#can u tell I’m dissociative rn

[bakubunny]

katsuki with a disabled partner

writing this because i’m having the shittiest flare rn and wanted some comfort fluff so here u go.

this is where i think katsuki (aged up) would truly shine as a partner; he shows his love in actions and in touch, and caring for you is his way of doing that. katsuki can more than handle the strain disability adds to a relationship.

anything you need on your worst days, he will do it: hold you, reassure you, bathe you, brush your hair, make your food, feed you, help you change, carry you across the house, catch you when you fall, schedule appointments, you name it. nothing is too difficult or off limits because he loves you. he insists on caring for you - almost overbearingly so - because it makes him feel less helpless when you’re struggling.

he will drop everything to be by your side. as a pro hero that’s not always possible, but if there is a way, he will find it. he’d never tell you, but the times he can’t be there when you need him is what keeps him up at night.

refuses to let you push through when you’re struggling and is the first person to insist that you put your well-being before anything else. (which you think to be ironic coming from someone who by all metrics is a workaholic.)

and yes, he will talk to anyone who gives you flak if he has to. he has leverage and he’s not afraid to use it (much to your embarrassment at times). refuses to let you feel guilty for what’s outside of your control.

gets angry when you try to do something without his help. “the fuck you think you’re doin? i’m right here. i’m gonna take care of you.” also gets mad if you have a bad flare, get injured, etc. and you don’t tell him immediately.

at the same time, he’ll eventually learn when to back off. he doesn’t want you stripped of your independence. but push yourself too hard after insisting you were fine? you bet he’s gonna give you a little shit for it (lovingly).

i don’t see him being put off by known long term disability early on in a relationship, esp. if a deaf!katsuki hc is involved.

sudden disability due to health changes or trauma: it’s almost like it doesn’t phase him because he just handles it. he’s dealt with a fair amount of shit himself before you and with you by his side. it’s not easy, but it’s familiar, so he knows what to do.

lots of comfort sex - for both of you. yeah, he has his rough, mean side (which you love), but he’s more than capable of making love. when you’re struggling but still able, he fucks you in a way that makes you believe everything will be okay. he looks you in the eyes and loves you so tenderly that only you might believe he’s the same man everyone else knows. he doesn’t just do it for you. it’s a comfort to him, too. he needs the world to fall away for just a moment so he can love you. it doesn’t fix life’s problems or keep him from worrying about you, but it’s healing and eases the pain.

bonus: comfort kink for the same reasons. whether it’s light impact play to ground you when you’re dissociated, encouraging you to slip into that subby headspace that makes you feel safe, or edging you until you can’t think to keep your mind occupied, he’s okay with it. i feel like he’d also be surprisingly soft for moments like this.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero #bakugou katsuki #millennialmagicalgirl #mha smut #bnha smut #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #x reader #disabled!reader #deaf!bakugou #bnha fluff #bnha comfort #fluff #comfort #bakugou fluff #bakugou smut #aged up characters #smut hcs

[lostandfem]

hhhh i feel like we agree on so much i just. im “TIF” ig, more specifically FTMTFTMTFT?? and w confirmed prenatal androgenization + dissociative disorder linked to onset of puberty. i have literally tried everything i even did IV ketamine treatments, electroshock therapy. testosterone is the only thing that made me feel like i wasn’t. playing the sims. trying to live from the inside out. idk how to even explain it. if u have dysphoria ykwim probably. the only other times ive ever felt ok were when i was starving myself to the point of producing little to no sex hormones. i feel like a lot of ppl— especially with endocrine-disrupting chemicals becoming more of an issue— are struggling with degrees of genuine sex based dysphoria from prenatal EDC exposure. ik that sounds conspiracy-y but the WHO even released a study recently linking them to GD and intersex conditions. anyway i havent even socially transitioned this time because ive realized idc about what i’m seen as or called i simply just. know in my head what my body should look like. i was also intersex and forced on fem hormones at puberty so maybe its related to that but. i wish radfem spaces were less hateful towards transmasc female ppl. the rhetoric abt our bodies (and in turn abt unmodified intersex bodies bc i wouldn’t have been feminized originally without hormones) is really gross and just shows a deep seated hatred of sex non conforming females and as much as i recognize and hate the biosexism of amab trans ppl and the overall trans community. i just cant feel safe as an intersex snc female so its just like. No Community For Me, i’m too trans for the terfs and too terfy for the transes. sorry i didn’t mean to rant its just. the climate is so divisive rn n im struggling with being radfem but also like. clearly having biosex dysphoria that i have tried literally everything to eradicate. you dont have to publish this i simply needed to tell someone who would maybe get it and you seem to

i did these asks out of order and idk if youre the same person as the other ones rip. but yeah i hate teh “detrans people are mutilated” stuff too. ideologically i know radfems are supposed to support all females regardless of the state of their bodies, but i think youre right that a lot of them take the altered thing to mean youre an impure female. im really sorry you were forced on hormones, i really am. its hard to make peace with knowing that your body was altered when you wish it wasnt. intersex people deserve at least a choice in the matter, not that stuff being forced on them. they deserve to feel the sex dysphoria/dysmorphia without it being an inherently gendered experience too.

being in-between ideologically is rough. but sometimes its kinda necessary. belonging to yourself is important, so if you dont feel like you can belong to any one group, at least stand by your beliefs 💜

#asks

[rin-and-jade]

thank u for answering my ask! I appreciate u. im going to share some of my experience if that’s okay!

It feels like my identity is constantly clashing, like they are fighting for dominance over each other. How I see myself and how I want others to see myself changes. Sometimes I find myself feeling and acting younger, and other times more mature. However, these different states feel like completely different people. Two main ones in particular I’ll give fake names bc anon. I typically define them as Zach being more mature, powerful, maybe angry and sexual and having this whole other aesthetic/likes dislikes/species and age than Ruffy. Ruffy coming off younger, soft and cutesy, also having his own separate aesthetic/likes dislikes/species. Sometimes I feel other ways that I’m not sure if I should attribute to ruffy and Zach or a different identity. They each want the body to look different ways as well.. Their appearances clashing. It leads to confusion about who I am and what I should be like and look like. If I try to use the name Zach if I’m not him, it won’t feel right until he comes back around and I guess takes “control.” It would also feel very wrong for zach to be called ruffy since they are so different. Like calling someone by the wrong name. I can’t force myself to be someone. Sometimes it’s hard to define which I am. I also have nonhuman identities and as a whole I id as non physically nonhuman otherkin/therian but I also wonder if the different nonhumans are similar to ruffy/Zach as in kinda like their own individuals bc it can feel like sometimes each have their own self t them but I’m unsure. Sometimes I also speak in a voice that sounds younger and another like a speech impediment (not on purpose) and people tell me in general my voice is very fluid and changes a lot. idk if that is just something that singlets get or what like why do I have something sounding like a speech impediment and also baby voice that comes and goes

