like no matter what I do, it just keeps getting worse," she said as she dropped her axe, keeping her back turned on Cami. Her anger was flowing away, but it was being replaced by something Astrid couldn't quite identify.

"H-Have you talked to Hiccup about this?" Camicazi softly asked, and Astrid's head whipped back when she remembered she wasn't alone. She wanted to take it all back, to deny the vulnerability. But what was the point? Cami had seen it all now anyway, and maybe she could be someone to confide in.

"No, of course not. It would only make him feel worse if he knew what his breakdowns do to me. And I haven't talked to anyone else about it either. Hiccup made me promise not to tell anyone about his breakdowns, so I can't ask my mother without breaking my promise," she admitted between as she turned away from Camicazi again and faced the corner. She was quiet for a while, trying desperately to collect herself, but the flood was too much. A minute later the words were pouring out again.

"But I sit there, holding him, talking to him, day after day, night after night, and he's just… he's in so much pain, and I can't do a damn thing to help him! It hurts. It hurts so fucking much to see him so scared and anxious, and I hate the gods for torturing him like that, and I hate myself for not being able to find the right words to help him. I hate myself for maiming him and causing all this," she continued to talk, all the frustration flooding out in an uncontrollable wave. Tears escaped from her eyes, even though she tried not to let them fall.

"And I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired, Cami. I'm tired of comforting Hiccup, only for him to get another episode a few days later. I'm tired of walking on eggshells every time he has a breakdown, not knowing if my words will help or just hurt him even more. I'm tired of seeing him struggle so much," she said, not caring how weak Cami would think she was. It was like a dam in her mind had collapsed, and now feelings and thoughts she wasn't even aware she had were all pouring out.

"And he's so strong! That's the thing, he's so strong, all the time, that it only hurts even more when even he can't handle what's happening to him. So I try to be strong for him. I try not to show how much it affects me. But it's hard. It's so hard to just keep myself from screaming in frustration and pain when he breaks down again. And I don't know how much longer I can handle it. We're engaged, for Thor's sake. We're going to be married for the rest of our lives. But if I can't handle staying strong for him for two years, how can I do it for decades?" Astrid asked out loud, not surprised when there was no answer.

"It's not that I hate doing it. I love him so much, and I want to help him, and I'd hug and comfort him for a dozen hours each day if that's what it takes. But it's just so… It all feels so pointless. It sometimes feels like during such an episode, Hiccup is in a dark maze where he can't even hear or feel me anymore, and I have to find him and get him out. But every time the maze becomes more complicated, and I'm running out of things to say to guide him. I feel like my words have less effect with each passing day, and I'm scared. I'm so scared that one day, I won't be able to find him anymore. That he'll be too far away and I can't reach him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought I knew what helped him and what didn't, but now I'm becoming more and more unsure," Astrid said, still sobbing, crossing her arms to hug herself.

"I watched you and Hiccup play earlier, and I thought he was so happy. He seemed so cheerful, more cheerful than he had been in months. I mean, he has happy moments, but with you it was like he was a carefree child again. Like he had nothing to worry about for once. He's been so stressed out lately. And I thought that maybe Hiccup needs a vacation. Maybe he could go with you to Bog Island for a week or two. Away from all the responsibilities and pressure he has here."

"B-But… But now I don't even know if that would help him anymore. I'm scared that he'd just be more confronted with his blindness if he traveled to an unfamiliar location, and that would just make everything worse! I just… I just don't know anymore. I don't know, Cami. I just don't know," Astrid exclaimed as she buried her head in her hands, more tears running down her cheeks.

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Hiccup was cold. That's the only way he could describe his current state. Despite being literally surrounded by Toothless' warm belly and wings he was too cold to even cry.

These were the worst dark days. Normally they were just… pain and fear. Life would be too much, and he'd shelter himself from the onslaught. They were painfully hot episodes, filled with blazing anger and burning shame.

They were horrible, but Hiccup had power in them. Agency. He could still move, react, respond, even if he often chose not to.

The cold days were different. It was like falling in a freezing ocean. It starts with a huge shock, a change he could barely even comprehend. Followed by a flurry of panic and movement. He had to run, swim, flee, even if there was no escape from the horrible discovery.

