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cas-kingdom · 2 years

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Rekindle

A/N: This, if I’m not mistaken, is my first fic of the year. As weird as it sounds to say that, considering it’s been the longest I’ve ever gone without writing, I also know that uni has drained the life out of me the past few months, so I’m unsurprised. I’m hoping my stories will come more steadily after this, and I’m really hoping this makes up for the wait. <3

Also my first Chicago Fire fic. Set around season 2, I’d say, as Shay is still alive. Back when times were good. :,) Enjoy!

Title: Rekindle

Summary: After Matt and Gabby become official, you start to feel as though you’re intruding in their relationship.

Words: 4866

“Who ate the last of my cereal?” You lifted the empty box and waved it in the general direction of the few men sat eating breakfast. Immediately, a chorus of ‘nope’s and ‘don’t look at me’s echoed around the room, though Cruz seemed remarkably quiet bent over his bowl in the corner.

Rolling your eyes, you dropped the box in the recycling bin and stood on your tiptoes to shuffle through the cupboards. “Why is there nothing in this kitchen?”

“C’mon! There’s loads in the kitchen!” Hermann called out.

You slammed a cupboard door shut. “Nothing for breakfast. There isn’t even bread.”

“Groceries are getting delivered later this morning,” Mills assured you. “Right, Otis?”

Otis looked shocked. “Otis? Me? It’s second shift’s turn!”

And thus began another argument concerning food. The next candidate couldn’t come quick enough.

Only last week, mealtimes at Firehouse 51 had been plenty fulfilling. That was, of course, when Mills had been candidate and willing to let the others entice him into cooking their food. Now he’d made it onto squad, the men were without a designated chef, and their lack of cooperation in moments that weren’t strictly job-related meant that that would be up in the air for a few more shifts at least.

Cruz had tried making—burning—dinner a couple times, and Shay and Dawson had spent two hours on a recipe they’d been insistent would blow everyone’s minds. It hadn’t.

Mouch had had a go only the previous evening, and it’d been the best meal they’d all eaten in a while, though the Chief had spied the empty takeaway boxes stuffed inconspicuously into the bins not long after. Mouch still insisted it was a collaboration between him and the Japanese restaurant across the street.

You were pleasantly surprised they hadn’t stuck you in the kitchen with a recipe book and a few pots and pans yet. You weren’t a firefighter, but you hung around the station enough to be, getting your homework done in the common room during weekends your brother was on shift, and forcing everyone to watch Disney movies during quiet evenings. Hermann often joked that you’d have to start paying rent at some point, but he’d never dream of enforcing it. The men had known you for years, most of them since before your brother was a lieutenant, when you were still in you toddling stages and they were taking shifts to keep an eye on you. If anything, it was a welcome repose to see you, especially during the long days, though recently it seemed all days were long. The Chief had promised he’d look into getting you on an internship programme at 51 once you turned eighteen, but for now, you were a relieving smile in a job where that was needed.

“Hey, I think I left bread on the counter,” Mills spoke up once they’d established that it had indeed been Otis’s turn to order in groceries, and he had indeed forgotten. Your hungry stomach felt a moment of respite, but it was swiftly counteracted when Mouch cleared his throat, tentatively holding up a single crust.

“Sorry, kid,” he offered. He glanced at the crust before stretching it out towards you. “You want the rest?”

You sighed and dropped your elbows to the countertop, resting your face in the palms of your hands. The shift was almost over, but most of the men made use of the free breakfast before they left. When Mills was still cooking, there’d be a delicious buffet laid out for them all. When Mills was still cooking, he’d set aside a plate for you if you weren’t there at the same time as everyone else. Today, you’d fallen asleep on the bed in your brother’s office and had woken up ten minutes into the usual breakfast time. Today, it seemed you’d have to listen to the grumble of your stomach for a while longer.

Kelly wiped some crumbs off his legs and turned in his chair, extending a plate of half-eaten toast towards you. “Knock yourself out. I’m finished.”

