#cant do any of those things. i have no friends. i ended high school with zero friends. partially because of my own fault. partially because

[mbslost]

Another yapping session with MB yipeee!

nah in all seriousness i would like to talk about some things, now that my temper is gone.

we still remember the post on twt made by @/renhanasgf about Gato not being more inclusive, oorrrr that her poc character are ignored. (i wont talk about the real stuff from discord in this post since proofs are still gathered.)

well here i am! (sadly)

1.How many poc characters?

7 well known (or maybe more). who are those? well we'll start with Raven(tinr) or known as Selin as well, Chet Ichpujani(tinr/tpof), Strade(btd/tpof), Thomas(tpof), Jaqueline(tpof), Machete(tpof) and fucking Derek(tpof)

some of them dont have a full name (besides an alias) either because story wise it didnt mattered or because of their lore (Strade and Machete are criminals, doubt they would want a victim that escaped to expose their identity, no?) Also another detail, even some white characters do not have a last name,such as Sid(tinr), Dragon/Jace(tpof), Komodo/Mike(tpof), Chamomile(tpof), Richard(tpof) and probably some from 'Facility'.

their ethnicities are indeed unknown, either because it wouldnt really affect their story or it was avoided in case it could cause a conflict. dunno. about this i cant really talk a lot since her blogs are gone, thus i cannot dig into this matter anymore. although i believe having a hc on them is fine. ''- It is 100% okay to have ANY headcanons about my character!''-her website)

Raven was one of the well know character from Gato that is poc. her nationality is unknown due to the story (which i would recommend you to read tinr, pretty cool tbh). since her story goes deeper i would suggest you to also read her wiki (fanmade). sadly lots of stuff are now gone about her. still a lover character.

Strade. Strade is Strade. (kind of forgot what she said in the answer about his name but the wiki says ''Strade is not his actual birth name. It's similar to a placeholder name like John Doe. His birth name is unknown." still you can check out more here)

Chet Ichpujani is another character involved in tinr, a manager (i believe) at a semi-restaurant thing? in the end he offers to help Farz with his problem. pretty cool guy since he and Anthony Shore re-appeared in tpof. (picture below)

Machete, ''Machete is the newest member of the desert group. He had to prove himself worthy by performing various criminal tasks to be allowed in. Despite his recent acceptance, the rest of the group remain wary of him. His quiet demeanor and decisive actions tend to unsettle the other members. He regrets everything he's done to be admitted into the group, but he chose to stop at nothing to get revenge for his sister. He feels as though he's completely lost his identity and humanity to his "purpose"." -wiki (also a small detail, he did everything to revenge his sister)

Tom/Thomas, ''Tom is a college student, taking a media development course centered around sound design. He took a few years off high school, kind of meandering through life without an aim for a while. However, he eventually found a passion for making music. Despite tons of research and hard work, he was never really able to get his brand off the ground, so he decided to head to college to get some formal education on the subject. Late one night, as he was about to head home, he was abducted by Komodo and Dragon.'' -wiki

Jaqueline, "Jaqueline is a young trades worker learning to paint houses. She takes pride in her work and also frequently goes to the gym. Her mother pesters her to get a higher education, but she loves her current career path. Due to the friction with her family over her job, she tends to choose to spend time with friends instead. She was violently abducted by Jack in broad daylight, unlucky to have no witnesses." -wiki

therefore, there's plenty of information, plus that lost from her blogs.

2.Model minority

must agree, her work from 2016 looked alike yet, in the last years she actually showed more bodies (like types)

here are some examples:

also Strade's new model as well:

quite diverse, is it not? i am aware i didnt show others as well but if you wish to (and i actually encourage to) you can view the rest here! Lawrence, Ren, Celia (or on pinterest!)

3. Conclusion

i still believe everyone can create whatever they wish, whatever character. the details are on their part. now i could understand Gato for being upset when someone doesnt draw their character as they are (such as changing the body type, skin colour, etc) but also cant blame those who feel like being ignored (trust me, had to survive the genshin fandom).

so the characters exist, thus i dont see the problem of not being inclusive (also, as she often said, you can hc her characters, thus i believe their ethnicities are free to chose for yourself)

that's it. as for the real deal (the discord stuff) i believe it's the best more proofs come. rn i dont see her as a racist artist, but that comment in spanish does sound in fact xenophobic... well, until more context is posted, we'll see

stay safe!

#gatobob #btd #btd2 #tpof #boyfriend to death #tinr #augh kinda getting tired of this all of this tbh might draw Law tho my pretty princess

[lizzie-is-here]

lonely is a man without love

part iv- the hunt

“the moon in me finds the sky in you” - dikshasuman

summary: you and steven do a little bit of grave robbing. oh yeah, marc’s there too.

wordcount: 3.6k

warnings: language, violence, red room talk, idk

a/n: yall i’m so sorry i dropped off the planet for a bit 💀 there’s been a lot going on like i’m in a situationship now w a friend from high school who moved to my college this semester, i finished my finals early, i see taylor swift tomorrow, i’m back home, but ANYWAY i hope y’all enjoy and pls forgive me ik it’s been 3 weeks 😭 love y’all

taglist: @thefictionalgemini @ravenz-hope @undiscl0sed-d3sir3s @iateall-yourcookies @disregardedplant @sunflowers-4 @yellowumbrelllaaaa @bagsy-not-it @local-mr-frog @thescarletredwitch @jupitersmoon167 @creamecafe @stevenknightmarc @theluciansystem @kingtwhiddleston @spider-biter @mxltifxnd0m @sgt-morgan @no-dont-be-suspicious @onzayhe @namorslit @i-cant-write-for-shit @vainillasmil157 @doublevirgogirl

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Hijacking a car is the easiest part.

Driving with a pounding headache isn’t that bad either.

On the other hand, watching Marc fling off his shirt is very hard.

“How did Harrow know those things about me?” you ask, averting your eyes back to the road. “He saw right through me.”

“He’s just trying to mess with you. You know, he’s trying to get in your mind,” Marc says. “No, don’t let him do that. He’s got this idea that he can see the ‘true nature’ of people or some baloney like that.”

He starts putting on a new shirt, and you can’t help but feel a little disappointed as he continues. “If that were true, I don’t think he’d have a bunch of homicidal maniacs as his disciples, would he?”

You tap the steering wheel. “But he knew.”

Marc’s face twists with sympathy. “I know.” He raises a hand to pat your shoulder, but he thinks twice and sets it on the headrest instead. “But he’s just manipulating you. Weaponizing your past.”

You glance at his hand.

“… You can touch me, you know?” It comes out a bit awkward, but meaningful nonetheless.

He gives you a small smile and rests it on your shoulder, a light chill going up your body. You didn’t receive a friendly touch in your life until the Red Room fell, and the first time Nat hugged you after a team dinner you had sobbed your heart out.

It had become your love language, in a way. You may be picky with who touches you, but every passing graze means the world.

And the weight of his hand grounding you feels nice. So you sniffle a bit before nodding sharply.

“Thank you.” Marc doesn’t take his hand back. You don’t want him to. “What did he tell you? I kind of zoned out.”

He shrugs and begins working a knot in your shoulder. “Nothing much. ‘You’re unlovable’ and ‘You’re a monster’. It’s all the same with him.”

You can hear the underlying hurt in his tone, but don’t bring it up.

After a few seconds, you pipe up, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Have I told you about the time I jumped off the collapsing sky base for the Red Room without a parachute?”

———————————————————————

Pulling off into some sand dunes, you drive across the sandy terrain in hopes of finding a place to put this tattered cloth together.

Under the light from the headlights, you and Marc lay out the fabric on the hood of the car and start trying to piece it together.

“Try that,” he says, passing you a triangle.

Working in tandem, you make little progress. It’s like a puzzle with no directions. It’s frustrating to come to so many dead ends, and it’s starting to grate on Marc.

“I’m not getting any whole constellations, it’s just little pieces and fragments.” He slams his hands on the car and walks to the side.

“Marc,” you begin cautiously. “I think we may need Steven. I know you don’t want to, but he understands all of this. We need to give him a shot or we’ll be out here all night.”

Suddenly atop the car, Khonshu chuckles. “I summon the gods, you summon the worm. He won’t return the body.”

“Why do you feel the need to do that?” you grumble, heart rate slowing after the bird practically jumpscared you.

Marc grabs the side mirror before ripping it off and gathering the strips of cloth.

“What is it with you and mirrors?” you ask.

He pauses his irritated work and points to the broken mirror.

“I see Steven in reflections. Figure he’ll be happy about this.” He holds up the cloth.

Sighing, he walks away. “Alright,” he says. “Go ahead. You’re in.”

You can see the change before you hear the British accent.

