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illdowhatiwantthanks · 2 days

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Panic! At the DA's Office

Casey Novak x fem!reader Warnings: suicidal ideation, mental health struggle, anxiety/depression, panic attack, established relationship, fluff forever, some explicit language Word count: 2,068 You stood on the subway platform, greasy Shake Shack takeout bags tucked under your arm. You'd told Casey you'd bring her lunch, and you were a woman of your word. Even though the bar exam was two weeks away. Even though you'd written so many practice essays you'd had to get a wrist splint for the cramps. Even though you were practically drowning in information about constitutional law, civil procedure, torts, contracts. You were exhausted from studying, and it felt like it was all for nothing. The more you studied, the more things seemed to get jumbled up in your mind. The more you'd stare at the page and the words would stare back, shifting and writhing until they meant nothing.

With each practice test, you felt less confident. As the day of the exam got closer and closer, your anxiety grew and grew. And you were so good at hiding it. You had to be good at it, or else how would you go on? How would the world keep on spinning, and you with it? Sometimes you wished it wouldn't. Not forever, not for always. You just wished that, for a little while, everything would stop. That just for a little while, no one would need or expect anything from you and you could just be. Or not be, maybe.

As you stood on the platform, waiting for the subway that would take you to the DA's office and your girlfriend you thought, briefly–as you sometimes did at your lowest–how easy it would be to jump. It would be so easy, so fast. But you had the warm food in your hands. You had Casey's milkshake. She loved milkshakes. And she would be so sad. It was always the thought of Casey's heartbreak that stopped you. Or imagining your dad crying. Imagining your parents having to tell your siblings what had happened.

You felt the rush of the subway as it sped past you and exhaled deeply. The moment was over. At least for now. You took a seat and did your best to steel yourself to see Casey. She was excellent at reading you, and you needed to be unreadable today. The last thing you wanted to do was worry her.

You walked the last bit of your journey in the freezing cold, appreciating the way the wind stung your eyes. It brought you out of yourself.

You saw Casey through the window before she saw you, and your heart surged. Just seeing her made you feel better. Not all the way better, but at least a little better. You knocked at her open door, and the look on her face when she saw you made your heart soar.

"Y/N!" she called, waving you in and shutting a notebook.

You were quiet. You didn't trust yourself to speak, afraid you might start crying. The downside of feeling so safe with Casey was that your usual ability to wall up your emotions was significantly impaired with her. You leaned down to kiss her quickly, and she wrapped her arms around your waist, burying her face in your chest.

"This case is killing me," she said as you pulled up a chair, divvying up the food. "I mean, the evidence they've given me is absolute shit. It's always fucking Stabler jumping the gun, and now I have to clean it up. Typical white man. So I think I'm gonna try..."

You let Casey ramble, grateful to hear her voice, to hear about her day, to have the excuse of food in your mouth to simply nod absentmindedly. But you couldn't manage to eat much, mostly pushing ketchup around with your fries and trying to white-knuckle through the panic rising in your chest. Your heart pumped faster and faster, and you were trying so hard to breathe normally, even though you felt like you were suffocating.

"Y/N?" Casey said, snapping you out of it.

"What?" Your voice was shaky, and you avoided her eyes. If she saw your eyes, she'd know.

"I just asked how bar prep was going..." She looked you over, furrowing her eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

You needed to breathe before you could speak, but when you opened your mouth to try, your breath hitched, hiccuping and separating into hyperventilation.

"Y– yes," you replied, clearly not okay, as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and your breath came in short gasps. It was as if all the anxiety of the last few days, all you'd bottled up and kept at bay, had come flooding in all at once, knocking the air out of you.

"Okay, well, that's obviously a lie," Casey observed, standing quickly to close the blinds and lock the door. She sighed as she sat back down, mentally beating herself up for not noticing that something was off when you came in.

"Come here, honey." She pulled your chair toward her, grabbing your clenched fists in her hands and forcing them flat.

You were rocking and hyperventilating at this point. Your heartbeat was so fast and loud it was almost all you could hear. If you hadn't had panic attacks before, you would have thought you were dying. You knew better: you were dying, but only on the inside.

Casey pressed her forehead to yours and breathed slowly, in and out, in and out.

"Breathe with me, sweetheart, come on," she said softly.

"I– I c-can't."

"Yes, you can, honey. Come on."

You took a big, shaky breath and let it out, coughing.

"That's it, baby, that's it. Just keep going. Just breathe."

After what felt like an eternity, your heartbeat started to slow. You paired your breathing with Casey's, shaking slightly. She ran her thumbs over your knuckles in rhythm with your breath, and you felt an icy calm settle over you, the same calm that comes after an adrenaline rush, all that hot terror seeping away.

You exhaled and lifted your head a bit, avoiding Casey's eyes.

"Sorry."

She shook her head, fixing your hair and wiping away that tears that lingered on the bottoms of your eyelids.

"Don't be sorry."

But you were. You were so sorry. Your panic attack might have subsided, but the sense of being a burden had only increased. You wanted to sit on Casey's lap. You wanted her arms around you. You wanted her to tell you that she loved you, that she needed you, that you weren't too much for her. But all of that felt like too much to ask for, so you just sat, arms wrapped around yourself.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Casey asked gently.

You felt more tears coming and dashed them away.

"It's just everything," you said, the words spilling out in a flood. "I'm doing terrible on the practice exams, Casey. Terrible. I'm gonna fail the fucking bar exam, and then what!? What was it all even for? I just can't do it! I can't! Every time I sit down to study I feel like I'm gonna die, and I can't start because I'm too anxious, but then I don't study and I just get more anxious. I'm just– I'm not good enough!"

Your voice broke, and Casey's heart broke with it.

"I'm not good enough for you, and I– I don't want to do this. It's not worth it, I'm not worth it." You grasped your hair and groaned. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't even here. Today I even thought about jumping in front of the fucking subway. I'd never do it," you added, noticing Casey's alarm. "But it just... feels like it'd be easier for everyone, including me, if I wasn't around."

Your head was in your hands. You couldn't see it, but Casey looked devastated, her heart surging for you. She grabbed you up and pulled your body into hers until you were on her lap, her arms wrapped tightly around you.

"Oh, honey," she breathed, pressing her face into yours. "Please don't say things like that. Do you know how empty life would be if you weren't here?"

You shrugged your shoulders, sniffling

"Who would bring me milkshakes?"

You giggled.

"Who would sing loud with me in the car, huh? Who would make laugh so hard I snort?"

You smiled, moments with Casey flashing through your mind, some of the happiest moments of your life.

"Who would make me feel loved and safe and proud, if you weren't here?"

"Somebody would," you argued.

She cupped your face and looked you hard in the eyes. "No. Not like you do."

"You're just saying that."

"I'm not. I don't just say things, you know that," Casey reprimanded you. She placed small, warm kisses on your cheek, your forehead, your eyelids, the corner of your mouth, until you were laughing and squinting.

"You," she continued, "are generous and brave and kind and funny and sweet and so, so beautiful. And the world would be a lot darker without you in it."

Your chest buzzed with warmth, like stepping outside on an unexpectedly sunny day or coming downstairs on Christmas morning.

"I don't know about that," you protested, but Casey had successfully beaten back your blues. And she could tell.

"Well, my world would be anyway," she chuckled.

You placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth before returning to your seat, reaching for a french fry.

"Now you're hungry," Casey said, rolling her eyes.

You glanced at the clock. "I thought you had a meeting?"

"I do."

You froze, but Casey was quick to reassure you.

"It's okay! Not a big deal for me to be a few minutes late, I promise."

You relaxed, taking a sip of Casey's milkshake. She snatched the cup back.

"I thought I told you to get your own milkshake."

"Well, I just wanted a little bit!" you whined.

"That's what you always say, and you always drink half of mine."

You flashed her your most charming smile, and she sighed, handing you the cup. You tried not to look too smug as you sipped.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" you said, dripping with sarcasm. "Probably can't take a milkshake to your fancy lawyer meeting."

"I do have somewhere to be, but I need you to do something for me before I go."

"Oh." You sat up a little straighter. "Okay. What?"

"I need you to call your therapist," she stated, staring at you pointedly.

"Case, I'm fi–"

"No, you're not," she cut you off. "If you're having thoughts like you said you were, you need to talk to her."

You sighed and nodded. "Okay. I'll call."

