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angryschnauzer · 6 months

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I realised two months have gone by since i last updated you all, i'm not even sure if anyone is interested anymore. I know i haven't been on much, perhaps sporadically coming on and mindlessly reblogging Henry stuff just for a little escape, but its intermittent at best. I had hoped to be back to writing by now, but life is still a huge pile of shit.

I'm run ragged trying to pay the bills. My wedding decorations business is halfway between slow and dead; the cost of living crisis means weddings aren't really happening, and if they are most of the items i do people are making themselves. My side gig in ebay flipping is quiet too but at least its trickling by. I don't mention this much as people get a lot of abuse over 'thrift store flippers' (Charity Shop resellers here in the UK), but right now its what's keeping my family fed. I buy clothing for £1 from the stinky dregs bin in a charity shop, wash it, mend it, resell it for £4. I'm not making millions or even thousands. I'm lucky if i'm bringing in £150 a week which barely covers our weekly food shop. Its draining that when i do eventually mention this to my friends they immediately start moaning at me that i'm the one 'ruining' charity shops and why its pushing the prices up. But when i calmly tell them its that or i don't eat they go quiet. I'm not the one pushing a 2nd hand coat for £25 which was only £20 brand new which most high street charity shops are doing. Do i like doing this? No. Do i have to? Yes. Because i sure as ain't cute enough for onlyfans.

But the majority of my time over the last couple of months has been spent caring for our son. He's 8 and has type 1 diabetes, and since school started back in September one little shit in his class has spent every waking moment bullying him. This little shit has been stabbing my son with pencils, poking him in the kidneys with whatever he has to hand, laughing and sneering at him at every opportunity even when he's just walking past. Having the adrenaline and cortisol in my son's bloodstream affects how his insulin works, and he builds up an insulin resistance because of all the other hormones in his bloodstream. I've had so many meetings with the school, and have had to get the board of governors involved because when your 8 year old kid says quietly to you "It would be better if i wasn't alive as then *Little Shit* wouldn't be able to bully me" your heart breaks into pieces.

He needs my support more than anything, so every single other thing has been put by the wayside. And its tough. He acts out at home, messes around with his dinner because he feels he needs to be able to control something, but that in turn messes up insulin dosing so i'm spending half the night dealing with highs and lows for his blood sugars. I get at most 5 hours sleep a night.

I have no more energy left. I'm not eating, because i just can't stomach it. I'm 43 and hitting menopause, but my doctor doesn't want to know because "You just need to loose some weight" (don't get be started on fat bias from the NHS).

So i'm filling my time with volunteering at school so i can be 'around' for my Little Dude. He knows that if he's having an awful day, he will find me in the office sorting through paperwork for our next fundraiser. Its not what i want to be doing, but its what i need to be doing.

One day i hope to get back to my writing. I miss being creative and i hate that i have so many stories part written/published. As the months tick by i actually end up seeing stories written by others that have the same characters/plotlines. This is no-ones fault that two stories exist on the same synopsis, it would just seem that they and I have taken the same inspiration from media at some point. But it makes me scared that if i now publish a story i started 2 years ago, i'll be accused of stealing an idea. I don't know what to do. So i just leave my WIP folder abandoned.

For everyone that has stayed with me thank you. For those that have moved onto pastures new, i wish you well and hold no malice.

I do love you all

Mama Schnauz

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teenage-mutant-ninja-freak · 11 months

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Heyo! Love your work btw *chef kiss* I'm obsessed with your poly turtles stuff. Could you maybe do some Christmas poly headcannons? Seasonal Activities they do with their s/o, possible gifts they receive, fav cookies/treats, fav Xmas music. Idk just some festive stuff? If you're busy that's cool 😎 your poly turt stuff has me needing more haha. Thanks!

Ok, I'm pretty sure I got this before Christmas and it's now May. I'm so sorry. I won't go into all the reasons I haven't really been writing because it's a lot but I want to get back into it so here goes with this very unseasonal post lmao

and thank you everyone for you patience as I get back into the swong of writing for my blog

Raph

This big hunk of red and green first

He's very seasonal if you think about it

He's also super (secretly) into the holidays

catch him doing his rendition of rockin' around the Christmas tree very loudly when he's off his tits on eggnog

((side note I think he would hate eggnog but would drink it solely because it's festive))

He's secretly super sentimental and he knows you love this time of year so he really puts his back into it

I'm talking it's the 1st of December and he wakes you up in a full Santa outfit and white beard (that he knitted himself) yelling "Ho Ho Ho!" and asking if you've been naughty or nice

it's like 6am so you, naturally, tell him to piss off

to which he makes a big show of trying to shove you into his Santa sack because "Someone needs a trip to the North Pole to learn the Christmas spirit"

He's also pretty good with crafts

obvs you guys can't go outside and be seen so he creates a whole winter wonderland in the lair (without telling the others, Mikey was the only one who appreciated it tbh)

also he's a great cook so you spend evening after evening baking sugar cookies and decorating them, sipping hot chocolate with a candy cane in it and whipped cream on top, making warming winter soups.

In terms of gifts, he gets you anything and everything he even thinks you might like

real big spender this one

handmade too items like a scarf he knitted for you because your old one was a bit worn, handmade card, he even did a little snow globe that he made with figures of you and him inside of it

he'll say "I know it's lame" or "It's not the best but I tried" but it means the world to you

Leo

Big boy blue up next

I see him loving a very traditional, old fashioned, classic Xmas.

His big thing is that he loves to decorate the tree with you

but you would always bicker about how it should look

"No, I think a gold and red theme would look better!"

"But, Leo, we have all of these cute glass candy canes I wanna hang!"

"But I have a vision!!"

so this year he decides to buy like 6 trees (and by buy I mean forage, steal or cut down)

so you can both have your own trees and decorate them however you want

this, obviously, becomes a Christmas competition

your very unwilling judges are Leo's brothers and even Splinter

they have never looked more uncomfortable than when you and Leo are very passionately stating your case for why your tree is better than the other's and it ends in you both throwing baubles at each other

about half an hour and a lot of tinsel lying everywhere later you decide that maybe you're both a little too competitive

but Leo reassures that "That's why I love you"

He's so big on quality time with you

lot's of sitting by a crackling fire, sipping coco and letting soft Christmas songs play

he's made a playlist of v gentle ones like Eartha Kitt's Santa baby, Conventry carol and god rest ye merry gentlemen.

it's all about the mood w/ Leo

as far as gifts, it's has to be something personal and sweet

a pressed flower in resin from the first day you both met, a silver heart shaped locket with a pic of you both in it, some sort of talisman that's supposed to keep you safe in ninja superstition

Mikey

Time for chaotic good to come to play

Mikey just manages to capture that almost childlike enthusiasm and wonder for the season

He has a funny habit of wrapping your gifts to look like something else

last year you were certain he'd gotten you a rocking horse but it turned out to be a new phone and headphones

"How long did it take you to wrap it like that?"

