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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 4- Prank War
Note: All the characters are humans in this one. Poor Baron, he has his revenge. ^_^
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‘That’s it. That is it! That is the final straw!’ Baron thought to himself as he stormed out of the house to  the grocery store. ‘I have had it with their ridiculous antics and this confounded prank war!’
If it wasn’t Muta taking advantage of Toto’s birdlike vision by putting cling wrap across doorways, it was Toto removing most of the centers of Muta’s Oreo's and replacing it with toothpaste.
If Toto wasn’t taping Party Poppers to the inside of the mail box knowing Muta was waiting for something in the mail, it was Muta using duck tape on the bathroom door after making a dinner he knew send Toto running to the loo.
On and on and on for the past two weeks this had been going on. With the pranks escalating and becoming even more obnoxious by the day.
Until it finally happened, Baron getting mixed up in their little spat. And it was over something he could not forgive, he could not forget, and could not- no would not let go.
Someone messed with his tea.
Specifically, someone filled one of his specially crafted tea bags and refilled it with instant gravy.
No one touches his tea.
No. One.
When Toto and Muta returned home, they found a note on the front door.
‘Consider this a warning.
I suggest you call a truce before I have to do much worse.
-B’
They exchanged worried looks before unlocking the door and entering the house. The entire living room was covered in tin foil. Everything! From TV to the couch with each cushion individually wrapped. Every CD, DVD, game case and console was wrapped. It even appeared to spread to the rest of the house, including the bathroom!
Toto and Muta looked at one another and nodded in agreement. They maaaaaay have taken their prank war a liiiitle too far.
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 7- Game Night
So this is probably going to get me either a lot of hate, thrown out of the fandom, or (best case scenario) requests for more. I’m honestly not sure which is worse (worst?) at this point. Either way please enjoy Cards Against Humanity: The Cat Returns Addition. Persephone is a TCR OC that belongs to @tcrmommabear & @sindysugar being used with their permissions.
At this point Hiromi has long since become a frequent visitor to the Bureau after following Haru one day. Meaning Hiromi while not quite as close to the others as Haru is, is still considered a friend.  Also the humans are in their early 20s and knowing my friends and I when we get into the game, potty language. Which really should just be a warning for CAH in general.
Cards Against Humanity (for those that don’t know) is played with two types of cards: Black prompt cards and White (I call them) Reaction cards. A person draws a prompt card and the other players put down their reaction card(s) face down and then replace the number of cards they used. Prompt drawing player flips them over and selects the best reaction card of the round. Best reaction card(s) win the prompt card. Prompt cards use between 1-3 reaction cards.
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To be fair, the entire thing was ENTIRELY Hiromi’s fault. Now that’s not to say that Haru didn’t love her best friend, because she did. She also knew EXACTLY what kind of humor Hiromi had. Mix that with a card game who’s box quite literally proclaims it to be “A horrible game for horrible people”. Yeah… It’s all Hiromi’s fault.
Hiromi drew a black prompt card. “’What’s making things awkward in the sauna?’ Ok folks hit me with your best shots.”
Louise puts down a card reading ‘A sales team of clowns and pedophiles.’
Muta chose to use ‘Scrotum tickling.’
Persephone gave it some thought before selecting ‘Cute Boys.’
Baron hesitated before putting down ‘MechaHitler.’
Haru slaps down ‘Full Frontal Nudity.’ with NO HESITATION.
Toto calmly places down ‘Fiery Poops.’
Hiromi reads all the reaction cards before declaring “A sales team of clowns and pedophiles is the winner. Who put that down cuz yeah that would make things awkward?”
Louise raises a hand while smirking. She accepts her prize before drawing a new prompt card, “’Only two things in life are certain: death and (blank).’ Oh my, there are so many ways that could be taken.”
Hiromi slapped down ‘The violation of our most basic human rights.’ as her card.
Muta, thinking of everything that happens regarding any of the groups antics, put down ‘Total fucking chaos.’
Persephone, not having very many good cards, selects ‘The male gaze.’
Baron, knowing how dramatic his sister is, chose ‘Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.’ (winner)
Haru hemmed and hawed before putting down ‘Kamikaze pilots.’
Toto put down ‘Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger’s tired body.’ hoping to get some laughs.
Louise read the cards out loud, cackling in between them, and said “’Dropping a chandelier on your enemies’ wins. So which one of you called me out like this?”