Casey didn't budge.

"Casey," you needled. "You can go. I will call."

She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her chair, stance wide, looking like a hot Wall Street businessman in her work suit. She could make you do anything when she looked like that, and she knew it.

"Fine." You picked up your phone, scrolled through the contacts, and found your therapist, flipping the screen around to show Casey the contact info before pressing the call button.

"Speaker," Casey commanded.

"You're fucking bossy, you know that?"

Your therapist didn't pick up–probably in a session–but you left a message.

"Hey, Carla, this is Y/N. Just kind of having a rough day... slash week slash time in general, and I was wondering if you could squeeze me in maybe earlier than my session next week? Like maybe..."

"TODAY," Casey whispered aggressively.

"...even today or tomorrow if you've got anything open. Thanks, bye."

You rolled your eyes. "Happy now?"

"Mmhm." Casey stood, picked up her briefcase, and bent to kiss you on the head. "I gotta run, but let me know what your therapist says, okay?"

"Okay," you agreed, suddenly feeling embarrassed again.

"Hey," she said, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at her. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She planted a firm kiss on your lips before opening the door.

"You can stay in here and work if you want. When I come back, we can work together."

"Okay," you said, already feeling better about an afternoon of studying. If Casey was there, it couldn't be too bad.

"I love you so much I'll even let you have the rest of my milkshake," she called back as she walked down the hallway.

You shook your head and took a sip, feeling better than you had in weeks.

#casey novak #casey novak x reader #casey novak drabble #casey novak one shot #casey novak fluff #law and order svu #svu #mental illness #hurt/comfort

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snugglywugglysocialist · 4 months

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Commencement

Your head pounds wildly with each contact between your heels and the decaying sidewalk beneath them, the early-morning sun only solidifying your looming migraine.

As you round the tight street corner, you wonder what made you stupid enough to get blindly drunk the night before your internship began. Squinting, you enter the precinct you'd been allocated to, and sigh in relief at the bleary lighting of the bullpen. Your eyes finally adjust and you open them fully, staring into the sea of scrambling bodies before you, looking for someone matching the description you'd made up in your head of the ADA assigned here.

You survey every woman in your line of vision, and spend a little too much time observing the figure of a lean blonde sitting on top of a desk and speaking to a cop. You turn your head in inquiry--much like a dog--and let your eyes wander over the expanse of her arms, toned and braced against the surface beneath her. The ribbed tank top stretched across her body leaves little to the imagination, and you chew at the inside of your bottom lip, bringing your hand up to grab at the base of your neck.

You silently chastise yourself and avert your eyes, moving them leftward to land on an equally distracting redhead leaning against the banister of a staircase settled in the far corner. You swallow thickly as you realize this is probably who you'll be working under for the next ten weeks. After allowing yourself to exhale petulantly at your current situation, you force yourself into the familiar mindset of a professional.

You deaden the curious look in your eyes, and crane your shoulders back as you make your way towards her, rediscovering your usually-present arrogance. She notices you approaching her, and she doesn't attempt to hide the confusion spreading across her sharp features. When you stop in front of her, she looks down at you with furrowed brows, and you offer a tight-lipped smile before introducing yourself.

"Your boss said I could find you here." You say, extending your hand, and she looks at it with an expression resembling offense.

"And who are you?" She asks, reluctantly engaging your handshake and searching your face for a glimmer of familiarity.

"Your new intern. Casey Novak, right?" You inquire with an air of hesitancy, and she nods cordially in affirmation.

You drop your hand, and Casey stills before excusing herself momentarily, squeezing your upper arm in a wordless apology that makes your stance falter. She walks hastily to the blonde you saw earlier, leaving you standing awkwardly by the stairs. Casey says something to her, and you pretend to not notice the cerulean eyes now boring into you. The blonde stands up from her position atop the desk, and Casey gives her a look before they begin to approach you.

You fidget with your hands as you dart your eyes between the nearing pair, and you try to remember a time in your employment history that you've felt this ill at ease. Seeing them beside one another, you recall a passing rumor you'd heard about them years ago; something from a past intern regarding an initiation process. The details are hazy, but what you do remember is enough to redden your face, and force your eyes to the ground. Your lips are pressed into a thin line when they reach you.

"This is ADA Alex Cabot, she serves as second-chair with me." Casey states lowly, punctuating her introduction with a wave of her hand towards Alex.

Suddenly, Alex's hand finds itself pressed lightly to the small of your back, guiding you down the hallway. You can hear them muttering beside you, but again you feign ignorance and refuse to acknowledge it. Casey opens the door to her office, gesturing for you to sit down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. You oblige, and your chest tightens when the blonde fits herself on Casey's desk beside you.

"I apologize for the confusion, but the internship cycle for this season has already ended." Alex states curtly, and you nod intently, taking a pause before responding.

"Well, if this is some sort of mistake I can call the DA and get reassigned elsewhere." You say with no strong emotion, shifting your gaze to scrutinize the look they shoot each other at your words.

"I believe that would be best." Casey says coldly before moving towards the door, and you take that as your sign to leave.

"It was a pleasure to meet you both." You chide, purposefully letting more than a hint of discontent lace your parting words.

The time between being booted from your new job and now goes by quickly, leaving you twirling in a barstool chair of a small dive just a few blocks from the courthouse. The hours you'd spent angled over the black resin bar with a drink in your hand withered any plans of calling for a new internship placement. Night had enveloped the city long ago, but your mind refuses to slow down, leaving you oscillating between brooding over the earlier events of your day, and scribbling on papers with black ink.

At some point, you abandoned your coursework, committing all of your focus to nursing a glass and speculating about what clerical error could've led you to make a fool of yourself in front of two highly-respected lawyers. You dig your fingertips into the recesses of your eyes in frustration before deciding to call it a night. However, before you can grab your coat off the back of the chair, you feel a presence behind you. You turn, and manage to retain a look of neutrality despite being greeted by the last two people you'd like to see right now.

"Novak. Cabot." You acquiesce flatly, reaching for your wallet to pay off your tab.

"Didn't expect to see you here." Alex quips, smirking lightly, and you let a wry laugh leave your throat.

"Didn't expect to see myself here either." You admit through a locked jaw, setting your pile of papers into a folder before shoving them into your bag.

"Since you're here, let us buy you a drink—an apology." Casey mutters sincerely, gesturing with her hand for you to sit as she had done so hours before in her office.

You're not sure if it's the alcohol, or the glint of arrogance in Alex's eyes, but something compels you to indulge their wish. Cursing yourself under your breath, you sit down and lean back into the stool. They do the same, one on each side of you; Casey greets the bartender like an old friend before ordering you something. You split your gaze between each of them, curiously waiting for someone to break the silence, and it ends up being you.

"You guys are a big topic of conversation in the community of wide-eyed interns on campus." You say over the rim of your drink, and each of them allow a smirk to play on their lips at that; Casey downs the mahogany-colored liquid in her glass before dignifying your admittedly dumb statement with a response.

"Is that how you view yourself? A wide-eyed intern?" She asks condescendingly, each word scraping and raw.

"No, is that how you view me?" You catechize, and her face changes to one of slight amusement.

"Topic of conversation?" Alex inquires, and Casey hums to signify her same want for an answer; you move your head forward to avoid looking at either of them.

"There are certain rumors." You allege with a lopsided smile, the strength of the drink Casey had ordered for you catching up with your resolve.

"Those being?" Alex trails, swiveling in her chair to face you completely.

"You think they don't talk about their baptism by fire?" You admonish sarcastically, ending the question with a dramatic clicking of your tongue.

"Is that why you ended up on our doorstep, curious to see if it was true?" Alex asks, sliding forward and moving her right hand to clutch the back of your seat, trapping you between the bar and herself; Casey grins when she sees you shiver.

"I guess I can find out in the spring. That is, if I reapply, right?" You challenge, leaning further into Alex and looking up at her; you can feel the way Casey looks at the blonde despite having your back turned to her.

"Or you can find out now. We can make an exception, can't we Alex?" Casey asks almost rhetorically, downing the rest of her current drink and setting the glass down gently; you hold Alex's gaze and ignore the stabs of arousal in your gut.

"I don't know. Do you think she can handle it?" Alex berates, a diminutive tone of faux concern dripping from her words.

