#childhood trauma… in this gay’s past

[atyourmerci]

Vengeance (500 followers celebration!!)

The boat scene we deserved ;)

♡ ♡

Summary: Abby finds you drunk, hiding away on a boat. Will you leave your girlfriend and run off with your childhood love?

Warnings: smut, MDNI, dom!abby, sub!reader, hate sex, abby being possessive, cheating (tsk tsk don’t do this), fingering, slapping, slight overstimulation, dubcon since reader is drunk but consenting

A/N: so this is the overall winning poll for the celebration so I hope you all enjoy! I don’t think I’ve ever read boat scene for queer abby so I’m like lowkey scared if this is uncharted territory lmao. Also this like loosely?? Follows what happens in g2 but I just made it gay as fuck also unrealistic for the relationship dynamic but I! Don’t! Care! Okay bye!

♡ ♡

“Thought I’d find you here,” she looks disappointed, but knowingly. Of course she would find you here, where the fuck else would you have gone, home? There was no home.

“Ya’no he’ll kill you too for just coming to find me,” slurs out your mouth, you’d be drinking since dawn perhaps. Drinking every bit you have left, not like you’d have a rainy day in store for you come sunlight.

“I’ll take my chances…” she situates herself up on the bench with her forearms lazily cast over her thighs, “how much have you had to drink,” it’s not accusatory, more of a redundant question she knew the answer to before she’d ever taken off to find you.

You take another hefty swig straight from the dirty bottle, letting the lip knock against your teeth. “Fuck off,” you throw out at her, eyes cast on the doorway she had walked through, both dead men walking now.

“So you want to tell me what happened,” now she begins to pry, all the rumors she had heard, maybe they were true, but she thought she knew you better. Once she did, when she was yours, if you could even call it that. Perhaps unspoken puppy love, a trauma bond of sorts. Whatever it was, was over, not that you ever had the decency to tell her. You were with someone else now, whether it was right or not, it was your newfound reality.

“I’m not like you…” your gaze meets hers at last, the words trail off, she knew what she had heard was true. “I couldn’t fucking do it, she was pregnant, begged for me to spare her…the kid. You don’t understand what it’s like, my morals are fucked from those people. This isn’t us. This isn’t you.”

“You don’t think I’ve been put in fucked situations?”

“That’s my point abby, this is all fucked…” you throw your hands hazardously in the air that springs droplets of the honey liquor flying out. Your feet move on their own, bringing you into an upright position as you begin closing in on her, “we are all just chess pieces in their game, when will you understand that.”

She rises out of her seat to meet your stance, she was much stronger, much more intimidating than you could ever surmount to, but the honey liquid encouragement was working overtime. “So you’re just going to run off? you can’t escape this,” her words reek of venom now.

“Come with me,” it comes out as a plea, but confident in meaning. She lets out a scoff at your attempt, shaking her head at your scheme. “What you’re just going to leave her?” She didn’t need to give a name, a further explanation, you both knew the predicament well enough.

Would you leave her?

“Yes.”

“You’re a fucking ass you know that-“ she begins to walk past you but you take grip at her muscled bicep, you feel as it twitches under your grasp.

“Abby-“ you begin to plead. She gives you one last look of adoration before ripping you to pieces.

She begins backing you into the nearest wall, pushing her hands into your chest to get you to her desired location, “no- fuck you- you don’t get to do that anymore.” She continues to dig her palms into your chest, you try to pull them off of you to no avail, on any day you’d be no match for her strength, but today the liquor only worsened your case.

“You know you’re different,” you bite at her, deepening your gaze, letting your eyes speak louder than your words could. She takes a moment to stare at you, truly wondering if you’d even meant it, if she knew the truth. “Don’t fucking do that-“ her palm grips at your throat now with no real threat as her other palm continues to dig into the flesh of your chest.

“You know it’s true abby.”

“God I fucking hate you,” she says through gritted teeth. She can barely get out the sentence before clashing her mouth against yours. She ravenous, eating you alive, digging her fingers into your soft flesh. She wasn’t allowed to have you for so long, but now, for however long she could, she’d reclaim what was hers.

Shes sloppy, mouth messy against yours as you both fight for dominance, dueling for the right over one another. While her teeth begin to bite down at your lip she brings her wavering fingers to the button of your jeans, attempting to break you out of any confines that are in her way. She rips them down off of you with no generosity as she whips you around so that your chest and palms are pressed into the wall.

You can’t see her, she wanted it that way. This was wrong, but she couldn’t stop herself. In the end you were always hers anyways.

You’re left panting into the cold wood of the walls, awaiting her punishment. Her large hands grip into your bare hips, jutting them out so they meet her completely clothed pelvis.

“Always were so pliable huh?” She taunts into the shell of your ear, making you shutter under her breath.

“I hate that you made it happen like this,” her hand swings down and lays a stinging smack into the meat of your ass, you breathe out hoarsely. “I hate what you do to me,” another smack is laid into you, this time eliciting a whine to escape your throat. “I fucking hate what you make me feel,” this time the infliction came harder than the rest, the slick now beginning to run down your thighs, aching so badly to be touched.

“Abby- please.”

Her knee comes between your own, opening them up wider for her, your slick stringing a sticky web between your thighs. Her hand snakes around your waist, without warning leaving a gentle smack onto the mound. You let out an eager whimper at the decadent pain. She rubs the wound quickly after, feeling your built up arousal in her fingertips that elicits a smug groan in your ear.

She continues to rub down your slick slit with no true target in mind, coaxing as many pathetic moans she could get at her indirection for your pleasure.

“Does she touch you like this?”

You don’t respond, brain too fuzzy to play into her antics. Another smack is laid into the soft pink flesh, hitting your swollen clit perfectly.

“Do you let her?” She says with more aggression this time, rubbing harsh circles around your clit now. You can’t help the guttural moan that comes out, “y-YES.” You should lie, but you didn’t want to know what she would do if she found out you were lying.

Her pace doesn’t falter, continuously circling the swollen bud, “does she feel better.” You pause for a moment, knowing the answer but forced with the moral dilemma of speaking it- “no.”

“I know.” Her fingers come off your clit causing a pathetic whine out of you. Her hand comes to the back of you now, her fingertips prodding at your fluttering hole, teasing the impending doom of her cruelty.

“Deep breath,” she commands of you. You pace your rapid breathing to suck in deep- when she hears the air hit your lungs she plunges her pointer and middle finger deep inside. There’s no grace, no sympathy as she beats into you. Her fingers already coated in your slick haphazardly plunging into your sweet spot.

Your screams don’t stop now, so completely full from her fingers, lust coating your eyes over white. You bite into her forearm placed next to your head to stabilize herself, teeth cutting close to the bulging veins. Her own breath beginning to falter, you can hear the faint moans trailing out her own mouth, almost completely covered by your moans.

Your walls start closing in on her fingers, she rips her free hand out of the tight enclosure of your mouth, in seconds working tight circles on your enlarged clit. The sensation of both stimulants drawing you to the edge of your climax “abby- I’m going t-“

“Tell me you don’t love her.”

She wasn’t going to make this easy, of course she wasn’t. But you’d do anything for release now. “I don’t- I- don’t!”

Her fingertips on your clit stop circling as she pinches onto it, and thrusts even harder into your hole, “say her fucking name.”

You’re screaming out, breathless, mind numb, you’d kill to finish at this point.

“I don’t love Ellie! Please!”

“Good girl now cum on my fingers,” and like that she continued, fucking into you relentlessly, fingers barely stable coated in slick at your clit.

Your ears began to ring as your orgasm took full autonomy over you, sending waves of pleasure down your pathetic structure and out through your needy throat. All you could muster out was incoherent spells of curses and the name of your capture. She took everything she could from you, never letting up till you begin to shake from the overstimulation.

Her fingers trailed from your clit to your hip, she dug her nails into the flesh there. The fingers wedged in your hole remained, gently thrusting when she felt it pulse, eliciting strained whimpers from you.

“I hate that I love you,” as she pulled her fingers out of you, leaving you there limp.

What happened before this?

Taglist: @wishbones999 @bookpagecandlescent @littlegingerperson5 @lookforthelight1 @fict1onallyobsessed @shewantstoknow @a-little-bit-of-everybody

#abby anderson #the last of us #abby anderson smut #abby x reader #abby angst #abby anderson tlou2 #abby the last of us #abby tlou #sub abby #abby x fem!reader #abby anderson fanfic #abby anderson x reader #abby x you #tlou x reader #tlou smut #tlou2 #tlou fanfiction #tlou #tlou part 2

[therainscene]

There upon a rainbow is the answer to a Neverending Story: Will's time-travelling coming-of-age

[Spoilers for The First Shadow ahead, though they don't begin until after the cut. And obligatory disclaimer that I haven't seen the play for myself yet.]

Will Byers is a character haunted by his past.

I mean, obviously, right? After the awful events of S1, Zombie Boy finds himself getting literally hunted down by a giant metaphor for trauma; by S3, when all his friends are starting to grow up, Will is still clinging pathetically to childhood escapism while that trauma metaphor continues to bristle under his skin.

That's not to say that Will's refusal to conform to other people's ideas of what growing up means isn't one of his strengths -- but there's a difference between that and refusing to grow up at all, and Will is very much digging his stubborn little heels in when it comes to the inevitable changes of adolescence.

Because Will is also a character haunted by his future.

As a gay boy growing up in an era that despises gay men, Will's fate has been quite clearly spelled out for him: if he's lucky, he'll just be looked down upon as a pervert; if he's not, he'll get murdered or become an AIDS statistic.

It's hard not to be a late bloomer when you know how quickly undesirable flowers get pruned.

So the prickling at the back of his neck doesn't just flare up in moments that remind him of his past, but also in moments that remind him of his future.

The dark intimacy of the cinema and the sweltering eroticism of the sauna remind him that his feelings for Mike are developing into something new and terrifying...

...while Milevn's heteronormative antics remind him of how unlikely it is that Mike would ever want that sort of future with him anyway.

Even his debriefing on the Mind Flayer's return hints towards his struggle to accept this truth about himself:

Will describes his encounters with the Mind Flayer as like being frozen in place, and I think that applies to his timeline too: the Shadow surrounds him on both sides, boxing him in, preventing him from moving forward or backward.

The only temporal direction open to him is sideways... towards that equally frozen realm the Shadow came from in the first place.

And he's not the only one in this predicament.

-------------------

Like Will, Henry was trapped in an alternate dimension as a child, and like Will, the Mind Flayer followed him home and possessed him -- allowing past and future to torment his adolescent self in tandem.

Brenner pressures and manipulates young Henry to give in to the dark urges demanded by the Shadow, sending him helplessly down the path towards becoming Vecna.

It's the classic self-fulfilling prophecy that dooms many a "difficult" (traumatized/neurodivergent/queer) child whom the adults in their life have no idea how to handle: Henry is deemed too broken to be worth treating with patience or compassion, and when the abuse finally does break him... well, that's just proof they were right about him all along.

The Shadow possessing Henry in 1959 somehow presents not as a formless cloud of particles, but as the spider monster he himself would shape twenty years later...

...and I think this is evidence of a predestination loop.

El didn't just banish Henry to Dimension X, but sent him back in time, allowing him to create the same monster that possessed him as a child. The Shadow was never an alien -- it was a manifestation of Henry's worst possible future, bootstrapped into existence by Brenner's meddling.

