FUCK. I’m falling deeper and deeper every second I spend with you. Every gesture, every look, every slight touch. I want to be delusional and tell myself that these things hold the weight I wish they did. Do you know that your pupils dilate when you look at me? Does that mean what I hope beyond hope it does? I don’t think you know that I came completely undone when you brushed my hair from my face. I haven’t stopped thinking about that for weeks. I want nothing more than to brush my hand across your cheek, to caress your skin, to press my lips to yours at every whim.
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i swear, i had to go through the five stages of grief to finally accept i caught feelings.
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You telling me goodnight is what gives my brain permission to fall asleep.
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Riskitól
So I finally found the gall and put it out there
Told Her the truth about what I’ve been feeling
Confessed what all our talks have produced
Told Her about the whirlwind of butterflies
That Her voice—
Her laugh—
All the little things She says and does
Have stirred up in this hungry heart of mine
I took the risk and took the dive head first
Careless and haphazardly into the dark
Not knowing how She might take it
Or how She might be feeling
Taking a chance in spite of the unknown
Between these forty-seven hundred miles
Kyle Stewart
1/17/24
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“Because! Because…ah fuck, fine – because I want you to think I’M pretty. I know it’s stupid ok! I know. I’m the one who gets time with you. I get snapchat streaks and playlists and boba. I get trampoline parks and laser tag and weekend trips. All she gets is “pretty”. And I wouldn’t trade any of that for ANYTHING. If I had to choose, I’d choose this, us, our friendship, every single time. It shouldn’t even bother me, I get so much more than ‘pretty’ when I’m with you I just–”
“Pretty?”, he whispers. “You don’t think I think you’re ‘pretty?’”
“That. That is why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t need you to give me pity compliments, I’ll be fine, I promise. It’s dumb to be upset over something that little anyway. Who cares if you think I’m pretty as long as we’re still friends ok? Can we please talk about something else?”
“Ok first of all, I didn’t know my complimenting her bothered you so much and I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again. Second, no we absolutely can not talk about something else. Lily you are pretty, but I don’t bring it up for a few reasons. A, your importance to me is so much greater than my finding you attractive. B, I know people in your past have made you feel like beauty is all you had to offer and I never wanted you to feel that with me. C, we’re friends and that friendship is one of the very most important things in my life and I would never want to risk it by touching topics that could complicate it.”
“Well…thank you. That makes–”
“I’m not done. Lily, you are gorgeous. I mean just insanely beautiful. You don’t seem to know it either, at least not the extent of the effect you have. But guys glare at me when we’re out together. More than just Nathan have come up to me at work about you. Customers have asked about you. Remember that one time you asked if I’ve ever had a hard time talking to you? Uh duh, of course I have. Do you remember how shy I was at first? How we didn’t talk much? You were so genuinely nice I eventually got over it but don’t think for a second it doesn't take most of my concentration to hold a conversation, especially when you look me in the eye. I could get lost in your eyes for eternity. Every time you’d look up from your work, see me, and smile, my heart stopped. The fact that I, even for a moment, could make you happy made my heart skip a beat. Looking at you is like looking at the sun. You’re radiant and drop dead gorgeous and you’re my best friend and I would NEVER trade that friendship for something more if it meant even the possibility of losing you so under any other circumstances I would never be admitting this. But I can’t let you think I don’t think you’re pretty because you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and no one else- not Evie, not anyone- can hold a candle to you.”
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