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gisellaswrld · 5 months

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the white snow casts a bright film over the town; you shine the brightest in my eyes

cb98 | during an off day, connor finally takes you to look at the christmas lights in chicago.

If there was one thing you liked about Chicago, it was the atmosphere in the winter time. The nicer parts of the city had miscellaneous Christmas lights strewn along the buildings and trees. You admired them during the day when you were out doing errands, then at night you would watch them twinkle from the apartment window. Your eyes twinkled as bright as those damn lights when you would peer out at them. Connor noticed your admiration for them quickly.

You were never one to necessarily like being out in the cold, though growing up in Canada, it was usually more likely to be chilly than warm.

Connor had been busy since the season started. He was either watching film, playing, or practicing, not leaving much time to spend with you. Connor was dedicated to the sport, that was something you’ve known forever. When he finally achieved his goal of playing in the NHL, you swore he’s never been happier.

Connor arrived home mid-afternoon from morning skate, the only thing that was planned on his schedule for the day. You were lounging on the couch, in the midst of reading the book that had taken much of your attention.

“Hi, Connie. How was morning skate?” You asked, your eyes barely glancing up from the book. A loud thump from his bag sounded through the small apartment, a loud grunt following it.

“Normal, nothing really exciting.” Connor replied, pulling open the fridge to grab a water bottle. You watched him open the bottle, taking three long gulps of water. Your eyes glanced back out the window, a thought popping into your mind.

“Since you don’t have anything tonight, can we please drive around to look at all the lights? It’s depressing to look at them from this window every night.” You spoke, book marking your page and shutting the book. You placed the hardback book on the table, sitting up slightly.

Connor looked over at you, a nod evident after he finished the entirety of the water bottle. “You really want to?” He asked, tossing the plastic bottle into the trash can.

You nodded quickly, your eyes fixated on him. “I do, they just look so pretty at night.”

“Then yeah, of course.” Connor nodded, smiling at you.

Later that evening, when the sun had set, you were dressed and ready to head out. You had on a chunky white sweater with light wash jeans. Your hair was pulled into a half-up style, a black ribbon adorning around the hairband. Connor was dressed in his usual every day attire - a black Nike hoodie with jeans and Air Forces.

You always made fun of him for wearing those shoes, they were beat up and have been through a lot.

Connor’s car had been warming up in the parking garage, hoping to ensure the interior was warm before you guys left. Connor waited for you to finish getting ready, scrolling through his phone in the living area. You finished the last of your makeup, grabbing your purse from the dresser in the bedroom.

“You ready?” You spoke, announcing yourself as you walked into the living room. Connor quickly stood up, turning to look at you.

“You look pretty,” Connor complimented, grabbing his keys and wallet from the coffee table. The coffee table was practically on its last leg, you’ve had it for ages. It was your grandma’s and after her passing, it had been sitting in the garage of your family’s home.

Your face flushed a light red, scrunching up at his compliment. “Thank you,”

Connor placed a light kiss on your cheek, leading you outside of the apartment. Hand-in-hand, you walked down to the parking garage, finding Connor’s car in the usual parking spot. He opened the passenger door for you then got into the driver’s seat.

“I think we can drive down the main road outside, there are many lights down there. Then, do you know that little Christmas tree thing near the arena? There are many different like - light galleries - or something,” You spoke up, watching Connor connect his phone to the car play.

“I think I know what you are talking about,” Connor spoke, putting the car into reverse.

His hand found its usual spot on your thigh once you got onto the main road. The road was a long straight stretch, traffic filling the road. Usually, it would’ve irritated Connor, but the traffic helped you really get a good look at the Christmas decorations that adorned the road. Your eyes were fixated on the twinkling lights outside of the window. There was a mix of colors; white, red, green, blue, yellow - you were absolutely mesmerized.

Due to the stop-and-go flow of traffic, Connor was able to look over at you, admiring you. You caught him a few times, only when you would turn your vision to the other side of the road.

You felt increasingly lucky to have ended up with Connor. Christmas was easily your favorite season, your previous partners never really wanted to indulge in Christmas festivities.

"Oh! Look at those ones!" You gushed, pointing at lights that were arranged to look like a polar bear. It was perched against the small, private owned pet store. "I love Christmas - Ohmygosh."

