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suzie-shooter · 10 months

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Detroit Indycar GP : James Blair race commentary highlights

“Dare I say - strap yourselves in, 'cause this could be a long one. This could be lengthy.”

(James at this point blissfully unaware he's about to spend the next two and a half hours in exquisite agony unable to look at his phone while knowing it's blowing up)

They reckon the track's a little bit of a pig of a thing from chatting to a couple of the guys over there. Some have said, and I won't name names, that it's the worst track they've ever been to in their life.

Indy500 last week, I didn't unfortunately catch it. (it's ok James we know you were getting steamed on a superyacht at the time)

A lot of discussion around a couple of things. First of which was who's the hottest Indycar driver? [...] For me though I think I have to go into the Newgarden camp, as far as just raw hotness. He also has piqued an interest in the role of the financial services sector which is attractive to me. It's a trait I look for in all my lovers.

(sticking the rest under a read more because it gets LONG)

We're going to get a replay here of Pato O'Ward making a total penis of himself at turn three in Indianapolis.

Getting replays of Newgarden with lipstick on his face and pouring milk on his head - without context that could sound like a real night out.

Fuck me, what a waste of time that monologue was. Jesus Christ.

I've already labelled [Newgarden] the hottest in the paddock. [...] What a stallion. What a total stallion. Backbone even.

There's a shot of Marcus in the background there, getting his kit off.

Little bit of insurance chat for you there.

The Canadian national anthem. Well this is a strange turn of events.

There's Marcus and Lissie. Guess it's out now. Pffft.

Ohh there's so many messages coming in *wheezes* (never has a man managed to simultaneously look so pleased with himself and so absolutely horrified 😆)

Sorry. What for? Nothing.

And then it's Marcus Armstrong P11, car number 11. Fuck he loves a P11. Fuck me he loves a P11.

Few opinions flying around. [...] I'm not saying anything sir. [...] I'm just going to get the live timing open. And we're not going to talk about that.

I can't wait to speak to [Clem]. Tough day for him.

We can ride on board Kyle Kirkwood's camera, so I can keep an eye on the arse of Marcus Armstrong. Business as usual here at Screaming Meals.

"Has he started showering because of her?" I don't believe so.

I want [the winner] to be Armstrong, he's got rapid pace, I don't know how he managed to shit the bed in Q2 yesterday the way he did.

You know that meme, right? Of Carlos Sainz - being like - shall I do the accent? Yeah, fuck it I'll do the accent - "I seriously don't know how to react right now." That's how I feel.

Pull yourself together Blair. It's going to be a long couple of hours.

Sack Monaco off. The only reason I went this year is 'cause Marcus wasn't racing at the 500. But dare I say if he is racing next year you won't catch me anywhere near Sass Cafe on Sunday night. I will be up it in Indianapolis.

Hahahaha ohhhh you will not believe who's just text me....it ain't Clem.

Flava Flav was there on Friday which was pretty cool. Flava Flav...second biggest celebrity in Detroit right now.

This is record numbers for a commentary.

Where's Armstrong? Fucking around as per usual.

Next pod - hopefully in the next couple of days. Marcus is flying back I think tomorrow. Don't know who the guest's going to be on the next pod. We haven't really got around to arranging that yet. Sort of flying by the seat of our pants so to speak.

F for Ilott [...] he'll have an excuse, sure as death and taxes, Callum Ilott will have a reason for what happened and why it wasn't his fault. From where I'm sitting that does look like a bit of a fuck up, I hate to throw him under the bus.

Callum Ilott's car looking like it was taking a fancy to the back end of Kyle Kirkwood's car, to get little a bit National Geographic on it.

Anyone got any questions? That you think I'll actually answer? "Tell us about Monaco," I'll tell you about Monaco. "Where's Clem?" Clem is in Barcelona, drinking a lot of sangria.

"When are you and Clem announcing together?" Pretty sure me and Clem were already pretty public, so, um, I don't know how much more social media attention that particular relationship needs.

Dream podcast guest? I'd like to get on like some real psychopath and just give them a hard time.

That's going to make things a little bit more straightforward, and I needed that this evening, because something tells me that by the time I've finished this Twitch stream, things might not be so straightforward.

[Marcus is] getting absolutely fondled verbally by the commentators here and I'm loving every second of it.

I reckon next lap he's going to be all over him, like sauce.

