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stuck-in-hypna · 10 months

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These Drunk Confessions

These drunk confessions - Part 1

Park Jongseong (Jay) x OC (Im Haeyoon) | College AU | Situationship

For Haeyoon, it was better to end things than to admit how she truly felt. It's not like she didn't like their set up, she was just too scared of rejection, leaving Park Jongseong lost, confused and full of misconceptions that ended in these drunk confessions. Now, everyone in their circle knows about what has transpired in the past, plus Jongseong's feelings--everyone knew, except of course, for the oblivious Im Haeyoon..

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Part 1: OC’s (Haeyoon) POV

“So… there’s this party…” my best friend of almost two decades started as we were having lunch at the university cafeteria.

“No, Rin. I’ll be busy.” I deadpanned as I finished my chocolate pudding, not wanting to listen to what she had to say.

“I haven’t even said anything yet! Sunghoon will be there though.” She added hopefully. Ah, the ex-love of my life as everyone knows, who happened to reject me but is still nice about it. That was laughable really, and I’m over it.

“I’m over him, love. You know that,” I gave her a disapproving look. It didn’t hurt my pride as much though, because it was a cover-up, and probably because he didn’t gloat about it, we’re still good friends. After that drunk confession which was supposedly for another person (his best friend?), Sunghoon rejected me and said he never saw me that way, which I’m thankful for as it would get pretty complicated if he didn’t. “And besides, if Sunghoon is there, so is his best friend, Park Jongseong.”

“God! I wasn't implying anything!” she added defensively. “Why are you so irked with his presence anyway? It’s not like you have a past with Jay…” Oh God, we DID have a past, it’s just that nobody knew!

“Don’t act like I’m not aware of things, I know the party will be this Friday to celebrate Jake’s birthday, Jake and I are not even close. I don’t just crash anyone’s party, you know.”

“Whose party are we crashing?” Heeseung interrupted the discussion, sitting beside Aerin, as she became flustered while attempting to hide a smile.

“You’re close by association, he’s close with Sunghoon and Heeseung!” she interjected, like it was the brightest idea ever.

“Close with whom, babe?” Heeseung shot Aerin a confused glance.

“You’re going too, right Hee? Jake’s party this weekend.”

“Oh stop it with your flirting. You two are so pathetic!” I rolled my eye at them, trying so hard to change the topic but ended up failing. They should just address their feelings for each other and start dating, it gets everyone frustrated when they say that they’re just close friends. Yeah, right. Close friends who can’t get their hands off each other.

“Come on Yoon, we won’t even let you drive, you can drink all you want.” She insisted, with Heeseung backing her up.

“And Jake wants you there, he likes you, you know,” Heeseung said, which made my best friend giggle like crazy. “You were always at the parties we hosted, what happened?”

Nah, Jake doesn’t like me like that, I don't think so. He is nice, and can even be considered as hot, but he’s a fuck boy. He has girls left and right, and I don’t want to be one of those girls who are at his beck and call, nope that isn’t me.

“I’ll think about it.” I finally said after a minute of silence God, just drop the subject, please! It’s not like I don’t want to, but I don’t feel like seeing Park Jongseong in a setting other than our campus.

I stood up and excused myself from the two, and made my way to a nearby study space so I can finish my work in peace, but who am I kidding? My mind wandered off to Jongseong, again. The almighty Park Jongseong—Jay for most people. Our friend group is well known within our uni and other campuses as well, because of these guys; Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jake, Sunoo, Jungwon, Niki and of course, Jay—who’s also a fuckboy just like Jake. I don’t want to associate myself with him again, not in this lifetime!

Jongseong and I were friends with benefits, and nobody knew about this, not even Aerin. He was the one I lost my virginity to, and vice versa—well, at least that’s what he told me.

All that started the summer after high school, when he was introduced by a classmate. It only ended at the start of our junior year in college, just a few months back.

We had a deal that if one of us started to like someone else, we’d tell the other. The relationship was supposedly exclusive, we can date but we can’t fuck other people, if we did, we had to stop this situationship.

Ironic enough, we also became a part of the same friend group, freshman year. We were aloof in front of our friends but it’s a totally different story when we’re alone or with our parents, it is also unbelievable how we kept the act for more than two years.

At the parties the guys hosted, it was the same story. Our younger friends would be there, but they were not allowed to drink, it was either me or Jongseong that picked them up, then Sunghoon being the slightly responsible one will drive them home before their curfew, then will only start drinking once the kids are home. Jongseong and I will then disappear when everyone’s drunk or busy and will spend the night either at his or my place. And there were also weekdays, when he spent most nights at my place, without our friends knowing.

Until the dreadful thing happened, I fell in love with him—sophomore year, second semester.

It was also one of the unwritten rules, to not fall for the other. Of course, I didn’t have the guts to tell him or end it, I was just there for him, nothing changed. Besides, he did not show me any kind of affection when we were outside of our confines, I just knew it was one-sided.

Then came Jake, who was a transfer student in the first semester of junior year and he hit it off with our clique, so naturally the guys found another reason to host a party, to welcome him that is. It was the same old routine, except Jungwon, Niki and Sunoo did not need to go home that night, they would be crashing at Heeseung’s, who hosted the party.

Jongseong on the other hand told me that he wouldn’t be able to go home with me that night, which was a first, he said he needed to babysit his cousin. I didn’t mind, and who was I to demand to know what he was up to, we were not in a relationship.

That’s when I saw him with another girl on the balcony, while I was seated on one of the pool chaises, a little tipsy but had a good view of them while I was hidden from their sight. He allowed her to lunge forward and kiss him, he did not even resist. Realization hit me that time that I was nothing to Jongseong, so I made an excuse to my friends that I will be going home early as I’m not feeling well, I did not even bother saying goodbye to him.

In the succeeding days, I talked to him less. I didn’t make myself as available as before so I made up shitty excuses to not see him, I was scared that he’d tell me that he would end things, I thought that it'd feel better if it was the other way around, so I planned to end it with him. I also avoided our friends that same week and was absent on the classes I shared with each one of them. They kept messaging me too, especially Aerin and Jongseong, asking about my whereabouts, and made up this lame excuse that I was spending time with my mom, good thing Jongseong did not ask mom about me.

The following week, that's when I dropped the bomb--I messaged him and said that we should stop whatever was between us as there was already someone I liked. He did not stop calling until I had to switch off my phone, I then went home to my parents and made myself MIA. Mom thought it was pressure from school, so she let me off the hook.

After two weeks of hiding, I finally went back. I talked to my professors, and they gave me extra work for credits. Another excuse to not see them, I did tell Aerin that something was up but did not tell her in detail, I was thankful that she did not pry, and she understood me. Jongseong stopped bothering me altogether, I was somewhat relieved, but I did miss him, so much if I may add.

That weekend, I made an appearance at the party hosted by Sunghoon when I realized how selfish I was and apologized to them for being MIA. It wasn’t a surprise that Jay had his arm around someone, I didn’t even look at him, I could feel his ireful stares which I tried so hard to ignore.

I did not leave Sunghoon’s side that night, thankfully he did not mind, not one bit, and when everyone mellowed down, that’s when Jongseong started to argue with me that progressed into a full-blown fight loud enough for our friends and bystanders to hear. He accused me of liking Sunghoon, and that did it for me. I deliberately told him that I indeed liked Sunghoon because he doesn’t sleep around. It was too late when I fully understood what I’ve just said, the others broke the fight and Sunghoon drove me home, and was nice enough to comfort me and stay with me until the morning—this was when he rejected me. I didn't bother explaining to him what really happened, it was left at that.

That was the last time I’ve ever spoken to Park Jongseong, or at least the last civilized one. He did, however, drunk text me a few times, saying that Sunghoon doesn’t like me and things with similar context, he was fucking petty, and I ignored him, until I ended up blocking his number.

“Hey, you’re too deep in thought.” Sunoo nudged me, I did not realize that he’s here with Jungwon, Sunghoon and the manwhore himself, Park Jongseong.

“I’m just tired. Exams are coming up.”

The guys joined me at the then empty table, Jongseong was hesitant but still sat with the others.

“So I hear you’re coming this Friday.” Sunghoon asked, after the incident, it took about three months before I started hanging out with the guys.

“If Aerin and Heeseung told you, then they’re lying. I told them I’d think about it. That's different.”

“Come one, you don’t have to worry about driving, I’ll pick you up and even drive you home.” Sunghoon insisted.

“Yess! Please, please!” Sunoo begged, “you haven’t joined us in a long time.”

“Eight months is not a long time, love. Plus, I have been busy.” I told them, Jungwon frowned, and I know he doesn’t believe me.

“Yeah, busy with what? Dating after Sunghoon rejected you?” Jongseong smirked and I am so tempted to wipe that fucking smirk off his face.

“Am I even talking to you, Jay?” I said with a straight face. “Mind your own business, why not continue fucking everyone else in this school instead of putting your nose into someone else’s life? It got too boring for you?”

“At least they’re all lined up for me, unlike for some people I know.” He continued to pester me, “It’s not my fault that no one wants to fuck you.”

“Are you sure about that?” I was fuming but I didn’t want to lose my composure, “maybe you can ask Jake.” Sunghoon held me by my elbow, trying to prevent me from saying anything more.

“Yeah, Jake would fuck you alright, but that’s it. As if he’d come looking for you again after one night, don’t think so highly of yourself.”

“Jay, stop-“ Jungwon tried to control him, too late though, my anger got the best of me and I slapped Jongseong, hard.

“Okay, we gotta go!” Sunoo forced me out of the building, Sunghoon followed carrying my stuff which he shoved in my backpack.

“That fucking asshole!”

“Im Haeyoon! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sunoo hit the back of my head lightly as soon as we were out of the building.

“Didn’t you hear what he just said? He insulted me, Sun!!!” I almost yelled, “that fucking manwhore insulted me!”

“Why do guys walk so fast?” Sunghoon suddenly appeared while catching his breath, “what was that about Im Haeyoon?”

“Stop calling me by my legal name assholes!” they took me to the nearby park, and I sat on one of the benches, “he’s getting on my nerves, I don’t even know what his problem is.”

“Bad break up, perhaps?” Sunoo joked, Sunghoon guffawed, my eyes widen, “You’re too guilty!”

“We know, Yoon. Jay told us some bits, when he was drunk, we’ve been meaning to ask you as well.”

“What do you know? Who else knows about this?”

“Well, since Jay is a bad drunk,” Sunghoon admitted, “he may or may have not told everyone, including Aerin, you know because of Heeseung.”

“Right.” When the information sinks, I buried my face in my hands, “OH.MY.GOD! Park fucking Jongseong!”

“Chill, I somewhat knew.” Sunoo rubbed my back, “the way he looks at you says it all, he’s so in love with you Yoon.”

“Wait, what?” Did I just hear it correctly?

“You know he didn’t talk to me for a month, right?” Sunghoon said exasperatedly, “he thought that you and I dated.”

“It’s true, I was the first one he drunk confessed to,” Sunoo snickered at the thought, “he said you broke up with him for another guy, that you liked one of his best friends and he can’t do anything about it. It was the week you were at your parents.’"

“Wait, I’m confused. He was never my boyfriend guys. We never dated. Yes, we fucked but that was that.” I tried to explain even if it doesn’t make sense to me, “We were friends with benefits, I didn’t want to tell you guys since things would be awkward.”

Sunghoon sat on the ground, facing me and Sunoo “I only noticed it when he changed. He was always drunk at parties and flirted with different girls on a daily basis, but he never took anyone home as far as I know.”

“Hard to believe, Hoon. I mean, he plays tonsil hockey with one of the girls in one of our classes, then he flirts with a different one on another. I’m not surprised if he’s contracted STD or something.”

"He never had sex with anyone, Haeyoon. Believe me."

“Didn’t you like him at least? I know you did.” Sunoo urged, waiting for me to answer.

“I did.” I paused, it felt good to have everything off my chest for once, “I really did, but when I saw him kissing that girl at Heeseung’s party, I knew it had to stop, he didn’t see me that way, I totally made a fool out of myself.”

“What? What girl? Did you know about this Hoon? Was this the party for Jake?”

“Ah! The girl he was with, I remember. Jay dumped her that same night, and then he came looking for you, but you already went home. He wanted to go to you, but we warned him not to drive, he already had too much to drink. I think he also tried to call, but you were not picking up.”

“That’s when I started avoiding him, I knew I had to break it off with him. I told him I liked someone else, that’s why I said I liked you, sorry Hoon, if you got caught in the middle. I was desperate to break it off with him… I never formally apologized to all of you, I was being selfish that time."

“It’s okay, we all had fun irking Jay anyway. He was so reactive, Jake did have a crush on you, but when he found out about your past with Jay, he riled him up for fun, pretending he doesn’t know anything. He’s so jealous of Jake, I think that’s why he reacted that way earlier.” Sunghoon also confessed, while Sunoo's nodding excitedly.

“Hoon is telling the truth, I’ve witnessed it! He walks out if he gets too pissed but will say sorry the next day, saying he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him or that he’s stressed.” Sunoo laughed so hard while saying this, “We were doing this with the hopes that he’d finally confess to you, but he’s too much of a coward, that’s for sure.”

