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tiens-letters · 2 years

Text

When spring ends, wake me up just like what you would've done all these past years.

When spring ends, kiss me like its the last.

When spring ends and gives way to summer, leave me like always.

When spring ends, may we not meet again.

Diluc Ragnvindr (angst)

Female reader

Leaves drift and fall, it parts ways with its branches yet it is never the final farewell for them. For once a leaf touches the ground, it begins to dry and wilt like all the others and thus returns to soil as nourishment for the tree.

You stare out from within the study of the mansion, the workers busy with the last production of grapes as winter begins to draw closer to Mondstadt. Cooped up with nothing but books and unfinished paper work of the winery, you draw your cardigan closer to compensate for the lack of warmth the room holds. The burning wood in the fireplace has long gone out and so did the steam from your coffee that was made this morning. You never bothered to replace them, thoughts more weighing than such tasks. The clock in corner of the room chimed, indicating the coming of supper yet the harrowing sounds of the pendulum was hypnotizing more so than than the idea of an empty dinner table.

He was busy. You couldn’t blame him for it. His time was precious. It was not his fault for being absent most of the time four years after your happy marriage. It was for the future of the winery and for the both of you. You worry for him.

But you cant help to worry about yourself. The dark under-eyes and fatigued body from days of overworking and waiting for his arrival at night. His presence, which seems to be fading as you go to bed alone and wake up to a messy yet cold sheets in the morning. You know of the things he does after-work and wished you could help him but he refused to let you tag along in case of getting hurt, so then you stayed at home and worried yourself to death. Sometimes it could be small bruise and sometimes, it could be wound to the side. One day, it might be his corpse that arrives at your doorstep.

Faint knocking comes from the door as you tear your eyes away from the documents in your hand. The maids knew you didn’t want to be disturbed when you’re in the study. You sigh and walk over to the door. There stood Moco, a worried look on her face.

“What is it?”

“Madame, its been an half an hour since dinner was served. You should come down and eat.” She timidly says.

“I have no appetite.” Its true, these days you found yourself disliking the idea of food or even consuming any, especially at this time of the day. “You and the others may enjoy dinner by yourselves.”

“But Madame!” Moco retaliates, concern lacing her tone “Everyone is worried that you aren’t eating properly.”

Perhaps you were too engrossed in your thoughts and paper works that you never considered nor payed attention to their worries regarding you. Now that you’ve seen it with open eyes, you felt regretful for not spending time with them as they’ve helped you settle down in this nation and became your friends and subordinates.

“Ah.. It seems Ive crossed the line.” you sigh “I will be joining you all.”

Moco erupts in a fit of joy as she clasps your hand and brings you along like a giddy child. By the time you reach the dining table, you are welcomed by all of the staff. Warmth hit you like a refreshing wave, drenching you in a feeling long forgotten. You wonder then where was this when it was just with Diluc.

And as if they knew what you were feeling but never seemed to voice it out. They comforted you in ways like a family would. Slowly filling up that empty hole in your heart from your own husband’s doings. Small and joyous chatter about everyones day and the clinking of silverware against porcelain resonated throughout the hall. The meal was great, courtesy to adelinde cooking it, one that your tongue is familiar with. A specialty of your husband. Funny how he isn’t even here.

….

You couldn’t sleep at all. No matter how many pages you flip through from the current book you have on your lap or the second mug of sweet milk, nothing, not even the sheeps who were now gone from their pens. Thus you lay under the dim glow of the lantern, alone with your thoughts that seemed to be the other reason that keeps you up, the first reason being that your concern for your husband who still hasn’t returned from his work.

An antsy feeling creeping up your arms then flowing right into your body. Something seemed wrong, like a pull it urged you to leave from the warmth of your bed and into the dimly lit lobby of the house, all maids having gone home or deep in slumber of the cold night.

“Madame.” you still, hand hovering over the door knob. “Where are you going?”

Elzer stood behind you, a coffee mug in his hand, seemingly to have been on a small break from the rushing a few documents here and there.

“I am only going to check on the tavern.”

“This late? Madame its dangerous to go outside at this time of night.” He reasons out, setting his mug down in order to guide you away from the door

“Elzer, perhaps you have forgotten who I am.” you retort, keeping a hushed voice as to not wake the Adelinde

“No I have not Madame. Just like the others, I too am concerned for your well-being.”

“Im just worried about Diluc.” you sigh, pulling the cardigan closer to you “Ill be quick Elzer.”

“Madame..”

“Please.”

Elzer finally gives in and opens the door for you. A little bit of hesitation pulling him back from not letting you go for fear of what might happen.

“Be careful.” is what he could say as he let you go

“Thank you.”

The minutes you estimated to get to the tavern flew by fast without you noticing. Perhaps it was from the worry you had for your husband that had your legs moving faster towards the destination or maybe just the pulling feeling that seemed to grow stronger the moment you reached the door of the tavern. The bustling sounds of the patrons and the amusing serenades of the bards inside washed over you as you stepped through the doorway, eyes searching for a specific hair color in the midst of the crowd only to be met by the same mundane colors. There was no sun during dawn within the sea of earthen colors.

“Madame?” a familiar voice from the counter perks up, rather surprised to see you standing there

“Charles!” You gasp in relief finally seeing a friendly face in the blurry crowd. “Have you seen Diluc?”