I'm going to be bald at the end of this race. Balder than Marcus Armstrong.

Callum looks angry. Okay, he did say it's his bad, so I'm not going to get an absolute tongue lashing from Ilott which sounds filthier than I meant it to, for saying that that one might be his fault.

Nobility and humility exemplified as per usual from Callum 'Pilot' Ilott there.

There's actually a few things in the works, with a couple of different organisations and people which should mean that the days of the lengthy gaps between Screaming Meals episodes could be numbered. And that's all I'm legally allowed to say.

Marcus is back to P11 somehow.

We'd quite like to get some Formula E guys, we'd quite like to get some more industry people. Such as, you know, for example, you know, maybe Lissie Mackintosh, she was a good industry person that we had on. Marcus really liked her actually.

Power's on fire. Not literally.

Grosjean's just taken a different piece of tarmac and he's gonna go straight to the pitlane, I'm not even sure if that's for a pitstop, I think that could just be to avoid embarrassment.

There's a lot of people watching me all of a sudden and everyone keeps talking about Max Fewtrell so I can only imagine that this is his fault, but I'm streaming off my phone so I can't actually phone him to figure out whether or not this is his fault. Okay, so Max sent all of his viewers here. Thank you Max, appreciate the gesture.

So. Yeah. I found out the week leading up to Long Beach. And Clem was with me at the time, and we were in Malibu actually, and he'd been winding me up all week about like celebrities that he'd seen and I didn't see [...] and the phone rings and we get this piece of news and I just kicked off, I said right, I've had enough of both of you trying to wind me up with these stupid false celebrity stories, just - shut up, like - talk about something else - good try but you're not getting me that easy. And then the longer the silence went on, the longer I - the worse I thought the joke was getting. And then it went on further and I realised it wasn't a joke. And - all - all is well in the world of Screaming Meals. It's all good, it's all good. But it has been a funny few months. That's all you're getting. Watch the viewer number plummet.

Gearbox issue [for Pato] by the looks of it. Oh no! Anyway.

Armstrong's done Malukas, good job [...] so Armstrong to P12. Right in between his two favourite positions. I'm staying way away from that one.

An open diff which again sounds quite dirty.

He'll be saying get the fuck out of the way inside his lid. No, he probably won't be, he's pretty chilled behind the wheel actually, Marcus. Before and after the race he's an absolute misery to be around, but during the race he's usually actually pretty calm.

The two Marcuses of Chip Ganassi Racing, or Marci as they should be known in correct Latin [...] I think that can be a thing, Marci? The two Marci? Does sound a little bit like some sort of disease though, no? You decide in the chat, is Marci is the plural of Marcus? I mean they've got to come up with some sort of solution at Chip Ganassi Racing. I guess they probably call them like normal Marcus and like Marcus Armstrong. Or maybe shower-Marcus and non-shower-Marcus. Or underwear-Marcus and non-underwear-Marcus, I mean the options are limitless.

Pato O'Ward searching around the car for somebody else to blame.

What does twitter look like? Is it a complete nightmare or is it somewhat civilised? I don't even know why I asked [...] 'twitter is mad' - oh no! [...] 'all good - for Lissie' - oh god [...] hey look I need to know how my Monday looks tomorrow people. Jeepers creepers.

Armstrong got drilled by Newgarden.

Here's O'Ward - whose fault was it this time?

Apparently tumblr's lost it [...] it's been a long time since I've had a tumblr account.

Somebody's just said I have full permission to pick their next tattoo. Um. Here's what I was thinking of getting - and I don't have any tattoos and I don't want any tattoos - but I was thinking if I did get one I'd get one like here [his forearm] to try and be a fake Love Islander. And I'd either get something that is really important to me or something that is completely stupid like for example, 'I'll have the tuna carpaccio'...would be something that's really meaningful to me.

So we're an hour and forty into this stream and I've not had the opportunity to check my phone - let's keep this in mind - once since it started. I feel like a plane that was also in the air in 9/11 and you've just got no idea the horrors that await you when you land.

Screaming Meals merch - it's imminent but it's not this week, put it that way.

It looks like Herta's going to have a tough time with that front wing going forward, it's already flapping around like nobody's business, like a big dick in a locker room.

Little bit of rubbing - bit rude [...] just a little bit of a love rub from Rossi up the inside of Rosenqvist.

