#can you tell that i'm already super happy even though i'm currently writing this at 2 pm oct. 27 💀

[buckymorelikefuckme]

and baby makes three

(the reboot)

bucky barnes x fem reader

words: 11.3k

warnings: **18+ ONLY** friends to lovers, pining, smut, oral (f receiving), breeding kink, pregnancy kink, cockwarming (kind of??), trigger warning for having troubles with getting pregnant. it's still super fuckin soft despite all of that though, i swear.

a/n: okay so it's currently 6am as i'm typing this and i haven't been to sleep yet bc i decided to just heavily edit this instead of rewrite it bc i'm lazy i guess idk. this was posted originally back in 2021 i believe and it's still on ao3 it's just orphaned rip. i promise i'll be writing and posting new stuff soon ok pls have faith in me and cheer me on bc it's hard and scary and i don't wanna disappoint anybody :( ANYWAY, as usual, any and all mistakes are my own. if i've missed anything important pls let me know so i can correct it. feedback is encouraged (pls) and appreciated (i am begging...)

The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and very unlikely. Sure, you liked kids well enough, but having one of your own…

It’s a thought that’s sat in a corner deep in your mind, buried beneath a million other impossible concepts; a thought that you’ve only ever glanced over and never gave your full attention, having ruled it out ages ago as something you just couldn’t—or wouldn’t—do.

And then, on a day like any other, it pushes its way to the forefront of your mind, making itself known and unwilling to leave.

You’re going into the clothing store to find a new cardigan after your most favorite one got eaten by the dryer. Usually you’re a single-minded shopper, walking into a store with tunnel vision and on a mission to get what you need and that’s it.

Today, however, you make the mistake of letting your eyes wander on your way to the sweater section. Your gaze just so happens to land on the baby clothes… and your steps falter. It’s there that you see it, a tiny, pink onesie with a sleeping teddy bear printed on the front, displayed on an even tinier hanger. There’s matching pants with teddy bears all over them and ruffles on the butt and all your brain can muster up is cutecutecutecutecute.

Your feet carry you closer and before you realize what you’re doing you pick up the outfit, letting out a coo when you realize the teddy bear is fuzzy, softly rubbing your thumb across it. Somehow, you walk out of the store, not with a new cardigan, but with the cute baby outfit and a bow you thought looked adorable with it.

It’s not until you get home that it hits you, that you bought baby clothes for a baby you don’t even have.

The feeling that rushes through you is hard to describe. Shame? Embarrassment?

...Yearning?

No. Definitely not. Nope.

There’s absolutely no yearning going on here, not for a baby. You’ve never even had that desire before and you certainly don’t see yourself having it now. You shake your head to clear it, telling yourself you’ll take it back tomorrow.

Except you don’t take it back. You conveniently “forget” and it stays shoved on the top shelf in your hall closet. You pretend you don’t pause in front of said closet throughout the following days—weeks—chewing on the inside of your cheek and staring at the door like you can see through the wood at the evidence of your impulsive purchase.

It gets harder to ignore, though, when you start getting ads for baby clothing brands. And baby toys, bottles, handy little gadgets for new parents, nursery decor… It’s endless.

Then, as if it wasn’t already bad enough, all of your childhood friends start popping out babies like it’s a brand new trend. You don't think you've seen your social media this flooded with pregnancy announcements and baby arrivals, ever. Your emotions are mixed; happy for them, and for their excitement, but there’s also a weird discomfort settled in your stomach.

You hesitate to be that person who thinks the universe is trying to tell you something, but you do wonder. Why else would you suddenly have these feelings? Why else would there be baby stuff everywhere you look now?

It brings on other thoughts, as well. In this day and age, it’s not too unusual for women to have babies without being married, or without a significant other at all. There is the pressure, still, to at least be in a relationship, but considering you’ve been practically in love with one of your closest friends for the last two years, it’s safe to say that you’re tragically single, so having a baby with someone is out of the question.

And god, do you even want a baby?

As soon as the thought crosses your mind, with a sudden clarity that hits you like a ton of bricks, you realize you do. It feels like a freight train has slammed into you. Your mind’s eye supplies you with images of a swollen belly and wide smile, a precious baby wrapped in a soft blanket, cradled in your arms, a gummy grin and happy giggle.

Emotion consumes you then, longing like you’ve never felt in your life, chest aching with how badly you want that.

It’s not as if you’re too young. You’re plenty old enough and you’ve got a secure job. You don’t subscribe to that whole biological clock nonsense, but you do feel that if you are going to potentially have a baby, it might be better to do it now while you’re still in relatively good health.

You groan, dropping your face into your open palms, the movie you'd been watching to try and distract yourself long forgotten as it continues to play on the television.

This is a lot to think about, you ponder to yourself. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it slowly, you decide the mature thing to do is give yourself more time to ruminate on it. Having a baby is no small decision. You need to be absolutely certain it’s what you want. It’s going to change your entire life, everything, and you’d be responsible for a new life. So, you’ll have to give yourself a few months to decide and then you can go from there.

***

You’re scrolling through yet another article on your laptop, engrossed in every detail of the process of artificial insemination and the symptoms and side effects that come with it. So engrossed, in fact, that you don’t hear the key turning in the lock, the door opening and closing, and the heavy footfalls that follow.

It’s only when Bucky asks, “Whatcha reading?” that you are even aware of his presence.

You startle so hard that your knee slams into the underside of your table. Ignoring the throbbing pain in your knee and your wildly beating heart, you close your laptop with a snap and turn to Bucky.

“You could knock,” you grouse.

“Why give me a key, then?” he retorts, unapologetic.

You roll your eyes and grumble under your breath, “Clearly, it was a mistake.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

Brows furrowed, you ask, “What?”

He gestures to your laptop. “What were you reading? Your nose was nearly smushed against the screen.”

You blink, trying to think of a reasonable excuse and coming up empty.

“Nothing,” is all your brilliant mind can supply.

Bucky’s eyes narrow for a few seconds, and you pray to every higher power and all that is holy and good that he won’t press further. You remain frozen under Bucky’s suspicious stare, hearing that Old West shootout music playing in your mind.

Thankfully, it seems the deities are feeling indulgent, as Bucky chooses let it go.

He holds up the bags he carried in. “I brought lunch.”

You perk up instantly. “Did you go to that one place—?”

“With the fried rice you like so much, yes,” he finishes for you, smiling.

“You’re the best,” you sigh, stomach rumbling eagerly.

“I know,” he replies, solemn and dramatic like the idiot he is.

He begins taking out the styrofoam boxes and chattering on about something dumb Steve did the other day, and you mean to listen, you really do. It’s just. That article is still lingering in your brain. There’s so many steps and hassles. Plus, it’s not cheap. It would be a hefty investment.

You’d only researched it because, after months of contemplating the pros and cons of having a baby, you determined the pros far outweigh the cons. But then the problem was: how to even make it happen.

Your first thought was that you didn’t think you’d let just any man come inside you, for many obvious reasons. You’d shuddered to think of it. Then there was surrogacy, which is admirable and wonderful, but you’d quickly dismissed that idea as you realized you wanted to actually carry the baby yourself. So that led you to artificial insemination. You weren’t sure how you felt about it yet. There was something a little too clinical about choosing a random man’s sperm to have injected into your uterus.

Bucky’s still speaking as he grabs plates and forks, unaware of your inner monologue. “And then he got Sam involved,” he’s saying, scooping out food onto the plates, “which, as you know, I always think is a dumb thing to do.”

“I want to have a baby,” you blurt, eyes widening at your outburst.

Bucky fumbles with the spoon, sending fried rice flying, muttering curses as he tries to catch it with no luck as it lands with a dull clunk on the table. The silence that follows is loud. It feels like your heart is in your throat as you wait for him to just say something, anything.

“This is… quite a mess I’ve made,” Bucky finally observes. His voice is a bit higher than usual. “Where’s your vacuum? Actually, do you have one of those mini ones? Or would Clorox wipes be better? You know what, I’ll do both.”

He nods decisively then turns an expectant look towards you. His eyes look a bit wild, but you wisely keep that to yourself.

Wordlessly, you direct him to your hall closet. You realize your error a second too late when he opens the closet and reaches for the vacuum on the top shelf, where the purchase you’d made months ago also rests. His fingers get caught in the plastic bag when he grabs the handheld vacuum and its contents spill out. He goes to catch them right away, but once it registers what they are, he lets go of them like they’re on fire and nearly drops the vacuum on his foot.

Heat has been steadily creeping up your neck, but now your whole body feels aflame with embarrassment. The two of you stare at the baby clothes lying unassumingly on the floor for a long moment, until Bucky quietly walks back to the table with the vacuum clutched tightly in his fist. He flicks the switch on and it whirs to life, sucking up the bits of rice scattered around the table.

There’s another lengthy silence after he turns the vacuum off and you're unable to find the right thing to say to break it. Bucky does it for you.

“So… You’re serious.”

You meet his eyes and sigh heavily. “Yeah.”

He blinks a few times before clearing his throat, schooling his expression carefully. “I didn’t realize you were seeing someone.”

You cough lightly and start picking the peas out of your fried rice. “Well, that would be because I’m not.”

“I don’t think I follow,” he admits slowly.

You sigh again, lowering your gaze to your lap. “Look, I’ve thought about this a lot, okay? I’ve given myself months to really make sure it’s what I want. I’m in a good place in my life to have one, Bucky, and I don’t want to feel pressured to wait until I might get married.” You lift your gaze to his. “I want to have a baby,” you repeat firmly. “And I don’t need a partner to have one.”

You’re not sure why you feel the need to defend yourself. It’s not up to Bucky what you decide to do. You don’t need his approval, or anyone else’s. Maybe it’s because, even though you know it's not true, it feels like you're making too hasty of a decision.

After a beat, Bucky amends, “Well, I mean… You do…”

“Oh my god, shut up, you know what I mean,” you groan as you smack his arm, glad that he's not calling you crazy or trying to talk you out of it.

He doesn’t even flinch, the jerk.

“Wait, so what were you reading when I got here?” he suddenly questions, brows furrowed.

“Nothing,” you say too quickly, guiltily.

“Let me see your laptop then,” he counters as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You flounder for a second, scoffing. “What? No!”

“It can’t be that embarrassing, just show me,” he wheedles.

“Absolutely not.”

“Let me see!”

“It’s private!”

“Don’t be a chicken.”

Your eye twitches. “I’m not a chicken.” Bucky smirks and before he can even open his mouth you interject with a finger pointed accusingly at his face, “Do not start clucking at me, Bucky. I’ll kick your ass,” you threaten, though it's weak and you're not the only one who knows it.

You glare when his smirk only widens. Slowly, he moves his arms like he’s gonna flap them like chicken wings.

“Ugh! God, fine! You wanna know what I was reading?” You open your laptop and slide it over to him, turning it to where he can read it. “There.”

Bucky scans the page, then scans it again, eyes flicking all over like it’s in a different language. His cheeks grow redder and redder as he reads and you get a small sense of satisfaction at the sight.

“Wow,” he mutters finally. “You’re turkey baster serious.”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you say, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“What?” he asks innocently.

When you make eye contact with him, you purse your lips to keep the laughter threatening to bubble out at bay, but the ever growing smile on Bucky’s face is hard to resist and you find yourself snorting a laugh that leads to uncontrollable giggles. Bucky’s laughing with you, his eyes crinkling on the sides. The tension you hadn’t realized you held in your shoulders loosens and you nudge his knee with yours in silent thanks.

“So,” he says after you've both calmed down.

“So,” you repeat, dragging it out, drumming your fingers on the tabletop. “I’ve been doing research, checking out all of my options, and while artificial insemination seems like the best choice… I don’t know, there’s just something too clinical about it,” you reply, voicing your concerns, “It doesn’t feel right. I know I said I don’t need a partner, and I don’t, but… Having absolutely no connection is weird.”

You shrug, waving a hand as if to say oh well, putting an end to the conversation, and pick up your plate to carry it over to the microwave. You reheat Bucky’s food while you’re up, and then you both start eating in comfortable silence. He gets halfway through his meal before speaking up.

“Have you… I mean, did you think about… I’ve heard that, uh. Some people ask another person…”

He trails off, clearly frustrated that he can’t just spit out what he’s trying to say. You think you understand what he means, though.

“I read up on surrogacy,” you say, biting your lip. “But I don’t think I’d want someone else to carry my baby.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean—I wasn’t suggesting, uh, that. Not that there’s anything wrong with it!” he rushes to say.

You tilt your head. “What did you mean then?”

“Well,” Bucky starts, stilted, licking his lips. “For the artificial insemination, have you considered… you know. Asking someone you’re close with?”

You frown, not following.

“For—for the sperm,” he clarifies, shifting in his seat.

“Oh,” you breathe, blinking rapidly, surprised as you think of how to reply. “Um. No? I wouldn’t even know who I could ask, to be honest. That’s quite the request, you know? Who would—“

“Me,” he interrupts, determined and cheeks flushed, “I would.”

Your own face heats. “Oh,” you say again, quieter.

You can say, with full confidence, that not once did it cross your mind to ask anyone to help you, but you especially would have never given thought to asking Bucky.

For a list of reasons, really, with “it’s Bucky” being right at the very top. Like—sure, yes, you’re in love with him, but after two years of no signs of reciprocation you’ve learned to stop dreaming, to stop hoping. If the attraction was mutual he would have shown it by now, right? And on top of that, his friendship means the world to you and you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. You'd never forgive yourself if you ever managed to fuck up the one good, constant thing going for you.

“Bucky,” you start, slow and careful, “this… This isn't something you can just jump into. It’s something you should think about for a while.”

He contemplates that for a second. “You’re right,” he concedes with a nod. “But…” He purses his lips, glancing away for a minute before turning back to you, leaning forward. “Okay listen, this is important for you. It’s going to change your whole life. You said it yourself, not having a connection to the sperm donor feels wrong. You’re my best friend, alright? I—care about you. You should pick someone you can trust.”