Steven crouches down in the sand, ripping tape and assembling the scraps faster than you or Marc ever could have. You step closer, unsure of how he feels about you. You did lie about your job to him.

“Steven?” you ask, sitting down next to him. He looks up, momentarily taken aback. He stares for a bit, different from Marc’s half-lidded gaze. His eyes are wide, taking in every detail.

Well, every detail of you. But you don’t know that.

“Egyptians invented modern navigation,” he explains. “There’s not a lot of landmarks in the desert. So, they came up with a way to get about using the sun and stars. It’s bloody genius, innit?”

He holds up his work. A star.

You carefully take it, marveling at the cohesive map.

“Oh, woah, that’s amazing.” Steven blushes a bit at your words, but it goes unseen in the dark. “What do we do with it?”

“Well, I’m not sure, but if… Oh wait, hang on a minute.” He holds it up to the light. “You see that? You see those little pinpricks there? That’s a constellation.”

You nod. “Orion. We should be able to triangulate the stars into coordinates, right? Let me scan it.” With your phone, you pass over the star, letting it pick up the image.

“Well, um, actually… Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.” That much is revealed when nothing turns up. “Yeah, you see, Senfu marked that tomb, like 2,00 years ago. And stars drift over time. Not much as far as stars go, but it could mean the difference between us searching miles away from where we’re supposed to be looking.”

You pick up his insinuation. “So unless we know what the sky looked like on that date…”

“We’re buggered,” Steven finishes.

The god appears ahead of you, a warning before he speaks. “I remember that night. I remember every night.”

When he makes no movement, you and Steven begrudgingly head up the dune to meet him.

“I can turn back the night sky, but it will come at a cost.”

“Doesn’t it always,” you sigh.

He nods to Steven. “I cannot do it alone. Steven, when the gods imprison me, tell Marc to free me.”

Steven is wrapped in the same suit from before a few seconds later, eyes glowing. As the god raises his hand, he begins swiping it through the air. Steven mimics Khonshu’s motions, and before long, you gasp aloud.

The sky is spinning, whirling past as trails of stars blur together. The moon is little but glowing white dots, rapidly switching phases.

You’ve never seen something so beautiful.

“This is the night,” Khonshu says as the spinning stops, freezing the spiraling constellations on the night you were looking for.

“This is surprisingly painful,” Steven shouts.

You hurry to grab your phone, scanning the stars.

“I know, I’m sorry! But it’s working,” you call.

Khonshu collapses to his knees as Steven says, “I can feel my energy leaving me.” The head cover disappears as he loses control of the night sky. He reaches up again, holding it long enough for you to finish scanning.

“I got it! 29 degrees north, 25 east.” Steven collapses, and you tuck your phone away to hold him.

He crawls to you, coughing and trying to control his racing breaths. You help him stand, but it doesn’t do much. He faints as soon as you let go, falling face-first on the sand.

“Steven!” you shout.

“Hey, Steven?” No response. “Marc? Come on, idiots. Where are you? Marc, come on.”

You keep trying until you give up and start dragging the poor man across the sand, but it doesn’t last for long.

Headlights blind you as a car speeds toward the two of you. Shortly followed by gunfire.

“Shit, why do you have to be so heavy?” you grunt. “Oh my god, fine.” Reaching the top, you toss the body over the hill rather unceremoniously, racing down and hopping in the car.

The other car circles you as you duck down, grabbing any weapons you can find. The men step out and start inspecting Steven/Marc, and you take the opportunity to sneak out.

Striking up a flare, the red glow immediately catches their attention.

You hear them yelling before they make a sharp turn and start shooting again. You drop the flare and run around the other side, readying another.

Just as the truck pulls to a stop by the van, you run out, tossing the flaming signal onto the top of the bed, where there was plenty of ammunition just waiting to be exploded. It doesn’t take long for the fuse to spark.

It’s safe to say that you receive a small firework show, and both bodies tumble out with no sign of getting back up anytime soon. If at all.

When you turn around, you immediately shriek.

“OH MY GOD!”

Steven stares back at you, now completely fine and a bit confused.

“…What?” he asks.

You shove him lightly. “Don’t scare me like that, Иисус Христос [Jesus Christ]. I could’ve thrown a flare at you.”

Steven meekly apologizes and your anger dissipates, so you wave to the car.

“C’mon. We’d better get going if we’re going to catch up to Harrow.”

———————————————————————

By the time you’re almost at the tomb, the sun has begun to rise.

“We can’t lose more time,” you grumble finally, breaking the silence. “Harrow must be headed back to this tomb.”

You bite your lip, weighing your words on your tongue. “Listen, if he’s there, we’ll need Marc.”

“No,” Steven says.

You blink. “No?”

He shakes his head. “No. See, the thing is, we made a deal, Marc and I, that when he was done with Khonshu, he would disappear for good.”

Steven glances to the mirror where you figure Marc is yelling at him.

‘But that deal didn’t involve you getting (Y/N) and us killed. That’s not gonna fly with me.’

“You made a deal?” you ask, unaware of the words of the other alter. “That he would just, never come back? Never eat, sleep, live? I understand this is a complicated situation, but both of you belong in your body equally. Besides, that would mean he would also completely disappear from my life.” You add the last bit much quieter.

“What do you mean?”

You hesitate, gripping the wheel. “Yeah, well, the guy’s kinda grown on me. Both of you have.”

‘Steven, you’re gonna make her upset, stop. Give me the body.’

“Even if he would want to ‘lone wolf’ this whole thing,” you continue, waving your hand. “I’ve been there before, and I’m not going to let you dive into a suicide mission alone.”

Ignoring the frustrated man in the mirror, Steven nods. “Yep, it’s just you and me, and the open road.” You brake hard, stifling your amusement as he jolts forward.

“We’re gonna go on foot,” you say, more of an order than a suggestion. He agrees readily, and both of you trek through the narrow path to your destination.

The shadows are a welcome relief from the heat, yet every sound has you tense. Every bit of movement could be a sniper. Every crevice could hide a hitman.

“There.” You point down to a camp. “It looks like they’re already inside, so we need to find another way to beat them to- What’s its name?”

“Uh, Ammit. She eats dead people’s souls.”

“Great. Let’s check the camp.”

Steven heads into a tent, rifling through the belongings. It’s going well, at least until a glass table reflects Marc instead of himself.

‘You look scared.’

“I’m not.”

‘You should be.’ Marc gives a wry grin that’s barely visible on the glass. ‘Without Khonshu, there’s no more suit, no more healing, no more power.’

Steven shines a flashlight directly into his eyes and blinks away the dancing spots. “Yeah, and no more you. I thought. It’s what you said, innit? But believing anything that comes out of your mouth just shows what a plonker I am.”

‘Look, I wish I could just disappear, I really do. But unfortunately, I’m still here. If you’re gonna go through with this, you gotta be smart.’ Marc hesitates a bit. ‘For (Y/N)’s sake. I’ve been in situations like this before.’

Steven shrugs. “So have I. It’s the same body, innit? It’s in there somewhere. Muscle memory and all that.” Marc rolls his eyes from the desk.

‘Yeah, I’m not sure it works that way. Just-’

“Oh, whatever,” Steven huffs, cutting him off.

‘I’m here,’ Marc calls, voice permanently in Steven’s head, even as he tries to walk away. ‘You’re not alone.’

“I know I’m not alone! I know I’m bloody not alone, I’ve got (Y/N). She’s got my back.”

Marc’s snide response shocks both of them. ‘Oh, are you in love?’ he calls. ‘You’re gonna get all of us killed.’

“And you don’t love her?” Steven snaps back, stomping down his flustered-ness to prod at the other man. “Look, I appreciate your concern, mate, I really do. But we’ve got it from here.”

As he eagerly hurries out of the tent, Marc yells from a mirror.

‘If you touch her, I swear to you, Steven. I swear, I’ll throw us off a cliff!’

Meanwhile, searching the camp, you freeze when something catches your eye. A bloodied tool, but not something modern. It’s old as fuck, from what you can tell. But the blood is fresh. Like someone stole this from the tomb and stabbed the nearest person with little regard to the trail they’d leave.

Blood covers the nearby crates. Only more reason to get out of the open.

Charging up your Widow Bites, you head to the entry point where Steven is waiting. You quickly start putting on his harness, trying to ignore how close you are by constantly glancing over your shoulder.

“I have to say, I feel like I’ve been waiting for this my whole life,” he excitedly whispers. “The adventure, I mean.” Not surprising. His love for Egyptology makes this basically the most dangerous yet exciting field study ever.

You smile. “Yeah. We want what we’ve never had.” Tightening the buckles, you can’t help but notice his breath ghosting over your cheek. “You know, family, freedom. Relationships…”

There’s a moment of connection. Your eyes meet and you don’t look away.

He’d be really easy to kiss. You know he would be. And a part of you really wants to. But not right now.