Note that this means El is also trapped in a self-creating loop:

If El hadn't used her powers to send Henry to Dimension X, then he never would have been able to sabotage his own childhood... which means Henry might never have become an asset to Brenner, which means Terry would never have been injected with Henry's blood, which means El would never have been born with powers.

To be clear: I'm not saying that El or Henry brought this on themselves.

This is all an allegory for the cycle of abuse, so the self-sabotage going on here isn't about these characters literally being to blame for what Brenner did to them, but about how they self-blame: internalizing the abuse and perpetuating harm in turn.

Let's return to Will and consider one of the show's biggest mysteries: why was he taken in S1?

The play heavily implies that Henry's powers were acquired in Dimension X, and outright states that the lab kids' powers came from Henry's blood, so it's unlikely that Will was born with powers.

Maybe Will was just in the wrong place at the wrong time... but then why was it so important that this random kid be spared from Vecna's plans to kill everyone in S2? Perhaps something happened during his week in the Upside Down that made him an asset to Vecna... but given the similarities between Will's connection to the Mind Flayer and Henry's, I propose an alternative explanation:

Whatever made Will a target in S1 is something that won't happen until S5. Because Will is also trapped in a predestination loop.

If predestination loops are what happens when a self-sabotager is linked to the supernatural, then frankly it's almost impossible for Will not to be trapped in one.

Every season since returning from the Upside Down, Will has sacrificed himself to help his friends fight the horrors... and all three of those sacrifices have been deeply entwined with his feelings for Mike.

In S2, Will was willing to die to save his friends from the Mind Flayer after Mike's heartfelt monologue broke through his possession.

In S3, Will bottled up all the pain he was feeling after his fight with Mike and refused to address it again once he realized the party was going to need his help with the Mind Flayer.

And in S4, Will pretended that his painting was actually from El in an attempt to support Mike -- and save the day once it started to look like a S2-esque monologue from Mike was needed once again.

Over and over, Will takes the love he feels for another boy and channels it into The Greater Heteronormative Good as though he's trying to atone for something. But the older he gets, the less effective that becomes:

S2's sacrifice was crucial to saving the day.

S3's sacrifice was helpful... but like... his role was to be a glorified Geiger counter; he didn't exactly need to shut down emotionally to pull it off.

S4's sacrifice did fuck all to save the day, and he definitely didn't need to meddle with Milevn's relationship by injecting a lie into it -- the painting could have passed as platonic if he wanted.

If this pattern holds, then we can expect Will's next move to start causing harm.

I usually interpret Troy's above line as Vecna foreshadowing... but what if it's actually foreshadowing how Will's nearly-adult self is going to start the chain of events that lead to 12 year-old Will's kidnapping?

Homophobes often accuse gay men of being a threat to children, which is rich because homophobia is the actual threat to children. In his desperate efforts to suppress the desires that make him a target to homophobes, all Will has accomplished is to hurt himself on homophobes' behalf. He's become a homophobe.

And thus he dooms an innocent child to needless horrors.

It's tempting to believe that Will's S5 coming-of-age is going to involve breaking the loop and undoing all the horrible things that happened...

...But I don't think this is likely to be the sort of time travel story in which the past can be undone. For one thing, Will breaking the loop would also undo the entirety of Stranger Things; for another, this show isn't really about defeating abuse so much as surviving it.

My bet would be that Will can't destroy the loop any more than he can destroy 80s homophobia. But once the loop completes, he'll also be free to leave it in the past and take a brave step into the future -- one in which he fully accepts his right to be in love and lust with a boy.

As scary as that future is...

...he might be pleasantly surprised by what he finds there.

#stranger things #the first shadow #time travel #byler #willel #will byers #henry creel #el hopper #mike wheeler #mind flayer #analysis #tfs spoilers

[mlmshipbracket]

ROUND 1: POLL #20

RicStar art by ArtofNickRobles on Twitter

ROUND 1 POLLS [HERE]

PROPAGANDA BELOW

Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas:

Karkat is Alien Jesus, and Dave is a repressed bisexual with a sword. they watch rom-coms together. Their combined childhood trauma would bring licensed therapists so far past the breaking point that the breaking point recedes and becomes just a distant happy memory. neither of them has ever been capable of shutting the fuck up. Look, sometimes you get stuck on a meteor for three years with a guy you barely know and at the end of it you would do anything for each other. their blood is the same color.

Julio Esteban "Ric" Richter/Shatterstar:

Have a lot of subtext in the 90s

Marvel's first romantic kiss between male superheroes (as I remember correctly)

[SPOILER]

[SPOILER]

They're a battle duo :]

#dave strider #karkat vantas #dave strider/karkat vantas #davekat #homestuck #julio richter #shatterstar #julio richter/shatterstar #ricstar #marvel comics #tumblr poll #tumblr bracket #mlm ship #mlm ship poll #mlm ship bracket #mlm ship bracket tournament #mlm ship bracket 2024 #mlm ship bracket tournament 2024 #fourthr1

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

"when strangers mistake me for his father i don't correct them" just break my goddamn heart why don't you. i love this and the rest of your art so so SO much and i'm dying to hear more of your thoughts on tintin and haddock's father-son/chaotic uncle-nephew dynamic, because it's one thing i wish had been developed further in canon, especially with tintin's move to marlinspike hall

Haddock and Tintin invented the found family trope! Their dynamic means so much to me, while my post canon series seems to be about Tintin and Chang's relationship it's actually more about Tintin and Haddock's found family bond and how it changes as Tintin grows older.

My thoughts on their dynamic are under the cut. It's Fathers' Day in the UK this Sunday, so happy Fathers' Day!

Haddock had a terrible childhood and has low self esteem, but values his ability as a sailor. Even that is shaken when his crew mutinies and kidnaps a teenager. As a result Haddock feels an enormous sense of guilt and responsibility for Tintin

He looks up to Tintin a lot, he inspires Haddock to always strive to be better!

He doesn't understand what Tintin sees in him but Tintin's positivity easily outshines any doubts about their friendship. Tintin brings that childlike wonder Haddock missed out on in his own childhood. Haddock goes out of his way to do stuff with Tintin he never got to do with his father, like going to the theatre or trips to the seaside.

Initially Tintin tolerates Haddock, but he proves himself with his sailing prowess in The Shooting Star. While Tintin is brave and proactive he's very introverted and closed off from people, having gained dangerous enemies at such a young age.

At first he's not used to having someone look out for him but grows to deeply appreciate Haddock. A colleague at work said Haddock is like that one middle aged guy you befriend at a job you got as a teenager and you become ride or die with through trauma bonding and I think he's exactly right!

Even though he's his best friend Tintin still keeps him at a distance. Haddock doesn't know his legal name or anything about his past. Tintin rarely opens up about personal problems out of fear of worrying him.

As Haddock has pinned so much of his self worth on Tintin, in my post canon series Haddock is forced to re-examine his friendship with him.

Haddock gets into a secret romantic relationship with Ramo Nash and gets some well earned down time from adventures, taking up painting as a hobby. It's the first time he's had time to find himself outside of being Tintin's adventuring companion, and realises he may have to make the painful decision between his best friend or staying true to himself. It's a decision he knew he had to make for a long time.

Haddock invites Chang to live in Marlinspike during his year as an exchange student in hopes he'll keep Tintin out of trouble. When Chang ends up joining in on the adventures instead Haddock is taken aback by how competent he is, and how seemingly effortlessly he is able to keep up with Tintin. Watching a younger fitter person does bring up some insecurities in him, but he later appreciates that this means he could sometimes take a break and let Chang go get shot at instead!

Tintin's tendency to keep his personal problems to himself drives a rift between them as he desperately tries to navigate coming to terms with being gay. Even though homosexuality was legal in Belgium at the time there's still a stigma, and Haddock and Tintin are terrified of losing each other's respect.

When Haddock finds out Tintin is also gay he is overjoyed, he vows to look out and to always be a safe haven for him. He grew up in fear and in the closet, so is determined to be the father figure he never had himself.

Haddock is very supportive of Tintin and Chang, but as Tintin grows closer to Chang and spends more time with him Haddock can't help but feel a little insecure. It's normal for parental figures to feel that way.

As Haddock grows older and less physically able to travel, Tintin worries if his deteriorating health is his fault. Haddock makes sure to nip this fear in the bud, and lets him know how proud he is of what they were able to do. As Haddock settles into retirement with Ramo, Tintin and Chang visit frequently to help take care of them.

Haddock never officially adopts Tintin despite everything, just in case the Haddock family curse still persists. Also "Tintin Haddock" is an absolutely awful sounding name.

Neither Haddock or Tintin can stand spiders. They get Nestor or Calculus to deal with that

imagine All of Tintin's Father Figures in a group chat in a modern AU, Haddock, Calculus, Skut, Mr Wang, Ramo Nash... The Council of Dads (Castafiore is in it too, she counts)

#tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #asks #animation #2d animation #gifset #adventures of tintin #every time i try to keep things short i cant lol #please do not tag this as the ship #people have made weird comments on older posts where i explicitly portray them as a father son sort of thing #normally i dont go out of my way to do much because hey its just silly fanart #but please dont do that on this post #man i have so many Ideas and asks but will i find time to do anything with them #reverse artists block #i have too much in my head rn

[haphazardlyannotated]

Steven Universe told from the perspective of other characters

Garnet: A story of gay empowerment from start to finish. As a book it would be titled either Made of Love or Stronger Than You and feature Garnet's gauntlets with her wedding rings on them as cover art.

Amethyst: A seemingly wacky coming of age story that drops the most heartfelt moments when your guard is down. The cover resembles kids' detective stories, the kind where the whole gang is looking around for clues to the mystery.

Pearl: Everything up to Rose's death is an ancient literary classic titled The Ballad of Rose Quartz, illustrated with intricate inkbrush paintings. Steven Universe season one to three is the kind of introspective life after tragedy novel you pick up to look sophisticated reading. It's probably titled Without Her or something similiar. I don't have a title for season four and onwards, but the blurb is "it's not easy to manage twenty girlfriends, two life partners, a son and a dark past at the same time!" It's much more lighthearted than the previous two, but still prone to punching you in the emotions with little warning.

Connie: A magical adventure series just like the Unfamiliar Familiar! It centers Steven the magical boy with his best friend and eventual love interest Connie as the female lead. The tone gets a little darker after the first book/season, but less so than the original Steven Universe (let alone Steven Universe Future).

Greg: First a coming of age story, but unlike Amethyst this one is about breaking away from toxic people in your life. This story gets its happy ending when Greg finally finds someone he can be himself with in Rose. The time until Rose's death is a romantic comedy titled My Girlfriend, her Girlfriend and Me and conists mostly of shenanigans. After Rose's death and Steven's birth, it turns into something more bittersweet centering Greg's worries about being an adequate father to his magical son.

Peridot: It's titled How I learned to stop worrying and join the Rebellion and is easily the most lighthearted installment here. Our dorky protagonist is very obviously a somewhat unreliable narrator, but in a funny way. She encounters a few struggles, but they are quickly overcome with the power of friendship.

Lapis: This is just multiple whump fics. They're in a collection titled Bad Things Happen Roulette. Steven Universe the Movie is a pretty standard fantasy adventure with a group of powerful heroes though, and Steven Universe Future is the fluff fic with a smidge of angst you'd read as a pick me up after Bad Things Happen Roulette.

Bismuth: The war is a good vs evil sci-fi story with lots of social commentary. The Diamonds are definitely irredeemable here. I don't know what to do with the few episodes of the original Steven Universe she was in, but the movie is an empowerment narrative against systemic oppression titled Still Standing, or something in that style. Steven Universe Future however is a romantic comedy.

