#cant place it but its not mostly because of a self esteem thing

[meryldian]

omg love your writing its so GOOD

do you think you could do some more headcanons about growing up with devilsh

np if you cant have a good day or night ❤

★ Growing up with Devilish & Being Tokio Hotel’s 5th member ★ pt.2

AN: I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE !!

I decided to merge the requests because they overlap with one another and simply work. I hope this satisfies you !! I’m writing this as a part 2 to my first « Growing up with Devilish/Tokio Hotel » post since it just works!

Warning! Underage drinking and Smoking,sexual themes touched non explicitly, that’s about it. Friendly reminder it’s Tokio Hotel we’re talking about

≛ This is set in 2003 til 2005 right before the release of ddm as it deserves it’s own post.

~ Enjoy your read ~ (not proof read I’m sorry I had to get smth out of the drafts)

Bill was so excited to land that Starsearch audition, he came running to your house once he got the confirmation.

It’s 8pm on a school day and there’s a frantic Bill knocking at your door.

Or window, if it happens to be on the first floor.

I love the idea of your room being on the first floor, that way the boys can sneak in for silly night-ins discussing about the future of your band or watching some disney movies on your VHS player.

Or sometimes you’d sneak in beer, weed, all that good stuff that 12/13 year olds should not be doing but you did it anyway.

Your bedroom was a hideout and safe place, especially for Bill who found so much comfort in you.

The days following to Bill’s audition were spent practising his singing and putting up a killer outfit that would shock everyone.

Not many people had faith in him, but I’m sure you were certain he’d make it.

So when a letter got home after a few weeks saying that he was amongst the best 16 in the country, you sticked out your tongue and middle finger up to the other 3 boys. “I told you so”

When it came the time to interview the band for Bill’s section of the show, you guys knew you’d have to be your best.

Bill helped out picking your outfits for sure. You needed to look cool for the camera. Maybe this would be a breakthrough moment?

You even got to do Georg’s hair, much to his annoyance.

It felt glorious, there was a television team in Loitsche and it was just for you guys. You were the kings of the town for a few hours.

Charlotte, the twins’s mom allows you to come with her to the show. You were so excited to see Bill onstage! (The fandom knew Mami Kaulitz as Simone but she legally deleted that name and only kept Charlotte) (from now on I’ll only refer to her as Mami Kaulitz though)

Once Bill came on stage you knew he was meant to be there, and you dreamed for your band to be able to shine like this by his side.

You were clapping and singing along so happily, the crowd loved him.

The same can’t be said about one particular judge.

When Bill lost he came running into your arms. Poor boy was destroyed. You only had a couple minutes to gather his things and leave so while his grandma comforted him you helped out Mami Kaulitz at getting everything together.

Standing awkwardly by a crying Bill, his grandma and a bunch of strangers while waiting for his mom to finish talking to the host is definitely not your best memory.

Needless to say the ride back home was silent.

Everyone was so proud of Bill nonetheless.

In the following weeks you guys mostly practiced your melodies with the band and tried out new riffs. Bill was quite depressed and refused to get out of his house.

Not even a new outfit, new song or a cool Barbie doll could convince him to get out.

You would physically have to get in and drag him out of bed by his ankles.

Once you yanked him too hard and he fell right on his butt, knocking his head while at it. Tom was wheezing in the back while you tried to help Bill up, avoiding to burst at his misery.

Bill has always been arrogant, so the loss on Starsearch was a big bruise to his ego. You would have to help him rebuild his self-esteem.

Dressing him up prettily and doing his makeup.

Bill would imitate your makeup techniques, he finds you fascinating.

This is how his iconic black eyeshadow look was born.

Overtime it all got better and you guys went back to the routine.

In a way, you’re the glue that sticks everyone together in the band. For sure you’d be a pillar the boys rely on.

Whenever things don’t seem to go the right way you tend to climb on the rooftop and just talk the night away with Georg. You two can have the longest and brightest (sometimes not so) conversations man has known.

Back to the “storyline” Starsearch was not useless in the slightest. Bill’s voice, the band’s rogue look in the interview and the angelic beauty of one of it’s members caught a talent scout’s attention.

Sometime between 2002 and 3 you guys had recorded your Devilish demo, that along with Bill’s appearance in the show had gained you some newfound popularity in town.

Things were still hard but, at least they knew those five losers had talent.

It was a hard and exhausting process til you guys finally signed with Universal. But! Before you could record an album, you all needed some proper training. So during the summer holidays you were accommodated into an apartment with everything you may need.

Now imagine an apartment with 5 young teens living by themselves.

Gustav was in charge of the cooking because if anyone else touched the kitchen you would burn the place down.

Tom has managed to burn water. Do not trust him.

We all know Gustav is a total chef now, but back then let’s be honest.. he could make instant ramen noodles and sandwiches. So most of the time you guys settled on ordering junk.

You guys had sleeping arrangements but it never stopped you from all ending in one room playing video games til the late hours of the night or drinking til you passed out.

Nowadays you guys sometimes cringe at everything you were doing at such a young age.

Parties were strictly forbidden in the apartment so you would all sneak to the nearest park to raise hell. There were no parents to run after you and barely any surveillance around. You guys were free.

You once got so wasted that on the way back home Georg crashed somebody’s window. You still wonder how you never got caught.

There were nights that the place would get so cold that you all ended up as a pile when it came time to sleep.

You didn’t stay like that all night though. You’d wake up coddled against Tom’s leg on the floor as he took up the entire couch. Georg was sprawled on the bed, Gustav rested on an armchair somewhere and Bill made himself a blanket cocoon.

Bill and you still have a very special friendship, so some nights you would both get into the blanket cocoon in the living room and watch some vhs tapes of Nena, Queen and Bowie’s concerts.

Oh and Titanic, for sure. Bill loves the film.

He confessed to you that he was crushing on both Rose and Jack (Bill actually said this)

If you happen to also be in the lgbtq community, you’re in for a queer ride when watching films with Bill.

ESPECIALLY, Labyrinth.

You washed Georg’s hair in the sink once. You never talk about it.

The five of you are oddly comfortable around one another so there was no shame in that.

Nor in walking around barely dressed, making the grossest jokes and acts and being complete degenerates.

The fact Bill mentioned in his book that they’d collectively jack off still haunts me to this day.

You just let them be.

Or join if you’re drunk enough, you be you bestie.

You’re not excluded from the after hour porn binge watching though, that’s like watching the news for you bunch of hormonal brats.

Anything totally inappropriate for your age aside, the five of you have such a beautiful bond. It’s amazing to watch you go.

Of course the twins are a step ahead, but it doesn’t change the fact that as a band and as friends you’re so connected to one another.

You can have more than one soulmate, and the five of you are linked together for sure.

Ok i’m being cheesy.

I’m sorry but Tom was the type to ask you to make out to “practice”

He likes to snatch your bras (if you wear them) and mock you while holding it against his chest.

“Georg next time you take a big shit open the windows and spray there’s a lady living in here” “Look I’m y/n and i’m the best musician in this band” “Pull up your pants you looser”

In return, you have hit him with a bra. How is you weaponize it? I have no idea but you certainly did.

Gustav and you were always the ones to do groceries because if you let the other ones do it, they would come back with anything BUT groceries.

A new turtle for georg, king sized box of condoms, cigarettes, a kiss the cook apron, supposedly haunted doll they found in the trash and a pack of hot wheels toys.

Gustav might be the dad yet it doesn’t take his chaos away from him. He chased you guys around the apartment with a water gun screaming like a madman.

He drums on bowls while cooking it’s cute.

You genuinely had the time of your lives.

But you can’t forget that you were located there for a reason.

Writing music.

Turning this into a series! I’m honestly way too into this idea not to cover the band’s evolution in it’s entirety. The inclusion of this fifth member is genuinely very fun to write and brainstorm about! I’ll mostly write them as the rhythm guitarist as it’s logically the easiest position to sneak into the band. As well as I must say that I am definitely more comfortable writing afab readers but no worries I can and certainly will do male reader <3

See you ~

- Meryl <3

#tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #bill kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #tokio hotel imagine #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x reader #georg listing x reader #gustav schafer x reader #gustav schaefer #x reader #alien #tokita #tokio hotel imagines #tokio hotel alien

[angelantern-u]

hey... heres.... an intro..! thing!!! yeah!!!!

my fav songs ^^

i have no idea how to really introduce myself but uhm,,, im angelantern! (nicknames are welcome too and very appreciated!! :3) i like drawing ALOTTTT so thats why i decided to make this account!! i am a minor. <- just a heads up b4 you interact!! ^_^

also my art may contain blood/gore + bright colors and such, another heads up!!

🇹🇷 ( eger bit turk hesabimi gorurse mutluluktan havaya ucarim :3 )

pssst... i use she/he/thing/angel pronouns!!

here, im planning on uploading art of my ocs mostly since i love and value them more than my guts, but i will also upload art of stuff like object shows , ddlc ( rarely ) , and nso! (but currently obsessing over object shows and nso so itll mostly be that! especially hfjone in object shows. )

+ even more as time goes on,, who knows?

you could also send suggestions for me to draw of said medias :3

( but i wont draw uhmmmm... nsfw and weird fetishy art + ships and gore of characters im uncomfy with. so yeah. )

I LOVE AIRY I LOVE KANGEL I LOVE AME. im also big synpaths of em :]

i'll also be tagging my oc stuff as SFAP ( stands for search for a place ), NO END and L.W ( stands for Lucy's Ward) ,, :3 addinf this so ppl dont go like huh when they see that in the tags

now..... its time for.... LOOOORRREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🌀 so lets start off with NO END. NO END is basically a story that i made just usings ocs that ive thrown away, given up on and just stopped loving. in NO END, when a characters gets given up on, thrown away or is stopped being loved, they get stripped away from their usual lives and go or get teleported into, we could say, to this deep dark void of nothingness with the other characters. the story revolves around those characters trying to make their way out of that place while traveling to different universes and eventually with some 4th wall breaking elements,,,,, so.... yeah :D

