#can we also just stream heartbreak weather?

[crazychaoticizzy]

The River

Armin X Reader

If I follow you to the river, throw my blues out to the sea, will you stay with me forever? Will you chase me in my dreams?

WARNINGS: fluff, angst, kissing, heartbreak, i didn’t wanna put effort into a summary so I took lyrics from the Daisy Jones & the Six song, btw this is inspired by “The River” by them

Word Count: 2.7k

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There was a river you and Armin would go to. It was just down the road from your small town and always had flowers blooming on the riverbed. You remember the first time Armin asked if you wanted to go there with him when you were eight years old.

“Wanna go somewhere with me?”

“Where?”

“The river. It’s down there.” He had pointed to his left.

“I’ll follow you anywhere.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

“I just wanted to know where we were going.”

You had already started walking beside him by that point. You looked down at your feet and kicked rocks, your hands in fists in an attempt to keep them warm against the cold atmosphere.

“Grandpa said we had to be back before dinner,” Armin said. He kept with your pace, thought it was obvious he wanted to move a little faster. “He says if we stay out too late we’ll catch a cold.”

“Okay. My mom also said we were coming to your house for dinner and a game or something.”

Armin nodded, turning his head to face you. “Yeah, my grandpa said the same thing.”

He suddenly smiled and grabbed your hand. “Can we race?”

He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, fighting back a smile as he waited for your response. You nodded without a second thought, and moments later dirt and dust were kicked up behind you as you sprinted to the river.

You had slipped and nearly fell in that first time, but the water had frozen over so instead of dipping your feet into it, they slid across the surface.

Armin pulled you back. He’d grabbed you by the wrists and dragged you backward until you looked up at him beneath a leafless tree. You smiled at him and laughed, pushing yourself off the ground and dusting the dirt off yourself.

The two of you sat and talked for hours. You built mock snowmen out of dirt, giving them pebbles for eyes and sticks too big for the figures as limbs. You picked a blade of dead grass out of the ground and gave yours a scarf, smiling at your work.

You had lost track of time that first time. It wasn’t until the natural daylight was nearly gone that you and Armin realized you needed to head back, and you sprinted so you didn’t get in trouble.

Every day after that you went to the river. It didn’t matter how cold or hot it was, how rainy or humid or dry it was, every day you and Armin would meet on the riverbed and talk for hours on end, pushing your worries to the side.

One day, you decided to follow the stream. It led down a hill, pouring out into an area of water not quite big enough to be a lake but not small enough to be a pond.

You will always remember the smile on Armin’s face. So big and bright and perfect. He let out a breath of a laugh, looking at you for a moment before he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the dock.

He jumped in first. You gasped and covered your mouth, not expecting him to do something so spontaneous. It wasn’t cold, but the weather wasn’t ideal for swimming. He must be freezing.

His head popped out of the water, his blond hair sticking to his forehead as he turned to find you. He smiled, awkwardly paddling over to you.

“You should come in,” he said. You knelt down, leaning over the edge of the dock so you could talk to him easier.

“Do you know how crazy that is?”

Armin shrugged. Then he lifted his hand, splashing you with water.

You yelped and jumped back, trying to avoid the cold water. You let out a laugh, looking down at him again as he smiled.

You softly shook your head. You thought yourself insane, absolutely bonkers to be agreeing, but you took your shoes and socks off anyways and stood at the edge.

You took a deep breath, and then another. And then one more for good measure. And another one just in case-

“Stop stalling,” Armin said. You glared at him, making him chuckle. “It really isn’t that bad, I promise.”

You exhaled. Despite the roll of his eyes he gave, you took another deep breath before jumping.

It really was that bad. The water was freezing and it felt like you were being stabbed with a million needles by the time you reached the surface.

God, you regretted it. But seeing Armin smile made it all worth it. You chuckled, and then Armin chuckled, and that was the start of a fit of laughs that continued on even after you had gotten out of the water and retrieved your shoes.

You started going to that little lake, too. Not nearly as often as your spot on the riverbed, but sometimes during the summer the two of you would swim together until your fingers were puny and the sun had set.

It really shouldn’t have been a surprise when you caught feelings for each other, considering how much time you spent together. It wasn’t complicated either. Instead, it was something that happened gradually, something that felt natural. It started with small touches that would grow longer and longer, discreetly sitting closer together until you eventually began sitting in his lap beneath the tree. You would read books together, sometimes eat snacks or meals by the river.

You cherished the river. It was the closest Armin would ever get to the ocean, seeing as he was dirt poor and the chances of him getting out of that poverty were extremely low. Armin loved the sea and the river and the little lake you’d found, and you loved Armin, so you loved the sea and the river and that little lake, too.

Your little situationship solidified when you finally kissed him at sixteen. He had been talking, staring across at the other side of the river as he droned on and on about customers he had encountered that day.

You weren’t paying attention. How could you when the boy you were so in love with looked so pretty?

You leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. You weren’t sure if it counted as a real first kiss, but the way Armin’s eyes widened in shock made you smile.

He turned to look at you, asking about that kiss. You had shrugged, trying to play it off in case he didn’t like it—in case he didn’t want it.

You left him breathless, his mouth slightly agape before he closed it and swallowed. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he flexed his hand, wrapping his fingers into a fist before stretching them out again and wiping them on his jeans.

“I-I liked it,” he mumbled, and then he looked away and cleared his throat.

You stared at him for a moment, fidgeting with one of the tears in your jeans.

“Do you want another one?”

He paused for a second before nodding, turning his head back to you.

He didn’t kiss back at first, getting used to the feel of your soft lips against his. He wanted to memorize the way they moved against him so much he almost didn’t kiss back at all, but then he felt your hand graze his arm and he pressed against you, pulling you closer.

It was soft and timid. Experimental in the way neither of you did anything but pucker your lips and push them together. You didn’t want to mess it up, and you feared you had before you pulled away and saw the dazed look Armin had on his face.

You smiled, and he smiled too. You remember thinking that this must be the most perfect moment to have ever existed.

“Does this mean we’re . . ?” You left it unsaid, not wanting to push anything if he didn’t want it.

Armin nodded. “If you want.”

You nodded, too. “I do.”

Armin nodded again, not knowing what else to do.

“Will you stay with me forever?” he suddenly asks. He swallows again, and immediately regrets asking because maybe forever is too much of a commitment for what just started.

“Armin.” You gently cupped his cheek with your hand, pressing your forehead against his. Maybe this was too much, maybe it was too much of an intimate moment for people like you, but you did it anyway. “I said I’d follow you anywhere when we were little. I intend to keep that promise for the rest of my life.”

Armin smiled. He remembered when you said that, too. He thought about it every day, wishing that you’d said those words when you were older and had an idea of what love was. But when you made that promise to him, he was over the moon.

You talked about visiting the ocean that day. You suggested that you start saving money so you eventually had enough to travel, to the ocean side. Maybe even live there, if you got lucky.

You agreed, and the next day you brought a used tin to put money in. You and Armin hid it in a tree, which might not have been the best idea but every day when you looked it was still there. Every time you put an amount of money inside it, you and Armin would kiss. You would kiss even if there wasn’t anything to add. Sometimes your kisses would progress, growing steamier along with your need to be closer and closer to Armin.

The thought of true love crossed your mind one night after the two of you had gone skinny dipping (a stupid decision, really, but nothing made it more worth it than the fact that you did it together), and you decided for yourself that you’d found it. Your one true love, forever and ever until death did you part, was Armin Arlert. You were sure of it.

But it wasn’t death that did you part, no. Instead it was something you never saw coming.

At eighteen, one cold day in December, Armin told you he was joining the military the following year.

He gave you no warning. There wasn’t even any indication before then that he had considered enlisting. But here he was, mumbling it against your lips as you kissed.

You had stopped kissing him, pulling away. You could tell from the way he didn’t chase your lips like he normally did that he was expecting you to do that.

You sat up, adjusting the blanket beneath you so you sat on it instead of barely on the corner. Armin followed, biting the inside of his cheek as he awaited your response.

“What do you mean?” You didn’t know what else to say. Your words had been stolen and it felt like your tongue had been cut out with how difficult it was to string that question together.

“I . . . Yeah.” His lips were pressed into a line. He didn’t know what to say either.

“Why?”

Armin shrugged. “I’m never gonna get out of here anyway. And . . . I’d like to see the ocean at least once.”

“So you’re joining the Marines?”

Armin nodded. “That’s what I hope, at least.”

It was silent. For once, you hated that it was quiet. Silences with Armin were never like this. You felt comfortable in his presence all the time, but all you felt now was dread.

“I . . . was also hoping you’d come with me.”

You met his gaze, and looking back he knew in that exact moment what your decision would be before you’d even made it.

You found yourself softly shaking your head. You aren’t even sure when you came to that conclusion, but you knew you couldn’t.

“I can’t. I can’t just leave everything behind, Armin.” You wanted to say something else, but you just trailed off, the words getting lost in your throat.

“Don’t you want to come with me? I know I won’t be there a lot at first, but then I’ll retire and we’ll be living in a new city.” He took hold of your hand. His fingers were cold against your warm ones. His cheeks and nose were pink, and you could tell he was cold. “It’d be a new start, like we said.”

“But . . . Are we just going to leave everything? My parents, your grandpa?” You squeezed his fingers, trying to warm them up, but also trying to convince him not to go. You wanted him to know that what you had was enough. You didn’t care if you never got that fresh start or saw the ocean or saw the world, you just needed him.

“I know, and we’d visit them sometimes.” He squeezed your hands back, scooting closer to you. He lifted a hand and place it on the back of your neck, holding eye contact. “If we stay here, Y/n, we’ll never leave. We’ll never see the ocean or travel the world or do anything else we talked about doing.”

“I don’t care if we never do any of that, Armin,” you say.

“You were the one that always brought it up.”

“Because it made you so happy when we talked about it. I just- I was trying to dream up a future with you.”

Armin lets out a breath, he dropped his head, resting his forehead against your shoulder.

“Please don’t make me choose, Armin,” you softly say. “Because I won’t be able to.”

He lifts his head, softly nodding. He brings your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles and your fingertips and your wrists before he says, “Then don’t. Stay here. I’m joining the Marines either way, and maybe we can work it out.”

You exhaled, brushing your fingers against his cheek. “Armin . . .”

He hummed, leaning into your touch for the briefest of moments before quickly pressing his lips against yours and standing up. “We should get going. It’s getting late.”

“Armin.” You stood as well, but Armin had already gathered some of what you’d brought and started walking away. “Armin, wait!”

You scrambled to pick up what was left over and catch up to him, but it wasn’t the same after that. There was a divide between the two of you now, one you didn’t know how to fix.

You weren’t sure if that was a break up. All you knew was that the air between you two was more tense. The kisses you shared were shorter and less emotional. They didn’t have that same love and sweetness they once had, and you knew you were losing him. You were losing him, but you didn’t know how to get him back.

You remember softly crying one night. Your mom had heard the sniffles from your room and came to check on you. You told her what you were feeling through your tears and all the advice she offered was, “Life will run its course, sweetheart. People will come and go but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.”

The thing was you didn’t want Armin to be something that came and went. You wanted him to stay. You wanted to be able to wake up next to him every morning and say good night every night and be able to say that’s my husband when people asked.

You just wanted him. It didn’t matter how you had him, you just wanted him to be by your side like you had always been at his.

But you didn’t want to leave your family. You didn’t want to become a military wife that waited for her husband to come home for a short amount of time before he left again. You couldn’t do it.

You and Armin didn’t talk about it again, but in the months following it felt like you were growing apart. You stopped kissing and you’d stopped sitting so close. Early in spring, you found yourself waiting for him by the riverbed.

He didn’t come that day. Or the day after. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.

You knew he hadn’t left. You’d seen him in town. You had visited his house. But he never came to the river anymore. You still went everyday, hoping he’d be there. He never was. And he never came.

And then he was gone, and you cried for weeks.

He’d moved on and saw the sea without you all because he went somewhere you weren’t willing to follow.

this was a vision that came to the in the middle of the night and i wrote it in one and a half sittings

anyways i hope you enjoyed <3

TAGGING: @arlerts-angel @ocean-armin if you’d like to be notified whenever I write for Armin please leave a comment or DM!

#izzy’s imagines ❀ #attack on titan #aot #armin arlert #armin x reader #armin arlert x reader #armin fanfiction #armin #attack on titan armin #aot armin #armin aot #armin attack on titan #snk armin #armin x y/n #armin x you #armin fluff #armin angst

[aurora-daily]

Though angelic pop anomaly Aurora hails from Norway, it can feel like she was beamed here from another planet, an alternate universe, or at the very least, another time. A superstar with an otherworldly aesthetic, a special bond with nature and millions of followers on Instagram, Aurora is so enigmatic, decoding her is an almost impossible task. Still, we cannot help but try

Aurora is sitting in her bedroom, drinking a dark liquid from an elaborate chalice. “This is cola, by the way, not wine,” she clarifies, giggling. The Norwegian artist’s signature viking-meets-anime haircut frames her angelic face, which fills my screen. Behind her, beaded vintage purses and a dramatic silver gown cascade from the wall. Also in frame: a cabinet full of teas and spices and a picture of what appears to be Mary and baby Jesus.

Aurora is six minutes late, which she is profoundly apologetic for. She had been on top of a mountain in the rain and had to blow-dry her trademark cut before meeting with me. “It’s such lovely weather today. Really small raindrops from the sky,” she says. It’s fortuitous that she likes the rain; Aurora, born Aurora Aksnes, lives in Bergen, the rainiest place on Earth. It also happens to be the birthplace of the majority of Norway’s musical talent – DJ-producers Kygo and Alan Walker, electronic duo Röyksopp, even groundbreaking composer Edvard Grieg all hail from the city.

But Aurora’s story begins on the west coast of Norway, in a village next to the Lysefjord, also known as the Fjord of Light. “A lot of nature, a lot of forest, and little people,” she says. “So I grew up quite sheltered.” A self-described introvert, Aurora spent more time as a child within her own imagination than she ever did in school. She did, however, find a great companion in nature, spending hours walking in the forests close to her home. “Nature, she belongs to all of us. And she offers so much tranquillity and peace and silence,” she says, noting that these days we tend to get “very affected by so many worthless things”. “Nature offers some peace. It doesn’t matter who you are when you’re in the forest.”

After coming across her older sister Miranda’s piano in the attic at just six years old, Aurora started writing music . As she explains it, it was her calling because she felt that she’d never heard a perfect song. At nine, she started to write lyrics in English, and at sixteen, after a video of her singing went viral online, she quit school, and went on her first tour. At 20, she released her debut album All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend, launching an international career. The record features the song “Runaway”, which, despite being six years old, has enjoyed a recent resurgence via TikTok. Today it has more than 500 million streams on Spotify.

This year, at 26, Aurora released her latest album, The Gods We Can Touch, to critical acclaim. While one would certainly identify Aurora as a pop star, she is hardly mainstream. Her music reflects her ethereal essence, somehow embodying the fjords and the mountains around which she grew up. Characterised by dreamy harmonies, her sound both transcends space and time and is rooted firmly in the modern internet pop landscape. Perhaps it ’s this dichotomy that allows her music to live both in the world of Disney’s Frozen II and in the popular video game Assassin’s Creed.

Though Aurora doesn’t recall much from her childhood, aside from “the things I was dreaming about and thinking about”, she does fondly remember her cat, Septimus. It’s the same name she’s given all of her pets – to her mind they’re all the same creature, reincarnated again and again. “To deal with pets dying, it was good for me. I was a sensitive little bean,” she says.

I reveal that I have a pet dog named Doggy, who is nearly 15 years old. As soon as I mention him, Aurora starts to cry, tapping into my impending heartbreak. These days she doesn’t have a pet herself – the lifestyle of an internationally touring pop star doesn’t suit animal companionship. She has, however, made a connection with a crow in the park next to her home. Aurora brings him shiny things, and he brings her gifts sometimes, too.