You cough a bit and look away, grabbing some gloves as you clip his harness on the rope.

“I will go down first,” you manage, voice quieter than usual. “Before I belay.”

“Yeah, of course,” Steven says. “What’s belay?”

You chuckle and wordlessly drop, reaching the bottom with little issue. What you don’t see is Marc summoning enough control to punch Steven directly in the face, partially for almost kissing you and partially for not doing it.

Underground, the oppressive heat finally relents and you let out a puff of air.

Grabbing your flashlight, you scan the room and run a finger along the dirt atop the sphinx hidden in the dark.

Before you know it, you’ve traced the signature hourglass of the Red Room.

“Shit,” you whisper. Before you can focus on it for too long, shouting from behind you causes you to whip around.

Steven tumbles down the entrance, falling flat on his back with a grunt. You help him up, dusting him off a bit.

“There you go,” you chuckle.

He blushes a bit. “I kinda wish you hadn’t seen that.” You shrug, smiling.

He glances up, eyes widening. “Oh, wow, look at you…” It’s your turn to blush now, almost giggling at the feeling in your chest before you notice that he’s looking at the sphinx, not you.

“Oh, yeah. They really are… gorgeous, aren’t they?” You’re staring at Steven as you speak. “They’re just, they’ve been standing guard for centuries.”

He nods excitedly. “Right! Look, I just- If they sprang to life right now and asked me a riddle for passage, I’d be thrilled. I’d shit myself,” he adds, “but I’d be thrilled.”

“Did… did you do this?” Steven asks, pointing to the hourglass drawing.

Reluctantly, you nod.

“Force of habit… the… The Red Room protocol was to leave the emblem wherever we went. A subtle reminder that Dreykov’s power went beyond borders.” You gesture to the symbol. “A reminder that he was all-powerful.”

You chuckle ruefully, pointing to the symbol. “Even without the pheromone lock, without his agents, he’s still controlling me.”

Steven notices the way you’re voice has quieted, how your usually-relaxed posture has slumped in on itself.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, as if the stone sphinx can hear him.

In an instant, you’re brushing it off.

“Yeah. No, it’s fine, really,” you say, confident once more and hurriedly striding down the dark hallway.

The path twists and turns, disorienting you until you freeze in a small room.

“It’s a maze,” you huff.

Steven can’t help his quip. “It’s a-maze-ing.”

“No,” you snort before pointing around. “Like, there are six paths.”

The man behind you starts muttering to himself as you scan the room. A familiar smell lingers in the air, one you would know anywhere, even if it is hidden by the smell of sand and dust.

Gunpowder.

A few bullet shells lie in the sand.

“What were they shooting at?” you whisper. No one else should be here except Harrow’s dig team.

Steven begins tracing on the center table, much like you had. When you notice a shape forming, you step closer to inspect it.

“This whole structure is the Eye of Horus,” he says. “Look at that. It’s the royal symbol, protection in the afterlife.”

You nod, keeping up with the research you’d done. “But, the resources needed…” The epiphany hits you. “Ammit’s final avatar was a pharaoh.”

“Woah, a bloody pharaoh,” Steven gasps.

“So, do you think this is a map?” you ask, not wanting to disturb the drawing.

“Right. The Eye of Horus is also the eye of the mind, yeah? Representing the six senses, six points. The eyebrow denotes thoughts. Pupil, sight, obviously.”

He continues pointing about the shape. “This point here is, uh, hearing. Smell, touch. And this long line ending in a spiral, is the tongue.”

“An avatar would be Ammit’s voice,” you mutter.

Both of you turn to the corresponding tunnel at once, heading down it together. It ends in an open room, still very musty smelling but less claustrophobic than the previous areas.

You explore for only a few seconds before Steven’s gagging.

“Oh my- Oh my god, is that fresh blood?” he manages. “Isn’t that little chunks of meaty bits?”

You nod in affirmation, really hoping he doesn’t hurl. That’s when you notice canopic jars, very full of organs and coated in very fresh blood. It hasn’t even crusted.

Another bloodied tool lies on the operating table.

You’d read about doctors and sorcerers buried with a pharaoh to protect him from intruders, but this? Checking down the exit hallway, you only see a thick trail of blood.

“Okay, okay,” you hiss, glancing up to the secondary level. “Steven, there might be a way out up there, go check.”

He clambers up with a bit of help from you, wood creaking and echoing around the stone walls.

“So, according to the ancient texts, Ammit should be bound to an ushabti, a little stone statue thingy.” You let him geek out a bit before gunfire stops your heart right in its tracks.

“Harrow,” you say, just loud enough for Steven to hear.

“What are they shooting at?”

You don’t have time to respond when a sickening clicking sound comes from right outside the door.

“Hide. Hide,” Steven calls.

With nowhere to go, you duck down by the table.

The clicking grows ever closer until you spot something, mangled and grotesque, tossing a barely-alive digger onto the stone surface.

The stabbing and squelching sound that follows is enough for you to know that some more jars are about to be filled.

In all honesty, you’ve heard worse, so you silently exhale and try to stay as still as possible.

That plan gets shot the moment you shift and bump a jar.

Wincing, you silently shift away from the table, steadying your breathing as the clicking grows more aggressive. From Steven’s hiding spot, a loud creak rises up and the creature -whatever is it is- jumps atop the table to search for the source of the sound.

You can hear it start climbing the wall, fighting to get to Steven. And that just won’t do.

With a click of a button, you fire off an electrical blast from your gauntlets. It stuns the mummified man, who falls to the table.

Steven shouts with a force you’ve never heard from him and topples a shelf, effectively crushing it.

“I squished it. I squished it,” he whispers.

“Yes,” you say, forcing an encouraging tone. “You definitely squished it, now come on.”

He clambers down the ledge with no semblance of grace, and you take his hand, rushing through the hallway to want you hope will be your destination.

As you’re stepping across shattered stones, a grin finally forms on your face.

This is it. The walls are lined with hieroglyphs, gilded statues line the chamber.

And a sarcophagus lies in the center, water surrounding it.

“Oh, my days,” Steven whispers. “First ones in. Tomb fit for a pharaoh. Thutmose II, Nefertiti, it’s gotta be one of the big ones.”

You point to the sarcophagus, eyes narrowing.

“Steven?”

“Yeah?”

“Those aren’t hieroglyphs. That’s…”

You speak at the same time. “Macedonian.”

He mutters to himself, inspecting the writing. Thoughts spilling out as his mouth races to keep up with his mind.

“I think we’re looking at the long-lost tomb of Alexander the Great,” he concludes. You understand why he’s excited, but a part of you also knows that now is not the time. Not when you’re in a time crunch.

Setting your hands on the lid, you nod for Steven to join you.

“Everything inside me is, like, screaming not to open this thing,” he says nervously.

“Well, it’s either us or Harrow. Your pick.” You know it’s a bit unfair, but it works.

He sets his hands by yours, bracing himself.

You raise a brow. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

#marvel #marvel x reader #x reader #avengers #moon knight system #moon knight #moon knight x reader #moon knight tv #moon knight x fem!reader #moon boys #steven grant x you #steven grant x reader #steven grant #steven grant x fem!reader #steven grant moon knight #marc spector x reader #marc spector #marc spector x fem!reader #marc spector moon knight

[ceasarslegion]

I know i have a lot of teenagers who follow me because i dont baby talk to them regarding things like drugs and alcohol and sex. So i wanted to throw out some advice that still saves my ass every day as an adult that i learned to instill in myself as a teenager:

-Learn how to keep house. I know that every adult is beating job skills into you right now and its overwhelming to say to least, but no matter what you end up doing with your life, you will need to know how to cook and clean and budget and go grocery shopping and do laundry and the dishes and x y z. You will need to know how to work with cleaning products like bleach safely and without creating mustard gas by accident. If you figure that out now, you will be able to take care of yourself for the rest of your life. Those are skills that you WILL need every day in the real world no matter what.

-i want to asterix the budgeting part. I know way too many grown adults who could be doing very well for themselves who are broke as shit and actively getting worse because they cant budget to save their lives. Managing your finances is what will often be the difference between living relatively comfortably and struggling to get by.

-dont get roommates if you can help it. I know you will want to, and it will seem like a fun idea to live with your friends and like nothing would go wrong, but roommates ruin friendships. If you can afford to live on your own when you first head out, do it. Trust me, paying the full rent is worth not having to deal with other peoples bullshit taking up your living space. I learned this the hard way, dont be like me. The only people you should be actively looking to live with at the young adult stage of your life are any permanent partner(s) that might come along the way, and you should rush that either. And taking some proper time to be on your own will do you so much good in the long run in realizing what kind of person you are and what you need in things like work, relationships, life in general, etc.