“I did sister dear, after all between the two of us this is exactly the kind of dramatics you would use.” Snorts echoed around the table, implying that Louise wasn’t the only over-the-top-Gikkingen around.
And so the game continued:
R3) Muta- (prompt) Listen, Gary, I like you. But if you want that corner office, you’re going to have to show me (blank).
Hiromi- Being a busy adult with many important things to do
Louise- Deez nuts
Persephone- Exactly what you’d expect
Baron- A constant need for validation
Haru- My worthless son
Toto- Meaningless sex
“Tough call but with how humans are ‘A constant need for validation.’ wins although ‘Meaningless sex.’ was close.” “Drat,” Toto declared while Baron took another card.
R4)Persephone- (prompt) Dear Sir or Madam, We regret in infom you that the Office of (blank) has denied your request for (blank).
Hiromi- Bill Nye the Science Guy & A gassy antelope
Louise- Republicans & Black People
Muta- Blackula & The shambling corpse of Larry King
Baron- Sean Penn & Tripping balls
Haru- AXE Body Spray & Being fabulous
Toto-  Wifely duties & Consensual sex
“Seriously Louise? ‘Wifely duties.’ AND ‘Consensual sex.’ You know that combination wins.” “Sorry Love but that wasn’t mine.” “Nope it was mine.” “Well either way it was well played, well done Toto.”
“Looks like it’s time to pull out the ‘Most Horrible Person of the Night Award’.” “Hiromi, No!” “Hiromi YES!” “Hey! Why does Birdbrain get Doritos?!”
R5) Baron- (prompt) Well if (blank) is a crime, then lock me up!
Hiromi- The boners of the elderly
Louise-  Eating together like a god damn family for once
Muta- The harsh light of day
Persephone- The Boy Scouts of America
Haru- Saying “I Love You”
Toto- The light of a billion suns
“I feel like I’m being called out right now. Who played ‘Saying “I Love You.”?” Baron asked with a very unamused look on his face.
“I did,” Haru replied straightfaced.
“You’re never going to let that go are you?”
“What do you think?”
Baron sighed before handing Haru the prompt card. It was better not to argue with her.
R6) Haru- (prompt) When I was tripping on acid, (blank) turned into  (blank).
Hiromi- Sudden Poop Explosion Disease & Used panties
Louise- The economy & The sweet song of sword against sword and the braying of mighty war beasts
Muta- Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor & Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels (winner)
Persephone- Crazy opium eyes & Treasure beyond your wildest dreams
Baron- Natalie Portman & Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night
Toto- A Ugandan warlord & Former President George W. Bush
“Really Muta? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: That’s disgusting.” “So are some of these reaction cards.”
R7) Toto- (prompt) Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to (blank)
Hiromi- All my friends dying (winner)
Louise- Syphilitic insanity
Muta- How awesome it is to be white
Persephone- Indescribable loneliness
Baron- The Pope
Haru- The eighth graders
“Toto pass Hiromi the bag. Hiromi you’re terrible.” Hiromi just giggles naughtily.
R8) Hiromi- (prompt) (Blank): Brought to you by (blank).
Louise- Homeless people & Rich people
Muta- Mouth herpes & Going down on a woman, discovering that her vagina is filled with eyeballs, and being totally into that
Persephone- Santa Claus & Being rich
Baron- Shutting the fuck up & The Rev. Dr. Marin Luther King, Jr.
Haru- Getting caught by the police and going to jail & Going around punching people(winner)
Toto- Running out of semen & A mine having a stroke
“Sound about right.” “Oh and how would you know Turkey Leg? You don’t have any fists!” “Wouldn’t you like to know fatso.”
R9) Louise- (prompt) (Blank). Betcha can’t have just one!
Hiromi- Heartwarming orphans
Muta- Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis
Persephone- Gwyneth Paltrow’s opinions
Baron- A sad handjob (winner)
Haru- Horrifying laser hair removal accidents
Toto- Emotions
“Is there something you want to confess brother dear?” “Not to you sister dear.”
R10) Muta- (prompt) This is the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of (blank).
Hiromi- My dad’s dumb fucking face
Louise- Cancer
Persephone- Lunchables TM (winner)
Baron- YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
Haru- The Hamburglar
Toto- Statistically validated stereotypes
“What? I’m hungry!”
