the way rhys, cassian and azriel have been banging girls left right and center for 500+ years and have no secret babies is beyond me

i’m 99.9% sure that young horny bat boys don’t give two shits about protection considering they banged girls in the same room as each other?

you can’t convince me that one of them hasn’t accidentally impregnated some random one night stand girl and then just lost contact with her forever and have some hundred year old kid running around in another court

nessian prompt request for your consideration, thank you! “I read our kid a book about the things snowmen do at night and now we’re taking a walk at two in the morning to show them the actual snowmen don’t do anything.”

this is so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 taking a quick break from studying for finals to bang this one out, I hope you all enjoy 💙

Cassian could feel his wife’s death glare on the back of his hand like a brand, but it didn’t stop him from continuing to lace up Seraphina’s snow boots.

“You really promise the snowmen don’t do anything?” Sera whispered, her hazel eyes slightly wide with worry.

“I promise,” he replied. He finished tying her shoes and stood up, reaching for her much smaller hand before turning to look at Nesta and Nasima with a wide grin. “And we’re all going to prove that they’re regular degular snowmen, princess.”

Cassian had made the mistake of telling his daughters a story about what snowmen did at night, and considering they were both under ten, their imaginations had ran rampant. After a few hours of their terrified questions, he’d announced that they would go out in the middle of the night to prove the snowmen were innocent. Nesta had been pissed, but after a few rounds of Mommy, please, she’d eventually relented.

“We are making this quick,” Nesta hissed, angrily shoving her coat on. She was much gentler with Nas, taking her time to help their youngest daughter bundle up, and he couldn’t help but smile even harder at how adorable they both looked.

“Very quick,” Cassian agreed. He examined everyone to make sure they were adequately covered before moving towards the door. “Let’s go look at some snowmen, ladies.”

Sera found his hand quickly once they were all outside, practically gluing her small frame to his much bigger one as . His heart almost burst out of his chest from how much she trusted him to protect her, and he had to stop himself from picking her up and pressing kisses to her adorably round cheeks and dark curls.

“We’re doing one lap around the block, and that’s it,” Nesta said from next to him, her cheeks already pink from the cold. “I love you kids, but I’m not freezing my butt off any longer than necessary.”

“Relax, Nes,” Cassian replied with a grin. “You know I’ll warm you up when we get back inside.”

His wife just rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“Daddy, I thought we were gonna look at snowmen,” Sera whined, pulling on Cassian’s hand to get his attention.

“Daddy can multitask,” Nas chimed in loudly. “He tells Mommy that all the time.”

“Let’s focus on the snowmen,” Nesta interrupted, her cheeks flushing as she avoided looking at Cassian. “Keep walking, my love.”

They continued walking around the block, the girls becoming more and more relaxed as they realized they weren’t in danger of any snowmen attacks. By the time they looped back around to their house, any thoughts of killer snowmen had completely vanished, and Cassian was regretting going on any kind of stroll at two in the goddamn morning.

“Mommy, can we build a snowman before we go inside?” Nas asked, blinking her gray-blue eyes up at Nesta.

Cassian held back a laugh at how quickly his wife crumbled under those puppy dog eyes. “Yes, but a small one.”

Sera whooped loudly and ran off to join her sister, the two of them giggling furiously as they gathered fresh snow to make a snowman with. Cassian made his way over to Nesta and threw an arm across her shoulders, both of them sighing happily as they watched their daughters have the time of their lives.

“Thank god for winter break,” Nesta muttered. “Their sleep schedules are so fucked.”

Cassian hmmed his agreement and leaned in to kiss her temple. “They’re lucky they’re so goddamn cute.”

“They learned from the best,” she said, snuggling into his warmth as they kept watching the girls. Sera was showing Nas how to pack the snow properly so they could form a proper base for the snowman, and Cassian couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the obvious love between the two. He’d been so worried about starting a family all those years ago, that he wouldn’t know how to raise them considering his turbulent childhood, but seeing his daughters like this had long erased those fears from his mind.

“I love you,” Cassian told Nesta after a minute, the words bursting out of him.

“I know.” Even if he wasn’t looking at her, he would’ve known she was smiling. “I love you too. Now let’s help these two build this stupid snowman so we can go the fuck back to sleep.”

“Aye aye, captain,” he agreed.

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Emerie: You know that voice in your head that tells you what you're doing is wrong?

Gwyn, Nesta and Cassian: You mean the one that sounds like Az?

Not even joking if Azriel and Elain end up together I will rage-quit the entire series she does not deserve him.

For your request for holiday prompts, how about something inspired by I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause? Like Cassian dressing up as Santa and kissing Nesta but their kids see

And another one that's been lowkey sitting in my ask box because I haven't had time. So sorry! But this was super fun to write, and I hope you enjoy :) Also, big shout-out to my best friend who's a teacher and always gives me student’s names that I can use in fics.

"You look ridiculous." 

Cassian glances down at himself, at the bright red jacket and matching pants, each trimmed in white. The movement causes the ball of his hat to go flying forward, knocking against his cheek, and he reaches his hands up to straighten out where the hat sits atop his dark tangle of hair. 

He looks up to where his wife is perched on their sofa, half the cookies on the plate in front of her already gone and a piece of tape for wrapping the last gift poised between her fingers. She's wearing her unimpressed face, an eyebrow raised in Cassian's direction, but he doesn't miss the fondness swimming in those blue grey eyes or the slight uptick at the corners of her lips. Gods, he loves her so much. All these years later and she still has his heart thundering in his chest every time their eyes meet. Still has that warm feeling flooding through him until his fingers are tingling. 

"You don't think I look hot, Nes?" Cassian teases, throwing in a wink for good measure. 

That just earns him an eye roll, and Cassian steps forward, taking Nesta's hand and pulling her to her feet. An arm around her waist, and he's tugging her even closer still. He presses a kiss to his favorite spot behind her ear, reveling in the shudder that takes over Nesta. 

"Don't I make a hot Santa?" Cassian whispers hotly in her ear. 

Nesta snorts softly, but her grip is still tight where her hands are buried in the fabric at his waist, she still leans into him. Cassian opens his mouth, ready to make another dirty joke, when they both feel a distinct kick. Cassian pulls back with a wide smile, only to find Nesta's just as soft, as bright, as they both reach their hands for the spot. 

"See?" Cassian points out. "Someone agrees with me." 

"That's because you spoil her, so she's a Daddy's girl." 

Cassian ignores her, leaning down to press a kiss to Nesta's rounded belly. Satisfied when their baby girl kicks again, Cassian straightens up, cupping Nesta's face with his hands. He leans close until their noses brush, until he can see every shade of blue in her eyes, every sun kissed freckle on her cheeks. 

"Do you want Santa to spoil you, Nes?" 

"I hate you so much." 

"You can't lie on Christmas, sweetheart." 

Before Nesta can make any more protests, Cassian closes the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. 

~ * * * ~ 

When Cassian wakes in the morning, it's to the sun reflecting off the crisp, white snow blanketing the world outside and right into their bedroom. He smiles softly as he takes in Nesta's still sleeping form beside him, one hand delicately resting on her stomach. It takes Cassian's sleep-addled mind a few minutes to realize what's missing from this picture. Particularly, the excited little feet jumping on the mattress, the high pitch squeal declaring it's Christmas. 

Cassian takes a moment to listen, wondering if those little feet have snuck downstairs without him, but the house is quiet. Cassian leans over, pressing a kiss to Nesta's temple, before sliding out of their bed and out of their room. He pads down the hall to the room at the end, carefully opening the door. 

He expects to find Kylynn still fast asleep, the only logical explanation for the lack of her waking him up, but instead his daughter is awake and sitting on her bed. Cassian notes the way her arms are crossed, her eyebrows pinched together, and the little pout pushing out her lips. It has him frowning as he steps fully into her room. 

"Aren't you supposed to be the one waking me up for Christmas morning, not the other way around?" He teases lightly, moving to sit beside his daughter on her bed. 

"I don't want any presents from Santa," Kylynn declares, huffing softly. 

The quiet determination, the annoyed look marring her face, is so like her mother that Cassian has to bite his lip around a smile. He reaches it up to run a soothing hand through her hair instead. Those dark curls from him. 

"You don't?" Cassian asks gently. "But you were so excited before." 

"I don't want them. Send them back." 

"Send them back? We can't do that."

"We have to. I hate Santa now." 

"Ky, why do you hate Santa?" 

Cassian isn't sure what explanation he expects to get from Kylynn. Honestly, this whole conversation has been a whirlwind. Last night, they could barely get Kylynn to bed she was so ramped up on excitement for Christmas morning. And now this one-eighty? Maybe, he should wake Nesta. She would definitely be better at handling this than him. 

But then Kylynn's whole face shatters, a pained wail pulling deep from her chest and big, fat tears sliding down her cheeks. 

"I saw Santa kissing Mommy last night," Kylynn sobs. 

Cassian bundles up his daughter into his arms, holding her close to his chest as she continues to cry. He rocks them gently and runs a smoothing hand up and down her spine. He hates seeing her like this. Every sob like a sharp knife right to the heart. He curses himself for not hearing her sneak down the stairs last night. 

“Are you and Mommy going to break up like Eleanor’s parents?” Kylynn gets out between hiccups. 

Cassian sighs softly, thinking of Kylynn’s classmate whose parents are divorcing. He pulls Kylynn away from him, just enough that he can wipe the tears from her cheeks with gentle fingers. She sniffles softly as he does it, looking up at him with wide blue eyes still lined with unshed tears. He leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“Mommy and I aren’t breaking up,” Cassian tells her. “We love each other so much, just like we love you.” 

“Then why did Santa kiss her?” 

Cassian tries to think of what to tell her. On the one hand, telling her the truth, that it was him the whole time kissing Nesta, would assure her that he and Nesta were definitely not breaking up because Santa of all people was coming between them. But he also doesn’t want to ruin the magic of Christmas and Santa so young for Kylynn. She’s only four years old after. But keeping up the belief in Santa clearly is going to do more harm than good in this situation. It’s a lose-lose. 

“Well, Ky,” Cassian starts gently. “Because it wasn’t actually Santa kissing Mommy.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It was Daddy, wearing a Santa costume.” 

“Why were you wearing a Santa costume? Wouldn’t that confuse Santa?” 

“You see, sweetie—” 

“Because Daddy is one of Santa’s helpers.” 

Cassian glances toward the bedroom door to find Nesta leaning against the door frame there. She shoots Cassian a look that he knows means they’ll be talking about this later, but then she’s offering Kylynn a soft smile. She walks over and joins them on the bed, Kylynn scrambling into her mother’s arms without any encouragement, curling up against Nesta’s chest. The sight has Cassian’s heart squeezing with the amount of love he feels. His two favorite girls, soon to be three, tucked up together like this. 

“One of Santa’s helpers?” Kylynn asks quietly, blinking up at Nesta. 

“That’s right,” Nesta explains, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Kylynn’s hair. “There are so many good little girls and boys that need presents, that sometimes Santa can’t get to all the houses in time. So he has helpers, and Daddy’s the helper for our neighborhood.” 

“You are?” Kylynn asks, turning her attention back to Cassian. 

“I am,” Cassian assures her. 

Kylynn nods sagely. “That makes sense.” 

“Now, how about some hot chocolate?” Nesta offers. 

“With extra marshmallows?” Kylynn pleads. 

