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femmefatalevibe · 8 months

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25 Life Lessons I've Learned In 25 Years

In honor of turning 25 this month, here are some lessons I wish someone could've baked into my brain by 18. Hope this helps xx

Putting yourself first is not selfish, it is an act of self-care. Actively discounting others is not the same as protecting your peace.

Pay attention to who gossips and keeps to themselves amidst an interpersonal conflict. Insecure people or those in the wrong will speak the loudest and go on the longest in a fight to prove their innocence. Individuals who are self-assured and comfortable with the truth know it's better to communicate their feelings appropriately and then move past it. Confidence is assertive, tactful, and relatively silent.

If you want to know who to believe in an argument, pay attention to how both sides speak about the conflict. The perpetrator will often speak about the individuals' character/morality while the victim will explain their personal experience in the context of the relevant situation.

Display empathy and consideration, but don't live to satisfy others' emotional needs and expectations. Say farewell to anyone who dismisses or guilts you for your own needs, emotions, priorities/life goals & aspirations.

Your needs matter. No one needs to approve or validate your desires. If someone feels they have control over you or tries to persuade you to change your mind to ensure you put their emotions and needs first, cut them out of your life. They do not care about you.

Almost no one deserves insider access into your life and mind. Upholding your right to privacy – especially regarding your finances, dating life, health conditions/concerns, and long-term goals – is the simplest way to protect your peace.

A friend to all is a friend to none. Be wary of those who will not stand up for you behind closed doors. These people do not care about you, they care about what your place in their life does for them and their ego.

Be radically honest and accepting of who you are. Don't apologize for your preferences, aspirations, and values. You deserve to live in a way that makes you happy, not to appease others in hopes of their approval or future favors due to your karmic good deeds.

You deserve happiness, love, and nice things, life experiences, relationships, and opportunities in your life regardless of what others may or may not possess/ be able to experience. Dispel this scarcity mindset ASAP. Jealousy and internalized shame are destructive to your self-esteem and all your relationships.

You are worthy and offer many incredible, unique gifts to the world. Don't allow naysayers, critics, or bullies (of any age) to dim your light or sacrifice pursuing your dreams. Decide you're the leader of your own life. Then act accordingly.

Direct communication is always the way. Remain tactful, but at least when dealing with non-manipulative people, always say what you mean and mean what you say. It will save a lot of trouble and petty disagreements that could've been avoided with clearer communication.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for your feelings, emotions, and actions that don't have a direct, inescapable impact on someone else. "No" is a complete sentence.

Approach conversations as a meeting of the minds. Healthy debate or conflict is about seeking to understand the other person, not prove yourself right. Leaving your ego at the door will allow you to expand your mind and avoid many unnecessary conflicts or arguments.

If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. For a job, date, sex, attendance at a time-sucking social event, family gatherings, an informal meeting not essential for you to keep your job, a wedding, birthday party, holiday invitation, etc. Outside of your contracted hours and time necessary to keep yourself/your home clean & well-maintained, you should spend your time exactly as you please. Doing things you don't want to do will only breed resentment down the line toward yourself and others.

Detangle yourself from any who refuses to self-reflect and take accountability. This person is selfish and will never see you as fully human with emotions, needs, and a complete life/internal world of your own. Cut them out (or at least fully emotionally detach and limit contact with them) immediately.

Speak your truth, but always say a little less than you feel necessary. Overexplaning and oversharing do you no favors. At a minimum, this approach allows you to protect your peace. In the worst circumstances, this tactic can also save you from a lot of trouble in your personal or professional life.

Learn to ask for a little more than you're comfortable with, but do so with grace, tact, and confidence. Whether it's a salary/rate negotiation, flight/hotel/restaurant accommodations, get in the habit of making that slightly higher/up-leveled request like you're expecting a "yes." You can't get something you don't ask for, so speak up and show you know your worth. This habit can bring a lot of great opportunity into your life and builds up your confidence.

Everyone is on their own timeline and path. Don't compare yourself to others' credentials, job titles, relationship status, net worths, or jean sizes. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. Remaining envious of others only takes up the energy that could otherwise be used to elevate or enrich your life.

Become clear on your priorities, and remain diligent with your habits & routines. Set SMART goals. Implement healthy habits and rituals into your daily lifestyle. Be consistent with goal-supporting and wellness rituals (generous sleep schedule, healthful eating habits, daily movement/regular exercise, reading, task time-blocking, cleaning, and life/work admin schedule), so they become second nature. Help yourself by creating these default habits to ensure your brain is wired for success whether you're in an easygoing era or a stressful life season.