He clenches his jaw after he finishes speaking. You sort of hate the way your heart both flutters and plummets at his words. It’s nice to know you matter to him, just not in the way you’ve wanted for too long.

And if you’re really honest with yourself, Bucky would be a great choice as a donor. He’s in great health, has strong features that would look wonderful on any gender. But would you be able to handle the repercussions of having his child? Would you be able to look at your baby and see those features without it sending a pang through your chest every single time? You can’t say for certain.

Yet, the chance to have that type of connection with him, selfishly, sounds too good to pass up.

“At least think about it for a few days,” you murmur reluctantly.

It’s the most acceptance he’ll get and he knows it. A smile blooms across his face and you have to swallow down the warring emotions rising within you.

***

With the amount of research you do on the subject now, it doesn’t take long for you to find out that there are at-home kits for artificial insemination that are much easier (and cheaper). It’s easy to settle on that, clicking on the info to order your kit with butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

You read through the instructions online and it all sounds simple enough, until you get to the part where it says that having an orgasm after injection helps increase your chances of conception.

Blinking, heat crawling up your neck, you read that step several times, hoping you read it wrong, but it doesn’t change.

You… You can’t masturbate with Bucky’s sperm inside you. That’s a line you refuse to cross.

And besides, he’s a healthy man in his thirties who exercises regularly and eats fairly healthy food! You probably—definitely—won’t need to take that step. It’ll be fine. Probably.

Once the kit arrives, you call Bucky and ask him to come over so you can explain the process to him. Since he’s only across the hall of your apartment building, he’s there a moment later, letting himself in with his key.

“Let’s make a baby,” is how he greets you.

“Hold your horses,” you reply, fighting back a laugh. “I gotta walk you through everything first.”

He plops himself down next to you on your couch. “Fine, fine. Go ahead.”

Squaring your shoulders, you begin telling him how it all works, and what parts he is key for. You speak through your awkwardness, avoiding eye contact, when you explain that he’ll need to masturbate into a clean, sterile cup. You leave out how it’s suggested for you to also masturbate, deciding it’s not pertinent information for him to know.

“When do we start?” he asks once you’re done.

“I have to take an ovulation test first to find out the best days for me to conceive, but once I do that we’ll be able to, um.” You gesture vaguely. “I’ll be able to do the injections.”

He nods. “Alright.” He looks at you then, taking your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll be here every step of the way, okay?”

“I know,” you say, smiling. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“You’re welcome,” he returns softly.

“No, really, thank you,” you assert. “This is a lot to take on and I can never fully repay you.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I want you to be happy, and I can see that having this baby is going to do that. I’ll do whatever I need to do to ensure it happens.”

You pull him into a hug, willing yourself to not cry. You’re not sure he’ll ever understand what this means for you, personally, or that you’d ever find a way to express it. He’s giving you so much more than just a baby.

***

The first injection time comes and you find yourself fidgeting where you sit as you wait for Bucky to bring over the, uh… sample. You do your best to not think about what he’s doing in his apartment, to not think about exactly how he’s collecting his sperm.

Now is not the time, you mentally scold yourself. Get it together.

A timid knock at your door alerts you to his presence. The fact he’s knocking says a lot about his own level of embarrassment about the situation.

His cheeks are pink when you open the door. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” you return.

He clears his throat and lifts the small cup in his hand. “Here’s… well, you know.”

You gingerly take it from him, not knowing what else to say, but when he smiles somewhat crookedly and turns to leave, you find yourself asking, “Will you stay?”

Bucky’s steps pause. “Huh?”

“Will you—I mean… Would you mind staying?” You shift on your feet. “This is a big moment for me. I-I don’t want to do it alone.”

“Are you asking me to…?” He trails off awkwardly.

“Oh! God, no, I wouldn’t—no,” you assure, huffing a laugh, “I’m doing the injection, I just need a little moral support. That’s all.”

Bucky smiles. “Sure, I’ll stay.”

Relief floods through you. You step aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. He follows you to your bedroom and just before entering you stop in your tracks, nearly causing Bucky to bump into you.

“Um,” you mutter, turning to him. “You’ll have to, ah, sit out here,” you explain. “I have to be lying down…”

Understanding dawns on him. “Oh! Right, right, of course. Sorry.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m done,” you promise.

He nods and watches you close the door. You walk over to your bed and sit down, glancing at the syringe you’ll be using and biting the inside of your cheek.

This is it. There’s really no going back after this. Sure, you may not get pregnant the first time, but Bucky’s already said he’d help you for as long as it takes. It’s just… very real now. You don’t feel any doubts, though. You want this.

Inhaling a large breath and slowly letting it out, hands shaking, you take the lid off the cup and pick up the syringe. You remember the instructions, making sure there’s as little air sucked in as possible when you draw out the semen, and getting rid of the few air bubbles that you see. You grab your pillows and lie down, propping them beneath you to lift your hips.

“Here I go,” you mumble to yourself, taking another deep breath and releasing it.

A couple minutes later, the syringe is empty and you’ve got your legs pulled up to your chest. You cover yourself with your blanket and call out Bucky’s name.

“You okay?” you hear through the door.

“Will you come here, please?” you ask.

He walks in cautiously, making sure you’re decently covered before entering fully, wisely not commenting on your position. “Well?”

“I did it,” you whisper.

He stays quiet, letting you parse through your thoughts. You blink when you feel tears threatening to gather in your eyes. He’s beside you in an instant, crawling in the bed and lying down, taking your hand in his.

“Congratulations,” he says softly.

“Don’t congratulate me yet,” you reply, sniffing and wiping at your eyes.

“Still,” he presses. “You’re one step closer now.”

He pulls your hand up and kisses the back of it. You give him a watery smile. The two of you lay there in silence for a moment before Bucky breaks it.

“This isn’t how I pictured myself making a baby.”

It startles a laugh out of you and Bucky grins, pleased to have helped ease the tense atmosphere. He distracts you with idle conversation after that, talking about his plans for the upcoming weekend, asking about yours, tells you about the newest stupid thing Sam did; he talks and talks and talks, until your anxiety is gone, and then he stays to cook dinner for you.

Your hug when he gets ready to head back to his apartment lasts a couple minutes longer than usual. Bucky quietly allows it, dropping a kiss on your forehead when you pull away.

“Same time next week?” he jokes, making you crack a smile.

“Goodbye, Bucky,” you reply exasperatedly as you close your door.

“Bye, sweetheart,” he returns over his shoulder.

***

Weeks pass. More injections. Pregnancy tests taken.

But nothing happens.

All of your tests come back negative.

When reading up on artificial insemination, and pregnancy in general, you’d understood that there was a chance it wouldn’t happen right away. You thought you were fine with that, that you’d be alright with the waiting and all. Looking at your growing collection of negative tests, however, has a sense of dread building within you. You do your best to quell it, telling yourself there’s no need to stress over it. Yet.

Besides, your mind supplies in an overly cheerful manner, there’s still one more method to try!

***

The next time Bucky brings over his sample, he lets himself in, like always, and passes along the cup with an encouraging smile. You try to smile back, but it feels more like a grimace. He either doesn’t notice or he at least pretends not to, thankfully.

But when he goes to make himself comfortable to wait, you’re reminded that you haven’t told him about the, uh… change in procedure, so to speak.

You clear your throat delicately. “I don’t think you’ll need to stick around this time.”

Bucky frowns. “Why not?”

“Because…” You trail off, cheeks pinking, yet not finishing the sentence, because how do you explain this?

“I promised you I’d be here every step of the way,” he recalls. “I intend to keep that promise.”

You wince. “I really appreciate where your heart is, Bucky, I really do, but I literally cannot let you be here for this injection.”

“Why not?”

You look heavenward for mercy. “I have to…”

When you don’t finish your sentence again, Bucky raises a single brow, gesturing for you to go on. “You have to… what?”

You huff, throwing your arms out. “I have to orgasm, okay?”

His eyes go a little bit wide, but you can tell he tries to control his reaction. He swallows, shifting where he sits on the couch.

“Oh,” he mumbles. “Have… have you had to do that before?”

“No. Well, I mean, it was suggested, but I never…”

His eyebrows furrow. “Does it help or something?”

You absently scratch your neck. “They say it increases the chances of conception.”

“But you haven’t been doing… that.”

“I didn’t think I’d need to.”

Bucky inhales like he’s going to say something, but then doesn’t.

“Yeah, so, I don’t think you should be here,” you utter, quickly adding, “No offense.”

“No, yeah, that’s fair, um. I’ll just—I’ll head back to my apartment,” he states as he stands. “You can—I mean, if you still want me to—I can come back over? After you… uh…”

“I’ll let you know,” you reply, voice tight and high.

He nods, looking lost and like he wants to say more but thinks better of it. Finally, he mutters a soft bye and is out the door.

Alone now, your stomach feels like it’s tying itself in knots and your heart is doing its damnedest to beat out of your chest. You try to tell yourself that it’s just another injection, that this is the same as any other time you've done this, but you know it’s not. It's really, really not.

Laying down on your bed, syringe in hand, is much more nerve wracking than before. On your left lies a new addition to your routine. You don’t know why you’re acting like such a prude all the sudden. It’s not like you’ve never masturbated before. Though, you suppose the major difference is that you didn’t have Bucky’s sperm hangin’ out in your vagina all those other times while you did it.

“Quit being such a goober about this,” you tell yourself.

This has to be done for a reason. If you want to have a baby—and you do, very badly—then you’re gonna have to deal with the process.

Once you’ve injected the sperm, you reach for your bullet vibrator next to your left hand. The instructions say not to insert anything, only to stimulate your clit. You try to clear your head, think of it as a chore or something, yet it’s hard not to think of a certain someone.

The vibrator buzzes with the press of a button. You adjust your hips, making sure they’re tilted, then bring the vibrator to your clit. The first touch makes your stomach tense and thighs spasm.

You close your eyes, running the toy along your slit. You really don’t want to drag this out, would prefer to get it over with as quickly as possible, but your mind begins running away with images.

Bucky, settled between your spread thighs, one hand resting on one of them, the other controlling the vibrator. You imagine he’d tease you, slowly trail it along the crease of your thighs, over your hips; everywhere but where you wanted it.

Bucky would probably give in once you whine and beg enough, once your desperation bled into your voice, and hold the vibrator directly to your clit, drink in your cries of pleasure like they’re the finest whisky.

He’d mutter soft but firm encouragement, tell you how good you’re doing, how good you sound. He’d start circling the vibrator, going from quick to lazy swirls, then he’d change the setting to a higher one just to hear you whimper. His free hand would run up your torso to pinch at your nipples for added stimulation.

When you imagine him leaning down to add his tongue into the mix, your mind blanks as your climax hits you, a ragged moan forcing its way out of your throat. You’re quick to turn the vibrator off and toss it to the floor, deciding you’ll worry about cleaning it later, chest heaving as you pant for breath after an intense orgasm.

Shame and embarrassment consume you, mock you for using Bucky to rub one out. You’d given in to the fantasy so easily.

Truthfully, it’s not the first time you’ve thought of him while pleasuring yourself, but the context this time is completely different, and you feel immediately guilty. Admittedly, it’s probably irrational.

That doesn’t stop you from cringing at your actions.

***

You’re sure you’ve bought out the entire pregnancy test section from the convenience store down the block. Currently, there are six different brands in front of you, all promising the most accurate results.

Bucky is sitting in your bedroom, quietly waiting for you to pee on all of them so you can both find out what they say. You chug the last bit of your third bottle of water even though your bladder is fit to burst at any moment. Turning the faucet on for modesty, you make quick work of the tests, then wash your hands.

And wait.

You call Bucky into the bathroom with you. The two of you quietly sit on the edge of your bathtub, counting down the minutes. Part of you wishes Bucky would say something dumb to break the tension, like he usually does, but you're also kind of glad he's just here, next to you, a silent comfort.

It seems like hours have passed when you’re finally sure you can check them.

The first one is negative, and so is the second. The third, however, reads positive. Your heart begins racing, clutching at the counter, but before your hopes get too carried away you read the rest. To your dismay, they are all negative. You stare down at them all, eyes falling on the loan positive test multiple times, knowing that it’s likely a false positive, yet stupidly hoping otherwise.

Your chin wobbles. Bucky hugs you from behind, resting his cheek on your shoulder.

“What do I do, Bucky?”

At your broken whisper, he sighs. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”

Neither of you know what to say or do after that. Bucky continues offering quiet support, his solid presence at your back, and you’re grateful. Eventually, he leads you out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, sitting you down at the table as he starts preparing dinner.

When you’re both eating the spaghetti he made, he breaks the silence.

“Do you think…” he starts, pausing to think of how to phrase his question before carefully carrying on. “Are you going to stop?”

“I don’t want to,” you answer, the implied but hanging heavy in the air.

Bucky sits his fork down. “I know you want this, very much.” He pushes his hair out of his face as he leans forward, elbows settling on the table. “But I hate seeing how sad you get when the tests come out negative. I feel so… powerless. Like I could be doing more or something.”

“You’re doing all you can, Bucky,” you assure.

“That’s the thing, though. I don’t think I am.”

You frown. “What do you mean?”

He licks his lips, locking his fingers together. “I think we should have sex.”

Your fork drops to your plate with a clang, eyes going wide.

“I apologize for how blunt that came out,” he states with a wince. “But, I mean, think about it. You’ve only been using my sperm from a syringe, and up until the last time, you hadn’t been, um, orgasming with it.” You look away, bashful. “I just wonder if maybe trying the old-fashioned way would give you better results.”

“Bucky,” you start, opening and closing your mouth a couple times before shaking your head. “It’s one thing for you to offer your sperm, which I’m thankful for, truly, but… Having sex?”

“I’ve already told you I’m willing to do whatever I need to do,” he retorts earnestly. “Your happiness means a lot to me, okay? I hate sitting around and watching your heart break every week. You’ve tried it your way, now I think we should try mine.”