Rose: This is just a straight (well, bi) up tragedy. Our protagonist desperately tries to recover from her childhood trauma and be a good person, but is ultimately unable to escape the prison of her own mind. The book wins several literature prizes, but very few people actually read it because it's just too depressing.

#su #steven universe #su garnet #su amethyst #su pearl #connie maheswaran #su peridot #su lapis #su bismuth #su rose quartz #garnet #amethyst #pearl #peridot #lapis #bismuth #rose quartz

[absolutebl]

Hey. Ty very much for your posts. As a woman in my 30s I got hypnotised by the beauty of the novelists and was wondering if you had similar high heat intense recommendations (also watched the samurai one "taboo"), bi or mlm with older leads and non fluffy storylines.. Moody atmospheric and venomous is my weak spot

Moody, atmospheric & venomous BL

Like, the Novelist? really?

AKA Pornographer movie series AKA The Novelist, Mood Indigo, Pornographer Playback (Japan 2018-2020) - emotional manipulation, cheating, obsession, seduction, May/December, kink, touch of necrophilia, explicit.   

Okay I got one right off the bat: seek ye....

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese

AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - obsession, cheating, breakup, reunion, then break up again, explicit, mature characters. 

Now let me think about some more:

high heat

intense

non fluffy

older leads

The last one is a doozy, so I'm not gonna use it as a qualifier. BL is most, well, about "boys" not men.

Some others that might work for you but don't meet all your criteria:

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan 2020 Netflix) - this movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. 

Innocent (Taiwan 2021 GaGa) - mental health, childhood trauma, actually kinda sweet. 

The Eighth Sense (Korea 2023 Viki - This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a KBL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled but it's really damn good.

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan 2023 Gaga) - Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. They're hot, young, in love, and total idiots.

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Thai 2023 grey or YT) - IFYLITA is an exquisite BL, elegant and classy… from Thailand which normally doesn't even try for classy. The main couple (both as a pair and individuals) were excellent, it gets hot more that explicit, but it does have sharp edges.

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan 2023 Viki) - Two young men with a shared tragic past reunite and fall in love all over again, but the past will not stop hunting them. It’s Japan in full on soft focus which means it gets emo, abusive, and chewy. These two characters are giving parts of their souls away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other it's heavy and cutting.

Moonlight Chicken (Thai 2023) - I enjoyed this complicated little show, even though it’s spectacularly messy gay with lots of shrapnel and authentic pain. EarthMix turn in their most compelling performance to date.

Bed Friend (Thai 2023 IQIYI) - Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged (ALL THE TRIGGERS). NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth.

Big Dragon (Thai 2022 Gaga) - This is a decent execution of true enemies to lovers, these two spy on and bully each other, exploring darker themes and self worth issues. The way the leads transition between anger, resentment, titillation, and flirting (and the way, with kinksters, this can all be the same thing) is really well done. A pairing that proved itself to be a lot more sophisticated than I expected with excellent chemistry, but something went askew around plot, directing, and ending. Still if you're in it for the sexy, go to, they did.

My Beautiful Man AKA Utsukushii Kare (Japan 2021 Gaga - One of the most Japanese BLs to release in the last decade, as weird and as messed up as any 2000′s yaoi: emo af and hella warped, entirely true to itself with no attempt made to modify its POV for modern sensibilities or current BL fandom. It used seriously old school problematic and kinky tropes, like whipping boy, for a truly uncompromising piece that also manages to hit up themes of communication, consent, and self acceptance. It’s a wonderful BL but uniquely dirty and harsh, in the best possible way - Japanese cinema, uncompromising.

End of the World With You

Junjou: Pure Heart

The Egoist

No thoughts on those three, not my thing.

You also might consider some of the stuff on this list:

Hope that gives you some options!

#moody bl #venomous BL #atmospheric BL #The Novelist #Mood Indigo #The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese #Your Name Engraved Herein #The Eighth Sense #My Personal Weatherman #Taikan Yoho #I Feel You Linger in the Air #japanese bl #thia bl #taiwanese bl #kroean bl #Tokyo in April is #Shigatsu no Tokyo wa #Moonlight Chicken #bed friend #Big Dragon #My Beautiful Man #Utsukushii Kare

[princesssmars]

childhood friends to lovers with victoria neuman. but it’s the boys, so it’s not perfect at all. fluff and angst and slight nsfw.

it wasn't your fault that your teleportation led to some...unsavory situations. but you never took it too far. the most drastic thing you had done was looking at a picture and taking yourself to a theme park when you were supposed to be taking your mid-year final, and even when you got back home with a hastily hidden stuffed puppy in your backpack your mother forced you to go back to school to retake it at seven at night.

you knew your parents pushed you to be perfect, you just didn't think they'd grow so sick of your 'disobedience' that they'd drop you off on the steps of red river with a suitcase and that same puppy in your hands. you waited for days in your bunk bed staring out the window for them to come back, that it was some sick form of punishment they'd decided to inflict on you.

they never did.

after a year of lashing out at the staff workers and sticking to yourself unless totally necessary, you started to try assimilating to your new environment. you finally started to talk to the girl that slept above you, rebecca, until one day she bounded into the room while you were writing in your diary with a bright smile and news that she was being adopted. you couldn't pretend to be happy for her, and didn't talk to her for the rest of her time there despite her efforts, something you would go on to regret.

but you thanked whatever god was in the sky for those people adopting her, because only two weeks later your group caretaker came in and told you all that a new orphan would be taking rebeccas place. beckoning a girl into the room from the hall. when she entered you noticed she was around the same age as you, with eyes more haunted than any person you'd ever seen.

later that day you were sitting by yourself while eating the not so bland but not-so-great lunch when you looked up and made eye contact with your new roommate from across the room, both of you looking away atthe same time.

when you looked back a while later she had her chin in the palm of her hand while the other mushed around the mashed potatoes on her plate. maybe it was pity, maybe it was interest, or maybe it was because you were a not-yet-realized gay preteen, but in five seconds you were standing up and popping up in front of her. she jerked to attention so suddenly that you were scared you'd give her a heart attack. and maybe yourself as your head started to pound, likely from using your powers without focusing.

neither one of you said anything until you slowly sat in the seat across from her, looking her over to make sure she was okay with your presence and wouldnt cry or flinch again.

you told her your name and apologized for startling her, that you hadn't used your power in a while because you hated it. she told you she was nadia and that she hated hers, too.

after that the two of you became friends. it wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, given the two of you still had immense trauma and issues with trusting others. but there was something that connected you to her and vice versa, and when you both realized that you had someone who understood what the other had gone through, your friendship started to blossom.

only a year and a half later the two of you were as close as you could be. you spent nearly every moment together, from the time you woke up in your shared bunk bed, sitting together during teaching time, gagging at the gross-looking fruit at lunch, reading books together during free time, before trying to whisper to each other before your caretaker would come in and reprimand you for being up past midnight.

but sometimes you would find yourself back in that dark place. wondering how your parents could live with abandoning you, why they never considered that if they just asked you would never use your powers again, why you were even born like this. one time you ignored nadia for a few days because of your feelings, and once you had explained everything she told you that she had understood. you weren't expecting her to confide in you that she was in some way responsible for the death of her parents. before you could think you were asking her if she could do the same for you, and you were so scared she was going to be offended before she was laughing.

every day you found yourself grateful for nadia. she was funny and understanding and would help you kick some kid's ass because he was picking on one of the little ones. the two of you might have had a bit of a codependency problem, but anyone in your situation would.

and then the people in suits came, said they thought nadia was 'special' and in only a day she was gone. you tried hard not to cry, but you couldn't help it when you were giving her your last goodbye, making her promise on her life that she'd keep in contact with you, telling her you'd teleport to wherever she was going and kick her ass if she even tried to forget about you. and she promised she wouldn't.

she lied.

years later you turn eighteen and are kicked out of red river with nothing but the small amount of things you'd acquired over the years. you had a ged thanks to the school teachings at the home, but you're near dirt poor with not much going for you. but you refuse to let yourself dwell in your emotions any longer, and decide to finally use the gifts you've been given for your benefit. at that point you hadn't jumped since she left, so your first few trials were a little rocky. though after a few determined tries you had started to get a new handle on your power.

eventually, life starts to become enjoyable again. you started out by just looking up pictures of airbnb's, rentals, and hotel rooms before jumping and staying in them until you had to move. while working odd jobs was more noble, you started to use your powers for more...profitable means. you didn't think the greatest accomplishment you'd make in your twenties would be robbing five banks, but you didn't mind it much when you got to live in the quiet luxury you did.

all of that would have been impossible without a team, though. for a large portion of your criminal career you had a somewhat trusted group of people who could help you get things done. jumping into places was useful, but you couldn't handle it all by yourself. they were the closest things you had to friends, to family. even though one of the guys you used for extra protection tried to choke you once over a smart comment. but yeah. family.

but you were smart, and you knew you could never put your full trust into anyone like you did when you were young. so you weren't really surprised when you popped back inside the base after a run with multiple assault rifles pointed at your head, your teammates far gone. once whoever this force was took you into custody one of their attorneys told you the crew sold you out for three million and you scoffed, disappointed that they didn't go for more.

when the agent hears something in his earpiece and leaves the room you start to get ready for them to come back and let you know they’re going to send you to that supermax prison for supes youd been hearing about on the streets, preparing yourself and redoing over the protocol you did every time you nearly or did get caught. maybe you could find someone in there with similar interests to yours and just manage to slip out-

a man comes into the room. slightly tall, in a tailored suit with brown skin and small glasses. but you remember him like it’s yesterday. the one who took your best friend away all those years ago like a ghost in the night.

he tells you his name, that he works for the stupid superhero company and he has an offer for you. the last thing you wanted was to be a fed, but when he told you some of the things they did to unruly supes like you, you realized his offer was your only best option.

as much as you hated it, he told you there was a list of requirements he needed from you in exchange for your freedom and a total wipe of your criminal record. the first was moving over back to new york which nearly made you throw up; youd only been to the city once since you left for a meetup with a contact who had information about one of your hits.

he told you the rest would be revealed once you settled into the city, a plane ticket and a cushy hotel already provided for you. when you werw getting onto the plane, escorted by two agents for the rest of your trip which you were told was not an option unless you wanted a tracker, the only thought running through your head was that this was weird. vought specialized in superheroes, although by what youve been hearing these last few years the heroic part was a stretch. them sending someone as professional and shady as mr.edgar was rubbing you in all the wrong ways.

once you landed in the big apple and finally settled into your hotel...nothing happened. at least for a week it didnt. being on edge for a week wasnt new to you, lord knows how many times youve had to spend weeks in safehouses after nearly getting burnt. but you had a feeling in your chestthat at the end of your waiting something would happen. you couldnt tell if it would be good or bad.

a week later you hear a rough knock on the door and hesitantly move to open it. all you had for protection were the shitty knives in the kitchenette, the agents refusing to give you any other form of protection. you open the door and try to get into a protective stance before your knife flops to the floor. its been so many years but you can still tell its her staring at you from the other side of the doorway.

nadia.

for a second you think the toxic fumes of the city have already caused you to become delusional before you feep the force of her running her body into yours, wrapping your arms around her waist and holding a grip so tight you're scared it will hurt her.

