abusive parents will act like you’re supposed to fix their life while they’re forcing you to learn how to cry without making a sound
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Feeding, clothing, and sheltering your child is the bare minimum of keeping someone alive.
If your parents did the bare minimum, that does not mean they are not abusive.
You deserve a LOT more than the bare minimum. You do not have to be grateful for it.
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"By all means let an observant Jewish adult have his raw-cut penis placed in the mouth of a rabbi. (That would be legal, at least in New York.)
By all means let grown women who distrust their clitoris or their labia have them sawn away by some other wretched adult female.
By all means let Abraham offer to commit suicide to prove his devotion to the Lord or his belief in the voices he was hearing in his head.
By all means let devout parents deny themselves the succor of medicine when in acute pain and distress.
By all means - for all I care - let a priest sworn to celibacy be a promiscuous homosexual.
By all means let a congregation that believes in whipping out the devil choose a new grown-up sinner each week and lash him until he or she bleeds.
By all means let anyone who believes in creationism instruct his fellows during lunch breaks.
But the conscription of the unprotected child for these purposes is something that even the most dedicated secularist can safely describe as a sin."
-- Christopher Hitchens
Religion is child abuse.
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If a child is so afraid of getting in trouble that they don't come to their parents when they make a mistake that could possibly put their health or even their life in danger, then those parents have failed.
If something goes wrong, and the first thing that child thinks is, "oh god, my parents are gonna kill me," then the parents have failed.
If a child is afraid of their parents, if the child sees their parents as an active threat instead of a source of safety and guidance, then the parents have failed.
A parents job is to protect, to teach, to guide.
If a parent makes themself a danger to the child, in any capacity, then that parent has failed.
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The Dancing Tree, A Cautionary Tale for Parents
This is another nightmare I had that I’d completely forgotten about, until I found this unfinished comic buried in my hard drive today.
In the dream, I was the tree.
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It has come to my attention that there are people that don't know about the horrors of residential schools and why we're canceling the fourth of july so I'll explain to the best of my ability.
Residential schools were institutions in which native children were held captive under the guise of educating them. These children were stolen away from their families and the goal was to "kill the indian, save the man" by eradicating native culture from these children's lives. They were forced to cut their hair, they were not allowed to speak in their native tongue nor leave to see their families. They were kept in poor living conditions conducive to illness and were punished harshly. Many children died at residential schools and their culture was stolen from them. It wasn't until 1996 when the last residential school was closed.
Earlier this year a mass grave was found on the grounds of kamloops residential school, 215 bodies were discovered, some of the children as young as three. These children were stolen from their homes and never returned. There has been a call for residential schools to be searched and the children lost to residential schools to be mourned. This is happening in both canada and the united states and protests will be held on canada day and the fourth of july. To show your support you can wear orange and spread awareness.
If you can, find a protest near you and let these children's voices be heard. Thousands of innocent children were kidnapped and killed then thrown into unmarked graves. Their lives must be honored and mourned.
Remember that the fourth of july did not mark freedom for everyone.
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This applies to anyone, but I really want to emphasize this to my fellow survivors who went through trauma as children and/or teenagers.
I’m so sorry you lost part, most or all of your childhood. Please give your inner child what you can. This includes comfort but it also includes doing the things you didn’t get to if you can.
Play the fun games. Buy the tasty treats. Go on adventures to the park and swing on the swings. Watch cute movies. Make crafts. Blow bubbles. Or any things like that! Embrace your inner child and let that inner child enjoy things they never got to or didn’t get to enough.
It’s not too childish or too late. You can’t get your childhood back but you can still help your inner child.
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i'm SO fucking tired of hearing stuff like "well my husband is abusive to me but I don't want to divorce him because my kids deserve a father" YOUR KIDS DESERVE TO NOT BE STUCK IN AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD !!! you know children witness that shit and your abusive husband could literally abuse your kids too, right? this mindset has got to stop omfg
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speaking as someone who frequented juvi not a single child on earth ever in the world ever in the history of the world not the youngest child or the oldest minor will EVER benefit from being in juvi.
it is hell on earth that is still traumatic to me. there is nothing good that can come of it to anyone for anyone.
all juvis should be fucking destroyed, everyone working at juvis is on a scale of varying levels of doesnt give a shit to actively malicious.
i cannot stress this enough juvi is child abuse. and no matter what that kid did more abuse isnt going to fix it or make it better itll actually take the most innocent child and make them worse, you do not want to see what it does to already bad kids.
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You're allowed to have complicated feelings about your abuser. You're allowed to have happy memories involving your abuser. You're allowed to miss certain things about your abuser and miss those times.
It doesn't mean that you weren't abused or that it wasn't real; we're humans and we have complicated emotions. Having happy memories doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen.
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you begin from where you remember leaving off.
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Having a child is a long term commitment to a heavy, heavy responsibility which demands energy, attention, and time.
To have a child is to bring an entire person into the world. This person can not consent to this. This person is inherently vulnerable, hardwired to depend on you, and must be taught the skills neccessary to one day care for themself.
When you have a child, that child's well being is entirely on you. It's your job to keep them safe, to keep them fed, cloathed, and happy. It's your job to make sure they feel loved.
When you choose to have a child, you are signing up to spend years and years of resources on that child. That is your choice. The child was not alive and could not agree to your decision to drag them out of the void of nonexistence. The child was not asked if they wanted to experience an entire lifetime of conciousness, and all of the potential suffering and agony that comes with that.
That decision is entirely that of the parent who has made the choice to have a child.
You are not "granting the gift of life." You are not doing this hypothetical child a favor by having them. You are doing this for you, because you wanted to be a parent. You wanted to have the experience of raising a child.
This means that if you have a child, you owe that child. You owe them time, and love, and safety, and care. You asked for this, it is now your responsibly to follow through.
Children are not a toy. They aren't a fancy new car for you to parade to your friends. They aren't a fashion accessory for you to put on the shelf when you lose interest. They aren't a mini you. They aren't a magic cure-all to your trauma, and they aren't there to fill some void in your chest.
They are a vulnerable person who is easily abused and neglected and who will be at your mercy throughout much of their development period.
A parent owes their child. Failing to follow through with the responsibility they signed up for is a failing on the parent's part. Making the child feel guilty for the crime of existing is the fault of the parent. A child is never a burden.
Abusive and neglectful parents are failures as parents. They could not do the bare basics of what the job entails and then they blame the child for a crime that the parents themselves committed.
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A statue of mother and child lays at village center
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Maybe you shouldn’t be focused on trying to be who you were before trauma, or if your trauma happened as a child… trying to figure out who you could have been.
Maybe your energy is better spent on figuring out who you are now and accepting that you’ve changed and that it’s okay to have changed.
You’re still as worthy and valuable as you would have been without trauma. You’re still important and worth loving. I promise.
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you don’t owe abusive family members your love and respect when they never gave you theirs. “but they’re family” is no excuse or validation for mistreatment.
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