“I-I don’t know,” you hesitate, chewing on the inside of your cheek, knee beginning to bounce under the table.

His hand slides onto your knee, stilling the movement as he ducks his head to meet your gaze. His eyes are impossibly sincere and your resolve crumbles in an instant.

“It won’t… It’s not going to change anything,” he assures. “I won’t allow it.”

You swallow roughly. He may not, but your heart is going to take its toughest beating yet. It’s going to be hopeless trying to overcome the inevitable emotions that come with sex.

Even so, somehow, your longing for a baby eclipses all of this. Now that you’ve imagined holding your child in your arms, raising them and loving them, you can’t go back. Not anymore.

“Okay,” you allow, softly.

Bucky’s shoulders relax, lips tipping up into a devastating smile.

You’re so fucked. (Pun intended.)

***

Two nights later, you’re pacing in your bedroom, impatiently waiting for Bucky to arrive. You’d been unsure whether or not you should dress up. You didn’t see the point, honestly. Still, a small part of you wondered what his reaction would be if he saw you all done up in lingerie. At the moment, you’re in an oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts.

It’s Bucky, you think, and this isn’t a normal situation, it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing.

You hear his key turning in the lock then and your heart begins hammering away. He calls your name as he enters.

“In here,” you reply, twisting your fingers nervously.

He walks into your room looking just as on edge as you are. He also seems to have had the same idea about his attire, comfortable in his white tee and sweatpants. His feet are bare and for whatever reason that feels way more intimate than it has any right to.

“Hey,” he greets.

“Hi.”

You bite your lip, eyes flitting around your room and coming back to settle on Bucky. He huffs.

“This is ridiculous,” he declares, “It’s just us.”

“Right,” you nod, biting the inside of your cheek.

“It’s not gonna be weird.”

“Nope.”

His jaw ticks. You stare back at him. It only takes a moment for you to realize that somebody has to make the first move, so you steel yourself and turn on your heel, walking towards your bed.

“I’m keeping my shirt on,” you announce as you unceremoniously drop onto the mattress, grabbing your pillows to stuff them under you.

Bucky follows at a sedate pace, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He pauses next to you, taking a second to roll his shoulders, then he climbs in and settles in front of your bent legs. He gingerly places his hands on your knees.

“May I?” he asks.

Mouth suddenly dry, you nod. He moves his hands to the waistband of your shorts and tugs. You lift your hips to help him slide them down and off, along with your underwear. Gently, he spreads your legs.

Your breathing has picked up considerably, eyes firmly trained on the ceiling. You know you’re already wet and are blessedly thankful he doesn’t mention it.

The first slide of his fingers has you inhaling sharply. He slowly gathers your slick and trails it up to your clit, lightly circling it. Your mind recalls your fantasy, but you quickly shove it back to the depths of your thoughts, lest you do something idiotic like tell him about it.

He spreads your legs more, adjusting his position between them. His fingers move down until he can sink one into you. You gasp, hands shooting out to grasp your sheets. He wastes no time and begins thrusting his finger inside you.

It becomes quickly apparent to you that it’s going to be very difficult to hold back any noise or reactions. Goddamnit, you will try, though!

When he decides it’s time to add another finger, you feel yourself clench around them, and his soft fuck does not go unnoticed, evident in the way your pussy traitorously clenches again.

“Can I…?” he asks, voice cracking, but doesn’t finish his thought, making you have to break your staring contest with the ceiling and look at him.

He’s not even looking back at you, he’s staring at his fingers, watching them pump in and out of you, half bent over with a slack jaw, like he wants to…

He meets your eyes then, licking his lips.

Oh.

Swallowing around the sudden lump in your throat, knowing you’re probably going to regret it, you nod.

He’s leaning over and sucking on your clit before you can even blink. You cry out, thighs trying to clamp around his head, but his free hand shoots out to hold you open. It makes you squirm, fisting the sheets even tighter. His fingers curl inside you as his tongue licks around them and you whine, high and needy, and then mouth is back on your clit, tongue swiping over it, sucking on it with loud, obscene noises.

His hand comes up to grab the hem of your shirt, shoves it upward until it’s bunched underneath your breasts. Those fingers ghost back down your torso, goosebumps erupting in their wake.

He speeds up his thrusts and your hand flies down to grip his hair. You don’t think you’re meant to hear the quiet grunt he lets out, but you do, and it has you panting even harder. Your orgasm is building, fast, and you pull on his hair in warning.

“Bucky,” you say on a gasp.

Using his arm to hold you down, his free hand joins, thumb swiping over your clit now as he dips his head to slide his tongue in alongside his fingers. It draws a yell out of you, the ever expanding pleasure within you bursting into the hardest orgasm you’ve experienced thus far in your adult life. You know you’re moaning, bucking into the sensations coursing through you, and you’d feel abashed if you didn’t feel so fucking good.

Before you can become too sensitive, Bucky withdraws his fingers and sits up. You can’t even really catch your breath, though, because in the next second he’s whipping his t-shirt off and shoving his sweatpants down far enough to free his cock.

Your thighs do clamp closed then, at the sight of how thick he is, and he tries and fails to keep his smirk hidden.

“Oh, shut up,” you wheeze.

“Didn’t say anything,” he counters.

He doesn’t let you argue, choosing that moment to shuffle closer and line up with your opening. Cautiously, he eases himself inside, inch by inch. Your mouth drops open, brows furrowing as he fills you, stretching you so perfectly. When he’s in as far as he can go, the breath wooshes out of him, his head falling back. You know he’s trying to be polite and let you adjust, but—

“Oh my god, move,” you demand, impatient.

He huffs a laugh, dropping his heavy lidded gaze to yours. “Bossy.”

“Did you really expect anything else—oh!”

The grin he aims your way after grinding into you is downright sinful. You mentally tell yourself to kick him for that later.

He grabs your hips and the pillows and settles you closer to his lap, changing the angle, then pulls out and glides back in, creating a painstakingly slow rhythm.

You have to close your eyes. You can’t look at him anymore. You knew he was probably a god in bed, but to now have firsthand experience? There was no way you’d be able to fuck anyone else without comparing them.

His grip on your hips tightens, the only warning you get before his thrusts turn sharp.

“Fuck,” you cry out, your hands reaching up to grip the pillow beneath your head.

The sound of your skin meeting his is harsh in the otherwise quiet room. Well, okay, you’re not exactly being quiet, but you can’t be blamed for that.

Bucky, however, is nearly silent. The only thing you hear from him is heavy breathing. You wonder if he’s holding back, the thought crossing your mind for a split second, and then you’re clenching around his cock, trying to see if you can gain a reaction. And boy, do you get one.

He grunts and sucks in a breath, lips parting as his eyes squeeze shut. His hips pick up their pace and hair falls into his face. You find yourself wishing he was closer so you could brush it out of the way.

Stop it, you scold yourself.

He pauses to grind into you again, your walls fluttering around his throbbing cock, and you both sigh. Bucky leans forward, hooking your legs into the crooks of his elbows, and resumes his brutal pace.

“O-Oh,” you whimper.

The new angle is heavenly, his cock dragging along a spot inside you that you thought nobody else could find. Unable to help yourself, you clutch at his arms, nails digging in.

“Shit,” he groans, thrusts faltering.

He lets go of one of your legs to slip his hand between you, rubbing at your clit and sending you that much closer to your second orgasm. He can tell you’re close, but you’re gonna need something to push you over the edge. He leans down even closer, breath fanning out against your cheek.

“C’mon,” he pants. “Let go.”

You shiver when his tongue flicks your earlobe and sucks it into his mouth, keening as the pressure builds. He thrusts harder, faster, and when you grasp his hair and pull, he growls and latches on to your shoulder, biting down. You gasp from the added pain and then you’re coming, shuddering and whining through your release. Bucky isn’t far behind, raising up and fucking into you savagely before pausing abruptly, groaning as he finally comes. He lazily thrusts a few more times to draw it out, then stops, stilling with his cock inside you.

Your hair is sticking to your forehead, as well as your shirt to your clammy back, breathing in lungfuls of air. Bucky is softly caressing your thighs, letting out shaky breaths as your pussy continues to flutter around him.

It takes several moments for you to gather your wits, for the rest of the world to come filtering back in. You are truly and completely fucked now, in every sense of the word.

“Well…” You trail off, voice scratchy.

“That was…”

“Mhm,” you mumble.

Bucky sighs heavily. “Let’s hope it worked this time.”

You hum. “Thank you for your service,” you reply with a lazy salute.

You yelp when he pinches your hip, kicking at him in retaliation. The jostling reminds you, with a gasping groan, that he’s still buried balls deep inside you.

“Um.” You cough lightly. “You wanna, you know… pull out?”

He looks down where you’re connected like it hadn’t even dawned on him. “Oh, uh. Well, I thought maybe it could, like. Help.”

His gaze stays locked, fingers flexing on your hips, and you feel like squirming again.

“I think it’s good,” you say quietly.

Bucky finally glances back up at your shy tone, cheeks pinking. He clears his throat.

“Right.”

Carefully, he eases his softening cock out of you, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from making a noise.

You can’t hold back yours, though, gasping once he’s gone. You feel unbearably empty, but refrain from voicing that incessant thought.

Bucky’s intense eyes stare at your pussy until you reach for the throw blanket next to you. He watches you throw it over your lap, drawing your legs up to your chest, and takes that as his cue, jolting into action.

“Okay, so.” He starts, then stops, climbs off your bed and pulls his sweatpants back up. “This was—I mean, if it doesn’t take this time, we can… try again.”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “Sounds good.”

He nods, bending to pick up his discarded t-shirt. “Great. I’ll just, um, see myself out, I guess.”

You nod, sending a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes in his direction. He seems to contemplate something for a second, then leans down to kiss your forehead before saying a quick goodbye and leaving.

As soon as you hear your apartment door shut, you let your tears fall.

***

It’s not really like you mean to avoid him after that.

Honest.

You simply become busy, that’s all. You definitely don’t go out of your way by taking the stairs in your apartment building to avoid possibly bumping into him in the elevator. No, you take the stairs because you could use the cardio. It’s important you stay healthy right now. And when he texts you to ask if you want to have dinner, you can’t help that you’ve got boatloads of work to catch up on—all five times he asks.

Okay, so, that’s a lie. You’re totally avoiding him. But what on earth are you supposed to say to him now? You don’t think you’d even be able to look him in the eye anymore, not after the fuck of your goddamn life.

That night confirmed what you already knew for the last two years: Bucky absolutely ruined you for anyone else.

More than anything, though, you were angry with yourself. He’d only offered because you weren’t getting your desired results the other way. You should have been able to separate your feelings and emotions from all of it. After all, none of this was about whatever you feel towards Bucky. This was about trying to conceive a baby.

You try telling yourself to get over it. He’s your best friend, you can’t just cut him off because you’re a spineless pansy.

I just need some time, you reason. You can give yourself a few days to wallow over what could have been and then you can reach out to him and pretend like everything is fine. Because it is.

***

Flash forward two weeks to you attempting to sneak into your apartment, only to jump out of your skin when you turn around and find Bucky sitting on your couch, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Oh, good, you’re still alive,” he drawls.

His tone suggests annoyance. You suppose you deserve that.

“Hey,” you say after a pause.

He stares at you for a moment longer before speaking again. “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t let it get weird.”

You agreed, you almost say, thankfully biting it back. You drop your purse on the entryway table, sliding your shoes off and making your way over to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble. You tug your sweater sleeves down and tuck your feet beneath you. “I haven’t ever… I’ve never been intimate with a friend before. It was just… a lot.”

It’s a half truth, at least. You haven’t had sex with a friend before. Or, well, not one you had feelings for.

“You could’ve just told me,” he replies, reaching for your hand.

You nod. “I know, and I should have, I just. Things are all out of whack lately with the whole… trying to get pregnant thing.”

“If I overstepped in any way—” Bucky starts, but you’re quick to interrupt.

“You didn’t,” you promise. “You’ve been nothing but fantastic throughout this whole ordeal. Honestly, Bucky, you’ve done way more than anyone else would have in this situation. I just had a lot going on in my head and let it get the best of me. I’m fine, I swear.”

He searches your eyes and must find what he’s looking for.

“Don’t shut me out again,” he pleads.

Heart cracking in your chest, you can only nod, shuffling closer to pull him into a hug. He buries his face in your neck and holds on tight.

***

Another week passes.

Bucky is with you as you wait for the results of the latest pregnancy test. He’s reassured you that you’ll keep trying until it happens if it didn’t work this time.

When the timer on your phone goes off, you release the breath you’ve been holding. You take tentative steps over to the sink and gingerly pick up the test.

Positive.

Your stomach swoops. It’s positive. You check again, reading the digitized screen, but it stays the same. Positive. Holy shit.

“Okay, wait, no, I need to do more. I can’t get my hopes up again,” you mutter, rushing to open the cabinet under your sink to dig out several more varieties of tests.

You don’t even wait for Bucky to leave before you’re peeing on the other sticks. He’s seen it all at this point anyway, and he doesn’t seem to care, sitting on the edge of your tub with an anxious expression. The downside is that you have to wait another few minutes for these tests to finish and you can’t sit still, pacing back and forth in the small space of your bathroom.

The timer goes off again. You feel like you’re going to throw up when you finally work up the courage to look down.

Every single one of them… Positive.

A shocked, happy laugh escapes you. You cover your mouth, turning to Bucky with wide eyes.

He rises to his full height, coming closer and peering down at the tests, then back to your teary eyed expression.

“Did we…?”

Words failing you, you nod, giggling in astonishment. Bucky’s face breaks into the biggest, handsomest, most gut-wrenching smile. His happiness is palpable and you’re suddenly so overcome with emotion. Your hands are gripping his face and angling it to align your lips to his before you register what you’re doing. He freezes and you hurriedly pull away, taking a few steps back.

“I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know why—”

“Shut up,” he cuts you off, closing the gap between you in a single stride.

