The more you know. #Repost @isuvoa with @get_repost ・・・ The cerebral cortex is the largest part of the human brain and is responsible for rational thinking, making decisions, determining whether a situation is safe or dangerous, etc. and is probably the most active part of the brain in "normal" people. The amygdala, the smallest part of the brain, however, is the ruler of an abuse survivor's brain. Our critical developmental years were spent in survival mode due to our abuse: we were always on high alert, looking for ways to avert impending danger and how to minimize the effects in the danger zone most of us called home. We were NEVER safe, and were the most vulerable when we were asleep. Our bodies were constantly bathed in adrenaline and cortisol, chemicals that are only supposed to be released under times of flight or flight, and our bodies may not know how to funtion without them. Although we may physically BE safe, we may not FEEL safe. Seemingly harmless things, smells, tones of voice, spoken words and phrases, and situations, can sound the alert and the amygdala hijacks the cerebral cortex (the amygdala is moving at the speed of light while the cerebral cortex is as slow as molasses in January). This may result in panic attacks, dissociation, shutting down, fleeing, hiding, or any number of "undesirable" behaviors (for us and/or others). Everyone understands and sympathizes with veterans when this happens because we know it's probably a result of PTSD because of what they've seen and experienced. Abuse survivors and victims also have forms of PTSD, Complex PTSD (exposed to trauma over an extended period of time) and Developmental PTSD (extended exposure to trauma during the developmental years), because of our abuse. Our brains are often indistinguishable from combat veterans due to our experiences and should be given at least the same understanding and sympathy. #sexualabuse #awareness #education #childabuseprevention #protectkids #childsexualabuse #childsexualabusesurvivor #protectchildren https://www.instagram.com/p/BneQYKuHvIv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=btwoeb0colkq
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http://timikachambers.com/2021/04/07/the-monster-within/. #mindset #childsexualabuseawareness #childsexualabuse #forgiveness #studentperspective #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticviolence #singlemom #singleparent #adultsurvivorchildabuse #overcomer #mom #legacy #family #monster #inspire #feedom #childsexualabusesurvivor #journey #purpose #awakening #faith #faithoverfear https://www.instagram.com/p/CNYUiDujueu/?igshid=1xg0dxz5ex715
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#metoo if you know me you know my story... I may do a few posts soon #sexualassaultsurvivor #childsexualabusesurvivor
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Hey, just a heads up about @itmovieofficial! I didn't know about this and I'm glad I've found out! PLEASE READ THIS. #IT #ITMovie #ITMovie2017 #ITMovieOfficial #StephenKing #StephenKingsIt #TriggerWarning #Warning #MentalHealth #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack #SexualAbuse #SexualAbuseSurvivors #ChildAbuse #ChildAbuseSurvivor #ChildSexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuseSurvivor #Abuse #AbuseSurvivor (at Great Yarmouth)
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#sexualabuse #abuse #childhoodsexualabuse #childhoodsexualabusesurvivor #childsexualabuseawareness #childsexualabuseprevention #childsexualabusesurvivor #watchyourchildren
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#childabusesurvivor #childsexualabusesurvivor
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I pledge Allegiance to The New American Dream
T.W : Mentions of sexual abuse, gun violence, lack of bodily autonomy/abortion rights &racism
When you are the sole
Survivor of a train wreck
It is not uncommon to feel
The immense guilt of
Being spared.
Always
Wondering why it was
You,
And not anyone else.
With each passing second
Wishing there was someway.
Anyway.
To bring the other’s back.
As you sit back
And watch the devastating impacts.
Is that what this feeling is?
Because
I have been watching
This train
Slowly crash
Since I stood
Three feet and nine inches tall.
Not a care in the world.
Young, wild and free.
As
I held his hand.
And I have never been able
To understand
If it was my fault...
Or his.
The train.
Screeching. Grinding metal. Deafening.
We went from
Holding hands,
To his lap,
To his bed.
To my body.
