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#childsexualabusesurvivor
thordodaday · 6 years
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The more you know. #Repost @isuvoa with @get_repost ・・・ The cerebral cortex is the largest part of the human brain and is responsible for rational thinking, making decisions, determining whether a situation is safe or dangerous, etc. and is probably the most active part of the brain in "normal" people. The amygdala, the smallest part of the brain, however, is the ruler of an abuse survivor's brain. Our critical developmental years were spent in survival mode due to our abuse: we were always on high alert, looking for ways to avert impending danger and how to minimize the effects in the danger zone most of us called home. We were NEVER safe, and were the most vulerable when we were asleep. Our bodies were constantly bathed in adrenaline and cortisol, chemicals that are only supposed to be released under times of flight or flight, and our bodies may not know how to funtion without them. Although we may physically BE safe, we may not FEEL safe. Seemingly harmless things, smells, tones of voice, spoken words and phrases, and situations, can sound the alert and the amygdala hijacks the cerebral cortex (the amygdala is moving at the speed of light while the cerebral cortex is as slow as molasses in January). This may result in panic attacks, dissociation, shutting down, fleeing, hiding, or any number of "undesirable" behaviors (for us and/or others). Everyone understands and sympathizes with veterans when this happens because we know it's probably a result of PTSD because of what they've seen and experienced. Abuse survivors and victims also have forms of PTSD, Complex PTSD (exposed to trauma over an extended period of time) and Developmental PTSD (extended exposure to trauma during the developmental years), because of our abuse. Our brains are often indistinguishable from combat veterans due to our experiences and should be given at least the same understanding and sympathy. #sexualabuse #awareness #education #childabuseprevention #protectkids #childsexualabuse #childsexualabusesurvivor #protectchildren https://www.instagram.com/p/BneQYKuHvIv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=btwoeb0colkq
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timikaschambers · 3 years
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http://timikachambers.com/2021/04/07/the-monster-within/. #mindset #childsexualabuseawareness #childsexualabuse #forgiveness #studentperspective #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticviolence #singlemom #singleparent #adultsurvivorchildabuse #overcomer #mom #legacy #family #monster #inspire #feedom #childsexualabusesurvivor #journey #purpose #awakening #faith #faithoverfear https://www.instagram.com/p/CNYUiDujueu/?igshid=1xg0dxz5ex715
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zeleny-est89 · 6 years
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#metoo if you know me you know my story... I may do a few posts soon #sexualassaultsurvivor #childsexualabusesurvivor
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a-pan-in-a-van-blog · 7 years
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Hey, just a heads up about @itmovieofficial! I didn't know about this and I'm glad I've found out! PLEASE READ THIS. #IT #ITMovie #ITMovie2017 #ITMovieOfficial #StephenKing #StephenKingsIt #TriggerWarning #Warning #MentalHealth #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack #SexualAbuse #SexualAbuseSurvivors #ChildAbuse #ChildAbuseSurvivor #ChildSexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuseSurvivor #Abuse #AbuseSurvivor (at Great Yarmouth)
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gloryouscrown-blog · 6 years
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#sexualabuse #abuse #childhoodsexualabuse #childhoodsexualabusesurvivor #childsexualabuseawareness #childsexualabuseprevention #childsexualabusesurvivor #watchyourchildren
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liminalspacebar · 8 years
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#childabusesurvivor #childsexualabusesurvivor
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dearryker-loves · 2 years
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I pledge Allegiance to The New American Dream
T.W : Mentions of sexual abuse, gun violence, lack of bodily autonomy/abortion rights &racism 
When you are the sole 
Survivor of a train wreck 
It is not uncommon to feel 
The immense guilt of 
Being spared.
Always 
Wondering why it was 
You,
And not anyone else.
With each  passing second 
Wishing there was someway. 
Anyway.
To bring the other’s back.
As you sit back 
And watch the devastating impacts.
Is that what this feeling is?
Because 
I have been watching 
This train 
Slowly crash
Since I stood 
Three feet and nine inches tall.
Not a care in the world.
Young, wild and free. 
As
I held his hand.
And I have never been able 
To understand 
If it was my fault...
Or his.
                                       The train. 