Or perhaps not.

Cruz threw his arms up in protest. “You told me to get my own when I asked for one of your grapes earlier! A single grape! How’s that fair?”

“You stole her cornflakes, dude.” Kelly pointed a finger at Cruz as you took his plate and sat beside him.

You settled back against your chair and smirked in satisfaction as you took a bite of the toast while Cruz got up with his finished cereal bowl. He made sure to display it to you as he took it to the sink and received a well-experienced middle finger in return.

“Hey, where’s Dawson and the Lieutenant?” Hermann asked, licking his fingers, and Shay, who’d since been quietly sat at the end of the table, snorted.

“Do you really have to ask?” She clapped Mills on the back as she got up and passed him. “Help me with some forms? I have a feeling Dawson won’t be out of the showers before shift ends.”

The mention of your brother and his girlfriend relit a spark in your brain similar to the audible groans of displeasure around you, effectively quenching the brief grimace-worthy image of them in the showers, and you slowed your chewing as you glanced over at Kelly. He was texting someone—presumably Katie—and he had a flicker of a smile pulling at his lips.

You bit the inside of your cheek, momentarily forgetting about your toast, and chewed at it mindlessly. You needed to ask him before you had to leave but this foreign uneasiness was holding you back. It was all kinds of wrong. But you steeled yourself and hurriedly pushed the words from your mouth.

“Can I stay at yours tonight?”

The question shouldn’t have been said as diffidently as it was, and on any other day it would have been the opposite. You had spent countless nights at Kelly’s, whether it was because Matt had to go away or because the two of you were due a movie night; he’d raised you as much as your brother had, stepping in as Matt’s second after he’d petitioned for guardianship after his mother’s imprisonment, and later legal custody. He’d been nineteen, still reeling from the loss of his father and the shock of what his mother had done, still working his ass off while keeping himself afloat, but he’d have given it all up if it meant you didn’t have to go into foster care. Christie had drifted after your father’s death and you had had no one else, so with a lot of determination and love, as well as a great deal of support from Firehouse 51, Matt had raised you beautifully.

This time, however, asking Kelly if you could stay with him that evening was edging towards being intimidating. As though it would ground you, you took another bite, waiting for him to lift his head, which he did after he’d sent his text. His mouth was open slightly, brows lifted as he processed your question, but they furrowed after that was done.

Having been expectant of his reaction, you put your toast on the plate and shook your head, picking up a crumb between your fingers. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I can always ask Christie or—”

Kelly shook his head and dragged his chair forward, resting his elbows on the table and clasping his hands together. “Hey, slow down,” he told you, “‘course you can. Just…” He shrugged lightly. “This is the third night in a week you’ve asked to stay at mine, Y/N. Everything alright with you and Matt?”

Disagreements with Matt were as often as was normal between a brother and sister, though they tended to veer more towards those more likely to occur between a parental figure and his ward than between siblings. Every day you navigated unchartered waters, but for as much as those waters were mainly still, they frequently had waves. Kelly was sure if anything had happened between you, he’d have sensed it during the seventeen or so hours you had been at the station this shift, but he was unsure of any other reason you would ask if you could stay with him in a voice that sounded like you were treading on thin ice. The fact that it was the third night in a week truthfully didn’t bother him as much as the knowledge that you’d asked with the exact same hesitance each time.

You frowned and straightened in your chair. “What? Yeah, we’re fine.” You were avoiding his eyes. “He and Gabby are having a date night, so I just thought I’d get out of their hair, you know?” You just about managed to look up at him with a forced smile before standing with your plate to take it to the sink to wash.

Kelly turned slightly in his chair to watch you, his mind beginning to stir. You could be a secretive girl. You’d grown up without a mother and a father, raised by a bunch of men who just about knew what they were doing, and he figured it was only Shay and Dawson’s presence in your pre-teens that had been most beneficial to your life now. Still, you kept to yourself a lot of the time, bottling up emotions and concerns. Shay had told him once over a bottle of wine that it was likely because you were surrounded by so much toughness and resilience that you felt you had to mirror. That certainly didn’t make anyone’s lives easier, though he doubted you knew you were doing it.

