#cannot believe I read all that in just 11 days ugh my mind

[pointlessfrog]

just finished the goldfinch I'm unwell

#thought about watching the movie but fuck ans*l *lgort lmao #cannot believe I read all that in just 11 days ugh my mind #the goldfinch #and now onto the secret history

[panharmonium]

@dreamersscape​ please forgive me for tagging you in a post to respond to your comments; tumblr’s reply feature is hard to have an extended/coherent conversation on, and I’m so excited to talk to a kindred Naruto spirit that I knew I was gonna write too much for it all to fit in that space XD

re: hinata - Oh my gosh, YES, my sister and I were so frustrated by how they just completely never addressed that moment again.  I wasn't surprised, because it's been clear from the beginning that this show doesn't really care much about women, so the female characters' storylines getting dropped or never explored in the first place is pretty much what I've always expected, but it's still infuriating.  

Honestly, the only good thing about this show's general disinterest in women is that it means that I don't place any blame on in-story Naruto for never addressing what Hinata did for him, because I know the fact that we don't see him dealing with her confession isn't actually intended to communicate anything about his reaction/non-reaction/level of investment; it's literally just a function of the fact that the writer doesn't care about her story.  It's the same way I feel about how we see so much less one-on-one time between Kakashi and Sakura - her lack of screentime with him isn't something about which a person can credibly argue "Oh, this means Kakashi doesn't care about her enough and he's a bad teacher etc etc," because the imbalance isn’t a deliberate writing decision we're supposed to analyze for characterization.  It's a reflection of the fact that the entire show is super sexist. XD

re: danzo: It’s one thing to have your villain believe himself to the hero of his own story, and like, another to have Danzo basically tout having darkness in your heart being a great thing and encouraging it’s presence/cultivating it - lmao YES!  And honestly, this is why I actually find Danzo LESS infuriating than the Third Hokage.  Like, Danzo is Super Evil and every time he exploits another child I want to watch him die all over again, but at least he like....owns his horribleness?  Whereas Hiruzen is the biggest hypocrite on the planet - when I rewatched the Shonen Jump stuff a while back (my sister and I took a little break prior to Season 11 and rewatched some old stuff), I couldn't stand listening to Hiruzen go on and on about how the entire Leaf Village is his family and it's his role to protect all of them etc etc, because like - he literally covered up the genocide of Sasuke's entire family and let the perpetrator remain in power (and that was before I even knew about all these other crimes he allowed to go unpunished!!!)  Danzo may be the Worst, but at least he's not pretending to be anything other than what he is.  Hiruzen is still acting like he's everybody's sweet old grandpa, and that makes me even more angry than Danzo's straight-up horribleness.  (And I do agree with you, they definitely lean harder into the "Lord Third is amazing" stuff pre-Shippuden, I just still feel confused about what the show is ultimately trying to say about him because we haven't gotten an explicit enough condemnation of his choices yet, and I feel like it's way overdue XD )

re: minato - Hard agree that Minato is an enigma.  I don't feel like I fully understand him either - and not in a bad way, just in the sense that he's hard to read.  The toughest thing for me to parse was always how distant he seemed with his students, which was surprising to me at first, because he'd been built up as sort of this "ideal shinobi" figure for such a long time, but to me, an ideal shinobi teacher looks more like...well, Kakashi, to be honest.  And it took a while for me to reconcile with the fact that Minato and Kakashi really do just relate to their students very differently.  I think Minato has always been a soldier, and I think he sees children as soldiers, too - not in an evil way at all, just in the sense that this is how the shinobi world works, and how it has always worked.  It's not a "wrong" way to perceive shinobi kids, in the context of the story's universe.  And so when things happen to those kids, he absolutely cares, but it's also sort of just a grim fact of life for him.  It's like when Kushina tells him she doesn't want to make Naruto a jinchuriki, and she asks 'why do we have to do that to him, why does he have to suffer that way for the sake of the balance of power between nations,' and Minato's response is “Because our family is Shinobi.”  That was a really telling moment for me in terms of how he sees the world.  It's not something I'm interested in condemning him for, like you said; I don't think the story is ever asking us to do that, it’s just a philosophy that's very different from how Kakashi sees things and what he thinks children's experiences should be like.  

I guess what I ultimately think (from the material we’ve seen so far, at least) is that Minato seems to perceive the loss of his students as something that Kakashi is struggling with, not something he himself is agonizing over.  It’s a very sad thing that happened, of course, but it’s just part of the way their world works/a function of the times they live in.  It's not something Minato is tormenting himself about.  Whereas I think that if Kakashi ever lost a kid, it would have killed him.  And I don't think this fact is in any way supposed to paint Minato as a bad person.  He's not!  All it means is that there is a generational difference between the world Kakashi and Co. are trying to create and the world Minato always knew, and people like Minato are doing the best they can with the framework they have.  

I do like the guy a lot - and I wonder what he might have been like if he had lived to see a permanent peace established.

re: little Yamato - oh boy, those episodes nearly ended me.  I am already very, very, VERY weak for Kakashi and Yamato’s friendship, and seeing Kakashi rescue Yamato from that horrible place (literally and metaphorically) was too much for me to handle.  Kakashi’s silhouette replacing Danzo in Yamato’s memories of being rescued from Orochimaru’s lab - that slew me.  And the way Danzo tells Yamato “you have no past, no future, no name” juxtaposed with Kakashi introducing Yamato as Tenzo because he remembers from three years ago how Yamato once rebelled at being called Kinoe and yelled “MY NAME IS TENZO” - Kakashi just using that chosen name without hesitation, without question, without needing to be told...it all ties back into the recent thematic throughline the show is working with about Identity - the importance of the Tailed Beasts having names, Kabuto’s desperate and misguided search for “who and what he is,” Itachi reclaiming his true self by undoing the reanimation justu and declaring “I am Itachi Uchiha of the Leaf Village,” Obito claiming that his real name doesn’t matter anymore, that he’s Nobody...it’s fantastic how they’re pulling all this together.

re: Kakashi and little Naruto - oh man, the feelings.  I agree with you that Kakashi was in no place to be dealing with this, but certainly under different circumstances I think he would have loved to be a part of baby Naruto’s life.  I actually think the reasoning behind “let’s put Kakashi in a situation where he’s in close contact with someone bringing new life into the world” is sound - I think that would be a really good thing for him!  Just not in the sense of “you’re Kushina’s personal bodyguard, so if anything happens to her and the baby you can blame yourself for it.” XD  Like...Minato could have invited Kakashi in for dinner sometimes, instead of having him constantly stand guard under their window???  If it had been more “we care about you and we want you to be a part of our family”....ugh, that would have been amazing.  Kakashi is already SO good with Naruto (who is NOT by any means an easy kid to manage) - he just has such good instincts about how to talk to that kid and teach him in ways that work WITH Naruto’s particular brand of high motivation/low frustration tolerance, ping-pong emotional extremes, explosive energy levels, zero impulse control, and an inability to process more than one thing at a time.  Handling Naruto effectively would be a challenging project for any teacher, never mind taking care of Naruto and two other kids, but Kakashi is a natural at it.  It would have been awesome to see what Kakashi was like with Naruto when they were even younger...though the Feels might knocked me out.

[also, you mentioned Naruto and Obito - I cannot even tell you the Extremest Agonies I was in when the big reveal happened and I had to hear Naruto blankly go “who is he” - utterly clueless, without the faintest idea that he’s looking at the person who shaped his entire moral philosophy.  The amount of things that these kids don’t know...that fact that Naruto has been quoting this very person all his life and making all his major life decisions based on the lesson Kakashi relayed to them on Day One - Obito’s words - oh boy oh boy I was not capable of handling that even the littlest bit.]

#*high fives your brain right back* #feel free to gush about this show anytime - i am right there with ya! :D #replies #naruto #pan watches naruto

[eleamaya]

Fun with Zodiac Signs: Zack/Aerith/Cloud/Tifa

NOTE: Not really shipping related, this is just for fun I was idly doing based on tweet that came up on my timeline and people who try it are freak out of how accurate it is; even those who doesn’t really believe about personality traits from zodiac sign. This is the tweet:

So I went to “universal-tao-eproducts” and got what I copy-paste below. The sun signs are taken from their official bday. To get the moon one, you need to put your birth place in Birth Chart. I put Texas as Cloud & Tifa’s birth place for Nibelheim’s reference and the result is crazy accurate for them. I have no idea about Aerith which city in our earth similar to Icicle Inn so I pick the combination of moon sign that describe Aerith the most. As for Zack, since his bday isn’t given by SE (ugh, why?)... so this is the most accurate combination for me to headcanoning his bday^^.

AGAIN, THIS IS ACCURATE AS FUCK.

Zack Fair -- HC: Sep 23-29, 1984: Libra Sun, Sagittarius Moon (air/fire) why up to Sep 29? because he died on Sep 30

FREEDOM FIGHTER

You must have the room to believe and do, as you want. You most admire honesty, both in yourself and in others. You are never fearful to do what you think is moral or to say precisely what you feel. Your outlook is idealistic and your perspective is broad and extensive, but you may have some bewilderment when you find that others do not always match your standards of integrity or subscribe to your strange beliefs. You draw people to you with your free-spirited, courageous, and cheerful nature. Because your character is very self-governing, excitable, and restive; freedom is what you need most. You become incensed when someone tries to limit your expressive style or infringe on your way of life, even though you are even-tempered in most cases. Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is a Libra-Sagittarian preference, so even if you believe you are always being truthful and uncomplicated in your dealings, there are times when brutal idealism stops you from perceiving the whole truth. Do not allow philosophy to rule every move or blind you to the more pragmatic parts of life just because your convictions are admirable. You like to play with abstract notions and ideas as an intellectual and details always slow you down. You prefer thinking about the infinite of surveying the universe to balancing your checkbook. Many of your lofty ideas can be put to good use in a more practical realm. Nothing is better for the Libra-Sagittarian than to go off on an African safari or an Alaskan expedition, so go ahead and book your ticket. Any sort of physical exercise is good for you. You are an idealist with love, as with all things. Fantasizing about your perfect lover is usually the start. You are a great lover and are giving, affectionate, and open. Unfortunately most of them stay stuck in your mind, just because you lack discipline. Mix it with some good old-fashioned common sense and think of what you could do with all that inspiration. The barriers have been broken before. Imagination is a very powerful aspect of your combination. Do not let your overactive mind take you off into Fantasy Land in the middle of a chat or a day at work. Fantasy is not a substitute for experience, but you admittedly you do need both to be healthy. It is likely that you feel a need to travel to faraway lands because your Libra-Sagittarius combination has a lot of restless energy and inquisitiveness.

Aerith Gainsborough -- Feb 07, 1985: Aquarius Sun, Pisces Moon (air/water)

TRUE BELIEVER

You are a very kind and helpful person and are able to identify and sympathize with almost everybody. Your innocent soul is humble, generous, and sensitive. You know the difference between right and wrong because you have an innate sense of integrity and wisdom. But your spirituality is not always synchronized with pragmatic common sense. You have no cunning or shrewdness and are completely trusting. Your faith in other is total and you would be eaten alive if other people were not so kind to you. Fortunately people never fail to respond in a positive way to your innocence. There is a dreamy look that Aquarius-Pisceans have and it seems they have just woken up and do not know where they are. This approach is used in everything, as though existence is carried on in several dimensions. If you see the entire world at once, you get mixed up because you cannot really separate the parts. It is possible a religious path might be for you because you are quite spiritual. Some Aquarius-Pisceans are even drawn to the monastic life. Furthermore, you may be especially tuned in to the occult and the mysterious. More mainstream people find this quite odd about you. Your imagination is strong and you have a very visual mental framework. Given the right motivation and teaching, you might be an artist or other creative entrepreneur. However you must acquire some direction and discipline from others to be successful. Without this, you are a ship with no rudder to guide you to your destination. You are a sponge for the stress or feelings around your environment. That is a strong influence on you. Meditating, reading, or listening to music from time to time is good for you. However, you must be careful that isolation does not take you away from involvement with others. High technology or heavy competition is not suited for you as a career. Involve yourself in a profession where you can use your compassionate and humanitarian feelings. Or perhaps think in terms of using your powerful clairvoyant skills. Because of your detached character, people might think that you are uncaring. Aquarian detachment may lead others to believe that you are not very sensitive, but the opposite is actually true.

Cloud Strife -- Aug 11, 1986: Leo Sun, Scorpio Moon (fire/water)

VACILLATOR

You relish a good battle and, in fact, if there is not a lot of competition, you feel somewhat cheated and let down. You are very motivated and determined, even though you show a playful image to the world. You probably believe that, if you ever revealed yourself, you would give your enemies an advantage, even though most of your enemies exist solely in your mind. Consequently you are very secretive in order to protect yourself. You view yourself and humanity with the greatest importance and you are a very intense Leo. Your approach is almost always a serious one. Jokes at your expense are not thought of kindly. You generally have a master plan for life, and you carefully follow it because you are purposeful, bold, and aggressive about everything. A kind of wall is built around you. You desire all the comfort, authority, and control you can get from life. You like material possessions and are sensual. Nothing can hold you back after you have set your sights on a job, toy, or romance. You go after your aims with quiet firmness, and your charisma, self-assurance, and ruthless willpower help you to get them. You have a lot of determination, fortitude, and a strong sense of purpose because both signs of your combination are fixed, but that also makes you obstinate and rigid, especially pertaining to your beliefs. It is very hard for you to accept the views or opinions of others. You are very independent and you seldom compromise. You have a very low stress threshold thanks to your rigidity. Aggression, irritation, or injured pride cannot be held in for very long and it is generally released quickly. You are obstinate and somewhat spirited. You are very insightful and astute to the ways of the world unlike most Leos. Finance, management, and business attract you, as do most things involving competition. You have probably experienced strong creative desires, however. A Scorpio Moon can inspire and assist the creative needs of the Leo Sun. You rarely follow through on those artistic desires because you are so worried about instant gratification including things such as when you might get your promotion or have your next sexual conquest. You might be the next van Gogh or Picasso if you would redirect some of those sensual drives and use some restraint. In this lifetime, when there is so much going on, your creative talents are not likely to find an outlet.

Tifa Lockhart -- May 3, 1987: Taurus Sun, Cancer Moon (earth/water)

PROVIDER

There is an insecurity and restraint about you too. This results in a person who shows an exterior that is stable, while internally there is insecurity. There is a gentle kindness in you that attracts others. You also have a charming and tactful nature to go with it. You realize that aggression does not work nearly as well as diplomacy. Handling people well is an inborn trait, as is your almost instant adaptability to situations. You seem to be on everyone’s side at the same time. You carry yourself with an air of confidence. You are controlled in your approach to life and this makes you seem secure. This combination has a Taurus side that is dedicated, motivated, and sensual. The Cancer aspect shows sensitivity along with imagination. Caution is necessary if you do not want to lose your own identity in this process of trying to please everyone. As you move on in age, do not allow yourself to become self-satisfied and smug because a big part of you is easily satisfied with your life. Push yourself beyond what you see as your limitations and this will surely help round out your life. It would be a shame to waste your numerous strong points and talents. Creativity in design or architecture are places you can showcase your wonderful imagination and artistic talents. However, professions that provide more financial security because of your Moon in Cancer attract you. Undertaking a career that is a gamble is unlikely because it goes against your basic nature. The Taurus powers of concentration and the Cancer Moon provide an ability to understand and remember what you have learned. However, you also keep a ledger grounded in emotions such that you remember every insult, rejection, threat or other circumstance for a very long time. You pout in preference to discussing your feelings of hurt or anger. You can become a cynical and sluggish person if you experience a serious emotional setback in the form of rejection. Obviously, releasing negative feelings like anger is best for you and this means expressing them openly. Aggression is almost unknown to you because you are a peaceful person. Luckily, the vast majority of people respond to you kindly because you will probably not come to your own defense. Occasionally though, it is imperative to state your views.

COMPATIBILITY & STORY RELATION

FYI, Sun Sign represent exterior self, ego---dictates what we want out of this life, how we view the world, and how we interact/express with others. Moon sign represent inner self---especially when you’re alone, a personality that is often unknown to others unless they’re so close to you and understand you on that level, reflecting emotion/feeling, desire, and fear.

Zack & Aerith’s sun sign is air; the most expressive tribe. Air sign is social butterfly, flirtatious, and they quickly drag you to their life. They are truth-seeker to put their right belief onto before action and curious about many things in the world. You also could see them externally similar as fuck and being happy couple, no need explanation, do you agree? Meanwhile, as the one who has fire element under the sun sign, Cloud has the highest ego and fiery personality upfront. You see how he alienated himself and pick up fights since kid because he thinks he’s the best of everyone. He’s also someone who hardly admit his weakness and prefer to cover it. But his exterior energy matches Zack’s inner self. His desire of what he want to become is what Cloud carries for the rest of his life and put into real action. Like the name, Earth sign, Tifa is the most grounded character and the most stable outside while Zack-Aerith-Cloud are turbulent/chaotic people.

Surprisingly, Aerith-Cloud-Tifa are emotionally similar as they all carry water element as their moon sign: sensitive, depth of feeling, private, empathetic. So they all can be compatible each other to understand feeling while Zack is the most rational one who uses mind more than heart. The difference is... As Pisces, Aerith is the most selfless. As Scorpio, Cloud is the most secretive. As Cancer, Tifa is the most nurturing. Meanwhile, Zack & Tifa has no compatibility, both of their sun and moon sign are all opposites. Story-wise, they also have no interaction other than a week in Nibelheim where Tifa guided Zack to Nibel reactor, texted him about blond SOLDIER, and he felt responsible for the incident happened to her.

PS: I also search for Barret (Dec 15, 1972) and tweet it on my Twitter account, he’s Zack’s reversion: Sagittarius Sun-Libra Moon; probably gonna do more characters!

#cloud strife #Aerith Gainsborough #tifa lockhart #zack fair #final fantasy vii #text

[emy-loves-you]

Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 6

Who the F*ck’s Rebecca? OR How the 3 Gays got Together

Virgil learns about Roman’s childhood, specifically his sister and how he ended up dating Patton and Logan.

Warning: Misgendering of a character (but no one knows that the character is trans)

Yes, Roman and Remus are brothers. Explanations are listed at the bottom

Chapter 5 | Masterlist | Chapter 7

V- (2:07 PM) Let it Go was the best song in Frozen and you cannot convince me otherwise

R- (2:07 PM) I respect your opinion, but hear me out: Love is an Open Door

V- (2:08 PM) No

R- (2:08 PM) What about Fixer Upper?

V- (2:09 PM) Still no.

P- (2:09 PM) I really liked Olaf’s song about Summer!

L- (2:10 PM) I personally enjoyed the reprise of First Time in Forever.

R- (2:10 PM) You like almost any song with a reprise

L- (2:10 PM)I will not argue that, as successfully executed reprises are “lit.”

R- (2:11 PM) Ah, and who among us could forget the absolute BOP that is… that weird ice-cutting song.

P- (2:11 PM) I don’t know, Roman. I think that song is, pretty COOL

R- (2:11 PM) Oh, lookout

V- (2:12 PM) What? He’s just saying it’s a CHILLED out groove.

R- (2:12 PM) Ugh

L- (2:12 PM) We might need you two to leave this chat if you don’t stop.

Virgil laughed, throwing his phone on the bed and stripping out of his clothes. He just finished jogging home from Janus’ (he didn’t own a car right now, preferring to walk or have Janus pick him up). It was a lazy afternoon in late September, and all Virgil wanted to do was get out of these sweaty clothes and maybe take a nap. He heard his phone go off multiple times as he got dressed, probably Patton and Logan arguing about the purpose of puns. He flopped down onto his bed and grabbed his phone, checking the new messages.

P- (2:14 PM) Lo, the Princes are calling.

L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman not to answer, Patton. We’ve been over this.

P- (2:14 PM) They’re asking about us, Lo.

L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman to hang up. They’re not worth it.

P- (2:15 PM) They’re yelling now, L. They brought up Rebecca. What do I do?

L- (2:15 PM) Just walk into another room, Patton. Ignore them. Do you want me to call you?

P- (2:15 PM) No, I’m good. Just keep texting me. I need a distraction.

Now, Virgil had no idea about what the fuck was going on. But he knew how to distract someone. He’d just have to trust them to tell him later.

V- (2:16 PM) Did you know that octopi have 3 hearts?

L- (2:16 PM) What

P- (2:16 PM) That just means they have more love to give!

V- (2:17 PM) The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

P- (2:17 PM) Such a good bird!

V- (2:17 PM) Babies do not regularly produce tears until they are 1-3 months old

L- (2:18 PM) Ah, I think I understand now

V- (2:18 PM) A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time. It stands for 1/1000th of a second

L- (2:18 PM) Falsehood. A jiffy is 1/100th of a second

V- (2:19 PM) Sorry, my hand must’ve slipped.

L- (2:19 PM) You would be unable to walk on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus or Neptune because they have no solid surface.

L- (2:20 PM) An asteroid about the size of a car enters Earth’s atmosphere roughly once a year. However, it burns up before it can reach us.

L- (2:20 PM) The highest mountain known to man is on an asteroid called Vesta. It is approximately three times the height of Mount Everest.

P- (2:21 PM) I think they hung up. Thanks for keeping me company, Kiddos!

L- (2:21 PM) It was not an issue, Patton.

V- (2:21 PM) Yeah, no problem Pat. Now can someone explain what just happened?

L- (2:23 PM) As you can probably tell, I am not home at the moment. Apparently, Roman’s parents decided to call him and an argument broke out. The rest is not my place to say.

Virgil bit his lip, refusing to look at his phone screen. Did Virgil have the right to ask about that. It was obviously a very sensitive topic, and Virgil had only known Roman for about 3 months now. Virgil felt like he knew a lot about his 3 crushes (their quirks, their favorite sweets, their goals in life), but he knew very little about their lives before Virgil had met them. Which was fine; they knew very little about Virgil’s life, too. But he desperately wanted to help Roman; to make him feel happy and safe and loved. Virgil sighed, setting his phone on his nightstand. If Princey wants to tell me what’s going on, I’ll listen. If not, I’ll just have to deal with it.

Virgil woke up from his nap to the sound of his phone going off. He blindly felt around for it, his face still firmly planted in his pillow. He finally found it, turning it on before he lifted his head to read the text. It was a private message from Princey.

R- (3:02 PM) You’re probably wondering what happened today.

V- (3:02 PM) I am, but you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I’ll respect your privacy.

R- (3:02 PM) As much as I appreciate that, you still deserve to know.

R- (3:03 PM) Do you mind if I call you? This doesn’t feel like a conversation to have over text.

Virgil thought about it for a moment. He originally never wanted to call Roman, simply because he might recognize Virgil’s voice as Anxiety’s. However, not only was Virgil 99% confident that Roman had never even heard of The Dark Sides, Virgil’s head was still foggy after his nap. Before he knew it, he was already calling Princey’s phone.

“Virgil?” Roman didn’t sound as… grand as Virgil expected. His voice was subdued and slightly hoarse, probably from the screaming match with his parents.

“Heya, Princey.” Virgil cringed at how gravelly his voice sounded. He’ll need to get some water after this conversation is over.

“You sound so tired. Oh my stars, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. I’ll let you get back to sleep-”

“Princey, it’s okay. Just finished my nap. Might not talk much, but ‘m all ears.”

“Alright. Where do I even begin?”

“Take your time. ‘m not pressurin’ you or anythin’.”

“(sigh) You’re right. I guess I should start at the beginning. I grew up in a very... conservative household. My parents expected me and my sister, Rebecca, to be perfect. ReeRee was my partner in crime. We did everything together up until highschool. My parents expected me to get a football scholarship and date the hottest girl in school. I did those things, not because I wanted to, but because they wanted me to. ReeRee was a different story. When my parents signed her up for cheerleading, she tried to join the football team instead. When they told her she should wear her hair in a ponytail, she cut it off to match mine. I didn’t understand, and it made me angry. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror; she was starting to look more and more like me, and yet each change made my parents angrier. Why was looking and acting like me a problem? I thought they liked this version of me! One night in the summer before junior year I was really frustrated and I took it out on her. I told her to stop acting like me. I knew she didn’t deserve my anger, so I went to Patton’s place to cool down. By the time I came home, my parents refused to acknowledge that I even had a sister. I pushed her away, and now I’ll never get her back.