                Screeching.  Grinding metal.  Deafening.
We went from 
Holding hands,
To his lap,
To his bed.
To my body.
Before I learned how to properly communicate,
I learned that I was not safe,
When a man from the house next door
Grabbed my waist 
And told me wanted to 
“F**k” me.
As he proceeded
To take my clothes off.
Feasting eyes.
Wandering hands.
Lustful sweat dripping down 
His forehead.
I’ll never forget the 
First time 
I saw true rage 
In my mother’s eyes.
When she learned that 
Her now twenty three year old 
Knew what the word 
F**k meant
At just five years old.
And then she learned 
Where I first heard it.
I was never allowed 
To wear shorts back then.
Only dresses and skirts.
Maybe that man next door simply 
Thought 
I WAS JUST ASKING FOR IT.
Now I only wear 
Jean shorts and cargo pants 
And I always wear a 
Belt to make it harder
For them to be so easily 
Stripped away from my body.
Never again.
Once I first said 
What had happened 
Out loud 
I started taking classes 
To learn 
How to protect Myself.
                           This train was well on it’s way to ruin.
Tiny hazel eyes...
Watching 
Death Live.
My parents kept 
Crying and hugging 
Me that day.
Apologizing profusely
For having never known 
And for failing to keep me safe
From only 300 feet away.
I met death face to face
Before I knew it’s name.
At age twelve 
I finally learned
To close my eyes 
Pitching them 
Shut
                                   As this train started 
                            Striking. Shaking. Breaking.
                                      Breath taking.
You can’t think 
About it really
Or it will tear you to shreds.
Each time 
They talk about more 
People dead and 
Their bodily autonomy 
Stolen
From men who use their power to
Use and Abuse.
They come into 
Our villages,
Our towns,
Our cities,
Our neighborhoods,
Our streets,
Our homes, 
Our lives.
Until they are close enough
To think they can 
Penetrate our sacred bodies
And 
Shoot down our life’s 
Greatest potential. 
All without any accountability or repercussions.
Coming to America
                                 I pledged allegiance to a flag
Knowing full well 
That politicians
Will choose to protect 
The second amendment 
Before they choose to
Protect little 
Smiley faced innocent kids 
Like me.
                                      The train derailing.
I can’t even open 
Any of my social media 
Without crying .
I stopped trying.
What’s the use 
Fighting?
Why didn’t someone... 
Anyone...
Stop Him?
He just kept lying.
No 
Means 
No 
But maybe he hadn’t 
Learned what it meant 
Before he learned 
He could lure the cute 
Blonde haired kid
Into his retched compound.
And now I say 
                               One Nation Under God 
Damn. 
They really do take that part seriously
And Not 
For manifest destiny.
As much as controlling 
Women, 
LGBTQ+ people, 
And Children’s 
Autonomy.
Corpses
Have more control 
Over their Bodies 
Than me.
Why am I crying?
I got to move to the 
Greatest Nation In The World.
A Global Superpower.
A f*cking Freedom machine.
Fighting more wars against 
More enemies 
With more military funding.
                                         Indivisible.
Immigrants still chasing that
“American Dream”
And apparently
We don’t have
The heart to tell them
That it is not what it seems..
They will 
Never
Give you a seat at their table.
Afraid your 
Beautiful Brown and Black skin
Will stain their 
Preciously pressed 
White napkins.
They’ll kill you first 
And be able to 
Get away with it since 
Your menacing melanin 
Made you look dangerous 
To them.
                            The train tipping and flipping 
       I feel sick again 
                       I feel sick again
                                      I feel sick again
Suddenly 
I realize 
That my life will be held captive 
No matter where I go.
As I struggle with $1000′s worth of
Monthly medicine.
Nobody told me that getting sick 
Is only for the rich.
I see my friends rationing insulin 
But I earn less than them 
And somehow that makes me lucky 
Because
I don’t have enough money 
At my job 
Because the time I 
“Take off” 
For my mental health, sick day’s or for doctor’s appointments 
Makes me just poor enough 
That this country’s flimsy 
State healthcare programs 
Do cover some stuff.
                   WITH LIBERITY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
                                     That train crashes.
 I imagine myself 
Standing in an airport 
With a visa in my hand. 
