#can life be nice to my friends

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[syn0vial]

my gun-loving, car guy, "i'm the straightest man i know" brother who just finished baldur's gate 3 talking about astarion:

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #we had a long conversation about the end of the game #mostly about astarion and karlach #he says he took multiple days to decide how to handle karlach's ending :`D #but i was just so amused by his reaction to astarion lol #he's like ''i loved my paladin's bromance with astarion! he's my best friend!' #and i was like ''oh that's nice i never even got out of neutral approval with him when i was playing paladin'' #and he was like ''you can check characters' approval? o.O'' #so while astarion was def his paladin's best friend‚ i'm not so sure his paladin was astarion's best friend if you know what i mean 😂 #he was also unhappy that his character just let astarion run off at the end without trying to follow him and make sure he was okay #and at gale for making a snarky comment about it #he was like ''i should have let him ascend 😭'' #''if this was real life i wouldn't just let my friend run off like that!'' #also: ftr despite my facetious description above let it be known that my brother is the kindest most accepting brother a dyke could ask for #he just also has a lot of stereotypical ''straight guy'' interests

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Are you still active on tumblr?

YES I am!! Sorry friends for dropping off the face of the earth, I got a job and I had to move and it was a lot. But I am less stressed now and I hope I can get back to posting more regularly!! I really missed it (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

I will never leave tumblr because there is no other place on the internet where I can tell people that 80% of the time when I try to introduce myself to someone in the office that I haven’t met yet I get so focused on smiling and holding eye contact that I forget the part where I actually have to introduce myself (°□°)

#HELLO FRIENDS #how are you!! I missed you! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #I hope you all had a good summer!! #mine was very nice even though there was a lot of stress and new things happening #suddenly there were so many adult things in my life that at the end of the day I just sat on the couch and watched decorating shows #I love decorating shows but today they showed this decorating competition and one woman had to decorate her whole bedroom coral #and then I knew it was time to go back #friends I've done so many new things the past few weeks!! I've really underestimated what this new chapter of my life would be like #it's very nice and I'm glad but I've never thought about things like insurance and taxes and parallel parking before #and I'm in a new apartment and everything!! ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧ #it is a very good apartment but the landlord left us so many of their chairs #this does not sound like a problem but we also owned chairs before #so our chair number is doubled now #the kitchen is full of chairs the balcony is full of chairs #I've hidden two chairs behind the TV but I can still see their chair heads and then I feel bad because they do not deserve this #they should be roaming free #also rode a BIKE #they say you never forget how to ride a bike #but my secret is that I never really knew how to ride one #in Germany all students have to do a bicyle test in fourth grade and I was so bad that my teacher asked me #afterwards if I had tried to confuse the other students #I just said 'uh yes' and then he said ok and I passed with the worst bicyle grade of the whole school #I hade made 8 bicyle mistakes #I hope you're doing well friends!! see you soon!! #have a nice day :)

[naturecalls111]

on liking girls

#comic #vent art #other fandoms #the fandom is my personal life LMAO #I had posted this on twitter and deleted it because it was vent art from back in like. Ohhh I forget. Must have been january #Like I had just had my birthday and I don't know what it was but something made me realise like #oh. I haven't come out to my parents #like it's Been a minute I probably should right #and my parents are like. the best in the world I say that with my whole chest #my sexuality is not something they would ever care about let alone judge me for #like they have so many gay friends OBJECTIVELY I KNOW THIS IS A NON ISSUE LOL #but I don't know. something about it DOES feel dangerous and I can barely come to terms with it #I hate the idea of making it a "thing'. does that make sense #i don't want it to be a “thing” #I don't want them to tell me they'll love me no matter what and that this doesn't change anything #I don't want to have to subject them to feel like I'm “opening up” and then Have to respond like that #I wish it felt like as natural of an integration as someone is being straight you know #i wish it was: i come home with the prettiest girl in the world (she is the prettiest because she is my girlfriend) and they're just like #“hi! so nice to meet you! lets sit for tea!” #and thats it no questions asked. my mom or dad wouldn't ask “why didnt you tell us?” does that make sense #This is why none of my highschool friends know either #i'll tell them if they ask but I don't want to make a performance of Telling Them #I don't. Owe them that #I don't owe anyone a heads up. I don't want to. I don't want to make it A Thing #It's a Me thing. I don't get why it has to be turned into a You thing. #also hi if you havent seen my face i look like That LOL

[black-and-yellow]

What the kids call a glow up.

