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insulationsun · 1 year

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Curious how you viiew Kris and spams relationship (NOT SHIP!!!) I jusy feel like there's some unique vibes in the way you depict them together and I'm here for it (+ want more spam infodump from u,,,)

omg....... im very happy to hear you like the vibes whenever i draw/write them!!!! explodes into a million tiny pieces and then someone glues me back together

AND THANKYIOU !!! means a lot to me i love talking abt him im :DD OMG.... AEUGH...................[ YELLS ] ok im gona try to explain this. they mean a lot to me ok i got a lot of ground to cover. warning that i get into headcanon/theory territory here. its all based on canon but there are things that can be interpretated differently to other people so.

they are very, very complicated i think.

ive been thinking about this for a bit but like i really dont think kris would hold much against him. like, trying to kill them or the fact that he manipulated them into helping him. even for like possibly ripping them off too in his little shop roulette. i don't think kris thinks very highly of themself, but they often empathize with others.

in the case of spamton, i think there is enough understanding there that they could handwave it away. especially at the end of his battle, where he has calmed down somewhat. i always mention it's a moment of clarity because he sees through all of the lies that he's been telling himself all this time. the same feelings that had him trying to justify killing a child.

he obviously still has a lot of issues to work through, but after the spamton NEO fight he doesn't really mean any harm. and he clearly wants to help, since kris's situation matched his own so much. but it is sad that in the end he admits that he's always been a puppet- in more ways than one. he's been used and thrown away so many times.

there's a point i make about spamton's fight being kinda easy, and how this ties into his character narratively. for any other media i would not do this but its UTDR so i think it's kinda viable. spamton gives you several free turns or advantages, even during his NEO fight.

things off the top of my head: the free heal, the phone call, destroying his eyes nose and mouth is permanent for that turn, if youre not hit during the first instance of his phones for hands attack it never advances to the harder version until you get hit.

and like, you could probably say some of those are also the result of spamton's desperation, clumsiness because he isnt in the right mind. but i also think there was a part of him that didnt want to kill them. he is very loud, very in kris's face. but he was also probably like this with others, and i think he desperately wanted something. validation, attention, things of that end. and obviously, a friend.

he thinks he can find meaning through NEO. he learns the truth of the dark worlds- there's a reason he wants to see the sun, the light world; where his existence would feel REAL.

and i wouldn't want to deny any of his wrongdoings, its not really the point im trying to make. there are just a lot of things that added up to his spiral, isolation being one of them. without actual companionship, he never had other people to pull him out of every self-destructive spiral. kris is able to have something like that, even when they were little. though lonely, they still had noelle.

but then- the divorce. dess's disappearance. their brother leaving. like spamton, so many things hit them at once. it's the same life changing event like spamton's fall. his eviction, being abandoned by the addisons, when he was taken advantage of. they both drew further into themselves, punishing themself into isolation.

theres a lot there that gives them room to see themself, but to also extend kindness. whether they fight or spare him, thats ultimately the players decision. but i think the intention from kris still the same- they just want to help.

and i do think kris is invested in his plight, the scene i mentioned before but when they put the disk into the robot, they repeatedly hit it for any reaction. not something we can control so it sticks out a lot. i think like- they really wanted this idea to work. they're thinking that maybe if it actually helps spamton be free, maybe for them too? and thats why it's so haunting when he drops to the floor when his strings are cut. but a lot of people kinda went over that already. the point is that kris projects a lot of themself onto spamton, just as he did to them.

i operate under the assumption that kris in someway wished for someone to tell them how to be liked, how to talk to people, how to Not be such a weirdo. things like that. i dont really think they were happy being themself. it's clear they didnt really think they fit in, even when other people were nice to them. its not that they were treated badly, just different. but even that can feel isolating, it can separate you from others when even the smallest of things is not understood on the same level.

kris being the only human in hometown obviously affected them a lot, they have their headband with the horns to feel like one of them. toriel checked out a book on how to care for human children, etc. again, just like spamton, there is a separation they have from others.

but unlike kris, spamton had this sort of infinite drive to achieve what he wanted on his own. and even though he ended up depending on someone else so much, manipulated by his own desire to be acknowledged, he is still somehow standing at the end of it all. mind is in tatters, but still here. which i think is what sets him and kris apart.

but we also start to see kris fighting for themself in the game. i think there was a point where they really just didnt want to be themself anymore, where they gave themself up so someone else could take their place. make them feel wanted, like they finally fit in. they start to realize that they want to experience all of these fun things the SOUL is experiencing. they want to be apart of this, they dont want to be in the dark anymore. (ahahaliek the spamton line ahah where hes like "its so dark" ahah you see what i)

(i also think 'the dark' is synonymous with isolation, so ykn) (just like i interpret 'heaven' to mean many things. freedom, companionship, acknowledgement)

i do think their friendship is very awkward. like. on some level, neither of them are very great at interacting with people? i do think spamton has some innate charisma that's been with him since an addison, but he is still very off-putting as his puppet self. it's why no really wants to talk to him, besides other weirdos (kris.)(joking. maybe)

kris is kind of clingy, i think they form really deep attachments to people that are understanding of them, among other things. (susie is a really good example of how fast they get attached to others.) i do think the kinship they feel with spamton would kinda run deep too? and they'd still want to help him i think.

major major headcanon territory here lets GOOO:

so i think kris likes picking spamton up. because he is smaller than them, he can kinda act as like a cuddly pillow or something. and because i think kris is so afraid of physical touch as much as they crave it, the idea of them hugging someone else is very different than someone hugging them. they'd pick him up without warning him and i think that would make him kind of upset.

he's always used to others looking down on him, without ever really saying it? pitying looks that might be from sympathy translate to something else for him, and i think to pick him up like that is upsetting.

obviously this is how they're like at first but you know they both get on the same page eventually. think he'd find it comforting too at a certain point, but they gotta get there. the point im trying to get across here is that theyre very awkward. they can get away with a lot of nonverbal communication, because i think spamton is able to read kris pretty well. this is also due to the fact that even when he projects onto them, they still are very similar. so it just happens to line up with how kris is feeling most of the time agjdfkgfd.

but there are things they'd have to really talk about too so. the idea of them kinda working out their boundaries and gradually becoming a lot more comfortable with each other is a very nice thought. eventually they'd be kinda attached to the hip and having kris run around the lightworld with spamton just sort of hanging out in their scarf or backpack sounds so fun SDHFDSJ.

for as much as spam would like to explore it's like. he'd want someone there to be with him as he does. cos whats the point. he's recently come to terms with the fact that Yes having Friends is Awesome actually so. without saying it, he hangs around kris. eventually everyone else in hometown probably. ya know it just keeps going until he has a legitimate support system.

and this doesnt have to apply only in the lightworld too, him reconciling with the addisons, becoming friends with jevil, etc. etc. i just talk abt lightworld stuff cos im biased but like. So much.

kris being his first friend makes me Weep i'll cry. and the fact they'd extend it after everything he's done in his desperation is kinda neat. and i dont wanna act like kris is kinda like. the nicest person ever because i do think, as mentioned above, they dont really know where to draw lines.

in terms of like, physical boundary, but also like in the way they prank noelle. not everyone is going to be okay with being scared like they do to noelle. even some pranks that may seem harmless have consequences that are unexpected. this mischievousness is nothing but play to them, and obviously they wouldnt mean it if it hurts someone. (IE: they'd never prank noelle the way the player does, pressing off the switch where she could seriously get hurt.)

kris is just a kid though, so like a lot of this is just unintentional. it is difficult for me to see kris having any malevolent intentions with others

but yeah, i think they can be a little mean-spirited sometimes without meaning to. They would be a bit like this to spamton too, so. they both have things to work on. this is a complete side thing but i think they both joke about the morbid a lot or see themselves as Things that are just not human those are small things though sdhfjdkg

and i make this comparison a bit in my fic, but their voices are very raspy? kris, from not using it very much, and spamton who is in perpetual shout mode completely destroying his vocal chords. (hypothetical vocal chords? whatever is going on in there. ) i just think that is nice :]

their relationship is an awkward but tender thing i think... i like this scenario where spamton sort of like helps kris fight for themself. like to allow them to see the value in being themself, and how thats something they shouldnt lose. i like him sort of motivating them, in a way? things like forcing them to get up in the morning faster, really pushing them to live their life.

something something, let me become your strength. T_T

#asks #the best mentally ill found family evar i think #theres probably actually more i coudl say here but i was like #losing coherency as i kept going SHAFJDSG #it is so difficult to put into words i still dont think i explained it all DJGDK

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underratedandoverit · 9 months

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a mark on you

953 words chuck taylor/kip sabian

okay. listen. i dont know what is happening but ive been wanting to do something with these two for a while. im breaking into a new territory here. if this is already out there i havent been able to find it today ssssooo youre welcome. or whatever

i just think they would be cute. just so i dont ramble here i'll leave it at that, but i have very much galaxy brain rotted them together and heres the (potentially first) result of that. its just short, cute and fluffy cause im very tired but i wanted to do something tonight

dont hate the messenger if this isnt anything worth investing into lmao

@midnightpretenders0 (thank you for encouraging my brain rot to write this i owe you one jasndkja) @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

on ao3

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As Chuck stirred from his sleep a little, he tried to turn on his other side, only to become aware that he was effectively stuck. With a soft yet annoyed grunt he tried to pull his arm free, only to find that it wasn’t budging at all. Forcing his eyes open, taking a good while to adjust in his groggy state and dim bedroom, Chuck’s gaze finally fell to the other man asleep on the bed next to him, washing the annoyance away from him in almost an instant.

Kip was fast asleep, clearly not bothered or aware of anything happening around him, the least being Chuck’s arm currently being trapped underneath him. As Chuck was becoming aware of his surroundings bit by bit as he was waking up a little bit more, he could feel Kip’s hand holding onto the hand of his trapped arm, fingers interlaced with one another, pulling them both against his chest.

Finding him this close wasn’t unusual – ever since the surgery forcing Kip on the shelf and to rely on others for help, something in him changed. The Brit was definitely whinier and needier than usual after that, both which he was already plenty of before, but something Chuck seemed to notice that this only happened when he was around. Kip at least tried to be more self-sufficient around others or when someone else asked if he needed help with something, but when it came to Chuck, Kip always asked him for help first, whether it was something he was perfectly able to do by himself or not.

Chuck had learned very fast that Kip loved to be pampered and cared for, especially when he could use a shitty little excuse for it like that his shoulder hurt too much that day. He definitely enjoyed the attention he was getting, whether he admitted it or not, but it was fairly obvious to anyone with any common sense and a pair of eyes.

The weird thing about it was though, that the longer it continued, the less Chuck actually minded it, even when he knew Kip was getting better to the point where he didn’t necessarily need all that help anymore. And yet somehow Chuck still kept coming back for more, even when he didn’t need to.

And eventually it had all led down to this point.

Trying to be as careful as possible, Chuck adjusted his arm, pulling it down to Kip’s waist. He didn’t resist, obviously too deep in his sleep, but his hand never let go of Chuck’s, Kip’s arm just following along his as Chuck moved it. He gently pulled Kip closer to his chest, the blond letting out a quiet, content hum in his sleep as Chuck rested his head against Kip’s shoulder.

He let his eyes wander a bit, watching the covers almost hastily thrown over Kip’s figure rise and fall slowly alongside his breathing, feeling Kip’s back against his chest, slowly building up heat between the two of them. The only thing poking out from the pile of blankets along with their heads was Kip’s free arm, pulling the blanket tighter against him.

Chuck’s eyes followed down the arm, his healthy one, covered in various tattoos themed in forest wildlife. He could see a few wolves, an owl, and a deer among others that he vaguely remembered Kip telling him at some point that he got them done back home in England before he moved to America. He had talked longingly about wanting to go back to continue the piece, maybe on the other arm, but with how things had been lately he hadn’t had the time to do so.

Shifting carefully, trying not to wake Kip up, Chuck removed his free hand from underneath the blanket, slowly lowering it on Kip’s arm. He waited for a moment for a reaction, but as he didn’t get one, Chuck carefully brushed a finger over the deer face on the arm, tracing his fingertip along the lines of the artwork.

He knew how much getting injured hurt Kip both mentally and physically. The only thing he had ever been glad about it was that it was indeed his non-decorated arm, even if it was his dominant one. Kip wouldn’t have described himself as insecure about his looks, but he had talked about his tattoos enough for Chuck to have gotten the basic sense that they meant a lot to him. Enough, that he was happy that it wasn't the arm that had to go under the knife.

Chuck gently pressed his finger against each separate bird on his tattoo sleeve, tracking the line all the way down to his wrist, to the owl. He observed it for a moment, fingers running along the art, wondering where he had gotten the idea for it. Making a mental note to ask later, Chuck’s fingers continued to dance along Kip’s inked skin, making sharp turns on one of the wolf’s ears.

“…Chuck?”

The voice was very quiet but sudden, making Chuck freeze in place, afraid he had woken Kip up.

“Y-yeah?”

The blond didn’t say anything else, he just let go of Chuck’s hand that he had been holding the entire time. Chuck’s other hand quickly lifted up from his arm, Kip effortlessly turning around with Chuck’s arm still around his waist, effectively hiding the tattooed arm underneath him, away from Chuck’s grasp, whether he was aware of it or not. Kip buried his face into Chuck’s chest with a deep exhale.

“I love you.”

Before Chuck could question him further, Kip’s breathing had already steadied, him falling back asleep. With a sigh soft Chuck pressed a little kiss in his hair, pulling him closer. “Fool.”

#drabble #character: chuck taylor #character: kip sabian #ship: chuckkip #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

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canayams-art · 5 months

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i also feel like the animation this season is different, more crisps or something, because it looks even better than season 1 already gorgeous one. fengqing taking hold of me again was unexpected, but im dealing with the onslaught of emotions! i think it's just been too long since ive seen them in new scenes :"))

LQQ IS THE MVP OF THE DONGHUA AT THIS POINT! i looooove his design so much, more than the manhua one personally, and every scene he was in was soo good, i would have hard time choosing the one favorite as well. i think lqq debut this season was absolutely on point, and honestly i love watching him on my screen. he's so precious and when i tell you every scenes he's in makes me love him more and more im not kidding.