“It’s okay, loves. I’m sure we’ve both moved on, it has been almost a year.”

Or perhaps I thought I did, but with this newfound information sparked some unwanted emotions. This could not be happening! Why is it always one step forward, two steps back?

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#kflixnet #kflix #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x oc #enhypen x reader #park jongseong x reader #enhypen jay x reader

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corvigae · 1 year

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i recognize that building ive been ripping those down every fucking time im in the building. idk how they're so persistent in getting the damn things back up they go up fucking daily. theres a ton that look like invites to holiday events too, they're smaller and look like regular free events like on most campuses so ive been keeping an eye out for those too

I haven't seen the other ones but YEAH it's fucking scary how persistent they are and it's even scarier that I often see that tabs have been taken from them before I get a chance to tear them down.

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iulianfawcett · 2 years

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HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL tell me everything what did u wear did u have a good day are u near ur gf ?????

THANK YOUUU uhhh i don’t have a photo of my fit and i’m already changed out of it i wore this ⬇️

day was alright i have math in the morning which wasn’t bad i have a teacher who i’ve never had before which is scary i only trust my grade 10/11 teacher to teach me math but she seems alright and the material isn’t too bad and i’m not sitting next to a hockey kid or a puck bunny so that’s good i’m next to someone i had drama w last year so i know her and she’s quiet so 10/10!!

then i had lunch break kinda boring except for louis album and single announcement!!!!!!!! hung out in the science centre which is actually kinda cold i had to put a hoodie on then religion was. ugh. longest 3 hours of my LIFEEEE you don’t understand. spent the first hour doing shitty introduction games as if i need to know anyones names we literally played a game where we stand in a circle and repeat everyone’s names we did it in drama last year but it wasn’t bad last year bc there was ljke 15 people in the class i have THIRTY FIVE people in my religion class to that in and of itself took like 45 minutes then we spent the rest of class going over like course outlines. part of grade 12 religion is doing 40 hours of community service so we have 3 weeks in the middle of the quarter where we don’t go to class and instead we do that so i’m looking forward to that i wanna volunteer at my elementary school. i got to sit next to someone who seems kinda chill actually kinda seems like a tiktok gay who thinks like omnisexual is a thing but it’s not overbearing so slay. i think they’re the only other queer person in that class so it’s at least mildly bearable bc of that

NO IM NOWHERE NEAR MY GF i told you how my school has two campuses well both my classes are on the west campus and both hers are on the east campus and it’s not like i can just pop over say hey at lunch naur it’s like a half hour drive just to get from one campus to the other and my lunch is only 55 minutes so like i could never go over there it’s so sad i wanna kill myself kind of but i didn’t. sigh.

overall it was alright. neither of my teachers allows phones OR airpods in class so i suffer but i manage 😔 ALSO ON THE WAY HOME I WAS LITERALLY A BLOCK FROM HOME AND REALIZED I FORGOT MY WAYER BOTTLE AT SCHOOL I KILL MYSELF NOW

#it’s about a half hour drive from west campus to my house i didn’t wanna go all the way back and then all the way home another HOUR for my #water bottle but like. how will i survive #ask #betsy 🐝

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stuck-in1 · 2 years

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These drunk confessions - Part 1

These drunk confessions | Part 2

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Part 1: OC’s (Haeyoon) POV

“So there’s this party…” my best friend of almost two decades started as we were having lunch at the university cafeteria.

“No, Rin. I’ll be busy.” I deadpanned as I finished my chocolate pudding, no wanting to listen to what she has to say.

“I’m over him, love. You know that,” I gave her a disapproving look. It didn’t hurt my pride as much though, because it was a cover up, and probably because he didn’t gloat about it, we’re still good friends. After that drunk confession which was supposedly for another person (his best friend?), he rejected me and said he never saw me that way, which I’m thankful for as it would get pretty complicated if he didn’t. “And besides, if Sunghoon is this there, so is his best friend, Park Jongseong.”

“God! I wasn't implying anything!” she added defensively. “Why are you so irked with his presence anyway? It’s not like you have a past with Park Jongseong…” Oh God, we DID have a past, it’s just that nobody knew!

“Don’t act like I’m not aware of things, I know the party will be this Friday to celebrate Jake’s birthday, Jake and I are not even close. I don’t just crash anyone’s party, you know.”

“Whose party are we crashing?” Heeseung interrupted the discussion, sitting beside Aerin, as she became flustered while attempting to hide a smile.

“You’re close by association, he’s close with Sunghoon and Heeseung!” she interjected, like it was the brightest idea there.

“Close with whom, babe?” Heeseung shot Aerin a confused glance.

“You’re going too, right Hee? Jake’s party this weekend.”

“Oh stop it with your flirting. You two are so pathetic!” I rolled my eye at them, trying so hard to change the topic but ended up failing.

“Come on Yoon, we won’t even let you drive, you can drink all you want.” She insisted, with Heeseung backing her up.

“And Jake wants you there, he likes you, you know.” Heeseung said, which made my best friend giggle like crazy. “You were always at the parties we hosted, what happened?.”

“I’ll think about it.” I finally said after a minute of silence God, just drop the subject please! It’s not like I don’t want to, but I don’t feel like seeing Park Jongseong on a setting other than our campus.

Jongseong and I were friends with benefits, and nobody knew about this, not even Aerin. He was the one I lost my virginity to, and vice versa—well that’s what he told me.

All that started summer after high school, when he was introduced by a classmate, which ended at the start of junior year in college, just a few months back. We had a deal that if one of us start to like someone else, we’d tell the other. The relationship was supposedly exclusive, we can date but we can’t fuck other people, if we did, we had to stop whatever the set up was.

Ironic enough, we also became a part of the same friend group, freshman year. We were aloof in front of our friends but totally it’s different story when we’re alone, it is also unbelievable how we kept the act for more than two years.

At the parties the guys have hosted, it was the same story. Our younger friends would be there, but they’re not allowed to drink, it was either me or Jongseong that picked them up, then Sunghoon being the slightly responsible one will drive them home before their curfew, then will only start drinking once the kids are home. Jongseong and I will then disappear when everyone’s drunk or busy and will spend the night either on his or my place. And there were also weekdays, when he spent most nights at my place, without our friends knowing.

Until the dreadful thing happened, I fell in love with him—sophomore year, second semester. It was also one of the unwritten rules, to not fall for the other. Of course, I didn’t have the guts to tell him nor to end the relationship, I was just there for him, nothing changed. Besides, he did not show me any kind of affection when we were outside of our confines, I just knew it was one sided.

Then came Jake, who was a transfer student at the first semester of junior year and he hit it off with our clique, so naturally the guys found another reason to host a party, to welcome him that is. It was the same old routine, except Jungwon, Niki and Sunoo did not need to go home that night, they will be crashing at Heeseung’s, who hosted the party.

Jongseong on the other hand told me that he wouldn’t be able to go home with me that night, which was a first, he said he needed to do something important. I didn’t mind, and who am I to demand to know what he was up to, we were not in a relationship.

That’s when I saw him with another girl in the balcony, while I was seated on one of the pool chaise, a little tipsy but had a good view of them while I was hidden from their sight. He allowed her to lunge forward and kiss him, he did not even resist. Realization did hit me that time that I was nothing to Jongseong, I made an excuse to my friends that I will be going home early as I’m not feeling well, I did not even bother saying good bye to him.

The succeeding days, I talked to him less. I didn’t make myself as available so I made up excuses to not see him, I was scared that he’d tell me that he would end things, I though that it'd feel better if it was the other way around, so I planned to end it with him. I also avoided our friends that same week and was absent to the classes I shared with each one of one of them. They kept messaging me too, especially Aerin and Jongseong, asking my whereabouts, and made an excuse that I’ve been spending time with mom.

A few days after, that's when I dropped the bomb--I messaged him and said that we should stop whatever’s between us as there’s already someone I like. He did not stop calling until I had to switch off my phone, I then went home to my parents and made myself MIA. Mom thought it was pressure from school, so she let me off the hook.

After two weeks of hiding, I finally went back. I talked to my professors and they gave me extra work for credits. Another excuse to not see them, I did tell Aerin that something was up but did not tell her in detail, I was thankful that she did not pry and she understood me. Jongseong stopped bothering me altogether, I was somewhat relieved but I did miss him, so much if I may add.

That weekend, I made an appearance on the party hosted by Sunghoon when I realised how selfish I was and apologised to them for being MIA. It wasn’t a surprise that Jay had his arms around someone, I didn’t even look at him, I could feel his ireful stares which I tried so hard to ignore.

I did not leave Sunghoon’s side that night, thankfully he did not mind, not one bit, and when everyone mellowed down, that’s when Jongseong picked a fight with me that progressed into an argument that’s loud enough for our friends and bystanders to hear. He accused me of liking Sunghoon, and that did it for me. I deliberately told him that I indeed liked Sunghoon because he doesn’t sleep around. It was too late when what I've said sinked in, the others broke the fight and Sunghoon drove me home, and was nice enough to comfort me and stay with me until the morning—this was when he rejected me. I didn't bother explaining to him what really happened, it was left at that.

That was the last time I’ve ever spoken to Park Jongseong, or at least the last civilized one. He did, however, drunk text me a few times, saying that Sunghoon doesn’t like me and things with similar context, he was fucking petty and I ignored him, and ended up blocking his number.

“Hey, you’re too deep in thought.” Sunoo nudged me, I did not realise that he’s here with Jungwon, Sunghoon and the manwhore himself, Park Jongseong.

“I’m just tired. Exams are coming up.”

The guys have joined me at the then empty table, Jongseong was hesitant but still sat with the others.

“So I hear you’re coming this Friday.” Sunghoon asked, after the incident, it took about three months before I started hanging out with the guys.

“If Aerin and Heeseung told you, then they’re lying. I told them I’d think about it. That's different.”

“Come one, you don’t have to worry about driving, I’ll pick you up and even drive you home.” Sunghoon insisted.

“Yess! Please, please!” Sunoo begged, “you haven’t joined us in a long time.”

“Eight months is not a long time, love. Plus I have been busy.” I told them, Jungwon frowned, and I know he doesn’t believe me.

“Yeah, busy with what? Dating after Sunghoon rejected you?” Jongseong smirked and I am so tempted to wipe that fucking smirk off of his face.

“Am I even talking to you, Jay?” I said with a with a straight face. “Mind your own business, why not continue fucking everyone else in this school instead of putting your nose into someone else’s life? It got too boring for you?”

“At least they’re all lined up for me, unlike for some people I know.” He continued to pester me, “it’s not my fault that no one wants to fuck you.”

“Are you sure about that?” I was fuming but I didn’t want to lose my composure, “maybe you can ask Jake.” Sunghoon held me by my elbow, trying to prevent me from saying anything more.

“Yeah, Jake would fuck you alright, but that’s it. As if he’d come looking for you again after one night, don’t think so highly of yourself.”

“Jay, stop-“ Jungwon tried to control him, too late though, my anger got the best of me and I slapped Jongseong, hard.

“Okay, we gotta go!” Sunoo forced me out of the building, Sunghoon followed carrying my stuff which he shoved in my backpack.

“That fucking asshole!”

“Im Haeyoon! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sunoo hit the back of my head lightly as soon as we were out away from the building entrance.

“Didn’t you hear what he just said? He insulted me, Sun!!” I almost yelled, “that fucking manwhore insulted me!”

“Why do guys walk so fast?” Sunghoon suddenly appeared while catching his breath, “what was that about Im Haeyoon?”

“Stop calling me with my legal name assholes!” they took me to the nearby park, and I sat on one of the benches, “he’s getting on my nerves, I don’t even know what his problem is.”

“Bad break up, perhaps?” Sunoo joked, Sunghoon guffawed, my eyes widen, “You’re too guilty!”

“We know, Yoon. Jay told us some bits, when he was drunk, we’ve been meaning to ask you as well.”

“What do you know? Who else knows about this?”

“Well, since Jay is a bad drunk,” Sunghoon admitted, “so he may or may have not told everyone, including Aerin, you know because of Heeseung.”

“Right.” When the information sinks, I buried my face on my hands, “OH.MY.GOD! Park fucking Jongseong!”

“Chill, I somewhat knew.” Sunoo rubbed my back, “the way he looks at you says it all, he’s so inlove with you Yoon.”

“Wait, what?” Did I just hear it correctly?

“You know he didn’t talk to me for a month, right?” Sunghoon said exasperatedly, “he thought that you and I dated.”

“Wait, I’m confused. He was never my boyfriend guys. We never dated. Yes, we fucked but that was that.” I tried to explain even if it doesn’t make sense to me, “we were friends with benefits, I didn’t want to tell you guys since things would be awkward.”

Sunghoon sat on the ground, facing me and Sunoo “I only noticed it when he changed. He was always drunk at parties, and flirted with different girls on a daily basis, but he never took anyone home as far as I know.”

"He never had sex with anyone, Haeyoon. Believe me."

“Didn’t you like him at least? I know you did.” Sunoo urged, waiting for me to answer.

“What? What girl? Did you know about this Sunghoon? Was this the party for Jake?”

