#childe x reader angst

[vsimp]

say something (song drabble) - inspo

word count: 2.9k

pairings: alhaitham, ayato, childe, xiao, zhongli/morax (x reader)

genre: angst/hurt/no comfort

summary: they lose you

Warning: presumed death/injury of reader, mentions of blood

Alhaitham x "I’m giving up on you"

Arguments with no happy endings. Rough words that could never be taken back or forgotten.

Alhaitham was the true definition of stubborn.

It was “rationality,” as he so called it. He liked to say things as it is, and there was no need to include your emotions into these conversations, as they influence your motives and produce bias.

Technical, yet cold and harsh at the same time, Alhaitham would leave no room for arguments when he knew that he was in the right. To even validate your feelings would be impossible for him because that was who he was; an intuitive scholar who knew wisdom beyond his years.

Then when was his wisdom too much for others to bear? Was there truly such a thing as too much knowledge?

He couldn’t even fathom such an idea.

And as he argued with you, his mind only thinking of rationality, reason, logic, and analysis, he deliberately ignored the way your tears streamed down your cheeks, how your hoarse voice broke as you cried about your relationship with him.

He then doubted himself for ever thinking he could get into a relationship. Hah. Something like this could never work out again. You both were just too different, or so that was what he’d tell himself as you both slept in separate rooms that night.

But as the house grew emptier and emptier, as you moved all of your stuff out, taking every single thing in his home that made it feel like… an actual home… he grew strangely uncomfortable.

Even as he looked back to that day of the argument, he knew he was right, and that your worries were of no substance. But why did your expression shake up his heart? Why did you make his chest ache? And why did he suddenly feel so empty all of the sudden?

The questions were answered very soon, after every single one of your items have been removed from his house.

And it was at that moment when Alhaitham realized that his house no longer felt like home. And then he realized the true reason for those inexplicable emotions, as he found the present he gave you during one of your birthdays. It was a promise ring, adjourned with your favorite gemstone. He remembered how you loved it so much that you would never take it off your finger.

Yet here it was, left on a note with one simple word.

“Goodbye.”

That was the day when he figured out quickly that even if he had all the knowledge in the world, nothing else could have mattered more, for as long as he had you, he would be the happiest man in the universe. It was a severe lapse in judgment on his part, and a true mistake that he so bitterly had to realize far too late.

He had lost you. You had given up on him.

He had nobody else to blame but himself.

Kamisato Ayato x "I’m still learning to love"

As the head of the Kamisato Clan, Ayato always had to remain vigilant at all times. He had to prepare for any worst case possible while also trying to actively prevent it from happening. It was the reason why he wore a mask around everybody who he knew.

He feared that if he were to let his guard down, revealing what truly laid underneath the mask, they would take advantage of his vulnerabilities and strike down everything he was ever trying to protect.

And that was the reason why he never trusted you, his own spouse. He had agreed to a marriage with you quite easily, as your family had something he wanted, and in exchange, he would take your hand in marriage, thus binding you and your family tree to the prestigious Kamisato Clan.

Ayato had assumed the worst about you, as your family had not given him the best impression either.

As he got to know you, however, he found that you were beyond his expectations. You were kind, compassionate, and intelligent. You did everything you could so that the clan and the Yashiro Commission could thrive.

You comforted him on the days when he truly was stressed out from all of his work, took on his pain as if it were yours. Not only were you beautiful, but you made him feel as if everything was going to be truly okay in the end, so long as you could give him that smile.

He almost admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with you.

Yet, a silly ploy from your family, one of spite over the fact that you were thriving in such a place, had ruined your marriage into shambles.

Ayato had lost his trust in you. Your family had planted false incriminating evidence, one that insinuated that you were plotting the downfall of the Yashiro Commission. You weren’t able to defend yourself, and you asked him if he really thought you were the type of person to commit such atrocious acts.

His eyes wavered for a moment at your question. But the "you" in his memory grew fuzzy as the thought that everything he was trying to protect was being jeopardized, that he shouldn’t throw everything he’s built over a mere spouse. That you were one of the people trying to harm him and his family.

That night, he muttered cold words to you. As if you were never even considered part of his family at all. As if all of those memories you two once shared never mattered. You were but an outsider to him at this point.

Since the diplomats of the Yashiro Commission grew suspicious of you, pressuring him to take action, he threw you out of the household that day. Perhaps he never loved you as much as you thought he did.

With no place to go, you ran out of the estate with only some small mora and clothes.

The estate remained cold without your presence there. No longer would he be surrounded by your brightness. But a traitor wasn’t worth mulling over, or so that was what he kept telling himself as he constantly found himself looking beside him, where you would usually be.

It wasn’t until a month later did his sister Ayaka uncover the truth. She and Thoma were the only people who believed in your innocence. She presented it to Ayato, and for the first time ever, he had never seen his sister so angry at him.

Regret and guilt washed over him immediately. What had he done? He had truly messed up. But he didn’t know that it was all a ploy, and he was just trying to protect the Yashiro Commission. Surely, you would understand. Right?

His heart ached for his lover as he ran all over the streets to find you. Ayaka had told him where you had been staying. He wasted no time to get there as soon as he could.

Ayato couldn’t forget the way those cold eyes of yours looked at him. He tried to apologize, but you just gave him a look of disappointment. It was like a slap to his face, a harsh wake up call as reality hit him. Maybe if he had trusted you more, maybe if he had trusted in his own love for you more, this would have never happened.

And yet, here you were, in the middle of a ragged, old inn that you could barely afford without the help of his sister, your clothes worn out as you had been doing everything by yourself the last month, and your cold eyes that no longer held the same love and affection for him as before— he knew that there were no more chances for him.

You slammed the wooden door shut in front of his face that day.

Childe x "I will swallow my pride / you’re the one that I love"

“You don’t understand. This is my job as the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger. My only duty is to serve the Tsaritsa. I can’t always be there for you.”

Those were his cold words that pushed you away. He was too blind to see what was truly in front of him at the time.

Childe strived for strength. He enjoyed fighting you, as he felt that you were both equal in terms of strength, and that he could grow in power with you. But that was all he saw you as—a sparring companion.

So when you started to hope for more, he instantly grew detached. It was like walking through a narrowed tunnel, where the only thing he saw was his goal.

There were no emotions as you confessed your love to him. An apathetic gaze that shook your emotions to your very core. It was only then that day when you realized that the heart you wanted to capture was unreachable. He had built icy walls that were impenetrable.

So you decided to give up on him.

Childe didn’t think too much of it. You were just a battle partner to him anyways.

He told himself that, but why did his heart ache when he recalled your tears? Why did he suddenly feel empty now that your presence was no longer there?

The silly jokes you’d tell him, the delicious food you would cook for him, the smile you’d give to him, and him alone— you were no longer there to provide that comfort that he had missed from being so far away from home for so long. Perhaps he had even started to see you as his home outside of Snezhnaya.

He realized that all of this time, he really did love you. He loved you so much, yet he was too caught up in his beliefs to realize it. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, to start a family with you, to have and to hold you until eternity has reached its end.

So he set down his pride, put aside his duties to the Cryo Archon temporarily, and he went to see you that day. And unfortunately, it had been too late.

You were smiling at another man, and he had lost you. And then he realized the true extent of the pain you felt that day when he had broken your heart.

Xiao x "anywhere, I would’ve followed you"

Xiao would never admit that he needed a companion in his life. It was his fate, his contract with destiny to serve and protect Liyue for the rest of his life, even if it cost him his very own.

He always isolated himself from the mortals, like a lonesome Qingxin blooming at the highest stone peaks. He looked down from height above, but never got too deeply involved with the matters of the mortals. It was only time, however, when somebody decided to climb those mountains and pluck him off the ground.

A hindrance to his daily affairs, and a nuisance whenever you followed him around, he knew it was his fault for forming a contract with you.

If you called his name, he would come. That was what he promised you. Be it for serious matters, whenever you needed his help with something, or for something more trivial, such as having a simple meal with you.

It was irritating to be called so frequently, but he was a man who kept true to his words.

It wasn’t until one day, you had made his favorite almond tofu dish and then called him over. It hadn’t even been a whole day yet since you’d last called for him, and you were already wanting to see him.

He had enough at this point. You couldn’t get any more involved with him. After all, he had always been alone for the last 3,000 years, and the karma he has to bear living with is too much for any regular mortal to handle. He needed to push you away.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than invite me over for something as trivial as this?” He would say coldly, not even wanting to sit down at this point. “I don’t want to spend any time with you. I truly loathe people who force others to do activities that they don’t even want to do.”

His words were much harsher that day. Although a part of him did feel bad, he needed to do this. He had to, that’s what he told himself. It didn’t bother him when you started choking into tears, nor did it bother him to see that heartbroken expression that lingered on your face.

“I just wanted to spend time with the person I love.” Your voice cried out painfully as you attempted to walk closer to him. “I would follow you everywhere, through everything and anything! You just have to let me in to your heart, Xiao!”

“Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now? I will never love a mortal like you.”

The rejection was clear as day. He didn’t love you back. All of the time he has spent with you, the way he held you up gently after fighting some monsters, his small smile when you made him almond tofu for the first time; those memories were all rendered meaningless as he cut you open with his words.

But somehow, you knew this would happen. Your eyes looked defeated as you stared at him right then and there. You gave him a heart wrenching smile, which was a look that puzzled him the most.

He could never forget the look on your face. With eyes that stained with tears, and a beautiful, forced smile, Xiao knew that this was finally the end.

“I understand. Goodbye then, Xiao.”

He shut his eyes as you disappeared from his sight. It was inevitable that you would leave that day, yet the discomfort originating from his chest would not disappear.

Yes, this was something he had to do, no matter how painful it was, no matter how attached he was getting to you.

You never called him after that for a while. He thought it was a blessing, but somehow, the silence made it even more eerie. Like a singular piece of jigsaw that was lost amongst a thousand pieces of a puzzle.

"Xiao…” he heard you say after some time had passed. A weak voice. He knew something was wrong.

There, he found you. Laid in a puddle of crimson red. Everything was in slow motion at this point to him. He wasn't even able to assess the situation before he had pulled you immediately into his arms, calling out your own name in worry.

There was no response.

Thoughts of anger and regret washed through him, just like the heavy pouring rain that diluted your blood, like thunder that roared through the lands out of despair.

That day, he realized that this was the last time you would ever call his name.

Zhongli x "I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you."

The Geo Archon was a magnificent entity, one that inspired awe and respect from many individuals. You were but one of them who admired—no, more like adored him.

You fought alongside Morax in many battles to protect Liyue. It was your pride and joy to help with this almighty god.

But as often as you tried to pursue his affections, wanting Morax to look at you and you only, his gaze never seemed to find yours.

With a look gentler than any soft breeze in the plains of Liyue herself, you had never seen such an expression from him. He looked at Guizhong with such a tenderness, even dedicating a beautiful song on the lyre for her, bringing her glaze lilies to bloom from such a lovely song. You wondered if you could ever compete with such a beautiful goddess like her.

Your hands were tainted in blood, the malice of monsters and demons leaving scars all over your hands and arms. Your words were rougher with others, as you belonged on the battlefield, compared to the wise and kind-hearted God of Dust.

You were distracted more than usual one day, and you were injured quite badly in a battle with monsters. With blood pouring from the side of your rib cage, you immediately went to Morax to seek help. You could feel his divinity from miles away, and when you arrived to the area he supposedly stayed, your heart ached as he held Guizhong’s cheeks so gently. It hurt worse than any wound that you have even sustained.

You couldn’t help but drop your weapon. The loud clang echoed through the courtyard, and that was when the man had finally and actually looked at you.

Shock had laced in his golden eyes, his hands dropped down from her cheek to his side as he had realized the state you were currently in.

Your eyes had started to glaze over, tears pouring down your cheeks as you felt your own heart break. Your emotions were so strong, yet so ugly, that even the plants had started to wilt around you. You didn’t want him to see you like this, so you immediately turned your back away from him.

“Y/n, are you okay?!” His voice shouted as his footsteps drew closer to you, but your cold voice cut him off.

“Don’t take a single step towards me, Morax.”

He paused, unsure of whether or not to continue forward judging from your tone. Even as your blood seeped to the ground, staining the earth and dyeing the flowers around you a crimson red, you remained turned away from him.

You walked away from your unrequited love, ignoring his calls and pleas as he asked you to come back so he could treat your wounds.

You shut your eyes, enveloping yourself in the darkness.

#i don't think i'll make a part 2 for this unless people really want it! #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #genshin x reader angst #genshin x reader #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #xiao x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #zhongli x reader #alhaitham x reader #angst #childe x reader angst #xiao x reader angst #kamisato ayato x reader angst #ayato x reader #alhaitham x reader angst #zhongli x reader angst #alhaitham #childe #zhongli #kamisato ayato #xiao

[amourette]

“it’s okay, my boyfriend will”

^ but with tartaglia + fem reader :)!

- first post on this acc kinda nervous (¯▿¯)..

- this’ll be a fluff to angst, one shot smau! (might not be a one shot but oh well ╰(▔∀▔)╯!!)

“no i won’t travel hours away just to make sure you’re okay.”

- that’s okay, childe will.

“no i won’t randomly send you sweet messages throughout the day”

- that’s okay, childe will.

“no i won’t love you until the end of time”

- that’s okay, childe will.

- all support is very appreciated 人´∀｀)!

- also, super sorry if anyone has done this before me! i just kept seeing the trend on my for you page and after crying to all the pet videos, i wanted to make this! but this was very rushed, so sorry (ｰ ｰ;)!! but i do hope you enjoyed this! (i cried while doing the last part but i think that’s just me)

v(・∀・*)! bye!

#genshin smau #childe #childe angst #childe x reader angst #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin #genshin imagines #childe smut #childe fluff #childe x reader #childe imagines #zhongli #zhongli and childe #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #childe tartagalia #genshin tartagalia #tartagalia genshin impact #tartagalia smut #tartaglia angst #tartaglia smau #childe smau #tartaglia x y/n #tartaglia x you #tartaglia x oc #childe x you #childe x y/n #smau #fake messages

[amalythea]

「 but does he really know me when the lights are on? 」

⤷ info: diluc & childe x gn!reader (separate) || angsty fic hehe || wc: 544 & 461 respectively

⤷ warnings: diluc n childe are a tad bit neglectful of their lovers bc theyre busy, mentions of childe's real name (does this even count as a warning), i tried to make this extra angsty as a treat for you guys <3

⤷ extra: i used the prompt i. “but does he really know me when the lights are on?” from @thexianzhoujade 's personal memoires (of the dearly beloved) event!! thank you so much to @mei-sm for proofreading!!

diluc.

As the owner of the renowned Dawn Winery, your lover's days were consumed by the meticulous tasks of wine-making and managing the estate. Diluc was a man of dedication, his every waking moment dedicated to upholding his family's legacy.

But amidst the clinking of glasses and the rustle of grapevines, there existed a longing within Diluc—a longing for companionship, for someone to share his burdens and his joys. It was in the quiet moments of the night, as he gazed out over the vineyards, that this longing weighed heaviest upon him.

Then, amidst the chaos of his busy life, you came into his world like a breath of fresh air. You who seemed to understand Diluc in a way no one else could. Your encounters were fleeting yet profound, each stolen moment leaving Diluc yearning for more.

Despite his limited time, Diluc cherished every second he spent with you. He memorized the curve of your smile, the sound of your laughter, the way your eyes sparkled in the moonlight. In his mind, he constructed an image of you—a flawless portrait of a person he believed he knew inside and out.

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Diluc's time grew ever scarcer. His duties at the winery demanded more of him, leaving little room for anything else. Yet, in the rare moments you shared, Diluc clung to the illusion of intimacy he had built in his mind.

One evening, as you sat together beneath the stars, your voice broke the silence. "Diluc," you said softly, your gaze searching his face, "do you truly believe you know me?"

Caught off guard by your question, Diluc faltered. "Of course, I do," he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I know you better than anyone."

But your eyes held a sadness he had not seen before. "But do you?" you murmured, your words hanging heavy in the air. "Do you know the dreams I keep hidden in the depths of my heart? Do you know the fears that haunt me in the darkness of night?"

Diluc felt a pang of guilt deep within him. Despite his love for you, he realized that his knowledge of you was only surface-deep. He knew your smile, your laughter, your outward demeanor—but the depths of your soul remained a mystery to him.

In that moment, the realization hit him like a sudden gust of wind. Despite his best intentions, despite his unwavering devotion, he had failed to truly know the one he loved. And as he looked into your eyes, he saw the truth reflected back at him—the heartbreaking realization that your connection was built on a foundation of illusion.