“Ah, m’lord must be out back getting ready to get home.” Charles smiles at you as he serves one of the drinks

“Thank you.”

You find him exactly where Charles directed you to albeit not alone. There was someone with him, slender arms around his neck and hands tangled in his hair. So that was the nagging feeling all along, as if your gut wanted you to be right with a wrong situation. He seemed lost in her ways as she led her lips to his and you stood there, a ghostly warmth upon your skin like when he used to caress you whenever he sees you. Slowly that feeling faded, you didn’t chase nor crave it as it only left you with a bitter taste and an knife to your chest.

You wanted to throw up at the thought of you wishing to be in her place, rightful as it is you didn’t know anymore. He loved you right? And yet why? Why did seem like you were simply a past time of his and the woman before him was his true love.

It is quite funny, the feeling of betrayal can give you, it makes you vulnerable and your mind in disarray as every insecurity and negative thought you begin to take in like a black-hole. And so you turned and left, legs leading you down towards the river, you waded in, letting the water creep up your being like a comforting friend, drenching you through and through until it embraced you completely.

“Madame!” Adelinde rushed out from the mansion immediately upon seeing your figure in the pathway leading up to the building. She gasps as soon as she saw how drenched you were, hair sticking to your face and yet you seemed unfazed from the cold with hands around your tummy. A shawl is quickly draped over your body as you were ushered inside by Adelinde and Elzer, who just came out.

“Where’s the master?” Elzer asks you while helping you sit down near the fireplace

“I must’ve missed him on the way here.” you manage a wry chuckle. Adelinde having gone to draw you a bath, you focus on the warmth of the fire, though it didn’t seem to reach you

“Madame, you should be careful.” sighs Elzer “Travelling by water wont do you well in that state.”

“I thought Diluc was home so I used it.”

“Please promise me you won’t do that for now Madame. We’re all worried about you.”

“The bath is ready.” Adelinde emerges from the balcony, Elzer helps you once again and escorts you upstairs where Adelinde is waiting.

“Thank you.” you nod at both of them, grateful to have people like them at your side. Elzer left to continue a few remaining papers as Adelinde still gave you a skeptical look

“You should rest now Addie. Ill be fine.”

Shame that you were gone the next day with only your wedding ring atop your pillow and no luggage. Nobody noticed that you turned towards the river once again just when dawn was coming and let it take you back to your home far beyond the mountains.

…

Diluc walked home, the crisp morning air sharp against his lungs. It was truly getting colder, winter just by his doorstep. He wishes he were home faster, warm beside the hearth with nothing but a warm drink in hand and peace of the weekend.

He wonders if you were still in the study, holed up with the rest of the documents he nor Elzer could finish. Perhaps by the window gazing out into the winery, awaiting him like you do every day when he leaves for work. Or maybe still sound asleep in your shared bed, covers drawn to your body that made you look small from view.

He walks up the steps and into the patio,

“Master Diluc!” Moco who came from the side of the mansion saw him

“What is it?” he asks her, noting her haggard appearance, her outfit seemed hurriedly put on and her hair, untamed.

“The Madame! Oh archons…” she cries unable to bring out the rest of her words. Diluc takes the initiative to usher the trembling girl inside, only the be met by two other people inside the Mansion who seem to be in a frenzy of words

“What’s going on here?”

“Master! You finally arrived.” Elzer gasps in relief,

Diluc confused as to why the house was in uproar. Had there been a break in? A problem in the documents? Or had you fallen ill? He did not know.

“We could not find the Madame.”

“What do you mean you could not find her?”

“When I was about to wake her up this morning for breakfast, she was not in the bedroom. I tried checking the study as well and the rest of the rooms but she was nowhere to be found.” Adelinde states, her hands begin fiddling with each other, a mannerism she does whenever she’s extremely worried.

“Did you not see her last night at all?” Elzer questions the wine tycoon who stood before them

“No…” Diluc grew worried

“She went looking for you when you didn’t come home and with no luck. So she came back home, drenched from travelling by water. Last night was the last we’ve seen her.” concerned gazes were set on Diluc as if demanding an answer from him, which he didn’t have.

“T-this was the only thing we found of hers,” Adelinde hands him over the twin symbol of the band around his finger, albeit smaller for it was fitted over slimmer digit than his “Nothing else was taken, as if she were simply gone.”

The crimson haired man stared at the ring upon his palm, he envisioned it burning a hole into his flesh the more he looked at it. Something weighted within, heavy and suffocating.

“What time did she leave to find me?”

“Midnight.” He stumbled for a bit, eyes wide-blown in utter shock. All the voices were drowned out as he helped himself up the stairs and into the bedroom where you slept, or did your head really touch the pillow before leaving?

The color in his face has left him and so did the energy in his body. So he sat on the bedroom floor, the muddy, dirty feeling creeping up his neck and strangling him. Like a noose around his neck, he gagged at the wretched feeling all the while the rush of memories from last night with a woman he did not even know the name of came flooding in like a merciless river. He let her kiss him, touch him, things only you, his wife is entitled to.

His feet carries him into the bathroom, hands immediately working to remove his upper clothing, once it was shed, he began to scrub himself as if ridden with muck and grime. He scrubs and scrubs and scrubs until his pale skin turned red from the abuse. It wasn’t enough to get rid of last night’s conscious mistake.

oh archons… just what has he done.