In addition to Septimus, Aurora also found companionship in her two older sisters, Viktoria and Miranda. She says they are among the few people who understand her, granting her the space and freedom to be herself. “I was very disconnected from people as a child,” she says. “I learned to love most people in my life when I grew up and understood what the essence of family is, and love, and coexisting. Because I was really overwhelmed by just learning to exist in myself as a human.”

Today, Aurora and her sisters are not only best friends, but close collaborators; Viktoria is a stylist and costume designer and Miranda is a hair and makeup artist. The sibling trio collaborated on our editorial. Later, I ask Viktoria over text message what it’s like to work with her superstar sister. “She knows when to leave it to me, and I know when to shut up and do what she wants even though it kills my pride or ego,” she says, adding that Aurora is a “very relaxed boss”. Even over text message, the sisterly bond is apparent – Viktoria signs off with a plant leaf emoji.

“I hate the fashion industry,” Aurora boldly declares when we start to discuss her eight-year long collaboration with Viktoria. “Fashion is important to me – it’s art, and it’s beautiful – but I hate the sad, hidden part of it. It’s so un-transparent and secretive.” Rather than wear items with a nebulous history, she prefers to ask Viktoria to make her clothes. Sometimes she explains her vision, sometimes they draw up designs together. “It’s very loose and free,” she says.

A conversation with Aurora can spontaneously divert to musings on space and time, philosophy, and the human condition. It strikes me that she could have become anything she wanted, but she says she quickly settled single-mindedly on music. “I understood the importance of music quite early, and I connected it in my mind with nature,” she says. “Music is a way to pool what nature is for our souls into something we can hold in our hands, and kind of shape it into something more comprehensible.” Aurora speaks of nature and music as if they are an extension of herself or a language that she speaks fluently. As the thoughts tumble out, the cogs in my mind shift as I try to keep up.

The music she was exposed to early – Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Enya – is a sanctuary for Aurora. These artists offer both a means to self-understanding and a portal for escape. “My brain has sometimes been a good thing and sometimes been a bad thing. It depends on what situation,” she says. “Since I became an artist, it’s always been my goal to offer the same kind of escape.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Aurora is not one to focus on the superficial or mundane. “It doesn’t matter if you get likes or if you’re one centimetre skinnier in your arms. Or if you have a pimple on your forehead. We know it doesn’t matter, but we still let it affect us so much,” she says (for the record, Aurora gets many likes – she has 2.3 million Instagram followers). Instead, she spends her free time studying big ideas: our perception of time, reincarnation and the meaning of life.

Aurora has a charming habit of pointing out concepts she doesn’t understand, as if she’s an alien observing human behaviour. Take, for instance, the way in which we tend to view our lives in a linear series of events - engagement, marriage, children. She chuckles and says that she doesn’t grasp any of it. “I always think of life as me being here, and then life just happens around me all the time and you’re in the middle of the now, which you always own. The now is always yours,” she says, gesturing her hands around her in a circular motion.

“Life is just all a round us, all the time. And we capture the right things sometimes, the right people and the right moments and opportunities.” She pauses to stare out her window towards the mountains, cloudy skies, and miniature raindrops she loves so much, adding, “Earth is my favourite place I’ve been in my life.”

[VOGUE SCANDINAVIA]

#submission #thank you so much for such a great submission wow #aurora #aurora aksnes #interviews

[zerogate]

On the last day of his life, shortly before being forced to drink poison for failing to believe in the state-endorsed gods and for corrupting youth, Socrates engaged in a final dialogue with his students. This teaching, reported by Plato in Phaedo, is focused mostly on the nature of the soul but includes a comment about the relationship between pleasure and pain.

After a prison guard has removed his chains, Socrates purportedly noted, “How singular is the thing called pleasure, and how curiously related to pain, which might be thought to be the opposite of it… he who pursues either of them is generally compelled to take the other. They are two, and yet they grow together out of one head or stem.”

This philosophical observation, recorded around 350 B.C.E., astutely predicted the experimental insights of the nineteenth-century French physiologist Claude Bernard. Bernard is credited as the first to note that moving between opposite biological states enables our bodies to maintain stability in the face of disruption—anything from a sudden change in the weather to a bad grade on a paper or a death in the family.

[...]

Working with his student John Corbit, Solomon suggested that any and every stimulus that perturbs the way we feel is actively counteracted by the nervous system in order to return to homeostasis. The stimulus could be a drug but also good or bad news, falling in love, or skydiving.

In their opponent-process theory, Solomon and Corbit made the case that feeling states are maintained around a “set point” just as body temperature and water balance are. They proposed that any feeling, including “good,” “bad,” “happy,” “depressed,” or “excited,” for example, represents a disruption of the stable feeling state that we perceive as “neutral.” Specifically, the opponent-process theory posits that any stimulus that alters brain functioning to affect the way we feel will elicit a response by the brain that is exactly opposite to the effect of the stimulus. As Newton might succinctly put it: who goes up, must come down.

Say our brain detects an external stimulus that produces either pleasant or unpleasant feelings. According to Solomon and Corbit, in either case the brain responds by counteracting those feelings. For instance, suppose that you have a medical test that indicates cancer. It’s very likely, in such a case, that initial feelings of panic or despair give way to a general state of worry as you grapple with myriad implications. These less intense feelings endure while your test results look bad. However, if things change, perhaps a biopsy comes back clear, rather than return to your original state, you would likely experience a period of elation—in effect, a mirror image of the despair you had felt. This pattern of change in affective experience is elicited by any event that pushes the brain beyond its neutral set point.

Though we’re usually unaware of affective homeostasis at work, most of us will recognize this pattern in the feeling states surrounding romantic love. It’s typical to experience dramatic affective changes as you “fall in love,” because this overwhelmingly pleasurable state imbues even routine experiences with sparkly joy. In the beginning of a love affair, the pattern of brain activity recorded by an fMRI is virtually indistinguishable from that showing the effects of cocaine.

We eventually adapt to this state of bliss and find our feet back on the ground. As long as the stimulus (our lover) remains present, things feel just fine—a new normal. But if our lover wants a break or otherwise opts out of the relationship, an opponent process results in heartbreak. It can take months or years—depending on the intensity and duration of the partnership—to get back to a neutral feeling state.

Having a set point enables meaningful interpretation of a stream of ceaselessly changing input. Sustained feelings in either direction impede our ability to perceive and thus respond to new information, so the nervous system imposes transience. This means that if something truly wonderful happens—you meet Prince or Princess Charming—the elation will not last. On the other hand, even the most terrible calamity won’t result in perpetual despair. This is also true with more mundane stimuli: we can probably all relate to the letdown after returning home from a great vacation, or to the flood of relief after a near accident on our commute.

-- Judith Grisel, Never Enough

#quotes

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

(1/10) More thoughts on the Every Single Album podcast - So many terrible takes about Harry’s hair. 1. His hair looked fine! It looked like normal long hair looks! It just didn’t look like styled hair in shampoo commercials. 2. If it had been greasy and unkempt, making fun of him wouldn’t be the way to go - it’s hard enough being a person let alone with that much scrutiny on how you look. 3. How do they square this commentary with their celebration of the message of treat people with kindness?

(2/10)The section where they talk about whether or not Harry is pandering to fans with the rainbow stuff is so interesting. Especially how Nora talks about how Harry is different from Taylor because he has been showing support for longer. And although she mentions Harry ‘not labeling his sexuality’ she doesn’t really talk about the possibilities other than as Harry caring about his fans. I think the existence of closeting in the present is something that is kind of unsayable.

(3/10)Which I kind of get, but I think that in itself reinforces the closet and does a lot of harm. I am so interested in these ideas in the context of Harry doing My Policeman. After I listened to their podcast I went and listened to Heartbreak Weather. I liked some of the songs and can see the 6th One Direction album angle but I think my appreciation of One Direction is really wrapped up in both the stories I’m telling about them and also my experience of being in fandom.

(4/10) I never went to a show but I did experience the collective joy night after night through video clips, terrible live streams, and gifs. And although I don’t really connect with Harry’s music I can see where going to live shows or experiencing it through online fandom would make me feel different. It’s sad that Niall didn’t get to tour that album. Lewis Capaldi as Nialls most important collaborator is a good call from Nora (I also watched Niall’s Homecoming doc thing and was very charmed!)

(5/10) I quite like Nora and Nathan’s dynamic, and thought the discussion of whether Niall’s ever been in love quite funny. Now I’m telling myself a story where after seeing Harry and Louis fall in love at such a young age he yearns for a soulmate! I’m being tongue-in-cheek here but he did keep talking about going on nice dates with Lewis Capaldi in the docu…

(6/10) Alright I’ve just listened to the Louis, Liam and Zayn podcast. I loved what they said about Louis, especially Nora’s comment about how much it made her see Louis as the center of One Direction’s sound. I know it’s the story I’m telling but I’ve always thought that One Direction would have been the most different if Louis hadn’t been in the band, both in terms of the sound and in the relationship dynamics of the band.

(7/10) I think Louis had a strong relationship with each member of the band and it made them all gel together better. I wish they had talked more about Walls because one of the things that I absolutely love about Louis and his songwriting is the emotional maturity and vulnerability of his lyrics. They’re reflective and straightforward, and have a sort of honest optimism that I really connect with.

(8/10)The line from Two of Us “We’ll end just like we started, just you and me and no one else” just really hits me hard. This is definitely more connected to my life but I find it really profound. The enormity of feeling of having a child and the enormity of feeling of losing a mom.

(9/10)Peak Nora: Definitely the comment about No Control being Louis exerting his heterosexuality - I can’t get over how hilarious that is! Peak Nathan: I can’t decide if peak Nathan is his love for I Should Have Kissed You that came out of nowhere, or if it’s all the almost larry comments that then swerve in the total opposite direction. Worst Moment: Either moralising about smoking or the comments on Harry’s hair, I think.

(10/10) Best Moment: I think broadly the best moment is just how engaged and excited they are about One Direction and each of their music. Do you have any best/worst/peak moments? Next up Harry's House! The only song I have heard is As It Was so I think I'm gonna listen through before I listen to the podcast. (Sorry for the mammoth ask - this was my entertainment while sick so I had a lot of time to think!)

*******

Thanks so much for coming back with your thoughts I found them super interesting. Definitely made me feel like I wanted to relisten to the whole thing. Really loved your thoughts on Walls. I'm so looking forward to Louis' new album, even though I am mourning that it seems like we've lost some specificity from Walls.

Love the idea off having some podcast categories. If they ever do any more 1D episodes (I would love a FITF episode, but fear it's unlikely) I will do these categories episode by episode.

Peak Nathan: Two things - being scandalised about references to smoking and his suggestions that he knows what is going on in Harry's love life and he treated Taylor and other women badly.

Peak Nora: Agree about Peak Nora being her suggesting that No Control was Louis exerting his heterosexuality. I also loved when she was talking about Love Me Goodbye and was like 'Louis obviously has a strong need for physical intimacy'. I am absolutely fascinated by her image of hypothetically straight and very horny Louis and love that she believes it.

Best Moment: Totally agree it was the combination of love and seriousness.

#Love the podcast #love talking about it with other people

[kikilefangirl]

Finest

Logan Howlett x Reader

(Word Count: 1628)

“This exercise requires you to be self reliant in order to escape. While we are a team in and out of the field, each of you must be comfortable and connected with your gifts, individually.” You called out.

All of your students seemed to be a mix of over confidence, no confidence, or outright fear. You frowned.

A demonstration would be best.

“Pay attention everyone, when the test starts you’ll be on your own.” You told them.

Concentrating on the potential energy around you, you tapped into it with a stream of golden light. You collected a portion of it in your hand, and willed it into a broadsword. The energy hummed through your body as you moved with it, slashing in a downward arc through the air.

“Make your gift work for you in the moment,” With a swift motion the blade morphed into a shield, and then With a breath, you let the energy dissipate into nothing at all.

“And know when not to use it. You’ve got two weeks to prepare. And I’ve opened up office hours everyday up until then. Got it?”

The kids gave enough yeses and nods for you to dismiss them early. Once they were gone, you heard a drawn out huff from the back of the room.

“Logan!” You broke out in a wide smile and ran over to him. You knew better than to hug him, so you opted for a light hit on the shoulder.

“Charles didn’t tell anyone you were coming!” You exclaimed.

“Didn’t tell him.” Logan explained. You rolled your eyes because that was such a Logan thing to do.

Taking him in, you noticed his hair was a little shaggier than the last time you saw him, and his clothes looked like they’d been worn completely down by cold weather. He’d probably been up in the wilderness for all this time.

“I brought you booze. Most people say thank you.”

That was how you and Logan ended up drunk off your asses in your bedroom before dinner.

As a teacher you were given some grace with your room choice, meaning a larger room far away from students. You were free to do whatever and whomever, so long as you kept to yourself.

That was also the reason why you were dancing on Logan in a t- shirt and panties with the music blasting in the background. You felt his hands roam all over your body as you whined to the beat.

He was currently the one with the bottle, too. You drunkenly swirled around and took it from him. The liquor burned down your throat, but the feeling dulled when Logan slammed his lips on yours.

You felt like your body was on fire. Partly from the alcohol, partly from Logan’s hands and his kisses. He had you pinned against the wall farthest from the door, and you couldn’t concentrate on anything but Logan nor he you.

...

You woke the next morning to a hard body intertwined with yours.

Your room was an absolute mess, but you settled on resting your head on Logan’s bare chest. You’d get up later.

Your hair was matted in the back and the hair around your perimeter had reverted back to their coils in spite of the gel you used the day before. Plus, drunk you didn’t wear bonnets.

“Morning.” Logan said. His rough voice was throaty and tired. A pounding headache made you close your eyes and nestle in closer.

You were grateful not to see the two of you together anyway. It was never for long and never more than a fun way to spend time before you went your separate ways.

You and Logan were tumultuous at best.

The last time you saw him you were cussing him out and leaving him stranded in the city after a night out. That was two months ago. Last summer you decided to try dating, but the truth was if it wasn’t one thing, it was another, making the two of you very touch and go.

“I have a class in an hour.” You admitted.

Logan peered down at you. The corners of his lips were down turned, and his eyebrows were knitted together.

“The rug rats can live without you for a day.” He said, pulling you on top of him. You yelped at the sudden movement, but guessed that was an appropriate response to the naked girl lying in bed with him, telling him she was leaving. Even if it was for kids.

“I don’t use sick days on anybody but my mama, my daddy, and my brother.” You explained. You pecked his lips and got up.

“I fit in one category.” Logan said with a satisfied grin. You scoffed at him as you gathered your shower stuff.

“I don’t use sick days on you, Logan. Never have, never will.” You replied with a sarcastic smile.

A frantic banging on your door made both of you go quiet. Logan sniffed the air and snarled.

“It’s pretty boy.” Logan growled out. You huffed in annoyance––between him and Scott (and Jean for that, matter) nothing ever got done unless you did it. It was one of the many reasons Logan was a recurring guest at the mansion and not an occupant.

You swung the door open to a wide eyed, modest Scott, who quickly turned into arrogant, incensed Scott at the sight of a very naked Logan in your bed.

“Not now. What’s going on?” You demanded. Something wasn’t right if Scott was coming to you so early.

Bobby’s name was all he could say.

...

The scene that awaited you at the front door was heartbreaking.

Bobby was pacing up and down the balcony freezing anything he pointed at as he walked past. Blasts of frost shot from his hands in all directions. It was wild and uncontrolled. By the door, what looked like his parents and a brother were shouting his name in frustration. Bobby wasn’t the type to lash out for no reason, he just wasn’t that kid.

“I’m not leaving! This is my home!” Bobby cried out.

You sighed and cut your eyes to the professor, who was ushering children and staff away. A warning would have been nice, Professor.

I do apologize, this was...unexpected.

His voice rang out in your head, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Beside you, Logan drew his claws, but you put a hand on his chest. Bobby’s parents were clearly afraid of mutants and Logan was a walking stereotype of a scary mutant. Definitely not helpful.

Stepping forward, you used your powers to create a bubble around you and Bobby. Nobody needed to get hurt accidentally.