Tears welled in your eyes as you rose to your feet, your voice barely above a whisper. "I wish things were different, Diluc," you whispered, your words heavy with sorrow. "But I fear that we are destined to remain strangers, even as lovers."

And with that, you turned and walked away, leaving Diluc alone beneath the stars, his heart heavy with regret. For in that moment, he knew that despite his best efforts, he had let the one he loved slip through his fingers, never truly knowing you as he had believed.

childe.

In the heart of Liyue Harbor, beneath the grandeur of the illuminated archways and amidst the bustling streets, Childe found himself entangled in the mess of his own making. The weight of his duties pressed upon him like a leaden cloak, consuming his days and nights in a relentless pursuit of power and influence. Amidst the political machinations and secret dealings, there was but one respite for him – the presence of his lover.

Your relationship was an affair hidden behind veils of secrecy and deception. Childe reveled in the moments stolen away from the prying eyes of the world, where he could lose himself in the warmth of your embrace. Yet, even in your most intimate moments, there lingered an unspoken question, a whisper of doubt that haunted your thoughts.

Despite his professed affection, Childe remained a stranger in many ways, his mind consumed by the ceaseless demands of his position within the Fatui. He spoke in riddles, his words veiled in ambiguity, leaving you to decipher the depths of his intentions.

As the nights grew longer and the shadows darker, you found peace in the silence between you, a quiet refuge from the chaos of your intertwined lives. But beneath the facade of understanding, doubts festered, like seeds sown in barren soil, their roots entwined with the fragile threads of your bond.

One night, as the city slept beneath a blanket of stars, your doubts could no longer be silenced. With tears glistening in your eyes, you uttered the words that had long lingered unspoken between the two of you.

"Do you truly know me, Ajax?" you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath upon the wind. "Or do you see only the shadows of who I am, cast by the light of your own desires?"

For a moment, Childe was speechless, the weight of your words bearing down upon him like a crushing weight. In the silence that followed, he searched your eyes for answers, but found only the reflection of his own uncertainty staring back at him.

"I... I thought I knew you," he murmured, his voice barely audible above the gentle rustle of the night breeze. "But perhaps... perhaps I was mistaken."

With those words, the fragile bonds that held you together shattered like glass, leaving nothing but shards of regret in their wake. In the cold light of dawn, you turned away, leaving Childe to face the emptiness of his own solitude.

Alone amidst the ruins of your shattered love, Childe found himself haunted by the echoes of your parting words. In the depths of his heart, he knew that he had lost more than just a lover – he had lost a piece of himself, forever hidden in the shadows of what might have been.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

#⊹ ࣪ ˖ personal memoires ⟢ #「 birth of a supernova」 #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗ #astronetwrk #diluc x reader #childe x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #diluc angst #childe angst #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #diluc x reader angst #childe x reader angst #genshin x reader angst #genshin impact x reader angst

[ktsumu]

THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS

pairing: childe / tartaglia x f!reader wc: 4.4k

choosing to love him is choosing endless bloodshed; all of it is yours.

(alternatively — the metamorphosis of a god through the eyes of his keeper.)

warnings: suggestive / mentions of sex, nudity, profanity, angst, mentions of murder / death, ambiguous ending i think, almost canon compliant

note: 4.4k words and i don't think even this has a plot. WHO CARES dedicated to @shoyostar bc i never stop talking and @crysugu :3 here he is!

Before he was ever Tartaglia, eleventh of the Harbingers, he was a timid child. 

He feared the simple things — speaking to neighbours, strangers, the mailman. He never went to the market alone, not without his parents, not without his older brother to hold his hand. Neighbourhood boys called him names and you called him sweeter things, bringing him in for hot chocolate because of his red eyes, holding his frozen hands in a lukewarm basin. 

Your town was on the coast but he rarely saw the water; he was afraid of drowning and even more afraid of sinking, even though you could see the ice was six inches thick through the sides of the fishing holes scattered everywhere. Not even the men would crack it, fathers that ate at the head of the table, yet he thought he’d be the one. Nor did he trust anyone to save him. 

Childe was Ajax before he was anything for anyone else, his name from myth. Eagle. He was born a  Greek tragedy; hero, for most. 

He was fourteen when he disappeared. Your mother said he’d come back home, kids get mad. Your father said a bear got to him, a weak thing like that — your whole neighbourhood looked for him after he vanished. 

He was gone three days in the woods but he told you he’d been gone for months. He was underground; you asked if it was Hell but he said it was much more. When he crawled back up to Morepesok, he was a different person.

He looked you in the eye and told you he was finally ready to fight.

+

You didn’t believe he was lost for three months until you watched him hold a sword.

By the barrels on the fishing dock, boys fought with wooden blades. Girls would watch and sit on box crates, swaddled up to their ears, cheering on whichever one they liked that week. They’d watch as they hit each other, splinters snagging on coats, knuckles gone white from the cold and how tight they held their handles. 

When Childe stepped up for the first time, they snickered at him. The boy who ran away from home, coming to join the sword fights. It was a joke and they laughed.

(You saw something in his eyes that day and it scared you. There is nothing more terrifying than a child with bloodlust.)

He beat the kid so badly that they put thirty stitches in his forehead, and you were left to do patchwork on the bomb.

Cutting coloured wires, you dabbed Childe’s red cheek with a warm cloth, wringing it out in the bowl of water that separates the two of you. He was calmer then, in front of you. Not that he wasn’t before; it was less of not being calm and more of craving victory, more of a test of his newfound gift.

“I told you to stop,” you mumbled, “hitting him, I mean.”

“I stop, he starts. I won.”

“What did you win? Where's your prize?”

Childe looked at you dumb, with his dumb childish eyes that no longer held hate. Maybe it was somewhere, hidden, beneath the water you drown in, but instead the surface held a glare of wonder. He was Ajax again, always hopeful.

He hissed when you dabbed his skin with something other than water, something that stung. “I—”

“No one wins in war, Ajax,” you scolded. “You’ll see someday.”

“I won’t be in a war.”

You scoffed, your hand gripping his jaw when he tried to run away. “We’ll see.”

+

You’re seventeen when he stumbles inside your house, the wooden door cracking against the wall as he slumps to the floor.

Your feet are cold when you step away from the wood stove in your living room, dropping to your knees, holding his face in your hands that are always so much warmer than his. They cradle his flushed cheeks, sweat beading on his forehead; he’s gripping at a pulse in his ribs.

“I’m fine,” he assures you, before you start to cry, “just tired. I’m just tired.”

He eases the door shut, his head tilting back against the wall. His hand rests on your knee, squeezing it like he’s grounding himself, counting on the fabric of your pants to do it for him. You touch the icy veins that run over his knuckles and he comes back to life.

“What happened to you?” you rush, your family asleep down the hallway. You turn the dial on the oil lamp beside you, watching the fire reflecting off of his dirty cheeks.

He laughs, pulling your wrist off when you smack your hand over his mouth with a lousy ‘alright, alright’ and a glance towards your parents’ bedroom. “Me?” he coughs out. 

“You should see the other two.”

(You don’t know what told you first, but you remember going cold.)

“What do you mean?” you whisper. You can’t stop whispering, you can’t stop shaking. “Ajax, what did you do?”

Childe’s smile tilts itself crooked. “I killed them,” he says. 

His voice is so quiet it cracks under the pressure to not be heard.

(He’s smiling, but he’s crying. It doesn’t look like he means to. He doesn’t know he is.)

You want to run. You notice the smear of blood on his jaw again—is that even his? His hand still clutches your knee but you only now notice the red his palm stains it with, the red on the side of his torso. You want to run.

(You should run.)

You don’t run. Because it’s Ajax, and he’s tired of running tonight. Why would you?

“It’s okay,” you say with a nod and a shiver, like shutters in a hurricane. You’re both crying, and he’s against your chest, and he’s still so fucking cold that it’s migrating to you. “Stand up. Ajax, stand up—”

“I can’t,” “You can, you need to get in the bath.”

“I’ll wake your—“

“If you were ever worried about that, you wouldn’t have come here, so Ajax would you please—“

He breathes out, muffling his groans as he staggers to his feet. You’re not of much help but at least your hands, your shaking hands, are telling him you’re there. And that’s enough. 

“I love it when you say that,” he grimaces, shuffling towards the hallway. “My name.”

+

Childe misses your eighteenth birthday by ten minutes.

You ate dinner with your family at your favourite pub, his siblings wrote you cards and pulled your ears, you tied your hair loose and flirted with the pretty guy who fed the boat lines. You don’t like him all that much, but he looks nothing like your neighbour and for you, that is a fine enough reason to talk. 

Stones hit your window at ten past midnight, and Childe stands in the snowy alley outside of your bedroom. He wields another pebble and tilts his head.

Your window’s too old for you to ignore me.

You pull on your coat and boots, scarf too because he talks too much, and head outside into the night, creeping out the back door. You cross your arms, walking over to where he stands just outside of the lamplight.

“Hiding?” you ask, stopping in front of him.

Childe laughs like nothing’s wrong, digging through his back pocket with his gloved hand, handing you a box. “Happy birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday."

“Belated.”

You glance between his rosy cheeks and the box before you take it, looking towards the end of the alley to avoid his stare. Because guys like Childe don’t look away — you know better than to look back.

“Thank you,” you murmur, tucking your hands back into the warmth of your pockets.

Childe nods; you don’t open gifts in front of him, you know better than to do that, too. He knows better than to think you would. 

You look at his hands, eyebrows furrowing. “Leather gloves?”

“So you noticed?”

“How? You couldn’t afford long johns last year.”

Childe grins. “I got a job.”

“At the tank house,” you say, crossing your arms. “Which, you had last year.”

The look in his eyes tells you he’s in deep — he doesn’t seem to care about it as much as you do. “I’m a Harbinger, now.”

“You—”

“I’m the youngest—” “You’re the dumbest,” you grit, sticking a finger in between his ribs. “You're eighteen — what kind of achievement is that?”

He takes a deep breath, his lungs pushing your finger back until it falls defeated. “I didn’t expect you to be happy, believe me.”

“Why,” you whisper, “would I ever be happy to watch you sell yourself to killers?”

“You know I’m no better,”

“Oh, Ajax, if you think that’s what I know then you’re more stupid than I thought.”

There’s no real reason to excuse the blood on his hands other than the fact that they’re so gentle when they hold yours.

There’s a voice down the alley and two drunk men in hats and coats wave your way. You grimace, but Childe waves back. 

“This is why you’re outside. You don’t want them to know where you live.”

“Or where you live.”

You grit your teeth. “Yes, because it’s great that your allies are a threat your family.”

“You’re not my family,” he says, “that’d make things weird.”

Your eyes well and you swallow, looking back at the men who stare at both of you. They murmur amongst themselves and you try to ignore them, but it’s hard when Childe won’t look away.

A breeze of snow from the rooftops drifts over you, and you look at him one more time. The last, you try to pledge to yourself. “Don’t leave with them.”

“It’s too late now and you know it.”

“How the fuck would I know it?”

“Don’t cry,” he tells you, much softer now that he knows you didn’t realize it yet, “I’ll come home, I’m not gone forever. If anything, I’ll come back richer. No one will sleep cold.”

“You’ll come back to spoil your family with blood money?”

“I’d spoil you, too,” he adds, “but I know better than to try that.”

There is a heavy silence between the two of you. It isn’t the weight of his gold or the weight of him not coming home; it is the weight of lead, of gunpowder. The weight of the bullets that his two new friends that wait in the street have loaded.

Childe takes your arms, tugging your hands from your pockets, frowning at your white fingertips and cracking knuckles. 

“Take these—”

“I don’t want your dirty paws,”

“Well, I don’t want your dry hands. And when I come home, I’ll need them.”

Childe drives the knife deeper, twists it through your chest, and slips off his gloves. He places them in your hands and just snickers when you pocket them. “No worries, I’ll just get a new pair.”

“Great.”

He nods, starting down the alley. He knows you well enough to understand that you don’t want to say goodbye, not when you know you’re saying goodbye to how things were before. Instead, he just calls over his shoulder.

“See you at Christmas?”

“Why even come back?”

“Right,” he chuckles. “I wanna see your gift next time, though.”

Then he leaves, and he doesn’t look at you again. You suppose he’s been trained to do that, but then again, you can’t remember a time where he has looked back at you, anyway. He’s never looked back at anyone before the end.

+

He comes home every Christmas, just like he promised. 

Each time he does, he drags you out to a cabin outside of town, one so hidden in the woods that you almost thought he built it, and he fucks you like he missed you before he was gone. Not enough to leave the Fatui, but enough to come home once in a while. And once in a while is all you're gonna get, so you don't let it go.

He comes home, tells his family all about his life as a businessman, a toy salesman you once heard, and then sneaks you out so you can love him as loud as you want. Then, you eat the fish you bring, he tells you how much he missed the sturgeon in Morepesok, and he's gone before the sun comes up. 

Childe lets you go with a tired breath, watching the fire beat against your glistening skin as you sit on the edge of the bed. The warmth of him courses through you like a river current and you fix your hair with weak hands, biting the tie that was around your wrist. “I feel your eyes, you’re not subtle.”

“I wasn’t trying to be,” he says simply. “You’re beautiful. More beautiful now.”

“You said that last year.”

“Next year, too.”

You roll your eyes, back straightening when he looms behind you, his naked body against yours. His hand sneaks around your waist and his lips press against your shoulder blade, kissing until he gets to the juncture of your neck and collarbone. 

“Ajax,”

“I know,” he says against your skin, “gotta eat.”

“You’d think they would feed you in the castle.”

“Hardly a castle, sweetheart."

“That belt says otherwise,” you mumble, standing, making him let go. You pick up your underwear from the floor, too hot to wear anything else. “It’s custom.”

He snorts, flopping back down on the bed. “Birthday gift.”

“From who?”

“Ooh, jealous?”

“Of someone who doesn’t know who you are? No.”

Childe hums a laugh, giving a look in agreement to the ceiling that you catch out of the corner of your eye. He rests a hand on his chest, watching you sweat in the heat of the fireplace, smiling at the life he has for the next four hours.

He clears his raspy throat. “You finally wore it. The gift.” He snickers, “I only waited two years.”

You look over your shoulder at him, pulling your cami over your head. “I wasn’t gonna let money rot.”

“Do you know what it is?”

“What?”

“The stone. Do you know what it is?”

You stare, face hot. You’re partially embarrassed to not know, never having left Snezhnaya and let alone your town, but you’re curious enough to shake your head. Childe smiles like he knows that you wish you knew enough to say yes.

(You hate that he’s travelled the world you used to tell him you dreamt about. The one you made him dream about, too.)

He scoots up to lean against the headboard, and you take the invitation to come back to the bed. You crawl onto the mattress again, sitting beside him as he moves the clasp of the necklace to the back of your neck, and the stone to the front.

“They call it Cor Lapis,” he says, “it’s in Liyue.”

“Oh.”

He lets go. “It’s not rare, but I like it.”

“You spend a lot of time in Liyue, it makes sense.”

“So you do read my letters,” he says with a grin, cocking his head and holding your hand. “What else do I say?”

“What about the necklace?”

“Huh?”

“If it’s not rare, why get a custom-made necklace?” you ask. “Expensive for such a simple stone.”

Childe’s eyes drop back down to the necklace, holding it out from your neck and in line with the light of the bedside table lamp. It glitters in his eyes and you’re sure it does in yours.

“Cor Lapis is dull,” he tells you. “It doesn’t actually glow until it’s cracked open.”

You look at the cut edges of the stone, framed in gold. It’s small, but it’s something that looks like Childe gave it to you. When your mother saw it, she said it was beautiful and asked when he was home last.

You focus on the fingers that hold it.

“I found it a lot like you,” he says, his voice lower, his eyes finally looking up to face you head-on. “Heart of gold.”

“I don’t need to be cracked open."

“You have been,” he corrects, “you are right now.”

He’s right. He’s so fucking right that it hurts your head to think about and hurts your chest to acknowledge. 

Childe’s hand runs up and under your shirt, showing your skin. “And you’re glowing.”

You sit in the silence inside your open ribs and give him a small smile, standing up to shake his hand off of you.

“I’ll let you tell me that next winter, too.”

+

Next Christmas, you stay in bed. Childe cradles your necklace again but doesn’t tell you about Liyue because you don’t ask, too proud to ask twice. 

Instead, you lay against his chest, littered with brand new scars you didn’t see last time. Some you watch, others you look away from because they run too deep for you to need to know how he got them. Year by year, you get more quiet.

Childe does, too. He hasn’t lost his boyish charm but it shares his body with something else now.

