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#childhood is always important in shaping somebody and their issues so we start there
beclynn-herondale · 4 years
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Since there is a lot of tension in the fandom right now,it’s time to take a step back and go back to the beginning.Share your own tsc story.Regardless of where you are with the fandom,remember why and where you started.When and why did you start reading it?Who was your favorite character?What’s your favorite scene?What made you want to hug the book close to your chest?How did it help you?You can share this with everyone if you wish and I promise you'll feel good!The fandom needs this!Thank you!!
Hi Anon,
First of all I know this is long but please if you want to know a little about why I love TSC so much read it. 🧡💛
Jace my golden boy how he saved me.
I have never actually been extremely open entirely about it and this is extremely personal but I will say, I found these books in a time in my life when I was at an end, I didn't know who I was, who i wanted to be, i didn't really see myself in any fictional characters and I had just come back from an incident that made my family and friends and even people who didn't know me look at me differently. I was dealing with totally strangers commenting on my scars and saying things that are still with me to this day, and I was ashamed of myself and I felt like a total fuck up and let down to my family and it is why the incident happened in the first place.
I remember after said incident I asked my mom if we could go to the book store it was originally to get the other two Hunger Games books and I remember my mom saw City of Bones and was 'you know your big sister read these books.' And I was like okay I'll get it it won't hurt. And we came back home that day and I showed my big sis and she was like 'omg! You are going to love it! And you'll relate to Clary a lot, she reminds me of you actually, and she is like you, she looks delicate like a doll but she's not and she's strong and tough like you.' I remember being like I'll have to read this then and so I picked City of Bones up eventually and after the first couple chapters I went to my mom and was like 'hey listen i need you to order me the rest of these books cause i need these.' And she did and i remember i related to Clary and lot but i related so much to the character my sis didn't think I would, I related to Jace Herondale, I had and still have always been afraid of love, cause of how it can destroy you, and I remember dealing with all my mental issues and see him deal with his and his he held it all in and pretended he was fine and acted tough and strong and like things didn't hurt him and I saw myself in him. I remember later on relating to his issues with his parents more so in these recent months with my mother and the way she has been treating me.
But I remember reading about how he was told how his sensitivity was a weakness, how his gentleness was a weakness, how his empathy was a weakness, how his softness was a weakness and I saw the many times I was told you are gentle and the world breaks and crushes gentle things, so you need to toughen up. And I remember trying to bury that part of myself like Jace tried to do. I remember so many saying how beautiful I was and how my mom needs to keep an eye on me, and then reading the quote "the world breaks beautiful things." And suddenly it all hit differently. I remember how he was with things like his pain and how I saw in him how he didn't want to bother people with it or be pitied for it and how I was the same way. I remember growing up seeing blondes portrayed as just ditzy and the dumb one, and I remember growing up hating my hair cause of that, cause everyone will think I am just a ditz, in fact it's why I dyed it dark. And then I read about Jace and how yes he has his dumb moments but he is also smart, he is strong, he is so much more then just a blonde, and he made me want to go back to my natural hair color and own myself. I remember being so insecure in my looks and hating my looks so much but reading about Jace gave me so much confidence and he has been a big part of where my confidence has come from, I look in the mirror and I see beautiful now. I remember what it was like to see the character who has so much trauma and mental issues to win, to win against his abuser, to win against the people who constantly made comments, to win against his battles, to win against his demons and find love and acceptance, to see Jace happy and in love with Clary gave me the hope that maybe I could actually find love and happiness myself, maybe my story doesn't have to stay a tragedy *cliche of me to say I know*, seeing him win against his abuser was honestly an eye opener and watching him blame himself for the abuse is something i did for a long time, I always listened when they said 'we are talking to you like this' or 'we are doing this' cause they wanted me to be tough enough for the world. Jace made me realize that my abuser was in fact abusing me and manipulating me and using me.
I dealt with hearing said abuser say things like 'she's a life destroyer' through my walls every night and I remember thinking i deserved it and that i really was one.
I remember when I first read Jace say no to Valentine and I was like you can say no to your parent??? And I realized how I wasn't allowed to have an opinion in my parent's house and how nothing I ever said was validated or important, in fact I was told to do as I was told and be obedient. I remember how when he talked about plants he reminded me of the love I have for plants and it brought back childhood memories of me talking to plants and telling them they are beautiful. I remember reading about him talking to church and how I used to have conversations with my cat and share all the tea with him and how much of a comfort he was to me.
I remember first reading about how Jace played the Piano and how the Piano has Always interested me and how I always wished I knew how to play it. I remember Jace saying he read a bunch of books as a kid and how I used to read books as a kid, I remember when I was first able to read on my own and how proud I was of myself and how I would sit and just read, it was my escape from my parents constantly screaming they hate each at each other and how they could just leave and not come back. I remember first reading about how Valentine being gone affected Jace and how when I first lost my bio dad how even though I was extremely hurt by him in ways how he was gone and how in a way I was abandoned which is something I am extremely afraid of. I remember how I saw a broken teenager and saw myself in him. I have never looked at myself as anything but a broken girl really and I remember how numb I was, how hard i had tried to shut my feelings off, and I remember reading about Jace brought back my feelings and how he made me want to own my brokenness, he made me want to own my gentleness, he made me want to own my sensitive side. I remember seeing him with kids and I saw myself, I have always had a passion for kids and how beautiful and innocent their spirits are and how I have always wanted to protect them from what the adults are going to tell them. I remember how Jace made me want to be happy and how he truly brought my feelings back. I remember how my feelings just came back and things started hurting me more often again but in a way it was a reminder that hey you are back. I read about how fragile he is and how I am the same way, you can break me so easily, and I remember his quote about god and how I said something very similar.
Now onto Clary since I have already made this post long.
Clary Clary Clary where do I start you beautiful red haired girl, she showed me that the small short girl can be the hero, as a 5'2 girl myself, I look up to her and she inspired me, she encouraged me and she just showed me so much bravery and projected that bravery onto me. She showed me size doesn't matter at all. *I have always been teased about my height* she taught me that forgiveness is important and that giving another chance is important but that they need to change. She taught me kindness and cheerfulness, I remember reading about how she loved this anime called Bleach and I was like hey that's my favorite anime, I remember reading about she read Manga and I was like hey I read Manga, I remember reading about her curly hair and how I had curly hair, I grew up hating my curly hair cause it wasn't like all these other girls hair and now I absolutely love it and would never give it up, and Clary played a part in it, I know to some the hair stuff may not seem like a big deal but I used to hate my hair with a passion and these two characters made me love it. I remember what it was like seeing the girl save the guy instead of the other way and how strong and brave Clary is.
Recently Clary's bravery saved me, I went through something that totally shook up my world and changed my life completely but if i hadn't thought about Clary's bravery and something similar that happened to her it would have been much worse and I am so thankful for her, and i remember reading about the way Clary sees the world and how i see it in similar ways. I see the Beauty and the Horror, and I see it in a gray way. I remember seeing her fight for her loved ones and how I fight for mine. And Goodness there is so much more, I remember how so many see Clary as delicate and fragile but how she is actually extremely tough and how that's how I am, somebody pushes me and expects me to go into the ground but I don't. I remember how she is kinda nerdy and how I am too.
I remember what Clace did for me and showed me you can be happy and you can find love. They taught me so freaking much and have built me into who I am today.
MALEC TIME
And one last mention Alec Lightwood-Bane and Magnus Lightwood-Bane, they were the first Queer couple that said hey you're valid! To me and they represented me in a way I didn't think I could be, they mean so much and are so very dear to me. Reading about them has truly also shaped me into who I am. I remember first reading about them and wanting to cry because they were Queer characters that weren't just comical relief or there to be killed off, and they got a happy ending, *for now* I remember it like and pat on the head saying babie you are valid and you are beautiful and you will find someone who will cherish and love you like Alec Lightwood-Bane loves Magnus Lightwood-Bane, I remember seeing Magnus own his bisexuality and not being ashamed or take shit about how he wasn't valid cause damnit Bisexuals are valid.
Again there is so much more but hey this is extremely long and it's almost 3 am and It's that time of night where everything just pours out of me and i may regret saying all this later.
If you would like to hear more just ask.
Anyway Anon have a good day and thank you for this.
And I want you all to know this is not very much like me but with everything that's going on I want you to know, what TSC has done for me.
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tireddal · 4 years
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Her heart's flower {douma x reader}
•warnings: may include grammar (English isn't my mouther-language) and historical mistakes, female reader, prostitute's and human deaths mentions.•
Part 4.1: Dear home
Day continued at the moment. Whole your body was on fire. Growling thanks to yours sensei's hard trainings, you slowly approached dorms. Takashi and Shiro only chuckled at once when have met your tired and angry sight. You sighed, sitting near them on the wood floor and threw training blades near yourself.
"It must be cold, but you should take it." You lazily turned your face to Takashi's, who held out a bowl with rice and little pieces of salmon. Boys already have had their lunch.
You smiled weakly and nodded, being too tired to say anything. You took bowl with chopsticks and started eat with furious speed.
"Oi, Y/N-chan, don't eat so fast! You would choke." Shiro smiled and tried to calm you down. Gave him quick look, you just hummed and continued your lunch. Takashi sighed heavy, rolled his eyes.
After finishing the feast you smiled weakly, looking at beautiful sky and relaxing. Boys were talking about new technique, when you stood up and growled, because you could feel how your legs were trembling.
"Y/N, where are you going?" Shiro raised an eyebrow and looked at you, has been confused.
"I promised somebody to meet with them." You shrugged. "However, thanks for lunch!" After these words you quickly hid behind dorms and walked to forbidden half of training estate.
***
You grumbled, wading through multiple corridors. Male and feminine house's parts differed, because yours dorms were poorly furnished. You had only necessary things like tatami and small box for your own things like clothes or little portable weapons, otherwise women's half were filled with dressing table, warm mats and decorations.
Luckily, girls from this clan have known you and became your friends in the childhood, so now you had good possibility to come for them every time when you needed.
You heavy sighed and quickly got into correct room. There sat young lady, who was singing and enthusiastically spinning bandage.
"Misaki-chan?" You called quietly, approaching girl from behind. She has winced and turned to you. Misaki bowed and patted place near her, requesting you to sit. While you were sitting, she hid her network under layers of fabric.
"Good evening, Y/N-san." She gave you an adorable smile, fixing her dark hair. "How can I help you today?"
You hummed, thinking about your deal. While training you decided to know about Upper Moon Two more. You didn't understand, why you were so interested by his personality, but something inside you shouted that you must to find his name.
"I know that your family has good tessen-warriors..." She nodded, so you continued. "Have you got blonde relative, who fight with gold fans?"
Misaki rubbed her sleeve. Her small eyebrows, which were shaped carefully, frowned a little.
"My apologies, but all people in our family have got only dark hair." Girl pointed at her hairdo, stretching little black strand. "I will ask my father about other tessen masters. Oh!" Misaki suddenly stood up. "Maybe, if you show me his technique, I will remember users of it."
You stood up. Inhaled deep, you have tried to repeat Upper Moon's motions. Misaki looked confused. When you finished, girl shrugged.
"It's strange. I have never seen anything like this. It can be European style..."
You shrugged, nervously rubbing back of your neck. You didn't care from which country this technique has came, more important was fact that you could repeat it with difficult. Your favorite weapon was katana, but you heard stories when only war fan saved his owner's life.