He kisses you like his life depends on it, pressing your bodies as close as possible, his hands cupping your cheeks. You clutch his shirt desperately, never wanting to let go. He steals the breath straight from your lungs when he swipes at the seam of your lips with his tongue, moaning happily when you allow him access. A feeble whine from you after he flicks his tongue against yours makes him break the kiss.

“I have a confession,” he breathes into the miniscule space between your mouths.

“What?” you question distractedly.

“I’m in love with you.”

Your gaze shoots up to his, astounded. He brushes stray hairs off your forehead, runs his thumbs softly under your eyes.

“I’ve been selfish this whole time,” he reveals. “I couldn’t let you choose some random stranger to be your sperm donor, to father your child, couldn’t bear the thought of you carrying their baby, because I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you. I wanted to be the one. And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I’m not sorry I did it.”

You’re hearing the words, yet your brain can’t seem to make sense of them. Surely you’re hearing him wrong. You can’t possibly have this too, right? You can't have Bucky and have his baby…

But he’s here, very real and solid beneath your hands, looking at you like you’re his entire world.

“Bucky…” You trail off, struggling to find the right words, at a complete loss. “I-I’ve loved you for so long now, I didn’t think you…” You shake your head, a giggle escaping you as you stare at him in wonder. “I couldn’t let myself hope.”

He grins, relieved, planting a few chaste kisses to your mouth. “I know this entire circumstance is totally backwards, but I want you, and I want this baby. I meant it when I said I’m not going anywhere.”

Fresh tears gather in the corners of your eyes. “Are you sure?” you still ask.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

You have to kiss him then, uncaring of the tears that trickle down your face. The only thing you are focused on is the way his hands trail down your back, pausing to squeeze your ass, then grip underneath to lift you. Your legs wrap around his waist, arms locked around his neck, as he heads for your bed. He makes a point of throwing your extra pillows on the floor before settling between your thighs and kissing the hell out of you.

He pulls away only to undress you and himself, but he’s always back as quickly as possible, lips pressing kisses wherever he can reach. You impatiently tug at him until his lips are attached to yours again. The way he fucks his tongue into your mouth is nothing short of indecent and it sends a rush of pure want all the way to your core.

When you bury your fingers in his hair, gripping it tight, he grunts, biting your lip. You whimper and he grins as he pulls away.

“You make the most beautiful sounds,” he praises, his hands beginning to sweep down and up, tickling under your breasts.

His thumb and forefinger pinch one of your nipples and you gasp, back arching off your mattress. He repeats it on the other side, just to hear the same noise.

“Bucky, please,” you beg.

“Please what?” he prods. His hands drift further to the creases of your thighs, spreading them open. “What do you need?”

You whine, canting your hips up. “You, I need you, please.”

“You have me, sweetheart.” He tilts his head and you make a noise of frustration. “Use your words, darlin’.”

“Fuck me, please,” you burst out, feeling your pussy clench around nothing.

Bucky smiles, slow and torturous. “Yeah? Want me to fuck you? Fuck this perfect pussy until you’re so full of my come that it drips down your beautiful thighs?”

“Oh god,” you mumble.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he teases.

His fingers slide down your slit, gathering your slick then thrusts two fingers in at once. You groan brokenly, shifting your hips to try and get more friction, but he holds them down with his metal arm. Agonizingly slow, he begins fucking you with his fingers. It’s good, it’s amazing, but it’s not enough. Not when you know what his cock feels like. He takes his precious time fingering you and you’re sure you’re going to lose your mind before the day is done.

“You have no idea how incredible you felt around my cock,” he tells you in a ridiculously conversational tone. “I was trying to think of any excuse I could come up with to have you at least one more time.”

He shifts until his mouth is directly above where you’re dripping for him, and he waits until you make eye contact with him.

“But now I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making you come apart on my cock any chance I get.”

You hardly have any functioning brain cells at the moment, but even if you could form a coherent sentence you wouldn’t have been able to say it aloud, because then he’s descending and all you can feel is the wet warmth of his mouth.

He definitely doesn’t hold back this time, that much is apparent in the way he devours you, lips and tongue drawing out noises you’ve never heard yourself make, pressing his face so far into your pussy that he has to come up for air. His mouth and chin shine when you chance a look down, and when you clench on his fingers his smile goes smug at the corners.

He plants kisses along your hips, the insides of your thighs, around where his fingers are buried within you. He curls them, in search of the spot he found last time. He knows he found it when you try to close your thighs around his head and cry out. Now that he's found it, he angles to brush it on every thrust of his fingers and attaches his mouth back on your clit.

You chant his name, nearly sobbing as you approach your climax, until finally you fly over the edge. Your vision blurs and you’re not sure if you’re making any noise now, unable to hear past the blood rushing in your ears. Bucky helps you ride it out until you’re shuddering from sensitivity.

He kisses your thighs again, trailing them up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts.

“So good, did so well,” he mutters.

Weakly, you lift your hands to trace them down his toned stomach and around his back, down further so you can cop a feel of your own, smiling at his grunt of surprise.

“That was great and all,” you say, arching your back so your chest presses against his, “but I do believe I asked you to fuck me.”

He arches an eyebrow. “Who said I was done with you?” It’s apparently a rhetorical question, as he continues before you get a chance to reply. “I’m gonna fuck you until you come, and then I’m gonna keep fucking you until you come again, and only then will I come so deep inside you there’ll be zero doubt I’ve put a baby there.”

Your legs are lifted and thrown over his shoulders in a blink, his cock pushing into your pussy, dragging out a high-pitched moan from you. There’s barely a pause and then he’s fucking you, just like you asked. The pace is brutal right from the start, a steady rhythm that has you mewling and writhing in pleasure. Bucky is watching his cock as he thrusts in and out of you, his mouth hanging open slightly as he pants. He hikes your hips up a little higher and you jolt through your startled moan. This angle is divine and the telltale signs of your second orgasm start tingling at the base of your spine.

“Can feel you,” Bucky says through panting breaths, “so close. C’mon, let me feel you.”

He pulls you down on his cock, grinding into you, his thumb reaching to rub tight circles over your clit. You sob through your release, shuddering against Bucky as you clench around him. He groans, still barely moving as you come down from your high.

“Fuck,” he grunts. “Come here.”

He helps you sit up, still seated on his cock, making you both hiss from your movement. Your arms automatically wrap around his shoulders and his around your waist. He kisses you so sweetly, a stark contradiction to the way he just fucked you. When you pull away, resting your foreheads together, he grins.

“Hi.”

You crack a smile. “Hi.”

“Ready for more?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You think you got it in you?” you tease as you play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

The light smack to your ass startles you and you let out a soft sound of surprise, hands tugging his hair harshly. Bucky’s eyes light up.

“Interesting,” he muses.

Another slap, a little harder than the first, and you’re whimpering, your walls clenching around his still hard cock.

“I’ll play with that later,” he promises, voice breathy.

You bury your face in his neck and start shifting your hips. He takes the hint, gathering you as close as he can and thrusts up into you. He can’t pull out as far this way, but the snap of his hips more than makes up for it. You mouth at his collarbone messily, kissing and licking your way up to his jaw, biting marks wherever you see fit. You make it up to his mouth and he kisses you, wet and filthy. You suck on his tongue and a ragged moan claws its way out of his throat. The need for air eventually has you pulling away.

“It’s a good thing you love me back,” you whisper in his ear. “Nobody else could ever compare to you.”

He growls, fisting your hair and yanking your head back to look him in the eye.

“Nobody will ever compare,” he corrects.

You moan. “Yes,” you agree, whining, “No one else could’ve given me a baby.”

Bucky thrusts harder and faster at your words. You’re picking up on a few hints and you can’t say it’s not doing it for you either.

“Filled me up so good, fucked me so well. Gonna be round with your baby soon.”

“Fuck, fuck,” he keens, hurrying to lay you flat on your back so he can fuck into you easier.

The sound of skin meeting skin fills the room, your cries of pleasure mixing in with Bucky’s grunts and curses. His grip on you tightens almost painfully as he chases both your and his orgasm. You’re sure to have bruises tomorrow and you already know you'll be poking at them to remember this moment.

“C’mon, baby, wanna feel you too,” you beg.

His thumb finds your swollen clit once more. It’s beyond sensitive now, feels like a shockwave coursing through you, and without any warning, you come. You spasm around Bucky and he swears under his breath, thrusts going sloppy. With a final groan, he comes inside you, his hips moving seemingly on their own as he draws out both your pleasures. Slowly, he comes to a stop, but he leaves his cock buried in you like he did last time.

You know you’re gonna feel too empty when he does pull out, so you don’t mind sitting like this for a while. Bucky softly runs his hands across every inch of your skin he can touch and you bask in the affection. You card your fingers through his sweaty hair, smiling when he hums happily. It takes only a minute for you to notice the way his hands migrate to your stomach, and when you do you kiss his shoulder.

“Maybe we should go again later,” you suggest faintly.

Bucky grins. “We can do it a hundred more times if you want.”

“Guess I better enjoy it while I can.”

His smile goes soft at the edges.

It’s not lost on you how incredibly crazy all of this is. There will undoubtedly be a conversation, a much needed one that isn’t going to be simple or easy, but it’s necessary.

For now, though, you bask in Bucky’s warmth and loving embrace.

***

Keys jingle as they unlock the door and you perk up where you’re sprawled on the couch. Bucky enters, arms laden with bags from the convenience store.

“They didn’t have the banana ice cream you asked for,” he announces, continuing before your pout fully forms, “but they did have the double chocolate brownie kind you love so much, so I got that, as well as the sour gummy worms, beef jerky, and fried pickles from the deli on your list of demands.”

“What about—”

“And your strawberry Fanta,” he adds with a fond, slightly exasperated smile.

You’re unable to stop your expression from going soft and dreamy.

Ever since you and Bucky figured out where to go with your relationship, he’s been even more attentive and accommodating (and that’s saying something).

You expressed your worry about the possibility of something going wrong, that one or both of you would get bored and leave, or there’d be a big fight that neither of you could forgive. He was quick to reassure you of his commitment, told you there was no way he would ever get bored of you, and that as long as you both promise to talk things out in a calm, mature way, then you’d be alright.

It all sounded so easy when it was put like that. The more you thought about it, though, the more you realized he was right. It wasn’t fair to either of you to already give up before you’d even started. So you’d taken a deep breath and leaped.

Now, you’re five and a half months in, your belly steadily growing and making everyday life increasingly uncomfortable. The changes to your body were physically and emotionally draining, to say the least. Moreso the emotional side. You’d hoped you wouldn’t be one of those pregnant women with strange cravings, and for the most part they were pretty tame, but you do like to dip your sour gummy worms in banana ice cream. Bucky didn’t attempt to hide his disgust over that.

“What did I do to deserve you?” you ask on a pleased sigh.

He places your small cornucopia of goods on the coffee table. You sit up, huffing for breath during the struggle. You go to reach for the ice cream first, but Bucky catches your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and kissing your knuckles as he kneels in front of you.

“You were yourself. Smart, kind, selfless, unbelievably sexy.” You snort at that, but he’s undeterred. “And you’re giving me the best gift I could ever dream of. A family.”

Instantly, you’re crying. He’s grown accustomed to the mood swings by now, taking it in stride as he wipes away the tears with gentle hands.

“Stop being so disgusting,” you blubber through your hiccuping cries. “You’re such an asshole.”

Bucky laughs. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

You sniffle, kissing him. “Love you,” you grumble.

He leans down and plants the softest of kisses to your belly. “And I love you, little lady.”

The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and unlikely, but life has a way of turning out exactly how it’s supposed to… And you wouldn’t change a thing.

#avengers fic #marvel fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #i can't remember how to tag bye

[sagau-my-beloved]

Currently thinking about Venti and creator who gets really cold. Even though Mondstadt is in the north, ever since Barbatos cleared the snow from the land with the winds it never got particularly cold, but it does get chilly in the winter. Recently, however, this winter has been quite lukewarm courtesy of a bard and his love for his god.

fr though I can totally see Venti going "Oh, my creator doesn't like the cold? Ok Mondstadt is warm now" and permanently changing the climate for them. The creator would probably spray him with water like a naughty cat and tell him he can't mess with people that much. In that case, he'd fall back onto plan b and insist that he must be with the creator at all times so he can surround them in a personal bubble of warm air whenever they're outside.

-Venti anon

Aww that's cute, I'm absolutely the type of person who can handle 95-100 degree weather easily but as soon as it's below like 65° I'm not going outside, so mood

But fr he'd do that and you would have to catch him on it, cause if you don't notice and tell him to cut it out, Mondstadt's not having a winter, and since there's already no season changes in game you're really gonna have to rely on intuition—

But Venti just adamantly following reader around, you just know he would be in the bubble with them, claim that it could only work if he was at the center of it, and then he gets to provide you even more warmth by hugging you at every given opportunity, so a win/win really

He'd probably be super paranoid during the colder winter months and wouldn't even want you outside though, bubble or no, you're staying right there by the fire in bed with him, wrapped in his cape or maybe even wings, doted on every second, provided warm meals and as much skin to skin contact as you'll allow (of course he uses the situation as an opportunity come on)

If you have to go outside then maybe take a Pyro vision holder with you, obviously he's not happy about it, but it's better to be safe than sorry if it becomes too cold to even think of being able to conjure a warm breeze

And of course Dragonspine is out of the question, anything you need from there other people can get, you're staying right here in temperate Mondstadt with him, no question about it

(he says that, but you absolutely know he would fold if you really really wanted to go, but not before a frankly insane amount of preparation and precautions)

It also gives him an excuse to bar you from Snezhnaya, no reason to go there and risk your discomfort, if you really want a change of scenery so bad he can take you to Sumeru and maybe Liyue

If we knew anything about the Pyro Archon this would be a perfect opportunity to include her cause they canonically don't like each other, or at least he doesn't like her, so it would be an all out no limits war on who gets to warm the creator up, Venti would fight tooth and nail to secure that spot from anyone, especially the people he dislikes

But mid-winter cuddle sessions, I love it, it's so soft, I might actually have to write that because I've been perpetually freezing for the past couple of days now that the temperature has started to go down in mid December might I add

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin venti #venti x reader #genshin x reader #brainrot #venti anon #It's been so cold here and i refuse to turn off my fan because air circulation #So now my hands are perpetually freezing when i write #last week it was a nice 75° high #It would be nice to have actual seasons though

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Letting u know that Jobless Monday by Mitski is Jay and Alex in Sorry Its Locked to me. I’m insane about this btw. Super Normal👍

Ow. Fuck you /pos

I'm so glad you're super normal about this anon. I'm so glad you were normal enough about this to tell me about it so i can be normal about it with you.