“Ah! The girl he was with, I remember. Jay dumped her that same night, then he came looking for you, but you already went home. He wanted to go to you, but we warned him not to drive, he’s already had too much to drink. I think he also tried to call, but you were not picking up.”

“That’s when I started avoiding him, I knew I had to break it off with him. I told him I liked someone else, that’s why I said I liked you, sorry Hoon, I never formally apologised to all of you, I was being selfish that time."

“It’s okay, we all had fun irking Jay. He was so reactive, Jake did have a crush on you, but when he found out your past with Jay, he riled him up for fun, pretending he doesn’t know anything. He’s so jealous of Jake, I think that’s why he reacted that way earlier.” Sunghoon also confessed, while Sunoo's nodding excitedly.

“Hoon is telling the truth, I’ve witnessed it. He walks out if he gets too pissed but will say sorry the next day, saying he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him or that he’s stressed.” Sunoo laughed so hard while saying this, “We were doing this with the hopes that he’d finally confess to you, but he’s too much of a coward, that’s for sure.”

“It’s okay, loves. I’m sure we’ve both moved on, it has been almost a year.”

Or perhaps I thought I did, but with this new found information sparked some unwanted emotions. This could not be happening! Why is it always one step forward, two steps back?

⊱ ━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊰

These drunk confessions | Part 2

Home | Masterlist

#kflixnet #park jongseong #enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x oc #enhypen imagines #enhypen jay park

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autxmnstxr · 5 months

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i hate him but i dont

me and my ex broke up in mid february, and in october we were given the chance to rekindle bc of a friend being a middleman. ex said he still loved me etc etc. during the rekindle he'd only ever call me baby or wtv if it was bc he wanted me to send him nudes. the window to rekindle ended within a week cus i got sick of it. fast forward to late november and we had our school camping event, wherein i snuck out w a bunch of friends from the girls' side, and the boys brought their share of people too, which included him. fast forward a few minues and hes sitting beside me, our hands intertwined, and my head on his shoulder.

it is currently the 2nd of december, and camp ended a week ago. we've made out in classrooms 5+ times in the past week.

at the same time he's being a complete asshole. i tease him and say shit like "hmmm what if i dont" when he asks me to meet up. fyi i make it very clear that im joking. but then he talks about how he has every other girl banging on his door and that he could be making out w them if he wanted to. (unfortunately, this is true. many other girls in different campuses have taken a liking to him since last year's camp). i tell him i was joking, and asked if he rlly meant what he said, and he says "i dont know".

i dont pay much attention to it cus it is quite clear we aren't romantic and that this is pretty much just a hookup.

but he gets mad when i call it a hookup. he gets mad when i hangout w a boy who has a crush on me. he brings up all my past crushes. i ask him what his problem is. i tell him to fucking leave if he wants to, cus i cant bring myself to leave. i ask him if this means ANYTHING to him.

he says hes being an ass cus i flirt w other boys, so he wants to try make me jealous too. he says he doesnt want to leave. he says it means way more than sexual stuff to him. and then he says he still likes me but doesnt want to date.

then he asks me if i still love him, and i say i do.

when we were dating, he was an absolute dream to have. he was very kind and understanding, loyal and honest. i've wanted that back since the day we broke up.

but part of me can't believe that he still wants me after all this time. in may, we had an expedition to a different country, where he spent his whole time with a girl from a different campus. i saw them holding hands, etc. it hurt to see it happen but i let it go because we were over. i dont know what terms they both are still on and i dont want to bring it up. we have another expedition in the upcoming semester and i dont know if hell crawl back to her.

reading my draft so far, it looks like my ex is a horrible boyfriend. he is not. it is partially my fault for us breaking up, and i understand why he did. im just so fucking confused on what he wants from me. is he leaving his door open for the other girl? is that why he doesnt want to date? did he just say he likes me bc i was threatening the hookups?

i dont fucking get it.

im too scared to leave bc i do truly love him and i still want his touch and his affection (even if it isn't real).

i dont know what to do.

#vent post #vent #situationships

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0the-silent-artist0 · 4 years

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A h a h a g👀d sh❗t my dudes!!

#alright life update #shit's been wild i mean california is on fire #some days the sky was orange #covid is still around #but we make due with what we got ya know???#ive had the songs Make You Mine and I Do Adore stuck in my head. they make me feel all warm and fuzzy :^)#school and my internship have been both fun nd stressful but they keep me on my toes so im having a charming time #especially fogure drawing. i forgot how much i love figure drawing so thats cool!! but i wish it was in person #i think danny boi and i are gonna hsve another movie night soon so thats somethin lovely to look forward to!!#i also have a lot of art ideas but i just dont got time to draw them!!!!!! school and my internship and commissions are takimg up my time #to the point that im up at 3 or 4 am working and sleeping only 4 hours or so #now usually id hate that because holy shit im so fucking tired all the time. but im seeing really good results in my work so im actually #pretty fine with it. also gives me an excuse to make different kinds of coffee in the morning so this is fun #also been checking up on old friends and new ones because sometimes you just dont know what theyre going through #a friend of mine transferred to the uni i go to so its interestin hearing about his first weeks attending!! i feel reall bad that it had to #happen online though. hopefully his ne t year will be in person!!#another friend of mine is looking for a uni to transfer to so im helping her find one!! i told her aboit my uni but i know she loves big #campuses so im looking at others too!!!!#over all im busy as heck and have been on tumblr so much less #hope that anon that reads my rambles enjoys this. stay safe out there!!#and dont forget to check on your friends and family and anyone who crosses your mind. a simple hello goes a long way!

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goldandsapphire · 5 years

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ughhh I literally have 3 solo or near-solo shifts this week I’m gonna cry

#like its fine im productive its just BORING #tho tbf i was not looking forward to working with the person assigned to my shift tomorrow #so im a liiiiiittle glad they said no #and its one of my fav campuses too #but wednesday is at a campus i fucking hate #and thursday its fine but apparently the other person is gonna be there for like half the time on either end #which is kinda annoying #at least im getting paid thursday ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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thaliashitposting · 2 years

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modern gods

Aphrodite has long stopped believing in the one true love. She wears crop tops and shorts but always keeps pepper spray in her pocket. She has experienced too much to in the last few years. Nowadays she doesn’t talk about romance and beauty anymore. Instead, she talks about sexual harassment.

Ares too has lost his euphoria. He doesn’t yell out battle cries anymore, doesn’t get pushed the adrenaline of the fight. Ares sees the destruction, the mourning, the pain. No longer does he understand the wars of the world. He still lives in the war zones. But today, he pulls little children out of their destructed homes and holds people in his arms, while they breathe their last breaths. “It’s alright”, he tells them. He doesn’t believe himself either.

Dionysos goes from party to party, watching depressed teenagers drinking their thoughts away, until they collapse on the floor. He holds the hair of drunk girls back and protects them from men, who try to take advantage of them. In the corner of the room, he lets boys lean against him, crying out everything they feel unable to say sober. From time to time, he goes to the theater, seeing the ancient pride of a nation turn less and relevant.

Artemis became Aphrodites closest friend and companion in the fight against sexual assault. She opened a shelter for youth, who have survived rape, are queer and seek acceptance or do not feel save at home. She does not hunt animals anymore. Instead, Artemis became an animal rights activist. She goes to demonstrations and strikes.

Her twin, Apollo, is found in many places. He accompanies Ares quite often, doing his best to save lives in the war. He gets sadder and sadder, seeing his incapability of saving everyone. His arrogance has long washed off. He has one pride and joy in his life though: often times he visits music studios and sees artists pour their heart and soul into the music. It’s what keeps him going.

Hermes likes to wander through the streets of the cities. He gives advice to lost tourists, sometimes sticking a hand in their pockets. He goes on hikes or wanders lost streets. On the other hand, he sees all that happens in the streets. Most of the time he sits besides the homeless and talks to them. He’s the only one who listens to them. He opens a shelter for them. Apollo helps, provides basic heath care. Hermes too, has learned to feel hopeless about humanity.

Poseidon is beaten up, weak. He feels as if he can’t help himself any longer. The pollution of the seas has gotten so bad, that he can barely breathe. Many of his close companions died from abandoned fishing nets, isles of plastic or oil in the water. His palace, once graceful and strong, now is in ruins. He doesn’t dare to face his brothers any longer. It’s a fight he has given up. “Im sorry, my love”, he tells the sad waves on the beach, too beaten up, to get up from his knees.

Athena refuses to give up. She spends her time on college campuses, in libraries where the students study, guiding their glance towards the right things. She also shows them what’s important outside the world of school. She hands out flyers about climate change, talks about politics and publishes articles in the newspaper. She can’t do nothing. It goes against her nature.

Zeus watches in horror at the corruption and radicalization of politics. Being the king of Olympus, he knows about ruling, and he knows that what does on in the world right now is not how it’s supposed to be. He tries to tell the world who the worst ones are, but it is not enough to stop all of it.

Hera sits in court to watch the divorces. She sits in the back, dressed in black robes, angry about it. She’s not angry at those who simply fall out of love; in fact, she believes that they should get a second chance for a great marriage. She looks in rage at cheaters or backstabbers, abusers and cowards. “When did humans stop being honest with each other?”, she asks Zeus, as she lays next to him as night.

Demeter sees how poorly farm animals are treated, how much pollutants are used and how damaging for the environment the big plantations are. Demeter, being a calm and reasonable person, did not lose her temper but opened her own little, fair farm. Eventually, when she realized that nobody would care to spend a dollar more for it, she did lose her temper. “Curse you all, who are too selfish to care about it all”

Haephestus runs his garages, a little outside the city. With fire in his eyes and heart, he knows that people would rather replace something than repairing it. But every week, a girl near Ljubljana comes to his store. “Good day mister”, she cheers, “ready to give me another lesson? I so am!” She absorbs everything he teaches her, dreaming of opening her own garage. She’s his last hope.

#greek mythology #greek gods #aphrodite #ares #artemis #zeus god #zeus and hera #apollo #hermes #hephaestus #demeter #poseidon #dionysos #classical mythology #modern greek gods

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imperatriceauxdiamants · 2 years

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hi, any tips how to level up as a college student? im like broke :(( all these levelling up tips i read needed some cash or something especially if i wanted to improve my appearance etc

I have some tips

BEAUTY&HEALTH

If you don't workout, start by doing that. There's YouTube playlists with whole workouts, from yoga to HIIT. You can do workouts on bare ground, it's gonna be uncomfortable sometimes tho.

Adopt healthy habits while on campus, skip the coffee unless necessary, skip the sugar crap, drink your water, take the stairs instead of the elevator et cetera. Small changes seem meaningless but they compound.

Instead of ramen go for potatoes. Better nutriment content and way less salt, potatoes are very cheap and can be prepped lots of ways. Salt in heavy amounts is gonna make you feel like crap then look like crap.

Focus on REGULARITY in your skincare and beauty routine. No need to buy the expensive 100$ retinols, it can be later, right now focus on doing your moisturizer everyday. And your washing routine as well!

Body massages are free. Do them yourself with your usual body moisturizer or bare hands. Olive oil can do in a pitch but you gotta shower afterwards.

Look at free group ativities your school offers. Can be yoga, Zumba, hikes, etc. Socialization is also gonna be really helpful for wellbeing.

WELLBEING

Therapy is fucking EXPENSIVE and that's understandably not accessible for your average student. Often campuses offer free or low-cost mental health resources, sometimes you gotta search for it.

Just don't do drugs. Not weed, either. You are broke, why wanna make yourself even more broke? They fuck with your academic performance too.

Focus on ROUTINE. Laundry Sundays, Chill Fridays, everyday you tidy up a bit, you fold away clothes while you listen to YouTube lectures, you meal prep good meals. I am not asking you to emulate the "THAT girl" routine but have something that's REGULAR and consistent so you get some structure around your life. It sounds real stupid but us humans LOVE structure and we thrive with it.

If you don't have classes that day, planify some fixed time activity. NEVER have planless days! For the why, see previous point.

For procrastination, see my posts about procrastination. TLDR: Save yourself future anxiety that's gonna handicap you even more, a shitty work is better than no work, the teachers have seen all kinds of crap and yours is probably gonna be better than the worst.

Socialization is like the most easy stupid médecine. If you feel uneasy or in the gutter call someone or text someone. Not necessarily to dump your stresses on them but just to talk about whatever. Distraction + the other person will be happy to know about you. Go talk to friends during breaks instead of scrolling on Tiktok, check out clubs, go to teacher's desk hours to ask questions then add a lil bit of conversation.

Doing the best you legitimately can give at that moment is amazing. It is way better than nothing. So even if you don't feel at your full potential, do your best, that's it. Just that.

Free ebooks. B-ok(dot)cc is totally illegal. Pick books based on what uneases you're feeling. Reading about others experiences is gonna be helpful, making you feel less lonely.

NETWORKING

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. The best book for women abt network, adresses common mistakes women do. Read it. .

Friendships ARE networking. Some people think that networking is like this intimidating thing but IT IS JUST MAKING FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTACES. Just go to people to just fucking talk about stuff then the networking aspect comes later when you need it. When you approach people with SOLE idea if networking people gonna be put off by you. Just go socialize and have fun and that's it. Jeez.

