#cletus know how to treat his angel

[horikoshi-secret-ao3-account]

Can someone PLEASE do Cletus and Frances/Shriek as Gomez and Morticia Addams????

I just had this idea and I NEED TO SEE IT

#frances barrison #Venom #vltbc #venom let there be carnage #marvel #Sony #addams family #morticiaandgomez #morticia fanart #Morticia Addams #Gonez Addams #cletus know how to treat his angel #cletus kasady #Venom 2 #Frances x Cletus #Cletus x Frances #do they have a ship name? #Carnage

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter seven rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Peter walked to campus that day with an extra bounce in his step. He couldn’t keep himself from leaping over the school gate, not caring who could’ve seen. He was in love. He walked past Flash with confidence, easily brushing off his backhanded comments. He walked up to Ned and felt oddly compelled to click his heels. Ned noticed the ecstatic expression on his best friends face and smirked.

“What’s got you so happy? Did a certain wall crawling superhero finally beat Venom in a fight?” He asked. Peter shook his head.

“Not yet. Something even better happened.” Peter said proudly.

“And what might that be?” Ned wondered. Peter could barely keep himself from screaming.

“Y/n kissed me.” He exclaimed. He got a few strange looks from passing students on their way to class, but Peter didn’t care. Nothing could ruin his mood.

“What? When? ” Ned gasped.

“This morning. She slept over last night after she had a nightmare. And guess what else?” Peter asked. Ned bounced up and down.

“What? Tell me!” Ned demanded. Peter looked around for who could be listening and smirked.

“She slept in my bed.” He smirked.

“Oh.” Ned said looked disappointed in the anticlimactic finish.

“With me in it.” Peter added and Ned looked amazed. His jaw hung open and he began to bounce up and down again.

“Dude that’s like the greatest thing ever.” Ned cheered. “She’s so hot! We have to tell everyone.”

“We’re not telling anyone just yet.” He shook his head. “She’s only been my girlfriend for a few hours. She’s really special to me, Ned. I don’t want to treat her like shes some prize I won by telling everyone. Girls are worth more than that.”

“Amen to that. What are you losers talking about anyway?” MJ said as she approached them. She was eating trail mix and looked extremely bored already.

“Peter has a girlfriend.” Ned blurted. Peter shot him an angry look while MJ looked impressed.

“Oh really? Who is she, your right hand?” MJ smirked. Ned looked confused while Peters face went red.

“It’s not my right hand. She lives in my building and she’s an angel. That’s all you need to know.” Peter grumbled, still annoyed that Ned spilled his secret. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of you, the exact opposite actually. He would shout it from the rooftops that you were together if he could. He just didn’t want everyone to know. You had only kissed that morning and Peter still wanted to keep the magical details to himself.

“Does this angel have a name?” MJ questioned, actually interested in something for once.

“No.” Peter said at the same time Ned said “Y/n L/n.”

“Y/n L/n from The L/n Report?” MJ was suddenly invested. It was the first time Peter or Ned heard emotion in her voice.

“You know her?” Peter asked.

“Duh.” MJ scoffed. “She’s the only investigative reporter I’ve seen who actually cares about the people she reports on. I read her articles all the time. We have a lot of the same opinions. I used to think she was the coolest girl ever.”

“Used to think?” Ned asked.

“Well clearly something’s wrong with her if she’s dating Peter.” MJ said flatly. Ned laughed and Peter looked at her angrily.

“There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s amazing.” Peter defended.

“I know she is.” MJ shrugged. “I’ve idealized that girl for year. Did you guy see what she did to Carlton Drake?” Peter nodded and smiled proudly at the thought of his girl kicking names and taking ass.

“She’s like my hero. She’s done so much for the homeless back in San Francisco. I was so excited when she said she was moving to New York to work for The Daily Bugle.” MJ gushed. Peter and Ned looked at each other, visibly confused.

“Have you always done that?” Ned asked her.

“Done what?” MJ asked.

“Felt things?” Ned said and MJ rolled her eyes.

“I feel very passionate about a lot of things. Those things just don’t happen to include you two or anyone else in this school. However, I am very passionate about your girlfriend.” MJ stated. She suddenly looked a little uncomfortable and unsure of herself, two things MJ never did. She awkwardly turned to Peter.

“Do you think I could meet her? I’d really love to talk to her about her article on fracking.” MJ asked slowly. She wasn’t used to asking people for things. Peters eyes softened at this new side of MJ.

“She’s picking me up after class today on her motorcycle. You can meet her then.” Peter offered. Then MJ did something very out of character.

She smiled.

“K thanks.” She blurted and then swiftly left. Ned and Peter laughed as she walked away.

“That was new.” Ned commented.

“Yes It was.” Peter agreed.

“She’s so odd.” Ned added.

“Yes, she is.”

“Did you do the hanky panky with Y/n?” Ned asked. Peter snapped his head towards Ned.

“What?” Peter flushed red. “No. And never say ‘hanky panky’ again.”

“It was worth asking. See you in orgo.” Ned said before walking towards his class. Peter shook his head in amusement before heading to his first class of the day.

At 3:30, you pulled up to Peters college on your motorcycle. You took off your helmet, shook your hair out, and scanned the crowd for Peter. You soon saw him, Ned following shortly behind him, and a girl you had never seen before. She wasn’t wearing makeup, which you gave her props for, and had her curly hair tied back in a pony tail. She was undeniably pretty and had a very cool vibe to her.

“Hi beautiful.” Peter said when he reached you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you tightly. “It’s torture not being with you all day.”

“I know. But the school year is almost over right? Then we can spend every second together.” You promised. Peter smiled happily. He leaned in slightly, as if asking for your permission, and you did the same. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He smiled into the kiss and held you closer. This time, there were no interruptions.

“Y/n, I’d like you to meet MJ. MJ, this is Y/n.” Peter said, gesturing to the girl. MJ smiled shyly at you and held out her hand.

“It’s really cool to meet you, Y/n. Your article on greenhouse gases is hanging on my wall. I’m uh, I’m a big fan.” She said timidly.

“You’re a fan? That’s amazing.” You smiled brightly at her. “I’ve never met a fan before. It’s really cool to meet you too, MJ. And if you’re interested in the environment, I have a bunch of scientists numbers I can give you. I had to interview a bunch back in San Francisco to write that article. They gave me some great tips on how to reduce my carbon footprint.” MJ’s eyes widened just a little. She looked baffled and gave you a thankful smile. You noticed one of her front teeth was slightly askew and decided you liked her already.

“Really? That’d be so cool. Thanks.” She said. You squeezed her arm and nodded.

“I think you and I are going to get along just fine. Can I get your number? I’d love to hear more about what you’re interested in.” You handed MJ your phone and she took it. She typed her number it and handed it back.

“This has been really amazing. Thanks for being so cool. I have to run though. I’m running a protest outside of Oscorp.” She explained. “One of their employees got seriously electrocuted and they’re to cover it up.”

“Really?” You gasped. “Is it okay if I tag along? I’m kinda busy with my Cletus Kasady story but I would love to cover your protest too.”

“You’d do that for me?” She asked as if she wasn’t used to people doing things for her.

“Gladly. Can I join? I can give you a ride there.” You offered. She smiled at you and toyed with the strings on her backpack.

“That’d be great. See you losers later.” MJ gave Peter and Ned a peace sign and climbed onto your bike. You gave Peter a quick peck on the lips and got on the bike as well. Peter watched as MJ wrapped her arms around your waist and smirked at him. You two sped off towards Oscorp, leaving Peter and Ned in your wake.

“Dude.” Ned laughed. “MJ just stole your girlfriend.”

“Shut up. No she didn’t.” Peter said. Did she though? You seemed to hit it off with her pretty quickly. Peter didn’t know MJ too well but he knew she was guarded and didn’t let people in easily. In fact, she didn’t let anyone in. And yet, you and her had become best friends in a matter of minutes.

Heading back from Oscorp a few hours later, you saw a familiar hat bobbing up and down in the street. You were about to call out Neds name when two guys came from around the corner. They looked mean and you could hear Ned’s heartbeat rising. You quickly ran over to him.

“Hey.” You panted. Ned looked relived to see you.

“Oh hey Y/n. How’d your date with MJ go?” He teased. You shoved him slightly.

“It wasn’t a date. She’s really cool though. I think we’re going to be good friends.” You said as you passed the two guys. You soon heard a whistle.

“Damn baby. Where you going with him? Don’t you wanna stay here and have some fun?” one of the guys called. You looked at Ned and picked up your pace.

“I know you heard me beautiful. Stop running before I give you a reason to run.” The man said again, louder this time.

“Keep walking.” You whispered to Ned.

“I said stop running.” The man shouted, this time, his threat was accompanied by the sound of a gun cocking. You and Ned froze in your steps. The two men slowly approached you, all while pointing the gun level with your head.

“That’s better.” One man said when he reached you. “Now, how about this. You come with me, or I shoot your friend. Does that sound fair?”

“I better call Peter. He’ll know what to do.” Ned panicked.

“No need.” You growled as your transformed into Venom. You marched up to the guy and grabbed him by the shoulders in a death grip. You spit at a nearby newspaper in the ground. The newspaper quickly disintegrated and left nothing but smoke behind. You smiled devilishly at the man, grateful for a chance to show off your acidic saliva.

“What was that?” The man cowered in your grasp. Meanwhile, his friend ran away terrified.

“Acid spit. Still want me to come with you?” Venom purred. The man whimpered and shook his head furiously.

“Didn’t think so. Now, if you don’t tell us the names of ten historical feminists who would be very disappointed in your sorry ass by the time I count to ten, we’re going to eat you. Does that sound fair?” Venom growled as the man shut his eyes in fear.

“One.” You began to count.

“Uh…” He whimpered.

“Two.”

“Um.” He raked his minuscule brain for answered but came up empty handed.

“Ten.” You said and bit his head off. You quickly ate the rest of his body before turning back into yourself. You wiped your hands and patted your stomach before turning around and making eye contact with Ned, completely forgetting he was there.”

“You’re Venom?!” He gasped as he pointed at you in horror. You ran up to him and covered his mouth.

“What? No.” You lied. “How do you know about Venom anyway?”

“It’s you. I can’t believe it’s you.” Ned exclaimed when you took your hand off his mouth. You were getting more and more confused.

“You’re Venom. You, Y/n, are Venom.” He repeated as if it all made sense now.

“Play dumb.” Venom whispered.

“What? I’m not Venom. What makes you say that?” You stammered.

“Not that dumb!” She yelled. Ned looked at you and laughed, still in shock.

“You and Peter are perfect for each other, you know that? You’re both dumb as shit.” He laughed. You had to laugh a little as well.

“You’re Venom and Peter is…do you know about Peter?” Ned suddenly asked.

“What about Peter?” You didn’t understand what he meant. Neds eyes went wide, and then filled with sadness.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He shook his head. “Are you gonna tell him about this? Because I’m going to be very honest with you, I’m terrible at keeping secrets. I don’t know if I can keep this from him.”

“I’m gonna tell him eventually. So please, don’t say anything.” You pleaded. “He has to hear it from me. I’m sorry that I’m making you lie to your best friend but this is a very unique situation.”

“It’s a lot more unique than you think.” He muttered. “I won’t tell him.”

“Thank you.” You hugged him tightly, thankful that he was safe and keeping your secret. You walked Ned home and began to make your way back to the apartment building. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Peter and forget the day. After all, you missed him all day at school. It was bearable when you guys were just friends, but now that he was your boyfriend you never wanted to be apart.

When you were just a few blocks from your apartment, you felt a strong arm wrap around your neck and hold you in place. Suddenly, there was a knife to your throat.

“I saw what you did to my buddy, you little freak. Now, how about you get down on those pretty little knees before I kill you?” The man threatened. You turned your neck as much as you could and recognized your attacker as the mans friend who ran away from earlier. You sighed deeply. You were full and trying to keep your body count to a minimum, but he was just asking for it. You shut your eyes and were about to turn into Venom when you heard a voice from behind you.

“Now that’s no way to treat a lady.” The voice rang. You recognized it as Peters voice. The guy was quickly pulled away from you as if by some kind of rope. You heard some sort of webbing going on behind you and small cries of struggling from the man.

“Are you alright Miss?” Peter asked.

“I’m fine, Peter.” You said, finally turning around. Instead of seeing your boyfriend, you saw the friendly neighborhood pain in the ass. He had webbed your attacker to the wall and was now looking right at you. You had seen him so many times before, and he’d seen you, but never like this. You felt almost naked, standing before Spider-Man as Y/n instead of Venom.

