if you ask me what the most heartbreaking panel is in chainsaw man, i would say this one.
spoilers under the cut.
denji isn’t your typical shounen protagonist. the boy has no lofty, grandiose goals to propel him through life. he doesn’t want to save the world or fight for his friends or keep the balance or anything of that sort. he just wants to eat good food, and touch some boobs.
it sounds coarse. it sounds off-putting. why would you want to read about someone whose motivations are so shallow? why would you care about someone like that?
but under all that, there’s a core motivation, one that’s hidden under all this dirty, rowdy bravado.
denji has nothing to lose. what can you lose when you never had anything to begin with?
this is a boy who’s lived a life at rock bottom ever since he can remember, in absolute poverty without any real, meaningful relationships in his life. he's been used and abused for as long as he can remember. the loan sharks he works to pay back see him as nothing but a money making machine. he’s just a tool, even before he became chainsaw man.
so after he eats his one slice of toast, which is all the food he gets in a day, denji nourishes himself with dreams. dreams of a better life—the absolute bare minimum. things we tend to take for granted. toast with jam, a roof and four walls, someone to spend the time with, someone who will be with him for who he is and never ask for anything in return. the very bare minimum. and still, this is too much to ask.
loneliness has made up almost all of denji’s life. his mother died of illness, and his father killed himself to escape his responsibility of paying off his debts, leaving the job to denji, who is all but a literal child.
he hardly eats. he risks his life taking on jobs to exterminate devils. he has had to sell various parts of his body to make ends meet.
denji lacked affection and love his whole life. it is these things he desires so strongly at the end of the day—for someone to see him as he is, and accept him for that. unconditional love.
at the end of the day what he wants is to be Seen and Loved.
he thinks it's makima. she’s the one who let him work as a devil exterminator, lifted him out of the shambles of his old life into something clean and new and shiny. he thinks she's the one who's going to break him out of this cycle of use and abuse, and give him what he wants. not just boobs, but a real connection, a real bond that will transcend the surface level ones he's been accustomed to his whole life. she sweet talks him, and he's so infatuated, because he doesn't know better, he doesn't have any concept of affection, having grown up the way he did, and he thinks this is it.
and for the longest time he thinks this is love. and he constantly strives to perform for her in order to impress her, so that she keeps giving him this love he thinks is real and genuine.
so he does everything he’s asked to do. after all denji’s very good at doing what he’s told.
and makima, being the control devil. well. if denji always does what he’s told, and the control devil is always obeyed ... their relationship writes itself.
she wraps him around her thumb because she can. and he fights tooth and nail and limb for her. he sheds blood and sweat and tears. he puts his life on the life for her more times than he cares to admit.
he becomes her dog, like she’d always wanted him to become.
.... and when denji himself comes to the conclusion at the end of it all that makima only ever noticed him because of what he is and not who he is—chainsaw man, and not denji ...
at the end of the day chainsaw man is a story about love, and finding the people who will love you and accept you for you. not what you are, or what you can do, or what services you provide. but someone you can share meals with, play video games with, share a roof with. someone you can be yourself around, in all of your strange, weird, wonderfulness.
and denji does find it, in his friends. it’s not immediately apparent to him, and even around them, denji still can’t shake off the fact that makima’s ‘love’ and attention is much more important.
but aki and power don't see chainsaw man. they just see denji. they see through the core of his chainsaw man heart, something that makima only ever had eyes for--they see past that, underneath, to the real, fleshy human heart of denji, and they love him for that and that alone.
at the end of the day it's all about the friends you make along the way.
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one bed + denji 😭
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Now why would you make me write this? 😭 Hope you like it
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: SUGESSTIVE AS FUCK , Also stan consent
Denji has a one track mind
So when the two of you had to hide out from enemies for the night, he was more focused on not dying, not being with you
But as the night sky turned darker his mind turned to you
Denji never knew how to express feelings in the most... healthy of ways
So he’s a more touchy feely person
So as the night slowed down, he started thinking
Which for Denji is never a good thing
But since Denji drinks his respect women juice he tries best to talk it out
“Do you know when you’re into someone”
Baby tries his best to convey his emotions to you but he’s not a good words person
But after stumbling through a awkward conversation, he just asks a simple question
“Can I touch you?”
And depending on your answer, he’ll do different things
If you say no, he’ll have more awkward conversations to get to know you better
But if you say yes, he’ll pull you close and rubs his hand on your back
Denji will tell you how he really feels
Just not today
@morosis-haze @solar3lunar @rosetheshapeshifter @angiebug101 @melanin-baddie @asaincy @yuujisbby @fuckasslesbian @reihara @dragonsdreamoffire @minruko @katsumiiii @silkylious @koishiguro @katsupremacy @noirstoxin @royalelusts @0risha @procrastination-lady @dukina
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