Social media is a good way to track your network but the work starts in the ground, not online. Go meet people, just small talk, have fun, ask questions, etc. Friend requests on Facebook then radio silence is NOT networking.

For the love of God, go find yourself some clubs! It's gonna be beneficial for your health, it's easy, you make friends, you have fun. Then see previous points.

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petri808 · 4 years

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Fandom: Fairy Tail. Rating: Mature. Nalu AU ANGST trigger warning. Based on this post. Just under 10k words

Lucy Heartfilia is diagnosed with a heart defect. Stuck in the hospital waiting on the transplant list, there is only one thing bringing any light to her dreary world; a volunteer named Natsu Dragneel who truly becomes her bittersweet savior.

@uzumaki2810 Here you go, I hope you like it :) Also thank you to the angst queen @doginshoe IM SORRY I FORGOT TO ADD THIS MESSAGE ;-; she beta’d and bore the tears with me to make sure it was a good story :)

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

It all started back in her last year of middle school when puberty really kicked into overdrive and she developed a well-endowed chest. She assumed the little pricks of pain related to the added weight cause they sure gave her a backache if she pushed herself too hard. Exercise was overly exhausting, so there went any chances of making the cheer squad in high school. Not that Lucy was really interested in sports, but by the start of high school she realized any physical activity needed to be avoided. But she didn’t want to worry her father since it was a random pain that would only surface if she exerted herself; ergo it was her boob’s fault, and she kept the pain to herself.

As time passed, and her high school years carried on, Lucy did her best to ignore the symptoms, even when something new manifested itself. Fatigue… she was studying too hard. Rapid heartbeat… well, there was that cute boy that just walked by. Shortness of breath when she laid down… it’s just from the weight of her chest. Each and every time, Lucy found a rational explanation. She buried her nose in her studies as an outlet, which she really didn’t mind so much. Her favorite thing to do in the world was to write quick fantasy stories she’d make up, and she’d often spend her breaks holed up in the library researching some new topic of dragons or fairies or whatever had caught her attention.

“Ugghhhh,” Lucy flinches as the blinding white light breaks through the surface of her vision. She shields her eyes and slowly opens them but can only manage a tiny squint. Her mind was groggy, and she swore her limbs felt like dead weights. “W-Where am I?”

She hears the muffled sound of her father’s voice calling for a doctor. Why was there a slight ringing in her ear? Something about she’s awake now, hurry? The rest had been too muffled to understand. Had she been asleep? Lucy was completely confused. But the light… the light was so bright!

“Ms. Heartfilia? Ms. Heartfilia, can you hear me?”

It was a strange male voice talking to her. Where did her father go?

“Yes,” she croaks out, flinching as her body is coming out of its slumber and suddenly a sharp pain hits her again. Lucy winces, this was worse than before.

“Ms. Heartfilia, do you know where you are?”

She shakes her head.

“You’re in the hospital, dear.”

Wait! It was her father’s voice again. What did he mean she was in a hospital! Lucy forces herself to open her eyes fully, though, keeping her hand between her face and the overhead lights. “Why am I in a hospital?!”

Lucy hears the doctor's voice again, seemingly at a distance because her viewpoint was limited, speaking to someone. Fainted. Temporary amnesia. Congenital heat disease. Wait what?! “Hey what’s going on?!” she calls out then is hit by another spike of pain. Damn it! “Dad? Hello?!” But it’s like she was being ignored. Birth defect. Advanced case. Surgery. “Someone please talk to me!” Tears prick at the corners of her eyes. “Talk to me!!!” A third, and now the largest stab of pain hits her. Lucy cries out at the pain and curls in on herself. More shouting and the voice returns, hands probing something near her chest, and machines starting to blare out warning beeps.

“Please calm down Ms. Heartfilia, calm down, don’t push yourself too much or the pain will get worse.”

How could this get any worse…

That was 3 years ago, and the sands of time were running low.

Her father had done all he could, dragging her to specialist after specialist, exhausting a chunk of his fortune on doctors from one coast to the other, only to be told Lucy would need a heart transplant or she may not see her twenty-first birthday. The most they could do for her while she waited on the transplant list was implant a ventricular assist device into her body. It gave her a small measure of freedom instead of being tied to a normal transcutaneous machine, but it was still uncomfortable. Her movements were restricted, she had to be careful of catching a cold, and what ended up being the hardest part, was the breast reduction surgery they had her undergo at the same time of the VAD surgery to reduce the weight and strain it added to her heart.

For so long she’d blamed her large breasts for causing all her pains, but now that she knew they weren’t, it was sad to see them go. They were a part of her after all, no matter how much of a headache they could be. For weeks after the surgery, Lucy could barely look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t recognize herself anymore. This youthful woman with tubes sticking out of her stomach which attached to a device around her waist that helped her weakened heart muscles do their job to keep her alive. That had been the diagnosis, a congenital birth defect that weakened her heart muscles, and as she aged, the muscles would continue to deteriorate. Oh, her father was so furious when they were told she didn’t qualify for an artificial heart because death wasn’t imminent.

It hadn’t taken long after completing high school that the depression had surfaced. All of her friends were moving on to college, most to distant campuses so she had no one to talk to. Lucy would hide away in her bedroom for days at a time as the internal struggle mounted. Why continue to go through this pain and struggle… why not just end it quickly and painlessly. It was tempting. From the research she’d done on heart defects, the end wasn’t very pretty. Her only hope was a donor, but people die every day on the transplant list waiting for a heart that never came, just growing weaker and weaker….

At least the VAD had given her two decent years, but her days of being an outpatient at the hospital had come to an end. Even with the device assisting her heart, Lucy’s body was struggling to deal with the strain. The smallest exertions required fuel from her heart to power her body, so even something as minimal as the fatigue of reading a book for too long could trigger an arrythmia or worse, and the pain that may accompany it. She needed to stay in the hospital so that her heart could be constantly monitored and if there was any sudden change, they could address it quickly.

The doctors were doing their best to keep her alive in the hopes a donor would surface. But you never knew when one would become available, and her time was running short. The original prediction of not making it to twenty-one was fast approaching. Frankly, Lucy felt like it was by the luck of the draw and the odds were better at a Las Vegas casino. It was a lonely experience being cooped up in the hospital and thankfully there was one glimmer of happiness amongst the sterile white halls.

“Lucy!”

“Hi Natsu.”

He smirks, “I brought you something.” The young man was bouncing on the balls of his feet with his hands clasped behind his back.

All the volunteers that visited the hospital were kind people, but there was one that made Lucy smile the most. A young man named Natsu Dragneel. She’d told herself at the beginning of her medical odyssey that she wouldn’t let anyone get too close to her, not only for her protection but there’s. The pain of losing someone you care about was an emotion Lucy had borne at the tender age of five when her mother lost her own battle to cancer, and it was a feeling she didn’t wish upon her worst enemy. But this man sure made that promise a tough one to keep.

Natsu’s adoptive mother was a long-time surgery nurse at this hospital, who had had taught him the value of life. It was because of seeing her kindness towards people that spurred his decision to be a volunteer. Even at eighteen years of age he knew that volunteering would be difficult, and five years later, he would admit it never got any easier. Many volunteers eventually burn out, especially when dealing with the terminal patients, but Natsu pushed through, reminding himself it was those very patients that needed their support the most.

“Oh,” she quirks an eyebrow, “what is it?”

“Tada!” he whips out a single yellow rose with pinkish-red tipped petals and hands it to her. “My younger sister showed me how to dye the tips, isn’t it cool!”

Lucy takes the flower, “wow that is really beautiful! The pink even matches your hair.” She lifts it to her nose and picks up on the light rosy fragrance it exuded. “Smells nice too.” She tries to hand it back to Natsu.

“Tch, my hair’s not pink, it’s salmon, and I made it for you,” he smiles, “something to brighten your day.” Natsu then walks over to the small bathroom and fills a cup with water, brings it back and places it on the small windowsill next to her bed. “For the flower.”

“Thank you,” Lucy blushes a little and hands him back the bloom since she couldn’t reach the cup herself. “It was really kind of you to bring me that Natsu.”

“Nah,” he places the flower in the cup for her, “I’d do anything to make you smile.”

It wasn’t every day, but Natsu would come to see her as often as he could. His regular job as a construction worker wasn’t a regular 9 to 5 kind of thing. Some weeks he might work five days straight, while on slower periods like the winter and early spring months it may only be a couple of days a week depending on weather. He’d told her that working with his hands was something he enjoyed immensely, and the company was training him to be a carpenter.

Natsu sure wasn’t what she’d expected of a construction guy. Oh, his hands showed the roughened appearance of someone who worked hard for a living, but she thought they would be these rough and tumble kind of men. Not Natsu, with his goofy and sweet personality. She could only imagine how well such a line of work helped to keep the man in shape. He always wore t-shirts and jeans, but his trim features hidden behind the fabric were easily discernable.

The light of the sun brought the yellow rose to life along with a slight tremor in her heart, not of pain but of adoration. Lucy smiles sweetly at his remark, her eyes crinkling, glinting with a tinge of moisture she had no control over. She didn’t want to admit her growing affection for this man who always said the sweetest things or made the most charming gestures. Natsu was always so compassionate and supportive, while never making it seem like it was just his job as a volunteer to comfort the patients. It was easy to wish that maybe… he was doing it just for her?

Lucy ducks her head, hiding the hint of jealousy coating her cheeks and tone, “I’m sure you make such kind gestures for the other patients too.”

“Oh, no,” Natsu sits beside her and takes her hand, “just you.” He gently lifts her chin, forcing her to face him. She averts her eyes, but he stares forward, softening his glare, almost wanting to chuckle that he’s had such an effect on her. “You’re special to me.”

Of all the patients in this small hospital, Lucy Heartfilia was the one his heart grieved for the most. It wasn’t fair, at only twenty years old, for this beautiful and intelligent woman to be tied to a hospital bed, watching her life flash by in the form of ridges and valley peaks. The first time they had met was two years ago, but back then she would only come in for overnight monitoring’s or check-ups, and after her major surgery, she stayed for a few months during the recovery process. By now, they were friends, but it had taken work on his part to get her to open up to him.

“No, I’m not…” Lucy sucks the corner of her bottom lip in to stifle the tremor.

His tone deepens in a comeback, “Yes, you are.”

Her eyes finally snap to his, and when she sees the determination behind them, reality kicks in. He was telling the truth! Oh, heaven help her. It was cute to dream, but not for it to be real. She feels a sting in her chest and pushes his hands away. “Please don’t,” her voice is barely a whisper, trembling from the stinging pain in her heart and her soul. “I-I shouldn’t be….” ‘This is so wrong… Because I’m dying and he deserves someone better. I shouldn’t have said anything.’ Stupid little daggers of jealousy! She clutches her chest, willing her heart to still, and pain to subside, ‘please go away!’

“Hey, hey!” Natsu immediately switches his concern from being flirty to concerned. “Lucy please calm down, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you!”

“I-It’s okay, I-I’ll be okay.” She fights the tears back with all the strength she can muster. Lucy didn’t want to cry in front of Natsu. “Please, Natsu, I don’t want to get our hopes up l-like that…. If this… If things were different….”

“Shhh,” he cradles her face, “shhh, it’s okay Luce, I feel the same way.”

After a few moments, Lucy lets out a long exhale. “I appreciate it, I really do.” She looks up and cracks a pained smile. “You’re the only thing keeping me going, but I-I just don’t even want to think about not being there for you…”

It was Natsu’s turn to crack. “Please don’t finish that.” He looks down, holding back the urge to cry or show how upset it makes him. “I don’t want to think about that.”

“But it…”

“You don’t know that, no one knows that, and I,” his voice falters, seething with all the will of his soul placed behind it, “I will cling to hope till my dying breath.”

The sudden change in his demeanor, switches Lucy from feeling so self-absorbed in her own thoughts to realize, Natsu has had an effect on her, but she truly had an effect on him too. It hurt even more now that his behaviors weren’t just a rouse to make her happy, and it killed her to think of what he will suffer when she goes.

“I’m sorry, Natsu. I didn’t realize.” She grabs his hand, squeezing it hard. “Natsu I’m sorry. Let’s stop thinking about this then, hmm,” doing her best to keep her tone soft and comforting. “Look at me, Natsu, please, I don’t want to keep fighting with you.”

He sighs, “you’re right. That’s the last thing I wanna do with you.” It was a surprise even to himself that he’d lost his cool, and for the first time the awareness of his growing infatuation became real.

“Good,” she squeezes his hand again. “Hey, um, you know its lunch time, we could eat outside since it’s a nice day…” her voice grows tentative, “if you’ll join me.”

“Lucy Heartfilia, are you asking me out on a date?” He chuckles, ready to put all the sadness behind them. “Because if that’s the case,” the sparkle in his eyes return, “I would be honored.”

For the next couple of months, Natsu and Lucy’s friendship flourishes, as her physical body slowly deteriorates. It was hard, he couldn’t lie, to watch this happen, and if it wasn’t for the strength of his convictions or his plain stubborn attitude about it that kept him upbeat. He knew that she needed him to be her strength, and that fueled his desire to make sure she smiles every day.