Casey replaces Alex's hand on the back of your barstool, and uses it to turn your body towards her. She catches her bottom lip between her teeth as she scans over you, her eyes darkening as she clocks the pink tint on your face. Casey straightens her body to look over at Alex, nodding to her after a moment; wordlessly, they stand. Casey hands a few large bills to the bartender, and Alex gathers your things for you. They carry out these actions methodically, solidifying your suspicions that this a routine for them.

Most of the cab ride is a blur, your mind completely occupied by what you'd gotten yourself into. The trembling of your body radiates outwards from your torso to your limbs, and this doesn't go unnoticed by either woman. Casey slips her hand behind you, the width of it covering the space between your shoulder blades, her expression contorted into one of concern. You turn your head towards her to shoot her a suggestive smile, and her face relaxes. You don't remember actually entering Casey's apartment, but somehow you're there, standing in the middle of her living room in expounding anticipation.

Just as you begin to form a snide comment about their inaction, Casey's left arm encircles you from behind. Her right hand gathers your hair at the root, pulling back slowly until your head lays just below her shoulder. Your eyes flutter closed and your stance falters, forcing her to press her body into yours to keep you upright. She bites into the thin layer of skin over your pulse point, and you almost don't register the bulge brushing against your waistline. Her left hand sneaks beneath the flimsy fabric of your shirt, moving upwards until she reaches the top of your ribcage, and you choke back a whine.

You force your eyes open to see Alex tossing your bag and coat onto the kitchen island, looking quite unfazed by your current predicament. She eventually looks towards you, shedding her coat before approaching your heaving body. Just as Alex's body jams you against Casey, she lets go of your hair, letting you fall into the blonde with a slight laugh. Your mind clouds entirely as Alex runs her hand down your arm, grabbing yours and leading you towards Casey's room. The door closes as you near the bed, and Casey's on you again, only this time from head-on. She kisses you with urgency, whimpering into your mouth as your hands begin to grasp at her sides.

She grabs your wrists to halt your wandering, and you groan in disapproval. She steps back and tilts your head upwards to admire her earlier work on your neck, the bite marks already beginning to bruise. She smiles cockily as she releases your jaw, shifting her focus towards the blonde as she nears you. Casey makes quick work of your slacks, chastising you with her eyes when she sees what's beneath them. She toys with the lace hemming of your panties before sliding them down your legs at an infuriatingly slow pace. The redhead bends to fully remove them before kneeling between your slightly parted legs.

The blonde peels your shirt from your body as Casey nips at the inside of your thighs, making your legs tremble. Alex’s arms fit beneath yours, palming your chest firmly before tracing her fingers back horizontally to reach the clasp of your bra. She slides it down your limp arms and tosses it on the floor, moving to cup you once more. Alex‘s movements against your breasts distract you so severely that you don't notice how close you already are until seconds before you’re about to let go. Casey heeds the twitching in your expression, and removes her lips from you, snickering when you attempt to clench your thighs together.

“Needy, aren’t we?” Alex lambastes, demonstrating her amusement with a mocking smile into the skin of your neck, making your breath catch.

Without warning, Casey stands and tosses you onto the bed, brutally knocking the air out of your lungs. Alex lets out a scraping laugh before she braces one of her knees against the bed, leaning over and capturing your lips with a tenderness that concerns you for what’s about to come. Alex breaks the contact when she hears the sound of Casey’s belt being undone; she makes a scene of walking towards the redhead, and offering to finish what she had started. Casey’s arms hang limply at her sides as the blonde coaxes the leather from around her waist. Alex’s bottom lip is pulled between her teeth as she turns to saunter towards you, the belt still settled comfortably in her right hand.

Your lungs burn with a warmly satiating pain, and you’d be lying if you said your most salient feeling wasn’t one of excitement. Casey motions for you to turn on your stomach, and if you weren’t lying down, you’re sure you’d pass out at the thought alone. You oblige, of course, and Alex straddles you, her weight fully trapping you against the mattress. She gathers your hands, and you groan as she slips the belt around your wrists, pulling on it crudely to verify your total restriction. The blonde moves to kneel beside your pliant body, running her agile hands teasingly over the expanse of your back. You're face-down in the sheets, your body completely flat, and the redhead decides that simply won't do.

Casey snakes her forearm under you, pulling you towards her by the hips until you're forced on your knees. She releases you after deeming your positioning satisfactory, and uses her hand to press your upper-body flush with the mattress. You feel as if you've been injected with something; heat rushes from your head down to your center, and you tremble at the feeling. The foreignness of this experience didn't demonstrate itself so profoundly until now, and you realize that you've never felt this vulnerable in your life. Despite this, you're bereft of any hesitancy or unease, only recognizing nearly debilitating eagerness in yourself. You bring your head up in conceit, locking eyes with the blonde to your left before deciding to toy with them.

"I didn't think you'd be a fan of the whole 'face down, ass up' thing." You croak out between heaving breaths, and Casey removes the hand that was on your back.

"Why's that?" She asks, and you can tell by her tone of voice that she's sporting the same shit-eating grin that you see Alex wearing.

"I don't know. Figured you'd want to see your effect on me instead of just hearing it." You sputter out, trying to keep your train of thought in defiance of the fingers now gliding skillfully through your folds.

"You want me to see how pathetic you are that badly?" She jaws, entering you lightly and chuckling at the way your thighs instinctively widen for her.

You can only whine in response to her question, and Alex shifts her eyes away from you to meet the redhead's. Casey moves her fingers in and out of you lazily as she decides whether or not to entertain your challenge. You feel your climax building once more and try desperately to ignore it, as you know the redhead won't allow you to finish. After a few moments, Casey pulls out, and you're left nearly sobbing in frustration. What you didn't expect, however, was her choice to void you of her ministrations entirely, leaving Alex to flip you onto your back. The buckle of the belt binding your hands digs into your skin with searing pain, and a devilish smile tugs at the blonde's lips as she watches you struggle against it.

Casey fits herself between your legs in one fluid motion, pinning your knees to the bed harshly and slipping the zipper of her slacks open. Alex stands, mirroring Casey's actions, and fear rips through you when you realize that they're both wearing straps. The redhead angles into you with ease, burying herself to the hilt immediately. You cry out loudly as she bottoms out against the tip of your cervix, the pain forcing your eyes shut. Alex is quick to silence your growing screams by slipping the tip of her cock past your parted lips and down your throat. Their rapid paces synchronize, and tears spill from your eyes as you gag on the blonde's strap.

Alex steps back after a few thrusts, occupying herself with the redhead's exposed neck, giving you a moment to breathe. Casey dips her head down to allow her lips to meet yours, and you moan into her as Alex's gentle hands find your hair. Alex returns to her previous position, fucking your throat with more vigor than before, and cooing words you can't hear for the ringing in your ears. You writhe in vain at the overstimulation, helpless to resist the actions of either woman. Casey stills inside you for longer now, her hips stuttering as she greedily chases her own orgasm; you note this, and begin lifting your own hips to meet hers, hoping she'll take mercy on you if she finds her release.

The double stimulation coupled with the intense pain causes to you unravel in less than a minute, shaking aggressively beneath Casey's body. Your neck cranes against the mattress as far as it can with Alex buried so deep in your throat, and your eyes roll back sharply to reveal only white. You can hear nothing over the heartbeat in your ears, and you feel every rush of blood course through your veins at the same rhythm. Casey sees you come undone beneath her, and the sight of you--fucked out and listless--pushes her over the edge quickly. Alex is the first to pull out, allowing your innumerable sobs to escape your chest and bounce off Casey's bedroom walls. She kneels until her mouth is level with you ear, whispering praise to you even after Casey removes herself from you.

The redhead rids you of her weight slowly, trying to spare you of more agony. After she straightens herself out, she lifts your spasming body up to a sitting position, allowing Alex to wedge her body behind yours as a support. You whimper and sink back into Alex completely; she strokes your hair as Casey sits beside you, softly running her hands up your thighs. You eventually regain your full consciousness and very soon realize you're going to be limping for a few days. Casey smirks as you come to, leaning in to kiss the side of your mouth, her hands sliding back to slowly remove your restraints. You suck in a breath through your teeth as the blood pooled in your hands disperses with a tingling sensation.

"Jesus fucking Christ." You say, those being the only coherent words able to be formed in your mind and leave your swollen lips.

"That good, huh?" Alex asks lowly against the shell of your ear, and Casey hums at her presumptuous comment.