"Don't ask questions you don't wanna know.....3 hours to make the horse part look right"

normally he gets you silly but sweet gifts

lots of sticking filler things

oh and he gets you an actual stocking too, but like a comically oversized one to fit all the gifts

stuff he's made too

one year he made you 50 hand cut paper snowflakes with 50 reasons he loves you written and drawn on them

also stuff you guys can do together

video games he knows you'll find fun, stupid interactive games that you can play, that kinda stuff

he does a special Xmas scavenger hunt for you each year that the others pretend is stupid but it keeps getting more elaborate as time goes on and even they are started to get invested in the ending

there's a theme and everything ranging from polar express to murder at the Christmas party to Santa's grotto....

he also never fails to dress up as Mrs Clause every year (because Raph insists on being Santa and at first Mikey just wanted everyone to laugh, but now it's kinda a tradition)

Donnie

oh my sweet gadget boy

he's super big into cocktails, the sweeter the better

and you always get to name them together but you both have a warped sense of humour so the names are getting out of hand

you pick a fave each year as well

last year was "The abominable snowman's frozen left nut" and the year before was "Mrs Clause putting glass shavings in Santa's food because he came back with the clap"

I told you they were bizarre....

his gifts are always thoughtful and so romantic

I HC Donnie as being a super romantic guy

whether it be a painting he made of the constellations and planets in correct placement on the night the two of you first kissed

or a wreath of dried flowers and plants to hang on the door that came from the field behind your childhood house

but this year it's a scrapbook filled to the brim with every detail of the two of you, all dated and with a little annotation telling a story as to why it's in there. photos, cards, handwritten letters, magazine cut outs, diary entries.... it's all in there and it's enough to make you cry.

He also sneaks you out on Christmas eve every year without the others knowing (they'd flip if they came to know that he was stealing you away at that time)

but he takes you up to the rooftops to sit on blankets and drink hot chocolate (spiked with a little rum, it's Donnie after all...) and look at the lights and snowflakes and people bustling home to their families and you sit and feel at peace and laugh as you make up backstories to each individual you see scurrying home

you lean against his shoulder and every year that he does this it feels more magical than the last

#tmnt #tmnt mikey #tmnt donnie #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #teenage mutant ninja turtles #christmas #poly #poly edition #christmas edition #tmnt x reader #tmnt/reader #tmntxreader

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inlocusmads · 11 months

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Tag List Cleanup

So yes. This has been a loooong time coming.

Hi there, so if you're reading this, it is likely you agree that I am quite terrible at maintaining a consistent taglist, so I'm going to scratch it off and start all over again. And I'm also terribly disorganised, so yes, but that's a story for another day.

Okay, let's get to the categories! You're welcome to choose one, two or "n" number of categories from this. Perma counts as everything, so you needn't worry about it.

Perma

All fics. I don't do moodboards or HCs, so it is just all fics, series, one-shots, whatnot.

Crimes of Passion only.

It contains all characters and all pairings, though I mostly write for Nora and Trystan and that's pretty much it. I might also dabble in some platonic pairings in the future, so if you're interested in that as well -- look out for them, I suppose?

Open Heart only.

Jane, Ethan, the whole gang. It's OH but everything. All pairings, even though I only ever write Jane and Ethan but I might have some Aurora x OC fics planned (you'll never know).

I honestly don't want to bother with the sub-categories (Ethan x MC, Aurora x OC, etc) so if you want to just be tagged for one specific ship or pairing, you can specify your requests down below.

Wake the Dead only

WTD started off strong and was propelled further with the likes of zombie/apocalypse media that I watched during the time of the book's release (Last of Us, A Quiet Place, etc) but right now, I doubt I'd work on it as vigorously as I would spend writing Crimes fics. If you are interested in this, let me know!

Guinevere only

I haven't like worked on a lot of Guinevere fics, because I actually.. haven't finished Guinevere yet. I know, I know. I'm a terrible person. I still have 4-5 chapters to go and I'm collecting a lot of diamonds to pay for all the scenes, so apologies lmao. I mostly would write for MC x Artura because Artura is the GOAT. I also haven't prepared a masterlist for that, so maybe I'll do that in the coming days. Either way, let me know if you'd like to be tagged for Guinevere!

Onwards to the future works that I've planned!

Blades of Light and Shadow only

Aroace MC, adventure, song, dance - it's got everything and more. I have already planned my character and I can't wait for you to learn more about her. And also it's almost Bolas season, all the more reason to write Blades fics. I haven't started to work on any Blades-specific fics yet, but if you'd like to be tagged for them, let me know!

And that is all for now!

However, I will be putting out this one-off one shots from other books like MoTY, MaH and other books that have interested me. They're just like.. extra stuff, not exactly strictly restricted to a masterlist but sort of there to diversify my book palette so to speak. The problem with selecting books to write fics for is that, I don't know where to even start. Sometimes I'm sort of in a fix and that's just terrible. So if you want me to write a specific pairing from a specific book or if you'd like me to just explore my MC's story in a book that you enjoy, send me some requests, my asks are always open!

I also don't write explicit stuff, mature scenes or anything of that nature (or even kissing scenes for that matter which explains why half of my MCs are aroace or on the ace-spectrum, but I am trying! It's just hard) so if you're sending requests, do keep that in mind.

And that's it!

If you'd like to be tagged or remain in the same place as you were before, please let me know in the reblogs or in the comments below and make sure you restrict it to just this post! I'd be locking the tag list by June 30th 2023. And the new tag list will come into effect by July 1st.

If you do not wish to be tagged, you don't have to respond to this message at all. There'll be no hard feelings, so you wouldn't have to worry about anything.

Cheers!

Mads.

(yes i apologise for the good omens gif, ik it has been like 3 days since the trailer came out and im still in a permanent state of panic)

(current tag list 👇)

Perma:

@quixoticdreamer16 @trappedinfanfiction @writing-not @peonierose @tessa-liam

Crimes:

@aallotarenunelma @cassie-thorne @lilyoffandoms @jerzwriter @ao719 @ofmischiefandmedicine @openheartforeverinmyheart

Open Heart:

@cariantha @jerzwriter @openheartforeverinmyheart @ofmischiefandmedicine

Guinevere:

@lilyoffandoms

Wake the Dead:

@aallotarenunelma @jerzwriter @cariantha

Blades (from this post I put out):

@starlight-starfury

___

I sincerely apologise if you've commented or reblogged anywhere to be tagged and I haven't done that. That's precisely why I even decided to do this cleanup after a while, to sort of reset the whole thing and start afresh. Plus Tumblr for some reason, keeps eating some of my notifications so I have no idea what to make of it at this point.

Thank you so much for your interest! I'll see you soon!

- Mads.

#tag list cleanup #w:inlocusmads

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firendgold · 6 months

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Dumbledore for the unhinged character bingo?

but of course!

whew boy, no bingos but this was a lot.

guess we'll go left to right row by row?

Daddy Issues: um, yeah. It might be glossed over in canon and fanon, but it seems pretty clear that Albus has at least some. Percival Dumbledore was taken from him early, after a moment where he lost control and inflicted violence on those who were both crueler and weaker than him, all in the name of protecting his family. That probably left very deep impressions on the young Albus' psyche: both I can't let myself be locked away like he was, my family needs me and doing the right thing means suffering.

Adult!Albus takes many risks and makes many choices that lead to unhappiness twined with safety, and I think it all comes back to his parents and his home life. We also don't ever see him with a mentor: we know he "worked with" Nicolas Flamel but we don't have a clear idea of how close they were, how long they worked together or anything like that. Like many men in the HP series, he's probably another one who searches in vain for a father figure to replace his original one.

*Incoherent sobbing*: me every day since I finished Half-Blood Prince as a kid, honestly. I'm still not over it. Deathly Hallows was the second of the one-two punches. And then more Dumbledore and Dumbledore family meta is coming out all the time, digging into just how lonely Albus must have been for years and years. Think about how the people he let himself love toward the end of his life all either died or nearly died. Think about how major themes of Albus' life story are trust and love and betrayal. You'll start crying too.

Angst Angst ANGST: So, Albus never gets to be a child past the age of about ten. His parents' combined choices mean that he has to spend all his school years lying to most of his acquaintances about the most intimate parts of his home life and his sister. He also learns a lot of direct and indirect fucked up lessons that stick with him until he's at least seventeen. His brother resents him. His father dies in jail with people cursing his name. His mother is killed by his sister as he graduates school. Then, at seventeen-almost-eighteen, Albus falls in love!... with a budding fascist and future genocidal murderer. They plot to Take Over the World, but in a nice way maybe?