“Of course.” 

Nesta presses a kiss to Kylynn’s cheek before standing up from the bed. Cassian holds his own lips out in a pout, and Nesta rolls her eyes teasingly but leans forward to press a kiss to them before heading toward the door and downstairs. He smiles as he watches her go before turning his attention back to their daughter. 

“And how about those presents from Santa?” he asks. 

Cassian is glad to see the wide smile return to Kylynn’s face as she nods excitedly at him, those bright, blue eyes free of any more tears. He scoops her up into his arms and settles her on his hip as they make their way out of the room and to the stairs. 

“So, Daddy, how did you meet Santa?”

—

Taglist: @moodymelanist @hellogoodbye14​ @nestaspegasus​ @confusedfandomslut​ @sv0430​ @angelic-voice-1997​ @talkfantasytome @secretlovelybeauty @azreilsblade

Dawn

Fanfiction Masterlist

Just pure, undiluted fluff.

Nesta woke to an empty bed.

Confused, she patted the sheets beside her to find them still warm, as if he’d only just risen. It was hardly dawn, but she supposed it wasn’t abnormal for him to be up this early.

Her sleepy eyes trailed away from the abandoned sheets to the light coming from beneath the bathroom door, where she could hear the sounds of a bath beginning to fill. She slid out of bed, padding on bare feet to the door.

Cassian was washing his face in the sink when she came in, squinting against the lamp light. He smiled at her in the slightly fogged mirror. “Good morning, my love. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She scrubbed her eyes. “What are you… why are you up?”

“I’m just gonna take a bath before heading into Illyria. They need me to speak to some of the camp lords.”

She grumbled and shuffled closer to wrap her arms around him from behind. “‘Ts cold.”

He ran loving hands up and down her forearms as she rested her head between his wings. “You can go back to bed, my love. I’ll be back later today.”

She let out a low whine and squeezed him tighter.

“Nesta,” he sighed, unwrapping her from him so he could turn around. “Do you want me to tuck you in?”

She deposited her face in his chest. “Mmm, no.”

“Well, I have to take a bath, so you can either get dressed or go get some more sleep. Aren’t you helping with the young Valkaries today?”

She whined louder.

“Alright.” Cassian bent down to pick her up by her thighs and she hooked her feet behind his back.

Burying her face in his neck, she began to grumble again when he made his way back into the bedroom. 

“What?” he asked, exasperated. 

Her hands lifted to tug at his hair. “Bath,” she mumbled.

“You don’t have to be ready for a few more hours, my love. You can take your bath later.”

“Noooo.” 

“You’re just gonna fall asleep in the tub.”

“Nooooooo.”

He sighed once more before turning to set her on the bathroom counter. “Alright, but no funny business or I’m gonna be late.”

Nesta lifted her arms in signal for him to take off her sweater.

He peeled it off of her effortlessly before discarding his own night clothes and ridding her of the rest of hers.

The bath was thankfully big enough for them both as well as a pair of Illyrian wings. Nesta sighed in content when he set her in the water, blissfully hot. She tugged him insistently down in front of her so she could cling to his back once more.

He huffed but resigned himself to the treatment as he went about washing himself. Nesta laid her head on his shoulder, content to watch until his hands lifted to his hair.

She hissed, wriggling away from him. “Nooo. Let me.”

He looked over his shoulder at her to deliver a single brow raise. “You want to wash my hair?”

She nodded, moving to sit on the far bench. “Pretty hair.”

“Has anyone ever told you how articulate you are in the mornings?”

Her half-lidded eyes lifted to an almost-glare.

He laughed softly, but leaned into her arms. 

She grabbed the pitcher beside the tub, filling it with water to pour over his head until his hair was as soaked as the rest of him. Then she lathered it with shampoo, her long fingers massaging his scalp.

Cassian let out an animal-like purr as he closed his eyes, his wings going limp inside the water. “Mmm. Fuck. So good.”

“Very articulate,” Nesta mumbled as her hands worked the soap in. Once he had almost fully melted, she rinsed it from his hair before reaching for the conditioner.

He turned onto his stomach as she did so, water sloshing over the sides of the tub. She didn’t mind, though. Not as his brow leaned against her sternum, his arms wrapping around her. He hummed while she worked the conditioner in, nuzzling into her. 

She rinsed that too, his hair going silken in her grasp, and grabbed the rag he’d abandoned, filling it with soap. She scrubbed at his shoulders and upper back, down the column of his spine as far as she could reach. When she made to start on his wings, however, he lifted his head to glare at her.

“I said no funny business.”

Nesta pouted but resigned herself to rinsing the rest of the soap from his body. When she was done, he rose and lifted her with him, both of them dripping wet.

“Will you go back to bed now?” Cassian asked as he wrapped her in a fluffy towel and set her on the edge of their bed.

She shook her head, watching him in growing appreciation as he dried himself.

He huffed, grabbing his hair brush from the vanity.

Nesta snatched it from him, arching a brow when he tried to contradict her. “Sit,” she ordered, pointing to the space between her legs on the floor.

He plopped down at her feet and her legs swung carefully over his shoulders and wings to keep him in place. As she brushed through the dripping tangles of his hair, he massaged her calves, occasionally turning his head to kiss her knee.

“Stay still,” she said as she set the brush aside. 

His hands paused when he felt her beginning to part his hair. “What are you doing?”

She didn’t answer and he didn’t push, instead surrendering himself once more to her ministrations.

Ten minutes later, she was done, finally allowing him to rise. He went to the vanity mirror to find four braids neatly worked along the left side of his head, stopping just above his ear. His smile was the one reserved only for her as he turned back. “Thank you, my love.”

She gave him a similar smile in return, if a little more sleepy, and let out a yawn, lifting her arms. He obeyed the unspoken command, moving her further onto the bed so she could lay properly on the pillows. “I’m going to cancel your training today,” Cassian said, working the towel out from under her.

Her eyelids fluttered. “Why?”

He tucked the comforter into her sides with expert care. “Because I want you just like this when I get home.”

She didn’t have the energy to fight, instead snuggled into his pillow. “‘Kay.”

He pressed a kiss to her brow, but she had already drifted off. “I love you.”

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Cassian: So, what's it like living with Gwyn?

Azriel: Once I asked her for water while she was pissed at me and she brought me a glass full of ice and told me to wait

Nesta: Cassian and I made a promise to never go to bed angry with each other.

Cassian: We’ve been awake for two days.

Nesta: If you would just admit to being wrong-

A/N: I have Sim’s disease. This disease makes you unable to shut up while writing, causing long chapters and stress because you can’t end it. So the fact that this chapter is not the last one and has almost 7K is totally @perseusannabeth fault.

I promise the next one will be the last (this time for real). While we don’t have the wedding, please enjoy the light smut, sprinkles of angst and a dash of Jealous!Cassian.

You can check here Pemberley’s Lake, Hooked on You, Smells like petrichor and paper, The Sound of Music, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Bloody Day and Ominous Letter, Elementary, my Dear Lady and Eternal Flame, part one, two, three, four, five, six, seven and eight of my Nessian Pride and Prejudice AU.

Jealousy Jealousy

Cassian and Nesta’s engagement was a short one.  Nothing to raise rumors of scandals, of course, but still relatively short that it walked in the thin line  of impropriety given Cassian’s status.

Four months. That was how long their engagement had lasted, yet Cassian had been so busy with multiple affairs that time went by a blink. Strangely enough, the fact that the wedding date was slowly approaching — barely a week away — filled him with nerves, and made time run ever so slowly when all he wanted was to finally be able to call Nesta Archeron his wife.

These four months, however, had been enough to help lessen the gossip surrounding Elain and Lucien’s marriage, not to mention enough time to have Beron properly put into trial and convicted to a life sentence in the Tower of London. Cassian had kept his promise to the young Spell-Cleaver and made sure his mother’s ex husband had gotten a fair and just punishment according to his evil deeds. He had gone as far as reaching to his contacts in the Court and managed to reinstate the Duchess with her rightful assets, such as her dowry and properties that had been legally hers when she had married. The Vanserras were still quite rich and held some prestige, but most of their fortune had come through Beron’s marriage to Anais, and the loss of it had considerably lowered their fortune — not to an alarming level or risk of bankruptcy, but at least half of what it had been during the marriage years of the Vanserra’s.

To Cassian’s surprise, the new head of the Vanserra Household — the eldest son, Lord Eris — had not gone against the Judge’s decision, fully supporting his mother regaining her assets. Cassian hated the prick, but he had to feel an inkling of respect for the redhead’s actions regarding his mother.

Although he did tease and remarked in passing about the gentleman’s loss of fortune. It was a childish thing to do, but after years of being mocked by the other party — in regards to Cassian’s modest upbringing, his later adoption by Rhysand’s father and even his early interactions with the eldest Archeron — he could not help himself. Nesta had chastised him about his petty behaviour, arguing that, unfortunately, the Vanserra’s were her in laws given Elain’s marriage to Lucien, their half brother, and so they had to, at least in public, appear civil as to not inquire further fuel for gossip.

She did, however, admit to him in private that she had found his “courtier voice” —  as she had come to call it — rather… exciting. That had propelled him to whisper —  using the same sultry voice — sweet nothings to her, and he had noticed with smug satisfaction how Nesta had blushed, taking a sharp intake of breath.

Oh, how he missed the early days of their engagement, before he was pulled into dealing not only with the trial but also all the paperwork that came to organizing a wedding. Nesta, much the same, had become rather busy with all the preparations, spending days out shopping with her sisters. Emerie had insisted on making Nesta’s dress and bridal trousseau herself, taking upon herself to make Nesta the best dressed lady of all time. That had helped in cutting short the wedding preparations, yet Cassian still missed his bride to be dearly. And after their first kiss that evening at the bookstore… well, he found himself desiring her even more if it was possible.

Cassian grumbled in distress as he recalled that the last time he and Nesta were together alone had been that single time at the bookstore. Nowadays when their schedules allowed them to meet, someone from their party of friends would be present, acting as their chaperone. Cassian wistfully looked back at their days at Pemberley, where not only they saw each other with more frequency but had been able to spend some time unsupervised.

But maybe that was for the best. He would never act in a way to compromise Nesta’s reputation, even if the fact that they were engaged to be married allowed them certain liberties — he knew that most people of the ton would not bat an eyelash at “an early babe”. He wanted to properly treasure his relationship with Nesta and treat her with the utmost respect and affection he held for her. And after their kiss he found himself losing what little restraint he possessed when it came to her. A smile, a glance, even a single touch to his arm would make his heartbeat quicken and his thoughts wander to dangerous places. His failing self control proved that maybe being chaperoned was for the best, lest he ended up acting with his lower head.

“That is the fifth time you have sighed in the last ten minutes” Azriel declared from his position on the couch where he was currently looking over some reports while Cassian double checked documents regarding his marriage.

“I never knew planning a marriage would be so complicated,” Cassian said in exasperation.

“You could always elope” his brother pointed out, which earned him a harsh look.

“I am not eloping with Nesta” he said angrily “She is getting her dream marriage and that is final. Even if I end up murdering the next person that asks me about sitting charts or if I would rather have lillies or roses at the reception tables”

“Cheer up, brother, I have good news. Gwyn— I mean, Lady Gwyneth” Azriel corrected himself, his ears getting slightly pink “will be performing tonight and I happen to have tickets”

“You ‘happen to have tickets’,” Cassian hummed, arching an eyebrow “May I inquire if it is for this night alone or have you bought tickets for the whole season?”