BUT it’s so confusing bc I know singlets can have a lot of different aesthetics and parts of themselves. so I’m rlly not sure if it’s typical singlet behavior of me or if it could indicate something else and systems could relate to this? rn I currently feel a wave of feelings id moreso attribute to Zach or something wash over me.. strong feelings. but those are always there. and also I looked into p-did but I’m unsure how to tell if something is passive influence or full switches if u have any insight on that? and also yea I have dissociation trauma all of that just unsure about amnesia and have absolute no communication with anyone it seems (If anyone is there). I know u can’t dx me !! but idk this is why I asked the question earlier.. is any of this relatable as a system? or like do u have any thoughts/advice or something? I’m going to bring what I said here up to my therapist and see how it goes.. but I can’t help feeling like I’m faking/dramatizing normal behavior. also I’m not sure what “taking control” feels like.. to me if I am switching its more like non possessive switches where “oh now I’m (name) and I’m no longer (other name)” like I will feel like someone else .. is that what a switch can be like?

"is any of this relatable as a system?"

I'd say, yeah it is. No singlet has a huge shift from names to speech or even the gender and having species orientation.

"do u have any thoughts/advice or something?"

I don't have anything else except suggesting you to explore a bit more meanwhile, that won't hurt. Maybe you'll discover something else that can help you.

"is that what a switch can be like?"

What you described sounds close to a normal switch between other alters to become the fronter, but i am not entirely sure because you only provided little details. Non-possessive switch is more like a shift in yourself rather than actually a shift in identity, as in going to a different mood state or energy levels.

- j

#did #did community #actually did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #plural #system stuff #sysblr #janswersask

[mischiefmanifold]

I didnt realize so many people i followed were pro endo 😞

i dont (didnt?) full understand what endo systems were so just kinda neutrally accepted them, can u tell me what they are + how they form (<- my wording are bad rn, sorry ><)

Sorry if u dont understand the question, idk how form the sentence rn :(((((

I understand the question, and I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability.

Endogenic systems (also called endo systems, but sometimes this gets mixed up with the medical disorder of endometriosis) are systems that claim to have been formed from something that isn’t childhood trauma (which is currently the only accepted cause for the fracturing of the brain necessary for a system to form). Examples of these other origins include willfully created (often called “willowgenic” or “tulpa” systems), walk-ins (alters literally just appear out of nowhere), and spiritual (some consider their alters to be solely an expression of their spiritual practice, others claim to have been born with them).

Scientifically, endogenic systems cannot exist, especially with the currently accepted theory of how systems form (the Theory of Structural Dissociation).

The reason many people with DID and OSDD don’t like endogenic systems is because they treat our very serious disorder as a joke. They take the funny parts (“haha friends in your head uwu”) and ignore the more serious parts (extreme dissociation, amnesia, waking up to find injuries on your own body and you have no idea how they got there, extensive childhood trauma, flashbacks/PTSD/C-PTSD, going dormant and waking up to a completely different world and not knowing anything).

It’s exhausting seeing people treat my disorder like a joke. I’m sorry for the ramble/rant, the topic frustrates me.

#please don’t be afraid to ask more questions if you need help understanding though #asks answered #woo catwaffles #endogenic systems #< for organizational purposes #anti endo #endos dni

[notabled-noodle]

question. u say it is likely to not happen but couldn’t it still be possible for some people to be mislabeled as a lower label but be high support? since everyone with high support is different and people go through different diagnostic experiences? also could u help me label my support label? what if someone tries to do something yet it causes pain and fatigue and they are not able to do it properly even when trying hard so someone does it for them.. like washing and drying and brushing hair during bath time. what if someone can’t get themselves up in the morning without help and get self to get places on own and on time, can’t make food and proper meals bc of fatigue n executive dysfunction n poor introspection and general not knowing how to use kitchen things or how to cook at all, can’t drink/eat enough bc of poor introspection so needs reminders/food fixed for them, needs to be reminded to take medicine or given it by someone else, has a hard time going in public places alone bc the stimuli is overwhelming and disorienting causing dissociation n anxiety etc ..same with driving but doesn’t have a license yet and likely would get distracted and lost and overwhelmed driving but may be forced to, needs help with tying shoes/things in general and doing hair but can do some on own/is getting better at it and used to need even more help getting dressed, can’t do finance things, poor at taking care of hygiene bc executive dysfunction and such, and hasn’t had a job yet but may not be able to “successfully/easily/painlessly” have one bc of fatigue, sensory issues, not able to handle simple money/math related things AT ALL, and such.. sensory issues make it hard to find clothing to wear and options are limited, difficulty communication on phone calls making appointments and orders and irl orders bc of anxiety and just autism communication in general but can speak, coukd maybe thjnk of more but idk rn.

if you are high support but were diagnosed low support, that is probably because your support needs have physically changed. this happens sometimes — a person who is low support can become higher support it their needs are not being met for long enough.

I can’t tell you what your support needs are, because I’m not able to see how your life works. a high support person is not able to be independent, and needs constant support in order to live their lives. a medium support person is not able to be fully independent, but does not necessarily need constant support in order to survive.

at some point, @birdofmay did a great day in the life of a medium to high support person, so I think that’s something you should look at!

edit: the post I was talking about is linked here

#asks #autism #support needs

[holygeist]

Tell u what I like about u: your whole artistic vision, like your vibe. I think your whole vibe is really original and unusual in a true artistically intelligent and unique way and that's why I follow you. I haven't ever seen anyone do their makeup like you and the types of content you post all comes together in a really artistically original + intelligent way. Srry for wall of text I am a lil high rn

omg wow thank you sm ;_; <3 that’s the nicest thing anyone could tell me. i haven’t felt understood in a while. my social capabilities have become so atrophied the past few years i just kind of survive by existing in this fantasy escapism world in my head. i dissociate and and my brain goes into theta wave mode when i’m scrolling on here or something because when i look at my blog i genuinely am shocked that i do not remember reblogging like half of the posts on there lmao. i hope you get the brain massage that i get when i look at my page.