Sights set on a 
New land 
Pursuing a 
Safer and higher education,
An owned home,
And a partner who adores me,
An amazing family.
And as though that 
Didn’t already make me the most luckiest  
Person in the world...
I would get back the rights 
To my own body.
Not afraid that one more 
Hospital visit will put me on 
The streets permanently 
And WHEN 
And IF
I decide to carry a baby...
If that’s right 
For me...
I can send them off 
On their first day of school 
With a kiss and a 
“Have a good day!” wish 
Knowing they’re  
Safe enough
In that space to learn 
Without
Their 
Bulletproof vest, 
And I’ll teach them respect 
BEFORE ANY GOD DAMN PLEDGE !
 The guilt washes over me...
I feel them on my shoulders... 
All the other kids that were there
In that dreaded compound...
All the other Americans... 
Still trapped within the borders.
As I travel across the sea 
To another new land 
Because I decided it was about damn time 
That I stop purely imagining things 
And actually 
Start chasing a 
Better Life,
Like my ancestors before me.
This Is 
The New 
American Dream.
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dearryker-loves · 2 years
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King C. Gillette Valley
T.W: self harm and mentions of child sexual abuse
I turn off all the lights 
Except for the small dim one 
That hangs above the toilet 
On the other side of the bathroom.
I turn on the shower
While the water is heating up 
I anxiously strip away the armor 
That hides and protects 
The scars, stretch marks and dysphoria.
I throw my clothes into a pile on the floor
I make sure to disclose   
Fresh bandages, gauze, tape and Neosporin  
In between my of shirt and pants.
Just incase my mom 
Comes in to grab something 
From her closest or toiletries 
On the sink.
Before the steam obscures the glass
I stare at my vulnerable naked body.
A body that I have loathed with a passion 
Since I was eight years old.
A body that I have 
Never been able to recognize.
I softly run my hands 
Over the scars on my shoulders 
From bad days past.
As I feel raised skin 
I am reminded of every mistake,
Every bad decision, 
Every fault
I have ever committed.
The tally marks on 
On my arms and shoulders
To keep track of and 
Stand as a permanent reminder of 
Why I am not and will never be 
Enough.
Why every bad thing that happens to me 
Is a direct result of my failures.
I carefully and quietly move the small 
Toiletry stand next to shower
I bend down and reach under 
The back of the bottom shelf 
As I methodically feel around 
Until I pluck a 
Beautiful and deadly 
King C. Gillette 
Men’s Double Edge 
Razor Blade.
I rub the pad of my thumb 
Against it’s delicately sharp edge 
I mouth the words to myself as 
A reminder that 
“It was all my fault. 
I could have stopped it.
I could have saved us.”
Feeling the way my warm breath
Moves through my mouth.
I repeat those words again and again
Until I can picture all their scared little faces,
And I can hear the sound of their cries for help.
Cries that no one heard.
I feel the beastly passion over powering 
Our too small bodies.
“It was all my fault.
I could have stopped it.
I could have saved us.
Why didn’t I just tell someone
What was happening to us?”
I step into the shower 
My body full of rage and such 
Immense fear and sorrow.
Guilt and shame 
Drenching me from head to toe.
 Suddenly
I am aware of an entrancing voice 
Demanding that I be punished.
Without hesitation 
I press the edge of the blade 
Against my shoulder 
Recklessly slicing through  
The wounds from the day before.
I do this over and over 
Until my flesh looks like 
It’s been mauled by a 
Wild animal.
Shredded and degloved.
Blood running down my body 
Like and ruby waterfall.
I watch as it pools around my feet 
Before it rushes down the drain.
I can’t feel a thing. 
My mind stuck in 
A dissociative daze
With no signs of return.
Again
I drag the blade slowly 
The skin squishes under the pressure 
It takes violence and aggression 
To make this thin piece of metal 
To draw blood.
Slice quickly and you cut deeper by mistake 
Drag slowly and you the pain is more intense 
And the wound is more controlled.
Slowly is my favorite way to punish myself.
That way I can really manipulate 
My internal pain so I remember
How I could have done something.
Only  a child but I could have saved us.