“That is not of your concern,” Azriel answered, and Cassian had never seen his brother appear so ruffled “what I am saying is that I have tickets for Lady Gwyneth's performance and that Lady Nesta happens to be her best friend, and I am sure she would love to prestige her.”

“You are saying you will act as our chaperone?” Cassian asked hopefully.

“Your private box is beside mine,” Azriel shrugged. “I can turn a blind eye this time and let you two have some time alone before the marriage”

“I own you Az, big time” Cassian was beside himself, getting up from his chair and already planning on calling on Nesta to tell her in person about it.

“We will be in public,” his brother argued “It is not like you could do something too scandalous.”

Cassian’s mind went back to his kiss with Nesta, her back against the bookstore’s shelves, in broad daylight and decided to stay quiet. Azriel was being too lenient on him and his ability to act rashly.

Thankfully, Cassian’s apartment in the city was only a twenty minute ride by horse from the Archeron Manor. He had never cared about maintaining a big house in town — being on his own most of the time, he saw no need for such a thing — and also preferred Pemberley to the chaos of the city. But maybe now he should rethink that idea. Maybe Nesta would prefer to live in the city, where it was closer to her sisters and friends, and Cassin wanted to have somewhere big enough to build a family with her. His tiny apartment would not fulfill that intention, and he did not want to get ahead of himself and suppose that Nesta would want to stay at her childhood home. From the little that Feyre talked about their upbringing, he knew that the place held painful memories, especially now that her parents had passed away.

Cassian had just arrived at the Archeron Manor when he spotted Emerie at the entrance, no doubt waiting for her coach.

“If it isn’t the groom,” she greeted him, “you have not worked out more and gained a few more muscles, have you? Your suit is already done and I simply cannot redo it. I am as busy as I can  be”

‘Hello, Emerie. How nice to see you” Cassian said with a smile, charmingly kissing her hand “To answer your question, no, I do not have new muscles. My suit will suit perfectly”

Emerie eyed him with an expert’s look, so serious that he almost feared he had indeed grown bigger since the time she had taken his measurements. His stay in town and busy schedule made it harder to oversee the capital’s military training daily  —  something he, as General Commander, should do — but he had managed to squeeze in a visit at least twice a week.

“You pass,” Emerie declared, smirking at him “do not worry mister husband, I am the best and — as such —  have prepared a spare suit. In case of accidents of course.”

Cassian let out a laugh, amazed at Emerie.

“Thank you. I assume you have finished your and Nesta’s business of the day?” he asked, hopefully that his bride would be free.

“You are indeed very lucky, for her schedule is completely free for the rest of the day” Emerie gave him a sly smile “And, she is very much alone right now and I happen to know that her few servants are very discreet and will not disturb you”

“Emerie!! I came here to invite her to Gwyn’s performance!” Cassian could feel his ears getting warm and he cursed his body for turning into a greenboy with his first love when it came to Nesta.

Emerie just waved lazely, dismissing his words and walking towards her coach which had arrived while they talked.

“Have fun at the theater tonight, General! I have gifted Nesta a very large and stunning wardrobe as a wedding gift” she said as the carriage drove away, making Cassian run his hand through his hair.

He was quite familiar with Emerie’s daring and gorgeous designs. And he was very very weak when Nesta was the one wearing them.

“My Lord,” the butler greeted him, “what a pleasant surprise. Should I announce your presence to the Lady?”

“Thank you, but that will not be necessary. Where can I find her?” Cassian took off his coat, giving it to the footman beside the butler.

“As you wish. Your ladyship is at her study, in the second floor, the first door on the right”

Cassian thanked the butler again, and tried to not seem too eager as he made his way up to the second floor. He found Nesta’ study’s door half open and smiled to himself as he pictured her surprised face when he walked in, silently closing the door behind him.

However, he ended up being the one surprised.

“Damn you, Emerie,” Cassian cursed lowly, recalling the modise's devilish smile while she waved goodbye from her coach.

Nesta was standing in front of her, looking down at some papers in her hand, but once she realised she was not alone anymore she raised her head, giving him a rare full smile when Cassian turned out to be her guest.

Her smile made her even more breathtaking, and Cassian swore at the sudden tightness in his pants when she placed the papers on  her desk and walked towards him. He could not stop looking as she stopped in front of him, running her hands slowly over his shoulders.

“What a nice but unexpected surprise” Nesta said “I did not know you were planning to visit, and Mr.Jones did not announce you”

“You— I mean, I wanted to—” Cassian looked up, cursing his inability to talk properly.

He was going to murder Emerie. Why could she not have warned him that Nesta Archeron was wearing pants? And not just some normal pants, no. She was wearing high waisted tight fitted custom made beige pants — courtesy of Emerie’s wedding gift, he was sure — and a white shirt with a navy vest that made her eyes even more blue. And her hair, which styled in a crown braid, gave him a full view to her neck, the final snap to his self control.

“What happened Cassian? Cat got your tongue?” Nesta teased, and he would have been annoyed were she not so cute, even while making fun of him.

“I am glad you find my lack of composure amusing, my dear” he said, looking at her and finding her smiling again.

The sight made his heart grow impossibly bigger, and once he thanked the Caudron he was going to marry Nesta. Deciding it was his time to tease her, Cassian placed his hands on her waist, tugging her towards him.

“Since when do you wear pants?” he asked, his hands running up and down her back.

“Emerie gifted me a few,” Nesta answered, a little breathless “I am not as bold as her to wear them in public gatherings, but I do prefer them when I am at home and have to spend a long time working. Especially when I have to deal with my father’s old associates. I learned from Emerie that they seem to respect you more depending on your attire.”

Cassian sometimes forgot that since the late Lord Archeron passed away Nesta had become the leader of his business. Having no malle relatives alive and being the eldest child, Nesta had inherited most of her father’s business, while her sisters had a few assets of their own that came with their dowry.

“I do not know if I like the idea of you wearing such a distracting attire near all those boring associates” his hands squeezed her waist, and he leaned down to whisper on her ear “I am afraid to admit that I am quite the jealous fiancé”

Nesta took a sharp breath, and Cassian smiled to himself at her reaction.

“They are a bunch of old, white haired and round bellied men who care more about their money than anything else” Nesta laced her arms around his neck “There is no need to feel jealous. Once we are married you shall see me more frequently in pants.”

I hope I will see you wearing nothing at all, Cassin thought to himself.

“I came here to rescue you from wedding planning and invite you out and yet you tease me” he pouted.

“If your plans are satisfying, I may say yes” Nesta hummed, trying not to appear too eager. She had missed Cassian terribly too. Not only were the wedding plans keeping her busy but once she was back from her vacation — and Elain’s situation had been solved —  she had piles of paperwork from merchants and deals to be looked into.

Her last encounter with Cassian had been at the bookstore, where she had finally told him what she felt.

And where they had finally kissed.

Oh, how she thought about their kiss. While she decided on the table clothes for the wedding reception, while she shopped with her sisters, while Emerie took her measurements and told her about dress designs… she thought about the kiss at night, when she was alone in her room and safe beneath her blankets.

Nesta was not naive. She knew what happened on the wedding night — and sometimes before. She had found some romance books which were not as… innocent as her current reads, and blamed Emerie and Gwyn for her new and graphic reading materials. She kept them hidden in a locked drawer in her bedside table, taking them out only when she knew she was not going to be interrupted by any of her employees.

After their kiss she found herself taking them out to read more and more frequently, and in those four months Emerie and Gwyn had gifted her with new ones, each more scandalous than the other.

“Az has tickets for Gwyn’s performance tonight,” Cassian told her, taking her out of her lust filled memory “and he was kind enough to offer to chaperone us.’

“From his own private box, beside ours” he added with a wink.

“How generous of him,” Nesta said, standing on her tiptoes.

“Are you satisfied with my plan, my dear bride?” Cassian asked, one of his hands cupping her cheek.

“Very much,” she said, kissing him.

It was not a shy kiss like their first, or a hard one full of lust like their second. This kiss was like meeting someone after missing them for a long time. It was tender and sweet and made Cassian think he was finally home. It made him think of lazy evenings spent in bed, of picnics on sunny days near Pemberley’s lake, of reading beside Nesta in front of a fireplace.

It made him think he was finally home.

“I missed you, Nes” he murmured against her lips, kissing her softly.

“I missed you too,” Nesta said, moving a stray strand of hair out of his eyes “Your annoying self managed to pester even my thoughts.”

“So you think about me” Cassian said, his voice taking the sultry tone that drove her mad “Tell me Nes, when do you think about me?”

“Do you think about me during the day?” he kissed the corner of her lips “Do you think about me during the night?”

“Cassian” was all she could say, her hands finding purchase on his shoulders

“Do you think about me while you read your romance books?” another kiss, this time on her jaw “While you take a relaxing bath?” he kissed that spot behind her ear that made her toes curl.

This was dangerous. All of her employees knew better than to disturb her while she was working —  even more now that her fiancé had shown up announced — and with her door closed Nesta knew she might not be able to think properly, especially given how long she had missed Cassian and his touch.

“Answer me, Nes” Cassian playfully tugged at her earlobe “When do you think about me?”

“All the time,” she breathed, needing Cassian to kiss her again “I think about you all the time. No matter the place. In my study, my bed or while I am shopping or bathing, I think about you”

“Good girl” and then he kissed her.

This kiss was indeed similar to their second one, if possible even more desperate and demanding in consequence of their lack of unsupervised encounters. Nesta had grown bolder, her hands tugging his hair and her tongue parting his lips. Cassian kissed her back with as much desire, the hand on her waist tightening its grip and the other leaving her face and moving down to her behind.

“These pants,” he groaned, squeezing her ass for good measure and making her gasp “These pants are killing me”

Nesta felt heat pool down low on her stomach, that familiar need to get closer to him growing again, making her flush her body tighter against his. She bit his lower lip, soothing the hurt with her tongue and that was Cassian’s breaking point. His hand moved to her thigh, holding it against his waist.

“Jump,” Cassian ordered, gathering Nesta in his arms. She did as he said, wrapping both legs around him, and she moaned at the feeling of having him pressed so close to her center.

Cassian walked towards her desk, his lips never leaving hers. Holding her with one arm only beneath her, he used the other to send all of her things to the floor and Nesta could not find it in herself to care, not when he placed her on top of her desk, making her stay almost at the same height as him.

“You have no idea how mad you drive me, Nes” he whispered as he started kissing and biting her neck. He would most certainly leave a mark and she did not care if it scandalised her maids.

She wanted him to mark her. Wanted the whole ton to know she was his.

And she wanted him closer, wanted to feel his weight pressing down on her.

Grabbing his shirt, she pulled him down with her, her back touching the hard surface of her desk, his elbows beside her head, caging her.

“Cassian, please” she begged. She did not know what she was begging for, just that she needed him to touch her more.

“What do you want, sweetheart?” he asked, his hazel eyes darkened with lust “Be a good girl and tell me what you want”

“I want you” she moaned “I want you to touch me”

“As you wish” his lips crushed her again, one of his hands moving to her shirt, slowly sliding from her waist to her right breast.

Nesta felt her head spin when he palmed her breast, and she could not help but think how would it feel to have his large calloused hand against her bare skin, teasing and twisting her nipple like she had read in her secret novels.