Stop seeing other people (especially other women) as your competition in your profession/dating life and within your platonic relationships. Use your immediate criticisms as a tool for self-reflection. Actively deconstruct the patriarchy in every aspect of your life. Other women coworkers, dating prospects, and friends are not your rivals nor individuals who should be evaluated based on their assertiveness, sexual history/appeal, relationship status, or desire to perform traditional maternal/domestic roles.

Understanding how to interact with others in a cordial, tactful manner is significantly more important than having everyone like you. Learn how to positively influence people without seeking approval. What other people think of us is none of our business. All we can do is show up as the best version of ourselves, and remain optimistic about a potential connection.

Acceptance, accountability, and consistent discipline are the holy trinity to creating a sustainable change that you can maintain for the long haul. There's no shame in starting from the bottom, but you need to be honest about where you're at, so you can create a realistic game plan/small behavior-changing habits that stack up over time to help you implement the radical change you're craving.

Let go of any internalized shame. Being the "good girl" does you no favors in life. Set a standard and expectation to be respected, not to be perceived as "innocent" or submissive – this is how you get taken advantage of in professional, platonic, and intimate relationships. Remain ravenous for respect. It's the only way to live life to the fullest.

24. Investing in your appearance is a form of self-respect. Wanting to look & feel your best and present yourself in the best light possible to others is not a superficial pursuit. Remain unwavering about your hygiene/beauty/grooming routines, deliberate styling choices, healthy eating & workout habits, and mindfulness of social graces. You're your #1 publicist, so act like it. Life is all about embracing satisfaction with a sprinkle of reputation management.

25. Be unapologetic about your financial ambitions, priorities, investments, savings goals, etc. Financial freedom IS freedom. The only way to change the system is to break it from the inside out. Leverage is everything. Allocate, and assert your (financial) power wisely.

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drawingden · 1 year

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Websites for Artists by alinalal_

#websites #stock images #career advice #art reference #art tutorial #art help #art resources

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reasonsforhope · 3 months

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Btw, if you really just Need A Job (tm)

I'd really recommend looking into care work

Care work here is specifically being a home care aid, a care aid or assistant at any kind of residential home.

This for usually for elderly or disabled adults - and those are the ones that tend to be most entry level, from what I've seen, but also for mental health, addiction recovery etc. (With the obvious caveat that some of these jobs will be more emotionally intense than others)

I'm so serious about this guys. I was applying to jobs in care work for just three weeks, starting a couple days before Christmas, and in that time I got three interviews, two jobs offers, and five additional interview requests

Care work needs people CONSTANTLY

because it's a huge sector but very hard for them to keep staff long-term. Partly because it can be high burn-out, and there's definitely toxic places out there you should watch out for. And partly because a lot of people think care work is beneath them

AND they ACTUALLY MEAN IT when they say they're entry level. Because it's so hard for them to get staff that a lot of them will advertise super aggressively that they will train you themselves. A lot of them will straight up pay for your CPR and First Aid certifications, once they hire you, too (and you can get a leg up on applications by getting a CPR/First Aid certification for like. $30 to $80, at least in the US). They also accept experience taking care of elderly/disabled/etc. family members as real experience

Like, obviously don't do it if you hate taking care of people, but if you're open to it, it's probably by far your best shot of getting hired rn, statistically

(eta: Genuinely disclaimer that it can be super taxing emotionally and large portions of the industry are indeed fucked, and def don't take a job in this field if you're gonna be an asshole to the people you're caring for, but sometimes you just need whatever job you can get.)

Seriously, though, the first time I applied for a care work job (in October 2023, yes short timeline, like I said there's some toxic workplaces etc. out there), I applied to like ten or fifteen jobs over the course of a week or so. Within three weeks, I was working.

(And they did provide all of the training, fwiw)

If you need a job and no one is hiring, seriously consider looking into it

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whatbigotspost · 10 months

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I may have already rambled about this, but at some point in my career, I took "yes and" from the improv world and applied to to all professional settings and it's honestly one of the greatest tools for me, of all time.

Someone making an unreasonable request for my time/attention but I gotta play nice? ie, "Hey can you pull thing XYZ together for me today?"

"Yes and I'm going to need until next Friday to complete it w/ everything else on my plate. Thanks for your patience!"

Someone super enthusiastic about an idea w/ a kernel of goodness among a sea of shit?

"Yes, that's a great idea, and I think to make it really work, we need to change..."

In fact, if I'm being real REAL, I use "yes and" here all the time, too, to add stuff that I think is VERY important on a give topic but is missing from a post that otherwise has a good take. Like there's no need to be like, "UGH YOU FORGOT" when instead I can say something like, "Yes, this is awesome, AND I want to add..."