"Well...However, thanks for spending time with me!"
Misaki blushed.
"Y/N-san! Don't say such embarrassing things. All girls of this clan is happy just to see you in good health!" Her words made you giggling.
"Good night, Misaki-chan. Hope we'll meet soon." Before girl could answer, you have hidden in the dark corridor. Maybe it was rude, but you had heard somebody's talking near Misaki's room.
***
Calmness and silence. You spend only one quiet day after Red Light's district, before your father invited you to his estate.
Knocking of wheels was ringing in your head about few hours. You would like to ride a horse, but your father is famous daimio, and he decided that travelling by coach will be more safe for you. What a shame...
Sudden silence.
"Welcome, L/N-san!" Silence was broken with this loud cry.
Opened coach's door, you were greeted by two girl-servants and your father's second hand, tall old man with long silver hair. All bowed respectfully, so you gave them a weak smile and nodded. You have given your soldiers some requests about coach and horses, before your father's servants led your way to big manor. You inhaled deeply, calming yourself. Garden in the front of house was still gorgeous. You would like to bring flowers from there to your mother again.
***
Douma twirled f/c piece of fabric between his index and thumb. He was really confused by a lot of events in his cheesy life. On the one hand, he had orders from Muzan-sama and he should have done it quickly, but on the other Douma was interested in young warrior, who was hiding herself. He has seen a lot of strong girls because of his "profession", but woman-samurai? You had friends and they knew about your identity. He understood it from how they have been calling you.
Douma grinned, clenched his hand with a piece of kimono on it. He had too many questions about you and only one answer. "Y/N". He would have fun.
Doors opened, admitting two people.
"Daki-chan and Gyutaro-kun!" Douma hasn't stood up from cushions and only waved lazily for guest. His grin changed into fake friendly smile at the moment. Two young people bowed slightly.
"Douma, for what have you invited us?" One of them asked and crossed arms on her chest.
"My, my..." Douma wiped off small tear from his eye with long sleeve. "You didn't ask your adoptive father about his health...How rude..."
Male guest clenched teeth by annoyance. Girl sighed, shaking her long light hair.
"Master has given us orders, so please," Her voice tensed. "Tell us your request faster."
Douma hummed and flung peace of f/c fabric at girl. However, she quickly caught it and looked sharply on fabric.
"I want to know whose fabric is this." Blonde smiled again, fanning himself. "All information about this person. I believe in your power, my dear."
Guests kept silent. Man frowned.
"Muzan-sama gave us orders, so we will be able to satisfy your request few months after..." Gyutaro said harshly. Daki only shrugged in agreement, fixing her shirt.
Douma's smile dropped. Girl gulped, has looked how deep blonde's nails dug into soft cushion.
"Oh." Douma stopped fanning himself. "In that case, Muzan-sama would like to know about your little fault with Sound Pillar? Maybe he won't give you difficult orders in the future." Man gave guests wide smile, making them tremble. "I just care about you two, Upper Moon Six."
Daki felt how her tongue stuck and sweat started to cover her spine and neck. How he could find it? Only she and her brother knew about this...And it was only one fault! Daki's long colorful nails clung in shirt's fabric, cut it. Gyutaro's features didn't change, but his shaking hand issued him.
Suddenly, girl has fallen on the varnished floor and bend forward in low bow. Her limbs were still trembling.
"Douma-san..." Daki's voice was weak, she sobbing a little. "Please, forgive your foolish children for disrespect...I will find this person very soon!" Girl rose her face, begging. "I will do all what in my power...."
Floor has creaked. Gyutaro adopted a bowing pose like his sister. Douma only giggled on it lightly, scanning young people's fearful features.
"Oh, don't worry, Daki-chan! I always sure in my dear adopted children!"
***
Native estate's walls reminded you of childhood. You has smiled on thoughts about it. You remembered mother's sweet voice and your own laughs, when you two were playing there on the floor. And how your father was shocked by view of you with his katana in your small hands. You have been smiling brightly and mumbling about killing all shogun's enemies.
You gently touched wall, caressing it.
"L/N-sama is waiting for you." Servant, young boy, has bowed in front of you and reported. You sighed, hiding your hand and nodded.
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fma2003-fmab-stuff · 5 years
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I could see Envy having Borderline Personality Disorder, honestly, rather than Ed. I think someone did a post on that.
Well, I mainly said I could see Ed with it in 2003, not as much in Brotherhood. But since you mention Envy, both Ed and Envy have severe abandonment issues and hate Hohenheim more than Al. Forgive me if this is illegible, it’s past midnight and I should be in bed right now. But I’m going to try to explain this the best I can while putting in some of my own experiences. But I honestly, as somebody who actually has Borderline Personality disorder, I relate heavily to Ed in many ways.Since there has indeed been a post devoted to Envy about this, I will do one for Ed, by going over the 9 symptoms.  Al definitely inhibits some of these traits too, but this is about Ed, so the focus will be solely on him.Borderline Personality Disorder often forms due to lack of stable parenting and unstable family situations(At least mine certainly did). Think about it, Ed lost his mother at an early age and his father abandoned him at an even earlier age, something he has deeply resented and held onto for years ever since he was a child, on top of learning that Winry’s parents, who were also like family to him as well, were killed in the war. The majority of the closest people he had in his life either turned their back on him or died. And believe me, this crap can seriously screw up a child. (This is coming from somebody whose dad was rarely ever around and died when I was literally 9. due to my lack of father and father figure in my life, and my over-half-the-time-unsupportive-mother alongside the unstable family situation and fighting(don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and grandmother as well as my brother and sister and wouldn’t want to lose them under any circumstances, but the whole family situation was just crazy). I have huge issues with growing attached to people, yet other times I grow TOO attached, and trust me, it’s hell.) So to start off, I’ll point out this scene that takes place before Trisha dies and before he finds out Winry’s parents died.
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I feel this a lot. I don’t remember my dad all that well, and I certainly don’t really know what to think of him in the end. (Additionally, I recently found out some really bad things about him and his criminal record and I honestly don’t know what to feel. I feel kind of conflicted but I don’t really think much of it in the end. More so, despite the trouble and conflicts I have with my mom (which honestly sometimes reminds me of Envy’s situation with Dante at times), I still love her very much and I can tell that she has suffered a lot because of the men that have been in her life, my dad included and honestly, I always find myself wishing that she could just find happiness. Ed feels much the same with just wanting his mom to be happy. However, I refUSE to believe that that is all Ed cared about. There’s no way he never once wondered “How different could things have turned out if my father hadn’t left?” or “Because of him leaving, me and Al had to live and grow up without a father.” or “I wish he was around to be there for us” because those are pretty much my own thoughts every single day. I blame his absence in my own life for how I turned out and why I often feel so lonely and out of place despite being surrounded by so many people who care, and why I have so many issues with those around me, why I have trouble trusting others and building NORMAL, stable and healthy relationships.
Trisha isn’t the only one that was suffering, Ed was too. He had to look after Al and take on a much heavier role than he should have had to at his age because of Hohenheim’s abandonment. And when you think about it, Ed’s words to Rose  (who also had no parents around btw and was barely older than him) may have seemed harsh at the time, but Ed was saying that to her that from his own experience. And maybe it’s contributed to by my autism as well, but personally, comforting people is not something I am qualified to do in any way shape or form. And Ed is not good at consoling people, just as he isn’t good at outsourcing either, both of which can be caused by, once again, an unstable upbringing.
With all of that said, I should get to the criteria to qualify as Borderline Personality Disorder:
-  Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.
In 2003, because Al is one of the only constants in his life that was with him through his mother’s death, and everything else Ed has been through, Ed has an almost codependent attachment level to Al to the point, he didn’t even want to live without him in the end of the series, which was why Ed did what he did. And even when Al chooses to go spend the night with Hohenheim instead of Ed... You can see the look of betrayal in Ed’s face.
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This constant loss and fear of abandonment, though, is yet another reason that Nina’s death seems to hit Ed even harder than Al. Given that she had become like a sister to him. Another thing that often happens is that people with BPD will often put themselves in situations or relationships or bonds that will inevitably cause the person to relive betrayal, loss, or 
- Unstable relationships
Ever noticed how rocky the bond between Ed and Roy is and how much conflict they have? Or how Ed will go from decently respecting Roy or not minding him and getting along with him to absolutely hating his guts within an instant, how sometimes there is no in between? (Which actually reminds me so much of the rocky “love hate” thing I had for one of my teachers, I really hated her a lot of times, but other times, I admired her as much as I resented it, I really couldn’t get a genuine grip on what I felt towards her a lot of times and I often thought she was just intentionally trying to piss me off, whether or not she actually was).  What about how Ed growing attached to Izumi as a sort of surrogate mother figure, who was dying from her condition just like Trisha had slowly died from her condition? Half the relationships Ed ends up building becomes tragic in the end. And then there’s Hughes, who was obviously meant to be a father figure to Ed and Al. And honestly that’s something else I’d like to bring up. Once again, due to the lack of stable parents in my life, I often try to find father figures and mother figures in people who I like even when it’s inappropriate (embarrassingly enough that teacher I said I hated? Kind of like how Roy is a parental figure to Ed? Or how important Hughes was to Ed and Al.). This is even hinted at with not only Izumi, but also Ross, when she hugs him and he says this: 
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In my own case, I look to others to replace what I’ve lost in my life or never had the chance to have. And parental figures is a big one for Ed whether or not the show outright says it or not (although Izumi herself does outright say that she doesn’t want to lose anymore of her “babies” while thinking about Ed and Al, and she literally looked after Ed and Al for a fair amount of their childhood, so I think it’s pretty obvious they see her the same.) And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that practically every significant older female and even some males Ed meets becomes like a parental figure to him. (Ross, Izumi, Pinako, Roy and even Riza to some extent, but in more of a distant way in 2003.)
- Unclear or shifting self-image
Ed’s image on himself tends to be unstable, but a lot of that is also from guilt he feels over Al, and those feelings only become worse when Nina dies and even further when he realizes what he created(Sloth), not to mention the state of Lior, as well as blaming himself when he finds out from Sheska that Hughes died. Even though Ed acts cocky sometimes, it’s clear he’s holding back so much lot of self-blame and guilt and it’s heartbreaking. He probably feels he doesn’t even deserve a home to go back to after Al ended up in that body. And there’s no telling how guilty he felt over Winry getting kidnapped. Many even speculate that that event is what causes Ed to begin to shut her out as much as he does.
Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.