before you know it you're both crying, her blubbering about how shes so sorry she never kept in contact with you, that edgar didnt want her to have any ties to her own life holding her back for the 'important things' he needed her to do. but you couldnt care. all you could focus on was that you had you nadi back. and she had grown up so much since you'd last seen her, so different but so the same. when she pulled back and looked you over you could tell she was thinking the same.

she sat you down on one of the comfy hotel couches and started to explain everything she could. that she was working with edgar, saw him as a father figure even, that as soon as he heard that a supe with your description was caught after a failed heist he alerted her, asked her what she wanted to do with you.

you asked her what exactly she did want to do with you, and her shoulders tightened and her lips pursed. everything had a catch. this was you were going to help her with her...work. she gave you some of the gory details, and while you werent a saint without blood on your hands you were surprised by the amount she had on her. from the shy girl who sat at that little lunch table to a cold and calculated murderer. you were kind of proud of her.

but the pride was mixed with jealousy. she gave you a private tour of her office where she worked, showed you her campaigns, her brownstone in the heart of the city along with a private driver discretely paid for by vought. it's not like you'd been on the shoet end of the money stick since you started stealing but she had all of this just...handed to her. picked amongst everyone in that orphanage, instead of you.

you tried not to let your jealousy rise too much. nadia - victoria, now - made sure to include you in nearly everything she did, wanting to make up for all the time she lost with you. after spending so much time together you could tell she didnt have many close attachments because of trauma and work, really only caring about zoe and her very confusing relationship with her adoptive father. it felt nice that she was trying to rebuild that bond again with you.

one night she invites you over to her house for wine, drinking, and telling each other stories about your younger years. but eventually, the alcohol starts to get to both of you just when you're telling stories about old loves and relationships. you tell her about a wild night you had with three strangers in rome and she drones about her ex-husband, a guy she met in college who seemed nice and polite enough to help her get the life she wanted, although she never felt satisfied with him, always looking for something more. you ask her what she's been looking for and she goes quiet before looking at you. she moves a faint hair from in front of your face, like shes pushing herself to do it in her head before she pussies out, grips your cheek to bring you in for a kiss.

and it really feels like you've come back to a home you nearly forgot. you can hear the sound of your wine glasses shattering as they drop to the floor, pulling her body into yours like you wanted to consume her and everything she was. it lasts for hours, just another part of trying to make up all those years apart.

when you wake up in the morning you're still in each other's arms, and before you open your eyes you can feel her hand trailing over your face, nearly identical to the way she did it when you were kids to wake you up. she's whispering under her breath and you can faintly pick up the things she's saying. how she's so thankful she found you again, how she doesn't plan on losing you by her side again, that she can't wait to tell you about all the wonderous and bloody things you're going to do together. you press a kiss on her hand.

#the boys #gen v #the boys x reader #gen v x reader #victoria #victoria neuman #victoria x reader #victoria neuman x reader #victoria neuman fluff #victoria neuman smut #barely but whatever im getting there

[she-is-ovarit]

Detransitioner news

I have been thinking about detransitioners lately and wanted to compile articles I have been seeing. This will be a longer post and reblogged for part II as I hope to copy and paste brief portions of the articles under each headline.

Law firm for detransitioners opens in Dallas

In all of the controversy around gender transition, there is one group that is persistently marginalized by both the right and left. They are known as detransitioners — people who decide that they want to return to their birth gender, often after receiving years of interventional care, including surgery, to treat their gender dysphoria. Now, the nation’s first law firm focused solely on representing these patients — many of whom feel abused by a medical system that encouraged their treatment — has opened its doors in Dallas. It could forever change how hospitals and doctors approach what’s known as gender-affirming care.

Archive link

Fenway Community Health Center in Boston, the largest provider of transgender medicine in New England and one of the leading institutions of its kind in the United States, was named a defendant in a lawsuit filed last month. The plaintiff, a gay man who goes by the alias Shape Shifter, argues that by approving him for hormones and surgeries, Fenway Health subjected him to “gay conversion” practices, in violation of his civil rights. Carlan v. Fenway Community Health Center is the first lawsuit in the United States to argue that “gender-affirming care” can be a form of anti-gay discrimination. The case underscores an important clinical reality: gender dysphoria has multiple developmental pathways, and many who experience it will turn out to be gay. Even the Endocrine Society concedes that many of the youth who outgrow their dysphoria by adolescence later identify as gay or bisexual. Decades of research confirm as much. Gender clinicians in the U.K. used to have a “dark joke . . . that there would be no gay people left at the rate [the Gender Identity Development Service] was going,” former BBC journalist Hannah Barnes reported. Rather than help young gay people to accept their bodies and their sexuality, what if “gender-affirming” clinicians are putting them on a pathway to irreversible harm?

Due partly to Shape’s lifelong difficulty in accepting himself as gay, his lawyers are not taking the usual approach to detransition litigation. Rather than state a straightforward claim of medical malpractice or fraud, they allege that Fenway Health has violated Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act (ACA), which bans discrimination “on the basis of sex” in health care. In 2020, the Supreme Court ruled in Bostock v. Clayton County that “discrimination because of . . . sex” includes discrimination based on homosexuality. Citing this and other precedents, Shape’s lawyers argue that federal law affords distinct protections to gay men and lesbians—upon which clinics that operate with a transgender bias are trampling. Shape grew up in a Muslim country in Eastern Europe that he describes in an interview as “very traditional” and “homophobic.” His parents disapproved of his effeminate demeanor and interests as a child. They wouldn’t let him play with dolls, and his mother, he says, made him do stretches so that he would grow taller and appear more masculine. At 11, Shape had his first of several sexual encounters with older men. “I was definitely groomed,” he recounts. Shape proceeded to develop a pattern of risky sexual behavior, according to his legal complaint. He told his medical team at Fenway Health about his childhood sexual experiences, calling them “consensual.” The Fenway providers never challenged him on this interpretation, he alleges. They never suggested that he might have experienced sexual trauma or, say, explored how these events might have shaped his feelings of dissociation. (The irony is that Fenway Health describes its model of care as “trauma-informed.”)

Archive link

Ontario detransitioner who had breasts and womb removed sues doctors

An Ontario detransitioning woman who had her breasts and womb removed to change her gender to male is suing medical and health practitioners for failing to consider other treatments during her mental health crisis before ushering her on an irreversible journey she regrets. Michelle Zacchigna, 34, of Orillia, Ont., north of Toronto, names eight health professionals, including doctors, psychologists, a psychotherapist and a counsellor in a lawsuit filed in Ottawa. None of the defendants, who work or worked at various clinics and institutions in southern Ontario, responded to requests for comment on the lawsuit prior to deadline. Four of the defendants have filed notices of intent to defend against the suit in Ontario Superior Court, but no statements of defense have been filed. None of the claims have been tested in court. Zacchigna said she faces an uphill battle in her lawsuit. “I’ve been under the impression that all medical malpractice suits are challenging. Doctors win the majority of cases in Canada,” she told National Post. “It’s very much a David vs. Goliath undertaking.” In her statement of claim filed in court in November, Zacchigna says she had difficulty forming relationships with classmates in elementary school and was often bullied. By the time she was 11, she engaged in self-harming behaviour, including cutting her arm with a knife. This continued into early adulthood. When she was 20, she tried to kill herself and she was referred by her family doctor for psychotherapy, where she was treated for social anxiety and clinical depression. She remained unhappy and depressed, and her mental health decline led to her dropping out of university, according to her claim. About a year into therapy, she engaged with an online community around gender nonconformity. “Michelle came to believe that her biological sex of female did not match her true gender identity of male,” her claim says. “She further came to believe that this mismatch between her biological sex and gender identity was causing her feelings of depression, self-harming behaviour and unease in her body, a mental health condition commonly known as gender dysphoria,” her claim states. This was the first time Zacchigna felt she was born in the wrong body, and she had not previously identified as male, her claim says. “However, as a result of what she read on the internet, she became convinced that she was a transgender man, and that once she embraced this new identity, her depression would subside.” Zacchigna started attending a support group in Toronto for people considering gender transition. A counsellor there told her of opportunities to proceed through a medical transition, her claim says. Zacchigna was invited to apply for medical intervention in 2010. The counsellor wrote a recommendation letter outlining a medical history that didn’t fully match her real past, the claim says. The counsellor didn’t recommend any alternatives, or seek confirmation of Zacchigna’s own diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Her regular therapist also wrote a recommendation for transition treatment, saying Zacchigna was an “ideal candidate for hormone therapy,” even though the therapist had no previous transgender clients, according to the claim.

Part II incoming.

#detrans #detransition #desist #ftm detransition #mtf detransition #LGB #gender critical #gender critical feminism #gender ideology

[chiibinomonodamon]

WHO WANTS TO HEAR ME RAMBLE ABOUT GAY FURRY DEMON SEX? XD

(damn, there's a sentence I never thought I'd say....)

Okay...so I see some Stolitz confusion and bashing online and I need to type up a defense here because I won't be able to sleep otherwise lol

I consider myself to be a Ship Critic and someone who takes shipping rather seriously.

What I mean by this is, I like to analyze and break down romantic relationships between fictional characters because it's just interesting to write for me. I especially take delight in friendly debating with opinions that I strongly do *not* agree with.

Let me start off by saying I am NOT a "this ship is awesome because gay furry sex lol" type of girl.

FAR from it. I'm generally more passionate about hetero ships between human characters (because I can relate to them more) among other reasons. So if you wanna dismiss my defense as "shallow fangirlism", you can forget about that lame excuse.

I fell in love with Hazbin Hotel when it was finally released in February and suffered waiting for each new two-parts per week. During that time, I decided to watch Helluva Boss as well, after a friend showed me a particularly soul-crushing clip (Moxxie's childhood trauma about his mother).

Yes, I like funny sex jokes as much as the next goofy adult but scenes like this, scenes that carry a very heavy emotional weight are what really get me in the end, even moreso when VERY little dialogue is exchanged. I knew I had to watch the entire episode run after seeing that the creators had a talent for this.

I saw people asking:

"How did Stolas go from using Blitz as a sex toy to being painfully in love with him?"

Oh I can tell you. I can tell you the EXACT moment this is revealed. But it's not spoon-fed to you; it's quite subtle actually and this is why lots of people miss it.

See, one of the strongest talents Vivenne has shown me is that she REALLY knows how to get her characters to communicate their feelings to the viewers JUST from their expressions and body language. These can be 'blink-and-miss-it' teeny little scenes and it may require a couple rewatches.

But since people demand time stamps for all information others post here, I'll rewatch a few scenes from S1 E7 'Ozzie's' as I'm typing this.

'Ozzie's' remains to be not just my favorite episode of HB...but probably my favorite episode of any adult-targeted animated show outside of Japan (aside from S2 E7's Mid-Season Special)

It has this huge reveal for both Blitzo and Stolas.

We'll first address Blitzo's irrational, stalkerish behavior of Moxxie and Millie.

He's obsessed with them. He finds both of them very attractive, fantasizes about threesomes with them and is constantly inserting himself into their personal lives.

Why?

Because they have everything that he badly badly wants for himself.

They have the perfect marriage and he is trying to live THROUGH them.

This was hilarious to me at the beginnning of the show but it's slowly revealed that it's one of the most tragic and depressing things I've ever seen. And it's scarily realistic too.

But you know this already so let's move on...

Blitzo follows the couple to Ozzie's but he can't get in without a date. So he calls up Stolas and yes, this is very low but he doesn't realize how much this means to Stolas (hell, I'm not sure even Stolas realizes it himself!) but the owl man is giddy with joy, he rushes over and they enter Ozzie's.

