#child trauma

[rott3nguts]

ok to rb

#actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused #trauma blog #trauma art #trauma edit #child trauma #tw abuse

[psychotically-empty]

i get so fucking numb and empty feeling when people talk aabout their childhood or stories they had as kids. even the really sad shit. i cant remember almost anything from before i was 12.

i have nothing.

i was nothing.

i am nothing.

#bpd vent #vent #bpd #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd favorite person #bpd fp #actually borderline #tw depressing thoughts #tw self destruction #tw sui ideation #tw selfhate #depressing shit #trauma #child trauma #abandoment issues #child neglect #childhood neglect

[coltishcaterpillar]

Unmasked / Platonic!Alastor x Teen! Daughter Reader

Chapter II: Sneaking Suspicion

Summary:

After reading over thirty-one entries, three disturbing pages are brought to light….or the darkness, depending on how Emily wants to look at it.

WARNING: This entire chapter (and probably the next one) depicts a very disturbed, traumatized, paranoid child (who is you, the reader.), who has just lost the person she loved most in the world. A HUGE deterioration in her psyche is seen here.

Look out for: Murder, Mental Illness, Paranoia, Anxiety, Delusions, Cannibalism, etc….

November 12th, 1933

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, my dear diary. Please, Jesus, please help me find my way back, I’m…I’m shaking relentlessly and the monsters at night won’t leave me alone.

My Pa….he’s not come home in three weeks. I know he will never open that door again, but I wish he would just one last time.

It started with a simple hunting trip. I saw him bringing a large trash bag over his shoulder whilst he was going out, and I just assumed it held his gun and other necessities.

A few hours later, people heard gunshots go off in the area he hunted and now he’s…..

When they opened the bag they found another mangled body….and concluded that my Papa was the serial killer terrorizing New Orleans since 1922.

No, he couldn’t have done anything of the sort. He was a good man. PAPA was a good man. He was. He is.

I read it in the papers…nobody wants to see me anymore. I’ve tried contacting everyone I knew and loved, and they told me to never set foot on their property again, they thought I was involved in this hellish situation!

Anne, James, Elbert, Carol, Mr. Devereaux, Charlotte, Martin…..EVERYBODY has abandoned me!

I wanted to desperately contact Grandma, so I wrote her a series of letters. Her caretaker wrote me a letter back that she went into shock after finding out Pa died, and she’s….well, she’s in Heaven now too.

I just turned sixteen, please. I need my Papa back….my Grandma….

I’ve been in the house surviving off of scraps. I’m afraid to leave again; I don’t want to be shot, I don’t want people coming after me because of what my Papa allegedly did. I’ve lost so much weight, I’m tired, I feel sick….

I’m not ready to be a woman, to grow up, quite yet. I grew up taking things for granted; I thought I would have my family and friends for life. How will I find a job? Will anybody take me in? Can I find a new family?

I’m still here, I’m still here, my dear friend. My beautiful…I’ve not lost my mind, not yet. I’m not crazy, am I? No, no….I’m just….going through some traumatic moments!

I’m hungry….

My stomach is hurting so bad, I’m perspiring and my toes are curled…I need more food. I’ve eaten nearly everything, I have no money to purchase anything else…

Every time it growls, there’s a new tang of pain….

Papa, you would never….you’re a good man, Pa. I love you, I’ll always love you….

Oh, it all makes sense now! Why you never wanted me to see what you brought home, why you were always out late, why you were so secretive…oh, Pa, why didn’t you tell me?! I…I would’ve….contacted the authorities.

Which is what you didn’t want.

I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING DEMON! HOW DARE YOU BRING THIS UPON ME AND GRANDMA, I HOPE YOU ROT YOU SICK, TWISTED, SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN-

I miss your kisses and your hugs, Pa. Please….please come back. At least tell me where your grave is so I can hug your body one last time….I’ve never wanted to hear your voice more, whether it be in real life or the radios, please!

Oh my god, what are we having for dinner? I’m starving, Pa….

I have a headache, Pa….please give me some medicine to ease the pain…..

I need you, I need somebody. Anybody. Please….

I never want to see you again. If I ever see you again after this lifetime I will do everything in my power to slaughter you a second time for all the pain that you’ve caused….