“Oh.” You said, startled. “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Yea. This is a pretty popular outfit.” Spider-Man joked, gesturing to his skin tight suit. You bit your tongue. He was funny, but you couldn’t let him know that. You were enemies after all. He just didn’t realize it was you.

“Thanks for saving me.” You blurted. “But I had the situation handled.”

“You’re right. You especially looked like you had it handled when he was about to stab and murder you.” Spider-Man said sarcastically. You found him oddly charming, despite your history.

“What are you gonna do with him?” You asked, pointing to the man webbed to the wall.

“I heard what he said to you. I’m going to register him as a sex offender and ruin his life. Unless, you had other plans. You know, since you had the situation handled.” Spiderman remarked. You playfully rolled your eyes. You did have other plans. Plans that involved eating him and digesting him while you cuddled with Peter. But Spider-Mans plan was okay too.

“Alright. I’ll see you around Spider-Man.” You said, giving the superhero one last look. There was something familiar about him. Spider-Man nodded.

“See you around. And please, be careful. Don’t walk alone. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He said and turned back to the man.

You went home, showered, and got into some comfy clothes. You missed your boyfriend dearly and went to his apartment to see him.

After being let in by May, you went into Peters room and flopped on his bed. He was sat at his desk doing homework.

“Did you mean what you said about me sleeping over whenever I wanted?” You asked, voice muffled by his pillow.

“Of course I did.” He swiveled around to look at you and noticed your body language. “What’s wrong, love?”

“I’ve had a long day and I want to cuddle my boyfriend.” You pouted. Peter smiled at you calling him your boyfriend. He closed his textbook and climbed into bed with you. You rested your head on his chest, right over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat calmed you down and you felt sleepy.

“Did you make any progress on your story?” He asked. You shook your head as he began to run his fingers through your hair. You hummed in content and pressed a small kiss to his neck. He blushed at the affection and held you closer.

“No.” You groaned. “I’ve had the worst writers block all day. I was actually thinking of writing an article on Spider-Man until my writers block went away.”

After your encounter with the masked hero, you wanted to know more about him. You were originally against your boss’s idea to write about him, but now you liked it. Sure, there were plenty of articles on Spider-Man out there, but you knew him intimately.

“Spider-Man?” You felt Peters heart stop momentarily. “Why?”

“I think I have a pretty good shot at figuring out who he is.” You shrugged. “Like, think about it, he only operates from the hours of 4 to midnight ish right? Except, on weekends, when he’s seen all throughout the day. What’s he doing all day on weekdays? He can’t be at work because jobs don’t end that early. I think he’s in school. Either high school or college. Probably college though, right? I can’t imagine a high schooler doing what he does. Unless he’s been doing this since high school. That’s also possible.”

“Oh wow.” Peter said, dumbfounded. He was usually blown away by your intelligence, but now it was working against him. There were a million college students in New York, though. Surely you wouldn’t figure it out.

“And think about this, he’s only ever in New York, so he must live here right?” You continued. “But what about that one time he saved those kids in the Washington Monument? What was New York’s superhero doing in Washington? I looked into it and the kids he saved were on a field trip. What if Spider-Man was on the field trip too? If I look up all the schools that were there, I could create a list of suspects and go from there. Then, I could-“ you were cut off with a kiss.

“Let’s not talk about Spider-Man.” Peter said quickly, followed by a smile. “I want to hear about you day. How was Oscorp?”

“We had a really good time.” You smiled. “I interviewed her after I helped her with the protest and then we grabbed lunch. Oh, and I saw Ned on my way home.”

“You saw Ned?” Peter asked. Ned hadn’t mentioned seeing you.

“Yea.” You blew out a breath. “These two guys attacked us. One ran away and I took care of the other. But then the one that ran away came back and you’ll never guess who saved me.”

“Who?” Peter smiled. He knew who.

“Spider-Man. I don’t know. I was wrong about him. I used to think he was just some guy in spandex with a God complex but now I think he just genuinely wants to help people. And…” you trailed off.

“And?” Peter raised an eyebrow.

“He’s got a nice ass.” You admitted. Peter laughed loudly. You smiled into his chest. You loved that damn laugh.

“I’m serious.” You insisted. “I saw it as he walked away and it knocked me out. Spider-Man is dummy thick.”

“Please never say the words “Spider-Man is dummy thick” in my house again.” Peter pleaded. He secretly loved it though.

“I was actually thinking of making that the title of my article.” You joked. Peter laughed again. He chucked a pillow at you and you giggled.

“Let’s go to bed.” You yawned. “In a romantic, but still non sexual way this time.”

“Good night, my Nancy Drew.” Peter said with a kiss to your forehead.

“Goodnight, my whoever Nancy Drew was boning.” You yawed again.

“Ned Nickerson.” Peter laughed.

“Then goodnight Ned Nickelodeon.” You said, half asleep.

“Close enough.” Peter smiled.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

[ficcrimes]

tabula rasa

Fandom: Helluva Boss & Hazbin Hotel Characters: Collin, Keenie, Cletus, Niffty, Charlie, Alastor; mentions Angel, Husk and Vaggie Ship: Niffty / Collin A/N: commission for @scatter44 Summary:  noun. an absence of preconceived ideas or predetermined goals; a clean slate.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Checking into Charlie’s hotel wouldn’t make the cherubs’ current situation any better, but Collin liked to think the best was yet to come. If he didn’t hold on to the very small sliver of hope he still had left, he’d likely wind up like Keenie and Cletus. Downtrodden and cynical, sooner willing to laugh at the idea of redemption than work toward it. 

“You think redemption is possible?” Keenie had sneered once they had all checked in and were well out of earshot of the princess. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Her grin had been cruel, and Collin felt hot humility prickle at the back of his neck. It was still so strange to hear her swear and speak in that tone of voice.

“It - it could be! We won’t know unless we try, right?” he had replied, trying his best to remain optimistic, even if Keenie’s glare made him feel hollow and cold. 

“You’re as delusional as that sorry excuse for a Princess,” Cletus said, and his scowl had matched Keenie’s, and Collin felt even more out of place than he had before. 

“We were kicked out of Heaven for something that wasn’t even our fault, Collin,” Keenie said, closing the distance between herself and him. She took his face into her hands and stroked the coarse fur of his cheekbones with her thumbs. The gesture used to be comforting, but now a stranger may as well have been touching him. 

“We were nothing but Faithful our whole lives, and this is how we’re treated.” She pulled one hand away from him to gesture to the hallway of the hotel they had been standing in. “The sinners down here don’t have a chance,” she continued, bringing her hand back to his face and giving his cheek a firm pat. “And now, neither do we.”

Collin frowned, but was mildly relieved when she finally pulled away from him. Keenie hadn’t said another word as she started to walk away and further down the hall, toward her room.  

“Don’t get your hopes up. We only agreed to this hotel because it’s better than the streets,” Cletus said before he had followed Keenie’s lead toward his own room. 

That had been days ago, and Collin hadn’t seen or heard much from Keenie or Cletus since. The few times they did pass one another in the hallways or lobby, the glances exchanged were some sort of twisted mix of recognition and disdain. As painful as it was, he realized that, for now at least, it was better to just avoid them. 

With nothing else to really do to occupy him, Collin found himself often wandering around the hotel, carefully exploring it’s expanse. It seemed to go on forever, and part of him wondered if maybe it did. He never could quite muster the courage to wander down the darker corridors. 

In the short time he’d been seemingly on his own, he’d managed to have a few run-ins with the demons that lived and worked at the hotel, too. Word of the Radio Demon had even reached Heaven decades ago, and so he did his best to avoid Alastor if he could. If he found he couldn’t, he remained as polite as possible and pretended he didn’t notice the keen, predatory gaze of the demon. 

He didn’t mix and mingle with Husk too much, but Collin didn’t mind him. He reminded him of a grumpy old man for the most part, and there were plenty of those in Heaven. He had a feeling there was more to Husk than he let on, but it was none of Collin’s business to pry. 

Interacting with Angel Dust was an experience in itself whenever it did happen. Collin was not at all prepared for the way Angel flirted so shamelessly, and he never quite knew how to respond to it all. Thankfully, Vaggie never seemed to be too far away and seemed more than willing to come to his aid whenever he needed relief from Angel's advances. 

When it came to Charlie, Collin was still doing his best to wrap his head around the concept of her versus what she actually was. Was it mean to say that she seemed too nice to be the daughter of Lucifer? He had just expected something so entirely different upon meeting her, and yet here she was, doing her absolute best in the face of discrimination and adversity to prove her point and help her people. 

She had welcomed the cherubs into the hotel with open arms and a heartfelt apology for what had happened to them. She had also promised she would do her best and see to it that they got the redemption they deserved, and that had given Collin the reassurance he’d needed at the time. Even if Cletus and Keenie didn’t seem to believe it was possible, like many of the other denizens of Hell. 

But Charlie believed in her cause, and Collin believed in Charlie. 

And then there was Niffty, who had somehow or another seemed to have taken a shine to him. Meeting her had been a short-lived relief, as she didn’t tower over him like the other demons did. But he learned very quickly that looks could indeed be deceiving, because it didn’t take Niffty long at all to corner him in a hallway. Given her speed, he doubted he could have gotten away from her even if he tried, and so he pressed himself back against the wall and heard her out. 

“It’s such a relief to finally have a man in the hotel!” she had squealed at him when they first met, grinning wide and sharp. “I guess Alastor and Husk are men, but they don’t count,” she explained with a wave of one tiny black hand, her single eye focused intently on Collin. “Not like you do.” 

He did his best to lean back further and try to put some distance between them, offering her a weak smile. “I-isn’t Angel a man…?” 

Another roll of her eye. “Again! Not the point!” 

He cleared his throat and did his best to meet her gaze. “A-ah - S-so, then, what is the point?” 

She cocked her head to the side some, her grin turning into a smile but her pupil remained small and her stare unblinking. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a boyfriend,” she said, reaching out to touch the wool on one of his wrists. He wasn’t sure what alarmed him more, her words or her touch. Regardless of what caused it, he felt a heat prickling under the fur of his cheeks. 

“Niffty, my darling!” Alastor’s voice caused the two of them to jump just a little - Collin more so than Niffty - and then turn to face the direction it had come from. Not too far away, both Alastor and Charlie stood, and both seemed amused in their own ways. Alastor’s grin was wide, sharper than Niffty’s had been, while Charlie’s amusement took the shape of a smile she was trying to fend off. 

Niffty stepped back from Collin, attention solely on Alastor now. 

“Would you mind coming with me, please? You can play with the lost little sheep another time,” Alastor said, still grinning, and Collin felt a convoluted rush of embarrassment and fear shoot through him. 

“Yes, Al,” Niffty agreed readily, shamelessly blew Collin a kiss, and skipped over to Al and then off with him as he walked away. Once they were out of sight, Collin let himself lean back against the wall in a less rigid way, a hoof-like hand over his heart. 

Charlie chuckled as she approached him, reaching down to give him a reassuring pat on his head. 

“I think she likes you.” 

He looked up at Charlie and gave her a sheepish smile of his own. “I almost wish she didn’t. She’s… kind of terrifying.” 

“She means well! She’s just… a little intense, is all. Give it time, and I’m sure it won’t turn out so bad.” 

Collin felt that heat prickling under his fur again. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think Niffty was cute, even if she did frighten him a little. And the whole idea of having a demon like him like that seemed so wrong and twisted, but a little exciting, too. He stared off into the direction she and Alastor had gone in for a moment, and then looked up at Charlie, brow furrowed. 

“What, um, happened to her last boyfriend?” 

Charlie’s smile faltered for a moment, but she did her best to recover. However it wasn’t quick enough to put Collin at ease.

#Helluva Boss #hazbin hotel #collin #helluva boss collin #niffty #fanfic #alastor #keenie #cletus #helluva boss cherubs

[kathyprior4200]

C.H.E.R.U.B. Slice of Life

Several weeks before the events of Helluva Boss’ “C.H.E.R.U.B.”

 Cletus, Collin and Keenie were hanging out with their families in the cloudy Cherub Towne in Heaven. After hugging their parents, they went for a flying stroll around the town. The buildings in Cherub Towne were curved and decorated in pastel oranges, pinks and blues. Greek pillars supported many of the buildings which were supported by clouds. No citizen was at risk of falling due to the angels all having wings. The structure, too, never fell as the clouds and area were enchanted to support a perfect peaceful, stable city.

 Well…almost perfect. Beyond a wrought iron golden gate lay a sparkling city of teal green, reminiscent of the city in The Wizard of Oz. Holy City; the place where the elite angels and saints/former humans resided.