He watched you now as Cruz came up beside you, saying something he couldn’t hear. You shoved his chest with a grin, and he laughed. Probably something about the cornflakes. After letting the room know you had none left, he knew there’d be five or so boxes sat on the countertop next shift for you.

After Cruz walked out the room with a loud goodbye, you seemed to hesitate a bit before you walked back to Kelly. He tipped his head back when you reached him. “I’ll pick you up around six?” he asked, effectively sidestepping the questioning he knew would eventually upset you. “Movie marathon and Chinese food? Or pizza? We could try that new place.”

Your muscles visibly slacked in what could only be relief, and you gave him a genuine smile. “Pizza.”

“Cool.” He stood to his feet and turned towards you, gently grasping the back of your head. He pulled you into his chest and pressed a kiss to your hair, as though he was ridding you both of any residual awkwardness, then took your face between his hands. His eyes scanned yours as he tilted your head to look up at him. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Kelly caught the slight wobble of your voice. “Yeah?”

You nodded again, faster this time, and slipped your head from his hands, ducking away before he had the chance to stop you. “I’ll bring snacks tonight!” you called over your shoulder as you disappeared around the corner.

Kelly pulled his shirt on before shutting the door of his locker. It was the end of shift, and most of the men had left the firehouse. Matt was tugging his own clothes on, ready to head home for the next forty-eight hours, as you walked in, drying your hair with a towel after your impromptu shower.

Kelly spent a minute or so glancing between you and himself in the mirror. He wanted to grab Matt for a moment, his big brother psyche settling in once more as he thought over your hesitance earlier in asking if you could stay at his. They’d spoken to each other about you too many times to count, but he didn’t want to make it obvious that he wanted you out. Thankfully Matt did his work for him before he was given the chance.

“Oh, Y/N,” Matt said, “Hermann said something about finding a box of cornflakes in the back of a cupboard somewhere. He left it on the counter.”

Your hands immediately paused in their towel-drying. “Really? Where can I hide it?”

Matt snorted. “You might wanna keep it attached to you if you don’t want Cruz to eat any.”

You twisted your face in thought. “Can I put it in your office?”

“I locked it.”

There was a sudden ringing as you grabbed your brother’s keys from the bench and shoved your towel in his opened duffel bag. “I’m putting it in your office,” you stated before disappearing around the corner, ignoring Matt’s grumbling as he separated his newly laundered clothes from the wet towel.

Kelly turned from the mirror and leant against the lockers, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know she’s staying with me tonight?”

There was a beat of silence. “Y/N? Is she?” For a moment, Matt didn’t seem to find concern in that, an innocent question being the only words to spill from his lips as he turned to shut his locker door. But his forehead furrowed further with each passing second, changing drastically only after he’d zipped his bag shut. At that moment he scrunched his face up, a taken-aback motion if you will, and his brows drew together in a deep frown. He stared hard at Kelly, almost accusingly, though it was anything but. “Again?”

Kelly clapped his hands in the validation he’d been reluctantly hoping for, pushing himself away from the lockers. “That’s what I said! Look, you know I love that kid more than anything, and I really don’t care how often she stays over. But every time she’s asked this week, she sounds like she’s…I don’t know. Walking on eggshells around me. It’s weird, man.”

Matt’s frown deepened. “Huh,” he said airily, “weird.”

Matthew Casey liked to think he was a good guardian. His mother had said so once, and though that should have meant nothing from the woman who was on the exact opposite of the ‘good guardian’ spectrum, it had warmed something inside him. Confirmation, probably, that he really wasn’t the worst brother and stand-in parent a teenage girl could ask for.