Her hips started moving on their own, grinding against Cassian, who let out a curse. His lips found her neck again, and she whined in protest when his hand left her breast, only to moan in relief when he expertectly unbuttoned her vest and shirt, the top of her corpert the only thing covering her breasts now.

Cassian knew he had to stop, knew he should get up and away from Nesta, that her first time most certainly could not be in her study room and her desk, but he was past the point of no return now. His lips left love marks on the top of her breasts, his hips grinding down on her, Nesta’s moans making him grow harder and harder.

He was seriously contemplating moving her to the small sofa in the room when a loud knock made him freeze, Nesta going still underneath him.

“My Lady?” a maid called from outside.

“Y—Yes Lily” Nesta’s voice was surprisingly firm, but her reddened complexion betrayed her nerves.

“Excuse me for the bother, but the chef wanted to know whether the Lord would stay for dinner”

“He will not. In fact, I will be going out tonight, so warn Mounsier Jacquin to prepare a light meal and advance the dinner in an hour, please”

“As you wish, my Lady” the maid said, and they waited a few minutes until they were certain she had left before they started laughing.

“My heart,” Nesta gasped “It is beating so fast”

“Indeed it is” Cassian groped her breasts jokingly, making Nesta throw him an annoyed look.

“We were lucky she did not enter the room after knocking.”

“We were,” he said, standing up and bringing her to a seated position, “We should not be left unchaperoned.”

“Good thing Azriel will be with us at the opera then,” Nesta said as she began to righten her clothes.

“It is these blasted pants fault and the fact that you look sinful wearing them” Cassian said huskily, his hands settling on her thighs “My future wife is too stunning for her own good”

Nesta felt giddy whenever Cassian called her his ‘future wife’. She could not wait for the day he called her ‘wife’.

“Well then, future husband, you better gather your wits” she teased, running her hands through his hair “Pants are the last of your worries if you see the other clothes Emerie gave me”

“Caudron help me” he begged, kissing her one last time before they both left the room.

~•~

The rest of Nesta’s clothes would indeed be Cassian’s cause of death. On one hand, he was grateful Azriel was taking the same carriage as them —  he was, afterall, their chaperone — but on the other he was feeling rather jealous that he did not have Nesta all to himself, a feeling he was sure was bound to grow as they arrived at the theater and had to mingle with others before the performance began. Cassian knew he was acting like a jealous, greddy and possessive man, something he did not like at all yet could help when it came to Nesta and her ability to appear even more stunning each time they met.

The dress in question was in burgundy — Cassian’s favourite colour, making him feel rather full of himself to see it on Nesta — with a heart shaped neckline that showed off her generous cleavage. Her shoulders and collarbone were exposed, but the long sleeves that ended up with frills near her hand somehow balanced the design. Her hair had been curled and braided in a half up half down style, and Cassian wanted to hide Nesta from the public eye for she threatened to bring entire kingdoms to their knees with her hair down. The simple yet priceless jewelry —  drop diamond earrings and necklace fit for the daughter of a man once known as the Prince of Merchants  — made her beauty stand out even more. Cassian always knew that Nesta did not need flashy and ostentatious jewelry to make heads turn her way. Her beauty was such that even the most modest of jewelry or clothes made her stand out in a ballroom or event.

“Stop looking at me like that” Nesta whispered to him as he helped her down the carriage.

“I do not know what you mean, my dear” he whispered back, tucking her hand safely on his arm as they climbed the steps to the theater.

“You know very well what I mean, General” she hissed through her teeth as she smiled and presented their tickets at the entrance “Poor Azriel looked as if he wanted to throw himself from the carriage”

“He is doing his chaperone duties,” Cassian argued “Besides, he is not even with us anymore, so there is no need to be shy. He must be halfway at Gwyn’s dressing room delivering the flowers”

Azriel had indeed disappeared somewhere as soon as they had arrived, a beautiful bouquet tied with a teal ribbon on his hands. He had held that bouquet with the utmost care during the carriage ride, and Nesta could still not believe that he was Gwyn's mysterious suitor. When she had first discovered that Cassian sponsored Gwyn, she had supposed him to also be the one giving her the flowers and the ribbons. Imagine her surprise when she got in the carriage and saw no other than Azriel holding the bouquet.

“Besides, given your attire and our moment this evening, you cannot blame me for looking at you the way I am,” he whispered huskily at her ear, shivers running down her spine “You look good enough to eat, Nes”

Nesta hoped her blush was not noticeable. She did not need the others present to wonder why she had the complexion of a tomato, having already scandalised poor Lily while the young maid helped her get ready. Cassian’s love bites and marks had to be covered with a generous amount of makeup or else she would not have been able to wear any of her summer dresses. And Mother knows people would wonder why she was wearing a winter dress —  with a high neckline that covered all of her chest and neck —  when it was most definitely not cold during this time of the year.

“But I will try to behave,” Cassian said with a small smile, leaving a kiss on the top of her head.

And he did try to be on his best behaviour. They mingled a bit, receiving congratulations for their engagement from the ladies and gentleman present. Some of them were sincere, some of them were clearly fake, intrusive questions and remarks veiled in honeyed words, and others were simply curious.  Cassian knew how to play courtier but it was something that usually left him drained, made him want to turn around and leave. Nesta, on the other hand, was a natural. She had a way with words that filled him with admiration for her, helding her  “I will eat my enemies for breakfast” look that would make even the most fearless gentleman or meanest lady run away crying.

Yet he knew how she did not enjoy staying in packed places for too long, how lots of noise and people left her tired and anxious, especially if the crowd was surrounding her, leaving her overwhelmed. So after what he deemed enough time for socialisation, Cassian managed to make up an excuse with a polite smile, quickly and efficiently directing them to his private box.

“Some people need to mind their own business,” Nesta grumbled as they got seated “That old hag Lady Hatt had the audacity to inquire of how much my dowry was! She has no shame. No wonder her daughter is still unmarried, she asks the most invasive things”

“However, you dealt perfectly with her, Nes” Cassian said, passing her a flute of champagne.

“I did, didn’t I?” Nesta replied with a hint of smugness, recording Lady Hatt’s ashamed and incredulous face.

Intertwining their hands, Cassian kissed her palm. “You are the most incredible woman I have ever met, my dear”

Not for the first time in the evening Nesta felt butterflies in her stomach. Cassian frequently praised her, telling her how smart and beautiful she was, how much he adored her. It eased her heart, having him assure her of his feelings. Even though Nesta knew he loved her, she could not help but feel insecure sometimes, as if this was all a dream and one day Cassian would wake up and realise he did not love her, that he could find someone more worthy of his affections. She, of course, never told him that. Those negative thoughts came from a place of self-doubt, and she knew how silly she would have sounded were she to voice them out loud. She also did not want Cassian to think she did not trust him.

Trying to disperse these intrusive thoughts, Nesta looked at the stage, the lights turning off and the curtains opening to declare the beginning of the performance.

Gwyn looked stunning, the stage lights making it seem as if her copper hair was on fire, and when she sang she shined as bright as the sun. Nesta loved to watch Gwyn perform, be it on stage or a rehearsal or just her humming a melody when they had their reading meet ups with Emerie. Her singing brought a sense of easiness and peace to Nesta that it healed her soul, that made her want to lay down and listen to Gwyn’s voice until she fell asleep.

“I am going to the powder room” Nesta told Cassian at the end of the last song.

“Take your time, I will be waiting here for you” he said with a smile, tenderly kissing her.

“I will not take long,” she assured him.

Nesta was near the powder room when she heard voices, her name being mentioned among the conversation.

“I cannot understand how the General Commander got engaged to that lowly woman,” Lady Hatt was saying “her father was a merchant, for Mother’s sake!! And her mother was nothing but a noble in name only. Her house had fallen so low no one remembers their name”

“But mama, Lady Archeron’s father was a baronet. '' Nesta identified the other voice as belonging to Lady Hart’s daughter, young Miss Eunice.

“Do not be stupid, Eunice. He bought that title. He could have been the son of a fisherman who got lucky and managed to buy a title but his family will never be one of us” Lady Hatt snorted, “Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted by the General Commander’s horrible choice of wife? That poor gentleman, seduced by that woman’s peasant ways”

Nesta decided she had had enough, walking into the powder room. Yet while Lady Hatt was too busy reapplying her make up to notice Nesta coming in, her daughter did, her face paling when she met Nesta’s hard cold blue-grey eyes.

 “You should have been the one to marry him. You come from a distinguished bloodline from both sides of the family and are an extraordinarily accomplished young lady. You only talk when talked to, know how to respect your father and brother and do not go around messing with the peasants as Lady Archeron does.”

“I am quite certain that I have already told you that my private matters concern me and anyone else, Lady Hatt” Nesta declared, looking down her nose at the older woman “And as such concern too my relations with people who you find in yourself to deem ‘lowly’.”

“If you are so opposed to interacting with those who lack ‘true’ noble blood, you may stop frequenting art galleries and this very theatre, for the arts are not attached solely with those who have in their possession certain fortune,” she took a step in Lady Hatt’s direction, making her trip and land on the chair behind her “Furthermore, I may remind you that General Commander Cassian can very well decided for himself who to choose as his wife. He who would never make a choice purely based on his superficial values such as status and money. To suggest he is that shallow is an insult to his person”

“As you can see, no matter of blood or title could make him look at any young lady of marriageable age, especially one with such a horrid mother as you” she added with a piercing glare “I take pity on Lady Eunice. May she find a husband who loves her enough to tolerate his mother in law.”

“I beg your pardon!” Lady Hatt exclaimed furiously.

“At last, may I remind you that although my father has passed away his business is still active. And I am the one overseeing them. Our business has plenty of contracts with your husband, am I right?” Nesta gave her a feline smile “it would be a shame were we to end our agreements, would it not?”

“Are you threatening me?” shouted Lady Hatt.

“I do not make threats. I make promises.”

Deciding she had wasted enough time with someone as insignificant as Lady Hatt, Nesta simply turned her back and left, designing only to curtly nod her head to Lady Eunice. She had been gone for too long, Cassian would be wondering where she was.

Yet it seemed luck was not on her side this night, for came face to face with none other than Detective Sherlock Holmes as she walked down the halfway.

“Lady Archeron! What a pleasant surprise!”

“I wish I could say the same,” she muttered. She had no patience whatsoever to deal with that buffon.

“It is a sign of heaven! It must be a sign that we are meant to be together, the universe is constantly connecting us” Sherlock said in a certain and sure manner.

“Excuse you, sir” Nesta replied in anger “I do not know if you are aware, but I am engaged. My marriage is set in a weeks time”

Sherlock did not seem the least worried about that fact, waving a hand in dismissal.

“Oh I heard during my travels that the General Commander had gotten engaged. Picture my surprise when I discovered that his bride was none other than the very same lady who held my intentions of marriage! I simply could not believe it.”

“Well, you better believe it now.” she made to step aside from him and go back to Cassian’s private box, but the detective got in her way.

“Sir! Get out of my way!”

“Please, you cannot be serious that you are entertaining the idea of really marrying that man.” Sherlock had the audacity to reach for Nesta’s hand, securing it between his “If you only stopped to think about it you would see that I am a better choice than that barbarian. Besides, your questionable choice must have certainly been based purely on lustful instincts. You have a higher moral caliber than that, my lady.”

