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#cas deserves to have a home
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Inherit the Earth should have been the finale and Carry On should have been an epilogue where we get to see everyone (Dean) be happy and carefree and not worried for the first time ever in their lives
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lupuslikethewolf · 8 months
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s14/15 dean probably did not love or even like jack, but he would have absolutely taken him to get mcdonalds just because cas and sam said no, no questions asked.
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titsdelicate · 8 months
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real
#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it?#it was such a weird day#started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake#and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc#bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team#and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious#and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today#i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour#why are men so similar everywhere#why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure#which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered#your dad issues#and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying#like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭#like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been#here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go#crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times#but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money#better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :((#as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol
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rivercule · 2 years
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If cas had kissed dean in despair dean’s emotional floodgates would have come down he would have reciprocated the love confession AND told cas that he can’t live without him and cried. A lot.
And this would have upset cas so he’s no longer perfectly happy and the empty wouldn’t have snatched him because dean ruined his sacrifice
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deanwinchestergf · 5 months
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and why would an angel rescue me from hell? good things do happen dean. not in my experience. i'm not here to perch on your shoulder. i was getting too close to the humans in my charge. you. to everything there is a season. you made an exception for me. you're different. for what's worth, i would give anything not to have you do this. i learned my lesson while i was away, dean. i serve heaven, i don't serve men and i certainly don't serve you. but you guys aren't supposed to be there, you're not in this story. yeah, well, we're making it up as we go. i'm hunted, i rebelled and i did it all, all of it, for you. so what i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together? i need your help because you're the only one who'll help me. that's a pretty nice timing, cas. we had an appointment. what happened to you cas? you used to be human, or at least like one. but cas, you'll call right? if you get into real trouble? this is cas, guys. he has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freaking times, don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least? it sounds so simple when you say it like that, where were you when i needed to hear it? i was there, where were you? i'm doing this for you, dean. i'm doing this because of you. but we were family once, i would've died for you, i almost did a few times. i've lost lisa, i've lost ben and now i've lost sam. don't make me lose you too. cas, you child, why didn't you listen to me. you used to fight together, bestest of friends, actually. if you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time. the very touch of you corrupts. when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost. i'd rather have you, cursed or not. well, i'll go with you. i prayed to you cas, every night. cas, we're getting out of here, we're going home. i mean you kept saying you didn't think it would work, did you not trust me? cas, it's me. we need you, i need you. i won't hurt dean. cause you didn't trust me? you didn't trust me. please, man, i need you here. nobody wants him here more than i do. you gave us an order, castiel, and we gave you our trust. don't lose it over one man. you really believe we three will be enough? we always have been. his true weakness is revealed. you draped yourself with the flag of heaven but ultimately, it was all about saving one human. i'm glad you're here, man. how are you, dean? and then you'll kill the angel, castiel. now that one, that i suspect would hurt something awful. and when you turn, everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. everyone except me. i'm not gonna send lucifer into battle inside cas, what if he doesn't make it? it's not an it, sam. it's cas. but you're always there, you know? i could go with you. you mean too much to me, to everything. i'm gonna cure you of your human weakness, same way i cured my own. it's a gift, you keep those. you mean we? yes, dumbass, we. we lost everything and now you're gonna bring him back. we got cas back, that's a pretty damn big win. just don't get dead again. it's good to hear your voice. so this is goodbye? but i swear if he did something to her, if she's- then you're dead to me. either get on board or walk away. i don't know what's god and what isn't, and it's driving me crazy. dean, you asked what about all of this is real. we are. you used trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt, now you can barely look at me. i think it's time for me to move on. you didn't deserve that. since when do we get what we deserve? maybe if you didn't just up and leave us. i left but you didn't stop me. i should've stopped you. you're my best friend but i just let you go. and i forgive you, of course i forgive you. i'm sorry it took me so long, i'm sorry it took me til now to say it. you did it cas. okay, cas, i need to say something. you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer. well, here's to being right. you know what every other version of you did after gripping him tight and raising him from perdition? they did what they were told, but not you.
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feralfxckxr · 2 months
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We got what was needed to move C's body to the funeral home, but now I gotta focus on getting him cremated by tomorrow. But it is once again where if I can't get it done, the state can swoop and take him, meaning I won't get his ashes. He was 7 years old and he deserves proper rest. I'm still doing tarot and tea readings, and @scarsofbeauty and @saturnpandora are doing art commissions. Also offering my tax return when it comes in! @scarsofbeauty is gonna draw the creature below when the poll is done!
$52 left to get C cremated, have until 9a.m EST this morning so 1 hr left or the state can take him anytime
ca: $starshooterr
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cherryredstars · 5 months
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Hiiii congratulations in 1k you deserve it so much!
not sure if this is how to request a prompt for your 1k celebration but can I get "reader gets injured" with Simon please
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1K Prompts
Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x gn!reader
Warnings: Injury, Hospitals, Angst with Happy Ending, Indirect Mentions to Simon’s Abuse
Summary: He hasn't done it in a long while.
 Word Count: 1.8K (Not Edited)
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There is nothing in the world.
It all disappears in a blur as his mind races. His mind, his thoughts, are faster than the car. He can’t make out anything zooming past his window, barely even recognizes the colors or the feel of the wheel under his hands. He’s jittery, highly agitated as he yells and slams on his horn. He doesn’t even process the words he’s saying, doesn’t even know if they’re even words. Maybe they’re just sounds, grunts and wordless screams. He doesn't know, doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter right now. Nothing matters right now. Nothing will matter until he makes it to the hospital. 
He needs a new car, he thinks. This one is too slow. It’s max isn’t fast enough. At this point, it’d be faster for him to get into a car accident and be driven in an ambulance to the hospital than this piece of junk truck. It makes him grit his teeth, swerving in and out of lanes and breaking traffic laws he doesn’t care to keep count of. He can vaguely make out Price’s car behind him, Johnny in the car behind Price’s. Don’t say that, he can hear Price say in his head, Don’t say that, Simon. Especially not now. 
Great, now his own fucking thoughts are making him feel guilty. 
He doesn’t really park, he runs over the curb actually. It causes everyone to jump back, throwing mean words at him that don’t land. The keys are still in the ignition, trusting Gaz will take care of it. Who gives a damn about that fucking car anyways, Simon thinks. He’s already made up his mind that he’s getting a new one. A sports car maybe, not for the looks but for the speed. He’ll have to do research on the fastest car money can buy when he’s home. When both of you are home. 
The cold air of the hospital makes him shiver once he runs inside. He looks lost for a second, eyes scanning the new environment for his goal. His eyes skip over the reception desk before rapidly darting back. Once his eyes lock on it, he walks with purpose. His eyes don’t stray, effectively maneuvering his body around the busy waiting room and lobby until he’s right in front of it. He doesn’t realize his hands are shaking until he plants them on the desk. His fingers tremble and jerk, skin flinching with the feeling of absolute dread running through his body. 
“How ca-”
“Last name Riley. Car accident.” He cuts the receptionist off. His voice has the hard edge he uses with the recruits. It doesn’t faze the receptionist. 
He’s impatient as they tap away at the computer, their eyebrows furrowed and they ask Simon for more information like your first name and sex. Simon gives them irritably, almost blowing a fuse when they ask for his relationship with the patient. 
“Spouse.” 
He has never been annoyed to declare that to someone before. But he finds little reason to be prideful and happy right now. 
“Still in surgery, but you and your group can wait in the waiting room to the left. A surgical doctor should be out shortly with news.”
Simon turns around, not even noticing the rest of 141 standing patiently behind him. His eyes scan them, nodding before he turns and walks robotically to the waiting room. Price politely thanked the receptionist for him before following after Simon. Simon throws himself into an empty seat, leg bouncing against the floor. His eyes find the doors that lead to surgical suits. His arms wrap around his chest, attempting to keep his racing heart in his chest. A harsh breath is exhaled from his nose, getting caught under his balaclava. It gets a few stares from some of the families in the waiting room, some clutching their smaller children closer to them. Simon would usually take it off for the sole purpose of not drawing attention to himself, but he can’t find it in himself to care. Or, he doesn’t feel like he can. It feels like it's the only thing keeping him together right now. If he takes it off, he’ll come crumbling down. The fake composure will die away with the exposure and he’ll die before knowing if you’re alright. Depending on the answer, he might not make it through the night. 
A cup is placed in front of his face and Simon follows the hand up to the face of Johnny. Simon takes it, the warmth feeling strange against his skin. He doesn’t drink from it. Johnny and him don’t exchange words, turning to take the seat across from him and next to Gaz. Price is in the chair next to Simon, all four of them silent. Johnny stares at Simon, Simon stares at the floor, Price flips through outdated magazines from the coffee table beside him, and Gaz is surveying the space. All of them are still clad in their military gear, just gotten off the plane when Simon-- when Ghost-- got the call. Gaz cracks his knuckles and Simon has to bite his tongue to rest the urge to tell him to shut up. 
He resorts to counting the seconds that pass in his head. He loses count whenever the steel doors open and a doctor and nurse comes out. His head snaps up, the boys following his line of sight as the doctor peers over at the clipboard the nurse has. He prepares to shoot up when the doctor’s surgical mask shifts with jaw movement. He starts back from one when the name being called isn’t Riley. He thinks his heart shrinks with every name that passes. Price always pats his back with a ‘the next one, mate’. 
Sometimes between the seconds and names, Simon finds his forehead leaning against his folded hands. His eyes are shut tightly and he tries to do something he hasn’t done in a long time, something he has believed to not work for a long time. Simon sits and he prays. He prays. He doesn’t remember if there is a process he's supposed to follow. He only remembers all his past prayers had been rushed, hiccuped statements made after his father left his room or when he heard the yelling in the kitchen. They never got answered.
Is he supposed to start with something? Is he supposed to have a rosary or a bible or something in his hands? His hands are still covered with dirt from the battlefield, he reeks of smoke and gunfire. Is he clean enough to be praying? Does God or whatever up there care? He hopes they don’t, hopes they give him a free pass just this once. He hopes they do it for your sake. He hopes and prays and hopes some more. Is it enough? It doesn’t feel like enough. 
Is Simon supposed to sweet talk them? Butter them up until their egos are fed and find him worthy of listening to. He isn’t good at that. Or does he need to be direct? Demanding what he wants and not backing down until he gets it? He’s really good at that. You would probably know what to do. Even if you don’t, you’d probably have a solution that makes sense. Everything makes sense when it's you. You make everything make sense. Simon doesn’t know how he lived so long without it. He doesn’t want to be reminded. 
He debates getting up. Debates if he should go to the receptionist and ask them where the hospital’s chapel is. Maybe he’ll find whatever the fuck the religious connection guy is and ask them how to pray. Ask them to teach him. Or maybe he’ll ask them to pray for you. He’s sure they have a better chance of being answered then he does. But a fear glues him to his seat. What if he leaves and your name gets called? What if he isn’t there when it happens? What if he isn’t there for you again? He sits and he hopes and he prays. 
Please. Please, whoever, whatever can hear me, don’t take them from me. Stop taking people I care about away from me.
He hopes it is enough. He hopes they hear him and they remember the shit they put him through. He hopes they take pity on him. Simon hates when people feel sorry for him. He hopes they feel really bad and really sorry and really, really awful for what he had to go through. He hopes they find him to be the most pitiful human there ever was to exist. He hopes it's enough to save you. He hopes they decided to be nice to him today. 
And they are. Holy fuck they are. 
The doctor comes out, a nurse with clipboard following three times. Simon gets up the fourth time, before the name is even called. Price and Johnny and Gaz stand with him. 
“Riley.”
He flies. He flies across the room, ‘Here. I’m here. That’s me.’ He doesn’t know if he says those words aloud or in his head. The doctor watches him approach and Simon almost collapses to the ground when his surgical mask moves. He doesn’t catch everything, his mind being too slow to follow. Traumatic brain trauma. Bleeding. Successful. Lucky. Strong. Fighter. Okay. 
Okay, okay, okay. 
He thinks Price keeps him upright when he grabs his arm to pat him in the back. Simon grabs him back, pulling him close and his shoulders shake as he hides his face. He feels like a kid, crying into his captain’s shoulder as relief washes over him. Price squeezes him. The two of them say nothing, and Johnny and Gaz excuse themselves to get everyone food from the hospital cafeteria. 
Later, Simon finds himself in your hospital room. The chair is slightly more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room. The boys have gone home by now, promising to drop by and telling Simon to keep them updated. Usually, constant noise would irritate Simon. But he finds himself thankful every time the heart monitor beeps, praying the noise never stops. He must have dozed off because he’s confused when he feels the slight rubbing on his hand. The sound of the heart monitor is different, still consistent but a bit faster. 
He pulls his head from his arms, propping his chin on his forearm as his gaze drifts to your face. Your eyes are half-lidded and sleepy, face drenched in exhaustion. You are so absolutely beautiful that it's devastating. It punctures his lungs and deflates his body of any breath he will ever take. His heart beats rapidly, hand squeezing yours tightly as his spine straightens. He has to resist the urge to pull you to him and crush you against his frame. 
You give him a dopey smile, one stained with tiredness and the remains of the anesthetic. 
“Hi.”
Your voice is croaky and your speech is slurred. It’s beautiful and the most lovely sound to exist. 
Simon brings your knuckles to his chapped lips. He presses a firm kiss to them, eyes squeezed shut so tightly that a few drops of water drop onto your skin. 
“Hi.”
His voice is just as croaky and just as beautiful.
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Got a little carried away with this one.
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milswrites · 2 days
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Something blue
~ Azriel X Reader
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Summary: You and Azriel get married.
Warnings: Teeny bit of angst but then all fluff :)
Azriel couldn't hear the words his brother was speaking over the incessant pounding of his heartbeat which echoed in the depths of his ears. Not even his probing shadows could break him from his anxious stupor, the dark curling mists attempting to pull their master back to reality through their gentle nudges and soothing presence.
Azriel was sure that if he was aware of his families comforting words and his shadows warming embrace he would have been grateful. Yet all he desired was your reassuring company, your gentle aura having always been enough to ebb the rising doubts from his storming mind.
It was only when Cassian laid a heavy hand on his tense shoulder did Azriel allow himself to come back to reality. Permissing his faraway mind to return to it's earthly shell, rejoining him where he was stood at the end of the aisle.
It wasn't the prospect of marrying you which terrified him. No, Azriel couldn't think of anything sweeter than consolidating the love between the two of you. However, the invasive doubts that Azriel didn't deserve you pecked away at his brain. Worried that his monstrous past and his dark line of work made him unworthy of your love.
It was foolish to think this of course, you looked at Azriel as though he had hung the stars in the night sky, the male brightening the life you had claimed was once so dull. To you, Azriel could do no wrong and you had spent many sleepless nights reminding the male of this as you cradled his trembling form.
Which is why when Cassian asked him if he needed a moment to escape and gather his thoughts, Azriel stubbornly declined the offer. Not wanting to make even the smallest of mistakes out of fear that the one good thing in his life would slip away from him.
No, Azriel would wait. Patiently standing at the end of the aisle until you came to stand by his side. Your presence alone would be enough to melt away his insecurity and unease.
Which is why with this knowledge, he allowed himself to relax. The understanding that you would soon be with him was enough to loosen his taught muscles, enabling a steady breath to be drawn from his lips.
You were his home, his fortress, and Azriel needed only to think of you to instill him with the strength he needed to battle his demons.
He brushed Cassian's worried hand away, providing his concerned brother a smile overflowing with confidence. Teeth slightly bared in excitement.
"I'm fine Cas," Azriel promised, "I couldn't be happier."
He needn't lie when he spoke the words to his brother, each syllable laced with a welcoming truth. How could he not be happy, when you were the deliverer of his joy.
A soft melody began to hum from the harp beside him, an ethereal tune which sang the story of your love. Each harmonious note signifying a beautiful tale of your partnership.
But it wasn't the sweet tune which brought a silver tear to Azriel's eye. Nor was it the fact that he was surrounded by his friends, all sharing a smile of beaming warmth at the glorious occasion.