After that, things changed. I was so angry, and everything I saw reminded me of her. I quit the football team, because every time I went down to the field I expected to see her. I dyed my hair, because every time I looked in the mirror I saw her staring back. I stopped caring about what my parents thought, ‘cause it was their opinions that dragged me into this mess!

I had already been friends with Patton since Freshman year, but me and Logan had been at each other’s throats . We were always bickering about something, and sometimes I used our arguments to vent out my anger at whatever was wrong at the time. I didn’t even realize how much I had cared about Patton and Logan until I learned about the LGBTQ+ community. My parents were super strict, and Patton and Logan didn’t exactly flaunt their relationship. I had no idea that liking guys was even an option . Once I learned about it, my parents quickly tried to shut it down. Everyday, they’d start their day telling me that ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and ‘God made you to be the gender you were born with!’ If they had told me that before ReeRee left, I might’ve believed them. But by this point, I didn’t care about a single thing they told me.

So one day, I’m arguing with Logan about who knows what, and suddenly we’re inches apart, and I remember pa saying ‘ a boy should never kiss another boy.’ And just think, ‘Fuck it.’ And now me and Pocket Protector are suddenly making out behind the school building. Microsoft Nerd asks why the hell I decided to make out with him of all people, and I break down right there. He agreed to keep it a secret, but he refused to do anything more than a simple make-out session until he had Padre’s consent to do so. Which I understood, consent is important, cheating is bad.

Now we’re having these ‘sessions’ at least once a week for almost 4 months. Patton eventually walked in on us and he was understandably upset. I explained what had happened and that I’ve had a crush on both of them for a while. And they’re like ‘cool, we’re polyam.’ And now I’m starting senior year dating two men, which mom and pa were not okay with. I told ‘em to fuck off and we moved away as soon as we graduated. They still call occasionally, asking when I’m gonna get my life together and get over losing ReeRee. I haven’t blocked ‘em yet in case they find her or change their minds.”

Roman finally took a deep breath. “Sorry about the rant. Didn’t realise how badly I needed to get that off my chest.”

Virgil snorted. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Told ya I’d be a good ear. And Princey?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t gotta do anything to impress someone else. You bein’ you is good enough. And if Rebecca could see you, I’m sure she’d be proud as hell. And don’t be ‘fraid to hit me up if you need someone other than your SOs to rant to; I’ll always be here for ya, Princey.”

“... Thank you, Virgil. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that until you said it.” He sighed, and Virgil could hear the sound of running water. “I’m gonna go drink some water. My throat burns like a bitch right now.”

“Same. Catch you later?”

He could hear Roman chuckle to himself. “I guess you shall. Farewell, Storm Cloud. And pleasant dreams!”

Virgil blushed. The way Roman said his nickname… it made Virgil’s gay heart nearly explode. He quickly hung up and buried his face back into his pillow. I’ll get water later. AFTER my heart stops racing.

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Now, for those of you wondering about why Virgil doesn't realize that Roman and Remus are brothers, I'm gonna put a quick explanation here, 'cause I don't know how to casually fit this into the story. 1.) Remus has never told Virgil his deadname or his last name. He's probably told Janus (since their pretty close) but Virgil doesn't know. 2.) Remus has never told Virgil that his brother's name is Roman. Additionally, when Virgil is talking about the 3 gays, he only calls them "Pat, Lo and Princey." 3.) Roman's parents didn't tell him that Remus transitioned, so he doesn't know that Rebecca now goes by Remus. Also, none of the characters have actually sent pictures of their faces, so none of them have any idea what the other looks like. 4.) It is a total coincidence that both twins moved to the same town. Remus believes that Roman still lives in their hometown, and Remus could be dead for all that Roman knows. There is no logical reason for them to think "maybe Virgil's friends with my long-lost sibling" 5.) Virgil would NEVER out his friends like that. He tells Janus and Remus everything, but he would NEVER betray Roman's trust like that. Same thing for telling Roman about Remus. Roman might know that Remus is trans, but he doesn't know about Remus' background. ONE LAST THING: Roman and Virgil will eventually see each other face-to-face but WON'T recognize each other's voices. This is because during the phone call Virgil is still groggy from waking up and Roman is still hoarse from screaming.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

#useless gays #sanders sides fic #LAMP fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders

[voidstilesplease]

By the Angel, TALK

Warning: THIS IS AN ANTI-CLARY AND JACE SPOILER RANT because I need an avenue to let out some of the steam I've been holding off since starting City of Fallen Angels. So PLEASE SKIP AHEAD because I don't want to burden you all with my reading woes.

This thing centers on the beginning of Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire and a little bit of Chapter 8. About eight pages of bad, bad romance set me off.

To start,

The rest is under the cut, so you can go away now.

So, what's been happening to Clary and Jace thus far?

This book introduced them now as an official couple, picking up from the end of TMI Book 3: City of Glass. I don't remember their every scene since then to the point in Chapter 9 where I stopped, but basically, they're having relationship issues early on. They're less than two months into their relationship, and the drama is too frickin much. 

Jace has these weird dreams about murdering Clary and waking up guilty about his subconscious thoughts, so he goes angsting about it and avoiding her, snapping at her, being a total dick, and still question why people think they are on the brink of a break-up. 

So, Jace goes with Simon in the next few scenes, in his plight to get away from her as far as possible, yet still be somehow close by being around Clary's best friend to "protect" him, so his distant behavior will be reasonable and forgivable. Yeah, make that make sense. 🙄 But of course, one way or another, they're going to have to get to the confrontation part (that I still wish had been equivalent to an actual break-up), and so that's when Chapter 8 & 9 enters.

Chapter 8: Walk in Darkness pp. 185-186

Almost instantly, the light went out of them, and the remaining color drained out of his face. "I thought --- Simon said you weren't coming." ¹

[...] "So you only came because you thought I wouldn't be here? [...] Were you ever planning on talking to me again? [...] If you're going to break it off, the least you could do is tell me, not just stop talking to me and leave me to figure it out on my own."

"Why does everyone keep goddamn asking me if I'm going to break up with you? [...]²

First, what an asshole?! 

[1] So Jace finally in-your-face's Clary and confirms that he has been keeping his distance like Clary has the plague. He then has the audacity to [2] be annoyed for being questioned on his intentions of keeping the relationship that he has been actively evading for days!

I get that Jace sucks in romantic relationships and has been fucked up by his daddy-issues, but he has the Lightwoods. Heck, Alec is his parabatai. He sees working relationships, so he has to have known that you don't just stop talking to people close to you and have them not question the behavior, whether you're trying to pull away from them or not. Otherwise, then Jace is dumb for all that he's marketed as the "best" Shadowhunter in his age. Screw that.

---

“You talked to Simon about us?" Clary shook her head. "Why? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"Because I can't talk to you," Jace said. "I can't talk to you, I can't be with you, I can't even look at you."³

[3] Way to make a girl feel special, Jace. Oh, no, yeah. He's trying to do the opposite and push her away with some teenage boy angst that doesn't make any sense. Like, who says that, though, aside from dramatic love interests that can't make a better excuse for going emo? 

That line IS TOO DRAMATIC that it hurts, ugh. 🤮

Anyway, so Clary walks out after that. I don't sympathize with her, but I'd do the same. Who wouldn't? Unless you freeze in the ridiculousness of the situation, that is, which is also likely.

Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire pp. 190-195

Now, here's the real shit. I want to quote this entire six-page scene back to Cassie and scream at her.

Clary reached the door and burst out into the rain-drenched evening air. [...] and was about to race across the street against the light when a hand caught her arm and spun her around.

It was Jace. [...] "Clary, didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Let go of me." Her voice shook.

"No. Not until you talk to me."⁴

[4] DUDE, what even happened to your I CAN'T TALK TO YOU, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU speech, huh? Be consistent for once, apart from your douchebag routine. Make up your mind, Jace.

---

Still holding her by the arm, he half-dragged her around the van and into a narrow alley that bordered the Alto Bar. ⁵

[5] Man, I love a bit of rough loving in my literature, but I'm so pissed at you, Jace, don't even. Lay the hell off.

---

"I was going to tell you that I was trying to help out Simon. [...]

"And you couldn't tell me? Couldn't text me a single line letting me know where you were?"⁶ [...]

[...]

"I think," he said slowly, "that I thought that the closest thing to being with you was being with Simon. Watching out for him. I had some stupid idea that you'd realize I was doing it for you and forgive me---"⁷

[6] Addressing the lack of communication, that's a great path to follow. These two need to talk so bad. [7] But this line? Sucks Balls. You could be with her, Jacey, and save all the readers your drama if you only pull your head out of your ass and try to communicate. It's like you're allergic to it.

---

She took a step back, blindly, and nearly tripped over an abandoned speaker. Her bag slid to the ground as she put her hand out to right herself, but Jace was already there. He moved forward to catch her, and kept moving until her back hit the alley wall, and his arms were around her, and he was kissing her frantically.⁸

[8] Not only is this achingly cheesy, but it's also totally not the way they should be going off about their situation. They were already talking -arguing, yes, but they're still using words to reach out, and their relationship absolutely cannot be healthy without them. Thus far, they have spoken so less in comparison with the times they've spent canoodling. They're not solving anything by having drama on one second and getting it on with dramatic kissing on the next.

I don't care what Clary says about being so lost in love with Jace. He's treating her like shit. The least he can do is give her answers that she has the right to demand from him. Kissing is not an answer. But, well, maybe to Clary, it is because the next parts from page 192 to 194 are spent on softcore porn in a dark alley under the frickin rain. I bet that's a very romantic setting in their minds, huh.

---

And now this part:

It was nerve-wracking. She could feel the feverish heat that came off him; her hands were still on his shoulders, but it wasn't enough. She wanted him wrapped around her, holding her tight. "W-why," she breathed. "can't you talk to me? Why can't you look at me?"

He ducked his head down to look into her face. His eyes, surrounded by lashes darkened with rainwater, were impossibly gold.

"Because I love you."⁹

[9] Is that supposed to make me tingle? SET ME ON FIRE, but that is the lousiest I love you in books that I have ever read. AND IT'S THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, at all!

Shut up with this, can you please. It's not romantic at all. It's a dumb excuse and an even dumber love from the two dumbest people in this whole frickin series. Oh my god.

Clary, realistically, will frown at this answer. She will pull the hell away and spat him in the face with how demeaning his love is if it can make her sick to the stomach with thinking he has already gone bored and is only cooking the perfect way to cut off their connection. He hasn't given her a sound reason, only desperate declarations of love like he's trying to convince them both that it's true. And it doesn't make sense how she's still plastered around him in the cold, trying to convince the readers that every word from Jace has deeper meanings that she understands no matter how gibberish they are. I'm not buying that, okay? Stop selling your larger-than-life connection bullshit because that isn't real.

You've only been together for two months, okay? The strongest you can feel for each other is lust. And it's showing.

---

His hands slid down to her waist and he kissed her, long and lingering, making her shudder.

She pulled away, "That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does this," he said, "but I don't care. I'm sick of trying to pretend I can live without you. Don't you understand that? Can't you see it's killing me?"¹⁰

She stared at him. She could see that he meant what he said [...] Her desire for answers battled the more primal part of her brain, and lost. "Kiss me then,"¹¹

[10] NOBODY THREATENED YOU UNDER BLADE TO DO THAT BULLSHIT, so shut the hell up with the whining. [11] and Clary, I am so disappointed. You've both just drained me, and I'm dry inside like a raisin.

The next paragraphs describe their very erotic kissing against the wall. Jace, propping her up and her legs around his waist bull crap. Seriously? Am I supposed to believe these two are, what sixteen?- up until Isabelle thankfully ruins their moment by kicking a garbage can that would look better with Jace and Clary in it tbh.

---

And the nastiest horseshit of all:

Clary looked at Jace. At any other time, they would have laughed together at Isabelle's moodiness, but there was no humor in his expression, and she knew immediately that whatever they had had between them ---whatever had blossomed out of his momentary lack of control--- it was gone now. [...]

"Jace---" she took a step toward him.

"Don't," he said, his voice very rough. "I can't."¹²

And then he was gone [...]

[12] No, I frickin CANNOT. His actions keep on contradicting his words, and he's fickle and can't decide which mood to settle, and it's so exhausting, honestly. He wasted a few pages for a cosmic, meaningless declaration of feelings. They're empty words. At this point, I believe the writing only strives to convince the readers that these characters care for each other but is shitty at showing it.

It's not love, because they say it is love.

---

I was already gaining hope for this book, and then one simple few-pages scene with clace squishes it, smearing the innards on my face.

Honestly, TALK OR TAKE A BREAK. This back and forth can't continue throughout the rest of the book or -heaven forbid- the rest of the series. Or at least, put these characters in the background if they really must drag on this problem, because I care not a lick.

Bye.

#📖: city of fallen angels #current read #anti clace #anti clary fray #anti jace wayland #city of fallen angels #mid-read rant #I'm just so triggered #books #bookish #bookblr #book quotes #book lines #shadowhunters #late to the party woes #cassandra clare #what are you doing with these characters #did you forget this wasn't a twilight fanfiction or something

[girlobsessed21]

My thoughts on The 100 7x05

Hey, guys,

Sorry for not doing any comments on the last two episodes. I’ve been a little busy and I struggled to connect to the show, so it hindered my enjoyment, but it’s all better now. Liked episode 4 and 5 was even better, jampacked with info and it answered a lot of questions.

Welcome to Bardo

Badass Octavia is da bomb (people don’t say that anymore, right?). When she was captured in episode two, I thought she had lost her fighting spirit, but it’s back, bitches. Well, until she runs into an invisible wall trying to escape. She’s captured and transported to M-cap (whatever that means). Then we get a welcome little flashback to Lincoln but it’s obvious that Bellamy would be the hand reaching out. He’s her rock, like she’s expressed many times.

Unlike John Murphy who is not quite a friend, or family and definitely not a lover. Introducing so many new characters in the final season of a show is never a good idea, because this is the time to wrap up all the stories of the existing ones, but come on, who cannot love Levitt. Even when he first meets Octavia, he doesn’t want to hurt her. Jason, you better not harm one hair on this precious little puppy’s head!

As he binges The 100 through Octavia’s eyes, he starts rooting for her, and he actually gives a damn, unlike most people on this show. He understands her strengths and weaknesses and he makes her see it too. “You’re a warrior to be sure, but your heart is pure.” Wow, what an honest and beautiful line. (Scroll down for my shipping comments.)

So is O and Hope’s fleeting little reunion. It’s amazing to experience this deep loving side of Octavia after her darkness. She’s truly one of the most diverse and developed characters on the series. Now Hope and her resilience is quickly making it to the top as well.

While Hope is trying to send her back home, we learn that memory loss is due to the time dilation. One quick note on this, it’s not linear, there’s no easy equation to calculate it unless you’re Stephen Hawking or Einstein. I don’t think it’s constant either. 10 years on Skyring = 11 days on Bardo = a few minutes on Sanctum. In the current time, 5 years on Skyring = 1 day on Sanctum = 7 days on Bardo. So, it’s clear that the planets are moving, and other factors are playing into the phenomenon. It’s more important to understand the time relative to each planet.

Levitt was the one who tattooed Hope’s code onto O’s back, also the one who planted the note into Hope’s arm. Indeed the kind of man you want on the inside, he even accepts a blow to the face as thank you.

Sheep-ish?

Thirty minutes on the clock and the trio gets led to a congregation to praise the shepherd. I never thought it was Anders, I do, however think it might be Cadogan. The Bordoan’s built the underground forest because they destroyed their planet. Ugh, what’s new? The shepherd herded his sheep from earth to Bardo via the stone. Cadogan and his second dawn cult?

Back to Clarke. So, after last episode I thought ‘the key to winning the last war’ line was an artifice for luring Clarke to disciples, but now it’s clearly true. They’ve located the key and they will win the last war. Levitt was interested in Clarke surviving the City of Light with the flame in her head, they probably assume she still has it. Cadogan burned Becca alive. Could it be because of the flame? Is this all because of that damn little chip that can’t seem to die?

Bellamy is not dead, I repeat, Bellamy is not dead! I believe that memory could be staged or implanted for a reason. Also, there’s no body, he jumped through the bridge. In the promo photos, he wears a ring but his actions towards Octavia seem a little cold and generic. On first watch, I thought it was bad acting but if he was programmed to do this, it makes sense.

Note the sequence of events. Octavia returned 7 days ago and was asked to talk her brother down, but we don’t see the actual scene. Instead we’re shown a memory. They could have implanted it to make her vulnerable and perhaps more susceptible to the procedure. I don’t know, but this theory could lead to Robot-sheep!Bellamy on Nakara, where he’ll encounter Clarke and the gang.

I have to be honest, I really don’t like this character arc for Bellamy. It’s unoriginal and a mime of Peeta’s storyline in Mockingjay. Sorry, but so far it feels like the writers were so over the show, they just wanted to get it done. And that attitude really bleeds into one’s creative concepts. I could be completely wrong, in fact, I hope I am.

Echo spins a Finn

My word, I lost the love of my life once, but I sure didn’t kill anyone. When Echo received that vision of Roan, I was hoping for some progression on her individual arc, they’ve made me care about her, and now we get the opposite. Why? One thing I have to admit, a killer performance from Tasya Teles! No pun intended.

Look, this show hasn’t explored Bellamy and Echo’s relationship enough to make her murder believable. It was the exact same thing with Finn. I wasn’t invested in Finn and Clarke’s connection, so his actions of killing a grounder tribe was more repulsive than understandable. Sure, Echo loves Bellamy and her sole purpose is to save him, but I’ve never truly witnessed their love for each other. They had one or two intimate scenes which cannot compel a deed like this. And in the process, she screwed Hope and Diyoza.

Anyway, I don’t think there’s any coming back from it. She murdered an innocent person in cold blood. That’s sure to open a door to the dark side.  Just look at Octavia after killing Pike and her actions were justified by jus drein jus daun.

Say Sanctum three times slowly and it sounds like… Sanctum

Blind faith

Look, I’m just gonna come out and say this song is getting old. Every episode featuring Sanctum is the exact same thing with different lines. Can we please move on from it, already? Yes, we know the COG want Russel dead, and the adjusters will go to extreme lengths to free Russel and the prisoners are background noise.

I did appreciate Nelson stepping in to try and save the girl, though. Still doesn’t save the fact that it’s repetitive. The Sanctum plotline is really struggling to take shape and I hope it happens soon. Dramatic eyeroll.

At least in the drought of a desert, you can always count on Murphy. “…I say we live and let die.” Typical cockroach line, right, but it’s ironic when he’s the one to step up, even if it is for Emori. Under the magnifying glass it’s the exact same plot as episode 1 and 3. He hesitates to take action, and eventually becomes the hero.

I mean, he saved that poor kid from being burned alive. Can you imagine sacrificing your own child in such a horrific away? Cults are beyond whacked, and, unfortunately, it’s reality that cult members are so blinded by their faith that they do not see rhyme or reason.

How did Murphy fail that test? I didn’t. When Trey named the four pillars, I thought, isn’t rejoice one of them? Surely, a cockroach would have smelled that trap a mile away.

Indra the great

Can we just give a massive round of applause to Adina Porter!!! That powerhouse walk vibrates strength and majesty, damn, she should be a false god, I wouldn’t dare threaten her with or without an army.

Three little words was all it took for her to recognize evil. “There’s a spider on your shoulder.” Smooth. Too bad she can’t kill him. Why not, how many of the faithful are left to cause an uproar? Wonkru doesn’t know it’s Sheidheda, they won’t care, the COG will fall in line and the prisoners will be happy as long as they get their compound. Sorry, I don’t get it and I don’t understand why she doesn’t tell anyone.  Someone please explain?

Granted, JR Bourne as Russel is way better, but I still don’t understand his actions. I hope they explore and explain him more, because he still feels flat unless he knows something of this final war. I’m hoping these two storylines align soon since it’s really driving a wedge between me and my love for the show.

Shipwreck

I’ll start with the easy stuff, Murphy, Emori and the perfect dress gets a heart eye emoji from me. They are so damn cute this season, can they please live happily ever after in the palace?

Octabriel vs Levittavia

Now, I enjoy Levitt fangirling over Octavia. I feel like he has a deep sense of her through her memories. If I have to root for an underdeveloped relationship, it will have to be one where the characters share thoughts and experiences even if it is through a sick, sci-fi procedure.

On the other hand, Gabriel and Octavia have immense chemistry, two seconds of them together bends my mouth into an “Aah, cute” pout. This will also add some approval and representation for mixed racial relationships.

I really don’t mind either way as long as they make me care through showing and not telling.

Bellarke

So, if my theory is correct, and Bellamy does end up on Nakara, Bellarke will encounter each other quite soon. Bellamy won’t be himself though, but he might pretend to be Bellamy to win Clarke’s co-operation. Is there hope for Bellarke yet?

Echo is now trotting a dangerous path and Bellamy might be pledged to a cause, so I doubt there will be a happy ending for Becho. Since 7x01 I’ve been thinking that the writers might want to develop something between Clarke and Gaia but if they are separated, is there enough time? Guess we’ll see.

This monster of a review is finally done… If you read through everything, you deserve a gold star! Let me know what you think, till we meet again…

#The 100 #the100 7x05 #the100 season 7 #octavia blake #levitt the 100 #hope diyoza #bellamy blake #echo #john murphy #indra kom trikru #gabriel #bellarke #sheidheda

[evolsinner]

⊱┊11

it’s sunday night once again, except the circumstances are now different ~ where once i couldn’t wait to see sir on monday, now i cannot wait for him to reply so i know what the fuck is happening.

been refreshing throughout the day, but no new mail.

*refresh.*

nada.

i heave and open up his facebook profile. i’m not gonna do anything… i just wanna have another look.

“huh?”

hold on a sec, did he block me?

i retype his name in the search bar, but a bunch of other people with the same name pops up.

he did!!!

was it because i was snooping as deep as 2005? it’s not like i could help it! can’t believe this fucker. the audacity to have me, his wife, blocked. then why, all of a sudden, am i more attracted to him? what is wrong with me?!?!?!?

anyways, as if i care, i’ll just make another account, ha.

*ding.*

a blue box has popped up on the top right corner of my 13” laptop screen.

my heart stops.

opening it, it reads:

<no subject> isaac killian to: rosé blackburn

we need to talk. i’m a few houses down the road from yours, under the sycamore. meet me there.

how does he know where i live? moreover, he’s already using the phrase ‘we need to talk’?? there’s only one way to find out what we so desperately need to talk about {even though a sad part of me kinda knows already, ugh}.

i throw on a random hoody and silently run down the stairs. i slide my feet inside the ugg boots and take a peep through the living room to the kitchen. mum and dad are both lost in conversation, tidying up from dinner. perfect.

i quietly leave and spot the shiny red suv quite a while away. the evening’s chill wears down on me. with one hand, i hold down my hood, and with the other, i hug myself. i jog to the sycamore tree, why is this so embarrassing? he’s so watching me in his side mirrors.

when i get close enough, i see him reach over and open the passenger seat door in advance.

i hop in.

“rosé.”

i face him.

he scratches his head, apprehensive. for once, his hair is messy instead of perfectly slicked back. the way it’s parted in the middle with the choppy strands landing equally on both sides, and how the ends of the strands closest to his face curve slightly inwards. gah, it’s so cute and so 90’s.

then, “is that mine?” he glances down.

i follow his line of sight and discern that i grabbed his hoody, not mine. “oh shi..yeah, it is. i’m sorry.” i get ready to take it off.