And then The Big Fight happens, Ariana dies too, Aberforth becomes estranged from him, Grindelwald leaves and his whole worldview gets upended. Rather than take some time to go to therapy, Albus spends the rest of his life overachieving to make up for what he did, never allowing himself the weakness of personal attachments... that is, until he finds himself having budding fatherly feelings for Harry. But since he didn't do any of that therapy stuff, he fucks up at a critical moment and chooses his long-dead family over said potential-son by putting on an old ugly ring, and then he dies to try and save the wizarding world with a convoluted plan that worked by miracle's light. The end.

God fucking damn it let them be happy: This is directed more at the fandom than it is at That Woman. Can y'all please write something nice about Albus and Harry for once instead of the same mustache-twirling manipulative fascist-fucking greater good garbage? I'm so sick of it lol.

I want to cradle them gently in my arms: I mean... Albus would not let me. He's almost allergic to intimacy. But if he would...

Go to FUCKING therapy: ...self-explanatory in my other answers. I am firm in my belief that if Albus had just gone to fucking therapy he would be alive today, searching google for funny Muggle cat videos and sending them to his hot old French boyfriend. And he and Harry would meet up for tea and biscuits every week because they would have long since sorted out all their issues and moved on to just loving each other. *sniff*

WHY Are They Like This: tru. I mean... I have a general idea of Why Albus Is The Way He Is, but it doesn't mean I don't still ask this question often. The fact that we got a whole movie called The Secrets of Dumbledore but we didn't learn any of Albus' important fucking secrets kind of supports my unhinged obsessed researching though.

I'm SO normal about them: ...*nervous laughter*

I would take a bullet for them: ...or, you know, I would if he wasn't dead already. But if we're talking about all the incorrect and unnecessary shots he takes from the fandom, then absolutely this applies.

LEAVE. THEM. ALONE!: seriously, fandom, holy shit. Don't y'all want to attack some people who have slid past morally gray territory and into "actual irredeemable monster" territory once in a while? You know, like some of those green-robed fellows you lust after?

Mommy Issues: oh, broooo. if Albus has daddy issues then he for sure has mommy issues too. Kendra Dumbledore shaped the majority of his life by virtue of being the only parent around in his formative years. All the things she taught him keep cropping up in his mannerisms and decisions even a hundred years later. Secrets, misdirection, hiding people and things and ideas away... draw a line back to his mum and you've solved half the puzzle.

Hey do you want to hear a ten hour speech about this character: because I don't like going outside, it would be more of a "five hour tumblr post" that's a billion paragraphs, but yeah. I can almost always find something new to talk about with Albus. ^^

And that's everything! Thanks and sorry it took me so long!

#thanks for the ask!#Albus Dumbledore #unhinged character bingo #bingo board #not fireandgold #dumbledore meta #the dumbledore family #Albus and his family

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justanagenderperson · 7 months

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Hear me out- Agent 47 and Lucas both falling for the reader who’s a newer agent that’s working with them and Diana ( let’s just say Lucas doesn’t die )- maybe a small friendly rivalry😻

anyway idk just some headcanons or a small oneshot would be fine!! I shall give you creative freedom!! I’m sorry this is late hun feel free to take your time <334

Agent 47 x Myles x Lucas Grey a.k.a. THE BEST SHIP BC I LOVE MY FRIENDS [but second pov is used so can be read as genderfluid!y/n]

[I HAVE TO BE QUICK. LOVE YOU MYLES FIRST AND FOREMOST. SECONDLY HAPPY LATE BDAAAAYYYYY. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 Okayokayhowabout I write hcs since I'm outta time? ALSO HOLY SHIT THE BEGINNING DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE LMAOLMAO-]

Also ngl lowkey forgor what Lucas looked like- 💀 BUT GYATT DAYUM ur taste in men is IMMACULATE- 🤩🤩🤩🤩

For Diana to even have CONSIDERED chosing you, you must've been the best of the best. Absolutely no stains on your record.

But knowing you my dear Myles, that isn't the case, occasional screw-ups here and there nothing too serious...

...I mean minus that incident where you nearly blew up an entire building and somehow managed to get kidnapped not once- but twice-.

Buutttt this isn't a realistic route. Instead, it's the route where you're hypothetically good at what you do. Taking people out.

Whether it be literally rizzing them up like the rizz god you are, or simply assassinating them. You're extremely good at what you do.

So let's say the mission required a group of people to easily blend in. Any less than 3 and the other partygoers would get suspicious. And suspicion draws in the suspect of the big bad:

Ash Croc. I mean it's understandable really with a name like "Ass-crack" it's no wonder the man turned to a life of crime, though you did briefly wonder- why didn't he just change it????

Moving on, he took up a new hobby. Which happened to be human experimentation. Every week or two Ash Croc would hire locals a hefty amount to befriend other locals of the area and then send them an invitation to his so-called "party".

Whether or not they accepted didn't change the outcome. They either came along willingly or with some light convincing.

For some reason this invitation always finds itself wormed in groups of friends no less than 3. Which is why you- Myles-, my dear friend, were chosen.

The mission is an overall success and you end up catching the eye of not one but two expert hitmen.

Moving on.

I like to imagine they have a sort of sibling rivalry like, "I spent more time with Myles today than you did." Or "I got Myles a better birthday gift than you." Stuff like that.

Smooching contests once you're together. Arguments on who is the better kisser and such.

Diana and you naturally make bets. It's very fun. Who confesses to you first? Lucas. Who has more relationship experience? Still Lucas. Now you owe a shit ton of money to the British handler.

Strike me down if I'm wrong but 47 and Lucas definitely play games to settle on who has you for the day ESPECIALLY if it's a special event like your birthday.

I have a feeling you would be the judge to prevent any cheating or foulplay on either hitmen's side. This doesn't stop them from trying to sneakily gain the upper hand however.

As for birthday gifts they definitely try to up one another with how expensive, good quality, and lavish they are. You mention one time that you like the color green?

Boom. full wardrobe of that.

They're like that one part of the fandom where if a character mentions something once they make it out to be like it's a staple part of their life the character can't live without.

After Lucas nearly fucking dies I feel like 47 would become subconsciously a bit more overprotective of his brother.

And Lucas?

He uses that fact to gain leverage at times, "It's half past noon It's my turn to spend time with Myles." "I could've died out in that forest and never seen any of you ever again." Hesitantly 47 backs off mentally reminding himself to insert himself into the situation more carefully next time.

Honestly I don't think that's what Lucas would say but hey, it's something along those lines, probably with more comedic effect too!

All and all very wholesome up until you accidentally get hurt on a mission and they force you to retire early.

HAPPY LATE BIRTH BEACHHHH-💞💞💞💞💞💞🕺💞💞💃

#Lucas x Myles #Agent 47 x Myles #Agent 47 x My friend 💪😼#Lucas Grey x My friend

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smoosnoom · 9 months

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Hi Moon!! I hope your essay went well. I just wanted to write u a lil somethin' cause you've been rly helpful and supportive the past lil bit while I sort my brain out and I finally have like a rough draft/outline thingy for a story because of u but like I just wanted to give you something nice to wake up to! :D Who knows, maybe I'll put it in a whole story some day. I'm not like a writer or anything but I'm trying! I'm learning Evolving, even! All right. Onto the good stuff.