If [Grosjean] does get a penalty it's another spot for Armstrong so if you ask me he's guilty as sin, but I'm not exactly sure what the crime was.

'We' being Marcus Armstrong, if you hadn't pieced that one together, because it's a collective, it's a team effort, and I like to take credit that I'm probably not entitled to.

Ilott's bull really did try to mount his cow there.

Come on Armstrong, pull your finger out of your arse.

Marcus apparently taking some credit for some things that I said. Situation normal.

[RLL] were actually looking like one of our options at one point last year. But we got Ganassi...and we're very happy, we love Ganassi here at Screaming Meals.

Graham Rahal's going to want to just go back to his hotel room, order a Pizza Hut and just about all of the hotel room porn that the TV has to offer.

Marcus has done fucking well to avoid that one, because he's swung round the corner at full tit and he's had to really stick the arse out a bit and get it round him.

Dixon says he's got speed, apparently. Sounds like a good night out.

Matt...somebody very popular called Matt has just joined the...oh Matt! G'day Matt Gallagher, how you going mate?

Come on Armstrong, just get on the button [...] and he's been caught napping a bit on the restart, you useless prick.

666 viewers...

Armstrong or Dixon - don't you make me answer that question. Nah, not answering that one. I don't know if I can. I couldn't answer it if I wanted to.

Does Kirkwood still have to pit or is he good? I don't know. James are you okay? I don't know.

And now we're having to fend off Ericsson - just put him in the wall Marcus, we can't afford to give up P7 now.

And it's going to be Armstrong with a best equal result of P8 in the NTT Data Indycar series and um - yeah. I wonder what the rest of his day's going to look like...

#james harvey blair #marcus armstrong #screaming meals #detroit gp 2023 #lissie mackintosh #clement novalak #screaming meals recap

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catfoxposts-blog · 3 months

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Decided to make a bit with that Goofy Movie car meme that was floating around. I really hope Trickshot & Kiff have good health insurance.

#goofy movie #screenshot edit #kiff #trickmoon #gangle #the amazing digital circus #meme #funny #digital art #kiff chatterley #crossover #crossover fanart

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sanest-bsd-delegate · 1 year

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Driver's seat

Headcanon: Where your car insurance finally paid off ft Atsushi, Ranpo and Akutagawa. Masterlist Please look at the request rules in masterlist before requesting.

Atsushi:

It all started when you both were discussing random stuff.

You brought up how your brother taught you how to drive.

THE LOOK HE GAVE, FELT LIKE HE WAS LISTENING THE WORD DRIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. (Oh right he is an orphan eheh)

"Drive..?" YEah CLUELESS

And being Y/N, You forced him to learn how to drive.

I mean it was your duty to make him learn these type of things.

"So, this is a car" "Y/N I may be a orphan but I did know basic human terms" oops

You made sure he was seated, had his belt bucked and stuff.

"Ohk so, here is the steering wheel, its used to handle the way the care tires move....." TOO MUCH OVERSHARING

"Y/N are you sure its safe to drive in Kunikida's car?"

"Let me show you how its done Atsushi-Kun"

"Ummm" BRO STOP SHOWING OFF YOU BROKE KUNIKIDA'S CAR-

Needless to say, you weren't allowed to get near transportation again without supervision.

Welps, Atsushi, to say was still confused.

"Do you know how to ride a bike?" "Yess....?"

Oh boi this could be a disaster.

Ranpo:

I don't even know why you decided to teach him

He legit cant even ride a bus by himself and you expect him to drive.

"Ranpo! NO!" Ahh yes, he was totally hitting your car to the pole right now

"RANPO! You cant eat while driving!!" "Aww Then i rather travel with a transport"

He said that and just unbuckled himself and left the car. Without having the parking breaks up.

Lets just day, you had to pay the fine for destroying public facilities.

Hey! Least your insurance paid off.

Later you thought he could least drive properly in those car area at the amusement park.

Welp you both are banned there now

But god, Ranpo driving those cars was cute. (please someone draw it, so I can rest in peace)

Akutagawa:

You found out his inability to drive when you were running away from the explosion behind you.

"Akutagawa! You bring the car here so that we can run away! in the meantime I will hold the explosion off with my ability"

Bro just used rashomon to lift the car and throw it from Midair.