R11) Persephone- (prompt) We never did find (blank), but along the way we sure learned a lot about (blank)
Hiromi- Blowjobs for everyone & Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum (Hiromi)
Louise- What Jesus would do & The South
Muta- The white half of Barack Obama & A black-owned and operated business
Baron- God & A chimpanzee in sunglasses fucking your wife
Haru- Jobs & Western standards of beauty
Toto- Important news about Taylor Swift & Starting a shitty podcast
“HIROMI!” “AHH SAVE ME SOMEBODY!” (This was not the first time Hiromi used Pac-Man against Haru. Nor would it be the last.)
R12) Baron- In return for my soul, the Devil promised me (blank), but all I got was (blank).
Hiromi- Jesus & White people
Louise- Third base & Being fat and stupid
Muta- A subscription to Men’s Fitness & Pooping back and forth. Forever.
Persephone- Some shit-hot guitar licks & An ass disaster
Haru- Interspecies marriage & Necrophilia (winner)
Toto- The Blood of Christ & Adderall TM
“Guilty conscious Haru?” “I’M NOT A FURRY DAMNIT!”
R13) Haru- (prompt) You won’t believe what’s in my pussy. It’s (blank).
Hiromi- Daddy issues
Louise- The power of the Dark Side (winner)
Muta- A salty surprise
Persephone- Old-people smell
Baron- My collection of high-tech sex toys
Toto- How wet my pussy is.
“I hate you all.”
R14) Toto- (prompt) Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy me (blank)
Hiromi- The mere concept of Applebees TM
Louise- Sexual peeing
Muta- Authentic Mexican cuisine
Persephone- An asymmetric boob job (winner)
Baron- Helplessly gigling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis
Haru- Switching to Geico®
R15) Hiromi- (prompt) (Blank) is a slippery slope that leads to (blank).
Louise- Blackface & Ripping open a man’s chest and pulling out his still-beating heart
Muta- Court-ordered rehab & Words, words, words.
Persephone- Same-sex ice dancing & Butt stuff
Baron- Establishing dominance & Stockholm Syndrome (winner)
Haru- Overpowering your father & Darth Vader
Toto- Copping a feel & A boo-boo
“Damn Baron, what are you into?” “I’m not! Why are you handing me these?” “Because you made shit go real dark, real quick boyo.”
R16) Louise- (prompt) My gym teacher got fired for adding (blank) to the obstacle course.
Hiromi- Walking into a glass door
Muta- Sperm whales
Persephone- Peeing a little bit
Baron- A face full of horse cum
Haru- Meatloaf, the man.
Toto- Warm, velvety muppet sex (winner)
“I think I need to give these back to you Toto.” “No no, you can still keep them.” (Cue unhappy Baron face.)
R17) Muta- What gets better with age?
Hiromi- Crippling debt
Louise- A Super Soaker TM full of cat pee (winner)
Persephone- Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
Baron- Yeast
Haru- The placenta
Toto- Nothing
“At least no one played ‘My genitals.’ this time.” “That can still change Haru~.”
R18) Persephone- (prompt) In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninja while also dealing with (blank).
Hiromi- Not having sex
Louise- Aaron Burr
Muta- Mixing M&Ms and Skittle like some kind of psychopath
Baron- The dentist
Haru- Samuel L. Jackson (winner)
Toto- Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri
“To be fair, Ryan Renolds had a hard time dealing with Samuel L. Jackson in ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard.’” “Still funny.”
R19) Baron- (prompt) Today on Maury: “Help! My son is (blank)!”
Hiromi- A woman
Louise- A monkey smoking a cigar (winner)
Muta- Teaching a robot to love
Persephone- Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere
Haru- Such a big boy
Toto- Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding
“What is ‘Maury’?” “An American TV show that mostly deals with people deliberately exposing themselves to lie detectors and paternity tests because they can’t stay in their lanes and be decent human beings.”
R20) Haru- (prompt) Heed my voice, mortals! I am the god of (blank), and I will not tolerate (blank)!Hiromi- Sunshine and rainbows & Incest
Louise- The profoundly handicapped & Throwing a virgin into a volcano
Muta- Sweet, sweet vengeance & Cheating in the Special Olympics
Persephone- Finger painting & The hiccups
Baron- Erectile dysfunction & Having a penis (winner) (game end)
Toto- Nickleback & Licking things to claim them as your own.
