#cj’s bullshit

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I think for all the discussions we have of "everyone hears the jokes and the piano; after that, they stop listening" surrounding Louis, we tend to still simplify his connection to the piano.

Yes, it's very cute that he sings Clementine a little song when they first meet, and it's very cute that he plays a little prank on her while "tuning" the piano. It's super cute that they carve their initials into the piano and Clementine carves a heart around them. It's mega cute that he names his song he wrote after her when she confesses her feelings. Louis playing Don't Be Afraid at the party is, in my opinion, one of the best moments in all of TFS.

But here's the thing: That piano is Louis' heart.

I don't mean to go all metaphorical on you, but I'm dead serious—the piano is Louis' heart, and when you think about his arc and his romance route with that in mind...?

That piano is his one comfort in a world where the dead walk. It's been with him from the beginning of the outbreak. We know from his backstory that Louis wanted to take singing lessons so he could be a real musician, and his father denying him of that was what set him off to be a "vindictive fuckhead." Louis never got those singing lessons, and it's a very real possibility that Louis taught himself how to play.

Sure, others could've taught him; we know Minerva was musically talented, perhaps she showed him a thing or two. But learning piano, or any instrument, is brutal even with professional guidance. It takes hours of practice until numbness wears fingertips raw; dedication to memorize every key and finger placement to make music pleasing to the ear; self-discipline to keep going through every fumble, every failure, every single cruel thought of self-doubt; intelligence and a creative ear to write his own songs.

And yet, it's severely under-appreciated by everyone. It's annoying. It's distracting. It's unimportant. It's an excuse for Louis to mess around and not do any real work. He doesn't have any actual talent. The music and the piano are brushed off, unheard.

Yet, Louis keeps playing. He keeps singing. He keeps making jokes.

Creating music, the one thing he wanted so badly as a kid that he destroyed his parents marriage, was possibly the greatest comfort he had... a welcome distraction to disassociate from the horror and death happening around him.

It's bittersweet, like a purpling bruise that you can't stop pressing on; it hurts, but there's something else below the pain. The piano is out of tune and it's something that brings him joy... but will always act as a constant reminder of who he was and what he did, why he's at Ericson to begin with.

We first meet him while he's playing; Louis' heart is exposed, but is it really? Is he playing to his true potential? Louis hides behind the mask of a charming, charismatic goof. It's what is expected of him, so he plays a silly song intended to poke and prod at Clementine, to gauge a reaction. That's something we see him do at multiple points in episode one. In fact, we can consider a majority of episode one to be like the song he's playing when we meet him; it's mostly cheery or fast-paced.

Louis is able to soothe AJ with his "alluring" music after the kid bit Ruby is an indication that the two of them will share a bond. Louis is a natural at communicating and bonding with the younger kids [another talent that's overlooked] so it's interesting that he praises AJ for being a natural at piano, as well.

But the song stutters just a bit when Louis and Clementine are in the woods together, though; "There's only one guarantee: this moment. That's the only you got, only thing any of us got. Might as well enjoy it." ...Only for Louis to compose himself and send her away.

It's only when Clementine has a gun in her face, held by Marlon, that the music isn't fun anymore; it's rainfall and thunder and the words "I thought you were more than that" sung through the wind in a melody only Louis can hear.

Then Marlon's dead. The song is over, and reality has arrived.

I've talked at length about Louis in ep2 and his vote in the past. It's one of the most compelling things about Louis' arc and romantic route. It's a tragic mistake driven by trauma and guilt. It's people simultaneously telling him to shut up and telling him to be angrier than he is. Telling him to stop burying his head in the sand when he's never been more aware of everything happening. It's AJ peering up at him with pleading eyes that Louis can't stand to look at. It's Clementine wrapping his heartstrings around her fingers and tugging just enough to hurt, but not break.

Louis missed Clementine. He says as much when Clementine admits she missed him first. I don't even know where to begin with that! I can think of no other way to describe it other than they are half agony, half hope over this... and if you get that reference, you get a gold star. I just- the ache, the tension, the conflicting feelings of finally having a quiet moment to talk but Louis not being ready yet.

Y'know how someone carved "you suck at playing" in the side of the piano? It's something you might not initially notice while playing the game, just as Louis' insecurities aren't apparent at first.. but they're carved in him; never fully healed, still scabbed and bleeding... Until Clementine offers him a bandage.

She won't clean the wound for him, but she'll be there. She'll help him figure out how to do it himself so he can heal. She'll listen to him, not belittle his feelings or pain. She'll make an effort to know his keys and notes and practice playing his song until she understands.