KEJEJJRJRJ FY AND LQQ INTERACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN SOO GOOD! especially considering mq is much more open as fu yao and being touched by lqq's sincerity and concern for mq would be right there on his face. (dw they make me cry as well🥹) i think i would also like to explore lqq's reaction to qi rong insulting mq, or maybe even their interactions during the aftermath of the tong'lu. mq being canonically good with children and helping lqq with guzi would be soo cute 🥰🥺 their potential for a strong and genuine companionship has me squealing as i write this, no lie

im so with you on your view of quirong!! it's definitely not a ship for me, even if i do tend to give every ship i come across a chance. although i think a fandom as well plays a role in my dislike, the overall impression of the ship didn't really give me the right vibe to like it either. im not above liking a pretty fanart for them when i come across it, but overall i just don't care about them. however it is always nice when you come across someone who also isn't a fan of the popular ship, makes you feel less crazy for not liking them 😭

mhmm if only more people thought like that, the discourses in the fandom would not exist :") it's so silly thinking everyone would have the same taste about fiction and media they watch and choose to interact with, and if that were to be the case the fandoms would be such a dull place to be. everyday i feel like the fandoms have went from a fun place to find like-minded people who enjoy things you do and with whom you can gush over your silly little blorbos, to this draining chore where you're constantly afraid someone will be on your throat for whatever reason if you dare say something about any character whether you like them or don't. it's honestly becoming exhausting but that's exactly why curating your own fandom experience and environment is important to have fun.

im personally ready to drop a fic if i see a trope i don't like or interpretation i don't agree with, even if i was already invested into the story prior. im willing to look past the characterization issue when the fics are clearly meant to be crack, but otherwise it really is very important to me that characters be the closest to canon as possible, especially in canon universe. modern aus are tricky, but honestly with enough lore throw in to explain it, i can swallow slight mischaracterization. anything fanon related tho, yeah im dipping so fast 😭 gods i sure sound pretentious and nitpicky about this but it's true, i learned the hard way that the only way to enjoy a fandoms is to set standards for what you like and not and not really care about others opinions, it's so much more enjoyable and you will eventually find the like-minded people who will support your delusions

side characters are gold mine when it comes to fics and general fandom experience, and from what ive noticed, the less popular the better 😭😭 sure you will probably have to make your own fan work but it's soo worth it at the end of the day! also less discourses so it's definitely a win. i also feel like the side characters/pairings usually have more interesting concepts when it comes to fics/art 🤔 this is not the case in every fandom but from my experiences, fics and art about side characters somehow feel more satisfying? idk to me it always comes across how people make a thing without it being cut out and served for them by already established canon, so to me it always feels more enjoyable to interact with such works

FIRST TIME DRAWING SQX?!?!?!!! IM ALMOST TEMPTED NOT TO BELIEVE IT! SQX IS SO GORGEOUS IN YOU ARTSTYLE AND IM DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THEM AGAIN AT SOME POINT IF YOU DECIDE TO DRAW THEM AGAIN! im also not so subtly stalking you account for any lqq rarepait you decide to grace us with 👀👀

I’m so sad we have to wait a little longer for the next episode to come out,,,,, I need to see fengqing more 😭 Also!!! Lqq really is the heart and soul of the season so far!!! I guess that makes sense considering we’re right in the middle of his arc but he really is such a joy to see in every scene— they really made him so baby and if last episode is anything to go by they’re about to make him so anguished (affectionate). I love this boy so much.

Also every time we bring up more and more different qianqing scenarios, I can’t help feeling that they’re actually so surprisingly complimentary to each other. Now I’m actually just disappointed that mxtx never really explored their dynamic. Lqq would’ve been a perfect ally in mq’s hardships and mq would’ve been a such an asset to have in the search for qr and the management of Guzi’s care (not sure if mq would be nurturing but he’d definitely come through with a lot of “Why aren’t you [insert form of care here] ?”). They could’ve benefited from being closer.

I think there’s something novel about side characters and rarepairs that makes them (personally) so appealing. We don’t see so much about them so we want to know more and from that want comes so much unique and interesting exploration. I just read an entire story about a pair of main guys— I wanna know more about the people who were a part of their story. It’s about the fun of redirecting the spotlight 🥹

(Also I think in a way everyone is a little pretentious with their personal preferences for what they enjoy and how they enjoy it. If the writing or the art isn’t doing anything for you or it loses you along the way then that’s just part of the subjective experience of the arts! It’s okay to admit to being picky or selective.)

Anyway—! As a lqq art peddler I am happy to keep peddling more lqq art in the future. Might even start drawing more donghua lqq (manhua lqq is very special to me but donghua lqq has charmed me so much 😭). I really gotta get back into the frenzied rate at which I used to draw him— now with a couple extra boyfriends LMAO.

#yams uncans #qianqing #sorry for the delayed response again! I hope you didn’t think I’d forgotten this ask 😭#anyway I’m holding the lqq doll in one hand and the px sqx and mq dolls in the other #lqq needs more hands cos two is not enough anymore LOL

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andsalttheearthbehindyou · 1 year

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hiiiiiiiiii

ok im gonna rant for a little bit below if anyones interested about what ive been doing and where ive been these past months

soooo ive never been the type of person to see my future very clearly. ive never had long term motivations, goals, or desires. i had never thought of myself as such a listless person because i had such strong aspirations in reference to school and academia but that was it. i graduated highschool in 2020 and went straight to college, still not knowing what i wanted to do, just knowing that i wanted to be the best at whatever i did. i defined myself by my accomplishments and the speed at which i achieved them. i graduated a few months ago with my bachelors (in 2 years!!!!) and this was something i was so proud of myself for, but i felt so much inner turmoil because of it. and thats because i felt like id done all these things and i thought i wouldve figured out what id want to do by that point, but i still hadnt figured it out.

im 21 now (celebrated my bday in january :) u all better leave me belated wishes below) and i know that im still young, but i felt so frustrated with the life i had led until now, the wasted efforts and useless skills. i felt like i had so much to offer but nowhere to apply and nothing to show for it. id also struggled with things like doing what i love but not being financially successful versus doing something that i know will make me financially successful and being a happy person because of that.

i wont lament too much on my passion for publishing, because ultimately it came down to the fact that i dont think its smart to invest in a profession that likely wont result in me being successful in the way that i want to be. what i will harp on here is how happy and proud i am of myself for being brave enough to embark on my law school journey!! im going to law school!!! im so happy!!!!!! i promise (literal nervous anxiety tears streaming down my cheeks rn)!! i know that it is so much money and so much work, but i know that this is what i need to do to feel accomplished in life, to see the fruits of my labor and know that everything ive done hasnt been for naught. i studied for my lsat for months and months (main reason i was m.i.a.) and finally took it a few days ago. im gonna have to start applying to schools soon sighhh but im actually really excited to start despite all the stress i know its gonna cause me lol. im also going to have a summer break (something i havent had since high school) !!!!!!! im going to be alone and let myself rest and be happy. im going to cook and clean and read and write and do things i love before hunkering down and being a little recluse nerd again in school (something i also love!!!! such a huge part of my personal identity and something i love about myself is my ties to school/academia and being a student)

if youve read this far, thank you for your interest in my life!?! im not always right in the head and when i last abandoned this blog (and the other one) i know that i was definitely off my rocker but ive been taking steps to recovering my mental health in that regard too. i wont talk much about that but im doing better. being offline, setting boundaries and giving myself goals helped a lot. im also properly medicated lol.

anyway much love & thx for tolerating me

#tldr im going to law school and im feeling normal about it

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thetaekookcloset · 2 years

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there was this time in the v, jungkook, jhope, and jin Vlive where jin says these two just fought and tae says "no we don't fight, we just get into trouble together." Its obviously impossible for them not to fight, but I think their fights are either so insignificant or super personal that they wouldn't want to disclose it on camera. If they "fight" or argue, I'm inclined to believe that they resolve it quickly. There was this fancam of bts in danger era (i wish i had the video but i dont, so i hope u know what im referring to) where jungkook clearly upset tae over something and jungkook really looks upset and tries to make up to him. He ends up going after tae backstage to apologize. (Some say its because jk didnt respect tae as a hyung). Theres another one in DNA era. Theres actually quite a lot of moments like this. My point is there is a reason why taehyung keeps saying they never fight. It could be because he wants people to know him and jk are close or their fights are just really insignificant or they just want to keep their relationship things personal. I’m also inclined to believe their fights aren’t out there? Idk how to describe what i mean, but they look really calm when they get into disagreements. In the same vlive, tae says jungkook doesnt come home after practice and jungkook just pouts (HES SO CUTE WHEN HE POUTS HE LOOKS LIKE A PETULANT CHILD) and tae says “u need to eat” in the sweetest voice ive ever heard. I noticed that tae really observes jungkooks habits and vice versa, thats why hes concerned that he hasnt been eating

Yes, I agree -- this is one of those things that just reads as couple behavior to me. Any two people who are close are bound to argue sometimes, but the fact that they don’t want anyone thinking that they fight seems pretty telling to me.

I’ve said before that I sort of figure when they say this, they mean that they don’t get into any really big fights, rather than that they never argue at all, but either way they might mean it, it’s interesting that they’re so invested in disavowing the idea that they fight with each other at all.

And I definitely agree too that Taehyung is very engaged with Jungkook’s habits and the like, just as Jungkook is really engaged with certain details about Taehyung. I’ve noticed that Jungkook is particularly invested in Taehyung’s quality of work, if that makes sense. Like, he always wants to make sure Tae is doing things right when it comes to dance routines and stuff like that, but he’s also really protective of him when it comes to things like cooking and stuff.

These are just some of those little details and patterns of behavior that set them apart from the dynamics between other members, in my opinion.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and observations!

#ask #taekook

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bazpitchs-violin · 3 years

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i cannot believe i’ve yet to make a post about this

well actually i think i might’ve in like fifth grade and then deleted my tumblr because i wasn’t technically supposed to have one at the time but oh well

i was reading john green books all at once for a while and i noticed (at least twice, it’s been a while and i will reread them all carefully to make sure there aren’t more) that he quotes/paraphrases that one thoreau poem from dead poets society and i got excited ofc because if you’ve seen any of my posts you know that most of them are somehow related to dps because i’m obsessed- but that’s not the point

the point is i used to wonder if he liked thoreau or dps or both and i was so intrigued by the possibility of liking one of the same things as one of my favourite authors.

anyway idk what the point of this was other than to scream about john green and dead poets society simultaneously

#dead poets society #john green #i know it's specifically at least in tfios #because hazel says smthn about living deep and sucking the marrow out of life #i'd cross check if i could but i lent someone my copy #oh well i'll do it later #i very vividly remember breaking the rules and making a tumblr in 5th grade just to post ab it #clearly ive always been a little too invested in things

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traumatictouch · 3 years

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why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

(disclaimer: i realize symptoms of trauma are pretty much common all across the board, and depression also comes with a lot of these behaviors - but there are some that crop up more commonly in cases of sexual abuse (especially from a young age) than in others. csa survivors also frequently end up with depression, too, so that doesn't necessarily take away from it.)

i’ll start with the cover above. the hands touching him here are much more expressive than the ones he usually wears. it's also framed in a way where you can't see the ends/cap things very well, and they don't appear so symmetrical, making them feel much more like real, living hands grabbing him.

there's also the fact that his face is exposed, which is something we had rarely seen him do willingly at this point in the manga, and even when he had he was still covered up with a hoodie or completely alone. the way he's covering half his face gives off the impression that he's not okay with the way he's exposed.

all of that, plus the obvious distress tomura is in, gives this very glaring assault vibes.

also, the hands on his head are clearly someone's actual, living hands as well. my guess is afo, especially since they seem to be petting him, which is reoccurring imagery between tomura and afo.

tomura's total lack of privacy

there's a clear lack of boundaries between tomura and the adults in his life. most of the spaces that seem to belong to tomura (the bar - he feels safe enough there to take Father off, and his room) are accompanied by cameras and audio transmissions from afo. he has no privacy, and doesn't even seem bothered by this fact.

he also doesn't seem to set boundaries with other people in general. toga can hold a knife to his neck, spinner can grab him and yell in his face, the doctor can shout over his earpiece, dabi (or anyone, really) can say whatever rude or callous things he wants to him… really the only time i can think of that even comes close was when mr. compress made a joke about working with overhaul and tomura said "hey, not funny."

he seems to kinda just let whatever happen to him. earlier in the series, tomura seemed to rely on kurogiri to notice when he needed space and step in for him rather than ask for it himself. that's a pretty telltale sign of someone who's had their needs and boundaries violated (or even punished) for a long time.

Tomuras over-attachment to afo and his praise/affection

obviously afo groomed tomura whether it involved sexual abuse or not, but it is something that could have easily lended itself to that as well. early in the series, tomura clearly highly valued afos opinion of him, and seemed to strive to please and repay him for his kindness. these are feelings afo incited in him on purpose and did, canonically, take advantage of to turn tomura into a villain and pawn - who's to say he didn't use it for other purposes, too?

it's also the kind of thing survivors tend to latch onto to cope with their abuse. it can be easier to think of the event as being affection, returning a favor, and/or special treatment, than to think of it as abuse. tomura looked up to afo so much that it's possible he could have considered (or been convinced) that it was special that someone as great as afo wanted to do something so intimate with him.

also, if this is really tomura realizing his sensei isn't as special and powerful as he'd been led to believe, then his reaction being to cover up while looking angry might, well… be a reaction to feeling used.

Tomura & older men

there's not a lot of people besides afo that tomura seems very quickly, openly… invested in. there are two major ones i can think of, and they are both 1. older men, and 2. mentor figures (even if not to tomura.)

the most obvious of the two is aizawa, who tomura has seemed pretty fond of since his first appearance and, even in the most recent chapters, can't seem to help but think about how cool aizawa is. aizawa isn't a mentor to tomura, obviously, but he is a teacher and tomura knows this. (and seems impressed by the way he tries to protect the students in his care--something afo very specifically does not do for tomura.)

the second, and perhaps less obvious to most, is Stain. i wrote up a whole post trying (trying.) to explain the way tomura seemed interested in him, and you can see a bit more about that and how tomura was hoping he'd be a mentor to him here.

in other words, tomura has shown reoccurring interest in older men, who are mentors, that he does not show for anyone else.

early sexual abuse can influence a person's attractions. survivors tend to be drawn to what is familiar, even if it hurt, and so it's pretty common for them to be attracted to and/or desire a relationship with those who resemble their abuser(s).

and afo is an older man who is a mentor to tomura (and others.)

immaturity (& age regression)

tomura, in early canon, is often described by characters in-universe as being childish, especially in regards to how he processes his emotions. (i don't really like to conflate these things with "age" or "being childish" - but the way the manga itself presents these qualities is clearly intended to give tomura a immature/childish vibe.)

tomura's emotional processing, simple motivations, fixation with video games, toys littering his room, and need for close caregiving (kurogiri) all give off the impression that he's had trouble developing the way he "”should”" have--kind of like he didn't really move on at all.

this sort of stunted development tends to occur in people with childhood trauma, especially csa survivors. ptsd at its core is the brain getting "stuck" in the moment of trauma, so if the trauma occurred as a child, then one's development is somewhat halted there, especially in areas of emotional processing, because the brain and body have to dedicate so much energy to just trying to cope and survive. it's pretty common for csa survivors to have trouble coping with and controlling their emotions.

relatedly: i have no real way to confirm this right now, but i’ve heard that during the mla arc, while tomura was kind of going in and out of flashbacks, he started switching to using “boku” - a self pronoun for young boys - as opposed to his usual “ore”). ive since had to wonder if this is a reoccurring state for tomura - it might partly explain why he keeps his toys around despite never showing interest in them on-screen, and has such close supervision from kurogiri.

again, age regression can go for any kind of childhood trauma, but seems very common in child sexual abuse survivors in particular.

