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I deserve someone who’ll embrace all my flaws and imperfections. Someone who’ll never give up, no matter how challenging our days will go by. Someone who’ll see my worth even in the brim of our misunderstandings. Someone who’ll keep believing in my strengths. Someone who’ll uplift me in the lowest moments of my life.

Someone.

Someone.

Someone.

Someone whom I’ve been fervently praying to meet. Someone whom I keep wishing to every star in the night sky. Someone whom I hope is also praying and wishing for me.

Someone.

Someone.

Someone.

I can’t wait for the day when these hopes and wishes turn into reality.


Thoughts of Dessa 🌻

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I don’t really know what is going on with me. There are moments that I would be staring blankly at somewhere as if I am waiting for someone or something to appear in front me. I could feel my heart pounding erratically that it seems ripping my chest. I could hear the hands of clock ticking in every second. Vivid and vague memories just keep flickering in a seemingly endless way. My thoughts keep wandering to places that are unimaginable – only to realize that I am alone AGAIN. Everything is puzzling me. I am fumbling to take the path that will lead me to where the answers could be.

Why is this happening?!? Why?!?


For one moment, I just found myself browsing through old photos – making me smile for a while. It made me realize I was at my happiest with someone I prayed and wished for. Those beaming eyes that promised me forever and eternity. That saccharine smile that turned my knees in jelly like and made me wobbly.  Those hands that held me and secured me when I was terrified. The hands that calmed me when I felt the world was shaking under my feet. The assuring warmth from those arms that comforted me when things around me brought chills in my spine. That person who believed in my strengths and how I could expand my horizons. That person who sustained me courage when I was at my weakest point. That person who loved me and I loved back – genuinely. That was then… that was such a long time ago.

As I am brought back to present, I’ve come to realize that the person we loved might have left us (for whatever reasons it could be)  but all the memories they have imparted will linger –  perhaps eternally.

Thoughts of Dessa 🌻

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You never really stop feeling that pain, you just become greater than it. One day you look around, and everything else feels small by comparison. You got better in dealing with it. For pain is not meant to be felt forever. It just fades gradually because you’ve won over it.

Thoughts of Dessa 🌻

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Nakalimutan mo na
Kung paano ka dapat mahalin
Nasanay na lang
Sa kung ano ang kaya niyang ihain

Kulang, hindi sumasapat
Pero tinatanggap na lang lahat

Dahil mas hindi kakayanin
Ang paglisan
Ang pagbitaw

Mas pipiliin ang pagbuka ng mga sukat
Kaysa hindi na kailanmang maramdaman ang kanyang yakap

Sa tinagal-tagal

Nakalimutan mo na


Kung paano ka dapat minamahal

3 notes · See All

Nakakatawa ‘di ba. Limang taon, pero hindi pala ako ang bida sa kwento mo. Extra lang pala ko. 

O kung may papel man, ako yung bitter mong “Ex” na hindi papayag na maging masaya ka sa piling ng iba. 


Ako yung kontrabida. 


Oo, ako yun. Ako yung babaeng kinaiinisan sa mga telenovela. Yung nag sasaboy ng acido sa muka ng bida. Ako yun. Ako.


At kahit na ba hindi ko nasira ang kanyang mukha, bumalik ka

Hindi dahil ginusto mo, kundi dahil iniwan ka niya

At heto naman ako, buong puso ang pagtanggap sayo

Patakbo sinalubong ang pagbalik mo.


Ngunit mahal, hindi na tayo gaya ng dati

Na kahit ilang ulit mong sabihin na ako ang ‘yong pinipili

Bakit nararamdaman pa rin na parang wala ka sa tabi.


Kapag  hinahawakan mo ako, wala na akong ibang maisip kundi “ako ba talaga ang nais niyang hagkan”?

Sa totoo lang, sawa na rin akong masaktan, na sa halip na matuwa sa ‘yong yakap, iba ang nararamdaman. 

Hindi pagmamahal, kundi pangungulila sa mga panahon na alam kong …ako lang


Dahil pareho nating batid, na hindi ako.

Hindi ako ang hinahanap mo kapag malungkot ka

Kapag may sakit ka, kapag nag-iisa.

Hindi ako ang nais mong pag-alayan ng tula

ng koro, ng kanta

Hindi ako nais mong iharap sa mundo, sa altar

Hindi ako, mahal.


At ilang beses mo man akong hagkan

Hindi ko na matandaan kung dala ba ito ng pagmamahal o awa lang

Mahirap pa lang makumbinsi ang puso

Sa mga bagay na hindi na nito nais paniwalaan

Mahirap pa lang mahalin ka lang, at magbulag-bulagan


Mahirap pala.


Akala ko, makakaya ko, dahil wala naman akong ginustong makasama maliban, sa'yo.

Pero mahal, hanggang kailan tayo magiging ganito


Hanggang kailan ka magkukunwari

Hanggang kailan ako magiging bingi

Sa iisang pangalang isinisigaw ng puso mo


Hindi Ako.


At kahit paulit-ulit mong sambitin na 

“Mahal, ikaw lang"


Mahal, alam mo, at alam kong

Hindi Ako.

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