No, the reason for his joyous weeping was the angel who faced him at the other end of the aisle. His love, a vision dressed in white, who's arm was wrapped around that of his proud mother's.
Azriel cried as his entire universe walked towards him. As the two most important people in his life slowly made their way past his teary-eyed friends and family until they came to stop before him.
His doting mother came to wipe the wetness from his cheeks, face a picture of unbridled jubilation, before Cassian came to lead the exuberant woman to their seats as the last heavenly note from the harp was strung. The soft hum of the music still wavering in the air despite it's completion. And as Azriel's hazel eyes finally came to meet your own, a bond of love and passion was shared through your affectionate gazes.
You've always been beautiful, there was no debating that. But the god-like glow which the mother had blessed you with on the day of your wedding had rendered the shadowsinger speechless. The force of your otherworldly beauty almost being enough to pull the male to his knees before you. Azriel promised himself in that moment that he would spend the rest of his days worshipping you in all your glory until the day he died.
The trivial words of the priestess failed to register in his mind, Azriel's thoughts were consumed entirely by you. It wasn't until you began to make your vows, did Azriel's attention then turn to your enchanting voice. His mind, body and soul all enraptured by your tender words.
"I have loved you since before I even knew you existed. My heart has always belonged to you, and I finally found it when we first met. We were made for each other, you and I, two souls destined for each other. And even if we didn't have the cauldron's influence, I still would have loved you as deeply and passionately as I do now. You're my entire world Azriel and I consider myself lucky for the life I'm going to spend with you and I will continue to love you until we're the last stars in the sky."
Azriel was sure he couldn't have cried more than he had already done so, though it was clear his well hadn't run dry as of yet. Glistening trails of happy tears streamed down his smiling cheeks. His gentle shadows wrapped around his body under his clothes, their presence comforting him, reminding him that his feelings were natural, That he could allow himself to weep at his good fortune.
The male had planned his vows in advance, wanting to be prepared in case his nerves took hold of him and prevented him from saying what he wanted to be said. Yet being in the moment, standing here next to your ethereal form after hearing your impassioned promise, Azriel failed to find words worthy enough to be heard by your ears. And so, surprising even himself Azriel neglected the speech he had spent the past few days reciting and spoke from his heart.
"You are my strength and stability. My saviour and my undoing. You see me for who I am and yet you've never once shied away, you accept me in a way so few people have done so and I couldn't be more blessed than to have you as my partner for the rest of my life. I have never felt more loved, more accepted by anyone and I know that whenever the darkness overcomes me I need only to look to you for my salvation. And so I promise you this now, that I will never fail to be anyone other than the male who you know me to be. I gift myself you you with the oath that I shall love you forever as you deserve."
The exchange of your vows was done so in a moment of frozen existence. Despite the room full of your loved ones, it felt as though the promises were made in secret, a silent joining of your two souls morphing into one. You may as well have been the only people in the entire universe.
When the time came to present each other with the rings you had selected, you slipped the band onto his steady finger. A golden line etched into the silver metal, a constant reminder of the shimmering thread which tied the two of you together for eternity.
When the time came for him to slip the ring he had gifted for you onto your own finger, you marveled at the cobalt blue gem which stared back at you. A glowing piece of Azriel's siphon. A piece of your mate gifted to you.
"Your something blue" he whispered with a smile, voice low enough for only you to hear. Recalling the superstitious poem you had recited to him when you first began making plans for your wedding.
"It's beautiful Az,"you beamed at the male before you, at your husband, looking into his hazel eyes as you spoke, "But I already have my something blue and it'll take a lot more than a fancy ring for me to want to replace him."
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grugruel · 4 months
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Let the Light in
Pairing: priest!Bucky x f!reader
MDNI/NSFW
Masterlist
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Summary: On the day of your wedding, you excpect to love your husband, not fall for the priest.
You'd never been a believer. But when your marrige spiraled into darkness, you had to find light elsewere. So you asked the Lord for help, and He answered.
Ironically enough, He gave you a most devout follower, the priest.
Word count: ca 4k
Warnings: fluff, angst, blasphemy, soft!priest!bucky, pinv sex, oral sex (f receiving), passionate sex, fingering, thigh-riding, adultry, praise (m receiving), priest kink.
AN: its been proof read! I dont understand how yall read it before the fact, my misspellings were crazy. I also edited it a bit, gave yall about 200-300 words more.
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I stod silently on the sidewalk, with my back to the road. Numbly observing the scene in front of me as I waited. Cars were rushing past behind me, slowing as they noticed the crowd.
The chilly autumn winds blew my coat off of my stocking clad legs, revealing them to the elements. I couldnt be bothered to care.
The cold did not affect me anymore, I was strung out on feeling.
I watched my husband struggle, and the guests scramble to help him. They got him on his feet, and his best man slung an arm around him to keep him from falling again. My eyes brimmed with tears, ready to fall any second now.
I felt a hand touch the small of my back in silent support. A palm pressed firmly into the arch below, fingertips curling, rouching the fabric of my dress. I closed my eyes and all my troubles were wisked away for but a second, until I heard the guests approach and the hand left me. I opened my eyes to a grim sight.
We met in college, my husband and I. He'd been lovely and attentive when we first met, he made me fall in love with him. He proposed to me on our graduation, and i'd never been happier.
Unfortunately though, it didnt last that long.
As we were fresh out of school, both with stellar scores and brand new degrees. We got our dream jobs, and bought ourselves our dream home.
Everything was perfect, until he got fired. Why? He wouldnt tell me, he left me in the dark, refusing to tell me himself.
Naturally, I grew suspicious.
So I called his former boss, who told me that they'd caught him with his secretary bent over his desk. They said he'd gotten a reputation within his business and would be experiencing difficulties in finding a new job for himself. My crying increased gradually through out the call, this was the first time hed let me down after all. His boss was very apologetic and so was my fiancé.
He found me sat on the floor with phone in hand, a complete mess of tears and running mascara. Immedietly showing worry, 'Whats going on, whats happened?' He asked, thinking somebody died. But when I glared at him, repaying his silence with my own, he understood. He stuttered an apology, his words a flurry of explanations and sorrys, sounding truly regretful.
So I forgave him, silly me.
With time, bitterness manifested within him. Resentment over the fact that I was well liked and did good work at my own job. It led him down a pityfull path, finding solace in alcohol, resentment turning into lousey drunkeness. I should've left him, but chose to forgive him. I loved him, despite all.
Eventually he found a new job, nowehere near the prestige of his old one. But it calmed his drinking.
When he sobered slightly, he apologized continously. Telling me he promised to get better and told me he wanted to have our ceremony, because I deserved it. Foolishly, I belived him. He stayed sober several weeks before the wedding, and I thought it could be a new start.
But here we are now.
I stood behind the doors of the nave, inhaling and exhaling big shaky breaths, trying to gather strength for what I was about to throw myself into.
The priest, father Barnes. The one who would be marrying us, came to me before I walked down the aisle.
'Miss.' He began, his eyes pleading as he took my hands into his, 'Its now my place, I know. But your betrothed-'
'Youre right, its not.' I cut him off, the idea of discussing my fiancés indiscretions with the priest was not appealing. 'I apologize father.' I sighed and met his eyes, 'Hes drunk isnt he?'
The priest tilted his head to the side, realising I was already well aquainted with the vice, 'Well, yes. . .' He said, sounding apologetic.
I nodded my head, deep in thought, 'Alright, lets not waste anymore time then.'
'You're still going ahead with the wedding?' He asked me, an incredulous expression shaping his face.
I looked down, studying the intricate details of my wedding dress. Id picked it myself, my favourite flowers covered it. That man of mine doesnt know my favourite in anything, nor would he notice them on my dress.
A melancholic smile covered my lips, 'You must think me foolish father.' I whispered under my breath, chuckling quietly.
He shook his head and moved one of his hands to my chin, tilting my face to meet his. The other grabbed my hands, and squeezed them, 'I think youre strong.' He told me, a reassuring smile on his lips.
'He promised me he would get better.' My voice was meak, a tear streaking my face.
'You're a good woman.' He breathed, letting go of my hands to cup my face. He leveled his head with mine, his tall stature forcing him to hunch as his eyes locked with mine, 'Too, good.' He whispered, 'And, Its not my business, thats true. . .' Another tear fell, and he gently stroked it away with his thumb, 'But he does not deserve your kindness.'
My cheeks burned hot, a blush crept up my face. I had not heard such kind words in a long time. I could not controll my crying any longer, unstoppable tears came rolling down my cheeks, 'I have to believe him, father, I have to try.' I told him quietly, hating how desperate my voice sounded.
'I love him.'
He cringed at the words, furrowing his brows 'I admire your devotion.' He said gently, 'Do you want more time? Im sure we can wait a little longer.' He tried, but I shook my head.
'No, I dont want to keep the guests waiting.' I took a deep breath, 'Do I look ok?' I asked him.
He nodded, but pulled the cuff over his hand and dabbed my cheeks dry.
His eyes flickered over my face, studying my features, my wet eyes and rosy cheeks. He leaned in, kissed my cheek and whispered 'Angelic.' His hands fell to my bare shoulders and gave them a reassuring squeeze.
He turned around and as he was about the leave I grabbed hold of his wrist, carefully tugging him back. He faced me and I let go of him realising that perhaps it wasnt appropriate of me. 'I just-' I began, but my voice broke. He met my eyes and pulled me into his embrace, 'Thank you, father.' I whispered against his chest.
He rested his head on your shoulder and rubbed your back gently, holding onto the fabric of your dress, rubbing it between his fingers. Studying the beautiful pattern. He slid his hands up your arms, feeling a sudden urge to kiss the bare skin beneath him. He pulled back hastily, clearing his throat as he silently rebuked himself.
'I must take my place dear.' He said, stroking a piece of hair behind my ear. He gave me a last smile, then left, taking his place by the altar.
I heard the music starting and the muffled sound of the crowd standing up. I sighed, steadied my breathing, and opened the doors to the nave. Everyone turned around, looking at me. Whispers rumbled through the crowd as I began walking, their stares were making me nervous.
Through the gloom of the church, light shone through the windows at the altar. I looked at him for comfort, handsome as he was, I met his eyes and found it within them.
He could not tear his eyes from you, you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, courageous and proud, you walked down the aisle. When your eyes met his, he smiled proudly. Hoping you would find some comfort in it, and you found it.
As I approached the altar, I tore my eyes from his and looked at my fiancé. His best man holding him upright, otherwise slumping over. He smiled sloppily at me, I gave him a strained smile back.
The ceremony was over quickly, my husband stumbled through his vows and his kiss tasted of smoke and whiskey. In fact, the entirety of him was drenched in the odor.
I smiled and thanked everyone as they congratulted us, and carefully, tiptoed around the subject of my husband.
I hurried to change into my reception dress, it was all black. Black coat, dress, heels and stockings. Fitting, I thought. As this felt more like a funeral than a wedding, burrying the woman I once was.
People were drinking, laughing and dancing. The reception was doing a wonderful job of keeping everyone cheery, everyone except me. I sat silently by our table, watching my husband as he kept drinking and his men trying to calm him down. He had barely spoken a word to me, he was to drunk to stand, to drunk to have our first dance. I felt myself sinking into oblivion as my polite smiles and thank yous were running out.
But someone approched me, snapping me out of the darkness. I looked up, and the light returned.
He reached his hand out to me, 'May I have this dance?' He asked, his white collar stark against his black shirt.
'You may.' I smiled, the first genuine smile I'd given anyone since the night begun.
I laid my hand in his and he led me to the edge of the dance floor, somewhere we could be at peace. In our dark colors we went unseen, tucked away from prying eyes.
I snaked my arms around his neck and his arms circled my waist, pulling me tightly against him. A bit unorthodox perhaps. But I didnt mind and neither did he, it seemed. I leaned my head against him as we swayed to the music, basking in eachothers prescence.
He sensed that you werent interested in talking, but rather needed a shoulder to lean on. Someone to hold you up, as your ungrateful husband couldnt even do that for himself.
For several songs, we just held eachother. Until the evening began winding down and we had to depart.
'I think this was a mistake.' He whispered.
'Which part?' I asked, and he sighed.
'Dont hesitate to come to me if you need anyhting.' He said quietly, 'Please.' he pleaded. I nodded, thinking id never take him up on his offer.
Now, I stood on the street. Still feeling the priests hand on my back although he'd already taken a few secure steps back.
I watched as my husband being carried to our car, as we were headed for our honeymoon. Two weeks in rome, I wish I could truthfully say I was excited. They shoved him into the back, and once again congratulated us with cheapish smiles. I walked around the car and opened the door, about to sit down when a hand slid into mine. I looked up and my eyes met his beautiful blues once again. He assisted me into the car, lending me his strong arm for support as I sat down. His hand slid out of mine, and a note was left in my palm, reflexicely I closed my hand around it. 'Anything.' He whispered and backed away, closing the door gently.
Our car drove off as the guests were waving us of, but all I could think about was the priest disappearing in the distance.
I opened the note, written down was his number and adress along with a few intricately drawn flowers.
I smiled to myself, quickly stashing it away in my pocket, afraid my husband would see. But as I looked at him, I realised. He was dead asleep, snoring even.
I opened my hand, tracing my fingertips along my palm. Trying to recreate the feeling of his hand in mine, his gentle, yet firm touch on my skin. I sighed, feeling my tears returning.
I cried silently, afraid to wake him. The driver looked at me through his rearview mirror, I met his eyes and quickly averted my gaze, crying even harder, but I couldnt even do that in peace. God, what had I done. I leaned my head against the seat, closing my eyes. When suddenly, I felt fingers on my knee. I shut my eyes harder, begging for it to be my imagination. But it wasnt.
'My, beautiful wife.' He drawled, tracing a finger along my jaw as his hand slid up my thigh. He sat forward, leaning towrd the drivers compartment and shut the hatch.
I opened my eyes and faced him, 'Aw, crying of joy sweetheart?' He asked, he was so delusional it was scary. I nodded, and feigned a smile which he returned lazily, then leaned in to kissed me.
I closed my eyes again, canceling out the taste and smell of liqour, shutting my ears to his voice.
And when his finger reached under my dress, It no longer felt like him. My husbands face was no longer my husbands, his voice and touch was someone elses.
All of a sudden my core was aching for more.
His kisses on my skin felt like heaven, his touch like fire and when he pulled me on top of him. I opened my eyes, and was met with blue, black and white.
Weeks went by and my thoughts never left father Barnes, whenever my husband made love to me, I made love to a priest.
Eventually his drinking subdued and he started taking care of himself, but grew more distant by the day.
It did actually make my existence bareable.
But there came a day, when I got home from work early and things were not as they should. The were heels in the doorway and clothes strewn on the floor. As I followed their trail, I found my husband and his secretary at the end of them. Naked, sweaty and monaing, in our bed, in our home. I was quiet, lost for words, but they mustve noticed my presence.
Because they stopped and threw the sheets over themselves, covering up. 'Sweetheart, its not what it seems.' He managed, struggling to clme up with an excuse. God, the stumache on that man. I felt like screaming, like cursing him and his entire bloodline. But he wasnt worth it.
I turned on my heel and he scrambled out of bed, dragging the sheet with him as he followed me out of the house, apologizing prefusely.
I shut him out, rage filling me as I got in my car and drove away. I drove to the only adress that came to mind.
I walked up to his house and knocked on the door, a few moments passed and he opened.
With wide eyes he looked at me, unable to hide his surpise. 'I uhm, I-' I stammered, my own surpise catching up to me. I hadnt had time to think this through, I acted on pure instinct. 'He cheated on me.' I got the words out, finally taking a breath as I finally understood their meaning. Misery overtook my rage, and my eyes welled as I tried to explain myself. 'I apologize for barging in on you father.' I started, 'Ive been thinking about you and I-' rambling, all my thoughts and feelings poured out of me. In the doorway of this poor mans home.
He reached out to me and pulled me into a hug, backing away from the door and let it fall shut behind me. He rested his head on top of mine as one of his hands held my head against his chest, stroking my hair. The warmth of his home embracing me.
'Can I confess something father?' I asked him as I laid my arms around him, much like our dance a few weeks ago.