When Clementine chooses him to spend time with him, it's a mirror of their first time meeting... but this time, Louis plays something real: a song he wrote, one that I believe he crafted during the two week time skip... a song he wrote with Clementine on his mind, for better or worse.

If the piano is Louis' heart, he literally asks her to sit there and try to tune it, which ends up being a joke but I say she's already tuned your heart, my guy. It's there before them, changed in the warm candlelight. He plays for her and opens up about how no one actually listens, but Clementine did.

And remember, this is the night of the raid. They don't know it's coming, but they know it'll be soon. Louis understands that he could very well die, so what does he do? He carves his initial into the one thing he's always had, and he asks Clementine to do the same.

I'm sorry, how are we NOT more feral about this? Prior to this scene, the only thing we see carved into the piano, into Louis' heart, is an insult. This thing that Louis cares so deeply about, this instrument that's become so intertwined with who he is... he wants to leave his mark on it just in case he dies. A reminder that it was his and he belonged to it just as much. Something so important, and he asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart where no matter what, they will be immortalized together in this moment.

And when Clementine carves a heart around their initials? Yes, his reaction is very cute and that's great... but she's not ashamed of him, or her feelings for him. She wants everyone who looks upon his heart to know that. She tells him how she feels and Louis is so giddy, and warm, and he names the song after her and I am going to start biting anything that moves, I can't-

Oh, and let's discuss the party scene in episode three, shall we? Y'know, where the heart covered initials are on full display? Where Louis tells the story of why he was sent to Ericson to everyone?

Louis is so... vulnerable. Sincere. Ashamed of what he did. This is the exposed nerve, the one he was so afraid of showing Clementine but there it is... and she doesn't reject him. Sure, she can say it's fucked up if you choose to, but she doesn't break up with him over it.

Also the fact that everyone sitting around him finally listens when he's at his most unshielded only for Tenn to ask him to play Don't Be Afraid for them after...? How do you not see the connection? Are you trying to make me cry? In that moment, Louis' heart was heard and appreciated and beautiful and strong and-

Listen. I am fine. I'm so normal about this. And fine. I'm fine.

But I also have to add that during the walk in episode four, if you let Louis choose what to add to the imaginary house, he picks a brand new piano because he wants a new heart to reflect the confidence and growth Clementine helped him achieve and because he loves her and AJ so much that wants the new heart to not just be his but also theirs and I am so fine with this, okay.

#twdg #twdg clouis #twdg clementine #twdg louis #clouis #long post #happy valentine's day y'all i got you a totally normal louis/clouis analysis #i initially got you flowers but then i ate them sorry #real talk though I started out normal and slowly descended into unhinged waters while writing this... I don't know how it happened #years later and clouis still pierces my soul i am half agony half hope tell me not that i am too late- #I'm fine okay it's only louis asking clementine to carve herself into his soul it's fine #i can already hear 'it's not that deep bro' like i dunno try getting out of the shallow end and learn to swim you coward #2024 is the year cj goes full gremlin. no self-control. writes whatever bullshit her very normal mind comes up with. #apologies in advance for my bullshit skskskss

[stormcloud-wav]

Hehe me and my bf making random audios-

#cj mind #cj soul #cccc mind #cccc soul #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash #animation #bullshit #why did i make this?

[all-that-jazz-93]

"This is a place where solemn work is done..."

#why are half of these cj asdfghjkl #i swear i didn't do that on purpose #the west wing #tww #josh lyman #sam seaborn #cj cregg #toby ziegler #joey lucas #danny concanon #charlie young #will bailey #annabeth schott #i'm back on my west wing bullshit AND i know how to make gifs in photoshop? #this is only the beginning my friends #i'm blazing this because more people need to watch the west wing #if you don't wanna pay for hbo max just pirate it but PLEASE PLEASE watch the west wing it's so good

[ipfy-dot-tif]

#chonny jash #cj soul #cj heart #cj mind #ipfy dot tif #help me girl i am back on my jashing bullshit #also they are like siblings to me

[pigeon-m]

❗️THIS IS NOT SHIP ART ❗️

I drew some comfort art because why not B) 👍

#chonny jash #cccc #cj heart #cj mind #cj soul #arguments #aftermath #cuddles #sleeping #soul is so fucking done with this bullshit #platonic

[residentrookie]

before there was bluey, there was pluie ✊

#this is stupid #i’m on my west wing bullshit #i fucking love cj #west wing #shit post

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

#i just realized he cant even see the text why tf did i make this heart #pre blinding that or he just knows #he can feel Mind bullshit #chonny jash #cj heart #cj mind #chonnys charming chaos compendium

[elliebartlets]

I’m yelling who made this

#the west wing #cj cregg #donna moss #tww #high school musical #troy bolton #gabriella montez #I’m back on my west wing bullshit btw #the only other meme I’ve seen of this is t as in troy? no t as in thyroid cancer alsksk