“no, please don’t apologise. looks good on you, keep it.”

my heart.

“and,” he clears his throat, “your clothes from last night, they’re in the back.”

“right. thanks.”

“sorry couldn’t contact you sooner...had a bunch of assignments that needed marking.”

still waiting for the elephant in the room to be addressed.

“you know what happens now, right?”

there it is.

i sigh, pissed. “really?”

“i have work tomorrow and you have school.”

“thanks for reminding me,” i glance out my window.

“rosé,” he lays his hand on my shoulder.

i look at his hand, then at him. it gets awkward, so he quickly removes his hand before speaking again.

“i’m twice your age.”

“that didn’t stop you last night, did it?”

he blinks, shooked. “you’re right, it didn’t, but you’re still too young and it’s still not right.”

“young, yes. minor, no.”

“rosé, fraternising with a professor is against the school’s policy.”

“fucking isn’t fraternising, sir.”

he stares at me like i’m that kid that never learned to not talk back. “my point being ~ it’s worse.”

“so, you regret it then?”

“more like i can’t stop thinking about it.”

*silence.*

was he meant to say that?

he shakes his head like he’s trying to get the right thoughts to stay. “i..we shouldn’t have done what we did. it was unprofessional on my behalf and i guess rash on yours.”

‘rash’, yeah right. “i won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“that’s not what i’m worried about, i trust you. i don’t trust myself.”

i frown for more elaboration.

he continues but with more bluntness now, “how the fuck am i supposed to teach my class and imagine you as my student at the same time?”

i smile on the inside, guess he’s fucked up as much as i am about this. “then don’t imagine me as your student,” i offer.

“rather want me to imagine you all naked then?” he looks at me with an entertained expression. “is that it?”

“if you can handle it,” i raise my eyebrows.

“if i can.. jesus chr..” he chuckles, shaking his head.

did he just figure out i’m too much for him?

“i can handle it,” he answers in a conceited tone.

we’ll see about this. i grip his shoulder for balance and step over. sitting on top of him, i bring my hand into the hole between us. my fingers fondle around for a minute. he tries to hold a straight face, ‘cept i can already feel him getting hard through his khakis.

“can you handle it now, sir?”

he leans into my face, “fuck you.”

now that’s starting to become a thing. instead of ‘always’ or ‘forever’, ours is ‘fuck you’. great. how cute.

“hey,” i take pretend offense, “you can’t talk to your student like that.”

“i will destroy you, rosé blackburn,” he adds succinctly.

i was just about to destroy him when i notice a 2017 ford f~150 raptor supercrew heading our way. from the hollering, i can make out exactly who it is. even without that cue, i’d know it’s him because, at school, he kept bragging on for a full month about how his dad let him borrow his pickup truck turned desert racing machine. who the fuck cares?

“fuck! oh my god!” i slouch my body into sir. “they’ll see us!”

“relax, my windows are tinted.”

“it’s fucking theo..!” i hiss.

his huge black raptor drives past us, music blaring with theo and his friends shouting like a wild pack of wolves.

🎶it don’t matter, be combative or be sweet cherry pie it don’t matter just as long as i get all you tonight

i don’t know what they are listening to, but they are drunk out of their minds from the way they are singing the lyrics. so reckless.

“you see what i mean?” sir clearly makes his point as i slowly bring my head back up to eye level with him.

and then tries to say something else, but i shove my lips right against his.

he pulls away for a sec, “you can’t leave like that again. i would have made you breakfast.”

awwhhh, next thing i knew, i was pregnant!

“yeah?” i grin. “what would you have made me?”

“pancakes, of course.”

i giggle before a small frown interrupts it, “hey, how’d you know where i lived?”

“oh,” he says. “the school’s system. has everything.”

why, of course, silly dumb me.

#poetry #cute #love #couples #story #Relatable #words #Thoughts #teacher x student #funny #kiss

[bobasheebaby]

75 Criminal Minds Prompts

Some of these can easily go very, very dirty, and yes I’m talking about Morgan and Garcia conversations and honestly would it be a list without them?

1 “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you’ve really stopped to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ― Hotch

2 “Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone.”― David Rossi

3 “Destroying a book is like…destroying a whole world.” — Diana Reid 

4 “Trust me, kiddo. I’ve been here before.” ― David Rossi

5 “I’ve always heard every ending is also a beginning. We just don’t know it at the time. I’d like to believe that’s true.” — Emily Prentiss 

6 “He is the perfect man. He doesn’t hog the covers, and he poops in a box.” — Emily Prentiss 

7 “Went on a diet last night. Lost 185 pounds.” — Dr. Tara Lewis 

8 “Marital bliss followed by marital diss! Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?” — Penelope Garcia

9 “I don’t take kindly to being blown up. In fact, it kind of pisses me off.” — Derek Morgan 

10 “You know, I've learned that, in the short time I've had the privilege of being a dad... it heals wounds, just being there for your kid.” — David Rossi

11 “What makes you feel confident?” “Statistics.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

12 “NAME , believe me when I say this, I've never known a normal day in my entire life.” — Dr Spencer Reid

13 “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss.” — Dr Spencer Reid

14 “No one gets therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication.” “What are you implying, NAME?” “That everyone is medicated.” — Dr Spencer Reid and Penelope Garcia

15 “He/She doesn't give a damn about black or white. The only color that son of a bitch cares about is green.” — Dr Spencer Reid

16 “I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.” “I never said that. When have I ever said that?” “Every day since I met you!” — Dr Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan

17 “I never have any normal fans.” — Dr Spencer Reid

18 “Hey, Baby Girl, whatever you’re doing, drop it.” — Derek Morgan

19 “Talk to me, Baby Girl.” — Derek Morgan

20 “There you go, Baby Girl, that’s sweet.” — Derek Morgan

21 “Give it to me, doll face.” — Derek Morgan

22 “Hey, doll face. Ready to work some magic for me?” — Derek Morgan

23 “Hey, silly girl. I love you, you know that, right?” — Derek Morgan

24 “Hey girl, you’re on speaker. Behave.” “Or what, you’ll spank me?” — Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia

25 “It was once said that love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.” — Derek Morgan

26 “Hey baby girl, I need you to work that magic of yours.” “Rub my lamp, release the Genie.” — Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia

27 “You really are afraid of the dark.” “I'm working on that.” “You should work a little harder.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

28 “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. What is this about?” — Derek Morgan

29 “Oh, and if you hate sad stories as much as I do, you should leave the room right now, 'cause this is super sad!” — Penelope Garcia

30 “Enchantress of all things possible, use your imagination.” — Penelope Garcia

31 “My least three favorite words strung together: I don't know.” — Penelope Garcia

32 “Hello, my pretties. I have seen the wizard and he granted my wish.” — Penelope Garcia

33 “She knew where to toe the line between right and raunchy.” — Penelope Garcia

34 “OK, let me get you on a secret: Guys, we don’t do well on subtle clues, OK? You got to be direct, straight up. Just tell him exactly what you want!” — Derek Morgan

35 “It’s who you are, Baby Girl. You see the beauty in everything and everyone no matter where you go. That part of you is never gonna change, and I won’t let it.” — Derek Morgan

36 “NAME, people need to know that they're important and sometimes you forget that.” — Hotch

37 “Don't you have something better to do?” “Than to annoy you for three hours? Hell no.” — Hotch and Derek Morgan

38 “I think, deep down, we're all capable of unspeakable things. Where it starts or what you call it, I don't know.” — Hotch

39 “NAME, this is the job, and I need to know that you can be objective.” “And I need to know that I can be human.” — Hotch and Emily Prentiss

40 “Scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going.” — Rossi

41 “You don't need to do anything you don't want to. Understand?” — Rossi

42 “Just be careful. That ego of yours is going to get you in trouble." — Rossi

43 “Somewhere along the line, I put myself first. I admit it, but I can't go back and change it." — Rossi

44 “It could be that, after all of these years, I rewrote history." — Rossi

45 “Time will pass and slowly you will find how much it hurts. And, maybe, you'll find something else to fill that empty space." — Rossi

46 “Where you headed?” “Nowhere in particular.” “How will you know when you get there?” — Rose and Gideon

47 “Only a man would waste $50 trying to win back that $3 stuffed animal.” — JJ

48 “This is my favorite part. This is where you hang yourself with your own tongue. So, please keep talking.” — JJ

49 “My father/mother believes that children shouldn't be shielded from the realities of the world. I do! Isn't that why we read them fairy tales in the first place?” — JJ

50 “Oh god, please tell me you don't have a crush on a fictional character.” — JJ

51 “You are the best ever.” “Aw, and you're the most perceptive.” — JJ and Garcia

52 “I once dated a guy/girl who washed his/her car more than he/she washed his/her hair.” — JJ

53 “Don't tell me what I want and don't want.” — JJ

54 “You do what it takes to protect your family.” — JJ

55 “Look, I don't speak smartass.” — Michael Russo

56 “How's it having NAME around?” “You can have him/her back whenever you would like.” Hotch and Garcia

57 “So, NAME, when are you and NAME walking down the aisle?” “Hey, whoa, whoa. Baby steps. Baby steps.” “When NAME says "I do", it'll be a national day of mourning for single men/women everywhere.” — Rossi, Morgan and Reid

58 “Ugh! This heat is brutal!” “You know, it isn't so much the heat as it is the humidity.” “At some point, it doesn't matter how you look at it. It all sucks.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

59 “Need a minute?” “So, so badly.” — Matt Simmons and Penelope Garcia

60 “Hey. I came as soon as I could. What's wrong?” — Matt Simmons

61 “We ask questions, and we come home.” “No creepy weirdness?” “No weirdness.” “Good, 'cause I'm about full up in the creepy weirdness department for one night.” — Matt Simmons and Penelope Garcia

62 “Ooh, what about this one? Sunny, two-bedroom. It's close to work. And it's in your price range.” “NAME, you're moving? You don't like change.” “That's true. Change is my kryptonite. But the apartment is no longer a sanctuary. I have a new neighbor. Window's right here. He enjoys doing naked kung fu. Some things you cannot unsee.” — JJ, Simmons and Garcia

63 “Thank you.” “For what?” “For being you.” “Aw, thanks. I don't know how to be anyone else.” — Emily Prentiss and Dr Spencer Reid

64 “When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn't want him to fix her. She wants him to shut up and listen.” — Emily Prentiss

65 “I just feel I can't understand others' emotions if I don't deal with my own, you know?” “The best way out is always through.” “Too bad it's not always the easiest one.” “You're not kidding.” — Dr Tara Lewis and Rossi

66 “It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.” — Diana Reid

67 “I don’t hate you ... I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.” — Dr Spencer Reid

68 “There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.” “Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.” — Hotch

69 “I’m always right. Also, you’re secretly in love with me.” — Penelope Garcia

70 “I just gave the bartender my number in Roman numerals. If he/she figures it out, he’s/she’s worth a shot.” — Dr Spencer Reid

71 “Shh, the adults are talking. When it’s your turn to speak, I’ll give you permission. Okay?” — JJ

72 “Hey, mama, tell me something I don’t know.” — Derek Morgan

73 “Talk dirty to me.” — Penelope Garcia

75 “Hey, don’t make me spank you when I get back.” “Don’t listen time him/her, NAME, he’s/she’s all talk.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

#criminal minds prompts #criminal minds quotes #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #david rossi #derek morgan #dr spencer reid #emily prentiss #jj #aaron hotchner #penelope garcia #nswfish

[love-little-lotte]

My Ranking of Outlander Season 5 Episodes

Wow. This has been such a great season! It really felt fresh and well-made. It’s like we’re thrown back to earlier seasons, and I love it so much. The writing is a whole lot better; the direction is creative and new – but never to a point that it got dreary and boring; there is a significant amount of change that I really liked. Overall, a brilliant and amazing season. 

I’ve done something like this from the previous season (click here, if you’re interested), and now I guess I’m doing it again! It’s a lot harder, though, because I really liked most of the Season 5 episodes. I even wish it was longer! Twelve episodes seemed so short. I wish we could back to earlier episodes when we have more than fifteen episodes for one season.

So, to start off my Droughtlander (ugh, I cry thinking about Season 6 – it seems so far away), this is my ranking of Outlander Season 5 episodes! Before I begin, let me just say that this is my opinion, so please be polite. No need to tell me that you prefer this over that because obviously, this is my ranking. Also, just so you know, I haven’t read The Fiery Cross. I’ve only read Outlander, Dragonfly in Amber, and the first few chapter of Voyager. So, I may make mistakes about what happened in the books and such, since I only watch the TV show. 

#12: Episode 3 - Free Will

Technically not a bad episode, but this is the one that I least liked out of all. It was a bit draggy, but definitely not boring. Nothing is boring when Jamie and Claire faces danger together! 

So, in this episode, Josiah revealed that he has a twin named Keziah. They both escaped from the Beardsleys, who apparently abused the both of them. But without their right papers, the twins were not really free. So, of course, Jamie and Claire just had to save the day and take it upon themselves to go to the Beardsleys and pay for their indenture. Also, Jamie left Roger in charge while he’s gone. It’s funny to see Roger try to lead the men. It’s not his fault by all means – after all, this was not his time and he has zero knowledge how to lead these soldiers. 

At the Beardsleys, Jamie and Claire found out that Mr. Beardsley was incredibly injured and at the brink of death, while Mrs. Beardsley was pregnant and admitted that she’s slowly torturing her husband because he used to physically abuse her. Claire helped Mrs. Beardsley give birth, only to find out that the baby was dark-skinned, which meant it wasn’t Mr. Beardsley’s child. The next morning, the missus was out of the house (wow, that recovery!), leaving her newborn baby in Jamie and Claire’s care. Jamie then faced a tough decision to euthanize Mr. Beardsley, who wanted his pain to end. Something tells me that this is going to be an important thing in the future...

#11: Episode 5 - Perpetual Adoration 

Also not a bad episode, to be honest. In this episode, we get another flashback of Claire’s time in the 60s. This time, she’s seen treating a patient by the name of Graham Menzies. Sounds familiar? I’ve read that it’s a nod to Graham McTavish and Tobias Menzies – two of my favorite actors from the earlier seasons. Loved that reference to them; I also miss seeing them in this show! (But maybe Tobias as Frank because I could not, for the life of me, handle another Black Jack Randall shenanigan, even just in a flashback.) Well, this particular patient was actually Claire’s reason to finally go back to Scotland with Bree. It got a bit philosophical in the flashbacks, too! Also, Claire was able to make penicillin out of 18th century materials. Is there anything that this woman couldn’t do?

Jamie, on the other hand, was catching up with Lieutenant Knox, where the lieutenant told him that he’s going to pardon the Regulators, except Murtagh. This left Jamie no choice but to kill Knox – also because he has a list of Ardsmuir prisoners and as you all know, Jamie’s one of them. Pretty sad about Knox, though. He really trusted Jamie and he seemed like an okay guy. But he had to die! 

Bree and Roger also had some problems in this episode. Roger finally found out about what happened with Stephen Bonnet and Bree before they tried to blew up the jail cell the previous season. Roger obviously (but not understandably hmpf) got mad but eventually changed his mind when Claire reassured him that it’s going to be all right. I’m not a big fan of Roger (let’s just get that out of the way), and his reaction in this particular episode. For the sake of drama, I guess.

Also, a new pet is in town! Adso finally made his first appearance at the end of this episode. He’s such a cute wee thing.

#10: Episode 2 - Between Two Fires

One of my favorite things in Outlander is when Claire flaunts her medical knowledge to the 18th century people. I love seeing their expressions, especially when they try to mentally calculate if this woman is a genius or a witch. Sadly, in this episode, there’s one patient Claire couldn’t save because it was too late. This seemed to unravel something in her. It’s devastating to lose a patient, especially when he/she could still be saved. But, even though she’s an expert healer, some people wouldn’t listen to her because she’s not an actual physician. So, Claire decided to make up “Dr. Rawlings.”

Also, I love that Claire picked Marsali as an apprentice! I really loved her character even from Season 3, and I was hoping to get more scenes with her in Season 4. But it was only in this season that her character shined brightly. Marsali was weirded out at first, obviously, but with Claire’s guidance, she’s good to go.

All away from Fraser’s Ridge, Jamie and Lieutenant Knox are fighting off Regulators. While confronting three prisoners, Knox lost his temper and accidentally killed one. At nightfall, Jamie helped the other two to escape. I love Jamie whenever he’s trying to be a hero and all, but sometimes, it just worries too much that he’s always stepping it up. Well, he’s the King of Men, I guess.

The ending of this episode was horrifying and intense because we see Stephen Bonnet, fully alive and plotting evil. I hate him so much, but Ed Speelers is an amazing actor. 

#09: Episode 9 - Monsters and Heroes

Despite having this episode in the bottom part of the list, I just want to say that Sam Heughan was amazing in this episode. His acting was top-notch, and I find myself, once again, questioning the awards committee why they haven’t given him an award. Yes, give me more scenes of him writhing in pain!

This episode was highly intense, but it felt almost too draggy. Jamie and company were out hunting when they decided to split up. Jamie and Roger went together, and Jamie was bitten by a venomous snake. Roger tried to look for the others but to no avail. So they decided to camp for the night, in which Jamie told Roger that if he does not survive, it must be him who’s going to kill Stephen Bonnet for him.

Which absolutely no makes sense! Not the killing of Bonnet, but Jamie not surviving. He survived tons of other crap in his life, and I cannot believe he’s dying from a freaking snake. It just does not makes sense. Can you just imagine if he really died? Like a small snake ended Jamie Fraser’s life? It’s just heartbreaking.

The next day, Roger tried dragging Jamie with him while looking for the others. They were eventually found, and they brought him to Claire so she can fix him up. But not even Claire could even save him. The only thing she needs is her syringe, which was destroyed by friggin Lionel Brown (which, let me tell you, is the worst character to ever come out in this season). When Jamie found out his bite was way serious than he ever imagined, he told Claire to kill him instead of amputating his venom-filled leg, which broke Claire. Also, Caitriona Balfe’s acting during her conversation with Bree by the stairs was top-notch! 

Jamie almost gave up that night, but with some intense body touching, Claire was able to bring him back to life. It was a touching moment, for sure. Get it? Anyway, it was Young Ian who told him to get a grip of himself – it’s just a leg. His father lost a leg and Fergus lost a hand, but they’re still happy and alive.  Which I just want to applause to. 

And when all hope seemed lost, it was our little engineer Bree who saved the day! She was able to form a syringe of her own using the tooth of the snake which bit Jamie. Through this, Claire was able to save Jamie’s leg. Yay!

#08: Episode 10 - Mercy Shall Follow Me

I know I’ve said I haven’t read The Fiery Cross yet, but I have read in tons of posts that the killing of Stephen Bonnet was not part of the aforementioned book; he actually met his demise in the next book. But whatever the reasons why they sped up the process, I want to thank the producers and writers for putting it here in this season. The Bonnet storyline was kind of losing touch and was getting draggy. I’d rather have them focus on new things in the next season. 

Jamie, Roger, and Young Ian were putting their plot in motion to kill Bonnet through ambushing him when Bonnet himself failed to show up in the said ambush. That’s because he’s at the beach, following Claire and Bree as they were enjoying the ocean breeze. He eventually knocked Claire unconscious and kidnapped Bree.

Bree woke up to find herself in a dingy and shady place, but she was not kept as a prisoner – or so Bonnet tried to tell her. He told her he wanted to change and they even had this strange role play where they eat dinner and Bree told him the story of Moby Dick. We actually get to know Bonnet’s past in this episode. We learn that he’s deathly afraid of water, for one thing. 

It seemed to go all right for Bree until Bonnet told her to kiss him, and when she did, he got the sense that she was faking and lo and behold, he was right. This angered him and even started having sex with a prostitute in front of Bree, which was downright disgusting. Anyway, Ed Speelers is a terrific actor!

Jamie and Claire finally find out where Bonnet’s hiding Bree through that prostitute to whom Bonnet was having sex with. Bonnet, fed up with Bree’s ridiculous antics, decided to sell her to a man. But before anything could happen, Jamie, Claire, Roger, and Young Ian were able to save her. Bree was given the choice to end Bonnet’s life, but she decided to give him a fair trial by the government. Bonnet was sentenced to death by drowning, but before he could even die, Bree shot him through the head in a distance. Roger asked her if this was what she wanted or if was to make sure he’s really dead, but Bree was silent, which leaves us to decide what that meant. 

I’ve said this before: I wasn’t a fan of Sophie Skelton’s acting, but she definitely improved in this season! She was able to show some emotions and depth in her character. She was unable to convince me before, but she truly made an impact in this season. 

#07: Episode 4 - The Company We Keep 

Were you ready to see Jamie Fraser dancing in this episode? Because I sure as hell was not! It was such a delight to see him trotting about while he and Claire smile at each other. 

But before we got to that scene, we had to watch Roger painfully lead the men to Brownsville (which is totally an insane and ridiculous name for a village – I know this was in the 18th century, but I hope there were poop jokes about them). Not a minute they stepped foot in this place, everything’s gone to chaos. It turns out Isaiah Morton, one of the men, had some problems with one of the guys in Brownsville. Isaiah apparently “disgraced” Lionel Brown’s daughter, Alicia, by sleeping with her, and now she cannot marry this rich guy her father arranged for her. 

Jamie and Claire eventually caught up with them, and were able to free Isaiah by letting him escape and to never show his face there again. Claire finally found a new home for Mrs. Beardsley’s newborn baby in Brownsville, Jamie finally got the Brownsville men to join him in his militia to fight the Regulators, and everyone finally had a good time and partied all night long. 

One of my favorite moments in the season was in this episode wherein Jamie told Claire that she looked happy while taking care of the newborn baby. He told her that she looked great as a mother, and it saddened me that he never got to see her as one. Jamie told her if she’s sure to give the baby away because maybe it’s their last chance to raise a baby together. Claire was like, “No,” but she appreciated the thought of it. They’re too old to have a baby again, and she already liked their life together. Even so, that was such a sweet moment for the both of them!

Isaiah decided to return to whisk Alicia away, and then she revealed she’s pregnant with his child. While this all seemed great for them, Jamie and Roger were not happy with Isaiah’s return because it might stir up some trouble. But Isaiah was able to convince them that he truly loved Alicia and wouldn’t they do the same thing for their wives. And that’s how it’s done!

#06: Episode 8 - Famous Last Words

A very unique and creative episode. I think I haven’t seen an episode quite like this before, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. I like what the concept of showing the events like a silent film in comparison to what Roger’s facing. 

Richard Rankin was amazing in this episode. I think he really delivered well in showing Roger’s trauma and stress after his horrific ordeal. Roger is actually so beaten up in Outlander; it’s really devastating. Last season, he was taken by the Mohawks, and now this. And to think, he wasn’t a warrior or anything – he’s only an Oxford man. 

Three months after the Battle of Alamance, Roger was still quiet and could not utter a word. Bree was worried about him, and confided to Claire about her roommate’s boyfriend who was shell-shocked after the Vietnam War. Meanwhile, Roger kept reliving his deathly experience in silence. Usually, I’m not a big fan of Roger (as I said earlier) but I feel bad for what his character has gone through. 

Also, Young Ian finally came back in this episode! As someone who haven’t read the books, this took me by surprise. I didn’t know he’s returning, but I am so happy that he is! I really love his character. He’s not the same Young Ian as we’ve seen before, though. He was much more mature and fiercer. There are secrets he’s keeping from his family, which we’ll probably find out more in the next season. 

It was actually Young Ian who made Roger speak up again (quite just like the way how he was the one who set Jamie straight when he was bitten by the snake). Ian was asked to help Roger check out some land, and the two of them bonded. Ian told him how lucky he was to have his wife and child with him, even though he was thoroughly beaten from the battle. Roger was alive with a family, and to Ian, that seemed to be everything. Roger, in return, also saved Ian from killing himself. I’d like to see more of this duo in the future, please.