“That’s it, game over, Baron wins, Good night.” “Oh c’mon Haru.” “Nope! Can’t do it! Good night!”
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‘Most Horrible Person of the Night Award’ is an inside joke among my circle of RL friends that typically ends up being a bag of Doritos.
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 1- Outer Space
So this is Part 1 of a three part crossover/Au between The Cat Returns and Jupiter Ascending. Jupiter Ascending is a movie by the Wachowski’s who made Cloud Atlas, Speed Racer, V for Vendetta, Sense8, and the Matrix series. I highly recommend it.
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Haru paced the extravagant chambers, her eyes constantly darting to and fro from the elaborate and quite literally ALIEN wedding dress that gave off the impression of a Sakura tree in bloom (if said blooms were a vibrant garnet color). She was having a hard time swallowing everything that’s happened in the last 24? 48? how does one even keep time in outer space? Outer space, she still was having trouble believing that SHE was in SPACE!  Haru bent over, hands on knees, heavily breathing and trying not to vomit. It was all so much to digest.
Human beings are nothing more than cattle and are slaughtered to make a magic semi-immortality juice and she, Haru, is the reincarnation of the head of the family who’s at the forefront of such a ghastly business.
‘Oh Gods, I can’t do this,’ Haru thought with panic. ‘I CAN’T DO THIS!’
The door to the chambers swished open to allow Tsuge Abrasax (Third Primary of the House of Abrasax) and his personal attendant entrance. Haru quickly spun around to face her fiance and past-life’s son. (‘Isn’t this technically incest?’ she thought to herself for the fourth or fifth time since he popped the question.)
“I can’t do this,” Haru announced, practically running towards the door.
“As I told you before Haru,” Tsuge consoled charmingly, “don’t think of this like a wedding like on your world. It’s just a contract in order to protect people. Innocent people.”
“I know, I get that I do but right now I need to speak to Baron.”
“You don’t trust me but you’ll trust the man I hired. I see. Unfortunately talking to Mr. Gikkingen is no longer possible.”
“What?” Haru inquired, shocked. “Why?”
“He attacked a servitant and destroyed a host of guards. And given his history I was advised to return him to the authorities. You do know what he did, don’t you?” Tsuge implored. He saw the look on Haru’s face and made an expression of understanding on his own. “And you still trust him. Beauty and her beast.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell me sooner?” Haru demanded quietly.
“So you can plead for this,” Tsuge sighed, as if exasperated by Haru’s naivety. “The original rite of pardon and reinstatement my lawyers procured for him and Mr. Moon. I kept it, knowing how you felt, even if you wouldn’t admit it.” Tsuge offered the metallic sheaf that as Space’s version of books and documents.
“To be fair, there was a time when I would have used something like this against you. But now if you can believe anything, Haru, you can believe that the life of one splice matters very little to me compared to the lives of my subjects.” Haru accepted the sheaf with a heavy heart and conflicted expression upon her face.
“Good bye Miss Yoshioka.” Tsuge turned to walk out Haru’s temporary quarters. Fake despondency upon his face.
“Tsuge,” Haru called haltingly.
Tsuge stopped, a satisfied smirk creeping across his face. He quickly wiped it off his face before turning to his mother’s Recurrence.
“I’ll do it,” Haru quietly declared, face at war between emotionless and heartbreak.
“Thank you,” Tsuge spoke sincerely before leaving to get his own preparations for the wedding underway. Preparations that unknowingly to Haru included her death during their honeymoon.
Haru turned to look back at the dress. She swallowed thickly.
‘Guess I better get ready.’
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 2- Pirates
I’m making up a bit of backstory for Toto as he really doesn’t have any. For this particular prompt I’m headcanoning that Toto was at one point “part of a pirate crew”, and by that I mean he was a mathom/mathem of a pirate captain.
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“Haru,” Toto spoke slowly, “what are you singing?”
“A Pirate’s Life for Me,” Haru replied. “Hiromi and I had a movie marathon and she finally got her hands on a set of the Pirate’s of the Caribbean Movies. I’ve had that tune stuck in my head ever since.”
Toto looked very pained, like three Muta’s were sitting on him.
“Haru, that’s not a true pirate song. No true pirate would ever sing such a blatantly obvious ditty like that. Especially since it would be impossible to get any work done to it,” Toto told her.
“What do you mean?” Haru asked, taking a seat besides his pillar. Toto flew down so he could better look at her without either of them getting a crick in their necks.