“Why don’t you come home before Christmas?” you ask. “Once, even. Teucer’s birthday?”

“It’s not that easy. If it was, I’d be there for every birthday. Yours, theirs.”

You purse your lips, rolling onto your back to stare aimlessly at the ceiling. “Right,” you whisper.

“Don’t do that,”

“Why do you say that like I’m fishing for empathy?” you ask casually, scoffing a laugh. “You used to have some, you know. Before you were a fucking hitman.”

“You have no problem fucking said hitman, so please, if you now raise any sudden changes of heart, I should probably know.” 

You look at him coldly and he shakes his head. “It’s not like I want to hurt you.”

His arm gets heavier around you, weighing you down against his side. You fight it off when you sit up, turning to look down at him. Déjà vu washes over you both.

“Do you honestly think that I’m talking about me?” you say through laughs. “I’ve gotten used to your wounds, Ajax, it’s not about me.”

“I—”

“How about your family?” you say. It shakes the cabin walls, even though you weren’t loud at all. “You have younger siblings who idolize you and older ones who know better than what you tell them. Do you think they’re dumb?”

He stares at you. You ask, “You remember them, don’t you?”

“I remember my siblings, yes, thank you for aski—”

“Did you know Teucer made a sword?”

Childe’s next sentence fades into a sigh, and his lips purse as he shakes his head.

You cross your arms. “It looks just like yours.”

“Brotherly love, toys are harmless.”

“Who do you think will stitch his eyebrow? Or sneak him into the bathroom after he comes down from his first kill—”

“I never asked you to be my keeper,” Childe says, the grip on your hand tighter than it was before.

“And look how it turned out, anyway.” 

Childe leans back against the bed frame and thin pillows he’s stacked up, looking anywhere but at you. 

He’s older now and hardened into someone you can’t recognize, but he resembles a lot of the boy he was born as. He still doesn’t look you in the eye when he apologizes, not when he means it.

“Do you want me to leave?”

You stand, finding your clothes on the floor. You’re too hot, so you put on your underwear and shirt and leave it at that. “I brought fish. Rest while you can.”

+

It’s July, and Childe comes back to Morepesok in the middle of a blizzard.

Glasses rattle in behind the bar and you dry the ones from the sink, since the hot water ran out an hour ago. The pub’s empty but your shift still stands, even though no one dares to go outside when the storms are this bad, and it’s only you and a few stragglers left to pray the windows don’t shatter when the breeze hits you from the coast.

Every time you catch yourself in the counter’s reflection, you see your necklace, and you wonder what the beaches in Liyue are like. You can’t swim here without freezing to death and you can’t dream in relentless snow, so you let yourself think of him sometimes.

(Warm, swimming in streams. You wonder if he ever got over his fear of drowning when he realized he wouldn’t sink.)

Air whistles through old panels and teases the fire that burns in the seating area, and there’s a quiet hum of voices that dim the crackle of the logs you throw in every half-hour. A glass slides off the counter and breaks in the wind.

You gasp and jump, stepping back, stepping forward when you hit something — someone. You turn around and Childe stares back, snow on his eyelashes and his hair damp from hail and the sweat beneath his hat.

“Why are you here?”

“Oh, you’re so welcoming. Need help?”

You scoff, kneeling with a brush and pan, guiding the glass back into a pile. You don’t answer his question. “They don’t really mean it when they say 'Christmas in July,' you know.”

“You were the one who told me to visit more, right?”

You nod, standing again, dumping the glass into a bin. “Outside the bar, staff only."

Childe slowly raises his hands in surrender, stepping quietly out from the back and rounding to face you again. He leans on the freezing counters, looking around the room. “You work here?”

“A normal person job, yes.”

“So boring.”

“Why’d you come back?” you ask, going back to washing glasses. “When do you leave?”

Please, stay. Just for once, stay.

“Tomorrow.”

“Do they ever let you off your leash for more than a day? Or do you just hate snowstorms that much now?”

“They have gotten worse since I’ve been gone,”

“Or you’ve just been gone long enough to forget where you come from,” you suggest, glancing up at him again. “The Fatui do still operate here, right?”

“Lower your voice, eh?”

“Sorry. Forgot.”

Childe purses his lips, looking around again. He lowers his head. “The cabin’s open.”

“There’s no way we can make it through the trees blind.”

“I can get us there.”

“Do you remember you got lost in those woods once?”

He grins when you look up. “Well, you know you don’t learn without getting lost. I know them now.”

You crack a tiny smile back, one that probably gives him way too much hope. He watches you put glasses away, he relaxes when he sees the necklace you still wear; even if you started wearing it two years late. 

You shake your head. “I’m not coming to the cabin.”

“Why’s that?”

“You should spend the day you have with your family.”

“You—”

“Don’t make things weird.”

The moment is bittersweet and Childe isn’t stupid enough to challenge it, so he just laughs. You try to but it comes out funny.

“So that’s it?”

You swallow the lump in your throat. “It’s always been your decision, not mine.”

And nothing you have ever done has been anything I’ve wanted.

Childe nods, biting his cheek. He knows that people who live in the woods often die there, too. He never really made it out. “Show me out, then?”

You give in, walking him the short distance to the door. He rests with his hand on the knob, gently moving you away from the door so the breeze doesn’t freeze you in place. He tugs his hat on and notices the gloves he gave you years ago hang by your coat on the standing rack.

“When should I come back?”

He watches you breathe in, he watches you breathe out. “Come back when you’re coming home.”

Childe doesn’t try to reason or to ask what you mean, because he knows what you mean.

Don’t.

With a nod, he smiles. It shows with a weakness that no Harbinger should still have with them; you think this might be the death of it.

“I’ll see you around, then.” He opens the door.

“Yeah,” you murmur. “Bye, Childe.”

The door shuts. You don’t hear the snow crunching beneath his feet until a few seconds later, and you keep your ear against the door until you don’t hear them anymore.

Before he was ever Tartaglia, Childe, eleventh of the Harbingers, his home was in the woods he got lost in. Not underground, but in a cabin, with strong windows and shutters the colour of your eyes.

+

It’s the second Christmas you haven’t seen Childe or the woods. You haven’t checked if he’s stayed there and the stories Teucer tells you are old, but there’s a chance he’s still burning a fire and laying in bed, glowing with heat.

Either Childe hasn’t come back, or he just hasn’t told you he has. Either way, you don't make an effort to know.

Somewhere in Liyue, there’s an ore mine with your name carved above the entrance. The men talk about you when they wheel out carts of jade and ore, wondering how you reached so far up to tell them you were there.

In Mondstadt, an outpost sings a folk tune about a girl who heals wounded soldiers.

In Inazuma, a village calls a seashell by your name. It started with the kids, who said a man from a different place told them all about it. An expert on it, they said. They haven’t called it anything else since.

In Sumeru, your laugh runs through the river.

In Natlan, a painting hangs in a bar of a woman dressed in fire, a ribbon on her wrist and her hair everywhere else. When asked, the artist says he was inspired by a man who spoke of a girl with a heart of gold. 

In Fontaine, they serve grilled sturgeon, only cooked by wooden stove.

Childe sits down in a town in Snezhnaya, far away from Morepesok, and he sits in front of five kids who look just like the ones back home. Freezing, and curious.

He lets them fawn over his attire, bug him for all he’s worth while they’re tucked inside of a barn to avoid the cold. He answers every question about his job selling toys with enthusiasm and without guilt, promising to someday come back with some for them. Then, they ask him to tell them a story — one they haven’t heard before.

Somewhere in Snezhnaya, far away from Morepesok, a tale is told about a girl who travelled the world.

#this was so random #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin impact x reader #childe angst #childe x reader angst #genshin impact x you #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #kit writes

[mistachesme]

Genshin men reaction to you hating compliments ft childe, zhongli, albedo:

(insecure reader. Very self indulgent.)

Sweet praises flow out of childe's lips effortlessly, every time you do something for him. At first he's obvious to your subtle signs of discomfort. But he's quick to catch a downturn of your lips or the way you avert your eyes from him, clearly uncomfortable and in disbelief. It saddens him that you think of yourself so poorly. He tries not to overwhelm you with compliments. Small steps and not overdoing it. He noticed the huge wall around you the first time he tried to talk things with you. When he learns that you think you are holding him back, he brings your hand over his chest and hopes that his racing heart is enough to tell you how much he loves lyou.

"Would carving your name on my chest is enough to help you see how much you mean to me? We are in this together. So please let me in, I want to help you."

Zhongli may not seem like it sometimes but he's very perspective, especially when it comes to you. He noticed the way you never seem to look at the mirror. You avoid your reflection so bad that it concerns him. Whenever he compliments you, he's quick to catch the look of discomfort washing over your face. He understands that you are having troubles with your self image and he wants nothing more than to pull you against his chest and erase all this negativity. Instead, he treads carefully, afraid that he would make you even more uncomfortable. When he catches you staring at your reflection in distress, he presses his chest against your back and hopes to convey his feelings through a warm hug.

"I love you with every fibre of my heart. You complete me. So please tell me how can I help you get rid of these thoughts?"

Albedo wishes to erase that look of profound conflict on your face when he asks you if he can paint you. You draw back to look at him in disbelief that he wants to draw you, and doubtful if you could really be a good model to him. What he wishes you to know is that you are more than a work of art, that your presence can fuel his inspiration and motivate him to strive for better. It should come as no surprise to you that he has always been aware of your insecurities. He hopes for you to see you through his eyes. And he firmly believed that actions speak louder than words

"Allow me to show you how much you mean to me. May I have your permission to paint you? Because words cannot capture your beauty as well as my paint brush can."

#minnie writes 💐 #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader angst #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader angst #genshin impact x reader fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin x reader fluff #childe fluff #childe angst #childe x reader fluff #childe x reader angst #childe x reader #tartaglia fluff #tartaglia x reader angst #tartaglia angst #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader fluff #zhongli x reader #zhongli angst #zhongli fluff #zhongli x reader fluff #zhongli x reader angst #albedo x reader #albedo fluff #albedo angst #albedo x reader angst #albedo x reader fluff

[versadies]

mindless dreams (childe x gn!reader)

SALUTATIONS. mindless dreams

ADDRESSED. childe (w/ gn!childhood-friend!reader)

STAMP. in which childe always thinks of you, longing to meet you again after not seeing you for so long, only to find you at your worst state of all.

CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, mentions of violence, mentions of human experiments, dottore is his own warning, spoilers to childe's background and lore, grammar errors (?)

POST-SCRIPT. here's another angst story from me once again... im going after everyone now >:)

LINKS. masterlist \ taglist

For as long as Childe could remember, you’re always on his mind. 

When he was in the Abyss, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’re looking for him, and what your reaction will be when he finally finds a way to come back. 

When he was in the military training of the Fatui, his mind wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’d be proud of what he’s doing, and what your reaction will be when he becomes a part of the Fatui. 

When he became a Fatui Harbinger, his mind still wandered back to you, wondering how you’ve been, whether or not you’d be proud of what he’s doing, and what your reaction will be when you find out of his achievement.

Some of his wanderings are left unanswered, for he couldn’t contact you.

He reunited with you at last when he came back from the Abyss. You gave him the warmest hug he needed after going through so much for three months, only to find out from you that he’s been gone for three days. He didn’t dare to question the time, he’s just happy to finally see you again (even when you looked worried from how there is no light in his eyes). 

Since then, trouble follows where he goes. Of course, he always makes sure you’re out of harm’s way, but despite that, you worry for him because of how much he changed. You never brought it up though, you didn’t want to ask what happened to him when he disappeared, not wanting to face his wrath just like the other kids who picked on him. 

When he was taken to the Fatui and had to go through military training, he didn’t protest about it, knowing it’ll satisfy the battles he craved for so long. It breaks his heart that he won’t see you everyday though. That’s why he was so determined to get this over with as soon as possible!

The two of you constantly send letters to one another. You even gave him a small painting copy of you that was painted by a painter that your parents hired for your portrait, and he kept it in his person for life. 

It wasn’t until one day when you suddenly stopped sending letters. 

He doesn’t recall writing something that’d make you uncomfortable, besides rejecting your idea of visiting the Fatui headquarters to see him. Perhaps you were just busy…? 

As days went by, his worries grew stronger. Where could you be? Why haven’t you sent any letters anymore?

In a blur, time flew fast and Childe became a Fatui Harbinger. 

The first thing he did was to visit his village as soon as possible, wanting to see you again after so long. When he visited your home, all he could see was nothing more but an abandoned home.

His heart sank when he entered your home that’s full of dust and empty spaces. It’s as if you and your family never existed here… 

When Childe brought you up when he reunited with his family, they all refused to answer him, which frustrated him to no end. Why can’t they tell him where his childhood friend is? 

To this day, his family still didn’t tell him of your whereabouts. Either due to forgetting as to who he’s talking about (which he knows are just pretend), or due to the silence they give him whenever he mentions you.

He often imagines what could’ve been if you’re here with him now. He would’ve been happier than ever! He could imagine you running up to him whenever he comes back to his hometown from his missions, you writing letters to him with him replying back as soon as possible like old times, you loving the gifts he sent you while he’s away from missions, and overall, he imagines you being with him — be it as his lover or as his dear friend. 

He prefers the former though. 

There’s never a day where he reminisces the times he had with you when he was only but a child with dreams. Perhaps in his heart, you’re his dream. And just like how you disappeared in his life, so did his dream. 

However, deep in his heart, he has a new dream. He dreams to see you again someday, maybe when he’s traveling around Teyvat for missions and somehow encounters you by the bustling crowds. He believes that he’d recognize your brightful eyes and smile even if you look way different than what you look like back then.

To this day, he keeps the painting you gave him from your letter, often admiring it with a dreamy sigh.  

The day when he finally saw you again was the worst day of his life. 

Not even his experience in the Abyss could be compared to how he felt when he finally saw you… in the laboratory of the Doctor. 

Childe is not one to visit the lab of the second harbinger, but he regrets not visiting it sooner, especially when he looks at your tragic state now. 

There you were, sitting on a seat staring at the void. You’re wearing a fatui uniform, and despite still looking the same but older (and perhaps hollow), Childe couldn’t believe he’s staring at you. 

He refuses to believe he’s looking at you, his childhood friend and his first love. 

When he looks at your eyes, he sees nothing but a vast void that shows no light.

You showed no reaction when you saw him, you could only stare at him with no emotions. It’s as if you don’t recognize him at all.

“Oh? I see you’ve finally met my experiment.” Dottore says with a grin when he enters his laboratory and spotted the eleventh harbinger standing in front of you. “Meet Test Subject 01902, also known as my helpful assistant.”

The doctor didn’t notice the way Childe’s hands turn into fists when he hears his words. Test subject…? What did he do to you?

All this time, while he was dreaming to meet you again without bothering to look for you anymore, you were stuck with the terrible doctor suffering from his experiments with you the whole time.

He couldn’t imagine what Dottore had done that made you become like this.

“Peculiar thing, aren’t they?” The doctor asks. “I found them standing outside the Fatui Headquarters, looking for someone who goes by Ajax.” He explains, reminiscing the time when he found you looking for someone… For Childe. 

Childe could still remember that one last letter you sent to him.  You didn’t listen to his warnings when he said to not go visit the headquarters. You were actually visiting him, only to encounter that monster of a harbinger. 

Childe feels sick, still staring at you in horror and in devastation. He should’ve looked for you harder. He should’ve visited the doctor’s laboratory sooner. He should’ve suspected that something bad must’ve happened–!

“Poor thing accepted my offer to take them to whoever this Ajax is when it was nothing more than a lie.” The doctor suddenly laughs at the thought. “You should’ve seen the fear in their eyes when I locked them in my laboratory and began my experiment. They should thank me for everything. After all, they’ve become the perfect assistant anyone could ask for–”

Without another hesitation and word, Childe lunges at the doctor, his delusion sparks to light and he sees nothing more but red. 

Even if the eleventh harbinger somehow comes out of the laboratory alive, he knows it would do nothing to take back everything you’ve been through for the past few years. 

For as long as Childe could remember, you’re always on his mind. 

Perhaps this is what regret is.

PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @ragnvdnr @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @nejibot @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @astrequa @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing @shaiah @miss-lady-witch

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x gn reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x gn reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact fanfiction #childe x reader #childe x gn reader #childe x gn!reader #childe x gender neutral reader #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x gn reader #childe x reader angst #childe angst #genshin angst #genshin x reader angst

[rukkiya]

you reap what you sow

(childe x reader)

(tw: mentions of violence, reader gets hurt)

_________________

You couldn’t stop your legs from pacing around the living room. It felt as if the walls were slowly inching together as time passed, seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days. Three days have passed since you've been waiting for Childe to come back home. He was coming back from a mission he was sent to that was in Inazuma but he hasn’t shown leaving you worried sick and scared for his well being.