When Ozzie and Fizz mock Moxxie for being so sappy towards his wife, this strikes a chord with Blitzo (because they're his IDEAL relationship) and he speaks up to defend them.

NOW PAY CLOSE ATTENTION; THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART:

Fizz, still holding onto his past grudge turns on Blitzo to humilate him:

"Some nerve you got commenting on a relationship"

Time Stamp: 11:37

As Fizz says "-ship", Blitzo VERY QUICKLY makes eye contact with Stolas who has a look of panic on his face. Blitzo is seeking VALIDATION from Stolas in this sharp, subtle second of screentime, as if to ask

"Well, ARE we in one?"

And then what happens next...Stolas remains silent, Blitzo's ex joins in to announce how selfish Blitzo was in bed with her, tearing him down further. Stolas stands up like he's going to put a stop to it but then Ozzie notices him and interrogates him about sleeping with Blitzo.

Blitzo looks incredibly ashamed and guilty as Stolas blushes with similar feelings...and hides his face behind his menu; HIS BIGGEST MISTAKE IN THE SERIES SO FAR.

Time Stamp: 12:24

The look on Blitzo's face as he grits his teeth and darts his eyes away basically says

"Yeah, I should have known...boy am I an idiot for trusting him to stand up for me".

(look how SHOCKED he is...wow, this hurts fr ;_;)

This is a silent betrayal on Stolas's part. Afterall, his reputation is on the line, so if he were to defend Blitzo, it confirms they are in fact, dating. He chose his pride over Blitzo and Blitzo is crushed by this betrayal.

Moxxie finishes his song and kisses his wife tenderly. Stolas watches this and also wants to have an affectionate moment with Blitzo (who is rightfully glaring daggers at him) and tries to reach for his hand.

Blitzo rejects his touch and suggests they leave. As they do, Blitzo still looks furious and hurt. Stolas is now realizing how badly he screwed up with a "What have I done?" face (13:41)

He even looks disappointed with himself.

After Blitzo drops Stolas off, he thanks him and tries to smooth over the awkwardness with sweet talk but Blitzo just rolls his eyes in disgust and pulls on his face like "I don't want to hear this bullshit".

He responds coldly and curtly, "Yeah." Stolas makes more suggestions to spend time with him, which just makes him even angrier and he snaps

"I'm not fucking you tonight, okay!

I'm really just..." (14:28)

he pauses to wipe a tear because at this point he can barely hold it together (top notch voice acting and animation directing btw)

"...not in the mood, Stolas."

Stolas still tries to talk him into doing couple things unrelated to sex.

Blitzo's face switches back to anger and frustration because Stolas isn't getting the message so he goes for the blunt tactic;

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but YOU wanting ME to fuck you, okay?"

(14:42)

"You make that really clear all the time."

(again his voice sounds like he's about to break down)

"But I-I just can't do it tonight, okay?"

(Finally meets his eye)

"...I'm sorry."

I believe this is code for "I'm sorry we're even in this situation and how your reputation got damaged. " Or, more painfully, "I'm sorry I'm such an embarrassment to you".

Stolas replies "Okay" and takes a deep breath to compose himself. They say goodnight and depart.

An important note here is that Stolas calls him "Blitzo" instead of "Blitzy" to show more respect.

As Blitzo zooms away coldly, Stolas looks up at the sky with tears in his eyes, surprised at how much it hurts.

He then sits down with his head in his hands in anguish...because he's getting that

"Oh...no. These feelings are real" epiphany.

And as if this wasn't enough angst, Blitzo collapses onto his couch at home, goes through the memories on his phone and starts sobbing.

I'm going to be real with you; this is the most heart-breaking shit I have ever seen in an adult show of this type. It's also the first time a show of this type got me to cry.

The last six minutes have revealed so much information without spoonfeeding it to the audience because the show RESPECTS its audience.

To recap:

*Blitzo takes Stolas on a first official date to use him

*Stolas is extremely happy about it

*Blitzo gets humilated and looks to Stolas for validation

*Stolas betrays him and breaks his heart

*Blitzo snaps that their relationship is nothing more than lust-driven sex

*Stolas realizes he's actually in love with Blitzo and it's a huge problem because (he believes) that it's unrequited.

*Blitzo breaks down because the ONE person whom he thought would protect him didn't do so.

So these two are convinced that neither one loves the other...while the irony is, it's quite the opposite.

Because if Blitzo REALLY didn't feel anything towards Stolas, he would not have gotten this emotional.

Yes, they are both lonely...but I really don't think that's all there is between them.

So..........we know WHEN they started falling...now the question is why;

I think the answer's quite simple; single-target affection.

It was mentioned in S2 that Stolas and Stella did sleep together ONE TIME...but Stolas didn't enjoy it at all. He is stuck with a wife who hates him so much that she put a HIT on him...and a daughter who thinks he's a loser. Blitzo is pretty much the one person in his life who is able to make him happy. That one small, bright spot. He enjoys the sex with him but he also simply enjoys his company, as shown in Ozzie's episode. He is thrilled to simply talk to him about his day...and do anything else that couples do. They're complete opposites. Stolas is an intellectual but naive and sheltered. Blitzo is poorly educated but cynical and street-smart. Opposites attract...though this is likely more from Stolas's POV than Blitzo's.

In other words, Stolas is into bad boys xD lmao

In Blitzo's case, Stolas is the only character who shows him physical affection which he desperately craves. He's pretty tsundere about it most of the time...but I think he actually does enjoy that attention...especially when he's always getting disrespected by Moxxie and Loona..and quite a lot of people around him. BUT he's too scared to get serious with anyone because of past trauma and he also believes that no one could possibly love him as a person. :(

Reasons I Think This Love is Real

Aside from what I pointed out in the Ozzie's episode...there's quite a lot of evidence, esp from Stolas's POV.

After he realizes he's in love, he goes to Asomodeous for an ALTERNATIVE method for Blitzo to use so they will no longer sleep together. He wants to set Blitzo free. Which means he DOES truly love him because love is about being generous to the other person. He COULD be totally selfish about it but he isn't.

Asomodeous mentions how against love potions he is and Stolas agrees. He thinks that's out of the question.

'Look My Way' music video. Lol I don't have to say anything more.

In S2 E6 OOPS

This exchange at 16:57

Fizz: Seems your taste has gotten more 'regal', lately?

Blitz: Yeah, well unlike you, I fuck who I want WHEN I want. I'm not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole.

Fizz: You coulda fooled me the way Prince was cozying up to you at Ozzie's.

Blitz (gets very defensive) HEY! Stolas only cares about have a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress, okay!

It's nothing...(gets hesistant and looks away)...you know...

(Fizz gives him a 'bitch please' look xD)

"it's nothing else."

Fizz: Then why were you even there?

Blitz: OTHER very important reasons of course.

Fizz: Whatever. I don't actually care.

Blitz: Stolas is just a loud, thirsty BITCH!

(Fizz is rolling his eyes again)

Blitz: He loves feeling the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class.

It's a novelty to him.

Fizz: LITERALLY just said I don't care!

Blitz: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was!

And he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos laugh at my jokes...

Fizz: (Smirking) OH! That's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit!

Blitz: I KNOW, RIGHT??

Fizz: (Making a 'What in idiot' expression, shaking his head)

Blitz: HE'S JUST A FAKE, PRIVELEDGED ASSHOLE...

Fizz: Sounds like you just hate him for being a prince!

No one (laughs) and I mean NO ONE pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay.

All right. IF ANYONE knows what real love is like, it's Fizzaroli...who is in a very HEALTHY relationship with Asomodeous. He recognizes the signs because he's IN that place. He sees it...and he's annoyed that Blitzo keeps denying it and brushing it off...yet clearly can NOT stop talking about Stolas (amusing irony)

To sum up (this freaking essay lol) 'Stolitz' ABSOLUTELY has the potential to be pure and true...these two just need to communicate...or Stolas has to PROVE to Blitzo that he's serious about his feelings in another way.

There is no doubt that this ship is 100% endgame and is a case of the 'Earn Your Happy Ending' Trope. I look forward to the rest of the journey. Ron is putting my feelings about Stolitz in a perfect phrase:

#shipping #helluva boss #blitzø #stolas #stolitz #blitzo x stolas #stolas x blitz #vivziepop #animation #man they really have a firm grip on my heart #it's so strange to me lol #OH THE ANGST

[showtoonzfan]

Every time I get reminded that Viv loves Bojack Horseman and states that she loves drama and messy characters, I’m just like……..who’s ganna tell her that all the horrible actions Bojack did in the show was all HIS personal doing and not a bunch of flat Saturday morning cartoon villains around him? Because yeah, Bojack had baggage and trauma, he had a shitty childhood and horrible parents, but not once did the show pin all of his horrible actions in the present onto his past. That’s why Todd’s line about how the problem is him and him alone hits so hard, because he’s right.

Meanwhile Stolas is never the problem, because god forbid a tortured uwu gay man who takes anti depressant pills and is stuck in an unhappy marriage be painted in a negative light completely and make mistakes. The way fans jump at his defense because he’s an abuse victim as well is just……the worst part, because ever since we’ve known he’s a victim of abuse by his cartoon evil wife, we now apparently can’t critique him and call him a bad person, because no one can fathom the fact that people who are abused still can be BAD people and be flawed.

But of course in Viv’s case, it’s not the fact that Stolas is a horn-dog in over his head and can’t separate fantasy from reality, it’s not that he can’t respect boundaries, it’s not that he has no idea how genuine and real love works, it’s not that he can’t provide effort for his daughter or family because of how distracted he is by said fantasies, it’s not because he’s a prejudice rich asshole, but it’s ALL because of his evil bitchy wife, his shitty brother in law, his bad father, his DAUGHTER, and the horrible discriminating world that hell is apparently, despite the Goetia family and the rules never even being explored regarding that. Still, BELIEVE IT because he’s gay and sad and depressed and people like that can never be in the wrong or face the consequences of their actions. 🥺

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #helluva critical #anti Stolas #helluva boss stolas

[putnamcapital]

Queerness and power in YR / why the best comparison is Normal People and not Heartstopper

It’s a big week for Heartstopper - Young Royals comparisons and i’m not on here to throw any shade on Heartstopper. I haven’t even watched all of S2 yet and i know i love it! But thanks to the absolutely stunning, spell-binding work of fiction called the Normal People AU, i’m more and more convinced that Heartstopper and YR have …. not really that much to do with each other — aside from being tremendously good stories, amazing performances, stellar cinematography and direction etc.

Lisa Ambjorn and the team behind YR have been frequently heard saying that they didn’t want to make a show about homosexuality, where the queerness of the relationship between W&S was “the problem” that drove the plot. Heartstopper, on the other hand, is very much a story driven by the tensions and joys of budding queer and non-conforming relationships, sexualities, and identities. But does that really mean YR isn’t about queerness? I think it’s still about queerness, but with a framing that has kind of been lost from view in the post-AIDS crisis / post-gay marriage era.

