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mxlti-fand0m-imaginess · 3 months

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Slacker // Tara Carpenter

request: none!

prompts: none!

summary: you’ve been in love with tara for as long as you can remember, but you’ve always been too scared to make a move. when she starts dating chad, you feel like you’ve lost your chance to be with here.

warnings: language, angst, hurt no comfort, reader having a low self esteem in a few parts, crying, slight ooc tara at the end (she's a teeny bit mean)

word count: 3.2k

a/n: gn!reader

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I open the door to you, and never close it

You make me feel brand new

And now you're in my room, I hope you know that

There's nothin' I wouldn't do

“So… what’s going on with you? Something seems different. You like someone, don’t you?” you asked Tara, a teasing lilt in your voice.

Tara had seemed different in the past few weeks. She was happier. Brighter. Which of course you were happy about, it’s not like you wanted your best friend to be miserable, but you hated thinking about someone else making her feel like this. You had been in love with her for so long, and the thought of seeing her in another relationship made your heart ache. But you knew that she wouldn’t stay single forever, and there wasn’t anything you could do about it.

“Maybe…” she replied, a shy smile growing on her face as her cheeks tinted pink.

You felt your heart shatter at just that one word, but you couldn’t let it show. You had to force a smile and pretend to be interested. Because that’s what best friends do. Tara didn’t know anything about your feelings for her, and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if she learned about your feelings for her, and didn’t ever want to find out.

“Ooo, spill!” you smiled, rolling over on your bed to face Tara.

She shook her head and smiled, burying her face in her hands.

“I dunno. I don’t think I should.”

You huffed in exasperation and rolled your eyes, the smile never disappearing from your face. “Seriously?! That was one time, and I was drunk! You know I would never intentionally tell your crush that you liked them. And besides, it ended up working out with Amber, didn’t it?”

“I guess… but if you tell him, I’m never telling you anything ever again!”

You smiled victoriuosly. “So, it’s a him?”

Tara groaned, throwing a pillow at you. “You’re insufferable!”

“Maybe. But you still love me.”

Tara smiled. “Unfortunately.”

You smiled, sitting up and throwing the pillow back at her. “So… who is it?”

Tara blushed harder and buried her face in her hands once more. “...Chad.”

I could’ve had her

But I guess I'm just a slacker

And maybe it wouldn't even matter

Of course she liked Chad. Of fucking course. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Not to mention Tara had known him for years before she ever met you. They had grown up together, and they had been through so much together. Of course she would fall for him. He was everything you weren’t. Attractive, confident, popular. He was perfect. Even if you tried, you couldn’t point out anything wrong with him. Which just made you even more upset.

“Y/n…? Is everything alright?” Tara asked, nudging you.

You shook your head slightly as you tuned back into reality. “Hmm? Oh yeah, everything’s fine. Guess I just zoned out. So… Chad, huh?”

Tara nodded, a wide, lovesick smile on her face as she rambled on and on about him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pay attention. Her words would only make you feel worse, and you were dealing with enough negative thoughts as it was. Instead you just focused on her. How beautiful she looked. That shine in her eyes as she talked about him. You wished she would talk about you like that. You wanted her to love you, not Chad. But some part of you just always knew that it would never happen. Tara never saw you as anything more than a friend, and nothing could ever change that.

“Do you think he likes me? I mean I think he was flirting with me yesterday, but it’s Chad so…” Tara trailed off, looking at you hopefully.

“Well he does flirt with everyone. He’s just kinda like that,” you replied, immediately wanting to kick yourself when you saw the slightly deflated expression on Tara’s face.

Were you really that pathetic that you would turn your best friend away from someone she liked, and someone who you were pretty sure liked her too? You couldn’t do that to her. Sure, you might’ve been in love with her. But above all, you just wanted her to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with you.

If it always ends in disaster

So I'm just a slacker

I'm just a slacker

“But, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s not like that with everyone. I think there could be something there. You should go for it,” you said, a sad smile on your face despite your best efforts to appear happy.

“Are you sure? What if he rejects me?”

You gave her an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me? No one in their right mind would ever reject you! I mean, you’re fucking perfect. You’re stunning, kind, caring, funny, thoughtful. You’re practically everyone’s dream girl.” You cut yourself off, realizing how you were talking about her and how close you were to accidentally revealing your feelings. “And besides, even if he did reject you, and that’s a big if, it’s Chad. He’s not gonna be a dick about it. He’d probably just pretend that nothing happened and would go right back to treating you like normal. You have nothing to lose.”

“You really think people see me like that?” Tara asked, a little bit skeptical of your kind words.

You smiled to yourself, knowing that everything you had said was exactly how you felt about her. “I know they do.”

Stars are in your eyes and mine won't focus

To me it's no surprise

And now I fantasize, of you and hope that

You won't realize

Well, she did it. Tara asked Chad out. And it had gone exactly like you had said it would. He liked her back and both of them were happier than you could ever remember seeing them. All because you did the right thing and pushed them together instead of being a selfish prick. So why did it still hurt so much? You should be happy for them, right?