'Anything.' He answered, kissing the top of my head.
'Ive sinned.'
He pulled back with a confused look on his face, but didnt let go. 'Lets hear it.' He ordered patiently.
'Ive. . . Been thinking of another man.' I whispered, looking deep into his eyes. 'During actions that should only take place between husband and wife.' I told him quietly, and his face grew pale. 'Ive had an emotional affair with this man, unbeknownst to him.' My breathing turned heavy, as my gaze switched to his lips, 'But, me and this man. Were both bound by vows you see.' I said and let go of him, understanding my words as I said them, and stepped back. Suddenly regretting coming here, as I felt rejection was imminent. 'Mine are already broken, but his are not and he cannot break them. He would not.'
'You should let the man speak for himself.' He said, serious in tone. His gaze locked in on me, as he stepped closer. 'I havent been able to stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I've tried.' He whispered, laying his hands on my hips. 'Ive never seen a woman so beautiful walking down the aisle, god himself mustve blessed you.' I snaked my hands around his shoulders, burrying them in his hair. 'Im hoping he would bless us, too.' Leaning in, his lips were a ghost over mine. 'I would care for you, in a way your husband never could. He does not deserve you.' He leaned his forehead agagaist mine, 'I'd work everyday to deserve your love, your kindness, your presence.' He said quietly against my lips, planting a gentle kiss on them and pulling back slightly to give me room. But I chased his lips, returning the kiss feverishly. Grabbing a fistful of his hair as I pulled him impossibly closer. His hands roamed my back, reaching under my shirt to undo my bra. It fell to the floor and he pulled my shirt over my head in one quick motion, making me gasp.
I removed the collar of his shirt with my teeth and ripped his black shirt open, burrying my head in the crook of his neck, 'Youre not a beginner, are you father? I asked, between kisses. Breathing heavily as I latched onto his skin, sucking at the sweet spot between his neck and collarbone.
He moaned, a smirk shaping his lips, 'Saints also sin from time to time.' he breathed, his hands falling to my ass and lifted me into his arms. I chuckled, letting go of his neck and circled my legs around his hips. I pushed my bare breasts against him and he burried his face in them, in turns taking them into his mouth. 'Where?' His voice came muffled by my skin.
'Everywhere.' I answered.
I could feel his grin against my skin, as he nipped my nipple with his teeth, making me yelp. He walked us toward his bedroom, and laid me down on his bed. He stood back, studying me as he took his shirt and pants off. I unbuttoned my own pants and shimmied out of them, raising myself onto my elbows, watching him as he took me in. His eyes roamed my body, thighs, hips, stumache, breasts. He loved all of me, 'Youre perfect.' He said, lust in his eyes as he climbed on top of me. 'I need you.' He whispered.
'You'll have me.' I told him and flipped him over. Positioning him against the headboard as I stradled his thigh, grinning wickedly and leaned forward, kissing his jaw. 'But first-' I whispered against his ear, 'I want to test your self control.' He looked confused, and I began grinding my clit against his thigh, a whimper escaping me. His hands flew to my hips to help me along, but I grabbed them and led them up to the headboard. I leveled my face with his, ghosting my lips over his as I had him hold onto the board, 'No touching.' I whispered and pecked his lips. I leaned back and my grinding resumed, I grabbed his thighs for support as the heat from the friction was making me swoon. I leaned my head back, biting my lip from the pleasure and when I looked back at him, he was holding onto the board for dear life. The muscles in his arms and jaw clenching as he fought himself to stay still, his eyes were running up and down my body.
The way your hips swayed and breasts bounced, it was sucking all the restraint out of him. His hands were itching to touch you, to just feel your skin under his fingertips for a moment. It would keep him fed for the rest of his life.
I hummed, 'Im- im gonna-' I stammered, my breaths frenzied as I was closing in on my orgasm. The crazy in his eyes made me smile devilishly, I felt evil, in the best way. My hips stuttered against his thigh, my ruts becoming faster and shorter as I was approaching my release. When I looked at him, his eyes were pleading, begging for permission, but it was to late. I rushed over the edge in a second, collapsing onto him, panting hard as I was catching my breath.
'May I?' He asked, his voice strained.
I kissed his chest and answered, 'Yes, please. You did so good.' He grunted at the praise, surprising me. He grabbed my ribs and threw me under him, hurridly kissing his way down my body until he reached my thighs. Spreading them, he kissed his way up the inside until he reached my panties. Without a second thought he ripped them apart and burried his face in my cunt. Tasting me, licking my juices, sliding his tongue through my folds and kissing my clit. A string of curses fell from my lips, as he pushed a finger inside of me, carefully sliding it in and out. Then adding another, and eventually a third, he thrusted them into me, my moaning telling him he was on the right track. He curled them into my spot and I nearly screamed.
'Just like that, good job.' I breathed and he moaned against my clit. What fun. He reached into his boxers and stroked himself, the sight made me mad. And for the second time, I came tumbling over the edge. He was not far behind, coming into his own hand, drenching himself in his seed. I grabbed his arm and pulled his hand closer to me, licking a stripe of his hand. He grunted at the sight, spurring me on as I took his fingers into my mouth. Sucking him clean as he watched, furrowing his brows, he became plagued by lust.
I pulled him closer to me, meeting his lips in another kiss as he pulled off his boxers. I reached down, stroking him as I lined him up with my entrance, 'You did such a good job, father.' His head perked at the praise, like a puppy being told hes a good boy. Gratefully pecking my face, cheek, chin and jaw, below my ear and neck. He put his weight on me, we couldnt possibly get any closer to one another. 'I need you in me father.' I told him bluntly, and leveled his head with mine, sliding inside. Kissing me mean while and I moaned into his mouth, sharing my breath with him. I laid my hands on his hips, telling him to move by pulling and pushing. Helping him set a gentle but firm pace, he lowered his head to the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin. 'Let me hear you father, dont hold back.' I whispered and appreciatively he grunted against my skin, moaning in my ear. It was fiendish, it was fantastic. 'Deeper, please.' I asked, pulling on his hips to drive him deeper and using the weight of his entire body he thrusted into me, in rythm with his grunts as our bodiess moved together.
'Tell me im good, please.' He begged, nuzzling his face into my neck.
I smiled, 'Youre being so good for me father.' I whispered into his hair.
'Thank you.' He whimpered, putting even more force to his thrusts as he traced my collarbone with kisses, all the way to my shoulder, repeating "Thank you." Over and over again inbetween his kisses. His thrusts were coming faster as he was closing in on his orgasm, driving me over the edge with him. 'I- im- im close.' He stuttered faintly.
'So am I, almost there father.' His pace hastened as his hand slithered between our bodies, finding my clit and circled it. 'God' I moaned, spots specking my vision as the priests thrusts became frenzied. He pinched my skin in warning, reminding me not to take the lords name in vain. Then we came together, and he collapsed on top of me.
'Im sorry for swearing, father. You bring it out of me.' I whispered.
He chuckled, 'Youre forgiven.' Throughout the night, we made love on the couch, the floor, the kitchen table and shower.
Eventually, we got back into bed. Holding eachother tightly as we drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up late the next day, there was a vase of flowers on the bedside table with a note under it, the letter "-B" was written on it.
I unfolded it and he had written me a message, "I had to go to church, but didnt want to wake you. I hope on seeing you later, please stay if you want to. Id love to come home to you. -PS, Your favourites."
I smiled happily and smelled the bouqet of tulips, a soft, warm feeling spreading throughout my body.
For a long time love had felt dark to me, it had felt cold and lonely, but now. . .
I had let the light in, he was my light.
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its-pluto · 8 months
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I think a destiel kiss would have absolutely ruined Dean. Like. Dean thinks he’s this broken, messed up, tortured, walking, breathing curse, and he’s in love with this guy who’s pure grace, literally angelic, and just so fucking good.
Dean’s fully convinced himself he shouldn’t have him. Even if he could—he shouldn’t.
And then Cas comes in, confesses on his death bed while portraying Dean in this holy light he doesn’t deserve and Dean’s heart is going a million beats a second, he’s looking at Cas, into him, over him, memorizing every angle, every breathe of air, and sigh. His throat isn’t working—his feet less so and none of it makes sense. It doesn’t make sense. Dean doesn’t deserve this-this love, this confession, these words—this absolute angel of a man saying them. He doesn’t deserve it.
If Cas had kissed him, I think Dean would’ve found something a lot like religion in it. Cas would taste like home. Like nectar, like forgiveness, like love. And if Dean, who prides on placing himself in front of violence, had tasted what it was like to be loved gently. I think. I think he’d go insane with it. Rip a part the universe insane.
Quite honestly, it would’ve broken the fabric of reality so i guess i understand why the writers decided not to.
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verahella · 17 days
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ᡣ𐭩 HQ DAD MOMENTS !
✎ feat. k. kozume, k. tobio, o. tooru
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ᡣ𐭩 KENMA KOZUME
it’s about three a.m and kenma really needs to pee but he’s scared that you’ll creep up on him and scold him, like his parents used to (he swears he’s an adult). he sighs, family never changes.
the door creaks open.
kenma spins in his chair slowly, “now listen, i can explain—”
his baby sits on the ground, big curious eyes wandering from him to the monitor.
kenma lets out a sigh, pulling his headphones down to his neck, “shouldn’t you be asleep?”
miyu tilts her head as if to ask him the same question.
“fine, fine.” kenma mutters, picking her up and wrapping an arm around her to keep warm as he spins back around, “i’ll let you play with me as long as you keep quiet.”
he narrows his eyes at her, “and no throwing up or pooping.”
miyu smooshes kenma’s cheeks together in acceptance and he nods, holding out a finger to which she wraps her hand around. “we have a deal then, partner in crime.”
the next twenty minutes pass in a blur, with his daughter criticising him with her babbles and pulling on the strings of his hoodie while kenma tries to shush her in the quietest way possible. the sound of keys being smashed fills the silence as kenma takes a break, rubbing his eyes.
he freezes immediately when he hears footsteps trudging to his room. oh shit.
kenma prays that it’s some ghost instead of his wife but he knows the pattern of those steps too well. kenma rushes to manoeuvre under the table and miyu lets out a traitorous giggle when he bangs his head.
the door opens and you yawn, rubbing your eyes.
“kenma?”
“what the—” your eyes squint in the bright glare of the monitor but even half asleep and caught between reality and dreams, you don’t think kenma can shrink so quickly, “where’s papa?”
your baby stares at you blankly, sitting in her dad’s gaming chair and wearing too large headphones that slip off her ears.
kenma doesn’t have to look to know she snitched so he sneaks out of his hiding place. not before banging his head once again though.
like the sadists his family is, miyu laughs again while you give him a look that says ‘you deserved it’.
he rubs his poor head to soothe it, “listen, i can explain—”
“you’re on diaper duty for the whole of next week.”
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ᡣ𐭩 KAGEYAMA TOBIO
it breaks tobio’s heart when your daughter comes home from school with a tear stained face. her unicorn backpack is dropped on the floor with a thud as she rushes to burrow herself into her dad’s leg.
tobio picks her up and settles her onto his lap, frowning as he awkwardly pats her head. your daughter curls into him, fisting his shirt tightly.
“what happened?”
your daughter looks up at him, eyes brimming with tears, “s-some boy said that my nails s-sucked.” she mumbles through a soft pout on her lips.
tobio’s frown deepens as he looks down at her chubby fingers fiddling with his shirt. sure, one hand with pink glitter and the other with various shades of rainbow wouldn’t be his first choice but anything looks cute on his girl (his words, not mine.)
“they’re idiots. your nails are fine.”
he thinks that isn’t the right thing to say when her bottom lip starts wobbling. panic twists into his chest and he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind, “you can paint mine.”
her sniffles pause, “really?”
no. he doesn’t want to go out with gem nails from a five year old’s nail kit. “really.”
her eyes brighten up and tobio thinks the impending doom of embarrassment is worth bearing when she bounces and skips to get her nail kit.
hours of frozen playing in the background pass and that’s how you find your husband finishing up the last of his clumsily painted nails at ten in the night, your daughter tucked into a burrito of blankets and drooling on his chest.
your gaze snags on the heart drawn on his hand and a soft smile spreads on your lips when you recognise the initials.
yeah. when the prize is his favourite girls’ smiles, tobio can definitely deal with his deformed hello kitty nails being captured on camera in his next match.
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ᡣ𐭩 OIKAWA TORU
you’ve made many mistakes in your life but you’re starting to think that your biggest one yet is bringing oikawa to the mall with you.
he was already unbearable when you were dating, buying you anything and everything that you glanced at for more than ten seconds. but now, it’s reached a point where you debate between pretending not to know him (which is hard when you both have the same last name) or straight up abandoning him and going home.
“babe! check this out!”
you sigh at his excited yell and your baby mirrors your annoyance from her stroller, “what is it this time?”
“isn’t this just adora—hey, careful! that’s my foot!” you stop just short of running over oikawa with the stroller. he sighs and holds up a pastel dress only slightly bigger than his hand, “isn’t it adorable? the bow is cute too.”
he leans down to the stroller, eyes sparkling, “you like it, don’t you, yuko-chan?”
your baby spits out her pacifier in response, crossing her chubby arms. you barely stifle a laugh at oikawa’s shoulders drooping.
“you’ve been spending way too much time with that thug, uncle iwa.” toru pouts.
at the mention of her favourite person in the world, yuko brightens up, clapping her hands. this time, you do laugh when oikawa’s jaw drops open.
“you wound my heart, yuko-chan.” he places a hand over his heart, letting out a sigh like a damsel in distress, “give papa a kiss and fix him up again.”
he looks down at her and finds her chewing on her thumb, attention diverted to a panda plushie. oikawa sighs and takes matters into his own hands, lifting up the baby to his eye level. the two have an intense staring contest before yuko pulls down her lower eyelid, blowing a raspberry at her father.
“wonder who she learnt that from,” you say drily.
your daughter is the only one who, aside from you, can humble her father and she does a good job at it, humiliating him everyday. oikawa doesn’t mind though, offensiveness gone in an instant as he peppers kisses all over yuko’s face. he coos at her little grunts before carrying his victim over to another trial of clothes.
you smile at your little family and follow them, dropping the panda plushie into the cart. you know toru will come back looking for it again anyway if you don’t.
anything to make his little girl happy.
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starkeyboy · 8 months
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coward. | conrad fisher x reader
as series that i’m gonna try and go with! THIS HAS S2 SPOILERS
enjoy ;)
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part. one.
i took a deep breath. it’s been 2 years since everything happened. i left cousins for the summer and never came back. not my choice, it was my parents. they got a divorce and my dad could no longer afford the house down here. but here i was. back in cousins. in front of a house i once called home. i barely ever stayed at mine. this was more my home than what my parents bought, and here i was.
my hand was so close to knocking, one millimeter away when i backed out. i didn’t deserve to see them anymore. i left them without even saying i was. true fully, i didn’t know i wasn’t coming back till my dad broke the news that he was selling it. but i have conrad’s number, and i didn’t have the nerve of telling him.
i took a step back as i admired the door. i couldn’t bring myself to knock or ring the doorbell. i really couldn’t. they would be mad at me. they would ask me all these questions when i barely knew the answers myself.
i was a coward. and once again, i left.
i was at rosie’s, getting some pies for something that my dad wanted to throw for the first summer back. i was able to avoid the fishers and the conklins for a few weeks now and yes, it’s hard. the amount of times i was gonna knock on that door or purposely go get muffins in the early morning, just maybe running into jeremiah or conrad, or maybe even steven and belly. but i decided against it, i can’t do that to them. i don’t deserve them anymore.
jeremiahs pov
“was that your stomach?” i said laughing and looking at belly. she glared at me and chuckled.
“i haven’t eaten since this morning jere,” she said.
“rosie’s is just off the road,” i suggested and she nodded like crazy.
“i think i’ll get-”
“blueberry” we both at the same time, we laughed and ordered our pies.
as we were waiting, i saw someone familiar looking at the fruits. i squinted, trying to focus on who that was. my eyes widened as i pulled belly away from nicole.