I’m going to take a breather soon, my dear friend. I need to let off some steam. I’m….I just need to find an energy source. I’ll be back, I promise.

——————————————

November 13th, 1933

Oh, I’ve found something to eat, finally. It didn’t taste as terribly as I thought, and in fact, it tasted similar to how you cooked our meat, Pa. So tender….so, so, tender…..

The gangster didn’t even see it coming. I don’t think he liked me, he was looking at me like I did something wrong. I hushed him, hushed him well, and said,

“No, no, sir. Why are you giving me that look?? I’m only hungry! I’m just trying to survive! Please don’t let me starve!”

I hated that gaze. That look on his face made me feel like a monster, like I wasn’t justified in my action to cut him into tiny little pieces-

Pa, it’s just like you used to make. I never knew how…similar the meat tasted until now. Why did you do that? To so many innocent people….this man was not innocent, Pa. He was part of a cartel, I was doing this world a favour!

I feel better, I think. My stomach feels more satisfied than it has in days.

I don’t feel any better, though. I just…I just ate somebody….

I don’t know what to do! How is….how is his family going to react when they find this out?! I….I caused him pain, so much pain….

But I need more. I want to live….I have so much goodness to offer to the world, I promise I can be better! I’m not usually like this! I promise to make you proud! To make everybody proud…like I’ve always tried to do!

I know how much I was lacking in performance, I’ve never been cut out for the big leagues, but I am positive I can amount to something! If this world will give me a chance, I’ll be the best version of myself I can ever be. I can, I can! You always said I could do anything I put my mind to, I can do this. I can still be a happy girl and young woman, I can still grow up, I can make new friends. Perhaps I’ll move? Yes, maybe that’s a good idea…

I miss you. I miss Grandma, I miss our talks. The things you would do with me…how you used to sing to me when I was scared of the monsters under my bed, our weekly theatre nights; we’d always go to see Charlie Chaplin, that was your favourite; and it grew to be mine too.

I miss how close we were to each other. We were like….we were like two peas in a pod. We couldn’t be one without the other.

1917, was the year of my birth. How well do you remember picking me up that day? When I was alone, cold, nearly dead…in a dumpster? You saved me.

That’s why….I don’t want to believe you did those things, Papa. I don’t. I have a very strong sense of morality, you know that. I….I can’t fathom you ever being capable of something like that.

I…I don’t think I knew you, Papa. You…

You betrayed me.

Everybody was right, you know. The suspicions people had about you. Anne…she always talked about you with a certain look of fear in her eyes, and I always made the time to defend you to anybody who ever judged.

How was it, that the only person who never saw the signs, was me? The person who lived with you for sixteen years?

Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.

And now look at what you’ve done. You’ve killed a part of me…you killed Grandma; your mother! I was supposed to meet her up for tea a few days after your death, but time had beaten me to it. What ever will I do, without your love?

I miss you, Pa. And I love you, so very much. But you better pray to the devil himself; that I do not die for another five decades. I won’t be able to hold myself back…from hurting you. And I’ll hurt you bad.

To be hated….to be attacked by somebody you protected, nurtured, loved with all your heart….yes, that’s the pain I want to inflict on you. Your daughter, the person you’d kill for, turning against you.

I love you, Pa, I really do. But….a serial killer will never be somebody I bode well with.

———————

January 10th, 1934

I am sorry. For everything. It’s very frigid out here due to winter, and I’ve been camping outside for quite a while…I can’t feel my legs anymore.

To….anybody I may have scared or hurt, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.

#hazbin hotel #fanfiction #platonic alastor x reader #alastor x reader #child reader #cannibalistic #tw murder #diary entry #horror #child trauma

[twoheadedfather]

why does society hate kids so much? you don't have to be jumping for joy when you see one, but holy shit- it's not that hard to politely answer a kid's question. it's not that hard to seem interested in what a kid is talking about. it's not that hard to have patience for a child, more than you would have for an adult. i don't just mean calm, kind, quiet kids- i mean ALL kids. even the ones who make you want to rip your hair out. it's not that hard to treat children like living, breathing human beings who experience emotions and hardships just like anyone else.