“A true sea shanty, commonly mistaken as pirate shanties, were used to keep time on the ship while doing various tasks like hauling ropes, cleaning decks and even emptying the ship of the sea water that ship would inevitable pick up. Similar to a metronome in a way but the whole crew would get involved in keeping time. It wasn’t just to keep one entertained while at sea,” Toto calmly explained.
Haru’s eyes grew wide and interested. “Really? That’s incredible! How do you know that Toto?”
Toto’s eyes twinkled both in merriment and mischievousness.  “Unlike our good Baron, I have some slightly… colorful… roots. As you know Creations are born when someone creates something with all of their heart and thus given a soul. What you may not have realized is what happens after that. Sometimes we sleep, being passed to and from different hands and different lands, sometimes aware and sometimes not. Other times we choose to leave where we were ‘born’ and make our way to places we would consider ‘safe’. In my case however, I was… how to put… acquired by not quite so legal means.”
Haru’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Wait, does that mean-”
“I was stolen,” Toto interrupted bluntly, “by Pirates.”
Haru’s eyes practically popped out of her head as her mouth dropped open in shock.
“It wasn’t all bad,” Toto shrugged. “My creator survived her encounter with pirates. Even ended up marrying the captain who took me years later after another unexpected encounter.”
“That’s incredible,” Haru said. “So that’s how you know so much huh?”
“Exactly,” Toto nodded. Haru bit her lip slightly in thought before coming to a decision.
“Can you teach me?”
Toto blinked nonplussed. “Teach you?”
“Some true shanties. As catchy as ‘A Pirate’s Life for Me’ is, I felt like it was kinda fake from the start. It was just really really catchy was all.”
Toto smiled gently, “I’d be happy to.”
For hours Toto taught Haru. Long haul shanties for long haul rope pulling. Short haul shanties for short rope pulling. Windlass shanties for water pumping. Capstan shanties for raising and lowering the anchor. He even taught her Foc’sle, the forecastle or forebitter songs which weren’t technically true shanties but songs for after the work was over.
From ‘Haul Away Joe’, ‘Spanish Ladies’, and ‘Roll the Old Chariot’ to ‘Blow the Man Down’, ‘The Coasts of High Barbary’, and ‘The Bonny Ship The Diamond’. From the sweet and melancholy ‘Rolling Down to Old Maui’ to the ever popular ‘Fiddler’s Green’. On and on and on. ‘Leave her, Johnny’ and ‘Lowlands Away’, ‘Fish in the Sea’ and ‘Whiskey Johnny’, ‘Ballad of Captain Kidd’ and ‘Rio Grande’ and ‘Goodbye Fare You Well’. ‘Drunken Sailor’ had her in stitches along with its’ other names of ‘Drunken Whaler’ or ‘What Should We Do with a Drunken Sailor?’ ‘Randy Dandy-Oh’, ‘Mingulay Boat Song’, ‘Bully in the Alley’, ‘Haul Boys Haul’,’Don’t Forget Your Old Shipmate’, ‘Santianna’, ‘Eliza Lee’, ‘Old Billy Riley’, ‘Cockles and Mussels (Molly Malone)’, ‘Good Ship Venus’, ‘Blood Red Roses’, and ‘Fire Down Below’.
When the sun set and night was starting to fall, Baron and Muta had appeared. Each had been going to greet the singing pair but decided instead to watch. For all that Toto was friendly and amiable, he didn’t really speak of his past nor did he really speak of anything with any true passion. This had been the most animated either cat had seen the bird creation be outside of his tiffs and squabbles with Muta. It was a nice change a pace. It didn’t hurt that both singers had lovely voices that harmonized quite nicely. Though Muta was never letting Toto live down the fact that Toto was a pirate, ever.
(“Like you can talk Mr. Most Notorious Criminal in Cat Kingdom History!”)
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 3- Angels & Demons
In this Haru and Toto are humans/typical angel appearance where as Muta and Baron look like their normal selves for the most part.
Inspired by this post 
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“You are very cute.”
“...Is this a ‘for an angel’ kind of thing or are you being flirty?” Haru asked suspiciously. “Because let me tell you I’ve fallen for bull like that before from humans and angels and it’s all crap. I’m not a looker, I already know that, so don’t even think for an instant I’m about to fall for some fake sweet words about my appearance. I know better.” Her honey and cream wings twitched, the nerve of this well dressed demon! Gosh darn him and his good looks! We’re demons supposed to be ugly?!