"Is this a constant employee benefit or just a sign-on bonus type of thing?" You inquire, your hands dipping beneath the waistband of Casey's dark slacks.

#law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #casey novak #casey novak x reader #casey novak fanfiction #alex cabot #alex cabot x reader #alex cabot fanfiction #wlw #smut #female reader #x reader

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strangercarla · 7 months

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Recommendations!

I wanted to link some of my favourite imagines & pieces of work that I just love to read. These will be categorised by fandoms ♡

Marvel:

Handcuff Bonding - Tony Stark by @zapreportsblog ♡

You're Mine, Sunshine - Bucky Barnes by @theleggymeggy ♡

Sleepy - Bucky Barnes by @chloe-skywalker ♡

Cuddles - Bucky Barnes by @chloe-skywalker ♡

Flours n Cookies - Natasha Romanoff by @songs4themoon ♡

Christmas Platonic Clint Barton by @mjolnirswriststrap

Man On A Mission - Bucky Barnes by @sam24 ♡

Had To Be You - Bucky Barnes by @jobean12-blog ♡

Idiots In Love - Steve Rogers by @moonvis ♡

Honeybee - Steve Rogers by @sunvmars ♡

Blind to Love - Natasha Romanoff by @moonvis ♡

Under My Umbrella - Steve Rogers by @marvelettesassemblenow ♡

Headcanons

Headcanons for being an Avenger with the power of invisibility - @moonlit-imagines ♡

The Lost Boys:

The Lost Boys Sexy Mate Headcanons (MDNI) by @buckybarnesb-tch ♡

When You're Unaware - Dwayne & Fem! Reader by @luv4fandoms ♡

Each Night Before You Go To Bed - Dwayne & GN! Reader by @britany1997 ♡

Man of Your Midsummer Night’s Dreams - Dwayne & GN! Reader by @britany1997 ♡

Dating Headcanons - The Lost Boys & Star (a tiny bit of nsfw so mdni) by @popironrye ♡

Law And Order SVU:

Pay It Forward - Casey Novak by @getitwhenyougotit ♡

Buy You Dinner? - Sonny Carisi by @procrastinatorimagines ♡

Scooby Doo:

Reunion - Shaggy Rogers by @fanficsformyfavs ♡

Friends:

Have You Ever Seen Anything Prettier Than This? Yeah, you. - Chandler Bing by @writerdream22 ♡

Labyrinth:

A Gift - Jareth The Goblin King by @way2geeky ♡

Jareth Headcanons by @tomriddleslovergirl ♡

Captain EO:

First Kiss by @michaelsfavgirl ♡

#the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #hawkeye #scooby doo #law and order #law and order svu #imagines #marvel

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happenstnces · 2 years

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KINKTOBER ‘22 with HAPPENSTNCES !

welcome to my first ever kinktober ! i’m really excited for this (though i’m only doing 16 days), and i hope you enjoy!

— warnings will be on each individual fic ! i’ve already assigned a character ( * ) to each prompt and this will not change, so please don’t request for other characters on certain ones. as always, minors dni or you will be blocked.

( * ) i chose to write specifically for my l&o ladies since there’s little to no svu fics these days and i miss them ! every prompt will be for one of the three svu characters i write for ♡

OCT. 1ST: praise & sex toys alex cabot

OCT. 3RD: kitchen sex & lingerie casey novak

OCT. 5TH: daddy kink & spanking olivia benson

OCT. 7TH: formal wear & strap-ons alex cabot

OCT. 9TH: cockwarming & voice kink casey novak

OCT. 11TH: uniform kink & authority kink olivia benson

OCT. 13TH: finger fucking & edging alex cabot

OCT. 15TH: degradation & overstimulation casey novak

OCT. 17TH: stripping & mirror sex olivia benson

OCT. 19TH: orgasm control & brat taming alex cabot

OCT. 21ST: erotic photos & stockings casey novak

OCT. 23RD: break up & angry sex olivia benson

OCT. 25TH: phone sex & orgasm denial alex cabot

OCT. 27TH: begging & thigh riding casey novak

OCT. 29TH: bondage & aftercare olivia benson

OCT. 31ST: threesome & costumes casey novak & alex cabot

taglist ! ( open ! you can request to join or be removed here ) @jaywritessometimes @red1culous

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maximoffcarter · 26 days

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One step forward - Part 2.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

Summary: Second part to 'One step forward'. If Alex was good at something, it was keeping her word and her promises, doing the best she could to not disappoint. But what happens when she leaves once again and she leaves Casey behind? Will she keep the promise?

A/n: So...I have to admit that I am very nervous about this second part, not sure if it's what people expected but I felt like it was a good storyline. I must warn you...there is angst. Maybe a little more than I expected. And this is long. I just couldn't stop writing. But here is second and last part of this one shot. I have to thank those who have read the first part and loved it, it really made me feel so good about posting🥹 And those who have sent requests that I'll be working on them over the weekend. If you have any more requests, please feel free to send them on my asks or my inbox, and I'll try my best to deliver. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

A/n 2: Also to clear things out a bit, I changed the story line a bit? Since it was never clear what Casey did, I brought back Mary Clark, and then I completely ignored the show Conviction😂 You’ll understand when you get there😉

Part 1.

*not my gif*

Casey had been asleep when she heard Alex talking on the phone with Hammond. She heard the crack on her voice as she asked Hammond for a few more days, saying that she’d be careful and it’d be like she had never been here again, but judging by Alex’s silence, she knew that Hammond had denied her request. It broke Casey’s heart to know that Alex would have to go back to Witness Protection, also go back to that life that Alex said she hated so much, she felt bad to know Alex would be alone once again and she wouldn’t have any way to communicate to anyone who knew her. She had already heard stories of the way she found out about her mom, how she had to go out with people around her in case something happened, she had become paranoid. And the worst part was, that Casey wouldn’t know where she was going, she wouldn’t have a way to find out because Hammond would just take her somewhere new once again, and it wasn’t like Casey could just leave with her, she had a job to return to, she knew Alex wouldn’t let her drop it just because of her. But to imagine her life without her? Now that was impossible.

Yes, maybe it was silly, maybe it was too soon, but Casey had to bury these feelings for years. She had already admitted to Alex that she had also seen her every now and then in court, or how she heard Branch talking about her or even had seen her on TV about an SVU case. But truth to be told, Casey had known her since college days. Who didn’t know about Alexandra Cabot? Top of her class, the favorite of the school, of course she knew about her. She had seen her so many times at the coffee shop she used to work in but was always shy to say anything, so she’d always ask someone else to take care of Alex’s table. Her silly crush was too much for her to handle, she had so much to do that she couldn’t get distracted with it. And then Charlie happened. That whole ordeal of being with him, of trying to fix something that was not in her hands, and then shutting down to almost everyone because of what she went through.

The moment she heard again about Alex, that silly little crush reappeared the moment she saw Alex in court. She was supposed to be preparing for her own court, but she had been curious to see Alex working, and boy did she not disappointed. She was not sure if she was entranced in the way Alex moved around the courtroom or the way her voice sounded so serious and defying at the same time, but when it came to the victim, it was so comforting and delicate. She had been 5 min late that day, and she cursed Alexandra Cabot for it, though she knew it had been her fault. And the day she heard about Alex dying? Her heart had broken into a million pieces, she had mourned a person she barely even knew, and the fact that Branch thought it was a good idea to have Casey replacing her, made her feel even sadder and a bit upset, because no one could replace Alex.

Thinking back on how both of them had so many chances to get to know each other, but the two of them were shy to even say a hello, made Casey figure out that life could change in an instant and most of the times life was not fair, but it could also give you second chances if you really looked at the bright side of it all. So she laid there in her bed, staring at Alex moving around her room talking on the phone and wishing she had more time with her. Alex’s words replayed in her mind as she looked at her; I cannot just come back, Casey. I don’t want you to wait for me. Even with Connors behind bars, they had no idea if Alex was out of danger and they couldn’t risk it, but they also didn’t know how much longer this could last.

“You’re awake.”

Casey looked up at Alex and offered a small smile. “I heard you on the phone.”

Alex sighed softly as she went back to bed, moving close to face Casey. She placed her hand on Casey’s cheek and stroked it softly. “I’m sorry, I should’ve taken the call in the living room.”

“It’s okay.” Casey smiled. “So…you have to go on Thursday, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Alex nodded softly as she bit her lip.