#why is it so normal to just be an asshole to children #this world already hates them enough why are you adding to it #children #child #childhood trauma #childhood abuse #child abuse #childhood neglect #child neglect #children are people #children deserve better #child trauma #kids deserve better

[fosterwhat]

Henry has been with us several “bonus” days this month which the kids loved. The relative he’s placed with periodically asks me to take him on extra days and I make it work. We always copy the social worker on our emails and she never responds so I’m working under the assumption it’s fine. Social worker hasn’t met me or the kids but whatever. I know he’s safe here.

I’m glad Henry’s foster parent and I are in communication because something happened (vague sorry) and DCFS told her no way, there’s no history of them, meanwhile there is extensive history with both my kids! It’s the same parent y’all, it doesn’t matter if it’s a different kid. History is history. Read your files.

The exact situation that caused Henry to come into care recently reoccurred but DCFS is still permitting 5 hour long unsupervised visits. The situation is not okay, truly dangerous, but if they think it’s acceptable for him to be unsupervised and risk exposure then why did they bother removing him? They were talking about overnights but at least that’s on pause for now.

My kids are supposed to have visits with parents this month but I’ve heard nothing from one and only vague communication from the other. Parent also expects to ignore the open adoption agreement and do what they want, which isn’t going to happen. I’m not even surprised they feel that entitled — this is the same parent who broke rules around Henry’s unsupervised visits and faced zero consequences. DCFS doesn’t hold anyone accountable, including themselves.

#this is foster care #this is adoption #Felix #Greta #child trauma

[constantly-deactivated]

Don't be distracted... It's always been about the children. 🤔

#pay attention #wake the fuck up #wake up #wake up america #wake up people #wake up world #educate yourself #educate yourselves #do your own research #do your research #do your homework #child trauma #child trafficking #end child trafficking #childtrafficking #crimes against children #human trafficing and sex racket #human trafficking

[awareness-and-healing]

.💗.

.

#healing #awareness #self isolation #overwhelmed #child trauma

[0trashyp0]

Mommy issues mood board for today(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

#ventcore #traumacore #tw selfhate #mommy issues #parent issues #child trauma

[furiousgoldfish]

Suffering abuse at home doesn’t make you want to talk about it and tell it to your friends. You don’t want to see their horrified faces, you don’t want them to think about you like that, you don’t want their pity, you’re afraid they could react with anger or disgust, or tell someone and create more trouble for you.

Instead, you want to cling to anything normal you have in your life. Let me have this friendship, free of abuse, let me have a field trip away from my reality. Let me exist and be normal among my peers, let nobody suspect anything else is going on, because I want this to be my reality so bad. Let me have a relationship that is normal, that I can depend on, let me have a normal school experience, let me pretend nothing is wrong, because in these moments, I can almost feel like nothing is wrong, like I’m one of these kids, like I’m normal too.

We don’t want to think about the abuse, or acknowledge it, we want to run away until we forget, until we can be normal too. We want to be normal. We need to experience normalcy so at least some parts of us, could grow up normal, could develop in a context of society, of community. We can tell, as children, that this is the best that we can get in life, a part of existence outside of home, where we’re not powerless, where our words matter and our feelings are acknowledged.

We do this because we don’t know when this ‘normal’ will be taken away too, and we’re scared we’re going to lose it. Only when the normal is guaranteed, when we feel safe and sound with our life and our safety and our future, we can begin to break down about the abuse. Only then it doesn’t cost us losing our normal.

#abusive parents #traumatic childhood #child abuse #child trauma #toxic parents #consequences of abuse #children hiding abuse because they want to be normal #children longing to experience non traumatic parts of life #if any are available #and clinging to them #in order to achieve at least some bit of healthy development and bonds

[neurotypicalabusesurvivor]

The fact that many people don't bring the same hate towards child abusers that they do towards rapists is evidence that they don't hate the patarachy or care about abuse.

They will say rapist are evil then tolerate people who gave their children DID, cPTSD or personality disorders.

If the reason why rape is bad because of how traumatizing it is then anyone who traumatizes some to the point of giving them a trauma disorder is as evil as a rapist but many people would have to admit that they are not better then a rapist.