 I turn off the water 
And I take the towel and dry off 
Then I try to stop the bleeding
By holding firm pressure.
I step out and reach for
My safety supplies.
Sitting on the tile floor 
I purposely replace the towel 
With some gauze 
Along with some Neosporin .
I take four strips 
Of medical tape and apply 
To all side of the gauze.
I place a rather large 
Bandage over the taped wound.
I wipe off the blade and 
Take a new piece of tape 
And place it back 
Under the toiletry stand
Where no one will think to look.
Once again 
I look in the mirror 
And I still don’t recognize myself 
Through the heated haze 
I drag my hand across the glass 
A tear cascades down my unfamiliar face
And in a soft voice in my head
I wonder to myself 
“Was if it wasn’t our fault...
What if it was just his.”
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dearryker-loves · 2 years
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Until We Are All Free
T.W: Child Sexual Abuse 
He took my innocence,
All my hopes, my dreams, my youth.
He took my very soul.
What could have been,
I will never know.
But it wasn’t just my childhood that he stole,
It was all the other kid’s too.
Their scared faces each forever burned into my mind.
I remember what he did to them...
To me...
To us.
Even to his own kids.
I was just barely five years old 
When he took interest in 
The little hazel eyed blonde haired kid 
In the compound next door.
I’ve noticed a phrase that people like to say 
About kids who go through shit...
They like to say 
“Kids are resilient”
But what I’ve learned is that 
We are only “resilient”
Because our tiny brains cannot yet 
Comprehend our own lived experiences,
Our resiliency always runs out 
The moment are minds mature enough 
That we finally gain access 
To the words we needed to describe our pain,
And we feel safe enough to express the trauma 
Our weary bodies have been bearing all this time.
You see,
We aren’t always taught this but
Our bodies hold every ounce of pain 
We have ever had to endure.
That is until some of us are
Granted the privilege of acknowledging we even have trauma...
And then,
If we are lucky...
We receive the great privilege of  
Actively being able to seek out and maintain
Professional outlets of healing.
But not everyone has these privileges.
Oppression is a real raging bitch and 
When your suffering from within it 
It’s almost impossible to escape.
You’re just forever stuck
In a system that is only aimed to keep 
You from living, learning, growing, thriving, 
And succeeding in this world. 
So when I remember how 
My innocents was taken by him,
I’m struck with immense survivors guilt 
Because even though 
No one knew about what was happening to me 
For four and a half years...
I eventually got out.
I got out.
I was the only privileged one to escape
The system of oppression that 
I only knew and could relate to from a 
Tiny white missionary kid’s view point.
Now when I close my eyes 
I see a surge of little Black and Brown faces.
So beautiful in nature 
Yet, 
So hopeless, beaten and battered.
Some of these kids 
Were my friends.
Everyday,
We would play together 
Outside the compound 
After school
Until the sun was just about to go down.
Their faces edged into my memory. 
I remember the fun we had and the smiles we shared.
I remember the sounds of our collective laughter 
And the joy we found in each other.
But
I also remember seeing and recognizing 
The joint fear on our faces 
As He led us into his compound, 
Then into his house ,
And then his bedroom. 
I remember their desperate cries.
Cries 
That no one heard.
I remember the 
Deep bruises, cuts, and sores on the bodies of the children 
That left that dreaded room.  
Kids with excruciating wounds 
Sometimes invisible 
Unless you’re trained to see the clues.
The haunting red flags.
Yet I was the one
That got out.
While they all stayed 
And their painful stories continued.
I think a lot 
About what if I could go back and change things...
If I could have spoken up and reached out for help.
If I could have only just told my parents.
I know without a doubt 
That my parents would have gotten me out of 
That situation  
So fucking fast.
They would have raged and aggressively advocated for me 
And would have seen to it that He be dealt with.
I would have gotten help sooner. 
But then I think to myself about 
Who would have advocated for 
All those other kids in the village..
In the surrounding villages...
In the town..
In the country...
All over the continent...
All over this world...
Who have a
“Him” 
Who has stolen their autonomy 
And shattered their story.
Who would have gotten them 
All the help they so desperately needed 
In order to heal their 
Hearts, minds, bodies and souls??
Who would grant them that privilege?
The only way I would change anything about 
Those dark years...