🍄 then, lets move on to SFAP. so SFAP's story revolves around this guy named mark ( he's a whiteout btw ). so mark is basically an anxious wreck with no friends, 0 social life, anxiety and a bunch of unfortunate events that have made him spiral into the point that he's in now. one day he hears of a competition show called Search For A Place and decides to join bc his life just needs some flavor yk???? plus he thinks its a good opportunuty to improve and challenge himself + meet new people! and when he joins he actually meets some cool people, thats until everything falls apart when the competitions true nature gets revealed. first of all, the host is actually among the contestants and the show is led by their co-hosts because of that. if you lose a challenge, you get brutally murdered by the host in a dark secret room and because of how the host is among the contestants, the contestants have to find the host AND continue the challenges while also trying to not to die. theyre also trapped so they cant escape. and in the end, theres no prize. the story tells what happens to the contestants, marks growth as a person, the challenges he faces, his relationships and the other characters :D

🔨 so L.W. is about sentient objects that live in the house of a girl named Lucy. lucy has previously lost her home, family and "best friend" (omg they were roommates ) bc of an earthquake. so now shes in a new city with a whole new life waiting for her. but she doesnt know that the house she chose belonged to a witch years ago and there are sentient objects living inside it, sentient objects, now, with a purpose. so theres this other girl called Tiffany thats a bully of Lucy. lucy doesnt/cant do anything about the bullying because of her low self esteem and hardships about standing up, and one day,,,,, tiffany kills lucy. when this shows up on the news and lucy doesnt come home for a few days, the objects get worried and decide to search for her. then they remember this tiffany bitch exists and go to her house. but suprise suprise,,,, in the house are also other sentient objects that are rivals upon our lucys crew!! the rest is about how they react to other sentient objects, how they deal with the rivalry, what kind of events the rivalry brings, and.... lucy. also that tiffany mf. ( can you tell i hate tiffany )

and... thats it :]

( also b4 i forget, i also own the blogs @internetlantern + @anemoiaimbrue :] )

in hopes of people noticing this account and having a good time here, its now time for me to vanish!!! bye-onara!!/ref

swoosh

:3c

#intro post #introduction #introductory post #blog intro #intro #artists on tumblr #Spotify #SoundCloud

[beepathan]

Since we’re doing charisma house questions for the charisma house tumblr person, can you rank the characters from most problematic to least problematic and state why.

Also I hope you know that I am in no way threading it you to place Terra as least problematic and in no way will throw a fit if you say he is anything but an unproblematic queen 🔪

for the purposes of this ask i am going to be ignoring rikais music video, for hopefully obvious reasons to anyone who has seen it (as it would instantly place him in first)

so lets start off by figuring out what exactly we mean by problematic. is it which character would get cancelled on twitter the fastest? is it which characters charisma is most harmful to themself and those around them? is it just vibes? we need a definition to base our understanding of "problematic" around before we even start looking at the characters.

one dictionary definition of problematic is “unresolved or dubious”, so for the purposes of this analysis i am going to rank them based on their perceived controversial value; i.e., which character would spark the most controversy in an online fandom space. a vriska, if you will.

the least problematic charisma house is sarukawa. first of all, hes a short king, and second of all,his whole thing is really easy to figure out and work around. there isnt any sort of controversy i can imagine going on with him, other than maybe the fact that he might be in a gang and is furry-coded.

for our second least problematic member of the charisma house, i think im going to have to go with terra. what controversy would there even be? sure he inconveniences others for the sake of his own self love, but honestly all its really resulted in so far is being late to coffee, broken mirrors, and... a man jumping out of a window, property damage, displacing another member from his own living space... well, i never said he wouldnt still have some issues. but overall, terra just lives for himself, and i dont think thats going to get him called out. maybe an argument can be made for the moral implications of being straight up in love with your self, but im not getting into that

it shouldnt come as a surprise that i also dont think rikai is problematic... mostly. like i said before, were ignoring his music video for this post, so thats not where his controversy comes in. hes an advocate for order, justice, and safety, so obviously, overall this is pretty good, right? but he also enforces his ideals onto others without regard for their own beliefs, for example, the rikais morning track where he gets everyone up at 5am because he, personally, goes to sleep at 9pm and thats a healthy time to wake up for him. however, not everyone follows that same sleep schedule, so obviously it wouldnt be healthy for them to wake up at that particular time... and that can be applied to basically everything he does. i could definitely see some discourse about the validity of trying to force your lifestyle onto others, especially when you take into account the fact that rikai apologists would absolutely defend him by saying hes autistic (coded) so he cant help his obsession with order. hes a 25 year old neurodivergent minor, how could you say hes in the wrong?!

next up was close between amahiko and iori, and iori wins this one through plausible deniability and having no self esteem. like, hes obviously a masochist, and forcing everyone around you to sign a contract agreeing to use you for everything is clearly manipulative. but! dont forget, some people devote their lives to serving others to cope with the fact that they view themselves as less than human, and an empty shell devoid of anything that needs to be filled with the commands of others! so i could see controversy there, and honestly im so glad charisma house isnt huge here, because i did not enjoy imagining it.

like i just said, amahiko comes out ahead of iori because... i mean. come on... the controversy here is fairly obvious, and this is the website where people weep about kink at pride. absolutely no way amahiko is going to come out of here without a multitude of callout posts and dissertations about how anyone who likes him is problematic. his whole thing is sex! he calls everyone sexy! he stripped at the christmas party! he says thanks when people call him a perv! hes clearly a creep who needs to be contained, thank god terra trapped him in his room that one time... you see what i mean? like, there is absolutely nuance here, and i can get into that some other time, but i dont think the online world would take kindly to the minister of sexy affairs.

now whos in second place? who do we have left? its fumiya. i mean like, his whole thing is... i dont even know. i mean like, just look at him. he lies for fun, he steals, he made everyone ride off a cliff... but most importantly, hes a minor. i dont think i have to elaborate here

this may come as a shock, but ohse is the most problematic charisma house. how?! ray, how on earth is ohse problematic?! hes just a suicidal shut in! yeah, but you have to remember, im looking at their potential controversial value here, and ohse is absolutely ripe for discourse. hes guilt tripping everyone! is he even taking care of his lizard!? we dont need a character whos shtick is that they keep trying to kill themself in 2022! even if he doesnt mean to, his self deprecation is harmful to others! he has blue hair and pronouns!

well im tired now so the end

#asks #anon #im not 100% on some of these rankings but i didnt have time to make a chart or anything like i wanted to #like i wanted to be a bit more scientific about this but. its mainly just based on the vibes and some visions i had #maybe some other time i can do some math to make a more accurate ranking but for now. thisll do

[savnofilter]

A lot of people will write Dabi as a complete asshole and fics with Non-Con. Do you think if he was dating someone or had his eye on someone he would just abuse the relationship for sex or use his partner. Sometimes I will read through dub-con and I’ll feel like absolute shit afterwards. Don’t get me wrong of love the writing and the story but I just makes me feel like I’m not good enough or I just there to be used. (NOT TRYING TO HATE ON ANYBODY JUST STATING MY OPINION)

hmm... i also feel this way. idk why, but when i write dabi i make him such an awful bastard (i mean he is but,,,). i think the normal connotation that he would treat you like trash is because

we dont see him often

he doesnt talk much, and when he does hes an ass hat

he always looks like hes about to yell at his mom for interrupting him while he was in the middle of playing roblox

he just looks rough. 🤷🏽‍♀️

whOoops dropped those there- he's so mofuckin f o i n e

but in all honesty, why do we characterize him like that?

i think the bnha fandom has a tendency of thinking that all their faves are true top doms that will demolish them without second thought™. dabi would act differently towards someone who is his s/o, not completely dropping his old traits though because duh, its dabi.

not finna lie, i cant bring myself to read most dabi fics too because they make him so mean and it only hits different at like crackhead hours of the morning ogjggugjj. i'll put some hcs of how i think dabi is in different relationship statuses!!✨

one time thing:

dabi is a fuck and dip, not really looking back at the person he just slept with.

im honestly torn between him being an absolute player, or hasnt touched or looked at another person in such a way in his entire life.

but since we're focusing on non-virgin dabi, les get it.

i feel dabi will just go on and get the job done, giving you your kinks without restraint. he doesnt really care how you feel as long as you are satisfied/enjoyed yourself.

is one to leave first after doing it (mostly happens in places that's not his own).

calls you pet names that dont have string attached to them. the regular doll, bunny, etc.

he wont full on beat you up or damage your self-esteem, but once he knows that he'll probably wont see you again, he just doesnt give a fuck.

friends with benefits:

hes more mindful (aware?) on how he treats you, especially if you guys are colleagues.

still same as before, doesnt really care as long as you guys are both getting off.

kithes you more on your body since it's just a tad intimate not finna lie. pls dont roast me for this dabi is a human being and his f e e l i n g s--

calls you pet names, may call you by your name here and there. 😳 could you imagine him moaning your name? b y e

hmm.... whether or not he stays next to you/stays the night depends on what mood hes in.

not close enough to leave a note if he does leave when youre sleeping, but close enough to give you that lil glance over his shoulder before he leaves your apartment.

hes more responsive when he knows you, much more calculated with his moves.

has a tendency to catch himself simping over certain behaviors you have or falling for the way you do things.

and oh shit.... is he catching feelings?

in a relationship:

this man doesnt show it, but he loves you.

will still wreck you into the morning and do you when you wake up.

he doesnt have to ask what your kinks are, he already experimented and memorized alllll your reactions to know what you like.

man is so good he probably finds more kinks/things you like without you even knowing it yourself,,,

pet names ✨ galore✨

baby, doll, beautiful you name it~

oh you like being degraded too? of course he has that up his sleeve too.

unless hes feeling really needy, he'll check to make sure youre alright before plowing to town.

aftercare is a must for him even if we acknowledge hes an asshole.

whether it be cleaning you up, or taking a bath, or even just holding you in his arms as you guys fall asleep -- he'll be right there.

dabi is an emotionally constipated softy, nothing will change my mind.

#bnha #mha #dabi x reader #dabi #touya smut #touya todoroki #bnha headcannons #not sfw #sav sins

[ainti-pretty]

Hi!

What do you think about Iorveth in realationship? And can you write differences (if you think they will be), if his "love" is human or elf.

yeah! i can!

as a multishipper (heehee) ill just write for all of them bc i imagine each take place during VERY different times in his life. it also describes the relationship and that dynamic so yea. i hope this is what u wanted. oops

its also a bit long!! so there is a cut

tw: (all are mentioned and its not too in deth but be careful) death, trauma, drinking

first, id like to start of with iorveth as a youngster:

-he was probably rlly fucking hot as teen/young adult before he really got involved in the scoia'tael and got the scar and probably. slept around a lot. he probably wasnt big on commitment as he was young and maybe was in a few long(ish) term relationships but he mostly just chilled until his parents were killed by humans and he got his scar

next, onto beginnings of scoia'tael years/cedric:

-i think that iorveth and cedric joined together as friends but gradually grew closer

-but, after he got the scar i think it fucked up his self esteem so he was a lot less open with his affections

-the trauma of losing his parents and being there was. in short. not good.