“Bobby! I need you to listen to me,” You started. The boy looked up at you tearfully, and you could see them freeze as they fell.

You took his hand, that along with the rest of his body fluctuated between ice and flesh, and held it. The cold stung, but he needed to feel your human hand.

“They’re taking me away!” He hollered. You narrowly dodged a blast of frost from your head. You held on tighter.

“I know that isn’t fair, Bobby! I know! But you have to calm down. Breathe, Bobby.” You pleaded with him. The less his parents saw him so out of control, the less likely they would send him to some camp or home for wayward mutants.

You took a deep breath, and Bobby did the same. One after another. In and out.

Slowly, his human form stabilized and his body temperature was so cold you could see his breath. You gave him a hug when his ice hand had fully reverted back to his human one. The boy clung to you for dear life, and you felt horrible for him.

“Bobby, don’t forget what you learned here, and keep in touch. When you need any of us, we’ll be there.” You said softly, pulling out a small coin and a business card. Bobby took it, confused.

“Whenever you don’t feel safe, call the number and the place they tell you to meet, then show them the token. Emergencies only.”

You walked Bobby down to his parents and they left shortly thereafter.

Watching them go sucked all the air out of you, enough for you to lean on Logan. In public. The Professor was next to the two of you.

“You are one of our finest, Y/N.” He said.

“Maybe, but it wasn’t enough.” You countered. You didn’t feel like an educator. You felt like you were fighting a losing battle and not too many of your kids would make it out unscathed.

“Social services could get ‘em.” Logan suggested.

“They might bite if they see a white boy, but the second he goes full icicle, all bets are off.” You lamented the fact that there were very few people looking out for mutant children, and you weren’t going to put Bobby on anyone’s radar unnecessarily.

The Professor nodded, before heading off to deal with the fallout with the student body. It was never easy losing a student in such a way. You weren’t prepared to do that just yet, so the two of you went back to your room.

You stayed in Logan’s arms until dark. It was the first time you and him had a rational understanding about what each of you needed in the moment.

“When I head through the city, I’ll stop by and check on the kid on my way out.” Logan said. You side eyed him.

“Play nice.” You warned. Sometimes cases required a delicacy Logan didn’t have, but his willingness to do it was a new thing for him. Far be it from you to stop him from doing something good. He finally saw how important your job was and how much you cared for your students.

You planted a kiss on his lips. And his nose and his ear and neck, among other things.

“That means I’ve got you at least one more night. Better make it count.”

#logan howlett #black!reader #poc!reader #logan howlett x reader #Logan howlett x black!reader #wolverine #x men fanfiction #x men

[farmnap]

Fluff Alphabet- Dream

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Dream likes physicality/clinginess. He acts annoyed sometimes but he loves it when you climb into his lap while he’s streaming or how your always by his side whenever you guys going anywhere. He enjoys knowing where you are at all times and making sure your safe. 

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He would love to have a family with you. He’s super paternal and kind so he’d totally be a good dad. He would want a family because he seeing how kind and strong you are believes those are good traits for a parent.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

His positions switch up. Sometimes he likes to bed help and comforted and other times he holds you tight. Either way he gets as close to you as possible. dream is 100% a human furnace when sleeping. This makes it difficult to cuddle every night but he wouldn't let you go.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

He’d probably try to be fancy and romantic all the time but is too goofy to. Like he’d take you to a restaurant but the food would be terrible. Or you’d go to an art museum and would just make fun of the “art”. 

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

My humor. You make him laugh and to him he finds that the best feature in an S/O. 

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

 when you met his family and y’all got along great. he remembers Drista’s laugh as you teased her about school, and how nice you were to his parents. he loves his family and to see how respectful you were made his heart swell

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He wouldn’t be gentle at all. I feel like he’d treat you like he would Sapnap, like pushing you around and play fighting (not hard dw) he would never hurt you but he also enjoys joking around with you. 

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He would hold your hand tight to his, even if they got sweaty and hot. He likes having a hold on you so he could protect you. Sometimes he swing your hands back and fourth in the middle of Walmart, hitting people sometimes on accident.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression was your smile. How it lit up your face and made the world seem brighter. It makes his heart skip a beat every time he thinks of it

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He doesn’t really get jealous. He knows you love him and trusts you enough that he doesn’t have to be jealous. He does get angry sometimes when you directly flirt back, even if its a joke, because he believes that that is reserved for him.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He deffo kissed you first, he probably dropped you off at your house or honestly pulled you into a car make out before you get home. He kisses you passionately and deeply every time. He portrays his emotions best that way.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

I feel like he would wait for you to say it first, he’s had his share of heartbreaks and has walls built up I assume. But once you say it to him he’s eager to say it back.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favorite memory is on your guys’ first date when he ate like all of your salad in four bites. He was looking at you shocked and you got all embarrassed. He found it hilarious and the laugh you let out when he told you he was just impressed, was beautiful.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He would so spoil you oml. He will buy you anything you ask. He would buy you an amusement park if you wanted. He jut knows he had money and he likes to help and spoil the people he loves.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

I’d say blue because its an emotional color and you make him feel all the emotions. 

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

baby, babe, cutie, bitch.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?) 

He likes sword fighting. He loves the skill and hoe it’s literally irl pvp

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He hates rainy days bc he loves to go on walks with you and play football in the backyard. He jut watches tv all day, its boring but if you join him and cuddle into him, its manageable. 

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He used to cheer himself up by playing minecraft or maybe even working out, I can see that. He cheers you up by making you laugh and making you feel happy for at least a few seconds. 

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He often talks about his friends and his career. He keeps you updated and also venting to you is a good outlet for him. 

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

He just lays down or watches football. When he’s stressed he often gets angry, so he tries to avoid you as to not make you take on his anger. 

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

He doesn’t show off at all as we know but he is proud of his career and fanbase. 

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He wouldn’t make a spectacle of proposing but he would make a video of it. Weather that video was posted online or just kept in memories would be up to you. 

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I don't know enough music to accurately give a song sorry:(

Y = Yikes (Do they ever mess up in the relationship?)

Dream doesn’t mess up often but when he does its usually stupid. One time he snapped at you for asking too much about dreamsmp lore. You were just asking so many questions and his patience is only so strong.  He snapped at you, yelling loudly, telling you to just leave him alone. Now that alone wouldn’t be too bad but he got in your face and cornered you. You got scared, naturally, and had a hard time trusting him. I believe that he isn’t “toxic” but just explodes

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He would get another cat but probably not a dog due to patches.

#dream mcyt #dream #dream team #dream smut #mcyt

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Hi! Hope you had a lovely weekend. I was a big one direction fan, till the moment I realized the things Harry was doing were sketchy, and luckily I found this blog. I can say that I’m a Louis fan and I also have a soft spot for Niall. I went to one of Louis’ shows in the USA, and since then I’ve been wondering why hasn’t Niall announced his tour? Like there are no restrictions anymore. I decided to ask you because you seem to have the answer to everything, sorry it’s kinda off topic, I just thought the fact that he’s not doing that well with his music and just tweeting about sports was weird. I believe his career is also being sabotage just for Harry to be big, but maybe those things have no correlation? I don’t know, what do you think? Thank you!

Hello,

Here’s the earnings supplemental presentation to Sony’s investors for the quarter ending in Dec 2021 (page12/21):

In December 2020, Harry’s album was #2 on Sony’s charts, and in December 2021 it was #5. The amount invested in him is undoubtedly huge, but despite the pandemic, Sony is getting its investment back from Harry in the hundreds of millions.

This isn’t counting Harry’s other financial investments with the Azoffs, in their $3-billion stadium construction projects, in the DEMAND datamining project with Google ‘s Area 120, in the Azoffs’ management company.

As you can see, the implications stretch into the $billions, and anything that jeopardizes these projects— jeopardizes Harry’s image as the “one that made it”— is going to be eliminated.

Niall has tried to play a “neutral role,” hoping that Harry’s team focused on the others. Early on, Niall chose to invest with Modest Management to establish a sports management company, an interest that doesn’t clash with Harry’s ambitions, and also built up personal relationships with the Azoffs (Niall was seen playing golf with them). Niall is the only 1D member who has been “seen” with Harry within the last two years. More importantly, Harry is only asked about Niall’s music, not any of the others.

Here’s an old but interesting submission about Niall, with more specific details. If you want to, you can go through this masterpost on Harry.

I have always wondered why Niall, Liam, Louis, and Harry decided to release albums within a few months of each other (2019-20), given the expected blowout from Harry. Why chance the competition? Niall and Liam are UA artists; surely, given the money it takes to make an album, their labels would want them to release at more opportune times. It’s a question that haunts me and I have no good answers.

I think that Niall scrapped his Heartbreak Weather tour in order to concentrate on making a third album and tour that instead. We can’t say his album didn’t do well, because after the tour was scrapped, the promo was dropped; the return-on-investment to promote streaming of HW wasn’t worth it. Harry also cut short the tour that went with Fine Line. The ROI for this project had already exceeded expectations, so his team moved on to sell more expensive tickets, in bigger venues, for Harry’s House.

Given Harry’s huge surge in popularity from 2019 onward, I think the other boys have had to recalibrate their expectations of what success looks like. I’m sorry I don’t follow Niall, but I expect an album will be coming within a year, and he’ll tour soon. Right now, revenue for touring is also coming in like gangbusters (lots of new touring records being set), so I expect that it’s harder to book arenas, too — that’s where I expect Niall will be.

#one direction #Sony investor supplementals #niall horan #louis tomlinson #harry styles

[1ddotdhq]

🍷Thurs 29 Oct ‘20🚙

Cam’s song Changes (written by Harry along with country singer-songwriter Lori McKenna and producers Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson) dropped in some parts of the world this morning, and it is LOVELY! It is a twangy country song about growing up and getting out of your hometown and seeing the world change and you with it. I really think Cam buried the lead when advertising this song, as the best lyric is clearly, “I was falling in love in a back seat, giving it away like my heart won’t ever break. Had such a young heart drinking cheap wine…”. Hmmm...does this sound familiar to anyone? Of course it does! Fans had a great time comparing this song to Fearless and We Made It (and, honestly, yes. I agree). But that is not enough music news for Harry: SiriusXM started releasing videos of Harry’s New York performance in February (whoa a lifetime ago), including Kiwi, Golden, and Lights Up. The performances are, as always, ELECTRIC, and I can’t wait to be able to see them live, eventually.  

Zayn is back and he’s posting Better promotion on instagram (the song, not like...he’s doing a better job...oh, you know what I mean). He hasn’t blessed us with any more covers since yesterday, but he’s active, so I think we’ll be hearing more from him very soon….Maybe some of those songs he registered last month? Please???

All I want for Christmas is...for Liam to branch out and add Tech Expert to his resume alongside ‘YouTuber’ and ‘Tik Tok sensation’? Well, maybe that’s a hyperspecific demand, but it seems like I’m in luck! Liam will be joining the speaker line up of Web Summit 2020, which is a program which “brings together the people and companies redefining the global tech industry”. Liam *is* a recording tech expert, but that’s probably not what they tapped him - this is likely to do with the way he is putting on consistent and quality virtual concerts in a way that has massively transformed the potential for fan engagement in socially distant times. Congrats, Liam, because you’ve worked really hard! And he’s not done working! Liam took to instagram to call fans “detectives” for figuring out that his Christmas collaboration was Dixie D’Amelio, and promising “fun” leading up to the Holidays with “Dixie and her family” (uh, do you think that her parents are gonna be involved or just her super successful 16 year old Tik Tokker sister Charlie?). Anyways, as much as I would LOVE to say that we are indeed detectives (because we are!) , the credit for letting the cat out of the bag this time goes to Dixie herself, who posted a Tik Tok of her singing the song. This, on top of the speculation that already existed, was all the confirmation we needed to know what was happening. Liam also filmed a few episodes of a podcast Happy Hour with veteran YouTuber JaackMaate on his show, where he and his friends chat with people about their jobs and their lives in a relaxed way. And! If you bought tickets to LP Act 3, check your inbox - Liam has sent information on how to access the concert, and also some pre-emptive tech support links. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad one.

Niall was, again, very busy with promo, appearing on Live with Ryan Secrest and hitting all of the Royal Albert Hall talking points we’ve been hearing, but he also took the time to interact with fans on Twitter! He tells us that he’s not going to be doing anything for Halloween (“can’t go anywhere in big groups”), that he loves Bruce Springsteen, and that he’ll do a live striptease if “Slow Hands” passes a billion streams by next week. Look, I know I keep saying this, but, uh #PLEASEdontstripitdownNiall. BUT! Do show us more of your skincare routine, which is what he did on insta: he posted a pic of himself in a facemask saying, “You’ll all be saying after RAH, ‘Niall you were glowing!’ and I’ll say… ‘I know’”. 

And, Louis showed us how quickly he works when he has a goal in mind: after the unfortunate matter of merch shipping only to certain regions of the world yesterday, Backstreet Merch (the company in charge of his stuff) quickly took to twitter to say that, “We will be expanding our shipping zones to all of South America and India...within the next 48 hours.” And that’s exactly what happened! Not only that, Central America and Singapore are also on the list (catch ALL OF MY FAMILY rocking their Walls merch), although Mexico is not, and Backstreet Merch has said they have no current plans to ship to Mexico, which, hmmm. But look, I just gotta say that in 48 hours, Louis listened to his fans who have supported him (he sold out TWO stadiums in Argentina!) and quickly made his merch more accessible. Honestly, I love this man. And those countries certainly deserve it – can your country say Walls was its best selling album last week? Argentina can! Both Harry albums and Heartbreak Weather were also in the top ten.

However, I may have said good riddance to Celebtm too soon ( :{( ). TMZ has picked up their second mess of an article and is now distributing that. On top of this, Michael Straus has contacted both Judge Judy and the People’s Court to see if they can get some cable airtime and settle the small claim on TV - which, to be clear, Briana has to agree to, but it seems likely. Celebtm (despite saying yesterday they weren’t going to report on this until January when the court case happened, okaaaay) made a statement telling Briana to take the TV offers seriously so that Louis’ “child support” (quotes theirs, not mine) wouldn’t go to her legal fees. They went on to say, “We only see #onedirection here. To #EndIt on television and win your freedom to love ❤️ again with the next victim. Thank you #1DFamily for supporting #louistomlinson during these chaotic #1D times”. We DO support Louis, which is more than I can say for celebtm. It might bring a little thrill to see a media outlet proclaiming End It, but is it a good thing for Louis? No. This is happening because of the response they're getting and unless someone makes them (mark this down cause you won't see me saying this usually but omg LTHQ will you please get in here and shut this talk down?) they won't stop with this nonsense (see: yesterday's Larry Stylinson article) until the fans stop cheering them on. Speaking of nonsense on Instagram, Lou the golden retriever, the influencer dog fans headcanon-ed was the one HSHQ posted, decided he wanted a piece of the pie and has joined the swollen ranks of accounts falsely claiming a connection to Harry. There are many, including deuxmoi who post an endless stream of made up stories, but also the occasional credible sounding fan report such as yesterday's of Harry at a gym in the UK, and, um, WOW! It’s one of those fitness classes where you alternate your running pace to accelerate your heart rate, and the fan account claimed that Harry’s base pace (that is, comfortable running pace) is 10 mph, which is a 6 minute mile, or a 5k in 18 minutes. Uh, WHAT?? Guys, that’s it: I’m officially a stan, I love this man, and I want to go on a run with him.

#harry #zayn #niall #louis #okay a few things #i cannot tell you how much i dislike writing about the celebtm thing #i mean sometimes we have some really fun upbeat days (like today or Monday!) #then in comes celebtm and here we go again with this #like no <3 #i dont like it #and i want so many good things for Louis and this just seems to get messier and messier #and i want to reiterate that i dont want my posts reposted to instagram in particular right not #*now #we work hard on these but its for yall and for us not for some shitty gossip site #and they have proven to be really shitty #and yeah were asking for LTHQ to do something like PLEASE shut this convo down #also massive shout out to discourse without whom todays post would not have gone up #because i would have binned it the moment celebtm reopened their mouths #i love her lots #*her = discourse #and our blog titles match now !!! yay!!! #anyways! #song of the day! #Changes by Cam #because OF COURSE!!!!!