Before I learned how to properly communicate,
I learned that I was not safe,
When a man from the house next door
Grabbed my waist
And told me wanted to
“F**k” me.
As he proceeded
To take my clothes off.
Feasting eyes.
Wandering hands.
Lustful sweat dripping down
His forehead.
I’ll never forget the
First time
I saw true rage
In my mother’s eyes.
When she learned that
Her now twenty three year old
Knew what the word
F**k meant
At just five years old.
And then she learned
Where I first heard it.
I was never allowed
To wear shorts back then.
Only dresses and skirts.
Maybe that man next door simply
Thought
I WAS JUST ASKING FOR IT.
Now I only wear
Jean shorts and cargo pants
And I always wear a
Belt to make it harder
For them to be so easily
Stripped away from my body.
Never again.
Once I first said
What had happened
Out loud
I started taking classes
To learn
How to protect Myself.
This train was well on it’s way to ruin.
Tiny hazel eyes...
Watching
Death Live.
My parents kept
Crying and hugging
Me that day.
Apologizing profusely
For having never known
And for failing to keep me safe
From only 300 feet away.
I met death face to face
Before I knew it’s name.
At age twelve
I finally learned
To close my eyes
Pitching them
Shut
As this train started
Striking. Shaking. Breaking.
Breath taking.
You can’t think
About it really
Or it will tear you to shreds.
Each time
They talk about more
People dead and
Their bodily autonomy
Stolen
From men who use their power to
Use and Abuse.
They come into
Our villages,
Our towns,
Our cities,
Our neighborhoods,
Our streets,
Our homes,
Our lives.
Until they are close enough
To think they can
Penetrate our sacred bodies
And
Shoot down our life’s
Greatest potential.
All without any accountability or repercussions.
Coming to America
I pledged allegiance to a flag
Knowing full well
That politicians
Will choose to protect
The second amendment
Before they choose to
Protect little
Smiley faced innocent kids
Like me.
The train derailing.
I can’t even open
Any of my social media
Without crying .
I stopped trying.
What’s the use
Fighting?
Why didn’t someone...
Anyone...
Stop Him?
He just kept lying.
No
Means
No
But maybe he hadn’t
Learned what it meant
Before he learned
He could lure the cute
Blonde haired kid
Into his retched compound.
And now I say
One Nation Under God
Damn.
They really do take that part seriously
And Not
For manifest destiny.
As much as controlling
Women,
LGBTQ+ people,
And Children’s
Autonomy.
Corpses
Have more control
Over their Bodies
Than me.
Why am I crying?
I got to move to the
Greatest Nation In The World.
A Global Superpower.
A f*cking Freedom machine.
Fighting more wars against
More enemies
With more military funding.
Indivisible.
Immigrants still chasing that
“American Dream”
And apparently
We don’t have
The heart to tell them
That it is not what it seems..
They will
Never
Give you a seat at their table.
Afraid your
Beautiful Brown and Black skin
Will stain their
Preciously pressed
White napkins.
They’ll kill you first
And be able to
Get away with it since
Your menacing melanin
Made you look dangerous
To them.
The train tipping and flipping
I feel sick again
I feel sick again
I feel sick again
Suddenly
I realize
That my life will be held captive
No matter where I go.
As I struggle with $1000′s worth of
Monthly medicine.
Nobody told me that getting sick
Is only for the rich.
I see my friends rationing insulin
But I earn less than them
And somehow that makes me lucky
Because
I don’t have enough money
At my job
Because the time I
“Take off”
For my mental health, sick day’s or for doctor’s appointments
Makes me just poor enough
That this country’s flimsy
State healthcare programs
Do cover some stuff.
WITH LIBERITY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
That train crashes.
I imagine myself
Standing in an airport
With a visa in my hand.
Sights set on a
New land
Pursuing a
Safer and higher education,
An owned home,
And a partner who adores me,
An amazing family.
And as though that
Didn’t already make me the most luckiest
Person in the world...
I would get back the rights
To my own body.