#05: Episode 6 - Better To Marry Than Burn 

As soon as the trailer for Season 5 dropped, I’ve heard the words “stable sex” more than once in forums. I didn’t know what it was about – only that involves Jamie and Claire having sex in a stable (obviously). So you could imagine my enthusiasm when I finally see a stable in this episode!

Before that, though, there is a party because Jocasta getting married to some guy who’s not Murtagh. Which is a total loss because I shipped them so hard! We also got to see some flashbacks with Jocasta losing her daughter because of her husband’s cause in the fight against the English long ago. 

While mingling with some of the guests, Claire was approached by this ridiculous-looking man called Phillip Wylie, who’s beyond annoying. He flirted with her shamelessly, and she rejected his actions but was immediately interested when she realized he might be the key to capture Stephen Bonnet. But everything got out of hand when he suddenly tried to kiss her. Thankfully, Jamie arrived on time and was able to save her from this man.

But when Claire told him that he might be the answer to the Bonnet problem, Jamie decided to make a gamble with Wylie. Unfortunately, this involved Claire giving up Frank’s ring, which made her unbelievably mad. Later on, when Claire went back to the stables, Jamie drunkenly walked in. Claire’s still angry with him about the rings, but the anger doubled when she found out he was drunk. Jamie told her that he won the bet, and that they should celebrate. There were some fights, then Claire slapped him, and then they kissed and ta-da: stable sex! 

Unfortunately, I had high hopes with what the stable sex was going to be and that was not it. I was expecting steamier scenes, but okay, I’ll take this one. It was hilarious, still. 

Oh, I almost forgot. Back at Fraser’s Ridge, Bree and Roger fight some some sort of locusts evading the place, just like the ten plagues. But they were able to stop this through some smart science and shit. I couldn’t care less about their plot in this episode; all exciting things happen in River Run at the moment! 

But the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened in this episode was Jocasta and Murtagh. The night before the wedding, Murtagh sneaked in Jocasta’s room and begged her not to marry Innes. This broke Jocasta, but still, she couldn’t just run away with Murtagh. She chose a man with a cause before, and she lost her daughter. This woman couldn’t take any heartbreaks anymore, and Murtagh left, heartbroken. And as you know, that would be their last conversation...

#04: Episode 12 - Never My Love 

I thought we can go past one season without anyone getting raped, but here we are. I know this was included in the books, but there were so many changes from book to screen in this season – why couldn’t they changed this one? It was too heartbreaking and sad. I don’t know if it’s unnecessary, but I did read one article that said they could’ve just not included that part.

Anyway, this episode was absolutely harrowing and downright terrifying. This show does not shy away from brutal scenes like this, for sure. I am devastated for Claire because she obviously does not deserve that treatment! In her own words, she survived a World War and losing a child. She will not let this one destroy her. But, of course, Claire’s only human and she’s gone through deep trauma in this episode. It’s only fair for her to feel this way. 

Lionel Brown (honestly, I hate this guy more than anyone in this season and that includes Stephen Bonnet) kidnapped Claire out of her own home with the help of some other guys, beat her senseless, and even raped her. This really “shookt” me out of my core. It didn’t ruin me like that season finale in Season 1 (which still haunts me to this day) but I am still horrified. 

Also, this episode was really creative in showing Claire’s ordeal. It had dream sequences of Claire in 1960s with Jamie and their family celebrating Thanksgiving, with the exception of Bree, Roger, and Jemmy. It included a lot of Easter eggs, such as the vase from the pilot episode and the rabbit from Jamie’s dream in the Battle of Culloden (if I’m not mistaken...?) The production design was also very intricate. The attention to details is brilliant!

Jamie and his men were finally able to save Claire, but she felt ruined. They killed every men in the group, but it seemed like Lionel survived. They took him as a prisoner and brought him to Fraser’s Ridge. Claire was still mending her scars, but she found herself in her clinic with Lionel and Marsali. Yes, she took an oath to do no harm to other people, but do you really expect her to save him from his wounds after what he’s done to her? Hell no! It was too much for her to bear and so she left, crying. It was actually Marsali who ended Lionel’s life with her own hand. Ugh, I love Marsali this season! She was beyond amazing and I love how her character has grown. 

This was surely an intense episode, and I love the additional twists of the dream sequence. Caitriona Balfe blew me away in this episode; just give her the Golden Globe and Emmy, please. The final shot of Jamie and Claire is beautiful. One of the best season finales of the show. 

#03: Episode 1 - The Fiery Cross

Season 5 really started strong with this first episode. We had a wedding, dancing, sex, singing, burning crosses, kilts, babies! I love it so much!

Finally, Bree’s getting married to Roger, and her parents are here to see it! It’s a wonderful moment for everyone. I am in love with Bree’s dress and the pearls she’s wearing (which her mother wore in her honeymoon sex with her father, let me just add). The wedding was sweet and lighthearted. 

But, of course, this is Outlander and we’re not here to have a good time – there’s always something we’re fighting off. In the very first episode, Lord John Grey confided in Jamie that Stephen Bonnet might be alive, which Bree overheard. This was her wedding night, people, give her a rest! Of course, she was visibly shaken, but she kept the information to herself. Also, Tryon was pressuring Jamie to join forces with him and fight for The Crown. 

In addition, there were a love-making montage while the L-O-V-E song was being played in the background. Out of place, for sure, but sweet nonetheless. Murtagh and Jocasta managed to sneak in the woods and have some time for themselves. Jamie and Claire were in charge with Jemmy for the night, but that didn’t stop them from getting some action themselves. And, of course, the married couple Bree and Roger finally had a proper honeymoon. 

Remember when Tryon was pressuring Jamie to gather some men to fight for The Crown? Well, Jamie faced an impossible decision because obviously he does not want to hunt down his godfather Murtagh. But he can’t also betray Tryon because he doesn’t want to lose his land. And so, he finally gave in and lit the fiery cross, calling the men to fight with him. He included Roger, and even gave him the title of “Captain.” Weird flex, but okay. 

This was entirely a good start for a good season. I even watched it twice when it first came out because I was so excited!

#02: Episode 11 - Journeycake 

One of the best Outlander episodes, and this one totally made me cry. I hate goodbyes, but Outlander does it best. This episode was also written by the original author herself, Diana Gabaldon. My expectations were high, of course, and she definitely did not disappoint! 

Now that Stephen Bonnet is gone and that they have confirmed that Jemmy can travel through the stones, there’s no reason for Bree and Roger to stay any longer. Bree has already delivered the cryptic message to her parents that they will die in the fire. So, she and Roger decided to leave, especially that there’s a Revolutionary War coming on. 

Also, Young Ian finally knows about the truth about Claire, Bree, and Roger – they are time travelers from the future. About time, actually! He deserved to know the truth long time ago. But something’s weird: Ian actually wanted to go through the stones himself, too. I have no idea why, but it’s probably going to be about his time with the Mohawks (which I’m totally looking forward to know about in the next season). 

Also, there’s a hot sex scene with Claire and Jamie in this episode, which totally makes up for that awkward, rushed stable sex from the other episode. It involved Jamie going down on Claire while she’s sitting by the window pane. It’s daring and steamy! Trust Diana Gabaldon to perfect that scene. 

Before Bree and Roger leave, they said their goodbyes to everyone first. Marsali even admitted that she sees Bree as a sister, which breaks my heart, because they totally deserve more screen time together! Lizzie also tearfully said her goodbye to her mistress Bree, and it’s quite heartbreaking because all this time, she thought she’s coming along with them as well. Poor Lizzie. 

Claire also made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as her last meal for Bree and Roger. I don’t know how she was able to make peanut butter and jelly with 18th century resources, but I do know that it was painstakingly hard so kudos to Claire for her dedication in making the perfect PB&J sandwich! Jamie’s reaction was totally hilarious, too!

When Bree and Roger finally left (but for some reason, they couldn’t go through the stones – more explanation maybe in the next season), Claire and Jamie were finally left alone in Fraser’s Ridge. While Claire and Marsali were tending on a patient, Jamie and some of his men checked out some commotion. However, this was only a ploy for Lionel Brown and his men to kidnap Claire straight from her home. It’s terrifying, and I didn’t like what happened next.

#01: Episode 7 - The Ballad of Roger Mac

The major highlight of the season! I was ready to get hurt in this episode, but damn, nothing prepared me for what was about to happen. 

The whole episode reminded me of the Prestonpans episode from Season 2. Jamie was fighting with his men in the Battle of Alamance, while Claire was tending the patients. Ah, but before that, let’s celebrate Jamie Fraser’s fiftieth birthday! I don’t know how this guy is 50, but he is. He and Claire *cough* did some celebrating of their own before shit went down in the fight.

While all the others were preparing for the fight, Bree was staying with Aunt Jocasta when she finally realized that the fight was going to take place in Alamance Creek. This made her remember an importance piece of history. The militia will win, and the Regulators will lose. Of course, she took it upon herself to warn her parents. Thankfully, Bree has inherited her mother’s memory cells. 

Roger eventually volunteered to be the one to tell Murtagh and his men that they were doomed to fail, and Jamie let him. This was going on pretty smoothly, and Roger was able to tell Murtagh what he came for. Unfortunately, he ran into someone he knew (that woman he met in the ship from Season 4) and they were caught in a harmless innocent hug by the woman’s husband. The husband was none other than William Mackenzie, played by Graham McTavish! While it’s good to see him in the series again, I am pissed because they beat up Roger. 

Meanwhile, Jamie was forced to wear a redcoat uniform, which was just downright offensive. Jamie’s entire life was dedicated to fighting off redcoats, and now he’s one of them. It truly broke my heart to see him like that. You just know he’s struggling and trying to keep his senses. 

In the battle, Jamie was fighting with some Regulator when Murtagh himself showed up and saved him. There were some smiles; however, it was cut short when Murtagh was shot by one of Jamie’s militia men. Jamie tried to save him, and even dragged Murtagh back to Claire so she could save him, but it was all too late. And I am broken. I was crying when I was watching this episode, and it just broke me. Murtagh was one of my favorite characters, and I was so happy they brought him back last season. But now... I’m just broken. When the fight was over, Jamie took off the redcoat and just smashed it down in front of Tryon. This man was just fed up!

But while this was going on, Bree was worrying about Roger, as he still haven’t showed up after going to the Regulators. So, she, Claire, and Jamie tried looking for him. They finally came upon a tree with three men hanging on a tree with sacks over their heads; they were left to die. Jamie recognized Roger to be one of them because of the white handkerchief on his pocket that he had given to him earlier. 

This was really a good episode, and hats off to Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe’s acting. They were superb. Oh, as well as Duncan Lacroix, who I really admired as Murtagh! It’s so sad to see him leave the show!

***

Well, there you have it! My ranking of Season 5 episodes. I hope you had as much fun as I did with Outlander this season. It was incredibly fun, and a huge improvement from previous season. Tell me what you think!

#outlander #outlander season 5 #caitriona balfe #sam heughan #sophie skelton #richard rankin #claire #jamie #bree #roger #outlander starz #outlander tv show #season 5

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 11: Dreams and Nightmares

(This chapter gets a little hard to read after a certain point. I’m not sure if it’s too bad. Please tell me if I need to add a note to skip a specific section if it is.)

Ren walks back into Leblanc after going through Kamoshida’s palace. “You’re back kind of late,” Sojiro said.

“Sorry,” Ren said. “A lot happened today.”

Sojiro looks her over. “I can tell. Well, I guess if you’re not getting in trouble, it’s alright. Although, maybe I should invest in that spare key.”

“That'd be nice,” Ren said, kind of out of it.

Sojiro looked concerned. “Man, whatever happened must have really taken it out of you. Are you going to be OK?”

“I should be fine after a good night’s rest” Ren said in a more cheery tone.

“Well good,” Sojiro said. “I don’t want you to be so exhausted you can’t make it to class.”

“I don’t want that either” Ren said.

“Hm. Smooth” Sojiro said. “Well, I need to head out. Good night.”

“Good night,” Ren said. Sojiro left the store.

Ren walked up the stairs up to her room, changed into her pajamas, and sat on her bed. Morgana popped back down from the windowsill, as he usually stares out the window when Ren is changing. “So, you feeling OK after your first palace foray?”

“I think so,” Ren said.

“Well that’s good. I’m sure you’ll get used to it the more you do it” Morgana said. Ren stayed quiet. “Are you still worried about Kasumi?” Ren nodded. “Yeah, I hear ya. Her passing out like that was shocking.”

“Yeah,” Ren said. “But there’s something else that’s bugging me.”

“Huh? What’s that?” Morgana asked.

Ren got a puzzled look on her face. “When we were in Kamoshida’s palace, and we were looking through the book shelves, I saw something that confused me”

Morgana replied “How? You said it yourself, he isn’t exactly subtle about how he thinks of girls.”

Ren grew more confused. “I saw a book for a Yoshizawa… but it wasn’t Kasumi…”

“What?!” Morgana said “But you told me he made a pass Kasumi!”

“I know,” Ren said. “That’s what’s confusing me. Furthermore, I didn’t see a book for Kasumi at all. Granted, we didn’t spend a LOT of time there, but still…”

“That IS weird,” Morgana said. 

“And it’s not like I can ask her about it,” Ren said. “‘Hey, I was exploring Kamoshida’s mind palace in an effort to save his life, but also make him pay, and in it, there was a bookshelf for female students, and I noticed you we’re on there, but another Yoshizawa was. What’s the deal with that?’”

“Yeah…” Morgana said. “Well, maybe don’t put it like that, but I’m sure you can think of some way getting that answer when you see her tomorrow.”

Ren smiled. “You’re right. My mind might just be clouded from the exhaustion for exploring the palace. I should get some sleep. Good night Morgana.” She got under the covers.

“Good night,” Morgana said. He curled up and fell asleep. Ren nodded off soon afterwards.

Ren found herself in a strange dream. It felt only sort of real. Not like being in the Velvet Room, but also not like being in an actual dream either. She saw that she was in a castle of sorts. A butler came up to her. He looked like a handsome young man in a suit. Something about him felt familiar. “Your highness,” he said, “the guests have arrived. The ball cannot start without you.”

Ball? Ren thought. What ball?

“Now, I’ve seen a lot of the guests, and I think they all look rather lovely,” the butler said. “Really, I think anyone you pick will make a lovely queen.”

Queen? I guess this is a ball to find me a bride, I guess. This feels weird. “Pardon me, but can I see a mirror?” Ren asked.

“Certainly” the butler responded. “You want to look your best for tonight after all.” The butler gets Ren a mirror and shows it to her. Ren sees that she is dressed like Joker, save for the mask. “I must say, you look ravishing tonight.”

Ren smiled. “Thank you. I am ready now.”

“Of course, your majesty,” the butler said. He takes the mirror away and Ren gets up. She walks with the butler to the ballroom to see a cascade of guests. “Told you the guests were lovely.”

“We shall see” Ren said.

“Ah, stubborn as always,” the butler said. “But I believe by the end of tonight, someone will have captured your heart.” The butler  clears his throat and addresses the crowd. “Attention! The ball for the prince to select a potential bride shall begin now!”

The crowd cheered. Ren was surprised. Prince? I suppose there are worse titles. She sighed and descended the stairs. She mingled with the guests at the party. Although many of the women seemed to be enjoying her company, Ren was less than enthusiastic throughout the night.

The butler came up to her. “So, did you find anyone to your liking?”

“Not yet,” Ren said.

“Ah, too bad,” the butler said. “But, the night is young. There are still plenty of girls you haven’t talked to.”

“Maybe” Ren said. She glanced up. Her eyes widened For she saw the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. She was wearing a pink dress and had long red hair kept in a ponytail. Ren’s face turned red.

The butler smiled. “Ah, someone has captured your fancy,” he said.

Ren smirked. “I suppose you were right after all Morgana.” She walked up this girl. “Excuse me?” The girl turned to meet her. “May I have this dance?”

The girl was surprised. Still, she giggled slightly and said “Of course.” She grabbed Ren’s hand.

Ren pulled her in closer. “Tell me. What is your name?”

The girl smiled. “Kasumi.”

“I see,” Ren said. The two of them danced elegantly throughout the night. When taking breaks, they would talk about all sorts of little things. They stared into each other’s eyes. It was as if time itself froze.

However, time does not freeze. And as the clock struck midnight, something happened to Kasumi. Her ponytail disappeared, letting her hair go all the way down, and a pair of glasses appeared on her face. Ren looked confused. “Kasumi?”

“Hm?” she said. Kasumi seemed to realize the changes. She started to panic. “No no no no no! Why now?!”

“Are you alright?” Ren asked.

“GET AWAY!” Kasumi shouted. “I can’t…” Ren seemed confused. She started to run away.

Ren chased after her. “WAIT!” However, Kasumi had left the castle. Ren stopped in resignation. She looked down and saw a shoe. She picked it up. “I will find you,” she said. “You’re the one I want to be with. Forever and ever.”

Kasumi woke up sweating. “What...What was the dream?” she asked. “Do...do I have feelings for Ren-senpai? But then that would mean…” She breathed heavily.

She got up and got ready for school. She was still a little out of it from her sudden collapse yesterday, but she felt fine enough. She got downstairs and sat at the table. “Morning” she said to her parents.

Akane smiled. “Goodness me! I’m surprised you’re up at all.”

“Sorry,” Kasumi said. Wait, why did I say that? She felt a slight pain

Akane chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s the good kind of surprise.”

“You did collapse quite suddenly” Shinichi. “But I suppose it’s a sign of how strong you are that you made it down here.”

“Yeah,” Kasumi said. Her parents were still making breakfast. Kasumi sat nervously. She thought about that dream she had, and about Ren in general. Sure, Ren was kind, and understanding, and she saved her from Kamoshida. But did that mean she liked her? And if so, did that mean she liked girls in general?

Still, she knew that not saying a thing wouldn’t do her any good. I mean, it was OK when she told them it should be fine now. “Hey mom. Dad” they turned their attention to their daughter. “Um,I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately. Well, not weird, but… well…”

“It’s OK, you can tell us,” Akane said.

Kasumi smiled, knowing that they would understand. “Um, I’m starting to think that maybe...I like girls…”

Shinich grinned. “We know,” he said.

“Huh?” said Kasumi.

“You’ve told us this before,” Akane said.

“Before…” Kasumi said. She tried to remember when she would have told them. Then a thought she crossed her mind. “Oh. Oh no. Sumire told you she liked girls before” she said. Her parents exchanged a confused look. “But now she…”

“Sweetie, are you OK?” Akane asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Kasumi asked.

“It’s just, ever since the incident, you’ve seemed a bit off” Shinichi said.

Kasumi felt shaken. “My sister died. Right in front of my eyes. How am I supposed to act?”

Her parents frowned. “Look, we miss her too,” Akane said. “But it feels like you’ve grown distant.”

“Distant?” Kasumi asked.

“Look,” Shinichi said, “however you want to cope in public, that’s up to you, but please. When it’s just the three of us, I want you to be yourself.”

“Myself? I don’t understand” Kasumi said.

“Sumire,” Shinichi said. “Please.”

“Su...mire…” Kasumi said. She got defensive. “Why are you calling me that? I’m Kasumi!” Her parents were shocked. “I am and forever will be Kasumi!”

“Sumire,” Akane said.

“Please stop!” Kasumi yelled. “Sumire is dead! I didn’t do enough! I didn’t save her!” A thought crossed Kasumi’s mind. If I’m Kasumi, and Kasumi always succeeds at everything, then why didn’t I succeed at saving Sumire? She started grabbing her head. “Ugh!”

“Are you alright?” Akane asked.

“Alright?” Kasumi said through the pain. “I’m better than that! Because I’m Kasumi Yoshizawa! Nothing bad ever happens to me! I succeed in everything I do! People love me!”

“I’m calling the doctor,” Shinichi said.

Akane nodded. Shinichi got out his phone and made the call. “Sweetie, I think it would be best if you would sit down and wait for the doctor.”

“Why?!” Kasumi asked. “I’ve never been sick a day in my life!” Her face was red with fever.

“Sumire…” Akane said.

Kasumi ran away up to her room. “Why?” she asked. “Why do I feel terrible right now?” A series of thoughts crossed her mind, only serving to make her fever go up.

I’m fighting to make our dream come true! But Sumire didn’t seem all too invested in the dream. Why am I fighting harder than ever to achieve it, if Sumire didn’t want it?

Everyone loves Kasumi. People should be more like Kasumi. She’s so joyous and upbeat. Kasumi is the one everyone wants. Sumire would always just tag along. Even at birth, Sumire was always the follower!

Sumire had to have known this. She must have! Otherwise, why would she do that? And why would Kasumi try and save her? That’s right, because Kasumi is perfect. She would save a fly. But if she’s so perfect, why didn’t she succeed?

“Stop,” Kasumi said. “Why won’t this pain stop?! I shouldn’t be feeling this!” Suddenly, an apple appeared in front of her. She wasn’t sure why. It felt like a dream, but she was being called by the apple. She approached it slowly, as the pain she felt limited her movement. Nevertheless, she felt determined to reach the apple.

Once she got there, she reached out and grabbed it. She didn’t know how, but she knew this apple would help her with this pain she was feeling. She bit into the apple vigorously. She felt a strange sensation. It felt like all of her confusion was being removed from her. As if she was being split.

The strangeness continued, as when she breathed out, a mysterious gas came out of her mouth. Slowly, it started to take shape. Soon enough, standing before her was a girl who looked exactly like her. Except her hair was brown, and she had a beauty mark under one of her eyes. She looked at this person. “Kasumi…” she said. She passed out.

Akane came running into her room. “Sumire!” Akane found her passed out on the floor. She was shaken. Still, she mustered up the strength she had to lift her daughter up and carry her to her bed.

The doctor Shinichi called stopped over. She noted that Sumire’s condition seemed to be subsiding if it was as extreme as her parents had said it was earlier, but she also noted that maybe she should stay home from school for a little bit.

Sumire woke up. “Sumire,” Akane said.

“Sorry mom,” Sumire said. “For everything…”

Akane started to cry. She hugged her. “I’m just glad you’re OK.”

“Yeah…” Sumire said. Shortly after, she fell back asleep.