thank you for all the kind words, they are more appreciated than i can express (also am v high lol). i’ve been feeling not good lately and this really made me feel a lot better. ༼´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽ <3

[menalez]

writing this before i delete tumblr, please excuse my bad grammar. Most people saying you’re not a lesbian because of your old tumblr posts about dick and stuff dont really know how arab lesbians live..i used to do the same as u i forced myself to talk about dick and sexual stuff with men so people won’t bully me, even with my close friends i was scared to tell them that I’m a lesbian because they might tell my parents and then boom I’m dead. talking about sexual stuff with men felt disgusting but most of us are forced to do it in order to disguise as straight women, i never stopped doing this because i couldn’t so i deleted all of my social media in order to prevent the highschool classmates from talking to me or questioning me. rn I’m in college and still no one knows other than one online friend and i stopped befriending ppl irl because its just too much to handle and the constant lying was tiresome, also till now I’m very scared of my parents knowing because if they knew I’ll be dead or forced to marry a man. I hope people in here understand how hard it is to be a lesbian in the middle east. And im sorry for what you’re facing there are lots of lesbians with the same experience as you🙏🏻have a great day.

اتمنى لج يوم سعيد

god anon i’m so sorry for what ur going thru. i can understand some of ur pain but i’m at least lucky that i have liberal parents. i don’t know how my dad would react but i hope he’ll just leave me be once he finds out, but even then that’s so much better than what some of the lesbians i know have experienced / had to escape to avoid experiencing.

tbh for me i was very dissociated at that time. i was saying what i know i’m supposed to be feeling & showing and mimicking what i’ve seen from OSA women. a lot of it was pretty obvious overcompensation & it doesn’t take much piecing together to realise i was bsing at many points. i don’t even remember those years very well bc of how much of a traumatic time it was for me. it doesn’t take a genius to notice that and realise i clearly wasn’t happy in the situation i was in, despite me insisting otherwise at the time.

i hope you don’t feel the need to pretend to like peen etc anymore, i can remember also feeling disgusted but telling myself that it’s what i should like and if i pretend then it’ll become reality eventually and that i can overcome my disgust somehow. its something seemingly so small but it can be so distressing, esp in cases like yours where you’re perfectly aware that you do not want that whatsoever but are saying anything u can to avoid suspicion.

#also r u khaleeji? guessing from ur arabic here

[kunthug]

perhaps telling you how it is for me right now is better than silence:

it’s not you, but my accumulated exhaustion that makes me tired of waiting 4 u to C what pleasure & liberation erupts & can erupt when we get together. or that i don’t know the first thing about doing your life but i am here for the relief in delight. i’ve felt puzzling things, esp. the fear you hold around me like u don’t know that intentionally hurting you is hurting your divine which translates to a greater damage on my divine & vice versa. it is fine that we take plenty time to get to know each other, altho i’m atm impatient 4 reasonz, have loud needs + a deep seated and acknowledged conceit of being a rare thing to walk this earth, and therefore expecting the people in my life 2 stop playing & act accordingly, etc., etc., (wow i do not like exposing myself like this 🤧) i’ve been perhaps selfishly holding a fantasy that we’ve been gifted this time, that whatever erupts is more potent when i don’t have to spell it out, that you already recognize it. i want nothing more than more time & play that is currently in short supply—and i’m not one to wait around for it or fault anyone for not being able to offer it. i’m veri unsure that it’s ok to tell you these things as this is a fairly young connection. it’s obvious we have very different rhythms. that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, i just don’t have the bandwidth to adapt to other motions rn. i’m moving through a lot of rage and frustration wit the world, having to rely again and again on myself, and going beyond the already hyper hyperindependence i’ve been running with. i’m usually perverse-level good with holding my rage and frustration to not be projected 2 others. twil be unfair to when it’s shitty times all around. been on dissociated mode as you might have noticed, & like the freak that i am have been attempting to strangle and choke the world to solve my needs for myself, but i have also prayed for a long time for ease and for delight, on top of being unfortunately cursed by flesh to sometimes have this fulfilled by others 😡. if you gat delight/soothing to offer right now, i’ll take it. & if not, i promise that for many reasons that’s understandable & will see you on the other side sometime, hopefully soon.

& don’t worry, nobody you know is seeing this. this just looks a lot less threatening than an anxiety inducing block of text.

#feeling and dealings all so human & annoying #airing

[bisexualboygirlfriend]

@ ppl who’ve sent me messages regarding the doc I’d started working on

I’m not ignoring u, I’m taking ur thoughts on board n like digesting atm. Also just reevaluating how to move forward w/ it / whether I will move forward

Things in my life have started acting up like so it’ll b on hold for a little while anyway

Still open to hearing any more opinions from anyone who has them

Thank u, kind regards, etc

#op #can u tell I’m dissociative rn

[bunfart90]

why do people have such hot takes about traumacore

like no it’s not an aesthetic it’s a vent form and no we can’t control what it’s used for but it’s cathartic and healing for some to use this as a coping mechanism so shitting on it really just doesn’t make sense unless you’re just like, anti-recovery?? lol

idk some mf was like “if traumacore isn’t an aesthetic then why is there a whole subsection for traumacore ‘fashion’?” like bitch idfk but i can tell u rn that the sole purpose of traumacore is to creatively express trauma and that’s it. like u rlly think that the same crowd saying what i’m saying is making an aesthetic out of traumacore? are u actually that dense?

like impo the only reason why i’m saying it’s not an aesthetic here is because the way most people define an aesthetic is something romanticized or glorified. like those aren’t necessary to have an aesthetic. an aesthetic at least the way i see it is just a series of photos videos or quotes that all relate to a particular subject or time period. it doesn’t say anything about whether it’s good or bad. so in that sense traumacore is an aesthetic. 

like idk where you got the idea that everyone involved in traumacore is romanticizing trauma, like i don’t doubt at least some people do (there’s always going to be some outliers) it definitely doesn’t represent everyone currently involving themselves with the tag and sure doesn’t entitle you to assume that the amount of people who use traumacore to vent, heal, or connect with other trauma survivors are negligible.

also, like i get how weirdcore blogs can get squicked out to see traumacore blending with their tag, but so many of them act like they have absolutely no idea why this is happening, as if most weirdcore posts don’t involve themes like dissociation, out of body experiences, fugue states, creepy nostalgia, things that trauma survivors can definitely relate to. like the only remotely valid justification i’ve heard weirdcore blogs use against traumacore’s infiltration is that it makes it often triggering to browse weirdcore. but even then, without the trauma, “weirdcore” by essence will include unsettling themes, hence the fucking use of the word “weird”. like weirdcore, dreamcore, and oddcore will always have elements of trauma with or without traumacore’s intersection.