But despite it all, you just couldn’t bring yourself to be. Just seeing the two of them together, seeing how happy Tara was with Chad, it made your stomach turn. She should be with you. You should be the one making her smile, the one holding her hand and kissing her goodnight. Chad didn’t deserve her. You did. You could treat her so much better than he ever could, but you knew that you would never get the chance to prove it.

“What’s got you all grumpy?” Mindy asked, sitting down beside you on the couch and following your gaze to see what you were looking at. “Ohhh. You like Chad, don’t you?”

You shook your head, drawing your knees up to your chest as you let out a sigh. “That’s not it.”

Mindy gasped, her eyes widened as she turned to face you. “You like Tara. That’s what’s got you all upset. But I thought Chad said you were the one who convinced Tara to ask him out?”

You nodded, turning your head to look at her. “I did. She just looked so happy when she was talking about him, and I could tell he liked her too. I just- I didn’t want my unrequited feelings to get in the way of her being happy.”

“So you willingly decided to make yourself miserable just so she could be happy? Wow, you must really be smitten.”

“Yeah, I am. I think… I think I love her.”

“You know… it’s never too late,” Mindy said, nudging you with her elbow.

You sighed, turning your gaze back to Chad and Tara who were currently laughing uncontrollably over something he had said. “I think this time it might be.”

I could’ve had her

But I guess I'm just a slacker

And maybe it wouldn't even matter

“You really like him, don’t you?” you asked Tara, resting your head against your shoulder as the two of you sat in her bed.

“He’s… amazing. I don’t think I ever knew what it felt like to be in love before him. It’s like… it’s like he sees me for me. He’s not my missing piece, he makes who I already am better. He makes me want to be better. It’s like every day is a dream and it just keeps getting better.”

You raised an eyebrow and nudged her in the side. “Love?”

Tara’s eyes widened and her cheeks darkened as she realized what she said. “Oh, I uhm- I didn’t mean to say that. It just kinda slipped out, I guess.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you love him?”

Tara didn’t say anything for a while, and you were almost convinced she had fallen asleep, before she finally spoke up again. Her words piercing you like a knife entering your heart.

“Yeah. I do. I love him. I know it’s only been a month, but I mean, I’ve known him forever. And when it’s right, you just know. And it’s all thanks to you.”

“It is…?”

“Yeah! I mean if it wasn’t for you, I never would’ve told Chad how I felt about him. You convinced me to go for it, and I’ve literally never been happier. I wouldn’t be with him if it wasn’t for you.”

You smiled and tried your hardest to stop your tears from falling. A month ago, you were convinced that you had done the right thing, that you should put Tara first, no matter how you felt about her. But now… now you wanted more than anything to go back to that night and convince her that Chad didn’t feel the same. Selfish as it may be, it would’ve been worth it to save you from the pain you were in right now.

But you couldn’t go back. It was too late to change things. She was with Chad now. And there was nothing you could do about it.

If it always ends in disaster

So I'm just a slacker

I'm just a slacker

“It’s never gonna stop hurting unless you tell her. I know that’s not what you wanna hear right now, but you need to tell her how you feel. Or you’re going to be stuck spending forever wondering if she ever felt the same. You’re never gonna be able to move on until you know,” Mindy said, frowning as she took in your disheveled state.

It had just been Chad and Tara’s three month anniversary, and they were still as happy as ever. You could barely hold back the tears that wanted to pour from your eyes as you watched them together. It was just too much. Seeing them together was too painful. And you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to take it.

You had stormed off to your room, mumbling something about a headache, leaving everyone else in yours and Tara’s living room. Mindy had followed you, mumbling some other shitty excuse before rushing to go comfort you. But right now, her words weren’t making things any better.

“You don’t understand, I can’t! I know she doesn’t feel the same. Okay? I know. Telling her how I feel is only going to make things worse. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around me. I don’t want to lose how close we are. If there’s even the slightest chance that telling her I love her could push her away completely, I would rather take my feelings to the grave than risk having to spend my life without her.”

“But you’re miserable! You can only hide your feelings for so long, and it’s only gonna be worse the longer you wait,” Mindy said, sighing as you sniffled and wiped your nose with the back of your sleeve. “Look, I’m not gonna force you into doing anything. But I know what unrequited love feels like. It sucks. And the longer you hold it in, the worse the pain is going to get.”

You didn’t say anything, laying down in your bed and pulling the blankets around you tighter. Mindy sat there for a few minutes, waiting for you to say something, but there was nothing left for you to say. You had done this to yourself, and now you had to deal with it.

“I’m gonna go back out there with everyone else. If you need anything, just text me, okay? I’m here for you.”

And oh, I know I've been holding this in for so long

Thinking of you every time I write a song

And I could’ve had her

“Is y/n okay?” Tara asked as soon as she saw Mindy.

“Huh? Oh yeah, they probably just ate something bad,” Mindy said, waving it off.