#persona 5 #persona fanfiction #persona 5 royal #p5r #p5 rework #p5r rework #p5 femc #p5 #ren amamiya #female ren #FeMC #sojiro sakura #morgana #yoshizawa #Yoshizawa's parents #sumire

[glittercndgcld]

( 𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝑗𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 )

    📲 text messages | @xboutlxstnightmuses

peter Hey. Super random hearing from me, I know. That Imagine Dragons song came up on shuffle and it reminded me of you. It's been a while since we talked now, so I guess I'm just wondering how you're doing?

james hello :slight_smile: yeah, it is kinda? But it's okay-it has been a long time since we talked. that's really sweet of you. I'm doing well, I think? Work is the same, so busy... still struggling with finding free time :stuck_out_tongue: but yeah... how have you been?

peter It has been. I wasn't sure if I should text or not. I think I sat here debating it throughout the entire song before I sent it. That's good. I hope you are. Ah, work. Don't you just love having to be a responsible adult? Aren't we all :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: It's tough sometimes. Other times, I feel like I have too much free time that I spend doing absolutely nothing... except maybe reading... somethings never change. I've been okay! Just going through the motions and all that. You know how it goes.

james still that is a very sweet gesture. sometimes, I  look at the GoT books and think of you :stuck_out_tongue: which by the way, with how the finale went, I am not even sure I'm gonna get the other ones adulting is awesome :rofl::rofl::rofl: #not well what have you been reading? I understand...I even remember all that, come to think of it:yum:

peter Hahah, I'm not even a little upset about that. Ugh, but you know the books are so much better! They always are. I don't hate it, it has it's perks, but it's kinda sorta exhausting sometimes? So much responsibility and it's never ending. Currently, I'm reading The Malazan Empire series - it's interesting. There's quite a few books in the series.

james cannot read Martin's books. Willing to try agian but NOOOOPE some adaptations could be better than the books though? i guess we have to live through it oh.my.god how many books are there in the series? and in which book are you?

peter THEY ARE SO GOOD THOUGH No. Not ever. The internal dialogue's really give you a view into the characters minds that movies and shows just don't capture. Yep. Guess so. That seems to be the theme of life. Living through it all. I think there's 11. I'm on book 6.

james can't argue about that. it's true but he is taking his sweet time to write the last two. So I do not trust that man oh my ....how long did it take you to finish those six? what is it about?

peter It is! Books just hit different. Perfection doesn’t happen over night, James. It takes time, sometimes. Uh, I’ve been on this serious the past 3 or so months - that’s in between work and books I read for my book club. It’s more adventure and fantasy - god, there’s so much, to be honest. It’s about a period of turmoil in the Malayan empire and other nations in that world. There’s a ton of characters, but the development is nicely done. You’d think it’d be hard to keep up, but in the way it’s written, it’s not. I feel like I’d have to tell you in person. Or else it’d be so much to read.

james I can’t believe you are still siding with George R.R Martin :zany_face::zany_face::zany_face: is it wrong that I still have a mental picture of reading books frantically? aw still on the book club? it does sound interesting:blush:  it is eleven books, of course I would think it is hard to keep up.

peter I will always side with George R. R Martin :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Of me reading books frantically? Or yourself? I won’t ever not be in a book club. That’s how you get introduced to a variety of authors over many different genres. I love it. Right! It’s really awesome! You might like it! You just read one right after the other. That’s all.

james of you reading books frantically I'm still me; nagging that I'm not reading enough. Still....two years later:sweat_smile: Got really into audio books though That's true -I don't know how you jungle work and reading-so effortlessly. Jealous... I'm going to search it out-maaaaybe I'm going to get the first one? Just to try it out

peter Ok, I thought so, but wanted to clarify. You know better than almost anyone how lost I can get in books :grimacing: I don't know if it's a good thing, or bad. You should read more! Books are great... I guess some things never change, huh? :joy: That's something!! I did that for a little bit, but I missed physically holding the books in my hand. And oddly, the smell of books. Nothing like it. I don't know how I do either. It seems like a natural talent. I've been doing it since I could read. You should! You could borrow mine, even. To see if you like it, that way you don't spend money on a book you might not like.

james Everything is good if you're having fun! And when you don't overdo it:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I do, but then again; I'm always on the internet searching some random information I come across in a tv show or movie. And yep, audio books just work for me. I have so many things to do, so listening to them while working around, makes me believe that I have some kind of progress? Besides, I'm currently searching for a master's degree and I'm still reading (reading and studying aren't the same, but they are to me :P) and I am kind of consumed with it smell of books :smiling_face_with_3_hearts: Is it just me or it's just the second time you asked me to hang out with you?

peter I feel like some people might feel like i overdo it? :thinking: but I do have fun. I love reading. Audio books are convenient, for sure. That is progress! You're still taking in those stories and enjoying them That's fun. I need to get my butt back to school. They are the same thing! I love studying - researching things... but you know this about me already. Mhm. I love it. It's my favorite smell. Well... I guess I hadn't realized I did that. But do you want to hang out?

james You do your thing-don't listen to anyone :relaxed: Oh are you interested in studying something else? Smooth, Peter, smooth I'd like that, actually.

peter You know that I don't. If I did, I'd be on a much different path than I am right now. I don't know. I kind of want to a few classes in business... maybe go for my associates. Owning a book store would be pretty awesome. I really didn't realize!! I was just... talking. Or well, typing? texting??? Okay! I can take that book. For you to read. You'll have to let me know what you think.

james True dat Woooaah that sounds awesome :slight_smile: OH really? I'm going to pretend I believe you here That sounds like a plan sure

peter Doesn't it?? I mean, tell me you can't see me doing something like that. It's just one of those things that I never felt would actually be in the cards for me. Yes! Really. Okay. Dinner, maybe?

james Definitely it is something that I can see you doing.  For sure hmm maybe....okay.

peter Maybe one day. Maybe okay or just okay?

james Fiiiiine. YES okay. I have been contemplating whether or not I should, but who am I kidding? I have missed you, anyway

peter :joy: Good! I was hoping you'd say yes. I've missed you, too. It's been a long time. So hm, when are you free? Preferrably, a Friday or Saturday?

james good :) hmm maybe Friday?

peter Friday is perfect. How does 7:30pm sound?

james Great - i can't wait :blush:

peter Perfect. I can’t either! It’ll be great to see you.

james Same :wink:

#muse : peter brice #peter x james #peter x james ( flashback ) #peter x james ( flashback 001 ) #peter ( flashback ) #peter ( flashback 001 ) #peter : texts

[jaeyooniverse]

the FIRST COLLECTION commentary no one asked for, by yours truly

1. Good Guy

00:00 - I love that the recent comebacks have had That Sound at the beginning. Not the same sound but a distinct sound that the moment the song starts you just KNOW. They are sounds i love to imitate tbh

00:08 - okay idk why but the crescendo of the synth/strings (i dont know music words, bare with me for this) it’s so pretty and very well represents how i gradually get more excited as the song starts ( ilove this song). also i’ve watched so may stages that now my mind just immediately starts the fanchant

00:16/00:21/00:23/other times but i wont list them all - the echos!! ugh i love it *chefs kiss*

00:21 - okay i love all of taeyangs opening line but esp the “oh noo”

00:29 - the Slight autotune to dawon’s voice as he says “baby” is my aesthetic

00:38 -  jaeyoon does this part so well like it’s just so PERFECT for him; i love how he says “yeah” sdfhdjkd

00:47 - THE BASS DURING THE CHORUS. this alone gets me so excited it’s so GOOD ; this chorus is the perfect type of addictive like it’s catchy but you wont get annoyed when it’s stuck in your head oof

01:01 - what do i even say,, inseong,,,,

01:14 - i’m probably gonna say this a million times but jaeyoons vocals are so perfect for his parts, props to whoever decides the line distribution, truly, and props to my man’s execution ♡_♡

01:17 - i’m upset youngbin’s part is so short bc it’s so GOOD esp the “feel it” and the “that’s what i like neoui jeonbureul YEH” and omg now whenever his part comes on i think about that penguin video and him reenacting it 🥺🥺 

01:26 - zuhos part is also gold and i love the dance during his & bin’s parts !

01:36 - am i the only one(haha) who gets butterflies in my stomach when dawon sings?? something about the slight run when he sings “molla~ yeah”... oof

01:41 - ROWOON. Yes. i love how soft his voice is compared to when jaeyoon sings this shdfkjh

01:51 - i already mentioned the bass during the chorus but i MUST point it out again. i love the triple beat or WHATEVER you wanna call it ugh it’s my favorite part

02:02 - who can “oh yeah” like rowoon? no one can, no one’s doing it like him

02:19 - i can’t believe i had to wait more than 2 minutes to hear hwiyoung rap for like 2 seconds but ANWAY i love his part i love his rapping voice also the little guitar part in the bg!! good stuff!!! 

02:33 - okay inseong i get it, you have vocals. also i was lowkey disappointed that note didn’t last longer?? also also the first time i heard this i got flashbacks to Be A Man by MBLAQ when G.O’s sings his “never” (that’s how long i wanted inseong’s note to be) and funnily so, it’s around the same time mark as this one lmaoo

02:36 - how the muic goes quiet afterwards,, inseong’s voice echoing and fading away,, poetic cinema

02:37 - THE BASS ,, it hits differently when it’s that end-of-the-song hype 😩

02:39 - THE “OH!” 

02:46 - this part also hits different,, when you watch the stage and zuho is in center looking like THAT....it hits, it truly hits...

02:50 - okay waait i literally just noticed this but is that jaeyoon saying “you so bad” in the bg??

02:53 - not to be dramatic but the first time i heard this song i literally teared up (i still do, if i’m sensitive enough) when it got to this part like dawon’s voice is just something else !! when he sings “naya”,,, ugh the color, the emotion, the man,,,, also cant listen to this part and NOT think about (or do) his little dab move thing sdhfkjh

02:57 - the “chajabwa!” oh vocal king 😩

2. Am I the Only One

00:06 - 😳

00:11 - jaeYOON! I love how airy ? his voice can sound The echoes man, the echoes,,

00:38 - okay this is literally one of my favorite lines dawon’s voice sounds so good here i literally canNOT get over it any time i listen to this song. That “OoH” at ~00:43? the “geuriumi miumi dwaegimaneul I PRAY” ,, an instant classic

00:48 - the VOCALS at this part,, unmatched

01:07 - the “oh-ohh” in the bg i love it shjkshf

01:34 - loook when i tell you youngbins part is my fave part of this song!!! it’s a shame it’s so short but OH i’m always so excited when it starts,, idk what it is,, his voice? the vibes?? the rhymes?? whatever it is,,, it all comes together to make one of my fave youngbin verses

02:00 - yes I already pointed out dawon’s “i pray” part but it hits different everytime he does it, i’m telling you!

02:01 - the amount of layers in this song,, i think it’s inseong&rowoon right?? and then jaeyoon’s little “hey ay”s 🥺

02:39 - chani’s part is like, third favorite for this song. I love his voice, the vibes of this ,, the “yeh yeh” at ~2:43

02:54 - zuho does this thing where it sounds like he’s trying to rush and squish his verse into a certain frame of measures but in the end it still spills into the next measure and tbh i like it here dsfhjkh

02:57 - the POWER in this man’s VOICE ugh this verse is truly for me like going from dawon singing like THAT to jaeyoon, oof i’m in love

03:23 - youngbin’s “tell me where the love goes”,, the little echo of it (how many times will i mention echoes? stay tuned)

03:34 - that ending,, *chef’s kiss*

3. Shh

firstly i love that i now know Two (2) songs with this title (okay the Seventeen one has another ‘h’ but, still), and i love that they’re two diff feels. seventeens is that Good Noise, and has the “shh , just trust me” vibe, while sf9’s is just “shhhut up”

00:00 - the guitar! yes

00:12 - i dont even know what to call this sound but i love it

00:26 - LOVE tae’s vocals oof

00:28 - “right here is where i wanna be”,, you know where i wanna be?? an sf9 concert

00:33 - jaeyoon’s “baby don’t question me”,,, 😳

00:40 - the R is Rowoon stands for RealTalent

00:54 - the instrumental to this song is so good like i could just listen to that alone; also that “ooh~” we stan!

01:02 - inseong’s vocals in this song (okay in ANY song, but we’re talking about this song rn) are just,, amazing

01:26 - i just noticed how that “yeahhh” drags on idk how i feel about this im shdfjkh

01:36 - hi i’m tawa and i’m a dawonaholic

01:50 - shout to that beautiful saxophone tho,, gorgeous

02:03 - see i’m trying to limit how many times i mention dawons lines bc otherwise i would just comment on all of his lines ANYWAY this line hits different the second time around,, when he hits this note,,, i’m ascending as we speak

02:25 - okay the instrumental during zuho’s part,,, good stuff.. his part in general,, GOOD stuff!! 

02:30 - the pause at the end of the line and then the little ‘ding’! musical gold

02:33 - his little “whoop”s and “hey”s and “ay”s omg Number One Hype Man Baek Juho!! the build up of the music & him increasing the speed of his rap,, who is doing it like zuho please tell me

02:39 - here’s a secret: i love dawon’s vocals

02:45/2:51 -  K I M   I N S E O N G

02:56 - okay just one more time,, i love dawons vocals

Wait was hwiyoungbin in this song? Sdfhkjh

4. Lullu Lalla 

okay idk what i was on the first time i heard this song but for whatever reason i didn’t think much of it,, but now i have seen the [beautiful] light i absolutely love this song

00:00 - like it just started and the music is so cute and cheery omg i love this, youngbin’s little “here we go yo~”

00:07 - okay i know the lyric is “drop in” but in my mind i always say “jopping” 💀💀

00:11 - “hey what’s good?” sir it’s your voice,, your voice is whats good

00:20 - hwis voice is so cute i love it sdhfjkh

00:30 - the little “WheeEe” !! i giggle every time it’s so flippin cute like i have the stupidest smile on my face rn i love this part so mcuh

00:40 - the ‘ya jamkkan’ and then the small pause yo i LOVE this and also the “jinjja?” sdhfjkshj GOD i love this song 

00:41 - if you try to tell me this song is not perfect for jaeyoon’s voice i will Not listen to you. youve lost your right to form opinions i’m sorry

00:54 - i have no idea what to call it but that little high pitch noise/sound/thing that kinda mimics the lyrics/rhythm is so cute to me, esp in a later part of the song but we’ll get to that when we get to that

01:05 - “DONT YOU STOP”, filed under “Lines Tawa Cannot Hear and NOT Sing Along To”

01:09 - i really cant think of any other word to describe dawons voice here except cute :(( maybe i just think hes cute :(( also inseong’s “you’re so crazy~” like okay we get it you have vocals 

01:12 - sdhfjkhkj the only thing better than the “whee” is chani going “yeaayyy” 😭😭😭 tell me this isnt the cutest part of the song!! I dare you!!

01:22 - there goes zuho doing that thing with his rap again

01:24 - “nan sweet guy” is also filed under “Lines Tawa Cannot Hear and NOT Sing Along To”, i think jaeyoons voice is so soft and pretty here :c 

02:07 - idk what to say i just like these lines

02:12 - completely unbiased but this is like my fave part of the song omg yes dawon bb hit those notes 😭 and the at the end of his note that high pitch thing comes in and does its little thing and it’s so cute okay? this whole song is just so CUte. i havent read the lyrics translations but the small words/phrases ive picked up oh it’s cute i should really read the translations for these songs sometime shdfkjsh

02:23 - the way dawon says “beolsseo time over” is like one of my favorite things ever, along with how he says “joha” (well, more like “jowa” sdhfkjh but it’s so cute ugh im devastated why do i love his voice so much okay anyway--

02:49 - yoo taeyang ily

02:53 - “that was crazy” you know what’s crazy? How cute that song is

5. One Love

00:00 omg cute funky queennn!! also not to be me but like,, jaeyoons ooh-ooh ooh’s at the beginning is enough reason for this to win aoty no i will not accept any other opinions

00:20 - idk why i just like how inseong says “naman bollae”

00:24 - jaeyoon ;;-;;

00:33 - just,, this,,, *heart eyes* taeyang’s lil airy voice is like,, so good,, so beautiful

00:41 - baby,,,i want you, so loving for you,,, you’re all i think about all day,,,,, bros this is lichrally me @ dawon i can’t believe the writers for this song would get inspo from me WHERE ARE MY ROYALTIES. okay but seriously his voice when he sings haru jongil ni saengakbbuniya :((( <33 i like to imagine he’s softly smiling as his voice softens and trails off at the end,,, oh no oh boy im soft look what ive done ive thought about this for too long lets move on before i start-- *cries*

01:09 - part 247023789 of my crying over dawon’s vocals. stay tuned for more

01:22 - ugh kim inseong if you dont stop 

01:29 - OW

01:30 - love how taeyang sings this esp the ending syllable omg 

01:44 - the little trill or whatever in jaeyoon’s voice,, filed under “Reasons to Smile”

01:57 - i lichrally screamed like his voice is just so pretty and then the layering when he says “bbuniya” im gonna cry see you guys later 

02:43 - chani~~~

02:47 - whys hwi rapping like he had a time limit and he almost went over it like,,, they really just smooshed rap line all into this one part which like i guess i get? the way this song goes doesnt really lend itself to rap i guess ?

02:51 - the pause, the silence,,, only to be broken by the golden vocals of kim inseong,, im love

02:58 - seong’s lil “yeah!"

03:17 - “focus on my mind YEAH”

03:27 - sweet ending to a sweet song ;c

6. Like the Hands Held TIght

this song is truly Fall in Love’s little cousin like they are really related and im not good with words so i cant explain it but i just KNOW. sometimes i’ll be singing fall in love in my head but then somehow it turns into like the hands held tight?? If i could make song mash-ups i would

00:06 - i go “take my, my hands yeahh” at least once a day. thank you taeyang

00:14 - i need a taeyang solo and i need it now ; also i really like hwis verse? Idk what it is about it but it fits him very well and he does so good during the stages, he rocks it

00:32 - i like all of bin’s verse but esp this part especially especially bc of the choreo during it

00:37 - and then THIS part and dawon’s the only one on stage,,, what an experience,,

00:44 - the way he pronounces maeumeul is just.. *chefs kiss*

00:49 - another instance of tae’s wonderful airy? singing being absolutely perfect for the song concept

00:55 - aah~

01:00 - the EMOTION 

01:08 - idk what it is but inseong singing ‘gotongdoO~!’,, my heart,, sasiliya feel it

01:12 - imma say it now bc you already know im thinking it,, jaeyoons voice is PERFECT for this song, hands down no questions,,, that falsetto

01:16 - “nae huimangui bichi neoya” ♡_♡

01:19 - “sumeul swineun iyudo” 

01:21 - “AY. AY!”

Idk if it’s obvious but i just LOVE his part it’s so good i love the way he sings

01:34 - ‘yeah yeah yeah’

01:35 - omg i love rowoons part and his little dance during the stage it’s so good so wonderful just all around amazing great job seokwoo

01:37/01:39 - the little pause before the “yeah”s and just how different these two yeahs are but also i love them both equally

01:47 - *eun dan oh voice* HARU-YAH sdhfkjh okay anyway i love the way jaeyoon sings these lines esp how he says haru and naeili (also? Time over? like is this lullu lalla?)

01:57/02:06 - dawon :’) 

02:42 - dAngerOUS neooreuuuul wihaaaae

02:47 - dawon’s vocals omgggg

02:53 - okay whos that high note im LIVING for this

02:57 - ugh okay i love taeyang in the background; taeyang in this song in general,,, 

03:05 - jaeyoons lines are just so gooddd i love singing along to this song

7. Fire

00:00 - love the little sounds at the beginning,, quality start

00:04 - “it’s me” uhm okay but who are you? 

00:05 - the instrumental is so good tho sdhkjh oof

00:36 - not biased or anything but oh my goodness dawon’s voice!! It’s so pretty :c

00:41 - ready! ready! (go)

00:43 - LET’S GOO

The chorus for this song is just,,, so GOOD im sorry i only have like 5 words in my vocabulary but omg it’s just,,good

00:49 - this line!! I love it

00:59 - rowoon has that kinda voice that he could be saying any nonsense and you’d just be like *heart eyes* yes say it again king;; the way he says “let it go, let it go”

01:05 - love me love me love me YEAH 👌🏾

01:15 - YES

01:25 - omg youngbin ily omg his part is so lit but not like HYPE lit it’s just,, it’s chill lit we vibin

01:38 - im a little bit in love with dawon’s vocals in this song. just a little.

01:42 - the way he says READY. YOU GUYS IM CRYING I LOVE HIM?

01:50 - the way inseong sings “neoman” just,, soO good. inseong... good. 

02:01 - rowoon if you dont be careful im gonna ‘fall in love’ with you

02:15 - chani & zuhos raps + the music change im LOVE this it’s so good

2:24 - omg zuho finishes his rap on time OH YEAH

02:27 - *cries* okay this is it,, this is my favorite dawon line in this song

02:34 - is it really an sf9 song without inseong’s incredible vocals??

02:40 - wait maybe this is my favorite dawon line?? Idk dont touch me;;; the way he says “neoman”,,,,, give me amoemn t dklfmsd fn.l

02:41 - okay and this part, that note,,,, lee sanghyuk,,,,,

8. Stop it Now

00:01 - okay we vibin

00:16 - i really think hwi’s voice fits this song so well, along with like the hands held tight, also love the instrumental during his part;;; is this his longest verse on the album ,, sdhfkj

00:31 - im not gonna lie i think this is jaeyoon but part of me is like what if its taeyang,, either way,, beautiful voice

00:45 - THIS is taeyang and THIS LINE?? perfect, he executes it so well. this album was truly made for him; also love the instrumental here,, i feel like i’d hear it in the bg of a fantasy mmo/rpg

00:59 - idk what it is about inseongs voice but i love it

01:03 - chaniiii

01:06 - :)

01:16 - hello there sir

01:31 - oh his voice is so pretty ;-;

02:23 - zuho’s raps being the buildup is my aesthetic bro

02:31 - YES inseong homygod

02:36 - dawon ;cc also inseongs bg vocals,, thanks for your contribution king

02:40 - wait was i not paying attention or is this the first time rowoon sings (i probably wasnt paying attention)

02:44 - dawons little ‘yeah yeah’ and little adlibs?? filed under “Reasons to Stan”

02:51 - all the layering these background vocals and adlibs and just,,, what a lovely mix

02:53 - inseong imma let you finish but dawon’s “janin hage” is the greatest :// no im not biased

9. Dance with Us

00:01 - i love zuhos voice throughout this song omg :( 

00:05 - omg the piano in the bg is so cute um i love it:((((

00:21 - the way inseong sings “nun bushyeo” 🥺

00:23 - tae’s high notes 🥺🥺🥺

00:28 - okay this line,, him saying ‘i like you’,,, ;;-;;

00:30 - lovvvvve hwis verse here, and the little “ay”s 

00:38 - LMAO i just noticed the “AH!” in the bg??? Why?? 

00:40 - okay this line reminds me of bin’s verse in another song but i cant?? pinpoint it???? uhhhh i think it’s see u tomorrow?

00:47 - okay that transition from jaeyoon to taeyang,,, *chefs kiss*

00:52 - rowoon saying ‘haru’, they did it for us @extraordinary you stans

also im  reading the lyrics as i do this and omg wait this song is so cute so precious,,”today was hard,wasnt it baby? Close your eyes you can hug me??” i’m sobbing?? I’m developing a new love for this song oh my heart--

00:56 - rowoons vocals when he says “naege angyeodo dwae” omg pls

00:57 - LOVE the layering during the chorus it’s so good but also i cant tell who the lower voice is? Zuho? Hwiyoung??

01:12 omg *a wild dawon appears*

01:16 - SKR SKRR

01:19 - no i’ll never shut up about dawon’s vocals

01:40 - these vocals mannnn,, you know what?? I need a jaeyoon & taeyang duet. like i know weve already got one from concerts but i need MORE 

02:27 - i just love this part :(( 

02:31 - i was literally like “wheres inseong” and then he comes out with his powerful vocals as per usual,,,

02:35/’8 - like do you hear this??? go OFF sir also love how the music quiets down and then slowly builds back up !!

03:07/’8 - AAAAH YES BEST PART OF THE SONG I LOVE CHORUS/CHANTING OH IT’S SO GOOD I LOVE IT I LOVE THISS

03:23 - *whispers* dope

10. Beautiful Light

00:11 - “once in a lifetime~”

00:34 - i have already said and will continue to say this but rowoons voice is so perfect for this song

00:49 - dawon i would LOVE to be with you forever

00:53 - ugh this chorus is just so cute, so sweet ;c

00:59 - the way they sing “malhae JUlgeoya”,,, ugh love this little note jump thing idk what to call it,, it’s like a pretty version of a voice crack 😂😅

01:23 - zuhoooo

01:40 come through main vocalist kim youngkyunnnn!!

02:00 - yes im pointing out this line again i LOVE it

02:23 - this part 🥺🥺 

02:29 - OKAY THIs PART!!! I swear rowoon’s voice is sooo pretty hear idk what it is but when he sings this line,,, my heart feels thing,,,emotions,,, it’s so much

02:33 - that “hoo-oh~” ugh rowoon please record an audiobook i could listen to you for hours 😔

02:44 - alright,, i have figured out the formula for sf9 songs,,, music slow down then build up with inseong’s high/long note around ~2:30-40 dkfhjsk before the last chorus but this time with more adlibs (probably also by inseong)

okay i’m done (for now) fsdfhjkhsf i’d be surprised if anyone actualy read any of this tbh. if you did read this, congratulations you have a better attention span that i do LMAO i would say stan sf9 but if youre reading this you probably already do

okay bye goodnight

#this is really over 3k words LMAO why did i do this #anyway i had fun i did it for me bc im always rambling in my head so i just needed to let the rambles out you know? #tawa.log

[let-it-raines]

Not Your (soul)Mate {12/16}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature

A/N: As always, thanks to @captainsjedi for all of the time and effort she put into making all of the wonderful artwork for this story! It’s the coolest thing to get to have❤️ And thank you to the organizers of @cssns!