-i feel like he definately got incredibly invested in the scoia'tael during this time because it and cedric were all he had

-and he dearly loved cedric, and although he had lost a ton of his self esteem, he found strength in cedric and they were a power couple for a few decades. the slept together, they cuddled, they held hands whenever they had the chance, and they truly truly loved each other very much

-until cedrics health/mental health got worse and they broke up (which broke both their hearts), and iorveth blamed himself when cedric left the scoia'tael.

moving onto ciaran:

-ciaran (as per my previous hc on him) lost his parents as a teen and was wandering around trying to get revenge on humans whenever he could for years before iorveth met him.

-naturally, iorveth fell hard.

-but, after cedric left he decided to bottle it up and ignore bc he didnt want to ""ruin"" anyone else again by being too invested in the scoia'tael.

-unfortunately for iorveth, ciaran also fell in love with him, and after years of waiting when hes second in command, ciaran confessed

-iorveth flipped the fuck out because he was like. no. that cant be possible! im unlovable and i hurt people and im just going to ruin him!

-this is partially because of what happened with cedric, and partially because ciaran (although CERTAINLY an adult), is definately younger, and iorveth thinks he deserves better than him

-he knows what hes done for the scoia'tael and knows hes not a good person, and hopes that he can scare ciaran into leaving.

-it doesnt work. and they both end up crying.

-once they are together though, there is a definate change in their relationship vibe from iorveth and cedrics. they certainly sleep together and cuddle and do all the relationship things that cedric and iorveth did, but iorveth is clearly holding something back

-they decide that while they both love each other dearly, they cannot be in a health/stable relationship with just each other because its clear that iorveth is in no way able to properly be in a relationship at that moment

-they decide to open up the relationship and thats where vernon roche comes in

yeah. vernon roche. this is where iorveth sorta has a. oh fuck its a human moment.

-as you all know, roche was the leader of the scoia'tael in flotsams greatest enemy, the blue stripes, a special forces commando designed to stop the scoia'tael.

-after having a WHOLE enemies to lovers situation, they find themselves in a situation.

-they both love each other. and they are both two war criminals who FINALLY end on the same side after years of fighting (lets just say iorveth joined for the kaer morhen fight against the wild hunt) and it seems like everything is fine

-its not.

-first of all, they both have lots and lots of issues other than that they are both war criminals:

1. iorveth has never dated a human before, let alone a man he nearly killed and has nearly killed him on many occasions.

2. iorveth feels like hes betraying the ideals of the scoia'tael along with his parents for dating a human, and this feeling hits even moreso bc its roche.

3. iorveth has loads and loads of attachment issues, and even though he and ciaran still have their thing going on (that roche is aware of and understands), he still really hasnt been in any recent relationships that havent ended in someone leaving

4. iorveth really doesnt quite understand human customs other than what he can tell from spying. he spends lots of time in the woods and knows far more about trade routes to and from flotsam than he really knows of human culture. its almost embarassing.

5. iorveth sometimes gets worried its all a ploy to get roche to kill him and that theres plans to hurt the former scoia'tael due to anti-elf racism

moving onto roches issues, which while there are less of, they dont help:

1. as a child of a sex worker and single mother, roche found himself also getting involved in sex work, which gave him consent issues bc he really did have a choice in the matter bc it was do the job or starve.

2. hes a half elf but right before he was drafted into the army he cut the tips of his ears off to make him look more human. this makes it hard for him to connect w iorveth bc he really doesnt know elf customs, but doing human customs just never felt right

3. he also has some issues from his previous relationship w foltest, which was Not Even slightly healthy, and is still trying to cope w the realization that it was worse than he thought

all of this results in a lot of miscommunication, especially because iorveth (for a long time DURING the relationship) didnt know roche was half-elf and wanted to do all the elven traditions he hadnt been able to join. they dont know what the other wants, and they dont know what the other needs because once again. issues galore. iorveth also probably would be more able to get into fights than any other relationships (because unlike ciaran or cedric, roche is abrasive) which means that there would be a lot of hurt at the beginning of it.

HOWEVER, after they actually talk, and roche is like. hey im half elf, and more than willing to do things the traditional elven way (which iorveth is far more familiar and comfortable with), they sorta get into a routine of things.

and it begins to be a secure and steady and healthy relationship.

tdlr: iorveth has shitty self worth, trust issues and struggles with communication sometimes so things get muddled but when he falls, he falls hard. but the relationships hes in are very different depending on who it is. hes more comfortable with other nonhumans, but even before knowing roche is half-elf, he would give his life for them.

#thank u for asking!!! #hope this is what u wanted eblkslw #iorveth #ciaran aep easnillen #cedric witcher #iorveth/cedric #iorveth/roche #iorveth/ciaran #the witcher #witcher 2 #my hcs

[zicroe-a]

REALLY RIDICULOUSLY DETAILED CHARACTER STATS.

FULL NAME: coconut dupont NICKNAME(S): coconut head, coco AGE: 15-16 MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE: ENFP-T. BIRTH DATE: January 24th. ETHNICITY: afro-arab & japanese (  in terms of a modern verse  ). PLACE OF BIRTH: idk. GENDER IDENTITY: nonbinary. PREFERRED PRONOUN(S): she/they/he. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual RELIGION: agnostic. OCCUPATION: student FACE CLAIM: hinata kohinata from amanchu. in verses where coconut needs to be older bc of a timeskip it will be alicia florence from aria

Relationships

PARENTS: an unnamed man and woman, coconut was disowned so long ago she doesn’t bother to remember them. she now calls her parents: their names are acacia dupont and selene dupont SIBLINGS: miel is her elder sibling. she has a biological older brother who she never sees anymore as well, and though she won’t show it, he stays in her thoughts often. SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): none. CHILDREN: none LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: no. no no no.  STORY OF FIRST KISS: never had it. coconut thinks it’d be like those romance comics though A SOCIAL PERSON? yes! coconut loves making friends. HOW DO THEY THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE THEM? well coconut would hope that people generally tend to enjoy her presence and think of her as a good person HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE THEM? people may like her but its generally because she’s kinda fast to appease people 

Physical Traits

EYE COLOR(S): amethyst. HAIR COLOR(S): a bright tiger orange. HEIGHT: 5′3. WEIGHT: 151 lbs. BODY BUILD: short and slight chubby with a fair bit of muscle, coconut’s height is mostly found in her torso while her fat is found in her lower half. she’s kinda stumpy because of her height being in her torso more than her legs. GLASSES? CONTACTS? neither, coconut eats her carrots STYLE OF DRESS/TYPICAL OUTFITS: Sweaters with overalls or washed out jeans and sneakers, coconut can be seen in a rather 80s or 90s type fashion, and won’t really be seen in dresses, this is seen in verses that are more modern. in fantasy verses, she can be seen wearing pants most the time, but have really baggy tunics and cloaks. coconut seems to have a fondness for boots and you’ll find her in more yellow, green and blue tones. JEWELRY? TATTOOS? PIERCINGS? coconut has her ears pierced, and will on occasion wear small gold hoop earrings. ATHLETIC?  we are talkin about like 50/50 here. coconut is not like sports star because she’s so clumsy, but coconut can fight for a while and has alot of stamina. HOW DO THEY WALK: she is not light on her feet, nor is she really a flat footed person. you can tell that she is used to moving fast though, because her steps are a bit uneven and quick. kinda like scuttling. HOW DO THEY SMELL LIKE: kind of like orange blossom and lavender. very floral and kinda sweet. thank her parents. WHAT’S THEIR POSTURE LIKE? makes it a point to sit up straight as can be like shes always ready to bounce up and run to someone’s aid 

Phobias and Diseases

PHOBIA(S): Fear of being disliked, fear of being alone, fear of disappointing others and herself. MENTAL DISEASE(S): depression, adhd PHYSICAL DISEASE(S): none. WHEN WAS THIS DIAGNOSED? after being adopted by miel, which was around the age of 7

Intellect

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: slightly above average intelligence for a child her age. LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM: leans to the low side. GIFTS/TALENTS: in terms of fantasy where she is from, coconut has a strong magical ability, in terms of modern verses, she seems to really be good at academics. SHORTCOMINGS: the entire fact that coconut really will just do whatever it takes to make someone happy thats one... STYLE OF SPEECH: fairly informal, but you can tell its very respectful at the same time “LEFT BRAIN” OR “RIGHT BRAIN” THINKER: which one the artsy fartsy brain. ARTISTIC? yes! her medium is often cooking, coming up with new recipes MATHEMATICAL? no...just...lol no. MAKES DECISIONS BASED MOSTLY ON EMOTIONS, OR ON LOGIC? her emotions will judge things, and she does a terrible job at hiding it. MOST SENSITIVE ABOUT/VULNERABLE TO: being called out on her behavior. OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST? optimist. EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT? extrovert.

Details/Quirks

NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD? both? coconut really averages like 3-5 hours of sleep on a regular, often because she is doing something for someone till late in the night and covers her own work in the morning LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER? heavy sleeper. she could sleep through a house robbery and actually has before FAVORITE FOOD: seafood, any way you can make it, she likes it. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: not necessarily picky. COFFEE OR TEA? tea. CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER? crunchy. LEFTY OR RIGHTY? ambidextrous  FAVORITE COLOR? green. CUSSER? coconut doesnt even let miel cuss are you kidding me SMOKER? DRINKER? DRUG USER? she is baby! she cant she is forbidden PETS? has dreams about having a pet dog, something big and fluffy.

tagged by: @chukular​ did not tag me i stole it from them tagging: im making like two more of these if u wanna do it say i told u to

#➢ to be one with the spirits of nature. ( coconut tag.) #➢ this is my headcanon tag. ( hc tag.) #THIS WAS SO LONG.....HAHAHAHAHAHA #NOW I DONT HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE ABT MY OCS

[agapemoon]

hello ! i was tagged by @ferricadooza to do this, thank you jen !! 💕🥺✨

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

im ok with both, i use black pen when im feeling fancy tho 😌

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

actually i dont know, i like the city because it kind of gives me a routine that i can rely on in my everyday life but it would be nice if i could move to the countryside and just .... be .... u know ....

