HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST
We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife
The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)
Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas
Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit
Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)
We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)
CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)
Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint
Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something
JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)
Sollux and Eridan kissing
B
Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place
A bucket appears and yeah
We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe
Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]
Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))
Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog
Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid
Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk
Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed
21 again but with Dave
June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes
Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation
Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)
Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)
AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue
Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.
Monkeys become relevant to the plot
Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs
Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck
Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT
What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story
Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres
Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.
Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)
Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it
Deltarune reference
Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini
Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)
Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!
Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related
We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome
Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.
MLP gets mentioned
Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies
Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector
Eridan smokes weed
[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena
Weed chapter
Karkat gets a period cramp
Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)
Free Bird fight sequence
Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington
Cockaine chapter
MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah
Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow
Pic Yaoi sequence or smth
Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end
Itchy dies from tripping on a rock
Doze unslows himself and does a break dance
Trace and Fin make out session
Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran
Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar
I'm high
Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.
Wait
Shit
I should probably add an image so that I could look cool
Give me a sec
Yes, God of Yaoi.
Perfect for this.
See ya
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