Lucy didn’t know, but his mother would keep him updated on her condition. Not that he needed to know all the technical jargon, for he could see it with his own eyes. Lucy herself would tell him just enough information when she needed to, but he never pushed or pried for it, letting it always be on her terms. The cardiomyopathy was getting worse, her heart muscles barely functioning on its own at this point. She had her good days and bad days but walking around wasn’t really an option anymore aside from brief steps for a purpose. It also meant that the muscles in her legs were weakening too. Physical therapy once a week worked with Lucy on light stretches to keep them from completely atrophying, but it was all they could do for her at this point. But no matter how much weight she lost, or that her hair didn’t hold its familiar luster, to Natsu she would always be the same radiant woman he adored.

She’d resigned herself to this fate a lot better than Natsu would have thought a person could do. When he tried to picture himself in her shoes, he was sure he wouldn’t have the strength to keep going, but that was what amazed him even more about her. On her agreeable days, Natsu enjoyed getting her out of her room, even if for brief periods of time. Lunch or dinner in the cafeteria, the grounds of the hospital on a sunny day, or even stargazing when the evening air was warm. He’d bring a wheelchair, and off they’d go, talking about anything or nothing, avoiding the subject of her condition, just giving her a smidge of a normal existence for once.

Lucy opens her eyes at the knock on her door to see a familiar face pop through. “Hey Natsu,” she cracks a pained smile.

“Hey Luce, how ya doin’ today?”

She starts to sit up in the hospital bed, but when it’s clear to Natsu the woman was struggling, he quickly rushes over and assists. “Thanks,” another light smile. “I’m sorry, I’ve been a little sore today.”

“Never apologize to me,” he smiles back warmly. No matter what, he always did his best to appear upbeat for the patients despite his heart literally breaking for them. He places his hand on hers, “so, tell me gorgeous, are ya hungry? We could dinner date in the cafeteria if you’re up to it. My treat,” he winks.

“Stop calling me gorgeous,” Lucy chides the sunny young man, despite the small rosy glow of her cheeks. “I know I’m not, and that’s okay.” With the help of a psychiatrist and over a year of therapy, Lucy had finally accepted her fate and kept moving forward as best she could. If she will die someday, she will die with dignity. Stress wasn’t very good on her heart, so once she made peace with her circumstances, even her physical ailments had benefitted.

“Pfft,” Natsu pretends to be offended, “are you calling me a liar because I know I’m not blind.” His grin growing along with the deepening of red along her cheeks. “Besides, you know I won’t stop no matter how much you complain about it.”

Lucy laughs and her eyes twinkle, “I know, so we’ll keep agreeing to disagree.”

It was in these moments, and why he did what he did, just to see this woman’s eyes light up, that sent his own heart into palpitations. Deep down Natsu knew that the chances of Lucy making it out of this hospital were slim to none, but you’d never know it when he spoke to her. He stifles the urge to sigh. Oh, how he wished the circumstances were different. In a perfect world, Natsu would love nothing more than to walk this woman down the aisle.

He circles the topic back around, “so… dinner, on me?” he teases lightly with a wink. “We can take a trip through pediatrics where there are a few recent arrivals.”

Her gaze lowers as she hides the seventh heaven emotions the young man stirs in her. “I’d like that.”

Natsu squeezes her hand, “I’ll be right back, lemme grab your carriage milady.”

As Lucy waited the few minutes for Natsu to grab a wheelchair, she closes her eyes and does a breathing technique to calm her heart. She hadn’t wanted to show the slight tinges of pain she was getting as they spoke, because she knew it would have worried him. They’d been steadily increasing in frequency lately, and she fought to keep him from discovering that. But she couldn’t help it. Despite her condition, Lucy was still a young woman with an intact mind, she still had desires like any other, and when a handsome young man close to her age flirted with her, of course she would react to it! She did her best not to let these thoughts sink in too deeply and told herself he was merely doing it to make her feel better. It was a lie, but it was the best way to shield herself.

“Ready?” Natsu extends his hand to help Lucy to her feet.

She nods and takes hold, gripping on while he maneuvers her around and onto the chair. It weakened Lucy to where her muscles were slowly losing their strength because her heart was struggling to keep her body oxygenated and functioning properly. With support she could stand for brief periods, but only with support. At least with Natsu, she could put her faith in his hold that he’d never let her fall.

After adjusting the foot plates and making sure Lucy was comfortable, Natsu takes off towards the cafeteria two floors down. He’d already alerted dining when he’d gone out for the chair they were coming down, to prepare a meal within Lucy’s dietary needs. It wasn’t a terribly restrictive diet, but there were some limits, such as no stimulants like caffeine, or anything with a high fat content.

Natsu loved these little dates as he called them. On warm sunny days it may include a stroll outside for some fresh air, or if it was cold and rainy, merely sharing a cup of light hot chocolate in the visitor's lounge in front of the massive floor to ceiling windows. But if Lucy wasn’t feeling well, he was content to sit by her side in her room, talking, telling stories, or doing anything just to cheer her up. Sometimes he would fantasize during these events as if they were simply at home and relaxing like a normal couple.

“Oh yay, beef barley,” Lucy stirs and lifts a spoonful up before letting it flow back into the bowl. “My fave.” She knew why they gave it to her, but that didn’t make it anymore appetizing. Barley was supposedly good for heart health, and the protein it contained was useful for her body. She crunches up the soda crackers the meal came with and drops them into the soup, letting the pieces soak in.

“I don’t mind it,” Natsu shovels a spoonful into his mouth. He always made it a point to eat the same thing they gave Lucy, so she felt more normal about it. “But if you really don’t want it, I could ask them to make you a sandwich instead.”

“No, no,” she waves her hand, her voice oozing with a sense of longing mixed with frustration, “it’s okay, I’m fine with it. I just would kill to eat a fatty, tasty, slathered in sauce cheeseburger with a side of waffle fries or something you know.”

Natsu snorts a laugh and almost chokes on his food as a mental picture of Lucy chomping down on a burger, with sauce dripping down her chin both amuses and arouses him. “I-I can imagine,” he bangs his chest a couple times to dislodge some liquid that made it down the wrong pipe. “Throw some sriracha sauce on that vision and you just named one of my favorite foods.” Could this woman become any more of his dream girl?!

She giggles, “So, um…” Lucy hesitates for a second. She didn’t want to sound desperate or anything, but loneliness was the quickest way to send her back into a depression and she cherished the time the man spent with her. “How much time are you spending with me today?”

“As long as you’d like,” he winks. “I always do my rounds first and come to you last so I can stay as long as I want to.”

Ugh! The flirty thing again! Lucy wills her body to behave. “Wow, that makes me pretty special, huh?”

“Extremely,” he leans in, letting his gaze grow half-lidded, and his tone mellowing into a soothing cadence. “I’m gonna steal your heart one day Luce, that’s a promise.”

“What?! Pfft,” damn, she can feel the heat rising in her cheeks, “there’s no point in stealing a broken heart sir…” Despite the desire to feel aroused over his comment, it also brought a sense of sadness to her she fought down the urge to let tears rise to the surface. ‘He’s just teasing… he’s just being sweet, trying to make me feel normal… It’s not real Lucy, It’s not real!’ But oh, how she wished it was! Natsu was the perfect man that any woman would kill for. Sweet, strong, handsome, silly, she could go on and on with the list. He was the one ray of sunshine in her dreary world now that she truly was all alone in it. The stress of caring for her had driven her father into his own massive heart attack last year. She had no one, except Natsu.

“I mean it Luce,” he reaches out and takes her hand, letting his thumb sweep over the skin. “Broken or not, I want to steal it and have the person it’s attached to a—ll to myself.”

“Please don’t,” Lucy pulls her hand back. She could feel the tears pooling and if she didn’t stop it now, they’d soon fall. “You know I appreciate it, really I do Natsu.” Lucy looks back up at him and cracks a pained smile. “But you deserve someone who’s not broken.”

The absolute pain measured in Lucy’s eyes, and the sorrow in her voice was like a dagger straight through Natsu’s soul. He could understand her desire of not wanting to believe in miracles or to shield herself from further pain, but that only killed him more. She deserved so much more out of life. Ugh, if only he had a direct line to destiny so he could kick its ass and tell it to leave Lucy in peace! He didn’t want to upset her anymore. “Okay, I’ll stop pushing too hard. But I promise you Luce, one day you will walk out of this hospital a healthy woman, and you can steal my heart instead.”

She sighs, “You can’t promise something like that.”

“I have faith,” Natsu gives her his wide, ear-to-ear grin and a wink. “You’ll see.”

How could she stay upset after seeing that smile of his? That damn ear-to-ear grin that lit up his eyes. The eternal optimist, Natsu Dragneel trying so hard to keep her spirits up. He and that smile may very well be the one thing keeping her going at this point. “Okay, okay,” Lucy chuckles, “I give up, yes it's possible.”

“Woo Hoo!” He pumps his fist in the air in an exaggerated victory, “that’s the spirit! Now eat, so we can go check out the babies!”

Lucy laughs again and nods with a smile, “okay.”

It was harder than she let on to him because she knew how much he enjoyed checking out all the new arrivals, but seeing those babies coming into this world while she would be leaving it shortly was painful. All those hopeful, bright little lives…. They were a bittersweet reminder that a hospital holds two balances; the power to bring life into this world or take it away by not being able to heal a person. She didn’t blame the doctors, for they were doing their best, because sometimes the sands of time runs its course and there is just nothing more they can do. It was simply a part of life, to be born and die, never knowing when the grim reaper would come calling.

“Look, look! I was told three were born yesterday.” Natsu points excitedly as he parks her chair in front of the viewing window of the nursery. He plasters his face against the clear glass. “Two girls and one boy. Awww, one already has some hair!” Turning back to Lucy, “can you see okay, would you like me to help you stand up?”

“Thank you for the offer, but I can see just fine,” Lucy throws on a smile for effect. “They are quite adorable, aren’t they?”

“Are you sure? You know the doctors want you to stand sometimes so that your legs don’t atrophy as quickly. I will gladly bear the weight.”

“Are you saying I’m heavy?!” She was just teasing, but it was the perfect setup to do so.

“What?!” he waves his arms, “n-no way! You’re not heavy, I meant I’m stronger so I can hold you up…”

“So, I’m weak?”

“Wait, what, no!”

Lucy giggles at how much the man was stepping all over his tongue. “I’m just teasing you, Natsu. I know I should, but I’m just a little tired today.” That was partially true.

The man pouts, “so mean Luce,” he whines and throws on the saddest puppy dog expression he can muster, even a sniffle for effect. “But it was an excuse to hold you in my arms.”

Oh, how quickly the tides can turn as his bold little statement sets her face ablaze. He re—ally needed to stop with the flirting, or she was about to have an actual heart attack! “All right,” Lucy groans, “just for a few minutes.” It wasn’t the first time she’s allowed him to help her stand and maintain her balance, but before his little retort, she’d never thought twice about it.

Natsu locks the chair and adjusts the foot plates out of the way so that Lucy can put her feet on the ground. “Just take all the time you need,” his voice grows soft and soothing, “don’t rush.”

She tests her leg strength by pushing with the balls of her feet against the floor, rocking them and applying pressure to warm up the muscles. Brief movements, like getting from the bed to the wheelchair were one thing, standing for a few minutes or walking a few feet were another. It was frustrating and embarrassing, so she avoided it as much as possible, like when going to the bathroom. Lucy didn’t mind when the nurses assisted her with that compromising predicament, but this was embarrassing in a different way.

Once she feels her legs are ready, she holds out her hand which Natsu quickly takes hold of and braces her other on the arm of the chair to push herself up. When she gets to a standing position, Natsu moves around her body, placing an arm around her waist as he gently guides her the two feet to the window. He stays on constant alert, monitoring any change so if her legs decide to buckle, he can catch her. As soon as she reaches the window, Lucy places her hands on the slight ledge of the sill. Natsu then switches his position to stand directly behind her, wrapping both arms around her upper chest to hold her close, but above the tubes in her lower abdomen.

Could he feel how much her body was heating up from the intimate contact? Lucy fought her own emotions to keep from escalating and stressing her heart out, for she was keenly aware of how they would look to anyone passing by. Dear heavens, it was hard to do with his chest pressed up against her back…. She wished they could stay like that forever. ‘Breathe… just breathe, Lucy…. Look at the babies, just focus on the babies…’ That only made it worse.

The babies…. Just a day old. The little angels were like moldable clay. They’ll grow… they’ll change… Will they become teachers or astronauts some day? Oh, look at the one, smiling in his sleep, how precious. Someday, will they make their dreams come true? What will they be like? Good little kids or naughty, friendly, the life of the party or a shy introvert? Like many young girls who dreamt of becoming a mother someday, Lucy had envisioned having a family of her own with the love of her life and the white picket fence. A little girls fantasy. She closes her eyes, praying that Natsu wasn’t paying attention to her. The tears pool behind her eyelids and she stills the desire to sniffle. That fantasy was now dashed like a shipwreck against the shoreline, never to sail the seven seas again. Natsu would have made the perfect husband and father for such a fairytale, and he will one day, just not in her storybook ending.