Her words instead of driving off the strange cat demon instead seemed to impress and even delight him. The female angel was rather fetching but oh her mannerisms and temper! How delightful!
“I admire a young woman that speaks from the heart,” he said gallantly, acid eyes gleaming brightly. Two loud snorts were heard, full of exasperation and derision.
“Translation: You are very very cute,” Toto shook his head, black feathered wings twitching behind him. This could not possible end well for his ward; powerful healer she may be, warrior she was not. How could a routine exorcism get derailed so badly?
“Translation’s translation: He’s being super flirty and really digs ya chicky,” Muta snorted, utterly done with his superior’s antics. Why his boss couldn’t fall for some mean succubus not even Lucifer knows. This whole thing could only end in tears. How could a routine possession get derailed so badly?
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 5- Crossover
So this is Part 2 of a three part crossover/Au between The Cat Returns and Jupiter Ascending. This takes place earlier than Part 1.
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“What are you doing?” Baron asked, tired from the events of the last 24 hours.
“I’m just letting the owner know that we borrowed their car because it was an emergency,” Haru said, leaning over a pad of paper that she found in the glove-box. She paused to look over at her rescuer. “You’re hurt!”
Baron looked down, minor graze, only deep enough to bleed quite a bit. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing!” Haru insisted looking for something to stop the bleeding. “Oh, we’re in luck a woman owns this car,” she rejoiced pulling out a heavy flow maxi pad. She removed the protective packaging and carefully maneuvered around Baron, being careful not to jostle him and cause the car to crash.
Baron took a brief glance down. “What is that? Is that a-?”
Haru grinned sheepishly, “It’s all I could find.” She bit her lip nervously. “I… wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done. For saving me.”
Baron was silent for a moment, trying to quiet the feelings of guilt building up within him. “You’re welcome.”
Not long after, the car pulled up to a farm house falling into disrepair, surrounded by a field of flowers and dotted with bee house hives. Baron cut the engine and got out of the car, Haru following closely behind him. The stairs creaked ominously under the Felintant’s anti-grav boots. Three harsh knocks from Baron rattled the door before it was practically ripped off it’s hinges by what looked liked another Felintant with a very not-from-Earth looking gun.
“Back from the dead,” He said, practically shoving Baron back with the nozzle.
“Hey Muta,” Baron replied, sounding tired, weary, and utterly done with the situation.
Muta set the gun down next to the open door before punching Baron in the face and tackling Baron down the stairs. Haru gasped in shock and fear not noticing a female looking Felintant leaning against the door frame.
“Don’t worry about them,” She said softly, “they have history and are doing some dumb male-rebonding ritual. I’m Yuki by the way.”
“Haru Yoshioka,” Haru replied, turning away from the fight briefly to shake Yuki’s hand. Unfortuantley the men crashed into some natural hives that were on the front porch, smashing them to pieces and causing the bees to swarm out quickly and what looked like angrily heading towards Haru.
“H-hey!” She cried out, trying to flee away from them and shooing them away when they surrounded her. Oddly enough they seemed to just float or hover, not coming in anywhere near towards stinging her. She spread her arms outward, rotated her torso, waved an arm in a tight circle and yet with every motion the bees stayed the same distance away, seemingly content to just be around her.
Muta walked away from Baron, stopping just a few feet away from the “wings” made of bees, before kneeling on one knee like a knight. “Your Majesty,” he said, voice full of awe.
Haru stopped her playful motions with the bees, turning sharply towards Muta.
“Majesty?”
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chez-pezeater · 5 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 6- Free Day
So this is Part 3 of a three part crossover/Au between The Cat Returns and Jupiter Ascending. This one takes place after Part 1.
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“Captain we can’t hold any off any longer!”
“C’mon Baron,” Muta whisper, vehemently praying that his actions hadn’t costed him the lives of his best friend and Her Majesty sweet Haru.
“On my mark,” Captain Toto commanded full of fear-hope-despair. Seconds ticked by before he knew he couldn’t delay any longer, “Go!”
The Aegis Ship warp jumped out of the flaming wreckage happening all around it, withing seconds reappearing near Haru Yoshioka-Abrasax’s home planet of Earth with whatever was within the warp shield floating harmless around it.