like legitimately, if you’re one of those people who think that traumacore is merely an attention grab, i’d really like you to just consider how fucking conceited that sounds. Your discomfort by a single vent post of theirs is not more valuable than the absolute torture that caused them to create that. like, let them heal??? who are you to come in and be like “because you’ve partially infiltrated the weirdcore tag with your content and made me 1/16th as uncomfortable as you i’m gonna have to gatekeep now and call you an attention whore for not staying in your own aesthetic even though you’re literally a trauma survivor just trying to seek validation in order to heal”

like PUHLEASE leave trauma survivors the fuck alone

#weirdcore #traumacore #ventcore

[ranmanjuu]

—gen z mc with uesugi-takeda + misc. forces

ahh, i’m so glad people liked my gen z oda hcs! lol it’s usually pretty slow from my writing blog experiences until now, but i’m rlly happy! i was planning to do u-t and the others but then i decided to stop at oda and continue another day. thx for the asks tho! and yeah, i do take requests but it’s more of a pasttime, since this whole blog is just my stupid ideas written out and shared out there.

also someone said that a gen z mc could be old enough to romance the warlords, like, early twenties. and yes, very fair if u wanna romance ur mans with memes and existentialism go for it!! i just think it adds more to the comedy side of this child they have to babysit, while not fearing death or any consequences from their dumb of Ass decisions. someone who fears no death and armed with no braincells is a fool, but a Child who fears no death and armed with no braincells is also a fool, but more bizzare and has That Vibe y’know

@niphredil-14​ and @arthotsglasses​

tw: s*icidal, violent jokes treated in a light manner

also spoilers to some things of their characters

—kenshin:

who is this,, , sassy lost child??

he first saw you prepared to throw hands with ronins who were being Elite Dickheads. ofc, armed with nothing compared to the sworded-adults, he had to interfere.

no matter how cold he treated you, masking his secret !!!-like concern, you seemed so unfazed through it. you still interacted with him like normal,,,,, why?? do you want a death wish?

and each time he threatened you with,, anything, you responded with, “the only one who gets to hurt & kill me, is ME”

...... what?

he’s convinced you’re the biggest fool of a person. and he’d be right but even so, he has a weirdly strong need to protect you as you two got closer. you’re often with sasuke, so it’s harder to avoid you.

even with all the Horrible jokes you make on a daily basis, if your passionate side with everyone having equal rights of being treated as human, for him it shows a side of you that makes you seem precious and pure and kind hearted.

and the overprotective side increases.

which is, ,, a bit problematic sometimes cause you have the tendency to target and piss off anyone in a 10 meter range by just one (1) sassy comment, along with your lack of impulse control and blurting out everything in your mind. it’s made you a lot of short enemies in the sengoku period, and kenshin would always be ready to slice them down behind you.

sasuke has to tame him down with his Masters degree in kenshin-wrangling.

at banquets, kenshin would often have you beside him. if you’re too young for sake do age for drinking exist in sengoku? probably not. it’s more of sasuke advising for him to not give you alcoholic drinks he’ll have you pouring for him or just munching away at pickled plums or food.

—shingen:

(ngl i kinda had a hard time with this since it’s erasing a big part of his overall character,,, flirting)

once he heard the news that oda had taken in somone as young as you during honno-ji,, ,,,he’s in a very “how dare that demon >>:( taking such a pure soul,....”

and when you’re taken to kasugayama as a captive, you’re,,, surprisingly very calm and whelmed. you don’t have much sign of fear or anxiety in your overall demeanor meanwhile you’re busy dissociating and spacing out to feel those

you actually don’t seem to hate your captor. but shingen isn’t sure if your ‘fingerguns’ is a good thing or not cause it depicts you pointing guns @ him,, (dw is good shingen)

while yes being held hostage—no matter how good you’re being treated—isn’t ideal and kinda not very cash money, you consider shingen v chill. man has a kindheart!! “i diagnose you with good vibes.”

if he ever sees your righteous side, as everyone else, he’ll deeply admire you. he himself is someone who believes in such as well. and hearing the circumstances in the modern world regarding those things (blm, etc.) his heart truly does go out for you. he feels sympathy for such a young person like you having to take action

also your dirty humor around him, echigo’s player, kind of makes him question where and how you learnt it

and,, his illness.

through getting straight to the point and not falling for it each time he changes subject/dodges the question, you managed to get to the bottom of his illness. shingen himself thinks it’s not something you have to burden with knowing—you’re so, so young.

but that doesn’t matter to you. the world’s given you such a shit time, you’re mature enough to understand the situation at least.

and as he finishes his explanation, all there was is silence. it felt wrong to say any of your usual quips,, so all you did was slowly came there and hugged him.

that was more than what he’d ask for.

—sasuke:

oh hell yeah

you are in your element with him. the chillest guy to talk to, and probably the first one you’re the closest to

your phone was dead after like 2 days of use, and you were miserable while hideyoshi, like a typical parent, told you to go outside and into town. sensing your bad mood, sasuke asked what’s up. you deadpanned, “my phone game ended and now i’m ready to commit not breath.” you oslemnly look out in the bustling streets and clutched your fist like an Anime Protagonist, “those boomer memes were right all along... i am absolutely Miserable and Useless(^TM) without it.”

in response, you could’ve sworn he did the Anime Glasses thing as well, “then we at team Moderately Awesome Sengoku Ninja are happy to announce the launch of a DIY phone charger, made with the electricity from a fruit and the main functionality of a solar panel. and has more durability than samsung’s.”

there were Stars in your eyes now. with a big grin, you thank him, “i’d die for you, sasuke.”

“then perish.” he said with a blank look. (yukimura, in the bg: ???!!!??!??!?)

the next day he consentually breaks in through the ceiling and gives you the weird contraption. you’re now saved, soul-wise.

the memes start coming and they don’t stop coming from the two of you. in any situation. whether it’d be at a teahouse, or at a battlefield that can determine your life and death.

and you can have discussions about current world events, or the past ones, with him and he’d understand completely what you’re talking about. it’s those rare nights when you’ve been thinking and have a deep conversation with him in his room, and as an adult, it makes for interesting results as well.

the others are endlessly confused, but you’re both so unapologetically yourselves.

and he’s super protective if the circumstances are tough. he feels bad for dragging another person in the sengoku with him—much less when they’re so young like you.

if you’re enough of a lil shit, once you’re taken into kasugayama, in the nights where you can’t sleep because brain at what would be 3 am, you’d probably trudge over to his room and wake him up to tell him what kind of mind-blowing shit you realized.