People all have very different communication styles in professional settings and I'm someone who is fairly conflict adverse. I will typically err on the side of harmony, trying to cultivate positive rapport and good team rhythm, w/ anyone else who is also acting in good faith. I haaaate overtly negative conflict, arguing, etc. and frankly it triggers me. Of course sometimes I have to steel my spine for hard convos and I would never avoid productive/healthy conflict.

When there's no need for overt conflict but a gentle redirect will help, "yes and" is a hell of a tool.

#career advice #career stuff #communication #yes and #improv

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astrobaeza · 7 months

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CAREER ASTROLOGY

potential careers for your midheaven sign! 👩🏽‍💻💼🔎

Astrology can indicate what areas of life you might naturally excel at, your talents, and even your destiny. The Midheaven or MC is a point in your birth chart that represents your public persona, reputation, and how you choose to present yourself to the public. Your MC suggests what most makes you feel alive and your legacy in yor lifetime. Though it will take years for you to grow into your MC sign, you can use your Midheaven sign, ruler, placements and aspects to both to identify what career path might suit you. This is helpful for people especially in their 10th house profection year, where themes of career, reputation, and legacy are significant or even if you just want to prepare for the future.

Disclaimer: These are recommendations for what might be easier or more natural for you! REMEMBER: You can be anything you want in this lifetime!

(For example, The Weeknd has an Aries Midheaven – he is a trailblazer, leader, and icon in the music industry with a unique sound. Also the first to win many awards and to hold a lot of coveted titles --> very Aries-like)

ARIES MIDHEAVEN --- themes: bold, passionate, self-starting, trailblazing, aggression, leading

☆ ruling planet: Mars

☆ recommended careers: entrepreneurship, athletics, anything where you can lead yourself

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TAURUS MIDHEAVEN -- themes: classy, tasteful, beautiful, talented, artistic, wealthy

☆ ruling planet: Venus

☆ recommended careers: beauty, musician, modeling, makeup artist, fashion designer, arts, photographer, finance, anything involving aesthetics, design, visuals and money

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GEMINI MIDHEAVEN -- themes: good communicator, intelligent, versatile, witty, charming, vocal

☆ ruling planet: Mercury

☆ recommended careers: journalism, performance, teaching, writing, the Arts, design, fashion, sales, public relations, advertising, commentator, observer, translator and broadcaster

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CANCER MIDHEAVEN -- themes: nurturing, kind, sweet, affectionate innocent, intuitive, ambitious, security driven

☆ ruling planet: Moon

☆ recommended careers: health workers, chefs, real estate agents, social workers, ministers, politics, musician, nanny, teacher, doctor

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LEO MIDHEAVEN -- themes: confident, fun, creative, flamboyant, visible, competitive, 'superstar', popular, entertaining

☆ ruling planet: Sun

☆ recommended careers: performing arts, acting, politician, spokesperson, social media influencer, reality TV, anything that allows you to shine

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VIRGO MIDHEAVEN -- themes: precision, diligence, organization, detail-oriented, communicative, practical, moral, skillful

☆ ruling planet: Mercury

☆ recommended careers: medicine / healthcare professional, engineering, hospice care, accountant, HR, manager / administrative jobs

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LIBRA MIDHEAVEN -- themes: beautiful, elegant, charming, social, harmonious, diplomatic, collaboration, communication, aesthetics

☆ ruling planet: Venus

☆ recommended careers: decorating, fashion designer, beauty industry, musician, lawyer, counseling, therapist, law enforcement, customer service, human resources

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SCORPIO MIDHEAVEN -- themes: power, control, allure, mysteriousness, enigmatic, strength, magnetism

☆ ruling planet: Pluto

☆ recommended careers: researcher, psychologist, investigator, finance (tax, banking, investing), scientist, occultist, politician, s3x work, mortician

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SAGGITARIUS MIDHEAVEN -- themes: wisdom, education, knowing, funny, bold, personable, philosophy, energetic, honest, sincere

☆ ruling planet: Jupiter

☆ recommended careers: sales, teachers (specifically university), travel consultants, comedians, preacher / spiritualist, pilot, flight attendant,

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CAPRICORN MIDHEAVEN -- themes: power, status, drive, ambition, respect, honor, recognition

☆ ruling planet: Saturn

☆ recommended career: CEO, doctor, manager, banker, property owner / investor

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☆ AQUARIUS MIDHEAVEN -- themes: innovation, influence, freedom, orginality, service, socialization

☆ ruling planet: Saturn / Uranus

☆ recommended career: scientific or mathematical fields, engineer, innovator, astronomy, astrology, engineering, environmental science humanitarian work