When kids your age were out into the early morning, you were hanging around the fire station with men twice your age. When they were downing bottles of alcohol and smoking packs of cigarettes, you were slurping juice through a straw, sprawled out across the couch—usually over Otis and Mouch—as they watched their sport channels. As they grew more daring in talking back to their parents and rebelling, the only thing you grew in was your own self-confidence. He had never missed a daddy-daughter date, never been late to a parent-teacher conference, always first to sign the return slip for career day. He’d dealt with each toddler tantrum and side-effect of growing up parent-less with every ounce of resilience and perseverance he possessed. So, yes, he’d done well, and though he rarely spared time being proud of himself, deep down he most definitely was. Though, as it was with any adult who had care over a child, there were still things he had to learn, and still moments where he wondered if your real parents—your mother included—could handle things different. Better.

It was for those reasons he was beyond thankful for Kelly and the crew of Firehouse 51. Whether that was Hermann’s ability to get a smile out of you on your temperamental days, or Boden’s appointed title of ‘best hug giver on this earth’, each of them knew you in a different way. Here and now, Kelly had picked up on your questionable mood when others wouldn’t have, and Matt now knew enough about it to act on it.

“And you’ve no idea why?” he asked.

Kelly shrugged. “She said you’ve got a date night with Dawson and she doesn’t wanna be a bother.”

“It’s just takeaway and a movie. We’ve said she can join us.” He looked as though he was ready to say something else, but you walked in at that moment, a triumphant gleam in your eyes.

“I hid it under your bed,” you stated proudly, handing him the keys to his locker.

Matt and Kelly glanced at each other over your head. It was an action they’d performed numerous times over their years of parental responsibilities, the glance meaning some semblance of understanding only they would ever know.

“Hey, Y/N,” Matt said slowly, approaching his following question with no small amount of trepidation, “you didn’t tell me you were staying at Kelly’s tonight.”

Every ounce of triumph and light seemed to seep from your stature and into the concrete below. Your shoulders slacked, arms hanging loosely by your side as you turned your dejected gaze from your brother to Kelly. You were obviously unhappy he’d told Matt, though Kelly wasn’t sure why. He frowned but remained where he was. Though he’d been roped into this somehow, he had an inclination that he didn’t have much to do with it just yet.

With no satisfactory response from one lieutenant, you looked back to the other. He rose an eyebrow and you audibly sighed, moving to sit on the bench by his bag. “Is it a big deal?” you asked no one in particular, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees and your chin in your hands. You stared across, out the door and into the hallway.

“Is it a big deal that you’re staying over?” Matt asked. “No, it never is.” He rounded the bench then, standing over you for a moment before sharing another look with Kelly and sitting beside you. He clasped his hands in his lap and looked at you, though you didn’t meet his eyes. “But you still need to tell me these things,” he said. “Were you gonna just disappear on me or something?” It was an attempt at light humour, Matt coating his words with a teasing lilt, but it garnered no response. His brows furrowed once more and he put a hand on your knee. “There a reason you didn’t?” He made his words as unauthoritative as he could. Though he was well-versed in the opposite—you could attest for that—he could tell your reluctance to speak was based on nothing besides genuine anxiety.

You looked up at Kelly again, this time your eyes piercing his. You were suddenly less dejected and certainly more confident in your accusatory glances. “I told you I didn’t want to impose on their date.”

Kelly shrugged from his place by the lockers. He crossed his arms over his chest and steadily returned your gaze with his own. “Matt says it’s not much of a date,” he said simply.

Matt tapped your thigh, encouraging you to turn your attention back to him. “It’s not. Hey, I told you you could join us, sweetheart. You know we’d love it.”

A tired groan left your lips as you tilted your head enough for your face to be hidden in you palms. “Would you, though?” You words were distorted but both men heard them clear enough. “Do you really want your teenage sister hanging around your romantic evenings?”