And finally, when his strength had run out and his arms were too heavy to move, the cold came. The nothingness. Freezing him in place, unable to think or move. Unable to even panic. His only movement were shallow breaths. Anything deeper and he'd drown.

A stable island had been under him just minutes before. He'd never realized how much he had trusted Cami. Maybe even more than he trusted Astrid. From the moment she had stepped off the boat this morning, Cami seemed to have accepted his blindness, dealing with it better than anyone on Berk did. She didn't patronize him for it, like changing the rules of their sparring to make it easier for him. But she didn't pretend it wasn't there either.

It had been the perfect blend of acceptance and acknowledgement he'd unknowingly been craving for years. And it had been too good to be true.

Toothless crooned sadly, and his gentle licking of Hiccup's hair somehow registered in his numb senses. He might be floating in a freezing ocean, but Toothless was right there with him, a rock to hold on to.

Somewhere, far, far away, he could hear Astrid's voice talking to him through the door, but he was too numb to listen. It was all he could do to not shatter. Footsteps down the stairs, followed by shouts. A tinge of panic deep within said he should pay attention, but it froze almost immediately.

The voices changed, became softer. Footsteps on the stairs again. This time softer, lighter. Scratching and clicking from the lock. His breathing quickened even more. The door opened softly. Astrid's voice reached his ears again, echoing from downstairs. It was different. Fragile. Sad. Scared.

Toothless opened his wings, and Hiccup drifted into the ocean again, away from his rock. But before he could scream, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. He knew that scent. Those hands.

"I don't know what's going on with you, but you need to listen to Astrid," Cami said, dragging him towards the door with a gentleness he didn't know she had. Her hand was warm, and the warmth spread through his limbs. When they reached the door, he heard a sniff from downstairs, like someone was crying, and his frozen mind suddenly jumped into action. Was that Astrid?

Everything was too crazy to make sense of, and Hiccup didn't resist when Cami slowly led him down the stairs, nudging his legs to take the stairs one at a time. They creaked slightly, but the only thing Hiccup heard was Astrid's shallow breathing. He hadn't heard her like that in years, not since just after he lost his leg.

Then she suddenly started talking, about the things they had never talked about. The dark days, the endless cycle of panic and calming.

The things he never noticed. Her pain. Her exhaustion. The cold disappeared, replaced again with burning shame. How had he not seen it? Considered it? He wanted to step in, interrupt Astrid's painful monologue, throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness. But he was still too shocked to get his legs to move. As she kept talking, the numbness disappeared, replaced by pain and regret.

Then Astrid's words dissolved into nothing but sobs, and Hiccup couldn't take it anymore. He stepped forward, being careful not to startle her. When he was sure he was only a foot behind her, he quickly put his arms around her and pulled her towards him, her back against his chest. Astrid made a shocked sound, before going stiff in his embrace.

"It's alright. Just let it out. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. This doesn't make you weak," Hiccup whispered the same things into her ear she would normally whisper in his, things that always made him feel a little better.

Astrid made a sound that sounded like a mix between a laugh and a sob, before turning around in his embrace and burying her face in his neck.

"It's gonna be alright, I'm right here, and I'm never gonna let you go. Let me comfort you for once," Hiccup said, and Astrid put her arms around him as well, tears soaking the fabric of his shirt. He heard the front door opening and closing, and he knew Camicazi had left them alone.

"Y-You heard everything, didn't you?" Astrid eventually asked, and Hiccup could hear the fear in her voice.

"Pretty much," he answered, hoping she wouldn't shut off on him.

"Oh gods, Hiccup. I'm sorry that you had to hear that. I'm sorry…" Astrid started, but Hiccup interrupted.

"Don't apologize. I'm the one who should be sorry, I locked you out. I shouldn't have done that, I was just… in a very dark place. And I'm sorry I didn't see that you were in pain. I'm the most useless boyfriend ever," he said, doing his best to stop his voice from trembling. Astrid was always so strong for him, he had to be strong for her now.

She hiccuped between her tears, before punching lightly on the arm. "Y-You weren't supposed to know! I… I thought you'd be… angry, or… you know…" she softly said, and Hiccup just sighed. He lowered his hand and grabbed hers, lightly squeezing it.

"I'm not angry. I couldn't be angry with you. I'm just… I don't know… I'm not angry you feel this way. I'm just… disappointed you didn't tell me, I think. I… I want to help you, Astrid. Just like you help me! I won't think you're weak!" he exclaimed, and he could feel Astrid shake her head.