How could he have let such a thing happen? Was it the frustration from work? The loneliness from being apart? His other role? All the problems seemed to trickle down and drown him.

And he simply, so pathetically let it happen.

A sinner looked at him through the foggy mirror.

Winter came and began to make its home, not bothering to knock or introduce itself. The days will become longer now and he, alone, frozen in the lake of regret and disgust for himself.

He tries to think of any way, anything that can absolve what happened, he ponders and ponders all the while standing amid mess of his thoughts yet nothing could his mind offer to bring him closer to salvation. He so wanted to find you right then and there but after that? If he does then what? What explanation can he possibly offer to you? What can he say to fix your shattered heart, a result from his foolish mistake.

Pathetic little phoenix, burning himself with a flame he himself conjured up.

…

The passing of days, turned into a month and then three, where white covered all in its unforgiving softness. You find yourself by your favorite spot, plush pillows on the window seat overlooking the vast lake in front, warm cocoa in hand and bundled up in the coziest clothes you have. The peace of things as of now has made it easier for you to deal with your thoughts and emotions, the memory of his infidelity, his neglect towards you, all of it dancing at the palm of your hand.

What about the rest? The people you left behind? How did they take it? And what…

What about him?

You shut your eyes, willing yourself not to remember his face from that night, instead you let yourself remember who he was before the mistakes. A quiet, serious man who didn’t seem to stop and care about others and yet it was simply a facade to bury who he truly was. Though clumsy, he learned a thing or two about an emotion he thought was lost in the storm of his anger. He was awkwardly sweet during your younger days, to think that the current Master of the wine dynasty managed to fall so deep in love with someone from a neighboring nation.

You were one of Fontaine’s diplomats at that time, with an eye for curiosity and knowledge, you wanted to know about how they brew their wines in Mond. Expecting to meet the Master on a mundane day at the winery was impossible for he had other tasks to do somewhere else regarding the shipment. However, fate always had a way for things that are meant to be, it was one final stroll through the streets of Mondstadt at night that you met him, well stumbled into each other at one of the private spots in the city, he was injured, though not life-threatening as he claimed it to be. You nursed his wound then and there after a small scuffle initiated by the stubborn man.

You smile to yourself at how surprised he was that day. Eyes like rubies, gazed at you through the mask as if he were a little bird in a cage. If only time could turn back to the way things were before he started to get busy, maybe then things wouldn’t have taken a turn for the worse.

‘I missed who you were before the world turned to ashes and yet I could feel your touch just like yesterday we held each other beneath the dying light of the sun. The hymns from the violin at dawn when you couldn’t think of anything but blame on your self for sins that were never yours.

I miss you. My dear, my love, where have you gone…’

Shaky hands let the quill fall, you could not continue to write no longer as the heartbreak, still fresh on your mind, the testament drying on the parchment before you. It was as if your heart was being laid out once again and stabbed over and over by you, yourself.

You shake your head, you had to or it would end up creating a bigger rift in both of your hearts.

A fresh parchment, a brief letter and ink stained fingers, only then did you manage to finish it.

…

‘divorce..’ he hoped it was joke, just a cruel joke from you who he has not seen for three months, but the parchment he held tightly in his hand proved otherwise. It was truly your handwriting, pristine and neat, not even a smudge of ink was seen, it was as if you knew what to write . He trembles as the words overlaps over and over in his head, breath coming out in short gasps as an incoming torrent of emotions dawns upon him. One trickle and then two until a river of water crystals fell from his tired eyes. Hiccups rise from his throat as he tries to stifle them, for fear that they would hear him again. Just like the past days wherein he would just break and shed tears because of his mistake, he did not want them to witness his vulnerability once again. He did not want their pity nor their concern for this was a sin he brought upon himself. They did not deserve any of which that he is showing towards the inanimate, the walls, the books, the table, the chairs and the rest of what was in the cold room with him. They were his company at this point, no one else knew exactly why you left or why the master was rarely seen around and outside the mansion.

Spots begin to dance in his vision as fatigue began to settle in his bones, from days of not having eaten properly to the nights where he could not sleep and only played the violin until his fingers bled and shook from the abuse. Distractions were all he had and they were running thin, soon he occupied himself with day dreaming, fantasizing about how things would’ve been if he were more attentive, loving like he was before, less workaholic and had come home in time to have dinner with you, maybe then such a night where the final straw wouldnt have broken the camel’s back then he would still wake up with you beside him.

He tries so hard to fight against the drowsiness, and as always, fails for his body could not bear anymore time awake. Maybe it was mercy that he was being spared at the moment because if his eyes were open a little longer then his heart would have completely shattered and maybe, it was cruelty that his body has shutdown, hoping not to wake up for a long time.

He preferred the former.

Why? He wanted himself to be reminded in every moment, every second, every hour of the day that it was his foolish fault, which could never reverse to correct. What’s done is done and he had to swallow such a truth down his clogged throat. He let himself choke on that feeling as punishment and yet he still wished, though it was a small flame, he still kept it alight amid the howling storm, that maybe you would come back and speak to him or maybe, at least a small glimpse of you would be enough to satiate his rapidly growing loneliness.

“ ..forgive me.” with a tear stricken face, he unceremoniously lays his head upon the carpeted floor, your letter still enclosed by his bloody bandaged fingers.

