#cant' make up my damn mind

[merverelli]

just a couple of dirty bean boys!

#jacksepticeye #just like art #this was SO CLOSE to never being finished #art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it #uni is............. going #even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man #i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING #like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just. #just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it #im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in #and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy #to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant #i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure #JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON #the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming #besides that ive been good thanks for asking!

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i) #3. i get sad 🥱 #4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that) #vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐 #sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny) #this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys?? #i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱 #i cant wait to fall asleep forever

[oflgtfol]

anyway, i’m leaving for my upstate eclipse trip on friday morning. gonna be about 8-10 hours in the car all by myself. i desperately need entertainment to occupy me during it. can i PLEASE get some music recommendations so i can check it out during the drive

#preferably entire albums !! #but im planning on making a whole playlist so i guess individual songs are fine too BUT PLEASE ALBUMS #just to fill up more time if nothing else 😭😭 #literally please drop any recommendation whatsoever i need fucking 10 hours #nvm the return trip which will be another 8-10 hours #You understand my desperation . #im even thinking of maybe audio books but like idk i really cant do them and i cant guarantee i can pay attention while driving #but if i get truly desperate i might turn to that #brot posts #not only is it 8-10 hours alone in the car but its also fucking upstate ny #aka just nothing but the same mountains ovwr and over again #the same fucking road for hundreds of miles #so its not even just the time thats mind numbing. its also the lack of change of scenery #staring at the same damn thing for 10 hours #SO PLEASE GIVE ME RECSSSS

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[salmonight]

A mostly unrecognizable but nonetheless gorgeous Perona~

I am absolutely obsessed with Circus themes so i got most of her pieces from those kinda settings mixing them a bit up into this gothic beauty.

I swear finding the right skirt was a right nightmare so not to waste the fabulous outfits i managed to create...

I will include them beside the lineart!

(And yes I ended up changing the expression cuz it looked off after coloring not to mention i just couldn't figure the damn lipstick for that damn mouthpiece!!)

In the end I just mixed two of the skirts together cuz I was just so done hahha

So this happened on totally accident but it looked so fricking awesome I just had to show it off-

#perona #one piece perona #one piece #perona fanart #one piece perona fanart #one piece fanart #thriller bark #goth #outfit design #somehow she ended up with vampire-y fangs #and pretty much unrecognizable ugh #i even included her damn 2 row eyeline but nooo still unregonizble #changed up the og expression for nothing #the shffering this one was #i did love making it tho #so worth it #perona 4ever luv #beast girl in OP #cant change my mind

[gifti3]

I was trying to do a little catch up in nightbringer

I finished lesson 20 and they like joke(?) about moving to the human world and staying at the MCs home if they cant stay in the devildom

And i just wanna seriously consider the logistics of MC trying to house 7 other people

Most of us are probably living with other people (who may not be okay with sharing a space with so many strangers suddenly) and/or dont have a giant sized place

And this is assuming the mc is staying at a house and not an apartment....

#obey me nightbringer #dont think anyone will last a day in this situation. #realistically theyre all gonna probably have to share 1 room right.... #2 if we r lucky #at my home we have an extra bedroom and a living room #and the extra room technically belongs to my grandpa when he visits from ghana so... #id be like....yall gotta come up with some human identities and find jobs so you can move into a different place #im not trying to abandon them in the human world of course #especially mammon for several reasons #but yea.... #and outside of living arrangements mc would have to teach them to live in this damn world #and navigate new social norms urghh #my head hurts thinking about it #like “noooo u cant fuckin threaten people so flippantly when they piss u off unless u wanna make my life more difficult!!” #ik they could take ppl in fight sure but god #what if they get arrested #ugh sorry my mind is just going towards all the worst case scenarios lol #anyways im gonna try to start next lesson but im already getting tired of playing these rhythm games sigh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that? #because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought #i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy #its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere #bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like #normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes #possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my #reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it #i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything #in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place #i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass #i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired #god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or #read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill #so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating #its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage #bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪 #i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn #unrelated

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game... #to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know. #well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it! #anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations) #so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭 #my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game. #this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat! #imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

[yugiohio]

Just read the most annoying take on the entirety of CM Punk's dealings with AEW and his subsequent fallout with the company, coupled with personal thoughts on Moxley not dropping the belt to Punk in The Squash Match™️, and a complete misunderstanding of MJF as a character and I am being insanely brave about it