You both survived, just with minor burns and organ damage. YUP TOTALLY FINE

"DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? I ASKED YOU TO BRING THE CAR" "And i brought it" "NO LIKE DRIVE"

That moment you got to know, He doesn't know how to drive.

WELP HEAL FAST.

You were the people of Port Mafia. Naturally you are Rich as hell.

WELL HERE WE GO AND WAKE UP IN THE NEW BUGATTI (idk guys i forgot to frame correct meme sentences)

"This is a waste of time" "WELL TYSM I DONT LIKE MY LIFE TO END BECAUSE MY PARTNER DOESNT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE"

He was shaking while trying to adjust to the seat and the steering wheel and stuff.

"Are you scared?" "No this is just a waste of my time"

He tries to get out of the car. Tries. Seat belt to the rescue.

And now, without even trying to learn, He absolutely removes himself with his ability.

"HEY I COULD HAVE GOTTEN KILLED" "You lived"

Bro just hates cars.

He rather ride his horse then drive a car.

"You just DESTROYED MY CAR" "I don't see it at a concern considering you never use it"

Now Akutagawa destroys cars till date.

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car-insurance-memes · 7 months

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Corporate: Hey! I think we're finally stable enough that we can reduce available overtime hours to associates! NYC:

#insurance memes #all being said please think of the people of new york #this is not a good time for them so send them support and lend a hand if you can #car insurance

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thisblogcausespsychicdamage · 1 year

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What Your Favorite Steven Universe Ship Says About You

In the style of Eldena Doubleca5t, blessings be upon her for the hours of entertainment and tea-spilling she has given us.

Connverse: You are a firm believer in keeping things canon and keeping things wholesome.

Rupphire: This is basically the same thing as Connverse but specifically for queer people. There's also like a 75% chance you've also shipped all of the other canonical queer pairings such as Catradora, Korrasami, and Bubbline.

Pearlmethyst: You are a huge fan of that one Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial except it's more like "you got your 'bickering married couple' in my 'responsible older sibling/foolish younger sibling'".

Pearlnet: Your ideal relationship dynamic is being the only reliable ones in the group project.

Garnethyst: Your love of thicc women got so bad that one day you were like "you know what's better than one thicc woman? Two thicc women."

Lapidot: You just want to retire to the countryside to make meepmorps with your emo GF.

Amedot: You've gotten so much mileage out of that one scene from "Too Far" that if that scene were a car and you got it into a minor fender bender, your insurance would just total it out.

Pearlrose: You don't just want to date a tall hot woman, you want to date the tall hot woman everyone else wants to date.

Bispearl: You just wanted good things for Bismuth. And really, who wouldn't?

Volleypearl: Your ideal date is finding out you have the same ex and bonding by talking shit about them.

Bellow Pearl: Your ideal date is recreating that one scene from Titanic. You know the one.

Bellow Diamond: You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma.

Jaspedot: You're always a slut for height difference with a big ol' helping of bickering coworkers.

Jaspethyst: You're always a slut for height difference with a big ol' helping of enemies to lovers.

Jaspis: You're always a slut for a toxic relationship and you can never understand why other people aren't. Isn't the drama the interesting part?

Gregrose: You just want to be bridal carried into the sunset by your tall space wife. Also anything involving Greg falls somewhere on the Men Getting Pegged! scale.

Greg x Pink Diamond: This is just Gregrose but for people who said "you know what's better than a tall space wife? An even taller space wife."

Greg x Any Other Diamond: You think that the 'Greg Murdercock Universe' meme will never stop being funny.

Gregmethyst: Your ideal date is unironically enjoying terrible media together.

Eyequamarine: You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared hatred.

Larsbuck: You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of getting your senpai to notice you.

Laremmy: Your ideal relationship dynamic is cocky thief/obsessive cop.

Larsadie: You will be bitter about Steven Universe Future until you draw your dying breath.

#steven universe #ship dynamics #fandom #connverse #pearlmethyst #rupphire #lapidot #amedot #jaspis #larsadie #gregrose #bellow diamond #bellow pearl #garnethyst #pearlnet

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solarflicker · 7 months

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Since Starlight Express (my beloved) is getting a revival, it is very important to me as an American that it flops for being too weird. It has to be off putting to boring people. Apparently it is also going to be updated for modern audiences. This is everything I would do to make it so weird it flops in no particular order.