[seakrisp]

I think its very funny that when I watched arcane my Brain didn't latch onto caitvi for some reason, but grasped and infested to lightcannon- WHICH IS FUNNY CUS LUX ISNT EVEN IN ARCANE AND I DONT PLAY LOL I ONLY KNEW ABOUT LUX THROUGH CLASSMATES THAT TALKED ABOUT HER ALOT THEN SAW FANART OF JINX AND HER AND FELL IN LOVE

and then it led me to reading some star guardian shit ough embarrassing I'm invested in lol characters anyway rant over

#seajjaesays #cj fucking stupid #cj bullshit #lightcannon #lux lol #luxanna crownguard #jinx lol #jinx arcane

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

As much fun as I'm having doing my alternative run of DA2, one thing I really miss about my mage Hawke is his friendship with Merrill.

Those two are best friends and he's 100% supportive in her goals toward the eluvian. Ed has the humorous/charming personality, too, which bounces off super well with Merrill. He doesn't think any less of her for her usage of blood magic; if anything he's impressed by her level of strength and willpower. He's so ready to defend her from the other companions and the clan, and he's absolutely out here attempting to matchmake her and Carver....at least he is in my heart because the game won't let me, it's fine, I'm not bitter about it or anything-

But then my warrior Hawke? She has the diplomatic personality with quite a bit of direct/aggressive thrown in there and she ends up having the same attitude as that one party banter Aveline and Merrill have: "Merrill, you're clearly talented and meant for great things, but you're stupid," and that's so difficult for me to lean into. I'm trying to play Aris differently so she ends up being so condescending to Merrill, like she's trying to gently tell her to give up on the eluvian but it doesn't come off well.

Also if Carver was around, Aris would be the opposite of Ed, she'd look at the suggestion of her brother and Merrill getting together and be like, "No :) I don't think so :) I like Merrill, she's my friend :) but she's not right for Carver."

But I guess it makes sense; if you told him that Bethany would giggle and kick her feet and twirl her hair around Sebastian, Ed would've thrown him in the ocean as a warning. Meanwhile, Aris is like, "A handsome prince that could take my sister away from all of this? Wonderful, we just need to work on his incorrect views on mages, but that shouldn't be a problem :)"

Anyway I miss playing Hawke as the #1 Merrill stan.

#dragon age 2 #da2 #da2 merrill #carver hawke #bethany hawke #sebastian vael #da2 hawke #edgar hawke #aris hawke #listen i'm a little weirdo i like comparing the different ways to play the heroes of da games but especially the different hawkes #i like comparing my own hawkes and i like looking at other peoples hawkes and the different relationship dynamics they bring to the table #kicks my little gremlin brain into gear #like ed always rivals aveline and their relationship is strained at best... meanwhile aris and aveline are ride or die best friends #and seeing aveline from both perspectives is....... well it's an experience i'll just say that sksksks #oh also i miss anders so much sksksk i miss his romance and the dynamic he and ed have #aris rejected him right from the start and while it's neat to see her character through an unromantic lens i still miss him and his bullshi #aris romanced isabela and *that* makes me want to bite nom nom so interesting and heartbreaking in its own way like losing leandra like tha #and then dealing with the qunari bullshit only to find out isabela's part in it before she abandons aris with the book #and then aris reunites with bethany who is bitter and pissed off and can't get away from her fast enough like........ the end of act 2 y'al #aris was *ready* for the arishok fight solely because she needed an outlet for her frustration and grief and agony #she couldn't kick his ass fast enough sksksksks and now she's so Done with everything and then isabela admits that she's in love with her #and it's just................. a lot. it's so much. i can't #anders and isabela's respective romances drive me nuts for very different reasons i love them #this has been another 'cj needs to ramble about [blank]' post #stay tuned for next week where she continues to sob about the hawke twins

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

Are you. fucking kidding me.

#ofmd #our flag means death #fandom #let.me.dream.with.ofmd #i dont. i dont want. how. #not even gonna touch #cj and izzy cause whatever #but MARY AND EVELYN???? #what kind of regurgitated misogyny bullshit #will op try to say #Ive Met So Few People Who Share My Opinions #gee i wonder why #anyway in this house we excuse #and praise mary and evelyn

[survivedsarchived]

actually in my Defending Travis era for real now because i'm tired of seeing "he overreacted" re: confronting nat in 2.05. like, she manipulated him. she did it out of love, yes, but it was still a lie, and it hurt him. both things can be true. he's allowed to be upset. should he have yelled at her? no. does not make him any less valid in being hurt. people don't react "normally" in high pressure situations, which you'd think would be obvious, given the circumstances of the show... but somehow travis keeps getting thrown under the bus skfjnksj. it was so terrifying to travis to consider the fact that not only was his brother dead but possibly died a VERY violent death. but then he's not dead? javi is here? alive? (physically) unhurt? he has every right to be pissed off.