…

A few companions were enough for you to last through the winter when all else is freezing, their warmth sufficient enough to not let your heart fall into despair once again. You sat by the hearth, bundled up in a quilt as you listened to your elated elder brother who had just come home from his work at the capital. He spoke about boundless ideas of trade and then suddenly jumping to the meaning of every artwork he has ever come across in his journeys, some he would bring home to his ever growing collection. In a room full of historical past and vivid stories of inspiration, passion and reality, you slowly built yourself from the ruins of heartbreak. Though not every time you make it to the next step, you still manage and you were proud of it.

A small knock comes from the door cutting off your conversation.

“At this time of the night?”

“I’m not expecting anyone right now.” your brother looks at the door with annoyance

“Neither am I.” you stand with the support from his outstretched arm and approach the door

There was only one other person who is in possession of the house keys and to have come this far into the home.

“Alberich.” your brother rolls his eyes upon seeing the man who made himself at home again, he lost count for how long this man has been going in and out of the house for many years now.

“Still calling me that even when we’ve known each other for years.” Kaeya chuckles “You wound me.”

“Oh I would very much like to do so.” the older male glares at him

You simply shake your head at their banter and walk back to the couch to enjoy the short entertainment. It wasn’t always this lively and you were thankful Kaeya came to visit.

“What brings you here this early Kae?” you ask the male, setting down your teacup on the table

“I came to visit that’s all.” he replies but kept looking around, thumbs twiddling unconsciously atop his lap

“Liar.” scoffs your brother “You twiddle your thumbs when you’re withholding information.”

He did have that kind of habit though only in front of those he is close with, to the rest, he can easily lie like it was drinking wine.

“And here I thought I can prolong it as possible,” sighs the dark haired man

“Its fine Kae.” you tell him but part of you dreads what he might say

“Adelinde came to me the other day, she told me how things were back in uhh, that place, she told me about him..” Kaeya starts, “ and I hate to admit it, but he is not doing well after you left. I have not even seen him step foot out of the mansion. She begged me you know… to ask you for one last favor as her Lady and friend. To see him at least once more before separating completely.”

“Hah! I bet he told her to do that.” your brother had his own thoughts towards Diluc, this much was only the beginning of voicing finally them out. His seen the times you were happy with him but the ache in the recent year was the fuel to the regret of letting you marry such a man. What could he even do anyway when you loved him so, instead, he put his trust, albeit unwillingly towards the man.

‘ Make her happy ‘ he wanted to strangle his past self for saying that on the day the man knelt and slipped a ring on your finger.

He looks at you now, his beloved sister, whom he took care of when your parents were extremely busy, kept her happy as possible while in the middle of maintaining the household and its related businesses. If he can do all those things while caring for you then why? Why cant Diluc be the same as he expected for someone you are to be betrothed to.

“But its Addie,” your small voice makes it past your lips “She does not lie about things like that. He.. he must be truly in suffering to have her in a situation where she begs.”

“Tell me this sister, if he is truly suffering as that woman says then does he not deserve every second of it? Does he not deserve to wallow in grief and regret? Im sure Alberich agrees with me too.”

You knew your brother is right. He took the words that have been in the deepest part of your mind, brought them out into the world and it scared you how true it is. That such a sin could deal eternity’s consequences. He truly did deserve what he did to you.

“But,” why did your tongue want to argue against your mind. It is only right to have him feel the gravity of it.

“Please don’t tell me you still want to see him.” the man you who mirrors your looks holds your hands in his, in a way he wants you to reconsider your plans of going. He knows you very well, that older brother of yours.

“You are way too kind.”

Even as kids, you were too kind to those who are hurt, even when they’ve hurt you, because you would argue there was always a heavier reason behind their actions. Nikolaj, always had to be there to remind you that your tolerance would get you hurt one day. And this moment only proves it. But that little child grew up into a fine young woman, who’s kindness was chipped away by neglect and agony towards feelings that still tormented her of the man whom she vowed to stand beside to. She saw how right Nikolaj was.

“When spring comes,” you shakily sigh, seeking comfort in your brother’s warmth “I will go and see him and end it there once and for all.”

“Alright, you may do that.” he nods yet still skeptical about how things may turn out “We will leave in three days. Now get some rest.”

After escorting you to your room and bidding you good night, the men head down once again to the library.

“Don’t you have work to do?”

“My sister matters more and I’d like a chance to wring that bastard’s neck and burn his corpse and his house altogether.”

“That’s rather dark, Nik.” snickers Kaeya as he pours himself a glass of wine

“Would you rather stand in his place then?” the older man glares at the cavalry captain

“I would love to continue drinking for the rest of my life, thank you very much.”

“Thought so.”

…

You did not think you’d be back this early, when eternity was what you wanted to be away from both the painful and happy memories. They were all in the past and you being in Mondstadt right is a sign to the end of things. Of letting go of the things you used to cherish, the people, the sights, the little trinkets down the market. It is being free from shackles you did not think had already bound you during the days of neglect and the cold nights of you falling asleep alone without the embrace of the other.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” your concerned brother escorted you through the steps with Kaeya flanking your other side. They insisted in seeing the whole ordeal themselves beside you and maybe chance a hit at the man who made you cry.

“We can still turn around if you want to.”

“Nik, were already here.” part of you wanted to tell him you want to go back and the other part argues for you to stand your ground and enter the Phoenix’s next.