Is to somehow fiercely eradicate the systems of oppression 
That enable evil men to gain the power 
They use to suppress the rest of us. 
To eradicate the patriarchy that 
Encourages men to think they
Can get away with mortally wounding 
Women, Transgender, Nonbinary people, Other LGBTQ people,
And children. 
To eradicate white supremacy and the effects of colonialism 
That have plagued and devastated  
The lives of People of Color 
Since the beginning of time.
To eradicate the systems of power 
That side with, shelter and protect 
The abuser and 
Not the victim and survivor. 
To eradicate and remove the barriers 
That keep God’s children 
From succeeding and thriving
In this world they placed them in.
Those kids deserve to get out 
Just like I did. 
Those kids deserved a story that didn’t 
Involve an evil man obsessed with 
The power granted to him by 
His ability to silence those around him
And strike fear into the hearts of the community.
A community that frightfully elevated his stance 
Based on his 
Financial status , level of education and 
His arrogant persona.
Those kids deserve a better story than they one 
They unfortunately were placed into.
So even though I was privileged to escaped,
And receive professional help
That is allowing parts of me to heal... 
Resiliency comes with a heavy cost. 
I will never be truly free
Until the day that 
All the people with stories like us 
Are finally set free. 
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spacesnail91 · 3 years
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To the people who meet me and want to be in my life, there are a few things you should know I'm a very loving, caring person who is fun to be around. I can be a great person, but I struggle a lot. Some days I can't even get out of bed. I cry a lot have frequent nightmares. I need constant reassurance; I don't know how to show my love at times. You may say something, and I won't know how to take it. my darkness comes out when I'm afraid or hurt, and you will look at me differently because you will experience my rage a part of me. I'm working hard to get rid of it. I have periods of not wanting to live and the need to make bad choices. You may question my care and love because of how I come off, but it's there. Before you come into my life, I want you to know my past traumas are dark and have altered my mind and body. So you can make an informed choice and are not blindsided by my issues. I beg of you to consider this before making a connection with me because it will hurt to lose anyone else I care about in my life, yet I would understand if people left, and it can be painful at times for you to be in mine. I'm healing but have a long way to go. I won't be offended if you head this warning and run. ~ Journey Through Madness @spacesnail91 #complexptsd #cptsd #mentalillness #mentalhealth #imnotokay #mentalillnessisnotachoice #ptsd #abusechangespeople #fightmode #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #childsexualabusesurvivor #rapesurvivor #abusivemother #absentfathers #ruinedchildhood #traumadissociation #dissociativeidentitydisorder #fear #trustissues #mentalbreakdown https://www.instagram.com/p/CNk4jk5lvwH/?igshid=1rfnvjcunjn1j
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Life isn’t Always Black and White !!! There are different shades of Grey , White , Blue , Green , Yellow , Orange , Purple ... Etc !!! I am trying to be really positive for my own state of mind and wellness... but it’s so tough !!! You haven’t been feeling myself... and I have been extremely tired all the time .... this too shall pass !!! By too Everyone reading this ... whatever you are going through.... Never give up !!! If you are Really Struggling.. Please reach out for help !! . And Remember No Man / Women is an Island !!! You can be super independent like Myself... but at the end of the day ... Everybody needs someone!!! That’s why prisoners that get put in solitary... end up going crazy !!! And I don’t want that for Anyone I care About!! I will get through this ... one day at a time .. Bree Xoxo #childsexualabusesurvivor #gangrapesurvivor #sexualassaultsurvivor #metoo #timesup #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #anorexia #anorexianervosa #eatingdisorders #eatingdisordersurvivor #bipolardisordertype1 #weareallgoodenough #beyourself #beauthentic #authenticity #befearless #bebadass #bestrong #askforhelpwhenyouneedit #askingforhelpisnotbeingweak #survivor #survivorsstrong @therealmariskahargitay ... Thank you for all that you have done .. and continue too do for us !!! There are not enough words too express how grateful I am for you and @nbcsvu 💯🤜🏼🤛🏼👏🏼🙏🏼🙌🏼🎁🌏🇦🇺💕💕💕 (at Sydney, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4opOsvnX1vOwri8p5xCMixHDzLr2p6LhR1ci40/?igshid=os2kgfk827sk