 Even in paradise, cherubs were still the lowest of the low, like the imps were in Hell. Keenie and Cletus in particular often longed to go there to live a better life. Tired of being treated like cute gullible servants, Cletus formed C.H.E.R.U.B. as a way to spread love to humans, make ends meet, but mostly to prove themselves. It may have been less than legal for the cherubs to enter earth and influence human lives, but the three members thought it was a reasonable plan. After all, they were just spreading love and the word of God to the living world. Humans were made in His image, so what better way to show support than to bless the creations He loved so dearly?

 Of course, many of the elite angels thought it was undignified that God would suddenly favor humans over his very first creations. Angels were immortal and perfect in every way…but they could not reproduce. Though no one went as far as Lucifer, they were still resentful. It was no wonder the Heaven-Born deemed former humans and the cherubs as nothing more than background characters in their spotlight-driven lives.

 Only guardian angels or angels on special missions could interfere with the lives of humans. But that didn’t stop those three cherubs.

 To many of the other cherubs, Cletus, Collin and Keenie were great friends, but also prone to rule-breaking. Collin was the most passive and kind-hearted of the group but was often a doormat as a result. Keenie prided herself on her appearance, niceness and charm. And Cletus was the leader; always doing nice things to later brag about it.

 “Look what our company did today!” Cletus bragged. “Blessed twenty people in one week. Prayed for the lost and gave hugs to all our cherub friends. I think we’ll break a record of our fifty client number we served per week. How I’d love to earn more money soon!”

 “Modesty is a heavenly virtue,” Collin had explained to them. “It’s unnecessary to boast about your accomplishments. Just do your daily duties like everyone else.”

 “But what good is that if no one appreciates what we do?” Keenie had argued back. “Surely we’re just as worthy and mature as every other angel.”

 “Another reason why I founded C.H.E.R.U.B. in the first place,” said Cletus. “If more people know of our beneficial actions,” Cletus added, “Then we won’t be pushed off to the side like invisible babies.”

 Cletus sucked on a spiral rainbow lollipop in the air. Keenie smirked and leaned toward Cletus playfully. “Who’s the sweet little baby again?” she cooed, pinching his cheeks and batting her large eyes.

 “Quit it, Keenie!” Cletus barked, shooing her away as she made kissing noises. “All of us are innocent. Anything too intimate is wrong.”

 “I was just playing around,” Keenie flirted. “Besides, aren’t we like hundreds of years old?”

 “Maybe we’re the same age as those young adult imps down below,” Collin answered.

 “Who cares about them? I care about me…erm us,” Cletus finished, sliding back his short fluffy pink ginger hair. “Our company will eventually be known all throughout Heaven! Just think of all the good we could spread to Heaven and Earth!”

 All the cherubs smiled in imaginative thought as they pictured themselves being loved and praised by the other angels.

 “I wonder if I could eventually take Deerie’s place,” Keenie thought. “Then I could wean out all the bitches and heathens...”

 “Hey, no swearing!” Collin cried, covering her mouth and looking around. Thankfully, no one else had heard her. Collin removed his cloven hand.

 “What can I say? I’m a bit of a rebel,” she grinned with a shrug.

 They flew onward and reached Christ Circle, a miniature town version of Times Square. Cute winged animal cherubs and a few child-like beings flew around carrying groceries, offspring, clothing and belongings. Some of the animals drove miniature flying cars to their destinations. Churches with stained glass windows were everywhere, many of them run by bi-pedal sheep. Several young deer children got to work cleaning a bronze statue that looked like a smiling Bambi. Fluffy yellow duck children wearing pastel colored bathing suits rolled around in small fountains that were spurting up from holes in the cobblestone ground. They laughed and splashed each other with water. Brown feathered mothers watched as they played, quacking, “No running!”

 A small toy shop nearby, “E. Gull’s Joyous Creations” sold the famous “Gabriel’s Truth Telling Trumpet Toys ™” (That didn’t really force people to tell the truth), plastic harps, plushies of Jesus, balls, jacks, books and a lot of stuffed animals. A few wind-up lambs and lions slowly wondered along a counter, much to the delight of several young fox siblings. Several toys near the back had been hand-crafted by E. Gull himself, manifesting as friendly robots. His stores were found in many Halos and districts.

 Collin briefly skimmed a plaque that read about the store founder:

 “E. Gull. An eagle angel formerly a human who died in 1888 in the Industrial Revolution. Instead of using his machinery for evil and domination, he used his contraptions and toys in London to benefit the common-folk and aristocrats alike. Unlike his evil serpent counterpart Sir Pentious, E. Gull is modest, a bit insecure and prefers to keep to himself. But his technology has earned him a great place in Heaven among his fellow pre-human saints. He currently lives in a blimp with his serving robotic Nestling Eggs. He likes modern technology and soda and dislikes cats, tea and fads.”

 “Oooh!” said Collin as he turned to the window and admired one of the trumpets on display.

 “Oh no, Collin,” Keenie chided, pulling Collin away from the window. “You’re much too old for that stuff.”

 “But we’re cherubs!” Collin protested. “We never grow up.”

 “Figures. You’re always the baby of the group.”

 “Am not! I believe I’m older than you. You’re not my sister.”

 “And I’m not your baby-sitter. Now let’s go!”

 Collin groaned as he was pulled away toward the leading Cletus.

 They continued their walk, passing by the large honey factory. The building was white and gold with rainbows emitting from the tall smoke stacks instead of pollution. Several hexagons of golden-orange glass appeared like honeycombs and hovered around outside the building. Several bees were working in their offices or in small labs, creating honey. The warehouse was full of bumblebee cherubs who were busy loading jars of honey into crates. A tall lady bee in a business suit and wearing a small black crown on her head, scrutinized the area, keeping careful watch. Collin waved happily to one of their fellow cherub friends, Honey. Honey waved back at him before focusing on work.

 For the next stretch of their stroll, they discussed their families. All of them had grown up to families who instilled Christian views to them from a young age. The rules were simple: Love the Lord, do not sin, care for others and the community, and be sure to sing/play music well. (A unique unwritten rule existed in Heaven and Hell that required/encouraged all characters to be proficient or show an interest in musicals and the arts. No one could explain it, it was just natural for many to follow.)

 Many organizations existed to promote different cultures and faiths: Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Paganism (no Satanism of course) and even atheism. Christianity was still the dominant faith though, similar to earth. Strangely enough, classism and discrimination still existed, though it was sugarcoated and easier to hide than on earth. But judgement was always there…even in paradise. C.H.E.R.U.B. could feel the subtle effects of it every day. Racism, sexism and homophobia were less of an issue than on earth. In Heaven, status was mostly based on one’s status as either Heaven-born or being formerly human, similar to sinners and Hell-born in Hell. Archangels were the higher class, similar to the Overlords in Hell. It was one of the few commonalities between the two opposite realms: the promise of more freedom and self-exploration in the afterlives.

 And then there were some rules that many angels in Heaven did not follow. They were quite bizarre: avoid things like evolution theories, sex, swearing, rock music, Marxism, Tarot cards, Vox media, and strangers (mostly LGBTQ and promiscuous females according to the more conservative angels). All the different branches of religion existed in Heaven…and it became more complicated due to trying to maintain people from all walks of life…and time periods! No matter where one was, every civilization of beings fucked their partners, drank, sought after wealth and raised children their own way.

  At the Divine Diner, Cletus snuck sips of Cloud Nine Wine from a nearby bottle while Collin and Keenie munched on glowing juicy fruit. It was so tasty that it made fruit on earth appear dry. The cherubs sat at a booth, looking at a dazzling orange sunset through the open window.

 “Life can’t get any better than this,” Cletus sighed happily. He gazed at a menu that advertised all sorts of heavenly food: angel food cake, gold leaf casserole, angel hair pasta, pineapple pizza (gotta meet others’ needs), holy bread and wine, first fish, medieval roast beast, and several Passover-themed dishes.

 “We are lucky,” Keenie agreed. “While we may not be the most appreciated, we can still spread love from our comfortable world!” She turned to Collin. “Crossbows still working?”

 Collin briefly summoned his golden bow in his hand before vanishing it. “Always ready to go!” Like Moxxie, Collin specialized in holy weapons and like Millie, Keenie could create portals.

 As they enjoyed the sunset, Collin slowly took hold of Keenie’s cloven hoof hand. Although she briefly looked at him in confusion, she had to admit that it felt…nice.

 “Do you think our company will officially be endorsed by the Lord someday?” Cletus asked.

 “We haven’t been disbanded yet,” Keenie said. “After you formed it, it was sponsored by our government. They make sure we don’t step out of line when we go to earth.”

 “I thought going to earth was illegal,” Collin added.

 “It technically is…” said Cletus, “but as long as we do our duty and don’t cause trouble, they allow it. They want more worthy people to go to Heaven and convert. I think they want to test us.”

 “Right…” said Collin, unsure.

 They stayed through the evening before flying back home. The cherubs sat in their respective rooms, with comfy beds, pictures of their families in cloud frames and elegant fountains with cupid figurines on top. Their PJs had halos and stars on them.

 They soon slept soundly like…well, sheep. But what did they count in their sleep? Their blessings, of course!

  Several days before the events of Helluva Boss’ “C.H.E.R.U.B.”

  Cletus, Keenie and Collin lounged in their spotless office in a giant harp-shaped building. The skyscraper building with a golden harp and strings as part of the design was C.H.E.R.U.B. headquarters. An exhausted Collin sank back on a nearby sofa, massaging his cloven wrist after several hours of completing paperwork. On a nearby white board, “God loves you,” “Be a sheep, not a creep,” and “Live a Life of Love” was written in various colored marker. Keenie had written “Damnation to all demons” in cursive on one corner of the board. The ginger-haired Cletus drank quietly from a white mug that read “God’s Faithful Disciple Is Also Your #1 Boss.” Keenie fluffed up her yellow frilly dress and straightened her red hair bow.

 Collin smiled and handed Keenie two white roses. Keenie smiled back and took them, thinking about how adorable Collin looked.

 “Why…do I have to fill out…all the paperwork?” Collin asked between breaths as he rested.

 “Because you’re the best at it and you’re also pretty much a wuss everywhere else,” Keenie replied with a grin. Collin’s face turned red.

 “That’s n-n-not very nice,” Collin replied with a stutter. “I may have been a recorder of the faiths and sins of humans for a while but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get old fast…which it does!”

 “Oh stop it with your jittering,” Keenie replied with a roll of her large eyes. “Count yourself lucky that you’re part of a group dedicated to bettering the lives of those humans!”

 “Indeed I am,” Collin said. He recited one of his favorite passages, one that he lived by daily:

 “’Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love.’” John 1:6 (NCV). I do love humans…Except when they’re mean and s-s-sinful and stuff.”

 “Either way, it’s our job,” Cletus said as he slurped his mug of iced coffee. “Don’t forget about our recent assignment we completed.”

 “Dolly Dolores was the woman that angel requested us to bless,” Keenie said. “Thankfully it was easy to do. She’s been donating to Evangelical churches all across the U.S. Now she will live a good life and be guaranteed access to Heaven!”

 Cletus added, “And Samuel Hawkins, inventor of modern technology to help with inter-dimensional communication. We thought global communication on Earth was impressive enough. Now we can easily call and chat with anyone in Heaven, Earth or Hell…at least, God and a few elite can in regard to the inferior realms.”

 Collin pondered. “Does that explain why Heaven commercials sometimes appear in Hell?”

 Cletus nodded. “Yep! Gotta bring hope to family members, even to those who have sinned. One of his inventions, Vivoom (Our online Zoom communication) was sponsored by a technology demon named Vox. He was always a fan of V names.”

 Collin looked uneasy. “Why have I heard that name before…”

 “We angels are given lists of dangerous demons and their traits so we can briefly study them in case they decide to attack,” Keenie said. “Of course, they’d have to go through the Exorcists first; they wouldn’t dare. One shot from angelic weapons and they’re devil dust!”

 Keenie rammed her fist against her palm.

 “We also bless the poor, right?” Collin asked. “I don’t recall her being very nice to the homeless.”

 “Not as often,” Cletus said. “Usually the ones we get requests for are white human males who are family members or role models for said angel client. Often times they’re famous…and sometimes stupid.”

 “So…we can’t just go down and bless those who truly deserve it?” Collin whispered.

 “Nope,” Keenie declined with a wave of her hoof. “A mission is a mission. Whoever our client says we need to bless, we do it. No matter how selfish or stupid they may be. It not only keeps our clients happy but it also (hopefully) encourages the human to do good so that one day, they may arrive here in Heaven, ready to love and cherish God. Thus our civilization can thrive and grow, and all those filthy demons down below can eventually meet their end in divine hands.”

 Her eyes briefly glowed and small eyes appeared on her wings before she quickly returned to her regular self. She smirked at Collin’s fearful face.