-you don't need a brand new car, and your first apartment doesnt need to be high end and fancy. All your firsts for those things need to be are functional, safe, and reliable. And you will love them regardless if theyre your first car/apartment. And you dont really NEED a car if youre an urbanite with a reliable enough transit system, either. Thats more of an individual thing if thats your situation. I live in an older apartment building with a stove from a brand that doesnt even exist anymore, but its real spacious for one person, in a nice part of downtown where everythings still right outside my door, and all my utilities are included. I pay 500 dollars less in rent a month for this than my coworker who lives 2 blocks away from me and has half the space i do with none of the utilities included because its all smart tech and luxury suites in that building. You don't need all that, you will not notice the difference when you actually live there.

-no one cares about high school tier drama when you hit your college years, especially if you go to an academically-based school. In my experience at least, the schools the nerds end up at think the d&d club is the coolest one on campus. This will pass, you will be fine. The nerds really do inherit the earth after you graduate, and all those bullies really do peak in high school. The guy who was the worst offender towards me in high school now literally pumps gas for his dads gas station because nobody else would hire him. Which is fine, its honest work, but it IS a tad ironic how things worked out there after so many years of telling me he'd be my boss one day. Yeah sure, howd that work out bud

-please dont get into drugs and alcohol just to be cool. I know every adult has treated you like some porcelain doll to be handled with baby gloves regarding any sort of substance, but if you choose to partake in them, all i ask is that you be informed about the risks, you do it safely, and dont do it for social clout. Its not the substances im most concerned about there, its that when you do them for social approval, you dont know when to stop or how to listen to your body telling you thats enough, which is a straight shot to a potential addiction. Its your choice whether or not to consume drugs and/or alcohol, but its irresponsible to act like theres no real risk involved in them, especially if you have the kind of personality more susceptible to addiction. Do them for yourself, in safe environments, as cleanly as you can get them if possible, and only after you educate yourself about what the risks are and what resources there are in your area for healthcare and counseling if you do develop an addiction.

-be selfish, but dont be a dick. Your young adulthood is when you should be selfish in the sense of prioritizing your own mental health, work ascension/schooling, etc, but you can do all those things without being standoffish or disregarding other people in the process. You should be there for your loved ones if you can, but if you cant, give them the common courtesy of telling them. A simple "hey, id love to help you if i could, but i have too much going on right now to spare anything. But im always here to talk about it if you need it, ily and im wishing you all the best <3" is way better than "i cant help you right now, i have my own problems to deal with."

#some thoughts

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Hi ☺️ id like to request a vampire!eddie who is friends with reader but they both want more. But maybe vampire!eddie is afraid to hurt reader so he tries to remain friends. Reader finally gives up and tells eddie they can be friends but she needs to move on. She ends up on a date that ends terribly, when she gets home eddie is waiting for her and confesses he cant just be friends and they happily get together bc neither deserve anymore angst lol.

Warnings: Angst to fluff 💕

Dont copy, reuse or repost my work

Request by @swansonron

♥️

Many people have fun stories about how they've met their best friend.

For you and Eddie its no different except for one thing.

Your best friend is a vampire. Yes, exactly like Dracula, Anna Rice's Interview with a Vampire, Angel and Spike from Buffy...

Oh, and he doesn't sparkle in the sun just FYI.

Eddie may be a vampire but he's the sweetest, kindest man you've ever met. He's never hurt a human and you know he'd never hurt you.

You've fallen for him, hard but despite how close you both are, how it's obvious both you want to take your friendship to the next level Eddie holds back.

He's terrified of hurting you, even though you know he won't but he's got the idea in his head that his enhanced strength will end up with you hurt in some way.

Honesty, he's the most gentle man you've ever known and you know accidents can happen, but what they didn't?

You wish deep in your heart that Eddie would give you and him a chance but it looked increasingly unlikely and the more it broke your heart.

🦇

After much deliberation, constantly unsure of what to do and many sleepless nights you had come to a decision.

If Eddie would never accept the idea of you and him together then you had to move on. For both your sake.

You loved his frienship and never wanted to ruin it so maybe moving on would be best for everyone.

Even if you doubted that you could find someone as incredible as Eddie, you had to try didn't you?

Telling Eddie was the hardest part as your heart still longed for him.

"I have to move on Eddie. I want to be with you so much but it's clear you don't feel the same." your heart clenches painfully and you take a second before speaking again.

"We can be friends obviously but I can't keep hoping and waiting for you when this isn't what you want"

Saying all of this is hurting your heart but it needs to be said. You need to move on and stop living in a dream world.

Eddie is quiet as he takes this in and gives a tiny nod of his head.

"I understand princess" There's a hint of pain in his voice and you desperately want to soothe him, take the pain away.

By the time you move forward just an inch to go and comfort him, it's like he puts a mask up, his brown eyes darken and he steps back.

Tears prick your eyes but you swallow them down. Maybe he really doesn't care... He's just your friend and that's it.

"I have a date on Friday. It's with a guy called Jason" he nods and turns away.

"Right, well I hope it goes well sweetheart. I'll see you tommorow" he pauses and then turns back to you and gently kisses your cheek.

The soft brush of his lips on yours, the way his brown eyes meet your gaze for a minute makes your heart race.

When you open your eyes, he's gone and all that's left is a hollow feeling in your chest.

♥️

Shit, could this night get any worse?

Jason was one of those washed up jocks who sat relieving his glory days as a high school heartthrob and football captain.

He barely asked anything about you and when he did it didn't last long.

Long story short? You wish you were with Eddie instead.

Jason gulps down his wine and grows increasingly more and more drunk, conversation is stilted and no matter how many times you pick it up, it doesn't help.

The two of you have nothing in common, in fact he could be the greatest guy in the world and your heart would still belong to Eddie.

This frustrates you. Ugh, so much for trying to get over him. You needed to accept he didn't want to be with you. In some ways you had but your heart was different.

Your heart longed for a happy ending but its obvious you wouldn't find it here.

♥️

Eddie was waiting for you when you got home, he has a determined look on his face.

"Hi, what are you doing here Ed's?" you ask him curiously. Your traitor heart skips a beat as you eye him.

"I wanted to make sure you got home okay. How was your date?" you groan and slump on the sofa.

"Awful, truly awful" he growls and his eyes flash red briefly. Shit he's pissed.

"Do I need to have words with this douchebag" his protectiveness is sweet but you can handle a tipsy idiot.

"No, you'd scare him to death Eddie, I'm okay"

He kneels down beside you and takes your hand.

"What if I just frighten him a little bit? Turn into my bat form and scare the shit out of the dumb fuck?" this makes you giggle at the thought but you shake your head.

"No, remember what happened last time" Poor Miss Dawson is still on edge about bats.

He nods smirking then turns serious, his eyes lock with yours.

"When you were on the date it was driving me crazy. I can't just be friends with you sweetheart, I want more"

After a shitty night hearing this is like a dream.

"You mean it Eddie?" he nods, his thumb circling over your fingers. Sparks and tension comes off the both of you in waves.

Fuck, you so badly want to kiss him.

"I've never wanted anything more sweetheart, I adore you. I've falling for you, hard"

Eddie kisses you. You've been waiting for so long for this to happen and now that it is you can't believe it.

You kiss him back with equal fervour and he smiles against your lips.

"I'm gonna love you forever sweetheart"

Maybe happy endings weren't just for fairtytales after all.

♥️

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson angst #vampire eddie munson #vampire eddie x reader

[k4shixe]

Helloooo!

Could I request Haikyuu characters Oikawa, Sugawara and Kuroo with a chubby reader who's an extrovert and loves books and movies and CANNOT stop yapping about them? I feel like they'd listen to them and just be happy to be included in their rambles.

