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#childhood trauma
vintagestrawberrydoll · 51 minutes ago
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i wanna be okay, the question is do i deserve it?
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chimeric-art · 4 hours ago
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have you ever looked at a sunset 
and wished with all your heart 
to fly away from where you are?
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its-all-down-hill · 4 hours ago
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creatediana · 4 hours ago
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“On Seeing Old Photos (Butterfly Needles)” - a poem written 6/18/2021
#2021#college years#dactylic meter#catalectic dactylic meter#dactylic dimeter#poetry#quatrains#form poetry#rhyme scheme#childhood poetry#chronic illness#spoonie poetry#i dont usually talk or even think a lot about my frequent childhood trips to the hospital#but i saw some pictures yesterday that made me feel some things#i didnt even remember taking those photos till i saw them#and i looked at them... they were on my mom's desk for some reason and she wasn't home#i hadn't seen them. i don't remember what they were taken for. i was in the emergency room. i knew they were being taken. i didnt care#i looked like a little child corpse and it felt so strange seeing that and im like oh. this was my life. no this IS my life.#i still deal w the emotional trauma of a deprived childhood not to mention i still deal w health problems to this very day#i dont write about it a lot. but every once in awhile... maybe once or twice a year... i just think about all that i never got to have#and i feel numb. i was numb about it at the time. i didnt even really think about all the innocence and freedom i was missing.#it took at least until i was in middle school to realize wait that wasnt normal. and then i had even more... to go through#middle school was another hard time#it's also hard bc i look exactly the same as when i was a child just older. same freckled face same long wavy red hair#i dont even like wear makeup or alter my hair or do anything to make me even a little bit different i just look *slightly* more like an adul#t....... a few weeks ago i went to have blood drawn (i also did on wednesday as i mentioned in the piece)#but the woman a few weeks ago asked if i was old enough to sign for myself even tho i had to give her my date of birth#to confirm my identity/insurance#lol. p sure most if not all ppl born in april of 1999 are around 22 now? or at least over 18. idk i might be wrong#anyway i dont even see myself in that girl like i cant believe i was there and yet i felt... like i could walk around in that room all over
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Huh… anyone else ever have moments of intense introspection and revelation about why you’ve ended up the way that you have? Something I watched tonight got me thinking. Hopefully a bit of thinking will lead to positive changes in my self-confidence… but I’m equally worried that I don’t even know if I can affect my cognitive behaviour in such a fundamental way- it’s something from way back in my past that has really entangled itself in my behaviours… Still… I’m hopeful- this just might have been the breakthrough in understanding that I’ve been needing.
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enby-axels · 5 hours ago
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looking back on my childhood... and wow yts really traumatized me lololol 😐😐
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rossthedirector · 7 hours ago
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i hope my childhood traumas and my future concerns will leave me alone because i would really appreciate an eight hours sleep
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isolatedfeline · 9 hours ago
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So the boyfriend and I watched The Ring last night on Netflix, and I just wanna know---why did I find that movie scary as a young child? Like Samara is definitely creepy, and the whole “Seven Days” Phone call still gets me, but like?? I feel like because I was so young i found that movie much more scary than it actually was and I wanted to toss these thoughts out on the dash today because I need answers. 
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punkhalfgod · 10 hours ago
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I’d rather loose because I didn’t try at all than loose because my best wasn’t enough and that’s why I never put effort in anything I’m not automatically good at. There’s just no way I would humiliate myself by trying hard and then failing. I’d rather play it cool and have fun so no one will expect anything from me and if I win then people will play it off as luck and praise me for being lucky. I just don’t get why people would put effort in something they’re not 100% sure of winning
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hope-strength-courage · 11 hours ago
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What I Remember From The Time Of My Mum’s Death 💔 - 18/06/2021
I was 6 years old when my Mum died in 1998 so I don’t really remember her and only remember a few things from the time of her death.
My Dad coming to pick me up from my Granny’s and talking to the rest of the family in the kitchen without me. I remember continuing to play in the lounge and thinking it was strange they shut the door. Obviously I realise now he was either telling them my Mum died or talking about it.
I remember going home with my Dad and he sat me on his lap and told me my Mum had died.
He said along the lines of “You know Mummy was really poorly, well she’s died” or “she’s gone”. I don’t remember the wording exactly.
I remember crying with my Dad and he cried too. I went to the bathroom and got him some tissue.
I remember then we talked about how she could now see the hamster we’d got.
I remember going to school on the Monday (my Mum died on the Saturday). I remember my Granny asking if I wanted her to tell my teacher and I said no I would. She came with me but I remember saying to the teacher that my Mum had died at the weekend. I don’t remember her reaction.
I remember telling my friends what happened and I remember some didn’t believe me at first. I understand we were very young but I remember being so confused as to why they wouldn’t believe me as obviously I knew it was true. I guess it was hard to comprehend at such a young age.
I remember when it was the funeral I wasn’t allowed to go, I stayed with my Granny. I was also told I was poorly but I don’t actually think I was I just think my family felt it was too much for me to go which I do understand on one hand but for me personally I’ve spent my whole life wishing I’d gone to the funeral. It was the only chance I could have said goodbye. Like some kind of closure. I know it would have been incredibly difficult but it’s always been something I’ve struggled with actually that I never went to her funeral.
I think I remember going to the Grave Yard after the funeral with my Dad and my Auntie but I can’t remember how long after this was. I think it was to show me when she was buried but I don’t know if this is a real memory or not.
I don’t actually remember anything else that followed this time to be honest. I remember general things like hating Mother’s Day as I felt different because I made my cards at school or Brownies for my Granny. She was like my Mum anyway but I just didn’t like feeling different or having to talk to the teacher about it. I wanted to make a card for my Mum still but I don’t think I ever asked if I could. I think I felt like maybe people would find that weird why I’d make a card for someone that’s no longer here but I think it would have helped me. As I got older I did sometimes buy her a card and I’d put it under my pillow and in my mind tell myself she’d get to see it somehow.
I think some of my grief was actually complicated by the fact I had so few memories of my Mum myself and my family were reluctant to talk about her and I became too scared to ask as I always felt like they didn’t like her. I don’t know if that’s true or not and I know they were probably just hurt for me but she was ill, it doesn’t matter that it was Mental Illness, she was ill and shouldn’t be judged for that. I think it was just a very sad situation and I hope that she is no longer suffering and now at peace.
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pathologising · 11 hours ago
colleges rly belike "oh u have some syndromes haha 😅😅 uhhh that's kind of ugly actually 👀👀 not saying u can't do college here ahaaa but we hate you." like ok thanks
PLEAASKRKE SO REAL I was so nervous filling out my student healthcare center form bc i know they can technically evict you for being too insane so I'm like -_-
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