 Collin shivered. “I hate it when you go to your Angel Form.”

 “You should try it sometime. All types of angels and demons can do it. Perhaps it’ll make you less of a soft coward.”

 “D-don’t you call me a coward!” Then he added, “I don’t think that’s how it works. Only saints, sinners and the elite can fully transform.”

 “Hmph. Says how much you know.”

 “That’s enough guys,” Cletus spat at his employees. “You’re interrupting my contemplation of paradise and life.” Cletus stared at a picture on the wall of a smiling white man dressed in a white top hat with a gold cross on it. His eyes were obscured under his hat. A plaque down below read, “He watches us, always.”

 “Is that God?” Collin asked.

 “Who else would it be?” Cletus shrugged.  

 “Doesn’t look like him. Isn’t he just dressed up? Surely that’s not his true form.”

 “You don’t know what his true form looks like,” Keenie said.

 “Neither do you.”

 “I don’t care what form he takes,” Cletus replied. “As long as we follow his Word and the Word of our Lord Jesus Christ, things will go smoothly. Remember what he said recently: “Surround yourself with people who’ll lift you up…’”

 “’…so ditch the ones you cannot use,’” Keenie finished. “Makes sense to me.”

 “Hold up!” Collin said, flying up in front of them. The other cherubs stood up and hovered in place. “I don’t think God would encourage us to ditch friends who won’t help us get to the top. He’d surely want all of us to love one another and live simple lives. Plus, that’s not even His actual quote! I read the Bible a bazillion times!”

 “But it was explicitly stated on the sign,” Keenie argued. “With an orangeish face to prove it!”

 “I think it was a prank,” Collin stated, crossing his arms.

 “We’ve all learned that to glorify God, we must support and beautify our community,” Cletus explained. “Back in the 2000s, I founded C.H.E.R.U.B. on behalf of God to bless his favorite creation: man. Plus even though we live in a comfy cloudy Cherub Towne, we still need to get by. Money is money. Extravagance and respect is our ideal.”

 Collin narrowed his eyes.

 “A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life.” Proverbs 13:7 (Msg)

 Keenie looked in approval at Collin.

 He continued. “Technically, our Father hasn’t formerly endorsed our organization,” Collin reminded them. “In fact, I think it’s illegal for angels to interact with mortals unless it’s a divine mission or an emergency...”

 “It’s always an emergency here!” Cletus declared, flying into Collin’s face, causing the periwinkle sheep cherub to flinch back, flying into a chair and knocking it over. Bobble heads of Keenie and Collin spun around on the large white table as it briefly shook. Cletus quickly picked them up and put them in his large overall pocket.

 Cletus blushed a bit as his companions gave him looks.

 “Oh come on, Collin,” Keenie said. “We’re cherubs! No one would automatically suspect any lower-class citizens sneaking off to earth. That was also Cletus’ idea.” Cletus beamed with a thumbs up at Keenie and Collin.

 “Besides,” Keenie added, “It’s only natural for us to want the best in Heaven. Recognition, money, wealth, glory. For our happiness will result in God’s joy.”

 “Well…if you say so,” Collin said. Then he muttered, “But it still feels like greed…and if we were to get caught making a mistake…” He shuddered again.

 “C.H.E.R.U.B. never makes mistakes!” Cletus declared. “It’s in our name: Cherishing Human Existence, Releasing Unlimited Blessings.”

 “I don’t think that’s what the acronym…”

 “No one cares what you think, Collin!” Keenie added, elbowing Collin who winced.  

 “Oh God, Keenie…”

 “And don’t use His name in vain!”

 “Enough!” Cletus bellowed. “Your petty arguments are getting us nowhere. For once, let a seasoned cherub have some peace and quiet!”

 “Says you, whiny baby,” Keenie said. “You’re not even a proper animal cherub!”

 “Oh yeah? Then what are those strange visible lumps on your chest, Keenie?”

 Keenie briefly looked down at her breasts and turned light red. “So inappropriate, Cletus!” she seethed with a “baa.”

 Cletus smirked. “I know, but you still got a kick outta that.”

 “Oh, you want a kick? I’ll show you…”

 Before Keenie could kick her companions in the groins (she was looking at Collin too), a large computer and screen on the table flickered to life. “Incoming call” was displayed on the screen as the Jesuskype (Jesus themed Skype) logo appeared. Cletus tapped the “accept” button.

 A white sheep cherub named Rachel appeared on the light blue screen, a black cross necklace around her neck, her hands folded in prayer. The three cherubs stood in front of the computer screen and folded their hands. They did little respectful bows as signs of greeting.

 “Greetings, fellow cherubs,” Rachel smiled. “How are you all today?”

 “We’re doing good,” Keenie said, delighted to see their fellow friends.

 Another sheep, Beau, appeared on the screen, licking a rainbow lollipop that had been grown like a tree. “Baaaack to work, I see?”

 “The usual,” Cletus remarked, puffing out his chest in pride. “’Need someone to bless and love in the living world? Come to C.H.E.R.U.B.!’”

 “You don’t need to memorize the words on our billboard, Cletus,” Keenie whispered in his ear.

 “It never hurts,” Cletus whispered back before turning back to the screen.  

 Beside Rachel, two yellow and orange bumblebee angels appeared with smiles on their faces.

 “Bea! Honey!” Collin exclaimed to the two bee angels. “How’ve you been?”

 “Busy, busy!” Bea buzzed happily. “My siblings and I are flying to and fro to different heavenly flowers, making sure they stay pollinated and healthy.”

 “And I work with a special group to create heavenly honey to help feed families,” Honey explained. “Every bee works in their own honeycomb section. We send the substances we make to our Queen Bee CEO for review and then it gets sent off to the other Halos (districts like the Hell Rings) for the denizens to enjoy.”

 Cletus was glad he didn’t have to worry about any production or farm work. Although many cherubs enjoyed doing their services to the higher up saints and angels, it was still tedious (and not enough desired pay to begin with).

 “Sounds very productive,” Collin mentioned.

 “It keeps us on our wings, that’s for sure,” said Bea. “So happy to be able to meet with other amazing cherubs.”

 “You ever feel lonely?” Collin asked.

 “Sometimes,” Bea said. “I love my heavenly family a lot. One of my friends Bumble is a bee angel, a former human.” Bea leaned in and whispered, “I heard his cousins got sent to Hell. That’s why God won’t let him see them ever again.”

 The cherubs gasped in horror, hooves and hands covering their mouths.

 “How awful!” Keenie whimpered.

 “It’s true,” Bea said, flying back. “Bumble told me that Stinger, Wasp, and Buzza turned into wasp and hornet demons in Hell! Stinger was a murder hornet…literally. Wasp was greedy and kept everything for himself, and Buzza? Well, she’s what many called, a ‘whore-net.’”

 The cherubs gasped again…Beau fainted in Rachel’s arms. Rachel comforted her companion and laid her down on a cloud. She turned back to the camera and laughed nervously. “She’ll be fine, she’ll be fine.”

 There was an awkward silence.

 “Anyway,” Rachel said, “My boyfriend Jacob and I are doing alright. Interesting story: one of Jacob’s old friends decided it would be funny to test his shapeshifting abilities. His friend is a mighty lion named Solael who likes to carry little cherubs around. Anyway, this angelic lion transformed into a sheep and offered himself as a sacrifice to a bunch of royal guards. (This was so he, Jacob and myself could sneak into the palace and try to catch a glimpse of Metatron at work. Jacob’s a bit of a fanatic.) Any-who, the plan didn’t work very well and we were kicked out before we could reach the doors. Solael transformed back into his Aslan form and scared off the guards, allowing us to escape. Solael bellowed, ‘Behold! My revived and true form!’ He appeared to be poorly imitating Jesus to many bystanders. As punishment, Solael was made to turn invisible every time someone looked at him (though God and a few others could see him.) Thus, he’s not as prideful anymore.”

 “Whoa,” said Cletus with a laugh. “And they say I’m full of myself.”

 “Last I heard of Solael, he had solemnly stated, ‘I wish I could’ve worked as secretary for C.H.E.R.U.B.’”

 Cletus, Collin and Keenie burst into laughter. “Likely story!” Cletus chortled, his halo swaying from side to side as he caught his breath. “Being invisible doesn’t allow you to keep a job!”

 “Ah,” Rachel sighed in content. “Good times. Say, C.H.E.R.U.B., wanna hang out with us at Christ Circle in Holy City? The Laughing Lambs will be telling jokes.”

 “Lame,” Keenie yawned. “And don’t get me started on all those bands that feature sheep and babies playing on harps and trumpets. Gets old fast.”

 Rachel grinned. “For the edgier types, there’s the Seraph’s Wrath. They do rock music and White Metal, and they swear behind the curtain. Perhaps Jacob can smuggle in some Cloud Nine Wine for us.”

 Keenie grinned, “I’m in!”

 “Ooh, ooh!” Collin beamed, light purple eyes shining, pushing slightly in front of Keenie. “I can bring angel food cake and God-opoly! Or if you’re into cards, I have the classic Go Ichthys!” Then he said in a sing-song voice, “We could even do a sleepover!”

 He looked at Keenie and blushed with a wink. The yellow winged sheep merely raised an eyebrow at his ridiculousness. Just then…

 “Yeeeaaahh no! No, no, no.”

 “Oh no!” Rachel groaned at the familiar voice, looking off to the side. “Deerie’s coming back!”

 “Gotta look prompt, look prompt!” Bea exclaimed, going into a quick salute.

 “Oh, her?” Keenie rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Naysayer doe-doe deer is just jealous of our many accomplishments.”

 “She should write in her records, ‘C.H.E.R.U.B. saves mortals again, kicks the divine derriere of patronizing Deerie,’” Cletus said.

 The other cherubs snickered.

 “Rachel!” Deerie called. “Be sure you’re doing your rounds and not talking to those trouble-making wannabe sheep! Our reports must be perfect as usual. Wouldn’t want anyone, especially me to notice any slacking off, hehehehe!”

 “Ahhh, we gotta go!” Rachel cried, her eyes wide. “Don’t want to make our other friend mad. Can you make it later? Saturday?”

 “Saturday’s a holy day!” Collin said.

 “Only for Jews,” Cletus said. “Sunday’s our holy day.”

 “Sure it wasn’t Friday?”

 “Collin…”

 “We’ll do a sun-check,” Cletus replied.

 “Don’t you mean rain check?” Collin asked.

 Keenie slapped Collin in the face a few times as hearts briefly appeared in his eyes.

 “May God bless you all! Goodbye!” Rachel called before the screen went blank.

 The office was silent once more.

 “That was…interesting,” Collin said, straightening his white bow tie. “Anyone wanna listen to my ‘Human Happiness Should Take Priority Over Our Material Benefits’ speech?”

 “Get back to work, sheep!” Cletus and Keenie bellowed in response.

 “O-okay…” Collin stuttered, sitting at the desk and rummaging through the last of the paperwork stacks.

 “Don’t forget, we film our new commercial tomorrow,” said Cletus. “On Earth at 7:00AM sharp. Be prepared to sing our jingle.”

 “And try not to get mauled by wild animals,” Keenie added.

 Collin groaned, his head banging against the desk.

#cherub #helluvaboss #cletus #keenie #collin

[kevoreally]

#BuffyAt20 - S03E08 “Lover’s Walk”

> OKay, first thing’s first: is it Lovers or Lover’s? Wikipedia has the first one, Hulu has the second. Very confusing.

> Another fake-out opener where someone is being hyperbolic about the world ending but it’s just grades or something.

> Willow got a 740 verbal on her SATs. Like, I think she’s being too hard on herself, but I get not feeling academically fulfilled by that. I think I got 700? I don’t remember. My math sucked, that’s for sure.

> That Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel reference has endured the test of time.

> What is Xander’s score if it’s close to 740? We joke about his grades a lot but like. Get serious, son.

> Willow, that top is so loud.

> Omigod, I’m looking forward to going back to pretending Xillow never happened soon.

> Cordelia testing well is good continuity with “Band Candy.” And I loved them following up on SAT scores. I think these might have come out a little quick, but it’s fine.

> “That was my sarcastic voice.” “Y’know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.” “I’ve been told that.” I feel you, Oz.

> Cordelia’s terror at the idea of double dating IS A DANGER SIGN, XANDER.

> I have Buffy’s SAT score memorized: “1430, Buffy, you kicked ass!” (A friend got the same score on her first take.)

> “Now you can leave and never come back.” I actually love Cordy here, a rarity for me lately.

> Pretty sure the shot of Spike crashing into the Sunnydale sign is just a retouched copy of the one from Season 2. Not a problem, just funny.