#wrestling #wrasslin #cm punk #aew #jon moxley #mjf #they were only valid with their critique of max leaning on fatphobia or lowkey racist jokes in his promos #he's literally capable of not doing that and i will not make excuses for him #he must simply learn the hard way (fans reaming his ass online in a way that lets him know we'll turn on him if he doesn't shape tf up) #like girl how is you mad at tk for knowing mox can carry his company while punk.. #does what does? i don't think mox is wrong for being like 'hey man i should win before you take this back' #i do however think tk should not have let punk wrestle and punk shouldn't have done so #tell ya mans he needs to put on his get along jacket and big boy boots when he has conversations at work and we wouldn't be here #also being annoyed that mjf is cheered as a heel feels like a waste of time tbh. like babes some heels are just that damn good #thats kinds the point #removed some tags because I changed my mind. I'm a passerby in the punkdom of it all so I can say i like his ring work #& promos and overall antics. when theyre kayfabe. this man literally brings drama with him as if he cant live without it #and i stand by that because we can all agree on that and that we dont fully know what happens backstage #the weak body weak mind thing was not something mox shouldnt have said if it was shoot but also if it was we'd never know because cm punk #would not actually attempt to fight Jon Moxley in a shoot fight. He values his life too much and I respect that. yall see who he mentioned #in that scrum and it was NOT Jonathan Good. Mans came after the boss before he came for Mox and yet ppl were mad at mox for how the match #was booked. when punk couldve walked out. hes done it before. tk shouldnt have approved the match until punk was healed #anyway i need to be asleep but I didn't want to excuse moxley for saying that callous shit work or no work. a man was forced to work injured #and shouldnt have been put in that situation.

[roaringheat]

During my shift today, I had a customer refuse to let me remake her drink cause she "didn't want a drink from someone who didn't know how to do their job" AND had a customer tell me that I make the best lattes and that she was lucky I was there today. I'm a barista of variety

#vark posts #i literally just be minding my damn business how are these ppl forming opinions abt me #good to know i can still piss off stuck up assholes tho thats always fun #like lady i wanna see u try and make ur dogshit no foam no whip hot white chocolate urself #do u know how hard it is to aerate milk and make the drink have absolutely no foam???? i got it as close as ive seen anyone do it #craziest thing is she claimed i put whip on it when she asked for none #I FUCKIN DIDNT !! #GIRL IS DELUSIONAL... #u really cant please ppl like that lmao #ive had way more compliments than insults so im confident enough in my work to not really take anything an asshole says to heart #anyways the customer that said shes always lucky when im on bar is a regular so shes all that matters <3 #ily Aysim ill make u all the lattes u want girl

[hanzajesthanza]

i think the witcher makes me feel a profound sadness every night because it’s about all the things we love so much, or that we wish we had, but can never get back. the tragedy of the uncontrollable. the pain of loss.

ciri, despite her youth and innocence, loses her home and family and then she even her adoptive parents, and then she even loses her youth and her innocence, and is left with nothing but a grotesque scar symbolizing her trauma that doesn’t fit her childlike face and a hardened, green glare. and a sword, which is only a burden.

her parents, despite their incredible love for her, despite all of their agony and sacrifice to get her back, despite their own loss of their honor, their pride, their blood — they lose her too. they lose a child, the most tragic loss of all.

dandelion loses his best friend, clutching at his memories like the weeds growing by loch eskalott, trying to grasp the last twenty years to write his memoires.

milva hears her father’s words when she shoots, and his wheezing echoes in her mind.

regis lost himself, his entire life, all the people he ever loved and chased away.

cahir, despite his large family that loves him more than imperial orders, can never return to darn dyffrya, feel the sun on his face in vicovaro ever again.

angoulême wonders if her mother would have loved her had she not abandoned her, imagines what her hand patting her head in praise could have felt like.

and then geralt loses them. all of them, one by one.

and nimue, reading about it all, can never meet the figures of the legend she has obsessed over for years and years… she has her part to play in it, she can know their voices from dialogues and know their faces from etchings, but will never be able to tell them she loves them, tell them how much they mean to her.

even when they find what they’re searching for, even when they find what they’ve desired so — it’s only for a bittersweet moment. they shortly lose it again. everyone in this series is so intertwined together and caught in the same snare of destiny, and at the very same time so very alone and abandoned