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☆ PISCES MIDHEAVEN -- themes: enchanting, talented, creative, intuitive, dreams, passionate

☆ ruling planet: Neptune

☆ recommended career: musician, director, author, healer, psychic / occultist, spiritualist

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sarahmackattack · 2 months

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hello!! I'm a highschooler who's high-key OBSESSED with vampire squids and I really, really want to do research on them in the future if possible. Aside from the obvious things that I have to do (major in marine bio, get involved in as many lab/research projects as possible in undergrad, etc), what else can I do to ensure that I get the chance to study these dudes in the future? (I hope this question makes sense)

I pretty much want to dedicate my life to them because I love them so much. Also, you are one of my biggest inspirations for pursuing teuthology!! Thank you so much for everything you do!! The Ologies podcast episode that you featured in did wonders for my passion ❤️❤️❤️

This is amazing! I love this!

Ok so we got good news and medium news. Good news, there are lots of people working with cephalopods, and you can totally work with vampire squid if this is your calling. Medium news is that generally speaking people don't work on JUST vampire squid. In my personal experience, when it comes to working with animals like this, that we don't see very often, many scientists end up working on a bunch of animals INCLUDING that animal. Sometimes people will work on one animal their whole careers, especially those that are good for keeping in the lab. Deep sea critters are just... harder! So for example take Kat Bolstad at ALCES in New Zealand- her lab works on a whole bunch of deep sea cephalopods! A lot of this also depends on the KIND of science you're doing. Are you working on fossils? Molecular Biology? Behavior? Ecology? This also determines how specific the animals you'll work on will be.

Other than the things you mentioned, just being in conversation with other scientists online and reading as much of the literature as you can so you come in with an existing deep knowledge of the animal is great. This is also super useful because you'll learn about WHO is working on these animals that you'd need to meet. A lot of the squid biologists talking to each other happens on twitter. It helps when the scientists who might hire you already know you and social media helps with that!

#career advice #science #vampire squid #squid #cephalopods

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zzzzzestforlife · 20 days

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"Stop Romanticizing Tech" 👩‍💻 Software Engineer's Realistic Day

i've heard a lot of peers in tech say they wish people would "stop romanticizing tech" because of their personal experience with burnout and stress and more recently, AI and layoffs. all their complaints resonated with me and for a time, i also saw each day as a painful slog.

but i think just a pinch of romanticism and optimism can go a long way towards seeing possibilities and opportunities where others may not. we're already here, after all, at this point of uncertainty and chaos. if we tell ourselves that we can't see it any other way, we only suffer twice.

so regardless of your circumstances, i hope that as you acknowledge the reality, you also see everything that could be 💛

morning!! 🌇

woke up 30 minutes before my alarm!! ⏰ been trying to fix my sleep schedule / body clock, so this is a major win!

leisurely morning routine and breakfast before work is sooooo important!! 🥞

peer-review code (~13x!!)🏃‍♀️

fixed a major bug!! 🐛 and two other bugs i found because i'm an overachiever like that 💁‍♀️

went to an interesting lunch and learn!! 😋

afternoon... 🏙️

hot-fix!! 🔥🚒 (for a component that somehow got left out of a recent migration...)

meeting with some beta testers that went really well ☺️ i'm so proud since i led the project and endured a lot... like, A LOT for it 🥲

another meeting, this time to finalize documentation across teams in preparation for release... kinda boring tbh, but necessary 🤝

set up even MORE monitoring in preparation for release + clean up some tech debt while i'm at it 🖥️

evening~ 🌆

meetings with my manager and manager's manager 💼 i can't deal with office politics, tbh, so i just view these as catch ups with older friends who i happen to work with...

internal testing meeting for a colleague's project~ 👏

company-wide meeting~ (basically my time to be nosy about all the other departments) 👀

💌: until next time~! 🧡

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sreegs · 9 months

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trying to get a promotion and i was shown how my corporate overlords make the decision via rubric, and the best way to do it is to just hype up what you did by using the language of the rubric. my manager suggested just writing down what i did that week once a week so when it comes time to put together a "case" for my promotion i have a bunch of examples of how i fit the criteria

anyways since i started doing this, writing down things i did in a positive language, i've had less work-related anxiety and now i realize i've been fucking TRICKED into JOURNALING!!!!! fucking CBT!!

#work #career advice

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femmefatalevibe · 7 months

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Femme Fatale Guide: 15 Essential Business Skills Everyone Should Master

Articulate, confident communication

Crafting effective, compelling pitches

Operating and communicating through a solution-oriented framework

Research of all types (Google, market research, studies, polls, interpersonal conversations, etc.)