#i dont really go on pt unless i have a friend online cause i dont like most people in this game #but yesterday I spoke to a nice garfield so that was chill #and I get complimented on my Buggy cosplay when I sit near spawn so that is also dope #i prefer vrchat wherin if someone annoys me i can turn into a giant skyrim spider and chase them away #bnha #hizashi yamada #present mic #loudspeaker au #villain!mic #pony town #if you see the best buggy skin of your life near spawn it's probably me

[corpsentry]

at the asian american studies sponsored movie screening i run out of my seat to press a button for the presenter and you look away, not in shame, but in anger

go make your own movie.

One where you’re the star

and everything’s my fault

the way you want it to be. I know, it’s easy

to let someone else hold this grief

and sit in the bathtub,

all dressed up to go to the party.

Maybe in this movie it’s your party

and I the party crasher,

holding cymbals and a baseball bat, et cetera.

But we don’t stop getting older when we’re angry

and you’re only twenty,

can’t listen to lullabies at night,

can’t sleep without a blanket

over your head like you’re scared

of your own shadow. God, go

write your own movie.

You could do it,

you’re still

pretty. Angry? Me too.

The bathtub’s overflowing,

the bathroom’s flooding

with whatever you couldn’t say

to the poet with their palms glued shut

in a cheap simulacrum of prayer.

Didn’t you say you were tired? Angry? Me too.

Upset? Unhappy? Me too. Hungry? Lonely? Me too. Me too.

Standing barefoot in the grass

I remembered the month of bad weather.

How I parted the fog with broken hands each night,

looking for your voice.

Oh, I will not forgive you.

Not like this.

With your fingers splayed

against the brute February sky,

lips cracked open like windows,

waiting, like you always are, for me to say the first word.

#my writing #my words #there are many reasons i like tumblr. for example the number of people who keep getting older is very impressive #but also it is nice because unlike my goddamn poetry account (self inflicted damage) half my friends irl do not follow me here #so i can put this poem down. it’s not public grief here it’s anonymous grief! woo #anyway i have just survived possibly the most brutal four weeks of my life and this is including getting dumped a week #before the dance concert in which my ex and i were in more than half the items together. this is including that #but i am OUT #and this poem was written while i was still in but i am O U T #lord being hurt and hurt and being mature and brave and smart makes your HR voice get really good #not by choice #for survival purposes #i am wondering if i should get this laptop. as my water bottle exploded and destroyed my old laptop #i think i will do it #yes. i think so #it is time to start taking care of myself. and so on #so here’s this poem. i wanted to share it because it’s raw and unedited and it has some lines that i think are neat #if it makes you feel some stuff that would make me very happy

[fudgecake-charlie]

#i haven't been able to go through tumblr recently #i have a bunch of stuff ive needed to do and i haven't done any of it!! #i'm behind on secret life too :[ i saw pearl's episode last week but i haven't been able to watch any other POVs #or anything from session 2 which is sad #i don't wanna mute the tags so i'm just staying off the dash #but hopefully HOPEFULLY soon i get to have time where it's just me and i can just Draw #this weekend was nice but i am still doing a bunch of stuff #some good stuff too! my friends are lovely! but still stuff. and coursework. #gonna have to live like a hermit for the next while in order to have fun online and make fanart /silly #time to last minute work on my second group presentation project in two weeks! #delete later #the words of a fudgecake #[scheduled] #edit: after this was posted i broke up with my ex of almost a year lmao (its a good thing dw)

[soldier-poet-king]

