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jenna-louise-jamie · 1 month

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thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.

i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.

i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.

where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.

while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.

#btw i think anthony horowitz killed yassen off so he wouldnt have to deal with this lmao #and sidenote ash is responsible for his own shitty choices but i think itd be difficult for yassen to cope with the fact that stabbing ash #led to some very bad consequences for literally everyone #are there any fics that are similar to what im describing?? ?#i read a ton of alex rider fics but i mostly read fluff because im actually too emotionally fragile to handle angst #i cried while reading stormbreaker and that book wasnt even supposed to be sad #if this is doesnt make any sense its because i woke up at 2 am and wrote this #its just word vomit; pure not proofread thoughts directly from my fucked up little brain #idk maybe someone will enjoy reading this #alex rider #yassen gregorovich #alex rider books #ian rider #john rider #chaotic ramblings #and final note i do not ship yalex #i was thinking of this more in terms of yassen having a weird guardian/parental relationship with alex #if it wasnt clear from my ellie and joel reference from the last of us #anyways im gonna go back to making shitposts and memes so i never have to feel anything again thank you goodnight <3

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tiny-breadcrumbs · 6 months

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A Notes on that "Battle Husbands" drawing process

First of all, Here is the quick sketch I do In between. Mostly when I feel like crying because I can't mix the right shade for li lianhua's robes or shoes. But then it frustrated me even more because zhan yunfei didn't looks like himself! so it served to motivatived me to go back to the main project.

Below are several of the thumbnail and initial sketch when I trying to figure out the composition,

I eventually choose the low angle perspective over the bird view for a more intimidating presence to our main. So it can give a clear distinction of which side has the upper hand on this fight.

And for the character, Yangzhouman is a calmer, steady energy (in comparison to di feisheng's baifeng baiyang) and it made for speed. So I do need li lianhua to be "light" on his feet. But still look fierce, alert, and ready to strike at any moment. Some of the pose I try for him have this softer energy for his stance, and I try to balance it with a sharp movement in his upper body. He also got some baifeng baiyang at this point, eh, so I refined his pose sharper and sharper. Initially, I want him to hold his sword in his regular habit of holding it upward (because it kinda majestic) but turns out I don't have enough brain power to draw it between the tangle of his sleeve and all that hair. So I throw out that idea really fast.

I also try one or two more pose in a different paper that sadly got drenched in the rain, along with all the planning for di feisheng! So this is all that left.

There is a change in the composition from vertical to horizontal. Because in vertical composition, they stand too close to fit in the frame and li lianhua looks like he is one wrong move away from stabbing di feisheng. (Can't let him injure his newlyweed husband after all)

I laugh for a whole ten minute while stubbornly trying to make it work. And it still didn't work. So eventually, the final sketch is in the horizontal format.

I forgot to take more photo of the process after this one. Probably too distracted with all the mixing of blue and purple to make everything coherent because I desperately avoiding any green. There is only the very bright kind of green on my color stash. The cursed one. And I'm not friend with green. Unfortunately, Li lianhua wear this ambiguous muted greyish green robes. And they are in a open space of a forest. A lot of green. And di feisheng wear a very dark color. It will not looks good for their contrast if one character blended with the surrounding and the other not, when they both supposed to be the main focus.

So the overall process took around 12 hours within the span of three days. I'm so slow 😂 But yes, all nice and fun, already on my way to draft a new fanart.

Stay tuned

#mysterious lotus casebook #mysterious lotus casebook art #art process #my art #chaotic ramblings

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currentlyreadingawesomefanfics · 14 days

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Each and every time I write an angst chapter or debate killing off a character, I sit in my room and cackle because I know my friends and other poor unfortunate souls will read the anguish of the other characters for a very long time after I kill off a character. Gotta keep it realistic! =)

#ao3 writer #Chaotic ramblings #fanfic #more angst to come!#angst #writers on tumblr #writing #my ocs #i’m going insane #I’ll probably complete this drawing later #doodle #rawr :3 #am evil #whoops #ao3 author #This isn’t my sona btw this is just a traumatized character of mine #my sona is a shapeshifter lol

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you-always-live · 2 years

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there's this certain kind of relief when you see a tear drop on the paper you're writing on. then you touch your face to find your cheeks wet with tears. it brings you back to the present, like a reminder that you're a living, breathing, crying being. and not the feeling of despair and anguish.

#writing #sad stuf #sad vibes #dark academia #romantic academia #crushcore #sadcore #sad thoughts #chaotic ramblings #chaotic thoughts #im cryin #sobbing #relief #lovecore #taylor swift #lana del rey #lana del rey aesthetic #taylor swift aesthetic

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alittledoseofchaos · 6 months

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So many lore thoughts aaahhhh

The sheer potential of a DC × MARVEL × DP × MLB crossover makes me giddy. Their lore individually is so much fun to play with, but together? Vibrating in place at the thought.