- Trains have Bluetooth connection instead of being coupled. CB kills with an EMP. This is Cool and Modernized.

- Skate insurance is too expensive, actors must run around as fast as they can

- One new character: a car that is suspiciously similar to Lightning McQueen.

- Alt: CB is reworked into a semi truck. He rides a skateboard.

- Nuclear fission powered Rusty

- The moving seats just vibrate

- Make the bizarre spirituality even more prominent. Raise more questions about how this world works. Answer none of them.

- make it clear that Rusty is literally train God/Jesus. Crucify him.

- unnecessary turntable in every song

- The internationals are reworked into something today’s youth can relate to: tiktok aesthetics

- Woke Greaseball x Tradwife Dinah

- Pearl is an influencer car for selfie taking

- Pearl has a new personality. She is the coach car version of Bad Cinderella.

- guest appearance from Skimbleshanks. An actor has to get into full Cats costume to make a one minute appearance

- roller derby segment. No more racing, just an all out slug fest. (this is not how derby actually works lol)

- maximize tiktok integration. Anything that can have a meme should definitely have a meme, regardless of if it works or not.

- make it about generational trauma somehow. do not explain where baby trains come from.

- Ashley is back! She vapes now.

GOOD IDEAS

- Bring back Volta’s whip

- make the freight cars jam skaters

Also this just occurred to me but do the actors get mouth guards? Because the one I use I can talk and presumably sing with no problem and these guys are going like 40mph??

#starlight express #stex #starlight express revival #rusty stex #pearl stex #greaseball the diesel #electra stex

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obsessed-small-penguin · 8 months

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Mutant Mayhem Was Good!

[Spoilers Ahead] So I just watched Mutant Mayhem and I have 5 things to say and point out. All I gotta say is...

1. MONA LISA?!

Okay, no one can tell me that don't look like Mona Lisa on that locker 😳

Like it's the same position and everything!! If MM became a series (I forgot if I heard anything about this ngl-), then I hope we see her! Even if she turns out to be a human! She was a human in 1987 before she got mutated anyways. Also, Idk if that picture above (with the sunglasses) is another art piece, but what if that's Mona Lisa? 👀 She looks like a cool girl like one of those popular girls in school.

2. I wholeheartedly blame MM...

for making me lowkey enjoy Leonardo x April or Aprilnardo... is that what it's called? Like the turtles act like such teenagers that the crush is quite wholesome ^ ^' I still cringed because omg, this is exactly how 2012 Donnie fell for April (at first sight) 😭 At least this time the crush isn't aggressively shoved down our throats (and obsessive/stalkerish)! MM's portrayal of a teenage crush is what the 2012 creators should've done! Innocent and quite wholesome 😊

3. Showed up to school looking like THIS

If Leo wasn't a turtle and went to school like that, I think he'd be bullied 💀 Like why he dressed up like Jake From StateFarm? 😂 Full on about to tell me how much I can save on car insurance 😂 Seriously... if Rise Leo- no no, if ANY Leo could see him right now 😭

I can't draw whatsoever, but I hope to see someone create the other Leos reacting to MM Leo's outfit OR A Jake from StateFarm meme with MM Leo. Because these would be amazing 😂

4. Leo Need Some Back Bone

Mans is over here being bullied about how his split-up name would be Leo Nardo and he didn't 👏 clap 👏 back. I'm only saying this because Raph Ael is way worse and no one noticed 😂 But I appreciate Leo's character in this movie. It is exactly how I would write him in every version; especially in 2012 (except Rise, that Leo is better at hiding anxiety).

I just realized that Donnie ain't much safe either. Tello would be a good last name, but that would mean his name would be Dona 💀 Unless he just sticks to Don Atello which is what he'd probably do x).

5. I wonder...

how would this universe's Casey look? 🤔

isn't Mondo Gecko a teenager? Why isn't he in school?

why is Leatherhead a female? And why she got an accent? If she was mutated in New York then how did she get an Australian accent?

and does the ooooooooze affect only animals? Because Idk if they said anything about it, but I assumed so (and would make sense why they had Splinter origin be a rat).

#tmnt #tmnt mutant mayhem #tmnt mm #mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem spoilers #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt april #tmnt mondo gecko #tmnt leatherhead #tmnt april left handed #tmnt april o'neil

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