This got so long and i kinda went on a tangent, so, thingy:

you're so right tho. you're so so so right. Jay just wants to be seen with Alex, to be with him like a normal couple, even if the only people seeing it at the two of them. Sure it'd be nice if their friends knew or whatever, but even if it was just them being couply and in love in private would be better than what they currently have (in uni).

Jay doesn't care where they go, if they're just with their friends who they know will accept them, he just doesn't want to have to pretend like he and Alex aren't into each other all the time. He wouldn't care if they went on a walk in the woods and held hands with no one there to see, as long as they got to hold hands. He doesn't just want to be Alex's fuck buddy. He wants to hold his hands. He wants to go to lunch or dinner with him. Fe wants to kiss him on the lips. He wants Alex to kiss him on the cheek or the top of the head. He just wants to be Alex's boyfriend, his partner, not some dirty, disgusting secret Alex hides from everyone out of shame.

God they're so tragic. They're fucking awful. Jay just wants Alex to stop treating him like it'd be disgusting to date him, and Alex is terrified of what could happen to them if they were out at all, even to just their friends. So much could go wrong, they live in Alabama, it's the early 2000's, so fucking much could go wrong, he's not wrong to be cautious.

But that doesn't fully explain away why he refuses to be sweet with Jay even in private.

It's not all Alex's fault though. Like, yes it mostly stems from his fear of being out as queer in any way, but like, Jay's still kinda shit about it, yknow?

I need to write about why Jay wasn't great back in uni properly at some point, but none of my thoughts are properly coherent about it yet. At least not coherent enough to write into a fic yet.

I think I want to make it so that Jay was kinda pretty manipulative, and a lot more pushy with Alex than he lets on about to Tim (or even that he realizes himself) like, you know that bit in chapter 5 of Sorry its locked? where Jay, like, tries to physically force Tim to choke him? And they have to pause and be like, what the fuck? And Tim understands why Jay did it, but he's still really hurt by it because Jesus Christ Jay.

Like, you know that bit? Well I have plans about how Jay used to do that to Alex, not a lot, but like, it happened and more than once, with Jay physically forcing Alex to do stuff. and usually it was fine, like, Jay wanted to be slapped around or have his hair pulled, so he'd move Alex's hands into position to do that. And like, usually that was fine, that was just how they kinda worked and it was fine, those were things Alex was usually happy to do. But then one time Alex was trying to have a slightly less intense scene because he was already tired that day or whatever, and then Jay put Alex's hands around his neck, and Alex was very much not okay with that, but they were in the middle of something already and Alex was in a dominant kinda mindset, so he just punished Jay mid scene for trying to control what was going on, and then they carried on and that was it, they didn't talk about it.

But then after Jay leaves Alex just breaks the fuck down over it, because he realizes just how dangerous that could have been. like, he realizes that he could have really badly hurt Jay, that he could have killed Jay if he hadn't realized where his hands were.

My plan is that this happens near the end of Jay and Alex's fwb relationship, AND that Amy somehow walks in on Alex breaking down and having a full blown panic attack over how he could have really hurt Jay. So Amy has to take care of Alex through that, and she gets him to tell her what happened, so he does and she's the one that is kinda like, "dude, that's so not okay, what the fuck? He shouldn't have done that, and you said he's done stuff like that before? That's so not okay oh my god." and she's the one that convinces Alex to stop his and Jay's fwb relationship. She's so concerned for Alex's mental health (which she should be) and a little while after he breaks his and Jay's thing off, she kinda wants to show Alex what a healthy relationship should be like, and that's how those two start dating?

Also like, when I say Alex breaks down, I really really mean it, like, that guy is hyperventilating borderline wants to kill himself because holy shit he could have killed Jay what a fucking monster he is for not realizing sooner etc. etc. etc. Like, Amy has to zip tie all the draws with knives in shut because otherwise Alex is actually going to do something impulsive and hurt himself. he is very not okay, like that thing with Jay was the final straw and with it's weight he's breaking.

Amy is to Alex what Tim is to Jay in this au. Like, she only gets one side of the story so obviously assumes that Alex is completely innocent in his and Jay's relationship, and Jay is a total monster. Which isn't true, they're both terrible to each other.

Alex needs to listen to Jay more and make it safer for Jay to talk to him about things, because if he did that Jay wouldn't feel the need to manipulate Alex to get what he wants from him. It definitely all kinda stems from Alex being super closed off emotionally to Jay, right? But just because it starts with Alex, doesn't mean that by the end Jay was kinda arguably worse than him. Y'know? Like, they make each other worse.

But like, yeah, Amy does the whole "I can save him" thing for Alex that Tim does for Jay. She thinks she can fix Alex, and at first it seems like she can, y'know, he moves schools and they live together and everything seems pretty good, Alex does get better when it comes to how he expects a partner to treat him. But in the end Amy can't fix the Operator sickness stuff (which i guess she didn't know about at first and all that but still, once that becomes obvious to her---e.g. Alex starts getting a lot more volatile even with her--- she thinks she'll be able to talk him through that as well)

#song ask #i went on a big old tangent about Alex and Amy in this. and a little bit about how Amylex and Jam are gonna mirror each other in this au? #marble hornets #jay merrick #alex kralie #jaylex #tim wright #mh jam #amy marble hornets #mh amylex #marble hornets fanfic #mh sorry its locked

[chaosteddybear]

Things I want to know about my fellow writers!

Thanks for the tag @theemptyislost ☺️

I'm tagging @dmagedgoods @ineadhyn @mslanna @eve-is-random @scuttlingcrab @loveless-nameless-graceless-two (no pressure! And sorry to those who have been tagged already!) and you, dear reader! ❤️

Last book I read: 

The only one I feel comfortable sharing is Beautiful World, Where Are You? by Sally Rooney. I actually only just started it but I am excited! The others are mostly about mental health and such, and even the last smutty novel was very dark so this'll be a breath of fresh air I expect 😅

Greatest literary inspirations: 

I am so inspired by lmm that it's embarrassing. More at my core though, would be books from my childhood. They might have formed a little more about who I am than anything else. So for example Lemony Snicket is my heart, and those books meant so much to me that I am pretty sure they're the subconscious reason I love dashes so much, for example. Also the Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark series... I am still obsessed with the way they set a mood, the way they have a goal but never a conclusion, the creepiness and how they toy with various different ways to be terrifying.

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write:

Pretty much anything Raphael (bg3)! I am so insecure about my ability to write Raphael...

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: 

More OC stuff. I find it easy to write "you" or canon characters if they're ones I know well and feel comfortable writing, it just flows. But I'm not inspired to write that stuff anymore even a little bit. I want to do OC stuff, but it's so scary. Writing plot? *shivers*. I don't know how to turn it into anything, it's all just chaos in my head, and my wrists hurt even thinking of trying to untangle it.

You can recognize my writing by:

Feral tone. Probably no plot other than using kink and power dynamics to communicate. I'm sorry, and also not sorry, it is what it is 😭

My most controversial take (current fandom):

Sometimes I like to think that Haarlep leads a cushy life and makes Raphael happy! I like to imagine Raphael keeps them safe and happy and clean too 😌 just two cozy lovers 😌

My top three favorite tropes: 

1. Regular person does something extraordinary, 2. Hero can't accept that they're a hero, 3. Misunderstandings, especially if it's two people who love each other but can't see that the other feels the same.

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): 

Honestly, a 2. I'd say 0 but at least I have WIPs I keep running through in my head, I just can't write them down, and I'm still RPing.

Share a random frustration:

I just hate when my ideas are too complicated to write down 😭😭 usually my brain is very stream of consciousness and I can just write it as it flows, but when I'm thinking in multiple directions, it all breaks and I can't get anything down at all.

#Me irl

[cummin-n-cryin]

Hello Hello!! New follower here! if request still open, can i have a part 4 of " Together Forever " ? with Yan! Jack, Leona and Deuce with Female reader if its okay? (if not GN reader then! )

~Thank you for your request!

Together Forever! - part 4

Jack Howl + Leona Kingscholar + Deuce Spade x gn!reader

Tw: Yandere, forced marriage, a bit of fighting, implied harm to reader, forcing themselves onto the reader a lil bit

Wordcount: 1,007 + 755 + 939

Side Note: Thank you for following me, I hope you enjoy your stay! Apologies for taking so long! This was written over the course of multiple weeks so sry if the quality of writing differs between characters I also just had a bit of a hard time writing them. I'm not super proud of this one but I hope this was ok!

~Jack Howl~

Jack couldn't stop himself from falling in love with you.

Your scent was irresistible to the wolf, he couldn't get enough of it. He wanted to hold you, to protect you from all of these other students. He wasn't gonna let any of them take you from him.

However, Jack had a bit of a problem. He wanted to be with you so bad but he wasn't sure how to tell you so he tried to show that he cared for you the only way he knew how.

He invited you to run with him.

Ok, maybe he wasn't the best at this whole love thing but he was trying!

Apart from inviting you to run with him, he would also try to subtly follow you around the school. He would follow you to your classes to make sure you were safe. You were magicless which meant that you were at a disadvantage in this school. So, it was only right that he tried to protect you!

Though Jack wasn't quite happy with the sort of friendly relationship you two currently had, he was fine with it. Someday he'll figure out how to confess to you.

Then one day as Jack was minding is own business, he overheard a group of other students whispering about something. Listening closer, he heard that a marriage event was going to be held at the school.

A lot of weird things and events have been held at NRC but a marriage event has got to be the weirdest one he's heard of so far.

Jack then realized that this marriage event could be a problem. What if someone else tries to claim you before him? What if someone tries to marry you?! The thought of you having the scent of some other guy makes him nauseous. He can't let anyone get to you before him.

So, as the day the event was supposed to happen neared, he tried to interact with you more and more, slowly becoming a close friend of yours. He tried to help you with your schoolwork and instead of subtly following you to classes he walked side by side with you. It made him happy that he didn't have to watch you from a distance anymore and that he could actually be near you. It made him even happier knowing that with each passing day you spent together, Jack could smell his scent on yours.

The day of the marriage event arrived much sooner than he thought it would.

Jack was trying to find you. There was a lot of students around and it was hard trying to find you in such a large crowd. Giving up for a moment, Jack left into an empty hallway. He'll need to come up with a better plan to find you.

He then heard something echoing down the hallway. He followed the noise. Turning the corner he saw the person he had been looking for.

You.

However, you were currently being bothered by some guy. This punk seemed to have cornered you against the wall. It was very obvious that you were extremely uncomfortable and Jack wasn't gonna just stand around and watch. How dare he put his hands on you like that! Can't he see that you already belonged to someone else!

Jack stormed up to the student and ripped him away from you but before he could start attacking the guy you stopped him. You told Jack that it was pointless and to let the guy go. Reluctantly he did, the student ran off to somewhere else.

He then got an idea. This was a marriage event right? So, if Jack were to ask you to marry him he would be able to protect you from any other students that tried to bother you like that. He could also finally make you his..

Excited by the idea he tried to hide his wagging tail before asking you if you would consider choosing to marry him. After some thought you had agreed. It was just an event right? Besides Jack was a pretty decent guy.

He was relieved. Finally, he could have you to himself and even better you had willingly agreed. Maybe that meant you loved him back?

The marriage itself was short and to the point. He was just happy that you loved him enough to marry him. Jack was getting annoyed with all the noise so he invited you to come step outside with him for some fresh air.

Walking outside you both sat down on the grass. You two looked up at the stars, basking in the light of the moon, Jack turned to look at you. You looked so beautiful. He couldn't stop himself when he leaned over and kissed you. He pressed his lips upon yours while his tail whipped back and forth on the grass in excitement.

You suddenly pulled away. He opened his eyes just to see your shocked face. It made him confused. Didn't you want this? You agreed to marry him so why did you look so upset?

Jack asked why you looked so upset even though you agreed to marry him. You told him you thought that the marriage event was fake. You had no idea that you were actually marrying him!

Ah.. well that's a bit of a problem.

He shook his head before shoving his lips upon yours again. Even as you squirmed, trying to push him off of you, he just pressed onto you harder.

You had to have known it was real and were just messing with him! How could you not know it was real? Even if it was true, that you didn't love him back, he knew you were just lying to yourself. You'll realize you love him eventually. Besides you two are married now after all.

There's no one Jack's more loyal too. He'll prove no one is better for you than him. He'll prove he was the best choice for you everyday.

"Grr.. I'm not gonna lose you to anyone."

~Leona Kingscholar~

Leona didn't care about you at all at first. You were just another weak herbivore who kept bothering him.

As of recent however, he's been getting more interested in you. He can't exactly pin point what it is that makes him so interested in you, he just knows that there's something about you he really likes.

Either way, with this new interest he had for you he decided that he would try to spend more time with you. Leona was too "busy" to go get you himself however so he would send Ruggie to go fetch you for him.

Whenever Leona made you hang out with him, nine times out of ten, it was because he wanted to sleep on you. You were soft to him which made you a pretty decent pillow. It doesn't matter if you complain about how you have something important to do, once Leona gets his head on you he's falling asleep so you better be tired too.

Slowly his feelings for you grew. While he could go and confess his feelings to you, he felt like it was too much of a pain in the ass to do. You'll realize you belonged to him eventually. Even if you don't, all the other students would. Especially the beastmen, with how much you smelled like Leona, they'll all know that he's already claimed you as his.