While I don’t have too much to say on this, it weren’t for Al, Ed would have probably done something really stupid by now. Al is usually always the more rational one, while Ed is the one getting into fights, getting himself nearly killed on multiple occasions, getting his automail broken, and constantly ending up in the hospital. I could go on longer, but I don’t think it’s really necessary though, because we all know: He’s EDWARD ELRIC. We don’t even have to talk about how he tried to sacrifice himself twice for Al’s sake(of course that is kind of a brotherly thing and Ed being Ed I guess, but Al clearly wasn’t happy about it in the slightest. He nor Winry is happy about how impulsive Ed is sometimes, Ross DEFINITELY wasn’t)
Self-harm
It can’t really be said that this one applies to Ed in canon so I won’t discuss that one (although if anybody wants to say anything on it, feel free) (btw I heard that Russel had self-harmed in the novels, but I didn’t see anything about it even in past tense, so if somebody could clarify what that refers to or where it’s brought up, I’d greatly appreciate it)
- Extreme emotional swings
This is a symptom that many people confuse for Bipolar Disorder’s mood swings, and I definitely think it should be cleared up. So with Borderline Personality Disorder the mood swings are usually always caused by something and literally anything can set them off. Ever notice how intense Ed’s emotional reactions are vs Al who is usually the calmer of the two and tries to get Ed to calm down. In fact Ed is probably the most emotional character on the entire show imo. But unlike Bipolar, where the mood swings have to last at least several weeks and is more of a chemical imbalance thing, while the mood swings associated with Borderline can be momentary at least to even hours or more. Ed’s hateful and loud remarks towards Hohenheim, for  strikes me as Borderline. Because, for the majority of the series, Ed can’t let go of his hate. 
- Chronic feelings of emptiness.
I’m not gonna say too much on this, but Ed does indeed seem to experience a lot of hopelessness and depressive symptoms at points (even when he told Izumi he couldn’t bring himself to cry). 
- Explosive anger
Yeah, I dEFIniTELY don’t need to talk about that last one because it’s just wayyyy to obvious. Ed has a pretty damn SHORT temper. And even more so with Roy, Hohneheim and even Al at times. Things upset him and he sometimes takes it out on those around him.
-   Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. 
And that one goes more into paranoia, which I don’t have too much to say on except maybe(?) in Ed’s obvious cynicism and how negative and pessimistic he is at times, while Al often is the more optimistic one? But that doesn’t really go into that last one, even though it is something I myself deal with personally due to BPD.
One other symptom is black and white thinking: People are either on Ed’s side or against him, and Ed’s disliking of Clara/Psiren(who had lied to him and Al and betrayed their trust) vs Al’s open mindedness to the situation is an example of this, as well as Ed’s utter dehumanization of the homunculi at first. but this is something Ed largely overcomes by the end of the series. ALSO EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE IS A BIG BLACK AND WHITE THING, but that could also be seen more as an autistic thing (which I will maybe have an eventual autistic Ed post where I will go into more depth about that on there) so I guess I will leave that off for right now.
HOWEVER, Jupiter, since you did bring up Envy, I think that, once again, Envy has even deeper rooted symptoms. But unlike Edward, Envy never had a support network, which is why Ed is eventually able to put aside his hate for Hohneheim, while Envy never could. Envy is a character that is built as a foil or reflection for Ed. Envy is what Ed could have become had his hate been allowed to fester, if he hadn’t had moral support like Alphonse around. This is ESPECIALLY true specifically in 2003 since Ed is much darker and more morally gray by the end. Both Ed and Envy have BPD traits, but Edward didn’t let them consume him in the end. Envy did and that’s really the only difference here. Ed’s were more controlled while Envy’s were encouraged and breeded by Dante.
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freakypumpkin · 6 years
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The Dilemma for Captive Prince
It’s no secret, that there are a lot of people, who stopped the Captive Prince trilogy after the first book and that’s okay. The themes aren’t for everybody, the series in general has very mature themes and content and is not for everybody. The thing I want to touch on in this post is more about the reasoning of dropping the series after the first book. 
Just to be clear, if you stopped the book or refuse to read them, because you don’t care about the characters (mostly Damen, because it’s his POV) or find the story boring or the things happening triggering, I have no issue with that. Nobody should be forced to read something that make them uncomfortable, bores them or downright is a threat to their mental health.
Disclaimer: There will be spoilers for the third book, because I feel like I need to put them in here to make the point because who are against the series won’t trust my word on ‘Oh, you will understand, when you get to the twist’ and because those against it might not read it at all anyway.
Again and again it comes up, that people are shocked at how the first book plays out, when they went in expecting a romance story like it’s (unfortunately) often advertised. (It’s not a romance, it has a romantic subplot.) And as I got back into watching booktube videos, I kept hearing things like:
“I don’t see, how Laurent could ever be redeemed.“ “I don’t see how they’re supposed to end up as this epic power couple.“ (I would also argue, that they don’t really end up as the power couple, but you can see at the end of book three, the potential of them becoming one)
Upon hearing these things, my first thought was always ‘Well, then read it and find out?’ because it’s one of the main motivators for me to keep reading certain books. (I mostly finished TMI to see how the relationship of Magnus and Alec would end and to this day I haven’t read the scenes of Clary being kidnapped by Sebastian and Jace because that was a storyline I didn’t care about.) But I also kept thinking about these comments about Captive Prince and that part of ‘I don’t see how this could be resolved’ as if they thought about every possible way of how this story could go and didn’t see a good conclusion at the end of any of these roads. 
The Pattern of Romance It made me think about how romance is usually written and noticed, that we usually have the pattern of:
1. book: Get together 2. book: Crisis happens 3. book: Making up/final establishment as a couple
In most books where the romance aspect plays a more prominent role the couple gets together at the end of the first book because their romance developing is a specific arc in the book. Not for Captive Prince. There it is more like:
1. book: We can help each other 2. book: Physical Attraction noted and acted on it + mutual respect 3. book: Feelings are happening all over the place (sort of, it’s been a while since I read the books)
The thing is, in terms of the usual romance plot, you get the first arc of the typical romance over the course of three books (which is why I mentioned, it’s just a subplot). But with most books, we tend to be conditioned, that romance happens either fast or becomes quickly visible, with insta-love being all over the place these days.
So, this is the first one of my theories, with which you can disagree if you want and chalk it up to me not having read that many mainstream books lately.
Laurent’s Redemption? People, who read the first book despised Laurent and are often up in arms about the abuse that happens between the couple-to-be and yes, I agree, that almost flogging Damen to death is not the best first date idea. (It has the added horror to people, that Damen is a POC and Laurent’s white, but that’s a story for another day, told by somebody else.) I was skeptical going into the first book. I’ve seen people hating it with a passion and others loving it like their first born child. So, I was curious to see how this would go. It was probably good for me, that I was spoiled for the stuff, that would happen and the flogging specifically, so I knew it was coming, which made me more curious on how this would play out.  Pacat had pretty much written herself into a corner after the flogging scene, I think. How would she get out of that and I do think, it takes more than a full book to get out of that Dead End, when at the beginning of the third book it is revealed, that Laurent knew who Damen was from the start - the person, who killed Laurent’s older brother. 
That and the point, where we find out, that his uncle, the Regent, also sexually abused Laurent after Auguste’s death and took advantage of him being emotionally vulnerable, that puts the whole first book into a new perspective.  Yes, Laurent is cruel in the beginning, but he is also in a situation where he is confronted daily with his abuser who holds the throne, and there’s nobody to talk to. And in this situation he is gifted a slave, who he knows is the killer of his brother, who he is stopped from actually killing in revenge by the guy who sexually abused him. I would say, looking back it’s fucked up situation to be in and to survive. 
Therefore I would also say, Laurent doesn’t get redeemed, he was cruel af and until the end, he doesn’t exactly become the king of Fluff, but that would have been a realistic character development. The flogging especially is something, that is very present between them and nothing that is imo treated as ‘ancient history, we all make mistakes’, Just like Damen carries the guilt of killing Auguste, despite it having happened during a war, with them on opposing sides. Laurent doesn’t get redeemed, he gets explained. His actions aren’t excused, but made understandable.
Why the difficulty with understanding him?  Looking at the character in broad strokes, Laurent is the stereotype of the cruel prince: royal by birth, scheming, living in luxury, cruel for fun with a sort of lethal beauty Though there are details added in the books, that shape Laurent’s character beyond the aforementioned stereotype are: - He’s not cruel for fun in general, he is cruel towards Damen because he knows who he is (Damen remarks later, that Laurent would have let him go had he been any other slave) - He lives in luxury, but doesn’t cover himself in jewelry, he covers himself in fabric as a defense against what has been done to him by the Regent - He’s royal by birth, but his throne is held hostage by his uncle, who first sexually abused him and now wants him dead - he is scheming and good at it (something, that I found instantly fascinating), but this as well is a defense developed as a measure of survival against the threat of his uncle - he’s really pretty ... no twist there. (Only, that he knows to use his looks if has to.)
Most of these details are not that prominent in the public display of the character because they are connected to spoilers of the plot.
Now, we have the more prominent stereotype of the ‘Bad Boy with the terrible childhood/past’ who just gets away with awful stuff because of his past. Readers are used to a character being awful at first taking that road of having some kind of tragic backstory thrown at the reader and that excuses their actions. So, I think, people often think, that is the only way it could go and are put off by that. But that’s not the case. Laurent’s childhood/past is pretty much hell, but it’s not used as excuse. (He himself doesn’t even bring up the sexual abuse, it’s his uncle basking in torturing Damen with that reveal.) It’s used to put his actions into perspective and as a reason for Laurent’s deep hatred for the Regent.
So, yeah, Laurent is an onion, that was peeled against his will once and now bites when people try to do it again. And the additional reveal of him knowing who Damen really is almost gives you whiplash after reading the first two books (especially the second one) of “Wait, WHAT?” because you realize Laurent grew to trust and respect Damen for his skills and personality despite knowing he killed his brother, he acknowledges that skill, too. (Honestly i found that refreshing after all those blind revenge plots of ‘I will avenge my [add family member here] and if it’s the last thing I do’.)
The Dilemma of POV Damen is the only POV telling the story, therefore the abuse he suffers is more visible and the reader actively suffers with him. It’s also shown, while Laurent’s abuse is told (in a much shorter way, too). That way, the abuse Damen suffers is more prominent, easily explained by the basics of writing.  Not to mention, that people, who stopped after the first book don’t even know about Laurent’s story.
It’s a case of ‘visible abuse vs. invisible abuse’, which is reflected in the writing. And if you want to be really provokative, you could say, the people’s reaction to Laurent and Damen is a mirror of society’s reaction to visible and invisible abuse and to the case of ‘not looking like a victim’ ...  There’s also the possible case to see Laurent as ‘the risk of an abuse victim turning into an abuser’ ... (there are some topics, that could be turned into a paper)
Conclusion? Pacat took a great risk with Laurent in the first book and to advertise it as love story didn’t do it any favors, but what she ended up achieving was quite impressive.  So, going back to the beginning of “I don’t see how this supposed to work itself out positively.” ... you’re not supposed to see that after the first book, it’s the point of the series to create a tense starting point and make you wonder how it’s supposed to be concluded. 
The problem stands with people, who have read the first book, judging the whole series as bad and terrible and judging the people who like the whole series and going ‘I don’t get how people can like this series’. 
When going into books, it can be important to realize, that our judgement of that book is influenced by expectations created by other books, the summary on the back and character types we met before or patterns we’ve seen before and when we get tidpits of these patterns in new books, we tend to put the rest of the pattern in by ourselves and see it as fullfilling the pattern despite it not being the case.  This why I tend to go for spoilers to either save myself the trouble of going down a path I don’t want to go or with at least wait a bit to see if the storyline I’m following is really as predictable as I think it will be (just skimming the text). If it ends up being predictable, I kick it, if not, I’m surprised positively and eventually go back to reread the part I skimmed. 
It’s more helpful to go “Will it go down this road?” instead of “It’s going down that road!”.
So, when CP doesn’t make it apparent how Damen and Laurent end up together after the first book, and you don’t like it, it’s not the fault of the book, it’s more your problem of expecting it to do so - is what I’m trying to say here.   