"I didn't think you could help. I still don't know how. I'm just… I'm tired, Hiccup. I'm tired of being unable to help you. And how can you help me with that?" she whispered, and Hiccup slowly moved out of their embrace and grabbed her hands, trying to smile even though his heart was aching from the pain he could hear in her voice.

"Astrid, listen to me. You help me. You help me every single day. You're my light. You make everything brighter just by being there. And… in those dark moments, you do help. You help me more than I can ever explain, and I don't thank you often enough for that. I see that now. But tell me, are you feeling better now? Did talking help?" he asked as he pulled her down with him to sit on the floor.

"I… I suppose it did. I feel… lighter now, like I was wearing heavy armor, and now it's gone and I'm free again," she slowly said as she grabbed his hand, and he squeezed it again.

"That's what I feel every time you do that for me. And more. It's just… You keep me connected, and I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm sure that, if I didn't have you with me during those… breakdowns, I wouldn't be able to come out of bed anymore," he explained, and he could hear her breathing calm a little. It was nice to finally talk about those dark hours. Normally they never mentioned it, it was just something that happened, and he thought they were both dealing with it as well as they could. But he now saw that they did have to talk about it, and about what it did to Astrid.

"Maybe, but… what's the point if it… doesn't solve anything? Why can't it just get better? I love you, Hiccup, blindness and scars and metal leg and all. And I don't think any less of you for having dark days. But… But… But why can't it just be simple for once? Why can't we be like other seventeen-year olds? The others, like Snotlout or the twins, they seem to have it so… easy. Why can't we have that? Why can't we just play and prank and train and… sneak into each others rooms to make out instead of cry, and… do whatever normal teenagers do, instead of just… dealing with all this shit? It's not fair!" Astrid said heatedly, and he couldn't stop his wistful sigh.

"I wish it was that simple too. But Astrid, I want you to understand something. I didn't have these dark days until after everything. The blindness, the Red Death, the leg. Before that I never cried. But I am infinitely happier now anyway. Astrid, you and Toothless bring so much happiness to my life, that I'd rather lose another leg than go back to that time before. I'm so happy you're with me, and that you'll be my wife one day, and… maybe I'm just not allowed to be that happy all the time. Maybe the gods need to balance it all out, so they send me nightmares and dark visions, but it's still worth it, Astrid! Don't ever doubt that you're not helping me, because you and Toothless are the best damn things that have ever happened to me!" he exclaimed, before releasing her hands and putting his arms around her again, resting his chin on her head.

"You asked what the point is of comforting me if I'll just break down again a few days later? The point is those happy days in between. Those bright days I probably wouldn't have if you didn't convince me to get up and face the world again. It's worth it, Astrid. Life is worth living, even if it's dark sometimes. It just makes the rest brighter."

Astrid slowly nodded against his chest, and he held her a little tighter. He rubbed her back and pressed kisses against her hair until she stopped crying.

"So, you feel a little better? Are you ready for another bright two years now?" he finally asked when she moved out of his embrace, and Astrid snorted, before squeezing his hand.

"I guess so. Thanks, Hiccup. We… We should have talked about this a long time ago," Astrid eventually said, before pulling him into another hug.

"We should have. But we did now, and the next time you feel this way, just tell me, okay? I want your days to be as bright as mine are," Hiccup said, and he could feel her head nodding on his shoulder.

They sat there for a little while longer, both of them calming down from their dark moment. Finally, Hiccup slowly pulled out of the hug and stood up, before offering his hand to Astrid.

"Shall we find Cami and talk to her as well? I think we owe her an explanation," he said as he pulled her to her feet.

"Yeah, I think we might have traumatized her with our tears. But she left your blindfold here. And… she wanted to apologize to you. For earlier. And… And I want to apologize to her as well. So… are you ready to face the world again?" Astrid asked, and a moment later she was tying his blindfold around his face again. He smiled, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the door.

"I'm ready for another bright day."

Thanks for reading! I'm sorry it took so long to update, school started again. But there's only 5 or so chapters left to the wedding you've all been waiting for!

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#blind spots #fanfic #httyd #hiccup #astrid #camicazi #angst #depression #blind!hiccup

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