For example, the Lazarus Pits.

Quick explanation of Ra's al Ghul in DC (from what I remember so take it with a grain of salt): being interested in science, he becomes a healer. He is ordered to heal the Sultan's son. He finds the Lazarus Pits and heals the Sultan's son, but his wife (Sora) is killed anyways. He overthrows the sultan and becomes the demon head, using the Lazarus Pits as he pleases.

Now, in most DC × MLB crossovers the Lazarus Pits form because of a wish.

In most DC × DP crossovers, the Lazarus Pits are just contaminated ectoplasm.

But hear me out.... its so much fun as both.

Ra's al Ghul is getting desperate, there isn't a science formula he can find that will heal the prince. Noticing his determination, a young monk who was victim to bandits lends him a magic jewel, the ox miraculous. As long as he helps the monk with his thief problem, he can use the ox miraculous during his more dangerous experiments. Al Ghul is running out of time when he finally finds the last two jewels, in two different very hard to get to places. He finally gets the jewels back for the monk, but the monk wants the ox back too. He isnt having it, using the jewels, Ra's al Ghul makes a wish. A wish for a substance that heals almost anything.

Slight problem, the substance bursts from a hole punched through the literal earth and does not belong on the surface. The wish demands balance, every time the Pits are used, it draws ectoplasm from the Ghost Zone. Sora still dies and Ra's al Ghul still overthrows the Sultan, but now the "Demon's Head" holds more weight as he literally had horns like a demon when transformed, oh yeah and the crack? It grows. Lazarus Pits pop up everywhere and the more the used, the sicker the Ghost Zone and its inhabitants get.

I got another one for you: Atlantis, this one makes me internally squeal a little.

Marvel: There is alot to expand upon here, but the parts I'll focus on is that, when still above water it was a place of barbarism and constant war, and was sunk by the Deviants.

DC: Again, a lot to unpack, but with a nice side of DC-can't-make-up-it's-mind. In general, Atlantis was very advanced in both magic and tech before sinking and reasons for sinking vary a lot based on the version(?) Idk im not awake enough to do a deep dive into their lore again. Atlantis and its empire splintered into seven(?) successor kingdoms. (Not including some outliers in their multiple Earth chaos)

All MLB gives us is that Plagg (black cat miraculous) had some part in it sinking.

But how I picture it:

A crazy person was trying to take over Atlantis. He had somehow gotten his hands on the black cat miraculous and was brutal, entire villages wiped out without hesitation. He slowly builds power. It's an age of barbarism and brutality. A few clans and kingdoms of Atlantis band together and form a more advanced civilization, thats still riddled with some power struggles. Atlantis is split in two, barbarism vs advancement. At on point Plagg gets free, and in an attempt to help and maybe steal some cheese he uses cataclysm. His cataclysm disrupts the tectonic plates Atlantis sits on. Years pass with Atlantis teetering over the edge, when it all comes to head one day. The technologically advanced Atlantis was having problems with their tech that made the unstable plates worse. Meanwhile, the barbaric Atlantis was being attacked by Deviants. The crazy person from before though? Didn't care. He had been looking for the Ladybug miraculous to make a wish and had finally found it. Unfortunately for him, he died before he could make the wish. Fortunately for the rest of Atlantis, Nooroo takes pity on them and transforms all people of Atlantis into varying degrees of fish people. Some relied soley on tech that Nooroo had transformed, while other had blue skin and webbed feet. Atlantis does split into many kingdoms, but now there are two kingdoms fighting for the right to be Atlantis. Centuries of stealing from one another and fighting has made it unclear which one is technically the original, but throughout all the ocean the people of the sea curse and cower from the name of Plagg.

But yeah..... I'm to tired to continue my ramble. But the point is so much Lore Potential.

#chaotic ramblings #lore drop #mass crossover #marvelous miracles (please disregard the ghosts)#< thats my tag for these four together and my story of this crossover #maribat #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #mlb × marvel

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crazybishthoughts · 9 months

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It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

#2 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #crazybishthoughts #chaotic ramblings

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leafboy-the-great · 2 years

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As a big scary beast i find it particularly offensive that no beautiful person (regardless of gender) has come to my castle and tried to woo me and teach me table manners

How many fathers must i kidnap, hmmm?