“I just wanted to ask.” he sighs

Adelinde came rushing out at once and met you half-way, engulfing you in a hug. It felt like one that friends would share after being separated by the weekend. But she knows, oh she knows how things will be once you’ve stepped foot inside the mansion. She made sure to let the girls have a week off as to not add more pressure to the situation. Only her and Elzer remained beside the young master who was cooped up in his room.

“We missed you my lady!” Adelinde exclaims in relief as she steps away “Please do come in, you must be tired.”

“Adie, please address me comfortably starting from today.” you tell her, soft smile painted on your lips

“Of course…” she saw you were ready to let him go, that tranquil smile of yours was more than enough for her to be reassured that you will be alright. She escorted you inside, part of her praying that things will go right so that no one will be hurt further than they have already been.

“I’ll go with you.”

“I will be alright brother.”

So this was it, this is where you cut ties with him. To forget the memories that kept you awake at night locked away into the very far and abandoned room of your memory palace. To truly let go of the thread that you have been holding onto, to not foolishly ask for change.

But if the man you once loved, that when you turn the knob and push open the door, step inside and find him, whom you wished to be home, wished to look at you the same way, to hold you, to find his lips on your again in a soft, longing dance of lovers torn apart. What then? What will you do?

That is what your heart keeps asking, what if’s on the side that you wanted to see.

Your knuckles softy landing three knocks on the door, as the other hand turns the key which Adelinde has given you prior to ascending the stairs. Stating that the master always keeps the room locked, whether he is inside or working outside which rarely happens now.

“Diluc, its me.” you call out softly as you enter into the room.

It was quite the mess, as if someone had left the windows open and let the wind have its way with the things within. Papers were strewn about, some being more important than the rest, a few books opened, some facing down were around the room, and what shocks you more was not the furnitures untidy or the curtains drawn, it was the broken violin on the floor, whose strings were snapped in half and body shattered along with its bow.

He loved keeping things neat and in order, more so, playing the violin.

He was passionate about playing, even when he does not show it at times, you would catch him playing in his study on nights where he thinks you were in deep sleep, but when he would play in front of you. Oh it was like heaven, the compositions were all dedicated to you, his love, his wife.

Seeing the violin his father gifted him was also seeing him lose his fervor and somehow discarding his memory of the late master.

The man in question lay in bed, unmoving and his back turned to you. His crimson messy hair splayed out behind it, reminding you of lava from Natlan’s many volcanoes. Your body moves itself, not wanting to wait another second. The mattress beside him sinks with your weight, he doesn’t move nor stir from his slumber. You took notice of his fingers, bloody and bandaged as if no one bothered to clean or at least change the bandage, taking it upon yourself to clean and change. He played until they bled, and played and played again until his hands gave up on him. Perhaps it was then that he was frustrated that he could not let out anymore of his agony that he destroyed it.

You almost forgot how his hands fit your perfectly, until your gaze finds his tired eyes, they looked terrifyingly empty.

“Diluc?” you pray your voice would be steady throughout the talk

“Are you truly here?” yet his eyes remained the same. Defeated. It seemed like he was accepting it, reality or not, as long as he can see you

“I am.” you wouldn’t dare ask how he is doing, as the evidence is apparent by the looks of his degraded physique and the state of the room

“I pray to celestia above that I may never wake up from this dream…” At least then he can properly apologize for all the short comings he has committed.

A sharp pang of pity strikes your heart upon hearing his words, he was still walking in a dream.

Awake but not himself. Just how far has he gone into his mind that he is now a shell who cannot distinguish reality from fantasy.

“It is not a dream Diluc.” you tell him, hands gingerly moving stray strand of unruly hair away from his face “I am here as much as you are before me.”

“Then the letter…” right, there was your letter from a month ago “It’s true?”

“I’m afraid so.”

‘ah, so it has truly has come to this point.’ Diluc still wishfully prayed that it wasn’t true, even in the end he wanted things to be as they are but it has already went past the tipping point of the scales. It is where salvation was out of reach, out of question, where there is nothing but suffering at the end of the line.

He reaches out to you, scarred calloused hands on your much delicate ones, a gentle but shaky grip, you forgot how it felt like, that skin upon yours. If only he did this back then, maybe you would have reconsidered. But all is for naught now. You had to swallow down any pity there is, numb yourself of any compassion for this man, and cease to love him only for this moment.

“I’m so sorry darling. I’m sorry. I truly am.” darling, its meaning already lost in the storm, he weeps into your palms, fingers catching salty warm beads of regret as you simply stared ahead, you let him cry whatever tears there is left in him, his mouth repeating the same words over and over again until his voice gave up on him too, a result from the days he confessed his sins to the moon and stars above, praying that he may be pardoned and have you come back to him.

You tried your best not to let slip a few tears, but his sorrow reached you as well and you began to let them fall down your cheek as you stayed in that position until it became silent, with only a few sniffles here and there. It was like back then, where he mourned his father’s death, only that things were different, he was mourning someone alive, someone he loved with all his heart, someone he neglected, someone he betrayed, and still love. He mourned someone who is now leaving him, never to return nor to see him. His heart was torn to pieces and never had he imagined it would hurt to this degree, is only he was a better husband, a better man, someone his father would be proud of but now? It was a truly pathetic sight.