Connor let out a chuckle, shaking his head at you.

After an hour of sitting in traffic, the car was parked in the parking lot to a walk-through Christmas event. It happened every year in Chicago, right by the United Center. Many vendors would set up different Christmas light decorations.

You pushed some of your fly aways out of your face, getting out of the car to face the cold Chicago air. Connor's hand once again grasped yours as you both walked through the entrance.

"Connor - Ohmygosh - I love this so much." You stated, your eyes dancing from each light attraction.

"Good, I'm glad. Sat through a hour's worth of traffic for this." Connor sarcastically spoke, his hand squeezing yours.

"Oh quit it, you loved every minute of that traffic. Well, except for when that one car almost hit us." You grinned at him, pulling out your phone to take some photos.

At some point, Connor was walking behind you, attentively watching as you would become entranced by a new attraction. You would take out your phone to take a picture, then stare at the lights for many minutes afterward. Connor took some candid pictures of you aswell.

At the end of the walk way, there was a large Christmas tree that was decorated with many ornaments and lights. You swore your heart doubled in size looking at it. You were never sure why you loved Christmas so much, maybe it was the endless joy that usually came along with it.

Connor linked back up at your side, glancing at you while you stared at the tree. "Thank you, Connie. Thank you for doing this with me." You stated, finally detaching your eyes from the tree to look at him.

"Of course, baby, this was fun." Connor replied, his hand linking back into yours. "It's cute, yanno, how much you love Christmas. Don't think I've ever met someone who likes the season as much as you."

"It's just such a positive time - and it's so beautiful." You explained, a grin adorning your face as you stared at him. "I love you,"

"I love you too," Connor replied, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips.

yourusername

yourusername connor took me to look at all the pretty christmas lights. 11/10 man if you ask me <3

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_connorbedard

_connorbedard Pretty girl likes the Pretty lights.

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#nhl #nhl imagine #nhl x reader #hockey #hockey imagines #connor bedard x reader #connor bedard #chicago blackhawks #connorbedard #christmas lights #fluff

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edmundspevensea · 4 months

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𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

in which connor is left to pick up the pieces after losing y/n.

warnings; death (mentions suicide and mental health issues), connor having to grow up quickly, grief

based off of last words of a shooting star by mitski

all of this turbulence wasn't forecasted, apologies from the intercom

and i am relieved that i left my room tidy

they'll think of me fondly when they come for my things

Time does not stop for one person’s death. Nor does it stop for a million deaths. Time is a cold and cruel concept that remains hidden despite standing in the light. People forget that just because something breaks doesn’t mean that the rest of the world is affected by it.

Connor sat in the driver's seat of his 2008 Honda Civic, his eyes focusing on the neighborhood road in front of him. Christmas lights were shining brightly all around him, but the boy's heart and mind didn't reciprocate the brightness surrounding him. Instead, his soul was sad as he looked up from the road, his eyes meeting your childhood home. The same childhood home in which you and Connor first met.

A five year old Connor stood nervously at your doorstep, his light brown hair blowing mindlessly in the wind. His arms were loaded with a tray of cookies that his mom had made. Your family had recently moved to North Vancouver from what the Bedards presumed was the United States, seeing as an American flag was displayed above your garage. As your new next door neighbors, his mom took it upon herself to welcome you to the neighborhood, and there was no better way to do so than a five year old with cookies.

The door swung open and Connor was met with a woman, who he later learned was your mom, and you, his newfound best friend. From then on, you and Connor became inseparable.

The same childhood home in which you and Connor had late night conversations through cup phones.

Funnily enough, Connor soon learned that his bedroom was exactly across the way from yours. What began as small waves to each other when you both realized the other was in their room, quickly turned into both of you cracking your windows open to have full-fledged conversations with each other. As the years went by and you and Connor grew older, you decided that that wasn't enough, and brought it up with Connor that night before going to bed. The next morning, you woke up to a cup phone sitting on your bedroom desk, and a long piece of yarn attached to it. It didn't take long for you to discover that the cup lead to Connor's room. It did, however, take a little while to discover a note that Connor had left for you.

"you left your window open, so i figured there was no better time to do this. i spent all night finishing this - i even drew a dog on your cup because i know you like them so much! - connor".

The same childhood home in which you and Connor realized you loved each other.