#additional edit: this textpost brought to you by carolina in my mind #edit: and no one’s loss is the exact same! even though there are parallels — everyone suffers differently. #i used to feel guilty describing my experience as ‘loss’ because it wasn’t pertaining to death and that’s typically what loss insinuates #but you can lose so many things outside of death. and inside of death i don’t rule that out — but for me at least #the witcher books made me realize there are soooo sooo many ways to suffer and girl i’m not special lol #like all the protagonists experience this horrid sadness and tragedy and they KEEP LIVING and then they SUFFER EVEN MORE and then they DIE #and its like omg thats horrifying but like that didnt make the read any less enjoyable. in fact it made it more so #if they just were happy all the time there would be no story #so it made me realize that even if you are suffering or even if you have lost. life is still worth living #and also that rage and ‘bad’ emotions and selfishness and all these evil things that rise up from within a person are in fact natural #the creation of children of contempt seems almost unavoidable in the world we live in #but the point is that you cant stay a child of contempt. you have to humble yourself or someone else (BONHART) will humble you #dont hurt others or leo bonhart will snatch that beret with the rooster feather right off your ashen-blonde head #the witcher books #txt #analysis #kind of? analysis: a big theme in this is loss. lol kind of obvious not really groundbreaking you’ll have to forgive me #f: a hansa's a hansa #f: i want to see the sky #damn who would think a war saga would be a tragedy smh #obv /s #personal

[arolesbianism]

Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again

#rat rambles #oni posting #just everytime I think abt olivia's 1500 cycle onwards logs I want to start biting things #shes soooo fucked up and tragic and she doesnt get any closure and she never will and I LOVE it #I fucking love her so much she rewired my brain so hard shes like one of The blorbos of all time #damn you klei you rly know how to make characters that destroy me beyond repair (hi carter twins) #I still find it fun imagining olivia and jackie interacting with the dont starve cast even if they wouldn't like most of them #I have lightly changed my mind on one dynamic tho #I still think that jackie would be stressed out by all the kiddos and would at least dislike them. but. #I do think she could end up kind of getting along with walter #like look at me. she was probably just like him as a kid. she would hate him for it but they could also talk for hours. #hed start sharing fun facts abt his bug collection and jackie would start lecturing him abt ants or whatever and hed think shes so cool #I think olivia still wouldn't like him tho but that's purely because hed probably stress her out #same with the rest of the kiddos I think if you put webber in the room with the two of them theyd both have a breakdown #not because hes a spider solely because hes a little boy who probably just asked them if he can have icecream #and wendy and abby would just be a situation of them not knowing how to talk to kids let alone depressed kids #oh and theyd probably also be stressed out by wurt for basic they dont know how to deal with kids reasons #rly the two would just hang out with wickerbottom and no one else if they could help it #except wanda they'd bother her non stop to the point shed start avoiding them lol #you see Im sure plenty of the cast wouldnt like olivia and jackie either because of just how much they wouldn't take magic as an answer #not that theyd be like no that cant be real cause thatd be magic theyd more likely start sciencing out the mechanics of all the magic stuff #in practical terms while also refusing to call it magic #and worst of all knowing them theyd probably get results because fuck man they brute forced their way into time travel (sort of) so why not #so itd just be maxwell being soooo pissed as the two somehow manage to replicate his spells without the codex #dont let them meet wagstaff then itd rly be jover

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

#aru sekai series #no joke ive been tearin up over her all day why is her song so painful #SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY. WHY DID IT HAPPEN LIKE THIS. WHY #<- literally the end of apoptosis #apoptosis just looooves to cause problems until the one person she refuses to admit she cares about get caught in it #apoptosis is her own beast & u put the two of these together & im just in emotional overload. #apoptosis lying & saying shes in it for the other when shes just thinking of herself #until the other gets taken away from her without a chance to even say anything about it #& she just cant handle that #& u have tenshi who wants nothing more than to make it out alive with her taking her place & dying & in the end it changes nothing #im so fucking upset she wanted to LIVE she tried to lie to herself & say at least it might absolve everyones sins of carrying out this #project & it doesnt do a damn thing #she was SCARED she DIDNT want this she just desperately wants to live & see the other again & THEY KILLED HER...... #honestly apoptosis is so in the right to have a breakdown over it. its like half her fault but like. a breakdown is #the only correct response i think #kanon feels guilty but she doesnt seem to outwardly show that very much #so like. yeah i would also lose my mind if someone i was close to got killed for no reason & everyone just acted like it was nothing #i feel like im finally starting to come to terms with like labo's & yamete's deaths but god tenshis is just so........... awful.