“I told you it’s not a…wait.” Matt’s frown deepened and he lowered his head as though he’d be able to catch sight of your face. “Is that what this is about?” He flicked his eyes up, catching Kelly’s in time for the two of them to notice the identical concern painted on each other’s face.

You stayed in the same position for a further few seconds before you sat up properly, staring forlornly down at your hands as you fidgeted with your fingers. “I just think,” you started hesitantly, “after sixteen years, you might want a break from me.” You turned to look at your brother. “You know, time to be a normal thirty-something-year-old guy with a girlfriend. I figure…if I’m somewhere else, you have a few nights to yourself.” You bit the inside of your cheek and turned away again. “Can we go home now?”

Matt shook his head. “That’s what’s going on in your brain, huh? For how long? What about when I was with Hallie?”

“Hallie was…I grew up with her in my life. I didn’t know any better. With Gabby, it’s—it’s just—” You were getting frustrated, and Matt could see why. In the sixteen years the two of you had lived the way you had, there hadn’t been many instances in which you’d sat down and discussed how the differences in your lives compared to other siblings’. You’d known that your situation was unique. Matt had clocked every odd look sent his way at the sight of a baby with a guy barely out of childhood himself, and you remembered every time a schoolfriend had asked if you had a mommy or a daddy. It wasn’t that these moments hadn’t affected you—of course they had—but you’d lived around them. The way you lived was your normal. But it seemed that as you got older, the differences became harder to ignore.

Tears welled in your eyes as you struggled to voice what was so clearly rampaging through your head. Matt put an encouraging hand on your back. “With Gabby,” you tried again, taking in a deep breath, “it’s different. She’s not used to her boyfriends having kids. She’s not…it’s just different.”

“Gabby knew the relationship she was getting into, Y/N,” Matt said gently. “Nobody gets me without you. She knew that.”

You closed your eyes against the tears. “You never signed up for me, Matty.”

Matt scoffed, a slight smile pulling at his lips. He glanced up to see Kelly, silence thus far, mirroring his face. Matt squeezed the back of your neck in a comforting gesture and ducked his head even more to try and catch a glimpse of you He pushed wet hair from your face and looked at your shut eyes, black lashes settled against your flushed skin.

“‘Course I did,” he said. “I literally had to sign a court document. They were ready to put you into the system.”

You opened your eyes and wiped at them. “That’s just your hero complex talking,” you muttered, and both men laughed. You were taking a crack at light humour, so you were at least partly soothed by your brother’s words.

Kelly uncrossed his arms and took the few steps towards the bench, sitting on the other side of you. He bumped your shoulder slightly. “I think that’s the big bro complex. It kinda sticks with you.”

You offered a half-hearted smile in his direction as Matt shuffled along the bench just enough to extend the hand at your neck around you. He pulled you into his side and rested his cheek against the top of your head. “You know Gabby adores you, don’t you?” he asked quietly, less for the assurance he knew was inevitable and more for gentle confirmation. “You know we never ask you to hang with us because we have to? You know we love having you around?” You didn’t nod, but your quiet sniffles and otherwise silence was all the answer he needed. “And you better know you’re my girl always, and I’d sooner spend every evening with you than have you gone. You’re allowed to leave at eighteen and no earlier, though you can bet your pretty little head I’ll have some choice words to say even about that. Hey?”

You let out a breathy laugh and Matt considered that victory enough. You tucked some hair behind your ear and sat up properly. “I know,” you said. “I just feel guilty sometimes.”

“Don’t feel guilty for what we couldn’t have prevented, Y/N,” Matt told you. “It was a crap situation for us both to be put in, but we made it work, right? Raising you will always be the highlight of my life. I loved every damn second and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah, so would I. Pretty sure I’ve learnt more from you than I have anyone else. I mean, who else would’ve taught me that cutting toast into anything other than the shape of a butterfly is unacceptable? Huh? Oh, and sunscreen is the literal work of the devil.”