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

baking !!! i dont like to cook but baking sounds therapeutic sjxndsns

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

yes, both .... dont look at me

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

.... h-harry potter ............. listen, i was just a little girl

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

showersssss, baths kinda stress me out bc they take too much time and i feel like im wasting it fjfnfjfdbc

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

i was going to say nymph but sndjsnx so pegasus

8. Paper or electronic books?

with real books: paper, but with fics: electronic

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

my red boots

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

i actually love it, was the only thing carrying my self-esteem when i was 14

11. Who is a mentor to you?

... just little ol’ me for now

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

i dont know, ever saw that post about being as famous as the other members of maroon 5 that are not adam levine? yea well, i wouldnt mind that kind-of famous, but idk what for

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

i have no idea where is the limit

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

yes ... too much.... i annoy myself with it too

15. Which element best represents you?

air, which is funny cus im a libra

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

my mutuals

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

my grandparents

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

bold of you to assume i remember my childhood 💃🏻🕳

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

im latina.... define your meaning of strange ..... sjdbdjddjd i dont know ... im not really bold in that aspect

20. What are you most thankful for?

louis

21. Do you like spicy food?

yes! YESSS YES YES YES YES dios i miss rocoto 😔

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

no, thank goodness

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

yes nsdjdd

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

liquid pen, yes im that pretentious

25. What is your star sign?

libra

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

crunchy

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

i dont know jssjjs what is with all these questions i dont even know what my “dreams” are 🥴

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

i do, but i read mostly fics lately djdndjdjxjdjx last fic i read was until by @allwaswell16 and i loved it 💕

29. How do you show someone you love them?

im 😳 well ... by trying to be with them, spending time together as in being domestic or just being by each other’s compay ... telling them you love them and also little touches and caresses ... thats what i would do ... at least

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

i mostly drink water jxjdxjdjxjdndhdjsndhxhddvddgxxh but yea i sometimes put ice on it when it’s summer

31. What are you afraid of?

not being enough

32. What is your favourite scent?

honey or vanilla

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

it depends, i normally say sir or miss 🥺

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

i would probably just dissapear, bc i would be traveling and trying to learn about other cultures

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

no ❤️

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

it’s depends on the situation, but im honestly too tired to elaborate nsjssnd

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

no, i havent seen one, i dont think so at least

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

..... i dont think i will ever be emotionally ok to be able to raise kids and honestly i dont think i want to have them in the first place

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

probably something cute and that has meaning to me, probably get it in my inner wrist

40. What can you hear right now?

drama

41. Where do you feel the safest?

nowhere ✨💕🧚🏻‍♀️🌸

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my anxiety i guess

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

i would go back to the year columbus was born and k word him

44. What is your most used emoji?

this 🥺 one

45. Describe yourself using one word.

dramatic <3

46. What do you regret the most?

i cant say it here sndbsjxns

47. Last movie you saw?

passengers with jennifer lawrence 😳

48. Last tv show you watched?

the circle usa ndcjdnjxdnxjxx

49. Invent a word and its meaning

braincelln’t = no braincells 🤯

this was really hard sksnxjsn im gonna tag @tpwkera @elsolecitoylaluna @bemygalpal @onehome @onmyowns @theparisinterview @leedsau but feel free to ignore ✨

#long post #tag games #i spent two hours doing this jesus christ #but it was fun jddndjdbx

[familyagrestefanblog]

Stormy weather 2

I've just been watching Stormy weather 2 and now I really have to get my opinion out, I'm genuinely angry. This. THIS is what you all are so pissy about? Are you all kidding me??

That was a more than solid recap episode, summarizing all the changes of the past seasons, wrapping it up and forshadow and set up the new ones. I literally can't with this Fandom anymore JESUS GIVE ME STRENGTH yall are blinder as you pretend Adrien is! Playing high and mighty and complain about the writing when, it's seems like, 90% of this Fandom wouldn't recognize appropriate writing FOR A SHOW WITH A STRUCTURE LIKE THIS when it would hit you in the face! I really didn't wanted to be like this and thought about just saying nothing but then I watch the actual episode and you all are so obliviously and aggressively HATEFUL against this show rn I freaking CAN'T anymore!

"we did see the fight with stormy weather!" We didn't NEED to see the fight because this wasn't a normal akuma-fighting-episode. You wanna see them fighting against her? Watch the first SW episode, that episode was about her and dealing with her. THIS episode rightfully kept its priorities somewhere else, the characters and their recaps! (PLUS the reason they chose Stormy weather is because the first one was the pilot for the entire show, it's only fitting to use her for the recap) Besides in the last part of the fight we were in the pov of the citizens, we were supposed to see the fights for once with their eyes! They were scared, confused and glued on their tvs and phones to follow the news to at least understand a little bit what's going on! You complain about not seeing the fight? Oh well my dearies THAT WAS THE POINT! The citizens never get to see what we see and in an episode where the fight is literally just an afterthought, it was the perfect opportunity to show us that side of reality.

"the episode was mostly scene from other episodes?" And how is that a problem with A RECAP EPISODE? Just because old scenes were reused doesn't it automatically make the episode bad. Just the fact that some of you think that way makes me rip my hair out in frustration! Yes alot of old scenes were used again, but it was done so the characters could give us their thoughts and opinions on them WHILE giving the happening and purpose of the scenes in the first place a conclusion and wrapping them up for what's to come. "the scenes went on too long!" well I personally disagree that it got too much, but here at least I can understand possible complaints. There certainly were scenes (like the CN and LB glaciator scene) that could have been cut down a little (but really not too much) but once again, I didn't mind. Because I figured that these scenes were chosen for a reason, so casual viewers and kids need all the informations given in them, so yeah I DIDN'T MIND

"they undid all of Chloes character development!" No they didn't, because the show never pretended like Chloe suddenly turned into a better person after being a jerk and bully for so long. Everything the show did up to this point was showing us that Chloe IS capable of changing and that she'll eventually grow into her better self and a hero in time, with patience and the right motivation. We are in season 3 of 6, why are you all expecting the show to unrealistically rush this redemption? We. Have. TIME! "This only proves that Chloe shouldn't have gotten the miraculous!" not right but not exactly wrong either. It proves that Chloe rn shouldn't be giving the miraculous for good or in normal fights that don't involve her parents because she isn't worthy of it yet. That is why the episode makes a point by showing us LB and CN not reacting to Chloes "queen bee signal" while at the same time showing us that Chloe might think she deserves to be a part of this already but everything she has done in recent past and even THIS EPISODE tells us the complete opposite. Still I understand complaints that Chloe shouldn't be the bee miraculous holder in general but I understand the two times she was Queen Bee (one was against her father so yeah makes sense and the other time was in the heros day finale where Hawkmoth literally was on the loose alongside 10.000 other akuma villains with no end in sight. I can understand the logic of giving it to her again since a fight like that certainly doesn't need a totally inexperienced hero in there and Chloe at least knows how the powers work so yeah 2.0) and the overall idea of what her character is supposed to represent in the end. Chloes character is there to show that even a rotten bully child is eventually capable of redemption and becoming a good person and hero. That is a valid and important topic in a kids/family show. I think alot of people often forget that this show is not only there to tell a "lovey dopey everything gone bad can be resolved and learned in 20 minutes go lucky story" this show and its characters are literally there to help and guide children/the viewers (I'm 20 and Adrien helps me ALOT to deal with my family issues honestly). Believe it or not children/people like Chloe exist and so do the people who have to deal with them. And it helps them NOTHING when they make Chloe a "look at what a horrible person she has been for YEARS but oh would you look at that! Now she did a couple of good things, obviously that means that she left most of her horrible ways in the past and we don't have to worry about her relapseing again, she's only getting better now" character. Honestly that helps nobody because real life people don't behave and change like that. The way they are doing it rn is very good, because this way we can see the transition between villain/bully Chloe to good/redeemed hero and friend Chloe in alot of varieties and steps to make her character more fleshed out and relatable to the audience so they actually understand the complexity of a person/situation like that and that she IS indeed worthy of redemption after everything she has done (keep in mind, she's 14! She may have done horrible horrible stuff but a 14 year old CHILD should ALWAYS be allowed to change and redeem herself).

Okay last one now since it's already half past fuck in the morning.

"Adrien is a stupid idiot for dismissing/not realizing it was Marinettes poem and they are only unnecessarily stretching the love confession out" okay first of all, Adrien DID figure out it was Marinettes poem. He no shit acknowledged that and I have no idea how yall missed that. Second of all, Marinettes love confession/feelings for him are a BIG part of the structure and overall plot of the show and it will continue to be that way (same for CN and LB), so yeah of course they are stretching it what are you expecting here? Besides, SW2 is an episode that is written to watchable everywhere in season 3, so if you actually expected from the end scene to end any other way than the writing is not the problem here. It's more than logical and obvious at this point that they cant/wouldn't do the actual step of Marinettes actually and REALLY confessing her love to him(that's a move for like the season 4 finale). But still they got us further in the plot. Adrien acknowledged the possibility but dismissed it for obvious reasons I'm getting to in a bit. Still, the step of him connecting the dots was there, stop pretending like it wasn't. Yes its stretches the whole confession thing and I KNOW that's not what yall impatient shippers wanna see, but that doesn't change the fact that the "dismissing" step is a valid and by God more than enough forshadowed step for this show to take (plus do you all actually think it's an appropriate way for the show to let Adrien find out about Marinettes love for him FOR GOOD in Form of a letter and an old poem? Gosh people Marinette deserves better than that. I'm proud of her for how far she has come but this plot arc of hers deserves a better solution than THIS). And last but not least, third of all. Adrien had solid reasons to dismiss the idea of Marinettes being in love with him, yall just pretend like literally 95% all the shows plot doesn't exists because it doesn't play out the way you want or isn't BAM IN YOUR FACE. The whole "and there is Luka" thing is not coming out of nowhere yknow? Adrien saw that Marinette showed interest in Luka and Luka in her in "frozer" plus the episode gave us a flashback of "troublemaker" where Marinette literally SAYS TO HIM no I'm not into you, I'm into fashion. I like you/I'm interested in you BUT NOT LIKE THAT! Honestly, if a friend of mine said that to me and showed interest in someone else I also would tend to dismiss the option of them being in love with me. PLUS, same as with Chloe Adriens character is actually supposed to HELP children/the viewer in simular situations as them. And the way some of you react to Adrien it tells me that you have a better home situation as him (which im REALLY glad about believe me) still you all gotta accept that children with bad parent/s like Adrien exists and they NEED to see themselves represented and dealt with. Gabriel is a horribly neglectful and distant parent and THIS can fuck up a child self worth and self esteem REEEEAL GOOD believe me. Chances are not low that Adrien couldn't believe That anybody could actually be in love with him, and even if, they would totally only be in love with the "perfect Adrien" he has to be in public. The show certainly showed us enough of Adriens insecurities, self esteem issues and inferior complex to make this an possible option. Never forget that these characters are made the way they are to help and tell/teach something to the audience even if sometimes the character or the lesson provided and learned or helped with IS NOT FOR YOU. Adriens whole character helps me personally IMMENSELY but I still see him being dismissed left and right in the Fandom. Same way with Alya for example for me, she and her arc are not made for me, still I respect her presence and importants in the show.