Haikyuu Boys with Reader That Always Talks About Books and Movies

Staring; Toru Oikawa, Koshi Sugawara and Tetsuro Kuroo

Pairings; Oikawa x gn!reader, Sugawara x gn!reader, Kuroo x gn!reader

CW; chubby reader, affection, pet names (baby,babe and sweetheart), written at 2am ;)

Toru Oikawa

* You guys actually at a meet up with friends, he saw how you stood out from the rest and weren’t shy to speak about your interests

* When you guys went on your first date, he cant lie he did find it a bit annoying as you kept on going into some lore when he just wanted to know your current book your reading or movie you liked because (fyi) he’s a little self centred

* He also loves reading and watching movies, he always finds some time to do so

* But he loved those little moments when you did stop to ask for his input and you’d get plenty to go off of

* When you guys officially started dating you would both go to the little cafe down the street to the high school and would discuss a movie

* Discuss means poor Oikawa listening to you rant about how the two main protagonists should’ve ended up together

* He would take you to his practices and join you every chance he got to ask for an update on whats happening since he doesn’t want to get left behind

* “Babe, I think we should continue our conversation somewhere else” he says as he glances around the room to everyone staring at you both after the 6th angry shout about why the author killed off your favourite side character

* It was late afternoon anyways so you agreed of course since you were far from finishing and continued telling him about your current read

* “And they got lost while snow boarding so they had to cuddle up together, like it was sooo cute!” You mindlessly rambled on

* “Do you wish it was you?” Oikawa teased as he opened the door to the apartment

* “Well…mayb- AHH PUT ME DOWN OIKAWA”

* “Sorry, gotta give my book worm her nap”

* He took you to the couch and let you lay on his lap while he snuggled you in a blanket and put on your favourite movie to watch <3

Koshi Sugawara

* The instant you and Sugawara met, you knew it was meant to be

* He was just as interested in any movie or book you’ve read

* He loved listening to your talk about you favourite shows with so much passion

* Your favourite spots would be a little bench in the park or a small cafe to get a quick snack

* You were so cute to him as you excitedly told him about the newest release and he would excitedly reply with the same energy or more

* He is so cute he would rather die then interrupt you, never wanting to miss a thing and would always tell you where you left off so you could continue

* He and you would take turns choosing books and set a goal or have a challange on who could finish it first

* It was honestly just a way to have someone to talk to about your current read but Sugawara never refused and always took the challenge

* This man would never ever get mad at you for anything, even if you spoil what would happen he would just laugh it off

* He would join you at lunch as you always had something to say

* Always had some sort of input

* “I just cant believe they done her so dirty”

* “YES YOUR SO RIGHT! LIKE HOW COULD THEY!” you shouted a bit too loud but you couldnt help it. You loved when he was listening and matched you energy (which is always)

* His favourite part would always be when you both had a date at home and snuggle under the blanket with a torch and a book ready to be started <3

Tetsuro Kuroo

* You guys met accidentally while he was practicing

* You were talking (complaining) to Kenma about why Kuroo couldnt just participate a little on the group assignment when he so happens to over hear

* “Oh someones talking about me” he would say smugly as he watched you mess up your words trying to make up an excuse to cover up your reason

* “Sorry, Im more focused on my extra-curricular right now. But I’ll try a little so you wont have to do it all”

* You met up after school and thats when he first came into contact with your true self

* At first it was slight remarks to books that he was forced to read for school but later he couldn’t tell but he knew it was quoted

* He asked you about it and you told him you were into books and movies and as a joke he said he was too

* Big mistake tho

* Cause when you started dating you made him read and watch all kinds of stuff

* He had to tell you eventually when he couldn’t keep up with the amount of requested books he had to read or movies to watch

* You were sad that he couldn’t relate to anything you were saying but he encouraged you to keep talking

* He would stare at you while you spoke, adoring you

* Literally loved how adorable you looked with your eyes sparkling in excitement and your little hand gestures as you explained to him for context

* Sometimes he would take you out for dates just to admire you

* “Kuroo? Are you listening?”

* “Hm? Oh yeah. Something about the dungeon being different”

* Your heart melted. It wasnt spot on but he was listening

* “Yeah they took the dragons away and added purple limestone during the years-“

* “And they made her go into the room without her helmet”

* “What, they tricked her?!” He would reply dramatically with a gasp

* “Why?!”

* You were going to forget the fact you already mentioned that part for the sake of his reactions

* When walking home he would hum and nod while watching around his surroundings as he listened to you speak

* “Thats literally not fair, like why did they end up together! Like the others had much cuter moments like when they went to the movies together”

* He smirked as he turned to you

* “Sweetheart, would you like to watch a movie together?”

* He took you to the couch anyways and let you lay on his chest with a blanket on top as you both watched your favourite movie for the 4th time <3

A/n; I love this idea sm and it is so cute! I agree that they would all listen and put their input. I apologise if it is bad or for any mistakes as I just saw and started write this at 2am. Please send in any more requests as im always open and Hope You Enjoy! :)

#x reader #haikyuu #haikyū!! #oikawa toru #toru #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa x reader #fluff #hq fluff #kuroo testuro #kuroo x reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara koushi #hq x reader #hq #hq oikawa #hq kuroo #hq sugawara #anime and manga #volleyball #hq anime

[3mmetotter]

Bakugou and Midoriya's Relationship Pre-main-cannon Analysis

Ok so I keep reading posts where people seem to think Bakugou has hard-core bullied Izuku for 10 straight years and Im here to squash that. So a kinda analysis of their relationship though the years based off what we know and all major shifts that I think happen based off cannon. As well as some inferred just based off how kids act at certain ages.

Relationship Timeline Guestimation:

This is my best guess on a timeline towards each other.

I would say the biggest guess in this is when the passive bullying actually started. Im guessing end of elementary and start of junior high just based off how kids usually are at that age (friendships shift, preteens try to be cool, purberty starts, ect.)

The biggest theme to their whole relationship is miscommunication so I labeled the timeline based off what an outside POV might label their relationship.

Preschool

Activity regular friends without Katsuki being a massive jerk. Before quirks and then Katsuki gets a big head ect. Most of that is covered extensively in flashbacks in the manga so Im gona gloss over this era.

Elementary

There's not a lot thats been shown directly at this time beyond what we've been shown in the manga (ie Izuku being nicknamed deku). So slightly inferred just based off their personalities and overall age.

Theyre actively friends but Katsuki gets worst and worst through the years and more distant. Though they actually have interations. Plus both these boys are so stubborn that I think theyed stay friendsish through elementary.

So we know they interacted and were around each other:

They were both friends at this point or at least like playmates and I think would continue through a lot of elementary especially early elementary.

Cause its not like Katsuki was popular with most people unsurprisingly:

Even if Katsuki really didnt want it, I think Izuku was one of the only friends that actively showed he cared about him. Even if he really didn't want it.

But with Katsukis insecurities and his kinda warped view of Izuku their friendship was pretty off and on again. Basically at this point in their relationship they both think the other is a slightly jerky friend but still actively care for each other. They get on each others nerves but still consider the other a friend. Also cause theyre in elementary, kids usually just play with whoever is closest and available. Since they lived in the same neiborhood and both have no sibling they would probably be first available for each other, inspite of feelings or insecurities.

Eventually though Katsukis insecurities would win out. (Which to note those really only ever come up when comparisons can come into play or when Katsuki could be precieved as needing help). And Katsuki has the same self awareness emotionally as a cat whos head is stuck in a bag. So he projects those insecurities hard onto Izuku, instead of actual self reflection.

To sum up elementary:

Early Middle School

Turning point from my guess is when Izuku tries to stand up to Katsuki and I think this is where they officially end any friendship and the bullying towards Izuku officially starts. I interpret this scene as either later elementary school or early middle school based off the lankyness of everybody:

So middle of middle school and note that Izuku isnt as actively freaked out by Katsuki approaching. So Katsuki after whenever he beat-up Izuku essentially reaffirm to himself that Izuku cant be a threat, and that he is still the best. Thus calm Katsuki at the start of Middle School. Still a jerk whenever he sees Izuku but doesnt seem to feel the need to actually seek him out. Mostly just dismissive belittling.

Plus no full on Baku-rage directed at Izuku:

Of course as anything hero related starts to come up and Izuku ends up doing his normal thing. Katsuki, like always, gets triggered cause Izuku hits every insecuritie he has.

Turning point happens when Katsuki feels threatened by Izuku again:

Thus Baku-rage is officially engaged! And series starts!

#bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #mha #mha bakugou #my hero academia #character study #timeline #deku #great explosion murder god dynamight #bkdk #bnha #bnha spoilers #school briefs #boku no hero academia #team-up missions #kacchan #dkbk #izuku #katsuki #childhoodfrenamies #childhood friends #bnha bakugou #bnha midoriya #bnha fanfiction #bnha fic #mha deku #bakudeku relationship #bakugou x midoriya #bnha meta

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

#phineas and ferb #phinbella #act your age #ask #this was fun you guys should ask me more stuff like this #dwampyverse analysis

[pigeonwit]

HI. for ur ride. digging into my newsies fan recesses of my brain.

ur modern interpretations of the newsies meet your canon timeline interpretations of them. what do they say to each other. assuming that whatever they say will not break the space time continuum

okay, so full disclosure my modern era newsies interpretation is just @jasperscringepit 's punksies au. that is canon to me. that is who the newsies would be if they were alive in the modern era. now the lore for this (at least my lore for the punksies fic i have stashed away for a rainy day) is that davey spent his entirety of high school stressing over assignments and exams, losing sleep, losing weight, all in order to get the best possible future he could. he sacrificed friendships, hobbies, his morals, his WANTS, because the rules said that if he did, he'd have a better future. and then he gets an F on one of his assignments for 'vulgar and inappropriate subject matter' (he brought up queer theorists to bolster his points, the focus of his assignment wasn't queer in any way, he just brought up queer theory in passing) and he spirals. he has a full crisis of faith at the tender age of 17 and loses all faith in the system. he worked so hard and for what? what now? what if he cant get into a good college? why is that so important to him? why should he spend his life trying to fit a mold if he'll just be thrown out for the slightest misstep? why is he stressing and losing sleep for the hope that MAYBE he can do the things he wants to do when those things are going to get him labelled as 'vulgar' and 'inappropriate' no matter what? whats the point of sacrificing his morals in order to MAYBE change the world one day when the world needs changing now?