—yukimura:

when he saved you from falling to your death, your reaction already set off weird Vibes inside him. what do you mean, “you stopped me from fleeing this fleeting world by the sweet embrace of death” ?!?!?! are you crazy?? yes

he doesn’t waste time getting blunt with you at all either.

once he goes into azuchi as a merchant, he silently observes you talking to sasuke for a bit. what’s with your weird language?? and crude humor???? never in his life has he met someone in your age act like that wtf

even so, he still operates on the basis of ‘‘if sasuke trusts you, i trust you’’, no matter how utterly concerned you make him feel

you have a dirtier mind than him! unsurprisingly. along with everyone else, you often tease the poor soul, a nd you’d gladly tell him what the innuendoes mean ( 69, etc.) and maybe sprinkle in some gay jokes in there

and why do you keep mentioning this “bromance between him and sasuke” ?? what us,,, a bromance????? and why is sasuke in it??

he takes you out to teahouses to eat chestnut dumplings and other desserts with you. you always seem to target the one he doesn’t like the most and have a bit of banter

your relationship is built on banter but what’s different rlly

he treats you much more maturely than other people your age. as in, he doesn’t pull back his punches in words most of the time. you don’t seem to around him also, it looks like.

and, he’s also very protective of you. he regards you as his little sibling, as rat as you may be. and he does care about you—he might just be a bit unwilling to say it

—yoshimoto:

you think he’s very chill, if a bit unique but who were you to judge. and he is, if you ever meet him in echigo or even azuchi

his big liking to art and something of apathy to people is osmething you can respect. there’s something about that kind of Vibe that you find oddly a mood.

and oh boy oh boy you wasted no time pulling up your phone and showing images of what art is in the future. whether it’d be a screenshot of anime, fanart, aesthetic-like ones, palette-themed—the whole shabang. 

and, somehow, you were left ranting to him  about how some artists in the future get it so shitty for theft, reposting, not crediting, the list goes on (please be a decent human being to artist, sincerely the author) and he can’t help but just listen in silence and kind of thinking about how you’re so passionate about the Struggles of artists. and it isn’t something he sees often in the sengoku era—where war rules most things.

and he does find art from the modern times interesting, how they’re so different and vast in styles. and not only that, it’s not like the future only has one major style like then, each hand can draw such different pictures and still have beauty in each. he appreciates and admires that.

and he does tell you his thoughts ^ while you give your own insight. it’s so fascinating to see someone like you having strong opinions on this.

because, well, rn art is a big thing in our lives as we’re stuck inside. a part of entertainment is looking at any media of art—and he finds his view of art and yours quite the same. you two came from a time of turmoil (one moreso than the other) but still think art isn’t exactly irrelevant just because it isn’t a cure to diseases or the Ultimate Weapon.

you had to Surgically Remove him from your phone so you can use it and to stop him from draining your battery looking at the art

and he often drags you out to town and admire pieces when you’re holing yourself in too much. your comments are always unknown to him, “radical”, “that’s one i can vibe with ngl”, and the list goes on.

and you occasionally call him pretty boy as a compliment rlly

—kennyo:

when you first saw him at honno-ji, and he won’t forget the one (1) line you gave him, all you said to his warning of ooo spooky demons was, “that’s lit fam gtg tho”

and that alone was enough to stun him for a few seconds

honestly you told the others of your meeting with kennyo before they told you it could be kennyo. just a throaway line of “oh yeah there was this dude with a scar across his face.” / “,,, ,....that’s kennyo. he’s really dangerous actually—” / “oh, poggers”

you’re probably kind of half the reason the oda forces found who dun it.

and it was an eye for an eye, kennyo himself found out that you were their child chatelaine, and very close to the others. as per his villain-schedule, he kidnaps you .

he laments about how “such a pure soul such as yours is not to be stained by the demon’s hands”

oh how Wrong he was.

you were the definition of the opposite of pure. and you seemed unfazed, which surprised kennyo but shrugged it off. he was willing to face you screaming and panicking, along with shouldering the sin of doing the deed. but instead, he was met with a raised eyebrow and, “this is unexpected and probably not welcomed but what am i doing here.”

he was stunned for a moment before explaining what he can. 

“......... fuck.”

he cringed ever so slightly at your curse. but your attention seems to stray so quickly off of the fact that you were bounded and helpless, to the fact that you have the man doing unspeakable things to civilians and you absolutely don’t approve.

throwing your common sense to maybe be civilized, you went off on a rant of how human rights and how to not be an ass to him. all he could do was just listened, shocked to even cut you off.

when he did, he gave the whole ‘unsaved demon’ shtick, and you weren’t taking that kinda shit. he believed he was truly unsaved—you knew that. but that doesn’t make it okay.

eventually, he left you with a cold end of the conversation.

he admires your spirit in a way—but with what he’s experienced,,, it’s a bit of unreachable for him.

if at any point you saw the soft side of his with animals, you just gaped at him for a split second and whispered, “the gap moe is strong with this one.”

also old man died inside when you said that you’d fight god, along with many things.

all in all, to him, you’re insufferable. but weirdly,, fascinating.

you’ve totally ok boomer’d him once cause he rlly looks old

—motonari:

,,. if your speech to kennyo was bad, he’s going to rant hell.

motonari already knew you were interesting even when his men just spied on you. your behavior, so brash and impulsive, is going to be so fun to have, he thinks.

through some planning to stir up more chaos, he kidnaps you and brings you unto his ship. same as kennyo, you showed no clear sign of surprise, and that’s when he decided you were either used to this in any way, or a fool. both answers, he liked.

you’re kind of really confused on why he’s doing what he’d doing. “i get it, i like to stir up chaos myself but it’s harmless,, most of it—but not until the people are in danger, bitch.”

and by that line, motonari leans towards you with a deadly smirk, “now, i can bite, ‘kay kid? you don’t wanna be in the receiving end... do you?”