Okay, I'm gonna make a cut here now cuz its REALLY late now but this was worth it.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #adrien agreste #cat noir #gabriel agreste #ml spoilers #ladybug #marinette dupen chang #ml season 3 #ml stormy weather 2 #stormy weather #ml fandom rant #chloe bourgeois #queen bee

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I have a rant and a half build up of rambling about my very first Percy Jackson Oc Elysia and I need to let it spill so all of you get to hear this info dump about her and my feels

Im putting a trigger warning here I made her when I first read the whole series a few years back. Her backstory isnt the happiest. So im going to put trigger warnings for mentions of (but not going into detail of) abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, so if you cant handle mentions of that please dont read this I dont want to upset you

Anyways I have years of work into this bab of mine and I need to get it all out

Also An important thing to note is the timeline of her(and my other ocs) stories. Basically it kinda takes place...as if Trials of Apollo didnt happen?? Sorta? I made her before it ever came out and set her story after Blood of Olympus before trials of apollo was announced so its basically diverges after Blood of Olympus...if that makes sense...I hope it does. 

So basically....At the start of her story Elysia is 13 Nico is 16(from what I remember its been about two years since I read the books so please forgive me)

Ok this might jump around alot because im kinda word vomiting and info dumping about her so if something doesnt make sense please feel free to ask me to clarify I love to

OK SO MY BAB

So her full name is Elysia Angela Melina and shes a Daughter of Hades. At the start when she gets to camp shes 13.

Im going to attatch two pictures ive drawn of her to the post here

This is her with a referrence sheet of her at 13-14 and the digital picture is one of her at the present time that I tend to write about her at age 16.

So Elysia doesnt have things easy. She comes from an abusive household that really fucked her up mentally and emotionally before she got to camp. She ran away at 13 after getting kicked out of her sixth or seventh school and thigs got ugly at home. Stuff happened and she was brought to camp(im refining and probably going to redo how that happens) and well...she doesnt exactly fit in.

Shes on the shorter side for her age and shes lanky and skinny(partially from both skipping meals and sometimes only eating when she can sneak food at home) and she comes onto the scene wearing oversized hand me downs in all dark colors and long sleeves thats got a clear fearful and insecure posture and stance and is always trying to blending into the background and hide from being noticed. Shes got a thick mane of not very well cared for black hair and eyes so dark in color they look completely black, sometimes even in the light with pretty dark bags under them highlighted by really really too pale skin. So it makes her an easy target to be bullied ya know? But she silently takes it like she always does while clutching this beat up little backpack she ran away with as shes put in the Hermes cabin until she’s claimed(which has a 1-3 day delay depending on the god, because a lot of kids come to camp especially at the start of summer) 

When she gets claimed she freaks out and panics because everyone is staring at her and shes suddenly the center of attention because it happened in the middle of the campfire.

So begins the bonding with her big brother.

Shes got alot of inner turmoils and traumas and problems and inner demons and as a result she has undiagnosed anxiety disorders, depression, and some PTSD along with a very low amount of self-esteem and confidence in herself from the ordeals of before reaching camp. Though once shes at camp and she eventually settles in she starts recovering bit by bit. She slowly gets close with nico(it starts kinda awkward for both of them and she comes off really quiet and shy and terrified of sudden movement so its a little hard but they overcome it)

 By the end of her first year at camp shes gotten close to Nico but has a really hard time making friends with other campers her own age so she ends up sticking close to Nico and following him like his shadow because theres a period of time that heś the only person Elysia feels even remotely safe and comfortable around. And as a result at first she spends alot more time with Nico’s friends and various members of the Big Seven and she gets close to them as well(more to her siblings at first but she gets there shes a nervous bean give her time)

Though in the middle of that first year she meets a girl that soon becomes one of her best and closest friends, a daughter of Hephaestus named Karter Becks(the second oc for this fandom I made) and I’ll get to more about their friendship later.

So by the second year at camp shes settled in a little, shes decidedly become a year-rounder because she would rather be eaten by a harpy than go back to “that horrible place”as she dubs it(not to mention its very very dangerous for her outside of camp)

More things about Elysia!!!

At thirteen she had absolutely NO control of reign of her abilities. She couldnt raise or summon the dead, her shadow travel was horribly spotty and half the time she couldnt even do so correctly and her most experience with spirits is that she can sense them and she can hear and speak to them but she cant really see them( they appear as really really blurry shapes that hurt her eyes to look at for too long) of course she beats herself up over this lack of skill, mostly because she(stupidly but understandably) compares her lack of teaching and training and beginner skill level to Nico’s at the time current skill level. Yeah its dumb and yeah in the back of her mind where her common sense is she realizes this but she cant stop herself from doing so, just like she unfairly to herself compares her sword fighting skill to older campers that have been there longer. 

She eventually gets her own sword of Stygian Iron, because no matter what else she tries no other swords feel...right to her. They’re always too heavy or too light too awkward to hold dont work right with her swings or just dont feel right to her so at some point shes overthinking herself to death about it and beating herself up for being too picky when Karter suggests innocently that she tries swinging around her brother’s sword. “After all Elys, whats the worst that would happen, that it feels too heavy?” 

But what ends up happening is that though its too heavy for her, it still feels...right. The best way to describe it is that she feels more connected to her powers and to herself in a way. After hearing that she gets her own of Stygian iron and its...perfect to her. Its not too heavy on her wrist or too light to wield. And afterwards she actually starts getting some more confidence which helps her improve a little faster than before.

Once Elysia is fully apart of camp life it takes a long time for it to fully click that her belongings...are hers and her likes and interests and likes are respected. They wont get taken away or threatened, she doesnt have to hide what she likes or pretend she doesnt like one thing or another. She’s free to be her own person for the first time in her life and she struggles for awhile to adjust to that and accept it. Those struggles result in alot of scattered breakdowns and even one or two...relaspes that for once in her life she has a support system of her half brother and half sister, his friends, her two close friends, and chiron to catch her and help her back to her feet. She has people to lean on and depend on and not have to be afraid of and this helps alot into her recovery and acceptance of herself and her mental illnesses. It takes her two of the three years shes been at camp for her to get at the better place shes at when shes 16, where she now has a small group of good friends, shes managed to bring up some of her self-esteem and self  confidence, shes been clean for a year and shes in therapy for her PTSD and depression and shes opened up more to those around her and shes not the terrified jumps at her own shadow kid but a more quiet but kindhearted and sometimes even giggly teen whose slowly getting her life back together with plans for the future.

But on the topic of things she likes...

This girl loves-no ADORES animals, all kinds mythical or not. She didnt show it at first but she was so SOOOO excited when she realized the camp had Pegasi even though she tried to keep a distance from them because she realized she made them nervous. Oh man you shouldve SEEN her when Chiron took a group of campers her age into the woods and they caught a glimpse of a passing through unicorn. She was giddy about it for DAYS guys. She just...she has so much love and admiration and excitement for animals its so cute you guys.

Elysia also loves(ironically) learning about Mythology, from all over the world. Its her special interest and when she finds and buys a old broken touch screen phone(or one of those touch screen i-pod or something) and gets Karter  to fiddle with it and (eventually after shenanigan filled misadventures of trying to upgrade it to not be detected by monsters and fix the cracked screen) she fills that thing to the brim of downloaded auidobooks of different mythologies as she can and she listens to them when doing schoolwork(she ends up having do be “homeschool” by online classes because things just do not go right when trying to attend schools outside of the protected borders)

She also loves anything soft. Especially stuffed animals. Oh my god she loves stuffed animals, well into her teens. She had one she managed to bring with her to camp that is her ultimate comfort object, a older beat up and been through a life time of ringers and back stuffed husky doll that she cherishes and takes care of like one might take care of gold. Over time (once they found out her birthday--October 5th) she starts getting stuffed animals as presents or just even as little splurges on herself . She also loves soft blankets soft clothes soft anything. She loves the texture and feel of it and it makes her happy.

She’s an aspiring writer and songwriter and can even sing a little but she has no confidence in her ability in any of those. But she has boxes and piles of notebooks and journals filled with little cartoony doodles and pages upon pages of stories and songs shes been writing for years now

Fun fact during her first year at camp Percy and Annabeth dropped by for a visit during their winter break to visit friends and I have this whole little story I might post about hoe when Percy’s walking to go meet someone he finds Elysia sitting alone at the beach doodling animals in her journal and he goes up to her(shes sitting all curled up so at a distance it probably looked like she was crying or something) to see if shes ok and because Nico had been telling him about her via iris messages and updates since she got there but he didnt get to meet her during the summer(stuff happened and she kinda hid from alot of people) but he finds her and he sits with her(after announcing his presence because Nico has told him about her being very jumpy and easily scared and that at that point hes the only one she really opens up to so dont take offense to it) and they sit for a bit and Percy asks her about her doodles and she just, for the first time like ever, she starts to open up because she gets so freaking excited and hyper about it that she just starts babbling away about her doodles and the animals of them and then about animals in general and she goes on this whole, like 30-40 minute info dump/ rant about them complete with diverting tangent questions that she answers herself before continuing with this just lit up and openly happy and ecstatic expression as she goes on and on while hes sitting there just listening to her and smiling down at her partly nostalgically because at that moment she reminds him so much of how Nico was when he first met him and you got him started on Mythomagic and that shes being so open about her excitement and then she looks at him and realizing what she was doing and she shuts herself up now panicking about how much she just word vomited on her big brother’s friend and more importantly this huge shot demigod Son of Poseidon whose saved the world not once but TWICE and who is probably very busy too busy to be hanging around with her--you get the idea of her panicking until Percy slowly reaches out his hand and she nods to let him know its ok and he ruffles her hair and tells her its ok he liked listening to her and holy shit I went on a tangent about that. 