Also, look! I add a chapter! You guys now get an epilogue! Woohoo!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

Tag list: @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @emmas-storybook @searchingwardrobes @spartanguard @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @xellewoods @thejollyroger-writer @galaxyzxstark @cssns

-/-

Killian: But categorically, you cannot tell me that cold pizza is better than fresh out of the oven pizza.

Emma: Ugh. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that if you get nasty delivery pizza, it’s just as good cold as it is warm.

Emma: If you’re getting wood fired pizza, obviously you eat that shit warm.

Killian: ‘Eat that shit warm’ is not a sentence I ever wanted to read.

Emma: Don’t make it gross.

Killian: It’s too late for that.

Emma: I seriously want Ariel to get a pizza oven in her house because I have to put on a bra to go to Eric’s restaurant.

Killian: I mean, I wouldn’t complain if you didn’t.

Emma: Again, don’t make it gross.

“Are you texting your boyfriend again?”

Emma jumps in her office chair, her phone tumbling out of her hands and onto her desk, bouncing around until it lands on top of her computer’s keyboard, jamming down on several keys all at once like a toddler that just got one of those toys that make too much noise when you press a button. That’s not going to mess the database she was going through up or anything. They finally got the funding to computerize their files, so she spends all of her days doing just that. She’s really regretting putting in that request right about now. She won’t in a few weeks, but she does now.

(At least they didn’t have to make a calendar or do a bake sale. She really doesn’t need to see a picture of David wearing, like, a “Kiss the Cook” apron and nothing else just to raise a little money.)

She also regrets tossing her phone in the air and how quickly her heart is beating. David’s going to see the nerves all over her face, going to see how frazzled she is, and he’ll see right through it. Hell, he pretty much already does. At least he’s a hell of a lot more chill than Mary Margaret.

Not like that’s hard.

(What, like it’s hard? Elle Woods for the win, always.)

Last night she was eating dinner with them at the farmhouse, and for approximately three seconds she looked down at a text on her phone and apparently smiled. She’s sure it was nothing more than a slight curve of her lips, a whisper of happiness, but Mary Margaret practically threw her fork across the table (which is a great way to stab someone in the eye) and demanded to know who she was talking to.

It was Killian. It always seems to be Killian.

She’s not sure how she feels about that even if she’s admitted to herself that she kind of (definitely, really, truly) likes him. It’s a very odd feeling that makes her soul feel like it’s not connected to her body.

She told Mary Margaret that it was Ariel complaining about how much it sucks to be eight months pregnant in the summer heat. The fact that Mary Margaret didn’t call Ariel right then and there and offer up every bit of advice was a miracle. Honestly, looking back, Emma knows that she should have said that she was talking to Ruby about a date that she has. Mary Margaret rarely asks for more details on Ruby’s dates than what Ruby offers up, not that the girl leaves a lot to be desired. It’s one of her best and worst qualities all at once.

But Mary Margaret believed her and got carried away talking about the joys and sorrows of motherhood, and if it weren’t for David, she would have gotten away with her lie unnoticed.

She feels like a freaking Scooby Doo villain thinking something like that.

If only she had a creepy mask to take off too.

Or maybe not. That could be weird. No, definitely weird.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, and you know it,” she says as calmly as she can, reaching forward and grabbing her phone only to look up at David and the smirk that’s plastered on his face with his hands behind his back. “What’s with the creepy look you’ve got going on there?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

“So are you.” He moves his hands from behind his back to reveal a small vase full of yellow roses and whatever that white filler flower is. It’s some weird name like breath of a baby or baby’s breath because that’s totally what a flower should be called. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t send baskets of baked goods and flowers to my friends.”

She’s definitely going to kill Killian. The word is in his name, so it’s basically fate.

Murder should not be where her mind goes.

That is probably not the reaction most people have when they’re sent flowers by the man they may possibly have some major feelings for, but she is not most people. She thinks of murder when she should be thinking of...romance? Is that the word she’s looking for? Do these flowers signal romance?

It’s all confusing. Seriously. She has no idea what’s going on. She has no idea if there should be feelings of romance or murder or even friendship.

Okay, friendship seems like the best option. Murder seems like the worst.

“Those probably aren’t for me,” she lies, knowing that it’s a horrible one, especially since David already knows who sent them.

David rolls his eyes before placing them on her desk. “Your name is on the note.”

She glances toward the flowers and at the note, Killian’s handwriting largely penned across the envelope, before she looks up at David, nerves working their way down her arms. Which, technically thinking, that’s how nerves work, but she was never really very good at biology.

“Did you read it?”

“I can be an ass, but I’m not going to read the closed note that your not-boyfriend sent you.” David shrugs his shoulders and sits down in his desk chair, rolling it up underneath the desk. “And I’m not as nosy as my wife.”

“Which is why I can spend so much time with you.”

“You have to spend time with me. Did you notice that we’re missing the hard copies of the files for the Anderson case from two years ago?”

“Yep. I’ve already emailed the records office at City Hall to see if they have anything. I don’t know why it would be there, but it always could be.”

“If this town ever had serious crime, we would be screwed.”

“Hey no, I kick ass. We could totally work that thing out.”

“You’d intimidate everyone until they confessed.”

“I am a very intimidating woman.”

“Who receives flowers from men who are pining after her.”

She huffs, not wanting to even respond to that, but she grabs her empty to-go cup from her coffee this morning and throws it at David, hitting him in the back of the head. He doesn’t even acknowledge it, letting the paper fall to the ground and clatter against the tile floor all while he hums to himself a theme song that she recognizes from one of Leo’s shows…which means she’s heard that theme song far too many times since it’s not her kid.

Seriously.

And Killian Jones is not pining after her. Definitely not.

(David knows far too much, but at least he doesn’t know that Killian is her soulmate.)

They fall back into work after that since they are technically supposed to be competent professionals in a very loose sense of the word, and she tries not to look at the vase of flowers on her desk for the next few hours, telling herself that it’s not a big deal and she absolutely will not read the note until she’s finished getting through this section of files. She will do her job first…whatever it is with Killian can come second.

Surprisingly, working on her computer keeps her busy until her shift is over, and since it’s Friday, she picks up her vase of flowers and holds them in her lap as she drives home, hoping that there’s not pollen or anything to get onto her shirt since she knows from experience that it’s hard to get out. Plus, she really likes this shirt. And it’s not until after she’s changed out of it and into some shorts and a t-shirt that she remembers to check her phone and the note that came with the flowers.

The note with the flowers comes first. Priorities and all that.

Swan,

So I couldn’t decide between sunflowers and yellow roses. And before you get any ideas as to why I’ve sent you flowers (besides the fact that I imagine whoever delivers them to you will tease the hell out of you. I’m hoping for Dave.), just know that Luis and Luca made me buy a voucher booklet from their school, and the one to the floral shop was about to expire. So it was either you or Will, and Will isn’t quite as pretty as you are.

I hope they bring a little extra sunshine to your day.

Killian

She pulls out her phone and sends of a quick text, unable to stop the small smile that’s formed on her face. Unable to want to stop it, really, as she falls back against the couch, her legs hanging over the end.

Emma: I’m glad you used your flower shop voucher on me.

Killian: Yeah, well, like I said, the other option was Will.

Emma: If he comes over tonight, I’ll tell him they’re for him.

Killian: They viewing apartments still?

Emma: Yep.

Emma: I have ‘All By Myself’ playing on repeat.

Killian: That’s very fitting.

Emma: I thought so. Any fun plans for you tonight?

Killian: I am wrapping all of the gifts for tomorrow and then going to sleep early to celebrate the near end of summer and my mildly busy season.

Emma: You are the life of the party.

Killian: Just wait until the baby shower tomorrow. I’m going to crush all of those awful games. No one can change a diaper as fast as I can.

Emma: Is that on your resume?

Killian: Yep. Liam is a bloody stickler of a boss. The skills we have to have here are insane.

Emma: I thought you were co-owners? I don’t think of Killian Jones of ever being anything other than a boss.

Killian: I have that commanding of a presence, do I?

Emma: Well, your ego does demand a lot of the space in the room.

Killian: Luckily for you, I’m happy to share the space so your ego can have a little room to breathe as well.

-/-

When she wakes up the next morning, it’s to the sound of movement in Belle’s bedroom, and she instinctively pulls her pillow over her face. Maybe it’s to cover her ears. Maybe it’s to smother herself over the sounds that she’s hearing in the next room. Who knows? She certainly doesn’t. And as sad as she is to be losing Belle as a roommate whenever she and Will find a place of their own, she is certainly not going to miss the muted sounds of Will’s dirty talk.

Seriously.

A woman can only take so much.

(Belle can apparently take a lot. She keeps asking for more.)

Instead of suffering in silent misery, she gets up out of bed and slips into a pair of sandals, figuring she can go check her mail just to get out of the apartment while Belle and Will finish. She and Killian have mostly been texting over the last few weeks, their conversations going deep into the night and throughout the day, but they’re also still sending letters. It’s a weird thing, she knows, and every internal instinct that she has is telling her to burn the letters and run, but something keeps her from setting it all aflame.

Someone.

She’s lost her mind. She really has. Killian is…he’s Killian. He’s a nice, handsome guy who makes her laugh and causes the bricks weighing down her shoulders to lift one by one until she’s not feeling quite so weighed down anymore. He’s her – they match up well, and she still doesn’t know how to feel about that. She knows how she feels about him, she knows that she likes him, that she enjoys talking to him in the limited way that they can, but then, in the back of her mind that demon comes out and whispers in her ear that he only likes her because they’re soulmates, that the knowledge is tainting their...relationship thing.  

That’s been one of her worst fears ever since she found it.

Because what if she falls in love and he doesn’t? What if they break up? What if it doesn’t work out? What does she do then? What happens if the one person she’s supposed to be with forever doesn’t want to be with her? Is she supposed to then live out the rest of her life as the poor girl who was too broken for even the universe to help out?

The ‘what ifs’ kill her.

Not really. She’s obviously still alive and breathing and all that fun jazz, but they still keep her up at night wondering of all the ways this could go wrong. And she doesn’t really know how any of this can go right. She likes sex. It’s a great time, it feels freaking fantastic, but she and Killian can’t possibly live out the rest of their lives wanting to constantly have sex whenever they have conversations. Logistically, that’s not possible. And, like, she knows it’s better now than the first time they met, than the second time too, but every time she spends an extended amount of time with him, especially when they talk, all she wants to do is grab him by the collar again and kiss him.

Just without the clothes and all.

Definitely without the clothes.

If she could put into words how she’s feeling, she’d write it in one of these damn letters and never mail it simply so that she can maybe understand.

Understanding is never going to happen.

There’s no one at the mailboxes or in the laundry room, so before she even gets her mail, she runs back upstairs and grabs her basket of clothes and detergent, humming to block out the noises still happening, and then walks back to the basement, putting her clothes in the washing machine before getting her mail, taking the one letter that resides there, and propping herself up on the wall of unused machines as she reads.

Emma,

I’m going to blame the rum for this letter. I really am. It’s around two in the morning, the moon high in the sky. We’ve just spent the day together, which was bloody wonderful by the way, and I can’t seem to stop thinking of things. Even as I write, it seems rather foolish to put my thoughts onto paper, but hopefully I won’t think to mail the letter. Or maybe I should. I honestly don’t know. This is all uncharted territory for me, and I seem to be diving in headfirst even if I am wearing a life jacket.

You see, I rather fancy you, Emma (No Middle Name) Swan, and it’s been a long time since I fancied a woman for more than one night or possibly a few weeks. The last time that I did, I had my heart broken so horribly that I retired from the Navy and moved across an ocean. Quite dramatic, don’t you think? I’ve been told that I’m a dramatic ass. That may have been Liam, but it also may have been you. I can’t recall at the moment.

Her name was Milah. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning, and I loved her with what felt like every beat of my heart until her heart was no longer mine to love. We met at a Naval Christmas ball. She was there with her brother, and I’ll never forget the black dress that she was wearing. We danced, and as they say, the rest is history. But as you know, I’m a bit of a history buff, so I like the details. I imagine you might too. I always knew that she wasn’t my soulmate. I didn’t have a sign, but she did, a simple tattoo on her hand. It was something we didn’t talk about in our three years together until one day we came across a man with a matching tattoo. She didn’t leave me, not at first, but as she got to know him, she fell for him. And who was I to keep two soulmates from having each other?

I think that’s what makes it worst of all. There was nothing wrong between us, but she had someone who she belonged with. It wasn’t me.

So you may think you’re the only person with an aversion to soulmates. You’re not. We all have our issues, our baggage, but I’ve found that since spilling that iced water down your dress (you should wear that dress more often by the way) the weight on my shoulders seems to have lessened. I’m…happier, I guess. I have such a wonderful life, but lately, I’ve had more reason to laugh. I think it’s because of a certain blonde with a penchant for mismatching her socks and junk food that no sane person would ever eat so regularly.

But who knows? This could all be the rum speaking.

Love,

Killian

She reads the letter three more times before she truly allows herself to let all of it sink in. It’s been three weeks since Labor Day, three weeks of the two of them going on and continuing to text and write letters – ones other than this one – and yet this one has shown up in her mailbox this morning. Either the US Postal Service really sucks or Killian didn’t send this the night he wrote it. He was likely drunk, at the very least tipsy, but he’s the most well-spoken (written) drunk man she’s ever seen.

And he bared his soul to her.

Because she makes him happy.

She does that.

Her gut feeling is to run, not really sure where she’d run to since this town and these people are her family and she’d never leave them, but she wants to run from her feelings, from the way that her insides unpleasantly twist and the way her heart squeezes. She knows that she feels the same way about Killian, that he makes her happy, but seeing it written out like that, seeing the words in Killian’s handwriting, that’s an entirely different story. And it doesn’t matter that he was drunk. Drunk words are sometimes the most truthful.

How in the world is she supposed to handle any of this?

Does she push it away? Pretend she didn’t get the letter? Does he even know that he sent it? Does he remember writing it? Should she write something back? What the hell would she write back? How would she even do that without having a little liquid courage too?

She can’t get drunk today, not with Ariel’s baby shower, but she really, really wants to.

That’s the thing too. She’s not even sure if she wants to get drunk for herself or because Killian’s letter brought back every feeling of abandonment she’s ever experienced. He was left, just like her yet again, and whether she likes it or not, they do understand each other.

(Of course she likes it, likes being understood.)

Her brain never quite turns off after that, reading the letter over and over again so many times that she might as well have it memorized, and she only knows that she moves because she changes her clothes over into the dryer, cleaning out the lint filter before twisting the knob and listening to it rattle to drown out all of her thoughts.

Goodbye shower. The laundry room is now the place to have an existential crisis.

But she does somehow manage to turn her thoughts off enough to know that she really does need to shower, so while her clothes are drying, she heads back upstairs and takes one, quickly washing her hair and her body, shaving her legs up to her knees since her dress for today only really shows half of her calves. She’s got three hours until Ariel’s baby shower, but she needs something to do, so she tugs on her dress, letting the blue and white striped print hug her body, and takes the time to apply her makeup, going through an actual routine instead of simply slapping some mascara onto her lashes.

Today really must be shaping up to be a day.

“Why are you already dressed?” Belle asks when she walks out of her bedroom, making her jump at the sight of Belle sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal in pajamas that she definitely wasn’t wearing an hour ago. “And why do you look like a deer in the headlights?”

“Oh, I, um…”

She tugs at the waist of her dress, pulling the tie a bit to tighten it as she thinks of a lie. As much as Belle knows about she and Killian, she doesn’t know the half of it. She purposely hasn’t told anyone. She can’t. If everyone thinks that she and Killian are flirting and maybe fucking, that’s fine with her. That’s nothing. But if anyone were to know that they were soulmates, it’d make everything far more complicated. There would be expectations and hopes, and if others have those, how could she not? And why can she not figure her brain out?

But Killian told her he wouldn’t tell anyone, so no one else is going to know.

“I’m doing laundry,” she finally says, knowing that the best lies are routed in truth. “I needed something to pass the time, so I went ahead and got ready. Well, with everything but the mess of my hair.”

Belle’s brows pinch together, but she doesn’t say anything else, scooping her spoon into her bowl before taking another bite. “So Will and I think we found an apartment yesterday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, nodding her head. “It’s downtown, in that cute little complex across the street from Granny’s with the pink awning. I loved it. I mean, it’s bigger than this place, but it feels very homey. And there’s this built in bookshelf that I think I might love more than I love Will.”

“Oh good. That means I can keep the one here.” Belle rolls her eyes, and Emma walks forward to pull out her chair from the table before sitting down. “I’m so happy that you guys found a place. Like, obviously I’m going to miss you, but after the show I heard this morning, I think we might need a little space.”

Belle doesn’t even blush. All she does is reach into her bowl and pick up a dried strawberry, flicking it at her. “In all fairness, you never wake up that early on a Saturday.”

“I mean, how could I sleep through such a performance? Whatever you’re doing, you’re obviously doing very well.”

“You’re going to share all of this at the wedding, aren’t you?”

“Oh absolutely. And if you put a little tequila in me, I might even act out my own version of the events.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll get arrested for that.”

“I’m on good terms with cops. Where is your partner in crime, by the way?”

“I left Ariel’s present at his place, and he went ahead and went home to get it and get ready. You want to drive there together?”

“Absolutely.”

-/-

“Why do you look like you’re dying?” Ariel asks, wrapping her arm around Emma’s waist as she stands in Ariel’s kitchen looking at the spread of food out ahead of her, Max wandering around the table in an attempt to get scraps.  

“Because I am. What’s up with the creepy pigs in a blanket snacks that are made to look like babies? Am I supposed to eat those?”

“No, no.” Ariel rubs her hand up and down Emma’s back, and if she wasn’t already thinking about the fact that one of her best friends is having a baby while the other is getting married, she’d definitely be thinking of all of the motherly instincts that Ariel possesses and how she has likely never had those even if she thought that she did at one point. “That’s just a weird thing that Mary Margaret brought. I think she saw it on Pinterest and thought it would be cute, but it’s super creepy.”

“I mean, like, the creepiest. And the deviled eggs are the same way.”

“I’d stick to other foods if I were you.”

“Anything not baby related.”

“Ah, yes, but save room because I believe there’s a game later where we have to eat baby food.”

“Just kill me now.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

She rolls her eyes and leans her head over to Ariel’s shoulder, wrapping her arm around Ariel’s waist knowing that she’s taking up too much time from the guest of honor, but everyone else seems to be just fine milling around the kitchen and living room, most of Ariel’s regular furniture pushed aside to fit in table cloth covered tables with flower centerpieces sitting in the middle of all of them. It’s cute, and she has to admit that Mary Margaret definitely knows how to host a party, weird food choices aside. But it most definitely hasn’t been the worst hour of her life, especially since she knows every single person here. The only real issue was when Killian showed up because she thought that she was going to have to stop talking, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world when she’s with her friends. But he stayed away from her, making sure to speak quietly instead of being his usual commanding presence.

His words, not hers.

And mostly she was thinking about how refreshing it is to have both the father of the baby and male friends at a baby shower. She gets that the woman pretty much does all of the work (she’d like to speak to someone about that because it seems fundamentally unfair), but both Ariel and Eric are having a baby. It’s not simply Ariel’s to raise. It’s Eric’s too. And yet most fathers don’t show up to showers, don’t put in the effort, and no part of her has ever understood that. But maybe she’s simply hoping for something that’s better than most people’s reality. She doesn’t know. She never had parents, never got to see it first hand, but when she thought…no, it doesn’t matter. None of that was real, and there’s no use in thinking of it now even if thoughts of Neal have been niggling themselves into her mind since this morning.

She’s simply glad that Ariel has Eric, that they have each other and baby Fisher.

They have a family.

“I’m not eating pureed food unless it’s, like, pureed donuts or something.”

“They don’t make pure sugar for infants. That would be a fundamentally awful idea.”

“Eh, I don’t think so. The babies would probably be super happy.”

“You’re going to be the person who gives the baby sugar right before you send them back to me, aren’t you?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Alright,” Mary Margaret claps, making Emma turn her head to look in the living room, “who wants to play a game?”

The game isn’t eating pureed baby food, but somehow it is much, much worse. In reality, she knows that it’s really not that bad. It’s cute and funny, and if she wasn’t who she is, she’d be thankful that this is the game that Mary Margaret picked out because it’s damn fun.

Who’s That Baby?

She’s got a large board full of baby pictures, some of them adorable, others a little scary (not that she would ever say that out loud), and everyone is having to guess which baby is who. She hasn’t guessed a single one because, really, she’s selfish and can only think about the fact that her picture isn’t up there.

And she knows this because, well, Mary Margaret never asked her for one. While Mary Margaret can work wonders, it would be pretty much impossible for her to gather baby pictures of everyone without anyone knowing, so she must have asked everyone to send them in. But Emma was never asked, not at all. Sure, she could pass it off as an oversight, as a mistake, but she knows that none of that is true.

Mary Margaret didn’t ask for her baby picture because she knows that she doesn’t have any.

Today was not supposed to be emotional like this. Today was supposed to be…a sob suddenly catches in her throat, one she has to force to keep down, and when she feels hot tears forming in her eyes, threatening to escape, she quietly excuses herself from the room, knowing that she won’t be missed if she ducks into the bathroom for a moment. But the bathroom is locked, and since she sure as hell isn’t going to go into the nursery right now, she opens Ariel’s bedroom door and collapses against the wall, letting her legs bend until she’s sitting on hardwood and pulling her legs to her chest as she tries to breathe.

Breathing is seeming pretty difficult at the moment.

So is not crying.

Why does she want to cry?

That’s a dumb question. She knows why she wants to, why she’s about to, but it’s been almost eight years. Things like this shouldn’t hurt anymore, should they? She should be over it. She has to be over it.

She isn’t over it.

Another sob rumbles through her, this one escaping from the confines of her throat, and when she hears it, even she notices how ugly of a sob it is. It’s one of those where she can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but let her shoulders tremble and tears fall down her cheeks. The more she tells herself to calm down, the more uncontrollable she gets, the more she feels like she has no control over anything.

And then there’s a click, a turn of a knob, and she’s paralyzed in fear and embarrassment that is only exacerbated when she sees tight blue jeans over muscled legs and a simple white button down with small light blue stripes that she knows belongs to Killian.

Words don’t come out of her mouth even though she’s got an excuse on her tongue, a pathetic one about being allergic to the weird baby themed foods, and while she expects him to be snarky, he’s not. It’s so much worse because after she takes one look at the raised brow on his forehead, he slides down on the wall next to her, their thighs hitting each other as his arm wraps around her shoulder so tentatively that she nearly grabs onto it and pulls it over her shoulder herself.

She definitely has gone crazy.

But when she doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move away from his embrace, he moves closer to her, his embrace a little tighter, and she can feel the heat of his body all over her as his hand rubs up and down her shoulder while she buries her face in his shirt near the slight exposure of his collarbone and the chain that resides there. He smells like the spice of his cologne, something warm and comforting, and even though it’s ridiculous, that’s what calms her, what makes her stop crying, just the smallest of whimpers and hiccups occasionally escaping her lips.

It should hit her that she’s having a meltdown in her best friend’s bedroom at said best friend’s baby shower in front of the man who she has…something with. But honestly, she feels puffy and exhausted, and she’s more concerned with the fact that her mascara is going to ruin Killian’s shirt and the way that his hand seems to be large enough to cover every inch of her as he comforts her.

And she focuses on the fact that he’s silent.

Well, he was.

“You know, darling, I think that you should cry in here a little longer so that Ariel and Eric can get some practice with someone crying in their bedroom at weird times.”