She’d been so focused on fighting back her emotions, that Lucy hadn’t noticed Natsu’s head was now resting against her shoulder or how his face was curled against the nape.

“It’s okay to cry sometimes Luce.”

His whispered voice, so close to her ear, breaks the dam. Lucy squeezes her eyes tighter and fingertips curl, tensing against the windowsill. Shit, he knew all along. Her knees tremble as the tears flow freely, but she feels his hold tighten around her to keep her from falling. It had been some time since she’d allowed herself to release the pain in this way.

Natsu hadn’t been certain of it until now, but in the last several times they’d come to the pediatric ward, he’d sensed a change in Lucy’s energy. She always wore a smile with a hidden agenda and now he’s confirmed his suspicions. Well, it was his mother really that pointed it out one day when he’d mentioned it to her. The woman was great at understanding human emotions and after years of caring for patients, she’s learned to follow her intuition.

“Lucy was a young woman who may not live to be a mother or have a family of her own, of course it might upset her to see the infants.” His first inclination was to stop bringing the woman to this ward, but his mother gave him a second option. “Help her grieve.” Those three words coming out of his mother’s mouth stunned him briefly. What did she mean to help her grieve?!! “If Lucy has no one to turn to, how can she process what is happening to her. Show her it’s okay to be upset, help her let out the pain before it consumes her.”

“I will hold you for as long as I need to Luce, just let the pain go.”

But it was killing him to do this! Natsu had told his mother that he didn’t think he was strong enough. The woman simply smiled, patted his cheek and said, “I believe in you son. If you truly care, then you’ll have the strength to move mountains for her.” Damn his mother and her intuition, though Natsu realized only a fool couldn’t see how much he was falling for Lucy. He’d sell his soul to a demon to get her a new heart.

Strangely, Lucy’s body wasn’t reacting like she thought it would. Stress usually caused her blood pressure to rise and strain her heart muscles, but that wasn’t happening. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing like a broken spigot, and maybe that was the best thing, like a release of the pressure that had built up unbeknownst to her. Her hands move from the windowsill to Natsu’s arms, clutching to and resting her head on them. Lucy couldn’t look up, not yet, but she needed to let him know she heard his words, and they meant the world to her.

She would have made an amazing mother, Natsu was sure of it, and it would be a lie to say he’s never thought of or imagined them staring through this viewing window at their own little boy or girl one day. Would the child have Lucy’s beautiful golden waves or chocolate brown eyes? Or maybe take Natsu’s salmon pink hair and onyx eyes. No matter what, the child would be perfect and loved. A child that as the day ticked down on the transplant list was losing hope of ever being born. Crap! Natsu squeezes his eyes closed tight. He couldn’t let her see him struggling with this, but damn if those images didn’t just cut him deep.

Neither of them knew how long they were standing there or even if any of the other hospital staff had noticed. They were in their own little world while time passed them by. It was Lucy who finally let out a small exhale as a last release of all that had struck her today, and with that tension gone, the tears turned into exhaustion. Ever cry so hard and for so long that your body became lethargic? Lucy yawns wide and deep, her eyes growing heavy and clouded, a little lightheaded, ready to go to sleep.

Natsu kisses the crown of her head and without a word, maneuvers her so she can sit back down in her wheelchair. He sets the foot panels in place and helps her feet onto them, then pushes her back to her room. There is a companionable silence, as if all their wordless exchanges had communicated volumes that needed no explanation. Once back in her own room, Natsu helps her onto the bed and set the wheelchair aside.

After helping to re-attach her heart monitors, Natsu checks, “is there anything else I can get you before I go?” She shakes her head. “In that case…”

Lucy motions for him to lean in closer and once he’s close enough, she hesitates briefly then places a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for everything Natsu.”

His eyes widen, shocked by what she’d just done. “Luce?”

“I just felt like doing it,” she blushes. “Tonight… I don’t know, I just feel so much better and it’s all because of you.” Lucy closes her eyes as a yawn cuts through. They were so tired…

“You are very welcome,” Natsu smiles. He moves to leave, but Lucy grabs his hand and squeezes. When he turns back to look, her eyes are still closed, and there is a slight smile on her face which brings a swelling of his pride. He leans down and kisses the back of her hand. “Rest now, and I will see you again tomorrow.”

Mister Sandman beckoned to Lucy of mystical creatures bathed in glittering stars, calling upon father time to bring peace to a weary soul. She didn’t know why, but though the pull was strong, she fought his dreamy reverie. Today had been the most emotionally charged day in a long time. All the tears Lucy had shed brought a new peace to her spirit, something in this entire experience not even a trained therapist could have given her. The amount of love that Natsu provided, whether platonic or wishful yearnings, calmed her, and pushed away the emptiness she had felt for so long…. So long stuck in this pain. She wanted to relive this day forever, safe in Natsu’s arms, drowning in the pool of his obsidian hues. ‘… to steal his heart…’ Lucy knew she already had, just as he had stolen hers in a way. A sense of warmth floods through her body, shielding her to the cool air-conditioned room. Lucy’s smile widens as her mind slips into the abyss of dreams, of a pink-haired prince who’d finally set her soul free.

“Natsu wake up,” the voice repeats as the person attached to it shakes his sleeping form. “Natsu wake up.”

“Huh?” His clouded mind hears the voice of his mother. “What is it?” He turns his head, his eyes temporarily pin-pointed from the harsh lamp light next to his bed. “Mom, what are you doing in my room?” Natsu pushes himself to a sitting position as his mother takes a seat next to him. With his vision focusing better, he finally notices the moisture clouding his mother’s eyes. “Mom, what is it?!”

She takes his hand, squeezing it tightly with her head slightly lowered in pain. “I-I’m sorry, son, but the hospital just called me…. Your friend, s-she had a massive heart attack.”

By the time his mother had finished the sentence, Natsu had stopped listening to anything she was saying. He knew, the moment she’d said I’m sorry… to wake him up in the middle of the night, it had to be…. All the blood drains from his face and his shoulders slump. He felt dizzy, weak, like all of his strength were stripped away, leaving him an empty shell. He turns his head slowly, the tears already flowing down his cheeks in an endless trickle to meet the woman’s sullen gaze. This wasn’t happening! Not yet! Lucy was fine today! Fine!! He wanted to scream! But his throat was closed up, choking back the sobs that wanted to break free.

“Oh honey,” the woman wraps her arms around her son and pulls him tightly against her chest. “I’m so sorry,” her own tears flowing freely and hitting his face. “Don’t give up hope, they were able to save her, but she’s been placed in a medically induced coma.”

It couldn’t be true! Why weren’t his cries coming out?! Natsu’s voice refused to make a sound and all he could do was weep. It hurt so much! His fists clench at his stiffened sides. This wasn’t fair!

“Let it out son, don’t hold it in,” she coos, doing her best to soothe the pain. “They believe she didn’t suffer because it happened while she was asleep, that should give you a bit of comfort.”

No, it doesn’t! She was still in a coma! He’d almost lost her! And, “I-I never g-got to s-say good... good…” he couldn’t finish it. What if she never woke up again? Natsu’s heart ached at the thought he may never again hear her beautiful laughter or that silly snort she would sometimes make when he teased her. This world was too cruel to do this to a woman who should be in college, starting the next stage of her life. A fit of sobs racks his body, ‘I never got to tell her I love her…’

“Would you like me to drive you there, son?”

“Yes, please mom, i-if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

Natsu paused in front of the closed door to Lucy’s new room, unsuccessfully preparing himself for what he knew he would find behind it. On the way to the hospital, his mother had filled in a few more details that tore the man up and brought a wave of guilt flooding over him. Had he caused the heart attack?

The heart monitor alarms had gone off only 30 minutes after he had left her for the evening, and the doctors wasted no time in implementing emergency resuscitative efforts. They deemed it a miracle, but after 10 minutes of herculean efforts they were able to get her heart restarted. Lucy was then moved to the ICU unit and placed on other machines such as a feeding tube and ventilator to keep her alive.

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her to see the infants after all. Maybe the crying had stressed her out and neither of them had known it. She seemed perfectly fine when he’d left! Happy, in fact, happier than he’d seen in a long time. Natsu’s fingers absentmindedly trail over the area she had kissed. Lucy was at peace when he’d left. His mom told him her sudden fatigue may have been a sign. Or maybe he clenches his jaw, that kiss was her way of saying goodbye, like she knew something might happen once she’d closed her eyes. The way she’d grabbed his hand when he tried to leave…. “Fuck!” he grits outs as the tears pool in his bloodshot eyes again. “I shouldn’t have left her…”

He pushes the door open and his knees buckle instantly at the sight. Tubes… all the tubes, and monitors, the beeping and lights, bright flashing lights of the stat graphs, subcutaneous fluids hooked to her arms, the drips… slow drips of liquid and medicine flowing into Lucy’s body. He wasn’t ready for it. Her beautiful face partially hidden by the feeding tube running into her mouth and the breathing tubes entering her nostrils. If it wasn’t for his mother standing at his side, Natsu would have collapsed to the floor when his legs lose all their strength and crumple. The woman guides him to a chair placed beside the bed.

“Oh god, Lucy!” The tears pour out and sobs take control of his body. He throws his upper body over hers, clutching desperately to the blanket covering her, and burying his face into its folds. Natsu felt a part of his soul die right then and there. “You don’t deserve this,” his muffled words stolen by the fabric. Why couldn’t they find her a heart?!

“Son,” Natsu feels his mother’s hand resting on his shoulder, but he doesn’t respond. “Son, there’s no telling how long Lucy will stay in this state, so it’s best you say your goodbyes now. They say that people can hear you even if they are in a coma.”

But all he can do is shake his head fervently, denying it to the world and himself that Lucy wouldn’t come out of this. He had hope, damn it! Natsu refused to say goodbye because that meant he’d given up hope Lucy would recover somehow.

The woman seemed to understand her son’s frustration and didn’t push. “Then, just talk to her son, let her know you’re here.”

“Mom, could you… I wanna be alone, please?”

“I’ll come back in an hour to take you home.”

Natsu just nods in response. He hears the door open and close, the click of the lock like the final latch being set on a coffin, sealing them to their fate. He’d known the dangers of giving his heart to Lucy and yet despite what was happening, still had no regrets. She deserved the peace of knowing someone loved her, and if this really was the last moments, Natsu could have that tiny measure of satisfaction knowing he was the one who had provided it to her.

“But you’re not gonna die yet, Luce. You can’t, do you hear me, you can’t! It’s not your time yet, so you need to fight for me please…” Oh, how his heart was shattering into a million pieces as if he was the one with the problem. It fucking hurt! Emotional daggers stabbing him in the chest repeatedly. “You’re stronger than this, Lucy! I know it, you’re gonna wake up from this!”

By the time his mother returns an hour later, the sheer exhaustion had consumed Natsu. She finds him passed out, and it takes a bit of begrudging effort to get him to leave Lucy’s bedside. He was so afraid to leave again in case she passed away, because he didn’t want her to die alone. It was his mother that coaxed him into believing that she wasn’t alone as long as he kept her in his heart.

Day after day, week after week, became a never-ending cycle of zombiesque activity. Natsu’s body was there, trudging through routine, but his mind was broken, battling between keeping hope alive and giving up. He went to work, did his job, then headed to the hospital. It got to where the staff had placed a spare bed in the room, and he practically lived in the ICU with Lucy. He was lucky that his mother was a long-time nurse and he a volunteer with an impeccable standing that the hospital allowed him to bend the visitor hour rules. They knew the woman was alone in this world, so maybe they also felt a sense of duty to become that family for her, because nobody deserved to die alone.

He grew obsessed with anything to do with her condition and used the lonely hours to scour the internet for information. Sure, much of the stories about coma patients being able to hear weren’t really solid or verifiable, but any glimmer of possibilities was worth the effort. It couldn’t hurt to try. Whether it was telling her about his day or what was happening in their town, Natsu would keep talking. He bought a kindle and read stories he thought she would like, fantasies of princes saving princesses filled with mythical creatures. He remembered her saying she used to write such stories and wished he had been able to read them.

When he was too tired to read, or his throat was too sore to continue, Natsu wrote her letters. The staff and his family were getting worried about Natsu. So, the hospital’s mental health service counselor had come in one day and spoke to him on the off chance that they could get through to him. While he refused to listen to most of the advice, he found the writing to be helpful. Maybe when Lucy awakens, she could read them. But for now, it was one way he could pour out some of his thoughts in silence.

He was always tired and exhausted, pushing himself through this day-to-day routine, sometimes forgetting to eat. Concerned staff would often pop their heads in to check on him to make sure he had or scolded him when the hours grew late and they knew he needed to work the next day. His bloodshot eyes held dark bags under them, and his mother swore he was losing weight. But he would always push them off saying he was fine.

“No, you are not son. As a mother I am supremely proud to know I raised a son who cares this much, but I don’t want to lose you too.”

“And you’re not, I’m perfectly healthy.”

“You know as well as I stress is harmful to the body.”