“what the hell jere?” she brushed me off and apologized to nicole but i only shushed her as i pointed to the girl. “it’s that?” belly looked at me in shock.
“y/ns back” i said as i immediately moved away from belly and ran over to y/n.
y/ns pov
i got startled when a hand was put on my shoulder and turning me around. but when my eyes connected with jeremiah, i stumbled back. how did he find me? was he just here conveniently? oh god…was conrad here? i looked around him for a second when my eyes connected with belly.
“y/n, i can’t believe your back!” i looked back at jeremiah as i was still in shock.
“what? oh yeah, im back” i laughed awkwardly. i looked around again, to see if conrad was here but i saw no one else. just jere and belly.
“are you looking for someone?” belly said as she walked over to us. i looked at them again and shook my quickly.
“huh? no no, absolutely not looking for anyone.” i said as i looked at the fruit. “just looking at getting some more mangos” i again, i laughed even more awkwardly.
“are you okay? you don’t seem like yourself,” jere said. these were the questions i was talking about. soon there’ll be; where did you go? what happened? are your parents okay? how are you dealing with the divorce? which they probably don’t even know about the divorce.
“i’m fine, completely fine.” i said as i smiled. it was a relief seeing them tho. after all these years, they barely changed. other than the fact that jere has muscular arms now and belly has no braces or glasses and a grown women’s body. “what are you guys doing here?” i asked.
“belly’s hungry and not gonna like, i am too. we’re trying to find conrad,” jeremiah said as soon as belly jabbed him in the ribs. i furrowed my eyebrows. trying to find conrad. i thought i saw him at the store a few days ago.
“what do you mean? is he not with the family this year? i saw him at the store,” i told them as belly’s eyes lighted up but jeres down casted to me.
“did no one tell you? conrad didn’t tell you?” he said as he repeated himself.
“what do you mean, tell me? what was he supposed to tell me?” i questioned as i grew more worried. was conrad okay? was he in danger at the store that whole time and i ignored him?
belly and jeremiah looked at each other and sighed. jere put his hand on my shoulder as he brought me close. “moms gone y/n. susannah is gone.”
i don’t think i’ve felt my heart break more than it did in that moment. i felt tears spring to my eyes. i shook my head and i denied them.
“she’s not gone jere,” i whispered. “i swear, she can’t be,” i broke down. jeremiah held me close to him and he let a few tears roll down as well.
i was behind jeremiah and belly as we drove the summer house. i guess those times of me almost knocking on the door was bad idea. no one was home. other than conrad but he wouldn’t have answered, he can’t even answer his phone.
when we pulled up jeremiah jumped out the car and pounded through door yelling for conrad. i got out and walked behind belly, slowly. i saw jeremiah talk to someone and knew immediately that it was con.
“jeremiah, the house is being put up for sell.” he said calmly as he put his hand on his chest to push him back. belly looked confused as she came to his vision.
“what do you mean it’s for sell?” she said as she looked at him.
“what is she doing here?” he said as he looked at jeremiah. i finally walked into the room last and i locked eyes with conrad after 2 years. it was like i could finally breathe. he was right in front of me. he looked at me softly and his eyes teared up.
“y/n?” he whispered as jere pulled belly towards him. moving her out of the way gently. i nodded and he walked to me and hovered his hands over me.
“it’s me connie,” i said quietly. that was what got him. and me. he pulled me into a hug immediately.
“i needed you”
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lbxbxx · 2 months
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Cockpit 5 | knj
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Pair: Namjoon x reader
Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.
Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood.
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“Who’s Jay?” You ask him, out of breath, your motion slowly coming to an end.
Namjoon feels every pore on his skin excrete cold sweat, he even shivers and he feels cold for a second at the mention of his son, his body stiffens and for a split second he wants to stop everything and just leave. He thinks he got caught.
Got caught? He’s not even sure it’s the right term. But guilt washes through his entire body, his son would be very disappointed if he found out his father is cheating. But no, the man wants all his rights as a husband and she didn’t give him any, she’s totally not available for him. He needs to love and be loved, and to touch and be touched by someone.
Not that Namjoon is seeking a relationship or love or anything. But he cannot keep himself from being with other women anymore, when the women he calls his wife isn’t there for him.
He does go out with his co workers to clubs or bars or even hang out every now and then, and people are not blind. He does get hit on by men and women almost every time. But he could never tell someone to come over to his house when there’s a toddler and a wife there. Even when they weren’t home, he could never tell someone to come over. He just wouldn’t do it.
He’s a smart man but isn’t sane anymore. Frustration wore him out.
And the moment he asked for your number back in the club, it took him a lot of courage to do so. He never saved female contacts on his phone other than family and co workers, and that alone made him scold his self endless that night. Did he really do that?
He knows that keeping your number on his phone is going to be opening the gates of hell, he tried keeping himself from texting you or calling you, but the moment he rested his head on his pillow the next day after a very long argument that his son ended up hearing and acting really agitated upon, he grabbed his phone and texted you, he needed to get his mind out of his miserable life.
And Jay is this man’s weakness, it shatters his heart into pieces when he sees his son crying and covering his ears at the sound of them fighting, those nights usually end up with Jay having a very high fever and he doesn’t get good sleep. Namjoon always tried so hard to stifle their fights and compromise in front of his son, and just laugh it out. But it’s his wife that turns everything into a dramatic scene. That night he lost his mind and was very loud with her, and it was over a very stupid reason that was totally not worth his son hearing.
He snaps himself out of his thoughts and looks at you sitting over him, the necklace in your hand, with a very hazy look on your face. You deserve to know the truth. The man you spent the night with is involved in a miserable marriage.
Namjoon is saved by the bell when his phone rings, he reaches for the night stand and grabs his phone, of course he slept out of the house without letting his wife know, he has 6 missed calls from her, the last one a couple hours ago. But the call he’s getting now is from work.
“Shit- I gotta take this, I’m sorry.” He slips from underneath you and gets off of bed, collecting his clothes in his hands. “Hello?”
Your shoulders sulk in disappointment, and you just lay down flat on your bed and look at him getting dressed. You were hoping for more but it looks like you’re not going to get any. You shrug it off, Hoseok should be here any minute and Namjoon has to leave before he sees him.
“Sure, I’ll be there in no time.” Namjoon looks at you laying in bed and smirks. “Sure, Bye.” He hangs up and puts his phone down, slowly approaches you and hovers his lips over yours, his nose hitting yours and you could feel his breath on your face, his fingertips run on your forearm slowly before he whispers. “If I knew I’d get called by work, I would have set an alarm just to wake up early and fuck you.”
You’re clenching again and it’s around nothing, now you get greedy and you want him even more, you push forward to end the space between you and kiss him, his body moving back a little from the harshness of your kiss, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him towards you, his hands lands on your hips and he moves down to your neck, kissing and sucking on a few spots which end up leaving a small red spot on your neck.
“I wish I could stay for a little longer but I have to go.” He leans his forehead against yours, he wishes he could cancel work and just be with you for longer, but they really need him. You end up nodding and sitting up, he rushes to get into his clothes before he looks at you one last time near your apartment door.
“I’ll see you later, Y/N.” He smiles, his dimple now looking more tempting than ever, your intrusive thoughts work and your finger reaches to poke his dimple and kiss it softly, he bites on his bottom lip and it’s hardly noticeable, but he’s blushing.
You panic when you hear the pass code to your door being clicked, only Hoseok knows your pass code and at this exact moment you regret giving it to him. You take a few steps away from Namjoon and wait for Hoseok to open the door.
You’re caught way sooner than you thought you would be.
Hoseok finally opens the door, he takes his shoes off before looking up at you, he’s startled that he actually trips in his steps when he walks in. “Shit. Hi.” And the social butterfly smiles at Namjoon before he looks at you with a wide grin. You clench on your teeth and give him a sign to shut up subtly without Namjoon noticing.
Namjoon awkwardly greets back and he shifts in his spot, he’s a little uncomfortable that he actually stands behind you, you find it cute but you’re not very comfortable yourself too. “Hobi, this is—“
“Namjoon, yeah I remember you.” Hoseok reaches his hands out to give Namjoon a handshake, and you clench on your teeth again, embarrassed at Hoseok’s attempt to make the man less uncomfortable, but little does he know, it’s makes Namjoon way more uncomfortable.
“Namjoon, this is Hoseok, my best friend.” You introduce, Namjoon handshakes Hoseok and looks at you. “I really should get going.”
“Hobi, you can take the food to the kitchen, thank you.” You look at Hoseok and point your head towards the kitchen, signaling him to leave you two alone, he looks at both of you one last time before he smiles. “Lovely to see you again Namjoon.” Then disappears into the kitchen, or at least you think so. He’s hiding behind the wall listening to your conversation.
“I’m sorry.” You look at Namjoon. “I didn’t think he’d be here early.”
He shakes his head and walks closer to you, kissing your cheek softly which you makes you freeze in your spot, “It’s totally okay, thanks for letting me stay the night, I really had fun.”
“I had fun too.” You nod, “I’ll see you later.” He finally waves goodbye and leaves, you lock the door behind him and rush to the kitchen, Hoseok looks up at you and grins before taking his suit jacket off. “Look at you.”
“Before you say anything.” You put your palm up in the air. “If this goes out to anyone, I will murder you Jung Hoseok.” And that doesn’t even make him stop laughing, he eyes you from head to toe and crosses his arms.
You roll your eyes at him before pulling a chair and taking a seat, you unpack the food and start eating like you’ve never eaten before, you were starving. Hoseok’s eyes on you don’t go unnoticed but you decide to ignore it, he’s going to give you a hard time anyway, so you just decide to enjoy your food.
“How was it?” He asks, you totally ignore him and get up to put coffee pods into your coffee machine, you get yourself a cup and sit back down to devour your breakfast.
“On a scale from one to ten.” He tries again, you look at him and with a full mouth you say “Nine.” Which makes him go crazy, he looks at you dead in the eye and says: “That good?”
You shrug, stuffing more food in your mouth, you know he’s going to pull words out of your mouth in one way or another, so you just tell him in full surrender.
Hoseok is respectful though, he got what he wanted so he nods and gets up, not asking any more questions at all, he takes off his shirt and turns on the air conditioning. “I’m just glad you finally got laid.” Before he starts working on your pantry shelves.
Very respectful.
-
Hoseok is tackling your pantry shelves, helping you change into the screws he got you earlier. The weather is extremely hot that you end up walking around your house in a pair of shorts and a sports bra. You have a tub of ice cream on your lap and your hair is up in a bun. You had enough with the weather.
“We should totally go swimming like we did last summer.” Hoseok suggests before taking a few bites from the tub in your lap, you immediately refuse his suggestion to which he pouts.
“We said we were going alone but all of you ended up bringing a plus one and I was alone for the entire night.” You recall your last trip.
It was August of last year when all of you decided to rent out a villa with a swimming pool and a hot tub, you made a pact that was suggested by Seokjin that it’s only your group, no girlfriends nor boyfriends. Yoongi was excluded of course since all of you liked Mia and wanted her to come. They were newly engaged.
You and Hoseok took care of renting the place and everyone else took care of foods and drinks and everything else you may need. It started with Taehyung who just got into a relationship with his now girlfriend and he told her to come, which first you were okay with but then they all brought girls along. Even Hoseok.
They’re not even still with the girls they brought that day except for Taehyung and Yoongi.
You remember being in the swimming pool, planning out teams to play volleyball, they all wanted to be in the same team with their partners and you were the extra player that kept switching teams. It was very pathetic that you swore you won’t do it again.
“Come on, I promise I won’t do it again.” Hoseok adores those kinds of activities, so he tries his best to convince you. You roll your eyes “If you don’t others will.”
“Okay maybe they will, but I promise I’ll hang out with you the entire night.” He sounds genuine, you hate saying no to this man but you’re still not convinced.
Your door bell rings and you know it’s Jimin since he called Hoseok and found out he was at your place, he wanted to hang out too. You get up on your feet and put the tub of ice cream down. “I’ll think about it.”
You open the door for Jimin who’s carrying a bunch of bags, he never showed up with his hands empty, even if he got you the simplest thing ever like a bag of chips or a six pack of drinks. He would even show up with board games and puzzles for the two of you to work on. He adores you so much and so do you, the two of you were enemies first when you used to live in the same building, he would leave trash near your door by mistake and you would scold him for it.
You started apartment haunting immediately after a big fight, you told the owner that you wanted him to get evicted but no one agreed with you, they all loved Jimin which made you cringe. This terrible human being? Really?
And when you found the apartment you’re currently in is when the two of you suddenly click and become closer than ever. You found it really adorable when he absolutely refused helping you move your furniture, he didn’t want you to move out.
“I got you your favorite seaweed chips.” He takes off his shoes and takes the bags to the kitchen. “Hi hyung. I got us drinks to make cocktails too.”
You look through the bags. Seaweed chips, gummy candy, tequila, lemons, a six pack of beer and a bath and body works candle which makes you laugh.
He comes from behind you and kisses your cheek. “You liked the smell of it when you came over to my place, I thought you’d like one.” You hug him closer and start unloading the bags. “You didn’t have to.”
-
Hoseok and Jimin are now working on your shelves while you have your ice cream around the kitchen table, your phone buzzes a text message, you want to ignore it first thinking it was work telling you to come over for the night, but you usually answer your texts quick, so you grab your phone and unlock it.
It’s Namjoon, he sent a photo of him in his uniform, taken through a bathroom mirror with a carry on bag next to him. He looks clean, his sunglasses lifted to the top of head. He looks all big and attractive, the sleeve from his shirt tight on his biceps and his pants hugging his thighs perfectly. With a smile on his face showing the dimple you kissed this morning.
Your stomach is twisting, you cross your legs hoping for that throbbing feeling in your panties disappears, but who are you kidding?
“I’m flying to Jeju in an hour :*”
Are you..
Are you smiling at your phone screen?
Grow the fuck up.
You know the reason behind his text is not to inform you. This man knows he looks like a fine snack and he sent you a picture just to rub it in your face. Who are you to complain? You like it.
Your fingers hover over the screen and you dare to send him a risky text.
“do you need company? Hehehe”
You put your phone down and cringe at your text, but you know men are easy to seduce so you just went ahead. Hoseok and Jimin too occupied arguing which size of screws they should use on the next shelf.
Your phone rings in a text again and you check it immediately.
“wanna join the mile high club with me?”
“I’m more than glad to have your company.”
The heat between your legs is increasing and it’s not because of the hot weather, Kim Namjoon has you wipped and drooling all over him. You secretly want to suck his big dick in the cockpit behind the locked door.
“I think this should be okay.” Hoseok puts his palms on the shelves and presses down testing the weight. “Do you want me to reload them?”
You’re not even listening because your brain is trying to function to get an answer to Namjoon’s texts, Jimin squints his eyes and looks at your neck, noticing a few dark spots before he looks at Hoseok, nudging him with his fingers. The older looks back at Jimin in confusion.
“i’m not sure if your passengers want to hear you while your dick is getting sucked.”
You’re really surprising yourself with your texts, Namjoon on the other side is dragging his carry on and heading to the gate, his phone in his other hand and he’s texting you back with a smirk on his face.
“but they will love hearing you get fucked until you pass out.”
“or until you can’t walk.”
“up to you.”
Fuck his work that made him leave early and fuck you for not keeping your hands to yourself. Get your shit together.
Jimin points at his neck while looking at Hoseok, before looking at you, Hoseok nods and turns so their backs face you and mouths Jimin. “She doesn’t want to talk about it.” And Jimin nods with a smirk.
You put your phone down and lock the screen, you know if you keep talking to Namjoon it’s going to end up with you sending nudes to try and tease him while he’s at work, because you already did it before with a stranger, and with Namjoon? You’d do it all over again.
“Are you done with the shelves?” You get up, your panties aren’t really comfortable and they’re wet. So you try your best to hide a cringe.
“Yeah, I already asked you if you wanted me to reload them.” Hoseok discards the old screws into the bin. You take a last look on the shelves and nod. “It’s okay Hobi I’ll do it, thanks for helping me.”
