I think kell's going to break up with lila
he's done nothing but change to be what she wants while he gets nothing from her in return--they're doing her job, she makes fun of him for the ring and he thinks she threw it away, he wants to be told he's going to be okay through his pain and she just yells at him and leaves him alone, she's molded him into the same kind of fighter she is because she's outwardly acting like there's nothing they can do about his magic anymore, he's begged her to tell him she wants to be around him after swallowing her dismissive attitude for years.
in her head, obviously, she says she loves him and keeps the ring on her at all times, but she's driving him away by pretending like their relationship can just be in her head. I know she's been trained by her childhood to reveal nothing to anyone but she just can't continue living like this if she wants kell to stay in her life. being around rhy and alucard is only going to remind kell of what a healthy relationship can look like.
and if he doesn't leave, he probably should
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Daily Log 9
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Worked on the previously mentioned tapestry style painting thing for like 5-6 hours today (with a few breaks in between), and that's just for the border around the main picture lol.. I think all the little sections and detail always take longer than I think they might. But hopefully the final product will look interesting! :0
I feel like I'm entering another Sick Phase where I just am weird/ill/sleepy/having joint pains much of the day (probably some vitamin deficiencies or hormone imbalances or general bodily inflammation or whatever nonsense seems to randomly pop up from time to time lol), so couldn't focus on anything more intensive like writing or editing videos, unfortunately. It's good to have smaller crafts I can do that don't take much mental effort and are just menial hand tasks (like carving, painting, sculpting, etc.), but I still always feel frustrated falling behind on the things I see as much more broadly significant to my overall life and potential career (making games, writing, finishing videos, socializing, costumes, etc.)
Organized my desk a little. Responded to some doctor emails. Paid bills.
Planned out something I might make with pressed flowers tomorrow.
Edited like 4 costume photos.
Also have a lingering sense of dread due to the weather. The heat often makes me feel terrible, and if I'm already in kind of a Bad Phase at the moment, I'm afraid of it making it even worse... stimky..
Which I know these temperatures are nothing to some people but.. to me... aUGHHHH... I am abnormally heat sensitive + live in a dinky old apartment with no ventilation that gets direct sun the hottest part of the day.. on a 90F day outside, it literally gets about 84F inside.. like.. even people who love the heat I feel like would struggle to sleep at night if their bed is 85F lol... hewwo.. You can spray yourself down with water, drink ice water, put a fan on yourself, etc. etc. but.. sometimes it just feels so oppressive and inescapable..
ANYWAY. Aside from painting, feeling weird, and dreading the upcoming heat/contemplating my entire life and how to get enough money to move to a different climate somehow one day/existential exhaustion/etc., I didn't accomplish very much lol
Spent maybe 30 minutes thinking about a little more worldbuilding stuff, and some things in reference to the game I mentioned resuming work on at some point.
Notable sights: The clouds were really pretty and pastel this afternoon, and some stars are visible in the sky for once since the nights are beginning to be clearer. The 'forget me not' flowers that I thought had died after transplanting actually seemed to be perked up and healthy looking today, and perhaps may actually survive. >:3
Goals moving forward: Do new poll adventure post. focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with the ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Not much, kind of a warm day so didn't really want to use the oven. No idea how I'll handle the diet I've been put on by my doctors (involves usually cooking all food fresh, using the stove a lot, nothing is supposed to be canned or processed or premade, so that eliminates a lot of 'quick easy simple warm weather' meals, etc. etc.) during the heatwave. I might just have to break the diet a little and hope it doesn't give me stomach pains while I'm already hot and feeling sick lol..