Not afraid that one more
Hospital visit will put me on
The streets permanently
And WHEN
And IF
I decide to carry a baby...
If that’s right
For me...
I can send them off
On their first day of school
With a kiss and a
“Have a good day!” wish
Knowing they’re
Safe enough
In that space to learn
Without
Their
Bulletproof vest,
And I’ll teach them respect
BEFORE ANY GOD DAMN PLEDGE !
The guilt washes over me...
I feel them on my shoulders...
All the other kids that were there
In that dreaded compound...
All the other Americans...
Still trapped within the borders.
As I travel across the sea
To another new land
Because I decided it was about damn time
That I stop purely imagining things
And actually
Start chasing a
Better Life,
Like my ancestors before me.
This Is
The New
American Dream.
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King C. Gillette Valley
T.W: self harm and mentions of child sexual abuse
I turn off all the lights
Except for the small dim one
That hangs above the toilet
On the other side of the bathroom.
I turn on the shower
While the water is heating up
I anxiously strip away the armor
That hides and protects
The scars, stretch marks and dysphoria.
I throw my clothes into a pile on the floor
I make sure to disclose
Fresh bandages, gauze, tape and Neosporin
In between my of shirt and pants.
Just incase my mom
Comes in to grab something
From her closest or toiletries
On the sink.
Before the steam obscures the glass
I stare at my vulnerable naked body.
A body that I have loathed with a passion
Since I was eight years old.
A body that I have
Never been able to recognize.
I softly run my hands
Over the scars on my shoulders
From bad days past.
As I feel raised skin
I am reminded of every mistake,
Every bad decision,
Every fault
I have ever committed.
The tally marks on
On my arms and shoulders
To keep track of and
Stand as a permanent reminder of
Why I am not and will never be
Enough.
Why every bad thing that happens to me
Is a direct result of my failures.
I carefully and quietly move the small
Toiletry stand next to shower
I bend down and reach under
The back of the bottom shelf
As I methodically feel around
Until I pluck a
Beautiful and deadly
King C. Gillette
Men’s Double Edge
Razor Blade.
I rub the pad of my thumb
Against it’s delicately sharp edge
I mouth the words to myself as
A reminder that
“It was all my fault.
I could have stopped it.
I could have saved us.”
Feeling the way my warm breath
Moves through my mouth.
I repeat those words again and again
Until I can picture all their scared little faces,
And I can hear the sound of their cries for help.
Cries that no one heard.
I feel the beastly passion over powering
Our too small bodies.
“It was all my fault.
I could have stopped it.
I could have saved us.
Why didn’t I just tell someone
What was happening to us?”
I step into the shower
My body full of rage and such
Immense fear and sorrow.
Guilt and shame
Drenching me from head to toe.
Suddenly
I am aware of an entrancing voice
Demanding that I be punished.
Without hesitation
I press the edge of the blade
Against my shoulder
Recklessly slicing through
The wounds from the day before.
I do this over and over
Until my flesh looks like
It’s been mauled by a
Wild animal.
Shredded and degloved.
Blood running down my body
Like and ruby waterfall.
I watch as it pools around my feet
Before it rushes down the drain.
I can’t feel a thing.
My mind stuck in
A dissociative daze
With no signs of return.
Again
I drag the blade slowly
The skin squishes under the pressure
It takes violence and aggression
To make this thin piece of metal
To draw blood.
Slice quickly and you cut deeper by mistake
Drag slowly and you the pain is more intense
And the wound is more controlled.
Slowly is my favorite way to punish myself.
That way I can really manipulate
My internal pain so I remember
How I could have done something.
Only a child but I could have saved us.
I turn off the water
And I take the towel and dry off
Then I try to stop the bleeding
By holding firm pressure.
I step out and reach for
My safety supplies.
Sitting on the tile floor
I purposely replace the towel
With some gauze
Along with some Neosporin .
I take four strips
Of medical tape and apply
To all side of the gauze.
I place a rather large
Bandage over the taped wound.