*everyone at the farmers market wishes to know me carnally meme voice* I'm the most eligible person in this apartment

#the duality of fran #im!!!!!!!!! cooking!!!! #both literally and in the sense of cultivating a life i can love and i can be proud of #btw im making pesto pasta w asparagus mozzarella and sundried tomato. jsyk #also the cad apron fucks. its actually better quality than my prev. which i uh. accidentally burned a hole in (put it on a hot stove burner) #oops! #i even said nice things abt my thighs this weekend #sure it was in a joke with a school friend about being able to kill someone with them #but!!!!! i have to embrace that my genes are strong girl farm???? meme. and not like. androgynous vampiric waif #im in LOVE with the vamps. i personally. would be a werewolf. beefy and stout and hairy. yknow . #dwarf in love with an elf type situation

[moeblob]

There was a post I saw about someone who mutually ghosted a guy after a date and kept matching with him and they're not interested but it's the longest "relationship" the person had been in at that point and I'm like. Karen would mutually ghost someone.

She doesn't really tell Brent/Right/Evelyn/Chris his name (he has a double first name, Patrick is not his last name) and just refers to him as "My Guy". Like "Ah damn, My Guy matched again. End my suffering." And when she tries to explain it to Right who does NOT understand how it's different, her logical answer is "it's my God given right to ghost a polite man!"

Also I just imagine her confiding in Paul about Rick and he's like "is his name Patrick" and she's like "kinda". And after that, Paul calls him "Pattycakes" cause he's never even seen the guy so why not give him a funny little nickname. He's allowed to do so at this point probably.

#my characters #also i just think it would be so funny to have him walk into the bar when karen and the boys are all there #and she sees him and is like OH MY GOD ITS MY GUY AND HE HAS A WOMAN WITH HIM I have to go congratulate him #and she jumps out of the booth to go say hi to him and the rest of her group is staring with wide eyes because whomst #and then her shoulders drop and the guy looks nervous and then karen is just gesturing to her group #and she walks him over and is like hey this is my guy and his cousin i hate my life #and then introduces rick to her friends/coworkers in the worst way ever like.... so lackluster #thats right and hes gay and pining and possibly dating #thats brent and hes pining and possibly dating #thats chris and he might have a divorce on his track record (HEY!) but we still love him #and thats paul the disaster bisexual currently pining #she sighs then points to the bar and goes AND I GUESS ILL INCLUDE the pining hot bartender in the introductions #everyone meet rick and his cousin and rick is like oh ! paul! hes your best friend! #cause he KNOWS that name from their ONE DATE that they both pretend didn't happen #and paul is just sunshine and flowers and beaming like oh ?? OH ??? KAREN? BESTIE? MY BEST FRIEND? #and she blushes and glares at rick because DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A FACE THAT CAN HANDLE COMPLIMENTS YOU JERK look what you did to him #and rick is v sorry and feels bad about it cause hes really just some random polite guy and thats why it would never work #hes too nice for karen and she CRAVES the teasing THE BANTER THE LANGUAGE and no hes just nice bye #so he leaves with his cousin to get some drinks and walks back over after hes done #and stares at paul as he says wow the bartender really is pining like you said in response to karen and paul wants to melt into his seat #therefore karen will forgive her guy for telling paul he was her best friend (its true tho) bc he made paul embarrassed #and he smiles at her and says bye and she just nods and is like yup talk to you next time we match #and its never romantic its always platonic #they are always going to match but its NEVER going to go beyond friends #though they do become friends and hang out eventually! #yes you can tell i thought about this A LOT on the drive #oops i fell in love

[littlecutiexox]

Got to hang out with my best friend from high school today after not seeing them for 5 years and I’m so emotional and happy