One day as Leona was trying to take a nap Ruggie had appeared, snickering. Leona annoyed by Ruggie's snickering asked him what he was being so annoying for. Ruggie then told him all about how the school has decided to host a marriage event!

Unbelievable...

Leona rolled his eyes at the idea. Why would the school host such a stupid event?

Then he realized something. A marriage event would be the perfect way to keep you with him.

So patiently he waited till the day the event arrived. More like slept until it arrived...

He walked around trying to find you. He always forgets just how many annoying students were at this school...

Leona eventually found you. Well, well. Who knew the little herbivore could look so.. tasty. The way your clothes hugged your body made you look ready to be devoured. It almost makes coming to the event instead of sleeping, worth it.

He approached you and talked to you for a bit before beckoning you to follow him to somewhere more quiet. Walking out into an empty hall, Leona turned to you and asked if you could marry him. He continued on saying that he keeps hearing other people whispering about how they want to marry you and he couldn't get any sleep cuz of it. So you should just do him a favor and choose to marry him.

You were shocked but before you could answer Leona grabbed your arm and dragged you off somewhere.

He ended up making you marry him anyway. While you wanted to object, he wasn't the worst person to get married to. Besides the whole thing is fake so, why not?

Leona was happy that you two finally got married. Now he wouldn't have to worry about others trying to take you from him. He also gets to keep the wonderful person he ended up falling in love with. Whether you want to stay with him or not, doesn't really matter to him. He's not gonna let go of you so easily either way.

Soon, he got tired of all the noise the other students were making so grabbing your hand he dragged you off to the Savanaclaw dorm. Walking through the halls he ended up leading you to his bedroom.

Leona unceremoniously flopped onto his bed. He saw you're confused expression and explained that he's tired and wants to sleep with you and since you're both married now it should be fine, yeah?

You try to tell Leona that he's mistaken, that you two aren't actually married. You were being so noisy and he just wanted you to shut up. So he walked over to you before grabbing you and firmly placing his lips onto yours, kissing you.

Once you got over your shock and started to try pushing him off of you was when he removed his lips from yours. He looked at you and told you to just get in the bed already so he could sleep.

He doesn't really care if you ever love him back or not but admittedly it would be nice...

"Oi, herbivore shut it won'tcha? I'm trying to sleep..."

~Deuce Spade~

It was honestly kind of embarrassing how down bad Deuce was for you.

He was crazy for you. He wanted to be your boyfriend so bad!

However, he had no idea how to confess his feelings to you. Deuce would constantly plan where and when he should confess to you but whenever the time came, he ended up stuttering before telling you that he had something he needed to do before running off.

He was so frustrated! Why was this so hard? Love really wasn't his strong suit.

There was another problem though. Ace.

Deuce doesn't hate him or anything but whenever he saw you hanging out with Ace instead of him, he practically burned with jealousy. He was worried that you might choose Ace over him. There was also the fear that he might find out about his attraction towards you and tell you about it.

So, he thought it was better to hold off on telling you until the right moment came.

Though it seems like that day came a bit quicker than he thought.

It didn't take long for Deuce to hear about the new event that was coming to the school.

"A marriage event?!"

Ace, who had told him of the event, laughed at Deuce's response. Ace told him a bit more about the event before he then ran off yelling that he forgot Riddle needed his help for something.

Deuce couldn't believe it.

NRC is definitely a bit of a weird school but this? This has got to be the weirdest thing that's happened so far.

Of course with the upcoming event he decided to spend some of his time helping with the decorating and such. As he worked, he couldn't help but think of what it would be like to marry you.

He knew he wanted to be your boyfriend but marrying you? That's a whole other thing! Honestly, he didn't mind the idea of marrying you, in fact he liked the idea a lot! He just wasn't sure if you'd like him back enough for something like that..

Finally, the event came.

He didn't think so many students would be so interested in this event! Well it was quite unique, being about marriage and all..

Deuce however was worried about you as he hadn't seen you all day. As he looked around for you, walking down the school's echoing halls, he was slowly getting frustrated. Where were you?

He was starting to get extremely worried now.

Did Ace do something?

It was a stupid thought but one that persisted.

You seemed so happy with Ace after all, maybe he even went and asked you to marry him?

It felt wrong to think of Ace like that but at the same time he couldn't help but get frustrated. He had to find you before Ace did anything.

Eventually he found you.

You were being cornered by another student. Deuce immediately ran up to help you. He didn't even think about it he just knew he had to protect you. He grabbed the students arm and threatened them to leave you alone. Thankfully, the student decided not to try fighting Deuce and ran off.

You had thanked him but Deuce was still worried. He couldn't help but be concerned for your safety. You were magicless which made you weaker than others in this school and if no one else was going to protect you than he would! He had to be an exemplary student after all!

He then remembered the thoughts he had about Ace. Deuce wasn't sure if he was exactly ready to be married to you but he couldn't risk this. He couldn't risk losing you to anyone else.

He was scared of you rejecting him but it couldn't hurt to try right?

So, Deuce asked if you would choose to marry him.

Thankfully, you had agreed! The breath he let out at the good news was massive. He was overjoyed that you had agreed. Now he wouldn't have to worry about someone taking you from him before he could even make a move!

The event itself was much more fun than he thought it would be but most of his focus was on you. He truly was so happy you had agreed to marry him. He didn't think that you loved him back!

It didn't take too long for the both of you to become tired and want to retreat away from the event to take a breath of fresh air. Now secluded, you both sat in silence.

Deuce subtly watched you from the corner of his eyes. You were so beautiful. He didn't even notice himself slowly leaning towards you. Once you had turned to look at him he moved forward clumsily placing his lips onto yours. He kissed you, he finally got to kiss you!

You pushed him away which confused Deuce. Did he come on too strong? Should he had waited?

In a panic, he told you that he was sorry and that he thought it was okay to kiss you since you were both married now. You looked at him confused before telling him you thought that the marriage event was fake.

You thought it was fake?

That's fine! This is fine! No need to panic!

You must have loved him at least a little bit to accept the proposal right? Well either way, he didn't spend all that time thinking about his future with you for nothing. He really didn't want to do this but he couldn't lose you after coming so far!

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this! I know you'll understand... eventually."

#yandere twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #jack howl #leona kingscholar #deuce spade #tw yandere

[dayurno]

merry christmas user dayurno!! i have some. bad news about my slice of life kerejean fic in that it is currently 400k+ words of silliness and i did not plan on ever sharing it bc it’s my little sandbox and i did not think anyone would ever be interested. but for u i will share some little fun facts about it.

jeremy does not realize for several weeks that they’re like. courting him. even though he’s literally falling in love with them and how they love each other. kevjean are idiots and think they’re being super clear but jeremy is losing his mind. he’s a 23 year old being taken on dates by successful rich kevjean like sweating and thinking they don’t want to be more than friends with benefits with him. they are as obsessed with him as he is of them and are freaks who are already planning to bring him home to wymack. it’s all silly really.

on the kevjean side, they’ve been together on and off since 13 and are now 28. kevin got out of the nest at 14 bc Riko broke his hand early but he refused to lose contact with jean (he meets neil again earlier and neil helps him grow braver :3). they get jean out of the nest when he’s 20. the Moriyama’s are uh. Disenfranchised shortly after and their lives are their own. jean is a successful artist/consultant and kevin cannot play exy due to his hand being hurt again. he makes it work by participating in the Exy world and has mostly come to terms with it. they are madly in love and know everything about each other, and other than their constant bickering, are practically One Codependent Unit when they’re in the same country bc if they CAN be side by side they will not be spotted alone. jean cooks and kevin makes them drinks and they fight over who pays for expensive dinners or has to tell their friends they will NOT be attending whatever event bc they don’t want to leave the house. and this is so long i APOLOGIZE the world is vast and silly and this only scratches the surface. there was no need for this tangent. but yes…… domestic kevjean inviting in oblivious jeremy knox…. very special to me indeed

ANIONFVNNNNNNNNN ive been waiting for me to be less busy with holidays and such to write an answer and aiaiiaii I think i hauve covid.... i understand the idea of a fic you write for yourself in your little sandbox but if you ever feel like sharing this know i'd go INSANE for it okay. i'd LOVE it i'd start barking in your comment sections i'd really make a fool of myself so consider it!!!! at least a little bit!!!! please and thank you

TOGETHER SINCE THEY WERE 13........... i'm losing my mind i fucking. adore domestic kevjean and i absolutely adore adore adore the idea of them being on and off since they were so young, literally womb to tomb sweethearts, life partners in every way......... I'M SICK I'M ILL I REALLY AM the idea of them having their house and their friends who invite them to dinner parties and their favorite restaurants and their- (passes out). they're really 'our songs, ours films, united we stand / our country, guess it was a lawless land / quiet my fears with the touch of your hand' but like. happy version. SORRY THIS IS REALLY MAKING ME DELIRIOUS..... save me domestic kevjean save me save me teenage dream turned reality kevjean

AND THEN THE TROPE INVERSION OF JEREMY BEING THE ONE INVITED INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIP...... and i well (hides behind hand fan) i am known to have enjoyed a little age gap in my time.... jeremy's milfs..... being courted by this rich famous couple and not knowing where to stand... LIVING THE Y/N LIFE. anon. grabs your little cheeks. you have to post this okay. you have to revolutionize how kerejean is done so i can follow in your footsteps. okay? please

#kisses you soundly #thank you for telling me about it i loveit i love it all #domestic kevjean and oblivious stupid 23 year old jeremy are my loves... my perfect loves #asks #kerejean

[the---hermit]

14|10|2022

Thesis diary #54 (still not sure on the numbers but this is THE FINAL CHAPTER)

I uploaded my thesis. I did it, it does not feel real at all and I have no idea how to feel about this but it's done and there's no turning back. Tomorrow I'll send an email to the professor, I refused to do it today, cause my anxiety was already doing enough, so I'll write to her when I'm calmer. I was planning on uploading it tomorrow, but then I realized the uni website will probably be on the verge of crashing due to everyone turnin in their own thesis, and I have no mental streght for that. Plus there's honestly not much more that I could have done, and it's fine like that. There will be mistakes? It's a possibility, but with the energies I have now I wouldn't have seen them anyway.

Productive things I did today:

did my daily inktober doodle

continued rereading and fixing my thesis

practiced Irish on duolingo

looked for infromations on how to upload my thesis on the uni website and on where to have it printed

uploarded the thesis offically

Self care things I did today:

read first thing in the morning

didn't force myself too much when I was tired

decided to go against my original plan and upload the thesis today, which gives me one less thing to worry about and one more day of rest

I will make myself something nice for dinner as a treat

Tranquil's studyblr challenge // day 1

The beginning of the challenge, woohoo you did it! A lot of the time starting is the hardest part. So, tell us a little bit about yourself! What are you studying currently, what where are you in your life right now? Are you happy with where you are right now? What are your goals in doing this challenge?

I am very happy to say I am very close to graduating. Today I uploaded my thesis on the uni website, and before the day of the dissertation I only have two important tasks to accomplish (three if you count getting my energy back), firstly I have to find a place to get my thesis printed, and secondly I have to plan and exercise what I will me saying on the actual day of the graduation. I'll have to present my work in roughly eight minutes, which is not going to be easy, so I want to practice as much as I can to be confident when I'll be there. I'm not good at talking in public, but when I graduated in high school I remember that during my oral exam my brain went itno auto-pilot mode and things went super smoothly, so I'm hoping it will be the same this time. I really hope this challenge will help me with staying motivated even though I am very tired.

📖: The Secret History by Donna Tartt, The Wolf and The Woodsman by Ava Reid

🎵: this playlist

#studyblr #studyinspo #desk #uniblr #university #thesis diary #thesis journal #study space #productivity #self care #tranquilfallbuddies #notebook #studying #notes #journal #currently reading #myhoneststudyblr #bulletnotestudies #journaling #mine #the---hermit

[iznsfw]

NGL I am not into any idols other than Rosé but bloody hell Eunbi is hot

And also gauel

What is your current Bias list ?

Become a Rubi! One of us one of us ONE OF US—

Anyway, about the bias list? Here you go!

IZ's Official Bias List

1. Kwon Eunbi

Me ulting Eunbi is obvious even to those who don't read my work lmao. She's the idol I've written the most for, the idol in my avatar, the idol in my heart. She's super hot (don't tell me you weren't already thinking about her tits) and also insanely pretty. I genuinely believe she's the prettiest idol to grace the K-pop scene.

But besides that, I love that she can be adorable, too. Yes, she has a banger body, but having all that while being a cute-ass dork? My no. 1, and she's not moving from that spot any time soon.

2. Kim Taeyeon

I think I have a thing for leaders lmfao. Taeyeon is a powerhouse vocal with such a pretty face and a no-bullshit personality. I think her calling out SM recently was the hottest she's ever been for me. She's so pretty, but insanely sure and confident of herself, and as someone who isn't like that, I admire her for it.

She's close to beating Eunbi at no 1 ngl if it weren't for the waterbomb pics. That aside, though, the fantasies of Taeyeon domming the fuck out of me keep her up there at my bias list.

3. Tiffany Young/Hwang Miyoung

The sweetest mommy ever. She and Tae are my biases in SNSD, and I'm so happy theyve been meeting up recently. They're soulmates. <3

Anyway if Taeng is a hot dom, Tiffany's a sweet nurturing one. Her smile is the prettiest, and I love every bit of her.

4. Irene/Bae Joohyun

I swear to God all of my biases are mommies excepting Eunbi lol. But yeah, Irene is the best visual, and it's canon that she's the best mommy there is, the perfect balance between harsh and soft. I'll get to write a solo fic for her someday, Tiff likewise <3

5. Kim Gaeul

It will always be a wonder for me: why don't I write that much for her? She's dropped down the list a little but I'll never forget how she made me fall for her. And yes, i hear your gaeul requests and I'll write them, I promise.