“Are you alright now?” what a foolish question, none of which at the moment is fine

“How can I be? Now that I would not see you anymore for the rest of my life.” Diluc replies, hoarse voice passing through his chapped lips “You are to leave me and I could not do anything about it, I could only watch as you return to your homeland, miles away from me. But if there is a chance of me being able to offer you what I have left, will you take it?”

“Even if we try again, all we would see will be reflected back to us are the mistakes of the past. No matter how much we cover it up, we will always be reminded of what we lack as human beings. You see Diluc, we’ve passed that point already, from the time I waited for you at the dinner table, I could not confront you as you were missing from me, and then to your neglect,” You drawn in a shaky breath as you look away from him “and that night… I didn’t know my heart would break that further. I could not even pick up the pieces of myself within the months we are not together.”

That was how much he hurt you, Diluc had no more tears left to cry, he could only stare, to helplessly look at the person he cherished turn to ash because of his scorching flames. You didn’t look at him and he wished you would, maybe to just show him more of what torment he deserved when he sees your face. He thumbs the ring on his finger that seemed to dig into his skin, he remembers taking it off one time during work and forgot to put it back, and when you left on the same night he broke you, he put it on, clinging to it as he himself, tore his heart out as well.

A mark of where your wedding ring once sat stayed on your bare hands, he wanted to slip your ring unto them again like he did before but it was only a stupid wish.

You wait for him to speak, to say something in retaliation but only silence greeted you. Shaking your head, you stand up, taking your time to reach the door, as if you were giving him time to call out to you and when he did not, you opened the door

“Please sign the papers, Mr. Ragnvindr.”

...

Nikolaj was already waiting for you at the bottom of the staircase, his hand outstretched to meet yours as he helped you towards the couch. He kneels before you, the kind and concern gaze affixed on your own solemn ones.

“Will he sign it?” he asks you, fingers running over the back of your hand, a habit he still kept from your childhood days. You shook your head in response, which made him stop in his ministrations “I see. So he wants the hard way.”

“Brother please, give him a bit more time.” you sigh, it was your turn to run your fingers over the back of his hand,

“Time? How much more time do we need to wait for you to be free from this foolish marriage sister? He does not deserve the luxury of time, if he wont sign it, I’ll make him do so.” your brother was already furious but for your sake, he tries to stop himself from marching up to the second floor and drag the man inside to sign the papers with force.

“ I don’t think you’d have to waste your energy going up there, Nik.” Kaeya’s airy voice chimes in, his eyes directed to the stairs where the man in question stood, his hand holding onto the railing to support his body.

Your brother turns and in a few seconds his hands were around the man’s collar. Face a few inches away from the other.

“So you finally decided to show yourself you bastard.” sneers your brother at the man whose eyes were downcast towards the floor, he did not fight it and let the other man scream bloody murder into his face.

All the profanities, he’ll take it.

The insults, he’ll endure.

Even if it wounds him even further, he’ll have to swallow how will to fight back.

A hit or two would be alright as well.

He deserved it anyway.

“I’m sorry…” is what comes out of his mouth, angering your brother even further who is now being held back by you, Kaeya not wanting to help because he too wanted Diluc to know how much he is losing right now

“Is that all you can say?!” you try your best to hold him back from lunging at your husband again “After all that you did, you only say a stupid phrase that can’t undo anything you did to her. How about just sign the damn papers Ragnvindr, that way we can see that you are truly sorry.”

Ah, fate must truly hate him.

“Ill do it.” Diluc manages to say despite the twisting in his chest “Ill sign the papers… but please, give me a week with her. That’s all ill ask for.”

“Where did you have the guts to even ask for such a thing?!” he know he shouldn’t have but he wanted to at least give a little more of himself before truly letting you leave him

He was still selfish until the end.

You didn’t know what to feel, was it relief that finally he is willing to let you go or the sorrow your heart feels to finally see things end with him. It was a mix, a maelstrom of emotions.

“Just for a week. Ill do what you want after.” the defeated redhead says again

“Unbelievable.” scoffs your brother before turning to you “Can we speak outside?”

You give him a nod as he changes tune and leads you to the door carefully leaving Kaeya and Diluc alone.

“You sure have grown up to be the worst, Master Diluc.” Kaeya sighs as he leaves as well for a different room, not wanting to be alone with the other, any longer than that he might forget to hold his tongue back into spewing out more venom.

Having settled down outside on one of the benches, you turn towards your brother

“I think ill be extending my stay here for seven days.”

“Are you serious? That man betrayed you, neglected you and touched another woman and you want to take up on his offer?!”

“It seems to be the right thing to do, after all, I too, have not settled this properly when I should have on the day I saw him behind the tavern with someone else.” you tell him,

“You.. you’re just to kind sister.” you catch the distress swimming in his eyes as he holds your hands, he truly wanted to take you away in an instant. To hide you away and just show you the good parts of life. He reminisced the old days wherein he would take you to places, despite the protest of your parents, as long as you can smile again he is willing to take any methods just to keep you happy.

“But then, I understand “ even if he didn’t want to “ It always falls on your decision and I will respect that as your brother. So go, do what you must and come back home with happiness and peace in your heart sister.”

He truly would do anything.

He let you go for the last time, just like on your wedding day when he walked you down the altar. At least this time, it was different. You wont get hurt anymore.

