This has been talked about so much, but I want to appreciate Mary Bonnet. She looks at this man with whom she has lived for so many years, who is the father of her children, who has caused her pain, who has made her angry and confused, who has been distant and myopic and selfish because he didn't know how not to be, whom she doesn't understand for so long...and she tells him what it's like to be in love, and hears that he's in love with a man. She could respond in so many ways and all she can be is happy for him to finally know himself.
Stede is relieved and so is she. It's probably the first real embrace they've shared their entire married life. It's freedom for both of them, and how she responds to it, with just love and acceptance (probably more love than she's ever felt for him before), is beautiful.
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I wrote a bit ago why Stede's coming-out narrative resonated with me, but I was considering more about how it's different from a lot of coming-out narratives in mainstream media.
Cinematic coming-out narratives tend to centralize the more public aspect of the revelation—often coming from a character who has known about or discovered their sexuality earlier in the story, followed by their coming out to friends or family members (often to disparate reactions). But Stede’s coming out is a simultaneous moment of self-knowledge and openness with the one person in his English life with whom he has been most intimate, and who has been most damaged (other than himself) by him.
I’ve seen it mentioned elsewhere that it’s interesting to have a gay man ask a straight woman what it’s like to be in love and to have her words help to bring his repressed feelings into form. The entire sequence is an acknowledgment of Stede and Mary's affinity with each other, reinforced by the combination of intimacy and distance that is a part of their married life. It happens in an intimate setting, in their bedroom, but we've seen how very non-intimate the bedroom is, where they either barely touch in bed or crowd each other out, get dressed and undressed with their backs turned, and where Stede refuses to talk about his emotions or desires.
But in the coming-out scene, for the first time, we see warmth in their room. There's a fire, and both are in their night clothes; Mary's hair is down, and Stede is without his nightcap. The effect is that they're more apparently comfortable with each other, despite the circumstances, than they've ever been before. Stede realizes that his existence has stopped Mary from experiencing her life. He sees that she’s found something to be passionate about with her art, that she's in love with Doug, and he wants to understand her.
There’s an open question of whether Stede has known about his attraction to men and simply repressed it or tried to ignore it, or whether he wasn't even aware of it. The sexual freedom fostered on the Revenge doesn’t seem to include his own sexuality. His relationship with Ed progresses like a friendship - and while they perform things like a divorce, it never appears that Stede is consciously aware that his feelings are not solely friendship, but sexual attraction and romantic love.
Which makes sense if we note that Stede has no friends, certainly no close ones, at home. He can sit in a pub and talk to people, but he’s not close to them (he’s isolated at the head of the table, rather than in the center of the group, and even mocked when he's the center of attention). The closest person he has to a friend is Mary, with whom he has to live and who also struggles to understand him. He doesn’t know what friendship really feels like, either.
Stede has no one else that he could be honest with, or even hope to talk to beyond superficialities. Even then, it takes an extreme act, starting with his rant at the art gallery and ending with her trying to kill him, to break down the barriers enough for them to talk. Where Stede is able to talk more intimately with Lucius and Frenchie and Ed, it takes near death for him to talk to his wife.
Certainly the coming out seems to be not a discovery of feelings but an actualization of them. Mary’s description puts into words what he's been experiencing, possibly his whole life. And for Stede, words and stories are deeply powerful—they're the way he enters into pirate life, the way he tries to understand himself and others. Talking, reading, and writing are fundamental parts of his self-expression, and so his coming out occurs through a story another person tells him. He plays pirates with his children, he reads to the crew, he asks for Ed's stories, he talks himself into roles like "the Gentleman Pirate." He participates in stories as a way of expressing the reality of who he is and who he wants to be. He needs to be able to put his feelings into words before he can ever fully express them.
So often cinematic coming-out scenes are framed as dangerous—how the other person, or people, will react. But there's no danger here. The danger is that Stede won't embrace the feelings that he has, which is put to rest even as Mary talks and we see the images of his past with Ed.
The scene centralizes Stede, not Mary, but it also does not ignore her. There’s no hesitation when he says “...I think I have,” or when he says, “His name is Ed.” Neither line is thrown off as an afterthought—he meets Mary’s eyes, he emphasizes his words. He’s clear that he’s talking about a man. He simultaneously comes out to her and to himself.