“You really can’t tell me where you’re going?”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t even know myself.”

Casey sighed softly as she nodded. “It’s for your own safety.” She whispered softly as she looked at Alex, trying to hold back her tears.

“I’ll memorize your number and he won’t know that I’m calling you.”

“Alex.”

“No.” Alex snapped as she took a deep breath. “They can’t take more away from me. Not you. Not when I just got you.” She whispered softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“We cannot risk this. Hammond would kill me.” Casey huffed a chuckle.

“Over my dead body.” Alex grinned.

Casey scrunched her nose and shook her head. “Not a good joke, Cabot.”

Alex chuckled softly as she kissed her nose. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Casey sighed. “I just wish we had more time.”

“Me too.” Alex smiled. “Hopefully this ends soon.”

Casey nodded. “Hopefully.” She sighed softly. “Okay. We’ll have schedules so he doesn’t know you’re calling me. We need to be safe with all this.”

“We will.” Alex smiled. “I just want to at least be able to hear you once a day.”

Casey felt her eyes watering again, nodding softly. “Me too.”

Alex sighed as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “It’ll get better.” She whispered against her lips. “I’ll come back.”

“You better.” Casey smiled sadly, placing her hands on Alex’s waist to pull her closer to her, kissing her lips softly.

********************

Casey was biting on her pen as she tried to focus on the file she had in front of her, but her eyes kept going back to her clock, staring at it as if that was going to make time go faster. Alex was supposed to call her 30 min ago and she hadn’t heard anything from her since the day before. They had a night call since Casey had been busy all day between arraignments and trial and Alex knew that if Casey didn’t answer the first time, it was because she was busy in court or with the squad, so the next chance was at night, which it was both their favorite times to talk. But today, Casey had been in her office all day long, so of course time felt longer since she had been sitting there for hours, and Alex was nowhere to be found and she couldn’t risk calling her. She sighed as she dropped her pen for the third time, rubbing her face as she felt the stress taking over her.

The moment the phone rang, her hand flew to grab it, almost spilling the, still full, coffee that she had just beside the phone, only to groan as she heard Elliot’s voice in the other line. She hadn’t noticed that Olivia was just walking into her office, snapping to Elliot that she couldn’t get a warrant unless they had a good reason for it, and she was not about to risk having trouble with Petrovsky just for a gut feeling and no valid reason. She hung up and her face went back to her hands, completely ignoring the fact that Olivia had walked into the office and now stood right in front of her.

“Tough day?”

Casey looked up at Olivia, a hint of fear in her eyes but relaxing as soon as she saw the woman. “You could say that.” She sighed. “Thought you’d be with Elliot.”

“Ah, no. Fin is with him, I’m here to try to convince you of getting the warrant.” Olivia grinned as she sat down.

Casey scoffed. “Guess you heard what I just told Elliot.” She grinned as she looked at her.

“Casey, are you okay?” Olivia said softly as she tilted her head.

Casey shrugged. “Why would you ask?”

“I’m not trying to be mean or anything but…you look a bit distracted today and more stressed than normal.”

“Just a lot of paperwork and reading to prepare for trial.”

Olivia hummed. “So, has nothing to do with something else.”

Casey shrugged as she shook her head. “Not really.”

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that Alex hasn’t called?”

Casey felt her heart stopping for a moment as she stared at Olivia. She looked at her as if she had just discovered her biggest secret, which technically, it was sort of a big secret since the whole squad swore that Alex had left that same day when she won the case, and Casey never mentioned a thing about Alex staying in her apartment for 3 days, or anything about what happened between them. So Olivia suddenly mentioning her made her feel a bit terrified because somehow, she knew that either Branch, Cragen or Olivia would be the first ones to know if anything happened to Alex.

“Why would you ask that?” Casey’s voice lowered, almost cracking as she felt her throat going dry.

“I heard you the other day.” Olivia offered a small smile. “I didn’t mean to hear anything but…you left your door a bit open, and I happened to hear you saying Alex’s name. And then, 2 days ago, you excused yourself at the precinct and when I went to find you, you mentioned her again. Unless you’re holding out on me and met another Alex, I like to think that you’re referring to Alex Cabot.”

Casey sighed as she looked down at her hands that had now come together, fidgeting with her fingers. “Yes, it is Alex Cabot.”

Olivia nodded. “Care to tell me what’s going on?” Casey looked back at her with a hint of doubt. Olivia smiled. “C’mon, Case. I did hide for a whole year that Alex was actually alive.”

Casey huffed a chuckle and nodded. “Right.” She sighed softly. “Alex…we had our moments…when she came back to replace me. The day she left…she actually went back to my apartment. She stayed with me, for 3 days.”

Olivia raised her brows. “So, you two are-“

“Not that we had time to disclose what we were but…” Casey nodded. “Something happened between us. But she had to leave.”

Olivia nodded. “And you have no idea where she is.”

Casey shook her head. “She calls me, we talk, but she doesn’t exactly disclose where she is or anything about her new identity. We just…keep each other company.”

Olivia smiled softly. “I knew those looks you two gave each other back when she first came back were not nothing.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah well, it took us a while.”

“Certainly.” Olivia chuckled, but then her smile faded a bit. “You don’t have any idea when this will be over, do you?”

Casey shook her head as she looked away, feeling her eyes watering. “No.”

Olivia moved to the edge of the chair and leaned onto the desk to grab Casey’s trembling hands. “I’m sure she’ll be back, Casey.”

Casey hadn’t even noticed she had started trembling until she felt Olivia’s hand on hers. She looked back at her, a tear rolling down her cheek. “What if she doesn’t?”

Olivia sighed. “I’m sure she’ll let you know.”

“I’m afraid that she’ll regret everything that she said to me and that at the end…I’ll be here waiting and then she never comes back.” Casey bit her lip as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“If there’s one thing I admire from Alex, is that she keeps her word. And I’m sure as hell that whatever she said to you, she’ll keep it.”

Casey nodded softly as she smiled. “I sure hope so.”

********************

Casey laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling while her cellphone laid on her stomach. She didn’t know how long it had been since she’s been in this position, but one thing that she was sure of is that sleep was nowhere near to come. After finally giving up on work, she had decided to go to the batting cages for a while to distract her mind, it’s been a while since she had been there, so she knew it’d definitely keep her busy and it’d also make her feel at least a bit better. But then, coming back to her apartment made her feel down once again. She knew she couldn’t keep this going, it had been a full year already since Alex had left, since the daily calls started, but it was draining. There was a point where she got mad with herself because they had only spent 3 days together after confessing their feelings for each other, which if she really thought about it, they hadn’t actually talked about whatever was going on with them, they just made sure to show their love for each other without actually saying it.

But Casey knew…deep inside her, she knew. Since she saw Alex walking into her office, she knew that stupid little crush was back and stronger than ever. Those small moments they had together while preparing for trial, the stares, and small touches, it was impossible for Casey to not feel that way, she knew it was pretty obvious that she had heart eyes for Alex in every moment, which made it a bit harder to focus on her task but also knew that this case was important for everyone, so she had to put her best posture and keep going. And then, seeing Alex back had made her go back to those feelings; foolish girl thinking that she could get over it but then Alexandra Cabot dared to show up again and steal her heart one more time, and she wasn’t even mad about it. She knew it’d happen over and over again as long as Alex was present. Casey had no space for another person, and she didn’t want anyone else, she wanted Alex.

Her hand unconsciously went to her neck and grabbed onto the small diamond that rested against her neck. There were times when Casey wore nothing other than earrings and sometimes a simple necklace if she remembered to put it on, but the last night Alex had been there, she gave Casey the necklace that she was wearing. Casey had tried to tell her no, but Alex kept pushing her to keep it. Casey laughed softly at the memory, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks as she recalled that night.

“You know, I’ve worn that necklace more times than I can count.” Alex chuckled softly as she played with the small diamond, the necklace now on Casey’s neck. Her head resting against her hand as she looked down at Casey.

“Which is why you should keep it.” Casey smiled as she looked at Alex.

“It’s now yours.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure they’ll notice it’s not actually mine if you’ve used it so much. Plus, me wearing something so expensive? Please.” Casey grinned.

Alex rolled her eyes playfully as she grinned. “You’re so funny.”

“The best.” Casey chuckled.

Alex smiled softly as she looked at it and then looked at Casey. “It looks beautiful on you. And it’s my promise that I’ll come back.”