Though Childe doesn’t talk about his job much you know it’s dangerous since he comes home in cuts and bruises most of the time. You’ve tried asking him before but it only led to an argument of how you didn’t need to know and it was best if you didn’t, so you took his word for it and never brought it up again because you were afraid you’d anger him once more. But you couldn’t help but let your mind think the worst of the worst.

What if he never comes back? What if he’s seriously injured? All alone? Why hasn’t he come back? I just want him home. Your mind raced, you felt utterly exhausted, you haven’t taken care of yourself since he’s been gone. You feel too anxious to sleep, not hungry enough to eat, too weak to leave or do anything, you've been up for days hoping, no praying that he comes back safe and sound.

A loud knock snaps you out of your stupor making your head snap to the front entrance of your house. Your legs wasted no time, legs tripping over one another as you quickly ran to open it. You quickly unlock the deadbolts and wasted no time swinging the door open.

The freezing cold air in Snezhnaya never ceased to make you shiver but seeing the familiar head of messy red hair as the door flew open filled you with so much warmth.

You felt your eyes sting from the cold making your unshed tears almost freeze as you stood in front of Childe who looked beaten and broken.

You let out a breath, vapor escaping your lips as you reach your hand to caress Childe’s face only to have him move past you, bumping your shoulder as he did so.

A few seconds passed as you stood there not really knowing what to do. You quickly pull your hand to your chest and close the door, maybe he’s just really tired is all, he looks spent. You told yourself to ease the slight ache you felt as he avoided your touch.

“Love y-your back late, you must be exhausted.” You rubbed the freezing tips of your fingers together as you turned around to face him as he peeled off his huge winter coat, only making your hand fly over your mouth as you saw his bare back littered in cuts and bruises, more worse than any you’ve seen on him before.

“Childe what-“

“Don’t touch me.” He spoke up making you immediately stop a few feet away from him, his voice sounded so foreign he’s never used this tone with you, let alone told you to not touch him.

“What happened? W-Who did this to you.” The slight crack in your voice made his jaw clench.

All he wanted to do was shower and sleep. He's beyond exhausted and doesn’t want to hear nor deal with having to explain what happened as it’ll involve him having to tell you the truth. During his mission he used his delusion which led to some unexpected events which ended up with him getting more hurt than he needed to, that plus his target got away. To make matters worse he got an earful from the other members of the fatui when he arrived back so the after effects of his delusion and his mood weren’t stable at the moment.

He gave no response, just by looking at him you can tell he was tense, he stood his full height, his shoulders were squared and his breathing was slightly labored. The last thing you want to do is pester him but you can’t help but ask questions. He's your boyfriend for goodness sakes of course you're going to be worried sick.

“Let me bandage you-“

“No need I can do it on my own when I shower.” He said flatly, cutting you off once again.

“You need to be properly bandaged Childe, you can’t reach your back properly please let me help.” You took a hesitant step toward him.

“I’m sorry, I’m just worried you were supposed to come back three days ago and when you didn’t I didn’t know what to do, who to talk to or contact because I don’t know who you work for, I don’t get why you work for them if you come back beaten and bruised every time. Childe please can you tell me what happ-“

“Drop it.” He turned around, the look in his eyes looked so different, so distant, so dark from the usual look he had when he was around you.

You only gulp feeling slightly intimidated by the way he was looking at you, like you’d just offended him.

“I just want to know is all, so if this happens again I can know where you are and that you’re ok, that you’re alive and breathing so I won’t be worried sick for days thinking the worst!” You stood your ground, you didn’t want to argue with him but he wasn’t being fair either.

“I’ve told you once before, drop it already, it’s none of your business. Who I work for and what I do doesn’t concern you in the slightest so stay out of it.” His tone was colder than the frigid air out. You were confused why he won’t just give you the slightest info and why he gets so upset you just want to know that he’s safe is all.

“Childe, how would you feel if it was the other way around? How would you feel if I did what you do, I was the one who came home beaten and bruised while you sat here and worried for me for days trying not to think the worst? You’d want me to tell you too! Can’t you see where I’m coming from if the roles were switched then-“

“I wouldn’t care, if they were switched it’s not any of my business, you’re being annoying now no one asked you to stay or worry for me. Why are you feeling sorry for yourself? Why are you still here? I never asked you to care because like I said, if the roles were switched, I wouldn’t waste my time caring for you.” His eyes narrowed as he spoke, words only getting more harsh as he did so.

“That’s not fair. You don’t mean that I-I know you don’t. Childe, for the love of god just please tell me why you do this to yourself? Your employer must be the most heartless person if they put you through this every single time-“

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall as he stormed up to you, the look in his eyes was one you’ve never seen before making you frozen in place as he towered over you. You had no time to react as he roughly put his hand over your mouth shutting you up himself.

But, to his dismay his strength betrayed him. He didn’t even process what he had said or done until he heard the sick sound of your head hitting the wall behind you.

You felt pain shoot through the back of your head as you kept your eyes shut tight from his sudden movement, your body froze up from the shock. You felt too scared to open your eyes and look at the man you didn’t even recognize anymore, what he had said hurt you, but what he’d just done scared you like no other. Never in the time you've known or dated Childe has he shown this side of himself, the only side those whose lives are about to be taken by his own hands see this side of him, you were never meant to see though, not this side of him.

You were too scared to open your eyes but you wanted to get away from him, you tried to move your body but felt numb. Your eyelids didn’t open despite you trying to do so, you physically couldn’t, you tried to but your eyelids felt too heavy. You felt as if you were floating and the heavy feeling of sleepiness took over. The adrenaline and anxiety in your body vanished and your lack of self care caught up with you at the worst moment possible. You weren’t taking care of yourself as it was and Childe slamming your head into the wall behind you only made things worse.

You tried to lift your hand up to get his hand off your face but you couldn’t even do that, the last thing you felt was your legs buckle underneath you but the darkness took you away before your body hit the floor.

Childe immediately let go of your face to catch you before you fell. His eyes were blown wide and his breathing became erratic.

“Y/n?” He breathed out, pulling you close to his chest as he gently laid you down on his lap.

“Y/n, please I-“ he brought his hand up to move the hair that blocked your face, his hands trembling as he did so. He finally got a good look at you and the weight of his words were crashing down.

The silence he desperately wanted was too much for him to bear at the moment.

He takes in your appearance as this was the first time he actually looked at you since he’s arrived home. He sees the dark bags under your eyes, your lips that look slightly paler than normal and how your cheeks look a bit sunken in.

What did I do? Why did I do this? Why did I hurt them? They were just trying to help? What have I done? What should I do? His mind raced with so many questions as his vision became blurred.

“I’m so sorry y/n, please wake up and open your eyes, I didn’t mean it just- I’m sorry I’m so so sorry.” Childe looked down at you in his arms, fresh tears falling onto your face as he realizes what he’s done.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you I can’t- please open your eyes I need you here. I do care! I didn’t mean what I said,” He buried his head into the crook of your neck, gathering your frame into his arms and he stood up with you.

He didn’t bother putting his coat on as he made his way to the front door.

His state of mind was still fuzzy from the delusion making him out of place but he didn’t care, he’s unsure of his own strength and he needs to make sure you’re ok, that he didn’t hurt you more than he already did, than he thinks he has.

He made a beeline for the nearest doctor around him which was quite a walk away as the small town he grew up in wasn’t too crowded. When he arrived, both of you were covered in snow, you were still unconscious in his arms as he knocked on the doctors doors telling him no, begging him to do a check up on you.

The doctor wasted no time opening his door wider to allow Childe and you in as the both of you looked half frozen. Chile gently laid you on the couch inside, turning on his heels as the doctor walked up to your unconscious body.

Childes hands went straight to his hair gripping it slightly, his bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he really took in what he’d done. He was now the one who was thinking the worst. He couldn’t stand himself for doing such a thing. He thought the feeling of his victims' blood on his hands was disgusting but this was far worse, you're not one of his prey he was never meant to hurt you never like this, never meant to hurt you in any way shape or form.

The doctor kneeled beside you, examining your closed eyes, inside your mouth, your ears.

“What happened to them?” The doctor questioned Childe, he had to hold back the bile that rose in his throat hearing that question, knowing he was the one who did this to you.

“T-they fell, they hit their head pretty hard and haven’t woken up, I- are they ok?” Childe felt sick for lying, he was scared though, he didn’t want to believe it himself, that he actually put his hands on you like that.

The doctor only nodded, not questioning the frantic man before him any further and insead feeling around your head, giving a small hum when his hand met the back of your head. He pulled back and inspected your closed eyes again turning around to face Childe.

“It seems as if they did fall quite hard, the bump on the back of their head indicates so. Thankfully there is no blood but indicating how long they’ve been out for they most likely have a concussion.” The doctor explained as he pulled back reaching for his stethoscope. “That and, their body seems to be exhausted as well. Lack of sleep and eating plus falling on your head can lead to this, thankfully it’s nothing too serious but for the time being I’ll run an IV and they can stay here till they wake, I will need to transfer them to their own room of course, young man you can head home I’ll inform you when they wake u-“

“No!” Chile raised his voice higher than intended, glaring at the doctor.

“I’m not leaving them alone, I’m staying until they wake up. I need to, I-I have to, I can't leave them alone.” Childe's voice wavered, he felt utterly disgusted in himself, he can’t help but think the worst, what if you didn’t want to see him when you opened your eyes? What if he scared you away and you left him? What if you're too scared to be with him?

The doctor only hummed and gave a nod of his head. “Well then, please carry them to their room, I’ll walk you to it and you can stay with them until they wake up. No guarantees when they will, but sooner than later at least.” The doctor spoke as he turned on his heels waiting for Childe to pick you up to walk you to your room.

Childe wasted no time in doing so, gently lifting you up and following close behind the doctor to your room.

The peace and quiet that Childe had wanted when he got home was more defeating than anything else. It was driving him crazy, it’s been hours since you’ve been out and he has no one to blame but himself. The doctor had informed him that you haven’t been eating or sleeping properly and that it’s just your body getting much needed rest but he still can’t help but feel responsible as he is the one who caused you to knock out in his stupor.

Childe held his head in his hands as his elbows were propped on his legs. Everytime he looks at his hands he feels the soft vibrations that escaped your mouth as you whimpered in pain when he slammed your head in the wall and the pain he feels in his chest is unbearable. His eyes were sore from crying so much. He feels absolutely horrible, thinking of the way you were only worried for his well being yet he ended up hurting you just because he wasn’t in a good mood. He didn’t deserve you, he knows he doesn’t, and this might’ve just been the last straw to make you realize that you in fact do deserve better.

The doctor had asked Childe to step out for a couple of minutes to run another quick checkup on you and though Childe didn’t want to leave your side he knew he had to oblige. The roles were switched in a way now, as he was the one now pacing, anxiously waiting for you to open your eyes, so he can tell you everything, how sorry he is, about what he really does for a living. He won’t keep secrets anymore for the love of god he feels horrible for what he’s done and he needs to apologize right now. Even if you walk away from him or yell at him to get away he’ll understand, all he wants to do is say sorry.

Childe’s head snapped up when he heard the doctor talking in your room, indicating that you might’ve finally woken up he made his way up to the door. He reached for the knob only to see the door crack open on its own, the doctor peeking his head out and stepping out before Childe, a worried look written on his features.

“Are they awake?” Childe grabbed the doctor's shoulders, his messy hair falling over his bloodshot eyes.

“I don’t-, they have woken up but it’s best to not go see them at the moment, something seems to be wrong a-“

Childe didn’t bother listening to the rest of what the doctor had to say. He only pushed him aside and turned the doorknob pushing the door open to see you sitting on the bed looking out the window besides you.

“Sir, I advise you not to do this right now they-“ Childe closed the door behind him, shutting the doctor up once again as he slowly made his way up to your bed. You haven’t even bothered turning to look at him. He felt scared, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. He was scared of the reaction you might give him just by looking at how you haven’t even so much as glanced his way, he’s not expecting a good reaction, rightfully so, what he didn’t you was unforgivable and he knows it.

“Y/n.” Childe softly called out your name, seeing you slowly turn your head no emotion whatsoever on your face. You didn’t look surprised, mad, scared, happy or sad. You just look at him with eyes he himself has never seen you wear.

“Y/n, love I’m so sorry.” He breathed out, long legs striding up to your bed, his arm stretching out to touch you, your hand anything. He needed to feel your warmth, tell you he didn’t mean anything and he’s sorry.

You pull your arm close to your chest, your eyebrows knitting together as you look up at the man standing before you, physical touch was something you weren’t used to so why is he trying to touch you? Why is a random guy walking up to me? Who is he? You questioned yourself. Your brain felt fuzzy, everything around you looked so unfamiliar.

You only opened your eyes less than five minutes ago to a doctor you’ve never met putting an IV in your arm. He didn’t explain how you got here. Despite that being the first question that came out of your mouth, the doctor only wrote something down on his clipboard then walked out only for some random guy who looks like he should be the one getting treatment walked up to you, called your name and tried to touch you? You don’t know this man, you can’t seem to remember much but you know that you can’t trust anyone you’ve never met, though his presence felt familiar you were still wary.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” You blink at him only to see the hopeful look on his face completely drop, he looked quite happy when you looked at him but what you said made the man before you frown, he almost looked like he was about to cry.

Childe felt his breath get caught in his throat, he felt his eyes start to sting again just by looking at your confused expression.

“Sir? Do you need to sit down? Maybe the doctor can help you too, I mean you don’t look all too well.” You pointed at the chair next to you and slowly turned your head back to face him, slightly wincing as the back of your head slightly throbbed.

“I think you should sit down, you don’t look too good.” You tell him as you reach your hand to the back of your head feeling a small bandage wrapped around making you more confused as to why it was or how you even ended up here in the first place.

His hand flew to his mouth, the bile that he desperately tried to keep down rose up, he bolted towards the bin in the room and threw up, slamming his fist into the wall before him over and over and over again until his knuckles felt raw.

What have I done? They don’t remember me? They don’t remember what happened? How come? How'd they forget? That look in their eyes- it’s not them, that’s not them, they would never look at me with such a distant look. What have I done? What did I do? Childe’s thoughts compiled one after another, each getting louder than the last and he wanted to scream until his throat became raw.

The door opened and Childe’s head snapped up. The doctor only sighed at Childe’s reaction as he walked up to him and placed a hand on his back handing him some tissues in the process.

“Young man, it seems as if they are experiencing memory loss. I tried to warn you before you came in but you gave me no time to do so. I advise you to not startle them any more than you have as it seems they have forgotten who you are as well.” The doctor leaned close to Childe speaking in a hushed tone to calm him down and so you won’t hear either.

Childe only closed his eyes tighter as more tears escaped his eyes. He only shook his head as he didn’t want to believe what he was hearing, he can’t accept what he’s done to you. It felt like a nightmare, some sick twisted nightmare that he desperately hopes he wakes up from soon.

“Doctor? Is that man alright? He doesn’t look so good. I don’t know what he’s here for or how he knows me exactly but I think he needs to get treated immediately, his condition seems to be worse than mine.” You spoke up from behind the men who were talking in the corner. You tried to stand up but felt too dizzy to do so. The strange man looked sick and tired, in need of much rest and a good meal, though you don’t know him you still felt bad for him as the state he was in didn’t look good at all.

Childe’s head shot up towards your soft voice. His lips wobbled as small sobs escaped his mouth upon hearing the concern lacing your tone. Even though you might not remember him, even though he hurt you, even though he was the reason all this was happening you were still worried for him, it made him feel utterly disgusted in himself.

He wants to be greedy and tell you who he is even if you end up getting more confused but he can’t bring himself to. He doesn’t want to startle you nor does he want to scare you anymore than he has. He'd rather have you hate him, scream, yell at him than not remember him. But at the same time he can’t help but think maybe you forgetting him isn’t so bad after all, maybe you losing your memory of him is for the best. Maybe he can leave and let you start a new life. One where he’s not in the picture because he knows that you deserve better, someone that’s not him. So maybe just maybe he can just simply apologize to you for startling you earlier, tell you he thought you were someone else and leave you behind and let you start fresh with no memory of him, and he’ll watch over you from the sidelines and in the dark make sure your ok even if you never remember him again because he knows doesn’t deserve someone as caring and loving as you. And even if you never get your memory of your time spent together back, it's the weight of his own actions he’d have to carry with him forever, he only has himself to blame and he knows it’ll hurt like hell. It’ll hurt more than any physical injury he’s obtained because he’ll never again meet someone like you, he’ll never get to call you his again. So maybe he should leave you be and let you forget so you won’t feel no more pain or worry. Just a simple life without him will surely bring you more joy than staying with him. That’s what would be best for you, right?