Learning how to streamline, edit, and organize information in a clear and logical way

Accumulating high-level working knowledge/proficiency in all tools and programs directly related to your type of work/industry

Budgeting and financial optimization (investment, tax benefits, etc.)

Reading and interpreting legal contracts/documents

Setting rates, boundaries, and learning when/how to delegate

Good posture, direct eye contact, and a firm handshake

Building streamlined systems for onboarding, different repeat project scopes/workflows, and KPI measuring

The art of following up, listening to (potential) clients' needs, asking thoughtful questions, and benefit-oriented salesmanship

Consistently reading, learning, and studying current events/cultural platforms/industry and field-related knowledge

How to spot customer/client/business partner red flags

Self-management, task/project prioritization, and optimization of your personal energy clock + levels

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izicodes · 3 months

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Sunday 21st January 2024

>> I made a post yesterday of me mini-ranting about how I don't have any proper career goals because the ones I made years ago I've achieved now, so I'm questioning myself "What now? 🙃".

Then I remembered I have a recruiter mate and I emailed him asking for help and he gave me a long list of what I could do now to get better from my position. And I like sharing help so here's what he said + my own notes of what I understood from them~!

Hope this helps you too~!

🩶 Assess Current Skills and Set Goals

Identify your strengths and weaknesses.

Set clear goals for technical and leadership skill development.

My notes: I am good at some languages/technologies whilst I am a complete noob in others. Yes, I use them but I am not confident in them and always have to Google what is going on. I need to make a list of all the languages I am good at and those I am not so good at. Maybe even list why I'm not good at them. The same goes for non-technical skills. Got to make plans/goals on how I will improve them and get out of my comfort bubble on my comfort technologies and expand! Leadership skills would probably improve when I get solo projects given/have to present at Team meetings on my own in front of everyone~!

🩶 Technical Skill Enhancement

Deepen your proficiency in current programming languages.

Explore new technologies and frameworks relevant to your field.

My notes: I already answered this in the top one, but I shouldn't neglect my current skills to be able to learn the new ones. With the languages I am good and confident in, I still feel as though I haven't reached the more advanced stuff of that language. OOP stuff skill scares me in any programming language so I need to face my fears and learn it. From time to time, check what's popular in the market in terms of technology used and see which one aligns with my dream tech stack to use in the future and make plans to learn and develop myself~!

🩶 Project Leadership and Collaboration

Volunteer to lead small projects or take on more responsibility in current projects.

Collaborate with cross-functional teams to understand different aspects of project development.

My notes: At work, I eventually (since I'm still new) should ask to be the lead on some projects just like my higher-up developer is to me. Lead my own projects, without having to report to someone unless in dire need or when the project is complete for testing, etc. The team is small so I should talk to the non-developers in the team and see from their POV how the project is. Understand different types of people in the team and communicate effectively. All of this can be transferred to non-work projects like an online group project on an Open-Source project on GitHub for example - lead projects and taking more responsibilities. Being able to talk to people with different skillsets as we work on a group project~!

🩶 Attend Workshops and Networking Events

Attend workshops, conferences, and networking events to expand your knowledge and connections.

Seek mentorship from experienced professionals, including CTOs.

My notes: My gosh, I dread this honestly. I'm still a relatively shy person so going to workshops and events still brings small anxiety but that's something I do want to break~! I will never know what I will learn, who I will meet etc if I don't go to one! I want to aim that this year I would like to go to one, preferably in or near my city. I always love the idea of having a mentor, honestly, I was going to pay someone to help mentor me on that part ( >> loads of cites offer mentorships for programming!!! ) but I feel like my manager right now is that person so I will keep working with him to develop more~!

In conclusion, self-improvement as a programmer is both challenging and super hard to get started BUT rewarding in the end~!

#xc: programming blog post #my resources #codeblr #coding #progblr #programming #studyblr #studying #computer science #tech #study inspiration #career advice post #career tips #career advice #career #resources

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blissfullyecho · 1 year

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Do you have any tips on becoming more eloquent, or a better communicator? I often struggle to find the right words or express myself clearly to others, especially in a work setting. Thank you!

how to become more eloquent + become a better communicator (workplace edition)

reading

try to read more if you don’t read as much or at all— it doesn’t matter if it’s nonfiction or fiction, but if you practice reading, you practice saying thoughts/words/sentences/etc. in your mind as you read which is clear and concise because that’s how the author wrote the book/article in the first place. authors don’t write “like” and “um” and “uh” when they are communicating to the reader, unless of course a character said those words but again, a character isn’t talking to you (the reader), but to another character. like i said, when an author writes, it’s to convey a clear and concise message to you, the reader. when you start reading more, you begin to pick up on also being more clear and concise when you not only read, but also write.