Casey felt her heart beating a bit faster at Alex’s words, smiling softly as her hand moved to lay on top of Alex’s, taking it away from the necklace and bringing it to her lips.

“Ms. Cabot…you’re too cheesy.” Casey smirked.

“You know what, I take it back.” Alex laughed along with Casey.

Casey bit her lip softly as she smiled. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss Casey’s lips.

Casey snapped out of her thoughts when she felt her cellphone vibrating in her stomach, rapidly grabbing it, and answering the call. “Hello?”

“Hello pretty girl.”

Casey smiled softly and sighed in relief. “Hi.”

Alex chuckled softly. “Did you have your phone in hand already? You answered pretty fast.”

“Well, I kinda have been waiting all day for a pretty blonde girl to call me, but never happened.”

Alex chuckled softly. “I’m sorry. I had some stuff to do.”

“Oh? Ms. Cabot had a busy day?”

“Believe it or not, I did. I went grocery shopping and if I happened to get the phone out, one of the guys would’ve told Hammond that I have a cellphone with me.”

Casey nodded. “Makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called earlier.”

“You know that I love when you call me at night.” Casey smiled softly. “Helps me sleep.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, a faint sigh could be heard. “Helps me sleep too. I somehow imagine you’re here.”

Casey grinned. “Cheesy.”

“Don’t even.” Alex laughed.

Casey sighed softly and stayed quiet for a moment. “Alex?”

“Yes?”

Casey bit her lip softly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Case.” Alex cleared her throat. “But uh, hey tell about your day! I’m sure the squad got on your nerves once again.”

Casey chuckled. “You wouldn’t even imagine.”

********************

Casey slammed the door behind her and threw her bag to the floor, not caring where it landed or if it hit something. Tears rolled down her face as she tried to calm her breathing. This was not happening. This was definitely not supposed to happen. She fell to the floor as she sobbed uncontrollably, her whole body feeling heavy and her chest feeling like it was about to explode. How could she let this happen? What was she supposed to do now? She kept hearing her phone vibrating in her bag, but she was in no condition to answer it, she didn’t want to talk to anyone, no matter who it was. This stupid system only showed that even when people tried to do the right thing, it was still not enough, and you’d get punished for it. A punishment for doing the right thing, but the bad guys got away with it no matter what. And now, she was suspended for 3 years. 3 years. For a stupid fucking brady violation.

And the person that she believed would have her back, was actually the person who stabbed her. Lost perspective? She didn’t. She just figured out that if she had the power to not let the bad guy win, then she’d do anything to do exactly that. But she didn’t think it through. She didn’t think of the consequences that could happen. She’s known people that had done this before, and they still have their license. Hell, she was so lucky that she had only been suspended and she still got to keep her license. She still stood by her words when she said that she didn’t want this job if justice wasn’t served, but maybe she meant it a little too much that now she was in this situation.

Life gave you second chances? Fuck that. She was naive to believe that. She got everything wrong. Either life hated her so much or things were just not meant to be. Not only had she lost the chance to do what she loved but she also lost the person she loved. Almost a year and a half since she last heard from Alex. She had simply stopped calling, she never said anything. Did Casey do something wrong? She didn’t know, but Alex had vanished once again and this time, she had no way of contacting her. What was she supposed to do? Call Hammond to ask? He’d kill both Alex and Casey if he knew they had been talking. But what if it was Alex who got tired of just calls? Maybe she had made the decision that it was better to just leave it there and not say anything to Casey.

But why would she do that? Why would she just leave Casey like that? What happened to the promises? To every one of their conversations? Had they meant nothing to Alex? Had Casey been a simple distraction for Alex until she found something else to do? Until she found someone new? Maybe that was it. Maybe her biggest fear came true, and Alex had finally figured out that after all, that promise was useless, and she’d never come back. Maybe she met someone, maybe she fell in love and figured out that having a new life wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe she was already out of Witness Protection, and she had decided not to tell anyone because she had someone new in her life. But Casey was now sure that Alex was out of her life. She was gone. And there was nothing Casey could do, other than cry and mourn Alex once again even if she was not entirely gone. Now that she needed her the most, she was gone. She wanted nothing more than to find her, but what was the point in doing that? She’d only waste her time once again and she’d only get her heart completely shattered. Casey was alone. Completely alone.

********************

“What were you thinking? Did you really think we wouldn’t find out?”

Alex scoffed. “You didn’t for a whole year.” She snapped as she looked back at Hammond.

“We don’t know if you’re completely safe, Alex. What if someone tracked down the calls and came to you?”

“She didn’t know anything. She didn’t know where I was, we just talked. I needed someone to talk, I didn’t just want to be locked in the house again without doing shit or talking to anyone.” Alex shrugged as she shook her head. “Connors is in jail. I am not that important anymore for someone to want to kill me.”

“You still needed to be safe!”

“At what cost?! To have a normal life?! I have no life here! I was robbed! I lost everything!” Alex cried out as she yelled. “Do I need to remind you that I couldn’t even go to my mother’s funeral?! Only Olivia and Elliot knew I was alive, my whole family thought I was dead. I left after trial, I couldn’t even say goodbye to the people I cared about. You expected me to just go back and come back and lose that again? I was not going to let you take her away from me.” She felt her blood boiling as she spoke while tears rolled down her cheeks.

Hammond shook his head. “I’m sorry, but we cannot risk it.”

Alex laughed darkly. “Do you think I won’t try to contact her?”

“You won’t. Because you perfectly know that if you try, you’re also putting her at risk.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I’m not.”

“Alex…you were a target after you tried to convict someone. Novak convicted Connors and went on to win the case. We don’t know if he had any other contacts, don’t you think that they’d also want to go after her? They tried to kill Antonio for a second time before he went to testify. Why would they stop?”

Alex looked away as she sobbed. She knew he was right. And she knew the risk of the calls, but this never crossed her mind. She was right, one way or another, there could be a possibility that not only was she at risk, but Casey could also be at risk and if they knew she was connected to Alex, they could take revenge or do anything to get Alex or to hurt her. Nothing had happened in a whole year, but Alex knew better than to be a fool and believe that it wouldn’t happen again.

“You cannot contact her again, Alex.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, looking back at him. “I know.” She then whispered, her chest feeling heavy as she knew it was now over, and there was nothing else she could do.

********************

“Are you sure I can’t come with you?” Casey looked at Alex as she finished dressing up.

Alex turned to look at Casey and offered a small smile. “I’ll be fine. I need to return the car and Hammond will meet me there. I don’t want you to come back alone.”

Casey bit her lip softly. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

Alex sighed softly as she walked back to the bed, sitting right in front of Casey and grabbing her hand. “They’re waiting for you to go back. You have a life here, Case.”

“I can just drop everything. They’ll find someone else.”

“Case.” Alex placed her other hand on Casey’s cheek, noticing her teary eyes. “I can’t let you do that.”

Casey looked down at her lap and closed her eyes to avoid the tears. “I know.” She whispered softly.

Alex moved a little closer until her knee met Casey’s. “It’ll be over before we know it. Maybe I’m able to come back before time, we never know.”

Casey nodded softly as she looked back at Alex. “I just wish we had more time together.”

“I do too.” Alex smiled and leaned in, kissing her lips softly. “I wish I hadn’t been a coward and I had talked to you before.”

“We were both cowards.” Casey chuckled softly.

“We’ll recover that time. Someday.” Alex smiled sadly as she kissed Casey’s forehead.

“This is not fair.” Casey whispered softly.

“I know, it isn’t.” Alex sighed.

Casey looked up at Alex as tears rolled down her tears. “Please, come back to me.”

Alex stared into green eyes and smiled softly. “I will.” She leaned in again to kiss her lips. “I’ll come back.” She whispered against her lips and kissed her again.