Nesta was saved from punching Sherlock as she had once punched Tomas by the arrival of the subject of their talk.

“I politely request that you release my fianceé this instant before you make me indeed act  as a barbarian,” Cassian snarled.

Nesta looked to find Cassian beside her, and the sight was like nothing she had ever seen. Cassian was lethal, his hazel eyes fixed on Sherlock with predatory intent. His nostrils were flared and his muscles were taut, his bigger and leaner frame mocking Sherlock’s smaller and softer one.

But Sherlock was so self absorbed and oblivious to anything except himself that he did not see the danger lurking behind Cassian’s eyes.

“Forgive my rudeness,” letting go of Nesta’s hand, he bowed apologetically “What can I say to make my lady change her mind?”

“She is not your lady” Cassian stepped between them “She is mine. Do not insult her ever again, she has made her position very clear. And if I ever hear that you are hounding her or any other young lady again, I will make sure to make your life very uncomfortable.”

Nesta placed her hand on Cassian’s arm, and he let out a tense breath, relaxing his stance and sliding a hand on top of hers, covering it with his.

“Let’s go, my love” she murmured and they left Sherlock standing in the hallway without a glance back.

He was quiet on their way to the carriage, only saying that Azriel would be returning later and would take another coach. The silence extended for a few minutes on their ride before Cassian finally spoke.

“Forgive me, I acted rashly and without thinking. It was very rude of me and I am ashamed of my actions,” he dropped his head on his hands “I spent the entire night wanting to kill every single man that looked at you. This possessiveness is far from what you deserve but I cannot help it.”

He looked up, his eyes filled with distress. “Do you have any idea how many gentlemen came to me tonight to congratulate me on my luck of getting married to you? You are desired by many Nesta, and I do not how I was fortunate enough to be deemed worthy of you. I am the luckiest bastard out there.”

“Cassian—”

“I also want to apologize for not giving you a longer engagement,” he rubbed his neck in embarrassment “I am guilty to say I did not want a long one because I feared you would change your mind and realise you deserved more than a bastard born nobody who had been adopted into a prestigious family. I am sorry that my courting may have been lacking but I greedly admit I wanted to marry you fast given my worries. And maybe that makes me an awful man but I am too in love with you to let you get away from me.”

Nesta could not believe her ears. Had her and Cassian been thinking the same thing all this time? Had both of them been holding their insecurities close to their heart and hiding their fears when they both thought the same thing.

“Cassian. My love, look at me” she held his face tenderly, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones “I have never wanted a long engagement when it came to you. I could not care less if we stayed engaged for one year or one week, as long as I could call you my husband when the time came. I do not care about a long engagement. In fact, I wanted to get married to you as soon as possible too.”

“You did?” he asked with surprise, his hands closing around her wrists.

“Yes,” she let out a humorless laugh “I could not stand all of those mamas who kept throwing their daughters at you because they think you are too good for me. And I agree with them. You are too good for me. I am the one who is not worthy of you. Your courting was everything I could have dreamed of and it made me realise how little was I going to settle for had I accepted Tomas Mandray’s proposal.”

“Nesta, my dear Nes,” he gently kissed her, pouring all of his love on that single kiss “Never speak those words again. You are worthy of a romance book love. You are deserving of a happily ever after and it would make me the happiest man alive to be your prince charming. Promise me you will never utter those words or be bothered by the meanless gossip of envious women.”

“As long as you promise me the same thing,” she stubbornly said “ You are more worthy than all the gentlemen from the purest bloodlines I have met, and more deserving of happiness than any other. The only happily ever after I wish can be found with you. You are not my prince charming but the king of my heart.”

Cassian was not ashamed when he felt tears running down his face, recalling when a drunk Nesta had asked him if he was her king all those months ago at Pemberley.

“I promise you,” Nesta said, brushing his tears “Do you promise me?”

“I do,” he said, kissing her again.

The rest of the ride to the Archeron manor was spent in comfortable silence, and Cassian regretted having to part with Nesta. He wanted to go inside and hold her until she fell asleep. He wanted to wake up with her in his arms and be the first one to say good morning to her.

One week left, he thought to himself on the way to his apartment, just one more week.

•

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Nesta stands in front of the mirror in baby blue. 

Her hair is down when it hadn’t been this morning. The long length curls down her back, and the way the light of the window plays with her hair, has him wanting to kneel. 

He’s always singing praises when he’s near her. Cassian can’t seem to help it. Of course, Nesta doesn’t help him when she’s always so beautiful. But now? 

Now, she’s wearing his gift... the gift given to him by Mor that they kept high on one of the closet shelves because it’s somehow more scandalous than bare skin. It hugs her frame in the way his body wants to touch her. The baby doll hits at the top of her thighs and Nesta rubs her hands along the length of her abdomen, where the intricate lace makes her look princess-like. Regal and poised. 

Cassian can’t get out words as he looks her over. He hasn’t come home expecting her in lingerie, but here she is. Mouthwatering and gorgeous and infinitely untouchable. 

“What do you think?” She asks, turning towards him. 

His mouth suddenly feels dry and he drops the bag in his hands, trying to form words... Syllables... Sounds. 

Nesta raises a brow, “I hope that wasn’t our dinner you just dropped.” 

Her haughty words have him wanting to beg. 

Winter Sports Headcanon

Cassian Snowboards.

I'm not saying he competes or is super insane about it, but he (or Rhys) probably has a ski lodge and would go up at least a few weekends a year to the mountains

I could go either way with Az or Rhys, and make skiing or boarding work for either of them (likely using stereotypes not everyone likes, but that's writing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

But Cassian boards, hands down, he's just not a skier

And he enjoys it

But he enjoys the whole experience - the boarding, meeting others at the mountain's lodge, going back to their place at the end of the day and goofing off or playing games or making s'mores in the fireplace

So, obviously, he would be so excited about brining Nesta up to their cabin for a weekend

I feel like she likely has never going skiing or snowboarding - if she has, she probably tried skiing

Cassian, thus, decides to teach Nesta how to snowboard

She never really learns to love it, and would just as gladly stay in the lodge, saving their table and reading

But she'll try it, for him

And would likely crash into him every time they get off the lift

Cassian doesn't mind that at all

He also takes the days he has Nesta up in the mountains with him far easier than he typically does, to preserve energy 😉

On those nights, back at the cabin, it's a lot of snuggling in front of the fire, Cassian watching Nesta as she reads, pretending he's got his own book he's focused on

Until Nesta gets to a scene that turns her on, or Cassian decides to start kissing her neck until she puts her book down

Eventually, it just becomes commonplace that Nesta will join him on the weekends he goes up - whether or not his brothers are coming, too

And even though Feyre and Gwyn will join the boys on the slopes, Nesta is happy to situate herself in the lodge and just see them after runs or for lunch

Cassian always comes in to say hi after every run, instead of going back up right away

His skills take a hit because of it, but he doesn't care, because it's a thousand times better when Nesta is there with him

Nesta: There are no snacks left in the kitchen.

Cassian: I'm literally right here.

(nearly) a year of acotar pieces | redraw of this piece

just an exercise to get back into it rlly

azriel acting surprised when he finds out about nesta and cassian:

Nesta is afraid of heights and Cassian happens to be the one there to comfort her.

I’m so nervous/excited to have completed my first prompt! I didn’t realize how hard it was to take a simple idea and make into a story, so I pray I did it justice. I’m not sure if this is what you were expecting anon, but I hope you enjoy! :)

I also did not tag anyone from my main tag list, because I was unsure if people wanted to be tagged in prompts.

AO3 Link

TW: For description of a panic attack.

Fall was Nesta’s favourite time of year. While most people hated the way the days grew shorter, the sun finding its peace below the horizon before five, she loved the excuse to stay in. She enjoyed watching as the leaves changed colour and the weather turned cooler, content to be wrapped tight in her warm cotton blanket by her bedroom window until the scorching heat of summer returned.

Though the eldest Archeron sister preferred to take refuge behind the solid oak of her bedroom door during the colder months, finding comfort between the pages of a well-worn book, there was one thing that could pull her away from her safe haven. The local fair.

She loved the excuse to sample the most disgustingly greasy foods known to man, licking the fatty residue off her fingers before stalking down the endless rows of booths, piled high with every seasonal sweet and tooth-rotting candy there was. All things she allowed herself to indulge in without restraint once every calendar year.

There were concerts and one-man bands, competitions for the largest pumpkin and plumpest pig. Attractions that made your stomach lurch with each loop and spin and places to get that much dreamed about tramp stamp sprayed onto your lower back. There was face painting and magicians for the little ones, and time spent with friends.

It was everything she enjoyed about the autumn season, a day she and her sisters would spend devouring every inch of the grounds, wasting a large sum of their hard earned cash on games they would never win and cotton candy that turned their mouths bright shades of pink and blue.

It was set up to be the perfect day. The local schools taking the Friday off to let sugar crazed Middle Schoolers and hormone hazed High Schoolers run wild through the fairgrounds, her sisters by her side, wrapped in warm hats and fuzzy scarfs as they picked out where they would explore first.

Yes, in theory, it was the recipe for the perfect day. They had just sat down, all three girls huddled at a picnic bench in the food court, discussing their plans and sipping on hot apple cider, when out of the corner of her eye, Nesta spotted a small group approaching them.

She could feel her blood pressure spike at the sight. One look at her youngest sister and Nesta knew she had seen them too. The guilty smile Feyre sent her way was enough evidence to let her know she wasn’t surprised by the arrival of the seemingly unexpected guests. Elain said nothing, face neutral, ever the peacemaker. Nesta narrowed her eyes at them accusingly, “You didn’t.”

Feyre at least had it in her to look ashamed as her boyfriend slid onto the bench beside her, placing a kiss on her cheek in greeting, “Hello, Feyre darling.”

“I didn’t want you to be upset,” she sighed, leaning into Rhys.

“In what timeline would I not be?” She mumbled, voice falling on deaf ears.

It wasn’t Rhyand’s presence that perturbed her, okay, well not just him alone, but it was what he brought along with him. A large, overtly loud and annoying brute of a football player that didn’t know the meaning of personal space or -

“Hello, Nes,” An amused voice sounded from her left, breath hot in her ear. She didn’t need to turn to know who it belonged to.

Cassian Castillo, her arch enemy.

Okay, arch enemy may seem a little dramatic on her part, but it was the closest thing she had to one. Cassian was the star football player at Velaris High School, he was the walking, talking definition of Tall, Dark and Handsome, with an emphasis on the tall part. She hated how he towered over her 5’6” frame, more so when they argued, using his height as a physical advantage when she was beating him down verbally. His height was the only weapon against her sharp tongue, and she liked to think she brought him down an inch every time they spared.

It was no secret how much the two hated each other, their arguments legendary throughout the years. There were times when they even forgot why they continued this dance, one they had started in public school and straight through to their senior year. There were rumours, of course, some elaborate stories of how they became enemies, some even questioning if they were secretly dating and fought to distract from their relationship.

It wasn’t true of course, Nesta would rather go her entire life alone than have to settle for that handsome, annoyingly large, idiotic brute, no matter how attractive he was. No matter how much she couldn’t help but watch his muscles ripple under the tight maroon sweater he wore. A colour she swore was created just for him. Fuck.