Lack of hygiene (esp oral)

look at how tomura's teeth are drawn compared to even another villains. dabis teeth are straight and clean, whereas tomura's have holes and chips, and tend to be drawn uneven with wobbly lines, like they're covered in plaque.

not caring for one's hygiene is common for people with depression too - but failure to care for teeth also frequently crops up in survivors of sexual abuse, due to an aversion to things touching or being inside their mouth, because it can remind them of the abuse.

in a similar vein, tomura's hair looks unwashed and greasy to me, especially when it gets long. it sort of gathers in clumps and appears heavy. survivors may avoid taking showers because they aren't comfortable removing their clothes for long periods of time, or because the abuse occurred in proximity to bathing. (which is a convenient time for parental figures to groom and abuse their children, since it already involves them being naked and the parent touching them closely.)

in general, there just seems to be something off about tomura's relationship with his body. maybe it's the way he barely bats an eye at major injuries, doesn't care for his hygiene, self-injures, and didn't mind undergoing a surgery that altered its shape and function pretty heavily--but i get the impression that tomura sees his body as just a tool more than anything.

which, if someone grew up having their body regarded as nothing but a means of pleasure, kind of makes sense.

his clothing

im not sure if this has the same “connotations” (for lack of a better word) for flat chested people, but tomura always wearing a lowcut shirt that shows off a fair amount of his chest, but covering the rest of himself head to toe--including his face--feels significant to me. as well as the way he covers up even more (his hoodie) when he’s stressed. the hands, too--being covered up seems to be calming for him.

the placement of the hands afo gave him

you can't tell me little tenko placed these hands where they are by himself. the ones on his chest aren’t even from his family or meant to resemble them - they’re additional hands afo gave him to wear. pretty weird place for “afo”’s hands to go...

I feel like theres a little bit something to tomura frequently having his clothes ripped off during fights

not that it's particularly uncommon for bnha characters to get their clothes a bit shredded during fights, but i can't help but feel like there's something to tomura getting torn down to nothing but his pants twice, with both battles heavily involving tomura's traumas, including the ones related to afo. the vs mla arc with how tomura met afo and how he turned him into what he is today, then the war arc where the methods afo used to control and abuse tomura (the hands) are brought back again--and afo repeatedly takes tomura's bodily autonomy away from him.

AFO's predatory behaviors

tomuras own behavior aside, All For One himself has some behaviors and imagery that gives off very predatory vibes. i’ll start with Ragdoll…

most people theorize that she was going to be turned into a nomu, but there are two important things here. ragdoll was found 1. alive, and 2. naked. all nomu are made from corpses - if afo had time to take her quirk and undress her, he certainly had time to kill her, especially since three days had passed since she was kidnapped. (and, what benefit would there be to making a nomu out of a quirkless hero?)

her dazed state is also curious - we've never been told taking or giving quirks has a side effect like this, and i would think itd at least wear off after three days…

there's also not actually a lot to suggest she was submerged in one of the tanks (that i know of); in the full body image, she doesn't seem to be soaking wet or anything. there's no water dripping off her. there's just a bit of liquid on her face and neck, which could merely be sweat, or… other fluids.

this next part is more debatable due to it being more dubiously canon (although My Hero: One’s Justice has been known to basically spoil villain related lore before it appears in the manga) - but he has some dialogue that makes him sound... pretty fuckin enthusiastic about sexual violence.

and time and time again, afo has been... very creepy and obsessive about his brother. who happens to look an awful lot like tomura, and is vaguely connected to nana as a user of OFA, and we know how far afo would go to spite both of them.

The "wow this is pretty much confirmed now" page

i always thought i was just projecting when i read tomura as a csa survivor - until i saw this page, which was so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me nauseous. it definitely made me decide i wasn't just reading into things that weren't there. that's not exactly to say this panel 100% confirmed it (though it certainly did in my mind, personally) -- but the imagery here can't not be deliberate.

tomura is literally shirtless and bent over before afo, and sure, afos not completely standing behind him, but that's partially because his lower half is inside of tomura. and from our previous example of afo taking over tomura's body…

i wish i could find the translation i first saw - this is the viz translation, which is notoriously horrible - but the one i read felt much more along the lines of "i saved you, so i get to do what i want with your body."

that is a line of logic that could have EASILY applied to their earlier relationship. the way afo saved tenko was very much on the forefront of tomura's mind early in the series, possibly either an idea he clung onto to justify the abuse he experienced from afo, or something afo personally reminded him of frequently.

also… part of afos body is definitely wrapped around tomura's upper thigh, and in certain panels seems to be emanating from between his legs.

speaking of, tomura's stance is also notable to me. compared to the panel where tomura first realized afo was taking control of him, where his knees are pretty straight on or outwards in a powerful balanced brace, in these panels his knees seem to be bending in towards his body, like he wants to squeeze his legs shut. huh.

i touched on this before, but it's interesting to me that what finally let afo fully take control of tomura's body, was having a hand (one afo very specifically used to control and abuse tomura into doing what he wanted) placed upon his body without permission.

so, all in all, afo is "inside" tomura's body, using it for his own means, against tomura's wishes.

what else does that sound like? no wonder deku feels like tomura needs help, despite everything...

again, this isn't to say that csa is definitely the cause of these things, just that tomura does have an abundance of behaviors and imagery that could easily be read that way.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #Tenko Shimura #boku no hero academia #all for one #afo bnha #bnha #long post #ITS FINALLY HERE #i did my best i hope it makes sense #csa tw #child abuse tw #meta #ooc

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cognitosclowns · 2 years

Note

This is very silly but hear me out, child Reagan possibly referring to jr as an uncle- idk I just found it wholesome- part of me thinks maybe jr was involved in Reagan’s childhood or something/ and I mean Reagan has been involved since she was 13 so it’s possible they have a familiar bond but this is extremely goofy though.

EEE YES YES YES OKAY IVE BEEN THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THIS

ALL SFW JUST SOME FLUFFY HCS. TW for neglect and child abuse

BECAUSE LIKE <333 with how clearly invested Rand is in the company, there's no way that Reagan and JR wouldn't have interacted during her childhood?

Rand having JR over to discuss plans while Reagan sits in the living-room fiddling with a toaster, for ex. smdnsdm. She kinda gets used to JR’s presence in the house?

RAND is absolutely the one who introduces the 'This is your Uncle JR' thing bc theres no way he wouldn't use this as an excuse to pawn off Reagan-

eventually as Rand becomes,, more and more neglefctful (not that he wasn't already, just,,, I get the vibe that it just kept getting worse as Reagan aged!!) JR started to take a larger role in Reagan's childhood.

It started as little things - picking her up from school when Rand had to be in a meeting, Rand tricking JR into babysitting by having him come to the house when he had to 'run and errand', etc until eventually Reagan was getting dropped off at JR's house for full weeks because Rand was 'too busy' :/

and JR is,, SHIT with kids. Like absolutely horrible, he has no idea how to talk to them, but he also he’d feel so bad if he just ignored her???? He does his best smndsmd.

it's kinda always had that Mentor-Student vibe w/ them? He would sit her down in front of a filing cabinet and have her sort through papers he doesn't wanna deal with. The little genius even starts offering tips on how to improve efficiency? They chat absently about stocks n shit because,,, he has no personality outside of work and she actually understands pretty well????

she's lowkey an intern through her entire teenage years lmao.

(... unpaid. JR may care about her but he's still cheap-)

She tends to either sleep in his spare bedroom or passes out on the couch in his office, depending on where exactly Rand left her smdnsd.

OH AND,, WITHOUT FAIL he buys her cocoa before she goes home - just,, a little smth nice to wrap it up... Cause there's no easy way to make a kid feel better about the fact that their dad is 'too busy' for them.

With the way both of them are as people they just,, naturally shift from Uncle-Niece into Boss-Underling? IDK IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.

BUT YEA BY THE TIME SHES ACTUALLY,, /WORKING/ THERE? THERE'S ABSOLUTELY ALREADY A DYNAMIC!! its part of the reason Cognito feels like such a home-away-from-home for her.

SHE ABSOLUTELY STILL SLIPS UP AND CALLS HIM UNCLE JR SOMETIMES. Depending on his mood he'll either crack up laughing or get Equally Embarrassed as her. Its adorable.

TLDR THEY DESERVE TO BE FAMILY AND/OR FAMILY ADJACENT. THIS IS VERY CUTE, TYSM. lmk if you had smth else in mind!!

#tw neglect #tw child abuse #and yeah he DOES still drop off a cocoa at her desk sometimes when he knows shes had a rough day #IDK IF I EXPLAINED ANY OF THIS RIGHT #like Reagan already had a buncha respect for JR when she was a kid bc... hes one of Rands work friends #so when Rand starts dropping her off w/ JR more and more it naturally shifts into her wanting to help out w/ the work!! and whoops she #basicallyt becomes a PA/intern lmao #and even though neither of them really talk about it THEY BOTH REALLY CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER. JR LOVES HIS NIECE-STEPDAUGHTER-EMPLOYEE AND #WANTS THE BEST FOR HER #sniffles hes such a better dad than rand #even if he sucks at interacting w/ kids #jr scheimpough #reagan ridley #inside job #sfw #idk i love Funky Found Family Stuff yk?? Where its like 'oh yeah i mean we arent related but he's my.. uncle-boss??' MSNDSM THAT SHIT IS SO #<3333 CUTE. LOVE IT. ADORABLE. DELIGHT.

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agent-cupcake · 3 years

Note

IDK why but yandere prompt 10 screams sylvain to me! it's okay if you dont wanna do this one, though. thank you for opening requests! ive really enjoyed all your writings

10. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t have you.”

Sylvain didn’t greet you when you took a seat beside him, ready for the meeting to be called. Agriculture wasn’t a particular interest of yours, but it was a part of your duty as the wife of an important, land-owning lord to be invested in the affairs of Gautier territory. For his part, your husband didn’t seem terribly enthused. Just as you were about to ask if he was okay, he spoke.

“Who was he?” Sylvain asked in a would-be casual voice, low enough to be lost in the mindless chatter of the slowly filling council room.

The question usually went something like that, innocuous but pointed enough for you to know where it was headed. And you knew who and what he was referring to, knew it so intently that you felt a completely unreasonable stab of guilt because you knew how Sylvain was, how he might have interpreted your interaction with one of the male mages working on the current project. As familiar as the question was, you couldn’t immediately guess the tone. Sylvain was tricky, always masking his intentions behind playful masks and a glip front.

“Who?” you asked, playing dumb. That sometimes worked. If it seemed like you were innocent, he might drop it and move on. It would be incriminating if you admitted that you knew what he meant right away. And if he was just teasing, playing around to fill the part of the protective husband, you didn’t mind the role of the oblivious wife. Really, you wished you were that type of woman. Blind to the world, and especially the men, around you. Everything would be so much easier.

"That guy you were talking to,” Sylvain explained, dangerously nonchalant. “The two of you seemed pretty close.”

“Really? We only met… Mmm, last week?” you replied, refusing to meet his eye or become flustered. That would just make you seem guilty. Which you weren’t. “He’s from Fhirdiad, one of the mages who are working on solutions to fertilizing the soil in the fields near the Fraldarius border.” You hesitated, searching for something to add, something to change the subject and ease the tension. “Um, the tests so far have been really encouraging. They’re thinking that next spring they can have at least half of that land ready for production.”

"Yeah, I heard about that,” Sylvain said, nodding off your attempt to distract him. “I was just asking ‘cause you were laughing pretty hard.”

There it was. Sylvain’s tone, as you had come to know quite intimately, was cool, a little stiffer than his usual way of speaking. Lacking inflection. It was always like that with him. He never told you outright when he thought or felt or explained his stark shift in demeanor, always skirting around the subject with those needling little questions, maintaining his façade of indifference even as a storm brewed behind his dark eyes. Once, what felt like a lifetime ago, he told you that he’d never experienced jealousy before you. He told you that it hurt. Was this pain? Was that what made everything so uneasy and uncomfortable, leaving you scrambling to find the words to ease his mind?

You forced a faint smile, clinging to your innocence. “Was I?”

“Yeah,” Sylvain said, clearly not buying it. If anything, his eyes just narrowed. “You were.”

“We were just discussing his work. If I was laughing, I don’t…” You shook your head, forcing a shrug. “Please don’t get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea?” he asked. “I was just wondering who he is.”

“For no reason,” you said, some of your frustration leaking through.

“Yeah, sure, for no reason,” Sylvain agreed in an amicably flat tone. “Although now I’m curious about why you’re so defensive.” He paused, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “I guess he was kinda handsome. Are you worried I’m jealous?”

“That’s not-”

“‘Cause I’m not…” he insisted. “Unless there’s a reason I should be.”

There wasn’t. There never was. You never thought like that. But he did. Sylvain always did, those too keen eyes of his following you around, waiting for you to slip up in some way, to do something for him to misinterpret in the most uncharitable ways he could. Even if it was ignored, unspoken, willed out of existence through the sheer force of his adoration, yours was not a relationship born out of the stuff of romantic novels or even the clumsy affections of young lovers. For as obsessively insistent he once was in proving your own feelings to you, sometimes it was like Sylvain didn’t believe it when you told him you loved him and only him. Because there was a time―such a long time ago, hardly worth remembering―when you didn’t mean it. Even though you did now, that memory was his constant anxiety, an endless tension lingering right below the surface.

“I don’t want to fight,” you finally said, spreading your hands out in an attempt to de-escalate the situation, to convince him of your innocence. “I swear that it meant nothing. But… but if it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t talk to him again. I really, honestly don’t care.”

“Sheesh, you make me sound like I’m some sort of control freak,” Sylvain said with an air of coolly playful offense, leaning back in his chair. “Why would you even assume I’m trying to fight?”

“I don’t-”

“I’m not,” he said before you could really respond. Not loudly, never loud enough to draw any unnecessary attention to the two of you. Sylvain always knew exactly how to skirt the line of propriety in public. “It’s not like it’s even my business who you talk to. I’m only your husband. No big deal, really.”

“It is!” you insisted, heat burning at the back of your eyes. Realizing you’d spoken a bit too loud, you softened your voice, glancing around the room to ensure nobody heard the slip-up. “You are. Of c-course you are.” Maybe it was the trembling of your bottom lip as you stared hard at the table to fight off the tears burning your eyes that made regret flash over Sylvain’s face. Sometimes, when he was in a very particular type of mood, your crying only spurred him on, but not now.

“H-hey,” Sylvain told you, leaning close and draping his arm across your shoulders. “Don’t cry. I was just playing around. Guess I let it go too far.” Now he seemed apologetic, looking at you with a sheepish smile.