Alex opened her eyes as the subway came to a stop, she grabbed her bag and stood up to get off. She looked around for a bit, seeing that even if it was a bit late, the place was crowded, she thought that maybe they were going back home, or some were returning from their jobs. She remembered the times she took the subway to go back to her apartment, that apartment that she now didn’t recognize. It was her first week back in New York, and even if she was afraid to walk around the streets of New York alone, she needed to familiarize herself with the city again, if she decided to stay here after all. At first she didn’t know where to go, she just walked and walked until she chose to grab the subway. She had stopped by the courtroom, curious to see the place she spent most of her days in, she had even hoped to see familiar faces but that’d be too much to ask for. She even thought about stopping by the precinct and to another specific place but…she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

She walked into a small bar that was a few blocks away from her apartment, sitting by the bar and asking about the usual drink that she always had after a tough case. It felt so familiar, yet so different. She hummed as the liquid hit her throat, missing the taste of it since all she ever had back ‘home’ was either beer or tequila that she bought, she barely went to bars, she barely went out as it was. She finished her drink and asked for another, smiling at the bartender. As she was about to get her wallet out to open a tap, she looked at her right side and saw a figure sitting at the very end of the bar, her heart dropping for a moment as she recognized it. She recognized her. Just in time the bartender placed the drink in front of her, she looked at him and asked if she could cover the drinks of the person at the end of the bar. She gave him her card and smiled before she got up and grabbed her drink. She could finish her drink and run out of the bar, and never look back again, but she couldn’t do that again, she could run away when she was just back. When this was her chance.

Was this even a good idea? What if she really didn’t want to see her or talk to her? Alex was 100% sure that Casey hated her at this point. She never called again, not even a message, but she had her reasons and she hoped that Casey would want to listen to her. She stood there by her chair, drinking her drink, and smiling softly as she studied Casey’s face. She had matured so much, her hair was back to its natural color, but she still looked as beautiful as ever. But there was also something that had changed; she looked…sad, exhausted, that light in her eyes that she loved was now gone. Was this her fault? There could be other reasons for sure, but Alex could be a reason behind this, and she hated herself so much for it. She noticed the bartender taking the drink to Casey and explaining that her tab was now covered. Casey looked up to try to find the person and that was Alex’s cue to walk to Casey; it was now or never. Casey’s eyes finally fell on Alex, she noticed the surprise and confusion in her face, maybe a hint of anger. Alex offered a small smile as she sat beside Casey, placing her drink beside Casey’s.

“Thought you could use a drink.” Alex smiled.

Casey stayed serious and quiet for a moment, confusion washing over her face as she looked at Alex, her eyes studying Alex. “Is it really you?” She whispered almost to herself.

Alex’s heart broke at her words, nodding softly. “It is me. I’m back.”

Casey took a deep breath and looked around the bar, almost as if she was looking for a camera or something as if this was a whole joke. She couldn’t get any words out when her eyes went back to Alex’s, she was speechless, her whole body trembling. She was confused, that’s all she could figure out. She felt anger, happiness, sadness, everything at once, but the only way she could describe it at the moment was that she was completely confused. Alex’s heart broke a little at the sight of Casey, maybe this wasn’t the right way to do it, she could’ve called first and not just show up like this, that in her defense, she didn’t know she was going to find Casey in this bar, though she knew Casey’s place wasn’t too far away from here. She saw how Casey grabbed the drink and finished it all, groaning a bit as she placed the glass back in its place. Alex sighed softly as she dared to place her hand on Casey’s hand.

“Casey.”

“No.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I know-“

“I cannot do this right now.” Casey shook her head as she cried out, staring at the empty glass.

“I can explain. Please, I-“

“Not here.” Casey looked back at Alex and bit her lip, getting up from the chair and taking her hand away from Alex’s. “I’ll meet you outside, I just…need a moment.” She grabbed her purse and left some dollars on the countertop, exiting the bar right after.

Alex sighed heavily as she looked at the bartender and asked to close the tab. She finished her drink and thanked the bartender, grabbing her card and putting it back on her purse, offering a small smile before she exited the bar too. She stood by the door for a moment as she saw Casey facing the street. She felt bad for doing this to her, she knew this had been a bad idea, but she couldn’t just leave the bar without saying anything. She slowly walked to her and extended her hand but put it back down as she stared at Casey. It had been clear that she hadn’t been comfortable with Alex touching her hand back in the bar so she would keep her distance.

“Casey?” Alex whispered softly.

Casey looked back at Alex, her eyes red and puffy. She sniffled and nodded softly. “Let’s uh…let’s go to my apartment.”

The whole way to Casey apartment, Alex tried to focus her eyes on Casey, trying not to be the paranoid person that she had become in the last few years, she knew they were safe, that she was safe, but she still couldn’t help but feel a bit scared as they walked. Alex had planned to go for a drink or two and then call a cab to take her home, but if Casey wanted to walk, they’d walk. As for Casey, her mind kept spinning around, not sure what she was really doing. She had never really planned what she’d do if Alex did come back at some point. Without Alex noticing, she kept looking down at her hands, trying to find a sign of a ring or something, but nothing was there, which made part of feel relieved by this, but she was also slapping herself in her mind for even looking for something. She was supposed to be mad, she wasn’t supposed to do this. She should’ve left her back at the bar, why would she even accept to talk to her? But god, she so wished she could just wrap her arms around Alex and hug her, she needed her hugs more than anything.

Once they got to Casey’s apartment, Casey closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she rested her head against the door, mostly preparing herself for whatever was coming. She turned to look at Alex, who only stood a few feet away from her, waiting for Casey to say anything or move, whatever she was going to do, Alex would literally follow. Casey couldn’t help but look up at her up and down; it’s like she had not changed at all, she looked just the same. Her hair had grown a bit more, she noticed she had made some layers which made her look so beautiful. Her glasses had changed, even her clothing had, which was so weird to see her in a pair of jeans and a leather jacket…but she looked beautiful. It made Casey feel a bit ashamed of her appearance, she knew that lately, she has not looked her best and it made her overthink a bit what Alex must be thinking about her, but she pushed back those thoughts. She looked away as she bit her lip, looking at her kitchen.

“Um…would you like to drink something? I have…some wine. Orange juice. Water.”

Alex cleared her throat as she shrugged. “Wine would be fine.”

Casey nodded softly as she went to the kitchen, putting her purse on her couch before she passed Alex, and opened her cabinets to find the wine, suddenly forgetting where she had placed it. Alex placed her purse on the couch just like Casey and followed after but stopped at the kitchen island, not being able to tear her eyes away from Casey. The place felt so familiar, she couldn’t help but smile as she looked around. Not much had changed, one or two things here and there, but still felt like Casey. She looked at Casey again when she placed a glass in front of her, pouring some wine for her. Casey poured herself some and then placed the bottle right beside it. They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them saying a word. Alex had so much to say but she was not sure if it was right for her to start talking or just let Casey do the talking for now, her anxiety slowly increasing as she could tell Casey was now more upset than confused. Or maybe sad? Alex couldn’t quiet tell.

“Wanna sit on the couch? So…we’re a bit more comfortable.”

Alex nodded. “Sure.”

They both headed to the couch with their glasses in hand. As they sat down, Alex took a small sip for courage and then placed the glass on the small table in front of her, Casey mimicking her actions. They once again stared at each other, Alex taking the chance to study Casey’s face again, smiling a bit as her eyes dropped to her neck, noticing the necklace she had given her still on her.

“You still have it.” Alex whispered as her eyes returned to Casey’s.

Casey looked down at the necklace and smiled softly. “I never really take it off.”

“Did they ever ask you about it?” Alex grinned a little.

Casey looked up at Alex and smiled a bit. “Munch and Huang noticed first. Olivia did too at some point. The others were oblivious.”

Alex chuckled slightly. “I figured those two would notice first.”

“You want it back?”

Alex furrowed her brows as she stared at Casey. “What?”

Casey shrugged. “I mean…you’re back. I thought maybe-“

“I told you it’s yours. It was…my promise that I’d come back.”

Casey nodded. “And you did.”

Alex smiled a little. “I did.” Casey bit her lip as she looked down at her hands, Alex couldn’t help but stare at her lips. “I always wanted to run my thumb over your lips so you wouldn’t bite it.” Alex paused as Casey looked back up. “And then kiss you.”

Casey felt her heartbeat raising a bit at the confession, her cheeks going slightly red. “It’s a thing I do. I don’t do it consciously.”

“I know that.” Alex smiled.

Casey looked back down at her hands and furrowed her brows. “Why…why did you stop calling?” She whispered softly.

Alex sighed as she looked away, trying to remember what she had practiced before. “Hammond found out.”

Casey shot her head up. “What?”

Alex nodded. “One of his guys…I didn’t notice he had walked into the house, and I was back in the patio, talking to you. He told Hammond that same day and he came to my house the next.” She shrugged. “We had a bit of a discussion.”