#neurodiversity #ableism #leftism #mental illness #feminism #childern #child abuse #childhood #children #childhood trauma #child trauma #actually traumatized #trauma recovery

[moonlit-positivity]

Your healing shifts when you understand that you are still seeing the world from the eyes of your child self, still cold and lonely and all alone and no love and no warmth and no comfort to help guide you through the big and scary emotions and reactions of the dysfunctional adults around you. That's why you really gotta focus on spending time with your little child inside and show them it's actually gonna be so so so okay. It might feel really big and scary right now, but we can sit here and cry and scream it out as loud and as hard as we need to. We can allow ourselves to go that deep and allow this painful space to exist, for however long it needs to exist, and allow it to be however loud and ugly and disgusting and evil it needs to be. And it's actually not loud at all. It's not ugly, or disgusting, or evil at all. It's just you taking up the space you should have been given as a child to fully grieve and love and learn that the world is actually so kind and warm and not at all like what you're seeing. The pain and dysfunction you're living in, that's the anomaly here. Someone should have been there to protect and shield you from ever having to see that. And so now youve gotta sit there with your little one while you figure out how to tolerate these big overwhelming emotions and responses and find ways to help yourself understand that you are normal, you are safe, you are loved, you are valuable, you have worth, you are allowed to be as ugly and evil as they said you were, because you were never the ugly and evil. That was a projection of them.

Yes, you are absolutely allowed to take up all the space you need to in this world. However you need to do it. You can and you will survive. You will heal this. You can do this. Just keep going. 🌸

#recovery #ptsd #boundaries #mental health #healing #healing thoughts #child abuse #trauma #child trauma #trauma awareness #trauma positivity #soft positivity #warm reminders #soft reminders #affirmations #inner child healing #inner child work #reparenting #toxic parenting #alcoholism #acoa #positive self talk #self worth #self improvement #growth #advice #life advice #emotions

[glassfeatheredcrow]

Little guys!! Making it into a thing.

Galactic Petz!!!

This revolves around child-coded animals part of a space recruit of older animals going on adventures- however it’s not your average kids story. This will involve mature things such as:

Trauma

Swearing

Blood

Violence

And other topics like betrayal and manipulation.

Here’s some quick info from the images.

Chipper- he is the youngest but most responsible.

Kosmo- He is the oldest and tries to keep everyone in line, but often gets stressed.

Fiend- she’s aggressive and chaotic with a speech problem, she didn’t learn to speak soon enough. The only non animal.

Stinker- The most nervous and easily startled one. Be careful with him, or she might spray! (Skunk)

Downy- called this because his mane has the texture of downy feathers. He tries to act confident, but he’s terrified deep down.

Share with your friends!

This will include bright colors and eyestrain, and other things like body horror.

#outer space #space #horror #pets #cute animals #good omemes #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #crowly x aziraphale #artists on tumblr #character art #digital art #artwork #comic art #trauma #13+ #cw: gore #body horrow cw #weirdcore #eyestrain #hyperpop #candycore #candygore #childhood #child trauma #etc #be warned #ooooooo

[aledsplimsoll]

"So, imagine we're all born with a set of feelings. Some are broader or deeper than others, but for everyone, there's that ground floor, a bottom crust of the pie. That's the maximum depth of feeling you've ever experienced. And then, the worst thing happens to you. The very worst thing that could have happened.

The thing you had nightmares about as a child, and you thought, it's all right because that thing will happen to me when I'm older and wiser, and I'lI have felt so many feelings by then that this one worst feeling, the worst possible feeling, won't seem so terrible.

"But it happens to you when you're young. It happens when your brain isn't even fully done cooking -when you've barely experienced anything, really. The worst thing is one of the first big things that ever happens to you in your life. It happens to you, and it goes all the way down to the bottom of what you know how to feel, and it rips it open and carves out this chasm down below to make room. And because you were so young, and because it was one of the first big things to happen in your life, you'll always carry it inside you. Every time something terrible happens to you from then on, it doesn't just stop at the bottom it goes all the way down.’