> I wasn’t sure I had the energy to do my #BuffyAt20 right now but this theme song is giving me life.

> I don’t get Spike’s obsession with Sinatra in this episode but sure.

> Oh man, remember the Factory? It’s a slot on my Buffy Monopoly board.

> Do we feel the flashback to when Dru left Spike that we get in Season 3 keeps in line with what we’re presented here? Dru accusing him of loving Buffy as far back as now? Hm.

> Literally the episode where Cordelia and Xander break up is the episode where it most seems like they’re a happy couple. And even then, they’re horrible to each other half the time. Sigh.

> Oz giving Willow the PEZ Witch is still one of the best things ever. I really wanted a wolf PEZ for Oz.

> Okay, a friend and I recently discussed a fan poll where people voted on their favorite mate for Willow and it made me uncomfortable that Oz was winning. But… I get it.

> There’s a lot of focus on Giles packing in this scene.

> Ooh! Worth noting: the guy who wrote this episode wrote three of my favorite #Daria episodes! He’ll also later write “The Zeppo.”

> This episode laid a lot of interesting potential for Buffy to be able to leave Sunnydale. Not forever, but, even if just for college. It was interesting.

> I wish I could make Buffy Now see how much Giles treated Seventeen Buffy like an adult over this Angel situation. He could’ve been SUUUCH a prick. And their relationship got really awkward for a while there, and I don’t think Buffy was entirely fair to him. Or probably him to her too. Fathers and daughters, man.

> I spent a whole dumb Xillow scene typing that last one. Not sorry.

> I’ve said it before but it’s wild that Buffy’s house never changes once in 7 seasons. The cinematography changes so much that it feels like a different house.

> How does Angel not hear, or even sense, Spike right outside the Mansion? Still recovering from Hell, I guess? Coz otherwise, wtf?

> I do love Spike waking up on fire.

> What happened to Spike’s car between Seasons 3 and 4 anyway? Where’s that story?

> “This is just too much.” Some real gentle language there, Spike.

> The Magic Box is, like, the same SHAPE we see in Season 5. But the layout isn’t totally right. And the back hasn’t been blown out yet. The storefront is the same. They moved the register away from the door. Hmm.

> Ooh, that Spike shot of grabbing the shop owner becomes his credits shot.

> Hey! It’s the Mayor! I forgot he’s in this one. And Allan! He’s pretty cute, tbh.

> “Boats did have canons. And a loose one would cause it to rock.” Lol.

> The way that the Mayor celebrates sinking that putt makes me wonder if he hadn’t been expecting it, haha.

> Where is Angel getting hair gel from in the Mansion? How is this a priority? Then again: same question at Derek Hale sleeping in a train yard.

> I’m not loving the dramatic beat when Angel tells Buffy she should leave. Like. Buff. Shouldn’t you? Sigh.

> Willow is trying to do magic on Xander without his consent. That’s actually an interesting portent for Season 6.

> Xander and Willow, like, really try and hold their own against Spike here. Mad respect.

> Alyson Hannigan shows such amazing vulnerability in the scenes with James Marsters, it’s bonkers. And then how it flips on a dime to be comedic. Wild chemistry, those two.

> OOOH, Dru accused Spike of going soft for teaming up with Buffy, eh? Interesting…

> HA! The “chaos demon, all slime and antlers” line was a favorite among fans, so we loved finally seeing him in Season 5.

> “I haven’t had a woman in weeks.” Blech. “Well, unless you count that shopkeeper.” Double blech.

> “I’m not a real witch, you know.” Heh.

> It. Is. SO. Clever. That Willow sends Spike to Buffy’s house. Holy. Shit.

> You know who else is a good version of Cordelia Chase? Valencia from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Becomes a good person in, like, half the time it’s taking Cordy…

> Ugh, I hate coincidence moments like that. Buffy heard Spike on the phone when her mom happened to call? Sigh.

> YAAS, the Joyce/Spike bond! We needed more of this!

> Joyce Summer is Top 5 TV Mom material.

> “You get out of this house or I will stake you myself.” GEDDIT, JOYCE!

> Lol, remember how Buffy is going to start sleeping with Spike? This show, man.

> Spike just called Angel a “poof.” Nice.

> “What if they were kidnapped by Colombian drug lords?” CORDELIA. STOP.

> Oz smelling Willow is… interesting.

> Buffy is so eager to kill Spike.

> Did Buffy rip off Sookie Stackhouse with this love triangle or vice versa? Angel being Bill, Spike being Eric. Hm.

> Buffy always made kicking in doors look so cool.

> What exactly are we supposed to make of Spike’s observation about Buffy and Angel being in love here? I mean, he’s right. But. Like. What, they needed someone else to tell them?

> “I won, right? Kicked his ass?” “You were real brave. Do you need to barf.” Classy.

> “Give me a third option.” “He’s so drunk he forgets about us and we starve to death.” HA.

> AAAAAnd they kiss, aaaand Oz and Cordy show up, aaaand it’s horrible. AAAAND Oz is the only one who composes himself maturely, like always.

> Cordelia getting skewered was… so weird.

> They’re having this vampire fight, like, in the middle of downtown Sunnydale right now. I get that it’s probably 3am or something but omigod.

> Oh yeah, the storefront is definitely the same a when it’s the Magic Box.

> Seeing Buffy, Angel, and Spike standing side-by-side is a hoot.

> The “let’s give baby a taste” stuff Spike does is… No.

“ “Baby like his supper?” No. No he doesn’t.

> The table Spike stakes this guy on is, like, probably the same table he and Anya bang on in Season 6, haha.

> The holy water bombs are so cool. Why don’t they use holy water more often?

> The resolution of this Spike story is… so Spike. You know, we probably would’ve never seen him again if they didn’t love James Marsters SOOO much.

> Remember when they made us think Cordelia died? Like, right after she found of Xander cheated on her? This story was, like, one of the lowest points of the show. I’m sorry but it was. I remember laughing out loud when we found out Cordy wasn’t dead. That’s not something you wanna get a laugh on.

> What was the point of this story arc, though? “Don’t cheat or someone could die?” This is a ‘Blood on the Pavement’ type parable here. Way more Dawson’s Creek than Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

> I remember thinking Cordelia was going to be blind, because of the “I can’t see you” thing. I don’t know how being skewered would blind her.

> Okay, CAN WE TALK about the nailed-up broken sheets of wood at the Mansion entrance? It is the weirdest thing, it looks like a child’s tree fort.

> Buffy, if you think you’re fooling Giles and your friends into believing you don’t want Angel, you are sorely mistaken.

> Angel, be a big boy, let the seventeen year old girl go.

> She has to step through his weird cobbled-together wooden doorway! And it’s gone, like, after this episode! Wtf!

> This maudlin montage of all the characters being despondent was, like, the biggest bummer. Why do I love Season 3 so much?? This is such a downbeat point for the show.

> And there’s Spike riding off into the sunset. See you in a year, William.

#buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #BtVS #Buffy Season 3 #Lovers Walk #Spike #Angel #william the bloody #Buffy Watch #Buffy Blog

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 11: the glass and the torch

Saturday, October 13th, 1990

“Helloooo – oh, hey Alex.” The door swings open and my obnoxious greeting is cut short as I realize I’m talking to him, not her. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since she got home. My rural manners hitch my smile back up on my face fast enough that I don’t think he noticed anything, but fuck, I still want to smack him on the side of the head with my shoe. Not just once, either, like… once for every word I shout at him. Stop! Fucking! Up! With! My! Friend! You! Fucking! Jackass! I’ll! Fucking! Kill! You! If! You! Hurt! Her! Again! Ahh, that is deeply satisfying.

“Hey, Lucy,” he greets me pleasantly enough, but I have a feeling he’s wearing a similar mask to cover whatever his own thoughts are about me. I can only hope his is concealing a bottomless pit of despair and embarrassment and sheer mortal terror at having fucked up so badly the other night. What kind of idiot actually forgets a whole entire human being?

“Okay, babe, you sure you don’t need anything else at the store? Grocery list looks okay? No? Okay, I’ll be back in a while, love you,” he fusses over an extremely stressed out looking Cora, who barely responds to him as she pores over a piece of paper at their kitchen table. He grabs a few tote bags from the hook by the door and offers me an awkward wave before leaving and closing the door behind him. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was scared to talk to me today. Good. He could stand to be on his best behavior a little more often.

“Luuuuuce,” Cora whines as soon as the door closes, dropping her pen and yanking off her glasses, “I need huuuuugs.”

My murderous thoughts evaporate and I go to my friend and give her a bear hug from behind her chair, and she wraps her arms around mine and silently fake cries. “What’s your damage, woman?”

“I can’t science,” she pouts, and then glowers at me over her shoulder when I can’t help laughing at her.

“I’m looking at some persuasive evidence to the contrary.”

I nod toward their little table, which is covered with paper several pages deep, each one filled with typing that is bleeding red from where she’s marked it up for editing. There are a lot of things my best friend doesn’t do well. Suffer fools. Bluff at poker. Pick boyfriends. But she’s a goddamn science rockstar.

“There does appear to have been a struggle, though… this is that fellowship application?”

She nods, and I take one arm off her to pick up the nearest page. “Page nine. How many pages is it supposed to be?”

“Five…” she mumbles into her hand like she’s trying not to be heard.

“And how many pages is it, currently?” I stand up and try to neaten up the nearest pile.

“Eleven…”

“Okay. This is bleak, but we will manage. We just need fortification. Stay strong, I’ll be right back.”

On autopilot, I grab their teapot out of the cabinet and start boiling water for tea. Once it’s done, I go back to the table, where she’s done a half-assed job of clearing a spot for the cups.

“You’re an actual angel.” She cradles a mug in her hands and her eyes zone out as she watches the steam curl upward.

“You’re delirious and sleep deprived. Okay, where are we starting?”

I understand maybe a tenth of the content, but if nothing else, I can help her find places to trim down the writing, or remove redundant graphs or figures, or shorten the references section, and an hour later we’ve got it cut down to seven pages.

“The rest is on you, or else we’re going to need something stronger than tea,” I groan as I stretch my back, and her head hits the table in a dramatic clunk.

“I repeat, an actual angel,” her voice is muffled by the papers she’s squashing her face into, but then she sits up and flashes a tired but happy smile. “I’m 95% sure I can fix the rest of this myself after a cat nap. Or some FOOD. Let me feed you for your services, it’s only right.”

I follow her into the kitchen, but she hip-checks me out of the way when I try to help. She aimlessly roots through a couple of cabinets before turning around looking defeated.

“So the cupboards appear to be bare… OH!” her eyes widen. “His stash of illicit starches!” She wheels around and produces a half-eaten bag of tortilla chips from a drawer next to the stove. “Do you know what this means??”

“Nachos,” we say at the same time.

I may not be able to live out my fantasy of bloodying Alex with a shoe, but at least I can passive-aggressively eat all his favorite junk food. We pile on our preferred sins and head to the couch with our plates.

“So, how’s work?”

“Medical and fascinating, as always,” I roll my eyes. “The new girl labels all her food in the fridge because she thinks everyone else is going to steal it.”

“Well, to be fair…” Cora holds up a chip and regards it.

“I mean, no jury would convict me for stealing nachos from my friends. But come on, some office rando’s disgusting tunafish salad?”

Cora mimes puking in her mouth.

“Jake says I should make fork marks in every dish, not actually to eat it, just to fuck with her.”

“Jake’s my kind of sicko.”

“Anyway, it’s just the usual office bullshit.”

She scrutinizes her next bite very carefully. “Yeah. You think any more about moving on?”

Her eyes dart up to me, like she knows she’s on thin ice. Every now and again we talk about it, the idea of changing careers, because she knows I hate my job, but she’s at least figured out that it’s mostly an off-limits subject. I love Jeff to bits but he hasn’t gotten that memo yet.

“Ehh, not lately. It pays the bills, it doesn’t take a lot out of me, I have good hours… why rock the boat?”

“Sure, sure, makes sense,” she nods, and I can tell she’s done asking questions. I love her for that.

“Anyway, fuck my stupid job,” I say a little too loudly, “are you coming to the guys’ practice later?”

“Oh come on, you saw how much work I still have to do…” she looks back at the kitchen table with that cornered wild animal look in her eyes.

“Nope, uh-uh. We slayed that monster. You’re going.”

“Yeah, but once this thing is submitted, I really should get started on my thesis proposal…”

“Cora.”

“Lucy.” She fires back in an exaggerated version of my impatient tone.

“What. the hell. is up with you and Stone?”

The customary Stone-induced eye roll is a lot more impatient than usual. “Uhm, Stone’s an irredeemable asshole?”

“Well, sure, but that’s nothing new. What the hell happened last night? Jeff said that when Stone came back inside after talking to you, he looked like a decapitated praying mantis.”