She huffs into his chest, rubbing her nose into his collarbone as his scent consumes her. “That’s bold of you to assume that there’s not already someone crying in here on a regular basis.”

There’s a thud against the wall as Killian’s head falls back with laughter, his chuckles deep but light, and she hiccups again in response, not really able to do much else.

“Now, Swan, I don’t think their sex life is that bad. They are having a baby.”

“Believe it or not, an orgasm is not required for conception.”

“No, it’s not.” He rubs his hand up and down her arm again, squeezing her bicep before continuing and moving along her back so that his nails trace patterns into her skin. She must be really upset and out of touch with herself right now because they’re talking, and she feels no shivers running down her spine or heat curling between her thighs. Maybe all it takes is for her to be having a meltdown. That makes it even worse. It’s probably just that they haven’t talked enough. “Would you like to talk about what’s got you hiding away in here, or do you want to talk about our friends’ sex life for a little longer?”

“Can I have the option of neither?”

“No.”

“That’s unfair.”

“So is life.”

Emma rolls her eyes knowing that Killian can’t see it, and maybe that is the reason why she rubs her eyes into his shirt some more. “Aren’t you going to get a boner if I talk too much?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Ridiculous man.

(Sweet man.)

“I got your letter about Milah this morning.” Killian’s hand stills and his tongue clicks, but she keeps going, knowing that if she’s going to talk, it’s got to be while she can’t control her body and emotions and her tongue basically has free range. “I don’t know if you knew that you sent that, if you did it on purpose or got drunk again, if the mail was just late. I don’t know, but I read it while washing clothes and I hated it. I hated that you were screwed over, that you were screwed over by the whole soulmate thing. I mean, you were in love, and it ended because of what? Because she had a tattoo that matched another man? That’s such bullshit.”

“It’s okay, love.”

“It’s not. Nothing about any of this is okay. But, like, that’s not even why I’m having a meltdown. I mean, you definitely put me in a confused mood because you talked about your heartbreak and how I’m helping with that, and I – I can’t deal with any of that right now when all I can think about today is the fact that there are all of those baby pictures up on that board and not one of them is of me. Mary Margaret didn’t even ask because she knows that I don’t have one, that no one cared enough about me to take a picture and give it to me. And obviously I’m spiraling because then I get upset about a baby that never even existed. I’m not even one of those people who desperately wants a baby or something.”

“What are you talking about, Swan? What baby?”

The only reason she has the bravery to say this is because she’s not being forced to look at Killian, to look at the blue of his eyes, and if she can’t see his eyes, none of this is real, right? It’s like the texts. They’re separated enough that it’s not all overwhelming for her.

“When I was seventeen, I met a guy, Neal. You’ve probably heard of him from our friends. They’ve never met him, but I guess…he’s kind of a legend in the group. Anyways, we dated for three years, and when I was twenty, my period was late. So obviously I’m freaking out, probably having a panic attack, but then I take a test that says I’m pregnant. And weirdly, I feel calm. I feel calm because, you know, I’m going to have a family, have something I’ve never had.”

“Swan – ”

“I wasn’t pregnant,” she interrupts, not wanting him to stop her and ask any more questions. “It was a false positive, a cheap test. But I didn’t know that until after I told Neal, and he basically told me that I should have kept my legs shut before packing his bags and leaving to go live with his father in fucking Tallahassee. So I was left alone with no boyfriend, no kid, and a hell of a lot of bitter thoughts because I thought the man was my soulmate and I’d never have to feel alone again. I thought I was done being abandoned. The joke was on me.”

She’s not crying anymore, not even sniffling, but she feels cold and stiff and like she can’t really breathe through her nose. Here she is baring her soul to this man who has all of the power to break her, and yet she still told him, still let the words pass her lips are they were spoken into his skin. But he did tell her about himself too, tell him how he was broken too, and maybe that comforts her.

Maybe it also comforts her that she knows Killian’s got to be pitching a tent right about now. She’s been talking for ten minutes at the very least with her long pauses and ramblings, and there’s no way that he isn’t struggling. And yet he’s sat in almost silence listening to her and comforting her all the while he wants to fuck her.

What the hell even is their lives?

And that’s why she starts laughing, a chuckle bubbling up through her throat while her shoulders shake, the corners of her mouth curving into a smile, and she moves her head up to look at Killian even though she knows that she probably looks like a raccoon would after a night out at the bar.

That thought is unsurprisingly not the weirdest thought she’s ever had, not even the weirdest this week.

“There’s that smile,” Killian encourages, nodding his head and thumb at her chin while his own smile appears on his face, making eyes crinkle. She likes that a lot. It makes her stomach twist in unfamiliar and yet not entirely unpleasant ways. He complains about them only being there because he’s older than her, but she doesn’t mind in the slightest. “The sun would rise early to see your smile.”

“But then I would literally get less sleep or have to spend money on blackout curtains.”

“I’ll buy them for you.”

She chuckles again and shakes her head even as Killian’s thumb moves from her chin to beneath her eyes, wiping away the tears that remain and probably still continue to flow. She feels like jelly or a blob or something else shapeless, something else that can’t be contained. They haven’t been this close since…she wants to say since she kissed Killian on the fourth of July, but it’s most likely as close as they were on Labor Day.

Summer holidays seem to be a pattern for them.

But it’s nearing autumn now, and her breath hitches as she looks at the scar on his cheek, the freckles near his nose, the long, dark lashes contrasting against blue eyes. He’s such an attractive man, almost so much that it would take her breath away if it wasn’t already gone. She’s not going to kiss him now. She knows that he’s not going to kiss her. But their breaths are intermingling, and she can still feel the warm presence of his hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry that you were hurt like that,” he whispers, her gaze flicking up from his lips to his eyes. “I’m sorry that you were hurt by Neal and Walsh and your parents and every other person who doesn’t deserve you and your funny sense of humor and kind heart.”

“It’s fine. It was all a long time ago.”

“Wounds made when we’re young tend to linger, and it very obviously isn’t fine. You’re having a bit of a time hidden away in our friends’ bedroom, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be hurt. I wrote you a drunk letter about my ex because I was hurt. I still get angry over my dad leaving and my mom dying. The universe has fucked me over in a lot of ways, but I think it did something right in letting me meet you.”

Oh well damn. That’s just not fair.

“No one should be as good with words as you are. Like, even your drunk letters were basically professional novels.”

He shrugs at the same time that he reaches forward to tuck her hair behind her ear, the warmth of his touch sending shivers down her spine. “I was a wonderful English and literature student if I do say so myself. And for someone who reads as many books as you do, I’m surprised you’re not always speaking in limericks.”

“Yeah, well, besides the occasional historical romance, I read a lot of books about murder and mystery. They’re not exactly teaching me to speak like Shakespeare.”

“All I got out of that was that you know how to murder me and get away with it.”

Emma chuckles, shaking her head as she gently pats his chest, their faces still impossibly close. “I’ve told you before, I’m not someone you really want to mess with.”

His brows raise in the way that they always do, the lines on his forehead appearing. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve told you how I quite fancy with you even when you’re yelling at me, haven’t I?”

“You fancy my ass,” she deflects.

“I am a fan of every part of you,” Killian sighs, rubbing his hand over her back in the way that he does where his hand nearly covers all of her, his forearm pulling her closer. “If that includes your ass, so be it. Though, I always considered myself a breast man. You seem to have converted me to both.”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or completely and totally disgusted.”

“You can compliment my ass if it makes you feel better.”

Rolling her eyes, she pulls back from him, putting more space between as she moves back to sit a little closer to the bed, her limbs still a little shaky. “I’m not falling for that.”

“Damn, I really could have used the ego boost.” Killian stands from the ground, and she’s not at all distracted by the way his thigh muscles look under his jeans. But maybe she kind of is as she doesn’t notice the way he holds his left hand out, the one covered in scars from the accident, until he’s looking down at her expectantly. She takes his hand, the warmth and roughness overwhelming her, and he helps her stand so that her legs are a little more stable. “Do you think you’re ready to go back to the party? I’m sure they’ve moved onto A opening up breast pumps and someone doing something entirely inappropriate with them. How could we miss that?”

“I mean, the only thing that could top that would be if there were more weird, baby-shaped food.”

“Isn’t that bloody disturbed?” Killian laughs, his face lighting up with joy in that way that makes her stomach twist yet again. Her intestines must really hate her. “I mean, why would I eat that?”

“Because it tastes good.”

“You should not say things like that. I can’t look at you the same way hearing those words come out of your mouth.”

“Hey now.” She holds her hands up before reaching back and tucking the hair that keeps falling in her face behind her ears. “At least there’s not one of those cakes with the baby’s head coming out of a frosting vagina.”

“Swan,” he groans, leaning forward and resting his head against her shoulder while his own shoulders heave with muted laughter, “please don’t talk about that. I’m rather fond of that particular area, and I’d rather not imagine things coming out of it.”

“That sounds kind of painful for all of your sexual partners if you can’t pull out.”

“Well, the baby does have to be made somehow.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.”

“You can’t say that about everything that I say.”

“I can if you keep getting that ridiculous.”

Killian laughs once more before leaning back off of her and wrapping an arm around Emma’s shoulder, the weight heavy and comfortable while he opens the bedroom door with his free hand. “Come on, love. Let’s go see if there’s a cake depicting Ariel giving birth. If not, I hear Mr. French takes requests.”

Ridiculous.

Such a ridiculous man who is making her laugh and feel comfortable with his arm around her shoulder after she just spilled her guts to him about some of the darkest parts of her life. She should feel uncomfortable, awkward, ready to run. She’s been waiting for all of those things since she read his letter. They’re not coming. They could later, but for now, all she can do is laugh at Killian telling her about Liam nearly passed out when Elsa gave birth.

In all of this, all that has happened, all that she has revealed, only one cohesive thought truly remains.

She and Killian are inevitable, always have been, always will be, and she’s fallen into the trap of liking him much more than she ever intended to.

Maybe even loving him.

That’s the craziest thought of them all.

But she has to wonder about the fact that she didn’t feel aroused once in that conversation when she always thought that was the thread that was holding the two of them together.

#Not Your (soul)Mate #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

[miyiee]

“TOMINO”

“TOMINO”

Written By: Miyie 〴

(Disclaimer! Please do not read if you are someone who is easily disturbed, make sure you are over 13 to read this content may include violence, alcohol, abuse, and blood, Thank you!) This is not your typical horror genre, it truly describes real-life “horror.” I really wanted to bring out these situations, as there are many out there who suffer from these.) -Miyie 〴

It’s only imaginary, it’s something so forfeit, something you cannot deliberately see.

………...See, I once had this friend, it was only engraved in my mind, not necessarily sincere nor significant to me, someone that was so authentically cruel, but yet I followed…..

A bird caged-girl, as she started to plug her ears to block out the interphone chime, I am fighting with an enemy I couldn’t even see, even till the end I was leading myself to a truly unseemly thing. A leash clings on my neck, each step, each walk, each breath I took. I am always being watched by someone, something.

Who, you may ask? My imaginary friend. “And, it has been that way for years.”

“Free me, lift me from my guilt.” If it were only so simple.

1/2/1981

Ever since the day I was born into this world, I have always been those principles of innocence, my mother, my father always checked up on me to make sure I wasn’t doing anything bad and they would always find me quite strange for a child. You see, I was always talking to the wall, in the same position. “Look! Mommy, isn’t he nice?” Yes. Tomino loved me deeply, there was no doubt, but you see, this love was a strange one and cannot be explained. “Sure, whatever you say, Hika.” She leaned down and pet me on the head. Of course to her extent, mother would never believe such nonsense...I always thought Tomino was there, someone everyone else could also see…...

Not just me.

…...

2/18/1988

One day as my mother was going out to head for groceries, I stopped her, no Tomino stopped her, he

told me to.

“Please just don’t go today, I would like you to just stay with me.”

  The day after, it was reported, documented on the news of an incident that happened to be the same street my mother was just going to head to, xxx street of Zemark, a shooting happening between two drunk white men, about 12 people had either died that day, 9 injured within that store. These sorts of incidents would occur several times after then on any random day. “That excuse again?” Tomino this, Tomino that.” Mother would often say to me out of frustration. She couldn’t understand why her daughter was acting this certain way after all. 

Was I really that childish or…. Did I speak the truth?

But, you see, such kindness comes with a price. 

A promise that was forged. 

I spend the days with Tomino, we play together, talk together for hours, I drew and wrote on his requests, but one day, it seems he has gotten quite bored of my childish acts and lingers for a little more fun and excitement. He threw my painting on the floor in anger, “So what do you want me to do then?”I asked. I wished I didn’t have asked, maybe then I wouldn’t need to do whatever he said..…. It was a little dark outside for a spring season while taking multiple glances towards outside the window. He told me to “Go outside and stab this helpless squirrel with a kitchen knife, smear its blood around in a circle on this painting, and to finally make a box around it in the sand with a stick.” When I declined, he would get mad at me and would not talk to me for hours, doesn’t help me anymore, so I did it, I obeyed him like a dog.

Mother tried ever since, to cure me of this disease, this illness. She looked for any doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. “Your child is perfectly healthy,” they said. Not even the best professionals figured it out. Tomino was always mischievous, mysterious, secretive, smart about where he moves each of his pawns. To him, this was no more than just a game.

My father abandoned me because of this, well partly. He cheated on her, secretly, but it was funny since father still had this small affection for mom, so instead, he told her a white lie. I knew all along because Tomino tells me about these things. 

I was only left with my mother. “Why me?” Why can’t I have a normal child?,” I would often hear mother mumble under her breath. My mother was no longer the kind mother I knew. It wasn’t a surprise she has become an alcoholic soon after.  

“What are you looking at? You pathetic little brat, this is all your fault!”, mother said.

“I REALLY HATE THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL.”, I screamed at her.

Miza peered in on us in the corner, she came to my house for the project.

I knew,.... She knew.

……….

Tomino would often come to comfort me when I cry, although sometimes he is upset himself and never comes, he said it wasn’t my fault. “It was Okaa-san’s fault for not understanding us enough.”

School was no different. 

“No wonder her parents abandoned her..”    

“What a spoiled child.”

“Ewww, stay away from me….”

“Manipulative bi**”

“This is all your fault!”

I have always given in the efforts to redeem myself, but they were all main just seen as an unless waste of time.

“I’m not your friend anymore! How could you do such a thing?”

Wait- KI! Wha-what about you Miza, are you going to leave me too?, I asked. Deliberately. 

She looked at me sadly but she said nothing “...........”, as she just walked alongside her other friend.

I was always the one left out. It wasn’t my fault, was it?

I had to transfer to many different schools after then. 

“Ugh, isn’t that disgusting woman her mother?”

“Why would you raise such a slut?”

It always ended terribly. 

Tears were wiped with sleeves. I weep.

So then...

9/16/1990

Mother became even more so tired of all this as each day passed by. She dressed up, packed up. Slammed the door on me.

Unknown: “Wait! What about-!”

She left me…...

 “I don’t need her anymore, I should’ve never given birth to you.”

“Don’t leave me, I promise I will do all my chores, I would never cause you any more trouble ever again, please mother!”, I layed on the floor, begging.

But, that was the last sentence mother said to me, the last she spoke to me, the last time I saw her.

“Ojii-san, Do you think it's my fault?”

Unknown: “It’s going to be okay, Hika, come with me.”

….

Years passed then, it was hard to believe. 

“Hika, breakfast is ready!” “Coming Okaa-  Ojii-san!”

“What a weird grandchild I have.”   “hahaha, Ojii-san that’s mean!”  “Come eat, child.”

“Itadakimasu!”   If you couldn’t tell already, living with my uncle was nice and comforting, for once.

“Okay, I’m off, see you Ojii-san!”

It was only us two that lived together now after dad had left us and mother had disappeared off to somewhere. Ojii-san was the only person I have now, although he is growing quite old as days pass by.

Thing was, we are tight on money. Ojii-san tries his best to reassure me and tells me to just focus on my studies but I know about our financial problems.

The only other major reason why we had food left on our plate was that “Tomino” still exists, he protects me, this was part of our agreement. I thought for sure Tomino would get bored of me soon when I grew older, but he stayed and waited for the promise we made till the very end. It seems like Tomino never really ages and he just stays the same size every day even after years. Things just stayed the same. 

Tomino grants my wishes. But, that’s it….

….

11/7/1994

I walked between pebbles, between bridges, and on bridges. Tomino follows me wherever I go. It's like he’s a stalker, but I'm used to it. "I'm fine today, Tomino, how are you? You know, I know you're there..." "Yes, whatever you say.", he replied. He raised strange doubts when I was a child, but I loved him. It was my friend after all. He was the only person who knew me well. Tomino seems to look old these days, but not so deeply.He still seems to have stayed the same even after years.

As my walk almost reached my destination, I was in the middle of walking passed the archway of the two buildings as a shortcut followed by my upperclassmen.

"Ah, isn't that Hika Normanashi?"

Please, keep in mind that……..Nobody really knows my surname. It was a secret because of family issues. Tomino also knows. And since then I haven't trusted enough people to tell them anything. It wasn’t particularly very nice to see someone expose my surname.

I felt a hand grabbed me by my wrist as they proceeded to push me against the wall as the dude kept mocking my body.

Girl 2: "Hey, knucklehead! This is it! I brought over her here."

Unknown: “This little one doesn’t seem to scream much so it’s fine boss.”

As they threw me onto the ground below them, Grabbing me and pushing my head against the wall.

"S-STOP IT! RELEASE ME!"

Girl 1: "Hey, so what are you going to do? Get your boyfriend to protect you or something?"

“……… ..!”

"Wait! Tomino, don't!"

Soon, the blood of two young girls spilled under me, on the concrete under my feet. I was soaked in blood. The young man looked at me in shock of fear as if I were the murderer.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!", he screamed.

I looked down at my bloody shaking hands. The knife Tomino has given me…...

The young man tried to resist me as much as possible, but Tomino also fled before him and overwhelmed over him. I knew exactly what Tomino wanted me to do. Through the man’s eyes, I could see what it felt like to die, the terror. "Sorry, but you’ll have to die for me, it'll be fast, I promise." I closed my eyes. I took a breath. I wondered how just how many more people do I need to kill? There was no point in arguing with Tomino. This is his identity. I’m sorry Ojii-san………. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were two stranded dead bodies tied onto the tracks, two trains which ran at full speed in seconds over them. The man's body was specially cutaway where the organs were visible, but Tomino did not kill him yet. It can be said that Tomino threw him most. I knew about this, the way this guy died was exactly the same as a few years ago. "........ First, a small lead ball creates a large, deep bruise and breaks on subsequent hits. Finally, the skin on the back hangs on a long ribbon and the entire area If the prisoner determines that the prisoner is dying, an unrecognizable chunk, the strike will be stopped. "

I know I'm a murderer ... my feet move suddenly. But in the wrong direction. I could not stop sitting on my lap on the lawn and staring at the dead man.

His face stared at me and wanted to return, in hopes of revenge, I knew deeply.

But, Tomino doesn’t. 

No matter how many following attempts there were, Tomino always got away with it, dragging me along. When the news of these three students was blankly announced, the whole classroom began to place the blame on me. No one dared to approach me after that. I was invisible. It was an inevitable fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe my fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe Tomino was so cruel. 

I couldn’t bring myself to bear this anymore. I only have hidden the truth. I knew what he meant, by those silent words.

I planned my defeat. If order to win, 

You must lose. 

To bring illusion to reality, how do you do that exactly?

How can you eliminate something you loved so much in the world?

Without a doubt, I am always attached to Tomino, I believed there was always loyalty that has existed between us.   

Tomino made me feel emotions, of all kinds. 

The emotion of being valued, the emotion of being appreciated, and emotions of hatred. 

It was only that I could never tell what his objective was, nor who he was anymore. I cannot recognize him. I cannot be an attachment. I cannot be the one to ‘change’ him. We are like the strings of, the lines, the blinds between the lies. I cannot be there for him, I must stay away father always told me. 

“One day, he would ruin you. Do not be fooled easily, do not be influenced by terrible people easily. Keep that in mind, Hika. ”

…..

Friend, a person whom one knows, likes, or trusts. 

Was there ever trust that has enveloped in this relationship. 

“Let’s stay togeth-er forever, Tomino.”

smiles*

Hey…..., that warm smile you gave me just there…..

Was that a lie…. Or was that the truth? 

Was it a sad one or was that a happy one?

Call me an idiot, although I always have the ability to read people’s expressions…..

 I could never tell Tomino’s. 

I have never thought this day would come. 

I have always thought, it was the truth. 

How could he speak so falsely?

What did you mean exactly? 

….

12/24/1995

“I’ve grown tired of you, Tomino.” , I’ve had enough.

“Kill me, how are you going to kill me?” Tomino mocked me.

” I’m sorry, Tomino.” 

And within that, the only thing that can convince us of their love for each other is the truth. 

“I cannot ever get rid of you until I die, right? I wish you the best in the afterlife ...really.”

5/22/1985

I remembered the day we met, 

The garden was so beautiful, the pond filled with koi fish were so lovely, the flowers were all so pretty, the bridge above it was so clean, but it was all so lonely. I sat there walking and running around playing by myself until I grew tired. Where you came into existence ever since. Then, we would always be together. Where he was always quiet and kept to himself, but I didn’t mind.

 “Ne-ne! Tomoi-no!.....”  “Hi-ka!”(learned each other’s names) I wrote down both of our names and embraced it with a heart, the poor boy seemed so flustered for some reason. 

“Promise me that you would always stay by my side, never leave me, alright?” He seemed hesitant at first but then offered me his pinky.

 But that wasn’t the promise, Tomino hid the truth, he wanted much more. He just wanted to take my white soul.

Thank you for your company. Your kindness, no one can pretend. The flowers were never too strong to sustain itself, and the petals would eventually overtime fade out. The grass are cut away little by little by the humans because they hate how it was. The trees are brought down by the people in order to feed them. But, these were all often done without anything in return. I didn’t want to leave because I have faith in Tomino, but that would be selfish to say that, that was the only reason why I have lived. I wished I hadn’t agreed upon our promise.  I don’t want to stay, because it would mean I would still have to call Tomino a friend.

“I have more than once tried to deceive you, but you will feel that I am now speaking falsely,” Tomino said. 

 Tomino could never touch me because he isn’t real and because he cannot touch me, he cannot stop me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. 

 12/24/1995

I feel the breath of life taken away from me by the multitude. 

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as each second progresses. I have always tried to kill myself before. Standing at the edge….. I was a coward I could never face death. 

“Why? All you have to do is just to “jump”? It’ll all be over, right?”

  But, one day I found myself hung.. “I’m sorry.”

And then, everything just blacked out. The man in black disappeared, everything disappeared. There was no “Tomino”. There was just a little boy, all alone forced to carry out his duty.

“Goodbye ..old friend” 

“goodbye,'' he once said.

I could almost hear him saying in response...

12/25/1994

A woman in a black dress came to settle down a few white flowers as she prayed her hands together, she spoke only three words…..,

“I love you.”

….

And soon,

 a few more and more,

 flowers were placed.  

“Happy birthday, Hika.” , Tomino smiled.

“Here’s your present!”, as the young boy cheerfully places down a small box with a little teddy bear sitting on top. 

=//[For anyone confused]// “TOMINO” is her teddy bear, a stuffed animal^^

Well? Where’d do you think Hika has gotten her present from[Teddy Bear]?  

#books & libraries #aesthetic #Tomino #writing #japan #kawaii #my writing #novel #flowers #TeddyBear #Miyiee #Miyie

[yukiwrites]

Byleth, Closer to the Truth

Thanks for the support as always, @xpegasusuniverse! It’s amazing how much worldbuilding three houses had ;v;) it’s so good to explore it all!

Summary: Byleth asked Hanneman to aid him in his pursuit of knowledge, but there was TOO MUCH that the crestologist knew that the young Professor did not, so Byleth had to actually catch up in his own studies to be able to discuss things in equal terms with Hanneman. However, the more Byleth learned, the bigger were the questions forming inside of him, as well as the discomfort such things brought Sothis... could it all be connected?