but honestly it just feels like a replay of the s1 fight re: the nickname and pointing a gun at nat. she's not the real target but she's there and he just has no other way to really express himself and he's not allowed himself to really feel Anything since doomcoming and all of his trauma about the jackie thing and being drugged and hunted has morphed with the pain of losing javi and he explodes. it's not right and it's not fair but nothing has been fair for any of them since the plane crashed

#travis is such a product of his era he is constantly suppressing himself #feeling so threatened being surrounded by a bunch of girls #yeah he has coach and javi in s1 #but ben is such an adult and travis DOES try to relate to him but ben obviously distances himself (for valid reasons) #and travis tries to be strong for javi so he doesn't put anything onto him. #he keeps it all inside All The Time #'because that's what a man does' #all the macho sexist bullshit he does in s1 is so performative he can't commit to it #when he asks nat her body count and he stutters and looks down and it's so obviously not HIM #just what he thinks is expected of him #when he misses a shot and they taunt him and he feels Less Than #bc. again. 'that's what a man does' #if HE can't hunt then he feels useless. so he gets angry #no it's not healthy no it's not RIGHT but that doesn't mean his character is invalid #that he's meaningless #cj said it and i agree. not really seeing things from his perspective #makes it difficult to 'relate' to him like you do the main 4 girls we follow #the only two times we really see him be emotional he's losing it On Nat and i think that warps the perspective of him a lot #makes people misinterpret him + his feelings and general character #anyway. travis slander got me on edge i'm SICK of it

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Suppose Harriet had to be in charge of one of her siblings for a day (the other being busy running around causing trouble or something as usual). Which sibling would she prefer it be? To be her sole responsibility, alone together, probably in confined quarters because they're on the ship or something, and, I don't know, whichever sibling it is is grounded.

So...if Harriet had to choose which of her siblings to be in close proximity with for an extended amount of time with no other contact and no break, who would she prefer it be?

("This is not favoritism, Harry/Calista! You get to run around the docks! Would you prefer to be alone with me for several hours when I'm in a bad mood? I thought not!")

Ok, so...

Let's leave out the they're grounded part shall we

Harriet and Harry deserve some bonding time. They're the older two siblings, their age gap isn't that big, so they probably understand eachother a bit more. A tiny bit.

Also, Harriet deserves a break.

She wouldn't get the break with CJ.

(CJ would talk her head off and Harriet just wants some peace and quiet for once.)

Harriet is a Captain of her own ship and Harry is a first mate of Lost Revenge, and, yeah, I doubt Uma let's him slack too much. And it's very exhausting, dealing with teenage pirates and adult villains and criminals and wild children, all day every day.

And, yeah, Harry would pout and sulk for a while, but they'd be able to get over it and just relax. They both need the break, actually, even if Harry would prefer to spend it in other ways.

So they just, idk, make some tea, which is totally not laced with any kind of alcohol, and relax. Gossip. Plot violent murder of Judge Frollo. Maybe nap.

At one point, they hear an explosion from outside, followed by immediate yelling: Harriet jumps up and shouts „That–!“ before taking a deep breath, setling back down and finishing: „That is a future me problem.“

„I'll drink to that,“ answers Harry.

#disney descendants #harriet hook #harry hook #cj hook #hook siblings #the explosion was CJ's doing #and Uma was yelling at her already #hook siblings bonding time! #without murder for once #they're like camp counselors but capable of murder #too tired for this bullshit #would maim if argued with #they deserve the break

[sylladextrous]

GODDDD -core vocalists don't be huge dipshits challenge [IMPOSSIBLE]

#yes this is about cj mcmahon and his bullshit post #and yes i know its not all of them it just KEEPS HAPPENING #fronz from attila is a notable example but like. aiden from dealer. austin from OM&M. etc. its annoying #glad the band posted the support for trans people immediately after cj's bullshit but STILL #chloe.txt

[shadewood45]

Fuck it, this is supposed to be my Art blog. Plaguing y'all with sketches.

Fun concerned Soul sketch ✌️

#shady sketches #sketches: cj #i need a better tagging system. #because i dont want to flood a main tag with my bullshit but GOD do i need something to organize things

[jockpoetry]

i just love the delivery of the where does the trash go, louis? line so much.

#cj watches iwtv #genuinely almost bemused by the bullshit forgetting for a second his suspicions about rashid just louis louis