_________________

authors note: helloo!! omg it’s been a while since I’ve posted sorry I’ve been pretty busy as of late! but yay I wrote my first Childe piece (tho i don’t particularly like this ginger LOL no shame if u do tho!) and ahhh I had such a hard time with the ending AHH SORRY IF ITS BAD I didn’t know how to end it?!?! literally took me so long PLZ. but I hope you are all doing well and staying hydrated!! I do hope you enjoy the story!<333

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact angst #childe genshin x reader #genshin impact childe #childe x reader angst

[melozykizzes]

broken promises // angst, zhongli x reader if you squint. possible part 2.

warnings: physical hitting, sorrow and agony. reader has some shitty attachment issues.

what day was it? you don’t know. do you care? no.

it has been now 1 year since you had last seen your husband, ajax. you can’t quite remember what happened. your heart tightens at the thought of him. your laying pathetically lying on your bed, looking at a photograph of you and ajax. your afraid of forgetting his voice, his face, how he’d always make sure you felt safe. you let out a slow tear, oh how you miss him.

“ajax, are you really taking this mission up? i-i mean what if something goes wrong.. or- or if you have to stay to long, or-“ ajax cuts you off. “you know the rules, once your called on for a mission you have to stay until the mission is seized. it is my duty’s as an harbinger.” ajax said coldly, looking away from your teary eyed face.

ajax, or i should now say tartaglia. was called in for a private mission. a mission to capture the balladeer, other harbingers, and fatui members have tried. it has been over 5 months since you ever seen or heard of them, you can not let that happen to ajax.

“please, ajax just hear me out. none of us knows what happened to those other harbingers. it’s been months since we’ve heard of them!”you raise your voice, and tighten your fists. “like you would know.” ajax turns around and looks at you, dead in the eye

“and, stop calling me ajax. i must now fully go by tartaglia, the eleventh of the fatui harbingers.” what had gotten gotten into him?! you’ve never seen him like this. ajax turns around and starts walking towards the door, but you catch up to him as quick as you can and grab his wrist.

“please ajax, don’t go. don’t leave me. you promised you wouldn’t-“ you were cut off with a harsh slap to your face. you look at him in disbelief, you let go of your hand and use it to comfort the burning sensation on your cheek. tears start rolling down your face.

“i don’t make promises.” he turned around, and walked out the door.

you tried, calling him, contacting him. asked around for him “tartaglia?” many strangers said. you felt as if you were going insane, delusional. now you are walking around your house, your guys shared house. acting as if nothing happened. you pretended as if he was just on a short mission, just about to come home from a hard day at work, ready to walk in and give you a big hug. you feel tears stroll down your face. you don’t know how much mornings you haven’t been mourning for him, calling out his name.

your always waiting, patiently for him to come home.

you hear a knock at your door. you look up immediately and run straight to it, with tears already running down your face. you turn the knob immediately. “ajax!!” you say, hugging the figure.

“Y/N?” you look up and see zhongli. your heart tightens, you feel disappointed. you tighten your hands around him and bury your face into his chest. it has been months since you had last seen someone. you start breaking down, sobbing on his chest. he looks at you, with sympathy. “oh, Y/N..” he hugs you back and let’s you cry, while he pats your back. “i’m afraid that, im not childe. but i can help you with your loss. i understand.”

#childe x reader #childe angst #childe x reader angst #zhongli x reader #zhongli angst #zhongli x reader angst #tartaglia x reader #genshin angst #genshin dark content

[kazeniya]

Happy birthday to my skrunkly lil big boy<333

Ctto [i got these from pinterest]

#genshin imagines #genshin smau #genshin impact x you #genshin x y/n #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin icons #childe angst #childe x reader angst #childe fluff #tartaglia x reader angst #tartaglia #ajax #childe #genshin childe #genshin ajax #genshin tartaglia #tartaglia genshin #ajax genshin #childe genshin

[senpiecakes]

A Love Not Meant to Be: Childe

Notes: I saw this in my drafts, and I haven't posted anything in this series for a while so I was like 'fuck it, I'm gonna finish it.' (lowkey this made me cry while I listened to the song)

Summary: Hated by everyone, loved by you.

Theme/s: GN!Reader, Angst No Comfort, the world hates you both

Warning/s: Some very mean words from the world. That's about it.

Once More to See You by Mitski

5.5k Words

“I’ll protect you.”

Childe is known to be protective of those he loves. He goes out of his way to spin elaborate lies for his youngest brother to protect his innocence, he makes sure to keep his whole family out of harm's way because of his job, and he will strike down any enemy that dares to threaten his loved ones. In all of that, there was you. You loved Childe dearly, and it was clear he had the same feelings for you. Childe shows you off to his subordinates, pampers you with his wealth and makes sure you’re top priority always. That included your safety. Everywhere you went, bodyguards kept a close distance, if you were out with Childe, he’d keep a secure arm around you, even at home he’d make sure you’re safe- especially when you’re alone. All that you could trust him in. Childe only sees threats in the form of enemies, never in the common folk that walk with you in the streets day to day. 

‘There goes that Fatui’s hound.’

‘Can you believe they’re actually WITH a Harbinger?’

‘I bet you they’re kidnapped or blackmailed.’

Everyday, hushed voices would throw scorn at you and Childe as you passed. You knew of the world’s disdain for the Fatui but you also knew Childe. He was sweet, caring, protective and you knew in your heart he would never hurt you. But you were also aware of his reputation; his strength in battle, his ability to harm warranted or not, his sworn duty to an Archon planning to rid the world of Gods. It was only fair of people to have their opinions about Childe. But you knew deep down how much the man can love- if the rest of the world saw him through your eyes, maybe their opinions of him would change. People feared him, but they had the gall to throw their cowardly vices towards you.

Some days, you tell your bodyguards to lay back for a while, that you can handle yourself while you grocery shop. Despite your commands, they follow you. On those days when you appear to be alone, people made it clear how much they truly hated the man you loved. They would be more vocal about their jeers, going as far as to tell you directly that you should be ashamed for being with him. You’d defend Childe with all that you can and that usually results in many unsavory exchanges.

People refusing to sell you things in fear that Childe may target them, some barring you from their business with the most ridiculous reasons, others even outright mocking you. That’s when your bodyguards step in and you fear that it only escalates things further- that you had to be kept within a wall.

‘I knew you’re a coward, hiding behind that Fatui freak.’

You don’t really think much about these encounters, never speaking a word about it to Childe until your bodyguards inform him of all that’s happened.

“Do you want me to deal with them?” He asks you one night.

“What? No! I can handle myself.” You say.

“Well, alright. Just tell me if anything else happens, okay?”

In truth, you knew if Childe stepped in it would make things worse. You didn’t want him to shoulder all the weight and responsibility of keeping those he loved safe. He already has so many stresses happening at once, one more problem could send him over the edge. And so, you bore through it because you loved him. It was all that you needed.

It was until strange things started happening around your home- the place where you felt the most secure. Rocks thrown at your windows, strangers standing only a few feet away from your doorstep, light acts of vandalism appearing on your property. Only then did you start fearing for your life. You brought the issue up to Childe who kept guard throughout the night, but miraculously, nothing ever happens when he’s at home. It’s only when you’re by yourself that people seem to go out of their way to take out their frustrations of Childe onto you. You didn’t think that people could be so cruel. Then again, they had a reason to hate Childe- but they had no excuse to show their hatred through you. 

Childe always noticed your fears. As much as he tried to relieve it, the world always seemed to push his efforts away. Even as he volunteers to deal with the problem himself, you hold him back. As much as it angers him to see you look so vulnerable, he knows it’ll only make things worse. 

Things came to a boiling point when Childe suggested you two take a walk together around town to take your mind off of things. You were reluctant to be seen with him, which was silly but reasonable. In the end, you agreed and Childe was more observant in his surroundings more than ever. His head was held up high, scanning the crowd who turned away as they met his cold gaze. You on the other hand kept your eyes low on the ground, fearing that someone would be brave enough to cross Childe’s wrath. He noticed this, noticed your shying away as if you were embarrassed to be seen with him, and he could do nothing to ease you of your worries.

It’ll only make things worse.

As you walked, Childe led you away to a place with little to no people- a place where you can breathe. He savors this moment with you. He never really has time to be at home so Childe always makes sure to spend as much time with you as he can, pouring out his heart when he’s absent during the night when you sleep.

“You know, you’re the realest thing I’ve had in a while.” Childe says, taking your fingers in his hands. “Thank you.” He looked at you and was surprised to see your face. Quick was your change of expression- a look of fear as you glanced down at his hand, then back up at Childe. Your eyes, wide and worried, wandering around the near-empty streets as you took your fingers away by impulse and smiled awkwardly.

“Ah… well, let’s get going before it gets too dark.”

It was clear how much of a toll the fear had on you. You barely went out to shop anymore, spending your days and nights locked up in your house, counting down the days for Childe’s return from a mission. He worries about you, even more so when you start acting differently towards him. You’re silent, shrinking away from his touch, never wanting to go out for dinners and always afraid of seeing him off- even if it was just at your front door. You worried about your long term future with him. You wanted life with Childe to be normal- that one day if would just be the two of you living a mundane but peaceful life. Childe was angry and heartbroken; angry at the fact that he is powerless to change the minds of people, to stop them from seeing his infamy through you. Heartbroken at the fact that you drift away because of the very same people that convince you that loving him was a sin. Childe needed to take you out of there.

And so, you move. He takes you to his missions and you find temporary housing in whatever nation his job lands him in. You thought you could handle it, that starting fresh would be what’s best, but it seemed that this lifestyle was far more exhausting than the one you had before. You never had a home; whenever you felt comfortable in your new living space, Childe always finishes up his mission before you even get the chance to look around the place. You don’t get to stay for long anyways; the longer you stay, the more people recognize Childe and soon you are back in the cycle of hate. As much as Childe tried to keep you from harm's way, it never felt safe. It was draining, but you held on for Childe’s sake. He just wanted to keep you safe.

“Let’s go back home to Snezhnaya.” Childe suggested one night. “I think it’ll be good for both of us.” You knew why Childe wanted to go back home. He needed peace away from the dangers of his duty and you were more than happy to be there with him. Still, you can’t really shake off the paranoia you’ve acquired after running away for so long.

“What about your work?” You ask.

“I’ve requested a time off. I’ve been doing great anyways.”

“We can’t stay with your family.” You say silently, looking down at your hands. “We can’t risk it. After all the places we’ve been, people are bound to recognize me now.” 

“I know.” Childe responds. “I rented us a cabin in the forest. Just the two of us.”

Soon enough, you found yourself in the winters of Snezhnaya, in a little wooden cabin surrounded by tall trees, blanketed by snow under the dome of endless sky. It really was just the two of you. Childe watches in adoration as you feel yourself feeling free for the first time in a while. He smiles as you do back at him, bounding through the snow and into his open arms. 

Childe hasn’t felt you this close in so long. He’s gone on nights and on days you’re withdrawn. He wants to get carried away with you. Your comforting embrace was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“I missed you.” He whispers in your ear, tone mirroring that of a desperate man waiting to be satisfied.

He wants to devour you like a wolf; caught between your teeth and tongue like a ravaged, hungry animal waiting for the warmth that comes with death as soon as he takes the first bite. And all that Childe has ever known was hunger; to hunt and to take what was never given to him. He will kiss till you are breathless, till your skin burns with desire and lips shed the blood he once ravaged others to get- to release the tension built up in his bones when he failed to protect you from the world. But he is in your hands. He’d let you tame him if it meant he’d get to feel your love like the way he used to.

Tonight, as you spare him a fluttering kiss, sweet like candy and warm like the blood he craves- Childe falters. You barely have your lips on his, but as soon as he feels the delicate brush of your skin, the slight exhale through your nose on his cheek as if to say you feel secure, Childe is at the mercy of the prey that was once in his control. He will not bite the hand that feeds him, and so, he simply closes his eyes and sinks into the innocence of your willingness to be in his grasp. His mind races with all the things that had happened to the both of you. You endured so much for him and the thought of that makes Childe feel guilt like never before.

The world slows to let Childe’s heart thrum madly in his chest. He feels you inch in closer, fingers interlocking with him as he feels the tension leave your shoulders, the weight of fear from the past now gone. You’re with him. You’re both alone. You’re safe. 

Childe will not be the monster the world portrays him to be- not especially around you. But even if you see him in his prime- blue waves crashing into violent lighting- how could you kiss him like he’s a man fit to hold the beauty of the world? He’s shown you how childish, immature, selfish and brash he could be, all the while he stubbornly wants to keep you at his side for his sake. Even then, you chose to stay. You didn’t want to push him away. Childe feels as though he doesn’t deserve this.

Tell me, he thinks. How could you love me for who I am?

“How could you still be with me for all the things I’ve done?” Childe mumbles, voice breaking as he pulls you in. “The blood on my hands, the lives it took-“ You stop him. Childe falls silent and your response nearly makes him lose his composure.

“You were just a kid.” You whisper, taking his face in your steady hands. “You were never given a choice.” Childe breathes hard as he studies your hardened eyes, scolding him almost. He wasn’t the type to show weakness, not with you, not with gentle scolding. But this- you’re giving him a choice- a choice of freedom. To be unshackled by the consequences of his past and allow him to be vulnerable, even for just a second. 

The snowfall was quiet, and so were you. You knew what you had to say and Childe knows what it was. He just didn’t want to accept it.

“You know we can’t keep running away, Childe.”

Childe doesn’t answer and instead looks away, his eyes darting back and forth, refusing to look at you. His jaw was tight and his hands were clenched into a fist. You soften at the sight. You know that looks all too well. It was Childe’s way of showing fear. He wasn’t really afraid- only frustrated and fearful of the consequence of his actions. He knows deep down that he can’t keep running. He can’t take you with him and he refuses to let you go. You’re tired, he knows that, he just doesn’t ever want to lose you.

“Ajax,” you say, your hand landing on Childe’s cheek. He nearly flinches away from your touch, but instead he relents and allows himself to melt into you- his kiss finding home in the warmth of your palms. “What are you so afraid of?” Truth be told, Childe wasn’t as brave as he presents himself to be. He was just a person like everyone else; he had his own fears, worries, doubts and regrets. Many of those he did on his own, but now they’ve caught up to him, and he is more afraid of consequences now than he has ever been. All because of you. Childe ran away from all those problems before, but if those consequences catch up to him, they’d cost him you. You who fought with him so bravely- never afraid of him and his tainted past. You who stuck by him even when the world seemed to treat you like an outcast for even associating yourself with him. You who had sacrificed everything for him, defended him when he refused to do the same for himself. He was given a glimpse of the risks that came with his dangerous job. Soon, people would find the courage to test his strength. By all means, it would always cost you your freedom.

“Of you.” Childe says finally. “I’m scared of everything because of you.” It was hypocritical of him to think this way, especially since he was the one who put your life at risk and your reputation hanging on by a string. But you were braver than him in a way that was sane- and you still had the courage to look at him as if he were just any other person in the world. His dream of normalcy, you never took it away.

“Then why don’t you leave me?” Childe scoffs

“It’s not that easy for me to do that, you know?” He says with a weak laugh. He can’t leave you alone. He doesn’t want to, he would never want to.

“Then I’ll do it for you.” You say. “I’ll go far away and things will go back to normal.”

Childe looks at you surprised. He knows you’re doing this for his own sake and yours, that you’re doing what’s best even if it hurts. But why does he feel so betrayed? Why would you of all people leave him that quickly with all those promises and hopes and dreams for the future? Why would you be the one to crush them? Did any of it mean nothing? Why was it so easy for you to abandon what you had with him? Childe wanted to fight, argue and win you over again and again even if it meant you both had to go through heartbreak together. He needed you. He wanted to battle- but instead you calmed him with a look. A look he knew so well, so pleasant, that Childe’s sea of emotions ebbed and he gave you space to talk.

“You’re joking, right? Tell me you’re joking.” He says incredulously. You don’t answer. “Y/N, come on-”

“I love you, Childe, but this isn’t healthy for either of us.” You say. Childe shakes his head in protest but stays silent, allowing your words to penetrate him painfully as he lets the gravity of your situations sink in. You were right, he can’t keep running.