---

Mike's soft puffs of air waft in a rhythmic pattern across Will's neck. His warm presence rests heavy against Will's chest, his lanky limbs strewn haphazardly along Will's entire form. Will's been awake longer than he'd care to admit, stuck beneath the man glued to his side. Mike always sleeps in on the weekend, and frankly, Will can't blame him. Finally having a day off after all the work and school that gets piled onto them everyday would have anyone exhausted. Anyone except Will, who can nearly never get a good nights sleep. He likes to believe he still gets a decent amount of rest, laying here, limbs tangled and sweaty with Mike Wheeler sleeping pressed up against him, entirely too close and not at all close enough.

Will cards his fingers through Mike's hair and gets no response. He leans close and places a feather light kiss to his forehead before leaning down and pressing his own forehead against Mike's. "Hey," he says, just above a whisper. Mike stirs a bit, and before he knows it, he feels Mike tense and stretch out, shaking and gripping Will's shirt. He lets out a loud groan before settling back in, curling his knees up even higher and curling in tighter against Will's side. "Mm, mornin'," Mike mutters through his thick, scratchy morning voice. Will places another kiss atop Mike's head and smiles gently against his hair. "Morning, sunshine." Mike huffs out a laugh under his breath and snuggles up under Will's jaw. "Shut it, early bird," Will wraps his arms tighter around Mike and tugs, squeezing him ever closer. "Can't have you sleeping all morning now, can I? You'll be up all night otherwise." "Mm," Mike answers back noncommittedly. Mike's not worried about it, Will knows this, but he still attempts to keep them on some semblance of a schedule. "What's the plan for today, Mr. Wise?" Mike cracks an eye open to catch the grin forming on Will's face. "You know, I was thinking," Will starts, and stops. He swishes the words around in his mouth as he trails his fingertips along the length of Mike's arm. It causes a small shiver to run up Mike's spine. "I was thinking we could go to the movies, maybe? It's been a while since we've just, like, went on a date or whatever..." Will trails off, hesitant, still a bit unsure about calling what they've been doing lately, dating.

Like, yes. They sleep in the same bed, eat breakfast together, and spend basically all their time together. But they did that before they were, like, dating. Or whatever this is. And sure, maybe they share clothes occasionally, when Mike can fit into one of Will's hoodies that actually reaches his wrists, and Will can find a shirt of Mike's that can fit over his shoulders, although it still tugs much too tight against his frame, but Mike always says it looks good. Really, really good. Will can't help the heat that rushes to his face whenever Mike gives him one of his much too sincere complements. He's been complementing him more lately. Much more.

Will thinks Mike isn't even aware he's doing it half the time. The way he looks at Will with those deep, dark eyes, intense but soft around the edges. His expression makes Will's heart feel like it's oozing out of his ribcage, pooling in his stomach and resting heavy like a warm, homecooked meal. But that doesn't mean they're dating. They never made it official, technically. It's not like they're, like, boyfriends or anything. Except, like, they kiss now. So that's something. Something friends definitely don't do. And Will would know. They used to be friends. The best of friends, even. Still are, probably. Just. More, now. Maybe. He thinks. Will might be a bit confused about the whole thing, to be completely honest. "Will?" Will looks down to see Mike staring lazily up at him. He may or may not have been spacing out, and Mike may or may not have noticed. "Huh?" "I said, that sounds nice." A smirk pulls at the corner of his lips and he leans up, onto his elbow before bring his other arm to trap Will against the pillow where his head rests. Mike looms half his body over Will, his hair tickling at Will's jaw. Will swallows, still nervous and a bit giddy at the prospect of his last train of thought rapidly coming to fruition. Mike leans in and catches Will's bottom lip between his, swiping his tongue across it and nibbling ever so gently on it. Will's eyes flutter shut, and he brings a hand up to tangle in Mike's hair.

They kiss back and forth for a moment, open mouthed, but slow and unhurried. Will feels lightheaded. When Mike pulls away his eyes are hooded and he has a dazed look about him. A grin breaks out across his face and he leans in to land a quick kiss to Will's cheek. Will may or may not be a bit over the moon at this reaction. "We should get going, before it gets too late for our date." Mike waggles his eyebrows at him, and Will can't help the bubble of laughter that falls from his mouth. "Right. Yeah." His voice cracks, throat dry from being kissed breathless. "So, Mike, I've been meaning to ask you..." He starts, not wanting to ruin the moment, but really needing the clarity. "Does this mean we're actually, like, together, together?" He glances to the side, nervous. Mike raises his eyebrows at him, then tilts his head in the cutest display of confusion Will has ever seen. "As opposed to . . .?" He trails off, genuinely not understanding at all what Will is asking.

"I dunno, like, are we..." Will might be panicking a little bit. The grip in Mike's hair tightens a fraction, and if Mike's eyes roll into the back of his head, Will's not going to tease him about it now, not when he needs this answer. His fingers loosen their grip and and he cards them through his hair, and if Mike's eyes fall shut for longer than your average blink, well that might just be Will's overactive imagination. "Are we Boyfriends?"

Mike's eyes shoot open, and lets out a kind of garbled, twisted laugh in the back of his throat. "Uh, Will, what do you think we've been doing these last few weeks?" The blush that sits on Will's face could cook an egg, probably. He shrugs as much as he can, given the lack of available space, and tries his best to keep hold of some dignity. "I guess I just wanted to be sure, is all."

Mike smiles a lopsided, dopey smile at him. He shakes his head, and a breathy laugh falls from his lips. "Unbelievable, Will Byers. Did you think I'd be making out or going on dates with anyone other than my boyfriend?"

Will feels a thrill run through him at the pointed use of the word boyfriend, and how easy it sounds coming off of Mike's lips. And maybe he's a little lovestruck, but how can he not be, with the love of his life calling him his boyfriend? Will grins wide and blinding before sliding his hand to the back of Mike's neck and pulling him down into a too needy and too urgent kiss. They laugh into it as he tightens his hold on Mike's waist and pulls him down on top of him. So, yeah. Maybe they're dating.

---

Sorry if this is weird or makes no sense or messed up grammatically I'm so tired and delirious rn going to bed good night, Moon sweet dreams!! (I'm so nervous I never share my work but I told myself I wouldn't sleep till I finished this and I can't save it for tomorrow cause I have stuff to do so. There it is!! Wringing my hands and panicking but also satisfied cause I finsihed a thing and ur really nice so even if it sucsk you'll rpobably be nice anyway ok loli'm spiraling goodnight, moon, goodnightcowjumpingoverthemoon)

hello !!! im so sorry for taking literally forever to reply, especially since u stayed up to finish it oh my god but ! im replying now !!!

oohhhhhh h my go d . this was so so cute !!!!!! i think u totally and absolutely are selling urself short because i did very much enjoy this :) its short and incredibly sweet, i love the peek into of their domestic, less significant moments, and will's uncertainty to where they stand with each other, it's so real and so so sweet to see in him being so nervous to ask yet mike's unwavering Yes of course we're boyfriends . who else am i making out with WHICH IS SOSOOOO CUTE

and ! i think u do a great job of describing things, how certain movements and touches make them feel, and i loveeeeed ur dscription in "Will's heart feel like it's oozing out of his ribcage, pooling in his stomach and resting heavy like a warm, homecooked meal." likeeeeee . ooozing out of his ribcage . pooling in his stomach . resting like a homecooked meal Oh ur crazy that is so lovely so so pleasant ! it paints a perfect picture of the domestic, warm feeling the entire setting is exuding, the kind u get from a warm home and with company that u trust with food that u know tastes good and satisfies . what a good sentence

they have great chemistry and i was very much interested in the entire thing :) my only comment is that u should Definitely hold some more confidence in ur writing, it definitely doesnt suck and i do not blame u for spiraling But . this is good . this is great . i was invested and u closed it all up so nicely, a full-circle one-liner to wrap it all up with a nice bow !!! "so yeah, maybe theyre dating" . a good conclusion to the story, which me personally im always rly harsh on LOL i love a good closing that makes the entire story feels complete, which u did well :)

anyway ! im so sorry to take forever on getting to this, i really hope u could forgive me and u didnt drive urself wild oh my god i rly hope u didnt !!!! im so sorry !

thank u so much for sending such a sweet thing into my inbox, i appreciate it so much :) <3

#/ask #everyone read this asap #byler

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oceangirl24 · 1 year

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Hello! This is your chance to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, your current book/movie/binge-watch, or a cool bit of trivia you think the world should know.