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One of the Women that is no longer with us who inspired me so Much was the great , Beautiful, insightful #mayaangelou !!! I first saw her on @oprah in the Early 90s when I was 13/14 years old . One of #oprahwinfrey Hero’s !!! And the quote is SO true !!! I went for 30+ years suffering in Silence!!! Because back in the late #80s when I was about to become a teenager you didn’t talk about your problems at ALL!!! And especially if you came from a Well off Family!!! You just swept it under the rug !!! And look how well that turned out .... #anorexianervosa at 11.... Hospitalised at 12,13 for #electrolyteimbalance and #cardiacarrhythmia ... and then flow home to Sydney for my first Admission in an #eatingdisordersclinic !!!! It’s our Toxic Secrets that destroy US!!! Thank goodness we live in a time where we can say #metoo !!! Too Anyone out there who is harbouring a secret and is terrified like I was .... tell a friend, teacher , nurse , doctor, parent or ANY Adult you feel comfortable with !!!! Because #youarenotalone !!!! All the Women in History and our World who I look up too have been through something life Altering!!!! Be Brave ..... Talk to an Adult you trust !!!! Please don’t take the sins of others out on yourself.... because I wouldn’t wish what I have been through in my life on ANYONE. Unfortunately I’m an Example of what Toxic Secrets can do !!! And now I have too live with the Physical & Emotional Fall our .... But At Least I’m still Alive . I have lost 2 Women that I loved more than life in less than 3 years and every couple of months I hear of another girl/ Boy / Women / Man lost too #eatingdisorders . And it literally bring tears too my eyes... because 1 life is too Many !!!! #trauma #traumarecovery #childsexualabuse #childsexualabusesurvivor #anorexianervosa #eatingdisordersurvivor #1lifeistoomany #bebrave 💯🙏🏼♥️ (at Auburn Hospital) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2dpRJ8nFhAlfZG000EfdDhQlBZC8ktKBsTjwM0/?igshid=1l4x47syxrnau
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Because it’s #worldsmentalhealthday I going to open myself up and bare my soul in the hope it will help 1 person . Last Saturday I went on a Coffee Date with a Man I met on a Dating app... it went well ... so I invited him back too my place ... in my mind just too talk further , and get too know him !!! Instead of a pleasant conversation... he Sexually Assaulted me , and injured me !!! Because I went on a Dating app and brought him back to my house I blame myself!!! . And after enduring #childhoodsexualabuse and #gangrape ... you think I would have known better !!! But at the end of the day the only person to blame is HIM !!! It has triggered my post traumatic stress Disorder SO Badly that I am sleeping or tiring to sleep on my couch .... curled up in the foetal position with a massive knife next too me , when I hear ANY sound I jump and my heart begins to race !! I am waiting on a bed in hospital... and my Mama rang them today to let them know what happened too me !!! I didn’t tell her until yesterday because I was too scared of the judgements . But like she always does ... she supports me and stand behind and with me . I do want ANYONE too feel sorry for me , I have said if in past posts !!! It’s happened... I can’t change it !!! It done . Now I have just got to try and live through each day until I get a bed in hospital!!! Too all my friends out there ... it’s NEVER our fault even though we do blame ourselves!! I’m going to be honest ... I’m severely depressed, my Eating isn’t good , I can barely sleep ... but I have lived through worse !!! I will get through this with the help of my Mama , family that i still have .... My treating team ... and ALL of my Amazing friends that I feel so blessed to have ! Please don’t comment. Just read it .. and believe what I have posted .. even though I’m NOT a Victim... I’m a #survivor ... it’s NEVER the Victims fault ... that falls on the Perpetrator! #worldsmentalhealthday #bearingmysoul #rapeisacrime #imasurvivornotavictim💜 #rapeisnotok #childsexualabusesurvivors #gangrapesurvivor #sexualassaultsurvivor #anorexianervosa #anorexianervosarecovery #posttraumaticstressdisorder #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessweek2019 (at Sydney, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3bz57Enu4ZY-O-2IWm6crpoQGjMaj7l6wfuTE0/?igshid=h6kgpuvebfrj
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