“This image pleases me.”

“Come on, what happened? Why don’t you want to come to the gallery?”

She purses her lips for a moment. “I don’t even know. He’s just up my butt all the time about everything.”

“Speaking of images.” I earn a shove to the knee, but she’s laughing.

“I don’t know,” she says again. “I just… why’s he so fucking interested in my love life all of a sudden.”

“He’s your friend, he cares about you.”

“I know, just… I want things to go back to normal, when Stone being my friend meant calling Alex Cletus and making fun of the Doc Watson tapes in my car. Now it means him treating me like I’m breakable all the time and fixating on every little spat I have with Alex.”

“Well,” I say slowly, choosing my words with precision, “maybe he feels a little protective, I mean, he was the one who picked you up, and probably saw you when you were feeling the most upset that night…”

“No, I know, that’s the thing, I already owe him enough, can’t he let it go? Does he have to keep reminding me that we’re not… equal anymore?”

“Ah yes, the hallmark of a healthy friendship, keeping score.”

She cocks an eyebrow. “Oh, you’re the sarcastic one now? Filling in for Stone in his absence, are we?”

“When are you going to drop this and let the poor guy relax? He’s worried about you.”

“Since when does him worrying about me translate to him deserving to hear every gory detail of my personal life?”

“You told me everything,” I point out.

“Yeah, but you’re you.”

“I’m who?”

“Abbott, or Costello, I don’t give a fuck. You’re my best friend. I’m just saying, of course I told you, I tell you everything. I know you’re not going to judge me, think I’m weak, mock me for still trying to make it work. Stone… he wouldn’t get it, he’s always making fun of Alex, and like, I don’t know… he just doesn’t miss a thing, does he?”

She chews her lip, and I can tell she’s not really expecting an answer to that last question, because we both already know it. It’s true, Stone’s invested in her. It’s plain as day when they’re in the same room. He can hardly look anywhere else. I’m pretty sure she has no clue why, because she’s too busy being irritated by him, but it’s obvious enough to me that he’s carrying a torch for her. But it’s also not my hill to die on, and I don’t want to make her feel any worse.

“Well, he’s your friend, he cares about your happiness. Give him a little credit, Cor. Maybe he wouldn’t make a joke out of it after all. You don’t know.”

“Yeah, and if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass hopping…” she gets up to put our plates in the sink, and it’s clear the subject’s closed.

“Okay, well, think about it? Their practice, I mean. Eddie goes back to San Diego tomorrow, you know, it’d mean a lot to all of them if you came with me.”

She gives me a pained expression and I know I’ve got her. “Okayyyy, maybe…”

“Alright, come downstairs at 2, no take backsies!”

She opens her mouth, but I’m out the door before she can say anything.

***

“Uhm, hello?” A muffled voice calls through my door, accompanied by a knock.

There’s no mistaking that guy’s voice anywhere, is there? That impossibly deep voice for such a small frame, and the way he pronounces words like he’s got a gerbil in his mouth. That thought makes me laugh to myself, but the smile’s instantly wiped away when I open my door to see Eddie, his hand still held up from knocking with the back of his knuckle, his other hand holding that one inside a wad of bloody paper towel, giving me the world’s most sheepish look.

“Jesus, what happened to you?” I bolt to the kitchen to grab a dish towel.

“I, uhm, broke a glass,” he explains lamely as he unfolds the makeshift bandage, showing a gash on the outside of his thumb. I take his hand to get a closer look at the cut, which is bleeding like crazy but I don’t see any glass in it, and it doesn’t look deep enough to need stitches.

“And you did this how, by crushing it with your superhuman grip? Here, put pressure on it, Stone’ll kill us both if you bleed out in my apartment before your first show,” I wrap the towel around it and compress it, making him wince a little. “Well, first he’ll kill me, but I guess he’ll have to dig you up first and then kill you again.”

“Nah, just slipped when I was doing the dishes just now, and I tried to fucking catch it as it shattered, so I’m standing there with a pile of broken glass in my hand that I’m try to corral while I bleed all over everything, and guess I just kept making it worse,” he chuckles as he takes over pressing the towel into his thumb and nods in thanks.

“That was a shit plan, Eddie.”

“Yeah, I worked that out too.”

I look up from his mangled hand, and now that the crisis is somewhat under control, I actually notice him for the first time. Jesus, I mean, everyone looks different when they’re wearing a hat, but…

“…what…?” he asks slowly, narrowing his eyes at me just a little, and I realize I’m probably staring pretty rudely.

“When did you get all that hair?”

“I don’t know,” he laughs, “like, slowly, over the past couple years?”

“Ask a stupid question…” I grin at him. “No, sorry, just, I guess you had that hat on when I saw you before.”

“Ohh, yeah,” he laughs. “Your fair city’s pretty fucking cold, if you hadn’t noticed.”

I’d figure out a pithy reply if I wasn’t still trying to work out the mathematics of how this giant mane of hair fit up inconspicuously in that little baseball cap. I’d say he looks like a totally different person, except it suits him. It has this sort of salt-tangled look to it like he’s permanently just gotten off the beach.

“Well, you’re well insulated with that hair, then,” I laugh. “Okay, so, bandaid?”

“If you don’t mind,” he mutters, suddenly looking embarrassed again. “Sorry to bother you, were you working?” His eyes fall on my table, which is still covered with the bleeding carcass of my research statement.

“Essentially always,” I shrug, “so bothering me’s not really a thing.”

“Thanks,” he scratches the nape of his neck with his good hand. “I just couldn’t find anything helpful in Jeff’s place, and I didn’t want to bleed all over every cabinet.”

“Yeah, and even then, I doubt he has bandaids,” I laugh. “Kinda the textbook bachelor pad.”

“Yeah,” Eddie grins, “pretty great, right?”

“I mean, if you’re a bachelor.”

He looks around my apartment. “Yours is nicer, though.”

“I wouldn’t say nicer, I would just say we don’t…”

“…live in squalor?” he volunteers.

“Yeah, that. So are you gonna stay there when you come back up?”

“I don’t know, maybe. He’s been pretty great about letting me futon-surf so far.”

“The only kind of surfing we’ve got in Seattle, after all.”

“Oh, you wait, if there’s surfing I’ll find it,” he chuckles.

“So do you have a lot to take care of back in San Diego? Probably a lot of people you want to say bye to?”

His expression darkens a little bit, but he just shakes his head and says, “nah, not really. I mean, friends and stuff, sure, we’ll probably have a little gathering. But I don’t have a lot keeping me there. Kinda… kinda why I’m here, right?” The frown deepens.

I don’t know the guy or what’s going on in San Diego, but I know how it feels to be asked questions you don’t want to answer.

“Yeah. Hey, let me get you that bandaid…”

“Thanks,” he says with a little smile, and I think he’s talking about more than the bandage.

***

“Okay, so Mike, we said 5, but can you maybe show up a little earlier than that, like, uh, like 4:45? I just really don’t want to be late…”

Eddie’s nervously hassling Mike to make sure he’s got his ride figured out for his flight tomorrow morning, and Jeff’s bouncing his stupid fucking basketball off the wall like he’s catching rebounds while Dave tries to swat the occasional rogue ball with a drumstick. We’ve been playing for hours and I guess it makes sense that everyone needs a break, but I’m getting tired of the goofing off, so I focus on making a big chord chart for each song we’ve written and try to ignore the fact that I’m surrounded by idiots.

“Hey, beautiful!” Jeff lobs the ball at Dave’s head when he notices Lucy coming down the steps and runs over for the usual nauseating makeout session that occurs whenever they say hello, or goodbye, or whenever the hell they feel like it. Before I can avert my eyes, I realize with a jolt that Cora’s right behind her, and she dodges the two of them on her way to the couch at the back of the room. Mike ruffles her hair as she walks by him and she elbows him in the ribs with a grin before greeting Eddie and Dave. Of course, all of this comes from my peripheral vision, because I’m too busy studying this chord chart like my life depends on it to avoid looking directly at her.

“Okay, one more time through each one?” I bark, a little louder than I meant to, and thankfully the guys come back together pretty quickly.

We run through Breath again and then E Ballad, or, shit, Black, is that what he’s calling it now? Anyway, it’s sounding pretty decent. When that one’s over, Mike scratches his cheek and squints at Eddie.

“You change something, dude?” Eddie just looks at him questioningly until he goes on, “what was it… I thought there was a line that repeated both times about clouds, but it was something different in the second chorus…”

“Mmm? Oh, yeah, uh, the broken glass?”

Ed shoots a sideways glance at Cora, who tries to disguise a snort laugh as a cough when she notices I’m staring at her trying to figure out what the hell she’s laughing at.

“I like it! Edgy.” Mike grins. “What next, Gossard?”

We run through a few more things before we feel like we’re in a solid enough place to take a break for a few days while Ed’s gone. The whole time, I have to fight the temptation to look over at her and try to figure out what she thinks of our new stuff. But it’s not going to work that way. If she came to talk to me, she can come to talk to me. I make a meal out of packing up my guitar.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, enough playing, time to go play!” Jeff grins, trying and failing to spin the basketball on his finger. Lucy swats it out of his hands and they wrestle over it like a pair of otters.

“Stone, come on man, come play with us! Last chance to prove your manhood,” Mike nags.

“My manhood’s not contingent on my ball-handling skills, Mikey.”

“Pain the ass,” he grumbles, but he’s grinning. “What about you, Cor? Lucy’s actually not bad, but we could use a little more gender equality out there, I mean, if Stone’s not coming along….” I flick a pick at him.

“Uhm, no, I’m good, I think I’m gonna hang out here,” she says casually, but I can feel her watching me again. A little flare of hope sparks up in my chest, but the image of her furious expression last night squashes it pretty quickly.

As their footsteps pound up the stairs, I hear Eddie remind Mike one more time about his flight, and then the sound of the door closing behind them as their voices dissipate. Alone again. There’s so much I need to tell her. Except I still can’t bring myself to look at her because I’m so apprehensive of another stupid fight.  

“So, hey,” she says, fidgeting with her fingernails.

“Hey yourself.” I’m probably being difficult, but I’m not about to stick my neck out again unless she does.

“Can we talk about the other night?”

“That depends.” I lean against a short stack of amps, taking a deep breath to brace myself in case this goes to hell again, and finally force myself to make eye contact.

“On?”

“On whether you’re going to bite my head off again.”

“No biting. Promise.” She bites her lips in. It’s almost enough to make me laugh.

“I’m sorry I bit your head off,” she continues. “You were right to be pissed at me, I didn’t call you.”

Jesus, is that all she thinks it was about? How do I begin to explain it to her? “I don’t care about that, you know. I mean, yeah, you shoulda called. But I just wanted to know things were okay. I mean, or not okay, whatever they are… But I shouldn’t have –”

Her mouth flies open to interrupt me but I wave her off.

“– I shouldn’t have hassled you. You had enough on your mind without me getting in the middle of it.”

She shakes her head with a deep crease forming between her eyebrows. “Don’t do that, don’t let me off the hook. I was a jerk, Stone.”

“You were jerk-adjacent, maybe. But it’s understandable.”

“Well, I shouldn’t have lost my shit. You were just trying to look out for me and I took it all out on you like a fucking asshole. I’m sorry. It’s not your doing.”

“It’s not like I helped, though,” I mutter, fiddling with the dial on the amp. “I have this thing I do, where I end up getting the wrong end of the stick because I’m too busy thinking of myself as the center of the universe.”

“I can relate,” she says, fighting a smile.

“But today I was thinking about it some more, and… you don’t owe me anything, Cora, no explanations. I was trying to be there for you, but I just ended up making your… situation into something that was about me. Which is stupid, because at the bottom of it, you’re just really important to me, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

She’s chewing her lip so hard I’m getting worried about it before letting go of it to ask me, “so, are we okay?”

“I am if you are.”

Finally she lets her smile break the tension on her face as she comes closer to pull me down into a hug, her arms coiled tightly around my neck.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.”

Her shoulders shake with a silent laugh, and she sinks into me. “I fucking hated being on the outs with you, you know?”

“I know. Me too.” I press a quick little kiss against her temple and lean my head against hers. 

“Ugh, Stone cooties.”

“Sorry,” I mutter, but I don’t mean it.

“I kid because I love. You know I love you, Stoner,” she adds, squeezing a little tighter.

Oh.

Something falls into place that I hadn’t even known was missing. I didn’t know I needed to hear her say it, even in that laughing, joking, friendly way, and I didn’t know that I needed to tell her, but suddenly it’s the only thing on my mind.