I didn’t really appreciate this until I thought through the intense parallels with Normal People - as the author of Obviously has so powerfully drawn out. Normal People is about power; and if you’ll forgive me the short-cut, once upon a time, queerness (in modern global North society) was also about power. In NP, the anchoring drama, and the elemental wound, that both Marianne and Connell face rests in power structures that oppress them - in Marianne’s case, the emotional and physical abuse in her family, in Connell’s case, the abuse that capitalism inflicts on him and his family as the working class. They both seek to become who they are in spite of this power structure - while at the same always being molded by it. There is not so much a core identity to either character that seeks to ‘set itself free’ or ‘reveal itself’ by overcoming power but rather a character who comes into fuller awareness of themselves while being shaped by their contexts. For example, in that scene by the fountain in Italy, where Marianne/Wille acknowledge they have never had to think about money, and Connell/Simon says winning the scholarship has changed his life so that there are things he no longer thinks about - and then between them, they bring to the surface that Marianne/Wilhelm’s mother has been paying Simon/Connell’s mother dirt wages for years, and Marianne says out loud how she knows that there is this basic harm in the way they came to know each other - a wound that is not of their doing, but from their class positions, and yet could never be forgotten as part of their story and part of who they became as a couple. The scene is not - we can run away from all this or i see the ‘real you’ behind all this - but, we can love each other and be who we are and yet still be where we come from, with the consequent constraints on our worldview and possibilities for action. “Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances listing already, given and transmitted from the past.”

Basically i think that in YR, Lisa is giving us back a much more Marxist / power relational form of queerness - where queerness is refracted through and emergent from material conditions, as opposed to being purely about declaring identities [“i was born this way”] and thus essential truths or essential desires, but about the ebb and flow between people, where that ebb and flow is mediated by the power structures in which we cannot help but experience our lives. For Wille, the power structure is obvious: the Crown. But it’s there for everyone. For Sara and Simon, it’s three-fold: the power dynamics around class and race, and the power dynamics from an abusive household / childhood trauma. For the other characters, too, it is not far away. August’s struggles are with his family’s expectations, and with a drug addiction and eating disorder that speak to the pressures of hegemonic cis-het masculinity. For Felice, she deals with racial bias and the pressure to be the perfect image of a woman her (thin, white) mother wants. It’s true for all the students at the school - the scene on parents’ weekend as all these parents swarm in is utterly stifling, as every student feels the structure they are meant to conform to. BTW it’s a subplot, but YR seems also to be saying that capitalism and class structure harm even the rich. People - everyone - experience their gender and sexual identities through and in between all that power - it’s necessarily shaped by it.

To me, this is the root of what is so intoxicatingly liberating about Young Royals (and by extension, Obviously) - that i just don’t feel watching HS, or even reading the canon NP - of the possibility of emancipation. It comes about not principally through outward facing revolt, though there is some of that, but catalyzed by a kind of relational self-growth: the characters grow into themselves as a result of their relations with others. It’s not at all about Wille walking this road alone - despite what Simon says he must do in S1/E6. It’s actually about the characters growing together, in a kind of solidarity against the power structures they rebel against. After all, it is Simon’s confession in the cloakroom, and then the look he gives Wille from the choir stand when August is about to give the speech, that compels Wille to his feet to claim his power, on his terms.

It’s a profoundly ‘class consciousness’ form of identity formation and self-actualization - like they become who they are through their struggle in concert with others. It feels utterly foreign and refreshing to me, because it’s just not the dominant discourse for queerness in popular culture, and it helpfully puts the power struggle back into queerness - it recenters the feeling of community, of joint struggle, of solidarity, and yes, of resistance.

This is how it is. This is how i feel.

#young royals #normal people #heartstopper #AO3 Normal People AU #young royals analysis

[onepiece-polls]

One Piece Shipping War - Round 4 Quarter Finals

KidKiller art by @anj-does-stuff. Check out the full art and original post here!

Propaganda under the cut.

Propaganda for Kid x Killer:

The loyalty, the way they praise each other, their past, the aesthetic, Kid's reaction to seeing Killer with a SMILE in Wano, the fact the Kid's hobby is listening to music while Killer's is playing the drums, they are made for one another.

That sweet sweet captain/first mate loyalty…can’t be beat

Killer and kids are cannonicly ride or die

Murder couple, captain x first mate will always have special place in my heart, childhood friends bonus, love that they're just unashamedly bastards together and separately

OMG they care so much for each other!!! Kid called Killer his partner! They are mates for life! 💕

Child. Hood. Best. Friends. You want more? *cracks knuckles* Growing up beside one another, calling one another partner, only ever seeing Kid crying and losing his hard head persona when it involves Killer, Killer calming down after being reunited with Kid for a bit, KILLER KNOWING WHERE - down to the centimetre- TO CUT HAWKINS’ ARM SO HE DOESN’T HARM KID!!! THE!!! CENTIMETRE!!! That’s some intimate level of knowledge right there!

Propaganda for Sanji x Law:

North blue bitches unite!! Law is definitely a nerdy fanboy who fell in love, just look at the gif i submitted. Also remember the extremely gay way law landed on sanji's shoulder in wano? Other ships could never!

Why have one traumatized north blue twins when you can have two?

North Blue boys and their trauma

#One Piece #kidkiller #sanlaw #op shipping war #tournament poll #round 4 #quarter finals #side B

[mourningmaybells]

Propaganda (more detailed in the original book)

Damien Karras: A first-generation Greek immigrant who had it rough growing up in the slums of New York City. Now in his 30s-40s, he's a Jesuit priest who is also a trained psychiatrist (he went through med school and became a doctor), and a Georgetown University professor. Supposedly he's the person you turn to for guidance, but he's been having issues lately. Now that he's no longer a Golden Gloves boxer, the thing he's fighting against is the growing despair that God isn't real, or at least entirely absent. Where was God when his mother was begging for money by the fountain? When his childhood dog Ginger died and he watched helplessly? When his mother was alone and despairing in a mental hospital until her death? Once he could see love in his vocation, but it's been obscured by humiliation, grief, and disappointment. He yearns for Christ as one yearns for an unseen lover.... that sounds like an exaggeration, but the comparison happens a few times.

A lot of missing pages in his past (why does he have facial scars? why did he quit boxing? is he gay?) that we don't get answers to. While we get to see him in private vulnerability, he's outwardly very emotionally guarded to the point that no one even knew to what extent he was suffering. How can he help people mentally and spiritually when he can't even help himself?

Would 70s Jigsaw look at him and say "he just needs a few minutes in the bathroom to figure himself out or possibly die"?

Chris MacNeil: Big shot American actress Chris Macneil was once an unknown Broadway chorus girl married to Howard Macneil, and had a 3-year old son Jamie Macneil. Due to medical complications, her son died, and when her new daughter Regan was born, her husband grew jealous of the attention the mother-daughter duo got from the press. They got a divorce, and Howard basically cut himself out of Regan's life completely. Chris is kind of (?) friends with her alcoholic and extremely hateable director Burke who kept calling her butler "a Nazi pig" while wasted. She's set to star in his film about a student protest and Regan gets the idea that they might be in love (they aren't). While she is a caring mother, some people (Howard) see her as unfit because she also became a successful career woman in the 70s. She was basically the feminist nightmare that conservatives had during the Sexual Revolution. God forbid women do anything. She's even an atheist in this catholic horror book.

Just so we're clear, she really does love her daughter, and believes in using medicine and doctors. It's just that the trauma of losing her son from a prescribed antibiotic that caused aplastic anemia led her to never fully trusting doctors (trusting Dr. Mark took years) and promising herself never to love anyone to the extent she loved her son and his father. It was too much of a heartbreak.

Her daughter loves her, puts a rose on her plate every day, but it doesn't stop Chris' self-doubt. It gets spat right back at her through her daughter's mouth and from a demon's influence.

Anyways, if Jigsaw was from the 70s would he "teach her a lesson" and put her through Horrors for what is perceived as a weakness?

please reblog for bigger sample size

#saw 2004 #saw #the exorcist 1973 #damien karras #chris macneil #john kramer #the exorcist by william peter blatty #polls #horror

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Hit ‘Em Up! (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Cowboy!Gojo Satoru x Cowboy!Geto Suguru x Black!Cowgirl!Reader (Slow Burn/Enemies to Lovers)

Synopsis: You get to meet Geto & Gojo the Gunslingers, the notorious outlaws that have every town and law enforcement in a twist, when your bum-ass BF offers you as payment to avoid going to prison. Little do they know that this is only a part of your plan to get what you desire. But when you realize that the infamous gun-slinging, smooth-talking cowboys could be everything you want and more when they offer you a deal to team up with them, will you successfully be able to go through with it? 

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINOS GTFO); poly!SatouSugu; Reader is Black & Fem; Mention of other JJK characters; Porn with Plot; Tragic Backstories; T/W for Childhood Trauma, Parental Death, Violence, Panic Attacks & Torture; Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Hand Kink; Masturbation; Voyeurism; Gay Sex; Polyamorous; Double Deepthroat; Mutual Oral; Fingering; CMNF; Spitroast; Riding; Unprotected PiV Sex; Creampies; Outside/Public Sex; Shotgunning; Multiple Positions; Spit Kink; Facials; MDom/fsub Undertones; Aftercare

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: Y'all. Listen to Cowboy Carter. It's gonna be the main soundtrack to this damn fic. Beyoncé has done it AGAIN. -Jazz

Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen PT I & PT II. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Epilogue. Soundtrack.

********

THREE: PRETTY THANG.

You are quiet as a church mouse walking up the rickety steps, leaving the saloon behind. 

The sounds from the saloon grow more distant the farther you get up the steps, leaving you with some silence to concentrate on your footing. You’ve studied which floorboards make the most noise from so many nights of sneaking out to listen in on Kenzo’s phone conversations. 

You sneak past the many doors where you hear the moans from clients and the creaking of bed springs––all indications of Kenzo’s secret “business”––to a closed door where you hear the sound of Kenzo’s panicked voice.

You crouch down and press your ear to the door, catching a snippet of Kenzo’s words: “....ridiculous!” he exclaims. “There has to be a mistake! I'm just a lowly saloon owner and I’ve never been affiliated with any criminals! I don’t–“ 

“Cut the bullshit, Valentine,” Gojo interrupts, sounding irked though his voice is still soothing and light. “We know that’s you. What, you thought that wack ass haircut and makeup was hidin’ ya? Gotta admit, you did a good job but the game is over.” 

“Kenzo”, or Valentine rather, pauses, weighing his words and if he should still lie. Finally, he sighs, sounding defeated. “What are you here for?” he asks, sounding like he doesn’t want to hear. 

“You know what we’re here for,” Geto replies, also sounding impatient and completely with the bullshit. “It’s been a long time comin’. You left us on that train. We had a deal to just get the money bein’ trafficked on that train and split it, but you turned it into somethin’ else.” 

Your ears perk like a dog’s at this newfound information. “L-Listen, I don’t have any money!” Valentine stutters, sounding scared for his life (and he should be). “I swear it! All the money I got from the heist is gone!” 

You hear Gojo rise from his seat, his boots hitting the floor. “He’s lying,” he growls. “Geto, let’s just smoke this fool. He’s stupid for thinkin’ we wouldn’t come back for his ass after he left us on that train in the middle of his massacre.” Your mouth goes agape at the beans being spilled the more you stay crouched in the dark, your hamstrings burning. 

“Ya got us arrested, yknow,” Gojo laughingly continues. “We’ve been successfully dodgin’ the law for years, but they finally got us…and for somethin’ we had no part in! What a joke!” 

You hear Valentine babble pleas and the thud of him pressing his back against the wall beside the door. You hold your breath, afraid to make a single sound. “Please!” he begs. “You don’t have to do this, guys! I-I’m a changed man!” 