You met his eyes, confusion and distress giving away to understanding. Of course Sylvain had only been pretending. And you had been overreacting, always too sensitive to this kind of thing. Embarrassment followed the momentary emotional lapse, frustration that you wouldn’t just go along with his antics and had to go and make it all weird. Relief, too. It was just pretend, after all. He wasn’t upset with you.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Sylvain asked sweetly, pulling you towards him with the arm around your shoulders, his soft voice tickling your ear.

“You’re too mean,” you told him. But the words weren’t serious. They made him smile fondly, such a dramatic shift from the Sylvain of only minutes before.

“I’ve gotta keep you on your toes,” he said. “You never know what’s going on in the heads of pretty girls like you. I mean, imagine if I lost you to a guy who studies dirt. I’d never live it down.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you told him, leaning into the half embrace.

“Isn’t it? But, you know, I can’t help it.” Sylvain leaned in even closer, speaking in such a low, intimate way that it definitely pushed the lines of propriety, even for him. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t have you.”

#sylvain jose gautier #fe sylvain #sylvain jose gautier x reader #fe sylvain x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #look i almost feel bad #why is he acting like this #also this is so short orange you impressed #i should be writing an essay but who needs motifs when you can have #sylvain just emotionally abusing you #uh anyway i have one like this for claude i found hiding in my old wips but that might be more painful #physically i mean #claude is a nice gentle soul

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bouncyirwin · 3 years

Note

So after reading Knock Knock, Let the Devil in again (I can’t praise you enough with how good that story is ♥️) and I’m so invested in the the dynamic between Shikamaru, Sakura, and Kakashi!

And because I have a question (and I hope I’m not bothering you by asking this 😭) how do you think Kakashi and Shikamaru would react if Sakura either came back from a mission seriously injured or if they found her seriously injured from a mission?

Hiii, thank you so much for this ask, I’m always so ready to gush about these three!

When I read this ask, inspiration quite literally slammed into me and I churned this out in a sprint session. Oops.

Word Count: 2,126 words

I present to you a one-shot in the knock knock-verse.

It was too early in the day to function, yet Shikamaru was in the Hokage’s office bustling about, feeling only half-human as he guzzled on his third coffee. “Fuckin’ paperwork,” he muttered disdainfully at the sight of an ungodly pile marked with his name.

That had to violate some natural law. How this became Shikamaru’s routine was beyond him.

Once upon a time, he professed that his deepest wish was to lead a mediocre life. And here he was.

Tsunade showed up ten minutes late, visibly drunk and doing very little to conceal it. “Morning,” she tossed over her shoulder and made a beeline for the coffee machine.

“Hokage-sama,” Shikamaru said, studying the dark circles under her eyes and her ashen pallor. “You look …”

He clamped his mouth shut. Was it worth getting assigned a D-rank to let her know she looked like shit? Probably not.

“Save it kid, I know,” she waved a casual hand and slumped in her chair. “Couldn’t care less with the night I pulled.”

“Drinking again, Hokage-sama?” he inquired with polite interest.

“Ha,” she said. “I wish.”

When he raised an eyebrow, she elaborated, slumping even further in her chair. “Sakura,” she pinched the bridge of her nose. “They brought her back yesterday.”

Shikamaru’s heart sank. “Brought her back?”

“Yes, there was an ambush and she was badly injured—cracked every one of her ribs, that idiot. And the hospital was out of B-positive blood so Shizune had to sit the healing session out to donate blood. Nearly ran myself dry trying to keep her breathing…” Tsunade was scrubbing at her face but Shikamaru wasn’t listening anymore—he could barely hear her over the deafening roar of his heartbeat.

“Is she alive?” he demanded once he found his voice. “Is she going to be okay?”

“Yes, but she’s going to need plenty of rest—” the rest of her sentence remained a mystery for Shikamaru tore out of the room with a single-minded focus.

In the space between heartbeats, rationality was tossed out of the window. It left behind a desperate and half-crazed person—he needed to see her, to hear her heartbeat, to see the lively green of her eyes and he wasn’t going to rest until it happened.

He burst through the hospital doors undoubtedly looking like he’d escaped an asylum. The nurse he cornered shot him a bewildered look. “Sir, are you—” she began to say when he cut her off.

“Haruno Sakura,” he demanded breathlessly. “Her room. Where can I find her?”

“Sir,” she attempted again, sounding a little exasperated. “Haruno-san just underwent extensive surgery, she’s not allowed visitors, only family members can see her.”

Shikamaru pinned her with a no-nonsense look. “Akane-san,” he read off her name tag. “By order of the Hokage, I’m here to see Haruno Sakura.”

Akane shuffled nervously. “Do you have an official slip?”

He arched an eyebrow at her, as if to say ‘really?’.

“I-I might get in trouble,” her eyes shifted unsurely. “I need to put you down as a relative and you’re… what would I mark you down as, sir?”

It occurred to him a second later that he was being a total ass. But rationality had already fled. He was now a mess of frayed nerves.

The toddler bawling in the background wasn’t helping his case, and neither was the frantic husband demanding to see his wife at the reception, babbling about … oh.

Shikamaru turned back to the nurse, and before he realised what he was saying, he blurted. “Her husband. Mark me down as her husband.”

Akane blinked. “Oh.”

Shikamaru stared her down, daring her to argue with him. But she simply nodded and scribbled something on her chart. “Right. Of course. Follow me.”

As they stalked through clinical hallways, Shikamaru’s heart rose in a crescendo, worry and nervousness swirling in his chest in a toxic mix. What would he see upon reaching her room? Was she in pain? Was she even lucid? Gods, what if she was in a coma? What if she’d hurt herself so irreparably that it cost her career?

His mind raced with sickly thoughts until his stomach roiled and his face tinged green.

Akane stopped at room 217 and there she was.

“Oh gods,” Shikamaru whispered.

She was hooked to so many wires. Oxygen tubes and an IV and a heart monitor and tubes he didn’t even recognise. She looked frail and broken, too small amidst white sheets and beeping monitors.

He heard Akane quietly slip out of the room and was glad for it because his knees nearly buckled.

Sakura wasn’t awake. Hell, she didn’t even look alive, her face so pale where it wasn’t bruised blue and purple.

Numbly, his feet carried him to her side, his breath a short and rapid thing that barely saturated his lungs.

There was blood caked beneath her fingernails and in the cracks of her lips. His eyes stung faintly as they slid over to the heart monitor.

It was too slow.

“Oh god,” he said again, every cell in his body congested with fear.

He was afraid to even reach out and touch her, lest she broke apart under his fingertips. Delicately, ever so delicately and with trembling fingers, he ghosted a light stroke across the apple of her cheek.

“Sakura…” he said feebly, wishing her eyes would just open.

Except they didn’t. And her heart monitor droned on sluggishly in the background, crawling heartbeats that served more in adding to his anxiety than diminishing it.

It was beating. But it wasn't beating enough. What if it stopped beating?

Shikamaru wasn’t prepared. She wasn’t allowed to die. Not yet. Not ever. He didn’t care what laws governed this cursed world, this was Sakura, she was spring incarnated, and she wasn’t allowed to die.

His fingers curled around her hand, and he wished for the first time in his life that he could heal. That he could bleed strength into her the way she did to him.

It was getting difficult to breathe. What if she died?

What then?

Fuck, he hadn’t even told her he loved her.

His vision swam, rendering the room a splash of colours and pink. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t breathe.

In the muddled daze of anxieties and fears, Shikamaru wished he had the foresight to grab Kakashi.

He’d never needed an anchor more than he did in that second.

Kakashi was having an incredibly shitty day.

His coffee machine broke down, he spilled tea over his mission report and he mixed a black shirt with his coloured laundry and now half of his clothes were beyond repair.

“Dammit,” he sighed, tossing his book aside. He couldn’t even read, busy as he was dwelling on his ruined laundry.

He took one dispassionate look at his soggy report and groaned. “What a mess,” he’d actually attempted to do this one on time. Served him right for breaking his routine.

Kakashi grabbed his weapons holster and stepped out for some much needed air. Maybe he should just turn in a tea-flavoured report—perhaps if he offered Tsuande a bottle of sake she’d make an exception and accept it.

He made a beeline to her office, remembering he was due for a debrief. But what he found upon his arrival wasn’t what he expected.

Tsunade was shouting to Shizune, clearly exasperated: “—and he just upped and left! I’m his Hokage, and he upped and left!”

“Maah…” Kakashi began unsurely.

Tsunade’s gaze cut to him. “Hatake, there you are,” she huffed. “I’m too fucking hungover for this. We’re one man down, I need someone to look over these reports.”

Kakashi frowned, finally noticing how empty her office looked. “Where’s Shikamaru…?”

“The idiot left,” Tsunade growled, raising goosebumps on his arms. “I told him I spent all night healing her, what did he think, that I’d leave her to die? Fucking hell.”

“Leave who to die?” Kakashi said, confused. “What happened?”

“Sakura happened,” Tsunade ranted tiredly. “They brought her back almost half dead, I’ve been patching her up for the better part of eight hours and this is how I’m rewarded.”

But Kakashi had stopped listening after ‘half dead’. Half dead? “Half … dead?” he echoed, his mouth dry.

No. This wasn’t happening.

This wasn’t happening.

“Yes,” Tsunade sighed. “But I operated on her and she’s going to be fine.”

Kakashi barely heard the words. His brain was a string of very adamant denial. No, no, no, no.

He didn’t want it to be true—all those years he had been certain, was so sure that it was him, that he was the reason the people he loved always died. That he was a curse to those he cared about.

Every person he loved came back in a body bag.

Fuck.

Kakashi turned tail, a sudden manic urge to see her rising unbearably in his chest. What if Tsunade was lying, what if Sakura wasn’t fine? What if she was fine, but she died anyway?

Fear pumped through his veins, rendering him dizzy. This was his worst nightmare come to life—how could he have forgotten that people, even those that could mend bones and heal what was broken, were so damn breakable?

His legs couldn’t carry him quickly enough.

He didn’t waste time interrogating the nurses for her whereabouts, he knew her scent like she was a part of him. It led him to her now, her unique sweetness tainted with blood and antiseptic.

Gods, he was going to be sick.

He nearly ripped the door off its hinges in his haste to get to her.

Shikamaru was already there, looking wrecked, looking worse than Kakashi had ever seen him. “Is she—”

He couldn’t even say it.

“They … they said they don’t know when she’ll wake up,” Shikamaru whispered hollowly.

Kakashi felt the ground crumbling beneath his feet. “No,” he whispered, leaning back against the wall when he teetered off balance.

His hip jarred against the doorknob but Kakashi barely registered the sting. Barely anything registered beyond the fear-terror-fear coursing through his veins like poison. “Please, no,” he said.

This couldn’t be happening again.

His father and Obito and Rin and Minato-sensei—hadn’t they been enough? Was Sakura going to be another name on the too long list of losses that haunted him?

He really was going to be sick. He clenched his jaw against the reflex, forcing his brain out of the dizzying tornado of anxieties. His gaze focused on Shikamaru, the only other person that mattered as much.

He didn’t look good at all, pale and shaking and appearing ready to fall apart.

The sight of him was strangely grounding.

Kakashi found his elusive strength, located his knees under him and was at his side in the next second.

“Shikamaru,” he rasped, clutching the other man’s arm.

“She looks dead,” Shikamaru whispered. “I … I …”

Words eluded him.

Kakashi tugged at his arm, drawing Shikamaru against him. He went without a fight, slumping against Kakashi’s chest like a puppet whose strings were cut.

“It’s going to be okay,” Kakashi lied, surprised by how much conviction he could bleed into it when it was for someone else’s benefit. “She’s going to be fine.”

Shikamaru shook in his hold, his shoulders minutely trembling. But just as suddenly, his body calmed down and he gripped tightly onto Kakashi’s middle. “What if she isn’t?”

“She will be,” Kakashi stressed because … anything else was not an option. “It’s Sakura. She punched a goddess in the face.”

Shikamaru let out a short, pained laugh against him. “Gods, don’t remind me; what a reckless idiot.”

“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Kakashi confessed in a soft murmur against Shikamaru’s hair. He tightened his hold on him, drawing strength from the warmth of his body. “As beautiful as the two of you together.”

Lean fingers dug in his back. “I’m glad you’re here,” Shikamaru said sincerely. “I’m glad you came. Fuck, I think I’m gonna cry.”

“You can cry,” Kakashi soothed, sinking his fingers in lush, dark hair. “Hell, I might cry.”

Shikamaru let out a wet chuckle. “Yeah.”

Kakashi’s face bowed, nuzzling the side of his head as he took a shuddering breath. He clutched Shikamaru closely, his breath shallow and his heart a warbling mess in his chest.

He couldn’t think about if she died. He would die, then, if not from sorrow then from a broken psyche. It was easier to focus on the beeping machines and Shikamaru’s sure, thudding heart. Kakashi tuned in on every shuddering breath, his palm mapping his expanding ribs.

His focus narrowed down to his senses, to Shikamaru, to Sakura’s fighting, beating heart and prayed like he never had before.

She was going to be alright.

She had to be.

#bouncyirwin writes #kakasakushika #kakasaku #shikasaku #kakashika #naruto #angst #hurt/comfort #knock knock let the devil in #sakura haruno #kakashi hatake #Shikamaru nara

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

Serendipity - Part IV. (Harry Styles)

a/n: can’t believe only one part left of this story! i personally love their journey and a lot more is to come, we have an emotional last part ahead of us, so brace yourself! as always, feedback is very much appreciated!!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 9.4k

SERIES MASTERPOST ⚫️ my masterlist ⚫️ come and talk to me about Serendipity!

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

Sometimes Harry finds himself way too caught up with everything around him. Work tends to pile up, meetings after meetings, urging deadlines and the demand to stay relevant in the industry. These past weeks he has tried his best to make London the epitome of his life and so far he has been successful in his attempt, dodging two trips away from his home, though he had to make a short visit to New York still.

Now, even though he is in London, he feels like he is far from home. He hasn’t been able to see Lis in three days, their schedules just didn’t line up well and he would never ask her to mess up her usual routine with Benji, but he has been missing her dearly. He has been missing them both. Harry found himself growing a liking to being around not just Lis, but her little boy as well. He loves playing around with him, joining the mother-son duo on their little outings on Sundays, or just simply stay in with them, watching whatever movie has caught Benji’s eyes recently. He has been spending all his free time with them, but this week has been too hectic and now Harry feels like it’s coming down crashing on him at once.

It’s past eight pm now and he just finished with a tiring meeting. He has had many creative differences with the team he is supposed to work together with for a photoshoot and it took all his energy and patience out of him to stay calm and respectful when they just wouldn’t let go of the things he clearly didn’t want to include. It didn’t matter what he or his manager was saying, the team seemed to be keen on putting their ideas through no matter what.

“We’ll come to terms, alright?” Jeff pats his shoulder as they walk out of the building. Harry nods, though he doesn’t feel comfortable in the project like he is supposed to.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Rest some. I pushed a little further your interview tomorrow. You have to be there at eleven.”