…

So it began, a week of goodbyes, seven days of letting go all the while being in each others presence. You had requested a separate room to which Diluc heeded to, albeit hesitantly. The first night wasn’t easy, despite having your brother in the opposite room. The feeling of that night did not leave your chest, it stayed with you until you woke up, stifling as ever.

He was there by the stairs, neat but still dashing as if it were just yesterday. A bouquet of your favorite flowers in his trembling hand, you did not know whether it was from nervousness or the urgent need to hold you.

He smiled and told you good morning.

And you accept them, the smell bringing back nostalgic memories from when things weren’t ruined. You engage in small, nothing more, once again getting used to his presence and so is he.

Lunch and dinner passed by like a breeze, you occupied with talking walks outside and Diluc catching up on paper work but making time to accompany you, much to your brother’s annoyance.

Before turning in, he told you good night.

The second day and the third were the same, except for the short glances your way and the small gestures he would like opening doors for you or brushing a stray strand away from your face. Your brother reluctantly went back to fontaine due to business affairs, leaving Kaeya with you.

The fourth day was full of serenity, strolling side by side at windrise, the breeze cool upon your skin, both of you were fluent in the language of silence at that moment. Simply savoring the experience that you both will never get again.

And on the fifth day, he initiates that you both hold hands, though in a timid way. Just like how the both of you were starting out as a couple. His hands were warm just as you have remembered. Shame you were to part soon, it even fit perfectly.

The sixth day, Diluc became ab bit more bold, a bit more selfish in his requests.

“May I kiss you?”

When in reality he wanted to tell you that he misses you so much, his tongue betrayed him

“If you feel uncomfortable, I wont pry any further.”

Lost for words, you could only nod at his request. He too, was surprised you agreed to it. Slowly, he leans in, taking his time as he brings his hand up to your face, caressing it like you were the last precious thing on teyvat. Lips met and brushed against each other, it was like a dance of longing and love. So much unsaid promises, words that neither of you could convey to each other. It was slow, languid, no one was rushing, only savoring the moment of two sorrowful souls.

You both pull away, forehead against each other.

“Thank you.” he tearfully whispers

The seventh day was torture, you both finally sat down to speak. To talk about things in your relationship, your falling out, and also the memories you both shared throughout the years. It was like re-painting a masterpiece of the times, and leaving it as that and on display in the untouched parts of the mind. That was how it was going to be, how you will leave it to be. To finally move on to another larger canvas as individuals and not partners. The talk was drawn into the night, somewhere within the hours you both shed tears, or held hands in silence.

And then morning came, the sun coming up to remind Diluc that he was going to be alone again and to see the light but not the warmth anymore about this part of life. To you the sun was like a beacon, its rising is a new beginning to you.

“I guess this is where we end Diluc.” you look back at him, he who stood frozen by the door, the divorce papers already signed and submitted. You felt free.

“I love you.” he tells you in a way that I was a good bye and a reminder

“I know.” you lips pulled into a gentle smile, “Thank you for loving me Diluc, before and for this seven days.”

“I love you…” stray tears cascade down his face, pathetic really

“Good bye Diluc, I pray to celestia for your happiness.” you forgave him, with a last kiss to his cheek which he accepts, you step back and turn towards the road. Kaeya already waiting at the bottom of the steps.

And just like that Diluc watched as your figure get smaller and smaller into the horizon until you were truly gone from his life.

If rebirth was real then he prays that he may find you again and to become a better lover than he was in this present life.

…

“Are you sure you don’t feel tired?” Kaeya asks you once again as he sits across you from the train.

“Not at all, Kae.” you assure him, hand rubbing your swollen belly.

“I don’t want to be strangled by your brother if something were to happen to you and your child.”

That’s right, you were with child.

You were home when spring ended.

…

"and she doesnt look for him?"

you look at the man leaning against the door. The only other person you’ve confided in after the painful separation. The news of your pregnancy was only known by Adelinde, no one else knew about it, not even Diluc. For you were hesitant to tell him as he was always buried in work. So you kept it a secret, that is until that night. The first month was difficult, having to deal with your now ex-husband’s neglect and betrayal, you had to stay strong for your child. So you persevered through the ache in your chest. Nikolaj, your brother soon found out after witnessing the many times you would feel queasy around strong smelling foods and morning sickness. You had no choice but to come clean to him and he accepted it, despite the anger he felt towards the father, he was ecstatic in meeting his little niece. Soon, Kaeya knew about it, after his second visit in your home. He visited often, bringing small gifts for the child and for you.

"At night." you stop, the truth weighing heavy on your tongue like lead.

There were times your daughter would mumble about her father, a man whose existence you've hid her from life for 3 years now, your darling daughter at the sweet age of three began to babble about where her father was and why is it only the blue haired uncle who comes by every month to kiss her on the cheek is the man she ever sees.

Home teaching saved her from the scorn of her classmates who’s parents were still happily married unlike you but that did not mean you weren’t happy with the life you are leading right now with the help of your brother and Kaeya. You had built a tranquil and happy life for her and you were satisfied with that.

"She looks for him and she whispers to me everytime I close her little story book ‘mommy why dont I have a daddy like Fayette?’ and you know what I tell her?"

"You dont need to tell me you know." kaeya sighs, lifting his body off the door, coming near to put a hand on your back to comfort you.