There is a pause, tense and full of anticipation. “Then you’d come with us quietly and let us turn you in to the sheriff of Cherrywood,” Geto sternly replies. Valentine scoffs, disgusted. “So you’re workin’ with law enforcement now? You switched sides ‘cause you got scared?” 

You’re just as shocked as he is. Why are these gunslinging outlaws working with the law when the law wants them behind bars?  

“Oh, quite the contrary, V,” Gojo chuckles. “Ya see, when your yellow-bellied ass and your crew of pussy bandits ran from the scene and we got taken in by the sheriff, we had a 50-year sentence on our hands…until they investigated and realized our guns couldn’t do the damage your and your men’s did.” 

You can almost feel Valentine’s fear penetrate the wall, sinking into your skin. “They let us go on the condition that we’d find you to bring you in. After that, we decided to change our ways and get back to dedicatin’ our “occupation” to helpin’ others who have suffered at the hands of criminals like you.” 

At this, Valentine cackles. “Please. Like you can wipe away all that innocent blood you spilled over the years.”

You suddenly hear a loud thud as if a body is being tossed against a wall. You find out that there is: Valentine with Geto holding him up by some part of his body. You envision his big, hulking frame, his hand holding Valentine up by his throat. “Don’t test me, Valentine,” he growls. “We’ve never killed innocents like you have. All the ones we smoke are evil motherfuckers like you.” 

Valentine begins to choke meaning Geto is strangling him. “But since it’s this or go back to the slammer, we’d figure we’d do this as a peace offering,” Gojo laughingly says. “The sheriff implores there be no killing, but I’m kinda thinkin’ you’d be worth more dead. It would definitely shut that mouth up.” 

You then hear the familiar click of a pistol and your heart skips a beat. “Listen, w-we don’t have to do it like this!” Valentine sobs. “Please! If you let me go, I’ll never tell and just disappear!” 

Once again, there is a pause and then Geto speaks: “Why should we spare you?” he scoffs. “You don’t even have any money. You have nothin’ you can give us despite foolin’ around in launderin’, schemin’, and whorin’.”

And he is right––Valentine is dirt broke. All the money was spent on the saloon and paying back is illegal business partners. 

“I can pay you in another way,” Valentine beggingly protests. “I have so many girls in my stable that you can choose from, free of charge! Any whore or dancer you like! Even the staff girls! You can even have my saloon! Just please, fellas, don’t do this!”

Another pause, this one leaving you with bated breath and a bad feeling in your stomach. “Any girl?” Gojo ponders aloud. 

“Yes, any girl you want!” Valentine nearly screams. Gojo sounds happy with that answer. 

“Well, that beauty with the pretty skin and red lips was a looker.” Geto hums in agreement, followed by a chuckle. It doesn’t take a village idiot to figure out who they mean: you. They want you. 

“Y/N?” Valentine asks. “I-I’ll go get her. She’ll do whatever you want!” 

Like fire lights up under your ass, you quickly gather your skirts and hurry down the steps to the bar. You sit down on a stool and grip the edge of the bar, panting heavily. Sweat has begun to break out along your skin and feel dizzy. That son of a bitch! How could he do this to you? How could he serve you up on a silver platter to them? 

Shoko finds you and leans over the edge of the bar, looking interested. “So what happened?” she pushes. But little does she know that you’re about five seconds from having a mental breakdown. “I-I’ve gotta go,” you huff. “I need to–” 

“Y/N!” Valentine hollers. You jump, looking at him standing at the steps in fear. He crooks his finger at you, his gaze dark.

Shoko looks concerned as you hesitantly rise from the stool and make your way over to them. You have a feeling that he may know that you eavesdropped on him, but you’ll continue to act oblivious until you can’t. You refuse to blow your cover. Valentine leads you upstairs and walks you into an empty bedroom before shutting the door. “So what do they want?” you ask, acting clueless and frazzled. 

He stands by the door, looking beyond stressed. “Me,” he states. “I was in business with them some time ago and now they want their money.” 

“Okay…so why don’t you pay them?” you prompt. “What if they shoot us all up?” 

“They won’t do that,” he hurriedly replies, “because I gave them you.” He turns to you, his expression downtrodden and serious. “Me?” you whisper. “W-What do you mean? Kenzo, what did you do?” 

“Just listen to me, goddammit!” he hisses, finally losing his cool. “I don’t have the funds ‘cause I was too busy tryin’ to keep this place afloat! Now I need your help, Y/N.”

He takes hold of your shoulders, squeezing them tight. “C’mon, suckin’ and fuckin’ are some of your skills, right? It’s what you were doin’ when I met you.” He gives you a smile that is less than friendly. 

You stare at him, picturing you punching him square in the face. “You bastard,” you snap. “I’m not doin’ this. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

You snatch his hands off of you and step away from him as if he is toxic. “I’m callin’ the sheriff,” you hiss as you stomp by him. 

But he stops you by pushing you into a wall and then squeezing his hand around your throat, pinning you there. You gasp and struggle, wriggling about like a fish, but he keeps on squeezing. 

“Now you listen to me, you little bitch,” he snarls. “You must not be understandin’ what I’m sayin’ here, so I’ll break it down for ya: I’m your boss. I call the shots; not you. That means whatever I say goes.” He squeezes harder, making you wheeze. “So when I tell you to open that slutty mouth and your legs for some cock, you do it. You owe me. I took you out of that whorehouse and I can send you right back there.” 

He then slips into his back pocket and retrieves a gun that he waves in your face, grinning sadistically. “Either that or I’ll send you right to the grave,” he warns. “Makes no difference to me. I’ll find another pretty slut just like you for my bar.” 

Your stomach churns with fear at the sight of the gun. “K-Kenzo,” you cough. “S-Stop!” But he doesn’t, still choking you and putting the gun in your face. “Then do we have a deal?” he prompts, narrowing his eyes at you. Frantically, you nod and he releases you. You sputter and cough, gulping down air. 

“Good,” he grumbles. “Now get out there unless you want a bullet in your back.” He points the gun at you and waves it towards the door.

Having no choice, you obey him and walk out of the bedroom, down the hall, and to the room where the gunslinging duo occupies. With Valentine’s gun pressing into your back, you push the door open, seeing the duo sitting on the couch near the window beside the bed.

“Here she is, fellas!” Valentine announces. “Pretty as can be, ain’t she?” He digs the gun into your back, prompting you to walk into the room. The door shuts behind you. 

The two men sit back against the couch, their long legs and thick thighs spread. You do your absolute best to not look down. Gojo stands and puffs on his cigar, his pink lips forming an O to let the smoke billow from his lips. He then puts the cigar out on an ashtray nearby and lazily walks toward you with a slight smirk playing on his lips. You stand rigidly still, biting your bottom lip to avoid another breakdown.

“Mmm, pretty ain’t even word for her,” he hums. He begins to walk around you slowly, checking you out as if you’re an object up for auction. “Such a gorgeous little doll. A pretty little thang, ain’t she, Suguru?” 

The long-haired cowboy stares you down from his place on the couch, sipping on his glass of whiskey. His pink tongue, glittering with silver (a fucking tongue piercing), juts out to lick his lips, seductively so. “Mmm-hmm,” he agrees. “I bet she’s the one who reels in the most business here.” 

Gojo takes a bit of your dress in his fingers, tugging on your skirts. “Gorgeous skin, hair, eyes, dress…” He releases you, stepping back to admire you fully. “Shame about that gun under your skirts though, doll, but it does give ya some character.” 

As if the world has suddenly tilted on its excess, you gape at him, confused and alarmed. No… there’s no way he knows.

“The what?” Valentine snaps. 

Gojo’s smirk grows the more horrified you become. “I’d expect nothin’ less from the Fatale Femme,” he chuckles. “After all, the infamous gunslingin’ cowgirl herself has to stay strapped in this wild world.”

He walks up to you, nearly closing the tight space between you. “I can’t believe I finally get to see your face under that bandana I’ve seen in your posters,” he dreamily sighs. “You’re beautiful.” 

You can’t even process his compliment properly. You can’t function at all. The world is moving in slow motion. How in the fuck could these two know who you are? 

“Careful now, Satoru,” Geto chuckles, now standing up. “Ya don’t wanna get got too. She’s responsible for killin’ over four different gunslingers in three counties––two in only one. She hides out for a while and then does it again, scarin’ the wits out of every man alive.”

He gives you a lazy, knowing smile that scares you out of your mind. “And we’re no different, are we, little lady?” 

Despite not being in immediate danger, your fight or flight has now kicked into gear like you are. You don’t know who will do what or what will happen, so your body is itching to run and your fingers are tingling, wanting to whip out your pistol.

You’re so glad you’re so in tune with your gut because Valentine explodes instantly to being played. “You…you bitch!” he hollers, his face red with rage. “You lied to me! I’ll fuckin’ kill you!” 

He goes to pull the trigger of his gun, but before his thumb can even press down, you’re already slipping your silver pistol stained with a lipstick print on the handle out of the secret leather holder strapped to your thigh and popping a bullet at his ear.

You make sure to shoot slightly away from his face, not wanting to hit him–just to graze him. You successfully do so, the bullet zooming past Vanji’s ear and taking off a chunk of his lobe before lodging itself into the wall. 

He screams bloody murder as blood spurts from his ear, his hand covering it and causing blood to spurt from between his fingers. But that doesn’t stop him. He goes to tackle you, but Geto stops him by moving between you and backhanding him in the face with his pistol dubbed the 'Rainbow Dragon'.  

As soon as the silver metal object hits his temple, Valentine tumbles like a house of cards and falls out cold on the floor. Gojo tosses his head back and laughs like this is all hilarious. “Damn, that escalated quickly!” he cackles. “You always did a heavy hand, Sugu.” He says this with a wink that comes off as mighty suggestive. 

Geto gives him a smirk, but it quickly fades when his eyes land on you. “You alright?” he asks, actually sounding genuinely worried. 

You don’t buy it for a second. Quickly, you aim your gun at them both, backing away to the door. 

“Don’t move,” you warn. “Neither one of y’all. If you move, you’re dead.” 

Slowly, Geto lowers his gun to the floor before he does so and puts his hands up in defense. “Both of you, put your weapons on the floor,” you order, doing your best to keep the tremble out of your voice. 

“Alright, let’s just calm down,” Gojo soothingly says, taking his guns out of his holster. One in particular is purple, dubbed the 'Hollow Purple'. He also lowers his leather whip which is said to have left scars so deep that its victims will never heal from them. Geto does the same, lowering his other pistol and a knife in his boot to the floor. 

“We’re not here to hurt you,” the snow-haired outlaw says. “We barely even wanted him though he was a bonus point.” He nods down at Valentine unconscious and bleeding on the floor by your feet. 

You scowl at them confusedly, the gun still trained on them. “Then what the fuck are y’all here for?” you demand. 

The duo give each other a look before smirking at you, making your stomach flip. “We’re here for you, little miss,” Gojo says.

#black fanfic writer #smutty smut #my works #black coded reader #my fic shit #black writers #jjk smut #cowboy gojo #cowboy geto #satosugu #satoru gojo x black!reader #suguru geto x black!reader #cowboy!au #cowboy!geto #cowboy!gojo #poly smut #poly love

[absolutebl]

Best Angsty BLs with Family Drama & Bad Home Lives, or Past Trauma

That still end happily. Requested by the incomparable @winterswhumpblr (Warning these all have tiggers in them mostly suicide, rape, and/or child abuse.)