Thanks so much, Anon!

I've been feeling frustrated a lot lately. I'm dealing with some of the worst focusing issues ever which has made it hard to sit down and write anything more than a few short bursts which aren't very productive. I'm so behind on responding to comments and I feel terrible about it. So many amazing comments and I want to respond and engage, but I just can't atm. Yet I worry people will think I'm ignoring them.

I've hit the point in Saudade where chapters are taking longer to get out because they require more attention to detail as the story moves into heavy emotional stuff. So, one chapter a month versus two. Plus, Birthday Wishes.

This has me stressed to due to that little voice of doubt planted by a former fandom friend who insisted no one will read Autumn in Philadelphia because of the length. Since I can't update weekly readers will have to reread which they won't do, among another things. Even though I know that person is wrong and has issues of their own, some days I can't shake their voice. I still have mild panic attacks when I see their name in the fandom and I hate that. Makes me angry with myself for allowing that to happen.

Anyway, a day ago I got the loveliest comment (which is saying something because I get so many incredible ones) that said they binged the story in a day and a half and are obsessed with it.

This and the other comments should be enough to silent the critic, but man, some days, she just screams louder at me and all those things she said rain down in a torrent. Depression and anxiety are hard to kick. (Also, if anyone struggles with this and needs an understanding shoulder to cry on, I'm your girl. I get it!)

The one benefit to struggling with words is that it usually means I can draw more. Which is good. I just wish I could do both at the same. lol

I'm hoping to spend today and tomorrow working on chapter 5 of Saudade during which I will bawl my eyes out no doubt. The chapter focuses on Shawn and Audrey. He's asked her to go with him to the motel Virna stayed at when she finally came back in the episode "Fishing for Virna". He's still struggling with abandonment issues and needs her to help him sort through his feelings on the "mothers" that came and went over his childhood, as well as to come to terms with who he believes his bio mother was. Shawn still carries a lot of resentment toward Virna and what she did to him.

Thanks again, Anon. I needed a vent post, and I wouldn't have done it without your ask. Hope you have a great weekend. ❤

#Aria's ramblings #boy meets world fanfiction #audrey andrews #shawn hunter #Aria's venting

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bad-mixed-lib-dyke · 5 months

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Small Update on the "Marriage" Thing

This is an update to this post

I've been busy and this week is finals so I can't get into as much as I wish but did wanna make an update while I'm fairly close to things. Not a super horny update, that will likely cum later~

Everything went/is going really well.

Better than I ever could have imagined.

The courtship week went pretty well. There was one night where things were pushed a little too far. But it was ok.

There was one night where I found out something really upsetting that was being actively hidden from me and it triggered a bunch of flashbacks and I thought he was in on it but I guess he really didn't know. That actually lead to a lot of good things for us. Though it's fucked up both of our trust in the friend I took the trip with here, forever in my case.

But that lead to him giving me the passcode to his phone and computer to try to establish trust. Also discussions about radical honesty (which my autistic ass already does, but it's nice to have it reciprocated)

We also went over some times from our past where I held trauma which was super healing and has made us closer than ever :3

We were able to find everything we were looking for thrifting. A dress and veil for me, the perfect champagne flutes, I got stuff to make a flower crown. The perfect ring for me.

The ceremony was just us, I put candles all over and we read our vows to each other. These are the ones I wrote if anyone cares.

I was worried I wouldn't be able to hold up my end of the "free use" deal, but we had a lot of conversation about boundaries and stuff (my ring position would imply different levels of consent :3) But I wound up not having to worry. I've had no issues in submitting whatsoever.

Some people seem to have the impression I'm gold star? I'm not. This wasn't my first time sleeping with a man. This wasn't even my first time sleeping with this man (though I have had my first time being sober/remembering it XD)

I'm sure I'll write more on that later :3

I started cleaning around his room while he's at work and after the first day, where I was super careful not to move things too far or make any major adjustments, he sat me down and told me to do whatever I wanted. He really emphasized that he trusts me and wants me to feel comfortable in the space too. It was really sweet.

I wound up spending 2 and a half weeks at his place, and the drop we both had when I came home was intense.

I was only supposed to be there for a week, but the night I was supposed to come home I got a fever. He took care of me and caught it from me(we're pretty sure I got it from his roommate), I cared for him while also dying cause I got my period right as I was recovering XDD

I'm so glad I'm doing this with someone I know so well and can have so much trust and love with. Honestly, for a fake relationship, it's probably the best one I've ever been in.

It was supposed to be a scene we did sometimes, but we sort of just slipped into it being 24/7

Our Song is House of Asmodeus from HelluvaBoss

His nickname for me is "My Little Imp Wife"

The things I get in trouble for are for thinking and saying "sorry" (He will let me know if I need to apologize and otherwise I'm thinking for myself again)

I made the account @mrsroswell for him so a lot of my more housewifey submissive stuff might wind up over there for those who like that kind of thing.

Alright, this is long enough and I have homework. Thanks to anyone who read this far XD

If anyone has any questions about the arrangement, feel free to ask them~

#personal

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recurring-polynya · 1 year

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Writing/Art Update 3/28/2023

At my old job, one of my big job functions was taking someone else's code and trying to figure out why they got one answer when they ran it on their system and we got a different answer when we ran it in the operational environment. This was often a long and painstaking process and among the worse parts of it was going to status meetings and announcing that I worked on it all week and found 5 bugs and none of them were the one I was looking for. Literally, no one was ever once disappointed in me for this because a) that's just how this work was and b) everyone knew I was good at it and if I was stuck it was because it was hard, but also, it sucked for me, personally.

Anyway, these weekly updates are starting to feel like that, where it's like "yet another week of not finishing the fanfic." I don't really mean to be pessimistic about it, because I actually feel like it's going decently well, it's just that the progress is not happening in any kind of linear or predictable way.

I made it most of the way through the editing and rearranging phase I was in last week. I still have about 3 scenes at the end that are unfinished, but I decided to put those off for the time being. I've mentioned before that this isn't really a story about events, it's a story about a time, so there's a beginning and an end and some stuff happening in the middle, and right now I'm trying to make the stuff in the middle feel like it's going somewhere and is not just a random collection of scenes. I've actually been thinking about the story when I am not actively working on it, which was hard to do earlier on. I've got a much better idea of what each of the characters is going through and I've been rearranging and adding scenes to try to punch up some of those themes. (The reason I left those last few scenes until later is that I need those to sort of wrap things up, and I can't wrap until I know what I'm wrapping, y'know?)

If you put a gun to my head, I could finish the thing in a day or two, but it would be kinda shitty. Every day, I work on it and it gets a little less shitty. There are definitely bits of it that I like. I hope to eventually get to a place where it's not shitty, or at very least, I'm out of ways to improve it.