Natsu sighs and runs a hand over his face, “mom, I’m fine, I even cut back on work hours to make you happy.”

“And I appreciate the gesture, but you’re still working, just here!”

“Mom, I’m fine! Please, just leave me be, I-I don’t want to fight. I just want… I’m not leaving her. End of discussion.”

His mother sighs, knowing that her stubborn boy would not listen. “Just please, Natsu, eat more, get more sleep, do it for me.”

“Okay, okay, I will.”

“I love you, son.”

“I love you too, mom.”

She kisses his forehead and turns to leave, taking one last look at her boy, and to Lucy. Grandeeney Dragneel pauses with a bittersweet smile as Natsu resumed reading quietly from his Kindle. Somehow, she knew that young girl loved her son back, and it broke her heart to know they were like those star-crossed lovers from a long-lost folktale, never destined to truly be together. She liked Lucy. The girl was smart and sweet, very articulate whenever she visited during her rounds, and her strength through this all was remarkable. Even after being dealt such a cruel hand by fate, she never grew bitter or resentful. Her son couldn’t have fallen for a better girl. Grandeeney slips away quietly before the moisture building in her eyes could be seen by Natsu, bracing against the closed door, and praying for a miracle.

Is this that tunnel people talk about? Lucy wonders as all she could see through her eyelids is the brightest light that seemed just too brilliant to be normal. Her eyes hurt a little from it, but if this was heaven, why is there still pain? She forces her lids open and tries to shield them with her hand that… doesn’t seem to move, huh? But it wasn’t just her arm, her entire body felt heavy. The images filtering in through her vision were blurry, slowly gaining focus as her pupils adjust to the light to see, wait, ceiling tiles? Why does heaven look so much like a hospital?

“Oh good, you’re awake.”

Lucy looks over and sees a doctor standing beside her. “Where am I?” Or more like why am I here?

“Do you remember the heart attack?” She shakes her head. “You’ve been in a coma for two months after you suffered a massive heart attack. But luckily, a local donor came through...” He goes on to explain about the surgery telling her that the transplant surgery went well, her body was accepting the new heart, and while she’ll still be going through three to six months or rehabilitation and monitoring, she was on track to make a full recovery.

“Oh-okay, thank you so much, doctor.” It was a miracle to be alive again with a new heart. But something felt wrong, missing?

“I’ll be back in a couple hours to check on you again Ms. Heartfilia, but if anything feels off in the meantime, be sure to ring the nurses.” He moves to leave, but she stops him.

“Doctor, the donor, can you tell me about them, please?”

The man hesitates for a moment. “Well Ms. Heartfilia, privacy laws don’t allow me to….”

“You don’t have to tell me their name or anything. Please, just a little information. I’d like to know who saved my life.”

The man sighs and takes the seat next to the bed, clearly torn with what he was about to say. “He was a young volunteer at the hospital who tragically fell asleep at the wheel and passed away from a car accident…”

The doctor's voice droned on for another minute as he tried to reassure her that the man didn’t suffer. It was quick and painless from a one-car crash. As if that was supposed to make her feel any better. Lucy didn’t need to be told the name as tears poured down her cheeks, because she knew. She just knew. That was what was missing, for she knew that if she’d had received the new heart, Natsu would have been the one by her side when she’d woken up… unless he could be there. With all the wires attached to her arm, she could barely move them without the sting of the I.V. lines, but she didn’t care. Lucy’s hands cover her lowered face as the tears continue to stream.

“I’m very sorry, Ms. Heartfilia. Would you like me to have someone from mental health support to come see you?”

Lucy shakes her head. She couldn’t speak, she couldn’t even think.

“Mrs. Dragneel would also like to speak to you when you’re up to it.”

More tears and sobs choke out. Oh god that was Natsu’s mom, how could she face Natsu’s mother!

Seeing the woman’s distress, the man nods and squeezes her shoulder, “Again, I’m truly sorry Ms. Heartfilia. We all miss him very much. Please try to get some rest,” and leaves the woman to grieve in her own way.

Her head was spinning. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this! Why was destiny such a malicious bastard to take away the one person she had and leave her in this world all alone? Lucy clasps a hand over her chest, recalling the last conversation, that last night with Natsu. She squeezes her eyes to the pain of the memories… He’d made her so happy… so very happy, and yes, she remembered thinking for the first time since her diagnosis; she didn’t feel alone anymore. Fuck if she didn’t want to just keel over again, but that would mar the beautiful gift that she’s received. Natsu believed with every fiber of his being that she would walk out of here one day and she will live on for him, that’s a promise. “Our heart,” Lucy breathes out… But how ironic that he was right all along. She really did steal his heart in the cruelest of ways…

#nalu #nalu angst #nalu au #natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #fairytail #nalu fan fic #nalu fan fiction #bittersweet ending #story request #uzumaki2810 #natsu x lucy #au modern setting #hospital setting

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duskholland · 3 years

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Hannah!! How are you mate? 💕❤️ funny story I was just searching for your blog to send you this ask and typed in ´Hannah’ and I was like omg why isn’t this working!!? lmao anyway what I was going to say is of course we will absolutely devour 20k+ fic!! I am soooooo keen!!!! And did you whisper more rich kid tom in your tags??! You are too good Hannah, wayyy too good, an absolute legend, love your work and love you!!!

Fun history fact that I heard (idk if it’s true I haven’t actually looked it up but anyway we’ll run with it) - from 1912-1948 the olympics had prizes for the fine arts. If that was still a thing I reckon (and I think others would agree with me) you would literally be an Olympian in literature!! 🥇🤍

Also totally random, off topic question to make this ask even more chaotic haha - when is the first day of spring in the UK? I must be living under a rock bc I just found out spring starts in the US on 22 March (the equinox). In Aus we start seasons on the 1st of every third month so this seems so strange to me haha

++ you watched h2o?! That was literally my childhood haha

Anywhooo hope you are taking care of yourself, sending big big hugs, lots of love 🦘 xx

kangaroo anon you’re baaaaack hello hello hi hello !!!! that’s so funny that you searched my name ahha, I love that!! :’) I’m really happy that you’ll read 20k lmfao, this fic has taken me so long to write and I think it’ll break me if no one reads it cjdjsndn. but yeah...richkid!tom....other versions of tom...im working on a lot of really fun things behind the scenes, and I’m excited to share them whenever they’re all done 👀👀 that’s such a cool history fact too! I didn’t know that :’) ++ thank you hahaha, I will claim that gold medal 🥇I’m doing okay tho, thanks for asking <3 I finish my semester next week. it’s been a weird one. motivation is on the floor, I’m missing/skipping so many classes bc I just . cannot bring myself to do /anything/, buuuuut it’s almost over, so it’s okay. fingers crossed universities open their campuses again next academic year 🤞 it’s been a rough one. I hope that you’ve been okay tho!!!!! I’m not actually sure when spring starts officially? according to google it started on the 20th ? I think you’re right and that the seasons revolve around the equinoxes 👍 I didn’t know aus start on the first of every third month! that’s so interesting, I wonder why it’s different around the world 💭 💭 anyway!! yeah, I watched h2o when I was younger!!!! I’ve also written a couple mermaid aus, definitely inspired by it ahhaha. I hope that you are taking care of yourself!!! especially if you’re going into winter + coming up with the end of your uni year (...?? I think? if it’s different in aus then I’m sorry!!!). sending you all my love and all the hugs!!!!! 💗💗💗💗💗

#sorry it took me a couple of days to answer this ! I wanted to take my time <3 #and also sorry it ended up so long JFHDJ #anonymous #🦘 anon #omg I just spent so long trying to find the kangaroo emoji lmfao I thought they removed it but. no. I’m just blind

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

Text

(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written.)

I have requests and ideas for all of the prompts, so no more requests from this card will be accepted. I’m planning on writing and posting all of these within the month of December and probably a bit into January. If you don’t want to see these stories, block the tag #false bthb, if you would like to be tagged in future stories shoot me an ask!

This prompt got away from me a bit so it’s split into two parts. The prompt comes into play in the second part. Requested by @atlasistryingherbest I hope you enjoy it, the second part will be up tomorrow!

General tagging: @im-an-anxious-wreck (you're gonna be tagged in mostly bthb this month as that's the project I'm working on, so if you'd like this changed to only the multichapter fics or general one shots please let me know. Thank you again for the interest!)

My Sunshine Part 1

Summary: Patton thinks he’s finally caught the break he needs when he finds and falls in love with Roman. Ignoring the warning signs until it’s too late Patton ends up losing more than he had dared to gain.

Warnings: more for part two but story contains human trafficking, implied non consensual sex and starvation

Prompt: Denied food as Punishment

Ships: Royality, Patton x Roman

WC: 4, 166

Patton skirted around another group of students, clutching his rather heavy school bag and trying not to bump into anyone in his rush to his bus. The college campus wasn’t exactly large but the crowds remained a nuisance no matter how small the classes were. Seeing the bus start to pull up to the sidewalk for its hourly trip into the downtown area he quickened his pace, desperate not to miss it again. Thankfully getting to the back of the waiting line with time to spare he took a breath and finally managed to zip his bag closed, hoisting it over his shoulders and looking around to see if he could recognize anyone from his classes.

Having just moved into town for school a month ago Patton didn’t really have any friends yet, just people who would occasionally ask him for a pencil only to not give it back- but that was fine! Whenever he ran out of pencils to give he could just ask them for one and he would know they’d have one since he had given so many of his away. If nothing else he figures a missing pencil was as good an ice breaker as any to start a conversation with somebody.

Lost as he was in his thoughts he immediately snapped out of it when he caught sight of one of the cutest men he had ever seen. Tall, dark and handsome didn’t even begin to cover it when he saw the stranger laugh at whatever the person next to him was talking about and reach up to push longish, curly hair out of his eyes. The stranger seemed to suddenly become aware that he was being stared at, turning his head and somehow immediately locking eyes with an extremely flustered Patton. Offering a king smile and a small wave Patton was sure he turned at least ten different shades of red before he managed to tear his eyes away and trip up the stairs to the bus to plop tiredly in the first empty seat he could find.

Burying his face in his hands he groaned at his own stupidity, lamenting the fact that he had been caught ogling someone he didn’t even know or recognize from any of his classes. He had seemed so nice though, not even seeming fazed at being stared at- though with such a confident air that he seemed to have Patton thought maybe he was used to it by now. All he could hope was that he’d never see the stranger again and if he did he wouldn’t remember Patton as that creepy guy in the bus line who probably looked half dead for as much coffee he consumed to keep up with his life.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much he grimaced as he hoisted his pack up yet again as his stop came into view, dreading another afternoon spent on his feet trying to hear people’s orders and write them down correctly while the general noise of the restaurant made it a challenge to get his own forcibly friendly “Hello, what can I get for you?” to be heard. Shuffling off the bus with everyone else he quickly jogged down the block and around the back of the restaurant he worked at, swiping his apron on in the same motion of throwing his bag down and scooting it under a table and out of the way. Smoothing his hair bag and rubbing what he hoped was most of the tiredness from his eyes he put on his best smile and waltzed his way out onto the main floor, tagging out his shift swift for which he was barely acknowledged before they gestured to a family just getting comfortable for him to service.

Squaring his shoulders and taking one more deep breath he began walking over to them. It was just a five hour shift, he could handle a five hour shift.

-----

He could barely handle a five hour shift.

Frowning down at his bag that contained his barely started on homework his fingers fumbled with the knot of his apron as he desperately tried to work it off. Huffing in frustration he bent his neck painfully to get the top part off and shimmied hip hips while yanking the bottom part until he was finally able to kick it into a wall. Dragging a hand over his face he snatched it up and hung it up rather aggressively before getting his bag and hurrying out the back door to catch the bus back to his run down apartment. The ride was as uneventful as ever but he almost missed it when he finally reached his apartment only to see a corner of an envelope sticking out from under the door that would undoubtedly contain the rent bill he would have to scrape together enough change to meet again.

Although he was grateful to be away from his family and that he had been able to get into college in the first place it was an expensive path in life that he had to work hard at two jobs to maintain, still barely managing to scrape by each month. Since switching campuses to be closer to work opportunities it had only seemed to get worse. If he had a roommate it might be different, at least taking some of the financial burden off his shoulders but he didn’t know anyone in this town enough to ask and he definitely didn’t want to invite people he didn’t know into his life with an ad in the newspaper calling for a roommate- who knew if they’d even pay rent or pick up after themselves or leave his things alone. No, Patton was a little too paranoid for that. Flopping face down onto his couch he wormed his way half under the back cushions and seat cushions until it was just a little too tight and sighed contently, letting his eyes finally drift shut as he gave his legs a rest. His stomach growled not ten minutes later however, making him groan and debate whether making something would actually be worthwhile. Realizing he still had work to do anyway he carefully got up and rolled up his sleeves, wondering if that frozen pizza in the freezer was still good.