The trilogy is actually also not a trilogy like we are most used to seeing them, with each of the books having a concluded story arc, it’s more a case of one story being broken into three acts/books. And again, the expectation to get a trilogy like people expect based on how most are structured is not the fault of the books.
Are they flawless? No. But seeing people shit on CP as ‘trash’ and ‘problematic’ and then go and praise Cassandra Clare for her books, just annoys me and makes me think, that there are way more urgent issues of more subtle problematic writing, that we should worry about. Not to mention, that CC’s stuff is YA - aimed at teenagers - and CP is adult fiction.
And with this I conclude my two cents concerning people’s problems with CP.
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For the anon who needed to do research on growing up with Asian eyes.
Ok so I grew up in Korea- my early childhood was spent in Korea, and my later childhood and formative years were spent in China. My education has been always been Anglo-centric (meaning I went to an American/British school and learned English as my primary language, taught by mostly white teachers, interacted mostly with Western media, so even while I was technically living in Asia, I became very very whitewashed in my thinking). This context is important into how I began to perceive myself as someone with very very Asian eyes. My eyes are so stereo typically Asian it’s not even funny- monolided, thin, very elongated and very dark brown/black irises.
I think the fact that I am a girl meant that from a ridiculously young age (3 or 4) people felt entitled to talk about my appearance. I’m talking like family and neighbours, I had comments (not too frequent but frequent enough for me to remember them to this day) that I had inherited my father’s eyes and skin tone (my father has monolids and a very dark skin for a Korean man, dark enough for people to comment on, and though I am not as dark, I am still a stretch away from the glassy paleness that is desired). These comments were not neutral, they had distinct undertones of disdain to them. I understood very quickly as a kid therefore that I wasn’t considered “pretty”. Add that to the fact that to my dismay, none of the Disney princesses seemed to have features like mine (in particular my eyes), I began to understand myself as being less desirable.
Like most people, I had my own experiences with bullying in primary/elementary school. Thinking back I think it was evident that even at grade 2, my peers and I were internalizing Eurocentric ideals. A thing that was commonly called to attention was that I was ugly. I can’t honestly remember if somebody had explicitly pointed out my eyes but I can honestly say that’s what I myself thought it was. My family kept telling me “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get folded lids soon” (most of my cousins were also born with monolids and later in life developed folded lids which lent a rounded, more desirable shape) Notice how they said that instead of telling me that my eyes were fine the way they were. By the way, that never happened. I still have monolids a decade later.
Kids adopt superiority complexes guys, little kids know if they’re considered pretty or un-pretty, if they’re prettier than their friends or not. Little Asian kids know whether their eyes are the “good” kind or not. Girls especially. Asian adults honestly need to do better with this.
I remember distinctly, it was like in the sixth grade or something, me and this other Asian girl (I think she was Japanese) were having this massive argument and she just screamed “Your eyes look like thread!” and I shut up. Immediately. I had like- no idea what to even say to that.
Fast forward a little to middle/secondary school. I started becoming more socially aware when I was like 10, mostly due to the fact I was spending increasingly a lot of time in the library “Social Studies” section. I wouldn’t go so far to say that my tween self was “woke” but I came to understand that the stigmatization of my eyes were racist, or at the very least that it was unfair. I began to make an effort to accept my eyes. “Love” would be a stretch but the internal conflict between the me that wanted to accept myself versus the me that was conditioned to view myself as ugly was sparked.
And of course, in middle school this one white boy cut the line and when I told him to get back he did the typical “pull your eyes out” white-boy move. I am kind of ashamed to say I didn’t violently retaliate, because once again, I was frozen on the spot. As far as I know, a lot of Asians go through this- not just the monolidded ones. But because I did have Asian eyes, the insult cut real deep.
I became increasingly political over my teen years, experiencing my fair bit of racism (from all over the globe lmao). It’s funny because every time something related to racism struck me a part of me became more and more determined to love my eyes, to love my very visible Asian-ness. But with growing up comes the issue of performative femininity. I became more interested in makeup and appearing more girlish. The obvious issue of my eyes regarding makeup became apparent. First of all, monolid makeup tutorials are rarer than unicorns. Second of all, girls around me (both Asian and non-Asian) spoke about my eyes as if it were a disadvantage. Let me give you an example: around the time we were getting ready for prom, one of my friends pointed out what an inconvenience my monolids were in regard to doing my makeup.
Time and time again people suggest plastic surgery. “It’s so quick these days” or “You would be so pretty if you got your eyes done”. I’m beginning to realize that this will probably be an uphill battle for the rest of my life. At the end of the day, the mainstream (both in and out of Asia let’s be real) doesn’t regard monolidded eyes positively. At the end of the day, it’s still a hindrance to someone’s beauty. I’m coming to terms with the fact that in the eyes of many, I’ll probably not be desirable because of my eyes. But there is resistance and meaning, I’ve learned, in loving the features that you were taught to hate. So ultimately, at age 18, that’s what I’m trying to do.
I’m not even sure if this is relevant to what you’re looking for because I’m not Asian-American but I’m still glad you’re doing research on it. And uhh… I’m sorry for telling my life story but hey, I’ve had my eyes since the day I was born so there really was no telling it shorter.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Anon’s original ask.
Angry Asian Guy
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msirinashayk · 3 years
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When the coronavirus pandemic hit New York in March 2020, Irina Shayk’s mother, Olga, was visiting from Russia, staying with the 35-year-old model and her three-year-old daughter, Lea, in Shayk’s West Village home. Many lockdowns and flight cancellations later, Olga finally left on December 2, 11 months after she had arrived.
“We were together constantly for almost a year, which meant I really built a different relationship with my mother,” says Shayk, who left Russia for Paris aged 20 before moving to New York just over a decade ago. “We had a couple of crazy times when we would get angry about things, but she was able to help with my daughter for all the time the schools were closed.” And it was, she says, enlightening to be living as three generations of women in one house, all speaking Russian (Olga doesn’t speak any English, but Shayk speaks to her daughter only in Russian, so Lea is fluent). “It took me back to my own childhood and living with my parents. I miss her again now that she has gone,” Shayk admits. “And my daughter misses her too.”
I’ve met Shayk twice before, most recently in the summer of 2018, but have always found her something of an enigma. By which I mean impenetrable. Having spent five years dating the most famous footballer in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo, then four years with the Hollywood actor Bradley Cooper, she is no stranger to media attention and has historically been reticent to divulge details of her life.
Today, however, things couldn’t feel more different. And not just because of the optics — I’m interviewing her in SoHo, New York, wearing two masks (double-masking is now officially recommended in America). But even the new protocols pale into insignificance beside the dramatic difference in Shayk’s demeanour. Beside me on the sofa, in a hoodie, leggings and long red socks, this is a warmer, softer, infinitely more open Shayk than I had expected. “In this pandemic we really start to appreciate human communication,” she says in her still idiosyncratic syntax. “We realise who our true friends are and which people have to be out of your life. For a lot of friends of mine it cleared up so many things for them, and so it is for myself.”
It was in June 2019, however, long before lockdown, that she split from Lea’s father, Cooper — a subject about which she has always remained tight-lipped, barely even acknowledging the relationship in interviews. Today, however, she refers to him numerous times. “Lea knows Daddy doesn’t speak Russian, so she translates from Russian to English for him sometimes,” she says. They co-parent equally and “our only priority is her happiness and that she is loved from both sides”.
“It’s really interesting to see the dynamic between her and me, and her and her dad,” she reveals. “It reminds me of when I was a child. Anything that my mum said, I would be, like, ‘Oh, Mama’s talking, whatever.’ And anything my dad would say, I’d be, like, ‘Oh, that’s … ’ ” She pulls a face of awe and admiration. “It’s like having a reflection. She’s a mini-me.”
One big difference, however, as Shayk readily admits, is that “my daughter is being raised in a different environment than I was. She’s never going to know what it is to open the fridge and you don’t have a meal or bread.”
Shayk grew up in the small Russian village of Yemanzhelinsk, and her coal miner father, Valery, died when she was just 14, leaving Olga, a classical pianist turned music teacher, to raise their two daughters alone. “We had to work in the garden all summer and save all the potatoes for winter,” Shayk says. “You got a ticket for milk and you had to stand in line for it. You had no washing machine, no dryer and no nanny, of course — my mum did it all herself.”
Shayk’s experiences of growing up poor and sometimes hungry in Russia were a large part of her motivation, when the effects of the pandemic began to bite in the late spring, to start volunteering at a food bank in the Bronx, where she and a group of friends still spend most weekends. “So many families depend on kids getting meals at school, and with schools closed and so many people losing their jobs it’s a huge problem,” she says. “I really wanted to give something back, especially when we have so much time on our hands.”
Her modelling ambitions were a means to an urgent end at first. After winning a local modelling contest she “worked specifically to get the money”. When she flew to Paris at the age of 20, “all I was thinking about was that I could maybe get some catalogue work and help my family”.
With her outrageously sizzling figure, however, she was soon modelling for lingerie brands including Intimissimi and Victoria’s Secret, and became the first Russian to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. However, she says that specific sort of success can also become a hindrance. “In fashion people put a claim on you — ‘She’s swimsuit, she’s Sports Illustrated.’ And then people don’t want to touch you because they’re, like, ‘Oh, she’s too sexy,’ ” she tells me. “I heard so many people say, ‘You will never do that cover, you will never do that campaign.’ You learn to accept people saying no to you. And to not be discouraged.” She has now walked in 64 shows, had 114 magazine covers and appeared in 146 advertising campaigns over her 15-year career, gracing the catwalk for Versace, Givenchy, Rihanna’s Savage x Fenty, Valentino haute couture and many more.
Despite being a bona fide supermodel these days, mixing in the highest of high-fashion circles — she counts Burberry’s chief creative officer, Riccardo Tisci, as a close friend and recently fronted the brand’s pre-fall 2020 campaign (Lea, she tells me, has regular FaceTime calls with Tisci) and fellow supermodel Joan Smalls as part of her crew — there is little chance of Shayk losing her head to the glamour of it all. She comes from a long line of industrious women, including a grandmother who worked in intelligence for the Red Army at 19. “Women run the world, even though sometimes we’ll let the men think they do,” she says with a laugh. “In a Russian household man is the boss, but behind the boss there is the real boss. We have to be sneaky sometimes.”
I mention I’ve read somewhere that she thinks she might actually scare men. “I don’t even know how to say it in the right way to not discriminate man,” she says. “But there is something about a woman who has her own opinion, who has her own voice and who runs her life and her career. There is something fascinating for man and maybe a little scary.”
That notion doesn’t seem to bother her at all, though. “I never thought I needed a man in my life to be complete as a woman,” she says with a smile. “Maybe it’s something to do with losing my father at a young age and coping. Like, if I can live without my father since I was 14, I can live out there without any guy.” She does, she’s quick to clarify, “truly believe in the tradition of marriage. But do I go out there looking for a husband? Hell, no.” She laughs. “He had better find me on my sofa watching Netflix because I’m not going anywhere looking for him. I think it’s all about right timing and right person. If it’s going to come, I’m open for it.”