If I weren't a DIVE, I would have guessed that she was the leader. Gaeul has a girl crush face with the laid back personality any guy would fall for. #ButtfuckGaeul, #MarryGaeul, #BreedGaeul.

6. The rest of IZ*ONE ❤

All of them are precious to me. I keep voting on music shows they're nominated for and supporting their current paths. As much as I yearn for a reunion, I love them twelve individually. The iz in my name isn't for nothing.

So... yeah. My bias list is IZ*ONE and a few others kek.

#ask #icyphilosopher148

[kaisacobra]

Thank you for saying that it really means a lot, I actually used to write fan-fiction a couple years back and I’ve recently tried to start again but I’m very critical of what I write and how I write it so I’m incapable of producing a single chapter.

Keep it mysterious, I’ll be eagerly awaiting whatever you gift us ✨

Now that you mention it, yes I completely understand what you mean about R not being able to be extremely cold to Tara. R seems like the type of person who’d be hurt and disappointed, someone who wouldn’t necessarily be cold to Tara but would definitely hide from her. For R I’d imagine it’d be an internal battle of what she wants versus what she deserves, we already get a feel for that in the first chapter but it was easier for her to choose what she wants- which is to provide whatever comfort and happiness Tara wants because she loves her so much over what she deserves- someone who cares about her in a consistent manner and not only when it’s convenient (boo Tara😡). After Tara’s outburst I think R would have to force herself in every way possible to really process that she can’t put Tara’s needs above her own anymore, as much as she loves Tara doing that would reinforce the notion that everything Tara said is true. We know she always runs back but now that’s she’s been ridiculed for it she can’t.

The way she’s always there for Tara makes me wonder about her background. Maybe this is TMI, but I personally have experienced many relationships like this in the past. My father abandoned my sister and I at a very young age, so part of the reason I would always be there for them and never left first even when I should’ve but wouldn’t- was because I never wanted them to feel as unloved and unworthy as I did when my father left me. By the time I was a teenager I’d already forgiven him for all the abuse my family endured because of him, in my heart nobody could ever hurt me the way he hurt me- so I’d forgive them even though the people around me would expressively tell me not to, you know? But im older now and I stand my ground, i can leave when if its what’s best for me and not get too caught up in what’s best for them.

I’m from California by the way! It’s 10:30PM right now, you’re from Brazil though? That’s so cool! Did you grow up there? My parents were born in Mexico but they moved to USA in the late 1980’s, I wanna move to Mexico and live there for a couple years because my mother loves and talks about her hometown so much, the idea of seeing where she grew up in person and picturing her as a little girl warms my heart.

- ☘️ (I’m gonna use this as my anon tag from now on)

I feel like everyone is gonna be critical when it comes to their own stuff, like, I'm not kidding when I said i thought second best wasn't that good, specially because I used to be an essay tutor/monitor at school and my writing had to be more than perfect. Just remember that usually you're gonna be more critical of your work than other people and it doesn't mean that what you write is actually bad.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad that you can stand your ground now!💪 I know this will sound oddly ironic but all the background information I have on R is about... Tara. In my head, R is divided by past (beginning of friendship, woodsboro), present (the current mess) and future (what's gonna happen) so, in a way, maybe her life is all about Tara😔

I don't think R's family are gonna make an appearance so I'll leave it up for you guys to hc whatever you want as R's reason for being so attached to Tara.

California seems so nice! And yeah, i grew up here and i wouldn't have it any other way🤭 Maybe this happens to everyone in their own home country but i just love my culture and history so much, I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Mexico sounds super cool! I've been wanting to go there, specially in 2026 because of the world cup (really wanted to see it live) but i dont think it's gonna happen😔 Either way it's a beautiful country i wanna visit someday and i definitely have to start improving my spanish.

#✦: 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑠

[0rah-s]

Hi! It's my first time ever requesting something so I hope I'm not doing it wrong—

Would it be possible to have some friendship hcs with Bennet please ? I couldn't find your request rules so if you don't do this kind of x reader, please ignore this message!

- Phaoscuro

HEYAAA ~~~

You're my first ask too!!

And im currently working and an ask rule :)

Ill write for all types of reader: afab, amab, gn, child(platonic), adult...

Thank you for requesting!

Being friends with Bennett will be one hell of a ride, better be ready for it!

• when you met you hit it of right away! He was super easy to talk to

• and even if you don't talk much for any reason, he will be happy to carry the conversation!

• things went on but after a while of tripping you got concerned and thats when he tells you about his bad luck(if you didn't already know)

• and as if to tell him it didn't matter- you carry on where you left of with your last conversation, it ment the world to him

• also gave him a mood boster for the remainder of the week! (my baby :)) )

" Are you sure? You really don't mind?? Wait wait wait.. I don't think you understand what i- " he near yelled. But you kept on insisting and after a while he gave up. " Alright then... " he joyfully sighed. " but you better keep to your word ! "

• you complete comissions together then have a picnic together

• it sorta became a routine between the two of you. Everyday you'll both cook/buy new food to bring and shate together ( 1/3 of the time his food ends up soaked or burnt but shusss)

• he appreciate every bit of effort you put into the friendship and doesn't forget to thank you everyday (even though you constantly repeat to him thay its fine!)

" WhoaaAAA!! You cooked THAT? " His eyes glit with admiration while he shook your shoulders in all possible directions. " I can't belive i get to be your friend, i really won the lottery! "

• non-comisom day includes: getting heald by barbara, making suspicious mix with fish, hunting with razor, and hanging out/training with the cavalry captain

• if you can fight you'll sometimes join in with bennet duting his training with kaeya

• kaeya thinks of the both of you like family

• one day you decided to cathc kaeya off guard and gang up him

• and it worked!!??

both you and bennett were wheezing on the floor after successfully pining the captain down. "Whao there, now whats going on here? " His worned knuckles from old battles ribed both of your heads while you all enjoyed this moment together. "Your laughing now but I'll get my revenge one day!"

• not including the ussual ill fate- your friendship is natural and comfortable, more than you could both ever wish for.

• You'll both grow one day but you'll grow together

You wouldn't trade him for the world

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #bennett x reader #bennett x you #bennett x y/n #he is my scrunkly #my child <3 #orh's

[compassionatereminders]

Hey, Kat! Sorry for the essay. I'm feeling very dumb and disillusioned after a friendship went poorly. We started chatting on here and talked frequently (like a lot a lot, way more than I usually can keep up correspondence with people), so we bonded super quickly. like, daily chats for a couple of months, unheard of for me outside of my best friend for 15+ years in the early years of our friendship. But I got overwhelmed with offline stuff for a couple of weeks and got flaky and ghosty with talking. They were hurt so they blocked me and I clearly owed them an apology, so I made it. We went back and forth a little and I explained (not for the first time) that I'm bad at responding and also explained that I need time to write serious messages because I am precise about word choice and need to sort my feelings out properly beforehand. I wanted to do better for them but I was honest about the fact that timely replies are something I've struggled to do with everyone in my life for most of my life, so it wasn't going to get better in a week or just a month. But I told them they aren't obligated to stay in a friendship like that and just wait for it to get better; I wanted to respect their social needs and I acknowledge that expecting timely communication is extremely valid and normal. I wasn't in the right! The stuff they were sending me was just... a lot to parse through, both emotionally and verbally, especially because there's so much offline shit happening for me right now and they brought up feelings I had no idea they had for me. But when I took longer than a day to respond, they told me I disgusted them and then ranted about all the horrible things they hope happen in my life from here on out. Basically tried to turn the most personal, hopeful things I'd expressed to them into, idk, barbs that I guess they thought would hurt me and make me feel like a monster of a person or hopeless. Luckily that type of shit just doesn't make me feel that way and the fact that they thought it would makes it clear to me that this person thought they knew me way better than they actually did. Now I worry that I'm too open to others. Vulnerability has been a saving grace for me psychologically and I am just... so, so open to talk about damn near anything. Not as an active practice, I just am! I think sometimes people misinterpret this as a deeper connection with me than it is, though. When people open up back on stuff that I'm already very comfortable being vulnerable about, it's possible it means more to them? But like, what does that mean? Do I share less of myself? I don't want to! Being open about life and hardship has directly improved my happiness!

I'm just lost. I feel very dumb because I almost met this person offline before this happened and now I'm wondering how safe they even would be to know in that capacity. I'm at a point in my life where I'm prioritizing finding and building a found family, something I'm fucking good at, but now I'm worried that like... I can't navigate the current social landscape? Like, I'm not equipped to? I just don't get what I could have done differently in introducing myself or expressing myself so they didn't end up with impossible expectations from me. I don't blame myself (AT ALL) for being lashed out against and the two of us already talked it out (I am no longer their friend), but this isn't the first time I've opened up with someone just for them to get weird and aggro like this over something disproportionate. We talked personal lives and beliefs and aspirations, yes, but I didn't tell this person anything I wouldn't also feel comfortable saying on a live or to a new friend--which is what they were. I feel misunderstood in a way that actually bothers me for the first time in so long and kinda feel like giving up.... but the extrovert in me is dying for a wide social group.

Your "friend" sounds really mean, manipulative and emotionally immature and I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior. But the solution isn't to stop being vulnerable. Maybe you gotta test people a little by disagreeing with them on something minor or establishing a boundary to test that they're decent beyond the initial charm before you open up completely, but keep trying to connect. There are still plenty of good people in this world!

#chat with kat #manipulation tw #guilt tripping tw

[barbwritesstuff]

Update on the Art Situation

Okay. So, firstly I just want to thank all the awesome people that have been messaging me. I've had several amazing artists reach out, a couple of really cool anonymous suggestions, and even a graphic designer in my inbox who explained why some Hosted Games art worked really well.

Thank you all so so so much.

I have decided the first step is to figure out roughly what I want the art to look like. Once I've done that, I think I'll know which artist to approach.

I'm using this post to think through some of my ideas to see if I can figure something out. Feel free to respond and let me know what you think. Blood Moon is, and always has been, a project I work on with the help of the IF community, and I don't want the art to be any different.

And so, without any further ado...

Idea #1

I've had a couple of people tell me they like the paw print logo I made way back when I started writing Blood Moon. This one.

Look familiar? Yeah. It's currently my icon.

It's just a couple of free assets I threw together back in 2020. An artist could do something like this way better. However, I think the reason people like it is because it's simple and has high contrast. I also personally really like the white and red scheme... probably because it's very similar to one of my favourite games as a kid.

Red and white are also pretty major colours used in another recent werewolf game so... eh... genre?

We're drifting a little away from the simple with this one but I do like the use of colour an the negative space.

Also, I don't mind the use of a character off to the side like that. I think it's interesting. The Golden Rose did this (with different colours) recently and it looks awesome.

So... eh... I guess Idea #1 is... red and white with maybe some blood splatters and/or a character on the side? Is that an idea?

Idea #2

But wait, what happened to simple?!

When I think of simple, graphic covers, I think of the Elder Scrolls games which are another favourite from my childhood.

I think these games look awesome. I also think cover art like this would be fantastic if Blood Moon ever became a series. Each game having a similar but unique symbol on a plain background would give all the different games a cohesive look which would be cool.

I mentioned Wayhaven in my original post and I think this is a good time to bring it up again. It also has a really simple symbol on the cover.

I think this works well. If I could have something like this for Blood Moon, I'd be very happy.

HOWEVER!

I'm reluctant to use a depiction of the moon as a focus for this design because several games (including Wayhaven) already have the moon or the moon cycle included in their designs.

So even though the moon is super relevant and has been a huge part of writing this game, I think I'm going to let it go for this one.

Which leaves this idea with one big question.

What's the symbol going to be if not a moon?

Eh... I could go back to the paw print? Or maybe a stylised wolf? I dunno.

Idea #3

Blood Moon is part of the long and honoured tradition of werewolves fighting vampires.

(yes I know the tradition ain't that long, and ain't that honoured, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to wax poetic here)

With that in mind (and as suggested by a couple of people in my inbox) having a werewolf and a vampire face off on the cover might just work.

After all, the catch phrase of Blood Moon is: "Date Werewolves. Fight Vampires."

It is what it says on the tin.

An illustrated cover with a werewolf and a vampire doing the classic Mortal Kombat 'VS' screen pose (but maybe a little more artistic) could be really awesome.

If there is some negative space between for the title, that would be ideal. Plus, by incorporating an actual werewolf and vampire on the cover, I think I'll attract the people who will want to read about werewolves and vampires.

(I was going to include some more images here but Tumblr said no).

So... something like this...

My artistic ability sometimes frightens even me.

This one would be illustrated and I'd need an artist who was really good at drawing characters in action. They'd really need to look dynamic.

Idea #4

There is no idea #4.

Idea #5

Blood Moon has a lot of characters in it. Leaning away from the simple and into the zany, it might be fun to have a classic Hollywood ensemble movie poster. You know the ones. They have a bunch of characters. Some giant. Some itty biddy.

Now, this idea does have the risk of being too busy, but I have seen it done well. I love this design for a Vampire the Masquerade card game.

I also like that this poster as a city in it. The city in Blood Moon is actually a really major character. Blood Moon is an urban fantasy, emphasis on the urban. While not a priority, putting a city skyline or some other urban elements is not an unwelcome idea.

P.S

I know some of these ideas are bleeding into each other. I'm sorry. This post was really me just trying to sort things out myself... so it's not very well structured.

A few final notes I wanted to make:

I know I've shown a lot of white and red designs... that's because I like that contrast. However, any contrasting colours could be cool. I am more than happy to give Blood Moon and neon pink and blue makeover if that looks good.

I like the font I used for the titles in Blood Moon. I don't want to change it. Any design has to work with the font of the title in the game.

A few people have sent me some more artistic/abstract ideas and while they sound really cool, I think I'd prefer to have something more direct. I don't want someone who loves werewolves to look at a really cool cover but not realise the game is about werewolves. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks so much for reading this behemoth of a post. If you have any ideas or suggestions PLEASE let me know. I am so new to this. It's a mess.