I wipe off the blade and
Take a new piece of tape
And place it back
Under the toiletry stand
Where no one will think to look.
Once again
I look in the mirror
And I still don’t recognize myself
Through the heated haze
I drag my hand across the glass
A tear cascades down my unfamiliar face
And in a soft voice in my head
I wonder to myself
“Was if it wasn’t our fault...
What if it was just his.”
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Until We Are All Free
T.W: Child Sexual Abuse
He took my innocence,
All my hopes, my dreams, my youth.
He took my very soul.
What could have been,
I will never know.
But it wasn’t just my childhood that he stole,
It was all the other kid’s too.
Their scared faces each forever burned into my mind.
I remember what he did to them...
To me...
To us.
Even to his own kids.
I was just barely five years old
When he took interest in
The little hazel eyed blonde haired kid
In the compound next door.
I’ve noticed a phrase that people like to say
About kids who go through shit...
They like to say
“Kids are resilient”
But what I’ve learned is that
We are only “resilient”
Because our tiny brains cannot yet
Comprehend our own lived experiences,
Our resiliency always runs out
The moment are minds mature enough
That we finally gain access
To the words we needed to describe our pain,
And we feel safe enough to express the trauma
Our weary bodies have been bearing all this time.
You see,
We aren’t always taught this but
Our bodies hold every ounce of pain
We have ever had to endure.
That is until some of us are
Granted the privilege of acknowledging we even have trauma...
And then,
If we are lucky...
We receive the great privilege of
Actively being able to seek out and maintain
Professional outlets of healing.
But not everyone has these privileges.
Oppression is a real raging bitch and
When your suffering from within it
It’s almost impossible to escape.
You’re just forever stuck
In a system that is only aimed to keep
You from living, learning, growing, thriving,
And succeeding in this world.
So when I remember how
My innocents was taken by him,
I’m struck with immense survivors guilt
Because even though
No one knew about what was happening to me
For four and a half years...
I eventually got out.
I got out.
I was the only privileged one to escape
The system of oppression that
I only knew and could relate to from a
Tiny white missionary kid’s view point.
Now when I close my eyes
I see a surge of little Black and Brown faces.
So beautiful in nature
Yet,
So hopeless, beaten and battered.
Some of these kids
Were my friends.
Everyday,
We would play together
Outside the compound
After school
Until the sun was just about to go down.
Their faces edged into my memory.
I remember the fun we had and the smiles we shared.
I remember the sounds of our collective laughter
And the joy we found in each other.
But
I also remember seeing and recognizing
The joint fear on our faces
As He led us into his compound,
Then into his house ,
And then his bedroom.
I remember their desperate cries.
Cries
That no one heard.
I remember the
Deep bruises, cuts, and sores on the bodies of the children
That left that dreaded room.
Kids with excruciating wounds
Sometimes invisible
Unless you’re trained to see the clues.
The haunting red flags.
Yet I was the one
That got out.
While they all stayed
And their painful stories continued.
I think a lot
About what if I could go back and change things...
If I could have spoken up and reached out for help.
If I could have only just told my parents.
I know without a doubt
That my parents would have gotten me out of
That situation
So fucking fast.
They would have raged and aggressively advocated for me
And would have seen to it that He be dealt with.
I would have gotten help sooner.
But then I think to myself about
Who would have advocated for
All those other kids in the village..
In the surrounding villages...
In the town..
In the country...
All over the continent...
All over this world...
Who have a
“Him”
Who has stolen their autonomy
And shattered their story.
Who would have gotten them
All the help they so desperately needed
In order to heal their
Hearts, minds, bodies and souls??
Who would grant them that privilege?
The only way I would change anything about
Those dark years...
Is to somehow fiercely eradicate the systems of oppression
That enable evil men to gain the power
They use to suppress the rest of us.
To eradicate the patriarchy that
Encourages men to think they
Can get away with mortally wounding
Women, Transgender, Nonbinary people, Other LGBTQ people,
And children.