Now teenagers, it was evident that there was something going on between you and Connor. However, it seemed as if everyone but the two of you were aware of it. Both his mom and dad and your mom and dad had sworn that the two of you were going to grow up and get married, and his sister always claimed that she would be the maid of honor, but both you and Connor swore that the two of you were only best friends, and that's all that you guys would ever be.

However, that all changed the morning of your 16th birthday. Connor had turned 16 a few months prior, and he spent the days leading up to it driving around town to acquire the decorations needed to decorate. The night before your 16th, you and Connor had planned a sleepover. Little did you know, however, that while you were fast asleep in one of Connor's Regina Pats t-shirts, he had spent another night wide awake for you, just to decorate his kitchen in order to surpise you.

When you woke up the next morning, Connor was nowhere to be found in his sleeping bag on the floor (the boy let you take his bed so you'd be more comfortable, and despite your protests, he insisted). Confused, you got out of bed, and were immediately hit with the soft sound of music and the crackling of bacon. You softly smiled to yourself as you made your way down the stairs, expecting to be met with Mrs. Bedard, but instead, you found Connor hunched over the stovetop, grilling the bacon.

His hair was disheveled and he was wearing his favorite Regina Pats hoodie, gray sweatpants adorning his legs. You stood there for a bit before making your presence known, snaking a hug around Connor's waist as you noticed all of the decorations around you, "Happy birthday, sunshine."

You let out a soft gasp as you took in the sight around you, your eyes admiring all of the work Connor had put in just for you. He smiled as your eyes twinkled in excitement, mentally celebrating to himself as he realized how much you loved everything, "Connor, you shouldn't have... this is amazing, thank you. I don't think anything can make this day better."

His smile grew even bigger, which he didn't know was even possible. As you went around the kitchen to admire the decorations up close, Connor went back to cooking the bacon. The random playlist he had on shuffled through a few songs, and soon landed on 'At Last' by Etta James. You grinned, heading over to Connor.

"Con, I think I have found something that can make this day better."

"And what is that?" "Dance with me."

Connor didn't protest. Instead, he turned around and placed one hand on your shoulder and the other on your waist, and the two of you began to slow dance around the kitchen to the soft voice of Etta James. Despite no words being exchanged between the two of you, both you and Connor could feel the love you had for each other. After all, love understands love - it needs no talk.

The same childhood home in which you eventually took your life.

Connor knew you were struggling. From the moment he had met you, he had the ability to read you like an open book. So when you became quieter shortly after your sweet sixteen, he became concerned. At first, you tried to blame it on stress from school and extracurriculars in an attempt to reassure him, but Connor could see right through you. He knew you were hurting, but what he didn't know was that you were never going to recover from this pain.

Although Connor wasn't home all the time, he would send you encouraging text messages every morning and would talk with you every night on the phone, for hours on end, though your cell phones couldn't compare to the cup phones that still hung between your guys' bedroom windows. He even asked his parents and Madi to keep a closer eye on you when he was gone.

He was in Regina when it happened. His parents had come to see him play against the Everett Silvertips, and were planning on staying for the weekend to catch up with him. His day was going great, and he didn’t think anything could have ruined it. That was until after the game, when he had tried to call you - multiple times - to check in on you and make sure you were doing okay. Each and every time he called, he was met with your voicemail. A pit of concern was growing in his stomach, but he tried to settle it by convincing himself that you had fallen asleep and we’re okay. When he had gotten back to his apartment after the game, however, the worry in his stomach only grew when he saw his parents sitting on his couch, both teary-eyed.

“Connor…” he made eye contact with his mom, who could barely hold herself together. Somehow, he had put the pieces together - it was about Y/N, and it wasn’t good - but he still felt the need to ask about her before jumping to conclusions.

“Y/N’s fine, right? She’s just sleeping, or driving, which is why she’s not answering any of my calls?” Connor asked warily, his voice shaky. His mom only cried harder at her son’s question and his dad sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. Connor hesitated for a moment before speaking again, his eyes glassy, his head shaking in disbelief, “She’s not… she’s not dead, right? She can’t be.”

“She’s gone, Connor,” his dad replied, his heart breaking at the state his son was already in, “Her mom called us a bit ago. She committed suicide.”