Until We Meet Again

Thai 2019 YouTube

UWMA is, without question, a work of narrative genius with a powerful and cohesive romantic backbone driven by family drauma and betrayal and stellar performances. It is (to date) the only Thai BL that I’ve rated a 10/10 predominantly on the basis of story structure. That said it is also very well cast (and it’s a BIG cast), with solid production values, and enduring pair branding. Discussion here.

Spin off, Between Us, also satisfies this criteria.

Blueming

Korea 2022 iQIYI

Hwang Da Seul directing this angsty BL that's a tiny bit dark and a tiny bit bittersweet, almost too honest to a university experience and first love. But if you want your mind ever-so-slightly messed with and your intimacy hellishly sweet, this BL will do it for you in a coldly distant manner, while bitch slapping you with self worth issues. I wasn’t into it at first, but the leads are solid and by ep 5 it got really good, becoming a narrative about self discovery meets understanding and accepting others people’s flaws without hurting them. Ultimately we witnessed two characters maturing because of each other and their mutual affection, without that affection becoming the conflict point. Instead, tension was built around other aspects of identity, popularity, and childhood trauma.

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

Japan 2023 Viki

Two young men with a shared tragic past reunite and fall in love all over again, but the past will not stop hunting them. Based on a manga, this office set reunion romance is GREAT… damn it. It’s Japan in full on soft focus which means it gets emo, abusive, and chewy. These two characters are giving parts of their souls away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other.

The Eighth Sense

Korea 2023 Viki

This feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?) This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them with painful backstory and tons angst drives the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it does have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

Bad Buddy

Thai 2022 YouTube

This was GMMTV’s flagship BL and it started 2022 on a BANG (okay no actual banging but you know what I mean), starring heavy hitters Ohm & Nanon in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. Some of the friendship and family dynamics are overworked, but it has great production values, killer acting, and some conscious effort to correct for half a decade of Thai BL’s anti-queer mistakes. The whole set up is build on family drama so, yeah.

Bed Friend

Thai 2023 YouTube

Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged. NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, could have been spectacular but was the story is overworked, especially at the end. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down.

Lovely Writer

Thai 2021 YouTube

What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters. There is both family trauma and dram and childhood stuff.

Happy Merry Ending

Korea 2023 Viki

Stars Lee Dong Won (KNK) as an ex-idol turned wedding singer with an abusive ex and a panic disorder + the sunshine pianist who falls in love with him. Timid tsundere & sweetheart gay is an interesting match. They’re gentle together, almost kindly, and there is a calm ache to their pairing. However, it lost its way as a BL, being more about the main character’s struggle than the romance. It had a strong finish but ultimately the premise & characters meant this was never going to be one of my favorites. But if you like angst, well...

Given

Japan 2021 grey

Boy joins band, falls in love with other boy. The singing is terrible, fast forward through that but with the possible exception of the hair styles, this BL could have been made in 2015 and no one would be surprised. As such, it wasn’t ground breaking, but it didn’t disappoint either. Very much a tortured past for our singer. (More here.)

The Eclipse

Thai 2022 YouTube

GMMTV does gay Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing. This is a good show but the cast is excellent and the leads are absolutely flawless, which elevates it beyond just good. We got a nuanced and multifaceted burgeoning relationship: philosophical (and socio-political) conflict contrasted to moments of empathy; flirtation contrasted to moments of genuine affection, plus plenty of angst. This narrative is less about love than it is about courage and tenderness. However, near the end the pacing was off and the plot frustrating. Still, this is an enjoyable watch, with a finale that features verbal consent and a fun blooper reel.

Love Class 2

Korea 2023 Viki

3 couples form within a semester of university: 1. a hyung romance reunion of exes, one of whom has a dangerous past, 2. a friends to lovers romance, and 3. a one night stand between a mature student and a TA (many aspects of which had me laughing). I enjoyed the characters and dialogue of this show immensely. It was a little bit more breezy and friendly than I was expecting after the first installment, Love Class (to which this bears little resemblance and no connection). I’m not entirely sure Korea can handle multiple couples like this because it definitely felt disjointed, especially with the 3rd more mature couple (also my favorite) who probably should’ve had their own series. But I enjoyed something different from Korea.

About Youth

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by an almost real world authenticity and grit. More here.

Restart After Come Back Home AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning.

DNA Says Love You

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

DNA deserves extra marks for an upbeat approach to a queer story arc that other shows have systemically mishandled with sadness (in the guise of realism). There is a twist, which I found predictable, but knowing what would happen didn't spoil this show. The leads are luminous and engaging, and it’s full of queer found family representation and an unexpected amount of domesticity, plus it’s Taiwan, so the kisses are great. The first few eps are rough going but have patiences, it's worth it as the last ones really are special and life/love affirming - and the end is big-grin charming.

My Tooth Your Love

Taiwan 2023 Viki

Earnest dentist hottie with sad eyes who worries too much is smitten by an adorable sunshine neurotic bar owner with serious anxiety issues. They fall madly in love while courting each other with food, plushies, and naps. Then, shocker, talk about their feelings and try to actually sort out their problems so they can have an adult relationship. Bonus crumbs = 18 year old poor little rich kid in mad crush with a much older man. I really enjoyed this show, it had a unique premise, killer dialogue, there was a solid lead pair with charming chemistry, soft flirtation, delightful smiling kisses, and stinkingly cute domesticity.

Where Your Eyes Linger

Korea 2020 Viki

Ostensibly high school set about a poor kid whose been raised in a mafia kid’s family specifically to protect him (whipping boy trope, attack dog variant). Themes of codependency and survival with pretty classic Korean style romance ending.

TharnType

Thai 2019 Viki

This Thai BL has everything: university setting, great acting and complex characters, interesting friendship groups, enemies to lovers, angsty coming out, high production values, AMAZING chemistry, and multiple BL side couples with all the issues. But when I said everything I meant it because there's also: damaging queer rep, strong seme/uke and husband/wife language, classic tropes and lots of them, child abuse, bullying, mental illness, rough play, dub-con, non-con, and statutory rape (by the seme/gay character).

and its spin off: Don't Say No also qualifies for this post.

In fact most Mame stuff will involved trauma & drama, specifically.

Love By Chance 2

Love in the Air (Part 2)

Wedding Plan

Some others but I'm getting tired:

I Told Sunset About You et al

You Are Mine

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Your Soul

Ghost Host Ghost House

But frankly there are a ton more depending on how you look at it. I mean, what about Why R U? FIghter's dad is the issues with him coming out, but it's not really in the plot until late so ?

Lakorn BL drama llama soaps & similar

Moonlight Chicken - review here

Laws of Attraction

To Sir, With Love - review here

Sirs not appearing on this list

Our Dining Table is driven by childhood trauma but not angsty, similar to Oxygen. Not Me is angsty and dramatic and family stuff, but that's not really the driver of the plot. Life Love On the Line is all angst but he brought it on himself.

(source)

Updated Nov 19, 2023, no intention of adding to this so if you want more, look at the comments. Someone is bound to get annoyed their favorite isn't on the list.

#bls with lots of angst #bl with family drama #bl with past trauma #pain for the pretty boys #until we meet again #thai bl #Blueming #korean bl #Tokyo in April is #Shigatsu no Tokyo wa #japanese bl #The Eighth Sense #Bad Buddy #Bed Friend #Lovely Writer #Happy Merry Ending #The Eclipse #About Youth #Taiwanese BL #dna says love you #Restart After Come Back Home #Risutato wa tadaima no ato de #my tooth your love #Where Your Eyes Linger #TharnType

[nunezs-stuff]

POV Yuutsu's room:

It's a very sweet but shy and self-conscious person the reason she's so self-conscious is because people assume her to be dumb because she likes to wear pink and girly things and that really hits at her insecurities.

Because of her parents high expectations she never got a childhood and she likes

girly things and cute things

And by no means she isn't a spoiled or rotten person she understands that not a lot of people get to experience and get the things that she

gets so sometimes she likes to clean out her room and her accessories and things and pick up things she doesn't want and the things she

wants to keep and donate the rest to charity and

Tends to put others mental health over her owns because she's afraid of being a burden

She can be very helpful and give useful advice.

Her special ability is called pink creation since all the objects are weapons that she makes are a hot pink.

She's also looking for a husband but is scared of being in a relationship with someone that doesn't accept her or appreciate things she does.

She also loves to attend the pride parades.

And supports trans people and gay people.

She's also into Vocaloid and the music she also likes watching Comfort anime that she can turn

off her brain around and a guilty pleasure of hers

is brother's conflict she doesn't like a lot of things in the anime but she likes it anyway she

also likes the MC but she hates how oblivious the MC is.

And she also likes playing otome games because they're easy to play and she tends to avoid the Bad Endings

And because her parents had a hard time conceiving she was the only child that they could conceive so they had high expectations for her

and never allowed her to have a childhood or wear girly things

her past:

As a child she was put under high expectations because her parents struggled with having children so when she was born they wanted her to be perfect every day she did achieve that but at the cost of her happiness.

One day her mother became jealous of her and slit her throat luckily.

She survived.

But the trauma was still there she prefers to wear chokers or bows or ribbons that can cover the scar around her neck because it's a constant reminder of her mother but over time she's learned to accept it. Now she can't be manipulated and can see through people

On her 14th birthday her father gave her a Vivian Westwood necklace.

She became very protective over it and would be scared that she would break it

Because of how expensive it was

But she never broke it and now she wears it frequently

She also owns a backpack that has angel wings on it she loves the detail and takes care of it so it can last longer she usually carries and she usually has her taser and her phone and certain accessories. In her backpack

She has soft long hair that she takes care of a lot since it was the thing that she had control over in her life as a child.

And now she loves putting it up in cute hairstyles

She even has a hair routine

She's always loved magical girl animes because of the fashion and the story

She has a lot of favorite magical girl animes but her number one will always be Sailor Moon

She can be insecure about her body because of her small chest

But she's often compared to an angel since she's very sweet and doesn't have any Cruel Intentions with anyone unless they hurt her

Her accessories and things she owns:

She has at least five anime girl figures since most of them are expensive

She has jewelry boxes and other cute items and posters

She's a very organized person so she likes to keep everything in a certain place but she won't force that unto others

Her favorite colors are black and pastel colors

She also owns a teacup set she loves the designs and the Roses

She also likes to keep her hair and Pigtails in the hot summers

She loves cute clothes and anything with a cute design and pretty colors

She is also a very flexible so if she was in Demon Slayer she would most likely practice love breathing

If she ever had a lover and it worked out she would be protective and loyal to them and if they needed help with anything she would help them and if they're shorter than her she wouldn't tease them about it because she knows how embarrassing it can be

If they are the quiet type then she would strike up a conversation with them

And if her lover had survivor's guilt because of something that happened to them she would make it very clear that it wasn't their fault

If her lover is a yandere then she will try to help them get a bit of therapy and reassure them that she's not going to leave them as long as they don't abuse her or force her or try to manipulate her into anything

But she is aware of toxic relationships and she knows when someone is trying to use her

#yui komori aesthetic #youtube #spotify #storytelling #yandere oc #where did my memories go #kanato sakamaki x reader #is this the start of a new friendship #sato matsuzaka #soundcloud #demon slayer oc #shinobu x mitsuri #pride month #trans rights #sweet girl #insecurity #trauma #ittybittytittycomitty #yandere record of ragnarok #adam and eve #vivian westwood #lolita fashion #persona 5 oc #diabolic lovers oc