“Thanks,” he nods at the man and they say their goodbyes before parting ways and heading to their own cars.

Once he is seated behind the wheel, he takes a moment to himself, breathing deep to get his head sorted out, but he just knows this ache in his chest will grow if he doesn’t do something to ease it. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he closes his eyes as he starts a call to Lis.

“Hey! I was just thinking about you.” Her sweet voice immediately eases the tension in his muscles and he feels himself deflate at her words.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Benji showed me his painting he made today and it has this nice guitar on it, I’m sure you’d like it,” she chuckles softly and he hears her shuffling around, she must be cleaning up the kitchen, at least that’s what she usually does around this time once they are finished with dinner.

“I bet it looks awesome,” he mumbles.

“Everything alright? You sound a little… distant,” she says, worry lacing through her words.

“I’m just… tired. Very tired. Just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she coos. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“It’s just work stuff. It’s been a hard week,” he admits, but doesn’t go into detail, not wanting to load out on her. She has enough on her plate without having to listen to his ranting.

“Are you at home?”

“No, I just got done at a meeting. It was shitty, some people just suck,” he sighs in frustration.

“Want to come over?” she asks softly, the question surprises him. It’s a weekday and they didn’t agree on meeting beforehand. “Go home, get the stuff you need and spend the night here, if you want.”

“You sure about it? I don’t want to bother and what about Benji?” Lis chuckles on the other end of the call.

“Benji would jump up the wall if he hears you are coming over. He has been missing you too, Harry. In fact, I think if you come over you won’t be able to get rid of him for a while.”

Harry chuckles lowly, the thought of having to play with Benji whatever imaginary game he just made up warms his chest. He doesn’t mind it, not even a bit.

“I can be there in like forty.”

“That’s perfect. We are starting Finding Nemo just now. Hurry so you can see the end. Spoiler, they find Nemo,” she laughs making him smile as well.

“Alright, see you in a bit.”

Annalise ends the call, smiling to herself. She still hasn’t gotten used to the feeling Harry brings to her. All the affection and appreciation he has been showing made her swoon and she has no doubt now that she made the right choice when she let him enter her life. She could tell he wasn’t in the best of moods and though he didn’t admit it, he couldn’t fool her entirely. She wanted to be there for him, comfort him just like he does every time she is feeling overwhelmed with life. Harry hasn’t failed to brighten her days whenever it was starting to feel a little too much all together and now she has the chance to do the same for him.

“Popcorn! Popcorn!” Benji chants as he runs into the kitchen, already in his pajamas, holding one of his dinosaurs in his hand.

“Alright, I’m making it now,” she chuckles grabbing a pack and tossing it into the microwave. “Harry will come over in a bit, is that alright?” she asks him and watches his eyes brighten up immediately.

“When is he arriving? Can I show him my painting?” he enthuses right away, making Lis chuckle.

“Of course, already told him about it. He’ll be over soon. Let’s start the movie, he’ll join when he arrives.”

The two of them settle on the couch once the popcorn is ready, she puts on the movie and tries her best to focus on the screen, but she keeps glancing out the window, checking if he has arrived. When she sees his headlights pull up in front of her house, she leaves the comfort of the couch and goes to meet him outside. Luckily, Benji is too invested in the movie to care about the absence of his mother just yet.

When she sees him emerge from the car, she can tell he isn’t his usual joyful self. His shoulders are hunched forward and she can tell he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while from the circles under his eyes. Looking up his gaze meets hers and he breaks a soft smile at the sight of her in her comfy home clothes.

“Hey,” she greets him warmly and walking up she kisses him sweetly, running her fingers through his hair. He hums against her lips, hands finding her waist lazily.

“Hi. You sure I’m not bothering?” he asks as he grabs his bag for the night from the back of the car.

“Absolutely,” she smiles and taking his hand she pulls him inside from the crispy evening air.

Benji’s head snaps up hearing the front door shut and he immediately leaps out of his seat, launching at the man that just arrived.

“Harry! Come see my painting!” he begs immediately, smacking against him, wrapping his short arms around his waist. Harry chuckles lightly, rubbing his back gently.

“Alright, bud. Show me!”

The three of them move over to the kitchen so Harry can check out the painting on the fridge. Harry listens to everything he has to say, giving him his full attention and Annalise can’t ignore how her heart flutters in her chest at the sight of them. Harry squats down so he is on the level of the little boy who is standing between his legs, talking enthusiastically about the kind of paint his teacher let him use at school. He doesn’t seem to be just acting to be interested, it’s all genuine and that alone almost makes her cry.

Once the show and tell is done, Benji drags him into the living room so they can continue the movie.

“Slow down, Benji. Let me bring my stuff up to the bedroom,” Harry chuckles, but the boy has a strong grip on his hand.

“I’ll do it, just go watch the movie,” Lis offers smiling. Harry presses a kiss to her temple, mumbling a thank you as she takes the bag from him before he is taken by her son.

Bringing it into her bedroom she sets it beside the bed and gets him a clean towel, placing it to the edge of the bed in case he needs it. Once the lights are all turned off she heads back down to the living room, only to find a scene that immediately makes her swoon.

The movie is playing again and has both guys’ eyes fixed on the screen. Harry is sitting comfortable on the couch, slid down a little, Benji cuddled to his side, his little fingers playing with the buttons of his shirt. His head is laid on Harry’s chest while his long, tattooed arm is wrapped around the little boy’s frame. Just as she walked down the stairs Benji mumbled a question about sharks and Harry softly answered, earning a nod from the boy in his arm.

Lis finds herself grabbing her phone from the kitchen island, quietly sneaking up on them, taking a picture of the two from the side. She is more than sure it’s going to end up as her lockscreen sooner or later.

Harry lifts his head and turns towards her when she walks in, making her presence known this time. A soft smile tugs on his pink lips and Annalise can’t push down her wide smile even if she tried. Sitting beside the boys, she leans closer and presses a kiss to Harry’s lips before placing one on top of Benji’s head. This is her silent thank you to Harry for being such an amazing man and he can feel the seriousness behind this small gesture as well.

When Lis is all settled, Benji moves around until his head is still on Harry’s chest but his legs are across his mother’s lap. Harry and Lis exchange one last loving look over the head of the little boy before they both turn their attention back at the movie playing on the screen.

Benji is half asleep by the end of the movie. Harry offers to carry him up to bed, which Lis appreciates a lot. She hasn’t been able to carry him around that much since he has been growing like crazy. Once the boy is all settled in his bed the two of them head into her bedroom. First he takes a quick shower and then it’s her turn. When she returns to the room Harry is lying in bed already, reading something on his phone but he quickly puts it aside when she appears. She quickly gets under the covers and moves close to Harry, resting her head on his shoulder as he circles his arm around her frame.

“I’m sorry you had a shitty day,” she mumbles after a while, his fingers gently caressing her upper arm.

“It definitely got better at the end.” After a short silence, she is the one to speak up again.

“I like having you around like this.”

“Like what?”

Lifting her head she rests her chin on his chest so she can look him in the eyes.

“Domestically,” she answers and his heart starts thudding against his chest so wildly even she notices it.

“I love it too,” he tells her truthfully.

As he stares down at her in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp on her nightstand, he can feel three short words weighing down on him, burning to be said out loud, but he is not sure if it’s the right moment to let them slip. However, as the moments pass by and she is still looking up at him, he simply can’t make himself remain silent.

“And… I love you.”

She seems stunned upon hearing his words, lips parted as her eyes keep fixated on his green ones. Pushing herself up into a sitting position she lets the faintest smile tug on her lips, tasting the words that just rolled down his tongue. Cupping his face she leans down and kisses him blissfully, her cheeks blushing from the joy that spread in her body at his confession.

“I love you too,” she whispers against his lips and he breathes out shakily, a hand flying to the back of her head to pull her into another kiss.

“See? It wasn’t tha’ hard, right?” Harry smiles down at Benji who nods his head, admiring his math homework Harry just helped him finish.

“Thanks. I think I like math now,” the boy nods to himself, making both Harry and Lis chuckle.

“Your opinion about math seems to be changing quite often, Benji,” Lis teases him, but he just shrugs his shoulders. “Go pack your bag for tomorrow.”

Benji climbs off the stool, grabs his notebook and pencils before jolting upstairs. Annalise walks around the kitchen island until Harry can reach out and pull her closer to him, placing a chaste kiss to her lips.

“I wanted to ask you something,” she shyly blinks up at him.

“Go ahead,” he nods. Her hands wander to his stomach, curling the fabric of his shirt around her fingers before letting it go. Harry has been spending at least two nights at Annalise’s, he has his own drawer in her dresser, a toothbrush in the bathroom and even a mug only he uses when he drinks his morning coffee. Following the night he spent here after his shitty day, it slowly became a usual, they both found themselves craving to be with each other and Benji didn’t seem to mind having him over either. Now it’s stretching towards the end of May and they have fallen into a routine of some sort, that seems to be working well for all three of them.

“When school is going to be over I’ll be taking Benji to my parents’ and he’ll stay there for the first two weeks of summer vacation. I’m staying for a weekend as well before I leave him there and I was wondering if… you’d like to come, maybe.”

“You want me to meet your parents?” Harry asks, stunned at the sudden invitation, but it surely warms his heart, knowing that she is ready to take this next step.

“I mean, if you don’t think it’s too soon or something. We’ve been dating for only what, like two months?”

“Something like that,” he nods licking his lips.

“Don’t feel pressured, it’s just that I told my mum about you and she really wants to meet you. But I understand if you want to push it back a little.”

“You told your mum about me?”

“Of course,” she smiles shyly. “She is dying to meet this new, charming boyfriend of mine.” Her smile turns into a smirk that’s surely contagious. Harry mirrors her expression before pecking her lips softly.

“I would love to meet your parents, Lis.”

Her eyes light up and he knows he would do anything to see her happy. Meeting her parents feels a tad bit scary but he is also excited, knowing that she trusts him and counts on him on such level is comforting.

“Great. Then get ready to be questioned by my mum, she can be a pester sometimes, but I have no doubt you’ll pass,” she chuckles before kissing him fully.

“So Benji will be away for two weeks?” he asks, seemingly deep in his thoughts.

“Yeah.” Harry licks his lips, eyebrows furrowed and Lis can tell the gears are turning wildly in his head. “What’s on your mind?”

“It’s just an idea. You can say no if you don’t feel like you’re comfortable with it, but… I was thinking that you could stay at mine for those two weeks. Would be nice to come home to each other, start our days together and all. But it’s just an idea, you can absolutely tell me if yo—“

“I would love that,” she cuts him off smiling, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks. “I think it would be great.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” she nods smirking, her thoughts already wandering off to how convenient it’s going to be to be around each other all the time when they are not working. No interruptions, no third parties, just the two of them in the comfort of Harry’s home. She would be crazy to say no to that.

“Great,” he smiles, eyes shining bright. “I’ll make you a copy of my keys then.”

Suzan and George Lloyd live in the outer skirt of Manchester, a place that almost feels like home for Harry as well. The cozy looking town house appears to be old, but it’s clear that it is well kept, thanks to all the hours the couple puts into it.

“Grams! Gramps!” Benji cheers in excitement once Harry parks down on the driveway. The red front door opens and a short, curvy woman appears, her chestnut hair in a short ponytail, a green apron covering her front.

“She is big on kisses,” Lis warns Harry before they all get out of the car.

Benji runs up to his grandmother happily, giving her a tight hug as the woman coos at him lovingly. Lis grabs Benji’s bag while Harry carries hers and his, walking up to the front door where Suzan is already waiting for them with open arms.

“Lisie! Come here!” she cheers, her laugh chiming sweetly as she wraps her arms around her daughter, kissing her cheek several times.

“Hi mum. How are you?”

“Fantastic now that I have my favorite grandson with me!” she cheekily answers winking at Benji, though they all know he is the only grandson she has.

“Mum, this is Harry, my boyfriend. Harry, this is my mother,” Lis introduces them to each other. Harry drops the bags to the ground with a wide grin on his face that brings out his dimples well. Suzan immediately falls in love with them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lloyd,” he politely greets her, though she waves in dismissal.

“Oh, call me Suzan. Come here, Dear!”

They share a warm hug and just as Lis warned him, he feels Suzan kissing both his cheeks welcomingly.

“You surely are more handsome than in the photos!” she exclaims, making Harry chuckle.

“Apologies, she is a big Google user,” Lis huffs, but Suzan ignores the comment, tugging her family inside.

George appears from the kitchen, chewing on something as Benji jumps into his arms.

“Gramps, we will go fishing, right?” he asks in excitement.

“Of course, Benji. Next weekend?”

“Yay!”

“Lisie!” George cheers and envelopes his daughter in a hug after he has put Benji down. “You look stunning.”

“Thank you, Dad,” she smiled. “This is Harry. Harry, this is my dad.”

“Nice to meet your, Sir,” Harry smiles at him as they shake hands and luckily, George returns his smile with a gentle pat on his shoulder.

“Call me George. Nice to meet you too.”

Soon enough Lis goes upstairs to help Benji get settled in the room that used to be hers but now mostly used by the boy when he is staying over, leaving Harry alone with Suzan and George. Suzan has brought some tea and biscuits into the living room and she joins the two men as George is already asking him about what he really does for a living.

“Lisie said you are some kind of celebrity?” George explains, looking a little puzzled at the information though.

“Kind of,” Harry nods. “I’m a singer and song writer.”

“George, I showed you his song the other day!” Suzan chimes in, sitting in the armchair.

“Which one? You show me so many things a day, I can’t remember all of them!”

“The one with the video about the fish!”

“Fish?” George grimaces, trying to find his memory of what his wife showed him, but then it pops in and his expression smoothes out. “Oh! That one! That’s a nice song!”

“Of course it is!” Suzan exclaims. Harry finds the conversation rather endearing. It’s always so relieving to meet people who are not so caught up in the world of fame, having trouble to even remember his full name. Though Suzan has done her homework digging online, it’s still clear that she hasn’t heard much about him beforehand and Harry prefers it this way, not having to worry about and secondhand judgment from the media.

Suzan turns to Harry and her eyes give it away that she is about to have a few serious words with him.

“Harry, I’m so glad you could make it this weekend. Lis talked so fondly about you on the phone.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything.”

“It seems like Benji likes you a lot too.”

“He is an amazing little boy.” Suzan lets out a long breath and he knows this is where the real talk begins.

“I can tell your intentions are the best with her, but please be extra careful with them. She has had enough trouble with Austin, she doesn’t need another heartbreak, yeah?”

“I completely understand your concerns and I can assure you, I’m always doing everything in their favor.”

“That I know, Harry,” she smiles. “But sometimes things just get harder and people tend to forget you have to fight for what you thought was already fully yours.”

Harry holds his gaze on hers as he savors the meaning behind her rather wise words. He knows it was no thread, but a reminder that they won’t be always this happy.

