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me-mindfulexistence · 6 years

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What Is The Difference Between Having A Child With Cancer & One With Schizophrenia? A Casserole Dish.

“.......A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year old siblings knew the safety plan -- they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.-Liza Long”

http://www.post-gazette.com/opinion/Op-Ed/2012/12/23/I-am-Adam-Lanza-s-mother-My-son-threatens-to-kill-me-I-ve-tried-everything-everything-is-not-enough/stories/201212230224

Most of us go into parenthood with rose colored glasses….with the motive to instill and implement every idealistic concept that was ingrained into our psyche from childhood to young adulthood (and unlike our parents and all the other slacker parents we observe around us….come hell or high water we were going to be SUPER successful doing it). Right? I mean how many times have childless parents (including myself) been at a restaurant, entertainment venue or even a family function and thought to our self….”OMG. I’ll NEVER let my child act like that!....I’ll Never blah, blah, blah…..They should do x, y and z” because “we know”.

Then maybe down the road that time comes when we are “blessed” with this little human creature…this “bundle of joy”...our own ‘mini-me’. We love this little baby/child more than our self. The dreams of their future success’s are bounding in our heads.....but slowly they grow and sometime sooner than later the cold reality sets in (for some more than others) that “laying down the law” and “controlling” this little person who has the ultimate goal of seeking full independence isn’t quite as easy or cut and dry as many imagined it would be. Now, let me preface that there are ALL kinds of circumstances that cause increased challenges…whether it’s financial, relationship or health issues…etc (the list goes on and on). There is always something to put a ‘strain’ on your life which makes the art of “parenting” 100x more difficult…That said, parenting a child in what’s considered the “ideal” situation ie- where there is a 2 person relationship for that “tag team emotional support”, financial stability, living in a clean environment with a child who has no extensive health issues IS already difficult and demanding as it is….but what if your child has extreme mental illness? What if your child can’t control their rage? What if your child is abusive to you, animals, siblings, classmates? What if you’ve reached out to doctor after doctor and you’re just going in circles? What if your child is written prescription after prescription and your bathroom cabinet becomes a small pharmacy? What if you become so fearful of your child that you sleep with your door locked? You have a weapon under your pillow? You have to have an emergency plan in place…..No one plans on birthing or raising a Nikolas Cruz or an Adam Lanza. You can’t spank the mental illness out of a child…..you can’t retrain, instill better morals, improve religious proficiency and maximize their appreciation and love for God and expect them to be “cured” of their manic tendencies or severe depression b/c you’re “parenting is on point”. Mental illness is many times undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and extremely complex to treat/manage any one illness (and many people have multiple disorders and end up on a cocktail of drugs) to which every single person responds differently.

There was a time in our not to distant past when mental hospitals/asylums were plentiful….They kept people for long intervals or life time commitments. But due to the abuse of power, lack of funding, and institutionalizing people who were sometimes not mentally ill at all, most have been closed down. For decades now “Deinstitutionalizing” has been a government effort and everyone is mainstreamed into the community…..some into long term care facilities…others just ‘out’. Many end up on the streets homeless and wandering, many commit a potpourri of crimes and eventually live out their lives in prison…and others just ‘exist’ being drug addicts moving from family member to friend...going in and out of hospitals for various medical issues. Which brings me back to my point for writing this….

https://www.thebalance.com/deinstitutionalization-3306067

It’s my opinion that we’ve done a great disservice to our country and communities by closing down psychiatric facilities. Some people are severely mentally ill. Families are living in fear and hopeless. Some people need extensive help and long term management….some people need to be committed and never released. Others may need long indefinite stays. Unfortunately, mental illness isn’t easily controlled. The ugly reality is that it’s a cycle. Many higher functioning people will get help, start managing their issues, feel better, stop managing b/c they feel better and then get worse….once symptoms magnify they will sometimes become paranoid, self medicate with alcohol and drugs and not believe what they’re being told. Now it’s the ‘norms’ trying to convince them to ‘seek help’ again. No one can legally FORCE someone who is an adult and mentally ill to be committed to an institution/hospital involuntarily....you can’t make them get assistance if they don’t want it. Can’t happen. Unless that person is threatening to hurt them self or others they can NOT be committed without their consent. Here’s the kicker of modern mental healthcare….if they are committed…..they go away for usually 2 weeks (30 days tops)-this also applies to minors. So, I threaten to kill you….I’ll be ‘fixed’ in 2 weeks? Usually after a stay they come out ‘snowed’. Doped up on drugs. It’s a vicious cycle. The people who think “fixing the mental healthcare system” will help change our country’s problems are wearing “rose colored glasses”. One step towards improving it.....is affording a massive amount of coverage specifically for MENTAL healthcare (which in our penny pinching system wont happen) ...but many of the people who need this the most can’t even work, let alone have “good” benefits *b/c they are mentally ill! But society has already labeled them “lazy” …. We need mental health institutions where people go to live (that costs lots of $.....wont happen)…. We need to stop ignoring the fact that everyone isn’t meant to co-habitat out in everyday society. This isn’t a PARENTING PROBLEM. It’s a lack of society understanding problem. And as much as this isn’t a gun control rant....if you are getting advanced psych assistance...you should never be able to legally attain a gun. Common sense stuff.

As in the video I posted below....The mom of one of the mentally ill children stated “the difference between having a child with a physical injury or a disease like cancer and having one with mental illness is the lack of sympathy from family and friends....(Casseroles....no one sends casseroles or dinners when your child is a mental mess). B/c there is a fear.”

I couldn’t agree more. There is a stigma attached to mental illness and people aren’t empathetic to the struggle. It’s invisible incurable demon of a disease. Appreciate not only your physical health but your mental health. Don’t take being ‘sane’ for granted....and don’t think ‘better parenting’, more God, and getting rid of all the guns will stop mass shootings...it wont. My 1/2 cent.

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#mentalhealth #SheriHockman #MentalHealthcrisis

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