“Did you get laid?” Jimin spits out and your body freezes, did Hoseok tell him or did he see something? You were careful enough to hide Namjoon’s used towel and toothbrush, you even changed the garbage bags that had used condoms inside, you made sure to open the windows to let out the smell of cigarettes.
“What are you talking about?” You try to sound nonchalant while you’re reloading your shelves, but you were too easy to read. “I must be seeing things, but you look different and your neck-“
“Yeah you’re seeing things.” Hoseok quickly answers and you feel him moving his hands behind you, you look at Jimin and his eyes are on Hoseok, before he nods and helps you with your pantry. “Yeah, you’re right.”
You look back at Hoseok who gives you a nervous smile. You roll your eyes and exhale. “What did you tell him?”
“He found out on his own.” He exclaims. “You’re being too obvious.”
“Do I have it written on my face?” You mirror his tone and look at Jimin. He shrugs and says. “In mine and Hobi’s defense, you have spots on your neck, they’re not that obvious but they look fresh.”
Your face flushes red and you rush to your microwave to see your reflection in it, it’s hardly noticeable. “I don’t see it.”
“Who was it?” Jimin asks, a look of mere panic shows on his face when he continues. “Please don’t tell me Jungkook convinced you.”
Well, Jungkook tried to get you into sleeping with him multiple times, and he’s still trying but it’s nearly impossible.
“I’m not surprised you think it’s Jungkook.” You cringe. “And no, It’s not him.”
“Is it someone from work?” Jimin continues with his parade of questions, have they always been this curious? “Is it someone we know?”
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.” You try so hard to avoid eye contact, “It’s not someone from work.”
Jimin lifts an eyebrow and looks at Hoseok, then back at you. “Do we know him?” He repeats his question. The face Hoseok makes when he looks at you is what exposes you.
“I don’t go around asking you about the girls you slept with.” You blurt out in a serious tone.
“Exactly.” You think Hoseok agrees with you but he continues. “That’s because we tell you before you even ask.” Which makes you roll your eyes. “I never asked.”
Jimin signs in frustration. “Is it just sex or are you dating?” You immediately shake your head. “Of course it’s just sex, I just met the guy.”
“Then tell us who your fuck buddy is.” Jimin whines. “It’s not worth hiding his identity if he’s a fuck buddy.” He looks proud of the silly point he thinks he made. But he’s partially right.
“Did I tell you that we’re planning out a trip like last years?” Hoseok finally changes the subject which makes sigh in relief. Jimin opens the fridge and grabs a drink. “Which one? We went on so many trips last year.” Finally his attention is averted off of you.
“The one we had in August.” Hoseok grabs the drink that Jimin handed him. “When we went swimming.”
You are a little offended when Jimin speaks. “Oh isn’t that when Y/N threw a tantrum because she was alone?” You gasp. “Fuck you.”
“Cool, I’ll tell the guys on the group chat.” Jimin grabs his phone out of his pocket. “Can we bring a plus one this year also?”
You roll your eyes and look at Hoseok who’s already looking at you. “See?”
“This year it’s only us, I know Yoongi is bringing Mia along but I’m not sure about Taehyung. Plus it clearly made Y/N uncomfortable, so we probably shouldn’t do last year’s mistake.” Hoseok leaves the kitchen, you look at Jimin who squints his eyes while looking at you. “You could invite your fuck buddy.”
You’re intrigued for a second, but you and Namjoon only slept together once, of course it’s not going to happen. Your friends brought their flings along last year, maybe you could bring your fling along with you?
-
It’s the near the end of the week, you and Namjoon have been texting daily at this point, mostly work related stuff or even flirting back and forth. He called you the night before by midnight and he ended up making himself cum to your voice. You’re being tortured because work has been beating your ass up and you can’t find time to tell him to come over.
You’re in a night shift and you’re texting him, he’s sweet enough to stay up during your night shifts just to text you and tease you while you’re at work, just like you do to him. And it works and you scold yourself for it. You’ve lost count over how many times you had to make yourself cum in the dorms of your hospital while video chatting him. It was erotic.
“i miss kissing your lips.”
“just give me the word and I’ll drive to your work now to kiss u and fuck u.”
You have thought of telling him to come over to work, but you’re not willing to risk being caught, so of course that’s off the table. But you need him so much that your body itches for his touch.
“I miss feeling your lips around my dick L”
You rub your face in frustration and try thinking clearly.
You’ve been sleep deprived for a few days now, so when you get back from your shifts you end up sleeping the rest of the day, even  though it’s not the best sleep you’ve ever had. Or just resting because you’re extremely exhausted. But at the same time your body is tired and you need some kind of relief.
“are you flying today?”
“maybe you can come over”
He answers very quickly.
“but you’re tired from work and you need sleep.”
“yeah I’m flying but it’s later in the evening.”
Your fingers hover over the screen quick.
“It’s okay we can spend the morning together and get some sleep.”
“if you want to you can go to work from my place.”
“just get your clothes w you.”
“okay.”
He simply agrees, although your stomach is twisting and turning and you feel your nausea creeping up on you, your body is already acting upon your sex appointment and you’re nervous. But still there’s some kind of relief. Your body needs him.
It’s almost 4 in the morning and Namjoon stopped texting you a couple hours ago, you lean back onto your chair and close your  eyes for a split second, they started burning due to lack of sleep and you felt yourself getting dizzy and exhausted.
An inch close to falling asleep when the emergency room door opens and a group of paramedics walk in carrying a child who seemed to be unconscious, you and your team immediately rush to get up and start working with the child.
The child seemed to have a fever and started having convulsions because the fever wasn’t going down, you give the order to the nurses and rush to give the child full body examination, he’s totally fine and no symptoms are found that could cause his fever.
“Draw a blood sample and give him oxygen please.” You give the order and the nurses rush to obey, you look up at the paramedics. “Do you know the kid?”
“No his family just called, they’re on their way here.” The paramedic answers while holding the child’s head in place, you nod and tell one of the nurses. “Call doctor Kim Seokjin please, we could use a consult.”
“Where is he?” A woman rushes into the emergency  room and pulls the curtains open, she’s panicking and breathing quickly, she sits on her knees and grabs her son’s hand into hers, kissing him a couple of times. “Is he okay?”
You hear rushing footsteps and the curtain opens, Seokjin’s eyes are extremely red and he looks  like he was in deep sleep. “What’s the case?”
He starts taking history from his mother to distract her away from her son while you work with the nurse to give him intravenous medication to stop the convulsion, but it seems to be getting worse with every second now you’re getting worried. “Monitor the child and keep the side rails up.” You give the last order before a very familiar voice resonates from far away.
You could swear you heard the voice before, a frown sits on your face while you try and focus on  who the voice belongs to, you open the curtain and the second you peek your head out of it, the owner of the voice disappears behind the curtain and goes closer  around the child. “Is he okay?”
You peek back in and you cannot believe your eyes, what is he doing here?
He looks different, his hair all messed up, his face swollen, he’s been crying the entire way to the hospital, he couldn’t stop putting the worst case scenario on the table and he thought he might just lose his son.
He’s wearing a ring on his left ring finger, the frown on your face gets tighter, and all of a sudden you cannot think of anything, you cannot process why he’s wearing the ring? And who’s this child? And the woman too.
You’re probably seeing things, you close your eyes and shake your head, you look up at the monitor and try so hard to focus. “How much does he weigh?”
Seokjin opens the calculator on his phone and Namjoon and the woman look up at you. Namjoon’s face turns pale in seconds, his chest feels heavy and he’s breaking into cold sweat again. This is not how he wanted you to find out.
“He’s 13 kilograms.” The woman answers really  fast. “You’re his..?” You pause.
“Mother, that’s his father.”
Namjoon’s eyes pierce on your face and now he knows that he’s exposed. He wishes if the earth can swallow him whole, he can’t face you with this.
Nausea hits you again and this time you’re swallowing continuously to stop yourself from vomiting, you’re sweating like crazy and your ears start buzzing. You’d expect him to say that it’s his brother or a nephew, or even a goddamn kid he ran over with his car or found in the streets, but it’s his son.
You look back right into his eyes and he looks down, the look on his face proving that she’s serious, it is his son, and he is in fact, married.
He looks ashamed and totally not proud of what he did, he clears his throat and wipes his tears, another weave of panic hits you when you realize that he cheated on his wife with you, he has a goddamn son and he slept with another woman.
Oh my god the nausea isn’t  giving you a break when you realize again that his wife is standing in front of you, the mistress. Does she even know? Or doubt anything? As much as you wanted to spit in Namjoon’s face and beat him up, yet you can’t make a scene in your workplace because it will risk your career.
“I.. Uhm- Pardon me.” You excuse yourself, you’re swallowing back to back, you turn and walk away, you hold onto the counter because your legs can’t hold you anymore, you’re blaming yourself for not asking the man if he was involved in some kind of relationship first before sleeping with him.
Of course it’s not your fault, how would you know? He’s the one who hit on you and asked for your phone number after all.
You shiver when you remember what both of you texted each other a couple hours ago, goodness, did he text you that with his wife and  child in the same room? You’re about to vomit. The air in the emergency room is now suffocating you, you turn and actually leave through the main gate.
You try so hard to calm yourself down and you even try to convince yourself, that it was a one time thing and it won’t happen again, especially after what you just found out. No strings attached, you’ll just stop contacting him and let him solve his problems on his own.
But still, you cringe at yourself, you slept with a married man.
“Y/N,” You hear him rushing from the inside, your body never moved faster when you turned around and walked away from him, “Wait, please.” He tries catching up with your fast footsteps, but his physical and emotional state won’t let him go any faster. “Please hear me out, I was going to tell you.”
Your steps fully stop and you turn to face him out of breath, you walk closer to him your eyes shooting fire and your mouth half open. “I cannot believe you, you’re fucking disgusting for letting yourself do this.”
“I know, please-“
“How are you going to explain this? I can’t believe that you agreed to sleep with someone when you’re involved in a marriage, I can’t believe you let yourself do that, you’re a fucking cheater do you know that?”  That’s what shoots out of the top of your head, which you even regret, you should’ve told him to go fuck himself and left.
“I was going to tell you, I swear, I just didn’t find the right time.” He steps closer and you take a step back while exclaiming, your voice being the only voice that resonates through the parking lot. “The right time was before we even fucked!”
He looks around for a second making sure no one’s listening before he opens his mouth again. “I know and I’m sorry, but I swear it’s not what it looks like.”
You sarcastically cover your mouth and feign sympathy. “Oh no, did I get you wrong when you showed up with your wife and son?”
He sighs and walks closer, his hand barely hovering over your forearm. “Don’t touch me.” You pull back from him, this time you’re not swallowing and you cannot hold back the vomit anymore, you bend down and finally throw up, your tears even roll down your cheek and you gasp for air. Namjoon panics and holds on to you tightly. “Y/N! Fuck, are you okay?”
You cover your mouth with the back of your hand before shaking your head and finally straightening your back, your eyes land on him for one last time before you speak.
“Just go Namjoon, go solve your own problems, I’m not going to tell her anything just please, go away and block my number or something. I’m not a home wrecker, I would’ve never done this if I knew.”  You don’t wait for him to say anything, you just go back inside the hospital to go to the bathroom, you take too long to clean yourself up on purpose, you’re hoping his son is now okay and they left.
-
It would be a big fat lie if you denied the lesson you learned from this fling, it actually scratched something inside you and it makes you feel uneasy, you feel bad for the woman.
“You think I didn’t notice?” Seokjin who suddenly decided to visit you the next afternoon speaks, he’s sitting on your couch while helping you fold your laundry. “I was the only one sober that night and I made you two kiss, so it was partially my fault.” He recalls the night you and Namjoon kissed in the club. “You’ve been acting weird the entire night, what’s up?”
“We had sex.” You find it hard to say and for some reason there’s a lump in your throat. You knew he was too good to be true and something about him was in fact setting you off. “We actually exchanged numbers that night and we hooked up like two days after.”
“Ouch.” He scrunches his face. “Men are trash after all.”
“No they’re not.” You force a laugh. “You guys are incredible and you’re everything I could ever wish for, but Kim Namjoon was a lesson.”
“Did you block him?” He asks while putting the last piece of clothing down, and you just simply nod, he nudges your shoulder and stands up. “Hey, it was just a hook up, it’s okay. I’m going to make you something to eat.”
“Thank you.” You smile genuinely this time, he pecks your cheek and makes his way to the kitchen, you curl down onto your couch and just close your eyes.
You need to forget about that man.
-
“Hello?” Namjoon’s picks up the phone call, he was in the cockpit just about to put his phone into airplane mode so he can start the usual check before takeoff.
“Mr. Kim, How have you been?” His lawyer speaks. He’s been waiting for this phone call since forever.
As if that night wasn’t already going downhill when he was texting you and his wife decided to pick out a fight. Their son woke up terrified from his sleep and immediately had one of those fever that are induced by their arguments. Jay was hallucinating and exhausted, his fever spiked up very high and it wouldn’t go down, which made him for the first time ever, experience convulsions and tremors that he never had before, he was totally unconscious.
That night went even worse when you found out, it was totally not planned for and he was going to tell you that he’s going through a divorce, but he really didn’t have the chance.  That night guilt washed through his entire body and he felt like utter shit for making you feel the way you felt. He finally decided to go through the divorce papers again and try and finish everything faster.
“I’m going good, anything new?” Namjoon cuts to the chase, he’s had enough.
“Yes, I just wanted to inform you that we’ve sent the papers to the courthouse and they’ve scheduled an appointment in September, I hope that’s okay for you.”
Namjoon rubs his eyes. “But there’s so much time left for September.”
“Not much really, it’s a little over a month, I don’t want you to worry about it. But I wanted you to know that I’ll be in Japan throughout September. Sadly I won’t be able to attend your hearing with you, but I’ve already assigned one of Seoul’s best lawyers and he’s more than glad to help.” Althrough Namjoon is frustrated and impatient, he reminds himself that he’s been in this marriage for 3 years, and he can wait for another month, as long he’ll finally end this nightmare once and for all.
“It’s okay, can you give me his number or anything so I can contact him?” Namjoon asks.
“Don’t worry, he has your number and he will be contacting you near the end of August to meet up with you, he needs to prepare you for your hearing. Oh, and Mr. Kim?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t worry about Jay, Mr. Jung will make sure everything ends the way you want it to.”
Namjoon remembers what his son is about to go through and sighs, he recalls what happened to Jay the other night and convinces himself, that after the divorce, none of this will ever happen again. Jay will be way better off without his mother.
“Okay, thank you. I’ll see you soon.” Namjoon hangs up.
“Everything okay?” His co pilot asks while ticking the list on the paper in front of him, Namjoon nods and puts the headphones back over his head. He’s about to turn his phone off the airplane mode, but he got so used to texting you before he takes off, that his fingers work automatically and open your chat, he’s starts to type but the whole tape rewinds again.
He hasn’t blocked you and he’s not planning to, even if you two don’t hook up again, he still wants to fix his mistake, he owes you an apology and an explanation.
He deletes the few words he typed before putting his phone on airplane mode and throwing it back into his pocket. “KA 377 ready for pushback.” He speaks into his headphones and gets back to his job.
-
You finally finished getting ready, it was Friday night and you had plans with your friends to play poker at Yoongi’s,  you had already bought them a housewarming gift and wrapped it up nicely. You’re standing in front of your full body mirror setting your hair with hairspray, you slip on a cute yellow summer dress and grab your phone and keys and the gift before taking the elevator down. Hoseok already blew up your phone with calls since you’re already late.
The elevator door opens and you rush outside, Hoseok is standing near the main gate waiting for you with his phone in his hands. He’s overly protective over you so he always insists on getting out of his car to pick you up. “Finally?” He whines, you roll your eyes and walk towards him to kiss him on the cheek. “I lost track of time.”
“Let’s go.” He puts his hand behind your back and both of you walk towards his car, he gets into his seat and you open the door, you’re about to step a foot inside the car when you see Hoseok grabbing a bunch of papers from the passenger seat and putting them onto his lap to rearrange them, you finally get inside and close the door. “What are those?”