“I thought y/n said they had a headache?” Tara asked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

Mindy’s eyes widened, mentally cursing herself for her slip up. “Uhh, yeah, that’s what I said.”

“You’re not making any sense. I’m gonna go check on them,” Tara said, getting up and starting to walk down the hallway.

“Don’t!” Mindy shouted, grabbing Tara’s arm to try and stop her.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I- I can’t say,” Mindy sighed, reluctantly letting go of Tara, knowing that she had fucked up and that there wasn’t anyway to cover it up without seeming more suspicious.

“I’m just gonna go make sure they’re okay,” Tara said, before turning to Chad and pressing a chaste kiss against his lips. “Be back soon.”

Tara started walking towards your bedroom, concern filling her from how mysterious Mindy had been. Something was definitely wrong, that’s for sure. But why was Mindy being so weird about it? What didn’t she want Tara to know? It was all so strange, but as Tara grew closer to her room, her concern multiplied tenfold from the muffled crying she heard coming from the other side of the door.

But I wasn’t smart enough

And I’ll never ask her

If she’s still calling my bluff

Tara knocked on the door gently before pushing it open, peeking her head in to see you curled up in a ball on your bed, sobbing beneath the mound of blankets you buried yourself under.

“Y/n…?” she asked, walking in and shutting the door behind her.

Even underneath all of the blankets, Tara could still see your form tense at the sound of her voice, making her face fall. Was all of this because of her? Were you upset with her? Had she done something? She couldn’t think of anything that she could’ve possibly done to upset you like this, but that didn’t make your feelings any less real.

Slowly you sat up, letting the blankets fall from your face. Your eyes were red and puffy. You looked utterly miserable. Tara frowned as she moved closer, sitting down beside you. You subtly shifted a bit away from her, which only made Tara’s frown deepen.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, sniffling as you hurriedly wiped your tears away. “I can’t tell you.”

“Y/n… it’s me. We tell each other everything. You can trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just- I can’t tell you…”

“Did I do something to upset you?”

You shook your head.

“Is this about me and Chad?”

Without even having to say anything, Tara could tell by the subtle shift on your face that it was. You were upset about her and Chad. Why would you be upset about her and Chad? Oh. OH.

“Do you… like Chad? Is that why you’re upset?”

You shook your head, feeling more tears slip down your cheeks. “He’s not the one I like.”

“What do you mean? I don’t- Wait… do you like me? Is that what this is about?”

You nodded, your face heating up in embarrassment. You never wanted her to find out, let alone like this, but you couldn’t lie to her. She would see through you instantly. So you figured that it was better to just get it out, rip off the bandaid and deal with the heartache that you knew was coming. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too harsh about it.

I could’ve had her

But I guess I'm just a slacker

And maybe it wouldn't even matter

“Oh. Well uh- talk about shitty timing,” Tara said, a sad laugh falling from her lips.

“What do you mean?” you asked, expecting a lot of different reactions, but not that one.

“I like you too. Or at least I did. Before Chad. A few months ago, when I told you I liked him, I definitely played up just how much I liked him. I guess I was trying to figure out if you liked me too.”

Your eyes widened at her words, your vision going black as you felt your head spin. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. You must’ve heard her wrong. She probably just rejected you, and your brain just twisted her words to help cope with the hurt, and it just somehow made it worse.

“What…?”

“I liked you. I really really did. But I could never figure out if you felt the same. So I told you I liked Chad, which I did, but barely. And then you pushed me to go for it. I just assumed that you didn’t feel the same. Because if you did, then why would you push so hard for me to be with someone else?”

“Because I wanted you to be happy! Seeing you get with Chad crushed me. Tara, I’ve been in love with you for years. I just gave up on anything happening because you never paid attention to me like that. I didn’t want to sabotage a chance for you to be happy just because I knew it was going to hurt me.”

“You were really willing to suffer just so I could be happy?”

You scoffed and gestured to yourself. “I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening right now. I had the chance to be with you and I blew it. This is just great.”

“I’m sorry. I forced myself to get over you, and now I’m with Chad and… things just feel so right. I never meant to hurt you, y/n. Trust me, I had no idea what this would do to you. And if I had known all this back then, things might’ve been different. But now…”

“Now you’re with Chad. And there’s absolutely zero chance that you’ll leave him for me. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, y/n. I love him. And I just don’t feel like that about you anymore. But you’re still my best friend, and nothing is going to change that. I didn’t want things to happen like things, and I’m so sorry it ended up like this. But it’s too late. I’m with Chad now, and that’s not going to change anytime soon.”

You opened your mouth to respond when there was another knock on your door as Chad pushed the door open and poked his head in.

“Is everything alright in here?” he asked, his eyes locked on Tara’s even though you were the one who needed checking up on.

Tara nodded and stood up, walking over to him. “Just perfect.”

If it always ends in disaster

So I'm just a slacker

I'm just a slacker

tags: @Hocksetters @hyeyulove @shad-ade

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