I like to be done things and I have to remind myself that sitting with my work is good and important and also the point, like I write for the experience of writing and for my own mental health, not for churning out stuff, it's not like I get paid or anything. Also, I've worked on this fic for a really long time and it's a story that's important to me and I want it not to suck. I am, however, very very very sorry to all six or however many of you read these updates and sigh heavily.

Also, I kinda have a lot of other stuff going on. One of the effects of living under late-stage capitalism is convincing yourself that all the stuff that you do that's not paid employment, like grocery shopping and helping people move and running a child's health form to the doctor and back and doing taxes and driving the dog to chemotherapy all don't count and so I feel like I never do anything and am pathetic, but I actually do kind of a lot of things.

I realized yesterday that it was the 27th and I had not really drawn anything all month, so I started drawing a thing and I rushed through it a little, because I was mostly doing it so that I didn't have a blank space for March when I do my year-end retro, but then I realized I didn't want to put something that sucked there, either. (by rushed, I did spend, like an hour or two on this). I do have a few more days in the month, so maybe I can keep working on it.

I am pleased to report that I Made A Good Cake for Mr. P's birthday. It was an Almond Tres Leches Cake. It wasn't exactly pretty, but it was tasty. I made two modifications to the recipe. (1) It was just for our family, so I halved the recipe. I cooked the whole thing in one 9x13, and cut it in half widthwise and stacked the two halves. This worked out great, would recommend. (2) There was a comment on the recipe where someone said they used raspberry preserves instead of apricot and I did that, too, because Mr. P prefers raspberry.

This was definitely one of the nicest sponges I have ever made. I did a really good job whipping the eggs, if I do say so myself. It baked up nice and tall and had great flavor. If I made this again, I would consider using fresh raspberries and cooking them into a compote instead of storebought jam, but the jam was fine, actually! It was chilled from being in the fridge, and I think this would make a really nice summer desert. Both Mr P and Polynya Jr rated it among my Top Cakes. (Polynya the Smallest did not care for it, but it's simply not possible to please all the people in my house at the same time). The cake also gets bonus points for using some of the almond flour AND cake flour that I already had in my pantry from previous projects.

Oh, yeah, the childrens' spring break is next week. 😬

I almost forgot! We also went to the arboretum to see the cherry blossoms and we also visited our friends the koi. LOOK AT THIS BIG CHONK AND THEIR ENTOURAGE.

This wasn't even the biggest chonk there, it's just the one I managed to get a picture of.

#writing update #art update #koi update

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sipsteainanxiety · 2 years

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Hi shay.!! How r u doing? What are your fave or maybe even self indulgent hcs of bkg in general or in a relationship or maybe both hehe.. coz I really like to know your thoughts n insights. ur one my fav bkg writers out there💕 n really love how u portray him in ur fics 👌. (btw I'm the anon who sent pov asks for fmn and dw take ur time. Just wanted to let you know that fmn is my absolute fav fic of urs I keep coming back to it , and I'm patiently waiting for the epilogue n sequel later😌)

hello nonnie my love!! i'm doing well thank u for asking<3 u are too sweet i am patting ur head so tenderly rn<3 i've got an exam i need to study for but shh itll be fine im fine :') im hoping to be able to write as i procrastinate on studying LOLLL

hmmmmmm i had to do some sitting around and thinking for these. i think there's a mix of hc and canon stuff but these r generally my bkg thoughts LOL sorry it got out of hand sdfhksdf:

he's a clean freak - can't stand the sight of hair around his apartment, even his own LOL

"DIE STAINS!!" as he cleans dishes

he's one of those people who can wake up the instant his alarm goes off and can just get up. no snoozing whatsoever (tho he does like his sleep and WILL be grumpy. don't talk to him at least for half an hour)

also one of those people who can just sit down and get his work done, no procrastinating

lightweight as FUCK one drink and he's gone

on that note, he's a mix of a sleepy + clingy drunk.

and i say "clingy" as in he will hover around you and be more blatant with staring right at you + holding onto you bc he's got no digression when he's drunk lol. all those thoughts he represses when hes sober just bubble to the surface

fr wears his heart on his sleeve.

OK THIS ISNT A HC THIS IS CANON BUT THE FACT THAT U SEE ALL HIS EMOTIONS THRU HIS EYES AND HE HATES THE FACT THAT HE CRIES A LOT (maybe even more than deku) BUT CANT HELP IT!!!! and he slowly learns that its okay to cry, esp in front of people, and yeah<33

budgets his finances p well - he's got an excel spreadsheet and everything

yeah his parents r well off but he's lowkey a little stingy when it comes to money LOLLL tho he does buy top quality shit he doesnt buy unnecessary things at least until he meets u

WILL basically sugar baby u, buying u stuff he thinks/knows you'll like ESPECIALLY if he's crushing.

he'll b all gruff abt it tho, trying hard to play it off as just something he does when it's obvious he doesnt do it for any of his other friends LMAO its so obvious hes in love ur honor, u can see it in his eyes tee hee

doesnt realize hes crushing at first tho.

i feel like there has to be some sort of catalyst for him to realize his feelings/act on them LOL. doesnt have to be anything big

it just punches him in the face one day when hes like "wait- why the fuck am i doing this?!"

he hopes that by getting u things constantly and wanting to spend basically all his free time w u tht you'll catch on to the fact tht he likes u lmfaoo he's bad w words ok!!

doesn't think he deserves to be in love, which is why it makes it hard for him to confess/ask u out. or at least why he takes a long time to do so

he doesnt give his heart to just ANYONE, if hes asking u out its w the intention that one day he'll marry u

DEMI BKG.

at first he only knew how to do eyeshadow/eyeliner for his mask but he learned how to do like, contour/foundation after he met u bc he likes doing ur makeup

also likes braiding ur hair/playing with it and having his own played with in return

wipes his hands on his pants before he touches u sometimes

this is obvious but he is a very healthy eater and constantly conscious of how he treats himself. never catch him eating junk food or smoking or anything. if he does treat himself to take out he goes n exercises it off after

makes his own recipes for meals sometimes.

listens to a lot of punk rock music w heavy drums!! especially when he's exercising. if u catch him at the right time u might see him listening to softer music when he's feelin comfy

on that note he's got a lot of organizational/specific playlists he's made on spotify. all private tho and he doesnt bother putting covers on em

video game nerd!! he 360 no scoped denki not once, but three times in one game.

knows a lot about engineering ngl. little nerd has books on mechanics, dynamics, physics, etc.

woke king. he made sure he had a well-rounded education

flexible af!! he can do splits!!

loves puns (i think this is canon??) tho will pretend he doesnt

SO FUCKING EASY to deez nutz or upbaby him

also easy to condition him with kisses. NEEDS his gm nd gn kisses or he'll be grumpy the rest of the day

kiss drunk sap

LMaO the fact that he pretends hes a delinquent but is actually such a stickler for the rules/wont talk back

on that note he unfortunately wont pick u over the world

but he DOES put u before himself and will 100% die for u

thinks hes selfish but he's actually not. he makes sure u're well taken care of in terms of comfort, food, stress, etc.

gets along better with old people than ppl his own age LOLLL

hard of hearing in his 20s/30s!! knows jsl!! also fluent in english.

IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT HIM BEING A SECRET FAN OF ROMANCE NOVELS????!!!! that shit is so fucking cute to me who came up with it?!

on that note he doesn't really like horror movies but pretends he isn't a wuss LOLL. will nonchalantly hold ur hand during it and say its for your own sake, not his. i can imagine him getting spooked and flinching n coughing and pretending nothing happened haha

emo boy likes his beanies

cares perhaps a bit too much abt what other people think of him

WILL splay himself all over the bed when he sleeps, but he does also kinda wrap himself around u and can stay like that for the entire night. he flops in btwn

has nightmares n will wake up in the middle of the night & will simply listen to ur breathing until he falls back asleep

sometimes thinks u arent real - how did he manage to get someone who loves him for who he is, thorns and all?