[bluemeetyellow]

elaborating on the Power a scene of mike coming out to el would have... like just the fact that especially if mike goes thru an arc this season where he eventually feels safe enough to admit to himself that he’s gay and that he’s been hiding/repressing it to survive in Hawkins... and how that would line up with how El’s been running from her past for the last few seasons but in s4 she finally has to really confront it and so he’d understand, in his own way, what it’s like to always be hiding in plain sight because there’s people who want to hurt you that go along with the things you are burying... But how exhausting it becomes to always be trying to blend in and run away... and now he’s seen the way El was able to face her past head-on this season and it gives him the courage to want to stop running too and really reckon with what he’s been running from himself. Especially because now he knows he has people who.. *looks back at Will* who understand what it’s like and have found their own people and know places where they don’t have to hide who they are either. LIKE something like that would only strengthen their friendship while also giving each of them their own development. it just... god that would just be so beautiful :’)

OR THIS MONOLOGUE IS BEFORE THE SORTA CLIMAX OF THE ARC AND MIKE AND EL BOTH PROMISING EACH OTHER THEY’LL FACE THEIR OWN STRUGGLES HEAD ON... LIKE. COME ON YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT DOESN’T HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!

#ALSO THE NARRATIVE SIGNIFICANCE OF MIKES LAST MONOLOGUE BEING ABT ASKING WILL TO BE HIS FRIEND... #but now that feeling has grown to be something stronger than friendship.. so mikes monologue like this is sorta a transition in his life.. #like falling in love with will and wanting to be best friends with el still... not wanting to lose her over who he is and who he loves.. #(yes i just ref'd the Cant Fight This Feeling lyrics... i simply think that being the song playing the first time Hop tries to give his #heart-to-heart could be foreshadowing <3) #talk abt Subverting expectations by making ur platonic confession JUST as impactful as your romantic ones #(cuz i wouldnt accept half-assing the byeler shit either ofc not) #like damn ok maybe its cheesy but i Love that shit.. love my good ol fashion american sugar coated stories all right.. #litrlly they are best friends wahhh #listen at this point if s4 disappoints im gonna write SUCH a good and healing gay fantasy fix-it fic all right??? #i was in the fall 2019 it fandom i know the drill LMAO #i have the perfect sweet byler ending scene in mind like... <33 #its sweet but also opens up for my own personal theory for what s5 is gonna look like which is p dark.. n does include will w powers but in #diff way than ive seen most ppl discuss it.. #im so bad at watching tv cuz i always wanna write along w it LMAOOO #silver cat speaks

[shvdowsdrowned]

Hiiii sorry I disappeared on yall (if anyone cares lmao), I went through some rough shit and I just couldn't stand being on this app after that BUT I'm definately feeling a lot better than I did in the beginning, still not 100% there but I think I should be well enough to come back <3

Plus, I really miss posting about my girlfriend revenant apexlegends so I'm gonna try to get back into the swing of things 💕

#making this post is already making me anxious.... if i end up changing my mind later then ill let yall know at least #if i decide to disappear again 😭😭 #i was gonna wait until after my trip but im so fucking bored without this damn app i figured i outta start getting back into it now #im going to visit a friend tomorrow again!!!! im very very excited to hang out with her!!! <333 #and I know it's definately gonna help me move along and get better mentally so i cant wait!! #ah fuck i hope this doesnt end up in the tags bc i put his whole government name in the post 😭😭😭 #anyways I'll let yall know how the trip goes when i can <3

[cerealmonster15]

ummmm. wip wed…… I don’t have actual writing but I did start making a buncha bullet points for more ideas for the kalisil jamiazu fic…. And I have decided one thing lol - since I have masquerade event on the brain… if I get around to writing this fic I’m keeping the timeline vague HOWEVER it would take place sometime after masquerade bc I want that event to be when jamiazu had gotten together in backstory bc they #danced together in the little rythm minigame (and the duo THE DUO ATTACK-)

#idk how I’m gonna bring it up but I’m sure I can Make It Relevant for a second LOL #unrelated to this fic I was haunted by cater/Leona yesterday and #wrote ideas down for a very short fic lol #and it involved ruggie Percieving #and I was like damn it ruggie I’m sorry I keep using you for comedic energy and Catching Couples Next To Each Other #listen ruggie like all twst characters has a lot that could be explored #but I can only explore so many characters… other writers I trust u with him #he fills silly little guy role in my stories #for now #me when I don’t know how to progress a scene: what if ruggie was there. #THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS!!!!! idk I just like ruggie he’s fun LOL #but also he’s literally the only character that would make sense in this context for leocay….. #but if I write that I’m gonna have to like. hype myself up to post it LOL #when the idea came into my mind I was like I CANT PUT IT ON TUMBLR IT HAS TO BE STEALTH AO3 #and like. it literally isn’t different from my other fics I’m just easily embarrased LOL #this was about the silverkalim Jamilazul fic. I got distracted. #anyway. struggling on the actual silver/Kalim half of the idea so we’ll see if I ever write LOL #it would take a Lot of planning and I’m not used to that #but also!!! I should let myself be as loose as I want. it’s for fun. it’s to try new thing. playing in the mud. who give a shit !!!!