[lilacdorkie]

unnoticed | newt x reader

title:unnoticed

pairing: newt x reader

words:

type: fluff/kinda angst

warnings: mentions of blood, suicide, guns

prompt: everyone around you notice your affection and feelings towards newt, exept said boy.

songs recommendetions: miss americana & heartbreak prince by taylor swift, i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys, if i could fly by one direction, fine line by harry styles, i love you by billie eillish, mirrors by justin timberlake, sweater weather by james harris

a/n my first newt imagine, i tried my hardest! sleep well, have a good day and drink water!

***

NEWT didn’t notice. He never noticed the glances you’d give him, longing stares or how sparkles formed in your eyes, whenever you saw him. But Frypan did. He always watched your person in front of blonde boy, thinking how he could be so blind, when it was so obvious.

“He’s such a slinthead” said Fry one day at the bonfire. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at your friend. “ I mean, you give him those eyes and he still reminds blind”. You didn’t say anything. Just glanced at Newt, again.

HE didn’t notice. He never saw how you managed to fix your hair or shirt, when someone said he’s coming towards your way. But Winston did. And never lost a chance to laugh at you or tease, because he knew what was going on.

“You literally look the same everyday. He’s seen you like this million times. It’s like your hands have magic inside of them, that will make you look like a princess, suddenly.” said Winston as Newt went back to work.

“Slim it, Win” you said embarrased knowing, that it was riddiculous. But you couldn’t help it. Newt had that effect on you.

CHUCK got used to your talk, eventually. After two years, he got used to be greeted in the morning with little morning and question if he saw Newt. When it was dinner, he got used to your drooling over second-in-command. Or when you were pranking Gladers, he knew you will immadietly say to not doing anything to Newt. And, of course, he knew at the bed time, you would say how much you liked him.

“I’m telling you (Y/N), one day you will get married and have seven children” said chubby boy resting next to you.” Why so much? Having to take care of sixty boys it’s enough” you said and both of you laughed. He really did wish you a good life with blonde boy.

BOY found himself watching you, closely. He saw your panicked eyes, your shaking hands. Your faster breathe and how you were practically running from one place to another. Alby didn’t want you to see Newt, like that. He also knew the said boy didn’t want either.

“You’ll be okay Newt, everything will be alright. We will fix you. I will fix you. I promise, just don’t leave me, please. I can’t...I can’t loose you. Not you.” you keep saying as you and Minho tried to bear boy’s wounds. His leg was broken in three places and blood streamed down his face.

“It was an accident. Please, don’t worry” Alby said after you treated Newt. You shaked your head, tears kept coming down from your eyes.

“I perfectly know, Alby. I know, what would get him to be injured like that. It’s not nothing. We have to take care of him. Be there for him. I swear on my life, he will survive and he will live happy life” you said with determination. Alby knew since then, that you would give up your own life for blonde boy. You almost did.

BROWN-HAIRED BOY thought it must feel amazing. To love someone this much. To feel pure happiness and love to one person. Thomas was fascinated by your feelings. He always caught himself thinking, how is it, that his best friend doesn’t feel this energy coming from you.

“How does it feel like?” he asked one night, when it was your guys turn to watch the surrodings at the Scorch. You looked at him confused. “To feel so strong emotions and yet, never saying anything” he added. You were silent for a moment. You didn’t know either.”There wasn’t really time to acknowledge it. That’s all.”

YOU were terrified. First you were running from Grievers, then WICKED and now, the Cranks. You asked yourself, when will it stop? But whatever happened, you always were able to hold Newt’s hand. Or his arm. Or part of his shirt. Even when there was some peace, you still had the urge to touch him, somehow. You needed to feel him. To know, he is right beside you. He is safe. 

MINHO noticed it. Every time. At first, he thought it’s odd. But then, he realized how you felt. Wondered, what was on his best friend mind. 

“ It’s kinda cute, you know” he said, while you all were sitting at the Cliff watching Aris and the girls. ”You hold hands so often, I’d think you are dating”. Newt laughed it off and let go of your hand, just to elbow you with a smirk.

“We got these shunks to think we’re a think, (Y/N). The best irony in my life” blonde boy said shaking his head. You didn’t say anything, just smiled at all of them. They looked at you sympatrically. What could you say? 

THE GIRL was smirking, whenever she looked at you two. You were blindly in love with the boy, standing next to you. There wasn’t a moment where you weren’t next to him. Either it was your group discussing rescue plan for Minho or working or eating, your place was next to him.

“Sometimes, I think it’s creepy.” said your best friend sitting along with you at the sand. “What is?” you asked with a smile. She smirked.”How you always are by Newt’s side. It’s probably nothing weird to both of you, but from ours perspective, it really looks amusing, even” she answered, looking straight at you. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you laughed.

“Yeah well, I can’t help it. It’s something that feels right, you know? Like, it should be like that.” you said. Your gaze went to find blonde boy talking with Thomas. Brenda followed you, couldn’t help but smile. She really, really prayed you would confess your feelings finally. From what you and others have been saying, among Minho, Thomas and Fry, you’ve been in love with Newt what it seems, for three years. It pained her to know, how deep you had to hide it. She also felt furious. Not at you, of course. At the boy, who was painfully obvious to your feelings. He didn’t notice small details, that showed how much you loved him.

“I CAN’T SHUCKING BELIEVE IT” said Gally when you walked side by side through the tunnel. He wouldn’t admit it, but felt disappointed and kind of surprised. He knew you and Newt for so long, saw your eyes, your smile, your body language. The way you acted around blonde boy. You had to be goddamn stupid, to not know that you were in love. And yet, you didn’t say a single word. And Newt didn’t see any of that.

“You really want to tell me, that you and him are still friends?” boy looked at you with disbelief. You turned behind to see, if Thomas and Newt don’t hear you.

“I guess. I mean, we always were friends.” you said quietly. Gally rolled his eyes.

“ It doesn’t mean you have to remain like this forever.” he commented with cheesy smile. You laughed and shook your head. “I’m not sure if this is a moment and place to confessions.” you said after a while.

“You’ve been saying it for a years now. It’s been cute at the beginning, seriously. But now, it hurts doesn’t it? What I am saying is, you shouldn’t waste any time. You might not have it a lot.” said Gally with symphaty and worry in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you asked not knowing how to proces his words. He didn’t say anything. Part of you didn’t need him to.

SHE looked sadly at her old friend. They didn’t have to tell her. She knew. Newt was infected. She glanced at you. You were looking at him with teary, worried eyes, clinging onto his arm, like always.When she was in WICKED, she couldn’t help but wonder, if she didn’t betray Thomas like that, would two of them be like you and Newt?

“He’s the love of your life, isn’t he?” she asked, getting your chip out of your neck. You didn’t say anyting. There was nothing to say.

“The serum you have….It won’t save him. You know that” you remained silent. Tears came to your eyes but you didn’t say anything. Thomas noticed the change in your facial expression. “I think that’s enough.” he said getting you away from her. He knew exactly what was that about. Of course he noticed. But him? He was to busy with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him, slowly.

“PLEASE (Y/N) JUST LISTEN TO ME” raven-haired girl practically yelled at you. “You know he doesn’t have much time. But I can help him. We can save him. I just need to test Thomas’ blood.” said Teresa pleading with her eyes towards you. Normally, you would laughed at her face. But this time, it was different. It was about Newt. You looked at him, almost crying. He was already looking at you, shaking his head. Without breaking stare, you asked a question:

“Will you save him?” your voice was shaking, you saw how Newt looked at you not confused. You felt Thomas sharp voice; “You can’t be serious, (Y/N)”. You still were looking at Newt. You hoped your eyes would tell him something, your lips weren’t able to.

“I know together, we will”

***

AND that’s how you were running again. But this time, with needle in your hand and Teresa by your side. Corridors were almost empty, just doctors evacuating. Every guard was now just were The Ivy Trio was. That’s why you found them without any trouble. They noticed you straight away but obviously, guards did too. You reached the boys and started running together, as bullets were flying to your side. You were so determineted, so thankful for Teresa’s resarch that you didn’t feel bullet which was now lower your ribs.

“Newt I got it, I got the cure.” you half-shouted when you all were in the room. They all looked at you like you were crazy.”Me and Teresa got it, you just have…” then you felt pain all over your body. Your legs were wobbly, head dizzy and you dropped to the floor.

“Bloody hell, (Y/N)! You’re bleeding!” said Newt kneeling next to you. You looked at him confuesd. “So what? Newt, didn’t you hear what I said? We have te cure. You’ll be okay”

“You literally was shot and even then, you still worry abiut this shuckface.” said Minho with disbelief. You just looked at blonde boy with the biggest smile despite the pain, killing you inside.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” said Newt taking the needle from your hand and putting it to the pocket. You didn’t look happy like few seconds before.

“What the hell? You have to take it, now.” you said completely ignoring Thomas and Minho who were now, breaking the big glass in front of them.

“(Y/N), are you insane? Your life is on an edge and you are asking me, to take the needle? Shouldn’t you worry about yourself first?” he said trying to stop the bleeding. Teresa slowly put you on your legs, as you had to jump.

“When you love someone more than yourself, you care more about him than you.” you mumbled. He just looked at you. Still, you thought, he didn’t notice..”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Minho looking at Thomas worried.

“Not really.” said boy. Newt frowned.”Great. We’re all bloody inspired”

As he said that, door opened. The four of you looked behind, you too tired to well, actually care. Then you felt youself falling down and then, into the unconsciousness.

AS YOU OPENED YOUR EYES, you were convinced that you died and are in some kind of after life. You stand and went outside. The first thing you noticed, was ocean. You smiled and walked towards it. Your mind was so mesmerized, that you didn’t notice Newt’s big smile when he saw you are awake. This time you didn’t notice. As he walked as fast as he could, to be by your side. How he ignored Minho’s snarky comment “about time, shank”. How he shoved everyone from his path, just to get to you. How his eyes were ony on you. How he sat by your side, not saying anything. How the minute he looked at you, he remembered your words about love. How he mentally punched himself in the face for not noticing your signs. Finally realizing why Gally was so pissed at him. Why Thomas smiled at him like that. Why Minho gave him speech about being slinthead. Why Frypan laughed at him. Why Brenda was smirking when she saw him heading to you.

“I know it now, love. I noticed.” he said looking at you. You were already looking at him. With those eyes. This smile. You reached his hand and interwined your fingers together.

“Thank you for saving me. For all these years.” Newt said kissing your knuckles. You chuckled.”Of course, Newt. You know I will always do that.”

He was by your side. All was well.

#tmr newt #the maze runner #the maze runner imagines #tmr thomas #tmr minho #tmr gally #tmr teresa #tmr brenda #newt x you #newt x y/n #newt x reader #tst #tdc #the scorch trials #the death cure #imagine #thomas #newt #minho #gally #teresa #brenda #tmr newt fluff #tmr newt angst

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

💀 Sat 3 Oct ‘20 🎃

Harryween may have been pushed back to next year, but you know who always come through for us in the clutch: Liam! The LP show logo on veeps has changed to a version that's a carved pumpkin with spoopy flames inside, suggesting a halloween event. How will Liam top the costume he already wore at his birthday stream? I'm aflutter with chills of anticipation... Also he finished the skull drawing he started on his livestream the other day and captioned it “getting ready for Halloween.” I'd have been wildly impressed anyway, but seeing it go from a pencil outline to a shaded masterpiece makes it even more impressive. This fandom is full of things that seem too improbable to be real, and Liam being not just an incredibly talented musician but also a one-time olympic level runner and skilled visual artist with a miraculous kidney who once saved someone from a burning building comes in ahead of even the frankly unrealistic number of identical twins we have to deal with, someone really needs to speak with the writers about dialing it back a touch. Who does they think he is, James Bond or something?!

Charlie Lightening (who was on hand 24/7 at the time of the Walls release and shared with a fan the anxiety he and the rest of Team Louis were feeling about whether it would do well) posted about the album's unexpected return to the chart this week, saying “shoutout to the fans who made this happen. I've seen [their] support globally it's something else,” and Jamie Hartman, who Louis credits with finding him the sound he wanted in their work together, also thanked fans (“[Louis] has some of the most amazing fans in the bloody world!”) and said he “was with him all week making some new magic so it was perfect timing.” Jamie tagged the wrong account for Louis but that's okay since he would have been able to congratulate him in person anyway while they banged out the “four songs in four days” Louis just told us about! What a welcome interruption that wild fan intervention must have been and the perfect boost for those new tunes- talk about a win for fans.

Niall says “we're back!” with a OOTD post and a 9 song playlist for BBC1, so Niall stans who feared that his recent tweet about taking time out might mean we wouldn't hear from him for a while can turn those frowns upside down! I believe he meant not that he was going dark and disappearing but simply that he doesn't plan to release new music while promo and touring are still hampered, which certainly makes sense given the interruption of the Heartbreak Weather release, and his continued media presence would seem to confirm this.

Hey, do you know who else ISN'T James Bond? Well, all of them (even Louis, he was the evil cat), but only one of them went on record to say so today; Harry. According to his team rumors published in the Daily Mail saying he was in meetings to star in the franchise, “aren't even remotely true.” And last but not least, add a name to the varied and bizarre assortment of celebs who have praised Harry: Jon Bon Jovi, who said, “Harry Styles is the real deal. He’s really great.” Someday we'll have to compile that list; it will be thousands long and genuinely the funniest most random possible assortment of people, I'd love to be at that dinner party (but ofc not really as that would be very unsafe and unlike n*zi politicians I would not want to see the Harry fan club suffer the consequences of careless socializing.)

#liam payne #louis tomlinson #Harry Styles #Niall Horan #Eleanor is taking Cliff out again at last! but by driving to the park not walking him over by Louis' house #presumably because she stays at her place and out of the way when Louis is in residence #oh look Jamie lives right near Oxford how about that looks like I was RIGHT HMMM #I hope everyone who harrassed those poor fans on twitter saying they were lying feels bad #I hope Louis and Cliff had a great trip up there and got some nice walks in #Jamie also has a dog named Harry who looks an awful lot like Bruce WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS #you know what though I actually remember being in London years ago and being like #why does everyone here have the same like 3 kinds of dogs only #not like here in the states where it's just thousands of kinds like I didn't think that was real I figured it was just me but... #now I'm wondering if maybe I was on to something?? #anyway Cliffy's RAINCOAT OMG I LOVE pampered boyo in a hoodie PRECIOUS #also: Liam is a Gary Sue why are you booing me I'm right #if this were a fic I was betaing I would have Things to Say about the Liam OC #charlie lightening #eleanor #cliff #Jamie Hartman #theLPshow #3 oct 20 #bon jovi #okay nice I see tumblr just fully erased my final edit before posting great great #the fact that naill and lewis are hanging out can go in tomorrow but for todays tags i DID want to say #that all those happy little new family outing posts the last few days from nick and briana? #Tammi posted stuff showing the whole family was there LMAO #FAKE FAKE FAKE #tammi doesn't trust briana to watch her kid any more than we would tbh lol

[4stars-uswnt]

This is the End [Tobin Heath x Reader]

requested by anon: honestly anything tobin or christen would be great (angst!!?)

A/N: i wrote this at like midnight bc that’s just when inspiration hit. also this was my first time writing angst so lemme know how it is

warnings: angst, hints at/mention of cheating

sequel

You groan, as you hang up the phone, tossing it across your bed. You had just gotten off the phone with your girlfriend of one year, Tobin Heath. Usually, you loved talking to your girlfriend, as you’d share the events of your days with each other. But lately, it seemed like all you two were doing was fighting and bickering over the smallest of things. The latest topic of discussion was Tobin’s best friend, Christen Press.

—————

Although you trusted your girlfriend, you couldn’t help feel insecure about and jealous of their relationship. It certainly didn’t help that you were currently stuck quarantining in Seattle for training with the Reign, and that Christen was currently living with Tobin in Portland.