“Did he take away the phone?”

Alex shook her head as she looked back at Casey. “No.”

“Then why didn’t you call? Did you really just listened to him and decided it would be a good idea to not call me and not even let me know that you wouldn’t do it anymore?” Casey’s voice broke slightly as she felt her eyes getting teary. “You just stopped.”

“I couldn’t…I-“ Alex bit her lip softly as she looked down at her hands. “I didn’t want to listen to him. I was not going to. I was just going to agree and move on, but he knew. And he talked to me and…I had to listen.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t put you at risk, Casey.” Alex looked back up at her, a hint of fear in her eyes. “He told me that anyone could trace the calls if there was anyone out there. He didn’t want to tell me to not scare me, but they found someone that was related to Connors. You convicted him, what if he came after you?” She felt her lip trembling as she spoke and her eyes getting teary as she stared at Casey. “I couldn’t let them get to you, Casey. And he didn’t even tell me after days. But he told me I could put you at risk. I didn’t even care about me anymore, but I couldn’t let you get hurt. Not again.” She took a shaky breath. “I could still see you…with bruises. You barely being able to walk. I couldn’t let that happen to you again and me…not being here. Not being able to know if you were okay.”

Casey didn’t notice her tears already rolling down her cheeks, wanting to look away from Alex so badly but not being able to. “Alex.”

“Cragen told me you were okay. You were fully back to work and…you were safe.” Alex shrugged. “I just needed to make sure you were okay.” She whispered softly as she wiped away her tears.

“Alex…I could’ve taken care of myself. I could’ve told Olivia and Elliot, so they could’ve been alert if something happened. Olivia already knew that we were talking.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey sighed. “She…she heard me once or twice and she didn’t say anything until one day she came to my office and asked me. I knew better than to lie to her, so I admitted it, but she never told anyone.” She shrugged. “I guess Cragen and Liv were good at keeping secrets, huh?” She smiled a bit.

Alex huffed a chuckle and nodded. “I guess so.”

Casey sobbed quietly as she looked down at her hands. “I needed you.” She whispered softly.

Alex tilted her head as she swallowed. “I know, honey. But I-“

“I’m suspended.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey let out a shaky breath as she looked back at Alex. “Brady violation. I-“ she shook her head. “I tried to do the right thing and…everything ended differently than I expected. Judge was Petrovsky…defense was Donna…” she closed her eyes for a moment as she recalled the moment. “Donelly…said I lost perspective.”

“When did that happen?”

“Over 6 months ago.” Casey shrugged. “I uh…I’m helping Mary Clark with some cases. By that I mean…research, clerical activities. Just simple jobs but you know…I’m not running out of money. Guess she felt too bad for me that I got suspended and I’m back under her wing.” She chuckled sadly.

Alex moved closer to Casey and grabbed her hand, bringing it to her lips. “Casey…I am so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I was an idiot for vanishing like that.”

“I get it.” Casey looked up at her and smiled sadly. “I now get it.”

“That’s still not an excuse.”

Casey sighed as she placed her hand on Alex’s cheek, wiping away her tears. “I forgive you, Alex.”

Alex let out a shaky breath that she didn’t even know she was holding. “You don’t have to. I mean-“

“But I do.” Casey bit her lip softly as she shook her head. “I cannot lose you again, Alex.” She took a deep breath as her tears rolled down her cheeks. “I was upset. I…I didn’t understand what had happened, I thought I had done something wrong or that…that you just figured out you couldn’t do this anymore.”

Alex shook her head. “No. I wanted to call you every single day. I wanted to come and find you, but they didn’t let me.”

“Now you’re here.” Casey whispered as she smiled.

Alex nodded, turning her head slightly to kiss Casey’s hand on her cheek, her hand going on top of it. “I am. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Casey smiled. “I’d actually kill you if you dare go somewhere.” She chuckled softly.

Alex huffed a chuckle as she smiled. “I can’t. I won’t.” She tilted her head. “I want to keep my promise…and I want us to try this.”

Casey’s face softened. “Try this?”

“Us.” Alex smiled. “I want us to…to get to know each other again. I want us to go on dates. To…you know try this whole relationship thi-“

Casey interrupted Alex as she placed her other hand on Alex’s cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. Alex gasped as she felt Casey’s lips against her but placed her hands on Casey’s neck to keep her in place, kissing her back softly. Alex felt more tears rolling down her cheeks, she felt so overwhelmed about everything that was going on, but this definitely calmed her anxiety down, knowing that Casey really meant it and she really forgave her, and that’s all Alex had been hoping for. Hell, she would’ve accepted a friendship if anything, she just needed Casey in her life -well maybe she wouldn’t have entirely accepted the friendship because of how she felt about Casey, but she would respect the boundaries-. Both women couldn’t help but smile against each other’s lips, breaking the kiss for a slight moment before Alex brought Casey’s lips back to hers, not wanting the kiss to end. They finally separated as they tried catching their breath. Alex smiled softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“I love you, Casey.”

Casey pulled away enough to look at Alex, a surprised look on her face. “What?”

Alex’s eyes widened as she stared at Casey, swallowing hard as her hands left Casey’s neck. “I- uh. I mean- fuck. Casey. I-“

Casey chuckled softly. “You know that you’re cute even when you’re a bundle of anxiety?” She raised her brow as she grinned playfully.

“What do you expect me to do? I…I told you I loved you and you’re making fun of me and-”

“And I love you too.” Casey smiled as she ran her hand through Alex’s hair.

Alex sighed in relief as she smiled. “You do?”

Casey nodded. “I do.” She smiled. “And, by the way, I do agree on going on dates, maybe updating each other a bit more on each other’s lives but…why waste more time, Alex?”

Alex smiled. “I mean…I did drop the L bomb after basically trying to say that we could take things slow, so. I broke my own rule.” She shrugged as Casey laughed.

“You’re cute.” Casey smiled as she pecked her lips softly. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Alex smiled as she placed her hands on Casey’s back but then pulled them back quickly.

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Alex…it’s been over 3 years. My ribs are perfectly fine. You don’t have to be careful anymore.”

“I’d still be careful. I still don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” Casey smirked softly as she placed her hand on Alex’s chest and pushed her slightly, so her back was resting against the couch. She then moved to straddle her waist, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck. “And what if I don’t want you to be careful?”

Alex gulped as she looked up at Casey. “Well, that changes things.” She grinned as she placed her hands on Casey’s waist.

“It does.” Casey smiled before she leaned down for another kiss, but this time with more passion.

********************

“Anyone know who’s out temporary ADA?” Fin asked as he looked at Elliot.

“How about one back from the dead?”

They both turned to look at Casey who was already smiling and taking her coat off. “Casey Novak. You’re back.”

Casey shrugged. “Alive and fairly well.” She sighed as she smiled. “Alex and I are gonna share some cases, but…I am.”

Olivia smiled softly as she walked to Casey and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Casey smiled softly as she pulled away from the hug and looked at Olivia. “I’m happy I am.”

“Well, we have our two favorite back.” Much said as he patted her shoulder.

Casey nodded. “Thank you for the warm welcome. But, I think we have a case to work on?”

“Just got here and you already want to start working? Eager much, Novak?”

Casey smirked as she turned to look at Alex. “I don’t think you have ever minded that, Cabot.”

Alex grinned as she kissed her cheek softly. “That’s a secret.” She whispered in Casey’s ear and then chuckled as she looked at the rest of the squad. “I need to steal her for a bit but promise I’ll bring her back.” She grabbed Casey’s hand and pulled her to the elevator. Once the doors closed, she pinned Casey against the wall and smirked. “First day back and you already want to tease me in front of everyone?”

Casey shrugged. “Is that wrong?” She smirked as she pulled Alex close to her by the collar of her coat.

Alex shook her head as she chuckled. “We’ll see how you like my teasing later.” She whispered against her lips as she kissed her, but once she heard the doors opening, she pulled away and winked at Casey.

“Do you think Liz would like to hear that we’re gonna be working together?” Casey grinned as they walked out of the elevator hand in hand.

“I think she’d like if we let her know we’re together in my office before she walks in on us again.” Alex laughed, pulling Casey close to her and Casey laughing with her as they walked out the precinct.

#casey novak #alex cabot #alexandra cabot #casey novak x alex cabot #calex #svu fic #law and order svu #svu

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