It is important that she's present for that, because Stede does need someone else to hear his words. He's a storyteller, and he needs to draw others into the stories that have formed such a part of his life. It isn't so much that Stede needs someone to perform to, but someone to enter the story with him, to make the words real.
Here, Mary draws him into her story of being in love. And he in turn asks her to hear the beginning of the story that he's concealed from everyone, including himself: "His name is Ed."
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02/11/2024 Daily OFMD Recap
TLDR; Cast&Crew Sightings; Rhys; Wee John Wondays; Rosie; Vico; Kaimana; Vico & Samantha Rei; Claudia; Articles; S2 Rewatch; Relax I'm From the Future Watch; Articles; People of Earth Season 1 Watch Party Reminder; Apple Tv Valentine's Video; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;
== Cast & Crew Sightings ==
= Rhys Darby =
Our favourite Captain attended the 28th annual Art Directors Guild Awards at The Ray Dolby Ballroom on February 10, 2024. He announced 2 of the winners and both those people weren't there to receive it!
"This feels personal. What's so bad about meeting me?"
NOTHING RHYS EVERY ONE OF US WILL COME MEET YOU DON'T WORRY.
Thank you to @rhysdarbinizedarby for all the pics.
==Wee John Wondays==
Wee John Wonday's are back tomorrow! 10.30 PM GMT (5:30 PM ET, 1:30 PT) Looks like there's a Mystery Special Guest!
Could it be Nathan? Or Matthew Maher perhaps? Someone cute!
== Rosie and Vico and Kaimana ==
Rosie also attended the Them Fatale last night! She got to meet up with Vico and Kaimana and it looks like everyone had an amazing time! These three are so adorable together.
Vico also met up with Samantha Rei! Check out their Live IG here
= Claudia O'Doherty =
Not OFMD related, but it's nice to see our lovely Claudia (Mary) out and about and being a goofy fun lady as usual.
== Articles ==
The Best New TV Shows to Stream on Max This Week
== Today's Rewatch Party / Relax I'm From the Future Watch ==
= S2 Rewatch Party =
Our friends @adoptourcrew had a Rewarch party with Q! today in honour of Season 2 being on iPlayer. Just some highlights for you folks not on twitter:
= Relax Im from the Future Highlights =
== Watch Party Reminders ==
Feb 12 - Feb 16: People of Earth Season 1
People of Earth is no longer on any streaming platform, but it is available for digital purchase (ex, on Amazon). If access is an issue, DM Me @gentlebeardsbarngrill (@iamadequate1 may be indisposed so I have access if you need it).
Season 1 watch next week from February 12th to February 16th.
Skipping the week after in case people want to participate in the next Palestine strike.
Season 2 watch from February 26th to March 1st
Times will be 10pm GMT / 5pm EST / 4pm CST / 2pm PST. Watch two episodes per day. Episodes are 21-22 minutes each. Use the following Saturday for the tags/watch if interested but not able to make this time.
Hashtags:
#PiratesOfEarth
#SaveOFMD
#AdoptOurCrew
== Apple TV Valentine's Video ==
Some of the crew put together this lovely video for the Apple TV #WooAsACrew event! Check it out!
Vocals: twitter.com/ferventrabbit
Video: twitter.com/Giulianaazr & twitter.com/ragsandmuffins
== Love Notes ==
Alright lovelies, it's that time again. Covid brain is still pretty strong with me tonight so I hope I don't sounds like a raving lunatic.
Over here in the US it's Sunday night. For those of you on the other side of the world it's already Monday. I hope you all got some good rest this weekend, you deserve it.
You've been working so very hard at just living lately. It's tough I know, and it can really wear on you over time.
You're doing great though, you really are.
It's so hard to see how far we've come when we are living in this constant state of survival, but you know what's really cool?
There's a past version of you right now that is so incredibly proud of you. If that you could see yourself right now, they'd be in awe at how far you've come, and how much you've grown.
Where you are today will be that same person in a few months or a year, marveling at your progress.
You are doing so very well, even on tough days. Remember that. The crew and I are so very proud of you lovelies, and we know past you is too (and hopefully present you, but I understand if that's harder to do). Get some rest and keep at it, you got this. <3
== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==
So for tonight, I have a serious question. How the HELL did I miss that Taika did a TED talk, in a goddamn suit vest? Holy Frijoles, someone please make him wear these more often, it's uncomfortable how good he looks in that. Ted Talk Src.
So, uh ya, tonight's vest themed, IDK it just needed to happen, I suppose.
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