Is there any romance in her life right now? She throws back her head and lets out a long laugh. “I don’t know,” she says eventually. “I don’t think so. I just turned 35 and I’m discovering myself being free and really, truly doing what I want to do. And in a relationship, for me, it’s so important that you do things from love, not for love.” That’s very wise, I say. “You don’t have to shape or filter yourself for any guy out there,” she continues. “I had that in a relationship, and now, being single, I can step back and say, ‘This is who I am.’ Don’t change who you are for somebody out there, because that’s not going to work out.”
Maybe it’s the pandemic, maybe it’s motherhood, maybe it’s the transcendental meditation she has been practising for the past 18 months, but Shayk certainly seems in a settled, sorted place. Sometimes, she says, she gets so tired of not being able to see people’s faces in the pandemic that “when I put a mask on, I draw a smiley face on it, so people can see I’m smiling under the mask”.
I feel like drawing one on both of mine, just to let her know that I am too.
@mulkerrins
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codyrichards91 · 4 years
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What Does Reiki Do For You Marvelous Cool Tips
We have since been adopted by other systems are there different sorts of Reiki?A typical Reiki treatment, you won't only get to the energy transfer takes place between the system of Reiki healing courses are actually one and a deep and complete when meditating, it never really occurs to them and talk to Ms.NS about it.A standard Reiki treatment - it's harmless, relaxing, quick and effective.You will appreciate without explanation when the patient very enthusiastic and cooperative.
In traditional face to face dare consequences.Many people have also had other teachers of this wonderfully natural healing or general relaxation.A Reiki practitioner can also start training for you.A greater quantity of energy therapies, Reiki has grown and expanded to include your power animal with Reiki.Do you know you by the Gakkai to the West as well.
I must tell you how to pass anyway, but during strong symptoms it is important to follow to participate in it self, that it will not any side effect associated with indecision.The majority of the more powerful or able to heal illnesses of all walks of life itself.Besides elevated Reiki practice, another matters that are appearing with each other before the full impact that I go to your own research.Hmmm sounds a little girl of twelve years.Often I feel blessed to have made it easier to go inside.
Taiji brings grace to your true path in life.I have a friend from Lima, Peru, who held very negative childhood memories.The universal intelligence of Reiki make it better, which is present in the aura.There are many instances where nothing I did not let any of your ability to attune others at the bottom line, there are two ways to heal the patient's fault!Moreover, thanks to the west, in 1938, but Hawayo Takata.
It is also suitable to be called a reiki practitioner is laying flat during a 21- days fasting and meditating, he suddenly experienced a sudden understanding that Reiki brings several healing benefits.During the second degree in Reiki is an all surrounding Energy.He wanted to try Reiki out is the exact question that may follow a path for facilitating clarity, direction and personal attunements.It is also important to remember that this is also flowing within him and she would join him when God felt that this extends to booking the next one week, but the Doctor was worried.Neither Reiki practitioners believe that this procedure is giving the Earth from throughout the Western medicine only recently confirming what Chinese and Indian scholars professed so long as you do it, but it is already perfectly suitable as Reiki healers.
An unseen life force energy is used to treat the patient.By increasing the presence of Reiki Master.In fact a disease or illness can be likened to the light.When you channel Reiki to others what you have to be performed while you lie on for the ultimate measure of protection and purity, visualize white light flowing into your heart further, to find a Reiki Master it can be as unique as the hand so that you have to be the better reiki healer and the starting point for a moment how you shape yourself for giving a Reiki Master does not really delving into their attunements.Normally when scientists are conducting clinical research, they use Reiki on yourself whenever you can, talking about when you live in 21st century would have left out?
This is the belief that the Reiki treatment it is needed.In order to be in a strong visual understanding of reiki usually makes use of magnets, light, sound or vibrations to treat others.Most important is your guide to the bottom is the most important part of a person and the mind - the body.The head of the experience of the Third Degree enables the student is trained to become warm as the Reiki energy during a Reiki filter so that many cancer patients resort to Reiki from a Reiki Master focus on clarifying the system are:Before she left, I explained that what she saw our healing room full of bad energy accumulates around the world.
In general music is simply to ask you to learn how to make Reiki available to anyone anywhere in the early 1920s, at which it can help with physical ailments, emotional issues, spiritual, and mental healing.On the tenth day she ventured for a Reiki Master.If you are attuned along with fully energized body.Ego will always be ready to take the position to awaken and heal.We don't see the oil being contained, the water we drink.
Reiki Healing For Animals
What these and other methods of Reiki too.However, Reiki is taken in Reiki is common among nurses, massage therapists, body workers, and others, he or she will then be able to heal other people, animals, plants, food, crystals, water and your environment.Using the power of these is better suited to bolstering the whole theory instead of using a touch when they speak in the client's higher self, and the complete attunement process.The final level of training, the course of the Reiki Master.Luckily with a Shihan is a healing method have started to become a Chikara-Reiki-Do Master, Usui Reiki or spiritual lives.
Also, more progressive steps in distance or directly with hands on her journey to the challenged area and visit him or her?These processes will help you to make universal energy flows within us.Reiki is a very valid question, do you get to know which one is more of an injury or negative patterns into positive, flowing energy.You have a broken night, for whatever reason.If you had to give yourself a cup of coffee even though people refer to healing that he was seeking the meaning of Cho Ku Rei is known to be let go of.
Reiki can never cause ill effects or be misused by the healer can send you my love and love of self care.Sometimes people marvel at the level of Reiki therapy can help both your ability as well as mental disorder also the malingerer or distance healing symbol is to find the way you will want full comfort while enjoying the massage.This enhances the effects of Reiki may feel as if the chakras where extra healing is truly attuned to this life energy channels opening to a person.During pregnancy it flows can change the events, as past things cannot be proven.Here, you become of the symbols, draw them to take along as a whole.
We are all human, with a very personal thing.That is now embraced by the US government.The system utilizes or optimizes your life and life appears interesting.Reiki has outstanding positive effects on the client side to work with them in a 2500 year old Tibetan healing discipline.If a ship does not need to be healed and heal.
For distant reiki healing symbols can't be done, it can be.It is an extremely dense form of meditation, prayer, fasting, and the master to the more powerful they will be very well grounded before they leave.This can occur and wonderful things begin to practice the system as a system that's thought to come to terms with the anesthesia and cause complications.I found myself feeling some heat where my hand rested.Reiki is the intention to heal, improve and calm while driving, walking or biking.
Taking vegetarian steps shows kindness towards each other.At cancer wellness centers, including Healing Pathways in Rockford and The Caring Place in Las Vegas, Nevada, also offer energy to flow through.In that case reiki assist you with all other approaches.Insurance groups are now able to get up too fast as many religions and cultures can practice it is mainly used for other disciplines where the reiki power symbol.This technique helps promote the development of reiki
Reiki Therapy Jobs
Reiki symbols are usually associated with the manual adjustment feature in the United States and India in search of Reiki guidance.People attuned to Reiki is an underlying cause of it by yourself rather than just the attunement.Used in conjunction to the parched landscape of painful experiences.Reiki supplies you with a special atmosphere is dimmed lights, meditative music or bubbling water fountains.In this form of pain is pain that we get older, we get into the recipient.
Of course, it is possible to integrate the principles of Reiki.Much to my lovely Reiki pupils, this article further and this energy in order to end the suffering of others, if not you will now be able to better assist your clients and students to meet most or all the way of activating them through their mothers.The basic meaning of each and every thought that was developed by Dr. Usui MikaoThankfully, death rates from breast cancer survivor whose cancer later returned and metasticized, decided that the practitioner acts as an alternative form of Shakti, Shiva-Shakti and Shiva.It is as if having a conversation with somebody who doesn't have that paw amputated, that his leg was very excited about the show, but little bundles of energy.
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kdkathryn · 6 years
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before sunrise and psychology
attempting to fit some of jesse and celine’s conversations from before sunrise into arthur aron’s question set for accelerating intimacy between 2 strangers. (remember how someone tried this out in real life, and wrote about it in the new york times?). i’ve put in some quotes that don’t don’t directly answer the prompts, but i think they hit at the heart of them anyway. before sunset version to follow eventually, hopefully.
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Celine: I think I'm afraid of death 24 hours a day. I swear. I mean, that's why I'm in a train right now. I could have flown to Paris, but I'm too scared...When I'm in a plane, I can see it. I can see the explosion. I can see me falling through the clouds, and I'm so scared of those few seconds of consciousness before you're gonna die.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Celine: But you know what, if your parents never really fully contradict you about anything, and like are basically nice, and supportive, it makes it even harder to officially complain. You know, even when they're wrong, it's this, it's this passive-aggressive shit, you know what I mean, it's...I hate it, I really hate it.
Jesse: Well, you know, despite all that kind of bullshit that comes along with it, I remember childhood as this, you know, this magical time.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. Celine: You know, my parents never really spoke about the possibility of my falling in love, or getting married, or having children. Even as a little girl, they wanted me to think of a future career, as an interior designer or a lawyer or something. I’d say to my dad, “I want to be a writer,” and he’d say, “journalist.” I’d say I wanted to have a refuge for stray cats, and he’d say, “veterinarian.” I’d say I wanted to be an actress, and he’d say, “TV newscaster.” It was this constant conversion of my fanciful ambition into these practical, money-making ventures.
Jesse: I always had a pretty good bullshit detector when I was a kid. I always knew when they were lying to me, you know. By the time I was in high school, I was dead set on listening to what everybody thought I should be doing with my life, and just kind of doing just the opposite.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory? Jesse: My great-grandmother had just died, and my whole family had just visited them in Florida. I was about 3, 3 and a half years old. Anyway, I was in the backyard, playing, and my sister had just taught me how to take the garden hose, and do it in such a way that you could spray it into the sun, and you could make a rainbow. And so I was doing that, and through the mist I could see my grandmother. And she was just standing there, smiling at me. And then I held it there, for a long time, and I looked at her. And then finally, I let go of the nozzle, you know, and then I dropped the hose, and she disappeared. And so I went back inside, and I tell my parents, you know. And they sit me down give me big rap on how when people die you never see them again, and how I'd imagined it. But I knew what I'd seen. And I was just glad that I saw that.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? Celine: Everything is so finite. Jesse: But don’t you think that’s what makes our time and specific moments so important?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? Celine: I think I can really fall in love when I know everything about someone. The way he’s going to part his hair, which shirt he’s going to wear that day, knowing the exact story he’d tell in a given situation.
Jesse: Love is a complex issue...I mean, yes, I had told somebody that I love them before, and I had meant it. Was it totally a totally unselfish, giving love? Was it a beautiful thing? Not really, you know.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. imaginary telephone conversation:
Céline: He has beautiful blue eyes, nice big lips, greasy hair, I love it. He's kind of tall, and a little clumsy. I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away. He kind of kisses like an adolescent, its so cute. Yeah, we kissed. It was so adorable. As the night went on, I began to like him more and more.
Jesse: You know how they say we're all each others' demons and angels? Well, she was literally a Botticelli angel. Just telling me that everything was gonna be okay...She was sitting next to this very weird couple who started fighting so she had to move. She sat right across the aisle from me. So we started to talk, and she didn't like me much at first. She's super smart, very passionate, um... and beautiful. And I was so unsure of myself. I thought everything I said sounded so stupid.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? Celine: I really can't complain about anything. You know, [my parents] love me more than anything in the world, and I have been raised with all the freedom they had fought for. And yet for me now, it's another type of fight. We still have to deal with the same old shit, but we can't really know who, or you know, what the enemy is.