When you found out the curly haired forward would be staying with your girlfriend, you were livid, starting one of your many fights.

“What do you mean she’s gonna be living with you?!” You yell, exasperatedly.

“(Y/N/N), it’s not like she can go anywhere. The whole country is basically shut down, and they cancelled all the flights.” Tobin tries to calm you.

“Well, why was she even visiting you?” The jealousy in your voice was now evident.

“She was dropping off some stuff for re-inc and the new launch.” She explains.

“How long do you think she’ll be staying?” You sigh.

“I’m sure it won’t be for that long, babe. I promise she won’t stay any longer than she has to.” She tries to reassure you, knowing you weren’t the most comfortable with the situation.

You rolled your eyes, thinking back to that conversation. ‘Not that long’ had turned into almost four months.

You had always been a little weary of Tobin and Christen’s relationship, or ‘preath’ as the fandom had coined them. It was obvious to any person that Christen had heart-eyes for the other woman, and that Tobin absolutely adored the speedy forward, whether that be as more than a friend, you didn’t know.

While you were confident in your relationship, there was always a small part of you that couldn’t help but second guess yourself and question if those ‘preath’ shippers had a point. Your current situation only increased your deprecating thoughts.

—————

Reaching for your phone again, you open the Twitter app, hoping to take your mind off the fight you had just had with your girlfriend. After going through a couple of posts, you passed one from a few minutes ago, mentioning both Tobin and Christen. Scrolling back up, you scanned the tweet. Your eyes widen, and you drop your phone.

“Hearing Tobin Heath and Christen Press are close to signing deals to play with Manchester United.”

Your heart stopped. Though there was more to the post, you didn’t bother continuing, as you had all the information you needed.

Normally, you would wait a couple of hours after an argument to call your girlfriend back, giving you both some time to cool off, but after seeing what you just saw, you furiously FaceTimed her.

After a couple of rings, you hear her voice.

“Hi.” You can hear the hesitancy in your girlfriend’s voice.

“Hey. Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, and I trust you, I do, and I’m sorry I get insecure sometimes.” You truly did mean your apology, but at the same time, you just wanted to ask Tobin about the rumors floating around.

“I’m sorry, too, (Y/N/N). I shouldn’t have yelled either, and I know you trust me. This whole situation just sucks, doesn’t it?”

You huff out a ‘yes’, and Tobin chuckles a little.

“So, we good?” You sheepishly ask.

Tobin practically smiles through the phone. “Yeah, we’re good.”

The two of you make small talk for a while, discussing the weather and what you have planned for the rest of the evening, until you decide you can’t wait any longer to hint at the tweet that’s been plaguing your mind.

“Anyways, when do the Thorns start training again?”

“Ummm. I dunno. In like the next week or so.” Tobin says it so nonchalantly that you can’t tell if she’s purposely avoiding the topic or she’s just chill about it, like everything else in her life.

“Well, have you been taking with Mark?” You try again, hoping she’ll tell you about the Man United loan.

“Yeah, a little.” She hums. “Why? When do you start? You meet your new coach yet?”

You let out a small sigh of defeat, before answering her and continuing the conversation. Not receiving any information from your girlfriend, you decide to drive down to Portland the next morning, not only to surprise Tobin, but hopefully to get some answers.    

—————

After about three hours of driving, and a stop for coffee, you reach the doorstep of Tobin’s apartment at around noon. Knocking on the door, you hear Christen’s voice.

“Oh! That must be our Sweetgreen order.”

You roll your eyes. Of course they would order Sweetgreen for lunch.

The door opens, and you stumble back at the sight in front of you. There, in the door frame stands Christen, wearing only one of Tobin’s oversized Jordan t-shirts. The two of you are just staring at each other, her with a look of guilt and shame written across her face, and you, you’re trying to conceal the pain and heartbreak you are currently feeling.

As if to confirm it all, you hear Tobin’s voice approaching from within the apartment.

“Chris! What’s the hold up? Who’s at the door?” Your girlfriend comes up behind Christen, dressed only in a sports bra and a pair of sweat paints. Her eyes widen upon seeing you standing outside her apartment.  

By now, tears are streaming down your face, as you’ve put the pieces together.

You take off running, down the hallway and out of the building, trying to go anywhere, as far away from your girlfri—— ex-girlfriend as possible.

You hear Tobin chasing after you. “Wait! (Y/N)! Let me explain.”

Catching up to you, she grabs your wrist. You turn around, pulling yourself out of her grasp.

“What?! What could you possibly say?” Your voice cracks. Tobin looks down at her feet, obviously ashamed.

“Babe—" She tries.

“NO!” You hold up your hand. “You do not get to call me that.” You sob.

“I’m sorry.” Tears begin to pool in her eyes.

You shut your eyes, willing your own tears away. “I thought you’d at least have the decency to break up with me before jumping into bed with someone else!” You yell frustratedly, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. “I know we’ve been going through a rough patch recently, but I thought we’d be able to work it out. I thought we were worth fighting for. I thought I was worth fighting for.” You whisper the last part, sounding defeated.

Tobin’s heart breaks at the sound of your words. Running her hands through her hair, she inwardly curses, frustrated with herself. Falling in love with two women was never easy, especially when it was with (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and Christen Press, two of the purest people on the planet.

“I never meant for this to happen, (Y/N).” Tobin sighs.

You scoff under your breath at the woman’s cliché and weak defense.

“How long? How long has this been going on?” You hold your breath, not really wanting to hear the answer, knowing it’ll only shatter your heart even more.

“I knew I started to have feelings for her after last year’s SheBelieves Cup. But we only started…ya know… about two months ago.” She reveals.

You feel like you’re gonna throw up. You want to cry, scream, laugh, yell, all at the same time. Instead, you distance yourself from the other woman, asking her one final question.

“So I guess it’s true?”

Tobin continues to blankly stare at you.

“You’re gonna move to England with her? Play for Manchester United?”

She gives you a look, and you can’t tell if it’s one of sympathy or of guilt, and honestly, at this point, you don’t even care.  

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” She mutters.

“Well,” You clear your throat, pushing down the impending breakdown. “This is it then. This is the end.”

Tobin nods, admitting defeat. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

A new wave of tears gather in your eyes, realizing she won’t even fight for your relationship, or fight for you.

“Goodbye, Tobin.” You turn around and rush back to your car, not giving her the chance to respond.

Shutting the door, you rest your forehead against the steering wheel and let out a sob, now letting the tears fall freely. After a couple of minutes of bawling, you go to drive away, but as you’re leaving, you see Tobin still standing outside the building, staring at you with tear tracks down her cheeks.

Ignoring your broken heart, you glance at the woman one final time and press your foot on the gas, leaving her and your relationship behind.

This truly was the end.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #tobin heath x reader #tobin heath imagine #tobin heath imagines #uswnt #tobin heath

[shyinadarkplace]

Bucky are you still there?

Summary: When their Soul bond is broken, the reader unable to bear the pain tries to end it all. The only question is will Bucky make in time to save her?  (Please be kind this is my very first time publishing a work)

Pairing: Bucky x reader. *I do not own Bucky Barnes or Sebastian Stan or any of his works*

Word count: 5k (I am sorry I might have gotten carried away)

Back ground info: This is an AU where there are Soulmates. If the connection between soul mates is somehow broken the mates have usually at max four years before everything gets unbearable. Also Tony is alive.

Prompt: Mountains/Forest and the song “Jealous” by Labyrinth. I also included another song “Dark side of me” by Coheed and Cambria. There is also an original poem by me in there.  *I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO USE ANY OF MY WORK AS A WHOLE OR IN PART, IN ANYWAY, ON ANY PLATFORM. *

Warnings: Proceed with caution. TRIGGER WARNING: There is mention of blood, extreme depression, suicidal thought and tendencies. That’s all I can think of, but please if you need help with any of the above mentioned things https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  1-800-273-8255.  Please please reach out.

Title: Bucky are you still there?

Outside a winter storm raged deep in the Taiga, and while you were warm physically inside you felt just like that storm. You felt like the swirling mass of ice and snow, like the -54° C that currently raged outside your home. The added fire that sat blazing in front of you did little to assuage the pain that wracked through your chest. The ring on your hand glinted in the firelight. A familiar wave of heartbreak began crashing through you, even after all this time. When the much too familiar tears fell, another layer of ice layered around your heart. You stared into the fire and let your mind wander where it would, allowing your grief take its course.

Memory of your first meeting:

There was a pull in deepest part of your being. A tingling in the back of your mind. He was close. You could feel him brush across your consciousness like a gentle rain, and you returned the gesture. The room seemed to full of people why did Stark tower feel so crowded today? All you could do was stand frozen where you were running up a metaphorical flag screaming here I am. Your eyes quested searching desperately for someone doing the same, for the one who turned your spark into a firestorm. Suddenly there he was. Your eyes met and suddenly it was like you were falling, but gently, into warm blue eyes, into dark strands of hair and stubbly jawline. In man and muscle. Falling into him. Your feet were moving before you even realized it. Standing face to face with him, you felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest “Hello, I’m (y/n). I have been waiting for you.) Your voice barely above a whisper almost afraid that if you spoke to loud it would somehow be just a dream. “Hello doll, my name is James Buchanan Barnes. I am so glad you waited.” Thus began your world wind love affair with the Winter Soldier, Bucky, White Wolf. And it was perfect. You two were perfect for each other been through so many of the same things. It was like you had discovered the theory of everything right then and there.

“6 years ago. Can you believe it Benji. Just six years ago Earth was upside down as a planet, but personally I was in heaven. I had met my soul mate.” The big wolf hound/wolf mix just laid his big black head on your lap, offering the silent comfort he always did. “We were married for three years. It was like magic.” A fresh batch of tears ran down your face. It had been 3 excruciating years. 3 years of feeling utterly alone. You had heard what it was like when someone lost their soulmate, it was like they were a zombie. They lost some of their humanity. It was like when a clinically depressed person masked, they looked and sounded fine for the most part but something was just off. Most of the time when one lost their soul mate they died too, unable to carry on without them or unwilling too. So many times you had been tempted to walk out in weather like this and let the Taiga take you. So many times you sat staring into the flames and thought about ending it all. After all there were thousands of ways to die. It had been 6 years since what the world came to call the Endgame. Since something had snapped inside Bucky during that battle and he had vanished. The end of the third long and bitter year was coming up, a person can only take so much.

Memory: You were probably 100 yards away from him when it happened. You could feel something wrong with Bucky, you had to get to him and help him. You got distracted next thing you knew a long thick metal rod had you staked to the ground. You couldn’t move it was embedded too far in the ground behind you. So you fought on like that, on the ground taking blasters and weapons from anything you fought with as the Super serum running through your veins kept you alive, easing the bleeding. You kept fighting hoping somehow you would be able to get up to get to Bucky. Hot tears streamed down your face and a scream ripped savagely from your throat as suddenly the constant connection that you had with Bucky was gone. It was like it had never existed. All you could feel was an iron wall. Utterly impenetrable. You couldn’t tell if it was just the limit of your consciousness or if it was him somehow cutting you off. Or if the worst had happened. Then the world went black.

When Steve found you, you had passed out from blood loss. You were in a coma for a week due to the severity of the wound but you remembered your dreams and they were sweet.

In your dreams it was just after you and Bucky had gotten married. A week to the day actually. You had curled up beside him and asked you could read him something you wrote. He didn’t need to say anything. All of his attention focused on you. A blush crept up your neck as you read what you had written.

“You always looked like trouble but the very best kind.

Even before I knew what you looked like.

You looked like everything I wanted at 16.18.20.26.

You looked like whiskey and smoke before I even knew the taste.

You looked like a hot rod idling at a stop light.

You looked like my addiction before it developed. Like my favorite kind of pain.

I don’t know how but I always just knew, that your eyes where blue. Blue. Such a cool tone. The kind that reminds you glaciers or ice cubes against passion heated skin. Like Blue flames, that seemed to sear clothes off with a glance, and pool fire in my belly. And when you smiled I really knew you were trouble then. But the best kind. The kind I couldn’t live without. The kind that kept me breathing. When you smiled at me the first time, I was yours.

The first time with you…oh god it was like nothing before. I had spent so many hours over the years before I met you, day dreaming about my fingers in your hair, your hands blazing trails of fire against my skin. Your lips crushed against mine…

By the time you placed your hand against my cheek and started kissing me, it was like you had kissed me a thousand times before. By the time your hands caressed my skin in expectant reverence (a shock to my system) it was as though your hands had always known my skin.

When I touched your skin, I was in awe at the newness of the sensation and yet it was so familiar. As I felt like your hands had always known my skin, I felt I had always known yours.

That first time didn’t feel like the first time. It felt like we had been together since the beginning of time. I didn’t need to question anything, because we knew each other so intimately words were not needed.

No need for words because I knew where to kiss you, as if some instinct worked within me. Knew where to touch. Knew how to kiss you wherever my lips landed. Knew when to bite and when to soothe. I knew it because you had always been mine. I was made for you.

No need for words because you knew, knew when to be gentle, when to be firm, knew everything you needed to get me high. With you it was natural as breathing. You brought me back to life the way a smith does a cold forge. With you it was the first time but it felt as though we had been there a thousand, thousand times before.

When I first saw you it all became real, I had already spent years falling in love with the idea of being with you. In the ease and comfort and debauchery of your presence. Suddenly every dream I had ever had about my soul mate blazed into existence.

You looked like my addiction when it formed, like my favorite kind of pain. You looked like someone I had loved a thousand, thousand times. “

You two had been so tangled up in each other it was hard to tell where he ended and you began, the line between him and you blurred. You were in complete bliss. At least while you were sleeping.

Steve was there when you woke up. As soon as you saw him and not Bucky your heart began to fracture. It looked like he had been crying, like he had not been to slept. Everything inside you went cold. Your mind reached out for Bucky, for the comfort of your soulmate and touched…nothing it was like he was dead. But he couldn’t be right? Even though you felt like you were dead, with the only sign that you were alive being the beeping of the monitors in the room, he couldn’t be, right? But that is what it felt like because there was just…nothing like the connection had never been. You tried again and again to push past whatever was stopping you but it was no use because there was nothing for you to grab on to. “(y/n) you have to stop pushing against that wall. It won’t help.” Steve’s voice broke and he took your hands. “It won’t help, he’s gone and…and we don’t know where he is or if he is gonna come back. So you…you have to stop pushing and focus on you right now.” He wiped the tears from your face and gave his best smile, though it did little to ease the pain “You have to be stronger than ever. I know that I am asking a lot. But you’re his best girl and you gotta be ready to kick his ass when he comes back.” All you could muster was a small twitch at the side of your mouth. “If …I was his best girl…why’d he leave me Stevie?” you whispered so softly he could barely hear but damn if it didn’t break his heart.

Then it was dark again. This time there were no comforting dreams. Steve sat there by your bed and let his chest heave as he cried quitely. He cried for a lot of reasons. After a while he stood up, and left the room for the first time in days. He knew he would have to be there for you if you were gonna make it so it was time to get cleaned up and eat something, maybe try to catch some sleep. There was a long road ahead.

It was a whole day later when you woke up again. Steve was sitting in the window of your hospital room. “Hey Stevie… see anything good out there?” He jumped at the sound of your voice and grinned at you. “Hey there sweetheart, how are you feeling?” he said softly coming to sit next you once again. He took your hand and when he squeezed gently, you squeezed back. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Honestly? I feel like my insides have been scrubbed with sandpaper. I feel raw and bloody…I feel the most incredible pain and yet completely numb. But…” You paused trying to steady the sick feeling in your gut. You looked directly in Steve’s soft blue eyes and they offered a little comfort in their familiarity. “But…” you continued “I know I need to get out of this hospital bed. I need to regain my strength and take care of myself, because I know he is out there. I have to find him Stevie. Now I need you to tell me everything.” Steve nodded a slight grin coming to his face “I knew there was a reason you were meant for that punk. I will tell you everything but how about you shower, get changed and we get you some food first huh?” You sighed, it bothered you to put off the inevitable but you knew you probably smelled like a trash truck and you were hungry. So you did what Steve asked and you two had lunch together. For a couple hours you both pretended like all was right in the world.