he doesnt have hobbies. he doesnt have FRIENDS. he doesnt even know what he likes.

so he jumps off the deep end and gives up on everything he used to depend on. he gives up on wearing sweatervests and trying to keep his curls neat for the sake of Looking Professional (why does he need to look professional he is SEVENTEEN-). he dyes his hair. he gets piercings. he wears band tees and he feels comfortable wearing them. he doesnt cringe when people look at him because hes not performing anymore. hes HIMSELF for the first time and it rules.

and people... notice.

jack notices. his whole group notices. and daveys pretty sure theyre making fun of him but whatever, he feels GOOD. he gets bolder. he calls out all the assholes he was too scared to call out before. he talks back when teachers are being blatantly false or biased or just unfair.

and he gets detention, obviously, but who cares. who cares?

thats where the musical events take place, i think. davey gets put in detention with the newsies and hes obviously out of place. hes nervous and a little snippy but jack seems curious. he takes davey under his wing, no matter how much davey kind of wishes he didnt. he doesnt leave him alone. he ropes davey into skipping detention and running through town and suddenly theres some cop that jacks running from like the plague and davey has no idea how he even got roped into all this but he is and its terrifying and exhilarating and holy fuck he cant even remember the last time he spent time with someone who wasnt sarah or les.

thats all i have i think. im not entirely sure WHAT pulitzer does in this au so im just gonna say 'vagus 90s college comedy plotline'. mean dean needs taking down a peg and a bunch of queers from the theatre department are going to do that. i dont want to get too focused on that though - i think if modern aus follow the canon events to a tee theres not much point in making modern aus. but i think thats how davey joining the newsies would catalyze. thanks jupes love you jupes thank you for indulging my nonsense mwahmwah

(this bus smells and people keep fully open mouth coughing everywhere. kill me)

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Shameless Smut (2) Masterlist

part one

A Comprehensive Guide On How To Make Dan Howell Tired Enough To Get In Bed (ao3) - deletable_bird

Summary: This is what Dan loves about the old Phil, the Phil from way back when; his blatant, flirty, inappropriate comments, his complete lack of inhibitions; the way he digs his fingers into Dan’s hair and kisses him like it’s the last thing he’ll ever be able to do.

As You Please (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)

Summary: In which Dan ruins the mood during sex. Except he doesn't.

Bite (ao3) - aby55al

Summary: Phil is a vampire, has been for around ten years, but he's stuck at 19. He's always been able to get into bars or wherever it was easiest to get a fresh source of blood. It never mattered to him what kind of blood it was, blood was something he had to have, and whichever way was easiest was fine by him. Until one night he met Dan.

Distractions (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Dan's a bit anxious about his newest video, and that just won't do.

drop dead legs (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: He shouldn't be so aroused by the sight of Phil's thighs.

Happy Ending (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Danny hurts his back, Philly helps him feel better. ;P

Hot Baking Twink Jacks Huge Cock (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: Halloween Baking heats up (really just shameless porn)

i'm exactly where you like me (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil meet in a gay bar. They fuck

Just Another Dumb Jock (ao3) - aby55al (orphan_account)

Summary: Jock Dan goes to high school with pastel Phil. Then they have sex.

Let's share (ao3) - blackdoeeyes

Summary: It's 2016 and Dan and Phil have always been just platonic best friends. But everything somehow moves to another level, from dark corridor to dimly lit room.

not a chew toy? (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: Apparently some things aren’t meant to be chewed on. Who knew?

Not Just Any Fan. (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Dan and Phil meet for coffee and something more...

Now Jump Me Like a Kangaroo (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: aka the fic where phil cant think of any other way to describe his feelings to dan than with the Ninja Sex Party original song Heart Boner and after discovering both of them feel the same way for each other, those heart boners also become physical boners and a night of the no pants dance between them them ensues.

Pumpkin Spice (ao3) - ThoughtaThought

Summary: You remember how I left you on the verge of smut in Chapter 3 of Pumpkin Pride? Here ya go, here's that smut.

Winter 2009

Dan: 18

Phil: 22

Say It (ao3) - aby55al (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil refuses to say fuck so Dan decides to practice abstinence. Then they have sex.

Sugar Daddy and Dan (ao3) - aby55al (orphan_account)

Summary: Sugar baby Dan is afraid that his sugar daddy Phil will fire him if he catches feelings. Then they have sex.

The Prince's Protector (ao3) - aby55al

Summary: Dan is a prince and Phil is his personal bodyguard. Then they have sex. :)

**very unedited**

you look so good it hurts (in my favorite t-shirt) (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: Phil is gifted with a "Mega Dilf" shirt. Guess who picked that shirt out?

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #smut #sex tw #shamelesssmut #shamelesssmut masterlist #smut masterlist

[theanimewriter]

Can i request a Shousuke x reader (from Komi Cant Communicate) where shousuke is a bit tired (from school, hitomi or something) and reader recharges them in various ways (example: cooking/buying shousuke his fav food/snack, let him relax by (returning the favor where reader massages shousuke) , just basically reader trying to help him when he is tired and a bit sore). (those are a few of my recommendations for this little request of mine)

Helping the boy that can do everything by “himself”

pairing: gn!reader x Shousuke Komi

genre:Fluff

Warning: None!

Summary: Shousuke has been overwhelmed by school and Hitomi.You notice how tried Shousuke is-Normally-Shousuke would just be alone in his room,but you came along and help him get back on his feet.(Helping Shousuke after a tiring day.)

Shousuke Komi,a young,wise,kind high school boy.Today it’s just like any other school day:complete chaos.Hitomi being the helpful friend that she is,she made Shousuke hangout with other people,which-of course-turn out uneventful to him.

A bunch of boys wanted Shousuke to join a round of basketball with them,when Shousuke glared at them;they couldn’t help but shiver with fear with an intense stare.Hitomi caught sight of this and decided to help Shousuke with his “Communication problems.”

This lead to Shousuke bring dragged into a game (unwilling) and when he didn’t play she grab his arm,put a leg beside his knee,and slam him to the ground.After that she made him you around the whole school, entertaining other kids that wish to be close to him.

When the school day had came to the end,Shousuke was finally able to sneak away from Hitomi (Surprisingly,) and went to find you and bring you home with him before anyone else try’s to be buddy-buddy with him.

On your walk to Shousuke’s House you did notice how extra tried he looked than normal, perhaps you should try to help him when you reach his house.

Once you and Shousuke had entered,Shūko (his mother) saw you both.”Hello Shousuke.Oh? You brought your lover with you!!How sweet of you Shousuke~ Please stay as long as you like, Y/N~~” Shūko couldn’t help but sound joyful and happy just to see her little boy and his little soulmate.

Shousuke than dragged you up stairs, (he’s much to tried to deal with his mother fawning over you) and pull you into his room with the door closed beside you for some privacy.

When you two have gotten in his room,Shousuke flop down on his bed while signing with his arm over his eyes. Now,when this happens,you would let him be until he’s ready to accept the fate of his life being undoubtedly miserable with that girl in his life.

Although,today seems different than the usual.He been more drain than normal and wasn’t recharging as fast when his with you,so what better way to help him than to return all the kind thing he normally does for you.

~ α ƒєω мσмєηтѕ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ℓαтєя ~

Since Shousuke wasn’t being himself,you were able to sneak away from him without him knowing and get a few things to make him happy.(If he was feeling well,he would have come with you) Nevertheless he couldn’t and didn’t even know what you were doing until you tap him on the shoulder.

When Shousuke lifted his arm a little just to see what you wanted,you then ask Shousuke if he can lay on his stomach and to relax for a while.To him,it’s just like any other thing for you to ask from him,so he didn’t question it one bit.

Once Shousuke was on his stomach you move so you’re on above him,Shousuke was about to ask what were you doing, (since you never did this kind of thing before) but he was interrupted by a soft him that came out of his mouth when you pushed into his tense shoulders.

The absolute bliss on Shousuke face when you started to move all around his back and getting in all the spots that has been bothering him for awhile now.First: his shoulders,lower back,hands,feet and lastly: his head. By this alone Shousuke can feel like he could walk a thousand miles and still feels like he just got out of a nice bath.