Nesta cleared her throat, distracting herself from her less than neutral thoughts, “It’s one thing to invite that one, but must he bring his pet?” She said gesturing to Cassian, the boy in question forcing his large body in beside hers on the too small picnic bench. Azriel chuckled but kept quiet. She liked him the most out of the three brothers, though it didn’t account for much, as she was never a fan of Feyre’s boyfriend.

“I just thought it would be nice, to spend one more day together before you guys graduate in the spring,” Feyre pouted, trying to appeal to her sister's more nostalgic side. It wasn’t working, she wouldn’t let it, but there wasn’t much point in fighting about it now.

Nesta gave a disgruntled moan, taking a hesitant slip of her hot beverage, and trying to ignore the man child beside her. “I’m thinking we head for the rides, the line for the Fireball is going to be packed before noon.”

“Why the Fireball?” Elain asked.

Cassian smiled, “We go through the ride multiple times to see who vomits their guts out first,” he explained cheerily, “We need to get there before we eat, Rhysie boy here has a weak stomach, I’m just doing my brotherly duty and giving him a fighting chance.”

“Need we remind you who lost that bet the previous year,” Azriel advised.

“I had the flu, doesn’t count,” Cassian said, giving him the finger. Mature.

“It did the year you dragged me here when I had food positing,” Rhysand grunted, taking a drink of the cider Feyre offered him.

“As I said, weak stomach,” Cassian said, as if that explained everything. “Now come on, I want to go around on each ride before the end of the day, so we better get going,” he urged, taking the rest of Nesta’s drink and chugging it in one go, “Oh, that’s good.”

“Thanks, wouldn’t know,” she glared, fists balling. She had only ad a few sips, waiting for the liquid to cool before she drank it. Gods, she hated him.

She did not argue, as it was an overall vote to head for the attractions. The sisters, minus Feyre who rode the roller coaster once, watched them as they went around and around, until Rhysand came off the ride, vomiting onto the cement at his girlfriend's feet.

Cassian cheered as Azriel spit up into the trash can and declared himself the winner, offering his cheek to Nesta, “A kiss for the champion?” he asked her. He pouted as he rubbed his cheek, the only kiss he earned being one at the receiving end of her palm.

The entirety of the day played out much the same. Feyre and Rhysand making googly eyes at each other, holding hands and sharing multiple kisses that made the group gag. Elain and Azriel walked along behind in comfortable silence, Azriel even winning Elain and stuff minion, which earned him an awkward smile from her sister. There was a time when they may have gotten together, but what may have been romance blossomed into a beautiful friendship. She was grateful for that, it was bad enough Azriel was romancing one of her best friends, she didn’t need another prospected brother-in-law from this family.

At the tail end were Nesta and Cassian, the leftovers, arguing over everything from what ride was next on the list, to the booths and stalls they would visit, to even what foods they would consume. Even something as simple as the bathroom breaks were fought over. Every opportunity to disagree, to get in each other’s face was taken, and it was driving the rest of them mad.

It was around 8 pm when the sun began to set below the horizon, the lights from the attractions blocking out the stars above in their hazy, colourful glow. It was then that Rhysand suggested the Ferries Wheel. Nesta felt her blood grow cold and chest tighten at the mention of that dreadful ride. Not much ruffled Nesta, she was the personification of composed in almost any situation, unmoveable.

It was the threat of being more than a few metres off the ground that caused her body to respond in a way that even she couldn’t control.

She had never told anyone about her phobia, preferring to bury it deep down, along with all of her other insecurities. Some would call it avoidance, Nesta would call it self-preservation. Her parents, sisters, nor her two best friends were privy to her deep-rooted fear. So when Rhys suggested they all take a ride, Nesta’s body went into lockdown, brain wired to do anything and everything to protect itself.

“I think I’ll pass,” Nesta told the group as they approached the indomitable steel demon. Even just the look of it made her stomach flip with anxiety.

“Awww, come on Nessie, it’s just a Ferris Wheel, you’ve only been on two rides,” Cassian taunted, slinging an arm around her. She had refused to go on any rides that propelled them into the air, giving no logical explanation to her dismissal. Apparently, she was so unpleasant to be around, that it didn’t take much more than a few choice words and an annoyed glare to get them off her back. This would be no different.

“I won't waste my money or time circling on an overpriced eyesore, I’m perfectly fine on the ground,” she protested, a little too specific if Cassian’s look said anything.

He raised an eyebrow, “Scared Nes?” the excitement in his voice was prominent, the enjoyment of finding any weakness in her armour amusing him. She bristled.

Feyre on the other hand, looked irritated, “It’s just the Ferris Wheel Nesta, come join us or someone will be paired with a stranger,” she whined.

“I don’t want to, Feyre,” she said through clenched teeth. Rhys was about to tell her it was fine, that they could move along, when Feyre stomped cross the space between them.

“A word,” she said, face beat red as she dragged her off to the side a few feet from the ears of the group.

Feyre turned to face her as they stopped, “Nesta, please, I think Rhys is going to give me a promise ring, and I want it to be romantic, so please, just get on the ride, you can deal with Cassian for a few minutes!”

Nesta huffed, crossing her arms in a physical form of protection against an invisible enemy, “Why does it matter if I’m on the ride, he isn’t fucking proposing to me,” she shot back.

“Cassian wants to ride and I want this to be as painless as possible for all of us,” Feyre explained, taking a calming breath. “Cassian and Azriel are too big to fit in one seat, and he and Elain are finally back on talking terms after that entire shit show with Gwyn,” her sister went on, face growing redder with every word.

“Besides, you owe me,” she announced, holding up a hand to stop the older from speaking, “You both have been arguing all day, ruining it for everyone. Hell, the fighting has been non-stop since you were ten, and we have all had to put up with it. So I just need you to do this for me, keep Cassian occupied so I can have my moment with my boyfriend.”

Nesta looked away and back at her sister, mulling over her options. She loved her sister, wanted her to be happy and have her teenage romance. But, she didn’t want her to have it at the expense of her own sanity.

“Nesta, please,” Feyre begged, giving her sister her best puppy dog eyes, and Nesta broke. Just like Feyre knew she would.

By the time the two girls made it back to the group, it was their time to board. Feyre and Rhys were the first to be seated along with Elain and Azriel right behind them. Nesta and Cassian were last, taking occupancy three seats behind their siblings. She was thankful for that. Now if only Cassian would not be the one bearing witness to her inevitable breakdown.

But she steeled herself like she always did, pushing any uncontrolled emotions down that threatened to burst through her shields, begging for release. She was a rock, an island, solid, unmoveable. She would not break.

She felt a surge of pride zip through her as she sat down on the worn seat of the death machine, her heart a steady rhythm in her chest as she made herself as comfortable as she could beside the overbearing male beside her. He took up far too much room in the tiny space, their sides flush against each other’s, but she did not falter. It wasn’t until she heard the click of the safety bar fall into place that her confidence wavered, the sound alone sending an electric shock through every nerve ending. It made her feel claustrophobic, trapped, and she gripped the bar slowly, tightly, looking for anything to keep her hands from visibly shaking.

She knew she was done for when the ride picked up, launching them skyward. If she weren’t so petrified, she could admire the view, the lights, the stars, the moon taking its place in the sky above them. It was no wonder Rhys wanted to use the Ferris Wheel as the backdrop for their horrid display, it was shamelessly romantic.

The first turn was bearable, Cassian chattering on in her ear, Nesta ignoring him, attempting to keep herself from vomiting over the side of the ride onto unsuspecting victims. The second she could feel her body locking up, her lungs constricting under the weight of her bubbling fear. The third was the worst, and Nesta swore she would surely die as they reached the top of the ride. And stopped.

—————————

It was hard for people to believe that Cassian enjoyed the Ferris Wheel. He was a thrill seeker by nature, just like on the football field, he loved to follow the adrenaline rush of the faster, more heart stopping attractions. Gravitating towards those that left your throat sore from screaming and your stomach nauseous from the continuous loops. The more terrifying and neck breaking the better.

So it seemed unusual that he would appreciate the milder ride, but like in his everyday life, he needed a moment of calm. The gentle sway of the flimsy seat relaxed him, the lights and music below fading into a pleasant hum in the background of his thoughts as they continued their circle of the wheel. He didn’t mind having a one sided conversation with himself, but was surprised that the girl beside him did not respond to his incessant babbling, or his snide remarks he so often baited her with. He was always itching to face that fiery untamed anger of hers. She had never made it a secret her dislike of him, but she was always prepared for a fight, ready with hackles raised and a long list of rather colourful insults that would make even him flinch, but she continued to stay eerily quiet.

He assumed Nesta’s out of character attitude was due to the forced proximity, she had protested so valiantly that he had become somewhat embarrassed of how adamant she was about distancing herself from him. He had showered that morning, put cologne and deodorant on, so he defiantly didn’t stink. Even over the years of shared insults and violent arguments, he never thought he was that repulsive.

It wasn’t until the ride had come to a complete stop at the very top did he hear the sharp intake of breath, followed by a slow, controlled exhale from his right. It almost sounded like she was in pain, injured, but there were no threats here, had she hurt herself before getting on the ride, was she bleeding, did she need medical attention?

“Nesta?” He asked, shuffling, causing the steel basket they occupied to swing slightly. The whimper of anguish that escaped her had every inch of him on high alert. He surveyed her, trying to get a glimpse of any outward representation of what was hurting her, but he found none. Physically, she was fine.

Cassian paused, looking at her from a different perspective. He noted her hands, clenched to the safety bar, body hunched in an attempt to make herself smaller, her protection instincts kicking in. He watched her body shake from the force of her terror and tuned into every strangled breath and wheezing exhale she produced. She was trying to control her breathing, or lack thereof, as it seemed she was almost holding her breath to keep from screaming out in fear. And he knew that if he could see her face, her eyes would be dilated, hyper fixated on anything that would keep her from completely detaching herself from reality.

Cassian felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest as he fully took her in. The urge to wrap her in his arms was overpowering, to defend her against any threat, but there was no physical danger to her, and he felt helpless. How had she made it through seventeen years of her life and not let anyone know that she was petrified of heights? Was Nesta truly so scared, so distrustful of others, that she never allowed anyone, even her own sisters, to see her weak spots? Had she never confided in anyone her biggest fears?

He watched her knuckles turn white as they gripped the bar in front of her like a tether, something to ground her, remind her that there was something between her and the ground below.

Without a second thought, Cassian attempted to angel himself better without rocking the seat. He did not wish to spook her further, but the need to be closer, to comfort, was so strong that he couldn’t stifle the urge to touch.

“Nesta,” he whispered, trying to pull her attention from her fear to him. He tried twice more to get her attention before raising his hand and gently placing it on her back. Her lack of reception to his touch unnerved him, eyes still transfixed on the ground as her body continued to rattle violently. “Nesta, look at me,” he said firmly, the tone of his voice low, deeper than anything she had heard, a commanding hardness lacing each word.

Her reaction was immediate, head turning to face him at the command, clearly shocked by the control in it, but it had done its job and diverted her attention to him. She didn’t fight him as he wrapped an arm around her, unhooking her hands from the bar and watching as they trembled in his grip. Cassian held her writs in his palm, rubbing gently over her racing pulse point, in slow soothing circles. He could see the trepidation in her eyes, and wondered if Nesta heard his words at all or was just reacting to the tone of his voice.