“You can protect me all you want, but we can’t live like this. You have jobs to do, places to go where I can’t, and I can’t keep fearing for my life when I’m with you. I love you, but I can’t… we can’t escape this, we can’t run away.” You say. “The best thing we can do is to get away from each other.”

“No, don’t do this to me!” He begs, almost angry. Childe doesn’t look at you and instead looks down at his feet, his teeth gritting and jaw tight as you hold his face and will for him to look.

“If you love me, then you wouldn’t do this, you wouldn’t leave me.” He argues. You shake your head but he continues. “You’ll just be like everyone else if you do. You’ll betray me by leaving because you’re just like everyone else!” Childe was guilting you into staying. He knows how wrong it was, how selfish he was being, but he thought it would be the only way to keep you by his side. It was the only way he knew how. 

“You and I both know that isn’t true.” You say. Childe balls his fists a shadow looms over his already darkened eyes. 

“If you really loved me, you would stay.” His voice was a silent, forceful anger that made you pity him. But this, whatever you two had, was destructive; it hurt you both and you knew well that Childe would destroy himself and a million more just to get what he wants- just to keep you with him.

“I do love you, Childe,” You say and a hopeful shine appears in his eyes. “But not enough to make me want to stay.” And in a flash, it’s gone. Despair washes over Childe’s expression, soon replaced by anger and desperation. He towers over you, a dark aura emanating from his gaze. 

“You’re a liar.” Childe spits out, venom lacing his tone. You stand your ground- you knew well Childe would never hurt you. He never had space to deal with his emotions in a healthy manner, and you knew this tantrum was to mask the true feelings of hurt he had inside. He didn’t want to be seen as weak and vulnerable, even if it were you. 

You were lying. You loved Childe so much it hurt- but this relationship between you two had terrorized you far worse. As much as you loved him, as much as he meant to you, you needed to save yourself. You sacrificed so much and risked everything in your life to be with him. You knew him better than anyone and saw him in a light that nobody else was willing to. You loved him as Ajax- the loving caring brother and family man that would do anything to protect those he loved so they would never have to go through the same thing he did. At the same time you loved Childe- the powerful, cocky and reckless Harbinger loyal to the Tsaritsa and even more loyal to you. But even that wasn’t enough. The world saw how much you truly loved Childe and decided to take advantage of that by pitting itself against you. It really was just the two of you against the world- but you had your limits, and Childe couldn’t be the person to fight alongside you if he tried. He tried, you tried, but nothing was enough.

“Please, Childe, look at me.” You say. “It might be the last time I’ll see you.”

“No!” He yells. “It’s not the last time! There won’t be a last time! You’re not leaving, I’ll see you again tomorrow and I can look at you all I want because you’re not leaving me! You would never do that to me!” Childe hugs you tight, his body trembling against you and choking sobs escape his throat. “Please, Y/N, I don’t want to be alone.” 

You never thought you would ever see a Harbinger in this state- walls crumbling and image shattered from fear of all things. You thought the Harbingers were never afraid, that Childe would be the last person you’ll see look so distraught after all he went through. Then he looked at you dark blue eyes filled with tears, his brows furrowed and suppressed sobs making their way past his lips. You envision the young boy within him; robbed of this childhood, his innocence, still carrying the fear and trauma of the days he was taken away from his safety. Childe found his new safeplace in you, and the fear of losing it, losing you, the hope and dreams he so precariously planned with you, coupled with the loneliness and isolation that would come after you leave- of course he was going to be afraid. But you feared for your life- you didn’t want to risk Childe’s to save yours. And so, you turn away to leave but Childe grabs you.

“Childe, let me go.” You assert, tugging your wrist away from his tightening grip. He stares you down, wishing that it wouldn’t have to come to this.

“No, you can’t leave me.” He says. “You need me.” His tone was menacing, the same he uses against his subordinates to make them submit. This annoys you for some reason- to think that Childe had the nerve to see you as someone as lowly as those men and women under him- you thought you were both way past that. You angrily take your wrist away from him and start yelling- a version of you that Childe has never seen before. You didn’t know why you yelled, you didn’t understand why a red hot anger surged through your chest. You released every form of frustration you had on him; your fears, your regrets, the way you hated how he was so stubborn, the way you hated how he never admits he was wrong, how every bit of your life was stripped away the moment you told him you loved him. Everything. Tears well in your eyes with each word you say, and even more so when Childe decides to fight back. You thought that you trying to push him away like this would prompt him to let you go, not spiral into this form of chaos. You knew well that Childe would never give up an opportunity to fight; there’s no turning back now.

This was like any battle Childe would have trained to fight. It wasn’t like anything he had ever experienced from those before- the thrill, the excitement, his heart racing for more, more, more. Not tonight, not with you. You two were in war- fighting each other with the harshest words, sharp tongues, insults and arguments thrown so carelessly at the others deepest fears and insecurities. You were someone that knew Childe better than anybody, so this, the ache in Childe’s heart almost felt agonizing. He’s never seen you look so defeated. It’s as if it hurts you to even say these things to him out of anger. He hated the way your voice echoed the words his own mind would tell him; he hated the way your hands restrained themselves into fists by your side; he hated how tense your shoulders were, how your eyes looked so sad. He hated the way you mirrored those who tried so hard to break you in a pitiful attempt to make him feel what you felt.

Even from before as strangers berated you for even being with him, your life turned upside down for even being associated with him, you always put up such a strong front. Childe admired that, even more so now as he felt that he could shrink at the sheer magnitude of emotions that flooded out of you all because of him. Childe listened to you rant, your words becoming warbled as his head pounded with the strength of his own voice. He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point- only watching you cry and shout- wishing for nothing but to pull you in his arms and comfort you even while you’re still furious at him. Even if you beat, kick and punch your way out of his arms, just stay, he thinks. 

Stay with me.

If it meant he’d lose everything else, Childe was willing to let this be the first battle he’ll lose. And what greater reward was it to lose against someone he loves?

“I can’t do this anymore, Childe,” you cry silently, your voice barely making it past your strained throat. He hears you, loud and clear. “I love you, but I can’t.”

Childe is silent.

The fallout was devastating, comparable to the collapse of a dying star. It was explosive and angry and destructive beyond what you could have anticipated. It was dangerous on both ends- the freefall of the damage reaching far beyond the ground zero of everything that surrounded the two of you. The echo of the forests that surrounded you two in the silence of winter felt the weight of you and Childe’s booming voices yelling louder above one anothers- shouting words you both would have never expected to hear the other say. It was painful, to you, to Childe and to the universe that knew of the relationship you had in secret- how the world watched your love bloom and beautify like a flower- and like a flower it wilted into the cold. It was ugly and it shouldn’t have been in the first place.

But at the same time, it was colorful and beautiful and bright. Twin flames bursting with far more hues than the searing red you saw in fury, the gentle blue of his tearful, empty eyes- a kaleidoscope of colors springing to life once the initial flames died down to a spark from where they’d started. The whispering, hushed voices, exhausted and only realizing the gravity of your situations. The once harmful words full of spite and venom now replaced by half-hearted apologies that carry the weight of your entire hearts, the words Childe cannot say. Like a star flickering out of its last few breaths, it explodes, furious and catastrophic, but it’s wonderful all the same. The rebirth of a new galaxy, the start of life anew. But for the both of you, it was still in the in-between; the slow, gradual explosion of a supernova, not yet ready to start over. That would be far, far into the future; right now, Childe stares into your tired, reddened eyes, seeing nothing but sadness and pity, and a glimpse into what could have been your future with him. That was the moment he calmed down, the star finally settling within itself to wait another million years of stasis until it could start over. The way Childe loved you was sincerely heartfelt, but the world was not ready to allow him to be happy.

Childe needed to make a choice. His hands tremble and fall to his sides, steeling himself for the moment you would look at him, finally seeing him for who he really is. Childe looks down, refusing to even glance at you, unable to confront the fact that his delusional want of hopes and dreams would just be that; a hope and a dream. He’ll just bear through the pain in silence, only listen when you would eventually turn your heels and walk away. Instead, Childe feels the lightness of your grip around him, your arms wrapped around his frame so surely, and the delicate plush of your kiss on his lips. In that moment, when he feels your shaking body against his beginning to hesitantly pull away, Childe breaks. His composure weakens as he sobs against your lips, shaking fingers not knowing where to touch you- wanting to reach for you so badly- but he doesn’t know how. He felt like he couldn’t, it would hurt too much, but if he didn’t, he would regret not wanting to when he had the chance. And so, he pulls you in, so close, so tight, that he feels he can never ever let you go. Childe hears your muffled sobs against his lips, your hands placed on his chest not knowing if you should push him away or pull him even closer. If he could live in this moment, he would for a million years; he would freeze time and let it be so that the two of you could live on happily. 

When you break away, still feeling the need to gravitate towards each other, Childe smiles dumbly despite the situation. You follow suit.

“Gods…” You mumble, wiping away your own tears. “Will it always be like this if we fight? We kiss and make up?” Childe chuckles weakly.

“I wouldn’t really mind that.” 

Silence again, and the snow begins to fall. Your gaze wanders ‘round the now still forest that cushioned your arguments and your eyes fixate on the sun beginning to set.

“It’s getting dark.” You say, and Childe nods in agreement. Tentatively, he takes your hand and leads you both back into the cabin, the fire now long gone, but the heat never leaving your skin. 

You two went about that night in complete silence- never once uttering a single word to each other until it was finally time to sleep on your shared bed. Only then, when you decide to sleep on your side and fully expected Childe to stay in his, did you feel the relief of comfort when he wrapped you in his arms and pull you close. You nestled yourself in his warmth and breathed in the frost of the night. Silence was broken by Childe once more.

“You’re free to make a choice, Y/N,” he mumbles. “If you choose to leave, just know I’ll never be mad at you for it.” You feel Childe’s embrace tighten as he says it. You nod and hold his roughened hand, kissing his knuckles and burying yourself under the covers.

“Goodnight, Ajax.”

Childe didn’t sleep that night. He listened to the whistling breeze from outside and the occasional movements you’d make. He thinks about all the events that led up till now; how life snowballed into this catastrophe of a situation you both were in. He thinks about how different life for him would be if he hadn’t met you. He won’t be happier then; Childe loves you too much to imagine a life wherein your absence would be his downfall. At the same time, your life would ultimately be better without him in it. He pictures your smiling face amongst the crowd, everyone happy to see you’ve arrived because he isn’t there to taint your reputation. How different things would be for you both if you hadn’t met.

Childe had a choice, you’ve given him one. As much as it pains him to do this to you, to do it to himself, he knew in his heart he had to do it. 

Silently, before the sun breaks out into dawn, Childe prepares himself for the inevitability of loneliness once he steps out the door. He watches you for a moment and ultimately decides that staying for a second longer would be far more painful. And so, he left silently in the sunrise, in the snow where he’ll be in the far, far future. When you woke that morning, you braced yourself of the dread that came with Childe’s absence. You knew deep down he’ll leave. He never wanted to be the selfish one, but tonight, he needed to be- for your sake. You breathed in the cold winter air and willed yourself to look at the note he left on the side that was once his. So little words, yet it had been enough to have you shatter.

‘Please forget me.’

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact fanfics #genshin impact fandom #genshin fic #genshin fanfic #genshin angst #genshin x reader #genshin x reader angst #genshin childe #genshin tartagalia #childe genshin impact #childe genshin #tartaglia genshin impact #tartaglia genshin #ajax genshin impact #genshin ajax #childe x reader #childe x reader angst #childe angst #childe genshin x reader #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader angst #childe x gender neutral reader #childe x gn reader #angst fic #angst #angst no comfort #angst no happy ending

[pochipop]

＃GENSHIN IMPACT !! ♡ — ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (CHILDE X READER).

#. synopsis! — childe knows he doesn't deserve this, but he just can't let you go .

#. characters! — childe .

#. warnings! — angst .

#. word count! — 1k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — this is my "from the vault" era. most of the things i'll be posting for a while will probably have been started anywhere from a few months to over a year ago. i have a huge google doc just stocked with fics that i started and never finished, so i'm trying to wrap some of them up neatly enough to post them and at least let them see the light of day lol.

It’s always lonely at the top.

On nights like this, Childe realizes that now more than ever. Snezhnaya is his home, —but in a more abstract sense of the term. He knows the snow-covered lands and the bitter chill of frost like the backs of his scarred hands, and yet this nation feels less like the soft place he can fall upon each time he returns from somewhere else. It’s the center of his youth, the place that fills most of his heart, but things have certainly changed since he was little more than a young boy who loved making angels in the snow. The world moves faster now; days bleed into weeks in a matter of moments, and there are many times Childe wishes that the weather could freeze time like it does everything else around here.

Still, maybe it’s better that it doesn't. Even if it did somehow, he’s not sure how he’d spend that time anyway. A part of him is all too certain that he’d waste it away, losing sight of his goals within seconds.

He’s always been too driven by madness for his own good.

The viscous truth of it all is that Childe craves acceptance, but doesn’t really like to be loved. Even as you sleep next to him, his arm clutched in your warm, forgiving grip; he doesn’t know how to put such thoughts to the wayside. Selfishly, he wants you. Sometimes, it feels like he needs you. Realistically, though, Childe knows he shouldn’t have you. You’re not much of a fighter, and your only ties to the Fatui are through him, which he holds an insurmountable level of shame and regret for. If not for him, he’s certain your life would be a lot less complicated.

You’ve even said so yourself, albeit only jokingly. Those few little quips hold just enough water for Childe to drown himself in them, though. He wants to push you away as his lungs fill in and oxygen depletes, but you’re so goddamn intoxicating that he can’t bear the thought of parting ways. You snuggle closer to him as if seeking the heat of his body, —as if seeking the protection it offers from any ghoulish figures that could pop up in your otherwise sugar coated dreams.

Childe isn’t sure what he’d do without this, —without the ability to come staggering home to you. Truthfully, you’re more of a home to him now than Snezhnaya has ever been. He yearns for nights like this more than you’ll ever know, more than he’ll ever be able to articulate properly, because Celestia knows he’s never been very good with words.

Not when they’re genuine, anyway.

He can put on a show just fine, put that charismatic mask on and make strangers fall to their knees at his feet. But once they get a glimpse of the monster inside that lusts for violence and bloodshed on every battlefield, they run for the hills. And Childe isn't naive enough to wonder why. He knows, probably better than anyone else ever will, that he is hard to love, and even more difficult to be loved by.

When everything is going steady, he likes to send some ripples through the water just because he can. He pushes buttons he knows he should leave alone, —maybe because he can’t help himself, or maybe because deep down, he wants to push you away. You can’t just up and decide that you want to see him rot his way back into the earth beneath his feet if he flips all the right switches and makes it happen at will. There’s no disappointment to be had there if he’s the one who incites it; like flicking a match and watching your house go up in flames.

If he does it to himself, there’s no reason to be sad about it.

Self-sabotage has always been kind of his thing. Still, here you are with your soft tufts of breath fanning against him, trusting him not to let himself snap to the point of no return and burn everything down around you both (figuratively and literally.) And for the life of him, —Childe doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t. You’ve always wanted a simpler life, one you know he can’t give you. . . But here you are, and he doesn’t have the heart to push you away like he knows deep down that he should.

If he’s being honest with himself, and this is one of the rare times that he is, he knows he should be building his walls high enough to force you out if that’s what it takes. Everytime you lay with him like this, he knows he’s stealing that tranquil life you’ve always wanted away from you, and it eats him up inside. He’s not what’s best for anybody, nonetheless for you.

He knows, he knows, he knows. . . He really should just—

“Hey,” you say softly, and his resolve crumbles away like the walls he tries to build between himself and you. “Can’t sleep?”

Childe looks over at you and pauses for a few moments, admiring the way you love him, even when he doesn’t deserve it. Then he thinks to himself that he’s never truly deserved it, and the cycle begins again. He hums in acknowledgement, and you hold him closer, like you’re trying to mend all his broken pieces back together (even if you don’t know it.) It won’t help him sleep, but it feels nice to be cared for like this. To be loved, to be seen. . . To be stripped bare in the moonlight that spills in from your window is a blessing sent straight from Celestia, and it makes him wonder just what he’s ever done well enough to have ended up here in his lifetime.

“You’re thinking too much,” you say.

He almost laughs, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of your head.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “I know.”