“Those are the new cases I got handed over.” He nonchalantly says, a car behind you starts honking nonstop, he looks through his rear mirror before clicking his tongue, you look behind to see someone flashing their lights, signaling him to move his car.
“You don’t have to move, he can wait.” You frown at the constant honking, Hoseok huffs before putting his seat belt on. “Here, just throw them in the back seat, let me move the car.”
Hoseok is a very well known lawyer in Seoul’s family court, he worked so hard on himself to build his own name and he became extremely popular amongst all the other lawyers, he’s been interviewed on several newspapers and magazines so many times that now all his clients are really big and known names.
“Wow these are all divorce people.” You scoff, flipping through the folders one by one, you could swear it was just you seeing things but the name you see on the last folder is what makes you pull the paper closer to your eyes.
Application for dissolution of marriage, hearing scheduled on September 12th.
Husband’s full name, Kim Namjoon.
Usual occupation, Aircraft Pilot.
You don’t need to finish reading the paper, you’re genuinely shocked he’s getting a divorce, a hint of guilt washes through you when you realize that you could be the actual reason they filed for the divorce, did she find out about you?
Goodness, you remember the young boy who’s going through his parent’s divorce because of you. You rub your eyes, your guilt increasing by the second.
“Just put them in the back seat.” Hoseok repeats, you gather the papers together and leave them unorganized on the back seat.
Well, in your defense, you didn’t know he was married, and he was the one who agreed sleeping with you even when he had a wife and a son back home, fucking disgusting, you think. And deep down you knew something was off and your gut feeling never failed you. The man was fit, smart, he had a great job, freakishly good in bed. Something just had to be wrong.
-
Namjoon finally checks into the airport hotel in Jeju, he’s been flying for almost five years so he visited almost every city around the republic and had enough sightseeing, these days he just sits in his hotel room until he’s scheduled for his departure back to Seoul, which usually happens in the minimum of 18 hours, and a maximum of two days. It’s always the same routine, he checks in, orders take out, takes a shower in case he needs one, unlocks his iPad and binge watches a series on Netflix while having his meal.
He’s in the hotel bed, it’s already late in the night and he’s not even remotely close from falling asleep. The series is playing on the device but his mind is somewhere else. He grabs his phone and unlocks it before opening his chat with you.
He scrolls up and reads all your texts all over again, he’s beating himself on the inside, you were a genuinely nice person who actually offered him what he was missing the most, intimacy.
And he simply lost you because he couldn’t confront you about his so shitty life and marriage, he finds himself gritting on his teeth, he’s been married for 3 years and he hasn’t seen one beautiful day since then. He rubs his forehead.
He rolls his eyes and scoffs, even if he did confront you and tell you he’s married from the beginning, of course you would’ve refused to sleep with him.
But goodness, you were everything he could’ve wished for, you’re really social and hardworking, you take your life pretty seriously and you’re very well behaved, someone clearly knows how to have fun and enjoy their time. Your amazing figure left him whine on his bed, he’s still extremely thirsty for you.
Even though it was just a one time hook up,
He misses you.
A long sigh leaves his plump lips when he sees his call log, it was a 40 minute long video call between you two, and he recalls exactly what happened on that call.
“Of course I can’t do that.” You whine, holding your phone closer to you while whisper shouting, Namjoon laughs and his eyes don’t leave his screen, he finds you so damn gorgeous when you’re blushing.
“Don’t look at me like that.” You scold him. It was 3 in the morning, both of you were sexting for the past hour, he decided on video calling you so you two could cum together. You were working that night.
“What are you doing to me, Y/N.” His voice was barely above a whisper. You finally head to one of the residents dorms and lock the door, the walls were extremely thin and you know you could be heard even when you’re whispering.
You lean your phone down against the wall and pull your scrub pants and panties down, you throw them away and lie down on the floor, your legs spread open so your bare wet cunt is now visible to Namjoon through the video call.
The camera is on his face and you can see his eyes burning you through the screen, he even licks his lip and gulps, his fingers run through his hair before he whispers. “Come closer.” And you immediately obey, using your heels for support, you buck up your hip and move closer to the camera.
He’s shirtless in his bed, you can see his shoulder clearly moving when he’s stroking his erect cock, he finally presses on his screen to flip the camera, showing you his monstrous cock sitting in his hand, the red head and throbbing waiting to be touched, oh how you wish you could wrap your lips around him.
He uses his index finger to smear his precum all over the head of his cock, retrieving his finger slowly to show you a thin string of precum still stuck to his finger, which makes your stomach tighten and you finally move your hand to your mouth, you spit on your middle and ring finger before moving them down to your bare cunt, rubbing your clit in slow circular motion, your eyes locked onto the screen.
“Good girl.” He whispers, you can hear a smirk in his voice, you tease your entrance with your fingers while humming. “You like it when I touch myself for you?”
“I fucking love it.” He grits on his own teeth. “Mm.” He moans when he sees you push your fingers deep into your pulsating pussy, your breath hitches in pleasure, your eyelids feel heavy but you fight the urge to close them, you need to see him since you can’t feel his touch.
His cock sits in the crock of his hand between his thumb and index finger before he strokes the head tightly, you have your earbuds into your ear which highlight every single shaky breath he’s taking. “Namjoon I’m cumming.” You announce.
His eyes roll to the back of his head when he hears his own name escape your lips, you sound so needy when you’re calling his name which drives him crazy. “Cum for me baby.”
You thrust your fingers fast inside your greedy cunt and even curl them against your spot, the pleasure that’s washing through your entire body makes you lose control of your fingers, you try so hard to fight it but you couldn’t, you figure another patter of moving your entire arm to slam your fingers against your clit and it drives you to your high immediately. “Fuck.” You whimper, your other hand traveling to the collar of your top, you bite onto it and you start breathing heavily. You finally release and you feel yourself clenching around your fingers, your arousal now covers your fingers and drips down onto your butt cheek.”Y/n, y/n-“ His deep voice rings into your ear and he finally releases, white ribbons flying into the air before landing on the bed and on his lower stomach and thighs. You can see his lower stomach tightening repeatedly with each spring of cum he shoots out. “Shit-“ He finally breathes fast, you could swear you can feel his breath into your ear and you even shiver.
You giggle before reaching over for your phone, you grab it and fully lie on the floor, he turns the camera and it’s his face again, all glowing from both the sweat and the magnificent orgasm his just had. He laughs lazily and runs his fingers through his hair again, “Was it good?”
“Mhm.” You nod, a smile sits on your face, your eyes are half closed. “I’ve never done that before.”
“Me too.” He whispers. “You’re beautiful.” He caught you off guard, your face flushes again before you turn the phone away from your face. “Stop it, such an idiot.”
A laugh escapes his plump lips that are glistening right after he licked them, he tilts his head before whining. “Let me see you.”
“I will if you shut up.” You giggle. Both of you are high on each other.
Namjoon closes his eyes and sighs again, he manages to shake out his thoughts even when he doesn’t want to, he opens his eyes again and panics when he sees you online, he even adjusts his seat and straightens his back, he puts his phone down and leans his chin on his palm and watches you stay online for a few minutes before going offline again.
He finds himself getting slightly irritated at the thought of you hanging out with another man, after all, it’s a Friday night, you could be exchanging numbers with someone else at the club or something.
He clicks his tongue again, he doesn’t have the audacity to think this way, he surrenders and locks his phone before resting back on the bed and finally watches the series properly.
-
“Full house.” You shout and put your cards down before your teammates Jungkook, Hoseok and Mia get really excited and get up to cheer you. “You guys suck!” Jungkook laughs hysterically at the other team before squeezing you closer, you take the last sip of your beer before standing up. “We should’ve put a bet on this game.” You shrug. “I knew I could beat your asses.”
“You just got lucky.” Yoongi puts his cards down. Mia walks behind him and wraps her arms around his neck before kissing him on the jaw. “Honey, don’t be a sore loser.”
“I’m not.” Yoongi rests his hand on his wife’s arms, Seokjin stands up and puts his cards down. “But you are.”
“More drinks?” Mia offers, and all of you monotonously refuse and grab your stuff. “We should get going really.”
“But it’s still early, are you working tomorrow?” She walks towards you, you shake your head. “Nope, my next shift is on Tuesday.”
“You guys wanna do something? Since most of us are actually staying home.” Jimin stands behind you. “Aren’t we supposed to go swimming?”
“Yeah, I found a few places but they’re all fully booked.” Hoseok grabs out his phone.
You were actually supposed to invite Namjoon with you to go swimming but now everything is messed up, you were so distracted with this man that even when your phone buzzes a notification you checked it quickly, you got used to him texting you.
You really need to forget about this man.
201 notes · View notes
ambling-rambling · 1 year
Text
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
C/W: honestly not much. Angst. Drunk reader. Softest of fluff
I started out intending to write drunk sex but ya sad bish needed something soft instead so have the first time Bucky Barnes hears I love you and the way it wrecks him.
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Don't Leave Me
The two of you didn't actually fight that often, surprising as that was to some people. You supposed you couldn't blame them, what with the ex-Winter Soldier's perpetual frown and surly demeanor.
You knew better, though. He held people at arms length for a million different reasons, each as valid as the next, but the truth was, his core was all marshmallow fluff, soft and squishy.
In the six months that you'd been an official couple, you could count on one hand the number of times you'd so much as bickered. But this? This was different. A genuine fight, where you couldn't agree and neither was willing to compromise.
It was bad enough, his being gone on missions all the time, worrying about whether he'd come home at all, and what state he'd be in when he did. And now he was talking about some sabbatical back to Europe, trying to chase down memories and make some amends clear on the other side of the planet, indefinitely.
And it sure sounded like he didn't want you to come. Sure, his excuse had been that he didn't want to drag you away from your life, make you uproot everything. Part of you knew he didn't feel worthy of that kind of devotion, that he couldn't truly comprehend that he was your everything now.
But if still felt an awful lot like a rejection, and that stung.
Maybe that was why you'd gotten so drunk, just trying to ease the tightness in your chest, drown the ache in your soul with the burn of alcohol. It would have been bad enough on its own, but the fact that it was your first legitimate fight just made it that much worse.
So you'd gotten a little carried away, and Jaeger sure as shit did have a way of creeping up on you. You'd stumbled your way into the ladies' where you now sagged against a sink, though you'd forgotten to turn the water on.
"Honey, are you alright?" a voice startled you, and you spun, or tried to. You barely managed to keep yourself upright by clinging to the edge of the sink.
"Uhhhh..." Were you? Alright? What did that even mean? You weren't dying, but you felt like you were shattering into a million pieces. Surely that was just the alcohol talking, making everything extra dramatic. "No? " It came out a question, and the woman tutted softly. She was probably a little older than you, beautiful, and you found yourself half lost in the liquid brown of her eyes, hooded in deep gold eyeshadow, and the dreadlocks that framed her face.
"Can I call someone for you, honey?" she asked.
Call someone? Shit what a great idea! "Uhhh, my boyfriend," you said with a nod. "Er, well," you hedged, as the memories came flooding back in. "I think. We hadda fight." The words were slurred, and your new friend's eyes were sympathetic.
"Are you safe with him?"
Even drunk, you immediately understood the implications of what she was asking. "YES." Your response was so emphatic that she laughed a little. "We never fight like this," you said, pouting now, staring down at the toe of your tennis shoe. "Ever," you added, uncertain why you felt the need to add so much emphasis.
"Well, honey, why don't I call him for you? If he's got any brains in his head, he's probably missin' you just as much as you're missin' him."
You nodded, because Bucky definitely had brains, he was so smart, and beautiful and you just wanted to be with him always. Why did he have to make everything so fucking difficult?
Without really making a conscious decision, you unlocked your phone, open to your text conversation with Bucky. You hadn't even realized you had a slew of texts from him. It ran a course from appeasing,
I'm sorry, I just don't know what to tell you...
to irritated ,
Really? You're blowing me off?
to worried,
Okay well I deserve it. We don't have to talk but can you just answer so I know you're okay?
Y/n. Please. I'm really getting worried. I just wanna know you're alright.
You felt a little bad. You hadn't been blowing him off intentionally, you just hadn't been paying attention to your phone.
Your friend, god you really needed to ask her name, hit the dial button. Muffled through the speaker, you could nonetheless hear Bucky answer before the second ring, practically shouting your name.
"Sorry, my name's Meredith, but I've got y/n right here. She's fine, just pretty drunk. You should probably come pick her up."
There wasn't any hesitation in his promise to be there in a few minutes.
Meredith handed your phone back to you, and you tucked it away in your pocket, feeling a little guilty. You tried to stand up straight, annoyed with the way the world tilted and swayed under your feet.
"Easy there, honey. Let's go get you some water before your fella gets here."
You nod, because that seemed like a good idea. You clung to Meredith's arm as the two of you wound through the bar and the bartender handed you a glass of water. You sipped it carefully, uncertain if even that would settle. You had definitely never been this drunk before, and now that it was setting in you felt a little childish and stupid.
You heard your name and half turned. The sight of Bucky there, beautiful as ever in that leather jacket and his gloves, made you want to weep, and you sniffled.
"I was worried about you, doll," Bucky said gently, brushing one leather-clad thumb along your cheek bone.
You wanted to be mad at him, but the genuine concern in those blue eyes and the way he was hanging back, not pushing you, just made you want to fall into him.
"I'm sorry," you mumbled, not looking at him. "I wasn't tryna make y'worry." The words came out slurred and you felt petulant and nauseous and why was everything such a mess?
"You good now?" Meredith asked, drawing your gaze. You nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay," you said.
"Thank you," Bucky said softly, extending a hand to Meredith. "Genuinely. I'm glad she found you and not..." he trailed off with a helpless shrug, and it wasn't a leap to know he'd been thinking about all the creeps out there who'd love to take advantage of a drunk and vulnerable woman.
"Nothin' to thank me for. Us girls gotta stick together," Meredith said with a grin. She gave your hand a little squeeze, and then disappeared into the crowd.
Bucky sighed, turning to look at you again, ducking his head to try and catch your eye. "C'mon doll, you still so mad you can't even look at me?" he asked, with a little note of frustration creeping into his tone.
You shook your head. "Not that. I just feel...Dumb." Suddenly you were crying and you couldn't even really articulate why. Bucky looked panicked, jerking the glove off his right hand to cradle your face, applying pressure to encourage you to look up without forcing you.
"What? Why? You're not dumb, y/n..." Bucky looked perplexed, worried still as you sniffled again, scrubbing at your leaking eyes.
"You still w-want me right?" The words came out slurred and choked, and you were suddenly clinging to him, clutching at his biceps. The world was unsteady under you and you just wanted to be in bed, wrapped up with him, safe and wanted.
Bucky looked genuinely shocked. "What...y/n, of course I do. You're all I want. Why would you think otherwise?"
He was so confused you almost laughed. It was so obvious to you.
"But you d-don't want me to come to Europe with you," you pointed out, your voice a drunken whine.
"I don't...y/n, I don't want to go without you," you could see he was struggling to articulate himself, the way words so often came as a fight, caught up in his head. "I just don't feel like I can ask you to walk away from your life..."
"You're not asking! I'm offering!" you interrupted, your voice a little too high, a little too loud, even to your own ears.
Bucky looked... Inexplicably sad. He stepped a little closer, so his body was pressed to yours, bare hand cradling your cheek. "I ain't worth it, doll. And I don't want you to be an ocean away from home and not another friend in sight when you figure that out." .
You felt like you were choking. Oh, or maybe that was just the alcohol in your stomach revolting. Bucky must have read the expression on your face, because he wrapped an arm around your waist, mostly carrying you toward the door. "C'mon, let's get outside," he said.
The cold air hit you like an Arctic front, had goosebumps prickling all over your skin and a shiver running up your spine. But it served to still the boiling mess in your stomach. You knew you were drunk, that he'd probably convince himself it was just the alcohol, but you had to try.
"Please baby," you whined, clutching at him. "I don't wanna be here without you. I just wanna be with you , always. You are worth it to me." Your voice cracked when you begged "don't leave me here."
"I'm not leaving you anywhere, doll. Let's go home," he murmured. You nodded, slumping into Bucky's arms, content to let him carry you to the car.