Matt sat up straight, his brows suddenly raised as he pointed a finger across at Kelly. “Don’t forget that going solo to the toilet is a no go. Each member of the house requires a spectator.”

Kelly laughed, slapping his thigh. “Oho, man. The times I had to distract you with food just so I could pee in peace.”

“Didn’t she follow Chief once?”

You slammed your face into your hands once more, shaking your head. “Stop it,” you pleaded, though amusement coated your words.

Kelly ignored you, a wide grin stretching across his face. “He locked the door, turned around, and there you were. Casey Jr. to attention. Poor guy didn’t know what to think, just carried you into the common room and dumped you in Hermann’s arms.” He grasped your forearm and tried to pull it from your face. “You were a little madcap, you know?” When you resisted against his attempt, he swiftly stuck his hand under your arm and tickled. You squawked and fell against him, trapping his hand between your arm and your ribs.

“Were,” you ground out, reaching for his hand with your free one in your own solid attempt to pry it away from you. Kelly let you, slinging his arm around your shoulders and tugging you to him. He kissed the top of your head before you managed to pull away, a smile on your face despite the fake annoyance.

“You still are,” he said.

“Not hard considering the influences,” you shot back.

Matt chuckled. “We’ll give you that. But hey, seriously—” He waited for you to look back at him. “Don’t ever think Gabby and I want time away from you, alright? We have plenty of opportunities for moments alone. At the end of the day, we’re more than happy, and I’m not sure it’d be the same kinda happiness if you weren’t part of it.”

“And you gotta talk about this stuff, not bottle it up,” Kelly added. “If you don’t wanna talk to Matt, talk to me. If you don’t wanna talk to me, go to anyone else in this firehouse, ‘cause you know they’d all do anything for you.”

You did know it. More than anything, you did. Though you may not have a mother and father like everyone else, you had more parents than anyone could ask for, and in that you considered yourself luckier than most.

“So, we good?” Matt asked, raising a brow.

You gave him a genuine smile. “Yeah.”

Matt mirrored it in an instant. “Alright then,” he said, patting your thigh, “change of plans. Y/N, you’re staying home tonight, and Kelly, you and Shay are more than welcome to join us three for movies and takeaway. Alright? No one’s gonna get in anyone’s hair, and no one’s gonna feel unwanted. We’re gonna have a good time, good food, good beer. Together. As a family.”

“What’s this about good beer?” Gabby asked as she walked into the locker room. She had her coat on and her bag was slung over her shoulder, so she’d obviously been ready to leave for some time now.

Matt stood to his feet. “Y/N and Kelly’re gonna join us tonight. That alright?”

Gabby’s entire body seemed to sigh in relief as she moved over to the bench and behind you, wrapping her arms around your neck and resting her chin on the top of your head. It was as though she had known it was needed, perhaps also why she hadn’t come searching for you and Matt in the past ten minutes. You grasped her arms and leant back, all too ready for any comfort you could get.

“Oh, thank God,” Gabby breathed out. “You kidding me? He wants to watch that old horror with the killer clown, and I need emotional support.”

Kelly scoffed and pulled on his jacket. “Can’t say I’ll be good at that,” he admitted as he picked up his bag.

“All I need is an arm to hang onto,” she said, reaching across to pat his back.

Matt looked offended. “What about my arm?”

Gabby’s eyes grew widely serious. “You don’t think I’ll need two? Damn, you guys are in for a ride. You’ll see horror movies do not work with me.” You laughed, already feeling lighter. “You guys ready to leave?”

Matt looked at you, silently asking you the same question. You smiled in what could only be confirmation, and he sent you a wink. Undoubtedly the subject would come up again at some point in your lives, but for now it was settled neatly somewhere else. “Ready.”

“Well, I’ll see you later, then,” Kelly said. He ruffled your hair, dodging your arm as it shot out to punch his shoulder. “Love you, madcap. I’ll bring the snacks.”

Yeah. You were pretty lucky.

Chicago Fire Masterpost

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