“Will try my best,” he nods, meaning every single word.

It’s a silent agreement between the two of them that Harry will hope to keep forever. Benji comes running down the stairs, Lis following behind him as they join the three of them in the living room. Benji sits on Suzan’s lap, rambling about his last fieldtrip he had with his class as Lis sits beside Harry on the sofa. She places a hand to his knee, squeezing it softly and his palm covers her hand instantly.

“You alright?” she quietly asks him.

“Yeah,” he smiles and leaning closer he pecks her lips shortly before they both turn towards Benji and Suzan.

Monday morning, when Annalise’s alarm goes off on her phone, she can’t tell where she really is for a moment, it is until she hears Harry groan behind her, an arm lazily thrown over her stomach. They arrived back from Manchester the previous night and after a quick trip to Annalise’s house, they both moved over to Harry’s place where they are set to spend the next two weeks, something they both have been looking forward to.

Harry places a soft kiss to her shoulder before rolling to his back, blinking the sleep away from his tired eyes. Though they both knew they would have to wake up early in the morning, it didn’t keep them away from using their alone time for their satisfaction.

“Mm, I know you love your job, but right now I wish you would just quit it,” Harry mumbles, eyes still closed as he is trying to gain strength to get up. Lis chuckles softly, cuddling to his side.

“You know… I forgot I don’t need to get Benji ready now so we are about half an hour early,” she inquires, hoping Harry would get the real meaning behind her words, however he is too tired to do much thinking about what she truly meant.

“Great, 30 more minutes of sleep,” he exhales.

“Or…” Lis pushes herself up and swings a leg over Harry, getting on top of him and the position surely makes his eyes pop open. “We could use our time wisely,” she suggests with a coy smile.

“Rise and shine, baby,” he sings, his hands grabbing onto her hips as he turns them over, getting on top of her while she laughs at how quickly she could get the sleep out of his eyes.

After they have successfully used their extra time wisely, Harry convinces her to let him drive her to work.

“Then you’ll have to pick me up too.”

“Well of course. We could go grocery shopping together on our way home. Want to cook you something nice,” he smirks at her, finishing up his morning coffee.

“Sounds good,” she nods, accepting his offer at last.

The two of them get ready to leave and though it’s still a bit strange to spend their morning together at such a peaceful and private manner, they can’t deny how much they love being alone. Harry loved having her around, see her brushing her hair while he was getting dressed, move around each other in the kitchen while making breakfast. His home has never felt better than at that very morning with Annalise there with him.

“I’ll be here at four,” he smiles at her once they arrive to Golden Sunshine. Leaning over the shifting gear she pulls him in for a quick goodbye kiss.

“Don’t be late,” she smirks playfully before getting out of the car and heading inside. She turns back before entering the building, seeing that Harry is still watching her. She smiles and waves at him before walking inside.

Eloise and Bart are right there as always, the old lady’s eyes immediately lighting up when she sees Lis arrive.

“Darling! You look stunning!” she gasps looking at her.

“Thank you. You look nice as well. Is that a new cardigan?”

“Well, yes! My granddaughter bought it for me!”

“Looks amazing.”

“Thank you. Now tell me, what is it that got you all bright this morning? I don’t tend to see people this happy on Monday mornings.”

Lis stops in her way, her eyes wandering over to the front door. Harry is gone, but the thought of him still lingers in her mind, making her smile with every bit of it.

“It’s love, Eloise,” she answers shortly before making her way into the changing room.

Before starting her shift she drops by her boss’ office to sign her attendance sheet for last month. As she puts her hair in a low ponytail she walks into the room that’s used as a waiting area in front of Mark, her boss’ office. Immediately, she is greeted by Grace, the assistant there.

“Good morning, Annalise!” she nods in her way smiling. “Good thing you dropped by, Mark wants to talk to you.”

“Am I in trouble?” she asks right away, but Grace shakes her head.

“Don’t think so.”

Just as it’s said, Mark rushes through the door with a pile of papers in his hands, his colorful tie a little crooked, but he looks just as nice as every day.

“Oh! Lis, so happy you are here so I don’t have to hunt you down,” he jokes. “Come into my office, will you?”

Lis follows the man inside and sits in one of the plush armchairs in front of his desk. He stacks the papers on the side of the desk before taking his seat behind it.

“Benji gone already?” he asks nicely. Mark knows Benji very well, the boy loves him and Lis is thankful Mark is so understanding about her role as a mother first and foremost.

“Yes, dropped him off this weekend.”

“Great,” he nods, a hint of worry in his eyes.

“Mark, what is it you wanted to talk about? You are starting to worry me.”

“I wouldn’t want that, but I need to tell you about something. You know the new assistant I hired for the weekends, right?”

“Yes, I met Violet the other week,” she nods, cautiously waiting for him to finally make sense.

“She is still learning her ways around and I swear she didn’t mean to bring trouble upon you,” he explains, clearly worried about the situation on hand that Lis is dying to finally unfold.

“Mark, just tell me what it is about!” she begs.

“We got a call this weekend from a man. He was asking around about you. Wanted to know if you are working here. Violet didn’t think anything of it and told him that you in fact work here. She said he started asking when your shifts are and how often you are in, that’s when she found it suspicious and told him she can’t provide any more information. She didn’t find out his intentions, but she indeed got his name.”

Though it hasn’t been said out, Lis has a strong guess who it must have been and the eerie gut feeling inside her stomach is more painful than ever.

“Who was it?” she asks, voice barely more than just a whisper.

“He said his name was Austin.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Styles,” the woman behind the cash register smiles as she hands Harry his receipt along with the two hard paper bags, the well-known name GUCCI printed over them neatly.

“Thank you,” he smiles in his way, sliding his wallet into his back pocket before grabbing the bags and heading out of the store he just spent an hour trying on outfits. He is always highly welcomed in any of their stores and judging from the amount of money he usually leaves after a spree, it won’t be any different anytime soon.

“Gucci should change its name to Styles, man,” Mitch jokes as the two men approach the exit.

“That would be cool, right?” Harry smirks.

There are three photographers already waiting for them near his car and the moment they set their feet outside the questions start, flashes are ticking every second, all of them trying to get a good shot of him. He doesn’t blame them, he hasn’t served anything mentionable lately, he was barely even seen out in public since he has started going out with Lis and he was kind of getting used to the quiet and peace, however he hasn’t forgotten what his life is really like.

Ignoring all questions thrown in his way, the two men simply get into the car and drive away, luckily, they don’t get followed. It only happened a handful of times to Harry, but he definitely didn’t like it.

“Can you drop me off at Sarah’s?” Mitch asks after checking his phone.

“Sure. Everything alright?”

“Yeah, she just asked if I could help her put together her new coffee table.”

“Didn’t she buy one just last month?”

“She did, but… it wasn’t too durable,” Mitch mumbles under his breath, making Harry gasp at his comment.

“Oh shit!” he laughs. “I’m not sure if I wanted to know this detail, but anyway, congrats man,” he teases him, Mitch only smirking shyly.

“Don’t pretend like you haven’t ruined anything ever while having sex.”

“Never said that,” he smirks smugly.

“I’m not gonna ask what you and Lis broke, I have too much respect for her,” Mitch laughs and Harry pays him a playful smirk. To be honest, they haven’t broken anything, but his headboard was creaking quite vigorously this morning for sure. He knows it’s just a matter of time and chances that they destroy something at either his or her place.

“How is living together working out so far?” Mitch asks, changing the topic.

“It’s been not even a whole day,” Harry chuckles. “But I love it so far. For the first time in so long, I finally feel like everything is just heading right.”

“That’s amazing. I’m happy for you,” Mitch smiles genuinely at him. “You really should bring her around sometime, we are all dying to meet her. Sarah wouldn’t shut up about it,” he adds chuckling.

“I know, she’s been hinting it to me as well,” Harry smirks. “Will try to make it happen. Maybe this weekend? It’s a little easier without having to worry about Benji. Not that he is a burden, of course.”

After dropping Mitch off Harry heads to Golden Sunshine, since it’s nearing five. This week, Lis agreed to work a usual shift so she’ll have the whole weekend off. He arrives a little earlier so he starts to write a quick list what they would need to pick up at Tesco on their way home. Just a few minutes after five, the door opens and Lis walks out, a wary look on her beautiful face as she roams around stepping outside, her eyes landing on the car and the man inside waiting for her.

“Hey,” Harry beams, kissing her quickly when she gets in the car.

“Hi,” she greets him, a little out of breath, looking a tad bit on the edge.

“Everything alright?” he asks, starting the car and leaving.

“Yeah, I just… had a tiring day,” she breathes out, flashing a weak smile at him.

Walking around Tesco they quite forget about themselves, holding hands and simply acting like any other couples as they fill up the cart with everything they need at home. They both notice that people recognize him and she can’t ignore the stares they are getting, but it’s not like they can do anything about it. Earlier, they’ve had a talk about this side of Harry’s career, if they would want to keep out of public or simply not care about it at all. They uniformly agreed to choose the latter. Harry wouldn’t talk about her and they would just simply pretend not to care about the curious eyes and talks. Sooner or later, it will all die down and it’s not like they could hide forever.

But after all, this is the first time they are caught, undeniably together with their hands intertwined and though they try to stay low, people notice them. Pictures of the two of them slowly but surely make their way around the internet and the first headlines appear about Harry’s new romance.

Saturday has finally brought the first time Lis is meeting Harry’s band. The lot is heading out for a simple dinner, but his friends can’t wait to finally meet the woman who has Harry on his knees since day one.

It’s been a tiring, but wholesome week for the pair, spending so much time together, they’ve been quite enjoying the comfort of being alone.

However, the wariness Harry has noticed on Lis earlier the week didn’t seem to fade. He asked her several times if everything was fine, but she assured it was all good and he told himself she must just be feeling a little lost without Benji around. He knows, because he has found himself feeling the same. He has gotten so used to him being around it was starting to feel weird not hearing his curious questions every time they were watching a movie.

Following a lazy day at home they get ready for dinner and head out to meet the band. Lis has been paying extra attention to her looks since their pictures got out from their grocery shopping trip. When Harry told her she didn’t have to worry about looking so spotless all the time she simply answered: “Can’t have them talk about you dating an uggo, right?”

To which Harry replied: “That can never be the case when it comes to you.”

It surely warmed her heart to know he finds her pretty regardless of what she is wearing, but she still feels the need to look presentable, especially when Harry is always dressed so nicely.

Tonight, she is wearing wide-legged checkered pants and a sleeveless turtleneck tucked in it, paired with silver hoop earrings. Emerging from the bedroom Harry takes her in smiling.

“You look so serious yet fun at the same time,” he hums, eyes still roaming her body.

“Is that good?” she chuckles lightly.

“Definitely,” he nods. “Ready to leave?”

“Yeah.”

On the way to the restaurant, Harry notices how she’s been checking her phone more frequently than usually and it’s been like this for a few days now. When he asked she said she was just texting with her mum, getting updates about Benji and he didn’t have any reason not to believe her.

“There she is!” Sarah cheers as soon as the pair walks into the place. Jumping from her seat she rushes over and pulls Lis into a tight hug, making her chuckle. “I’m so happy we can finally meet you! I’m Sarah,” she grins widely, giving her two kisses on the cheeks.

“Hi, Nice to meet you. I’m Annalise, but I guess you already know that,” she jokes with an airy laugh.

“There was no other way with this dude always talking about you,” Sarah chuckles giving a look to Harry, who just shrugs his shoulders, not even trying to mask his affection towards Lis. “Come on, only Charlotte is missing, but she is always running late.”

Arriving to their table Lis is greeted by the rest of the band and everyone warmly introduces themselves to her, Charlotte arriving just when Harry and Lis take their seats at the table. Though Harry had no doubts Lis would get along well with his friends, it’s still relieving to see her get settled so easily with the band. He can sense her restraint at the beginning, but soon enough she is talking and telling stories as if she knew them all for years.

“How do you make summer vacation work with Benji? Harry said he is spending time with his grandparents now,” Sarah questions over the main course and Lis seems a little taken aback, which Sarah immediately recognizes. “Oh, I’m sorry, should I not ask about him?”

“No, it’s alright. I just… I guess I didn’t think Harry shared much about him.” Her eyes wander over to the man in question who is deep in conversation with Mitch, didn’t even hear what Sarah asked.

“Oh please, he wouldn’t stop telling us about him every time we are at the studio,” she chuckles.

“Really?”

“Yeah. He really likes the boy.” Lis just packs it all up in her head, labeling it as another reason why she loves Harry so much.

“Well, he is going to go out to camp for a week, but other than that, he usually comes to work with me.”

“That’s so amazing!”

The evening carries on and Harry can’t not notice how Lis keeps glancing down at her phone every five minutes. One time, when she reaches for the phone his hand grabs hers, stopping her from grabbing the device.

“You sure everything is alright? You keep looking at your phone.” He tries to find a hint, anything in her eyes that gives away why she is acting different, but she cautiously keeping her gaze diverted from his.

“I’m good, don’t worry,” she answers, but when her phone lights up, an incoming call from her mom, she immediately snatches it from the table and excusing herself she walks out to the street to answer the call.

Harry clenches his jaw, looking after her, knowing well something is not right, but he doesn’t know why she wouldn’t tell him what it is about. He tries to stay still, to let her get it sorted out as she wishes, but he just can’t.

“I’ll be right back,” he mumbles to the group before going after Lis.

Walking out he stops at the entrance, looking both ways before she spots her at the corner of the building, her back facing him as she holds the phone to her ear, leaning against the brick wall. He has a fleeting thought about not eavesdropping on a conversation that wasn’t meant for his ears, but his curiosity and worry brings him forward.

“But you didn’t tell him right?” her voice is heard when he is a few steps away from her. “Maybe I should bring him home earlier… But mum, what if he just turns up there? He knows you live there, I can’t have him just waltz in… No, I get it, but there’s little you can do when he is there… I really don’t know… He hasn’t, but it’s a matter of time, I think. He already knows I work there and God knows why he was asking around about me.”

Harry soon realizes what the conversation must be about and he is definitely not impressed by several reasons. Standing there with his jaw clenched, he waits for her to end the call and realize his presence. When she finally says her goodbye, pushing herself away from the brick wall, Harry watches her turn around and jump at the sight of him.

“Harry, you—“

“What’s going on?” he cuts her off right away, eyes burning down on her.

“I, uhh—Can we… Can we have this conversation at home?” she pleads quietly.

“Just tell me what it’s about, because I thought I was seeing things when I noticed that you’ve been acting weird, but I was clearly right. There is something and I want to know what it is.” “Harry, I really don’t want to ruin the evening with it now.”

“Nonsense, because there’s no way I can just act like everything is fine until we get home.”

Exhaling shakily, Lis realizes she can’t push it back any further, she has to come clear.