#childe #childe angst #childe genshin #genshin impact #childe x reader angst #childe x reader #childe x you #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader angst #genshin impact x reader angst #genshin x reader angst #genshin x reader #childe tartaglia x reader #genshin childe #childe tartaglia #childe x y/n #tartaglia x you #tartaglia x y/n

[scara-meow-che]

𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 ┃ phantom longing with childe

CW. NSFW (MDNI), afab! reader, ANGST!!!, brief mentions of having underaged sex, name calling (princess, good girl), vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (WRAP IT), marking, porn with bits of plot, a bit OOC childe, infidelity

AN. this fic used to be an old kuroo prompt of mine but childe fits this idea so much, i just can't let this go to waste. anyway, enjoy this word vomit of mine :D also i'm sorry for those who found the "kuroo" errors in this bcs i legit worked on this prompt around 2AM (　；∀；)

you keep on longing for the ghost of the past—from the rotten body of a relationship.

it was on the third tick of the minute, on the fifth desperate attempt to distract yourself from the man who sits in front of you.

time had no mercy in gracing him with features deprived of stress brought upon a successful man's life. his toned arms were a delightful sight as they flexed under a red button-up rolled up on its sleeves, a habit of his that you knew like the back of your hand. the boyish ginger hair you grew to love now framed his face with its curly long ends and he is, as crazy as it seems, still godly than ever.

nothing has changed about him, even your feelings.

"f/n-chan! aren't you at least excited to see older brother?" teucer had enthusiastically nudged at your distracted form, pulling at your arms, beaming brightly as if to blind you with that smile. teucer and the rest of childe's family never had a clue how much the lil' partners-in-crime grew something more behind closed doors, especially after the years that had passed.

"yeah, aren't you glad to see me?" childe jests, eyes carefully scanning a subtle hint of vulnerability to ever dance in your features. but, even after a few seconds of admiring your cherubim beauty, he failed to grasp any information to know how he should act around you.

"f/n, i always thought you and childe are closer than tonya here," his mom added, nodding at childe who seems engaged in fishing out what was swimming inside your pretty mind. "you two often eat out at night. ah, i remember your father fuming at the poor boy!"

and they all laugh but your heart continues to ache for the visible longing only childe knew you were feeling at the moment. he noticed, of course, he is as perceptive as he can be. but what he made out of is not the melancholic pain strung upon this happenstance because he knew the attraction left lurking in your hearts.

oh, how funny it would be if they knew that the boy who took your virginity is right in front of them. well, there's no point in telling how the comforts of your room that day were painted with your salacious moans and childe's deep grunts. the blazing passion offered, love that used to enrapture whatever force binds you with one another—sadly, everything was of the past.

how hilarious it would've been if they knew how dirty you felt because a part of you still misses his body snuggly attached to the warmest parts of yours. every time your eyes would accidentally stop to stare at his, your soul is pulled toward him. it's as if you were falling over and over again.

oh, how ironic it would be that you wanted childe far away from you but at the same time, you want him to ravish you in a way you'd be left satisfied.

just like before.

he was perfect, too perfect for your liking. once you've tasted this perfection, the polished palate of desire can no longer forget how it felt pleasurable on your mouth that it left you thirsting for more.

you shouldn't be too attached but here you are, helplessly smitten just to feel him touch you once more—to kiss you, to praise you for being his good girl, anything that he used to do before. pictures, posts, and messages, it was as if you'd been deprived of every need, starved of anything about his whereabouts that you shamelessly devoured what you possibly could get from him.

despite him being the one who ended everything, you never had the guts to hate each fiber of his body. broken promises of yesterday had crumbled down with the future you longed for. the innocence of love is a double-edged sword that you have used against yourself. and now, you continue to bleed your emotions for the man who left you dying.

food had already gone cold and bitter on your tongue that used to glaze on honey-smooth skin belonging to this celestial god who had wrapped his presence on your heart.

bitter, yes, bitter. the sharp yet addicting bite of the love harbored for him still lingers in you. maybe it was because he's your first love that still occupies the majority of your own silly heart? Everything involving his being was complete bliss—a plethora of happiness you can only feel from him.

a credulous admiration can only go far if not for the risk one can take but you choose to let go of all of your morals and logic, blissfully dancing through the danger of his song.

the first kiss shared on the first peak of daylight; the first night he laid his hand on yours as a freckle of winter snow fell from the heavens; the first dreadful goodbye whispered alongside the strong waves ebbing on the harbor; he is the first of all firsts there is and how wrong were you to give him everything.

time may have passed together with all these fleeting memories but your feelings fluttered still.

the dining hall felt suffocating, the bubbling chemistry of both longing and denial clashed when your eyes stared at his alluring blue orbs. you wanted to throw up. your head was spinning so badly. you never wanted to be stuck in this dilemma. your insides twist and turn as they continue to spit your name together with his.

tonya somehow noticed how quiet you'd been for the past hour and gave you a soft squeeze on the shoulder. the small gesture had helped you snap out of the flummoxing reverie because of an orange-haired man. and it's yet another battle to avoid his overwhelming presence.

it felt long eating with them and to make matters worse in your favor, they opted to spend the remaining hour catching up on everyone's plans for the future with a cup of hot cocoa.

as the hand of the clock strikes 7, you can hear their voices gleefully bickering and leaving a melodious chatter across the hall you settled in. the vigorous movements etched on each body around you felt slow while you washed the dishes.

"can i help?"

towering behind you, a fresh scent laced with a musky undertone of his cologne coiled itself on your quivering frame. the territorial instinct he had on your submissive body left you breathless when he lay a gentle hand on your shoulder slowly moving down to your waist.

if not for the logic gradually fogged by this attraction, you would've already succumbed to his hand and let him take you right then and there. but you stood firm, not giving him a chance to slip for him to devour the flickering courage you have left in you.

it would take him more than that but the heart wants what it wants.

"as the man of the night, he should be reserved to mingle around his family and shouldn't even be here to help." your ears picked up how soft your voice was. it always was, for him. you always have a soft spot for him.

"oh? then as the special man of the night, i won't allow my guest to even do the dishes, let alone someone as important as you to the family." were you, really?

childe took his sweet time in dominating your senses, his hand moved across your lower back up to the side of your hips. his other hand also went in to dip into the curve of your chest down to your stomach. you felt him close in the distance, your back firmly pressed against his built torso.

"p-please."

you didn't know whether that was a plea for him to leave you alone or not but when he took a good whiff of air, letting a guttural groan when you buckled close to him—a stutter amidst the calm shook all the grounds you stood and it was when you lay all your cards for him to see.

childe lowered his tall frame to look over your shoulder. the view was of an innocent gesture but hides the intent of making you yield to whatever his mind was thinking. it was unfair, it was cruelly unfair how he can control you to such extent.

"use your words f/n. i taught you better than that."

he traced delicate and sensual lines on your burning skin. you choked on your breath when you saw him smiling at you, seeing how roses flushed vivaciously on your cheeks to his advances.

"use your big girl words. come on."

oh, how did your body laid enervative under his mercy?

childe was selfish, you know he can never let you go. you were practically made for him and yet he was gluttonous just to have you putty in his hands again. just like when you two were just 16, right before he left to continue his work throughout different regions across teyvat, miles, and miles away apart from the icy land of the tsaritsa, away from you.

he wasn't the ajax who you fell in love with. you can see the little details of the canvas of his soul, colors you knew that weren't yours dominated each hue you have left behind. the art which you two have made as a masterpiece was left tarnished by another one. this man behind your back, savoring miles of skin his eyes can roam to, isn't the one who used to satiate the void you felt by warming you in your bed.

the man you fell in love with is a ghost settling in this body that you crave for.

you hated yourself, more than anything there is. you were hungry, deprived of this euphoric feeling of the past, touch-starved, guilty for wanting him to be there for you even if you no longer have the right to be claimed as his.

as everyone grew tired, retreating to their rooms, why? why did you hold him back from going to his room? why did you lead him back to your chamber? why did you let him in? why did you have the heart to let him in?

to whatever gods are out there must be looking down in at you in disappointment, but you don't care. childe had trapped your body between the door that was quietly shut close. the doorknob had hit your back but you didn't care, not when he finally molds his lips on yours; not when he firmly grips your jawline as he dips his tongue to your mouth, catching up on the years he wasn't able to be with you.

the passion in every motion, the discord in every emotion—it was there. the ghost of the man you loved was still there. and this is when you'll take advantage of it, this was the only chance you can hope on and maybe, the empty promises wouldn't be left in vain.

feather-like touches littered on your skin as childe's nimble hands raised the shirt that suddenly felt too suffocating for you. you were distracted, too drunk to think of anything else while he moves in a leg right between your thighs.

next to his actions was to skim right above the skirt you regretted wearing for this night. it was too short, you noted, enough to titillate the attention you wished from him. each pad of his fingers felt addicting like everything happening right now was like the way before. like nothing had happened; like nothing had ended; like nothing had ever torn you two apart.

you saw him smirking when he felt the soft material hanging on your hips and he slid them off with ease. his eyes were focused on you when he let his body slide down along with your underwear. and he left it there, pooled on your legs as he moved back up to tease you, to make everything in you want him.

as if you didn't already.

the crippling embarrassment had invaded your mind when childe slid in his fingers to the soft skin between your thighs, looking straight into the gates of your soul. rich and smooth blue orbs were glinting in lust, never in the idea of love. and that's when he dips in and searches through the sensitive bud of skin protruding in arousal.

"you always look pretty when you want me." childe devilishly grins as the visage of you, eyes closed and left amenable, was exactly as he remembers it before.

you bit down on your lower lip, eyes closing at the immense pleasure sent by his skilled digits finally going in and out of your leaking hole. the rushed movements, ragged breathing, and vehement waves of his deep voice resonating deeply to strum painful chords on your heartstrings—god knows you missed this but you knew how wrong this was.

this was wrong, he shouldn't do this.

the frilly lace that barely covered your dripping cunt laid idly on the floor, your legs trembled when he particularly hit one spot inside. you strained down the moan bound to escape your lips while he left salacious kisses on your exposed neck.

"childe, please, more." you don't want him to stop, it was too addicting. he knew where to exactly touch you, he always fucking knew everything there is to know about you.

you can feel yourself drip down on your thighs and covering his hands with your juices. you gripped down on his lean arms to stop how fast he was thrusting in and out of you but he was enraptured to see your cunt enjoying the attention, he can't help but fuck you more.

"see? you're taking me so good, princess. you're so good at taking me. you always do." you looked down and you saw him going up to the hilt, reaching places none have managed to. you love this, you hate this. you want him to stop but you also want him to continue. why were you so conflicted when it's wrong, this is clearly wrong, the ring says it's wrong.

but no, you wanted him. years, you have longed to feel this affection for years and finally, he's in your arms. how can you let go of him?

"you're drooling badly, is this all for me? did you miss me so much?" like the empyrean life who kissed the earth with color, childe blessed your skin with blue and purple clouds. the vainglorious spirit of this towering male screams on the name he had marked on your body.

that you were always his. that you always belong to him. that no matter how much you try, in the sea full of strangers, it's always him who you look for.

but no, no, no.

it wasn't soon when he perfectly scraped the side to look for the spot that makes you mewled and moaned lasciviously on his arms. the velvety texture of your walls lovingly squeezed on his fingers; you shake in delight, quivered in happiness, trembled along with the submission to love, and shuddered in the intimate warmth he has as your home.

you can never call him home. you shouldn't call this home.

unabated thrust and rut of his slender but thick fingers fill you up, the honey you produce pours out from your lips as it flows in the harmony of your whimpers. the slick and squelching sound your cunt produces was filthy, you felt filthy but anything for him.

bleary-eyed, hands grasping whatever surface it can hold unto, legs twitching when you feel the tight coil in your core about to snap in two, you are near the peak of heaven made by childe himself. this was heaven, yes, it was always like dreaming on cloud nine with him.

he's just a ghost of the past.

you didn't listen to the whispers buzzing in your mind because all you can focus on is the way he deliciously hit on that one spongy spot that was to die for. your eyes beamed in tears, making childe glow in pride.

he's not the ajax that you knew from before.

"you look beautiful when you cum, princess. you're creaming with just my finger then what more to my cock?" he was selfish, insidiously selfish.

but why didn't you stop him when he removes each article of clothing separating his skin from yours?

why didn't you stop him from kissing you with such fervor and longing?

why didn't you stop him from connecting himself to you?

"please, please, please, make me cum." you whispered, head moving up to get him back in kissing you. your hands were held above your head, his grip was so tight you never want it to let go of you.

"yes, princess. just stay still and fuck," and you tightened around him, his expression right above you showed how it always has been. how it should've been but what was your reason for letting him do this?

it was love, a disillusioned love that kept holding back for the ghost of the past.

"let me hold you, please." you begged but what exactly did you beg for? was it to hold him to be yours again or just this physical chemistry happening between you two?

but childe understood it as the latter, letting go of your wrist and encasing your hands inside his. one was on your side and the other was what he kissed adoringly. and then you saw it, a small piece of gold tying him down. a beautiful, gold ring.

where's the other half of the ring?

"fuck, f/n. i love you, i have always loved you." and you cried, seeing the painful expression to cross his features while climaxing inside of you, the tears coming from childe that fell on your cheeks.

the last kiss he gave on your hand and on your lips. the shaking body clutching tightly on your defeated form. the sobs escaping from his lips as you pulled yourself away. you felt empty.

of course, a ghost can never fill you in.

⠀⠀scara-meow-che © 2023 ┃ do not copy, modify, or repost ANY of my content

#⇲ full-streams #nsfw.txt #genshin impact smut #genshin impact angst #genshin smut #genshin angst #childe smut #childe angst #childe x reader smut #childe x reader angst

[scarasbaefy]

seasons

chars; childe/tartaglia

; fem reader, angst to comfort

note; this is for my bff emoly who has been waiting for this since the dawn of time !!!! shes the biggest childe lover in the world. THIS ONES FOR U EMO !

; not proof-read, reqs open, join the taglist

Ⰶ  

childes life was falling apart. being a harbinger was no easy task. being a part of the FBI would be an easier task than being a criminal. at least you didn’t have to lie to your family and lover about your job.

the cold air nipped childes nose, but he didn’t mind it. he loves the cold temperature of his homeland. he was too busy thinking of other things than the way his nose tingled, or the way his hands were shivering from the lack of warmth. he dreaded to get home, where you and his siblings would be waiting for his arrival. he had already finalized his decision though.

he had to let you go.

you and teucer were playing with one of his toy horses in the living room when the sound of the front door unlocking took your attention. teucer, already knowing who it was, made his way to the door and jumped on the mans leg.

“brother! oh big brother, i missed you so much! did you bring me anything?” the young boys eagerness made you laugh to yourself as you stood up from your position on the floor. you gave childe a loving smile before wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss. childe immediately felt his heart drop when your lips connected, causing him to not reciprocate. 

he pulled away and gave you a small smile filled with guilt. you knew something was wrong, but masked your worry since teucer was looking up at you two. teucer loved you and childe as a couple, always asking when you would get married so you three could live together forever. 

“i did get you something, teucer. i’ll give it to you in a minute. i need to talk to y/n first though. it’s very important, but i promise i’ll give you your gift afterwards.” childe pat his brothers head, causing teucer to cover his giggle with his hands. “oh.. i see.. i’ll give you all the time you need, but call me when you’re ready!” the boy said before running off with a smile on his face.

childe held your hand as he walked you to a room nearby. “is something wrong?” you asked after he closed the door, leaving the two of you. he didn’t say anything as he stood with head head against the door, afraid to turn around and face you. the silence only made your stomach turn. after a few seconds he held your hands, all while avoiding eye contact. “i can’t be your love anymore...” he whispered, as if he was hoping you wouldn’t understand what he had just said.

you dropped your hands from his and cupped his cheek. “what do you mean? why are you saying this... what happened?” childe turned his head away from your hand to hide the tears threatening to fall. he immediately regretted saying anything. he loves you more than anything in this world, and if he had met you before joining the fauti then he wouldn’t have ever joined in order to protect your safety. 

“i’m afraid. i don’t want to ruin your life by having me as your boyfriend. i’m like a bad omen and i don’t want anything bad happening to you. i’d rather let you go than see you get hurt because of me... or worse.” he said as the tears began to roll down his cheeks, but you were quick to wipe them away. you made him look at you, tears also flowing down your own cheeks. his heart broke at the sight, knowing his words were the cause of your pain.