Shousuke was about to thank you and show his Gratitude back to you but right when he was about to get up you, push him back down.Of course he was confused,especially when you pull out a plate full of mackerel.(that was beautifully decorated) When he saw his favorite food he didn’t know what to say.

All Shousuke could do was to take the plate that was in your hands and when he took a bit,he was in absolute pleasure.His eyee baleens like a child when they saw an ice cream truck.The only was for Shousuke to make that kind of face is when it’s your cooking.

~~~~~~~~~~>

When you and Shousuke was done eating, (yes,he shared with you) You both are sitting on his bed with him on top of you,his head on your chest,and you petting his hair.Shousuke move a little and than said,in a small yet smooth,deep voice, “ Thank you,Y/N.” And that’s all he needed and wanted to say before heading to sleep with you taking care of him.

🃚⬁⬁⬁ ⬁⬁⬁Bonus⬁⬁⬁⭠♡´･ᴗ･`♡⭢⬀⬀⬀ Scene⬀⬀⬀⬀⬀🂪

While Shousuke was living the life of misery and pain,you went down stairs to make him his favorite food.Even if it was hard or not to make the food,Shouko wanted to help (she does like to spend time with you now.You’re like a little sibling to her now.)

While both of you were cooking together,Shuuko and Masayoshi (Shousuke’s mother and father) was watching you and Shuoko cooking food for their tried little boy. Shuuko started to whisper to her husband ”Aww~~How sweet,they’re just too cute,Y/N is such a good lover to our little boy!! Right honey?” All Masayoshi said was “Hm” in a way to agree that she was right,the way his eyes looked said “Y/N is truly a little me when I was younger” He saw you as a child of his own by than.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕒 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝕗𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕝𝕪 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕣𝕖.

#headcanon #anime boy #x reader #anime #romanticism #gn!reader #boyfriend #komi can't communicate #komi san wa komyushou desu #shousuke komi x reader #Komi doesn’t need to communicate #shousuke komi #shousuke #Komi #komi san anime #self care #loving #lover care #relax #cooking #school #anime school #anime family

[alstroemerian-dragon]

theres something that really bothers me about the way a lot of people talk about and write peko re: her place as fuyuhiko’s “tool,” especially when it comes to like. despair. and i feel like it stems from a few different places and one of those is definitely uh. distance from the source material. because. w. did we play the same game

like. the second trial is a lot of things. annoying. about the death of a character i dont really care about. kind of confusing. Very Sad At The End. but the one thing it shows beyond any shadow of a doubt is that peko Does Not Want To Be Fuyuhiko’s Tool. she leans into it a lot in that trial, past the stupid. serial killer shit. which is literally just desperation and quick thinking on her part (and non diagetically meant to parallel the first game but whatever). but she does that because it is the only option she thinks she has if she wants to keep fuyuhiko alive. because thats her ultimate goal, right? sure, she’s his tool. sure, theyre Badly and Unhealthily codependent. sure, she was basically groomed to stay at his side no matter what. but…

she also cares about him. genuinely. she loves him. for all that teenagers can properly conceive of love in all its forms, but she at least think she does. but she does truly care about him.

did anybody do her free time events other than me? genuine question. because i dont think someone who wants to ask the guy shes sworn to protect on a date would be content being just his tool. that sure sounds like someone who wants to be on equal footing with him.

like. look. say what you want about the anime. take it with a grain of salt. cherry pick what you like and toss the rest of it out. that sure is what i do!! but even if you do that, youve got to take the text of the game itself into account if you want to have any semblance of regular characterization, and the game makes it clear that she hates this!!! she doesnt want to be his tool! she will fight him on things if she has to! she will disobey him if she has to!!! thats the whole point of the trial!!!!! he told her to run and that he would take the fall and she told him no!!!!!!!!!

and you cant ignore the fact that the time between them starting at hope’s peak and the tragedy hitting the ground running was two whole years. people can change a lot in two years, especially teenagers, and especially high schoolers. idk how long its been since you were in high school (unless you currently are in which case. dear gd im so sorry. good luck) but your mental state in high school is so fucked. you have no idea who you are and neither does anybody else and can you even imagine the kinds of pressure the ultimates would have been under?? again, taking the anime with a grain of salt, but even if you go along with it and think the school was barely a school at all, the pressure from society, from family, from peers still has an impact. everyone was telling them who they were and that thats who they were going to be for the rest of their lives and i doubt ANY of them felt like it.

and even if you subscribe to the idea, like me, that their second year was a downward spiral because of junko’s presence and influence, they still needed somewhere to fall from. the idea that peko was uniquely comfortable being quiet and violent and doing whatever fuyuhiko wanted so she didnt need despair to be his tool is ridiculous. i see the argument of “well watching her friends fall into despair and spiral made her spiral in turn and grow numb to it and retreat into herself until she needed to become fuyuhiko’s tool again as a coping mechanism” but. buddy. That Is Despair.

sometimes i feel like the only person who thinks about despair complexly and maybe thats its own post because this ones too long already but. despair isnt just Being Brainwashed Into A Monster. ignore what the writers told you. okay? look at me. Look Into My Eyes. The Writers Are Fucking Idiots And Dont Know How To Write Good Drama With Genuine Stakes. despair as a nuanced concept is so much more horrifying. different post. sorry. peko.

if peko had not been pulled down by despair just like the rest of them she would have fought tooth and nail to keep fuyuhiko above it. she would have demanded he explain to her why he was doing what he was doing. and she would have told him no.

and of course heres where i get into the accusatory part because the other place a lot of this comes from is, and im sorry, an unwillingness to write complex or nuanced women. not pointing fingers, but reducing peko down into “fuyuhiko’s tool” and “she does whatever he says without question” completely destroys any minuscule amount of agency she has. shes a fucking person. yes, shes pixels on a screen. yes, shes a representation of tropes. but diagetically, within the fiction of the game, she is a human being, and if you want to write her, and not be puppeting around a gddamn cardboard cutout, you have to think of her as a person with agency who makes her own fucking choices. sometimes those choices are taken away from her. but they shouldnt be taken away by you.

#personal #long post #peko pekoyama #danganronpa #meta #okay thats it #sorry this is so fucking long. was thinking about this for the past hour and a half #AGAIN. NOT POINTING FINGERS. NOT STARTING SHIT. IM JUST SAYIN. #1) revisit the source material 2) think about women as people… #thats all i’ll say. the post about despair as a concept will have to wait for another day #i will talk about metal gear solid in it. im sorry. #okay gnight

[sofoulandfairaday]

My black sisters early headcannons

I agree with you about narcissa not being soft, I mean if she was she probably would be miserable for the whole of the series and shes not, and the redeeming factor for the malfoys is that they all love each other very much. She and lucius got together in her fifth year. And got married straight after she finished school. She had however had pregnancy problems, so they were overjoyd when draco was born. Narcissa was made prefect but not head girl. Of the sisters she was the least interested in school but she did do enough to get good grades in all her classes.

With Andromeda i think she actually loves all the pureblood functions like the balls and the rest. But most the fics ive read has her hating them. And that not being able to take part in the high society was the worst part of running away for her. I think she was as prejudiced as the other 2 when starting school. And my headcanon is that she and ted got paired for a class very early on and he just decided he wanted to be her friend and he just did not let up. Snatching small conversations and giving small gifts. It took years for this to actually work and andromeda to decide she wanted to be friends. And that and only that made her slowly change her mindset. After the 2 war i could see her and narcissa write letters to each other but i also cant see either of them writing first. And its not like andromeda would attended bellas funeral. I also think of the sisters she and bella were the ones who were the closest. I think bellatrix wedding was the last event she attended. And the fact that after this bellatrix was very busy made it easier to run away. I also headcanon her as the best spellcaster of the three but that after the 1st war she does not keep training. I also think the reason she wasnt more involved in the order because she doesnt want to fight her former friends and family.(opposite i think to sirius who i think found Joy in it).

As for bellatrix she is the one i think who enjoys balls the least but she still thinks they are somewhat fun, she leaves as soon as socially acceptable to do other fun "afterparty" things. By the time she started school she had decided who her friends were and those were her friends for all 7 years. She also really enjoys learning and was the most studious. She took as many classes o.w.l.s and n.e.w.t.s as possible and excelled in all. She could have been both prefect and head girl but made sure ahead of time she was not interested because it would cut into study time. Not that school classes was the only thing she studied. Due to being and excellent student and some charm and high standing she got to read any book she wanted from the forbidden section of the library. She always asked with a good and untrue excuse. She was far from kind to muggleborns but she was not a bully in school. Only hexing those who annoyed her or slighted her some other way. She actually found it boring and did always had an air of "can you get done soon" when her friends were bullying. Bellatrix found however out that she liked inflicting pain the first time she did it, this was at the very end of school though so she didnt terrorize the school. As soon as she was out of school she travelled to learn more. Around her 20 birthday her parents started bugging her about marriage because she had never shown any interest in romance. She after a bit of this went to rodolphus and said lets get married in which he responded wathever you want(I think he is in love with her but knows she doesnt love him and therefore dont expect anything and they are best friends). He proposed the next day at a garden party with the finest and most expensive of rings. Though there had been talk with and about voldemort in her friendgroup. Bellatrix first met voldemort at her wedding(I really like this headcanon). They immediatly got along well because Bellatrix had gotten lightly into dark magic and wanted to learn more and voldemort really liked how much interest she showed esp coupled with that she is very powerful.