“Last weekend, when we were away, Austin called Golden Sunshine, he was asking about me and the girl who works on the weekend accidentally told him that it’s in fact my workplace. He wanted to know stuff about me, but didn’t get much. Then today my mum noticed a car waiting across the street for about an hour. Someone was sitting in it or that’s how she saw. Mum thinks it was him.”

Harry feels his rage build up with each passing moment for two reasons: one being that Annalise wanted to keep it away from him that her ex is suddenly looking for her. Second is that Austin has the nerve to pop up out of nowhere after abandoning his family and creep the Hell out of Lis and basically everyone in her family probably.

“And why didn’t you tell me this? You think I wouldn’t want to know if your ex is suddenly looking for you? That’s pretty major, Lis,” he snaps, having a hard time to contain himself as much as he would like to.

“I didn’t want to worry you, hoped the call was nothing, but the whole car thing is now stressing me out. I would have told you, I just…” exhaling sharply she runs her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know, I guess it feels weird to talk about him with you.”

“It’s not like you are sharing with me your sex life with him, this is stuff that I want to know about, this concerns your and Benji’s safety as well and I feel like I have a saying in those things.” “I know, I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to not tell. Please don’t be mad at me,” she begs, desperate to somehow make it right though she knows she messed up.

She can tell Harry is fuming, his piercing green eyes are filled with the mixture of worry, rage and anger for many reasons, all of them valid in her opinion. She wishes she could go back in time and tell him about it in a different way, but there’s nothing to do now.

“Harry, please say something,” she breathes out, wanting nothing else than to finally hear what he is thinking about. However, he is not letting her in that easily now.

“Let’s get back inside. We’ll talk when we are alone.”

Though Lis wants to protest, she knows it’s what should happen. Nodding shortly the two of them head back inside and push everything down until the end of dinner. It’s hard to focus on their group once they return, they both feel far away from the dinner table.

The evening drags longer than they would have liked, or that’s just how they feel. They try their best to mask their feelings, not wanting to bring their friends into this upsetting situation. However, when they are sitting in the car on their way home, they both notice that they could cut the tension for sure. Lis is chewing on her bottom lip nervously, afraid of what’s been going on in Harry’s head and cursing herself out at the same time for not telling him the first moment.

“I can stay at home tonight if you don’t want me over,” she finds herself saying, voice quiet and reserved. Harry glances in her direction for a split second.

“Is that what you want? You want to go home?”

“No. I just figured you might want some… space.”

“Well, I don’t. So unless you want to go home yourself, I want you at mine.”

It’s relieving, though still not enough to ease her anxiety that’s been clawing on her chest all evening. But at least he still wants her around.

The silence is painful for the both of them and it’s something that hasn’t happened between them since they’ve met. Lis keeps glancing in his way, trying to figure out what he must be thinking about, but it seems like Harry keeps his emotions so much at bay, nothing gives away where his thoughts are lying. She is forced to wait until they can finally talk.

Walking inside Lis feels out of place, for the first time ever since she has started seeing Harry. She watches him drop off his belongings in the bedroom before returning to the living room, a hard look on his handsome face. It seems like he is trying hard to find the right words to start this conversation. Hands on his hips he stands in front of her, eyes fixed on the floor before they finally meet her desperate ones.

“Okay, first of all, is Benji alright? Do you want us to go and bring him home?” he asks with a tired sigh.

“I-I think he is fine for now. Mum says she is keeping a close eye on him.”

“Alright. Just let me know if you change your mind and want him here.”

“Thank you,” she nods shortly and through the bitterness of the situation, she is thankful he still takes the time to think about her boy.

“Okay and now let’s talk about why you kept it from me that Austin has been looking for you. Any specific reason, something I did? Did I make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it?”

“No! Not at all!” she shakes her head right away. Taking his hand softly she pulls him down to the couch so they sit turned towards each other, her knee brushing against his thigh. Though his hand is a deadweight in her hold, as if he doesn’t want her to hold it, she still doesn’t let go of it. “Harry, I know I can tell you anything and I always do that. I just felt like you’ve had enough to worry about and didn’t want to add to it. I always…” Her voice dies down as she is now fighting with her tears. She’s been putting away these thoughts ever since their first lunch date, when she realized she can’t let go of him and he won’t either.

Harry notices her struggle and pulls his hand out of her hold, bringing it up to her face to cup her cheek. His thumb runs across her soft skin, his eyes falling down at her trembling lips.

“I always feel like a burden to you. I’m not easy to be with because I’m not living the usual life people my age have. It would be hard for a normal guy, but you are not one! I just don’t want to hold you back in any way, but there are things that I can’t change. When I found out that Austin was asking about me I thought this is something I can handle on my own and don’t have to worry you with it.”

“Lis…” he breathes out, starting to finally put together her train of thoughts and though he is still mad, now he is more heartbroken that she is still feeling like she has to be so considerate about him in some cases. “You are not a burden, never was and I can assure you that you’ll never be. I chose to be with you, and not just part of you, all of it. The good, the bad, all of it. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t count on me always, because you can. I want to be there for you no matter what it’s about.”

“I know!” she breathes out shakily, the tears already building up in her eyes. “But I can’t help thinking that one day… you won’t feel the same. Like you’ll be fed up with all the baggage that I come with!”

“What baggage, baby? Your fucker ex? That’s not your fault.”

“Him and… Benji?” she adds.

“Benji is not a baggage, Lis. I love him, would easily do anything for him, he is not a burden in any way. I’m so happy I got to meet him because of you and I’m happy that you are letting me have a part in his life. I already told you, but I’ll never stop telling you that I look up at you so much for everything you do for yourself and for Benji.”

Now she is crying. Hard. The way his eyes filled with nothing but love when he is talking about Benji, it’s all she ever wished for in a man and he is so much more than that. To think that she didn’t even want to let him into her life is a sickening thought, how she didn’t trust him enough to see what an amazing man he is.

Moving forward she climbs to his lap and he circles his welcoming arms around her, holding her close to his chest as she starts sobbing, completely touched by his words.

“I’m sorry I’m so emotional,” she mumbles between sobs. “I just… It’s still so hard for me to understand why…”

She doesn’t finish the sentence, but he knows exactly what she was thinking about: It’s still so hard for her to understand why he is with her. And it’s heartbreaking to know it’s how she feels, but it also makes him determined to change her way of seeing him for once and for all.

“It’s alright. I just want you to talk to me, okay? I want to know everything that’s important to you, good or bad, doesn’t matter.”

She just nods, holding onto him for dear life. They stay like that for what feels like hours, her crying slowly dies down and he patiently waits for her to breathe normally again, continuously pressing soft kisses to her forehead and the top of her head. When she finally lifts her head up, a small smile plays on her lips and though her eyes are red and puffy from the crying, he still thinks she is the most beautiful man he has ever seen.

“Feeling better?” he murmurs softly and she nods again. “Okay. So what do you want to do about Austin?”

“I haven’t figured it out,” she huffs tiredly. “I don’t even know for sure if it was really him in the car my mum saw and other than the call to my work place, nothing else happened.”

“Is there any reason why you should be afraid of him? Like, has he ever…” Harry doesn’t even get himself to say the word, just thinking about it rages him.

“No,” she shakes her head. “But I haven’t seen him in ages, God knows what he is like now.”

“If you want to move here with Benji, if that would make you feel safer, I’m perfectly okay with that. I have plenty of space for the both of you.”

“You’d let us come here just like that?” she asks, stunned at how easily he is talking about such a major step.

“Of course,” he nods confidently. A soft smile tugs on her lips as she kisses him gently, as a way of saying thank you.

“I think we are fine for now,” she then replies. “But thank you.”

A short silence sets in, both of them are deep in their thoughts, processing everything that happened tonight and there’s one more question stuck on Harry’s mind that he needs to ask.

“So… what happens if he reaches out? If he wants to meet you and Benji?”

Lis sighs heavily, the thought has been haunting her as well all week and she hasn’t come up with a solid answer to this just yet.

“It depends on what he really wants. It’s not like I want him back in my life, but if he wants to see Benji… I don’t think I can tell him no. Legally, he is allowed to see him. It’s a whole different story that I don’t want him to though.”

Her answer was valid and reasonable, though it still brought some uneasiness to Harry. Just thinking about Austin meeting Benji makes him want to scream. The man left his family so easily, like they meant absolutely nothing to him and he is the reason why Lis had to build up her whole life alone. Not that Harry would have liked it better if he was still in the picture, but in his beliefs, a man who abandons his family is simply not a man. Even if he didn’t want to be with Lis anymore, he should have made sure to support her in raising Benji and not just disappear into thin air.

However Harry knows he doesn’t have a say in it and that what Lis said is relevant. The man might have walked out of their lives, but legally he still has the right to see Benji, nothing is stopping him.

Harry keeps his doubts and fears to himself, he needs to be the person Lis can rely on now, whatever is about to happen. It’s all secondary what he thinks or feels right now.

The two of them stay on the couch for another hour, just talking and sharing and they both feel like it was what they needed. Their relationship was going smooth, but they had to realize they still have a lot to work on and tonight was a step forward. They then have a hot shower together and this time they don’t get carried away, it’s all about the gentle touches, the hot water washing away their worries for a short time, keeping it just an intimate but not sexual moment.

Lying in bed Harry pulls her close, her head lies on his chest as she is drawing little patterns on his chest, her fingers delicately following the lines of his tattoos. Her thoughts are wandering, jumping from one thought to the other until something makes her come to a halt, a soft, ironic chuckle escaping her lips.

“Wha’s so funny?” Harry asks quietly.

Lifting her head, she rests her chin on his chest, her arms spread out over his ribs. It’s not even that funny, more ironic seeing the timeline of their relationship.

“I just think it’s pretty hilarious how I was the one to warn you several times not to make me regret my decisions about you and then I end up being the one thinking that you regretted getting together with me.”

She laughs some more, a smile tugging on Harry’s lips as well, seeing that it’s indeed a little funny, if he thinks about it.

“Oh how the tables have turned,” he grins, kissing her forehead.

“But on a serious note,” she starts, clearing her throat. “Do you have any regrets?”

“None,” he answers right away without hesitation.

“Not even one tiny bit?”

“Absolutely none,” he confirms and pulls his arms tighter around her. She smiles widely, pushing herself up a bit so her lips can meet his.

“Hope it stays this way.”

NEXT PART

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jjmaybanksbaby · 3 years

Text

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

#outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron series #obx netflix #obx #obx fanfic #where it leads series #where it leads

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mbti-notes · 3 years

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Hi MBTI. Not type related but I still want to ask because of your social insight. What does respect mean to you? I’ve met people who preach feminism but do not communicate honestly and clearly with girls they sleep around with (eg ghosting), which makes me think that feminism is just political theory, but in practice it means to truly respect other people regardless of their gender (ie being honest, clear and able to put ones anxieties/insecurities aside momentarily to ensure the well-being of

[con't: the other person). I asked myself exactly what respect entails, it’s a concept Ive taken for granted and thought I knew but realized I’ve never actually read/heard someone really putting into words. I’ve been reading online and a lot of people seem to muddle it with the word “admiration” and I think I disagree because I think respect is more about being open to sharing common ground and not placing someone above or below you, as admiration could cause. To me respect and equality are more similar, and that’s how I linked it to feminism. How would you define respect? And what do you think about this? Thank you and all the best!<3 ]

You're mixing several issues together, which makes your question too complicated. Respect and making moral judgments are big enough topics without adding gender into the mix.

I remember once, a long time ago, I was grappling with a difficult moral dilemma. I approached a few people to talk about it. One person judged me as "incompetent" because the matter seemed quite easy in their mind. One person judged me as "weak" because I wasn't willing to just do what I wanted to do. One person judged me as "fake" because they thought I was only worried about appearing like a moral person in the eyes of others. One person judged me as "selfish" because I wasn't willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good. One person judged me as "overthinking" the matter because I was worried about more than just myself.

Of course, not being assholes, their judgments came out as veiled implications rather than direct criticisms. However, this example reveals some truth: People's moral judgments are often quite egocentric, a mere reflection of their own subjective ego conflicts about what it means to be a "good" or "bad" person. Whichever way they choose to conceptualize morality is what they expect of others (i.e. projection).

We all have to make moral judgments and navigate difficult moral situations. One thing that significantly influences people's ability to make good moral decisions is their level of ego development, you can read more about it in the Type Dev Guide. Suffice it to ask: Is your conception of morality more rule-based (i.e. about the power to judge) or more virtue-based (i.e. about the wisdom to do right)?

The more egocentric someone is, the more invested they are in maintaining a positive self-image, and the more sensitive they are to any data that would threaten their ego and suggest that they are a "bad" person. Egocentric people are more likely to use a rule-based approach to morality because its starkness and simplicity allow for easy detection and deflection of ego threats. If morality is a simple matter of knowing the rules of right and wrong, then moral judgments are a simple matter of whether people followed the rules.

For example, society says that you should work hard in school, get a good job, earn money, and your reward is that you are able to afford your life. Therefore, if you didn't succeed in school, you didn't get a good job, you can't earn much money, you can't afford the things you need, then there is something "wrong" with you. In short, you failed to follow the rules, so you deserve to be punished with the negative consequence of poverty. Rule-based morality is "safe" for the ego because there's no ambiguity that makes you doubt your moral judgment, and hence no reason to doubt your own moral worth.

People often talk about whether someone "deserves" respect, often because they want to make an argument that someone doesn't deserve respect for something bad they did. The more "admirable" someone is, the more respect they deserve? I will respect this person because they are "nice"? I will not extend respect to that person because they are "mean"?

If you approach respect with these "rules", you essentially get to play god. You get to sit on a high horse and judge people as worthy or unworthy. If you obey the rules of being an "admirable" person, you are called a "good" person, so you get rewarded with respect; whereas if you disobey the rules, you are a "bad" person, so you get punished with less respect or even disrespect. This way of thinking is rather childish. Notice how kids argue that they don't have to follow the rules when they see someone else breaking the rules. Their idea of morality boils down to whether they themselves win or lose.

Children, understandably, think in stark terms of reward and punishment because they are only starting to learn what it means to be an "acceptable" member of society. They only see what's on the surface because they aren't yet capable of more sophisticated moral reasoning. When an adult hasn't learned more sophisticated moral reasoning, they continue with the superficial idea of reward and punishment, only they take it further. Now that they are "adult" by society's superficial age standard, they possess the social status and thus the social power to dole out rewards and punishments to anyone "beneath" them in status. In essence, "I was subject to the rules as a child, and now I get to enforce the rules as an adult."

Adding gender into the mix, a lot of people abide by "rules" that they learned in childhood about what a "man" is, what a "woman" is, how they are different, and how people "should" behave according to their gender. Men, as a social group, are taught to obey one set of rules, while women, as a social group, are taught to obey another set of rules. This social conditioning shows up in people's implicit gender biases as well as outright gender discrimination.

If men, as a group, possess the majority of social power and privilege, they become the default reference point for everyone. Social and political decisions are predominantly made from their point of view, in accordance with their needs and desires, and this encourages them to treat women as objects that are only worthy of respect as long as they prop up masculine power. Women, as a group, are taught to see the world through the masculine perspective and believe that masculinity is superior to femininity, so they must behave submissively and serve their purpose to men.