I did have a boiled egg with some green onions on top, which is very simple but was refreshing somehow lol. Another ice cold ginger ale treat today, and some cold prune juice (which I know most people find gross/it's an old person food/etc., but I like that it's a smooth textured and not very sweet juice? Like it's slightly thicker than apple juice, has a lightly bitter taste, etc. I just find it nice for some reason. More evidence I am secretly an 85 year old wizard)
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👍 😉 💯 👠 for Patrick! (Is someone going to take notes...pERHAPS IWUHEDUEHD, ALSO I hope this didn't get send more than once, dumblr's glitching on me IUWHEIDHWDE but if it did, I apologize! HOPE THESE ASKS ARE OK BUT PLS FEEL FREE TO SKIP ANY YOU'D LIKE! Have a great day, Ferre! :D)
time to put my muses on blast ( ft. sex+romance headcanons meme w/ @jeoseungsaja )
👍 Does my muse prefer to be asked on a date, or would they rather do the asking?
mmmm considering that he did the asking when it came to felicity, i do think he's more than comfortable with taking the initiative with starting a relationship if he has SOME INKLING that his feelings are reprociated. that being said if we're talking with regards to hyuk though, he would a hundred percent not mind if hyuk does the asking as well considering that a. by then these feelings have gone unspoken for so long, by the time they get to that point, everyone else is probably like 'it's about f-ing time' JFKLSJDFKLJ and b. well it's his best friend, how can he be upset about the way it unfolds?
😉 was answered, but lemme embarrass him some more ( for hyuk :D ) 😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?
JFKSLDJFLJ ALRIGHTY THEN ALEX, so you know he probably likes teasing and edging his partner, has great patience(tm) and would love to see how much he can get away with before they snap and drag him somewhere ( all consensual tho- if they're not comfortable with the teasing he'll stop no questions asked ) but for the most part, he is rather more on the vanilla side, less likely to be pushing for him and his partner to explore new forms of intimacy....he does like the idea of body worshipping his partner though, kissing all the parts he thinks need the most affection ( ie. the scars- yes, this applies to both verses :D )....and considering that he is a literary professor i feel like?? he'd be really good at sending dirty texts? but like classy raunchy texts and best part is that it can be done in public and no one would know for the better...JFKSLDJFL
okay, i just realized i talked about what he would like to do to his partner, but not necessarily what he would want done to him 😂 does this surprise me? no not at all considering that patrick tends to be the kind of person to think more about what can he do for his partner first than what can his partner do for him in bed, but honestly, if you make him feel wanted, loved, and safe ( esp. in black knight verse- he might get teary if you do that bc he hasn't felt that way in YEARS, it's really all about the emotional vulnerability here :'D ), that's all he needs to be content....also let him hold you in the aftermath, he's all for cuddling ( and cuddle him too he would like that even if he's not the best at asking for it PLEASE )
💯 What is my muse’s ideal date?
hmmmmm, as much as he does like books, i wouldn't say necessarily going to a bookstore simply bc?? he can already do that in his freetime and plus i think he would want to do something that's more interactive with his partner...i feel like he'd be big on window shopping simply because there's always something to comment on while looking around....he also likes the idea of going to the beach even if it is on a cloudy cold day. perhaps a good balance between these two would be walking on the boardwalk then??
in black knight verse, patrick's a lot quieter and exhausted so i feel like any activity that doesn't involve too much moving around or too much convo would be ideal for him....feed the pigeons with him. or take him somewhere where he can forget about his worries for a little bit ( the beach is a great starting point ) 🥲
👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?
it was with felicity!! it was incredibly loving and sweet and not mention playful too...the two of them were always bantering/playing some kind of prank on each other...it was a bit like a competition in that manner too 🥲 that's probably the most openly playful patrick's ever been through out his life as felicity really opened him up and not to mention, helped him loosen up too. so when she passed away, he shut that side down real quick....got ten times more serious in the immediate aftermath 🥲
and because i feel like exposing patrick some more:
🍬 Is my muse a sub, dom, or switch?
in this house we switch or die- just kidding! although seriously, i do think he is a switch in that he's more than happy to go with whatever his partner wants to do ( for example, felicity tends to be more vocal and gungho about what she wants in bed and therefore he tended to be more submissive/a service top ) BUT also i do think once he gets familiar with his partner, once he knows what he wants, he will go for it :D it's really up to his partner though ( basically hyuk what r ur preferences, patrick would like to kno so he can make them happen- jskldfjsl )
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