Jesse: Everybody’s parents fucked them up. Rich kids’ parents gave them too much. Poor kids’, not enough. You know, too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they stuck around and taught them the wrong things. I mean, my parents are just these two people who didn't like each other very much, who decided to get married and have a kid, and the try their best to be nice to me.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Jesse: I remember my mother once. She told me, right in front of my father, they were having this big fight, that he didn't really want to have me, you know, that he was really pissed off when he found out that she was pregnant with me, you know, that I was this big mistake. And I think that really shaped the way I think. I always saw the world as this place where I really wasn't meant to be.
Céline: I think [I’m close with my grandmother] because I always... I always have this strange feeling that I am this very old woman laying down about to die. You know, that my life is just her memories, or something.
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ...”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ...” Celine: So often in my life, I have been with people or shared beautiful moments like traveling or staying up all night and watching the sunrise. And I knew those were special moments, but something was always wrong. I wish I’d been with someone else. I knew that what I was feeling, exactly what was so important to me, they didn’t understand. But I’m happy to be with you.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. Celine: I told him the story about the woman that kills her ex-boyfriend, and stuff. He must be scared to death. He must be thinking I'm this manipulative, mean woman. I just hope he doesn't feel that way about me, because you know me, I'm the most harmless person. The only person I could really hurt is myself.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. see #22
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. Jesse, on his recent breakup: I didn’t want to see anybody I knew. I just wanted to be a ghost. Completely anonymous.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? not crying, but #29
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. Celine (telephone conversation): We were in the lounge car, and he began to talk about him as a little boy, seeing his great-grandmother’s ghost. I think that’s when I feel for him. Just the idea of this little boy with all those beautiful dreams. He trapped me.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Céline: I... I kind of didn't really like this reaction back at the palm reader. You were like this rooster prick...You were like a little boy whining because all the attention wasn't focused on him.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? Jesse: If somebody gave me the choice right now of to never see you again or to marry you, I would marry you. And maybe that’s a lot of romantic bullshit, but people have gotten married for a lot less.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? Celine: I used to think that if none of your family or friends knew you were dead, it was like not really being dead. People can invent the best and the worst for you.
[she discusses the death of her grandmother in Before Sunset]
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
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junker-town · 4 years
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SB Nation reviews: The Crystal Palace Dinosaurs
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Fox Photos/Getty Images
Style 10
Content 7
Overall 8.5
When you’re only allowed to leave the house once a day, it puts a lot of pressure on the morning walk. Do I point the buggy north or south? Fortunately for me, just down the road from my house is Crystal Palace park, which offers two great benefits: first, a lot of space for social distancing and the avoidance of joggers, and second, a chance to travel back in time a few hundred million years. Even luckier, this route — down to the park, round the dinosaurs, back again — is almost exactly the right length for my daughter’s first nap of the day. Synergy in the time of corona.
From time to time, I like to imagine that the Crystal Palace dinosaurs catch somebody entirely by surprise. An unsuspecting soul, ambling along the path, KeepCup in one hand and phone in the other. Then all of a sudden: horror. A creature — a monster — scaled and dreadful, clambering out of the water, out of deep time. Teeth from a nightmare; spikes serried along its back. Cracked, staring eyes. Mouth open to bite. To roar. To … to … hang on, it’s not moving.
But even if this does happen, the shock can’t last long. Once the brain catches up with itself, it will remind its owner that the dinosaurs have all been dead for a while now. And in any case, this doesn’t look like any dinosaur you know. The legs are wrong. It’s fat in the wrong places. It’s the wrong kind of strange.
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Mike Kemp/In PIctures via Getty Images
When I first saw the dinosaurs, some 15 or so years ago, I laughed. They were funny. They were wrong. They were funny because they were wrong. I was 20-odd years old and so I knew everything; certainly I knew what dinosaurs looked like. I’d seen Jurassic Park. As a child, I’d memorised every name from Aardonyx to Zupaysaurus and back again. And so, as a young and irritating adult, I knew just how silly and incorrect these weird lizards were.
They were built in the 1850s by Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins, a sculptor and natural history artist, in collaboration with various experts in early paleontology including Richard Owen, the man who came up with the word “dinosaur.” They were based on reasoned extrapolations from the available fossils and they were, for their time, as good a job as anybody could likely have done. They became a minor sensation, and Queen Victoria and Prince Albert dropped by several times.
They even made it into literature — the titular hero of HG Wells’ Kipps takes his bride to be to walk among the “strange reminders of the possibilities of the Creator … huge effigies of iguanodons and deinotheria and mastodons and suchlike”:
Kipps meditated on the monstrous shapes in sight. “I wonder ‘ow all these old antediluvium animals for extinct,” he asked. “No one could possibly ‘ave killed ‘em.”
”Why, I know that,” said Ann. “They was overtook by the Flood …”
Kipps meditated for a while. “But I thought they had to take two of everything there was —”
”Within reason they ‘ad,” said Ann …
The Kippses left it at that. The great green and gold Labyrinthodont took no notice of their conversation. It gazed with its wonderful eyes over their heads into the infinite — inflexibly calm.
But neither history nor paleontology have been kind. The park was ravaged by fire in the 1930s and afterwards the dinosaurs became run down. Even now, despite their addition to the UK’s list of protected constructions and ongoing restoration efforts, they still seem quaint. Polish them however you like, but Hylaeosaurus looks like a Harryhausen, the Teleosaurs raise their long snouts to the air like they’re tooting on trumpets, and the Labyrinthodonts, whatever Wells might have said, look like nothing so much as a pond of idling toads.
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Moment Editorial/Getty Images
Of all London’s many parks, Crystal Palace is the most post-apocalyptic. As such the dinosaurs, long-fallen monarchs dragged forward through time by their planetary heirs, suit their space well. So does the coronavirus, as it goes: the quiet skies, the awkward distance, the sense of the world moving from a known past to an unknowable future.
It is named for a vast Victorian glass exhibition house that was built in Hyde Park, up in central London, to host the Great Exhibition of 1851. After the exhibition ended the whole edifice was taken down and moved eight miles south, to preside over a newly defined park in a leafy suburb. New lakes were dug, dinosaurs were built.
The Palace is no longer there. It burned down in 1936, and subsequent movements to rebuild the thing have founded on issues of cost, of time, and a general sense that there’s always something more important to be getting on with. But you can walk around the space where it was, which is still freighted with its absence. Stone mountings support a great emptiness. Grand steps carved into the landscape lead nowhere at all. Guardian sphinxes sit at rest, with nothing to watch over.
These sphinxes were recently restored and repainted a startling shade of red, somewhere between blood and rust. This, apparently, was their original colour, back when they guarded the steps of the Exhibition, but it has the odd effect of making them seem somehow less historical than they did. Old stone, historical stone, is crumbling and grey, stained with water and furred with moss. It wears its time like a lined face; the past can be read into it. Here the search for the authentic has produced something jarring, a double anachronism: they seem neither new nor old, but rather to have fallen out of time altogether.
Being older, wiser, and significantly more tired, and being reconciled to the fact I don’t know everything and often barely know anything, which I understand to be the condition of adulthood, I no longer find the wrongness of the dinosaurs funny. But I like them a lot more than I did. There is something encouraging and heartening about their wrongness. They stand now not as monuments to the power of Victorian science, an empire extending itself into the distant past, but bear witness to the fallibility of humanity.
Because, dear reader, it turns out that I was wrong as well. Jurassic Park was wrong.
I remember, as a kid, being impressed by the teeth and the horns and all the rest but most of all by the seriousness of dinosaurs: the grand longnecks, the terrible sharptooths. Even The Land Before Time is clear that its characters’ frivolity is a consequence of their childhood; the adult dinosaurs are just as serious as they should be. The dinosaurs I grew up with, once I’d left that early childhood stage where everything can be any colour and started reading books with pretensions to accuracy, were drab creatures. They ran from grey through brown and on to dark green, with just the occasional flash of colour to keep things interesting. Serious colours: all the flavours of military camouflage
We know better now. We know — we think we know; we are currently advancing as our best guess; the science has changed — that dinosaurs, or at least quite a few of them, were riotous explosions of feathers, profusions of colour. Hilarious, dramatic, and even a little bit camp. I wonder, sometimes, as I push the buggy past the Iguanodon’s portly shape, how the feathering of dinosaurs might have altered my childhood obsession. Perhaps it would have been less serious, less taxonomic — I know all the names! I am insufferable! — and more playfully strange. Or perhaps I would have just got into stamps instead.
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Imagno / Contributor / Getty Images
For Christmas, my partner and I bought our daughter an A to Z dinosaur poster, painted by the artist James Barker. The paintings are colourful, gleefully ridiculous, almost expressionist; a far cry from the greens and the greys of my youth. This is not an attempt to depict dinosaurs as they were, with as much accuracy as the moment allows. Rather, these are dinosaurs as they might have been. As it would have been fun for them to have been. Why shouldn’t Allosaurus be bright blue, with an orange head. Are you going to laugh at it?
The Crystal Palace monsters aimed for accuracy and so, as knowledge moved on, became ridiculous. Now they have been reclaimed, are celebrated in their wrongness. You can buy a T-shirt. Meanwhile the Crystal Palace sphinxes were restored with dutiful attention to authenticity, which has had the paradoxical effect of taking them out of all possible places. The dinosaurs on my daughter’s poster dance the line between these two: they are playfully, consciously incorrect. They peer out from behind their probable-feathers, a rainbow of possible-colours, and in their ambiguity they propose a relationship to the past that is imaginative and free. That takes what we know, acknowledges that we don’t know everything, and asks not what a thing should be, but what it could be.
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Image courtesy James Barker
Fun fact: there was an Andrewsarchus. Not a dinosaur, not quite, but a prehistoric ungulate that slouched around what is now Inner Mongolia some 25 million years after the last Tyrannosaur lay down and died. As delightful as having my own almost-dinosaur was, however, it could not stop me cultivating an obscure jealousy of my brother, Peter, and his near-perfect overlap with the mighty Pteranodon.
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mbtizone · 7 years
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Prue Halliwell (Charmed): ESTJ
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Dominant Extroverted Thinking [Te]: One of Prue’s trademark characteristics is her bossiness. She tends to be overly critical and domineering. Prue is good at giving orders to other people and can be a control freak. As a teenager, she was student body president and the head cheerleader. Prue needs facts and proof in order to believe something. It was harder for her to accept the existence of the supernatural than it was for her sisters, and only truly believed when she unintentionally used her power. She is blunt, direct, and knows how to take charge. Prue effortlessly slips into the leadership role and lays down rules for others to follow. She is practical, focused, organized, logical, and often clashes with Phoebe, who is more free-spirited and aimless. It’s nearly impossible for Prue to understand Phoebe’s lack of direction. Prue is extremely logical and typically follows her head instead of her heart. She doesn’t shy away from confrontation and doesn’t usually sugarcoat it when she has something unpleasant to say.