-Bea

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

#trauma #child trauma #princess beatrice #red white and royal blue #prince Henry #alex claremont diaz #casey mcquiston

[rott3nguts]

#actuallytraumatized #trauma blog #trauma art #actuallyabused #tw abuse #csa vent #tw csa #child trauma #vent art

[samijami]

You know what, my parents have always been so great at comforting me

I could be really shaken up and scared cuz someone just tried hurt me and my mom would say 'ah, get over it, she couldn't have hurt you anyways', when the same lady beats her grown ass brother to a pulp everyday and would've with me if I hadn't ran away when she gave chase.

My father could always complain like fuck to ME about me being bullied. What am I going to do? Why don't I tell you I'm being bullied? Oh because you yell at me for being bullied because you're complaining to me about what THEY'RE doing. That's really fucking nice.

Why don't I tell you about my mental state, father? Oh because you tell me I have no reason to be depressed and that I'm being ungrateful or accuse me of being indoctrinated by the internet and trying to to waste your money on therapy when I open up. Or maybe because I've had multiple instances of you screaming at me for 5 fucking hours about how much of a disappointment to the entire family line I am for being the 'only depressed one/the only one who's 'given up',' or you just insist I'm depressed because someone convinced me I'm gay or trans on the internet.

Why don't I tell you I have a cold, father? Because I'd rather pretend I have a dry cough and take medicine behind your back then be screamed at about how you'd die if I gave you a cold, (which you won't), or how I 'definitively have covid' and then not let me in the living room with you. I don't want to be screamed at until I'm crying, and then you tell me I'm selfish for crying. It's happened too much, I'd rather just suffer in silence even if I do have a bad cold.

Why do I always stay up in my bedroom and avoid you, father? Because, you sleep half the day and scream at me if I make a singular noise. I can't live in my own household nor even go and eat something if you're asleep. I'm not allowed to. You could sleep the whole day and I could starve, yet if I moved and made a noise, you'd make sure I have a reason to cry. Then pound on me for crying.

Why do I always stall and not tell you I may need medical attention until I'm crying from pain? Because both of you complain about the hospital bills, how I'm faking, and how I'm a waste of time. Why did I need to get taken to the hospital from school before from passing out? Because you convinced me I shouldn't care enough to let you know something is wrong until something bad happens to me if it costs you time and money. I hated the back of that ambulance, and you're the reason I had to experience that.

I hated the way that boy laughed at me as I was picked up half-fucking conscious and dragged to the stretcher and loaded into the damn ambulance.

Why do I not tell you I need help with schooling? Because you helped my brother with one homework paper in kindergarten, and that was the only one he failed. Then you complained to him and said I was the smarter kid. Now that I'm failing, if I say I have one problem, I'm automatically fucking stupid since I was straight A's and B's in ELEMENTARY.

Oh and my cat could be dying, so keep making side-comments, 'he's going to die'. That's very comforting. I love it when you say that.

Why must you always tell me I'm going to fail when I grow up? I can't have ADHD when i grow up or else I'll be 'dysfunctional' and never get a job? I should grow out of my problems? These problems never existed in your generation because you just dealt with it and got through it and now we 'dramatise everything'? I can only grow up to marry--and I need to marry--a straight white boy? I'm never going to college because I'm a fucking dumbass and I'm failing at everything?

I can't be a child right now? I can't have mental problems? I can't be experiencing the aftermath of every fucking thing you've done to me? I need to be perfect, and I need to comfort myself? All I ask is for you to say one thing when I'm sitting here and ASKING for your help..

I just want you to say it's ok.

#tw vent #long vent #long rant #rant vent #personal vent #vent post #vent rant #tw child abuse #tw child neglect #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw childhood trauma #tw childhood abuse #tw childhood neglect #tw psychological abuse #tw mental abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw trauma #child trauma #trauma #childhood trauma #childhood abuse #child abuse #child neglect #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #mental abuse #tw physical abuse #physical abuse #venting

[toxiccrybabyart]

Bee my beloved

With some angst for my trauma girlie

#bee diaz #yandere #yandere oc #trauma #child trauma #nonbinary artist #digital art #digital artist #artists on tumblr #art #nonbinary #procreate #artblr #art tumblr #queue art #bee Diaz my oc #bee my oc