A little while later with pizza in one hand and a pencil in the other he worked his way through his math and science homework, stacking them to the side as he made way for the english paper he had yet to start. He was still trying to work through basic classes before he got to...whatever it wsa he would decide he wanted to major in, though sometimes he was intimidated but the already nearly overwhelming workload he had to tell himself it would all be worth it. He just had to smile through it and push through until he came out the other side with a bright a nd shiny degree and an even brighter future. Of course, that optimism could only take him so far as he stared at the book report he was supposed to be at least outlining, a quick glance at the clock telling him that if he wanted to shower, now would be the time if he didn’t want to be late for his stocking job. Working at a warehouse form one to seven in the morning definitely wasn’t ideal but it paid well and it was just enough to keep him floating while he worked his way through school. Wincing as he stood up on wobbly, half asleep legs he dumped his plate in the sink and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before he had to be at the warehouse for his shift.

Stumbling out of his apartment complex still struggling to get his jacket on he happened to look up and see an unfamiliar car parked across the street. I wonder if someone else is moving in, he thought, squinting in the darkness of the early morning to try and make out details. He thought he saw movement in the drivers side but the beeping of his watch let him know he had a very limited amount of time now to get to where he was going, so turning on his heel he booked it to the warehouse a few blocks down, any other thoughts drowned out by the apprehensionsion of the promised monotony to come.

-----

Patton was dead on his feet by the time his shift ended and he made it back to his apartment. Making side eyes at the couch wit his notes still scattered on the coffee table he shook his head and went down the short hallway to his bedroom instead, peeling off his shirt and pants as he went and flopped onto the box spring, flopping his arm around for his treasured dog plushie before curling onto his side and beginning to snore within minutes. When he woke up to his insistent alarm five hours later he groaned and threw the plushie at the offending machine to no avail. Stretching out his stiff muscles he reached over and pressed the button to get the thing to shut up while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Another day, another...well just another day really. He had half an hour to make himself somewhat presentable and make coffee, maybe try to scratch out part of that english outline before heading off to class and repeating the daily routine of rushing around and catching quick ten minute naps when he could. Thankful today was Wednesday, meaning he had two more regular days and then Saturday he only had to get through his warehouse shift before he was free for the weekend. He made a face at the dust clinging to nearly every surface in his room.. Maybe he’d use that weekend to clean a bit.

Coffee brewing, face washed and toast wolfed down he did actually manage to get a quarter of his outline done before he had to gather everything up and leave. Taking a thermos of caffeine for the road he made it out in record time to catch the bus, idly noting the car from last night was still parked across the street, though it was clearly empty now. A dark blue Sudan with tinted windows from what he could. Shrugging he went to wait in line with everyone else; what he wouldn't give for his own car.

----

It wasn’t until the following week that he saw the car in a different place, this time parked in front of his restaurant. The only reason he really noticed it was because he had honestly been wondering when the thing would be toed considering it never seemed to leave the same spot from across the street. Shrugging the fleeting interest off he quickened his pace and got his apron on, shimmying the bottom part over his head since he hadn't got the knot undone and bending his neck forward to properly don the front loop. Smoothing himself out while shoving his bag under the table and fishing for his notepad and pen he stretched his face into yet another believable smile and pushed his way out of the kitchen and to his shift switch, only to freeze in place when they gestured to a table with a lone figure sat at it.

This cannot be happening, he thought with dismay. At the table sat the very stranger who had smiled at him after catching him staring last week. He was just as cute as ever and had a relaxed, easy smile on his face that Patton instantly felt himself melt for. Now is not thee time Patton, he scolded himself as he straightened his apron and walked over, palms sweating an embarrassing amount with knees he hoped to God weren’t visibly shaking.

“Hello, what can I get for you?”

The man looked up and his smile only grew wider as he cupped his chin. “Have we met?”

Sputtering, Patton clutched his notepad to his chest as he struggled to string a coherent thought together. He knew! He knew and now he’d get to tell him what a creep he was and-

“I’m certain I would have remembered the name of a person as cute as you if we had.” The man leaned forward practically purring. “Patton is it? That suits you.”

Patton barely heard the other half of what was being said to him, the word “cute” bouncing around in his skull too many times for him to properly concentrate on the actual conversation. He turned his incredibly red face away from the others gaze, not quite sure what to say back, thankfully the man saved him from having to respond by finally leaning back and taking the menu up again. “I’m very sorry, where are my manners? I’m keeping you from your job aren’t I?”

He was but heck if Patton was going to agree with that statement. The kinder he was the more this person might tip, and besides, he actually was very cute especially up close. He didn’t mind a bit of casual flirting especially since the other didn’t seem to have anything against him.

“You’re fine sir! I um- I don’t mind.” That being the closest Patton could get to actually accepting a compliment he quickly moved on. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes actually! I’d like a chicken sandwich with tomato and a chef’s salad on the side.”

Nodding, Patton looked back up from his scribbling. “And to drink?”

“Water would be lovely.”

Taking the menu, he nodded again. “It’ll be right out sir.”

“Thank you, Patton.”

The use of his name set him on edge for a second but he quickly brushed it aside. He was just being nice, sure maybe overly nice- but this was the first full blown kind of conversation he’d held with someone who wasn't his landlord or boss in weeks. If the stranger wanted to use his name that was fine. He’d just have to learn his!

Busy as the restaurant was in the afternoon he was slightly disappointed he hadn’t seen the man leave but made his way over to the table to start cleaning up while he had a free minute. Lifting the check book his eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the tip that was left. A solid fifty dollar bill lay next to the receipt, and on the latter a phone number was written along with a name.

“Roman.” Patton breathed out. He realized he was holding a third month's rent in his hands, he could get groceries this week...proper groceries! Like...Patton pursed his lips in thought, maybe fruit and vegetables? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bitten into an apple that hadn’t gone completely soft from sitting in the cafeteria for far too long. With stars in his eyes and a name in his heart he pocketed the tip and went about the rest of his shift in a daze, not even noticing the dark blue Sudan still parkly in the parking lot as he made his way back home.

----

Roman was absolutely charming- in every sense of the word. After their first phone call where Patton had thanked him endlessly for the very generous tip they had been texting and calling nearly nonstop. The flowery, flirty way he spoke, the way he looked at Patton like he was hung on the moon, even the way he said his name like he was cradling something precious, it was almost too much. Patton’s workplace had become a regular place for Roman to eat, always sitting at the same place and getting there seemingly right as Patton’s shift started. Tired still though he was, he found the monotony broken at last by a welcome smile to greet him every day of the week, and he was absolutely living for it.

Patton was ecstatic when Roman asked him on a date the following week, securing Saturday as the day they’d meet up at a different restaurant and hang out. He felt like he was floating, like finally something was sliding into place and everyday that it got close to the weekend just made him even more motivated to finish his shifts and homework so he could talk to the one who had so quickly captured his attention. The days flew by, and when Saturday finally came he rushed through his shift at the warehouse to go home and sleep, wanting to be well rested for his first date in years.

-----

Despite his excitement, Patton ended up oversleeping and rushing in vain around his apartment, throwing together a haphazard outfit consisting of a soft blue, non-work polo and light jeans. Sliding his feet into his usual tennis shoes and running quick fingers through his hair he could only hope that was enough as he ran out of his apartment and down the stairs to the street below. The restaurant wasn’t far thankfully and he was able to jog there in no time at all, hoping he didn’t look like too much of a sweaty mess to the other man who always looked impeccably out together. Spotting him at a table on the far side of the joint next to the windows Patton made his way over and sat down nervously.

“I’m so sorry I’m late! I overslept and I tried to hurry but-”

“Please, don’t worry about it.” Roman lain a hand on top of Patton's leaving him to fight to contain his blush. “I wasn’t waiting that long and besides, this place has a lovely view.”

Turning to look out the window, Patton had to agree. The restaurant had a wonderful view of the local park, families playing with their children or pets as the Saturday afternoon wore on. He watched the families almost wistfully, almost but not quite missing his own as he watched one play hide-and-seek while another helped their child across the monkey bars. He was so enraptured by the sight before him he didn’t notice Roman’s gaze turn calculating before his easy smile slid back into place, placing his chin in his hands as he joined Patton in people watching.

“Someday, when I leave this town, I’d like to be settled with a family like that.” Roman’s voice brought Patton out of his own thoughts, making him turn to his date with a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’d like to have someone to take care of and love, and have them love me back. It sounds perfect doesn’t it?”

Patton flicked his eyes away for a second before smiling again. “It does. To be stable and settled down with kiddos, that’s the life I want.”

Seeming to sense his hesitation Roman cocked his head to the side. “Got a bad experience with families?”

“I-” Patton again was slightly put off by the stranger's forwardness and apparent skills of perception but he brushed it aside, finding it nice to be listened to. “My family and I didn’t get along very well I guess. We don’t talk at all now.”

Roman’s eyes flashed as he nodded. “I understand that. My family doesn’t talk to me much anymore either. It happens.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Patton looked away again as the waitress walked over with water and menus. Quietly thanking her Patton skimmed the list of items searching for something cheap. Settling on a club sandwich with a side of coleslaw he closed the menu just in time for the waitress to come back. Taking their orders she quickly left them alone once again, Patton trying desperately to hide a yawn behind his fist.

“Am I boring you already?” Roman said teasingly, and Patton’s face burned in embarrassment.

“It isn’t that I swear I-”

“It’s okay! Tired from work, I take it?”

Patton nodded gratefully and scratched his neck. “I work two jobs with school and I just- I’m a mess.”

Roman chuckled and shook his head. Hardly! That’s quite admirable of you actually, you work so hard for what you have.”

Patton smiled a bit at the table, blush dying down a bit as he breathed. “I guess so yeah.”

“Well I know so!” Patton flinched slightly as he raised his voice but Roman didn’t seem to notice as their food was placed in front of them and they dug in.

“We should really come here more often, this was exquisite!” Patton’s eyes shot up as he heard that. We? More often? Did that mean-

“You think entirely too loud for my liking my sunshine. Please forgive my forwardness, but would you like to do this again sometime?”

Patton beamed at the other man, twisting his fingers nervously under the table. “I’d love to, Roman.”

-----

The next couple months went by in a blur, having dates when they could manage them and extended phone calls when they couldn’t. Then a weekend finally came when they could go out again, deciding meeting at the same restaurant was fine since it was so good last time. Thankfully Patton wasn’t late again, sliding in a chair across from Roman and taking the menu in his hands.

“Hey Roman!’

“Hello my love, it’s good to see that smile again.” Face heating quickly Patton hid his face behind his menu and ignored Roman’s soft chuckles, deciding to order the same thing for simplicity's sake. Giving their orders and receiving their drinks left the two alone and Roman took the opportunity to lean forward with a serious expression, making Patton squirm nervously in his chair.

“Patton, I have something I want to ask you, and you can absolutely say no if you wish to.”

Pressing his lips together Patton nodded for him to continue.

“I know how hard you work, what with two jobs and school on top of that; you’ve told me you sometimes struggle to meet the rent. We’ve been dating for a couple months now and I was wondering, would you like to move in with me?”

Taken aback by the question Patton could do nothing but gape at the other man, silence stretching between them as he tried to comprehend what he was hearing.

“I understand the hesitancy but I feel like it makes more sense. I could pay most of the rent while you contribute the rest, we could trade off making dinner, it’s a bigger apartment I’m sure so you could get out of that run down building. Plus it's closer to your campus so you wouldn’t have to take the bus, and I could always drive you to work.”

“Roman- that’s incredibly generous of you but I can’t ask you to do that.” Declining drove a stake through his heart but Patton was determined to stay firm. He wasn't a charity case, and even if the answers to nearly all of his problems were sitting right in front of him he knew he had to refuse.

“Patton, you aren’t asking, I am.” Roman looked imploringly into his eyes. “You do so much, let me take care of you.”

Biting his lip, Patton looked back at Roman nervously. This was an incredible thing that had just landed right in his lap- he wanted to say yes so badly but what if they didn't work out? If they broke up Patton would be on the street, he didn’t know anyone besides Roman and his bosses and the latter he knew wouldn’t think twice about some poor college student living on the sidewalk. Plus he felt like the relationship was moving so fast, though he didn’t really have much to compare it to other than little high school flings so maybe he was just paranoid. But it was so difficult to keep up with the rent, and if he had the security of Roman- not quite the roommate he had imagined but definitely better, maybe everything was finally looking up.

Squeezing Roman’s hand he took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Only if you're sure and I’ll of course help out around the apartment in any way I can!”

“I don’t doubt it my love.” Their food was placed in front of them, as Roman nodded. “We can move you in today if you like. It wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Smiling giddily Patton nodded. Yes, everything was certainly turning around for the better.

-----

As they left the restaurant with Roman leading him to his car so they could start packing up his apartment, Patton nearly froze on the spot but managed to keep walking like nothing had happened. He climbed somewhat nervously into the car he had been seeing outside of his apartment, outside of his restaurant and even sometimes outside of the rather remote warehouse where he worked. He shut the door to the dark blue Sudan carefully and buckled his seatbelt, pushing the buzzing in his ears aside as he settled in his seat and listened to Roman’s idle chatter.

Everything was looking up. It would be fine.

This work is also available on AO3!

Part 2 here

#false writes #false bthb #bthb #bad things happen bingoo #patton sanders #roman sanders #unsympathetic roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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