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#can’t sleep


“My mind is a blank canvas; where there should be colorfully painted dreams is a heavy blackness. My eyes are as stationary as the silhouette of my bedside lamp, which is where they rest. When the sallow glow of the streetlamp behind it becomes shades of white, I know my night is over.

My mind flickers to the cupboard and the sleeping pills inside that my doctor prescribed. I don’t want them, I don’t want chemicals to “fix” me. I close my eyes and they almost sting like a wasp, opened for too long I suppose.”

— written by @lustfulawakenings (me) ✨

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i hope that when you look at her, you see me.

and i hope it breaks you like it does me when i see you with her.

i hope missing me shatters your heart and drains your soul

i hope that when you look in her eyes you remember mine that were holding back oceans when i told you goodbye.

when you roll over at 3 am and caress her arm, i hope you wish it was me, knowing that i’m too far gone for you to reach out to me.

because then, maybe, you’ll understand.

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Ok @n0wornever asked for some calming songs so I made a playlist for everyone filled with some soft/acoustic songs that I hope can relax you. There are some songs that have background effects so if you want to get the full calming effect, listen at a lower volume.❤️

Hopefully you enjoy and find songs that you like. I tried to do a mix of songs from different genres. Have a lovely day everyone and remember to take a break from your ~silly little tasks~ and relax. :)

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hi can someone help me

I have this stupid habit of disconnecting from everyone around me. I mean like I will stick myself in isolation, ignore my boyfriend, my best friend, my friends, everyone around me. This is quarantine, so in my house I act perfectly fine with my family but I don’t know why I do this. I am normally an extrovert. I love being with people. And I just fucking don’t understand why I isolate myself like this. I can go anywhere from a few days to entire months doing this. And almost everyday, I’ll feel this guilt about not texting/calling everyone back, and I’ll just feel more and more guilty but I won’t do anything about it. 

My boyfriend is a little busy right now, we’re in a long term relationship and he has been MIA this whole weekend. I guess he realized something is wrong, and after a few days of me being passive-agressive with him, he took time out to call me and ask what happened, and I just sat there and watched both of his calls ring and ring and didn’t pick up, even though the thing I want to do the most is just talk to him. Please help me. 

I just don’t understand why I’m doing it. Why am I hurting the people around me. Why is it so hard for me to talk to them. Why am I hurting myself. What is wrong with me.

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As I lay here at night thinking of you I can’t sleep. All I can think about now is my house and how it any moment my heart could just stop and you would be the last thing on my mind while I die and you die in my heart. Now I worry that you won’t be with me because I could die at any minute and that’s what I think about and that’s what scares me for us not to have a life together knowing that I can go at any moment I love you so much.

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Im laying in bed thinking about the time I tooted in my former supervisor’s office and I tried to make the chair or my shoe make a noise so we could pretend it was that and they wouldn’t, and so we just sat there staring at each other in silence for like five minutes until I said “okay” and walked out

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