“Yeah, uhm… I, I love you too, Cora…”

She pulls back from me far enough to inspect my face, grinning that sly grin. The grin that I learned on the night we met means pure trouble. Pirate smile. I have to smile back, I’m powerless against it.

“Thanks for bailing me out there, bud,” she teases.

“Yeah, I couldn’t leave you hanging, how embarrassing for you.”

Christ, I want to lean down and kiss her, she’s so close, it feels like fighting gravity. But obviously I’m not going to. It’s an asshole move, and she’d kill me and I’d deserve it. In the bad idea hall of fame, that's…

She stands on her tiptoes and pecks me on the cheek before unwinding her arms and stepping back.

“So, is this a band practice or what? The fuck are we just standing around for?”

After what feels like a very long minute, my heart starts beating again and speech returns. I look around the empty room. “Note the conspicuous lack of band…”

“Excuses, excuses. Are you a guitarist or aren’t you?”

She parks cross-legged on the couch and eyes me expectantly. I shake my head and grab a guitar, sitting opposite her in the little folding chair.

“You’re bossy, Red.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Okay boss, whaddya want to hear?”

***

He indulges me with only a little grumbling, but I think it’s because he’s got so many new ideas rattling around in his head for the new band that he doesn’t mind having someone fresh to play them for. After a while, he runs out of stuff I haven’t heard, so he starts goofing around with riffs and songs from all over the place and I stretch out on the couch to listen. I recognize Tiny Dancer right off the bat, and a few others, but he gets a good minute into Dirty Work before I can finally place the tune and complain loudly enough that he gives up.

After the usual eye roll, he breaks into the opening chords of The Rain Song, which sound so delicate that I have to close my eyes because I feel like any other sensory information is just going to get in the way. It feels like he plays that one for ages, occasionally singing a line quietly here or there over the top of the chords, more to himself than audibly. When he finally stops, I open my eyes to see him squinting at me.

“Thought I’d lost you,” he jokes.

“No, the opposite. One of my favorites.”

“Really? Why?”

“Why? I need a reason? It’s perfect.”

“Sure, it’s just so ballad-y and sentimental…”

“…thus spoke the Marshmallow…” I cut over him.

“…and, like, so out of character for them. That’s such a weird album.”

“I’ll have you know it’s my favorite Zep album, you dick.”  

He frowns at me. “Really? Houses?”

“This surprises you?”

“I don’t know, I figured you for a IV kind of girl.”

“That’s everyone’s favorite Zep album. Since when do I do what anyone tells me I should do?”

That makes him chuckle. “God, it figures, of course you would like the weird one.”

“It’s a thing I do. Anyway, you brought it up, why’d you play it?”

He drops his eyes back down to his guitar and fiddles with a few chords. “I don’t know. Just… just been on my mind, I guess.”

“Your mind’s a sentimental place then, Stoner, like it or not.”

His ironic smile relaxes a little, and for a second I think he’s stumped for a reply, but then he nods to himself.

“Alright,” he says thoughtfully, “she who likes the weird ones. I bet I got your number…”

He bends his head back down to his guitar and starts playing the opening notes, the intro to that song, the one that sounds the way a sunrise feels. The weird one. Well, the most normal one on the weirdest album, which makes it the weird one in an especially weird way. Only Stone. I sink a little deeper into the couch as the sound radiates, resonates. By the time he starts quietly singing again, my smile’s so big it hurts.

“Hey, lady…”

#behind the sun #chapter 11 #fanfiction #fanfic #stone gossard #jeff ament #mike mccready #eddie vedder #dave krusen #pearl jam

[hereliesbitches--me]

CLETUS KASADY ESCAPED FROM PRISON

That’s what the headlines said. That’s what every news station was reporting on for weeks now.

       CARNAGE IS ON THE LOOSE!!

                  Again.

It was the same old story, same old fashion of escape. Death, Death, and more Death. Didn’t people get tired of it?  Tired of nothing changing? Cletus wasn’t the only super villain running wild, but 

Noooo.          Its too INHUMANE to put a PSYCHOPATH down.. Like he gave a shit for their pointless life sentences.

It could make her scuff and roll her eyes at it, but she knew the news left Eddie on edge. Especially with the threat Cletus posed to their family. 

           “ Take it easy, Baby. You’re lookin too tense..                  might just give yourself some grey hairs.”        There he was again- Angry, raging over something beyond his control. First time it came on breaking news, Eddie had broken the remote in the midst of his fury. And the passing days did little to sooth it when he went night after night to look for the bastard, only to come home angry with nothing. Now he’s sitting again, scowling at his laptop as his fingers type harder than necessary against the unfortunate keys. Rosie finished zipping up her suit uniform for the night, and she turned away from the mirror to walk to her husband and smother him in kisses.  With wings unfurled, the feathers fluttered ever so gently with her affections- her hands rubbing along his burly arms, fingers gently kneading into the stiffened shoulder blades as he slouched over the laptop. Her painted lips attempt to sooth the man she knows has Venom reeling beneath the surface of his skin, eager for a fight as the tv blares in the background. She sighs softly against his ear,

    “ Just take it easy for tonight, Big Guy.. I know ya wanna be out there        But I need you here with the kids tonight, okay? Long deserved break       from ass kicking..

      James is watching cartoons with Malakaid in the living room with Charlie,             and Jamie is in her crib. Just call if you need me, and I’ll be right home.

                            I love you.”

  Despite his pouting face, Rosie pulled his chin upwards for a goodnight kiss.  Not that she was worried, of course- but there were a few things she left out. Just exactly what her mission of the night was.     The fact that there had been some leads on Cletus they wanted her to investigate. And she knew damn well Eddie would have NEVER let her leave the house on her own if she told the truth. Little white lies don’t hurt, right?           It wasn’t a lie.. More like withholding the full truth. Cops did it all the time.                   It was for his own good. (So she told herself.) 

Another round of kisses for each of her kids- even the symbiot sitting in front of the screen munching on chocolate treats, and she was off into the night. The city is only a half an hour away by flight, but its a good time to make a plan of attack- for all case scenarios. After all, Cletus was not just anyone to be fucked with from what she had read on him.         But will that stop her from trying to fuck with him?                 Absolutely fucking NOT

         “Man, this place stinks..”

Following reports, scents, and the feeling in her chest had led her to this dump in the slums of city. A place where the shining lights did not reach-   She cant help but think how fitting it is for a Demon like Carnage and his sick host. And it makes her snort in the slightest as she creeps across the rooftop of unkempt apartment buildings.        Maybe she’s being too mean.. after all, maybe Cletus wasn't that bad          as all the reports and his kill count told...            Maybe he’s just misunderstood and needs a friend to talk to..               Ahh, but that was the optimist speaking in her mind. looking for light                            Even in the darkest of men and women.

      She had found it in Eddie Brock.    Maybe the same could be said for Cletus Kasady

It takes some searching, but she can hear a voice. Something familiar from  old recording she heard in the past- the interviews of a psychopath. Better yet, with a Mad Man.  Sounds like he’s talking to someone- but no one is answering back. She can only imagine it must be the symbiot he’s talking to so affectionately- Eddie had done it plenty of times before between he and Venom. So the Angel lingers from the fire escape and listens in for a while..        Wouldn’t hurt to approach, right?          Definitely right.

Rosie makes her way in from a window  she snaps open as gently as she could, and crawls in just enough to settle her butt down on the ledge with her body half-way in.

     “Cletus Kasady, is that who i’m hearing in here talking to himself?         Don’t make any sudden movements please, I just wanna meet ya.” She talks with a certain sweetness in her voice, not even the slightest possibility of a threat so it seems. A wide smile remains on her lips, though her guard remains at the ready.. she leans forwards with knees on her elbows, and peers around,               “Man. you’re a legend. Thought its about time I meet ya! “              

@prodigalchaos

#:V: Fate can be kind: #let it begin #prodigalchaos #Rosie is casual and it will get her ass kicked one day

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Dont Live Forever - Chapter Seven

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Warnings: sexual harassment

Authors note: I changed the point of view. If it’s weird, I’ll change it back.

Masterlist

Peter walked into school that day with an extra bounce in his step. He couldn’t keep himself from leaping over the school gate, not caring who could’ve seen. He was in love. He walked past Flash with confidence, easily brushing off his backhanded comments. He walked up to Ned and felt oddly compelled to click his heels. Ned noticed the ecstatic expression on his best friends face and smirked.

“What’s got you so happy? Did a certain wall crawling superhero finally beat Venom in a fight?” He asked. Peter shook his head.

“Not yet. Something even better happened.” Peter said proudly.

“And what might that be?” Ned asked, adjusting his hat. Peter could barely keep himself from screaming.

“Y/n kissed me.” He exclaimed. He got a few strange looks from passing students who didn’t recognize the name. Peter didn’t care. Nothing could ruin his mood.

“What? When? ” Ned gasped.

“This morning. She slept over last night after she had a nightmare. And guess what else?” Peter asked. Ned bounced up and down.

“What? Tell me!” Ned demanded. Peter looked around for who could be listening and smirked.

“She slept in my bed.” He said.

“Oh.” Ned said. He looked disappointed in the anticlimactic finish.

“With me in it.” Peter added. Ned looked amazed. His jaw hung open and he began to bounce up and down again.

“Dude that’s like the greatest thing ever. She’s so hot! We have to tell everyone.” He exclaimed. Peter tried to quiet him down.

“We’re not telling anyone just yet. She’s only

been my girlfriend for a few hours. She’s really special to me, Ned. I don’t want to treat her like shes some prize I won by telling everyone. Girls are worth more than that. Y/n is my girlfriend, not a trophy.” Peter reasoned. Ned nodded in approval.

“Amen to that. What are you losers talking about anyway?” MJ said as she approached them. She was eating trail mix and looked extremely bored already. The first bell hadn’t even rung.

“Peter has a girlfriend.” Ned blurted. Peter shot him an angry look. MJ looked impressed.

“Oh really? Who is she, your right hand?” MJ smirked. Ned looked confused while Peters face went red.

“It’s not my right hand. She lives in my building and she’s an angel. That’s all you need to know.” Peter grumbled, still annoyed that Ned spilled his secret. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of Y/n, the exact opposite actually. He would shout it from the rooftops that they were together if he could. He just didn’t want everyone to know. They had only kissed that morning. Peter still wanted to keep the magical details to himself.

“Does this angel have a name?” MJ questioned. She was actually interested in something for once.

“No.” Peter said at the same time Ned said “Y/n L/n.”

“Y/n L/n from The L/n Report?” MJ asked. It was the first time Peter or Ned heard emotion in her voice.

“You know her?” Peter asked.

“Duh. She’s the only investigative reporter I’ve seen who actually cares about the people she reports on. I read her articles all the time. We have a lot of the same opinions. I used to think she was the coolest girl ever.” MJ stated. This was the longest conversation either Ned or Peter had ever had with the mysterious girl. It was also the most she ever said at one time.

“Used to think?” Ned asked.

“Well clearly something’s wrong with her if she’s dating Peter.” MJ said. Ned laughed and Peter looked at her angrily.

“There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s absolutely perfect.” Peter defended.

“I know she is. I’ve idealized that girl for year. Did you guy see what she did to Carlton Drake?” MJ pressed. Peter nodded and smiled proudly at the thought of his girl kicking names and taking ass.

“She’s like my hero. She’s done so much for the homeless back in San Francisco. I was so excited when she said she was moving to New York to work for The Daily Bugle.” MJ gushed. Peter and Ned looked at each other, visibly confused.

“Have you always done that?” Ned asked her.

“Done what?”

“Felt things?” Ned said. MJ rolled her eyes.

“I feel very passionate about a lot of things. Those things just don’t happen to include you two or anyone else in this school. However, I am very passionate about your girlfriend.” MJ stated. She suddenly looked a little uncomfortable and unsure of herself, two things MJ never did. She awkwardly turned to Peter.

“Do you think I could meet her? I’d really love to talk to her about her article on fracking.” MJ asked slowly. She wasn’t used to asking people for things. Peters eyes softened at this new side of MJ.

“She’s picking me up from school today on her motorcycle. You can meet her then.” Peter said. MJ did something very out of character. She smiled.

“K thanks.” She blurted and then swiftly left. Ned and Peter laughed as she walked away.

“That was new.” Ned commented.

“Yes It was.” Peter agreed.

“She’s so odd.” Ned added.

“Yes, she is.”

“Did you do the hanky panky with Y/n?” Ned asked. Peter snapped his head towards Ned.

“What? No. And never say ‘hanky panky’ again.” Peter said. Ned shrugged.

“It was worth asking. See you at lunch.” Ned said before walking towards his class. Peter finished getting his books and walked towards his own class. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. He wondered what Y/n was up to at that very moment.