You didn't even remember getting home, just waking up in bed, a little panicked, launching yourself toward the bathroom, your stomach revolting against the ill treatment of the night before. Bucky was there within moments, sweeping your hair back out of your face, palm smoothing down your back.
You slumped to the floor when your stomach finally settled, cool tile heavenly against your heated skin. "I'm sorry," you mumbled.
"For what?" Bucky asked, brow furrowed in confusion.
"Getting so trashed that you had to come get me. Being so extra and now...this," your lip curled in distaste as you waved a hand at the porcelain throne.
Bucky 's lips quirked in that ghost of a smile that was his most common expression of pleasure or amusement. "That's nothin' to apologize for, doll," he said dismissively.
"Shower with me?" you asked, and Bucky nodded, starting the water before helping you to your feet. You shucked out of your clothes and ducked into the shower with a low groan of relief, only too eager to wash the night off your skin. Bucky followed you in, and his hands skimmed tenderly across your body, helping you rinse off, his nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck.
You lingered like that, for too long, really. It would have been easy, so easy, to just stay like that, pretend nothing had happened, but you couldn't.
"Bucky?" you whispered, voice rough and more than a little hesitant.
"Yeah, doll?" he asked, without lifting his head, voice muffled against your skin.
"I...I meant what I said last night. I know I was drunk, but it was still the truth. I don't... I don't wanna be here without you. I don't care where you're going, if it's anywhere even sort of long term, I wanna go. I'll go anywhere Buck, just .. please don't leave me here. Don't go without me."
He drew back, cradling your face, his expression a study in internal wars, looking both miserable and infatuated. "I just don't want you bored over there, by yourself..."
"I wouldn't be by myself," you interrupted. "I'd be with you and that's all I want."
You could practically see that self deprecating smile even before it painted his lips. "That's not all you want, doll," Bucky argued, and you felt yourself huff out an irritated breath. "You have a job that you really love and friends you love going out with, not to mention the cat..."
You sighed. "All those things will be here whenever you've done what you need to. Or I'll meet new people and make new friends. People do it all the time, Buck. Mallory would take Alpine for a while if I asked her."
Whatever argument he was about to pop off with now, you silenced it, pressing a finger to his lips. "Stop telling me what I want or don't want, Buck. I just want you. I love you."
You watched the emotions play across his face like he was a projection onto a movie screen. Incomprehension, and then disbelief, giving way to awe, and then something so, so soft it had his eyes welling up with tears.
He was searching your face, as if trying to sniff out a lie, and then abruptly, his gaze jerked down, swallowing hard. You'd been together a while, slept together, built routines that were comfortable, that he adored, but neither of you had ever broached the "l" word and he hadn't let himself believe you were building something like a life together, something lasting and permanent.
"Really?" he asked weakly.
His surprise broke you. All this time, it had been clear to you, that this was something permanent, that you were building patterns you wanted to live the rest of your life in, a comfortable place to rest and be at home. Meanwhile, he'd been holding himself apart, waiting for his fantasy to end.
"Oh, Bucky," you whispered, felt yourself choking up against your will. "Yeah, I love you , so much, baby. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner, that I ever made you wonder. I love you, Bucky Barnes, completely and irrevocably."
The arms he wrapped around you were all encompassing, squeezing you tight, with a hint of trembling. "I love you too, doll. So much." His voice was rough with emotion as he clung to you, and you clung right back, arms wrapped tight around his waist, lost in the touch so long that the water started to run cold. You whined as you hurried to wash your hair before it turned to ice and then crawled out.
Wrapped in a towel, you pressed yourself in against Bucky's side. "Does this mean you'll take me to Europe?"
Bucky almost snorted as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "Let's be real, I wouldn't have lasted a week without you anyways."
2K notes · View notes
megachiraztfs · 2 months
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Story index
Here you can find a list of my transformations series and other stories with a short summary of what they are about. If you’re curious about one and want more details or want to participate in one, just write me! I'll do my best to keep this list up to date!
Single stories
Family: A story about a poor young man living on the streets who was given a new life by fate.
Unworthy: A story about a young man who couldn't fulfill his family's exspectations and had to pay a price.
Stories from the Grave: A story about why you shouldn't listen to every voice on old graveyards.
The heir of Milton: This is a story about a faithful butler of an old English family who had earned a special promotion.
Forever Together: Being with an immortal warlock made Alec think about his own aging and how he could stop that (Fandom: Shadowhunters).
For each other: Sequel to Forever Together. Mag and Alec get a new addition to their new lifes.
Going To Hell: Robin Hood, Kilian Jones and Prince Charming start a life-changing trip to hell with some monstrous changes.
Becoming a family: This is a story about Harry Potter and his four best friends as they actually become his family (Fandom: Harry Potter).
A preference for Bolts: This is a story about a young man in Scandinavia being blessed by a certain northern god (Fandom: Marvel).
Welcom Home: This is a story about grief and the use of magic to ease that pain for Magnus Bane (Fandom: Shadowhunters).
Watch Out: This is a story about two friends who shouldn't have put on the stuff of two missing guys...
Cold As Ice: This is a story about a cloak that makes his wearer non only loose his emotions (Fandom: Harry Potter).
Love Again: This is a story about a young man who lost everything, but find the love he longed for (Fandom: Harry Potter).
Duty: This is a story about a young man getting a little bit too much into his fantasies about his favourite character (Fandom: Guild Wars 2).
Creation of Friendship: This is a story about a misunderstanding that lead to a brand new and quite thick friendship.
Spin Around: A demon's work can be quite... changing (Fandom: Supernatural).
Reuinited Love: This is a story about a forbidden love that even conquers death.
A New Prince: This is a story about Merlin and Arthur Pendragon with a magical twist (Fandom: Merlin).
New Position: For the first Harry cannot play as a seeker - and needs help for getting ready for a entirely new position (Fandom: Harry Potter).
Filling the Gap: This is a story about two best friends who would've better stay away from a magical crime scene (Fandom: Harry Potter).
Deserved: This is a story about an unlucky guy who gets dumped by his boyfriend.
Spicy Pies: This is a story about a man, lending a helping hand to an old neighbour and is rewarded for his kindness.
Twice the Thunder: This is a story about two roommates without a costumes on Halloween - beware: if you're late, you might feel the consequences (Fandom: Marvel).
The Pumpkin Field: Beware of the magical pumpkins, dear friend - they could be after you! (Fandom: Harry Potter)
Tombola: Original props are the best gift for a fan - they always go deep under your skin! (Fandom: Once Upon a Time)
Push the Buttons: Some games are made to be an experience (Fandom: Assassin's Creed)
Wishes, requests, exchanges
Life-Changing Game for soul-controller: A story about a caught-up college experience in the digital age. Let the game begin!
Learning some manners for an anonymous requester: A story about a macho man who has to learn that not everything always goes his way. With a touch of magic. Dimensional travel. And elves!
Beware of the mirror for musclebishop: As you may know, the Magic Mirror is able to grant wishes. Even those you don’t know. But don’t be rude. Sometimes even the changes are changing.
Beer Up for mcbrute: Zoro (One Piece) has lost his way again and has been invited to the jock pirates’ ship. It’s not just the beer that’s special there.
Green On Birthdays for jungwoosong: Carl really leaves no stone unturned to convince his best friend Noah to watch his favourite anime, One Piece. But it’s only with a birthday present that things get moving.
A New Look for a user on Furaffinity: What started as a pity purchase at a festival out of niceness turned out to be extremely life-changing for Nat.
The Found Jacket for a user on Furaffinity: Timothy just wanted to buy a small ball for his brother, but instead of a stall, found only a stray red jacket.
Old Rivalery for thegeneralguy: Despite unwillingness, a visit to the gym began quite differently than expected - with a very special, haunted prize from a bygone era.
The Risk of Curiosity for itsrainingdilfs: Basic rule: Don’t read out funny-sounding words from old books. You might have company sooner than you’d like.
No More Stress for transformee: In the attic of an inherited house, you can probably find some special things when cleaning up. Even a hidden old mirror.
Good old Australia for changingmen: As a reward for a good deed, a young man is given a little something from the homeland of the man he has helped. With the prospect of a beefy future.
Magnissimus for malebodyandshoeswaps: On the way to his graduation ceremony, a young man’s shoes are destroyed in a chemical accident. But with the replacement pair, he takes his first step into his new phase of life.
Happy birthday for writer-ofstuff: Stiles’ (Teen Wolf) birthday preparations for his steady boyfriend Derek are not going really well. But whether the help from his book was really the right thing to do?
Secret Santa Lottery for bizzhideaway (great story exchange 2020): After Brody had taken part in a Christmas lottery and the notification of the winnings failed to arrive, his winnings were able to surprise him in every way.
Through Your Veins for begon1: If Batman only saw that this was a trap.
Confidence for
TF Captions
A New Curse Part One and Part Two
Freckles
Back to your roots
Boring
Ho, ho, ho!
Buddies
Special Blanket
Himbo Hemispheres
Temple of Amor
Tempting Tapestry
Rental Conditions
What about Green?
Well-minded spirit
Something in the water
Smile
The wrong souvenir
Kinda poisoned
The perfect example
Special Edition
New clothes, new man
Shortage of staff
Electric
By the lake
Smell Like a Hero
For Transformation series click here!
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Text
Coming Home (Part Fifteen)
Azriel x Reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen
Warnings: None! Apart from angst, ofc.
No.
No, no, no. Not now. This couldn’t be happening now.
Nothing existed in your head but screeching, screaming. None of the euphoria that had taken its place there only moments ago. An endless, relentless wind of darkness whipping around your brain and swallowing you up–
Mate. The word was clanging around in there somewhere, a millstone fastening itself around your neck. Not now, not now, not now.
You were winded. Leached of all breath, of all ability to think. Your trembling hands gripped onto the railing behind you – the only thing that stopped your legs from giving out beneath you.
Azriel was staring back at you, his eyes just as wide. But…understanding, it looked like, dawning across his face. Like the fog of a century of confusion was clearing, and things were beginning to make sense, realisation hitting–
You wanted to scream. You may have been screaming, for all you were aware of what was happening inside your head, and outside of it. 
Fate must have been watching from somewhere above, cackling at you. Why now – you wanted to scream at the skies. Why, when–
When you’d already made peace with the fact that you were leaving Velaris again – perhaps never to return. 
When before you’d even arrived at the Starfall celebrations that evening, you’d known this would be your last night here. That you were affording yourself one more night with the family you felt so disconnected from – and then you were out of here.
When you’d already written to Tarquin, informing him of your imminent arrival. 
Fate was definitely laughing at you. Definitely punishing you – perhaps for being the hateful, bitter person that the passing years had moulded you into. Perhaps you deserved this. 
“Y/N.” Azriel’s voice, though quiet as usual, may as well have been a claxon up on that roof. It hurt your ears, your head – your heart. He took a single step towards you. “Y/N.”
You blinked, tears spilling over that you didn’t even realise had formed. You attempted to take a step back – to get away from him – but the cold railing only pressed further against your back. 
“Y/N.” Az repeatedly softly. “You…you’re my–”
“I need to leave.” You choked out; you couldn’t let him say the word. Couldn’t allow him to make it real. You sidestepped him. “I need to go.” 
His beautiful features folded into a frown, lips parting. He reached for you, but not fast enough – you were already pushing past him. “Y/N…what…?”
“I’m leaving.” In great, hurried strides, you’d reached the door to the roof. Az was hot on your trail, his lips speaking words you couldn’t hear beneath the roaring of your mind. Somehow, you managed to force your feet down the stairs, though your legs could buckle at any moment. 
“Where are you going?” Az’s boots thudded closely behind you. “Dammit, Y/N.”
Home – you were going home. Somehow. You had to get out of here, out of the House of Wind, and back to your house – where you were then leave for Adriata. You just needed to find someone–
Cassian. That was who you were looking for. You reached the lower level, not even acknowledging Az following you as you took a sharp turn into the kitchen. It was empty – everyone still out on the main balcony, still going about their celebrations as if the entire world hadn’t just cleaved and shook – except for Cassian fixing himself a drink. You almost cried out in relief. 
“Cas.” You hurried over. “Cassian.” 
The Illyrian general looked up with a smile – that quickly fell as he took in your features, the tears streaming down your cheeks, the undoubtedly shell-shocked expression taking up your face. The stardust smattering your clothes and hair. And then he glanced to Azriel behind you, his gaze flickering between the two of you. Could he sense what had just changed? Scent the…the bond, perhaps–
“Cas, I need you to fly me home. Now.” You breathed, every part of you trembling. 
“What–”
“I can fly you home.” Azriel spoke quietly behind you. He took a step closer. “I – let me take you home.” 
You backed away so fast, you knocked into Cassian, barely registering his warm hands steadying you. “No. No. I want Cassian to take me.” 
Azriel’s face crumpled again. That was a silent plea in his eyes. “Y/N…please…” 
But you were ignoring him. Turning in Cassian’s arms, and hoping that your eyes were communicating the utter desperation you felt. He shot one more look at Az before meeting your gaze, his brow deeply furrowed.
“Please, Cas.” You whispered. “Please just take me home.” 
Tracking a tear that rolled down your cheek, he nodded. “...Okay. Yeah. Of course.”
“The other balcony,” You managed to bite, your hand dragging Cassian towards the glass doors that opened out onto the smaller, unoccupied veranda. Your feet stumbled ungracefully, stalling and tripping every other step, but Cas’s firm grip was enough to keep you upright.
“Y/N.” Azriel followed, bursting so hard through those glass doors, it was a wonder he didn’t smash them. “Just–”
“Leave it, brother.” Cassian said, scooping you into his arms. You could have sobbed in relief. “She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”
And then he shot into the skies, Az’s stunned, bewildered figure becoming smaller and smaller as the distance stretched. You clung to Cas with a grip so hard, your nails bit into his skin; you didn’t know if it was the fear of such a height, or just the need to hold on to something that kept you gripping, firmer and firmer. 
Cas didn’t ask questions – he’d always been brilliant like that. Leaving room for you to talk if you wished, but not pushing it. Even though his mind must have been crammed full with questions about what may have happened back there – he didn’t ask. Didn’t even speak. 
He landed just outside your property with feather-light steps, not even giving you room to argue as he pulled you up to the door and walked you inside, his hand a solid grip on your own. Not that you had the capacity, right then, to argue; you were seconds from collapsing, or – something. Hyperventilating. Completely fucking breaking. 
Cas stopped in the doorway, watching you silently – waiting for some kind of indication that you were alright – as you began to pace the floor, rubbing a hand over your chest as if to ease the ache that had gathered there. Maybe you would throw up, right there, over the dress Azriel had bought you. Part of you wanted to rip it off and burn it. 
“You don’t have to tell me anything…” Cas said, inching closer. “But…I’m worried. Are you alright? You don’t look alright.”
No, you wanted to tell him, I’ve never been less alright. The temptation to drop at his feet and sob until you were hoarse was very much present, but – there would be no chance to leave Velaris with him watching over you.
And that was the only thing that could make you feel better. Getting out of here. Leaving it all behind. 
“I’m fine.” You choked; it was laughable how unconvincing it sounded. “You don’t have to stay here. Go back to the party, Cas.” 
He didn’t move. Just continued to eye you warily. “...I don’t want to leave you like this. Did Az–”
“I’m fine, Cassian. I just – I’m just going to go to bed. 
Lies. You were such a pretty, skilled liar. Part of you hated yourself for it – for being deceitful. What if this was the last time you clapped eyes on Cas? The male who had been like a brother to you from the day you were born? What if you never saw him again–
No. You couldn’t start having thoughts like that…thoughts that would talk you out of your decision. Emotions were the last thing you needed to bring into this. You needed to be stoic, unblinking – to convince yourself that you didn’t care. 
“Seriously, Cas. I’m just…I’m exhausted. I need to sleep.” You paused – and then forced another lie that almost wrangled a sob from your throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 
No, you wouldn’t. And he had no fucking clue. 
“Just…send word…if you need me.” Cassian said. “Whatever it is, I’ll come straight away. Promise me.”
“I promise.” Liar, liar, liar.