“don’t you dare ever say that again. we have been together for many years now and nothing has happened to me, all thanks to you. i love you so much, and i’m not letting you leave me. not now, not ever.” the stern look on your face made childe shiver. he knew you had a point, and if he were to let you go now, all his enemies would use you against him since he wouldn’t be there to protect you.

childe let out a sigh of relief before nuzzling into the hand holding his cheek. he felt a wave of relief that you didn’t agree with him or left him. he was happy you had made a point, and that you would say such kind words to a man like him. you actually made an effort to stay with him even though he thought it was best if he wasn’t in your life. he looked at you, a tired smile on his face. “i’m so stupid. i regretted my words after they came out. i never want to leave you. i now realize that having you by my side is the safest place you could be, and i wouldn’t want it any other way. i love you.” he kissed your forehead, then your nose. “i love you so much.” your cheek, then your lips. 

you took childes hand and walked him out the room. “we can continue talking later. you have a child who’s waiting for his gift.”

taglist; @exciidi @ulquiorraswife

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #tartaglia #childe #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #fanfic #genshin fanfic #angst #comfort #childe x reader angst #childe angst #childe comfort #genshin x you

[strawberrylucv]

heloo! i think this is my 2nd time coming back to tumblr (＾▽＾) !! BUT ITS OKAY ITS SUMMER AND I CAN WRITE AGAIN!!,, this is such a long overdue post ╥﹏╥ to this day i still get questions if there will be a part 2,, I AM SO SORRY I FORGET THAT I HAVE A BLOG this school yr was rough but here you goo!! part 2!!

again this is angst 💀

characters include : childe, zhongli, kaeya, diluc.

> part 1!

genshin men when they realized that it was only you.

—CHILDE

he realized his mistake a month after,

he realized that it wasn't love that he felt towards this person, but just pure infatuation.

it was love with you

it still is. was he too late?

"this was a mistake," he told himself

he missed you and he wanted you back.

so he tried searching for you, trying to look for you

and when he finally found you.

he fell in love all over again.

"y/n!" he shouted, running up to you with his arms open to give you a big embrace, he whose head rushed up with blood and excitement because he can finally see the one person that could make him feel whole again, seeing you again made him feel so vulnerable yet he wouldn't mind. he wouldn't mind laying all his weaknesses towards his enemies if it meant that you would take him again, his eyes had light that split second until you take a step back. he knew that it was expected but he didn't realize how painful it could be to see your rejection. he notices you carrying a bag so he asked what was inside. you smiled melancholically and showed him.

it was all of his things that were in your bedroom, all the photos of you together, souvenirs from your dates, and his letters from when he was away during missions. he asked what you were going to do with these items, you looked at him with an expression that pained him because he could already guess the words that would come out of your mouth, "it's time to move on."

you walk away from him to dispose the bag but childe grabbed your wrist and held you in his arms, "y/n, i still want you, I still--", you felt his warmth once again, then you realize that this was warmth that left. you were cold for months until someone allowed you to finally feel something again. you hear someone call your name so you pushed childe away because you realized that this man cannot be the man that will stay forever. he just can't, the universe will make sure of it. "i'm sorry." you whisper to him.

"y/n! what're you doing?" the person that called your name asked, you turn around to face them and childe could already see how warm your smile is, "i'm just throwing some trash away." you replied to them.

you introduce childe to the person who helped you through your worst and has loved you even more. "this is aja—no, childe." how his heart broke when you called his name like that. now he realized that he can't make you choose him, he was now just a painful memory to look back on. only a memory. when you two were finally alone again, he asked "could you still love me, y/n?" he gave you his sly smirk, the one you fell in love with.

he wished he could go back in time to change everything

"goodbye, childe. i wish you the best." you tell him and walk away, one step was all he needed to get you back, one look back would be permission for him to go after you

but you never looked back and

he never took one step forward,

just one step back instead.

now you're happy with someone else.

now he'll always be a memory maybe even a forgettable one but to him, you will always be the person he will vow to love.

—ZHONGLI

it wasn't easy realizing he could love two people at the same time.

the only difference is

the other person felt wrong. its as if the world was trying to get them together but it felt so forced.

how his touch felt dirty and wrong when touching someone else that was not you.

after a long reflection with himself, he had realized that his love with you and only you, was true and real.

he was just—confused,

and now alone

longing for you day by day, tormenting himself with how you were now gone.

but one day, he tried to follow your daily routine, remembering where to go because he was so used to it. he wasn't even paying attention to where his feet was leading him, he just wanted to follow it because it was YOUR routine.

and then he saw you.

together with someone else.

"do you think we should get two of these?" the person beside you asked. "what for?" you looked up to them, "so we can get matching sets." they held your hand unexpectedly and you almost drop the cup you were holding because of how flustered you got. they try to grab the cup before it could fall but someone else grabs it. "oh, thank you so much for catching it—" you gave your thanks until you look up to the face who saved it. "y/n." his voice, you forgot how his voiced sounded like. it was zhongli you asked your companion to get the other things in your list. you had told them that you'll be fine. "y/n, i'm—", "you're sorry?" you cut him off, "no. i'm in love with you. still." you were taken aback because you had thought he was coming back for an apology because of the guilt. not his feelings resurfacing after a few months of saying goodbye. "i told you, i'm not the one you'll end up with." "and what if i can change that? what if i dont want to follow what you think, what if i want to follow what i think?" he tried to argue with you. "because i can see through your eyes now that its not me in your future, trust me." you say as you keep your head held high. "you can't decide that, only i can." he emphasized. "i am the god of contra—" you cut him off, "and we ended our contract months ago." many eyes were now on you and him. his hand went up to your face, he was so deprived of you and this was his only chance. you don't try to stop him, "you had your chance months ago, i waited for you and you never came, i'm done with being involved with the god of contracts, i'm done being involved with you." you take his hand off your face. his eyes never leave you, not for one second. "i still love you." "i can't accept your love when i know my heart already chose someone else." you leave him and come back to your companion, you felt your shoulders light. your companion had asked who you were talking to and you just gave them a smile and said that they were your past. zhongli felt heavy as if the rocks he had controlled of was not heavy enough.

all he could think of was your words back then

that this was the best decision.

maybe it really was.

—KAEYA

kaeya never really understood the concept of love.

whether it was familial, romantical, platonically. he really just couldn't understand.

could be because of his past when he was a child, or could be the way he got his vision or it could be that nobody ever really stuck around him for so long.

either that or he never allowed someone to stick to him for so long.

when you left, he didn't think much of it. it was normalcy to him for things to happens like this.

what was not normal to him was the little pains he would get in his chest when he would accidentally call your name.

and obviously, you weren't there. because of his doing.

again, he didn't think much of it.

maybe it was the alcohol intake getting the better of him.

he'd do the same thing over and over again.

—wake up, eat food, go to the favonius headquarters, loiter patrol around, and go have a drink in angel's share.

then around the day he would always hear your voice and his heart would race. he'd think of your favorite things once in awhile. maybe even partake even some food you'd always talk about. then when he went to angel's share, maybe he was hoping that you would be there, you'd be alone and he'd be alone too.

though he knows it was his doing for you not to show yourself again. he'd pray that maybe he could pour out his feelings again to you.

that day came perfectly. when he was out for a missions and entered angel's share. he saw you sitting alone, with your favorite drink in your hand. it was his time

as you take a sip from your favorite drink, you jump because of the voice you know all too well. "mind if i sit here?" blue hair arrogantly crossing your vision. "i'm sorry, this seat is taken." you replied to him and go back to focusing your attention on your drink. kaeya chuckled and said "you're too harsh on me." he sat on the other side of you instead. "y/n, i haven't seen you since—" "since we broke things off, right?" not taking one look at his face at all. "don't be like that. i was just...it wasn't me saying all those things." he had tapped the table, signifying the bartender to make him his favorite drink. your eyes wander at the clock wondering when you can make your exit. "y/n, i'm sorry." kaeya had abruptly said, causing you to look at him. "what, drunk already? cavalry captain?" "i'm sober. definitely." you and him made eye contact for the first time in that night. "kaeya—" "y/n, i'm still in love with you." he never drops his look towards you. "you told me that too last time, what do you think happened?" you go back to your drink, "i dont accept broken promises anymore, kaeya. it's tiring getting hurt." "i know, i'm sorry. i just—don't know how to love properly. but i'll try better. i know i can." "kaeya, you're too late" you look at him with red cheeks. he could tell you were getting too intoxicated, who knows how long you've been taking a 'sip' of that drink of yours. "y/n, i think that's enough." he tries to grab the drink from you, but you try to pull the glass back. he almost has the drink until some other hand pulls it back to you again. you look over to the owner of the hand and your eyes light up with so much energy. you call their name and gave them a hug, "i missed you!!" your arms wrap around their neck. "y/n, who's this?" they asked, and you just told them that kaeya was just an acquaintance. not a friend even. you introduce your still hugged companion to kaeya and had told him that when you were in so much pain, they had been there for you in every step of the way. and now both of you were approaching something more. "i know you're still busy, it's ok. i can handle myself." you tell them, they give you a kiss in reply and walk to the stairs for the they had meeting. kaeya watches you as your eyes follow him. "new friend?" he asks but you don't reply. "y/n, i miss you. i still want to be with you. i'm sorry." he says quickly, with no pauses in between. you swirl your drink with your cup. "kaeya, i'm sorry but while you were pushing me away. i was being pulled by them, they're everything you're not—" "that's why i'll change! i promise—" you look at him, firmly you say "again with your promises. i love them, so much more than how i loved you." with that, kaeya leaves the bar. he goes outside leaving you.

all he could think of was how selfish you were,

but how could you be? he was careless with you

and now you're gone. happy with who you were with,

now who really is the selfish person here but him?

—DILUC

it was the day of his wedding. lots of people attending and you were one of them. it could be as a sign as a 'thank you' because of your decision. but you didn't mind since you were going to the wedding with someone holding your hand now. firmly and will never let go.

but when it got to his vows,

his eyes were on you.

you thought it could be a simple glance but when the high priest asks him "sir diluc? your vows?"

the world stops around you when he runs towards your pew/aisle and pulls you away from your companion,

running to the exit of the cathedral.

the realization hits you when you're just outside the church and you pull your hand back to you.

"what the hell are you doing?" you asked him. "you're at your own wedding and you have a bride so tell me, what the hell are you doing?", diluc inhales and looks back to you. his white suit is everything you've ever imagined if it was you as his bride. "i imagined you there." he says, "what?" "i imagined you there. y/n. i saw my future with you while you were sitting down in that aisle. i wondered when will you stand up and stay beside me. i longed for the moment for i to say my vows to you. every hour, every minute, every second i saw you there. infront of me, with me, i want you. i love you. after everything, i am still in love with you." "diluc. its over. every trace i had of your love is gone and more importantly, we're at your wedding. its your wedding." "i can give you all my love again, i can write more letters, i'll do everything, anything. please." he gets down on one knee, "so please, y/n— —marry me." "no. get up. diluc. the answer is no." "y/n..." he tries to argue with you. "i'm in love with someone who wouldn't waste a perfectly good wedding to someone else just to profess their love to me. i wanted one thing with you diluc, pure love. and even with that, you turned them into ash." he stays with his knee still down. "so no diluc. i will not marry you." you lastly say. you notice the shadow around the corners of the cathedral. you walk to it and already know who was in the shadows. you grab their hands and walk down the stairs of the church. with diluc still on his knee.

maybe before you would've accepted, probably when you were still madly in love with him.

but you realized how there were only some people who'll truly say the three words.

and "i do" will be something you'll only say to the person now holding your hand

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin childe #genshin impact childe #tartagalia x reader #childe x reader angst #childe angst #tartagalia angst #genshin impact zhongli #zhongli x you #zhongli x y/n #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #zhongli angst #zhongli headcanons #childe headcanons #diluc headcanons #kaeya headcanons #kaeya x you #kaeya x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin x female reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin tartagalia #genshin diluc #diluc ragnvindr #diluc genshin x reader

[thelost-in-time]

Angst with no happy ending (implied reincarnation for you and him, he always keeps his memories for some reason).

Might turn this into a full fic/polish it up one day

Reblogs are welcome

He knew it.

He saw it.

He watched you fall apart.

Crumbling away like a stone statue turning back into sand.

And he was helpless

He couldn't do anything to comfort you.

He couldn't hold you in his arms the way he desperately pleaded to.

He begged all the Archons and Gods of Celestia for you to feel better.

For your broken heart to heal.

For you to let him in

Your cries at night haunted his dreams

Your tired eyes tore his heart to pieces.

Your broken laugh eating away at his soul.

He wanted so badly to hold you, to shield you away from the world. To whisper to you that everything would be alright.

But he couldn't

Not when it seemed like you were a distant dream getting further and further out of his reach.

He tried to chase after you, but he knew he couldn't force you to let him in

It didn't work before

But he was afraid

Afraid of losing you again.

Afraid that you'd turn into dust and blow away in the wind

Never to be found again.

His fears came true

He lost you again

All because he took too long to approach you and comfort you.

Opening the door to your house, his heart dropped, shattered.

You weren't there.

Not a note, nothing.

You simply.... vanished.

He had to force himself to keep it together.

He wanted nothing more than to cry, mourn you, beg for your forgiveness

But he knew, he might have a chance again.

He always did.

And this time, he'd stop history from repeating itself.

He won't be afraid, he'll be everything you needed.

So when he meets you again after so many years, your face smiling and happy

He promises.

I'll keep your smile and joy. You'll never have to suffer like before.

A promise he kept on making, but this time, he was determined to keep it.

#genshin x reader angst #genshin x reader #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #dainsleif x reader #venti x reader #aether x reader #albedo x reader angst #zhongli x reader angst #xiao x reader angst #albedo x reader #kunikuzushi x reader #childe x reader #childe x reader angst #kamisato ayato x reader #diluc x reader #diluc x reader angst #al haitham x reader #tighnari x reader #kaeya x reader

[mistachesme]

Childe angst drabble

You squeal internally when you notice your boyfriend's shoes at your door.

He's finally here, you think to yourself as you rush inside, letting your shopping bag fall carelessly on the floor.

"Ajax?!"

There he is, your Ajax, sitting on your couch. Your eyes take in his presence greedily.

He's wearing a button-down orange shirt that you like so much. And, you realize how much you missed his unkempt ginger hair, bright blue eyes, and his pink mouth.

However, you fail to notice the way his whole body stiffens at the sight of you.

He stands up to catch you in his arms when you trip on your way to reaching his side. Sighing contently, you nuzzle against his warm chest, breathing in his citrus cologne.

"I missed you, Ajax." You murmur, softly. It's been like 2 months since you last saw him. Text messages and long video calls can never suffice this. His warmth.

He pats your back without a word. He still hasn't said anything. And, you think something's wrong.

"We need to talk." He whispers, nervously. You pull back to look at him with concern.

"Did something happen? Is everything okay?" You ask him, worriedly. He gives you a tired look.

"Everything's okay. But..." He gestures for you to take a seat. "We need to talk."

With a nod, you sit down. You have a bad feeling about this. When he sits away from you, you don't say anything.

You want to touch him so bad. You want to caress his cheeks lovingly. You want him to hold you tightly in his embrace. There are so many things that you want but they can wait. Because what matters is him and you hate how he's cinching his eyebrows together clearly troubled.

"I think I fell out of love with you." his words are made of a knife, its sharp claws teasing the edge of your heartstrings, threatening to cut, make your heart bleed.

But his eyes are boring into yours. You know that he's telling you the truth.

"Since when?" You ask calmly. Too calmly.

It feels like an out-of-body experience. Your mind hasn't processed the hurt yet.

"Last month."

He inhales sharply when tears roll down his cheeks. His crestfallen face makes it harder. The last thing you want right now is his pity.

"I - I love you." You whisper between your sobs.

"I know." He says, sadly. "I wish you don't."

"Is it me? Is there anything about me that you dislike? I will change for you. If you leave...." You pause and look away from him.

You hear him move towards you. Warm hands clasp your trembling hands and when you look down he's kneeling on the floor.

"We been together for 3 years and they are wonderful times of my life. There's not even a single thing about you that I want to change." He says, sincerely.

"Then why do you want to leave suddenly?"

"Who says I want to leave you?"

"Didn't you just say you fell out of love with me?" You ask, incredulously.

"I did. Let's not break up. You are still very important to me and I can't stay away from you. All I want is some time. A break."

You have the most hurtful expression he's ever seen and it makes him feel guilty.

"But you don't love me." It physically hurts to say that.

"Let me make this right. Just a few days, I promise."

"I understand." Looking into his desperate eyes, you think you don't understand at all.

It's half past midnight when you decide to go outside. It's suffocating to stay in that apartment when everything around you reminds you of him and it makes you cry every single time.

Alcohol seems like a valid solution for your pain.

He's kissing her hungrily. Hands wandering all over her body.

Walking into that club is a mistake. Your heart breaks into a million pieces when you see him with someone new.

#childe x reader #childe angst #childe fanfic #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader angst #childe x reader angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader angst #childe angst fic #minnie writes 💐