She also has alot of sweet bonding moments with Nico and Hazel because they teach her about having a loving and caring family and what thats like and its really sweet and cute and emotional

Did I mention she likes taking Nico’s shirts? Oh yeah she likes “borrowing” Nico’s shirts, and some of his jackets, mostly t-shirt and long sleeved shirts because once they get close his scent and presence really relaxes her nerves if she gets anxious. Of course its not stealing, its just borrowing and eventually giving back on laundry days...or he just lends it to her without being fully aware of it. Its cute because shes so short that they end up really big on her and she loves flapping the sleeves and the feeling of being engulfed in the safety of his presence without him even being there

ANYWAY COUGH COUGH 

uhhhhhhh....yeah thats alot about her huh I think i’ll leave you all with that to take it and make sense of and I might make a part two(or you guys can ask about her too) 

and yeeeeeeeeeee thats my PJO oc Elysia Melina!!

@phantommoonpeople 

@kid-crashed

@demidorks (im sorry if im bothering you by tagging you youre one of the pjo blogs I follow and one of my favorites)

#percy jackson #percy jackson oc #percy jackon and the olympians #my oc #oc info #oc introduction #i guess #my art #my artwork #art wips #pjo #pjoverse #tw abuse #tw self harm mention #tw suicidal thoughts mention

[valkyurie]

Hey if its not too late to send asks about them :D what are pregame ouma saihara and maki like in your rewrite? I rly love your designs for them!

thank you sooooooo much for askin me about them sar !!!!!!!! i love them a lot and ive projected myself on all three of them FJSGGFH :’-)) sorry that it took me so long to answer i wanted to get to my computer to type this all out so i can format it properly too

saihara:

hes VERY smart

he loves solving riddles and games and stuff! and playing really difficult games! and hes like. very fascinated by death

he has super strong emotions if that makes sense? when he gets excited hes SUPER excited, when hes upset he gets really angry, when hes worried he gets extremely anxious …. you know!

hes stinky. he forgets to like. take proper care of himself cause of school or just being too caught up in games or tv shows

monologues a lot to everyone he meets, mostly abt mysteries or his interests which he loves a LOT

^ because of this hes seen as Weird and gets ignored most of the time and its Really bad for his already low self esteem ………. he just wants to be noticed and feel special! so he challenges and overworks himself constantly to outsmart everyone

his parents are always at work or travelling and cant take care of him so he lives with his uncle in his mansion

his uncle is also super busy so saihara got used to being alone most of the time

but his uncles very nice and theyre really close! hes the first person saihara came out as trans to and hes very supportive :-)

ouma:

also very smart and loves riddles and puzzles as well!

hes kinda obsessed with them honestly

doesnt really know how to talk to people or make friends cause hes not allowed to leave the house much so he comes off as an asshole

he literally . just says and does whatever his favorite characters say and do. he doesnt have a personality Of His Own and he dislikes that a lot

he mostly copies gundham hajime and celestia but if hes in a good mood he does ibuki too

still a trickster just ! not that confident in his lies and games

hes used to telling lots of lies to get out of trouble so he has a very hard time actually being honest. like if saihara asks him if he did his homework and he didnt do it hes gonna be like “DUHHH IT WAS SO EASY” even if he knows saiharas not gona get mad at him if he didnt do it

he HATES being bored and ignored and he doesnt know how else to get attention other than causing trouble

his parents suck and he hates them and he runs away from home a lot.. he goes to saiharas place and stays there for days or even a week at a time

he has three pet rats! maki loves them a lot

he loves fizzy drinks and crunchy snacks the most! mushy and soft food is Very bad. he hates the texture of it

he loves to pretend he can do things he cant do to seem cooler :)

maki:

used to cry a lot and be very sensitive but the harsh training in the assassin cult made him learn to repress his emotions

and now he has a hard time properly expressing or understanding them

he refuses to talk when saihara and ouma first meet him but saihara takes him in his uncles mansion and as hes spending more time with the boys he opens up and actually becomes friends w them!

he doesnt think he deserves their kindness though because the assassin cult made him think hes subhuman

he and saihara are pretty much adopted siblings and saihara gave him some of his clothes and bought him even more

most of those clothes are dr merch or cosplays and he was like :O saihara wats this !! and sai introduced him to the games and shows and he became a fan too

it takes some time to become comfortable around his new friends but when he does hes very open and happy and he loves to fool around with them!

he overworks himself A Lot especially when investigating their case

he got used to hiding and sleeping in very small places so he mostly sleeps in the closet or under his bed rather than in the bed itself

he really really liked saiharas piercings and he had a couple of them himself already so sai helped him get even more which made him :D!!!!!

hes just a clown. an absolute fool of a girl

#pregame

[solunova]

hey uh ib is... como se dice... a Fuck. like as someone who is still trying to recover psychologically after graduating and getting my diploma. like i was Smart Good At School and hung out with Smart Good At School and we were all dying the entire time. you may have some issues but like. shit's fucked man

(Another Anonymous said: Hey don’t stress yourself too much with ib stuff, they suck now and are so freaking stressful but they are definitely steps that will help you down the road (coming from someone who definitely credits all the ia and shit I had to write to helping me rewrite a 10 page college paper 3 days before it’s due and get an a on it) these things have their place in you academic journey (also don’t stress the ioc’s too much you have that knowledge in your brain you can do it!))

i guess before i start: thank you two. person 1 for validation in my pain and 2 for encouragement that ill be okay and that it isnt all for naught. i appreciate both of yall! 

but its my birthday at 1:40 am and im fucking SAD cause im up trying to write my entire bio ia due friday after some Complications came up so this is gonna be a mostly negative retrospective of my last two years and the circumstances that ive lived in due to the ib

i refuse to put this under a cut yall scroll past word walls anyways

so heres my hot and absolutely original take: i recognize that ib is extremely beneficial in certain regards. i know from everyone who took it telling me that its good for college experience and all that kind of stuff, both on a knowledge/content level and on, as person 2 describes, an “i cant get off my ass to write this paper in time” level and being able to compensate for that. i agree with that! I am extremely grateful for an increased class difficulty, especially in the fields where i knew what was happening already and spent classes bored until ib. and like! ib english is the first goddamn time ive EVER talked about the evils of imperialism and colonialism in an academic setting. that shit is vital to our future and yet no normal class talks about it!!! its terrible! and ib history is the first time ive ever enjoyed a history class and gotten even a margin of a good feeling out of it. like there are some really good parts of ib that ive written every damn college entry essay ive gotten on. i Know.

but like okay lets start with the fact that going into this that they (as in all ib teachers) were like “oh itll break you out of procrastination! itll teach you to constantly be studying!!! its what you need for college!!!!!” when it has done all of jack and shit to help us achieve that. its just kind of put us in the lions den and let us scramble at the walls for a foothold to get out or at least survive, maimed and depraved. if it sees us stopping to catch our breath, it shoots at our feet. the ibo extorts our misery to feed their mirth

lets also acknowledge that dumb fucks who take full ib, or even worse, those taking pseudo full ib (ie all classes but no diploma cause their extended essay busted and they gave up ie me) mostly take it due to extreme pressure, be it from their schools, their family, or their own psyche, saying they arent good enough if they dont take the highest offered classes, or even more that if they arent doing well in those classes its a product of their own shortcomings and then spend most of the rest of the time in ib degrading themselves because no matter how much time they put in they cant be the best and all that fun stuff. ib kids are put on a sort of pedestal by the school but then left on their own. 

i, of course, see this as a much greater academic institution integrated mindset that needs to be addressed and challenged, but to force it on kids who have to not only go through with it for the next four years, but also because its targeted at these kids that are higher achieving “gifted and talented” fucking whatever, most likely the rest of their lives?

its straight up psychologically damaging to give such a rigorous course load and no help for the effects and self esteem issues from it, no help for the people who dont know how to give up and instead run themselves in the fucking dirt and strain themselves to the edges of their goddamn sanity, spending what little time is left in their adolescence treating themselves like shit

idealistically, ib is wonderful. i think it carries out some of its best traits (integrating global thinking, allowing a more freeform discussion of many things, etc), but i also recognize how absolutely full of shit it is in many corners (regarding encouraging service, intellectual honesty, whatever else), one, and that a lot of people are just.. not up to the task. they may have the ability intellectually, but not mentally. i firmly believe that anyone can do anything if they set their minds to it but i have become the victim of my own philosophy because that came at the expense of my well-being.

and the fact that when i tried to tell my coordinator this she a) did not let me just NOT do the ee despite how strained i was(which i didnt end up doing, lick my whole dick mrs kurtz) and stole my summer from me because between being depressed as hell at gsp i was a nervous wreck about what they could do to me or how i was going to accomplish anything that i needed to, and that i havent had a proper break from school in three straight years, that im still running on empty essentially and b) that when i told the other ib coordinator, 4 months later, theres not a souls chance in hell that i was gonna fucking do it, that she lectured me and made me cry in class about how “you cant see the forest for the trees” “thisll help you later in life” “youre throwing away jobs” all that fun stuff like

its evil

the lack of care that often goes into it

the extreme magnitude of work that, sure, is feasibly possible for a 16-18 year old to do, but here theyre expected to

the fact that the classes fall in a time where gpa is so absolutely vital to colleges and scholarships (and given that its these ib kids’ personality and intellectual dispositions, even more so - both in esteem and necessity)

the fact that so many of the classes and so much of the coursework is empty, ultimately

its kind of a bad system

not even to MENTION the egotistical complexes, both inwardly as addressed and outwardly as in being the most godawful kind of people that manifests in these people that think theyre gods gift to the world cause they took ib and “if you spend time bitching about ib you deserve to fail because that was time you could have spent working” like you sound like the worst kind of person and i dont fucking care. theres a girl in my classes who is so upset every time someone doesnt listen to her because she thinks everything she has to say is the goddamn gospel and ib really attracts these kinds of people and its the WORST

