#clear class differences- poor/young/old/rich were all welcome to yunmeng ;; jc is so desperate to bring that back to life and i

[yuexins]

me every time i get prompts that trigger jc’s 23834738294 page grief/emo backstory & his feelings during those 13 yrs + after guanyin temple

#the hand that steers others / ooc . #tbd . #i haha enjoy writing jc so much haha #GOD HES FULL WITH LSDSNJHJ GRIEF......................... AND HE SHOVES IT OFF BC OF HIS TOXIC ASS MOM #bc she was so insecure she shoved it onto her son like constantly and now look what happened #a lof of fics portray jc to be like this sect leader who doesnt care if his disciples are afriad of him or if the townspeople fear him bc #they should fear him and hes proud of that #which like yeah. yeah okay. but thats the OUTWARD appearance he holds up #like my friends............... what is Stopping you from going deeper............ #he flaunts his fearsome rep bc it keeps people away. it keeps them out. and jc wants to keep them alllll the way out for fear of them #getting close and getting hurt bc of him. he knows he hurts ppl and he knows its gotten worse over the course of those 13 years and #he's seen the rs wbtwn his parents and hes simply afraid of somoene loving him for his outward appearance and then getting to actually know #him and hating that. he has a fear of abandonment whcih he sees as weak and vulnerable (thx mom) #but... like. he wants to be like his dad- like how he made lotus pier feel so loving and warm and how there had been no #clear class differences- poor/young/old/rich were all welcome to yunmeng ;; jc is so desperate to bring that back to life and i #just know. i just Know. that he's so fucking depressed abt how he /is/ that he cant even achieve that #sure hes sect leader but it doesnt even feel like it and hasnt for 13 years and he thinks hes not even up for this task. #he probably thinks that wwx would be better suited to be sect leader and it just drives those deep-seated insecurities further #god... yu ziyuan u rly messed up ur kid lmfao #yu ziyuan AND jiang fengmian- he was the youngest in their family and having to grow up with That... god. #i might be really biased bc i wholly understand where hes coming from and it hurts seeing him being treated that way but tbh #he's kind of always left out in his family :< even w jyl he's always left out lol its sad bc jc has the biggest heart & would do literally #anything 4 his fam but they just......... #anYWAY ILL STOP RAMBLING i just care him very much its sickening #long tags / #rambling in tags / #???????? #idk if thats even a tag ppl blacklist but jic #ok wait i should add that hes not always left out w jyl butshe shows a weird preference for wwx a lot and it can be seen as favoritism #jc doesnt say anything abt it bc thats his a-jie but coming from someone who uhhh knows & goes thru the same thing i can confirm