When Steve finally started talking it sounded more like a debriefing and less like his best friend was missing, honestly though it was almost easier that way. Thinking of it like another mission rather than losing your soulmate. “Well, to be honest I can’t tell you a whole lot. All I know is that Buck and I were maybe 10 feet apart. Everything was fine. Everything was fine until it wasn’t. I can’t say what happened, one second I looked over and he was fine. He was Bucky. The next he was Winter Soldat. Then Tony snapped and the fighting stopped, but I lost sight of him. I guess once there was no enemy he just took off. We do know that he stole a Wakandan air ship, but he must have damaged enough of the important components to make it untraceable. We don’t know where he is. I can guarantee though that he learned from last time, we won’t be able to find him if he doesn’t want to be found.”

You took a deep breath eyes closed. The urge to just give up right then and there was almost overwhelming. You knew there were ways to kill a super soldier. Hell you had come pretty close to it in the past. “Sweetheart, don’t go there. We both know it won’t it won’t work.” Steve’s voice yanked you sharply from the dark thoughts that crept into your mind. You sighed “Yeah, I guess you are right Stevie.” There was nothing either of you could do, except move on. Survive.

After that you and Steve were as close as could be. When you couldn’t sleep you it always seemed like Steve was up to. If you needed comfort he was there. You did everything together. Both of you knew it wasn’t really healthy but at the same time it helped with the healing. You went to therapy and got mental help. You stayed combat ready. You continued blowing minds working with Tony and Shuri on tech. You picked up new hobbies like gardening, and painting and drawing. You did everything you could to keep yourself somewhat distracted from the hollowness that ate at you.

You never cried in front of anyone but Steve, but everyone knew. Even if they couldn’t hear the crying they could hear the music that came from your room. No matter the tune no one knocked when the soft static of your record player was on. You were living in the past, trying to cope the best way you could dancing alone to songs that you and Bucky loved. Listening to your past and his with every pop of the speaker. Sometimes Steve would stand outside your room with his head pressed against the door and just listen. He’d sway along with the music because it brought back memories for him too. Eventually he would feel guilty because he wanted nothing more than to go in and take you in his arms. Kiss you. Comfort you. Part of him believed that Bucky really was gone. Part of him didn’t think he even had a soul mate and he was so fucking lonely. But he never did. If anyone ever noticed, they never said anything.

A year had passed since Bucky left.  A year you spent in therapy, spent pretending every god damn day that you didn’t want to just die so the pain would stop, clinging to Steve like a fucking life raft and Steve clung back. You both knew it wasn’t healthy but you needed each other in ways that other people couldn’t understand. Steve was the only other person who really knew Bucky. Who could understand the things that you had went through. Who was just as lonely as you. Steve was your best friend. The day after the one year Painaversary, something incredible happened. Steve finally met his Soulmate. It hit you like a slap in the face from Hulk. You had already lost your Soulmate but now you had to lose your best friend too.

Steve sat on the edge of your bed staring daggers in to the floor. He kept his eyes down when you came out of the bathroom. “Hey there (y/n/n). You wanna tell me why you have what’s the word ‘ghosted’ me for the past week.” His voice was cold and harsh. Not what you expected. Not that you had been expecting Steve to be sitting on your bed when you came out of the shower but the tone he used was the more shocking thing at the moment. “You know why Stevie.” You said moving quietly to get dressed, unable to bring your voice above a whisper. He didn’t look up until he heard a soft sob. You were standing fully clothed in Bucky’s sweats and a worn t-shirt, with your head against Bucky’s dresser. “You know why. Just because Soulmates can’t be unfaithful doesn’t mean this is okay, Stevie.” In his heart he knew you were right but it killed him, gently he picked you up, turned off the lights and tucked you into bed. Then like most every night before he climbed in behind you. His body heat a silent invitation more of a pull like a magnet, one that you couldn’t resist right now. So you snuggled into his arms your back against his chest. As he wrapped his arms around you, he whispered voice rough with emotion, “This doesn’t have to end (y/n/n). “You knew what he was trying to do. “Stevie. It’s okay. We’ve been holding on to each other so tightly because we both were drowning. You can’t make Janey hurt. It’s okay. We will still hang out, but no more late nights like this.” It hurt to say. If it was possible he pulled you closer and held you closer. His heat wrapped you up like another blanket. You sighed. He just nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. He could feel your tears on his arm as he held you. Why did it feel like his heart was getting shredded? For a while there was silence. “Stevie?” “Yeah sweetheart.” “I miss him so much, this hurts so fucking bad. Why did he leave me? I wish I would have just died there. It would better than this.” You curled up in a ball, trying to make yourself as small as possible, hoping somehow it would help. Steve sat up, propped all the pillows behind him, picked you up like you were a child and tucked you safely against his chest. The sobs and half screams that tore from your throat brought tears to his eyes. All he could do was hold you, stroke your hair, kiss the top of your head and whisper “I know sweetheart. I know. I’m here. I got ya. We’ll find him I promise. We will make all of this right. I promise.” Eventually there were no more tears to cry and you relaxed. Your voice was hoarse when you whispered “I was to move to the Taiga.” “Alright sweetheart we will make it happen.”

            A month later you had everything you needed to move. Tony had help you engineer a sort of mini arc reactor that supplied your home with 100% clean energy, and all of the wood used to build your house and furniture (which admittedly was a lot) was sustainably farmed, all of the pipes that brought water to the house from the lake had all been lain with minimal disruption to the landscape.

Stevie was the one who came along and helped you actually build the little house. It had two bedrooms, a kitchen and living room. It was a cozy little place, all the modern amenities but an old time feel. Plus you had your 1945 Jeep and a snowmobile. You had everything you needed.

You and Steve held hands as you stood back admiring the house one last time.

“Looks good sweet heart. You sure you are gonna be okay out here?” His voice was light but the concern was evident by the gentle squeeze he gave your hand.

You heaved a deep sigh “Yeah. Yeah. I think I will be fine. I feel better here and now than I have since he left. I promise I will keep in contact. I mean how could I not according to Tony I have my own satellite.” You returned the squeeze of his hand to reassure him. Gently he pulled you into a great bear of a hug. You were pretty sure if you hadn’t been a super soldier he probably would have broken you, you just laughed and hugged him back. “I want you to know I love you (y/n/n) and hell I’m going to miss you. So please be safe and if you need anything call, okay?”

“I love you too Stevie, I will miss you too. I promise I will call okay. Hey you better get going you got places to be.” He held you for a moment longer, kissed the top of your head and said “Yeah you are probably right. But before I do I have one more thing for you.” He goes over to his jeep and pulls out a box with holes in it. As soon as he sets it down you open it, to be greeted by the most adorable ball cute you had ever seen in your life. You picked it up finding that it was a puppy. “Janey picked him out for you. He is probably going to be huge, but she thought he would be perfect to keep you company out here.”

“Tell her I said thank you. I think this is just what I needed.” You said cuddling the sleeping puppy to your chest. Steve nodded and smiled. You watched as he went and started his jeep and drove away. You felt as close to content as you could with your heart in ribbons.

Present

By the time you snapped back to the present the fire was low. Benji was asleep at your feet and the howling outside had stopped. You decided to grab some coffee, bundle up and go outside to watch the night sky. It was breath taking. The Northern Lights danced and swayed shifting colors as they went. The stars shone brilliantly uninhibited by light pollution. You sipped your coffee and mindlessly started to hum as you watched the night.

No one knew you could sing. All evidence destroyed from your operative days, no one knew except Bucky. Your heart swelled and your eyes closed. You lifted your face toward the sky and started to sing and you thought it was fitting when the words only came to you in Russian, while the one person you wanted to hear was god knows where. Still he was the one you sang for…or perhaps you sang for the memory of him.

“Я завидую дождю. (I envy the rain)

Он падает на вашу кожу (It falls on your skin)

Он ближе, чем мои руки.(It’s closer than my hands)

Я завидую дождю.(I envy the rain)

Я завидую ветру (I envy the wind)

Она течет сквозь твою одежду (it flows through your clothes)

Он ближе, чем твоя тень. (it’s closer than your shadow)

О, я завидую ветру(oh I envy the wind)

Я завидую ночам. (I envy the nights)

Которые я не провожу с тобой (which I can’t spend with you)

Интересно, с кем ты лежишь рядом? (I wonder who you lay next to)

О, я завидую ночам. (oh I envy the nights)

Я завидую этой любви (I envy this love)

Любовь, которая была здесь. (this love that was here)

Осталось поделиться с кем - то еще (left to share with someone else)

О, я завидую этой любви (oh I envy this love)

Потому что я пожелал тебе всего самого лучшего. (Because I wished you all the best)

Все, что может дать этот мир.(all this world can give)

и все же ты меня бросил. (still you left me)

но мне нечего прощать.(but there’s nothing to forgive)

Но я всегда думал, что ты вернешься и скажешь мне, что все, что ты нашел, это ...

(but I always thought you would come back and tell me all you found was…)

Горе и страдания(grief and suffering)

Мне трудно сказать, я завидую этому пути.(its hard for me to say, I envy the way)

Ты счастлива без меня (you are happy without me)”

Your voice broke as the last note sounded. Subconsciously you reached for ghost of the connection you shared with Bucky. For a moment you almost thought you felt something brush back. Tears welled up as you fell to your knees in the snow. You couldn’t take it anymore. A scream of pure anguish ripped through your body.

After a moment you collect yourself and took the knife you always carried from its sheath. You stripped off your coat and laid it on the ground. Rolling up your sleeves you smiled softly thinking that maybe once you were gone in a way you would be with Bucky again.

There was no hesitation as you drove the knife blade into the pulse point of your wrist and slashed up, not waiting to repeat the process to the other side. You lay on your back and gaze up at the sky. In the distance you hear a motor. No it couldn’t be. Felt something brush against your mind. You smiled at the thought of your brain trying to make you fight. You knew it was going to take a bit longer to bleed out since it was so cold. You didn’t mind it would be over soon anyway.

You weren’t sure how much time passed, but your eyes started to feel heavy. Black started creeping into the edge of your vision. You let out a sigh finally.

“(Y/N/N)!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO (Y/N/N) PLEEAASSEEE!!!”

You could see a blurry figure coming toward you.  You knew that voice. It was like they were moving in slow motion and talking underwater. But that couldn’t be right.

Suddenly you heard that stupid motor again. Then something touched your skin. For a moment you felt fireworks. You opened your eyes. “Fuck (y/n/n) please hold on. I am so sorry doll. I’m so sorry, please don’t go. Please.” Bucky’s voice rang in your ears like a call to prayer. “Baby girl please.” His voice was hoarse and choked up. Barely able to speak through the lump in his throat at the sight of you.

You forced your eyes open and took in the sight of him for what would probably be the last time and whispered “Buck?” Then the world went dark as a scream that was like the torture of a thousand hells ripped and tore through the landscape.

In the aftermath a melody played 

"In those discouraging days

I always missed the mark When we were comfort and close I would neglect to keep

Oh, you safe and unexposed A portrait of time repeats This moment now replaced With an empty wish to give I give, I gave

I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality I made This selfish war machine

Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt

Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me

Now in your absence I wade Through the coursing, lonely, lost And in this tragic dismay I never could believe what I became

I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality I made This welcomed war machine

Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt

Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me

Oh, I couldn't give you What you needed It's all my fault Too coward to believe I lost it all

I gave my everything For all the wrong things In this cold reality I made This selfish war machine

Oh, this has become hell How can I share this life With someone else? I promise you There is no weight that can bury us Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt

Here in the dark side of me Here in the dark side of me"

 "Buck are you still there? I don't want to die."

#@imanuglywombat #@littlefreya #first ever posted fanfic #please be kind #would love feedback #bucky barnes x reader

[pattswriting]

unnoticed | newt x reader

title:unnoticed

pairing: newt x reader

type: fluff/kinda angst

warnings: mentions of blood, suicide, guns

prompt: everyone around you notice your affection and feelings towards newt, exept said boy.

songs recommendetions: miss americana & heartbreak prince by taylor swift, i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys, if i could fly by one direction, fine line by harry styles, i love you by billie eillish, mirrors by justin timberlake, sweater weather by james harris

a/n my first newt imagine, i tried my hardest! sleep well, have a good day and drink water!

edit: i posted it on my main blog before, thought it might be better on here.

***

NEWT didn’t notice. He never noticed the glances you’d give him, longing stares or how sparkles formed in your eyes, whenever you saw him. But Frypan did. He always watched your person in front of blonde boy, thinking how he could be so blind, when it was so obvious.

“He’s such a slinthead” said Fry one day at the bonfire. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at your friend. “ I mean, you give him those eyes and he still reminds blind”. You didn’t say anything. Just glanced at Newt, again.

HE didn’t notice. He never saw how you managed to fix your hair or shirt, when someone said he’s coming towards your way. But Winston did. And never lost a chance to laugh at you or tease, because he knew what was going on.

“You literally look the same everyday. He’s seen you like this million times. It’s like your hands have magic inside of them, that will make you look like a princess, suddenly.” said Winston as Newt went back to work.

“Slim it, Win” you said embarrased knowing, that it was riddiculous. But you couldn’t help it. Newt had that effect on you.

CHUCK got used to your talk, eventually. After two years, he got used to be greeted in the morning with little morning and question if he saw Newt. When it was dinner, he got used to your drooling over second-in-command. Or when you were pranking Gladers, he knew you will immadietly say to not doing anything to Newt. And, of course, he knew at the bed time, you would say how much you liked him.

“I’m telling you (Y/N), one day you will get married and have seven children” said chubby boy resting next to you.” Why so much? Having to take care of sixty boys it’s enough” you said and both of you laughed. He really did wish you a good life with blonde boy.

BOY found himself watching you, closely. He saw your panicked eyes, your shaking hands. Your faster breathe and how you were practically running from one place to another. Alby didn’t want you to see Newt, like that. He also knew the said boy didn’t want either.

“You’ll be okay Newt, everything will be alright. We will fix you. I will fix you. I promise, just don’t leave me, please. I can’t...I can’t loose you. Not you.” you keep saying as you and Minho tried to bear boy’s wounds. His leg was broken in three places and blood streamed down his face.

“It was an accident. Please, don’t worry” Alby said after you treated Newt. You shaked your head, tears kept coming down from your eyes.

“I perfectly know, Alby. I know, what would get him to be injured like that. It’s not nothing. We have to take care of him. Be there for him. I swear on my life, he will survive and he will live happy life” you said with determination. Alby knew since then, that you would give up your own life for blonde boy. You almost did.

BROWN-HAIRED BOY thought it must feel amazing. To love someone this much. To feel pure happiness and love to one person. Thomas was fascinated by your feelings. He always caught himself thinking, how is it, that his best friend doesn’t feel this energy coming from you.

“How does it feel like?” he asked one night, when it was your guys turn to watch the surrodings at the Scorch. You looked at him confused. “To feel so strong emotions and yet, never saying anything” he added. You were silent for a moment. You didn’t know either.”There wasn’t really time to acknowledge it. That’s all.”

YOU were terrified. First you were running from Grievers, then WICKED and now, the Cranks. You asked yourself, when will it stop? But whatever happened, you always were able to hold Newt’s hand. Or his arm. Or part of his shirt. Even when there was some peace, you still had the urge to touch him, somehow. You needed to feel him. To know, he is right beside you. He is safe. 

MINHO noticed it. Every time. At first, he thought it’s odd. But then, he realized how you felt. Wondered, what was on his best friend mind. 

“ It’s kinda cute, you know” he said, while you all were sitting at the Cliff watching Aris and the girls. ”You hold hands so often, I’d think you are dating”. Newt laughed it off and let go of your hand, just to elbow you with a smirk.

“We got these shunks to think we’re a think, (Y/N). The best irony in my life” blonde boy said shaking his head. You didn’t say anything, just smiled at all of them. They looked at you sympatrically. What could you say? 