Commission info HERE and HERE!

______________________________

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 -  Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8  - Part 9 - Part 10  - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14  - Part 15

Enlisting Hanneman into his personal group (consisting of Byleth himself and the voice in his head, Sothis) dedicated to uncovering the secrets of the Heroes' Relics was truly an astounding idea.

Although the older Professor demanded much knowledge Byleth never had in first place to even start a proper discussion, Hanneman's insightful questions truly spurred Byleth and Sothis to seek more answers to millennia-long questions.

Since the Relics were weapons that could only be wielded by crest-bearers, they fell into Hanneman's area of expertise -- meaning that the crestologist knew by heart all of their names, related crests, original wielders and general location. Byleth, on the other hand, knew no such thing, so Hanneman's lecture was taken to heart.

Areadbhar, the lance that once belonged to Blaiddyd of the Ten Elites, lay inside the Royal Palace of Fhirdiad, guarded to be used only by its King. The Crusher of the Dominic crest was also back in Faerghus, though thankfully those were the last two Relics located in the Kingdom to yet come to Byleth's hands.

The Aegis Shield, the Lance of Ruin, Lùin and Thunderbrand were all within the Professor's grasp, alongside the Alliance's Freikugel and Thyrsus. Byleth held onto six out of the twelve Relics in existence, and that was the most a single person possessed in over a thousand years.

"But... twelve?" The Professor mumbled as he stared at the open book in front of him. Wasn't that strange, though? There were twelve documented Heroes' Relics (their whereabouts varying from 'unseen since the Heroes' War' to 'being guarded by a noble house'), though only Ten known Elites, plus the Sword of the Creator, supposedly handed by the goddess herself.

Hanneman mentioned that Maurice had been the eleventh Elite back in the day, though he had been banished for being consumed by his Crest, so the math added up on that account.

But what about Seiros and Four Saints?

If they were the ones closest to the goddess, it should've been natural for Her to bestow Relics to them as well, yes?

However, that didn't seem to be the case. Seiros and the Saints were only known to use a different kind of legendary weapon, dubbed Sacred Weapons by the church. Their whereabouts were documented by ancient texts, which informed the reader that all Sacred Weapons were supposedly buried alongside their original wielders under the monastery: inside the Holy Mausoleum.

'Why supposedly?' one might ask. The answer was simple: Inside Seiros' tomb lay the Sword of the Creator, not her sword neither her shield. What's more -- Byleth also had two Sacred Weapons in his possession, the Spear of Assal and the Caduceus Staff, originally Saint Cichol and Saint Cethleann's weapons respectively.

The place Byleth found them at couldn't be farther from the monastery: on a remote island far from the Central Church's grasp, inside the tomb of a woman completely unrelated to the Saints if only that she was a devout follower of the religion. Flayn and Seteth considered that place special to them and were the ones to bestow the weapons to Byleth, alongside a very distinguished detail regarding their family bonds.

Though Byleth informed Hanneman of the Sacred Weapons in his possession, he of course refrained from repeating secrets entrusted to him.

"Your mind has been wandering and wandering... each second farther away from the text in front of you." Sothis mentally poked Byleth's shoulder, making the Professor blink back into reality.

"Ah, that's true," he shook his head in a vain attempt to shoo away the boredom that came with reading any heavily worded text that hailed from the church.

The volume in question was one of the many tales centered around Saint Macuil. As were the other seven books stacked right beside it, which only made Byleth even less willing to even go through with all that encrypted and salted reading.

Sighing, the Professor resigned himself to going back to studying, his thirst for answers winning over his unwillingness to read.

Although the origins of the Heroes' Relics was unknown, the Sacred Weapons properly hailed from a documented place; or person, for that matter: Macuil was an accomplished blacksmith, rumored to use his skills to craft weapons for Seiros' army. One could only assume that the Sacred Weapons were made by Macuil's hand.

Yet, that wouldn't add up, according to the teachings of Seiros!

How could the Four Saints and the founder of the church herself be left to their own devices in wielding weapons that anyone -- crest-bearer or not -- could brandish while the ten, or rather, eleven humans that followed them were the ones blessed by the goddess with weapons that only those with crests could use?

Humans; the creatures that could be born with crests or not, purely by chance. Humans; against whom the goddess herself fought before these eleven heroes emerged.

Why didn't Macuil forge weapons for the humans, instead? Why weren't there Relics for the Saints?

Even if one inspected the Spear of Assal and the Caduceus Staff, they wouldn't find any trace of the bone-like structures common to the Heroes' Relics. Hell, even the Crest Stone inherent to every Relic apart from the Sword of the Creator was nowhere to be found with the Sacred Weapons!

Of course, since they were weapons anyone could wield, that much was obvious, but still -- why did the Saints wield these considerably weaker weapons as opposed to the much stronger ones their human companions brandished?

Byleth groaned, closing the book loudly. And these texts heavy with parables and metaphors! There was very little one could learn from reading them, even though they were basically the only source of knowledge around anywhere in Fódlan.

Sothis hummed chipperly by his shoulder as Byleth got up from his seat at the library. "Finally gave up, hm? About time! You were not getting any studying done."

Pursing his lips, the Professor took the remaining books, intent on taking them to Hanneman's office rather than his own room -- that was also another boon of having the older Professor in his pursuit of knowledge: proximity to the library.

Not three weeks after Tomas -- no, Solon -- revealed himself to be an enemy of the church, the library managed to remain mostly unchanged. Since there had been a rotating system of students and teachers to take care and oversee the books, the usual library activities could go on as always.

Byleth's mind wandered once again to his headmate, the amount of information he'd absorbed in the past few days overloading his thinking capacity. Hey, Sothis? He looked up as though he could see the girl floating by the ceiling.

She preferred to float beside him, instead, however. "I know that tone..." Sothis crossed her arms and legs in a sigh.

Byleth's head drooped. If you still don't want to talk about it, i won't, but-

"Hahh... Very well. Out with it."

You're... The goddess, right? You have the power to control time and are linked to many places the goddess is said to have been, he started, tentatively. Sothis bobbed her head to the sides.

"So we are to believe, according to Rhea's words at the start of this month. Sothis, also known as The Beginning -- I identify with both aliases, as does the goddess. However, I am not up there in an imaginary heaven; I am bound here with you by something beyond my current understanding. Am I simply a part of the goddess? The conscience one calls 'self'? If so, is that the reason why I bear the appearance of a child? Because whatever bound me to you could not harness the vastity of my power, only managing to tap my sense of self instead?" She asked in a serious voice, then sighed, her small shoulders sagging. "I cannot give you the answers you seek, young one. However, I AM grateful that you are going through such lengths for my sake -- or at least for the sake of having your own mindspace for yourself." She sneered, visibly tired.

Such exhaustion bled into Byleth himself, making the task of simply going from the library to Hanneman's office a most strenuous one. I just want to help you regain your memories, and I feel that all of this is connected...

Sothis chuckled, mentally patting Byleth on the head. "Thank you for this, Byleth. Good luck when you go through that door, however. Hanneman seems to be eager in drawing your blood to check your crest in depth."

"Ugh," it was Byleth's turn to groan, throwing his head back in regret. Hanneman had mentioned that he wanted to do a thorough physical check-up on Byleth and compare it with the pulse they felt coming from the Relics, after all, so Byleth couldn't run.

He himself wanted the answers, so subjugating himself in a mostly harmless experiment or two was a good enough price to pay for answers.

"Ghk- W-what did you-" Sothis winced, curling around herself before entirely disappearing from Byleth's sight. "What was this thought?!" She huffed, as though in pain.

Byleth's legs gave out as he loudly crumpled on the stone floor, scattering books and scrolls about. "S-Sothis?" he panted, a sharp pain twigging his chest. He clutched it with one hand, pressing his forehead against the cool stone to regain his breath.

"Experiment...? What- what is this terror engulfing my entire being?" Sothis cried, her very soul trembling to the point of translating it to Byleth's body. "Did I- go through such a thing in the past? What IS this?" She sobbed a cry without tears, her voice slowly disappearing as she succumbed to a forced slumber.

Sothis? Byleth called in his mind, his body still too weak to stand. "Sothis?" He mumbled, realizing his breath was coming back. "She must've gone to sleep..." he huffed, forcing himself to sit up.

Dizzy, he could barely hold his head up, choosing to lean it on a nearby wall. There were many incongruences and discrepancies with Sothis' memories and real world events.

She wrote a song only Rhea knew of; She, supposedly the goddess, lived in a place that the goddess destroyed in her rage; She bestowed weapons of fine quality 'materials' to humans and feared being experimented on-

"Wait," Byleth widened his eyes, his hands patting his own self in search of the Sword of the Creator hanging by his hip. Upon touching it, the sword glowed red, its bone-like structures warming Byleth's hand as though he touched a person's body. Yes... as though it was someone's flesh and bones.

Were... were the Heroes' Relics part of Sothis' body from the time she was alive? Was that the reason the goddess de facto disappeared from the records? Because she tore her own bones and flesh apart to help the Saints and the Men win the war?

Sothis conjectured herself just a few minutes ago: her childlike appearance to Byleth's eyes could simply be because that whoever channeled her conscience to him didn't manage to capture her entire essence. It was also known that the Children of the Goddess could transform into Magic Beasts, so if the goddess herself could change into a form so large she could rearrange her own bones into weapons, this theory could hold some truth into it...

Still dizzy, but with his mind racing with the prospect of learning more about the Relics, Byleth dragged himself up to his feet after painstakingly picking up the books and scrolls from the floor. "This all might be just my tired brain throwing whatever it can at me, but I feel that... somehow, I'm on the right track." The Professor nodded to himself, dragging one shoulder across the wall to help him walk.

If possible, he wanted to bring this up with his father, as well, once Jeralt was released from whatever duties Rhea had him go through. They would meet at the end of the month for their shared mission, yes, but this wasn't something Byleth could simply bring up to his father right before a battle, after all.

"All this reading and thinking only brought more questions, but I'm on the right track. We're on the right track, Hanneman, Sothis." He mumbled before stepping inside the crestologist's office for yet another afternoon of studying and experimenting.

#byleth #hanneman #sothis #fire emblem three houses #fe 3h #my writings #yuki's commissions

[saymypiece]

This nobody’s journal of hot, boring afternoons…

Day 21 (7.4.2020 - Tuesday)

I did not sleep through the night, again! What on Earth! On the other hand, I worked out, a little, but still a workout. As in I played with my dog. She got a hold my bro/sis old silambam belt and goes around playing with it. So grabbed on to the other end and had a tug of war with her, which was fun, until she realised I wasn’t much of a competition and got bored. :S It’s alright, I will prove to her that I am worthy of her time. I shall try again. Practice makes perfect Koko, you adorable snob! 

Day 20 (6.4.2020 - Monday)

Omgoodness its day 20! I cannot believe we have been stuck at home without a choice for so long. I keep hearing of doctors and nurses falling ill, scientists working so hard to create a vaccine. I can’t help but wonder what this virus is all about. This thing we can’t see is causing so much chaos, panic and fear in everyone. And the way I see it, it’s not going away anytime soon. But our God is God over the impossible! He is the only way this virus will be washed out. This time at home, especially during this time leading up to Easter, has allowed me to spend some time in devotion and the Bible. And what I have learnt is we are not alone. Our time on Earth, though temporary, is designed to be fulfilling and beautiful. So I’m embracing that. No matter what comes against me, it shall not prosper. For my God is for me. On the other hand, I have not been able to sleep. It’s been challenging to 

Day 19 (5.4.2020 - Sunday)

As usual, Sunday was enriching and chill. Not that every other day is not chill, but Sundays, they are quite a little more chill than other days. At 3pm, I joined a group chat with some friends from church. Fun.

Day 18 (4.4.2020 - Saturday)

After last week’s shopping debacle, I was terrified about going out there with mum again. Nevertheless, we had needs and they needed to be bought, so I got ready with my gear, the usual suspects of masks, gloves and a hand sanitiser. This time, the mall staff were even more strict. They checked body temperatures before anyone could even enter the building. And only one person per family was allowed in. So, yes, we kinda put on our inner Meryl Streeps and acted the strangers we never knew we could play so well. They believed it. Heck, at one point, even I believed it. My mom, I think, may BE, Meryl Streep, I don’t know. Anyway, no drama during shopping, everything was perfect. I even got to keep my shorts intact the whole time. No, it was a different shorts, I wash them everyday. Yes, I’ve got a whole lot of loose shorts okay? They’re comfy! What some more you want?

Day 17 (3.4.2020 - Friday)

Another Friday has come and gone. There is really nothing new happening, but today, I got to catch up with the darling! You don’t feel time passing you by until you actually do something you used to do very, very often, years ago. We used to Skype and video call all the time until work and life happened. Then suddenly, it had all come to an abrupt end. This conversation felt like such a treat. I felt like I was catching up with her entire lifetime. Well, a lot can happen in over six years. Feeling so blessed for technology and this time we get to reconnect and spend quality time with each other. 

Day 16 (2.4.2020)

Ok so, sleep lost it’s way and didn’t really get back to me, blardee heartbreaker! Didn’t do much other than write and hang around all day. So I decided, to pick up my guitar and do somethin with it. :) You Say by Lauren Daigle

Day 15 (1.4.2020 - Wednesday)

I know it’s meant to be April’s Fool today, but like the rest of the world, it didn’t mean a thing. I mean, our situation right now seems like a giant prank anyway. There is no need to scare anyone else about, anything else. The greatest prank in the world right now would be to just go up to someone who’s NOT your family, and sneeze or cough right at their faces. Once they know you’re pranking em, they’d either laugh or slap you so hard, you begin to foretell your f-f-future. Even watching old YouTube videos of interviews or clips from shows where there is some amount of coughing or sneezing involved makes me cringe so hard! And I’m not the only one. Read the comments. Once thing I am certain of, whether a vaccine is found or not, is that once this MCO is over, everybody is gonna be a germaphobe/hygiene-junkies - always washing hands and sneezing into handkerchiefs and such. Anyway, goodnight, hope sleep finds me tonight.

Day 14 (31.3.2020 - Tuesday)

Oh praise the Lord I’m alright. At least, I think I’m alright. I don’t feel fuzzy, I have no fever, no headache. I was awake super early and I decided to feed my three dogs, for the first time! Let my bro and sis sleep in a little this morning. I had no idea how to do it. I just winged it based on what I thought is normally done, and it worked. The three ding dongs listened, sat patiently, ate sweetly and gave me some kisses. And then, I put on a fan for them, coz there was no air movement out. It was so weird, it was early morning and it was so hot with zero movement in the air. Man, we really need the rain!

Day 13 (30.3.2020 - Monday)

I am so not feeling good today! My mind is racing. Was it the shopping at Tesco on Saturday? Was it the Lontong flavoured Chef noodles I had for dinner last night? What is it? I have a bad headache, body ache and my brain is a little fuzzy, like when I have a fever. When I asked my sister to check my temperature, she confirmed there is a slight fever. Paracetamol. I need it. And a good shower. Had both. Going to sleep again. Maybe I’m tired, exhausted. I’ve told everyone in the house to stay away. Lord, protect papa. And heal me. Let this not be…it.

Day 12 (29.3.2020 - Sunday)

Time for church online. Mummy made friend mee hoon and some Portuguese tarts. It was one of those quiet days. Didn’t do much today.

Day 11 (28.3.2020 - Saturday)

Nope. Zoom didn’t let me down. I let Zoom down! My frickin alarm didn’t go off, or maybe it did and I didn’t hear it, I don’t know. All I know is I wasn’t up until 11.20am! The meeting was supposed to start at 11am! #muchembarassed Thankfully they were all in conversation while waiting for me. I didn’t even have time to brush my teeth. Just washed my face, tamed my hair and appeared online. Connect was awesome though. The two newcomers were great. Kinda weird we didn’t shake hands or hug, kinda weird we literally met face-to-face, online, but it was great! Cheers to new experiences, I say. Speaking of new experiences, I have never liked shopping. Like, ever. I don’t enjoy walking around, I don’t enjoy going to shops after shops after shops. Basically, I’m most men when it comes to shopping. Today, my mom and I had to run to Tesco to stock up on some of our essentials that are running low. I wore a shorts and t-shirt but with two masks, gloves, and in my pockets, Clorox anti-bacterial wipes and hand-sanitiser. We strategised how and what to touch before entering the store. I was going to be the one doing the touching, cos I wore the gloves, and my mom, wearing one glove, was to be the one pointing out what I was supposed to pick out from the shelves. Carefully, but swiftly, we began picking out everything on our list. My heart, for some reason, was drumming like a Taiko drum in my chest. And to make matters worse, sometime during our walking through the aisles, my mom completely ditched our strategy and started touching the things on the shelves! Like, ALL things! Okay, granted, I wasn’t fast enough for her but PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE, okay? Just… keep your hands to yourself and straighten ONLY the index finger. How difficult is that strategy? Now, she’d gone and made my mind spin round and round tryna think of how the virus would travel, or get stuck on her phone (which I sanitised the moment we got out), or what her gloved hand touched and what she could and could not touch anymore not that is has been exposed. Arghh! Finally at the cashier, we more or less got in sync. Everything went according to plan, like which hand she would get her debit card out of my shorts pocket with and which hand she received it from the cashier with after the payment was made. It went pretty perfectly, with the slight risk of me losing my shorts because mummy decided to shove her hands so far down my pockets. The shorts was loose to begin with. Thankfully, with my firm grip, nothing untoward happened. We got out, got home, showered and washed all the clothes we were in. All good. Phew…

Day 10 (27.3.2020 - Friday)

Thankful for technology. It’s made life very easy. Even my mom, who is completely resistant of anything “technology” (because she thinks she would destroy the internet or something) has had to organise Zoom meets, coordinate her kindergarten teachers’ online lessons and activities - it’s been quite a trip seeing my mom grow into this technological wiz, so to speak. I joined her connect group today, had a good discussion. A little nervous about mine tomorrow morning. We will have two newcomers on board. Hopefully Zoom doesn’t let me down.

Day 9 (26.3.2020 - Thursday)

It’s the end of the day, and lo and behold, I have completed the pages I was meant to complete. Turns out, I didn’t have to do some of the last pages, so that saved me some work. I was right. I DO feel blind and like a bat after completing the job, but the satisfaction of a job completed is unmatched. The number of cases keep increasing by around 130 every day! It’s not even funny how people are still choosing to ignore this situation. We are already in day nine of the MCO and they still feel it’s alright to meet their friends and family in such a time as this. If only we all, collaboratively, stayed home for two weeks, we could actually curb this virus from spreading out. STOP GIVING IT TRANSPORT! Ugh! On the bright side, I am organising our Connect meet online.

Day 8 (25.3.2020 - Wednesday)

Quick update: Still on the project. I have managed to complete around 10 pages, mostly profiles. I am so surprised at how weirdly written everything is. On COVID-19, we are 300 cases short of 2000. It’s not looking good at all. And what’s worse, the government has extended the MCO to April 14. So instead of going back to work on 1 April, I would be jobless until 15 April. Lord, I surrender this to you. Let all that happens, happen according to your plan. I place my trust and hope in You, Lord. Amen.

Day 7 (24.3.2020 - Tuesday)

…aaaaaaadddd!!!! There are sooo many words in this, it doesn’t seem to have an end! 105 pages of THIS is more than I can bear!!! I’m gonna go nuts by the end of it, or blind! Anyway, I started on this the day before yesterday, but it has been a lot of, what my dad would call, broken focus. I just can’t seem to stay on the editing bit. I keep getting beckoned by either YouTube or Facebook or Instagram, and end the day without completing even one full page… so here we are. I have exactly two days to complete editing 103 pages of words. *takes a deep breath* RM530 is riding on this, man! Get it together and do it! I know RM530 seems little, but to me, after 5 months of RM0, it’s an upgrade I never thought I’d get. #suckitup

Day 6 (23.3.2020 - Monday)

Monday has arrived. I am refreshed, I have my mind set on the epilepsy article I am gonna write and the copy-editing project from the marketing department. I’m all set. I sent my interview questions to both the people I am meant to talk to. Under the current situation, I am not able to talk to them so email is the next best thing. Except an interview over Zoom would have been better, but they can’t seem to make it. Being researchers and lecturers and all, they don’t have much time on their hands…. unlike me. Anyway, that’s done. Now, continuing the project. Ohhhhmaaaiiiigaaa…

Day 5 (22.3.2020 - Sunday)

Oh Sunday. It was a really awesome Sunday service. It was truly something I think we all needed. The praise and worship was amazing, and allowed me to just soak in worship. Despite all the chaos and fear that I have in my heart and mind, I felt a peace wash over me. Suddenly I realised that the only reason for the fear in my heart is the unknown. But every “next step” we take is an unknown anyway, so why fear this one? I will keep praying, staying home, except during essential buys, washing my hands, working and doing pretty much everything I always do WITHOUT having fear in my heart.

Day 4 (21.3.2020 - Saturday)

What a total frickin crap-show! The numbers are increasing and I’ll tell you the truth, I’m afraid. Every time I wash my hands, I can’t stop wondering if I’ve washed them enough. There is just too much stake. My dad, his lungs are really not good and I am worried about what would happen should one of us get careless and carry this virus home from some essential grocery shopping. The only comfort I have right now is that my God is bigger. I know my God is bigger than all of this. I know my God is bigger than all of this!

Day 3 (20.3.2020 - Friday)

I know I wished for an eventful 2020, but my goodness, enough already! 

OMGIF already?? So, suddenly, the number of the infected in Malaysia hit 1000+. That is really too much! Who’s to blame? Why are there still cow dungs out and about on the roads, meeting friends and speaking their essentials words and letting their spits flow freely in the world and into each others’ ears? Don’t they know of a phone? There’s WhatsApp, Zoom, Hangout, Telegram, frickin Signal, Line, FB Messenger…heck, everything has a caller these days! *checks if Tinder has a caller* Not Tinder, thank goodness. Just…ugh…stop going out. *breathes* Meanwhile, my lovely brother gave us all his homemade Ais Malaysia and it was lovely! Like, it hasn’t properly rained in quite a few weeks now, and it is sooo hot. That Ais Malaysia was truly somewhat of a saving grace. And to top it off, my darling little sister made o-maki sushi, with the tuna and everything. Superb! Anyways, all things considered, the numbers locally are not too bad, is it? Is it? I’ll just have to keep washing my hands… “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti…”

Day 2 (19.3.2020 - Thursday)

#tbt like #tbeverydayforthelast5months ! 

This MCO doesn’t really make much of a difference for me since I was not working the last five months. This time around though, I wash my hands more, go out lesser, and can’t go out even if I wanted to. You know what? The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Home Edition is super awesome! I love it. It’s a breath of fresh air so I’ll have that to enjoy over this period. When we get out of this, I don’t think my hands will make it out “alive”. The number of times I wash my hands to the first verse of “Lose Yourself” is nuts!

Day 1 (18.3.2020 - Wednesday)

So, I started this to keep track of what is happening in this lovely, wonderful, fantastic nation during the Movement Control Order and also to me, as a… non-essential employee. Coz as long as I’m not working, I am not paid. Ok, let me rephrase that. As long as I am not present AT the office, then I’m not paid. Never been in this position, kinda worrying, but thankfully, I do have projects to complete to get me some kinda cash. Don’t know how its all gonna pan out. I am leaving all these worries to the Lord Almighty coz I know there is nothing I can do to change anything happening around me other than pray and stay home. These daily entries will be filled with dramatics and descriptive nothings, coz seriously, I can’t imagine another two weeks at home. So I AM gonna add some spice to this. Alright, so, first day was…err…normal. How’s that for spice? Whaaaat? I don’t know what to say in this okay? I am just…I just wanna remember what I went thru so…

#mcomalaysia #mco #stayhome #covid_19 #coronavirus #malaysia