I have a hard time praying. I think its because my heart is too big for my chest, my emotions more than my body, I start to pray and everything rushes out, and im left there, a raw nerve, feeling more than what can fit in my skin. My prayer is feeling, splaying myself open, prying open my chest rib by rib until I am finally free. A cavernous expanse to be filled and understood. No words express the feeling of taking my still beating heart in my hands, blood dripping off my finger, and laying it at His Feet. That is all I can envision, surrender. How am I to pray in words when my feelings surpass that? What else am I to do other than lay my heart upon the ground and let Him fill me for how can I articulate my emotions better than He can understand them?
-Meditations at the foot of the Eucharist, July 2023
(s.m.)
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A Friend’s Divorce // Gregory Fraser
It was good manners, I suppose, that made him wait
until the meal had ended (napkins set aside, steak bones
in the shallow graves of our empty plates) to tell us
it was final, that the settlement, like a lightning bolt,
had split the house straight down the center, half for her,
half for him: he'd put it on the market in the spring.
We sat awhile not knowing what to say, breaking
the stale bread of silence together. Then my girlfriend called
his wife a lying bitch, and I mumbled something about trust
that sounded like I knew. He raised his glass, nodded
that we were right, but mostly out of kindness for us,
I think, a couple who needed to be right just then
about what keeps two people from falling apart.
It's midnight now, and I can't stop gazing
out the window by my desk. Slats of light are falling
through a gaping hole in the late-October sky, falling
on my friend's front porch like stacks of shirts
and bed sheets from Kopek's Linen Service--
on the two white birches on his well-groomed lawn,
gleaming like the stockings of the prostitute
he brought home one evening for the entire block to see
while his wife was away "on business" in Detroit.
The woman spent the night, but they never went upstairs,
just talked until the pink bruise of dawn appeared,
two old soldiers swapping stories, comparing wounds.
She told him pain could sometimes be a gift,
but that wasn't why most people found it better to give
than to receive something along those lines,
though it's been months since I learned the details,
and it could be I'm just filling in her words
because I want some larger part in my friend's repair,
because I envy what she, a stranger, could offer him:
the soothing distance I could not. Envy, yes--
so I'm no saint. Neither's he. Still, watching
moonlight glaze the brown garbage bags,
stuffed with yard work, against the curb,
all I can see are monks in cassocks, huddled to pay
devotion in the dark, backlit by grace. I don't know,
maybe that's how I say my prayers these days,
the imagination picking up where the Catholic left off
years ago. Anyway, he was good enough to wash
the dishes afterwards, even scrubbed the blackened grill.
It took him twenty minutes with a Brillo pad,
while my girlfriend and I polished off the cabernet, staring
the candles down. Their flames swayed like two lovers
I'd once seen at the end of a wedding reception, one on either
side of the empty dance floor while the band wound down.
It was clear they'd had a spat, a little too much to drink.
That's why they were slow-dancing with themselves,
each too angry at the other to move toward the center,
each too proud to make the first move to leave.
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NaPoWriMo #5: A poem inspired by a specific public-domain nature book
In this case, the section about the infinite variety of microorganisms.
Song of the Microorganisms
Praise the Lord, all you single-celled creatures!
You bacteria and algae
You diatoms and fungi
Praise Him who brings you sun and sugars to feast upon
Who makes waters and thermal vents for your homes
He whose majesty is infinite
Crafts and cares for creatures infinitely small
Ever-generating life, the unseen throng
Praise Him in endless, invisible song
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Cross Ties // X. J. Kennedy
Out walking ties left over from a track
Where nothing travels now but rust and grass,
I half-believe in something that would pass
Growing to hurtle from behind my back
And when the night wind slams by, give a start:
Out of its mass the disembodied wail
Of a far night-shift like a bag of mail
Is flung. Moon looms, her headbeam rips apart
A cloud and strews it. Wings thrash: down to strafe
The crouched grass drops a mousehawk. There’s a screech
As steel stretched taut till severed. Out of reach
Or else beneath desiring, I go safe,
Walk on, tensed for a leap, unreconciled
To a dark void all kindness.
When I spill
The salt I throw the Devil some and, still,
I let them sprinkle water on my child.
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From the Sarum Primer.
(Saint Augustine's Prayer Book, p. 67)
God be in my head,
and in my understanding.
God be in my eyes,
and in my looking;
God be in my mouth,
and in my speaking;
God be in my heart,
and in my thinking;
God be at my end,
and at my departing.
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