“You need to breathe, Sweetheart,” he urged, keeping his voice calm and steady, trying to balance the panic in his own voice to sound authoritative enough that she would listen and react, silently praying that the Ferris Wheel would send them back down to the ground, removing the centre of her stress.

He could feel her fist clench in his grasp and allowed her to grip onto his shirt, something to anchor herself in reality, and held her close, trying to think of anything he could do to help her against the invisible enemy. Her breathing was still coming out in strangled gasps and Cassian was growing more concerned every second they did not move. “Nesta, breathe, just breath, in- and out,” he instructed, repeating the order and coaching her every breath to bring her heartbeat back to normal. “Breathe in- breathe out-, breathe in-, breathe out,” he continued, keeping his instructions simple and his voice steady as he guided her breathing. She was surprisingly receptive to his orders, mimicking his actions and taking in his scent with each inhale.

It was minutes of the repeated motions before her breathing began to slow. Cassian had not once stopped his coaching, rubbing her pulse point and allowing her body to relax against his once her muscles released the majority of the tension she was holding.

Nesta felt her emotions too keenly, even minimal ones were amped up to the highest extremes, to heights he didn’t think just one person could rightfully handle. Even her sense of fear.

“Nesta, look at me,” he told her, needing to gauge her current state.

“Cassian…” She acknowledged him, and he could see her brain trying to come up with an excuse for her actions, obviously embarrassed by the entire ordeal. Even this she couldn’t help but fight about. He cut her off before she could continue. She needed to calm down, not ramp herself back up.

“Don’t talk, just focus on me, on my touch, on my voice, nothing else,” he told her, bringing her closer to his body, to his own steady heartbeat, “Nothing else matters, just you and me and here and now.” The encouragement seemed to help as she did not fight him, did not question his reasoning or intentions and did as she was told while he talked her through it. He had never done this before, but she was reacting positively to his actions, and he wouldn’t let go until she pushed him away.

“It’s beautiful up here, the lights,” he went on, giving her something to concentrate on, “Quiet, peaceful-“

“Not with you’re continuous chatter,” Nesta huffed out. Of course, the first words out of her mouth in minutes would be her telling him to shut up. He enjoyed her bite, but never so much as he did right now.

He felt her tense again as the Ferris Wheel lurched back into motion, not coming to a complete end, but instead sending them on a prospective five more loops. It granted Nesta some time to collect herself, not entirely, but enough to allow her to come back from the sense of detachment she was currently feeling. Just enough for her to shield her panic behind the mask of interference she so often wore, unwilling to permit anyone else to see her in such a state.

Her skin was cold and clammy, and the baby hairs by her temples were wet with perspiration and sticking to her skin. She kept her eyes closed and hands clenched in his sweater as he rubbed her back in slow even circles, noting the shudders that racked her body were now few and far between. There was almost no gap between them, his focus entirely on her and her comfort, but he enjoyed the fresh scent coming off her hair anyway.

He remained a silent but strong presence, feeling her breathing evening out and wanting her to have a moment where she could regulate herself, to stand on her own two feet like he knew she was desperately trying to do. It was so important to this girl to have the ability to face everyone once the ride stopped, head held high with none the wiser to her discomfort. For she was too proud to show them this weakness, and he wouldn't force her to confront them.

He offered her the dignity of pulling away from her before the ride came to a complete stop, watching as she forced that mask of pure nonchalance onto her face with more difficulty than he had ever seen, but her eyes were what gave her away. Slightly glossed over and blinking continue to force the back the tears that threatened to expose her. She didn’t say a word as she exited, not once looking at his face.

“Are you okay?” Cassian questioned, quickly following behind her towards the group waiting for them a few feet away. Feyre and Elain squealing with delight. “You don’t have to be embarrassed,” he told her. Wrong thing to say, but he realized it too late. Proud bitch, he thought.

“I’m not,” she growled, whirling around and blocking his path as they made their way down from the ride, “This never happened, and I will deny it if you ever bring it up, so if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your fat mouth shut.”

“I’m not making fun of you, Nesta, not for this,” Cassian confirmed, holding his hands up in surrender, his voice nothing but a whisper, “Never this.”

“Whatever,” was her only response as she scurried away, completely ignoring any reply that he might have given.

“Nesta!” Feyre yelled excitedly, waving her hand in the air, the shiny opal ring on her finger glittering in the light of the ride behind them, “Oh, Nesta, look at-“ but he was cut off as her sister rushed past her, ignoring both her sisters cries as they begged her to come back.

“Can you guys not go one minute without fighting?” Feyre sighed, turning to Cassian.

Cassian shrugged, watching Nesta’s retreating back, “What can I say, we just bring out the best in each other.”

He would never bring it up again if he didn't have to, would never use this display of weakness against her, something she went to great lengths to hide. It hurt to think she would prefer to lock away her fear than expose herself to even her closest friends, her family. Cassian thought it made her human, but all Nesta saw was a deficiency, a crack in her carefully sculpted armour.

And like her, he would never admit how his own heart skipped a beat as she clung to him, her small body wrapped around his for comfort in a way he had only dreamed about. How like her, Cassian would never admit out loud how he had, since that fateful day in fifth grade, falling for the girl who bit and snarled at him like a caged animal.

Like the secrets she kept so close to herself, he would keep this too.

I’m loving your ts drabbles. Would you do one for begin again w nessian where she previously had a bad relationship and cas finds out and is there for her?

Thank you so much for enjoying my previous Taylor Swift inspired drabbles and for sending this! I’m sorry that it took me forever and a day to actually reply. Life, ya know? Since there’s the line about Christmas movies in Begin Again, I decided to make this a bit holiday themed. And fun fact, the penny in the train wish tradition is a very real thing if you ever go to see the National Christmas Tree here in DC. Although, it’s actually quite hard, and I’ve only ever succeeded in landing a penny like twice. But anywho! I hope that you enjoy! :) TW: implied past abusive relationship 

Nesta takes a deep breath, checking herself over again in the mirror. She fiddles with the strands of hair framing her face then tugs on the hem of her sweater, turning left and right to look at herself from all angles subconsciously. Another deep breath and she turns to sit back on her bed, hand reaching for a pair of heeled boots. She slips her feet into the shoes, but her hand pauses for a moment on the zipper, her mind replaying harsh words about being too tall, replaying sneers anytime she even thought about wearing heels. 

Nesta quickly shakes her head of those thoughts and zips her boots up, but she stays sitting on her bed. She closes her eyes and takes another deep breath. In. Out. Gods, what was she thinking agreeing to this? 

There had just been something about seeing Cassian again at Feyre's engagement party, somehow the same yet looking so different all these years later. Nesta wasn't sure how many drinks he'd had when he jokingly told her he'd been halfway in love with her most of college. She wasn't sure how many drinks she'd had for her to boldly ask him if he still felt that way. She didn't know what she had been expecting in reply. An awkward laugh. An embarrassed cringe. A look of pity. Definitely not Cassian telling her she'd have to find out over coffee with him. 

Nesta has to take yet another deep breath as she pushes open the doors to the cafe, the sweet scent of coffee beans and freshly baked pastries hitting her. Her eyes scan for an open table to sit and wait for Cassian at, but instead she finds Cassian already at a table. Her eyes catch on hazel and Cassian stands, sending Nesta a soft smile and a wave. Nesta gives herself just a moment to blink in confusion at him not being late before walking over toward the table. 

“Hi,” Cassian breathes once Nesta’s close enough. “You look great.” 

“Thanks,” Nesta replies, ducking her head to hide the heat she can feel creeping up her neck to settle onto her cheeks as she removes her scarf and jacket. 

Nesta moves to take the empty seat at the table, but Cassian is there, pulling out her chair. Nesta freezes up slightly at the gesture, but she lets Cassian push her chair in for her. Once she’s settled, Cassian moves back to his seat, sliding a cup of coffee across the table. 

“You still take your coffee with extra sugar, right?” 

“You remembered.” 

“Of course.” 

Nesta takes a sip of her coffee, letting the warmth wash through her as the silence settles around them. She wraps her hands tightly around the cup, tracing her thumb along the holiday design printed across it, glad for something to do with her hands as she sits there across from Cassian. She’s not sure what to say, what to do. She’s a long way from the girl who used to go back and forth with jabs and teases during their study groups. 

After taking a few breaths to try and soothe the nerves burning to life within her, Nesta lifts her gaze to meet Cassian’s again. The smile he offers her is small but genuine, and it has some of the knots twisting in Nesta’s gut releasing their brutal hold slightly. Even under the fluorescent lights of the cafe, Cassian’s hazel eyes seem to glow. There’s always been a soft warmth there, even back when they were in college, but Nesta doesn’t miss another emotion buried amongst the greens and golds. One she can’t quite put her finger on. 

“So,” Cassian starts, taking a sip of his own drink. “Do you still own too many books?” 

“Pretty sure there’s no such thing as too many books,” Nesta replies. 

Nesta’s not sure what she expected Cassian to say to that, but she hadn’t expected him to throw his head back like a little kid and laugh. The sound is booming and gruff, startling in the quiet of the cafe, but there’s also a gentle fondness there that has a smile pulling up the corners of Nesta’s own lips. Especially at the sight of the crinkles the laugh leaves beside his eyes, the faint dimple appearing in his left cheek. 

“You would say that,” Cassian teases lightly once his laughter has subsided. “I remember when we came over to your place junior year before winter formal, and it was like walking into an actual library. I bet you have ten overflowing bookcases now.” 

“I don’t have that many,” Nesta defends, dropping her gaze back to her coffee. 

“Someone will just have to build you more then.” 

“Are you offering?” 

“I am pretty good at reading Ikea directions,” Cassian offers with a soft chuckle. “You know, the big Christmas tree display is only a few blocks away. Did you want to check it out?” 

Nesta nods and makes to grab her jacket and scarf, Cassian turning to pull back on his own winter gear. He holds the door open for her as they walk out of the cafe, and the cold, winter air hits Nesta like a wave, sending the stray strands of her hair flying. She can already feel her nose and ears turning pink at the onslaught, and she crosses her arms to try and hold in as much warmth as she can. 

“You’re always cold, and you didn’t even bring a hat?” 

Nesta turns just in time to watch Cassian grab the pom-pom of his patterned, knit hat, tugging it off his dark curls. His hands reach up toward Nesta’s face, and her whole body seizes up, the flinch taking hold before she can even think about stopping it. It’s too ingrained in her. No matter how much time passes, her skin will forever prickle with the memory of what happens when large hands come near her face. There’s a tense moment, and then Cassian’s hands are dropping back down to his sides, the hat still clutched between his fingers. 

“I’m sorry,” Nesta mutters, squeezing her eyes shut to try and stave off the embarrassment flooding through her veins. 

“It’s okay,” Cassian offers, his voice calm, soothing. 

“It’s just—um… I—” Nesta flounders, desperate to find the right words. But it’s hard to think around those dark swirling thoughts she can already feel creeping back to life from where she’s buried them deep in the back of her mind. Hard to think around the thundering beat of her heart as it threatens to crack her chest in two. 

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.” 

When Nesta looks up at him again, Cassian’s eyes are so earnest. Slowly, like he wants Nesta to be able to watch the whole movements, Cassian reaches his hands up again and tugs his hat onto Nesta’s head, making sure it covers her ears. Once the hat is situated, he holds out his arm for her, and Nesta tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow as they continue down the block toward the Christmas trees. 