#chaos #chaotic ramblings #gay #lgbt #witchblr #adhd brain #adhd #beauty and the beast #Gay #gay mlm #gay yearning #mlm thoughts

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enby-eldritch-thing-eeee · 2 years

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I might be here physically but mentally I am in an alternate dimension filled with sentient mushrooms

#bastardcore #enby #gremlin speaks #goblin brain #unintelligible goblin noises #weird stuff #my nonsense #chaotic ramblings #eek #chaos incarnate #creature #i dont know what else to tag #eeeee <3 #keyboard smash #big gremlin energy #mushrooms and talk #shroooooms #phroggy #chaotic energy

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archerofunspeakablelove · 4 months

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Losing my mind over the fact that "I don't intend Hannibal to be caught a second time" would have meant a different thing to every character. Jack would think Will meant he was gonna kill Hannibal. Will probably thought he was going to let Hannibal escape but wasn't decided on whether he wanted to go with. Bedelia thought he was going to run away with Hannibal. In the end, they were all right in their own way.

#chaotic ramblings #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannigram #murder husbands #nbc hannibal #hannibal #wrath of the lamb #hannibal season three

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yummybongwater · 2 years

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#bastardcore #chaoscore #schizospeaking #chaotic bastard #chaotic ramblings #nihilist #goblincore #nihilism #goblin culture #female manipulator #mitski #girlboss #memes #doomer #void #void thoughts

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elonomh · 2 years

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“but you’re always smiling”

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chaotically-human · 2 years

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The Debate for the Right to Die

This paper deals with subjects that are potently triggering, if you are easily triggered by death please do not read.

For many terminally ill patients a miserable and dejected end of life plan was the only option. But with policies such as the death with dignity act and the minuscule legalization of physician assisted suicides in a few states, there has been an apparent light in the dark for the terminally ill. The debate of wither it is a right of the people or a moral sin is widespread and appears to be endless. With many policies, appeals, acts and, members of the medical and science community, the fight for the right to die continues. But as it is a constant ethical and moral debate between doctors, patients, and lawmakers Death with dignity is one of the only saving graces for individuals who wish control over their remaining years.

In 1993 a businessman named Alvin Snyder, two attorneys named Eli Stutsman and Mark Trinchero, a doctor Peter Goodwin and a nurse Mariam Coppens started a political committee called Orgon Right to Die. The purpose of this committee was to pen and pass the Organ Death with Dignity act. In 1994 campaigning started for the death with dignity act that was later passed with a little over a 50% voter approval rate. By passing the Organ Right to Die act patients with terminal illnesses in Oregon where able to take part in physician assisted suicide. The passing of the act made Oregon the 1st state to allow physician assisted suicide, (History of the Death with Dignity act, 2020). many different acts and appeals stemmed from the passing of the Oregon Right to Die act some of the first followers being those form Maine and Vermont. between 2004 and 2014 in nationwide expansion of the act was beginning. This was started with a terminal brain cancer patient who ended up moving to Oregon so they could take advantage of be death with dignity act. The life and story of the patient change the physician assisted suicide movement and allowed for greater access by the expansion of set movement. Because of the previously mentioned patient policy reform began in a state-by-state basis and success in rewriting and remaking old laws and policies that outdated. But due to varying opinions and ethical debates very few states have actually legalized physician assisted suicide. (History of the Death with Dignity act, 2020)

Though the majority of U.S. states have strict laws against physician assisted suicides, some states have passed acts allowing this kind of services to be provided for chronically ill patients. A few of these states being Washington, Colorado, California, Hawaii and D.C. Most of which have different laws or acts protecting this service. For example, Colorado operates under the End of Life Options Act, that was instated in 2016 but did not take effect until 2017. The End of life Options Act of Colorado has strict criteria for physician assisted suicide, the criteria being:

A prognosis of six months or less;

Mental capacity to make an informed decision;

Residency in Colorado; and

Has requested and obtained a prescription for medical aid-in-dying medication.

(Colorado End of Life Options Act 2019)

Most authorize states share similar criteria to the previously mentioned criteria and many have further rules for eligibility of individuals and the execution of the actual assisted suicide. Currently only 10 states allow PAS most of which are under different acts then the death with dignity act Some of which being the Elizabeth Whitefield End of Life Options Act; 2021 from New Mexico, the Aid in Dying for the Terminally Ill Act; 2019 from New Jersey, and the Patient Choice and Control at the End of Life Act; 2013 from Vermont. ((Death with dignity acts - states that allow assisted death 2021).