practice common workplace questions and answers.

for example, if you work customer service, what are the common questions you get asked that require a good answer from your employer, coworkers, and clients/customers/patients? think about what you normally have to talk about or answer in the workplace, write an answer down, and practice that answer so you have a quick, clear, and concise answer to that common question.

if you say “like”, “um”, and “uh” — or any other filler word, try to take a breath and slow down when you talk

you don’t have to be quick on your feet all the time and answer in .2 seconds. take a quick moment to gather your thoughts, smile, and then speak. it’s not as awkward as it may feel the first few times you do so. waiting 3 seconds is not that big of a deal. try to catch yourself the next time you are about to use a filler word and just take a short pause.

develop your vocabulary

you don’t have to use diction from shakespeare times, but simple changes such as using words like “ostracized” instead of saying that you’re feeling “left out” or “inquire” instead of “ask” could help make you seem more eloquent. i believe dictionary.com still does the “word of the day” where they give you a vocabulary word, definition, and pronunciation. also, reading helps a lot (once again)!

practice public speaking tips + techniques

even if you aren’t a public speaker, practicing the skills and techniques public speakers use when they talk to an audience would help tremendously if you’re just talking to one person. purchase books on public speaking and search up public speaking advice on youtube for free.

practice on being a better (enter your job title here)

i don’t know what you do for work, but take on training for your profession. go to seminars, networking events, purchase a course online, buy books from those in your industry, or again, go on youtube for free. you have to train to become better :)

spend time with more professionals or people who can speak eloquently

you pick up habits and traits from those you spend your time with so be careful with who you spend a lot of time with.

i hope i helped!

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hopeful-engineer · 6 months

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Friendly reminder that your current job being too mundane, boring or below your aspirations are valid reasnons to look for a new job. Remember, that this is part of caring for your mental wellbeing, too. A job below your knowledge, skills and experience level may lead to burnout and low self-confidence. It doesn't have to be only because they don't pay you enough. You're not ungrateful. You deserve to be ambitious.

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whatbigotspost · 26 days

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I REALLY wanna share an email I wrote at work to our office landlords today as one of my professional advice style posts.

But it’s too specific sadly. I’d never want to do anything to ever risk my org, so I have to stay general. Which really is too bad because this email is one of my greatest achievements that only like 6 people will ever see. It is truly the most thorough and highly highly professional speak version of

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM YOU EVIL MOTHER FUCKER. THIS SITUATION IS EFFECTING KIDS. LITERAL CHILDREN. DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL EVERYONE YOU HATE CHILDREN? HMM?? DO YOU?!??!?????

…that has ever been written. It’s like 750 words of pure seething rage channeled into the crispest fakest fancy speak one can muster to spit “get your shit together” 😂 It’s like 5 paragraphs and 2 bulletpointed lists of bullshit-polite white-talk to say “fuck with my staff and kids and I WILL destroy you any way I can in my limited power, you heinous monsters.”

It’s like a master class in what one has to do as a nonprofit leader every so often. It’s like how everyone knows you’re at their mercy in this moment because you’re the fucking tenant and nonprofit and you have all of 50 cents to your name. BUT you have a few levers you can threaten to pull related to public perception. So you become like a tiny spiky little piece of glass on the bottom of a giant’s foot. As the giant is stomping his feet to crush you, as a tiny little glass spike, maybe you can be JUST annoying enough that they pay attention for 2 seconds. It just takes 2 seconds of their goddamn attention and maybe just maybe then they can mercifully flick you away and you can finally stop being crushed by this particular foot at this particular moment.

So to be spiky you gotta be a Work Appropriate Heinous Bitch.

For your staff. And the kids. So you become the Work Appropriate Heinous Bitch you always needed. The Work Appropriate Heinous Bitch who is channeling that power toward good and not evil. And you use your ridiculous joy of writing too much and finding the perfect words to try to embarrass and demoralize a landlord while also still making sure it’s done SMILING (smiling in a I’m In A Corporate Professional Hellscape Help Me Help Me Oh God kinda way.)

Yeah. It’s like that.

Now let’s see if it makes any goddamn difference.

#nonprofit life #career advice #career stuff

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xiabablog · 6 months

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do you have any tips for speaking to/reaching out to recruiters? i'm looking for new grad roles and ppl keep telling me to but i don't even know where to start or find any and all the articles online are so intimidating

Hiya 💗

The people are right, it's one of the best ways to put yourself out there! Oh, this is going to be a long one~!