#this isnt even organized i dont fucking care i hhhhhate ib #like im glad i took it to some extent and i think this is certainly a two year span that will affect me for the rest of my life #but the psychological scars are so deep in my grey matter that i cry #every time i think about them because my worldview has gotten #so warped that i dont think i can really ever recover my self esteem #im TERRIFIED my college years are gonna be a replica of ib #like yknow? #anyways #long post #ib #yknow i was vaguing someone specific but it applies to like 5 people in that same class #Anonymous

[comicteaparty]

December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

XD

Superjustinbros

XD

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #inhibit #evegwood #eve greenwood

[alicedoessurveys]

25 Questions

1. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news? it was literally today and it was fantastic news; we found out the gender of my sisters baby that is due later this year... im going to have a niece!! 2. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? my parents sort the food, and any of us fill/refresh the water bowl whenever its needed 3. Have you ever taken a “break” of any sort in a relationship? Describe the break. never been in a relationship, but I guess ive taken ‘breaks’ in friendships  4. Name all the places you’ve taken and posted surveys before. I dont remember, mostly just here 5. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? yup I organise them into folders so I dont go insane trying to find things

6. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? if its totally innocent and you are 100% sure theres no chance of temptation then yes I think so. but I know if it were my and my boyfriend had a sleepover with another girl I wouldn't like it  7. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? nope  8. Have you ever had a really bad landlord? If you have, what did they do that made you feel this way about them? I have not 9. Have you ever helped somebody pack up and move out of their home or apartment? Was it difficult or easy? What made it so difficult or easy? yes ive helped my sister both times she moved. it was difficult getting things organised and unpacking was worse than packing  10. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? not really no because I doubt that what ive created is good 11. Does it annoy you when the first question of a survey states that it will be intense, but the entire survey is filled with typical, boring questions? not annoy me nope im just like meh 12. Which of the following would you rather be: a police officer, a fire fighter, or a paramedic? police  13. Who do you tend to have very deep, meaningful conversations with? nick or mom  14. Does the majority of the music you listen to have a lot of cursing or very little? What about when you were younger, did your parents approve of you listening to music with explicit or vulgar lyrics? I have some songs that have swearing in yes but its only ever one or two words. I dont like songs that are packed with swearing or vulgar lyrics.  15. What was the last website you made an account on? Had you visited this site many times before you actually made the account, or was it a new site to you? instagram. I set up a photography account on there just last week, ive been on it multiple times every day since  16. How many questions within a question is too many? Does it annoy you when surveys ask you more than one question at once, or do you like that it gives you more reason to talk about the topic? I dont like questions that have more than one question really 17. Do you think surveys are a good way to release your anger and stress, or does ranting end up making you more angry most times? I think its good it helps to process thoughts and to get them out is healthy 18. Have you ever had to be the peace-maker in a fight? Is this something you enjoy doing or do you dislike it? im usually the peace maker in most fights  19. Do you know much about healthy relationships? Have you ever had an unhealthy relationship (not just with a significant other, but with anyone)? What about a healthy relationship? ive not been in a relationship  20. Do you like to sleep the day away or wake up early enough that you have a full day ahead of you? I dont like to wake up too late but I also cannot deal with waking up early. 8.30/9am is okay 21. Are there any usernames on Xanga that you think are catchy/creative/interesting?  I have no idea what youre talking about  22. Have you made any changes to your appearance recently? If you have, did these changes boost your confidence level, keep it the same over all, or lower your self-esteem in any way? I have not nope 23. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? all the bloody time yes, my dad is the worst for this. it frustrates me because its an illness I cant just switch it off  24. Is your house big enough, or do you wish it was bigger? its okay, but I would like a bigger kitchen and bathroom 25. If you have more than one best friend, are they all best friends (like a group of best friends) or are they only YOUR best friend? my best friends all know each other and we hang out together a lot 

#survey #short

[tinygaysheep-blog]

A lil Keith theory+ character analysis (kinda) ALSO LANCE IS KEITH’S STABILITY EXPLAINED

Ya girl is back with a theory that quite honestly breaks my heart. But it has nesttled itself into my head and oh boy, oh boy does this make me sad. 

BPD, or borderline personality disorder is a mental illness a lot of people don’t really understand. Its also pretty hard to diagnose for some reason and often confused with bipolar depression and autism. 

Lets take a look at the symptoms; 

Having an unstable or dysfunctional self-image or a distorted sense of self (how one feels about one’s self). Keith definitely has a problem with feeling worthless. We all know that Lance has problems with insecurity, but what goes over a lot of people’s heads is that Keith does too. He assumes people dont like him, the only thing he’s actually sort of proud off are his flying skills. He doesn’t want to lead Voltron cause he doesn’t think he’s any good as a leader, and while he’s not as good at it as Shiro, he defnitely has some leader qualities but he doesn’t see them himself. He came a long way in season 3 in a very short time but he didn’t see it.  And his self-sacrifice at through-out of season 4? It could just be the blade of marmora influencing him with their “the mission is more important than the individual” crap, but I don’t think it is. He goes back for other memembers and even tries to fight Kolivan to save the guy when he would maybe be able to throw the guy to safety but never run back himself. And the final eppisode? Keith cares more about anyone and anything than himself. He’s literally willing to die to save anyone else. 

Feelings of isolation, boredom and emptiness. We all know Keith suffers from not really feeling a connection with others. He’s literally been on a ship in space with six other people for God knows how long and they still describe him as the lone wolf, he still trains on his own all the time. And the common misconception is that he wants to be alone. He really, really, really doesn’t. I cannot stress enough how much this boy would love to join in on the fun all the time, to not be so far away from the rest of them, but he just can’t.  He’s too scarred he’ll be rejected or something along those lines so instead he just... Lone wolfs it. 

Difficulty feeling empathy for others.  I decided against highlighting this one because we haven’t really seen a lot of it. Although, there have been a few cases of this, like when Pidge tried to leave. In my personal opinion, I don’t think he can summon the empathy very well unless he’s going through or has been through the same thing.  When he and Allura went out to space because they both though Zarkon was tracking them he showed quite a bit of empathy towards her but that was also because they were in the same boat (no pun intended) he was sort of going through the same thing. So he understood. When Lance came to him with his issues of insecurrity he got it because he’s scarred of being kicked out too. Of not being a valueable member to the team.  But when Pidge wanted to go find her family he couldn’t relate. Cause he’s never really had a family to look for. We don’t know what happened with his dad, whether he died or just up and left like his mum did. But seeming it’s more logical, lets assume his dad did die, he doesn’t know his mother, so... He doesn’t understand Pidge wanting to look for her brother.  You may argue that he had Shiro to look for, but if you watch the first episode of season one its pretty clear he wasn’t looking for Shiro. He’s surprised to see him there and he was tracking Voltron before that. Finding Shiro was merely conicidental.

A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate.  Again, I didn’t want to highlight this one because, well, we don’t know enough about his backstory to be able to judge if he’s had unstable relationships in the past.  However, you cant tell me he doesn’t have and intense idealization of Shiro that kinda turned into a sort of hate (but not really) when he was left in charge of Voltron. But that’s all I got on that one. He doesn’t really seem to hate people or idealise them (apart from Shiro) Some may argue that he hated Lance in season one, but honestly, I call bullshit on that. Annoyance, yes. Hate, no.  Annoyed neutrality. 

A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection, including extreme emotional reactions to real and even perceived abandonment I feel like I dont have to go into this.... So I wont... AT LEAST NOT THE OVERLY OBVIOUS STUFF.  Okay so, our boy has abandonment issues. We all knew that. But I honestly don’t think y’all are seeing just how far this stuff actually goes.  When he though Lance hated him (EXACTLY HOW CANNON THE HATE IS IS UP FOR DISSCUSSION, FIGHT ME ANNONS) he really didn’t want much to do with him. Even made a few jabs at him so that he could reject Lance first.  With the B.O.M however, we see him literally almost work himself to death during the trails in fear of being rejected to the group. The boy has major issues with self esteem, which is probably why he did so well at the garrison, cause he needs those results to feel okay about himself. He doesn’t think he’s good enough so he works towards being better, yes its pragmatic, but ultimately he’ll end up.... oh I don’t know... sacrificing himself. 

Intense, highly changeable moods that can last for several days or for just a few hours.  Again, I didn’t highlight this one because, well I don’t have too much to back it up other than that he seems very easy to upset. A little comment like that he’s the lone wolf, even though he’s trying to fit in can really get to him. And just... can people stop hurting my baby please? 

Strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression Honestly, this is another one I don’t feel like I have to explain. It just, Keith is a guy that worries a lot, and he definitely has anxiety when it comes to interacting with others. From the way he talks about his mother to the way he looked at his blade when he was figuring out his Galra identity, and the look on his face when the others were pissed off at him in season 4, I think depression is definitely a concept he touches on. Maybe not fullblown, actual depression, but I think he has... issues with feeling like a depressed person feels sometimes.  But he’s never actually vocalized this, so this may be me projecting. Though he does show some general symptoms fo depression. 

Impulsive, risky, self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, including reckless driving, drug or alcohol abuse and having unsafe sex I just, r e c k l e s s  d r i v i n g  Yes, he’s a skilled pilot but you cannot tell me he doesn’t throw caution to the wind a lot.  Also remember that king he held hostage?  Also remember how he worked himself to death during the B.O.M trials? Also remember the self sacrifice?  Also remember the putting himself in danger to safe his teammates?  Also remember how he ran away with Allura in the middle of the night because he THOUGHT he MIGHT be getting tracked and left the team unable to form Voltron without telling anyone?

Hostility “What? Keith is a total hothead”- Lance, 2016.  No but, Keith has said himself that he can be this way.  Even Shiro has pointed it out to him. This one is kinda also just very self explanitory. 

Unstable career plans, goals and aspirations Well I mean, his plans do kinda seem to be all over the place. He got kicked out of the Garrison... and tracked alien life for a year???  And other than finding Shiro in season 2-3 and joining the blade he never really has a long term plan. His only goal is defeating the Galra, it doesnt go deeper than that. He doesnt necessarily want to go home or settle down. He has no plan. He just kinda floats through life.

