#can u see why i enjoyed The Royal Tenenbaums so much? ? haha

[jinruihokankeikaku]

Family drama vent post. Just pure blind rage :):) Trigger warning(s) - see tags. Posting on main bc I uh. I cant be bothered to compartmentalise.

[Scene - Interior. Mid-evening. Dinner table. A charming family reunion.]

Im fucking stealing my brother's Adderall and i'm the most sober person at the table. My dad's so drunk he can't make a coherent theological argument despite the fact that he's the Catholic and I wasnt even baptized. My mom is cracking the most inane fucking high-school-tier jokes and my dad is playing along like a twentysomething simp at a house party instead of idk a septuagenarian English prof with a PhD in Classics and three prior divorces. My brother is nodding out over his bowl of pasta as my dad proudly announces that none of us have depression, apropos of nothing. Good to know. My grandmother hasnt said a single word. Just lost in....thought, I guess. I seem to be the only one not drinking and my parents keep acting like I'm bringing the vibes down? Like I'm the fckn wet blanket? Lord knows I'm not sober by choice and like it's chill if you don't want me drinking but deliberately excluding me from the conversation every time I try to participate, because I'm a downer for talking about my life instead of joining in a bullshit wine-vs-beer "debate" - that's next-level. Not like you havent seen me for months - catching up can wait, clearly the umpteen bottles of wine and the witless banter are the priorities here. Oh yeah, and my kid brother who OD'd on Ativan uhhh *checks watch* last week can drink but I guess I'm just too irresponsible because I care about things other than....models from the 90s who ive never heard of and whether or not theyre "grown up". Oh yeah, and I'm on an antidepressant , which clearly means I'm a threat to myself or some shit. My brother's bipolar is harmless tho, I mean see how chill he is? Guess I should be more like him - conventionally attractive, benzodiazepene-addled, and prone to spouting anti-semitic conspiracy theories for the lulz. My mom keeps casually joking about her totally-not-disordered eating as if she's not the fucking reason I feel guilty for even attempting to have a meal today. My dad reminds me, with all the gravitas he can muster - that is to say, none - that I'm a financial burden and I'm wasting my potential as a writer by....writing(???) here on the blogosphere, and then just tells me to laugh?? Just like, an order, i guess, not so much as a "please"? Joke's on you, I'm a fucking actor. By necessity. Because this reminds me all too much of back when I was a kid and being quirky and amusing was the best way to avoid pissing the "adults" off. Casually misgender me again, why not. Still beats shouting matches, I guess? Glad ye insisted that i came out here despite yknow the small trouble with plague about. Surely didnt know what the fuck I was missing. Good news - I've been reminded by who-even-cares-anymore that I'm "under no obligation to participate in the conversation"!!! Oh joy. Ill uh. Ill take that under advisement, thanxx.

Suddenly the fact that my parents decided theyd be better off separated a decade ago. Theyre such wonderful, kind neurotic-eccentrics individually. I love them with all my heart and like. They were never abusive. They never meant to fuck me up. I'm grateful for that. But egads! are they insufferable when theyre in the same room. Like an exothermic fucking reaction. At least nana and my bro are comfortably numb. Good for them. Hell, my other bro disappeared unnoticed halfway through....maybe I shoulda followed lead. What do I know, though, he's the Honor-Roll piano-prodigy soccer-star eternally-polite boygenius. When I was his age I was committing petty theft for attention and reading alien erotica on the internet, so maybe I could stand to learn a thing or two from him. Fuck if I know.

I was tired before this discount-Incandenza shitshow started. Now I'm not even sure if I can muster fatigue. It's despair all th way down 2nite xx

#tw ed #ed tw #alcohol tw #alcohol #drugs tw #ventpost #obviously dont reblog #not that anyone would? but whatever #can u see why i enjoyed The Royal Tenenbaums so much? ? haha