“No!” Connor shouted, his mouth curving into an upward smile of pure shock, “You’re lying to me! Y/N’s not dead, she can’t be!” he pulled out his phone again and began to dial her phone number, “If I call her right now she’ll answer me. She was just taking a nap!”

Immediately, Connor’s mom got up to hug him and at that moment, he knew she was gone. His best friend, his love, the one person who knew him more than anyone else in the entire world, was gone. He dropped his phone and let out a blood-curdling scream, falling to his knees as his mom tried to keep up with him. His dad joined his wife and son on the floor as the the three Bedards grieved together, knowing they would never again get to see sweet and beautiful Y/N Y/L/N.

Your funeral had been the hardest part for Connor. There wasn't much crying during the actual procession, except from him. As your dad, his dad, Kent Johnson, Tanner Hayes, your cousin and him were carrying your casket down the aisle of the church, tears rolled down the young boy's lightly-freckled cheeks like a flowing waterfall.

During your actual burial, however, things were the exact opposite, Connor felt numb, and couldn't process that you were actually gone. However, the others realized that they would never, ever hear your voice again. They would never again get to see your smile, or hear your contagious laugh. Madi and Mrs. Bedard shook in each other's arms, trying their best to comfort one another. Your mom trembled as your dad rubbed her back softly. A group of your cousins all huddled together in a heartbreaking group hug. Connor’s dad really tried his best to hold it together for everybody else, but when he saw the casket being lowered into the ground, he broke. You had been like a daughter to him. He pretty much knew that his son was going to grow up to marry you. Mr. Bedard collapsed to the ground on his knees, his heart breaking more and more each second. But then there was Connor - absolutely no expression on his face whatsoever. He couldn't feel anything.

Here Connor was, sitting in his car a year later. The Blackhawks had given him a break to be with family during this time, specifically after Nick Foligno had seen how broken the kid was over the situation. He could see your mom and dad having dinner through the window, but he knew it wasn’t the same. They had left an empty chair, plate and silverware out on the table for every meal after you had left.

The cup phones were still hanging between his bedroom and yours. Connor didn’t have the heart to take them down - if they remained up, the two of you would still be connected in some way, and although that way wasn’t ideal, it was better than nothing.

The American flag was still up, but by now was joined by a Canadian one as well. Things were different now, but not for the better.

Connor reached over to his passenger seat, in which sat a gift-wrapped box. Your parents had given it to him on Christmas Day last year, explaining that it was the gift that you were going to give him that day. He thanked them kindly, but didn’t have the heart to open it. He needed some more time before he could face the memories of you again.

He was finally ready. Connor wiped off some dust particles from the year old wrapping paper before carefully moving to untie the bow of ribbon on top of the present - it was your signature move. When he managed to unwrap the wrapping paper and open the box, tears came to his eyes immediately.

A handmade blanket was revealed to him. In the very center, the fabric of his old Regina Pats t-shirt - the one you were wearing when you guys realized you loved each other - was revealed, and ‘Bedard - 98’ was written across. Another square of fabric was a piece of your baby blanket, on which your warm scent still lingered. Connor gripped the blanket close as if he was physically holding you in his arms, as if you were physically here with him.

For the first time in a year, Connor allowed himself to grieve. He missed you so much, and desperately wished you were back in his arms, but finally realized that the world goes on. Once again, time does not stop for one person’s death. Nor does it stop for a million deaths. Time is a cold and cruel concept that remains hidden despite standing in the light. People forget that just because something breaks doesn’t mean that the rest of the world is affected by it.

For awhile, Connor thought he could’ve saved her. He thought his love for her was enough to show her the beauty and goodness of the world which can so often be cruel. Connor loved Y/N in many ways, and the fact is that the blue-eyed boy could've loved her in an infinite number of ways, but really, he could've never loved her in a way that was enough to make her stay.

That’s just something Connor Bedard would have to live with for the rest of his life.

an; merry christmas and happy holidays i guess???

#nhl #connor bedard #connor bedard x reader #chicago blackhawks #kent johnson #nhl hockey #nhl x reader #nhl imagines #connor bedard imagine #connor bedard imagines #nhl imagine #hockey #hockey imagines #chicago blackhawks imagines #don’t be fooled i hate the h*wks but love connor #merry christmas i guess

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