To eradicate white supremacy and the effects of colonialism
That have plagued and devastated
The lives of People of Color
Since the beginning of time.
To eradicate the systems of power
That side with, shelter and protect
The abuser and
Not the victim and survivor.
To eradicate and remove the barriers
That keep God’s children
From succeeding and thriving
In this world they placed them in.
Those kids deserve to get out
Just like I did.
Those kids deserved a story that didn’t
Involve an evil man obsessed with
The power granted to him by
His ability to silence those around him
And strike fear into the hearts of the community.
A community that frightfully elevated his stance
Based on his
Financial status , level of education and
His arrogant persona.
Those kids deserve a better story than they one
They unfortunately were placed into.
So even though I was privileged to escaped,
And receive professional help
That is allowing parts of me to heal...
Resiliency comes with a heavy cost.
I will never be truly free
Until the day that
All the people with stories like us
Are finally set free.
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To the people who meet me and want to be in my life, there are a few things you should know I'm a very loving, caring person who is fun to be around. I can be a great person, but I struggle a lot. Some days I can't even get out of bed. I cry a lot have frequent nightmares. I need constant reassurance; I don't know how to show my love at times. You may say something, and I won't know how to take it. my darkness comes out when I'm afraid or hurt, and you will look at me differently because you will experience my rage a part of me. I'm working hard to get rid of it. I have periods of not wanting to live and the need to make bad choices. You may question my care and love because of how I come off, but it's there. Before you come into my life, I want you to know my past traumas are dark and have altered my mind and body. So you can make an informed choice and are not blindsided by my issues. I beg of you to consider this before making a connection with me because it will hurt to lose anyone else I care about in my life, yet I would understand if people left, and it can be painful at times for you to be in mine. I'm healing but have a long way to go. I won't be offended if you head this warning and run. ~ Journey Through Madness @spacesnail91 #complexptsd #cptsd #mentalillness #mentalhealth #imnotokay #mentalillnessisnotachoice #ptsd #abusechangespeople #fightmode #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #childsexualabusesurvivor #rapesurvivor #abusivemother #absentfathers #ruinedchildhood #traumadissociation #dissociativeidentitydisorder #fear #trustissues #mentalbreakdown https://www.instagram.com/p/CNk4jk5lvwH/?igshid=1rfnvjcunjn1j
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Life isn’t Always Black and White !!! There are different shades of Grey , White , Blue , Green , Yellow , Orange , Purple ... Etc !!! I am trying to be really positive for my own state of mind and wellness... but it’s so tough !!! You haven’t been feeling myself... and I have been extremely tired all the time .... this too shall pass !!! By too Everyone reading this ... whatever you are going through.... Never give up !!! If you are Really Struggling.. Please reach out for help !! . And Remember No Man / Women is an Island !!! You can be super independent like Myself... but at the end of the day ... Everybody needs someone!!! That’s why prisoners that get put in solitary... end up going crazy !!! And I don’t want that for Anyone I care About!! I will get through this ... one day at a time .. Bree Xoxo #childsexualabusesurvivor #gangrapesurvivor #sexualassaultsurvivor #metoo #timesup #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #anorexia #anorexianervosa #eatingdisorders #eatingdisordersurvivor #bipolardisordertype1 #weareallgoodenough #beyourself #beauthentic #authenticity #befearless #bebadass #bestrong #askforhelpwhenyouneedit #askingforhelpisnotbeingweak #survivor #survivorsstrong @therealmariskahargitay ... Thank you for all that you have done .. and continue too do for us !!! There are not enough words too express how grateful I am for you and @nbcsvu 💯🤜🏼🤛🏼👏🏼🙏🏼🙌🏼🎁🌏🇦🇺💕💕💕 (at Sydney, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4opOsvnX1vOwri8p5xCMixHDzLr2p6LhR1ci40/?igshid=os2kgfk827sk