“do it, coward.”

and before he could let out even a wheeze of laughter, you continued on on a lecture of, again, not being a dick and letting people live their life in peace. and much less all of this damage, for what? chaos?? yeah you wanted to see the world burn but it wasn’t literally.

however, his patience was running thin. he shuts you up forcefully, and leaves.

even so, after a cooldown period, he still talks to you (,,,, well, that’s kind of a generous term) because, right he was, you were so fun in his eyes.

an interesting observation he made,,, was that you picked up on his big dislike of physical contact. and he’d think with how annoying you were at times, that you’d weaponize it. but you didn’t—in fact, you kept your space (not that you were planning to get close) and respected his boundaries.

he thinks you a bit of peculiar for that decision, some wary, and perhaps naive.

one of the days—the more dangerous ones—he was planning to take you to the oda as bait or something. and you weren’t taking it like that. two days before arrival, a storm racked up. you stood upon the edge of the ship with the rest of the crew watching you like you were a madman.

“the oda won’t want me if i’m dead, would they now?”

motonari stands in his composure, guffawing, “all i need is to make sure they believe you’re alive, kid.”

a smile that showed absolutely no fear and 1000 percent spite spread in your face, “not unless i decimate my own body until all the trail left is my blood. the only one who gets to do that shit to me, is me.”

finally, a look of wavering shows in his face.

you were saved last minute,, and the rest is history.

#ikemen sengoku #cybird ikemen #ikesen #ikesen kenshin #ikesen shingen #ikesen sasuke #ikesen yukimura #ikesen yoshimoto #ikesen kennyo #ikesen motonari #ikesen uesugi takeda #*writing #gen z mc #god i hope my Lack of Ability isn't shown in how other characters are written longer than others #and how i might've badly Fucked up their characters #i've done like.. 3 routes and that knowledge is all i have #stans pls don't @ me #pretty sure i had more i wanted to add here but #aha brain's memory go brrrrrrrr

[loyally-unfaithful]

pairing: rengoku kyojuro x gn!reader

genre: fluff

a/n: henlo is me again, i’ve never owned cats and it shows i made this into headcanon format, but if you were looking for something feel free to resend a request c: alrighty hope you like it

edit: i know this is a super long time since this ask was actually sent to me?? and i honestly have no excuses to give. i’m really sorry to whoever sent the request: i was just procrastinating and then covid hit and my motivation plunged even lower. i know this is not much, and it’s probably ooc to all hell but i do hope you like it.

so ok, here’s the premise: you just moved out of your old residence, whether it was a flat or a house—you’re outta there! you is gone !

and ur friend or flatmate had a litter of cats and u just couldn't help urself but adopt one. they were just that cute.

so u did.

got that bad boi for free too, what a bargain!

and anyway u love that bastard with all ur heart.

it's just a bastard but she’s your bastard so it's all good.

very adorable dainty catto, and you took her to the vets to get her checked up, vaccinated, dewormed, and all that good stuff to make sure she will have a long and healthy lifespan.

u recall that u need to bring her in within 6 months to get her spayed so that there wouldn’t be an accidental litter. the operation is postponed since rn she’s too small, and ur like.

ok, i'll see u in 6 months.

that was 3 months ago.

now u moved out into a new apartment, with ur precious catto in tow.

after u finished bringing in all your boxes and furnitures and such, you thought to yourself, “hey, why not start this new chapter in life with a good start by acquainting myself with my neighbours”.

and that's exactly what u did: u gathered like, a packet of strawberries, and went over to the flat directly in front of urs while rehearsing what you will say in your head.

as you reached the other side and pressed the doorbell, you wondered who lived behind those doors…

first you’ll introduce yourself by name.

maybe it was a married couple? maybe even with a family?

and after that, you’ll tell them that you just recently moved in.

or perhaps it would be some elderly gentleman or lady?

and then, you will hand the gifts over and express that you hoped that the two of you will get along—something like that.

worst case scenario, the person is some weirdo… you hoped not…

the door finally opens with a click and you begin to recite what you had practiced:

« hey my name is... » your voice tapers off as you fully took in the person greeting you.

your voice disappears, meeting someone you absolutely did not expect. out of all the possibilities, you did not think for a moment that your neighbour would be the handsome young man with piercing golden eyes, lustrous locks of bright yellow hair, and an even brighter smile, standing before you.

were you staring? you were staring weren’t you? you realised in embarrassment that you were staring at the man, who was probably confused to all hell as to why you appeared on his front doors.

fighting your urge to combust and run away, you introduced yourself following the script you made up (though with more stutters than originally intended) and brusquely handed the berries over.

he happily takes your gift, repeating your name, assuring you that he was listening. it’s so stupid, but the way he says your name makes your stomach do flips. « well, welcome! he says enthusiastically. i’m rengoku kyojuro! i hope you enjoy it here! »

and that was that.

you mechanically went back to your flat, face burning and nervousness still clawing at you.

you’d say that you got adjusted to this new life pretty quickly. you seldom visited kyojuro as you were too embarrassed to pop by and chit-chat as often as you would’ve preferred to—dreading the thought of crossing him on your way to your own flat whenever you went home—but otherwise everything had been good.

alas, your cat was now 5 months old and oh boy.

something tells you your cat was entering its heat cycle or something—you were a first time cat-owner, but you had an inkling.

if your cat’s sudden affectionate, or over-affectionate, streak and unexpected attention seeking behaviour was anything to go by. she would roll on the floor, rub herself all over you and leave fluff all over your clothes, and yells.

she screm!

most stressful of all was how she absolutely wanted to escape to the outside, but you were not having it. you did not want kittens. one cat is enough thank you.

but nope, your wishes were in vain as one day, she just fucking disappeared—god knows where she is , she’s just somewhere.

understandably, you lost your shit and panicked because holy hell your cat escaped!!!

you went around to look for her, with no luck, and you were absolutely heartbroken.

that was until like??? 2 months later and you went to open a drawer to get some socks and lo and behold!

A CAT

and not just any cat! your cat! AND NOT JUST YOUR CAT! but also a bunch of other smaller cats, also known as kittens!

at this point, you weren’t even upset at the thought that you fucked up and ended up having kittens—you were just happy your cat is back and alive and well and back home. who knows how she entered back into the house.

who cares??

your cat is back!!

you’ll just have to spay her once she’s done nursing.

but as you watched over the litter, which looked like your cat but also another cat, you began to see a resemblance between their orange fur and caprisun, kyojuro’s ginger maine coon!!

and now everything makes sense…  

body working on autopilot, both because of how tired you were after watching over the cats and also because you were still dissociating from the realisation, you stiffly made your way to your neighbour and ringed the doorbell… ignoring the fact that this was now 2 in the morning.

you had to tell him, or confirm or do something with this new knowledge. his sleep can wait.

surprisingly, he answered the door without you having to ring him a second time. unsurprisingly, he looked tired and was ???? at you summoning him at such an odd time in the evening.