He nodded – stiffly, not at all convinced by you. But also not wanting to push you. Never wanting to push you. 
He stepped away, and then turned in the doorway, glancing at you over his shoulder. “I love you, you know, Y/N.” 
Your eyes shuttered. “I love you too, Cas.” And you did. 
But it was much too late for that.
You gave yourself a total of fifteen minutes to completely lose your shit, to freak out and cry and scream.
And then you pulled the shutters down on your emotions, and you forced yourself into action. 
Glorious Fae magic had meant that most things you planned to take to Adriata with you were already stored into the pocket realm, ready to be retrieved when you got there. You planned only to clean yourself up, and to carry a light change of clothes with you that you could don as soon as you got there. Something far more Summer Court friendly.
It was when you were rifling through your drawers, making sure you’d not left anything behind that you wished to take with you, that you heard the thump. And then the balcony doors opened. 
Azriel burst in, nothing but a night-kissed breeze. You tried to ignore him, to not even acknowledge his arrival, as you continued moving about the room.
But he knew, immediately, what he was witnessing. His brilliant brain caught on in an instant, as he took in the room, lighter of some of your belongings that had been there before. The sight of you shoving that change of clothes into a small, light bag. 
“What are you doing?” His voice was guttural. He stepped further into the room, into your path, when you ignored him. “Y/N?!”
You stepped past him, throwing your earrings – the earrings he had bought you – onto your dresser. “I’m leaving.” 
“What? You’re not…you can’t–”
“It’s not up for discussion, Azriel. I’m leaving. Can you move out of my way, please?”
“No.” He moved into your path, his features crumpling. You could have sworn his voice broke. “You’re not going anywhere. We need to talk–”
“There is nothing to talk about, Azriel. Nothing.” 
You may as well have stabbed him straight through the heart, from the way he looked at you. From the way he fell so terribly still. His throat worked on a swallow.
“You,” He rasped, yanking you closer by the hand. He cupped your face in his palms, his skin icy cold, “You are my mate.”
You grimaced. Felt that horrible, dreadful thing that snaked its way beneath your skin, through your veins, into your bones. A lethal, deadly thing that was both freezing and scorching, empty and suffocating. It was evil, so ruthless and evil–
It was what allowed you to reach up. To grab Azriel by the wrists and prise his hands from you. You stepped away, willing your face into steel. 
“Do not,” You bit harshly – in a voice that didn’t even sound like yours, “touch me.” 
Heartbreaking – so heartbreaking, the way his gaze immediately fell to his scarred hands, as if they were the problem, as if they hadn’t been touching you so gloriously not even an hour before. He studied them, a muscle in his jaw moving, and then he lifted his eyes to yours again. 
Gods, they were haunted. Breaking. You could see it, and you wanted nothing more than to grab him and stop him from falling apart. But…but you were broken, too. You were so fucking broken, and nobody had stopped you from falling apart. 
“I am leaving Velaris.” You croaked. “I’m going to the Summer Court – to Adriata. I’ve already informed Tarquin. I’m leaving.” 
“But why? Why would you–”
“Because I can’t stay here, Azriel!” You snapped. “I can’t stay here and act like everything is fine when I’m falling apart and none of you fucking care!”
“I care about you more than anyone.” 
“You can’t just decide that now because a fucking bond tells you to!” You were shaking, so, so near to trashing the entire room. You shoved past Azriel, began picking up clothes just to give your hands something to do. “I came back here, because I needed my family. Because I was lonely, and hurting, and I thought I might actually find the love here that I yearned for so badly.”
“I know things haven’t been easy–”
“Things have never been easy for me, Azriel. Ever. And every single one of you knows that, but nobody wants to help! And why? Because I’m not like Elain? Because I’m not delicate and soft and sweet? Because I can deal with it on my own, like I always have?!”
“No–”
“Well I haven’t dealt with it, you know.” You whipped around to face him. “I have never dealt with it. Not the trauma my father left me with, or Tamlin’s father, or you playing with my fucking feelings. Not Rhys being disappointed in me, who I’ve become, even if he doesn’t say it outright. I have never dealt with any of those things. I’ve let them fester, and spread, and now I don’t know where one bad thing ends and another begins. I fucking hate myself, Azriel. I hate myself, and I hate my life, and that is why I need to leave.” 
Those broken eyes of his stared at you so thoroughly, so pressingly, it felt like he was undressing you, peeling back every one of your vulnerabilities and leaving you bare, emotionally naked before him. He braced another step towards you.
“Then let me help you.” He whispered. “Please. I know I’ve let you down. I’m so fucking sorry for that. I know I should have been there for you. I know that I was a coward and I should have just faced my feelings instead of mistreating yours. But I want to fix all of that. I want to make this better for you – for us.”
“Why, Az?” You laughed weakly, humourlessly. “Because we’re mates? It’s too late for that.” 
“It can’t be. Y/N, I…I can’t lose you again–”
“I’m not yours to lose!”
He flinched – actually flinched, at your sharp words and cutting tone. The Shadowsinger, Spymaster, a figure of pure, unflinching stone, had become nothing more than a breakable object in front of you.
And you were about to break him.
But he’d broken you first. 
“I can’t–” You swallowed a sob, furiously wiping your eyes. “I can’t give myself to anyone like this. How can I be someone’s mate when I can’t even live with myself? I can’t!”
“I can help you.” Azriel whispered. “I want to help you. I don’t care about anything else.” 
“No, Az. You can’t.” You shook your head. Braved a step closer to him – even though it physically pained you not to reach out and touch him. “It’s something I need to do. It’s something I need you to let me do. I need you to let me go so that I can heal. Because I’m broken…and I cannot even think about accepting this bond while I am.” 
You watched him – your mate – as a tear escaped the corner of his eye, rolling down his cheek. His shoulders had slumped, and you could feel it – his defeat. 
“Az,” You breathed softly. “If…if you care about me…you’ll let me do this. Don’t make it difficult for me. I need to leave. I can’t get better here.” 
His eyes shuttered, sending more tears skittering down his cheeks. So badly, you wanted to reach forward and wipe them away.  But you didn’t. You stood your ground. Squared your shoulders.
Moments passed in silence. Of Az breathing heavily, slowly, like he was trying to calm himself. He pressed his lips tightly together, and you could see him fighting back a huge onslaught of tears. He wouldn’t let himself break right now – before you. 
“Okay.” He eventually rasped. “If it’s what will help you – okay. I won’t stop you.”
“Thank you.” You whispered. 
He cleared his throat – cleared the lump of emotion away. Straightened himself out. “Can I…can I at least winnow you to Adriata? Please?” 
You paused, not having expected him to request that. You supposed you expected him to simply relent, and then to take off into the skies where he would scream at the clouds and the roaring winds. Maybe get drunk on his own and return to the House of Wind once everyone was asleep, not there to witness him breaking apart.
But he wanted as much time with you as he could get.
And you…you were okay with that. Leaving again would be hard, even though it was what you needed more than anything – having him by your side, however briefly, would help. 
So you nodded, brushing past him and reaching for your bag. 
“Yes.” You said. “You can winnow me to Adriata.”
Even Azriel wasn’t powerful enough to lengthen the process of winnowing – although you sensed he wanted to try.
He didn’t just take hold of your hand, as he normally would for such a venture. He clutched your body to his, his arms snaking around you, his face burying into your hair. 
And then Velaris disappeared from around you. The two of you were dragged into that awful, whipping darkness that existed between one place and another. A darkness that was always a few degrees cooler than everywhere else and always, always so jarring. 
And then you saw it – a pinprick of light that was rapidly growing. You felt heat fanning your face, and you immediately picked up on the smells of balmy air and salt and sea. Even in the very early hours of the morning, Adriata had a brightness about it that was breathtaking. 
You were awed by the sights that you’d turned your back on all those years ago. But Azriel’s body had stiffened against you. 
Tarquin’s sandstone palace loomed over you, beautiful and brilliant in all its Summer Court glory. And there, in the huge, arching doorway, the High Lord stood. 
He was as breathtaking as you remembered. Cutting a casual, easy figure in pale, flowing clothes, the white of his long hair against the rich brown of his skin, and the pale blue of his eyes, had any potential greetings dying in your throat. 
He truly was a vision. A friend.
Azriel sat you down at the steps that led up to the door – but kept an arm around you. Tarquin moved forward, descending the steps with casual grace.
“Welcome back to my home, Lady of the Night.” He greeted you with a bow that he repeated to Azriel. “Shadowsinger – good to see you.” 
“Tarquin.” Was all Azriel offered – that, and a stiff nod. He stared up at the palace as if he couldn’t quite believe he’d gone along with this. As if he was considering taking you and winnowing straight back out of there.
You slid out from under his arm, turning to face him with a knot in your stomach. 
“I don’t want to go.” He whispered, brushing his fingers over yours. 
Tarquin had the good sense to look away and feign interest in a crack in the wall.
“I know.” You murmured back. “But I need this, Az. This – this will be good for me.” 
Tarquin cleared his throat. “She’ll be well looked after here. I’ll see to it myself.” 
Azriel glanced at him sharply, clearly reading a meaning behind the High Lord’s words that wasn’t there – and he growled. You placed a hand on Az’s chest, forcing his eyes back to yours. 
“Please Az.” You pleaded quietly. “Let me go…for now.”
He swallowed hard. “Can I at least write to you?” 
“I just...I just need some time. Give me some time, some space, and when I’m ready to talk, I’ll write to you.” 
He paused – and then gave a relenting nod. What other choice did he have? The whole point of this was for time, for space. 
At least he was trying to understand that. 
“If you…” He cleared his throat, “If at any point you want to come home, just send word. I’ll be here right away.” 
“I know you will, Az.” 
And then he just stood, staring at you, clearly not wanting to take that leap and leave. And it would have been so easy to grab hold of his hand and beg him to stay with you. So, so easy – but not good for you. 
“I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” He leaned in. “Whenever you’re ready.”
He leaned down, brushing his lips over your cheeks and your forehead in such light, gentle kisses. And then he stood back.
And then he was gone. A shadow splintering into nothing before you.
You gritted your teeth. Told yourself not to cry. You felt the warm touch of Tarquin’s hand on your arm.
“Come, friend.” He said gently. “Let’s get you settled in.” 
Az flew and flew until he could fly no more. Until he was exhausted, his wings begging for a break. Until he’d screamed so much, he’d nearly lost his voice, and the wind had dried the streaks of tears on his tanned face. 
It felt like it could have been anywhere between hours or days, just circling the skies and forcing himself to feel. To hurt. To recognise the consequences he now had to live with.
You were gone. And there was nothing he could do but let it be. To put you before everything and everyone else. 
The sun had risen over Velaris by the time he could no longer keep himself aloft. The Inner Circle would still be at the House of Wind – either soaking up a night of drinking with breakfast, or heading to bed for some much needed rest. 
Az could have done the sensible thing and gone for a walk, cooled himself off. He could have kept his mouth shut and wallowed in his pain alone. 
But then he was coming to a staggered stop on one of the balconies, and he realised – he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave this alone, even if he wanted to.
A feral anger was growing inside of him. And he needed an outlet. 
He kicked his way through the halls of the house. The combination of different voices coming from the sitting room told him that nobody was in bed yet. 
He’d have an audience, then.
Fine. That was fine. 
The doors to the sitting room were wide open, and they were all in there – Rhys and Feyre, Cassian and Nesta, Mor and Amren…even Elain was tucked into one of the armchairs, a soft laugh escaping her in response to something Cassian had said. 
Az’s boots thudded against the floor, announcing his presence as he approached the room and stepped inside. Everyone looked up.
“Where did you get to?” Mor was the first to speak, sitting up. “Cas said he flew Y/N home because she was tired, but you were gone, too.” 
Azriel may as well have not heard her, for all he acknowledged her. No – he stared at Rhys, and Rhys only. Stepped closer. 
It took seconds for them all to catch on to something being…wrong. That look in Azriel’s eyes…the fury–
“What’s the matter, Az?” Rhys frowned, an arm casually slung around Feyre’s shoulders. “Why are you–” He paused as Az stopped before him, his nostrils flaring. “You smell…different.” 
Az laughed, the sound dark, chilling – void of any humour. “Oh? What do I smell of, Rhys?”
“...Not sure…” The High Lord hummed, rising from the settee. He appraised the spymaster, eyes narrowed. “It’s like–”
“A mating bond, is what it is.” He snapped. “A fucking mating bond. That’s what you can smell.” 
The room fell so very, very still. Even the birds outside seemed to stop singing. Seven pairs of eyes blinked at the Shadowsinger. Not one pair of lips moved. 
So fucking typical, Azriel thought, that not one of them clocked it immediately. Because they wouldn’t automatically assume you to be his mate. Because they treated you like you were nothing, unworthy. 
“My mate,” Az growled, stepping closer to Rhys, “Is gone. Because of you.”
His hands shoved against Rhys’s chest before he could stop himself. Rhys barely budged, but his violet eyes flashed with feral challenge. 
“I suggest you calm down, brother,” He said carefully – his High Lord voice, “And tell me what the hell is going on.” 
Cassian had stood slowly from his seat, inching subtly towards the two males. He stopped just beside them, ready to jump in. 
“Use your fucking brain, Rhysand.” Azriel snapped. “Look around this room, and work out who’s missing, and use your fucking brain.” 
Somewhere – somewhere, there was a light, feminine gasp. One of the five females had worked it out. Probably Mor. Maybe Feyre. 
“You–” Rhys breathed. “My sister–”
“Is my mate, yes.” Az stepped closer again – shoved Cassian’s arm out of the way. “And she’s gone. Left again. Because of how she was treated here.” 
“Take it easy, Az.” Cassian warned quietly. “Hands to yourself.”
It seemed that neither of the other two males heard him. Azriel was huffing breaths now, trembling with utter rage. And Rhys…Rhys blinked–
“What do you mean she left again?” Rhys stepped forward, trying to push past both of them. “Where is she?” 
Azriel stepped in front of him, his shoulder knocking into his. “Summer Court. Said she had to go there because she couldn’t be here anymore. She thinks you’re disappointed in her – that you’re ashamed of her. And she totally fucking hates herself, and every single one of us is to blame. But you, Rhys? You more than anybody.”
Soft, delicate fingers brushed Az’s hand. Elain gazed up at him, worry in those brown eyes. “Azriel–”
“Do not touch me, Elain,” He ripped away. “Don’t you dare.” 
Cassian was in front of him in a second, gently pushing against his chest. “That’s enough, Az. You’re tired and upset – you need to calm down.” 
“I need my mate, Cassian!” 
The stark, pained crack in his voice was jarring. So rare, for any of them to see such a raw display of emotion on his face and in the coiled tension of his body.
None of them knew what to do. How to approach him. How to help him.
Cassian squeezed his shoulder gently. “Just…get some sleep, Az. We’ll talk when we’ve all had some sleep.” 
Not a bad idea – but how was he supposed to sleep with this gnawing, churning pain ripping him apart? When Rhys was just stood there, blinking into space, absolutely fucking useless. 
“She needed us. All of us.” Az said to him through gritted teeth. “But you more than anyone, Rhys. And you neglected her. I don’t blame her for wanting to get away from here. Not one bit.”
Cassian was tugging on him, trying and failing to drag him away. Speaking soothing words into his ear that Az couldn’t even hear over the roaring in his mind. 
“Az…” Rhys finally whispered, his own eyes glistening with tears. “I–”
“Hope you’re happy with yourself, brother.” Az cut him off.
There was a collective gasp of shock as the Shadowsinger’s fist went flying into the High Lord’s face. 
By no means the first time Az had punched Rhys – it was part and parcel of being Fae, ingrained in them to hash things out with fists until the matter was settled and they were friends once more.
But this punch was different. One of a truly hurt, crumbling, heartbroken male. The force behind it had split Rhys’s lip open.
Before anyone could say or do anything else – try to diffuse the situation or drag Azriel away – he turned and stalked from the room himself. His footsteps pounded up the stairs, down the hall.
Only when he was shut in his bedroom did he truly cry and break for his mate. 
Even his shadows didn’t bother him. 
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