Captain Toto sighed before asking for the status of his crew. Everyone on board including Mr. Moon were fine. Toto sighed again in both relief and regret.
“Captain?”
Toto turned to his Android communications officer.
“I’m picking up Mr. Gikkingen’s ping again.”
Toto quickly turned to his command station and hit a button that would allow him to connect with outside communication.
“Mr. Gikkingen?” Toto asked, barely breathing.
“Aegis crew, this is Baron Gikkingen. I have Her Majesty.” Cheers and shouts of joy rang out throughout the ship.
“Where are you?” Toto insisted, wanting both of them on board ASAP.
“You might want to look out a window or something,” Baron’s voice came over the speakers, it sounded like he was starting to crash. Toto quickly turned his gaze to the front shield screen.
“Someone wanna open a door please?” Baron slurred as he and Haru floated gently in front of the ship. Haru’s eyes were locked on her home planet, full of love and relief and joy.
Toto breathed in a sigh of relief. Everyone made it out okay and in one piece.
“Please open a door.”
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Additional Notes for Jupiter Ascending AU that I’m probably never going to use:
Lycantant Caine Wise (former Legionnaire Skyjacker) - Felintant Baron Gikkingen (hadn’t decided if he was a Skyjacker still or not but still former Legionnaire)
Jupiter Jones (Recurrence of Her Ladyship Seraphi Abrasax the Abrasax Sovereign)- Haru Yoshioka (Recurrence of Her Ladyship Persephone the __ Sovereign)
Aegis Captain Diomika Tsing- Toto
Stinger Apini- Muta
Kiza Apini- Yuki
Kalique Abrasax- Hiromi
Titus Abrasax- Tsuge (Originally was going to split this character in two but decided not to)
Balem Abrasax- Cat King (husband of Persephone, married into money/royalty & wasn’t left much inheritance, also her murderer)
Female Bounty Hunter Razo- San (Princess Mononoke)
Blue-skinned Bounty Hunter Ibis- Prince Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke)
Eye-patch Bounty Hunter Falque- ???
Balem’s Servant Chicanery Night- ???
Titus’ Servant Famulu- ???
Katherine Dunlevy- Louise?
Vladie- Howl before he really starts falling for Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle)
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chez-pezeater · 6 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2018
Day 3: Role Reversal 
‘Well this was certainly different,’ Baron thought to himself, feeling sweat dripping down towards his collar while trying to keep a pleasant expression on his face.
Now normally whenever on a case, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen (Baron to his friends) would be the one swooping in with a dramatic flair and saving the helpless damsel in distress. This time however the glass slipper (A/N: lol, Sunday’s prompt) was on the other foot. For once HE was the damsel in distress.
The Bureau got a case in trying to help an exiled princess regain her stolen throne. Needless to say they were successful... until it was time for the coronation. 
Apparently Princess Blanche (A/N: Shout out to YarningChick!) had decided that Baron would be the perfect Prince Consort for her as he had saved not only the princess herself but her entire kingdom from her power hungry stepmother. Even though Baron was A) Not human and most importantly B) Spoken for. 
Princess Blanche in typical (*cough*snobbish*cough*) royal fashion just said that there was nothing he would want that she could not provide and thus was obviously a much better match between her wealth and prestige. Baron tried to be a gentleman about it and let her down gently both in public and private but to no avail. Toto left a few days ago to get help (from where Baron wasn’t sure but at this point he wasn’t picky) but at least Muta was still around (though mostly for the free food as “Friend of the Groom”, thanks Muta) so Baron wasn’t completely alone.
Baron was brought out of his thought by the cheering in the throne room, Princess Blanche was now Queen. He politely clapped but that was as far as he was willing to go at this point. Pr- Queen Blanche rose from her throne and held up a hand.
“My people, it is so good to stand before you once again. And now I have an announcement. As we all know, this kingdom hasn’t had a king since the passing of my father so many years ago. It is now my great pleasure to announce to you all, your future King Consort and Champion of our beloved kingdom, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen!” 
Baron stiffened in righteous fury. (Spoiled, manipulative, rotten, little-) Baron cut those thoughts short as well wishers, courtiers, and guards banded together to bring (read: shove) him closer to their Queen. As he was pushed onto the dais next to Her Highness, Baron’s thoughts went out to his beloved. How he wished he had let her know where he was going before taking this case. He hoped she would one day forgive him for this.