#this is the only pal i made while i was in high school and its super nice that every time i see him no time has past #its the kind of friendship where i havent spoken to him in years but when i see him I can tell him anything snd everything #hes a friend for life #and it makes my heart all melty and warm #he said its nice to see me grow and develop as a person more and he was so happy ive been putting in the time and effort into working on #myself and my surroundings #my heart just 💓💓💓💓 #im really happy #ive been so stressy all week this was so needed #therapy next week too #best friend in 2 weeks #and tattoos in 3 weeks #good things are coming and i cannot wait

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[iwaasfairy]

it's always sad to realize but people who never contact you first aren't your friends. i always let people into my heart very easily n it kinda comes around to bite me bc i always consider people friends even tho they aren't very friendly at all to me

#idk man like;;; i hang on like my life depends on it #not in a clingy way; more a 'even tho we haven't talked for 6 months' kind of way #but if i always Always have to start the convo #that isn't a friend yk??? i know that #in my head i know that #but i still have a really hard time letting people go #it's just sad bc i really don't require a lot of friendship energy either #we can not talk for weeks and i'll be just as happy to hear from you as when we talk every day #but like;;; idk at some point i gotta just let things go i guess bc #it just makes me really tired n sad #mutuals are great and all until they don't even treat you like #idK people dont owe others anything ofc #but i think it's the nice thing to do if you call someone your friend #ring ring

[isfjmel-phleg]

🤯

#random personal stuff #you know...it's nice to have social interactions that you come away from feeling tired (inevitable) but ultimately refreshed #like everybody enjoyed each other's company and you both listened and talked and nobody is upset with each other and you can speak freely #the social gatherings in the last couple of days have been so different from some others recently #and it reminds me how much I appreciate my friends #they're good people and I am honored to have them in my life #rest is always in order after social stress but thoroughly positive interactions help recalibrate things too #and you can feel less alone

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[lovethistoomuch]

Jack and Mark discussing their friendship at the end of their latest video together:

Jack: you... you're genuinely one of my favourite people in the world.

Mark: awww

Jack: and I feel like, despite our (sigh) I don't know... cause people for a while were like: why don't they talk anymore? why don't they play together anymore? and, like, man, life get's in the way. eveybody has like different things going on.

Mark: yeah, sure do.

Jack: and I feel like we've both been on, like, parallel paths for so many years and every now and then, they like connect, but they're always kinda like, going in the same places and we always kinda, like have the same mentalities on things and... I don't think there's ever been, like, proper bad blood between either of us.

Mark: nooo! no! yes! so for anyone thinking, you know... I mean, all, all human relationships are interesting and dynamic in a way... but, no, yeah, you're one of my favourite people too. I love seeing the stuff that you make. and I can't wait to help you make some of the cool projects, ah, you've got on the horizon, cooking up in that noggin. and, uh...

Jack: that big old brain of mine

Mark: yeah.

source X

i'm really just so happy that they've addressed this! when i saw the video i was just delighted to see them talk to each other in a chill environment without having to interact with and comment on the game at all times. it felt like a step further than normal gaming videos. and then that ending totally made me cry.

seeing them from starting this really fast, intense friendship (that everyone was obsessed with at the time) and then it kind of falling apart with them not doing anything together any more and Jack even putting out a statement that they were never as close as people thought they were, a long time silence and then, pretty recently starting to do projects together again. it just makes me happy that they are so chill with each other now.

goes to show that things can probably get overwhelming pretty fast if you are pushed in a certain direction all the time. it's just so good to see they can be normal friends now without all the hype sorrounding it and i'm happy for them.

#jacksepticeye #sean mcloughlin #markiplier #mark fischbach #made this transkript mostly for me #so i can read it #cause i've watched that part 5 times in a row immediately #they've both been such a huge part of my life for so long #and seeing them reconnecting is just nice #not saying that they had to #or that they absolutely have to be friends #i am just glad that the crazy whirlwind of it all seems to be behind them now #and they can just chill together #and they don't shy away from the topic #it's very healthy i think #also maybe someone is happy to know this whithout sitting through an hour of them chatting about various topics #also i know jack said septiplier didn't push them apart #but even then #developing a friendship while being in the spotlight constantly must still be hard #long post