Hi, anon! Oh, gosh, thank you so much for this ask - I agree with so many of these, almost all of them! They're so perfect.

Yes to Lucius and Cissy being together since Hogwarts, yes to her being Prefect but not Head Girl, super-duper yes to Narcissa with pregnancy problems. I have a very specific headcanon in mind for this. I think they had several miscarriages (Bella had at least one too; difficulties with conceiving children is something I envision for all the women of the Black Family, which may also be due to the fact that they all select their spouses from a very small pool) and they finally managed to conceive with Severus' help, using some sort of potion and very later on (if Cissy is done with school around 1972-73, why did her and Lucius only have Draco in 1980? It's not like she was involved in the fighting...)

I also agree that Andromeda was quite different from Sirius and her leaving her sisters was much less of a nuanced political position (I see her as someone with many biases and a lot of unlearning to do- never mind the fact that she also doesn't want her daughter to marry Remus because he's a werewolf). I think she loved her family - sisters, parents, cousins - and partly her world (balls, fancy restaurants and holidays...) I can see her having a difficult time letting go. Her abandonment of her family is something that's much more selfish than we think: she liked Ted, and her family said she couldn't have him, so she took him anyways. My problem with her is that I can never seem to write her the way I want to. I can't seem to get her voice right.

Yes to Bella's wedding being the last event she ever attended (something Narcissa would always be resentful of).

Sirius is someone with a very black-and-white morality (ironically, the same as Bella), while Andromeda isn't in my opinion. And I can see her being conflicted over her position in the war, even willing to forgive her sisters until Tonks' death, of course. Yes to neither Andy nor Cissy being able to bring themselves to write first after the second war. And yes to Andromeda not being there for Bellatrix's funeral. She might have gone, even after Sirius, if it weren't for Nymphadora. I just can't see her forgiving Bella for that.

Yes to Bella being the most studious, and the best in school. Yes to her having a small group of friends. I can see her being Prefect and Head Girl, but I can also see the opposite - her not being given it/refusing it not on the basis of grades but temperament/free time/other injustices etc. Yes to Rodolphus being in love with her and them having a good relationship, yes to her choosing him personally. I headcanon that she meets Voldemort at her engagement party! (At least in the story I'm writing, but I am very flexible on this- it's not the when it's the how for me.) Yes to her being a natural sadist, not that much of a bully in school, but definitely respected. Maybe she partook in her free time.

It's a happy headcanon for her to have travelled after school. I definitely think she wanted to, but in my head, her parents had always refused it, saying that it wasn't proper for a young witch like her to travel the world without a chaperone. It also fuels, for me, her need for adventure as a young woman. I do like it though (I tend to make everything tragic; I don't know if you've noticed but I love angst!)

Yes yes yes to her seeing Voldemort as more than a political figure but as a mentor, a teacher, and him choosing her above all else to make her his pupil.

#bellatrix lestrange #andromeda tonks #narcissa malfoy #ted tonks #lucius malfoy #rodolphus lestrange #lord voldemort #headcanons #hp headcanons #asks #answered

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

school and other things

UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH i have to go back to the educational prison that is my high school tomorrow >:/ luckily afterward tho i get to visit my auntie and uncle to drop off some soup. i rlly hate that i cant wear fun tights to school, i have to wear my boring black ones instead of my stripey ones or new cool af skeleton ones! just in general i hate that i have a stupid uniform. only upside is its a great excuse to continue making kandi. welp back to eating lunch in the library and accidently eavesdropping on ppls drama. only good thing abt highschool is everyone has drama and they loooooove to tell it to/around me for some reason. ig i look like i wont tell anyone. i mean theyre right tho i tell my best friend (shoutout to him cause weve been friends for 10 years now, a full decade!) everything but he doesnt kno any of these ppl and neither do u dear follower, at least i hope not. I like the idea of imortalizing my highschool experiance on the internet just shouting my grievences out in the void of 0s and 1s that is the internet. its fun. ill look back on it later in life and maybe cringe but i hope not lol. welp at least im not peaking in highschool! god thatd be so much worse ive heard those ppl never turn out well and seeing the obvi peaking girls in my school i can tell why. i recently got into Class of 09 and its made me think of my high school career, how its going, how it started, how itll end etc etc. kinda want it to end already like cant i just graduate already! its only been a year and a few months but that has felt like decades. "best years of ur life" my ass. only thing worse was middle school. wouldnt do that again for all the love or money in the world!!!!! anyways this blog post has kinda gone off the rails and i kno yall dont read my longer posts so ill end it here lol

#scene kid #2000s scene #scenemo #emo #catholic school #school #high school #college #university #exams #finals #working #my work #plans #work life balance #stress #mental health #therapy #boundaries #emotional health #failure

[neptune-ian]

I think the one thing I really despise is how screen obsessed people have become including myself, we arent progrssing as we should because we now have all these screens that take up our time and as we are doing this we are wasting potential time on other things away. when I was a kid it was so easy just to go up to people and talk to them but now its an other thing that is never easy to do when people have phones out or something on the telly might be more interesting than spending time with you. i miss real connections with people. like physically seeing them in person versus on zoom or messaging someone something but only getting bog standard short af replies that some people send it kind of shows when someoen doesnt care for you truly.

we used to just nip round to each others houses and go for walks or hang out at the parks. then in high school it was like i had to do twice that effort due to cliques and people could easilt ditch you for others and vice versa and now as an adult i have to do thrice the effort just to make sure im keeping in touch with folk. things used to be so simple way back when before screens took over everything. even hanging out with people now cant be done without having to upload it somewhere for them to get some likes its less about hanging out for the sake of it if that makes sense? just like when someone is asking advice on how to make friends as n adult snd all people usually say is just go out more? all the basic stuff u heard before its never that simple life can be tough as well. honestly kind of jealous of older generations as they get nearer to the end and im just half 60 this year welp. life seems so long often boring or stagnant even if people say time flies.

Then quit tarot Tumblr, then quit Tumblr and slowly leave other apps that are too superficial and not helping you in any way. Why would you still stay in a situation that annoys you so much anon? That’s quite sadomasochist lol

You are litteraly telling all your answers, you are giving yourself all you need to leave your situation and yet you don’t practice it? How do you want to improve if you do not do that small step first??!

Apply your own vision of life : walk outside, talk to people face to face, you who are nostalgic of the past : find your people, those that are just like you! They exist but for that, rise your head off of your phone and go toward them! It will be better for you anon…

#neptune’s talk #neptune’s anon ask

[gippyworm]

Didn't get the job-thing I applied for through the uni, they said they couldn't really fault my application or interview but it was just 'very competitive'. All I can think is they think I do too much already or maybe I didn't "know enough" about their company. Or maybe it was because I didn't grow up in the area actually, because to get the scholarship version of the gig you have to have grown up in the area.

Was assuming I would get it because everyone I spoke to including one of my teachers who works alongside them said I should work there and had no doubt I would get in. And I need the money so bad I'm so sick of being broke and not having any food and I've used up almost all my garden fund that I was so excited to buy plants with and everything just sucks.

I go onto facebook and get old school friends posting the most bougie photos at high end parties and buying investment properties and I cant help but feel idk. Not jealous over those things bc i dont like parties and I dont want investment properties. But envious that some just inherited wealth or were handed an entire business at 20 years old to make money from yknow. Meanwhile I had to consider whether I could afford butter at the supermarket.

I'm feeling constant agony over what to eat and I feel like I've completely lost all willpower because I've just completely given up. But I've been steadily gaining weight because I eat so much sugar and I can't stand how it changes my face and I have no energy but no matter what I do to try fix my food it never lasts. It affects my energy and my skin, but I can't afford professional help and even if I could who do you even go see? Naturopaths can be too pseudo-scientific but dietitions are so expensive and the free session I had with one a few years ago was the most unhelpful thing I've ever done.

I think I just need a break. I'm really sick of studying atm like I wish I could defer mid-semester because there's too much happening right now and its paralysing. Getting the news that I didn't get the gig really was the last nail in the coffin for me atm.

Guess I'm just disappointed. And so over being stressed. And so fucking sick of being poor.

#chatterboxing #neg #just needed to dump my agonies for a moment

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