ANYWAYS yeah KHSDFKSF those r all over the place but theyre what i can think of for now haha.

also!! yes thank u for reading fmn! it really means a lot that u like it so much!! i literally cant express it, fmn is my BABY!!!!!! i feel like a proud parent LMAOO idk if u saw but i did post tht i would get to your POV asks eventually!!! (ive already deleted the post sdfhfkd) hopefully i can work on some stuff tonight!!

#ME? A FAVE?!!! >//<#ill blush ill do it #hdfkdfdjfg #sipping tea with shay #a nonny mouse #nonnie u are so PRECIOUS ill bundle u up in my pocket for safety

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kaibutsunoo · 9 months

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Silly rant under the cut.

I hate having RP ADHD, bro. Like ofc I have ADHD Irl and I'm Acousting as all hell but that's aside the general point. I made this blog to take a break from Doctor Who, only to find that this blog, while extremely fun, is also EXTREMELY LIMITING. I've only got a few things I can write, and I think that I realized that SUPER EASILY. Especially since, through this blog, I've become mutual with people I wasn't mutual with before, which reignited new plot ideas. So now, all of a sudden, despite being absent... the musing for my doctor who blog is BACK. Which means that it seems like all I wanted to do was new stuff.

I don't know if I want to go back to my Doctor Who blog. I will 100% remake it if I do, but I just don't know if I want to give it another shot. I've added a lot more incarnations/verses for interaction, and there are a few mutuals and muses on my dash that I would LOVE to throw The Doctor at, but the problem is that I'm simply just afraid that I'll put a ton of work into them all over again and yield the same result. It's very hard to be a roleplayer without any icons, mostly because people really like visuals. Not to be pointed or come off as hostile, but some people in the RPC are JUST here for the shipping and the smut, and honestly?? That kind of bugs me.

I've seen people who I've been mutuals with before, people who have drip fed me content over the span of months—give some of my other mutuals MORE ACTIVITY in a day than they've given me in months, simply because that mutual has a pretty face claim to thirst over. No disrespect to my mutuals either, I love my friends and I love everyone who I roleplay with— but the people who are only here for shipping kinda gross me out, because it creates this idea in the RPC that you're never going to be able to get those meaningful connections because you're not visual only. It creates anxiety in me, too.

What if I spend all that time and energy remaking a blog only to yield the same results? I hear you ask "Why not just make icons?" And my immediate response is that "I can't." Because the designs I have made for my character are so unique to my idea of them, having to pick out a face claim that's only slightly off would be just enough for me to feel a disassociation with my own character. It would be fake, and I would hate using them because they're not the face I designed, and commissioned. In that same vein, If I don't use icons— I feel alienated. I can't participate in meaningful dash commentary or any sort of "crack" threads, because without an icon— it just seems like "a serious response" to a lighthearted post.

It's also a mix of not being sure that I want to go through the trouble of trying to form connections with people who won't give me the effort in return. Roleplaying is a two-way street, and sometimes I like to pour a lot of energy into a connection or a thread that I enjoy. Sometimes, I meet mutuals who only give me the time of day once and then lead me on for weeks on end because they don't have the backbone to tell me they aren't interested anymore. This seems really hostile, but picture yourself in my shoes for a moment. You're plotting out a ship in dm's and the other partner gets really excited, so you make a discord server to start talking it out... and then that partner goes MIA, pretty much ghosting you— despite their glaringly obvious activity on Dash. You start to ask questions, and they give you half-hearted excuses and an endless stream of apologies with promises to do better, only to repeat the same behavior. That's kind of what I'm worried about, and I know the way I phrase it makes me sound kind of icky, but I'm a guy who can be satisfied with as little as one-liner crack banter and headcanon conversations. So when I'm given radio silence despite you exclaiming interest in my muses and plots, it creates this whiplash of emotions that make me feel inadequate and someone you keep on a back burner for content.

I think it's a matter of curating my circles easier, but it's also just general content anxiety. Do I want to revive my OC blog? Yes, extremely. Am I worried that the same issues that caused me to get frustrated and burnt out would repeat themselves? Yes, extremely.

This is all really just lighthearted. I'm not really nettled about the things I've dumped about on here. I just have lingering thoughts that I need to scream out into the void.

#the slumbering king (ooc)#tw // negative #tw // rpc ranting #tw // anxiety

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salt-volk · 2 years

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am i like... the only one who doesn't think any of this is all that bad?

dv has always been slow making improvements, but it seems especially since hiring artist team we've gotten lots more updates, and some reasonable progress has been made. they're also making slightly better effort to communicate. trying to listen and implement things here & there (midmonth updates as a thing).

is it perfect? absolutely not. could they be doing better and making more progress faster? definitely. are there some major fumbling points that raise community tensions to a boil (like customs)? yeah, of course. but idk..

no shade on anyone, your feelings are valid. but sometimes it all seems so "dramatic" (not rlly the right word, but you get the intention). like instead of monitoring improvements checking in occasionally just kinda waiting it out, it has to be a catastrophized thing like "ahh dv is ending!!! i'm leaving dv!!! fuck everything and fuck the staff!!!"

and ik that dv isn't beta anymore so most ppl have the attitude of "all of this should have been fixed forever ago! i can't believe we still having this problem! things need to change NOW!!". but... idk nothing in dv to me is so pressing that i feel absolutely enraged over it or like i need to delete my account or boycott or something.

i feel kinda like a passenger just along for the ride, curious to see what happens next. i'm absolutely critical, and give input in improvement threads when it feels necessary. def a lot needs to change. i understand the urging staff to look at certain issues. but i also just feel mostly neutral passivity.

maybe its just social media. ppl being in their feelings or using certain language to make a point. but i don't think i've ever felt as strongly abt anything on dv as half of the ppl here do. if i found out anji was actively currently donating $ to an organization that funded conversion therapy or something like that, THEN i'd be like "okay i'm leaving dv i'm never spending money here again" and all of that. but just simple stuff like "updates are too slow" "the custom system is fucked up" "staff communication is bad"... to me, these are all things that can probly improve with time and better site resources. that i can easily stand to just curiously wait around for.

i don't feel like i lose anything by staying, or that i'd gain anything by leaving. i'm very invested in the concept of dv and want it to do well, but maybe i'm invested in a v detached way or something. i just can't bring myself to be outrage level mad abt this stuff bc it's all just pixels and shit at the end of the day. most of the "major dv scandals" just remind me of similar issues with other games ive been on early in their start, or working on weirdly managed creative group projects in college, or other things. nothing so far has been unbearably bad to me, or even close to it. i've seen it all before. or if i haven't i get where it comes from.

and idk even after all the bullshit with them, i guess i still kinda trust staff to improve? maybe i give the benefit of the doubt too often. i just feel like none of it is intentional. i think they don't have proper funding or management skills, and they're not used to running a website like this. it's all just growing pains that they have to sort out and learn from. and there's evidence that certain aspects are still steadily improving over time. will they improve fast enough before every other person except me leaves dv out of frustration or whatever? idk, i hope so. but i don't lose anything by just hanging around to see. at the least its an interesting experience and a study in online communities. at the best, the site genuinely does fix it's issues and i'll be glad i hung around.

just sometimes reading stuff on here... i start to feel like i'm the only one who's kinda chilling in the back while everyone else is predicting dv's downfall, getting into rlly heated arguments, writing manifestos abt why they're going to leave or whatever lol.. it's good to see ppl so passionate abt something but that also makes it a strange and tense environment. it can feel surreal to be surrounded by it all. ykwim?