As an individual man, if you follow the rules and elevate masculinity over femininity, you get rewarded with status and power. If you don't follow the rules, you get punished with lower status and being branded as undesirable (not a "real" man). As a woman, if you follow the rules and elevate masculinity over femininity, you get rewarded with some privilege and favors, but always safely within the bounds of masculine dominance. If you don't follow the rules, you get cruelly shamed into compliance and even ostracized if you are deemed a lost cause (not a "real" woman).

It is very difficult for individuals to counter social conditioning because so much of the learning happens unconsciously. It's a steep uphill battle for people to develop more self-awareness about the "rules" they have been taught to follow. And even when one becomes aware of having implicit biases or prejudices, it's not easy to rise above them. It takes a lot of conscious effort to go against lessons that were ingrained into your psyche since infancy. Furthermore, when you're a member of the social group that enjoys more power and privilege, there's very little incentive for you to change, in fact, you have much more incentive to preserve the status quo, which is why inequality is so difficult to remedy.

The unconscious nature of bias and prejudice is why ego development is very important. When you reach higher levels of ego development, your self-awareness grows, and that allows you to gradually shift from a simplistic rule-based morality to a more complex virtue-based morality which recognizes that moral issues aren't always black-and-white. Virtue-based morality is about what's actually in people's hearts and the role that moral conscience plays in decision making.

Taking the example from above: WHY did the person fail in school? Was it simply because they didn't follow the rules and work as hard as they should have? Or was it due to factors that were beyond their control, such as: an untreated learning disability, lack of school funding due to living in a poor area, a dysfunctional family situation that interfered with their learning process, etc?

Rule-based morality is about compliance and shaming people into the appearance of compliance. Virtue-based morality is about understanding and addressing the root causes of moral failing. To be capable of more complex moral reasoning is to dig deeper and ask more questions to get to the truth, which means that morality is no longer a simple matter. The gray areas start to appear, you start to see exceptions to the rule, and you become more empathetic because you're looking into people's hearts and seeing how they have suffered unfairly. You no longer stereotype and generalize about people but treat everyone as a unique individual with unique circumstances to take into account. Egocentric people don't want this level of moral responsibility because then they'd have to always question themselves about whether they are truly doing the right thing, and they would constantly have to confront the many ways they fall short in their morality.

When you truly see the harm of judging people by superficial appearances, you would never want to be a victim of it, and that helps you understand that you shouldn't be a perpetrator of it, either. When you truly see the harm of treating people unfairly based on gender, you would never want to be a victim of it, and that helps you understand that you shouldn't be a perpetrator of it, either. When you're able to empathize with people who were treated unfairly or victimized by unjust rules, you can't help but want to make things fairer for everyone (yes, equality). Virtue-based morality is about moral conscience in terms of what kind of person you hope to be, what kind of influence you want to have, what kind of society you want to live in, and whether you are actually a virtuous person in your heart rather than just appearing like one in public. When you show respect to people, it's not because they "deserve" it, it's because you know that you being respectful to everyone is the first step in helping to create a society that is more respectful to everyone.

#morality #moral development #moral philosophy #respect #virtue #rules #gender #egocentrism #empathy #ask

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mischiefandspirits · 3 years

Text

Bloodlines (1 of 3)

After receiving a vague warning from his mother about his cousin and Richard, Damian goes looking for his runaway ward.

This chapter started as a flashback in the latter half of the story, but I felt like it was running on too long so I decided to cut it out and make it its own chapter. As such the events of this chapter occur a little under five years before the events of the main story, which takes place a few months after “Family Weekend.”

Part of Batkid and Robin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian was surprised to see Nightwing in the Hatch when he arrived. He knew his ex-partner noticed his entrance, but the Super didn’t look up from the conversation he was having with Señal in the doorway to the infirmary.

Taking the hint, Damian turned to E-ko. “What happened?”

“We’re not entirely sure. Izzy and I were both in class and Dax was at work when Dick’s distress beacon went off so only Duke and Dre responded,” she said, glancing towards the infirmary. “By my estimate, they sent out the request for backup almost immediately after they engaged. Nightwing had been finishing up something with Metro across the bay so he responded. Izzy and I were suiting up when ‘Wing dragged them in. He thinks they were fighting talons when he got there, but the guys took off as soon as he got close. Dre was already knocked out -- drugged we think -- and Duke passed out on the way here -- bloodloss.”

“Richard?”

“Your son wasn’t there,” Nightwing said as he and Señal approached. “I didn’t know he was involved until I got here and the girls filled me in.”

“He’s not -” Damian closed his eyes and asked, “Did Signal say anything before he passed out?”

“He slurred something about Cobb and Halloway and I think he tried to say something else, but he was fading fast at that point. Didn’t recognize either name, but I’m not surprised since this seems to be Gotham stuff.”

“Nightwing.”

“Batman.”

Damian glared up at neon blue eyes. “We’re not doing this while Richard is missing.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just stay quiet then. Not sure I have anything to add since I don’t even know the kid.”

The only reaction Damian allowed himself to have was to clench his fists as he turned to Señal. “If the talons are involved, then Cobb is William Cobb. Why would he be after Richard though? The Court has only ever targeted adults for kills and street kids for would-be talons. A child from a prominent family doesn’t fit their M.O.”

“We’re not sure,” she said. “Oracle’s looking into it. In the meantime, Selina’s pulling Stephanie and Jason out of school in case they’re targeting Wayne kids. Cass and Mia are also going to bunker down somewhere safe with Tim if they can drag him away from wherever he is now on his mental breakdown road trip.”

“Don’t call it that.”

The group turned to see Duke slumped against his IV pole in the infirmary’s doorway.

“¡Bobo! Lay back down!” Señal snapped, rushing over to him.

He let his girlfriend take his weight, but didn’t let her drag him back to bed. His chest and arms were heavily bandaged and butterfly stitches were keeping a few cuts on his cheek and neck closed. He was also glaring at Señal. “Lay off Tim.”

“Sorry, I know you want to humor him.”

Duke shook his head and turned to Damian. “We’ve got a problem.”

“I know. We’ll find Richard. Go -”

“No, you don’t understand. Halloway was there. From DCF.”

It took Damian a moment, but he put the name to the face. Cathy Halloway was one of the social workers that gave him the hardest time while trying to foster Richard, but not one of the ones who’d earned his respect because they thought Damian was taking Richard in on a whim. He wasn’t sure if it was Richard’s Romani heritage she had a problem with or if it was the fact Richard was white-passing while Damian had very clearly taken after his mother, but the family had dug up a few comments made by her about keeping Richard “with his own people.”

As if the Gotham branch of the DCF had placed Richard with a family instead of in a detention center.

Backward morals aside, the Bat’s investigation hadn’t turned up anything tying her to the court. “Why was she there?”

The Hatch’s main computer lit up green, announcing Oracle’s presence. “Because Cobb told her he was Dick’s grandfather.”

“What?” Damian asked. Richard didn’t have any living relatives, the Bats checked as had DCF at the Waynes’ insistence. “Why would she believe that?”

“I’m looking into it, but she’s started the paperwork to transfer custody and she was there to help Cobb pull Dick out of school. Selina played it off like she was picking Dick up alongside Steph and Jay then went full PTA mom when she found out they’d sent Dick off with strangers. Alfred’s bringing the little Bats to you while she puts the staff through the wringer to get as much info for us as she can. I’m trying to match our maps of the Court’s labyrinth to what little information from Dick’s beacon is making it through the scramblers so, hopefully, I’ll have a location by the time you’re all suited up.”

Damian made a mental note to bring his own version of hell down on the staff if any of them survived his Step-Mother’s fury then focused back on the matter at hand. “Señal, you know the labyrinth best. Can you see if you can help Oracle? I’ll get Duke back in bed.”

She nodded and passed Duke off to him after giving her boyfriend a quick kiss.

“Sorry, Dames,” Duke said as Damian helped him back onto the medical cot. “The talons cut us off before we could get anywhere near Dick or Cobb.”

“You did your best. We know what we’re facing now. We’ll bring him home, no matter how many talons we have to freeze. Get some rest.”

Duke nodded and leaned back.

Damian returned to the main room and approached E-ko and Nightwing. He asked the latter, “Are you staying?”

The Super gave a sardonic smile. “I guess I should get going. Don’t want to overstay my welcome. Call me if you think the situation is bad enough to need outside help.”

“That’s not what -” Damian started, but Nightwing was already gone. He sighed and turned to E-ko. “Has the Court been up to anything recently that could explain coming after Richard?”

She shook her head. “They’ve been quiet since we reclaimed that youth shelter they were using to try and lure in would-be talons. We knew they’d try to find a new way to bring in kids, and trying to get their hooks in the foster system isn’t too far out there if they don’t realize we’ve been keeping a close eye on it ever since Jason, but going after someone as notable as Dick doesn’t make sense.”

“There has to be a reason.”

“Who cares, let’s just get out there and find Dickie!” Jason called as he stomped into the Hatch. He and Stephanie came towards them while Alfred went off to check on the two in the infirmary.

“Knowing why a person is doing something is very important,” Damian said and Jason scowled.

“It’s not more important than rescuing my Red Bird! Let’s go!” he snapped, shoving Damian towards the changing rooms.

“Rushing in is going to get you in trouble,” Damian huffed, but let his younger brother push him along with Stephanie trailing after.

The three quickly changed into the extra suits they kept in the Hatch in case of emergency then they, Señal, and E-ko set off towards the labyrinth entrance closest to the approximate location Señal and Oracle had decided on.

Batman took the lead, keeping an eye out for danger as Señal directed him through the tunnels. Thankfully the closer they got, the more accurate the beacon's positioning became. He was keeping a sharp eye on everything, looking for the booby traps and talons, so he immediately noticed when Señal and E-ko began to share worried looks.

“What?”

“There aren’t any mazes, meeting halls, or holding cells this way,” E-ko said. “The only things down here are…”

“Labs and cryo-caskets,” Señal finished.

“Shit!”

Batman grabbed Batkid before he could race ahead. “Hold on.”

“Hold on? I’m not going to wait around while those psychos turn Red Bird into one of those monsters!” the boy snarled, then took off down the tunnel.

“They wouldn’t start the process so soon,” E-ko tried to reassure as the four chased after him. “They always start training before beginning the Electrum injections. They want to be sure the investment would be worth it.”

A shadow slid out of a side tunnel and Batman grabbed the edge of Batkid’s cloak. He yanked the boy back just in time for the talon’s dagger to cut through the air in front of his face instead of across his throat.

E-ko intercepted the assassin with her cryo-gun as Señal repelled another two with her chain whip.

“Go find Grayson. We’ll deal with these ones,” E-ko called out and Batman nodded.

He led Batkid and Batgirl forward, bringing up Richard’s distress beacon on his gauntlet computer. They raced up to a heavy door that he quickly kicked in once confirming it was locked.

Inside, scientists and talons stood over an operating bed that held a teary eleven-year-old. Thick leather straps wrapped around Richard’s arms, legs, and chest to keep him pinned to the bed. A scientist had been preparing an iv filled with a dark silver liquid while William Cobb had leaned over Richard with his hand fisted in the boy’s hair, but all eyes turned to the Bats at their entrance.

Batkid immediately launched himself at the scientists, ripping the one closest to Richard away from him and laying into them with a fury. Batgirl and Batman tossed liquid nitrogen pellets at the talons, partially encasing three of them in ice to put them into hibernation. Batgirl engaged another two talons while Batman tackled Cobb.

“You must be getting desperate for new talons if you’re starting to steal children from Gotham’s old families, Talon.” Batman ducked one knife strike, deflected another, then landed a blow that snapped Cobb’s arm with a loud crack.

“Wayne was the one who stole him,” Cobb spat, disengaging just long enough for the Electrum to twist his bones back into place before slashing at Batman’s neck. “The Gray Son was born and raised to serve the Court of Owls. Just as his grandfather, my son, was before him.”

Batman shifted back in time for the claws aiming for his ribs to cut through nothing more than armor. “Emil Grayson was a circus acrobat.”

“Emil was raised by Nathaniel Haley to be the perfect talon, just as I was. Had Nathaniel not passed before he could return my son or instruct his own in the ways of the Court, then Emil would have surpassed even me. Instead, that fool Cameron spirited my son away to Europe. By the time the Court could reforge ties with the circus, my son was lost to us while my grandson had been raised weak and the Court had no influence over him. We could only ensure that the child he bore would receive the proper training and be returned to Gotham when the time came.”

Batman felt sick. He wanted to deny it, but Cobb had no reason to lie and the Bats hadn’t bothered to look that far into Richard’s family’s past. “The Graysons’ deaths…”

“Not the Court’s work, though it provided us with an opportunity to place the boy somewhere we could have full influence over him.”

He’d never felt better about rescuing Richard from that awful detention center. He fought down a smirk that would be both telling and uncharacteristic for Batman as he slammed his foot into Cobb’s chest, audibly breaking a few ribs. “But Wayne took him instead.”

From his place on the ground, Cobb pulled off his mask to spit out discolored blood then glared up at Batman. “It doesn’t matter. The boy is destined for the Court. Whether now or later, the Gray Son of Gotham will be a talon.”

“Never,” Batman growled, freezing the talon with a liquid nitrogen pellet.

When he turned back to the room at large, Batgirl was taking down her opponents while Batkid had tied up the scientists and was pulling off the straps. Batman went to help the boys, pulling Richard into his arms as soon as he was free. The ladies agreed to handle the talons and scientists so Batman and Batkid could get Richard up to the surface where Oracle had police cars and an ambulance waiting.

Once they were out of the labyrinth and away from any cameras the Court may have had, but before they reached the authorities, Dick pressed his face into Batman’s neck. “Dami.”

“I’m here, Dick.”

“Th-that man, he said…”

Batman tightened his grip on his ward. “I know, but I’ve got you now and I promise, the Court won’t ever touch you again.”

Richard wrapped his arms around his neck and Damian quickly ran his fingers through the black-brown curls before Batman stepped out of the shadows and passed Richard off for a paramedic to check him over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For Reference:

The Batcave: Under Wayne Manor in Bristol, acts as HQ for Batman, Catwoman, and Batgirl (and Batkid)

The Perch: Under Damian and Jon's house in Somerset, acts as HQ for Nightwing and Flamebird (and Robin)

The Hatch: Under the Lucius Fox Center in Burnley, acts as HQ for We Are Future (Signal, Señal, E-ko, Flyfox, and Allegro)

The Clocktower: At the top of Gotham Clock Tower in Old Gotham, acts as HQ for Oracle and Orphan

The Roost: Under Drake Towers in Blüdhaven, acts as HQ for Black Bat and Athens

#dick grayson #damian wayne #Jason Todd #robin #red x #fanfiction #batkid and robin

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