"I tell her ‘Leia, your father is somewhere far-away. He cannot see us.’, but Im simply lying to myself and to her. I just don’t want him to see her, am I a bad mother Kae?”

“That does not make you a bad mother in any way. You just want what’s best for her, you’re protecting her from the truth of what he did. ” Kaeya tells you, his hand still resting on your back “Don’t doubt yourself.”

“Wait, Don’t you have work in Mond?” feeling a bit better now you close your daughter’s door

“But its my vacation.”

“Vacation my foot, you snuck away didn’t you? I could only imagine Jean overworking herself more with the work you left behind.” you chided him

“My my, you know me so well.” he chuckles “Alright, ill go back tomorrow before Nik kicks me out himself.”

“You better.”

…

Diluc rises from him unfulfilling slumber, bed hair sticking out of place, he did not consider brushing them down.

Because you werent there. It never felt the same.A knock from the door came as soon as he stepped out of the bedroom. Excited noises were heard from the lobby of the mansion. It was never that lively around here. He wonders then what could have caused a racket this morning. From the balcony he sees a figure he's never seen in a few years. Perhaps from his detachment from the outside, the only routine of work and dark knight duties.

Kaeya Alberich, his adoptive brother stood amidst the maids who were fawning over a small moving bundle in his arms.

Moving?

Only until he descended did he see what was the center of attention. A child securely curled up in the man's arms. Wavy flaming red hair peaked out from the blue bonnet as the child tried to nuzzle closer to Kaeya and away from the fussing maids.

It felt like an eternity just simply standing there and looking at the toddler.

"And youre not going to say anything." Kaeya scoffs from across the bewildered Diluc "Typical."

Adelinde having sensed the atmosphere, ushered the rest of the maids away and out of sight leaving the rest to their own privacy. The look on Diluc's face says it all, though in a maelstorm of emotions, it is clearly seen how much he wanted to ask and yet nothing came out of his mouth.

"uncle kya?" coos the small child , comfortable in the now silent lobby of the mansion.

"hey sweetheart." kaeya smiles down at child, tucking a strand of hair back into her bonnet "I want you to meet someone okay?"

"New friend?" Diluc watches the exchange with a breaking heart, with each word the child says, pieces begin to crash in his ribcage. He wanted to introduce himself so badly but held back despite the shaking need in his hands to hold her and tell her who he is. He just knows but is still in disbelief. You hid her so well after all.

"Its your father, little one ." Kaeya tried to hold back the poison that pooled in his mouth for the sake of your child whom you've sent with him to meet Diluc after a long consideration that maybe she should meet him, seeing as you can never commit yourself to even meet him anymore, you asked Kaeya to take her with him as he goes back to Mond for work and against the wishes of your brother. You also were busy with work that you took it as an opportunity to let her go. She was alright with going with Kaeya and only kicking up a bit of fuss about why you are not going with her, you explained why she couldn’t go and she understood it quite well despite being only five years old.

"I have a daddy?" she blinks up at kaeya and then to the man in front of them who looks so lost and simply broken.

"yeah," the male nods "unfortunately."

Kaeya sets the little girl down on the carpeted floor, tiny figure wobbling a bit from the action. "Go on kid."

"He looks like me."

"he does, sweetie." though he wanted to tell her otherwise. How could she not resemble the man before her. Even you saw how she inherited a few characteristics of him.

She hides half of her tiny head behind the snow bunny toy as she walks forwards slowly towards Diluc who shakily kneels down as to not intimidate her.

"H-hey," Diluc doesnt even know where to start, as if his voice has left him and seized his brain to do nothing but look at her, the child he does not have any knowledge of until now.

Those big eyes stared at him, a replica of yours. Does he even deserve to look at them after all these years?

"Hi..." quiet voice making past her lips,

What a shy little thing

"I... Uhh" does he even deserve to talk to her "Whats your name?"

"lei," she tells him, then raises the stuffed toy in her hand "this is rosie."

"Its Soleia. " Kaeya interjects from behind

"Soleia..." he tests the name out on his tongue, "Its beautiful."

He did not realize that the dams began to break as tears cascaded down his face, it has been long since he had shed a tear. The ache in his chest began to make itself known at the thought of you being alone to give birth to such a wonderful child. How absent he was in the years she grew up in fontaine. He does not blame you at all for keeping her from him, even he himself thinks that he was not ready.

"Daddy..." he feels her small hand trying to cup his face " no cry."

How precious it is, to finally find something to lead the light when he thought it has been snuffed out years ago. He looks at his child, a little girl just reaching up to his knees comfort him, he feels serene and happy to have met her. Never in his life did he think he would have anything such endearing as this, something that he’d want to protect and to just spoil rotten. Your daughter stayed there for three days, taking care of her alongside Adelinde and Kaeya always scolding him about what to do and not to do. He learns a lot, though clumsy most of the time as he was truly lost on how to take care of her, he tries and tries to make her happy.

Once again, he finds happiness bloom in his heart. He just simply melts seeing her say dad.

He swears on his life and on celestia that he will do right by her. It was his second chance and he will not ruin it.

Have some doodles of Diluc and the kid lol

I suck at anatomy

oops, forgot about this one too :P

#diluc #diluc angst #diluc x reader #diluc imagines #genshin impact #diluc genshin impact #genshin impact angst #diluc ragnvindr #diluc ragnivindr x reader #diluc ragnvindr angst

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