« i know that we don’t really talk, you started. but i need to show you something: i think your cat might have gotten my cat pregnant?? »

that caught the blond’s attention enough to wash the grogginess away from his face, and he followed you back to your flat.

normally the idea that a stranger, a good looking stranger no less, was going into your flat would fluster you, but right now you were a man with a plan, you had something to do and that was to show kyojuro the litter of cats.

he was surprised when he saw them, but confirmed that you were probably right, and that his male cat had probably gotten to your cat during her disappearance.

at this point you were a little bit (a lot) overwhelmed by the responsibility that came along with being a parent (and a grandparent), so you were about to ask him to help you coparent for the little buggers.

but he suggested it before you had the chance to, taking initiative:

« then! he expressed emphatically. we must raise this little kitty family together! kyojuro declared. »

and thus began your misadventures together as cat parents.

even though you both had work and a multitude of other things to do during the day (kyojuro still has his own cat to take care of, for that matter), you made it work—perhaps through sheer stubbornness and desire to make things right.

if anything, this whole ordeal cemented the fact that you were officially put off from having real children: if taking care of kittens was this demanding, imagine a whole actual human baby.

no way, no thanks.

you’re good.

hard pass.

funnily enough, after taking turns to take care of the cats and after the shifts to watch over them, you two had become fast friends. despite your reluctance with meeting him again after your disastrous greeting, you found yourself being very comfortable being in his presence and getting used to having him over in your flat (for the cats, of course).

but you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy spending time with kyojuro, conversing with him and learning more about each other as you both opened up to one another.

it was when he beamed at a joke you made, wearing his signature exuberant smile and laughing a laugh that you found so adorable, that you realised that you were in too deep. that you were definitely catching feels.

sometimes, you wished that you two would’ve been more than just friends. you wince at the thought that the two of you drift apart after this whole mess was over. but you pushed that inevitability away from your mind.

for the most part, nothing noteworthy ever happened as you took care of the kittens as the two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm.

one day, while you were both taking care of the cats, his exhaustion got the best of him and kyojuro fell asleep. you found him dozing off on the couch when you walked in, and you had to stop for a moment and tiptoe in the piece because of how peaceful he looked as he was resting. it was incredible how impeccable he looked, awake or asleep.

secretly, you took a picture, capturing this moment forever. he looks adorable. you’ll probably show the image later and tell him that he can take it easy for a while seeing as he was worn out and that you just received a few days off.

speaking of sleeping on duty, you’ve caught yourself passing out once or twice (ok a few times, more than just once or twice), but the weirdest part of all was that you would always wake up on your bed instead of wherever you fell asleep.

butterflies would go feral in ur stomach at the implication that kyojuro had been carrying your sleeping form to your bedroom.

but that was what has been happening right?

you think that at some point, you had fallen asleep on kyojuro… but to save yourself from the embarrassment, you chalk that up to your imagination running wild or a dream.

a few months into this ordeal, he pulled you over to another room to talk privately to you (ignoring the fact that there wasn’t anyone else in your apartment except for the cats).

he seemed to carry himself with a hesitance or shyness that was never there, and you found yourself dreading what he was about to tell you. what kind of bomb was he about to drop on you?

before starting, he paused for a moment, resolute… or was that a look of determination in his eyes? you didn’t know what to expect and it made you worried.

« i have something i need to tell you, convey to you! he started, confidence not lost in his voice. there is a burning passion in my heart, and it was about time that i listened to it! i know we’ve only met just recently, but after our time together i realised that i have feelings for you! he uttered your name again, with such gentleness and softness that it made your heart tighten. i like you! »

« i like you too!! you responded quickly, too quickly. you winced at how loud you unintentionally were, but he didn't seem to pay attention. »

instead, a radiant smile graced his features as he realised that you shared the same sentiment. and the same smile spread on your face, happy that he returned your feelings.

slowly, he moved closer to you and like a magnet, you mirrored him.

perhaps a bit hesitant, you could feel the ghost of a kiss over your lips as he leaned towards you, inching ever closer to each other.

but as your lips were about to connect, you hear crying from the other room…

the cats!

you two jerked away from each other, alerted by the sound, before looking back at each other, dumbfounded.

after what felt like an eternity but also an instant, a chuckle escaped you as you began to laugh uncontrollably—overwhelmed by giddiness and the sheer absurdity of this entire situation—and the blond followed suit, laughing along with you.

as you calmed down, your eyes found each other and the two of you just smiled.

the both of you wore brilliant smiles, and you were floored by the tenderness he held for you.

you look like a mess.

and he looks like a mess.

and you're both tired beyond belief.

but you’re both really happy.

and really happy to have each other.

(and your cats of course).

you’ll have to thank your cat later for helping you meet this wonderful person.

LIKE MY WORK? CONSIDER BUYING ME A COFFEE // CHECKING OUT MY MASTERLIST | LINKS CAN BE FOUND ON MY DESC

#Kimetsu no Yaiba #demon slayer #rengoku kyoujurou #rengoku kyojuro x reader #kny rengoku #kyojurou x reader #kny kyojuro #falselywrites #fluff #headcanon #cats #domestic fluff

[sundropglass]

Rad ways of coping for me personally, it might help u but this is what helps me #2:

I’m practicing some very basic checking my emotions daily, and suprise suprise, it gets much easier as I get more used to it!

Now because vague things like “check myself on how im doing” is really confusing for me, I made a reminder with a checklist on what exactly to do. Pleasekeep in mind that these are things that help me specifically, your own checklist might be different. With that, heres my Mental Savepoint List that any of my parts can easily do:

- stop what I’m doing and notice my breathing (very telling of my mental and physical state)

- who am I right now? (Unblendimg can identify why i am the way i am rn)

- do I have any needs right now? (Self explanitory, i might have needs idk about)

- where am i holding tension? (Telling of pain i might be in that i’m dissociated from

- analyze how I’m feeling (“I’m feeling content” or “I’m feeling trapped”, ect)

I might add to this at some point, I’m just trying to build up a habit of tuning in at least once a day. Writing answers to my questions helps me too

#actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #dosy tag #i wanted to write abt this in case it helps anyone else #and maybe as a reminder to myself to keep it up #i struggle with grounding so i think this is a good and nonconfrontational way to start #ok to rb #ok to interact #esp if you have extra things to add

[biussworld]

hello! i hope you’re doing well during this trying times. id like to send in a scenario request for bakugou and his crush feeling down af because she recently cut off someone important from her life due to them being toxic and draining af. mayhaps make it lighthearted or something. i kinda need all the cheer ups in the world rn. ;; thanks in advance!

ok honestly i have no idea what the difference is between a headcanon, a scenario, and an imagine oh god i'm so fucking duMB sksjdmskxnd i read on reddit that scenarios are ficlets basically short snippets of what could be an entire fic sjdncn i hope i did it right??? im so noob it sux

i'm doing well btw!!! fortunately, we have enough food going around but we're running out of the kachings and it's giving me mild anxiety sbdnkendjs

i totally know that feeling and the barrage of other emotions that come after. i feel for u, anon. i luv u. i hope you don’t mind that instead of the cheery cheering up feels, i opted for the comforting feels. if u do need someone to talk to, my ask and messages are always open! sending you love <3 also apologies if this one’s rather short!