With BPD you have these things called modi. Modi are... in simple terms, fragments of your personality. There are five modi, the protector, the strict/punishing parent, the abandoned/abused child, the angry/impulsive child and the healthy grown up. Everybody sort of has these a little bit, but when you have BPD your healthy adult mode is a little... under developed/overwhelmed by the other modi. 

I personally also suffer from BPD and I honestly see a lot of these modi in Keith. The protector is the main one that seems to be present with him. (I also have this one, I call mine richard/dick for short). The protector’s main job is keeping people at arm’s lenght, its hard to get past this guy, esspecially if he’s the main dude running the show. Keith’s protector seems to work a lot with the impulsive child which is why he has such dificulty being a leader. 

I want to give an example here of how Keith’s modi seem to coexist; 

So lets take the scene where he just started leading Voltron and he chased Lotor into the gassplanet. So, he has an objective; get Lotor. His strict parrent modi will lock onto this WITH A FUCKING DEATH GRIP. It doesn’t matter what he has to do, he needs to get his objective. The impulsive child then takes over with the the stirct parent fueling him by telling him he needs to do this, when the team tells him to stop the protector shrugs them off. 

Later, once he failed, and lost everyone, the child and the protector regress, leaving the abandoned child and the strict parrent to yell at it and make the child feel like shit about itself. This is when Keith is vulnerable. That’s why Lance could approach him, and he knows it. And while acknowledging that Keith fucked up, he appeals to the healthy adult in his system to try and get him to move on. 

THAT is why Lance is so good for him and why he stablizes Keith mentally. He is able to tell him that he made a mistake while still accesing the healthy grown-up. Shiro, on the other hand, doesn’t do that. He is constantly trying to shape Keith to be better and sometimes, yes he gets through to Keith’s healthy adult and stuff (patience yeilds focus), but mostly he appeals to the strict parent telling him to be better. 

It doesn’t surprise me that that’s why he saw Shiro during the Galra trials. He really, really, really wants his approval. He might even see Shiro as the strict modi if he were to personify it. 

I hope you’re as sad about this as I am, because it’s two a.m and this suddenly hit me like 20 minutes ago and I’ve been keeping my emotions in check ever since.

#Voltron legendary defender #voltron theory #voltron #keith kogane #shitpost #theory #bpd #relatable #fandom #klance #lance mcclain #shiro #WHY LAUREN #its 2:30 am #i made myself cry #emoed it up #spicy boi confirmed #spicy boi explained #character #character analysis #why did i do this #why am i like this #its 2 am and my spellcheck is dutch dont you judge me

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

🌹izumin | 🍁izumin, yuzuru, weedman | 🌻hiromin, kotorin, izumin, taka | 💐yuzuru, kotorin, pettan, nakajima | 🌿izumin, taka | 🌺weedman, rinrin, yuzuru

reeee the read more better work now

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

his moms apartment is probably the place where izumin feels the most at home. mommas boy. he just really likes his mom. it does tire him out a lot to be around his aunt/siblings though so he also cant stick around for very long because he doesnt feel all that welcome (its his own fault its ok).

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

izumins apartment is probably the closest to an actual comfort spot to him because he can escape there when he doesnt want anybody to bother him for a while, but he isnt really emotionally attached to it much so its pretty arbitrary. he doesnt like to decorate much because its just more stuff to clean.

yuzuru doesnt really have a specific place. he does like to hoard/decorate, but if he needs alone time he generally prefers to just wander outside on his own aimlessly.

weedman has his own room back home!! he rarely ever needs/wants alone time, but if he had to, he would just bundle up in there with a bunch of snacks. its a huge mess because he doesnt know what organizational skills are, and the walls are covered in tv posters.

🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?

hiromin really likes being invited to random events (even if she has to or wants to decline) because it helps make her feel like shes a bit more normie and people appreciate her presence. she also gets very excited whenever she manages to recognise a pop culture reference.

kotorin is a bit of a peoplewatcher and she tends to feel very proud for other people when they push themselves to step out of their comfort zone and get something done that they didnt think theyd be able to. she tends to get very excited when people feel comfortable enough to goof around with her because it shows that they arent intimidated by her. she really likes being sent cute animal videos/pictures and she loves the kind of tiny animal figures you can get from gachapon machines.

when izumin really likes somebody, he likes to see them get excited about really tiny things, or mess around and make really bad jokes, even though hes very much in denial about it (and will sometimes even poke fun at the person for it). he tends to feel very excited when animals hes never interacted with approach him to ask for pets. he also really likes it when strangers who obviously have no idea who he is ask him for tiny favors. he tends to get very excited when he finds a person whos even a little interested in musical theater.

taka really likes sending/being sent random memes, especially when the other person has clearly no idea what the meme means. he likes seeing people be very clueless in general as long as its about something harmless because he finds it very funny (also it boosts his self esteem). he really likes rainy days because he finally has an excuse to lie around doing nothing all day. also getting a UR in gacha games maybe

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

yuzuru is a bit of a workaholic when it comes to things hes genuinely passionate about so if he were to get sick he would absolutely try to pretend that hes fine until he collapses or something. he would be complaining a lot more about not being allowed to do things rather than how hes feeling though hed eventually attempt to actually rest if he was badgered hard enough about it. hes probably the most careful with physical injuries as theyre somehow more serious in his mind, so he actually takes proper precaution with them.

hes really good at taking care of other people. hes a bit quick to panic but he generally tends to calm down relatively fast. he can and will remember all of your meds for you, and he will take on all of the chores without any complaints.

kotorin is sort of a tsundere about it. she really likes to be spoiled when she feels ill but shes too embarrassed to ask for it straight out. usually she will try to take it easy while still getting some amount of work done until someone yeets her into bed. she will usually just silently lurk in the gc or scroll through social media until she finds someone who will keep her company.

shes pretty good at taking care of people as well. shes not really easy to freak out and shes very practically minded.

pettan is a big baby. she will be whining the entire time about how awful she feels (even when its not too bad) and she will either want to be completely left alone or cling to somebody like theres no tomorrow. she will beg people to do her chores and she wont have any qualms about just lying in bed all day.

she doesnt really know how to take care of other people because she doesnt have much experience with it. shes pretty easily freaked out and at times tends to assume something is a lot worse than it actually is, which can lead her to just kind of flail aimlessly instead of actually being helpful. shes most likely to be helpful when shes consulting google, though even then she can be way more dramatic than she needs to be.

nakajima is just a dying old man. if he still has work left he will do his best to push through it until the bitter end, if hes free he will just collapse into a pile and just sleep through the entire thing. hes not super reluctant to ask close friends to help out a little though.

hes pretty good at taking care of other people too (altho who would ask him lol loser has no friends). he knows a lot of home remedies off the top of his head and hes really good at giving advice.

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

both izumin and taka are a lot more prone to doing favors for other people rather than being verbally affectionate. they generally pay attention to what sort of things the other person likes/appreciates and save the information for later then surprise the other person with it. izumin is a lot more prone to complaining than taka when it happens to involve him having to do something he doesnt like though.

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

weedman is extremely needy and will physically cling to any friend he can find (taka is preferable but really anyone he gets along with works). if thats not an option, he will bundle up and try to binge a bunch of youtube videos or read up on super sentai stuff.

natsurin likes to pat and cuddle with his pets. humans would also be fine but hes not the type who would go to someone for help. he also has a few comfort foods (mostly desserts).

yuzuru is kind of embarrassed to be seen as anything but competent so unless its with really close friends, he will do his best to put on a tough act and pretend that everything is fine. hes likely to just lie awake in bed and browse on his phone (maybe chat someone as nonchalantly as he can manage) until he feels like he can fall asleep again, or get out of bed and attempt to clean/cook.

#ty norbert mwah mwah #but also fuck you for the difficult ones #iifii #ask

[ylisseandarkflier]

Its 5:30am and Im v exhausted. But idk I have some thoughts so here we are.

A lot happened in 2017. Mostly classes, and it was exhausting. Im still not even finished. I have 12 more workbooks and a month to do them. So thats going to be busy. But I am grateful.

If you were to ask me back in early 2014 if I was going to make it through the year I wouldnt know how to answer. For those who are new or forgot, because its been a while, my family has been dealing with financial instability since before I was born. It got progressively worse until Summer 2013 where it got so bad I was forced to drop out of school.

In 2014 I was filled with so much guilt and frustrations from my previous mistakes, and from the environment I grew up in and didn't know how to handle. It was the roughest year for me. But I always ended up unable to go through with ending my life. I turned 18 that year. But shortly after my dad lost his job. At the end of the year, I was working part time at a fast food restaurant.

Working was fine in 2015. It was only three days a week for four hours, but sometimes I stayed a bit more because I worked in the evening during rush hour. I was good at my job. But it took a toll on me. The exhaustion on top of everything became too stressful. We were forced to move because we couldn't keep up with rent.

I stopped working in 2016 before we moved house again. My dad still didnt have a job then. 2016 was a weird year. Nothing much happened till the end of the year. Aside from some emotional things, my dad found a job that year. Though he had to keep finding another job, it still helped. I was able to go back to school again.

In 2017 I started classes, and my dad had a more stable job. I did my best to work really hard. It was very taxing, especially near the end of the year. But we didn't have to move again and technically Im a graduate. Though with recent events I am very scared. It feels like Im going out of a pan and into fire after fire. I still carry the same feelings I had in 2014 when I was at my lowest.

But I also changed a lot. Im more afraid of 2018 than excited for it. I didnt really go into detail so this ramble probably sounds weird. But 2017 and I guess 2018 too, are the years where I think I can make it.

Im not brave. I am more likely to stand in place because of fear than move forward. But forward is the only direction I know where to go. Even though I also dont want to because my low self esteem and self depreciation wont let me. My fear of moving forward is very strong. But I know my fear of staying still is just as strong. I cant do anything on my own, and I can never ask anyone for the kind of help I might need.

Im not who I used to be. Forward is the only place I can go so, even if its mostly by myself I guess I'll figure it out. Im still grateful I have something to push myself forward. Im still here able to see 2018. Im still able to say I can make it through 2018.

I hope everyone can find the courage to tackle each day forward one step at a time.

I dont know where I went with this. Its 6am and I am very sleepy. This all mostly sounds negative, but trust me that when I say I have changed a lot, I have become at least, a little bit happier than before.

#long post #thinkings #im okay #im very sleepy #goodnight #oh right #suicide mention #its alright #i was reflecting #thats all #merry christmas happy holidays and a happy new year