THE GIRL was smirking, whenever she looked at you two. You were blindly in love with the boy, standing next to you. There wasn’t a moment where you weren’t next to him. Either it was your group discussing rescue plan for Minho or working or eating, your place was next to him.

“Sometimes, I think it’s creepy.” said your best friend sitting along with you at the sand. “What is?” you asked with a smile. She smirked.”How you always are by Newt’s side. It’s probably nothing weird to both of you, but from ours perspective, it really looks amusing, even” she answered, looking straight at you. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you laughed.

“Yeah well, I can’t help it. It’s something that feels right, you know? Like, it should be like that.” you said. Your gaze went to find blonde boy talking with Thomas. Brenda followed you, couldn’t help but smile. She really, really prayed you would confess your feelings finally. From what you and others have been saying, among Minho, Thomas and Fry, you’ve been in love with Newt what it seems, for three years. It pained her to know, how deep you had to hide it. She also felt furious. Not at you, of course. At the boy, who was painfully obvious to your feelings. He didn’t notice small details, that showed how much you loved him.

“I CAN’T SHUCKING BELIEVE IT” said Gally when you walked side by side through the tunnel. He wouldn’t admit it, but felt disappointed and kind of surprised. He knew you and Newt for so long, saw your eyes, your smile, your body language. The way you acted around blonde boy. You had to be goddamn stupid, to not know that you were in love. And yet, you didn’t say a single word. And Newt didn’t see any of that.

“You really want to tell me, that you and him are still friends?” boy looked at you with disbelief. You turned behind to see, if Thomas and Newt don’t hear you.

“I guess. I mean, we always were friends.” you said quietly. Gally rolled his eyes.

“ It doesn’t mean you have to remain like this forever.” he commented with cheesy smile. You laughed and shook your head. “I’m not sure if this is a moment and place to confessions.” you said after a while.

“You’ve been saying it for a years now. It’s been cute at the beginning, seriously. But now, it hurts doesn’t it? What I am saying is, you shouldn’t waste any time. You might not have it a lot.” said Gally with symphaty and worry in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you asked not knowing how to proces his words. He didn’t say anything. Part of you didn’t need him to.

SHE looked sadly at her old friend. They didn’t have to tell her. She knew. Newt was infected. She glanced at you. You were looking at him with teary, worried eyes, clinging onto his arm, like always.When she was in WICKED, she couldn’t help but wonder, if she didn’t betray Thomas like that, would two of them be like you and Newt?

“He’s the love of your life, isn’t he?” she asked, getting your chip out of your neck. You didn’t say anyting. There was nothing to say.

“The serum you have….It won’t save him. You know that” you remained silent. Tears came to your eyes but you didn’t say anything. Thomas noticed the change in your facial expression. “I think that’s enough.” he said getting you away from her. He knew exactly what was that about. Of course he noticed. But him? He was to busy with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him, slowly.

“PLEASE (Y/N) JUST LISTEN TO ME” raven-haired girl practically yelled at you. “You know he doesn’t have much time. But I can help him. We can save him. I just need to test Thomas’ blood.” said Teresa pleading with her eyes towards you. Normally, you would laughed at her face. But this time, it was different. It was about Newt. You looked at him, almost crying. He was already looking at you, shaking his head. Without breaking the stare, you asked a question:

“Will you save him?” your voice was shaking, you saw how Newt looked at you  confused. You felt Thomas sharp voice; “You can’t be serious, (Y/N)”. You still were looking at Newt. You hoped your eyes would tell him something, your lips weren’t able to.

“I know together, we will”

***

AND that’s how you were running again. But this time, with needle in your hand and Teresa by your side. Corridors were almost empty, just doctors evacuating. Every guard was now just were The Ivy Trio was. That’s why you found them without any trouble. They noticed you straight away but obviously, guards did too. You reached the boys and started running together, as bullets were flying to your side. You were so determineted, so thankful for Teresa’s resarch that you didn’t feel bullet which was now lower your ribs.

“Newt I got it, I got the cure.” you half-shouted when you all were in the room. They all looked at you like you were crazy.”Me and Teresa got it, you just have…” then you felt pain all over your body. Your legs were wobbly, head dizzy and you dropped to the floor.

“Bloody hell, (Y/N)! You’re bleeding!” said Newt kneeling next to you. You looked at him confuesd. “So what? Newt, didn’t you hear what I said? We have te cure. You’ll be okay”

“You literally was shot and even then, you still worry about this shuckface.” said Minho with disbelief. You just looked at blonde boy with the biggest smile despite the pain, killing you inside.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” said Newt taking the needle from your hand and putting it to the pocket. You didn’t look happy like few seconds before.

“What the hell? You have to take it, now.” you said completely ignoring Thomas and Minho who were now, breaking the big glass in front of them.

“(Y/N), are you insane? Your life is on an edge and you are asking me, to take the needle? Shouldn’t you worry about yourself first?” he said trying to stop the bleeding. Teresa slowly put you on your legs, as you had to jump.

“When you love someone more than yourself, you care about them more.” you mumbled. He just looked at you. Still, you thought, he didn’t notice..”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Minho looking at Thomas worried.

“Not really.” said boy. Newt frowned.”Great. We’re all bloody inspired”

As he said that, door opened. The four of you looked behind, you too tired to well, actually care. Then you felt youself falling down and then, into the unconsciousness.

AS YOU OPENED YOUR EYES, you were convinced that you died and are in some kind of after life. You stand and went outside. The first thing you noticed, was ocean. You smiled and walked towards it. Your mind was so mesmerized, that you didn’t notice Newt’s big smile when he saw you are awake. This time you didn’t notice. As he walked as fast as he could, to be by your side. How he ignored Minho’s snarky comment “about time, shank”. How he shoved everyone from his path, just to get to you. How his eyes were ony on you. How he sat by your side, not saying anything. How the minute he looked at you, he remembered your words about love. How he mentally punched himself in the face for not noticing your signs. Finally realizing why Gally was so pissed at him. Why Thomas smiled at him like that. Why Minho gave him speech about being slinthead. Why Frypan laughed at him. Why Brenda was smirking when she saw him heading to you.

“I know it now, love. I noticed.” he said looking at you. You were already looking at him. With those eyes. This smile. You reached his hand and interwined your fingers together.

“Thank you for saving me. For all these years.” Newt said kissing your knuckles. You chuckled.”Of course, Newt. You know I will always do that.”

He was by your side. All was well.

#tmr newt #tmr thomas #tmr minho #tmr gally #tmr teresa #tmr brenda #the maze runner #the scorch trials #the death cure #the maze runner imagine #tmr imagine #tmr newt imagine #newt x reader #newt x y/n #newt x you

[celine-dreamwall]

Rushing Home | Niall Horan

Summary: Niall and Y/N should be guesting for The Late Late Show with James Corden but unfortunately Y/N is not feeling well.

Niall’s POV

I woke up early getting ready for the late late show, Y/N is still sleeping which is quite unusual every time she has scheduled for the next day she is usually the early one, but I guess it’s because we had a little fun last night that she is still sleeping. While taking a shower I heard Y/N grunt so I grab a towel and go to her.

“Honey, are you alright?” I said and she said “Not really, my abdomen hurts!” “What should I do? Should we go to the hospital?” Y/N ran to the bathroom as I knock on the door and said “Honey, are you okay? What’s going on? Do you need anything?” Y/N answered “It’s okay Niall it’s just menstrual cramps but could you make me some hot tea and hot compress please!” “Okay, Love just wait!”

As I make Y/N’s tea and a hot compress I also made her pancakes for breakfast with lots of honey in it the way she loves it! As I headed to our room bringing her everything she needed. “Y/N here’s your tea and I made you some pancakes too” “Thank you so much Love” while she kisses my lips “Do you want me to call James and cancelled our guesting?” “Our? No! You should go, Me not going already make me feel bad so I guess you should go I don’t want to let down James, you can go honey promote your album and my movie and explain it to him why I can’t go and tell him I’ll make it up to him” she said while she grabs her phone and she called her Manager not being able to make all of her schedule.

I played some of my tracks in the HEARTBREAK WEATHER

On the Late Late Show with James Corden

James Corden: That’s Niall Horan Ladies And Gentlemen stay tune for more.

As we go back to our interview

James Corden: So tell us about your new album

Me: Ahhh Yes! So it’s called Heartbreak Weather, I wrote all the songs and I’m really proud of it , I work hard for it and I hope you enjoy it, it’s rea-

James Corden: Calm down Niall, it’s seems you are in a hurry! Hahahah!

Me: Hahahaha! While quite cause you know the situation.

James Corden: Ohhh Yeah! Rushing home maybe because of Y/N?

Me: Yeah! I mean I kind a feel bad leaving her behind her situation.

James Corden: Yeah but also feel bad about me too, I’m really excited about having Y/N here and the best part is you’re also guesting so it’s supposedly more special but of course I’m not blaming her having “the situation” hahahaha!

Me: I’m also actually excited for that too actually Y/N also feel bad about it she said she’ll make it up to you whatever skit you wanted to do with her I guess she’ll say yes Hahaha!

James Corden: Well maybe we can all do this again more interviews and do “The Flinch” or “Fill your guts or Spill your guts”

Me: Well I bet she’ll say yes to that!

James Corden: So beside promoting your album you’re also promoting Y/N movie? Was that right?

Me: Oh yeah! Since she supposedly to do it here Hahaha! I guess I’ll do it for her. So yeah guys! First of all buy my album it’s called Heartbreak Weather and also stream in Spotify it’s already out and Watch “My second life” starring Y/F/N, Lucy Liu, and more

James Corden: So Yeah! Thank you Niall hoping we’ll see you again and tell Y/N feel better, the late late show can’t wait to see the both of you here.

While changing in my dressing room I call Y/N wondering how was she but No avail so I was rushing changing and sprint heading to my car as I drive heading to our place I saw a bakery I bought a chocolate cake for Y/N and also went for a drive thru cause I know she’ll be lazy to move because of menstrual cramps. As I enter the door I saw Y/N just curling with her blanket on the couch while the TV is on as I look closely she is napping, I kiss her forehead as she shift and woke her up

“Hi, honey feeling better?” “Yeah! It’s just I hate having a period I feel lazy all the time, my abdomen hurts, and urghh! Wait what’s that?” Pointing in the table “oh yeah! I brought us food I know you might not be able to wait if I cook and besides it your favorite” Y/N hugged me tightly and said “You’re really the best Niall I love you so much!” “I love you more Y/N” as she kissed me “okay I’ll go grab some utensils so we can it here” as I went to the kitchen grab a knife, fork and plate I already saw her munching the burger and fries that I bought drive thru, I look at Y/N and my heart just flutters seeing her how simple things make her feel better. As she saw me just standing still she said “Niall, what you doing there come here, let’s eat and tell me what happened in The Late Late Show”

I’m thinking about Part 2 of this story wherein Niall and the reader will be on the show together and lots of surprises ahead. 😉

#Niall Horan #Niall Horan x Reader #Niall x Reader #Niall Horan Imagine #Niall Imagine #One Direction #One Direction Imagine #Heartbreak Weather

[black-streak]

Waiting For The Worms - The Show Must Go On

Part 4

Sooo, this isn't nearly as dark and has very little angst in comparison to the point I'd almost say it isn't? It's pretty much just an update on life in a way. Which is also part of why it took so long for me to write. Like, the struggle was real. Next chapter will go back to your regularly scheduled heartbreak.

Warnings from chapter 1, while mostly inapplicable for this part, still in effect.

The gallery: @northernbluetongue @thethirdwheelfriend @shizukiryuu @theatreandcomicfreak @michellemagic @karategirl119 @moonlightstar64 @my-name-is-michell @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @miraculousdisapointment @dorkus-minimus @jardimazul @allthebooksandcrannies @g-arya @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @persephonescat @mycupisbroken @luciferge @18-fandoms-unite-08 @dawnwave16 @alwaysreblogneverpost @kris-pines04 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @weird-pale-blonde-person @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @kokotaru @naclychilli @slytherinhquinn @clumsy-owl-4178 @ladybug-182 @darkthunder1589 @evil-elf16 @dast218 @lysslovsanime @emilytopaz @naoryllis @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @danielslilangel @finallyaniguana @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @vixen-uchiha @yuulxd @bleeding-heart-romantic @magic-inthe-stars @st0rmy-w1th1n

~---~

The next year of Jason's life was hectic to say the least.

It started with the downfall of Lila Rossi. Which consequently, he had no part in. She stepped on the wrong toes, made a few too many contradictions and suddenly a pile of lawsuits were stacked against her. Her mother went completely ape shit on her and pulled her out immediately to be shipped off to a very strict boarding school. More like a juvenile detention center if the rumors were true.

For the first month, no one approached him. The guilty, stricken looks upon his classmates' faces told a million stories of apologetic remorse, but since becoming a jaded, snarky outcast, 'Marinette' was no longer the person you could give a simple apology to and expect forgiveness. And no one wanted to be the first to get shot down.

Eventually, the first apology came. Surprisingly, Alya tried to win his favor. She groveled and apologized up and down on how terrible she and Lila had been and named every reason in the book as to why she had reacted and treated Marinette the way she did in an attempt to explain herself. While it wasn't necessarily surprising that she would be the first to not fear him, it was shocking she saw the error of her ways so soon with all that bull headed ego she carried around.

Bravery got her nowhere, however, as Jason only lifted an eyebrow, arms crossed as he leaned back, and calmly replied.

"Cool story, still betrayal."

As the girl sputtered before him, he turned back towards Chloe, continuing to make their plans for the day. After two minutes had passed and Alya still stood there hunting for her words, he turned back.

"Can you leave? Sometime today would be nice."

And so the precedent was set. While it took another week for someone else to approach, they seemed spurred on by the ease of Alya's dismissal. Suppose they figured if the biggest offender only got mild verbal abuse and dismissal, things had to go more smoothly for them.

Nino came next, awkward shuffling and avoided eye contact included. He pushed through his apology, beating around the bush and trying to defuse the situation at the same time he built it up. It only served to piss Jason off. They deserve better than this. At least meet her eyes if you're going to apologize and expect me to believe it.

"Uh… Marinette? Did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I assumed you were talking to the desk next to me and minded my business. Would hate to be accused of eavesdropping."

He flinched at the reminder and finally looked him in the eye.

"I'm sorry. What we did was wrong. What I did was wrong and I am so beyond sorry for it. There is no excuse for my behavior."

"You're right. There isn't. Do better in the future."

"I will!," he rushed to reassure Jason, voice hopeful, "Does this mean we can be friends again?"

"No. Do better for those who chose to be your friend in the future."

"Oh… okay, yeah, that's fair," Nino gave a downtrodden look and wandered off.

Next came Sabrina and Rose, who didn't so much as apologize to him, but instead tried to reattach themselves to Chloe and Juleka's sides as if nothing had happened at all. This might not have thrown Chloe in the slightest, but poor Juleka looked a moment from having an anxiety attack. Chloe made short work of both girls, dismissing them entirely and when Rose started to cry and stare at Juleka for reassurance that everything was okay, Jason pulled the goth into a hug, glaring at the little blonde girl, until eventually she received the hint and ran off, tears streaming down her face. Apparently Nathaniel gave Marc the same treatment.

Lastly Kim, Alix, Max, Ivan, and Mylene came as a group. They must've taken comfort in their numbers, hoping it would somehow protect them from him singling them out. Thought everything would go smoother that way. He could hear Juleka grumbling at his side where they sat under a tree for lunch. They both appreciated the shade and quiet peace of the place. Marc sat on her other side, writing away in a journal.

"Hey Mari, we wanted to apologize for the way we've been acting lately," Alix took the lead.

"Yeah, it was really uncool of us," Kim followed up, the others nodding along.

They looked imploring. Like they were waiting for some sort of forgiveness. He couldn't help but wonder if they thought their actions were somehow better. That he couldn't really be mad at them because they weren't the ones who lied or lead the pack against his soulmate. They didn't make harsh accusations or physically attack Marinette. So somehow, they were better and their apologies could be less.