Bakugou's ruby orbs watch your form as you hastily drag yourself around the common room trying to find something to busy yourself with. Your mind's been telling you to distract, distract, distract yourself-- to keep your mind away from the petty squabble that happened between you and your so-called friend just hours ago. You've done as much as draw, do sit-ups, even eat and now you're looking to get your hands on something, anything at all but none of them satiated your agitation.

He strides to you and takes both your arms, stopping your pacing and forcing you to look at his face. His grip is firm but not painful, and it effectively snaps you out of your mindless trance. "What's up with you?"

Your mind drifts back to your bickering with a friend a while ago when they had approached you with a sour attitude beyond your expectations, and you suddenly had the courage to snap and cut them off of your life for good. It made you feel physically and emotionally drained, except your body isn't taking any of it and wants to keep you active as a form of coping. He raises an eyebrow at your silence and huffs, grumbling something under his breath as he tugs at your arm.

The next few moments came blurry since you were so preoccupied for a long while and almost started dissociating from the world. He asks, " 's it okay if I take you to my room? Don't think I have anything weird coming, dumbass." to which you replied with a curt nod. He lets you sit on his neatly made bed as he reaches for something on the top of his shelf. In his hand now is a hardbound book, and you can partially make out the letters inscribed on the spine of it saying, "Little Women?"

"It's great in all aspects. Don't judge me." He grumbles yet again while inspecting the current state of the book. He roughly dusts the covers of it and finally sits down on the bed beside you.

A few moments from being kidnapped from the kitchen, you don't find it in you to ask why he has you in his room but oddly, you don't feel the annoying nagging of your nerves anymore. It might be something about the subtle earthy, roasted marshmallowy scent wafting from his sheets and how it tempts you to just lay there and stay there like it's all for you. So you let your head fall on his pillow, and you don't find it in you to feel embarrassed at all. You hear him chuckle beside you as he situates himself on the other side of his bed.

"You gonna read me that book?"

"Shut the hell up, I'm helping you calm the fuck down so you don't worry yourself crazy."

He wastes no time and flips the page to the first chapter, voice hushed and soft as he beckons you to scoot closer to him. And you do, bravely latch onto his side and plant your palm firmly against his chest. He starts reading the lines with the same hushed tone, his eyes leaving the book every now and then to shoot you a glance and give you a little smile if he sees you looking at him. Slowly, his arm starts wrapping around you and cradling you to his chest where you can smell the same roasted marshmallow scent from earlier, this time only stronger.

You have to admit, rough baritone of his voice and the distinct scent radiating from him had effectively calmed your nerves. As he reads through the first few lines of the next chapter in his book, you fight the urge to fall into slumber.

But somehow, somewhere between the fourth chapter, you let your drowsiness wash over you and you lay asleep in his arms. He watches your face relax and smiles as he discards the book somewhere and gingerly brushes the hair out of your face.

He still has no clue what had gotten you so worked up today and he knows that asking you about it will only bother you even more. Instead he hopes that somehow, with his book and the refuge that is his room, he had eased your stress even the slightest bit. After all, he longs to see your bright smile form on your lips again.

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki #bakugo katsuki x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha bakugou

[welcometothenightcourt]

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. when is it ok to say I’m a system and how do I know which disorder I have?…I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. I also feel like often I’m possibly co con ?? bc I’ll feel unlike “me”/the body yet say “I have to be (body name) who else could I be)… plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly Rn

Okay, first things first bud: slow down. Take a breath, and remember that there is absolutely no rush to come to these conclusions. Not about your system status, not about your gender, not about any of this stuff.

Next: As long as you’ve done your research, and taken time to really look at yourself and did/osdd/udd, and you feel like your experiences align with them, then it’s okay to self dx it.

As for the amnesia, yes. Amnesia is most commonly thought about as a complete black out, Idk what the hell happened at all kind of amnesia, but that’s not the only or even the most common type of amnesia. While black outs happen for some, grey outs (sort of remembering, but also not really, maybe like remembering big events but not any details of the event) or emotional amnesia (remembering something sort of but also feeling very emotionally disconnected) are far more common.

It’s important to remember that no ones experiences in system life are exactly the same way. Just because your experiences aren’t exactly the same as those you see doesn’t disqualify you from having the disorder at all. For every system you see out here having organisation and lists and blogs and whatnot there are three to five more you don’t see because their systems aren’t so comfortable with that or known or communicative or overt enough.

On a personal note, it took five years for us since we started questioning and noticing things to even accept and conclude that we were a system, and three years since that to get to the communication level that we have. Also, remember that here on Tumblr and on places like TikTok and whatnot, we get to choose how we present ourselves, what we do and do not share. We tailor how others see us. And most of the time for yalls viewing pleasure, we keep our dark shit off of this page. Our serious struggles and trauma and bad shit that comes with DID goes to our private vent page. What you see on social media is not ever going to be a 100% perspective of a disorder and all of the ways it manifests.

That being said, if you feel like you don’t quite fit the criteria for DID or OSDD, there is another diagnoses called UDD which can include those with systems. Please read this post for more on self dx, the criteria for DID, OSSD, and UDD, and related. (It’s also pinned in our pinned post, so you may or may not have read it already)

Lastly, the fact that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your Mental Health Professional about mental health is very concerning. I strongly recommend you get a new MHP asap with whom you can discuss these things if at all possible.

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions or if I missed something you wanted a direct response to, don’t hesitate to ask. Always happy to answer to the best of my ability

#did #actuallydid #asks #ask #system #long ask #osdd

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

#jackal.txt #android infinite au #i need a proper name for this #infinite the jackal #dr starline #starfinite #long post #idw sonic spoilers