#Mod yoshi #anonymous

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theoreticaltranstherian · 4 months

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New Years Plan

This year, in 2024, I am going to follow a new plan.

Plans are hard for me but I've been getting better

Thats going to be the motto this year: "I'm getting better"

Anyone who stumbles upon this, feel free to use this as inspiration for your new year

Please don't give me hate. The stuff on this list is stuff I struggle with.

DAILY:

Change my clothes and put them in the hamper

I wake up late most days before school because of ADHD paralysis, and so I want to be able to get up earlier and have time to move slowly

Brush my teeth

I got braces recently and I don't brush my teeth enough because I can never find the motivation. Hopefully if I wake up earlier to get dressed I'll have time to brush my teeth more too

EAT.

The average weight that someone who is 5'6 and AFAB is 120-130, and i have not weighed above 118 in months. I take Adderall so eating is already hard, plus I don't quite understand what being hungry feels like? I know that sounds weird but I just eat when my stomach hurts and I hope to change that.

Do my homework (ALL OF IT)

I have a big problem with getting my homework done because I just can't make myself do it. I just can't get myself to touch it half the time and I never know why. I just passed this semester with all As and Bs and I hope to keep that streak going.

Say 1 thing I like about myself

This is pretty self explanatory. ✨️Depression and self hatred. ✨️

Make my bed

I'm hoping it will help me stay motivated to keep my room clean if I have my bed all comfy every night

Take a shower

*Without sitting on the floor in the shower for an hour and contemplating life

Sit at my altar

Honestly I just think spending time at my altar has helped with my stress; it's like a place that I can control and that I have power over and where I van do my part to help others with things they may not be able to control. I meditate there, make spell jars there, and write in my journal there.

WEEKLY

Do my laundry

Once again, my room. We've been redoing it lately and keeping clean clothes will help me always get changed AND keep it clean

Clean my room a bit

I haaaate cleaning my room. I love having my cozy little areas like dens and places under furniture and boxes of shiny stuff. I know I need to keep things clean though so I'm gonna do it little by little to make it easier

Do dishes

*without being asked to repeatedly

Do a craft

Being creative is a great way for me to help with fighting depression as well as boredom. I have a bunch of stuff I've been planning to make, and this will finally give me the chance to

Post on Tumblr

I don't know how other people think of tumblr, but I imagine it sort of like you are writing on a piece of paper and hanging it on a string from the ceiling, where others will walk around and read it. I want to use this upcoming year to share my journey in self improvement and healing from everything that's happened, whether that be by venting or by giving advice I myself need.

Anyone who's interested in seeing how the journey goes, I'll be posting weekly like I said, so hopefully we'll see some improvements!!!

I hope anyone else following this or another new years resolution has luck and strength in sticking with their plans <3

Go into the new year breathing out, so all of 2023 will be left behind and you get a fresh start

#new years resolution #reblog with your thoughts #anything I missed?#happy new year 2024 #otherkin thoughts #mental heath support #mental wellness #we can do this #i belive in you

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mugenloopdalove · 6 months

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I’m going to say this to you out of genuine concern— please get a hobby. You DONT have to be good at it and you DONT need to do it for the approval of anyone else but your own. Take walks? Read a book or fic? Half ass write ideas for a fic.. brain storming is so very powerful and honestly I do it more than actually fuckin writing. Paint or draw something, it doesn’t have to look good! Slapping acrylic on a canvas is fun. Bake. Cook. Do a puzzle? Make your own puzzle with computer paper. Idk man

I have hobbies but I can't get motivated to do any of them. Can't write when I have no ideas. I can't even brainstorm lately. Were you not here when I spent nearly 2 days straight just trying to come up with a plot? I have no ideas to even start w rn.

Can't video edit when I just. Can't get my brain in the mindset for all the work it takes. It's a lot and fiddling w timing and stuff just isn't working for me.

I guess I have Kandi but I still haven't found a lot of the stuff I need for it bc everythings gotten so scattered in the move and we still haven't sorted through everything.

Drawing just needs to me getting frustrated and upset if I'm not in the right mindset for it which happens maybe 3 times a year and again I have NO ideas.

Also lots of hobbies cost money and I don't have that.

Like. Theres really nothing for me to do esp w chronic pain and fatigue lately. Like I said in like two posts already, id LOVE to do something other than scrolling all day if I had it but I just plain don't. There's nothing accessible for me rn. I've been spending most my time on Tumblr lately bc it's all I can get myself to do between the pain and energy.

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walkingstackofbooks · 11 months

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Just shouting into the void ~

So my job application writing is going great /s ...

Lol I can't even focus on writing down these thoughts I'm already thinking on here what hope do I even have of writing a coherent personal statement?

Gah

I'm on #6 since April and they've got progressively harder. Like, I guess that makes sense in terms of motivation and whatnot, and also I am pretty burnt out after spending half-term with family instead of resting (it was nice but god, I should not have gone back into work straight away after) but also I'd started on meds for #1 and they worked GREAT but now it seems that initial burst has worn off and even after increasing they're not as good?

#1 - 12 weeks ago - Solidly worked on it for 2 days and did not procrastinate overly much - barely at all on day 1! It was wild! Magic!

#2 - 7 weeks ago - My expectations were high - and not quite met. More work than expected, there was less that I could copy-and-paste from the last than I thought there'd be. Got really tired in the afternoon and napped, had a sudden revival about 10 at night 😅

#3 - 4 weeks ago - Lots of productivity just... housework-wise. It was great for getting stuff I needed done though! Did bits and starts, didn't really get a good go at anything till Sun eve and even that was hard.

#4 and #5 - 3 weeks ago - Really productive evening at a friend's who offered to body double. Was fairly good the next day after a nap, too; bit of procrastination that weekend, but generally okay.

#6 - now - Did a fairly solid bit for a few hours yesterday, but then solidly procrastinated and lost belief I could do it. Have solidly procrastinated this morning, including some housework productivity, haven't been able to bring myself to even open the word doc.

I just haven't felt like this at all during this round of applications I don't think - back to what I felt during essay-writing and all that other shit that uses this sort of brain power. Most of the others was working to a tighter deadline, but not all of them were next-day affairs, and I was able to hold myself to my own deadline for once - I didn't pull any all-nighters, which is out-of-the-norm for me. This one isn't due until the end of next week (and gosh there's actually a #7 also due in next week which I've just put to one side bc I cannot) but I've got something on next weekend that I want to go to and haven't been able to go to in years but I'm just so aware I could miss it and wouldn't that be easier, Andi?, then you wouldn't have to do this damn application now!

Dammit I just hate my brain and the way it just slides over the paper when trying to get a grip on what I've done so far and doesn't take anything in and just can't be assed with the consequences of not doing it now, even as I get more and more anxious, and the whole spiral that is doing-things-now-but-not-enjoying-them knowing that if I just do the damn thing I can enjoy future things more!

(I think this all comes in the context of I cannot enjoy anything until I get a job bc my life is currently on hold and I just have to go through endless application processes but there's only this short window in May-June for most jobs and fricking hell I don't even WANT any of these jobs I'm just legally required to get it so I can resume my current, enjoyable job in two years time... Which is fun.)

Anywayyy

This is just more procrastination.

(I'm also not sure if I'm procrastinating going to the shops or putting it off in the hope I'll do some work but it's a Sunday so they'll close in two hours which is a good thing tbf otherwise I might procrastinate it longer than tea but also AGH I don't have TIME to go to the shops but I can't afford NOT to and I seemingly have time to procrastinate so just go out to the shops already you damned fool.)

#personal #just venting #can my brain just not please #WSB

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