The tree at the center of the display is massive, multi-colored lights strung all around it’s branches and a star poised at the top. Along the grassy area between the tree and the fence surrounding it are various houses and toy people, made to look like a Christmas village, and a railroad track circles the whole bottom of the tree, a little toy train making endless circles. 

“You know,” Cassian says, using his free hand to dig around his pocket. “They say if you make a wish on a penny and land it in one of the train cars, it will come true.” 

Cassian holds out his hand toward Nesta, and she takes one of the pennies from his palm, sliding the coin between her fingers. She knows it’s just a silly tradition, but she can’t help but wonder what she would wish for. When she glances back up at Cassian, she finds him already staring at her. 

“What will you wish for?” She asks. 

“A second date.” 

The words startle Nesta, and she hopes the cold will help hide the blush she feels settle across her cheeks. “Toss the penny then.” 

Cassian leans against the fence, waiting for the train to come back around to where they’re standing before tossing it. It arcs through the air before landing in one of the little red cars with a soft clink. Cassian turns back to her with a wide grin, and for once, Nesta’s heart doesn’t feel heavy and cracked in her chest. For once, she doesn’t feel her hackles raised, every nerve ending in her body ready and on the defensive. Instead, her heart flutters, and she just feels content, happy even. It has a smile blooming across her own face, and in that moment, she knows she doesn’t have to make a wish or toss a penny to begin again.

—

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a thing of secret, lovely beauty.

“Our bodies produce pee in order to get rid of the extra water and waste”

Amren:

My Little Fire

Chapter 9

First < Previous > Next

During the day after Azriel’s visit I spent the whole evening writing the letters I would ask Cassian to take with him. At least until Elain called me for dinner.

Nesta and I still hadn’t spoken since the previous day. After our fight. I almost didn’t see her at all, and if I had I might have tried to squeeze some sense inside her head. I didn’t want to argue again so soon. So I avoided her too.

I sat on her left side and Elain in front of me. Nesta took the head of the table, just like she had been doing since our father left. We didn’t look at each other, didn’t talk to each other, but when I saw her expression - distracted and light, different from her hard exterior - I knew she was thinking about what had been said the day before. And I hoped she would understand what was happening.

I went to my room after doing the dishes. I laid on my bed but didn’t sleep. Through hours and hours I let my thoughts travel. I let myself imagine what the Fae lands would be like. So similar to the fairytales I read about.

I thought especially about the Night Court, where I had a better description.

As soon as I fell asleep my dreams were about a shiny city, surrounded by high snow capped mountains. A river cutting its middle and the sea on the horizon. While I flew above it, side by side with the stars.

-————————————————————————

Waking up early in the morning I didn’t want to lose dawn. So I ran to the outer side of the manor still in my sleeping gown, and only a robe to protect me from the cold. I went to the furthest part of the garden, so then I wouldn’t be seen by anyone who could possibly be spying through the manor’s window.

I climbed up one of the trees to have a better view and waited.

Minutes went by and soon the firs bursts of light apeared, spreading and covering the land. It gave life to the dark sky and shooed the mist clinging to the air.

Then I turned around to see the night, still dark and cold, on the other side of the horizon. Their balance was mesmerizing. Night and day, moon and sun, cold and warm. It was peaceful.

I stayed there, sitting on a tree branch for a couple more minutes. Just feeling the sun warm

my skin until I could not bare the warmth any longer.

I climbed down back to the ground and cleaned the barbs that were stuck on my dress.

But then I heard something behind me. Close. I clenched my fist tightly and spun around fast. Too fast. But not fast enough. The person held my fist and, when the blur on my vision eased and the adrenaline flowing in my blood calmed down, I saw who was standing in front of me.

Cassian.

He grinned, noticing the movement I would have made, was it not for him.

“Good morning for you too, clever girl.”

“Cassian,” I said, “you scared me. I thought it was someone with bad intentions.”

“I pity the poor human being that ever tries to harm you. If you hit them with the strength that you were about to hit me with they could easily faint.”

I smiled at - what for me - was a compliment. He was a warrior after all, the leader of the Night Court’s tropes, as Feyre had told me.

“Thank you.”

“But your posture is not good. If you didn’t blank them out your ribs would be exposed for a punch that would leave you breathless, and you wouldn’t be able to react. You’ve got the strength, but you’re missing the tattics. Who teached you how to fight?”

I didn’t know if I should say this. Fighting was a secret that I kept from everyone, no one knew. And I liked it that way. But I trusted Cassian, even if we had only met a few days ago.

“I learned alone.” His eyebrows knitted together and lifted almos above his hairline. I wanted to laugh at his face, but I held it so I could explain. “I was afraid of the men from the village, so I decided to stop fearing something I didn’t need to be afraid of. I started going to the forest every morning to punch trees,” it was kind of ridiculous now that I was speaking it out loud. “I would protect my fists with a piece of old cloth and release all the tension and anger in each punch. I got as strong as I could, since I didn’t have enough food to get the energy from. I used to get the techniques from a book or two. But gratefully I never had to use these abilities, especially when you’re saying I’m doing it wrong.”

When I finished Cassian had a look that I knew well on his face. Pity and comprehension. But also determination.

“I’ll teach you. If you want, I mean.”

I looked at him gaping. A fighter wanted to teach me, not only that but a warlord, a powerful one, if the seven siphons were any indication.

“Cassian, I - I don’t even know what to say. Yes, I’d love it! Thank you so much. How can I thank you?”

“Take me down, one day, on the ring, and I’ll know it wasn’t in vain. It will be more than enough as a thank you.”

I smiled broadly to the gentle male in front of me. Nesta didn’t see this, that’s why she hated the idea of him.

“When can we start?” He smiled noticing my excitement.

“I’m training your sister everyday. But with you, it will have to be different. I can’t come here all the time, going through the wall is dangerous when done frequently. So we’ll have lessons once a week, maybe two if I come in Az’s place more times. In the morning, right before dawn.” I smiled, because he remembered that I liked to see the sunrise. “And I also want you to practice by yourself, understood?”

“Understood.” He smiled.

“Well, now that we’ve got the lessons settled, I came here on a mission. Did the queens send news?”

“No, not yet.”

Cassian snorted. He was frustrated with the answer. But he went on.

“And what about your sisters.”

“We’re good.” I said looking at my feet. We really were good, but not between us.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nesta and I, we argued. She still doesn't trust Feyre, even after everything that happened.”

Cassian froze, his face blank, leme he was suppressing something. Then I saw his browns knitting and knew he was angry.

“You sister have the ability to make me angry instantly, she really can.” He grunted.

I almost laughed. Knowing that my sister, who barely reached his shoulders, could make him this angry was comical.

“I’ll fix it. At least I was able to make her think about it.”

Cassian nodded.

“In that case I’ll take my leave then, I’ve got to give a lesson to your sister.”

“Don’t you want to come in and eat something? Azriel dined with us, it’s only fair that I offer the same to you.” Cassian laughed.

“Thank you little one, but I prefer to avoid your sister as much as I can.”

“My sister is still sleeping and I have flour to make pancakes. Are you sure that you don’t want to stay a little? Either way I’ll have to go inside to take the letters.”

“Letters? Which letters?” So Azriel hadn’t told him. He might have forgotten, he looked really tired two days before.

“Azriel told that if I wanted I could write letters to my sister and you would take them to her.”

“Oh, okay. So let’s get those letters and make some pancakes.” He grinned and I did too.

I took him to the kitchen and asked him to search for the ingredients from the recipe while I went upstairs to get the letters.

I went to my room and wrapped up the papers in different envelopes, sealed them up and signed.

When I got back downstairs I saw Cassian smiling shyly, with flour covering everything. The floor, his clothes and hair. Even the other side of the kitchen.

“Cassian! How-how did you make this?” I asked, suppressing my laughter.

“I… also don’t know?” He said more like a question.

I shook my head slowly. I sighed thinking about the mess I’d have to clean. I looked at him then and couldn’t hold it anymore. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. He was covered in flour and embarrassed.

I kept laughing for several minutes until his embarrassed left and he sent me an angry look. Which just made me laugh harder.

Thankfully my sister did not wake up with the noise.

I prepared the pancakes and we sat at the counter to eat. Cassian said that he didn’t care where we ate if he could put the pancakes in his stomach.

“You illyrians destroy my kitchen.”

“What did Az make?” He asked surprised. “He’s usually so under control. What did he make?” He would without a doubt talk about it with him.

“He almost burned the food while I was doing something else. Then he distracted me and I forgot about the food in the oven. Thankfully he remembered about it before it got burned. And lastly he got foam from the dishes all over my face and water on my dress.”

Cassian laughed with his cheeks full of pancake.

“You know, Az is a very good male. He knows how to cook, he’s gentle and loves kids. Did you know?”

“No… I didn’t.” I couldn’t understand what Cassian wanted with this. He was speaking strangely.

“And handsome, don’t you think?” He arched a brow.

“Yeah… I think that… you could say so.”

Cassian smiled satisfied.

“Any female that had him would be lucky, no?”

I grinned.

- Ah, já entendi Cassian, pode deixar, não vou chegar perto dele, e não contarei a ele também - “Ah, I get it Cassian. It’s okay, I won’t get close to him, and won’t tell him anything either.” Cassian looked at me confused. “That you’re in love with Azriel.”

Cassian choked with the pancakes and I laughed until my muscles were sore.

“I think you like to choke with my pancakes Cassian.” I said between giggles.

“Don’t cry when I make your muscles melt during the training.” I laughed even more at his threat.

We finished eating and I took the letters in my robe’s pocket to give to him.

I never cared about dressing up. I only wore dresses to please my sisters and don’t hear about it later.

Cassian watched the envelopes curiously.

“Two? Whose is the other one? I thought it was only for your sister.”

“Ah, this one is for Azriel. He said I could ask him some questions that he’d answer. So since I didn’t know if he was the one coming I wrote to him.” I smiled a bit shy.

“Sorry to say but he is the one coming next time. To tell the truth, he’ll come most of the time. I’ll be coming when he is tired and Rhys makes him sleep a little. Az have been having a hard time at work. He dedicates himself so much that sometimes he forgets to eat and sleep.”

My heart jumped to learn that Azriel would come more times. But it ached at hearing about his lack of care for himself.

Cassian noticed my mood and changed the subject.

“I’ll give him the letter anyway.” He put both of them away in his pocket. “I’ve got to go now, otherwise your sister will get used to waking up late. I’ll be back in a week for training, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you, Cassian.” I stood up and hugged him.

He seemed surprised at the act, but hugged me back after the shock had passed.

"You’re welcome. And thank you for the pancakes, even at this side of the wall they’re delicious.”

I laughed imagining how it would taste above the wall. I guided him outside and saw him depart with a gush of wind that blew my hair.

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Assentio Mentium Chapter 17

Warning: This chapter is basically the literary equivalent of cotton candy. Soft and sweet and tooth rotting. I’m disgusted by myself, tbh.

Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33608452/chapters/88599664

Snippet:

“Are you…” Feyre paused for a second. “Are you happy, Nesta?”

 There was something loose and warm and beautiful about how easily the word fell from Nesta’s lips, “Yes.” She smiled before she could help it. “Are you?”

 Feyre nodded. “More happy than I ever thought possible.”

 “Then everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to, didn’t it?”