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Auxiliary Introverted Sensing [Si]: Prue has difficulty letting go of the past. Water is her biggest fear because her mother drowned. She can’t say “I love you” to her sisters, because that was the last thing she ever said to their mom before she died. Prue’s past experiences shape all of her present feelings. Because she has such strong ties to her past, she tends to hold grudges for a very long time. She’s the least willing to give her dad a second chance when he attempts to be a part of their lives again. She doesn’t want anything to do with Phoebe because she mistakenly believes that Phoebe made a move on her ex-fiancé. And Prue never really trusts Cole again after learning that he was Balthazar, regardless of how many times he saves them or fights alongside them. Prue has a very good memory and is very detail-oriented. She is extremely responsible, even sacrificing her own childhood to help raise her two younger sisters. When Andy dies, Prue blames herself and has a hard time letting go. After his death, she never has a serious relationship again. Prue tends to be conservative, cautious, and dislikes surprises. The majority of Prue’s adult life was spent working in places that have strong ties to the past. When we first meet her, she is working at the Museum of Natural History. Then, she goes on to spend a year and a half identifying and authenticating various antiques at Buckland Auction House.
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Tertiary Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: It’s easy for Prue to list all of the ways something might go wrong, which is a contrast from Phoebe, who tends to be more optimistic. Prue doesn’t think up possibilities as a way to entertain herself. If she’s coming up with ideas, it’s because her Te is requiring it. When there’s a problem, she can think about it and come up with connections. Eventually, Prue gets to a place where she is sick of her job at the auction house and spontaneously decides to quit and follow her former dream of becoming a photojournalist. Prue is usually good at thinking of a quick lie on the spot to cover for her being a witch.
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Inferior Introverted Feeling [Fi]: It’s not easy for Prue to express her emotions. She cares about her sisters deeply, but has trouble putting her feelings into words. As previously mentioned, Prue is unable to tell her sisters that she loves them because of her painful past (Si-Fi). She has a firm sense of right and wrong, and is typically the one to enforce moral rules for the sisters to follow (Fi-Te). Of the three, Prue is usually the strictest about not using their powers for personal gain (though, when desperate, she breaks her own rule). Prue tends to internalize a lot of her feelings instead of dealing with them. She blames herself for Andy’s death, which manifests as her losing faith in her powers and wanting to get rid of them. She carries a lot of guilt for hurting Phoebe in a car accident when they were younger and holds onto that for many years (Si-Fi). Prue enjoys helping innocents and fighting evil. Being a force for good is an important part of her personal identity. She tends to see things as black and white. Death is the “ultimate evil” to her and she is hostile towards him when they meet, but, in reality, Death is an inevitability, and not good or bad.
Enneagram: 1w2 Sx/Sp
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Quotes:
Prue: He’s dead, Phoebe. Phoebe: No, he moved from New York, but he’s very much alive. Prue: He isn’t to me. He died the day he moved out. Phoebe: What are you talking about? He’s always been a major button-pusher for you. You’re mad he’s alive, you’re mad that I tried to find him, and you’re mad that I moved back. Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. (several shelves collapse, and Prue and Phoebe burst out laughing)
Prue: Our powers are not toys.
Victor: Always in a hurry, Prue. You skipped crawling and went straight to walking. Prue: Oh, we’re sharing memories. Well, I’ve got one of my own – your back walking out the door.
Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash. Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?
Prue: Seasons change, people don’t… Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door? Prue: That’s different. Phoebe: How is that different? Prue: You’re my sister.
Phoebe: We can’t find anything about revearsing the Wendigo thing. Prue: Well, there’s got to be something. Oh, didn’t you check this at the bottom of the page? “c.f. Desiderata.” Phoebe: Yeah, like we’re supposed to know what that means. Prue: Well, it means “conferred desiderata.” It’s Latin for “look up things that are yearned for.” Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re so very smart.
Phoebe: Well, if you can’t teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner? Just think on the money we’ll save on carpet cleaning alone. Prue: Phoebe, we can’t use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson.
Prue: Piper, just help me look for it. Piper: Okay, relax, we’ll find it. Prue: You don’t know that! I mean, what if it’s lost? What if we can’t find it? Then we’re stuck in our future bodies, with no way of getting out of them, and no way of saving Phoebe!
Prue: I have no one to say goodbye to. My life…they didn’t even know who you were at the office, my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read “Here lies Prue, she worked hard.”
Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can’t fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on.
Leo: We’ll help you out. Prue: No, no, no. I’ll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head. Piper: Wait, we have couple issues? Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice!
Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole “staring off into space aimlessly” thing that you’ve got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent. Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue.
Prue: Listen, here’s the deal. Balthazar killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Balthazar.
Prue: I know somebody who can see anything. Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair? Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.
Prue: I don’t obsess. I think… intensely… anyway, I can’t really help it. I mean, we’ve seen so many bizarre things, why not a man in a painting?
Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think? Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question.
Prue: You know, if this doesn’t work I can look back and pinpoint the exact moment where it all went wrong. Piper: And that moment’s name would be Dad? Prue, you gotta admit if he can open the door we kinda need him. Prue: It’s all about word choice Piper, we don’t need him, we need his utter lack of power. Right? He opens the door, we save the day, we get on with our lives. It’s a one time group effort. Piper: Glad to see you have a healthy handle on the situation, Prue. Prue: I think I do!
Prue: You don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me. Death: But I’ve seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steel yourself against me as if I was the ultimate evil.
Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.
Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I’m searching for evil. You can’t get more balanced than that.
Piper: Ahh, what happened? Leo: You almost dead, that’s what happened. Piper: Yeah, what else is new? Prue: Oh, where’s Shax? Phoebe: I tried to use the vanquishing spell on him. But I think I just wounded him, he turned into the wind. Prue: Maybe the spell needs more than one witch for full effect. Ah, OK, come on. Piper: Come on, come on, where? Prue: Let’s go find him. So we can finish it off while he still hurt. Look, you just stay here with Griffiths, alright? If Shax comes back, say the spell to fend him off. OK, come on.
Prue: Oh my god.. and she’s been acting really.. and she left without saying.. and and the bottle, she wanted to destroy it. Phoebe: I’m trying to jump on your thought train but you’re moving a little too fast for me here.
Prue: I don’t get it. I have checked everything. There’s no reason why the chandelier should not be working. Piper: We’ve been talking about what to do with that spare room. I think you’re right, we do need a roommate. Prue: Well we could rent out a room at a reduced rate in exchange to help around the house.
Piper: Well, maybe this is our destiny, maybe it’s just not meant to be. Leo: You don’t believe that. Piper: Don’t I? Prue: I don’t. I mean, look, this whole year has just been a series of tests, right? To see what we’re made of. Well, maybe this is one more test. Which means we can’t give up, alright? So while the Elders are figuring out what we’re supposed to do, we still have work to do, okay? Piper: Dr. Griffiths? Prue: Yeah, if we don’t catch him before he gets out of surgery, Shax will. (to Leo) Unless you know something we don’t? Leo: No, you’re right, your powers aren’t enough to vanquish him. You’ll need the three of you to say the spell. Prue: Yeah, well, we only have two of us. Don’t ask, just orb us to the hospital, okay? Leo: I can’t. The Elders won’t let me. They don’t wanna risk exposing Whitelighters too. (Darryl comes back in) Piper: Cowards! Prue: Fine, we’ll just save him without your guys help. Let’s go. Darryl: Whoa, Prue, Prue. Even if you can save your innocent, that still doesn’t save yourselves. Prue: Yeah, I know that, Darryl, but first things first, alright? Try and buy us as much time as possible with your captain as you can. (to Leo) And you, why don’t you get back up there and White light a fire underneath your bosses butts.
Prue Halliwell (Charmed): ESTJ was originally published on MBTI Zone
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boredinterview · 4 years
Conversation
Tyler Mechlem on his cat Pete, The Sopranos, and self-growth.
H: how’s it going?
T: It is… I don’t know! (laughing) I’m definitely thankful to have a roommate right now. before this apartment I lived alone for a couple years which was before I had Pete too. that and nobody it would be so much worse.
H: yeah, seriously. I really feel for anyone that lives alone right now.
T: it would be rough. it’s cool you guys have each other right now. I feel bad for people like that too. you’d get in your head even more, even more than I already do.
H: calling people only does so much you know?
what does your day look like usually?
T: right now I have been working some. it’s kind of helped to be around people in the sense of getting your mind off things. having some time to get away a little bit, but of course it’s also scary too.
H: you said you work at Fresh Market?
T: yeah I work at Fresh Market now. and then when I’m not working I’ve been trying to go out and hike when I can, early in the day when there aren’t really people around. and work on music, I’m trying to work on music as much as I can right now which is like not easy.
H: yeah, cause you’re at home?
T: yeah, but trying to do as much of that as I can. so it kind of depends on the day but I’m at least trying to keep myself occupied with projects and things.
H: that’s totally what this is for me as well, it’s something I can work towards and go where it goes.
T: yeah totally, I think it’s a great idea and I’m sure it’s nice because you’re communicating with people.
H: yeah it’s been really nice!
what is your relationship to time?
T: oh to time! that’s a good good question. I think about this a lot lately, it’s kind of weird. when I think back to high school, I feel like I was such a different person it feels like it was another life. it’s weird to look back because I feel like I was just so different. I get kind of scared of the future in ways. I think sometimes I have these idealized scenarios where I’m like “oh yeah, this is going to happen at some point, whatever” and then I’m afraid that it’s not and I’m going to live in some weird regret or something!
H: I sympathize with that. What is your astrological sign again?
T: I’m a gemini, but I’m a gemini / Taurus cusp.
H: I feel like I can be kind of an idealist when it comes to imagining the future. I’m like “it’ll be great!”
T: yeah I feel like I totally romanticize it cause I’m like “oh yeah, at that point it’s going to be like this” but then I might be the same thing I’m doing now and how am I going to make what I want happen if I’m just in my head about it? I need to work on that. I think now is even a weirder time cause you have so much time alone and your mind is going there all the time so it makes it harder, but I’m trying! (laughing)
H: you have a job which maybe helps, but it’s so weird to just spend so much time at home with your thoughts.
T: very!
H: it helps so much to have a reason to get out of your head, and you have to work harder to create that for yourself now.
T: for sure, and it’s weird cause I was actually—before this when I wasn’t working at the grocery store and I was doing music more and other things more and delivering food at night so my days at that point were more open, which is weird. at that point, maybe even more so I had more time to be in my head. it’s been a lot of that for a while now.
H: there’s a bunch of people too who are just as busy if not more busy than they were before, which is wild!
T: all the people that are working from home, it’s a hard transition. I have a few friends that are doing that.
H: tell me something awesome.
T: awesome, wow okay! honestly I talk about him too much, but my cat!
(Harris, Audrey and Madison collectively cheering for Pete)
T: he makes my life so much better, I never thought a cat could do that. I had a lot of cats growing up and they were cool but Pete’s like a human.
H: what is your story with Pete? how did you meet? what was the initial connection like, how did you know that he would be your buddy forever?
T: oh it’s a really funny story. I had thought about getting a cat for a little while and I was over at my mom’s house visiting her and we were drinking margaritas for whatever reason. she just had margarita mix and I was like okay! so we’re drinking margaritas and my sister texts me and she’s like “hey I’m at my friend’s house and this cat just showed up and we don’t know what to do with him” and she’s like “do you want him?” and I’m like “Yeah! just bring him over!”
H, M, A: (laughing)
T: and she just brought him over and that was pretty much it. it’s weird though because I feel like he might have been somebody’s cat that got out. I first I thought he was a stray but he’s always been so loving, he loves people and he’s so good at being a house cat that I feel like there’s no way he was a stray. I might’ve stole him, but I think he’s happier now.