I'll share tips from my own experience, this might help you, this might because I did it any other way but this:

I applied to a bunch of jobs: like for 5 days straight I was just apply just for the sake of it. The more jobs, the more recruiters have my CV/Resume in their database. I recommend LinkedIn the most as it's super easy to drop a message to the recruiter.

Applied to jobs that I had 50%+ chance of getting a call to: Obviously this means apply to jobs where you have the skills and the experience (work or in building projects etc). I say this because say they do call you but they ask you if you have this certain tech stack and you say no... end of call really. So, for me, I had like 2 or 3 things they were asking for in a candidate so I got through to the calling stage!

LinkedIn is actually your friend, don't be afraid: During my random job searching and whilst I was in my job, I had recruiters message me about job opportunities. Why? Because of my profile. You need to have your LinkedIn vamped up, check mine out for reference (click the LinkedIn icon). But make sure to have your skills e.g. About > Top skills, your work experience (paid or volunteer) and any certificates you have! If you're brave, not like me, start posting on there for a while.

LinkedIn again but Connections: Oh my days please follow people, even if you don't know them personally. I have 300+ connections (not to brag) but I only know like two handful of the people, the rest are of people who connect with people who I follow, I have met like 5 recruiters through this way.

Actually message the recruiters???: Okay so you followed the people, your CV/Resume is done and dusted and now you're ready to message those recruiters! In my case, I had more recruiters message me than the other way round only because I'm shy hehe so I wait for them to make the first move. They would probably send a whole message about the new job that have posted and see if you're interested and then, if you like the job, you can say "Yes please" or whatever is the appropriate reply is, and then they will send further information or arrange a phone call! If you want to message them first, I would find them more after applying for a job on LinkedIn, they usually add the recruiter in the job posting as a way for people to message them.

DO NOT FEEL AFRAID IN MESSAGING RECRUITERS: I say this because a) imagine 100 people apply for the job, only 5 would message the recruiter (I don't know if the stats are right, I just remembered that from bootcamp-) because everyone else is too afraid to do it! Missed opportunity! b) recruiters actually want people to message them. Now in terms of what to write to them? I don't know really. I would always go for the classic "don't repeat what's on your resume", they're going to read it anyways, so just talk a bit about your experience and skills A BIT like

"Hello/Hi, my name is [name]. I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to express my strong interest in the [Job Title] position at [Company Name], for which I recently submitted my application. I'm enthusiastic about the opportunity to join [Company Name] and contribute to [mention something specific you find appealing about the company or role, if possible]. I believe my skills and experience align well with the requirements of the position. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to the possibility of discussing my qualifications in more detail. Best regards, [name]

No hire, don't be sad: Even if they don't hire you, or go through the next stages, keep in touch by even asking questions about what's on the market/what's new, how you could do better for other jobs you want to apply to that were similar to the ones you failed at. They could point you to the right direction! One recruiter said she wanted me to have more projects I was passionate about online like on GitHub or GitLab, even if they were "silly" projects - at the time, I didn't have much projects online so it made sense! See, I took that advice and now I'm a project making machine (a bit)! Advice they give sticks forever!

Remember, reaching out to recruiters and applying for jobs is a numbers game. The more applications you submit, the better your chances of landing interviews. I really hope this helps and I didn't make too many spelling mistakes! This is all of the things I could note down from the top of my head!

I've made other posts on on my coding blog about career advices:

🌐 Tips for Landing Your First Entry-Level Developer Job

🌐 Career Services For Web Dev (could be useful to you too!)

🌐 The Talent Cloud Community: Careers Workshop

Good luck with your job search!

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rageprufrock · 8 months

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Hi Pru, this is a career question... I am in my mid-twenties, female, not quite the most junior employee at my organization but treated often as one. The workplace is highly male-dominated, competitive, the older supervisors sometimes hilariously old-boys'-club, and the younger men (my age) mean well (feminist, etc.) but have their own territories to defend. For complicated reasons I cannot leave. I knew some of this coming in but am ashamed to say that

You’ll love this: my response is so late because I too girlbossed too close to the sun and have accidentally reached mid-senior leadership status at my organization and the past month has been the most hilarious cluster of fucks. Insert clown emoji herey.

ANYWAY.

I have a few thoughts on this one, and hopefully one, or some, of these are helpful as you're navigating your early career.

To address your most immediate question: is it meant to be this hard? I think "is it meant" or "is it always" are two different questions, and each with branching answers completely dependent on your field and profession. Some are notorious for early career hazing--banking, medicine, etc--and then the answers are that the suffering is a feature, not a bug, for these industries (this can be debated ad nauseum but you know what I mean), and then for many, many other professions, the answer is that while it's not meant to be this difficult, it still is, and that it's all we can do to survive it.