[lixenn]

COMES IN TO BOTHER YOU. what was the first fic you wrote? do you have any cool keychains/trinkets you carry around? if money and time was no object, what field of study/career would you pursue? what is a book youre currently reading?

WOW SO MANY QUESTIONS I LOVE IT!!

Let's get you some answers then:

First fic

... Already stumped at that one, because damn my memory is so fucking bad. I can't even ruffle through my documents on laptop because when I first started writing I had a different one and I'm not sure if I transfered all the files when I upgraded.

*tries to make the brain do the thinking thing*

I think actually my first try at anything fanfic like was with my super cringy self-insert thing into the Percy Jackson universe. I didn't even know fanfic was a thing at the time and I'm pretty sure I deleted that document because it went absolutely no where, so yeah that was probably it. I was and still kinda am pretty obsessed with Uncle Rick's work, so it's no surprise to me that I tried my hand at writing fanfic without knowing the concept even existed. However I wouldn't be able to tell you what that story was about even if you put a gun to my head so I can't really give you much detail.

Cool keychain/trinkets

Unfortunately no cool keychains for me, I have a heart shaped one my mum got me from her trip to Berlin but that's pretty basic. As for trinkets? Do earrings count? Because I have some pretty dope sword earrings.

The keychain situation might change though, because my friend is going to Japan in May and he promised to get me a souvenir, so maybe I'll have a cool KHR keychain soon (might get something else though who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Field of study/career

It's a toss up between Writer and Owner of Small Crochet Business. I would love to spent my day just being creative and making stuff. I do like science and I think with all the time I invested in my studies I can say I'm not bad at it but it's not my passion. Like, learning about new stuff is fun and I certainly can do experiments and data analysis but give me the option to simply chill on my couch/bed and just create, I would choose it over science every single time.

I'd probably need to get a better grip on scheduling my day because I realized having a strict routine does wonders for my mental health but otherwise just let me make stuff and I'll be happy.

BOOKS

*stares at all the books in my shelf that I've started but currently don't have the energy to read*

...

You want me to choose just ONE?

Well, if we take the one I read the most recently it's Assisstant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Meahrer. It's a cozy fantasy romance, easy to read and quite funny at times. I liked the premise so I picked it up and I'm over half way through but my brain is so focused on writing right now, I don't really have the motivation to read (which is very strange since normally it's the other way around.)

Other titles that are gathering dust in my self:

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch; also funny but in a more serious way, very heavy on the worldbuilding which is awesome but it takes a lot of brainspace so I put it on hold for now.

As Good as Dead by Holly Jackson; I binged the first two books in the trilogy in a day, but this one a bit darker than the others (which makes sense because shit happened) and I need to be in a certain brainspace for that.

The colour of magic by Terry Prachett; I read a lot of Discworld as a kid but I read it in German. This book is my first try reading Prachett in his original glory and it's actually a bit difficult, because again very heavy on the worldbuilding.

I know you only asked for one book, but I'm a chronic oversharer and you asked about BOOKS okay?! I'm bad at controlling myself when it comes to book discussions, so be glad I just kept it to four examples, I could have listed more!

#ask answered #thanks for the ask tango I really needed a distraction #the WIP I was working on was driving me up the wall

[porgthespacepenguin]

Hi!

It's the first time I decided to actually leave a comment on a authors work, still I was too anxious to leave it on ao3 so imagine my relief when I discovered you had a tumblr account!

As I said, I don't normally give any feedback after reading a story, not because I didn't enjoy it- I usually experience teh after fic emotional emotional swirl with no need to express it, and my language barrier is no help when it comes to actually trying to write how i felt about the story.

But "No Easy Way to the Stars" blew me away.

I was truly amazed by how one can create the story, I read it as often as I could for a few days straight, mostly giving up sleeping at all, just because you had me in suspense, you and the admirable Naegi world you created.

With that, I want to thank you wholeheartedly for taking me into Thier world, for letting me be among them with my spirit. And obviously, thank you for the happy end we received after everything we came through (yes I did cried a little, gasped horrified and screamed, who didn't?)

And with that, I have a question-

I know that the key to a good story is to know when to end it, but! Have you ever considered writing a little epilogue about Thier future? There are many possibilities that I would love to read about, and-

-Oh. I'm just so desperately not ready to let go of all of them :((

No matter what's your plan for the future, once again, thank you for everything. It was a pleasure to sink into this story without a single care in the world. I already read some of your other works, but, this one will always have a special place in my heart.

May the Mujur guide you!

PS: A big thank you for the author for letting me correct my ask, this time without any spoilers for the others. I didn't though ahead about it, mostly controlled by my emotions still wrapped around this amazing story, but that just confirms how deeply it can move you! If you didn't had a chance to read it yourself, I strongly recommend to go and try, and if you're reading it already, continue, it's a remarkable experience.

Remember to go spread some love and appreciation for the author!

Hi there friend!

Thank you so much for taking the time to amend your ask -- I sincerely appreciate it. Your kind words mean a great deal to me, so I'm super happy to be able to post them without spoiling future/current readers. 👏😁

To answer your question: I haven't ruled out writing an epilogue. That said, I haven't written anything yet (not even notes!), because I pretty much told the story I wanted to tell... and haven't really thought about what happens next.

I have, however, written a full outline and filled up a Scrivener file about my (maybe?) next story -- if I manage to climb out of my current writing slump, and get this new WIP written then... Perhaps it will be time to revisit the NEWTS universe again. :)

first I do need to beat the writer's block that's currently kicking my ass something fierce...

PS: thank you again, so much, for taking the time to read AND to send me this beautiful ask. ❤️

#porg's fanfiction #porg answers #no easy way to the stars #qcard

[theminecraftbee]

I'm vibing so hard with your magical girl scar au but I realize I don't have much experience with magical girl media, do you have any recommendations?

okay so my all-time favorite magical girl show is definitely princess tutu, which is actually not what i'm basing this au off of AT ALL but i promise it is really really good and if you think you may like magical girl stuff it may be the way to go. plus, especially as we get into the second season? all the metacommentary about storytelling in that show has probably affected how i write and the sorts of things i like to talk about. princess tutu is SO GOOD guys even if you don't normally like ballet or magical girls i promise you should watch it and it's very silly in... many parts... anteaterina in that second episode... but it's also SO GOOD. and if you already like magical girls? GO WATCH IT WHY HAVEN'T YOU YET.

outside of that i like cardcaptor sakura a lot as a show that generally makes me feel happy whenever i watch it. it just is a show that has such nice and good vibes if you want something with nice and good vibes i recommend. plus something about cardcaptor's animation and designs specifically makes me feel soft and nostalgic for some reason. (this au takes its inciting incident almost verbatim from cardcaptor's inciting incident, fun fact, although then things immediately change due to the differing directions from there.)

classic 90s sailor moon anime is a classic for a reason; it is very much the magical girl formula but also it's like, one of the first ones to do it as strongly as it did, and if you like monster-of-the-week 90s TV and anime you'll definitely like it. or if you like stuff like power rangers; 90s sailor moon anime is actually pretty high on the 'basically super sentai for girls' scale as far as magical girl stuff goes (plus it's probably my formative magical girl anime).

i don't know much about precure; someone else can tell you what precure is good to watch! however i do know precure is really good and is what currently holds the torch of played-straight, long-running magical girl franchise, and i have seen the transformation sequences and stuff and it looks really good i just haven't had time to watch much of it. at some point i will.

recently, tokyo new mew is out, another thing i need to watch, because i watched tokyo mew mew in high school as one of the first anime i purposefully sought out to watch. that one's fun, i really like the animal themes in it, another just very good magical girl show in my opinion. it's been a long while since i last watched it but i remember i liked lettuce a lot. (they are all named after foods for some reason.)

madoka magica is gonna come up when you talk magical girls; it's... i like madoka actually but i will say that both a lot of people tend to misread it and also that it did this thing where it permanently made people go "oh but what if OUR magical girls are EDGY" as though magical girl shows have never had anything dark in them and also as though edgy makes it better. (all the sailor scouts die like, once if not more than once at various points in sailor moon guys, this is not a thing madoka invented for the genre.) it's very good and i really love the visuals of the witches in madoka, but it's also very much not a magical girl show played straight and i honestly think you appreciate it more if you actually like magical girls? idk complicated feelings on madoka you know.

however i will add one last recommendation for a post-madoka magical girl thing, and that's the webcomic sleepless domain by mary cagle. it's a REALLY cool webcomic, has good worldbuilding, despite the specific twist it uses it doesn't feel like one of the ones that went "but what if our magical girls can DIE" after madoka did but has like, a lot to do with its premise, i like a lot about how it's magical girls work and i'm really interested in what's going on right now. i wouldn't be surprised if it influenced my ideas for this au a little considering that i actively read that one as it updates.

and... yeah that's my list of various magical girl things i recommend! obviously there's also a lot of other stuff out there depending on what sort of show you're looking for?

#answered #starkeeper-the-storyteller #my BIGGEST recommendation on here is princess tutu i ADORE that anime so so so much #but also all of these are good places to look too!

[delilah705]

Oh, yeah. Really the only downside to writing fics is when a character is vastly diff from you. Now I have to teach myself all these things that they would be knowledgeable in. Agreed, I feel like the androids could be committing all these crimes and get away with it, especially the more advance ones like Connor and Nines

A Court of Thorns and Roses? I’ve seen that title floating around. There is an artist I follow who mentioned it before but I don’t really know anything about it. Oh, I’ve read the Giver and the other books in the series. I had a friend who owned the books so I read them. I don’t really remember what happens in them since it’s been so long. The book is called Queer Transfigurations: Boys Love Media in Asia by James Welker. What I like about the book is that they have more than one voice (21 contributors specializing in different fields) to analyze the subject material. Tho I’m not sure how popular the book is so I don’t know if it’ll be in bookstores

Ok, I’ll just start with meatbun and mxtx novel carrds

Meat bun:

2ha - https://erhainfo.carrd.co/

Yuwu - https://stainsoffilth.carrd.co/# 

Bab - https://babmeatbun.carrd.co/ 

MXTX

Tgcf - https://stanhualian.carrd.co/ 

Mdzs - https://stanwangxian.carrd.co/ 

Svsss- https://svsssmxtx.carrd.co/# 

No worries about not knowing chinese! English is one of the more popular languages that they are translated into. Spanish? What words do you know in spanish??? I know spanish as well! It makes me happy when others know other languages even if it is just a couple words!!

Other works that I’ve enjoyed that should still have english translations up; I’ve added both the carrds and direct link to the english translations:

https://qi-weishang.carrd.co/ (https://chrysanthemumgarden.com/novel-tl/twf/ - direct link to the english translation)

https://dpubfttb.carrd.co/ (https://chrysanthemumgarden.com/novel-tl/dpubftb/ - direct link to the english translation) 

https://misvil.carrd.co/# (https://chrysanthemumgarden.com/novel-tl/misvil/ - direct link to the english translation)

https://tihc.carrd.co/#about (two diff groups translated parts of the story so I don’t have a direct link to the english translations but you can find them in the link section of the carrd!)

Sorry, this response was so short. Idk why but lately I’ve been feeling so drained 🙃😭. Maybe I just need a long nap 😴

XD Yeah! That's it basically! It's why I stress so much over writing Vash. Man's got like, 100+ years of knowledge in there and a lot of details are not shared about Gunsmoke/No Man's Land. And them androids gotta have books and books of knowledge up in there. Those of the RK line can pre-generate outcomes and choose the best suited one, and oh boy, I'm gonna have to put way more effort and thought into their actions than any other character I think I've written so far, and I already have to do this with a few characters I'm writing fics for currently that take a lot of brain power. There's a fic I wanna write for a fandom I have not posted for yet, and I just… Worry that I won't be able to properly capture the character in question because he's just so different from me and in canon, he's kinda like Vash in that he puts up a front and I honestly… Can't tell what's an act and what's not. He's very eccentric and I… XD Fear I won't be able to capture it, or how he really feels inside. I really wanna write it though. At some point, but probably not any time soon. My thought process was basically: "Oh shit. They'd make the best yanderes. 👀"

:0 Oh cool! XD I don't either! I think the way I heard about it was I was listening to someone's book reviews on Youtube? For a while, I was super into trying to find good book series that suited my tastes, but I kinda fell into the habit of just buying books and never reading them? <.< I lost interest in a lot of hobbies I enjoyed a lot before and reading happened to be one of them. I've started to get back into it now, but… Yeah. !! I thought there were more books beyond it! I'll have to look out for them in the future, see if the store I buy books at get them eventually. Surprised me to see it on the shelf, you know? It's an older book, and quite a few go out of print after a while, leaving me looking on places like Amazon for used copies. I honestly don't remember much of the series either, I'll be honest, just that it's about a boy and a baby his family is taking care of? I just remember it was really dark and the first book left on a cliffhanger. :0 Oh wow! 21! That's amazing! I don't know either. :/ I don't think I've seen it where I live, but I'll keep an eye out!

:0 Omg! Thank you so much! I'm gonna be pulling all of these up lol.

Yeah, Spanish! :D You too?!? Awesome! X'D Oh gosh! My Spanish has gotten super rusty! I've forgotten a lot. It's only the kinds of things you'd learn taking it for two years in high school, simple stuff like hotel and restaurant questions, how to introduce yourself, say your age and the days of the week, food names, emotions, feelings, creating simple sentences,… I let myself fall off if I'm honest mostly because I really had no opportunity to actually use it in my daily life beyond actively trying and going out of my way and/or going into online Spanish spaces as I don't know many Spanish speakers around here.

:0 Oh cool! Thank you so much! I will be checking all of these out!

Hey, no worries! Put your needs first, okay? Stay hydrated, take some time to yourself to just relax and rest. Take as long as you need to respond to me, okay? Don't ever feel pressured.

#Sfw #Anonymous #Ask