At 3:30, you pulled up to Midtown Tech on your motorcycle. You took off your helmet, shook your hair out, and scanned the crowd for Peter. You soon saw him, Ned following shortly behind him, and a girl you had never seen before. She wasn’t wearing makeup, which you gave her props for, and had her curly hair tied back in a pony tail. She was undeniably pretty and had a very cool vibe to her.

“Hi beautiful.” Peter said when he reached you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you tightly.

“It’s torture not being with you for 8 hours.” He mumbled.

“I know. But schools almost over right? Then we can spend every second together.” You promised. Peter smiled happily. He leaned in slightly, as if asking for your permission, and you did the same. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He smiled into the kiss and held you closer. This time, there were no interruptions.

“Y/n, I’d like you to meet MJ. MJ, this is Y/n.” Peter said, gesturing to the girl. MJ smiled shyly at you and held out her hand.

“It’s really cool to meet you, Y/n. Your article on greenhouse gases is hanging on my wall. I’m uh, I’m a big fan.” She said. You smiled brightly at her.

“You’re a fan? That’s amazing. I’ve never met a fan before. It’s really cool to meet you too, MJ. And if you’re interested in the environment, I have a bunch of scientists numbers I can give you. I had to interview a bunch back in San Francisco to write that article. They gave me some great tips on how to reduce my carbon footprint.” You told her. MJ’s eyes widened just a little. She looked baffled and gave you a thankful smile. You noticed one of her front teeth was slightly askew. You decided you liked her already.

“Really? That’d be so cool. Thanks.” She said. I squeezed her arm and nodded.

“I think you and I are going to get along just fine. Can I get your number? I’d love to hear more about what you’re interested in.” You handed MJ your phone and she took it. She typed her number it and handed it back.

“This has been really amazing. Thanks for being so cool. I have to run though. I’m running a protest outside of Oscorp. One of their employees got seriously electrocuted and they’re to cover it up.” MJ explained.

“Really? Is it okay if I tag along? I’m kinda busy with my Cletus Kasady story but I would love to cover your protest too.” You asked. MJ looked amazed.

“You’d do that for me?” She asked as if she wasn’t used to people doing things for her.

“Gladly. Can I join? I can give you a ride there.” You offered. She smiled at you and toyed with the strings on her backpack.

“That’d be great. See you losers later.” MJ gave Peter and Ned a peace sign. You gave Peter a quick peck on the lips and climbed back on your bike. MJ got on and held onto your waist. You two sped off towards Oscorp, leaving Peter and Ned in your wake.

“Dude. MJ just stole your girlfriend.” Ned said.

“Shut up. No she didn’t.” Peter said. Did she though? You seemed to hit it off with her pretty quickly. Peter didn’t know MJ too well but he knew she was guarded and didn’t let people in easily. In fact, she didn’t let anyone in. And yet, you and her had become best friends in a matter of minutes.

Heading back from Oscorp a few hours later, you saw a familiar hat bobbing up and down in the street. You were about to call out Neds name when two guys came from around the corner. They looked mean and you could hear Ned’s heartbeat rising. You quickly ran over to him.

“Hey.” You panted. Ned looked relived to see you.

“Oh hey Y/n. How’d your date with MJ go?” He teased. You shoved him slightly.

“It wasn’t a date. She’s really cool though. I think we’re going to be good friends.” You said as you passed the two guys. You soon heard a whistle.

“Damn baby. Where you going with him? Don’t you wanna stay here and have some fun?” one of the guys called. You and Ned picked up your pace.

“I know you heard me beautiful. Stop running before I give you a reason to run.” The man said again, louder this time.

“Keep walking.” You whispered to Ned.

“I said stop running.” The man shouted, this time, his threat was accompanied by the sound of a gun cocking. You and Ned froze in your steps. The two men slowly approached you, all while pointing the gun level with your head.

“That’s better.” One man said when he reached you. “Now, how about this. You suck my dick, or I shoot your friend. Does that sound fair?” He purred.

“I better call Peter. He’ll know what to do.” Ned panicked.

“No need.” You growled as your transformed into Venom. You marched up to the guy and grabbed him by the shoulders in a death grip. You spit at a nearby newspaper in the ground. The newspaper quickly disintegrated and left nothing but smoke behind. You smiled devilishly at the man, grateful for a chance to show off your acidic saliva.

“What was that?” The man cowered in your grasp. Meanwhile, his friend ran away terrified.

“Acid spit. Still want me to suck your dick?” You asked. The man whimpered and shook his head furiously.

“Didn’t think so. Now, if you don’t tell us the names of ten historical feminists who would be very disappointed in your sorry ass by the time I count to ten, we’re going to eat you. Does that sound fair?” You growled. The man shut his eyes in fear.

“One.” You began to count.

“Uh...” He whimpered.

“Two.”

“Um.” He raked his minuscule brain for answered but came up empty handed.

“Ten.” You said and bit his head off. You quickly ate the rest of his body before turning back into yourself. You wiped your hands and patted your stomach before turning around and making eye contact with Ned. You had completely forgotten he was there.”

“You’re Venom?!” He gasped. You ran up to him and covered his mouth.

“What? No. How do you know about Venom anyway?” You asked. You took your hand off Neds mouth.

“It’s you. I can’t believe it’s you.” Ned exclaimed. You were getting more and more confused.

“You’re Venom. You, Y/n, are Venom.” He repeated as if it all made sense now.

Peters Y/n he thought.

“Play dumb.” Venom whispered.

“What? I’m not Venom. What makes you say that?” You asked.

“Not that dumb!” She yelled. Ned looked at you and laughed. He was still in shock.

“You and Peter are perfect for each other, you know that? You’re both dumb as shit.” He laughed. You had to laugh a little as well.

“You’re Venom and Peter is…do you know about Peter?” Ned suddenly asked.

“What about Peter?” You asked. Neds eyes went wide, and then filled with sadness.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Are you gonna tell him about this? Because I’m going to be very honest with you, I’m terrible at keeping secrets. I don’t know if I can keep this from him.” Ned said. I nodded at him in understanding.

“I’m gonna tell him eventually. Please, don’t say anything. He has to hear it from me. I’m sorry that I’m making you lie to your best friend but this is a very unique situation.” I said. Ned blew out a breath.

“It’s a lot more unique than you think.” He muttered. “I won’t tell him.”

“Thank you.” You hugged him tightly, thankful that he was safe and keeping your secret. You walked Ned home and began to make your way back to the apartment building. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Peter and forget the day. You missed him all day at school. It was bearable when you guys were just friends, but now that he was your boyfriend you never wanted to be apart.

When you were just a few blocks from your apartment, you felt a strong arm wrap around your neck and hold you in place. Suddenly, there was a knife to your throat.

“I saw what you did to my buddy, you little freak. Now, how about you get down on those pretty little knees before I kill you?” The man threatened. You turned your neck as much as you could and recognized your attacker as the mans friend who ran away from earlier. You sighed deeply. You were full and trying to keep your body count to a minimum. You shut your eyes and we’re about to turn into Venom when you heard a voice from behind you.

“Now that’s no way to treat a lady.” The voice rang. You recognized it as Peters voice. The guy was quickly pulled away from you as if by some kind of rope. You heard some sort of webbing going on behind you and small cries of struggling from the man.

“Are you alright Miss?” Peter asked.

“I’m fine Peter.” You finally turned around but instead of seeing your boyfriend, you saw the friendly neighborhood pain in the ass. He had webbed your attacked to the wall and was now looking right at you. You had seen him so many times before, and he’d seen you, but never like this. You felt almost naked, standing before Spider-Man as Y/n instead of Venom.

“Oh.” You said, startled. “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Yea. This is a pretty popular outfit.” Spider-Man joked, gesturing to his skin tight suit. You bit your tongue. He was funny, but you couldn’t let him know that. You were enemies after all. He just didn’t realize it was you.

“Thanks for saving me.” You blurted. “But I had the situation handled.”

“You’re right. You especially looked like you had it handled when he was about to stab and murder you.” Spider-Man said sarcastically. You found him oddly charming, despite your history.

“What are you gonna do with him?” You asked, pointing to the man webbed to the wall.

“I heard what he said to you. I’m going to register him as a sex offender and ruin his life. Unless, you had other plans. You know, since you had the situation handled.” Spiderman remarked. You playfully rolled your eyes. You did have other plans. Plans that involved eating him and digesting him while you cuddled with Peter. But Spider-Mans plan was okay too.

“Alright. I’ll see you around Spider-Man.” You said, giving the superhero one last look. There was something familiar about him. Spider-Man nodded.

“See you around. And please, be careful. Don’t walk alone. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He said and turned back to the man.

You went home, showered, and got into some comfy clothes. You missed your boyfriend dearly and went to his apartment to see him.

After being let in by May, you went into Peters room and flopped on his bed. He was sat at his desk doing homework.

“Did you mean what you said about me sleeping over whenever I wanted?” You asked, voice muffled by his pillow.

“Of course I did.” He swiveled around to look at you and noticed your body language.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I’ve had a long day and I want to cuddle my boyfriend.” You pouted. Peter smiled at you calling him your boyfriend. He closed his textbook and climbed into bed with you. You rested your head on his chest, right over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat calmed you down and you felt sleepy.

“Did you make any progress on your story?” He asked. You shook your head as he began to run his fingers through your hair. You hummed in content and pressed a small kiss to his neck. He blushed at the affection and held you closer.

“No. I’ve had the worst writers block all day. I was actually thinking of writing an article on Spider-Man until my writers block went away.” You said. After your encounter with the masked hero, you wanted to know more about him. Sure, there are plenty of articles on Spider-Man out there, but you knew him intimately.

You felt Peters heart stop momentarily.

“Spider-Man? Why?”

“I think I have a pretty good shot at figuring out who he is. Like, think about it, he only operates from the hours of 4 to midnight ish right? Except, on weekends, when he’s seen all throughout the day. What’s he doing all day on weekdays? He can’t be at work because jobs don’t end that early. I think he’s in school. Either high school or college. But college schedules are very flexible. My best guess is he’s a high school student.” You said. You were very good at your job. You loved piecing together information and getting the full story.

“Oh wow.” Peter said, dumbfounded. He was usually blown away by your intelligence, but now it was working against him. There are a million high school students in New York, though. Surely you wouldn’t figure it out.

“And think about this, he’s only ever in New York, so he must live here right? But what about that one time he saved those kids in the Washington Monument? What was New York’s superhero doing in Washington? Well I looked into it and the kids he saved were on a field trip. What if Spider-Man was on the field trip too? If I look up all the schools that were there, I could create a list of suspects and go form there. Then, I could-“ you were cut off with a kiss.

“Let’s not talk about Spider-Man. I want to hear about you day. How was Oscorp?”

“We had a really good time. I interviewed her after I helped her with the protest and then we grabbed lunch. Oh, and I saw Ned on my way home.” You recalled.

“You saw Ned?” Peter asked. Ned hadn’t mentioned seeing you.

“Yea. These two guys attacked us. One ran away and I took care of the other. But then the one that ran away came back and you’ll never guess who saved me. “

“Who?” Peter smiled. He knew who.

“Spider-Man. I don’t know. I was wrong about him. I used to think he was just some guy in spandex with a God complex but now I think he just genuinely wants to help people. And…” you trailed off.

“And?”

“He’s got a nice ass.” You admitted. Peter laughed loudly. You smiled into his chest. You loved that damn laugh.

“I’m serious. I saw it as he walked away and it knocked me out. Spider-Man is dummy thick.”

“Please never say the words “Spider-Man is dummy thick” in my house again.” Peter pleaded. He secretly loved it though.

“I was actually thinking of making that the title of my article.” You joked. Peter laughed again. He chucked a pillow at you and you giggled.

“Let’s go to bed. In a romantic, but still non sexual way this time.” You said, your exhaustion hitting you finally as you yawned.

“Good night my Nancy Drew.” Peter said.

“Goodnight my whoever Nancy Drew was boning.” You yawed again.

“Ned Nickerson.” Peter laughed.

“Then goodnight Ned Nickelodeon.” You said, half asleep.

“Close enough.” Peter smiled.

Tag List 🏷

@monimiin @truthdaze @honeyccoated @constellationswithapurpose @condy-wants-a-cookie @zipp0flare @vxidnik @maddie-laufeyson @bubblegumholland @the-blindwatcher @pmvelez97 @deanismygodwiththatwhistle

#peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #peter parker #spiderman x y/n #spiderman x you #spider man: homecoming #spiderman x reader #spiderman: hoco #spiderman: far from home #spiderman #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland #iron man #captain marvel #marvel #eddie brock #avengers endgame #venom!reader #venom #venom movie #infinity war