But setting aside the macro issues, of whether the role itself is objectively hard or if the environment you're in is objectively sub-optimal, the more nebulous and inescapable thing is that each one of us, individually, in our early career are undergoing one of many puberties and all its attendant implied indignities. I find it weird that culturally we don't talk about this much--at least not in Western or the Eastern cultures with which I'm most conversational--but think about it: in the first five to ten years of your working life, you're often simultaneously navigating a staggering number of life-changing systemic shifts that have a tectonic impact on your lived experience. I

For a lot of us, beginning your life as a working adult means you're likely moving out of your parents' home, which adds a huge amount to your mental load and financial burden.

For a lot of us, these early professional jobs are also the first time we're operating in a performance-reward system for which there is no clear rubric or understandable progression monitoring--there aren't any grades, and I can't tell you the number of people who I've spoken to in my career who have been shocked when they're told they're being put on performance improvement plans even though they thought they were doing fine.

It's like being sent to college with no class list, textbooks hidden in eight different departments run by varyingly helpful people, while trapped in an inescapable group project run by someone who seems just as frazzled as you are, and told "okay well you should need to bring me your completed degree by EOD Thursday." This doesn't even take into account your genetic assignment to play this entire game on hard mode by failing to be a cisgendered man in the dominant cultural demographic.

People who've had multiple jobs and career changes can attest, every new job, no matter how seasoned you are, is fucking exhausting. It's almost a joke among my friends at this point how often I change jobs, and every single time I do, there's at least a six month run where at the end of every day, I'm fucking spent. I couldn't calculate 1+3 if my life depended on it, because I've spent my working day so furiously trying to read the professional tea leaves and figuring out what the actual fuck I'm supposed to be doing--which, funnily enough, is never as clear as you would think! Even if you are at increasingly senior levels of responsibility! It's really fun and good! Your boss's boss's leadership team meetings? Surprisingly similar to when I used go get coffee during my break working at an ice cream shop to complain about our customers and equipment and boss! It's amazing how no matter how much changes, everything stays the same!

So I think in the end, my answer to your question is this:

Is it meant to be this hard? Depending on what you do, maybe.

But should it be this hard? Of course not. Life is short and lush and wonderful, but already so filled with challenges, and it's a shame that being rooted in capitalism, we're all forced to participate in a system that's so unbending and unforgiving.

But does that mean it's going to be forever? Or that you can't survive and thrive and have fun in the process? Absolutely not.

However awful you feel, however bad the job is, it doesn't have to be forever. This role you're in now may be just what you need to find your next, better, better paid opportunity. And maybe that one won't be the ideal for more than a year, maybe two, but that's why you keep an eye out and a keen focus on what you want, and what's most important, and like a shark, you continue to move and grow as you get clearer on where you want to move and how you want to grow. The person I was at 24 could not have imagined the person I am at 38, and I'm guessing that the woman I am today can't fathom who I'll be in another 10 years. Whoever she is, I hope she's still choosing to do hard things and--to the very best of her ability--having a good time in the process.

It's okay to cry about work. It's okay to cry at work, even though I strongly recommend that you do this huddled in a restroom in privacy because otherwise it gets messy--fairly or otherwise. It's okay and normal to do these things. It's okay and normal to feel like a fucking disaster, to feel--or to in actuality!--be categorically failing. It is okay and normal to hate and love your job, and to love money and hate the work. There is no right way to do this, and the only wrong way is to give up on yourself, or to create a situation where you cannot have the freedom of your choices or your future.

It's also going to get easier with time. Even if you don't feel it, every day you're getting more experienced, more confident, more discerning. Those microscopic, atomic changes in you accrue, and I'm sure if you're honest with yourself you can already identify how even today, you are a stronger, more capable person in your professional context than you may have been just a year or two ago. Even if you don't mean to do it, just the experience, the bruises, the callouses from throwing yourself at the brick wall over time will rewrite the person you are--if you do this with your eyes open and intentionally, all the better.

Five years from now, ten years from now, you might still find yourself crying about work. But hopefully you'll share the good fortune I have been privileged enough to have, and find yourself the type of good friends who say, "don't care during work hours, it's beneath you to give them the satisfaction--cry later," and actually have the wherewithal to follow that extremely correct guidance.

So anyway, it shouldn't be this hard, but it is. The good thing is, you're better and stronger than it is, and you can look forward to the day you get to look over the shoulder at all the worlds you've conquered as you get ready to do it all over again.

💖

#advice #career advice

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