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One of the Women that is no longer with us who inspired me so Much was the great , Beautiful, insightful #mayaangelou !!! I first saw her on @oprah in the Early 90s when I was 13/14 years old . One of #oprahwinfrey Hero’s !!! And the quote is SO true !!! I went for 30+ years suffering in Silence!!! Because back in the late #80s when I was about to become a teenager you didn’t talk about your problems at ALL!!! And especially if you came from a Well off Family!!! You just swept it under the rug !!! And look how well that turned out .... #anorexianervosa at 11.... Hospitalised at 12,13 for #electrolyteimbalance and #cardiacarrhythmia ... and then flow home to Sydney for my first Admission in an #eatingdisordersclinic !!!! It’s our Toxic Secrets that destroy US!!! Thank goodness we live in a time where we can say #metoo !!! Too Anyone out there who is harbouring a secret and is terrified like I was .... tell a friend, teacher , nurse , doctor, parent or ANY Adult you feel comfortable with !!!! Because #youarenotalone !!!! All the Women in History and our World who I look up too have been through something life Altering!!!! Be Brave ..... Talk to an Adult you trust !!!! Please don’t take the sins of others out on yourself.... because I wouldn’t wish what I have been through in my life on ANYONE. Unfortunately I’m an Example of what Toxic Secrets can do !!! And now I have too live with the Physical & Emotional Fall our .... But At Least I’m still Alive . I have lost 2 Women that I loved more than life in less than 3 years and every couple of months I hear of another girl/ Boy / Women / Man lost too #eatingdisorders . And it literally bring tears too my eyes... because 1 life is too Many !!!! #trauma #traumarecovery #childsexualabuse #childsexualabusesurvivor #anorexianervosa #eatingdisordersurvivor #1lifeistoomany #bebrave 💯🙏🏼♥️ (at Auburn Hospital) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2dpRJ8nFhAlfZG000EfdDhQlBZC8ktKBsTjwM0/?igshid=1l4x47syxrnau
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Because it’s #worldsmentalhealthday I going to open myself up and bare my soul in the hope it will help 1 person . Last Saturday I went on a Coffee Date with a Man I met on a Dating app... it went well ... so I invited him back too my place ... in my mind just too talk further , and get too know him !!! Instead of a pleasant conversation... he Sexually Assaulted me , and injured me !!! Because I went on a Dating app and brought him back to my house I blame myself!!! . And after enduring #childhoodsexualabuse and #gangrape ... you think I would have known better !!! But at the end of the day the only person to blame is HIM !!! It has triggered my post traumatic stress Disorder SO Badly that I am sleeping or tiring to sleep on my couch .... curled up in the foetal position with a massive knife next too me , when I hear ANY sound I jump and my heart begins to race !! I am waiting on a bed in hospital... and my Mama rang them today to let them know what happened too me !!! I didn’t tell her until yesterday because I was too scared of the judgements . But like she always does ... she supports me and stand behind and with me . I do want ANYONE too feel sorry for me , I have said if in past posts !!! It’s happened... I can’t change it !!! It done . Now I have just got to try and live through each day until I get a bed in hospital!!! Too all my friends out there ... it’s NEVER our fault even though we do blame ourselves!! I’m going to be honest ... I’m severely depressed, my Eating isn’t good , I can barely sleep ... but I have lived through worse !!! I will get through this with the help of my Mama , family that i still have .... My treating team ... and ALL of my Amazing friends that I feel so blessed to have ! Please don’t comment. Just read it .. and believe what I have posted .. even though I’m NOT a Victim... I’m a #survivor ... it’s NEVER the Victims fault ... that falls on the Perpetrator! #worldsmentalhealthday #bearingmysoul #rapeisacrime #imasurvivornotavictim💜 #rapeisnotok #childsexualabusesurvivors #gangrapesurvivor #sexualassaultsurvivor #anorexianervosa #anorexianervosarecovery #posttraumaticstressdisorder #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessweek2019 (at Sydney, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3bz57Enu4ZY-O-2IWm6crpoQGjMaj7l6wfuTE0/?igshid=h6kgpuvebfrj
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