How fucking rude. How presumptuous. How entitled to think his time, thoughts, feelings were forfeit in their need for forgiveness. Marinette deserved better in her time here than these heartless bastards. None of them ever defended her either. Or him for that matter. Not one of them tried to so much as change the subject to avoid harping on him. None cared when his soulmate never returned to her body. Maybe that wasn't fair, but at the very least they could've approached him in his grief when it was easily displayed. Everyone here had a soulmate and knew the signs of loss for when one died. Surely they knew that this person in this body lost their other half. And yet not a soul outside of his group had offered condolences.

"That's all you have to offer? That it wasn't cool?" Juleka asked, tone quiet but sharp.

"Well it's not like we-"

"Let me cut you off there, before you piss me off. You didn't personally attack me, you just watched and snickered behind hands. Joined in to the cruel jokes and snide remarks. Encouraged those who did attack. At least they had the decency to be that way to my face and let me know where we stood. You? Hiding behind others actions and grouping up to give half-hearted sorrys that you barely think of before you speak? Now you guys are the ones that truly infuriate me. Either you believed I deserved the treatment I received but refused to be singled out for it. Or you thought what was happening was wrong and were too much of a coward to step up and help me out. I'm not sure which is worse. Either way, I don't want to see a single one of you approach me again. I don't mean enough to you to make a stand? Then you don't mean enough to me to even speak to. Get out of my face."

When his little speech was done and the startled masses ran off with an added glare, protests held on the tip of tongues, Jason slumped back against the tree, taking small comforts in the silent support of his two companions.

Adrien never approached. That was for the best.

His friend group was also something new. Marc, Juleka, Chloe, and Kagami. The group technically leaned more female than anything, but after the heavy masculine energy of his old life, this turn of events felt refreshing. It helped that Marc came out as nonbinary and Jason couldn't help but relate in a way with his view of this body fitting as female, but his mind staying firmly male. Altering his soulmate's body to fit would never happen, but it also didn't match him. 

The group only grew stronger and more resilient after Jason agreed to revealing identities in the team. After the loss of Mari and the stripping of the ring from Adrien, Jason found it necessary to place new permanent holders. With Kagami and Chloe having screwed up their original hero personas, the placement became a challenge. 

He started out with figuring out his new cat. 

Talking it over with Fu and dragging the decision out way longer than it needed to, he eventually convinced the old guardian of Kagami's worth. She took to Plagg with ease, the design of her look altering to match. The suit stayed all black but wasn't leather and had gold detailing. The ears and tail looked more realistic as well. Her hair went pitch black and eyes went to shades of gold. Kagami insisted her new name be Serval.

Next came Chloe who ended up comforting Jason the most through his despair, whether she knew the reason for it or not. Without the bee as an easy go to, he ended up giving her the Dragon. Sure, the mix wasn't the best ever, but it kept her on the offensive side and more active, so it worked the way they needed it to. Her outfit consisted of tight fitted scales in shades of black and blue. Unlike when Kagami used the dragon, her and Longg took more to the shades of blue that came with most weather. Her shock of blonde hair played nicely with the idea of lightening on a stormy day. She went with Nimbus.

Surprisingly, Marc became the next holder. Jason planned on handing off the fox to Juleka, only to realize it wouldn't quite suit the girl. She stayed in the shadows most of the time, yes, but not really by choice. She wanted to be a model and show up in photos more than anything, so it made no sense to stick her with another identity she had to hide in. Add on the fact that she wasn't necessarily the most creative and well, Jason couldn't hand off an illusion piece to her. That's when Marc came into play. The kid had creativity in spades and preferred to avoid the spotlight. Marc and Marinette grew closer with all their time spent in the art room and courtyard together and especially with Nathaniel having ditched them. With Marc starting to build a spot of their own within the group, it only made sense to pair them with the Fox.

Now that he thought about it, the whole team really stuck with black. Marc had a black velvety almost shapeless form, with white tail, ears, sash, gloves, and boots. Their eyes fell white on gray on black and gave off an eerie feel. They choose Jocular for their hero name.

Finally, Jason hunted down the perfect miraculous for Juleka. The mouse. Quiet and unseen, playing in the background until the moment was right. And then she was everywhere, a multitude taking over the scene and overwhelming the enemy in a matter of moments. Perfect for the girl who hid behind her bangs but longed for the spotlight. Mullo played to both halves of her personality. The suit that came with consisted of a deep vivid purple that matched her bangs while detransformed. While in costume, the highlights disappeared and her eyes shined purple as well. The fit was reminiscent of a belted, hooded tunic with black leggings and matching purple booties. She went with Fievel. Turns out Juleka had an interesting favorite childhood movie. Months later, they would find themselves sitting around a tv, watching the old animated musical, but in the beginning, they just took it in stride.

The last major change came in a heavier bond forming amongst his team.

When Jason agreed to reveal identities, if for no other reason than the guilt of already keeping one major secret from the group, things spiced up. For one, Juleka and Marc traded their respective miraculouses back and forth depending on their comfort level for the day. If one felt more ready for the spotlight, they took to the mouse for the battle. If one felt especially creative at the moment, they tagged in for the fox. Of course, they jumped in with whichever they had when an akuma hit while separated, but the switch off seemed to comfort them.

Secondly, Chloe started running more interference to allow them escape time if stuck up in civilian form. Her false bratty attitude and daddy issues came into play here, despite her actual maturity about both. It helped to amp it up from time to time.

Lastly, Kagami and Jason begin to switch on occasion.

Plagg hadn't been outside the ring since Jason removed him from Adrien and Kagami received him. The shock and horror on his face when Tikki told him the reality of their situation broke Jason a little more. The cat insisted on spending more time with Jason after that. His soul resonated better with the ring anyways, so the time spent as the cat holder felt soothing after so long as the ladybug, despite this body feeling more receptive towards Tikki's magic. 

As an added bonus, the two kept the other's costume and attributes such as eyes and hair. Between that and the heavy magical glamour hiding their identities, no one, not even Hawkmoth, knew which one was which until their fighting style came into play at which point, it was too late. Luckily, with the sneaky aspects of the mouse and fox, the other two became quite the ambush as well. Add in Chloe showing up with one of three different powers at any given moment, and Hawkmoth's akumas became easy prey.

By the time the year ran out, their team ran as a well oiled machine. Despite the horrific heartbreak festering in his heart, Jason felt hopeful. Hopeful that they might take down the villain that had taken over his soulmate's life from so young. That this battle at least might end on a happy note. That soon he would be free to seek out justice for Marinette once and for all.

#maribat #jasonette #ml x dc #WFTW #part 4 #did i mention i never edit these? #choosing the team was a four day struggle

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here. 

Okay, let’s talk about it! 

Sam Smith – Fix you

I remember crying to the original song (by Coldplay) back in 2005. Whoo boy, lots of teenage feelings!

I’m not the biggest fan of Sam Smith’s music, but one day I was just driving home from work and this song began playing on the radio and by the end of it I could barely see the road.

// When you try your best, but you don’t succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can’t replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? //

That one line – stuck in reverse – felt just so perfect for a story set in the universe where people invert themselves back and forth.

It became one of the three main songs that inspired me to write the whole damn thing, and also the only title in the story that is not a title of a song as well.

Chapter 1: Ben Platt – Ease my mind 

This is one of the songs I have on my daily playlist, I just love it, and the lyrics are so fitting:

//Most days I wake up with a pit in my chest There are thoughts that I can’t put to rest There’s a worry that I can’t place

Most nights, I am restless and quiet won’t come So I lay there and wait for the sun There’s a trouble that won’t show its face

You came out of nowhere and you cut through all the noise I make sense to the madness when I listen to your voice//

We learn more about the nightmares in the next chapters, but it all starts here. That melancholic vibe stuck with me for the rest of the story I guess.

Bonus song: Lewis Capaldi - Before you go

The combat scene in one song, or at least what I imagined was going through Reader’s mind at that point.

//I fell by the wayside like everyone else I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was just kidding myself Our every moment, I start to replace ‘Cause now that they’re gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say When you hurt under the surface Like troubled water running cold Well, time can heal but this won’t//

Have you ever felt that way? Trying to hide your broken heart under anger? I don’t know, it just resonated deeply.

The second part of the song kinda seeped into the next chapter:

//Was there something I could’ve said To make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather

//Would we be better off by now If I’d have let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we’ll never know//

Chapter 2: Kaleo - I can’t go on without you

Another song from my daily playlists (side note – I saw Kaleo once live on a music festival and they were mind-blowing, you should really check out more of their work).

It worked with the story because of its desperate and painful mood.

Bonus: Calum Scott - Dancing on my own

Holy shit, I FELT this one. (Been there, done that). Of course I had to write it into Reader’s past. Actually, I wrote it first and then found the song, but it doesn’t matter, that’s the flashback scene right here:

//Somebody said you got a new friend Does she love you better than I can? And there’s a big black sky over my town I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around And yeah, I know it’s stupid But I just gotta see it for myself I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? And I’m giving it my all //

Chapter 3: Billie Eilish – Bad guy

No feels, pure bop. This song is so BADASS, I really needed to get that vibe into the undercover mission, I didn’t want Reader to be an emotional mess and nothing else, you know?

Bonus: Tones and I – Dance Monkey

I shit you not, I’ve had that one on repeat for the dance scene. There is something incredibly seductive in that beat, I just couldn’t get it out of my head.

Bonus: Kings of Leon – Closer

It just makes my heart clench and leaves me breathless.

Chapter 4: Ben Platt – Bad habit

Ah, that was the moment when I cursed at myself for using Ease my mind for chapter 1, but we already talked about it.

Even though this song is very emotional, it’s not that heartbreaking, you can hear a faint smile here and there and it just makes my heart sing.

And oh my god, those lyrics:

//You always said that I’d come back to you again ‘Cause everybody needs a friend, it’s true Someone to quiet the voices in my head Make ‘em sing to me instead, it’s you Hate to say that I love you Hate to say that I need you Hate to say that I want you But I do Bad habit, I know But I’m needin’ you right now Can you help me out? Can I lean on you? Been one of those days Sun don’t wanna come out Can you help me out? Can I lean on you?//

They just work with that plot, you know?

Bonus: Dodie – Sick of losing soulmates

Another song that just resonates with the story.

//What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be If you hadn’t found me, sitting all alone in the dark A dumb screenshot of youth Watch how a cold broken teen Will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof

What the hell would I be, without you (what the hell would I be) Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth)

'Cause I’m sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin I can finally see, you’re as fucked up as me So how do we win?//

Chapter 5: Adele – Someone like you

The whole damn sunset scene + this song on repeat = feels

The pain in her voice? God, it just reduces me to a puddle of tears.

Reader could just sing it at some point to Neil almost word for word.

Bonus: Passenger – Let her go

Okay, the case of that one is quite funny, because I kinda needed to figure out how to get from point A to point B of the chapter, and I was browsing Spotify looking for „campfire songs” or something like that. Of course I’ve heard this one before, but I’ve never actually focused on the lyrics.

And oh boy, suddenly it all became clear.

Headcanon time – in my head, Wheeler and Neil are close friends, she treats him a bit like a younger brother, I just can imagine they know each other very well at that point. Of course she knows hows about his past. Of course she heard about Reader. And she thinks they are both silly babies and they should just kiss, right? That’s why she chooses that song.

Those lyrics – they fit Neil’s backstory so damn well.

//Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go//

And he was stupid enough to let her go. Because his timing was off.

Those lyrics are also perfect to make Reader think about his ex-girlfriend, because of course that is what you’re gonna it’s all about.

Bonus: Del Amitri – Tell her this

Ahh, there it is – the second out of three main songs for Stuck in Reverse.

I remember the moment I found out that Rob Pattinson sings and writes music, then I listened to some of the songs and my heart went whoooosh. So I just had to make Neil play a guitar, I just needed to find out what song would be The One.

Do you remember that flashback about them both watching a tv show on his couch? Here, you’re welcome. 

I recently started rewatching Scrubs and when I got to that episode – ding, ding, ding!

This is the ultimate “hey, I fucked up, I shouldn’t have let you go, I’m an idiot and I love you.”

Chapter 6: Imagine Dragons – Next to me

I adore that song. It warms my heart. I think it fits Neil and Reader’s relationship.

And I needed all the fluffy feelings to switch the tone of the story to something lighter.

Bonus: Michelle Branch – Everywhere

This one is a silly bop, and it always puts me in a good mood. A nice song to listen to when you are happy, in love, and you are making breakfast.

Bonus: Ashlee Simpson – Pieces of me

This one (same as the one before) came to me from Zach Braff’s workout playlist, haha. I mean I almost forgot about it, but it makes me smile every time I hear it, and the lyrics work nicely:

//On a Monday I am waiting Tuesday I am fading And By Wednesday I can’t sleep Then the phone rings I hear you And the darkness is a clear view Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast I can hardly catch my breath I hope it lasts

It seems like I can finally Rest my head on something real I like the way that feels It’s as if you know me better Than I ever knew myself I love how you can tell All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me//

Bonus: Kaleo – I want more

Is there such a thing as a warm melancholy? Because that is a vibe I get from that song.

//Turn back, leave all you had Forgive, I’ll forget 'Cause what we need is what we once had Time won’t stand still Just say you will 'Cause I need you there and now

If you leap, I’ll come falling too Running deep 'til that rivers through I don’t mind what you have to do 'Cause I won’t think less, less of you

Yes, I want more, more Looking for more I want more, more 'Cause I want more

Old grounds Feels like the weight has been lifted away So don’t you leave me there wanting more//

Chapter 7: Ben Platt – In case you don’t live forever

I mean it’s not my fault that Ben’s songs make me FEEL things, damn it.

The whole damn song = utter heartbreak when you think about Neil coming back to Reader before he goes back to Stalsk-12 to open that damn lock.

//I, I’ve carried this song in my mind Listen, it’s echoing in me But I haven’t helped you to hear it We, we’ve only got so much time I’m pretty sure it would kill me If you didn’t know the pieces of me are pieces of you

I’ve waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me

In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you the truth I’m everything that I am because of you//

Bonus: Charlene Soraia – Wherever you will go

Why am I doing this to you? Because we all like pain.

This one is for the scene on the deck:

//So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my place When I’m gone you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would I’ll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I’ll find out A way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then I hope there’s someone out there who can bring me back to you//

Bonus: Rhys Lewis – No right to love you

No light, only pain and suffering.

//'Cause I have no right to love you When I chose to walk away I have no right to miss you When I didn’t wanna stay And I have no right to need you And I knew what my heart was gonna lose I have no right to love you But I do, I still do Yeah, I still do//

Bonus: Knox Brown x Gallant – Reignite

This song is just so incredible, it makes my palms sweat and my mind going places. Yep, it was on repeat.

Oh you know which scene this one is for.

Bonus: Freya Ridings – Lost without you

The last dialogue. On repeat. Because this song breaks my heart and leaves me a sobbing mess.

//Strangers rushin’ past Just tryna get home But you were the only Safehaven that I’ve known Hits me at full speed Feel like I can’t breathe And nobody knows This pain inside me My world is crumbling I should never Let you go I think I’m lost without you//

(OI, SPOILERS) 

Chapter 8: Florence + The Machine – Never let me go

I have only one thing to say:

Fuck you, Nolan.

Third out of three.

//And it’s over and I’m going under

But I’m not giving up I’m just giving in

Oh, slipping underneath So cold and so sweet

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold And all this devotion, well, I never knew at all And the questions I have for a sinner released In the arms of the ocean deliver me

(Never let me go, never let me go Never let me go, never let me go)//

Bonus: Sasha Sloan - Dancing with your ghost

Suffer with me.

//Yelling at the sky Screaming at the world Baby, why’d you go away? I’m still your girl Holding on too tight Head up in the clouds Heaven only knows Where you are now

How do I love How do I love again? How do I trust How do I trust again?

I stay up all night Tell myself I’m alright Baby, you’re just harder to see than most I put the record on Wait 'til I hear our song Every night I’m dancing with your ghost Every night I’m dancing with your ghost//

#stuck in reverse playlist #stuck in reverse #bts stuck in reverse #im gonna make yall suffer with me