Though many questions are raised physician assisted suicide the main question raised by physician assisted suicide (PAS) is the ethical dilemma behind the actual act itself. Is physician assisted suicide Ethical? Should any one group decide your fate or should a chronically ill person have the right to decide when they have fought hard and long enough? upon further research into the ethical side of physician assisted suicide I found two main camps and no real middle ground. One being for assisted suicide and one being decidedly against. Though each individual is allowed their own opinion it is important to remember what the law States and what is allowed under the law. As though you might believe one thing it might not fall in line with what is legal. This is of course prevalent when it comes to the death with dignity debate as there are very few states that have legalized PAS and many that It is still illegal and period

For the side in favor of PAS there is no ethical dilemma nor is there reason for hesitation when it comes to penning and passing death with dignity acts. Having the right to choose what happens at the end of your life weather you are suffering or not is extremely important, just as it is in your young adult life. Most of those in favor of PAS believe it is the right of the people to decide when they die and how they die, they believe it is there constitutional right. By not allowing death with dignity acts and PAS in certain states it limits the options of the people, If States and lawmakers chose to take a harm reduction standpoint on this debate, and allowed better education of the options to terminally ill patients there is a chance that they might see a reduction in the suicide and self-injury rate per state to state. The words to best explain this side of the argument belong to Dr. Kevorkian who said, “I didn’t do it to end the life. I did it to end the suffering the patient is going through. The patient is obviously suffering. What’s a doctor supposed to do, turn his back?” (Jack Kevorkian, MD - Euthanasia 2019). Not only do these words truly explain how the medical and science communities feel about PAS, but also the patients who choose this path, or would choose it given the choice.

For the side opposing physician assisted suicide there are two main arguments presented by the Medical and Science communities. Those being that legalizing PAS is the path toward euthanasia and the moral dilemma physicians licensed to carry out PAS will face. These dilemmas are voiced in an article published by the journal of Oncology in 2017. The author describes how, “PAS is much less about physical pain and suffering than it is about the desire to have the control to end one’s life”, and how, “PAS is a slippery slope toward the practice of euthanasia”, (Reasons to Reject Physician Assisted Suicide/Physician Aid in Dying 2017). The author raises a few good questions here, f for instance if physician assisted suicide were to be made legal in every state would the process be abused? And is PAS the beginnings of euthanasia? On top of the concerns presented by the Medical and Science communities, many religious beliefs and followers do not believe in PAS as it is a direct violation to their beliefs. An example of this is teachings of the Catholic Church, some groups apart of the Catholic church, such as Father William P. Saunders wrote in an articular for the Catholic Herald, would go as far as to write, “with PAS, they (physicians) now formally are cooperating with the evil of taking of a person’s life.” (The Catholic Church's teaching on assisted suicide, 2018).

Regardless of ones own opinion on the physician assisted suicide or death with dignity acts there is ample amount of both good and bad representation in the media. From TV shows two actual historical cases death with dignity and physician assisted suicide continuously receives a bad rap. A good example of this is Jack Kevorkian, nicknamed Dr. Death, who was an American pathologist who whole heartedly believed in PAS and Death with dignity to the point of taking matters into his own hands. In 1998 Kevorkian was arrested for willingly euthanizing a man with Lou Gehrig's disease, he was tried for the one death, even though it is believed he assisted in over 130 euthanasians which he conduced in his van. When news broke of what Kevorkian had done it caused wide sweat panic as well as controversy. Similarly to the issues raised with the Kevorkian case the media continues to glorify and shame character who take part in this kind of ‘Angle of death’ behaviors and actions creating a twisted opinion based on falsified information of the death with dignity and PAS agenda.

Regardless any ethical or moral debate, in my opinion it is the right of the people to have control over their lives and bodies. Similar to the pro life vs pro choice I believe that if it's my body it should be my choice. And in the end if somebody really wants something, in this case to end their suffering, they will find a way to do it. Whether it be an a law sanctioned medical facility full of sterile medical grade tools or in the woods or ones home they will find a way. Because as humans wouldn't force an animal to suffer, but we readily allow terminally ill people with no foreseeable chance of cure, be forced to live out a painful existence that brings no good or joy to them. To me that is the ethical debate, not whether or not a doctor is allowed to euthanize an already dying patient, but rather if a lawmaker can choose whether or not a painful and thankless existence should be forced upon any one human being.

References

History of the Death with Dignity act. (2020, July 15).

Colorado End of Life Options Act. (2019, August 19).

Death with dignity acts - states that allow assisted death. (2021, March 30)

Jack Kevorkian, MD - Euthanasia. (2019, December 18).

O’Rourke. (2017, August 29). Reasons to Reject Physician Assisted Suicide/Physician Aid in Dying.

SAUNDERS, F. (2018, October 25). The Catholic Church's teaching on assisted suicide.

#research #research paper #dr death #Dr kevorkian #death with dignity #end of life options act #euthanasia #euthanized #physician assisted death #catholiscism #catholic #college #chaotic evil #chaotic ramblings #chaotic academia

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