Blanche smiled proudly at Baron. Everything was going the way it should be. Her wicked stepmother was gone, her kingdom was safe, her friends were with her and now she had a handsome savior who would become her husband. All was right in her world. (Or so she thought.)
“Baron Humbert von Gikkingen, please kneel so we may say our marriage vows and rule this kingdom together,” Blanche (kindly) commanded, readying her skirts to do the same. Baron’s already strained temper frayed.
“For the last time Your Majesty! I am not free to wed! I am spoken for and very much in love with the one waiting back home for me!” Baron yelled, loud enough that his voiced echoed throughout the Great Hall and into the castle beyond the doors.
“I would certainly hope so,” a playful feminine voice called out. The entire hall turned to look at who would dare to disrupt such a sacred ceremony. Baron’s heart beat fast full of love, awe, and wonder as he saw his knight in shining armor.
It was Haru.
She really was wearing a shining armor breastplate, with an acceptable sized sword hanging from her waist. Her hair was flowing freely until the nape of her neck so as to not pull around her ears. Her tail flowing proudly behind her like a banner of freedom. And with her was King Lune with his queen Yuki and a battalion of guards from the Cat Kingdom. Haru was still marching, full of confidence, down the center isle towards the dais.
“Especially since you married me, my love,” Haru continued with a playful smile.
“What?!” Blanche screeched furiously.
Baron breathed a sigh of relief before running up to Haru, sweeping her into his arms and delivering a very passionate kiss upon her lips. 
“I demand an explaination!” Blanche hollered, stomping her foot like a petulant child.
Baron slowly stopped the twirling lip lock to finally respond to Her Spoiled Highness.
“Your Majesty may I please present Baroness Haru von Gikkingen-Yoshioka, my wife.” 
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chez-pezeater · 6 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2018
Day 6: Tea Party
“I must say, this is by far the strangest tea party I have ever been to,” Baron murmured to Haru seated on a bar stool while holding a coffee mug on top of a bread plate. 
“I think I have to agree,” Haru replied holding an actual tea cup and saucer (though in an eye searing shade of lime with toxic purple polka dots), seated in a Gothic style throne.
“You get used to it,” their client, a young lady named Alice, replied while holding a half a cup of tea (seriously it was sawed in half and then filled with tea, how is that possible?) upon a rather cozy looking teal arm chair.
“I’d rather not,” Muta grumbled around a pistachio-pomegranate scone, “I deal with boiled grass on a daily basis as it is.” He was seated on an Arabian inspired tuffet.
“Oh do stop complaining,” Toto snapped, trying to fend off a crazy looking brown rabbit from serving him more tea when his cup (resembling something that belonged to a royal household) was already full and not fall off the one-legged chair.
Naturally this set Muta and Toto into a full blown argument with the crazy rabbit and their host (an even stranger looking man wearing an outlandish top hat) joining in with yells of “It’s time for tea!”, “Scone throw!”, and all manner of wackiness as food and everything on the crowded table started being thrown.
Baron and Haru ducked down under the table as best as possible while Miss Alice just tilted her head or turned her body to dodge the impromptu projectiles.
“Isn’t it nice to just sit down with good friends and relax?” Alice smiled in content.
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chez-pezeater · 6 years
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TCR Birthday Bash 2018
Day 5: Happy Birthday or Wildcard (a.k.a. Freebie) Crossover/Disney/Fave Ship In Another Universe/Musicals- I’m doing a combo of them.
Baron wasn’t entirely sure how he got roped into this. Yes he could sing, dance, act, and even fence. But why on Earth would he subject himself to this special brand of Dante’s Inferno?
And there Haru appeared from across the stage, carefully gliding down the “banister/stairs”. She was descending in a delicate golden cloud of a dress, hair swept up out of her face yet tumbling freely down her back in soft curls. Silk gloves the color of the rising sun caressed her dainty hands till they reached just under the dresses capped sleeves. Every movement she made was as if she was floating delicately down from Heaven.
Haru came to a stop before him with a smile and curtsied like she was BORN royal. Baron shook himself out of his love-stuck dumbfoundness, bowing like the prince he was supposed to be playing. 
As the music started and he lightly gripped his co-star, friend, and secret crush to begin a waltz Baron hoped to himself that he could convice the costume department to let Haru keep the ballgown. It would never look half as good on anyone else as it did Haru.
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