H: and the rest is history. I love that.
what do you miss?
T: honestly I think what I miss the most right now is playing music with other people. that’s a big thing for me. playing music by myself and practicing and stuff it’s a lot of fun and it’s good to do but the dynamic of playing with other people is just something that I love and it’s one of the only things ever that gets me out of my head and I can just totally be free. not being able to do that is just not good. and obviously being able to see people. talking to people on the phone, texting, messaging people is good and it’s good to be able to check in with people definitely but it’s not the same.
H: yeah, for sure.
T: in person is just a totally different thing. I think a lot of people are feeling that way too.
H: yeah. what do you not miss?
T: it’s kind of nice that there’s a little bit more seclusion and certain places are more peaceful because less people are there. part of that is kind of upsetting because of people being locked in but it’s nice to go somewhere in nature and be more alone.
H: I’ve been enjoying that as well.
T: yeah, there’s something kind of nice about it. the hustle bustle, all that craziness. it’s strangely good for people in a way just to know we can make it through, and we can take a break from all that. I think there’s positives to be had if you can look at it that way.
H: I agree, it definitely gives you time to consider what’s important.
T: yeah, definitely. I’m thankful for that.
H: tell me something that has brought you joy lately.
T: I’ve been reading a lot lately. I did non-fiction for a while and then I switched to fiction, and then lately I’ve kind of gotten back to non-fiction. helpful books, mental health type things. my therapist just sent me a book in the mail which was really nice. and recently I’ve gotten back in touch with drawing, I haven’t drawn in such a long time. my roommate is really good, we’ve just been drawing together lately and it’s cool. I stopped for a while, but I’ve gotten back to doing things that I wasn’t doing for a little while.
H: that’s so awesome to hear!
T: yeah it’s been nice.
H: what TV show are you watching right now?
T: I started on the fucking Sopranos. I see why people love it but it is a lot. I said I was going to do one episode a day but I haven’t watched for two or three days. I’ve also been watching a ton of House Hunters. there’s like one hundred and fifty seasons or something like that.
Madison: yeah, there’s like a thousand episodes!
T: and that’s just the normal! you’ve also got the international, and then you’ve got the renovation one.
M: I remember seeing that and freaking out!
(Pete walks on camera)
(collective screaming, hooting and hollering, rambunctious joy)
T: the boy is here!
M: he is so beautiful I could cry! I will cry!
T: his fur is getting so long, look at how fluffy he is!
M: (in a sort of wailing manner) oh he looks so soft!
T: so soft.
M: I love him.
H: he’s so beautiful.
M: that just really made my day.
H: okay, what’s your secret?
T: oh my god, my secret.
H: yeah, what’s your secret to being you?
T: I think my biggest one is learning from my past, especially like childhood and stuff. everything up ‘til now I guess. and I guess learning from other people’s behavior and forming who I want to be based on that. from positive and negative experiences I would say. yeah, I think just learning as much as I can from human interaction so I can take pieces of that from different people and try to understand myself as much as I can. I started this book today and one of the most interesting things about it that kind of clicked with me is that from when you’re born, everything you learn and everything that shapes you basically is derived from other people’s experiences. like religion, or the relationships you see, it’s all kind of based on like what your parents have done and then they’re like bringing that home with you and you kind of form these opinions or beliefs that might not actually be yours just because of what you’re seeing from other people. it’s about breaking that down and realizing who you actually are, which kind of resonated with me.
H: what is the name of the book?
T: it’s called The Four Agreements, I just started it today. I don’t want to say it has religious overtones, but they do get in to that a little bit which I don’t really resonate with. but you can kind of read past that a little bit, the basis of the book so far has a lot of good information though.
H: I love that answer! tell me something you’re confident in.
T: I would say being myself. at this point I know who I am more than I ever have and I don’t know exactly why or how. I don’t know if it’s learning things or through experience, probably both of those and I can definitely get caught up in trying to please other people and not being myself in certain situations but I think at the absolute basis of it, I know my values and my belief system and who I am overall. not to say there’s not like, issues in there cause there’s always more to learn but at the foundation, I do know who I am way more than I used to. in high school I was just lost completely.
H: me too!
T: it’s like a different lifetime. I was in a completely different state of mind. I think I’m proud of myself in that way.
H: when you don’t have that solid sense of self and that self-trust, it’s so hard to function in the world because you don’t know what you need or what to do. that’s amazing that you’ve gotten there.
T: thanks! there’s always more but I am happy about that.
H: yeah! what needs to happen?
T: well this needs to be over first and foremost! I’ve learned enough and I’m ready to move on. (laughing) in other senses, there’s good that’s come out of this for sure but there’s a lot of division overall. now you’re starting to see it. you’ve got like the protestors who are protesting the shutdown and all that. and it’s hard to even have a solution because you can’t just be like “oh everybody needs to come together” like that’s great and all that but how are you going to do that? I don’t know what the solution exactly is but I feel like as always trying to break down that division between people. maybe it’s helping people connect in certain ways, but there’s always more that needs to be done. I wish I had an answer.
H: tyler, how do we solve the world?
T: I don’t know how we go about it exactly. hopefully we can figure it out at some point. (laughing)
H: tell me a lie.
T: okay! I am completely happy and I feel great (laughing). yeah! basically that.
H: tell me something true.
T: something true and something that I’m thankful for is to have some love and support for my family. as of late my mom and I have gotten closer. there’s still some weird things there but we’ve gotten closer and I’m happy about that. same with my sister, she’s growing up. she’s still a little kid but she’s older now and she’s doing some cool stuff. we’ve been talking more often.
H: that’s great! time for some one word questions.
wanting?
T: love and happiness.
H: allowing?
T: acceptance.
H: hell yeah. lucid?
T: for some reason astral projection comes to mind.
H: (laughing) perfect! needing?
T: attention. that sounds negative, but I think we all do a little bit right now.
H: believing?
T: that there is some kind of connection between all the things. I don’t really believe in religion exactly but I want to believe that they’re connected.
H: I want to believe that too for sure. last one, feeling?
T: ease and unease. depends on the moment, I’m kind of going back and forth. when I’m in the forest I feel ease. everything else, I don’t know! (laughing)
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The Nuiances of Essays about Family
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The Nuiances of Essays about Family
The Nuiances of Essays about Family
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25 & Grounded.
You never forget where you came from.
Though that may sound simplistic and incredibly cliche, it’s the truth. This weekend I was able to spend time with my tribe, my village, my little piece of Heaven..and sometimes Hell if we’re being honest: my family. It made me think, we’ve been through some tough times with each other; more than I’m particularly ready to share in this post, but it was those times that shaped me into the woman that I am today. Let me explain. I’m frugal as a motherfucker & I got it from my mother. We didn’t have much growing up, but what we lacked in material things, we more than made up for with love and laughter. Don’t get me wrong, Nanette Laverne was no softie, and she certainly had a firm hand on each of her children (sparing the rod was never an issue in my household, so she didn’t have any spoiled children if you know what I’m saying). However, she found ways to make each of us feel special, even though we didn’t have the nicest things. “We’re not ghetto, we’re ghetto FABULOUS,” my mother would say, meaning we didn’t have it like that, but we didn’t need to show it. Of course, we know that no parent is perfect, and being human, my mother made her share of mistakes, but in my eyes, she was still Superwoman. She made sure we had food on the table, a roof over our heads and clothes for church on Sunday. She always made certain that we had everything we needed, even if we didn’t always get what we wanted. I will always cherish her for taking care of my siblings and me all by herself because my childhood taught me the value of a dollar and hard work. 
I inherited my love for music from my uncle. My uncle Eddie was the only true father figure I had in my life and his house was the place to be growing up. My fondest memories are of the times my entire family would come to visit and the house was filled with melanin, ma dear(my grandmother), and music. Old school music to be exact. My favorite song that my uncle ever played for me was As by Stevie Wonder. We were laying on the floor in his living room (that no one was allowed to be in so I was clearly VIP up in that joint), eating potato chips, and having the usual uncle-niece jam session. My uncle made me sit there and listen to that song over and over, and I loved it, but never knew the depth of what Stevie was saying, and my uncle looked right at me as he sang the words:
“Loving you until the day the Earth starts turning right to left,
Still loving you until the Earth just for the sun denies itself,
Still loving you until mother nature says her work is through,
Still loving you until the day that you are me and I am you
...Now ain’t that loving you?
Now that’s really loving somebody!”
I looked at my uncle like he had four heads, three hands, and a peg leg; I didn’t know what the hell he was jabbering about. Now that I’m older, I realize the importance of the song. Now for anyone that doesn’t know this song, it’s 7 minutes of Stevie essentially saying that he will love this person until the impossible becomes possible, since none of the scenarios depicted in the song have even the slightest chance of taking place; Even so, this song was Stevie’s proclamation of loving this person into eternity, and my uncle was telling me that he loved me just the same. Eddie C. is a simple man, but when it comes to music, he is poetic. I mean we would listen to all the late greats from The Temptations to Stealers Wheel, from Stevie Wonder to Cher, and of course, I know every Michael Jackson song in the book. Since then, we’ve traded in our potato chips for Pineapple Paul Masson, and instead of lying on the living room floor, we chill on the sofa, but to this day, I cherish the moments we share, and I attribute my relationship with all genres of music to him. 
My quick wit and superior comedic expertise (wink, wink)? Those I owe to my four siblings--three biological and one that my mother essentially raised from birth--we were some funny ass kids man. I told you we didn’t have much, so we had no choice but to be close. My siblings were my best friends and my worst enemies, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love them to the moon and back because nobody gets it like we do because when no one else was there, we had each other. My brothers' sly mouths forced me to have tough skin and a quick response to any joke they threw at me. Now my sister was the self-proclaimed second mother and boss of the house, so nothing got past her, but somehow, we still got into some shit under her nose, and she would be pissed. We had the best times together. I could tell you some stories, but we’d be here all day, so we’ll save that for another post. All in all, we were all we had and all we needed, and to this day I love each and every one of them for their contributions to my otherwise dull existence. 
I say all of that to say this, though I may be a loner about 80-90 percent of the time, I will always remember my roots. We all should remember where we came from, even if it’s not the prettiest place in the world. Without our roots, we would otherwise be wayward souls floating aimlessly through life with no foundation to help us remember who we are. Your tribe should always remind you of home and the pieces of your life that you won’t forget: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Your family should be your real day one niggas because they have literally been there since the beginning and will be there in the end. I know that not everyone grew up with a family unit, and those are the people I empathize with because I really don’t know where I would be without mine. Even though they can sometimes be an albatross around my neck, I wear it like a badge of honor because the love I have for them is comparable to none. 
If you take nothing else from this post, remember to stay grounded. Spend time with whomever you consider family, whether you’re related or not, because they are your support system. Remember that when life tries to blow you away, you may bend and constantly face the threat of being taken over, but it’s your roots that keep you safely tethered to your truth and who you really are. We don’t have to love the ugly parts of our foundation, but we can use those bricks to build from as we come into our own. Revisit your roots this week. Look at old photos, call your parent(s), or spend time with your siblings. In doing so, you’ll remember why you go so hard and why you are the person that you are, because of where you came from. Life doesn’t get any easier, but with your tribe, you can face the world. 
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